Chapter Text
Olivia had thought SVU might get easier. It had been 5 months and every day she still came home needing to shower off the scum she dealt with. She had been horrified to find out that sex crimes increased during the holidays. She had spent Christmas working, she knew Elliot was spending the day with Maureen and Kathy and she didn’t want to get in the way of that. She also didn’t want to spend the day with her mother, so working was easier. She celebrated Christmas Eve with Elliot, it was the first time she had met his big family. Caitlin and Samantha had been thrilled. They were relieved to see their older brother happy. His brother Andrew too, he had embraced her and told Olivia that he was relieved to see someone who made his brother so damned happy. David seemed more reserved. Olivia didn’t mind though - someone new coming into the family was always a challenge, especially when there was a child involved. Michael though, he made no apologies about the fact that he didn’t approve of the relationship. He didn’t approve of Olivia as a partner for his brother and certainly not as a police officer. She assumed Elliot’s father felt the same, even if he never said it out loud. Joe Stabler was quiet. He was just what Olivia had imagined when Elliot had told her about him, and so was Bernie. She was lively and vivacious, she was kind and generous…Bernie was a mother. Bernie was the mother that Olivia had dreamed of her entire life. So while it was chaotic and loud, kids running and shouting, when Olivia slipped out early, well before the Stabler clan headed to midnight mass, her heart was full.
The holidays ended and she and Elliot fell into a rhythm. They would spend weekends at his place and at least once a week he slept at her place. He had a toothbrush and a change of clothes at her place, a suit hung in her closet, and she had taken over a couple of drawers at his place. Of course he’d offered her a closet and she had declined. She didn’t want to rush things. She worked on Elliot’s weekends with Maureen, some weekends she got to spend the day with them, but others she caught cases that kept her away for hours on end. On those weekends Olivia would go back to her own place. She never wanted to bring her job home to Maureen, she didn’t even like bringing it to Elliot no matter how much he insisted.
So on this day in February, Olivia was drained. She and her partner, Odafin ‘Fin’ Tutuola had gotten a confession from a guy accused of raping two joggers in Central Park and it had been a long day. A full day of interrogation, the guy was a creep, his lawyer was a creep, but eventually they were able to cut a deal and the two teenagers he had attacked wouldn’t be forced to testify. As she showered off the grit of the day, she thought she was at least thankful for that. Those women wouldn’t be re-traumatized by the creep. When she got out of the shower, she was relieved to hear Elliot moving around the apartment. He was bringing dinner because she just couldn’t bring herself to cook. She hated cooking at the best of times, but after a tough case it was the last thing she wanted to do.
“El, that you?” She wondered for a moment what she would do it if wasn’t him, but the sound of his voice calmed that fear instantly.
“Just got here, c’mon out. Thai is here.” Olivia appeared a few minutes later with a pair of bootleg jeans and a hooded NYPD sweatshirt. “You look exhausted,” Elliot put down the forks he was holding and walked to her, wrapping her up in his arms as she leaned into him. “Talk to me Liv.” He could always tell when her days had been particularly bad. Whether he was seeing her in person or just talking to her on the phone, he could always tell. Maybe it was because he was the son of a cop, so he knew the signs, but he hated the thought of her all alone after dealing with the horrors she saw.
“I’m fine,” Olivia promised him as she held tight to the hem of his black long sleeved shirt. “Just a long day.”
“You get him?” Elliot never knew the details of her cases, but he could make certain assumptions. She grunted her response as they both grabbed their plates and moved to the couch. One of the reasons he preferred that they stay at his place was the space. There was room to eat at a table and move around, but he had learned quickly that Olivia was fiercely independent and he would wait until she was ready to change their living situation. “You can tell me,” he told her.
“I can’t,” Olivia whispered.
“You can’t keep this in Olivia,” he tried again. There may have been no love lost between him and his father, or himself and his brother, but he knew the burden they felt from keeping all of the things they saw close to their chest. “You can talk to me,” he told her. “I know the things you see… no one should have to see that.”
“I can’t tell you,” Olivia admitted. “You won’t…” she wasn’t even sure she could say it. The truth was, Olivia was afraid he would realize just how much was wrong with her if he knew the details of the cases she worked. What kind of person volunteered for a unit like this? If Elliot knew what she saw, he would run. He would run because he would know she was broken.
