Chapter Text
Wylan slowly opened his eyes, groaning as he sat up. His head hurt an awful lot, probably because he’d continuously fallen asleep on his desk next to the acids he’d been working with. Recently he’d needed to be quicker, riskier with his work. It wasn’t the way he usually did things but he needed money and the barrel needed things fast.
Wylan pushed himself up, a sharp pain going through his arm from the burn he’d gotten a few days ago. The pain woke him up a bit, causing him to realize the ice he’d pressed against it the night before had melted and spilled all over his desk.
Forgetting about his arm, Wylan haphazardly tried to wipe the water from his desk so it didn’t mess with anything he’d been working with. Some of the pages of notes scattered across his desk had gotten wet, hopefully they’d dry.
Wylan felt he might pass out, he planned on just falling into his shitty bed and sleeping until someone had to wake him up. Then the door opened suddenly. Shaking Wylan from his dizzy coma.
“Yoo-hoo.” Said a bright, cheery voice.
Wylan squinted his eyes. “How’d you get in here, Nina?”
Nina came into his view and tilted her head. “When I checked if it was unlocked the doorknob just fell off and swung open.”
Wylan needed more than a moment to process her words. “What time is it?” He asked instead of worrying about his now broken door.
“Half past nine bells.” Nina smiled. “I was going to ask if you wanted to get breakfast with me.”
“Oh.” Wylan said, looking over at his desk. He was awfully hungry but he knew he didn’t have time for any of that. “I don’t think I can buy breakfast right now, Nina. I need new chemicals and a new door, apparently.”
Nina pouted. “I can pay for your breakfast, the invitation was an apology for being rude to you a few days ago and my paying will be an apology for the door.”
Wylan felt himself smile, maybe he could do something nice before falling back into his work. “Alright.”
Nina smiled. Wylan sometimes felt conflicted when it came to Nina, she was very sweet and outgoing, but Wylan knew she didn’t entirely trust him. He still followed her out.
—
“What do you think?” Nina asked with a mouthful of waffle.
Wylan stared down at his plate of half eaten food. “I’m relieved you didn’t take me to an abandoned warehouse and hit me over the head with something.”
Nina smiled. “What have you been doing all these days? You never leave the tannery.”
Wylan swallowed his food. “Just working- I’ve been given a lot of tasks.”
“What kind?”
Wylan paused, unsure of what to say. “Just experiments, I’ve worked with some electricity, because now everyone needs to shock the answers out of whoever they’re questioning.”
Nina raised an eyebrow. “How do you know it works?”
“Well I test it on myself, not to its fullest potential so I don’t get hurt but-”
“You’ve been electrocuting yourself?”
“Not that badly.” Wylan looked down at his hands. What else was he meant to do? Surely feeling a little nauseous wasn’t as bad as the reaction he’d get if something didn’t work.
“Saints Wylan, no wonder you look so pale.”
Wylan’s fist clenched. “Why are you asking? Did someone put you up to this?”
Nina frowned. “No one put me up to anything, Jesper was a bit worried about you but so am I- you’re going too much.”
Wylan felt a bit angry. “I don’t need either of you worrying about me, I’m fine.”
“Clearly you aren’t.”
Wylan shook his head, standing up from the table and exiting as quickly as he could. Walking through the doors and letting them shut behind him. Nina wasn’t following him as far as he could tell.
He didn’t want to listen anymore, he didn’t need to be told what he was doing was wrong. Who was Jesper to act like he was worried about Wylan?
I love you-
No. He couldn’t think about that right now. Why on earth had Jesper said that? How on earth could he have meant that? Wylan was sure Jesper was mocking him, or trying to confuse him.
He was too good for Wylan, if that hadn’t been enough Wylan had lied. How could Jesper have forgiven him- let alone love him after that?
He needed to go home, or whatever the tannery was to him.
Wylan felt a little less nauseous after breakfast, it was the first he’d really eaten in a while, but his head didn’t stop hurting.
Just walking into his room made his head worse, he needed to leave this awful building, but if he wanted to do that he needed to pick up more jobs and make it even more hazardous. Wylan didn’t even pay attention to the chemicals, he was supposed to be working but his torn, falling apart mattress looked incredibly comfortable and he ended up collapsing on it.
