Chapter Text
After one month of Kim Dokja’s disappearance, Sooyoung and Sangah became quite close. They were not close in the sense that people would expect, if anyone saw them doing something together, they would just think that the two of them were people who are forced to spend time with each other. Like roommates who have no choice but to live with each other. Like friends who had no one else to hang out with.
And perhaps, they were that. But they were also two people who liked being in each other’s presence, roommates who lived peacefully, friends who were always there for each other.
Sangah wondered how long their grief would stick to them. It hadn’t gotten much better. She saw Gilyeong and Yoosung sitting silently without talking, staring at the wall when she went to check on them sometimes. Their school would be starting tomorrow and she hoped that would bring some change. They were kids after all and even if they strongly felt the pain of losing, it would be easier to move on.
Jihye seemed to be doing better than any of them, Sangah always saw her at the record shop where Hayoung got a part time job. She seemed to be genuinely interested in music and the shop, it suited her too. But it couldn’t be said the same about Heewon and Hyunsung, she saw them fighting now and then, mostly about the kids or sometimes about their jobs. Hyunsung tried working in the police for a while until he started freezing up mid shifts for a long time and had to leave.
Heewon used to sit at the home with kids, Sangah would see her staring at the door itching to run away, and eventually she did. She marched up to the nearest convenience store and asked them if they needed some help. They were fully staffed at that time but of course, no one could refuse Jung Heewon when she’s mad. Sangah can still see flames swirling around her sometimes.
“Hey listen, are qipao and garter belts really hot?” Sooyoung called out to her from her desk which she installed in their room recently.
“I would assume the material would make someone very sweaty.”
Sooyoung stares at her. “That’s not what I meant. But okay I’ll take it.”
“Is it for the thing that you’re writing?”
“It’s not a thing, I told you it’s a romance novel.”
“But Sooyoung-ssi has never been in a relationship?”
“I knew you were dumb, I didn’t know you were this dumb.”
“No, I mean. It’s not a fantasy is it? You can’t make up things, shouldn’t you at least be a bit interested in all these to write about it?”
“Hey! Who said I’m not interested! A person doesn’t need to be a good looking one like you to be interested in romance! Normal people are interested too, you know…”
“I never said that though…”
“Just wait until I finish this thing and I’ll show you.”
Sangah really couldn’t wait. All Sooyoung does with her time is eat and write, or maybe read sometimes. It worried her at first, when she saw her hunched up with her laptop and typing for a long time. Sangah had thought she was resuming Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint and writing more about Kim Dokja. But apparently it was a romance novel. She still couldn’t shake off the suspecting feeling.
The anticipation for it has been built so much with Sooyoung’s random questions and her thoughts that she says out loud to no one in particular. Sangah even tried to take a peek at her laptop when she wasn’t in her room. All she could make out was “Accidentally Married to Side Character” among other lists of titles before getting tackled to a bed.
“I. will. kill. You.” Sooyoung huffs from above her, holding her down using the collar of her shirt. She shakes her some five or fifteen times before moving off her and shutting the laptop close.
“Are you so desperate to read that you forget about not looking through someone else’s things?”
“Oh, I’m sorry! The laptop was just open…” She smiled coyly at her.
“Hey!!!” Sooyoung shouted. “But anyways, what the hell, this is unlike you.” She fixed her with a suspicious gaze.
She flushed. It was indeed unlike her and she didn’t know the reason behind her actions or her words. Maybe she needed to work more to stop thinking about Sooyoung and her writing. Sooyoung’s writing. Not the person. Just the writing. She liked reading. She only wants to read and nothing more.
She yelped as she got flicked on her forehead.
“ You should stop spacing out when I’m talking.”
Huh… What was the time? She needed to leave to get to Seolhwa’s hospital for her shift.
“Ack, I’m late for work. See you later Sooyoung-ah. Sorry for looking through your things, I’ll not do that again. Have fun writing!” she says and runs out of the room while grabbing her bag.
“What’s gotten into her?”
—
Sangah had been going to Seolhwa’s hospital for the past two weeks. Just like she promised, she has been helping them run the hospital and also set up the school. It was a lot of work but she was glad that she had something useful to do. Seolhwa and Aileen were also very pleasant people to be around.
Both women were so passionate, so driven about their work - it made Sangah a bit guilty and also inspired at the same time. She liked working with Seolhwa especially, she would go along with her on rounds of the hospital, noting down things to be fixed or improved or documenting the patient’s details. They did this everyday before sitting down for lunch and chatting about anything and nothing.
Seolhwa, though only a few years older than Sangah, seemed so experienced and more mature than her. She liked listening to her talk about medical repercussions of having no more scenarios and Dokkaebi Bag medicines that are now rare and capitalization of the medical industry and how she wished she had her scenario skills. Sangah would also talk a lot more than how much she did at home, she felt like Seolhwa was the only person who could comfort her without breaking down herself.
“Have you been reading anything interesting Sangah-ssi?” she asked her today.
“Ah, I haven’t been reading much to be honest. I’m waiting for some of my favorite ones to get updated before I read.”
“Aaah, sorry if Sangah-ssi is finding this work too tiring. You don’t have to feel bad about stopping it!”
“No, no. I’m just not interested in new novels now haha.”
“I should try them out sometime. All I have is cookbooks at home!”
Lee Seolwa really was such a fun person to hangout with. She even offered Sangah to teach her basic cooking when she told her that she might join a class for it.
