Chapter Text
The morning had been a blur after breakfast. Before Lena could delve into what she wanted them to discuss, Kara interrupted her, blurting out the thing banging in her head ever since their conversation at the park, when Lena expressed she’d miss Kara in her absence. “Move in with me.”
The brunette was visibly confused, both from the interruption and the lack of reasoning in Kara’s words. They already lived together, they had for nearly five months now. She had told Kara the penthouse was just as hers as it was Lena’s, now. As she voiced these thoughts, Kara seemingly shrunk in her own body, scared of the answer to her elaborated request. “Permanently, I mean. We don’t have to move houses, I just want it to be a permanent thing. I want us to be a proper family.”
This hadn’t been what Lena was expecting. She was always preparing for Kara to pull away from her, at some point. Joining their lives further wasn’t a thought that ever crossed her mind, such dream-like unreality it possessed. Hearing the blonde express this desire was nearly overwhelming, and she found herself pushing back against tears. The conversation wasn’t done, and if she started crying, she wouldn’t stop any time soon. There was still one point that couldn’t be ignored, especially if they were going to live together permanently.
“I kissed you. You were drunk and asleep and I kissed you. I wanted you to be awake. Sober. I wanted to do it again, I still do. I have feelings for you, Kara, and I can’t allow you to move here permanently without addressing this first. I understand it was a violation of your consent and truly an embarrassing thing to do. I have no excuses for myself and I totally understand if you are angry at me for doing it.” Lena said, as quickly as she could and without looking Kara directly in the eyes. She didn’t want to identify her response in her eyes before she heard it from the other woman’s mouth, though no sounds came out of it for several seconds.
Kara was dumbfounded. It was a lot of information to process. She was stuck in one little piece, however. I kissed you , Lena had said. The blonde touched her lips absently, willing her own brain to remember an event it couldn’t possibly have registered. It suddenly hit her that her painfully inquisitive mind could live with not knowing all things in the world. Kara, who would never let go of a thread until she was sure there was no length left to follow, could give up every piece of knowledge existing, but she couldn’t settle her mind on not knowing what it felt like to have Lena kiss her. It occurred to her, then, that this was what she had been yearning for, those past months, whenever Lena would hug her for a bit longer than usual, or when she would unknowingly touch Kara’s arm while laughing with her eyes closed. She wanted more. She wanted to parent this child as more than just two best friends who couldn’t find boyfriends and husbands to do it with them. She wanted them to be together.
At this, she hit an abrupt pause. She had no idea how all this worked. Was she a lesbian? She was almost sure she actually enjoyed being with her past boyfriends, though she wasn’t great at picking them by character. Women hadn’t really been much of a thing for her. Except Lena , she thought to herself. She could hear Alex’s voice in her own head, though, questioning about a crush on her former boss, Cat Grant. Kara had thought not much of it before, but maybe it had been an actual crush. Perhaps the signs were there before Lena came into question.
Kara’s lengthy train of thought was cut short by a yelp. Lena, who had been uncomfortably waiting for Kara to say something, simultaneously knowing better than to interrupt her thought process and dreading the concluding answer, clutched at the bottom of her belly, feeling panic quickly rise to her throat. The baby wasn’t due for another five weeks weeks, she had close to nothing ready for the hospital stay. The baby’s clothes still needed washing, there were no bags packed for anyone, she hadn’t even decided on a name. It was only when Kara was telling her to calm down that she realised she had been voicing these thoughts as quickly as they came into her head. It was difficult to discern what was going on with the pain nestled in her lower hip. She allowed herself to be directed towards an armchair, the open plan of her penthouse helping out a lot in not restricting where she could go. She sat as comfortably as she could, trying to keep her breathing even to aid with the pain.
“I have to get the bag ready…” she started saying, but Kara quickly interrupted her with a shush.
“You don’t have to do anything, just sit there and breathe. I’m gonna call the doctor, and then I’ll pack our bags. I’ll run you a bath too, sound good?” The blonde stood to her full height smiling, casting a slight shadow on Lena, who was chewing on her lip. Kara knelt before the other woman and took her hand, thumbing soothing circles on the back of her palm. “Come on, you knew you couldn’t do it all by yourself, that’s why I’m here. Let me handle this and try to relax as much as you can, I got this!”
Lena couldn’t help but let her, and to let herself cry a little, for so many things. She was in pain, she was relieved to not be in control, she was sad that Kara hadn’t responded to her concerns, she was scared of the process to come and scared of how early it was for the baby to be coming.