His face pressed into his pillow, his mind empty, except for the constant reminder he was alone in this stupid bed. He wasn’t in that wonderful room with that wonderful boy because Wylan seemed to ruin everything. Wylan’s eyes opened partially, his gaze on the ground. There was a piece of clothing kicked underneath his counter, Wylan rolled off the bed to go pick it up.
The coat obviously wasn’t his, Wylan knew who it belonged to, it was probably from weeks ago, probably something messily discarded after that long night of working with Jesper. They’d kept stealing glances at each other and had finally gotten to be alone.
Wylan put the coat on, hoping for a feeling of warmth, wishing he didn’t have to be so upset about everything. He presses the collar of the coat up to his nose, somehow, it doesn’t smell dusty and toxic like everything else in that room. It just smelled a bit like Jesper. And Wylan was pathetically holding it tightly around himself for some reminder of being cared for.
A part of Wylan was wishing with all his heart that he’d just told Jesper he loved him too. Maybe he would have been met with rejection or mockery, maybe it would’ve fixed something between them.
Wylan took off the coat, folding it neatly and placing it on an empty chair. He looked over at his desk full of halfway completed projects, there were more important things than being upset. If Wylan couldn’t be loved he could at least be useful.
—
Wylan dropped the case of acids on Kaz’s desk. “Be careful with them, they’re probably a bit unstable.”
“Why would you bring them to me if it’s that much of a risk?” Kaz asked, eyeing the case.
Wylan sighed. “I’ve been working on exactly what you asked for for weeks now, there’s no way to make it perfect.” Wylan had hardly slept and eaten in days because of all the tasks he’d been given, he couldn’t bother trying to make something impossible.
Kaz shrugged and took the case, handing Wylan his Kruge. Wylan narrowed his eyes. “Is this all of it?”
“I didn’t ask for you to get me unstable acids.”
“These acids will melt through, that’s what you asked for, that’s what I’m giving you.” Wylan snapped, he honestly wasn’t thinking properly, he was probably sick, definitely sleep deprived, and on the verge of passing out. He couldn’t pass out here, he’d get robbed- except he had nothing of value so it’d be something worse.
Kaz glared at Wylan. “If your next assignment upholds its requirements you’ll get the rest of the money then.”
Wylan inhaled sharply, which somehow made his head hurt worse. “Fine.” A small part of him was smart enough to not argue with Kaz.
Wylan turned around and led the room without another word. Even angrily walking down the stairs was making him feel lightheaded. He couldn’t pass out, he couldn’t draw attention. He felt himself bump into someone or something, it nearly pulled him from his thoughts.
He looked over his shoulder and muttered a quick apology, his mind only registered it was Jesper he’d bumped into until he was nearly out of the building.
“Wylan!” He heard Jespers voice shout from behind him. Wylan walked through the doors of the building, the bright glare of the sun made him feel worse, Wylan needed to rest, but he couldn’t afford to rest. He was going to pass out on these streets and wake up in some awful place.
“Wylan.” Jesper's voice was closer.
Wylan spun around. “Please just let me get back to the tannery I can’t-”
“You dropped this.” Jesper held out the stack of Kruge to him.
“Oh.” Wylan took the Kruge. “Thank you- that’s not a very barrel-like thing to do.” Wylan tried to forge a smile so he could just leave quickly.
“Are you alright?” Jesper asked, why did he feel the need to ask that? Did Wylan look sicklier than he had last time? Wylan then realized Jesper was holding Wylan arms, did the ground beneath start spinning?
“I need to lie down..” Wylan murmured, accidentally stumbling forward, Jespers arms secured around him not too tightly.
Wylan's vision started to blur. “Wylan what’s happened?” He heard a soft voice ask.
“I need to- get home..” Wylan muttered before his vision went dark.
—
This had to be a dream.
It was a nice one at least.
Wylan had hated these covers at first, how on earth did you find such brightly colored bed sheets? But then he’d realized he didn’t really have a problem with them. They were soft and warm.
Wylan had said he wanted to go home before he’d passed out, and this was the closest thing he’d felt to a home in years. He knew it was Jespers apartment because of the bright clothes scattered across the room. Wylan still had the key, he loved that stupid key.
He heard a door creak open and a sliver of light shined on his face. Wylan groaned and covered his face with his arm.
“Is this a dream?” He muttered.
“Can you wake up in a dream?” A sweet, baritone voice said.
Wylan sat up slightly, seeing Jesper in the doorway with a mug in his hands. Wylan rubbed his head. “Why am I here?”