“Oh! Did you want to take that Simple Breakfast one sometime? I actually made one of those recipes today!” Seolhwa said and walked over to her bag. “I think it’s a good one to start with, the ingredients are also very basic ones.”
She has already been watching pre-scenario vlogs of making bento boxes and easy lunch recipes. If cooking is just like how they show in them, then Sangah thought that it wouldn’t be so hard. She couldn’t wait to surprise her family with a dinner made by her. She also looked forward to feeding more nutrients to Sooyoung.
Seolhwa came back with another packed box and opened it. She had made a custard pudding filled with many fruits and a layer of biscuits.
“How does Seolhwa-ssi find the time to make this?” she asked amazedly. It looked delicious.
“Heh, I have nothing else to do at home!”
“I envy your hands…”
“Do you want to taste these from my hands too? There’s only one spoon!” Seolhwa scooped up the pudding and held it out, giggling. Sangah wondered if she liked ice cream and going to the beach.
She ate the held out pudding and gasped. It had the perfect amount of sweetness that she liked and the right intensity of flavor too. Maybe Lee Seolhwa should change her profession…
“Seolhwa-ssi this is just -”
A door opened, someone came in and kept something on the floor, and left.
“Hey! Who is it? Excuse me!” Seolhwa ran and went to the door.
Sangah of course knew who exactly it was. Small, short hair, her lunch box on the floor.
—
Sooyoung didn’t like what she was feeling. It felt like Kim Dokja. She couldn’t explain it. Was it betrayal that she felt in her throat, or the burning feeling of jealousy, or was it, a deep longing that she craved for so long and felt almost close to experiencing that vanished away in a few seconds?
She wished she didn’t come to the hospital to give Yoo Sangah her lunch. She wished she didn’t care about her forgetting and skipping her meals. She wished to not overhear their conversation. She wished, despite all the broken dreams, that… What exactly did she want from her roommate?
She wasn't sure what Sangah was to her. She was definitely more than a friend, in the sense that she felt impeccable caring towards her. She had the urge to pet her sometimes and keep her in their room always.
It closely resembled the urge of chaining Kim Dokja to herself lest he tried to run away again. But this time, she wasn’t afraid of Sangah running away so it felt a tad bit safe.
She walked back quietly to their house and shut herself in their room.
She opened up her drafting document and started typing away about her two characters Kang Dongyeon and Yun Jeonghan strangling each other for the nth time.
Why exactly did Lee Seolhwa have to feed her? And why is Sooyoung feeling bitter about it?
She and Sangah have dinner every day and not a single time has she considered doing that, so why did the other woman have to get there first?
And why does Sangah keep going back to that damn hospital? Surely she doesn’t enjoy the work there. Perhaps it’s for Seolhwa? Is she so bad as a roommate that she had to find another company during the day?
It frustrated Sooyoung up to no end. Or in other words, she felt lonely right then.
It wasn’t like Sangah openly expressed her distaste towards Sooyoung after all that happened but she was pretty sure she did that multiple times before. If she remembered correctly, she hated her when she first met her. So what changed now?
Was it pity? Or is it charity, like the thing Sangah seems to be doing right now at the hospital.
She was grateful for Sangah’s presence during her mood swings and outbursts and isolation, but she also felt angry.
She has been feeling angry at so many things, starting from Kim Dokja’s existence itself, to every single thing about this world and life they are forced to lead. She found it so easy to blame things on him specifically. Sometimes it makes her hate herself but who else has she got to blame?
Sooyoung doesn’t feel like finishing the draft anymore. She was almost about to end this arc, where her two main characters are forced into an arranged marriage in the middle of solving a murder mystery while in the middle of an ongoing civil war in their country and have to share a bed for the first time together for their wedding night. She was quite enjoying writing the scenes but once she wrote out their fight and proceeded into comfortable domestic acts, she started hating it.
Someone starts banging on her door.
She hoped, and expected, to see Yoo Sangah standing there but of course at this point, her wishes are pointless.
It was just Lee Jihye asking for the seat warmer that she borrowed.
“Do you ever get out of this room, Sooyoung noona?”
“Take this and leave.”
Jihye scowls. “Are you on your period?”
She shuts the door on her face and falls on her bed.
Hours later, Sangah trickles into the room slowly, trying not to wake Sooyoung up.
They don’t talk of it but they remember, a new feeling started settling on both of their bones ever since.
—
They push the beds together. It’s easier to watch this way. And that’s what she tells herself when Sooyoung comes closer into her space. The screen is small and therefore, they both have to sit close so that they can watch it properly.
But she can’t bring herself to think that when Sooyoung uses her arm to muffle her giggles. She can’t explain the way her head falls on her shoulder when they lie down and continue watching. She can’t help but enjoy the way her body feels next to hers.
“I can’t believe that bastard fell for it!” Sooyoung laughs once more, in that way of hers, she cannot pinpoint what it is but, that’s not normally how people laugh. Something about the sound she makes is so different, so unique that she wants to record a bit of it and examine it herself. Is it a laugh, or is there a whine, or a scream, or a hiss mixed in?
Every laugh of hers seemed different from the ones before.
“Yoo Sangah, what are you daydreaming about?” She knocks on her forehead. But she doesn’t wait for an answer and gets sucked in by the movie once again.
Sangah isn’t daydreaming, she just can’t focus.
When Sooyoung falls asleep with the movie still running, she lies down in front of her and strokes her hair.
She realized that she wanted to read Sooyoung’s romance novel very, very badly.