Chapter Text
The days flew by in an instant following the Workshop battle. Baam barely recognized how quickly the group had reintegrated him into their dynamic and treated him as if he had never left to begin with.
7 years.
7 long years he had been missing from all of them. Yet, each and every one of them seemed to welcome him with open arms; especially Rak and Khun. Khun had been the first one to find him, even though Baam didn’t want to give up his identity initially. Back then, fear wound itself around his neck, forcing him to keep his lips sealed.
It’d been painful. All of it. From the training to the constant fear-mongering regarding his friends’ lives to the nightmares Baam experienced every moment of his existence. There was no escape from the agony.
During his time, he watched himself slowly morph from the gentle boy who had entered the Tower to climb with a girl who wanted to see the stars to a man capable of monstrous acts. Eventually, he didn’t recognize himself in the mirror anymore.
The soft features had given way to sharp lines and jagged edges, his hair had grown exponentially in length, and his eyes no longer belonged to himself. Each morning he’d wake up and see someone who slowly became a stranger to the person Baam was - Viole.
This man was ruthless. He was cunning and sharp and always quick to the draw. He constantly walked alone in order not to drag anyone else into the mess that was his life. Had it been his life? Baam still didn’t have the answer to that, and tonight felt no different.
It’d been a week since he’d returned to the team. It’d been a week since they all showered him with warm “welcome home”s and cheerful laughter as if no time had passed. It’d been a week since he had been treated as nothing more than a weapon. It’d been a week.
It’d been a week and yet there was still a stranger in the mirror staring back at him.
Baam sighed and shook his head in frustration at the reflection that still currently looked back at him. Though he’d felt more like himself around the others again, he mourned the constant reminder of that time in his appearance.
Baam believed that the group must think about the missing time whenever they see him. The drastic change in appearance is too much to miss. He reasoned that they were all just simply too kind to point it out; because if he saw it in the mirror reflected back at him, they must see it too.
Groaning, Baam ran his fingers through his hair when he heard a gentle knock on the bathroom door. “Baam? May I come in?”
Khun , Baam sighed to himself before cracking the door open to see blue hair and even brighter blue eyes waiting for him. Baam had missed his light bearer more than he realized and was reminded of that fact every time he saw Khun.
Then, as Khun caught Baam’s eye, he asked, “Are you alright?” Baam could tell that the question was simply a formality as Khun clearly knew the answer already. So, Baam shrugged and opened the door further to let the other man in.
As Khun entered the bathroom, Baam caught sight of something silver in his back pocket, but the light bearer had turned around too quickly for Baam to clearly make out what it was. Resigned to the idea that Khun would likely tell him soon anyways, Baam decided to close the door quietly before looking back at Khun.
The other had made himself comfortable by leaning back against the bathroom counter and crossing his arms across his chest. He wore an expression Baam had never seen before. Was it curiosity? Pity? Worry?
Either way, it didn’t suit Khun, and Baam hated the thought that he could be the cause of such a look. They both stood in the small bathroom quietly as Khun raked his eyes up and down Baam as if the man were taking inventory to import into a report later. The whole thing made Baam feel like he was being studied under a microscope.
“You’ve been awful quiet since your return,” Khun finally broke the silence. “Something is bothering you.” He left no room for argument. A clear statement that expressed his knowledge of the truth that Baam had been too afraid to say out loud to any of them.
He wouldn’t even try to deny it. It was pointless when it came to Khun. The light bearer knew everything in Baam’s mind, and this was simply another example of that unyielding truth.
“Yes, something is,” Baam finally sighed.
The air between them suddenly felt better. It was subtle, but Baam could feel it. Something had changed when he finally let Khun in and admitted to what he’d been feeling for a while now. Before he knew it, a small smile crept across his lips in such an honest way that it felt foreign to Baam. How long had it been since this emotion had come earnestly to him? Why had this small little confession finally allowed him to smile a real smile? He felt - happy.
“Ah, there’s the Baam I remember,” Khun grinned and something about the small comment felt like coming home; like Baam was finally back to where he belonged.
It didn’t last long though. When Baam had looked back up to see Khun’s own smile, he caught a glimpse of himself - Viole - in the mirror. Then, just as quick as the moment had come, it passed. The feeling of being Baam was gone. Replaced by the stranger he always saw in his reflection.
“How about a haircut?” Khun snapped some scissors, pulling Baam’s focus away from the mirror and back towards him. “I might have overheard you mention to the alligator that you were thinking about cutting it.”
Of course. Khun hears everything. Baam shouldn’t be surprised even though his face shows it. Khun had been their best tactician throughout the tests and that simply wouldn’t have been possible unless Khun had been keeping tabs on everybody.
Some things never change, Baam thought to himself and that thought brought so much comfort. His smile widened even further. He didn’t need to hesitate any longer on the decision.
“Yes, a haircut,” he beamed back at Khun.
When they began, they both hesitated. Neither one felt overly confident in what was about to happen. Baam had untied his hair and let it flow casually down his shoulders and back while Khun stood with a single strand in his hand for what felt like an eternity. Both frozen with fear of the unknown.
It was finally when Khun made the first cut that it felt like he had snapped the tension of a fishing line along with it. They both released a strained breath as they watched the first tuft float to the ground. That one little patch of hair was all it took for the two to look fondly at each other in understanding that they were in this together.
Little by little, Khun cut away at the hair - Viole’s hair.
Khun had trimmed up the front first, which Baam secretly enjoyed. Because while Baam couldn’t see what he looked like, he appreciated that he no longer saw Khun through the curtain of long bangs. He could finally see him as clearly as he did the first day Baam had met him.
The hair continued to fall slowly all around him, landing at his feet. He watched silently as little by little it was stripped away along with his fears. As each strand fell, it took something with it.
A memory. A threat. A promise. A nightmare. A fear. An expectation. A life Baam had never wished to know.
He watched it all fall to the ground as something was healing inside of him, but what Baam didn't know was that this was healing something inside of Khun too.