“I’ll still love you,” Elliot knew what she was thinking. He leaned forward and took the plate from her hand, putting them both down on the small coffee table. “When you love someone, you help carry the weight of the things that are heavy. Liv, I’m begging you, let me help you. Let me love you.”
“You don’t want to love me,” Olivia shook her head as Elliot wrapped his arms around her. Most of the times she could keep these feelings at bay. Most days she could shower it off and she could keep going, but some nights…nights like this, she couldn’t. “I’m…god Elliot, why?”
He rubbed circles on her back, his voice soothing her, telling her all the ways that she was worth loving, reminding her of what an amazing person she was, how she advocated for her victims, how impressed Don Cragen had been with her work in department, and then he kept talking. “Liv you love my daughter like she is her own. You never make her feel like she’s an afterthought. You show her kindness and compassion, you make her feel safe. You sat there while my brother interrogated you about your job and you handled him with grace. You fight for victims every day Liv, and when that is all over, you come home and you wrap your arms around me and fuck, Olivia…you are everything to me. I’m so fuckin’ proud that you give me the time of day because one day I think you’ll wake up and realize how much better you can do than a single dad from Long Island.”
“Don’t,” Olivia whispered into his shirt, “don’t say that. You…you and Maureen…”
“I know,” Elliot didn’t need her to pour her heart out, he just needed her to know that he was there. “You don’t have to tell me now Liv, but you need to know that I’m here. Ok? Do you understand that? I’m here.”
“You promise?” Olivia sniffled. She felt silly, crying in his arms after a bad day at work.
“Every day,” Elliot kissed the top of her head. “Every day, I promise.”
Olivia stayed where she was. She was safe in his arms, and the Pad Thai would taste good reheated if need be. They sat silently, Elliot rubbing her back gently, squeezing her shoulder and kissing her hair every few minutes, like a tactile reminder that he was still there. “How was your day?” Olivia finally asked. It was a two way street. If they were going to work, she needed to open up to him and he needed to tell her. Not that he didn’t. But more often than not they talked about current events and Maureen, not the more mundane parts of his day.
“One of the junior guys screwed up a drawing,” he told her as his index finger traced circles on her exposed neck. “So that is gonna cost a fortune to fix, not like the building was in progress, but it’s our reputation. Might have to get rid of the guy who approved it. He’s a junior, a senior has to review his work. So we’ve gotta talk. It sucks though, I mean…no one got hurt, it sure as shit isn’t life and death, but I don’t like being responsible for taking away someone’s future. Y’know?”
Olivia nodded. She did know, in a way that was very different from what Elliot was talking about, but at the same time, she knew what it was like to strike a blow that could ruin a person forever. She knew what a false accusation could do to a person, she knew the longterm impacts of living with sexual assault, she didn’t understand all of the details of the world in which Elliot worked, but she understood how it felt to see a life crumble before her eyes. “What else do you have this week?” It wasn’t his weekend with Maureen, and Olivia was hoping to enjoy her weekend off relaxing. Something about being at his townhouse let all of the other stress fall away and that was what she needed.
Elliot thought for a moment, “I’ve got a surprise for you,” he admitted. He had hired a chef to come for the night and cook for them. His cleaning lady was coming in the morning to clean, and he planned on a romantic night in complete with a couples massage in the living room and a candlelit dinner. There was no ulterior motive, no proposal or dramatic event planned, but he knew that Olivia didn’t get pampered often. He knew that Olivia never complained about doing whatever Maureen wanted to do, he knew that her back ached some days after chasing perps for a living, and he knew that he would do whatever it took to see her relax a little bit.
“A surprise?” Olivia couldn’t imagine putting together a surprise for anyone. Her mind never stopped, she wished it would. She wished that she could just shut down for a minute, but that wasn’t the case. Captain Cragen had mentioned a course she could take, one that might help her with leaving some of her work at work when she went home. He had acknowledged this wasn’t a squad that you just shut down and left, but he had promised her it got easier, that there were ways to manage, and that he thought she had what it took to be a great SVU detective. “It’s not my birthday,” she joked.
“You’ve been workin’ really hard Liv, and you need a break. So Friday night, you and I are going to relax.”
“Is that a promise or a threat?” She wondered how he had managed to disarm her so quickly. He had taken her from being on the verge of tears, the precipice of a breakdown over her day at work to calmly discussing plans for the weekend. “Because I would take either,” she admitted.