Coming back to the living room, Kara spotted the tears and rushed to her friend’s side, wiping the tears away with her thumbs and handing her a water glass.
“On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is the pain right now?” She asked.
“A solid seven, but I think it’s subsiding to a six. Maybe the bath will help me down to a five.” Lena stood up after handing over the empty glass.
“Let me know if it gets back up to seven or eight so that we can go to the hospital?” Kara stood up with her, holding onto her hands, getting a nod in response.
They were very close like this, each of them detecting the other’s scent. Lena smelled of a mango body lotion and her aloe vera shampoo. Kara smelled of Lena’s favourite perfume, from wearing her clothes to sleep. Before she could look for the green eyes avoiding hers, the other woman yelped in pain again and they rushed to the hospital. They were sent home with instructions to time Lena’s contractions and the time between them. She could be going into labour, but it could also be that she was having Braxton-Hicks contractions as she was coming around to 36 weeks. Still, Kara took it upon herself to have the bags ready, just in case.
She washed the baby clothes by hand while talking to Alex on the phone. She hadn’t had much time to process the events of the morning with the tornado of things happening all around her, and talking to her sister would help her clear her mind.
“So, you don’t remember anything of the kiss she told you about?” Alex sounded sceptical.
“No, and I hate that I don’t. I shouldn’t have had that much wine cause I had a nearly empty stomach.” And at that, Alex cackled.
“You’re always eating, the one time it matters, you fuck it up.” Kara’s protests to that only seemed to make her sister laugh even harder. Blushing, she waited for the laughter to die down on the other end of the phone before asking if her sister was done.
“I’m done, I promise. Tell me about what happened after she told you, what did you say?” Alex asked after a beat, taking time to recompose herself.
Kara stuttered. Had she really said nothing? Everything happened so fast, she hadn’t noticed she had left Lena without an answer. She interrupted her mental self-scold to listen to her sister’s own scolding. She felt incredibly stupid for not realising this sooner. The other woman had been so quiet on the way home from the doctor, and she had interpreted it as being tired from the long day of tests and worries. Knowing her best friend, Kara was sure Lena had taken it as a rejection, and she couldn’t have that happening when it couldn’t be further from the truth.
She said goodbye to Alex and ended their phone call, heart racing in her chest and head spinning with words and possibilities. Lena had been so brave in admitting her feelings, Kara could only hope to be as brave when she admits her own. She finished hanging the delicate little clothes on the rack, all pastel blues and yellows and greens.
“I like yellow.” Lena had said when Kara inquired. “They remind me of sunlight and warmth. That’s what you and this baby are. Sunlight and warmth.”
Slowly, she made her way towards the bathroom, trying not to fidget or tremble. She wasn’t scared, per se. She was excited. This was something entirely new for her, but she knew the veracity of the feeling as if it had been an old mark on her own skin. Still, she couldn’t help but feel the gloom of her insecurities peek through the bubbling joy she was feeling. She never was all that good at relationships, or knowing how to behave in them. She was scared she would let it become something too big, that crushed her, as she had let her relationship with her last boyfriend. She didn’t want to resent Lena as she resented Mike. She was also scared it would become something too little, with the baby coming and the ensuing mayhem of motherhood. She could only imagine how crazy the next couple of months would be, and that was a fear in itself.
“Kara?”
She was brought out of her overthinking by the woman’s voice. Stuck in her own mind, she had opened the door to the bathroom the other woman was bathing in without knocking. Looking up, she was struck by how beautiful Lena truly is. It’s happened before, but never this viscerally. Her eyes were wide and clear, pulling Kara in like the eye of a storm. Her hair was slightly damp from the bath, falling around her shoulders, which were clad by a soft, deep red bathrobe. Her skin looked fresh, Kara thought she must have been about to start her skin-care routine, and the air smelled of her favourite hair products. Her lips looked so soft and palatable. All Kara really wanted was a taste.
“Is something wrong? You seem startled.”
Lena had never been kissed so hungrily and so thoroughly before. As they gasped for air, she gazed into the prettiest blue eyes she had ever seen. She wondered if Kara would be pleased when she found that their baby would have blue eyes as she did. Kara was looking for something, she could tell. Looking into Lena's eyes, searching. After a moment, she seemed to find it.
“Marry me.”
“Yes.”