Chapter Text
It all started when 154 called Qin Jiu first thing in the morning. Qin Jiu had overslept for the first time in a long time after drinking with You Huo and his family the night before and so was still sleep-addled when 154’s voice came through.
“Boss, you need to come down here. We just got intel from—”
Qin Jiu cut him off. “Hold on,” he rasped. “Let me get dressed first.”
154 frowned. What did Qin Jiu being dressed have to do with his ability to hear?
“Wait.” Qin Jiu suddenly spoke again and 154 held the phone back to his ear.
“Boss?”
“I’ll send you a message. Read it out for me?”
154 was confused, but Qin Jiu was always going on random tangents like this and he was used to it, so he sighed and said, “Okay.”
The message was very odd and without any context: ‘The exam rules are as follows.’
154 recognized the phrase in the back of his mind but read it out without hesitation. “'The exam rules are as follows.' What about it, Boss?” He heard Qin Jiu laugh like a madman, then a long beep sounded as Qin Jiu hung up with no explanation. 154 really wanted to punch this boss of his.
That day, Qin Jiu worked faster than usual, finishing reports and drills as quickly as humanly possible. He actually finished the day’s work before lunch, and called in 154 and 922 to eat with him. There, he told them his master plan. 922 was more than excited. 154 knew he would probably end up in trouble and sighed deeply. An idiot boyfriend and a bastard boss who both like getting into trouble. How did he get himself entangled with them??
For the rest of the day, Qin Jiu thought up dialogues the system would usually say and 154 practiced modulating his voice to sound like the system. He had once been part of it, so his voice held some naturally similarity. He just needed to make his voice a bit more robotic and monotonous. After some practice, Qin Jiu said it sounded exactly like, in his words, “that fucking excuse for a training program.” 154 didn’t know how he felt about that.
While they did that, 922 spent his time hacking into the special training grounds’ camera and speaker system. They ran a few practice rounds, with 154 speaking into a microphone and Qin Jiu feeding him lines as 922 fiddled with the cameras and sound system on his end. They’d only get one try to get this right, so everything had to be perfect.
That night, the three of them gathered at 11:30 pm and started setting things up. Qin Jiu had called You Huo, telling him he had to stay back to work overtime. That guaranteed You Huo would be at the training grounds that night, since it wasn’t really worth it to go all the way back to their shared apartment alone. Qin Jiu also made sure the other inspectors would all be on scene for this mess of catastrophic proportions.
The first part had gone wonderfully, with Qin Jiu feeding 154 lines and 154 reading them out in a flat voice as 922 showed them video footage of inspectors and trainees alike running around like headless chickens. 922 had gagged himself so as to not laugh out loud and Qin Jiu’s lips were pursed together, not letting a single sound escape. Both had no idea how 154 was maintaining such an expressionless face and flat voice and sent silent praise his way. 154 just hoped the gag was clean.
Qin Jiu was quite happy he had convinced 922 to take the time to wire up the cameras near the dorms as well. (Not inside them, of course. He was a thug, not a monster.) The view of his Big Invigilator shirtless never lost its magic, even after seeing it so many times. He snapped a quick picture and favorited it. 154 had long since gotten used to his boss’s flirty ways when it came to You Huo, but it was always a novel experience to see them acting up again.
Things started going a bit awry when Qin Jiu fed 154 a particularly odd line.
“Reward: Examinee You Huo has received the right to draw once. Examinee Chu Yue has received the right to draw once. Examinee Gao Qi has received the right to suck—”
His eyes widened as a grin spread across Qin Jiu's face. 154 glared at his boss with uncharacteristic annoyance and continued, “Examinee Gao Qi has received the right to draw once.” Then he turned off the broadcast and hissed, “Suck my dick?? Really?”
Qin Jiu couldn’t help it and burst out laughing, holding his sides as 922 collapsed next to him, gag long since spat out.