Elliot released her from his gentle embrace and leaned forward, grabbing the plates he had put down and handed Olivia hers. “It’s a promise Olivia. I never want you to be anyone other than who you are. You don’t have to hide parts of yourself from me. I love you, I want the good and the bad. There’s nothing you can’t tell me, nothing that would change me thinking you are the most amazing woman in the world.”
xxx
Elliot had a headache. He had been at work extra early, having slipped out of Olivia’s apartment early. A kiss on the forehead, a cup of coffee and a quick note.
You looked so peaceful, didn’t want to wake you. See you after work - El.
He had been a part of the meeting with his boss, the president of the company and human resources when they fired the senior architect first thing in the morning, so it had a way of setting the tone for the rest of his day.
“Mr Stabler,” Jody, the assistant that a group of them shared knocked on his door. He smiled and said hello, telling her to come in, noting how she looked uncomfortable as she stood a couple of steps into his office. “Sir, I’m sorry to bother you.”
“Jody it’s fine,” the woman had never seemed uncomfortable with him before so he wasn’t completely sure why she looked terrified of him. “Everything alright?”
“There is a man here to see you, he says he’s your father.”
Elliot felt his jaw clench involuntarily as he stood up and tried to give her what he hoped was a somewhat reassuring smile. Maybe he was trying to reassure himself. “Lobby?” Elliot asked and she nodded her head, “thank you.” Elliot closed his eyes for a moment and pulled his suit jacket back on before he went to the lobby. “Dad, what’s going on?” He could see his father pacing the space. The receptionist had cleared out, and given that it was after the lunch hour, he had to assume that meant his father had been an asshole. Elliot was fairly certain that his father only knew how to be an asshole. “What’re you doing here?”
“What’m I doin’ here?” Joe rolled his eyes and tossed his hands in the air. “What? The great Elliot Stabler is too good for his father to visit without n’appointment?” He was slurring his words and his eyes were bloodshot as he raised his voice in response to his son.
“Dad, not here,” Elliot took Joe by the arm and began walking him towards the elevator. He ignored the shouting that ensued. ‘Get your hand off me son,’ followed by vitriol about how making more money than someone didn’t mean he could tell him what to do, Joe was still his father after all, no matter how much Elliot hated it. “Jesus Christ, it’s barely 2,” Elliot glared at him as they made it down the elevator and Elliot took him outside. “What the fuck have you been drinking?”
“Oh don’t ask me that! It’s not your god damned business! You don’t give a damn what is happening to your family!”
Once Elliot led them far enough away that he wasn’t concerned about a colleague hearing them, he let go of Joe’s arm with a light shove. “I don’t give a damn about my family? Really? Me? I make sure Mama has money for groceries,” he shouted, “I make sure your fucking insurance is paid so that you don’t wreck your car and end up destitute when someone sues your sorry ass. I’m not a cop like Mikey, I get it, but I’m a better father to my kid than you ever were to me!”
“You don’t even have custody of your kid. You see her when it’s convenient. You aren’t a parent!” Joe fought back, stepping forward and getting in Elliot’s face, both of them had veins popping out of their foreheads and colour was rising in their necks.
“I see Maureen more than you ever saw us,” Elliot replied firmly, taking a step towards his father as he clenched his fists. “She’s never gonna see me drunk, she’s never going to watch me hit her mother, cheat on her mother, spend all the fuckin’ grocery money on booze and whores. No, I am ten times the father you ever were. I’m so fuckin’ glad that I am nothing like you you miserable, pathetic old man. You’re a disgrace of a cop. You know that. Don knows it. He wants nothin’ to do with you.”
“Oh Don, what, you and Cragen buddy buddy now after he hired your girlfriend for the panty police? They are a disgrace to the force.”
Elliot had enough. He grabbed his father by the collar and shoved him away from him, sending Joe stumbling for a moment until he caught his balance. Elliot was all too familiar with his father in this state. He reeked of booze and cheap cigarettes, his clothes were rumpled, he questioned if Joe had even gone home the night before or if he had stayed out. “You,” Elliot stuck his arm out, pointing an index finger at his father who continued to yell profanities. “Will not talk about her like that. Olivia is more of a cop than you ever were.” He wanted to add that she was more of a cop than his sell out brother Michael, but he wasn’t looking to burn all of his familial relationships. “Sober up and stay the hell away from Ma!”
“You’re an embarrassment!
You’re no Stabler! You’re a candy ass who hasn’t taken responsibility for his actions and is a disgrace to the family name!”