Suddenly, Qin Jiu’s phone started ringing. Hiccuping, he picked it up and his eyes widened as he saw the caller ID. “It’s You -hic- Huo,” he said in a hushed whisper. “Quiet, I’m going to pick up. Hello, dear. How -hic- are—”
He frowned. “No, I’m not drinking…Yes, I’m at the base. See, even 154’s here. Do you -hic- want to talk to him?…Alright, alright. Did you eat? It’s late…What? Why would the system come back on?” He flapped a hand at 154, then at 922, gesturing for 154 to make his idiot boyfriend, who was biting his hand to keep from laughing (and utterly failing at that), to shut up. “No, darling. Should I come over? I’ll bring…Fine. Go to sleep soon, alright? You deserve your beauty -hic- sleep.”
You Huo’s last words were heard by 154, who was pinning 922 to the ground with his knee, and 922, who was hitting 154 frantically, trying to push him off. “Fuck you.”
Qin Jiu hung up and he and 922 dissolved into uncontrollable laughter. “Look,” 922 gasped, pointing to one of the monitors. “Gao Qi’s wearing, he’s wearing,” he laughed again before finishing, “he’s wearing firetruck boxers!”
Qin Jiu choked and immediately snapped a picture of that, Zhao Jiatong’s onesie, and Chu Yue’s hoodie, laughing so hard tears formed at the corners of his eyes. 154 stared at these two and a small smile made its way onto his lips. Qin Jiu whistled lightly as You Huo ran into frame. “My my, Big Invigilator looks great. Is that my hoodie?” He snapped another picture. 154 rolled his eyes and felt two arms wrap around him from behind.
“You should laugh too,” 922 whispered. “You have to admit, it’s hilarious.”
154 sighed and leaned back against his fool of a boyfriend. “It is,” he admitted. “But we should probably cut out losses and end it. Someone’s bound to notice something.”
Qin Jiu nodded and quickly wrote something down. “Turn the mic back on.”
154 read off, “Due to unforeseen circumstances, the examination center has stalled. Examination is suspended. All examinees please leave immediately. Self-destruction in ten, nine, eight.”
He continued counting down and his voice almost trembled as he saw Gao Qi dive behind a tank, rolling twice to come up on all fours. 922 clapped a hand over his mouth and turned around, shaking. As 154 calmly continued counting down, Qin Jiu noticed the You Huo on the screen walking up to the system building and threw a small pillow at 922’s head. 922, thankfully, didn’t say anything and just spun around to see Qin Jiu pointing at the monitor showing the building’s door. There, You Huo kicked the door until the countdown ended and a beep 922 had preprogrammed sounded. No one but You Huo moved at the training grounds as everyone hid behind tanks, buildings, even a baby tree. Qin Jiu and 922 held their breaths until 154 reached over and turned off the mic. Qin Jiu and 922 looked at each other for a second before breaking out into laughter, leaning on each other as they laughed until their sides hurt.
154 smiled fondly, making sure neither of them caught the look on his face, then cleared his throat and slapped 922’s back. 922 took the cue and was about to turn off the monitors as well when he noticed You Huo glaring up at the camera like he could see through it into 922’s soul. He froze.
“Uh, Boss? I think your boyfriend’s angry.” Qin Jiu jumped across the table to see You Huo flip off the camera and run his thumb across his neck, before turning and storming away.
154 and 922 slightly feared for their boss’s life, but said boss just laughed. “He’s definitely angry, all right.” Picking up his phone, he pulled up the website of a takeout place he and You Huo both liked. “Good job, you two. Turn in for the night. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
154 and 922 nodded. They took off hand-in-hand for 154’s car. They could only trust 154 to drive this late at night since 922 would fall asleep as soon as his head hit the seat.
They heard Qin Jiu follow behind them to the parking lot, talking on his phone once more. “No, dear, I’m not lying…I know you’re not an idiot. If you’re an idiot, I’m a monkey…I’ll buy you meat, alright? It’ll be just as good as Wen Yuan’s cooking, I promise. From that place we both like…Alright….I know…I won’t.
“Mmm. Love you too.”