Jesper walked up to him. “You passed out right outside the crow club and my apartment was nearby. What was I supposed to do?” Jesper handed Wylan the mug, He eyed it suspiciously. “It’s just broth.” Jesper reassured him. Wylan blew on it and took a sip. “When was the last time you ate anything?” Jesper asked him.
Wylan stared at the mug in his hands, questioning if he should respond. “What day is it?”
“That’s not a good answer.”
Wylan drank more of the broth. “Thank you.. I’ll get out of your hair now-”
“Wylan it’s one in the morning.”
Wylan nearly choked. “How long have I been asleep?”
“More than ten bells.” Jesper chuckled, his expression went serious a moment after. “Nina told me you’ve been doing your experiments on yourself?”
Wilma flinched, a few drops of the liquid in the cup speaking onto his knee. “It’s fine.. I told her it was fine-”
“Wylan, that's probably one of the reasons you fainted today.” A part of Wylan hated how Jesper was talking so calmly to him.
“I fainted because I haven’t been sleeping.” He bit back.
Jesper rolled his eyes. “Like you weren’t sleep deprived before.”
“Stop talking to me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m a child. Like I need to be coddled.”
“Well forgive me for worrying about you because you obviously don’t care about yourself.”
A part of Wylan wanted to storm out and slam the door behind him but another part- the stupid part wanted to fall into Jespers arms and just be held for a moment, he picked the first option.
“I’m leaving.” Wylan stood up and the ground seemed to teeter beneath him. Jesper placed his hands on Wylan’s shoulders and made him sit back down.
“You can hardly stand, if you want to go to a different room that’s fine but I can’t let you go back right now.”
Wylan glared at him, he was furious but he only knew half of the reasons why. Jesper glared back for a moment before his gaze softened, he took a step back from Wylan. “I’m sorry.”
Wylan’s ears pricked. “For what?”
“Everything.”
“How do I know if you mean what you're saying if you say that?” Wylan asked, wanting to know more.
“I’m sorry for being so paranoid about you.. I’m sorry for trying to talk to you so often when you obviously don’t want me around, I’m- I'm sorry that when I heard about your father I told you I was confused even though I wouldn’t even let you explain.”
Silence came after that, Wylan was a bit speechless. He was the one who lied and walked away from Jesper but he was the one apologizing. Wylan had to say something, something to at least show that Wylan could forgive him. “What do you want me to explain?”
Jesper paused for a few moments. “Why has your father been sending you letters?”
The question sent a shockwave through Wylan. It made sense someone had figured out about the letters and told Jesper. Explaining it to him would mean explaining almost everything. “My father didn’t want an idiot for a son.” Wylan heard himself say.
“What-”
“He had so many tutors and teachers come to help me learn how to read and write and it never worked. I couldn’t do the things a toddler would do so he..” Wylan paused, every secret on the tip of his tongue. “He decided it would be best to get rid of me.”
Jesper didn’t say anything for a few moments. “You mean he..”
“He told me I was on a boat headed for music school so everyone could forget about me, and he hired two men to kill me on that boat. I escaped and he found me again, that’s why he sent the letters.” Wylan thought he would feel panic or hopelessness after telling everything to someone, but he truly just felt a wave of relief, then he felt tears build up behind his eyes.
“Wylan that’s awful he can’t just-”
“Maybe he should’ve. I was born into that luxurious life where everything would’ve been handed to me without doing anything to earn it. I suppose it was a sign it wasn’t meant for me. I didn’t deserve it and I don’t deserve you either and how much you care about-” And then Wylan was being hugged. It felt too nice to push away so Wylan rested his chin on Jespers shoulder and slowly let himself breath.
Jespers hand rose to the back of Wylan’s head as he began stroking his hair, he took a breath before speaking. “Wylan you are one of the most brilliant people I know- and I’m not just saying that. You deserve far more than you think and I’ve known that from the moment I started to get to know you.” Jesper pulled away from the hug just to rest his forehead on Wylan’s. Wylan felt a rush of warmth and need and love. Wylan loved Jesper so dearly it almost felt silly. He had to do something.
Wylan took the collar of Jesper’s shirt in his hands and pressed his mouth to his. In a moment Wylan was being kissed back softly. Wylan tightened his hold on Jespers shirt and deepened the kiss, letting his tongue slip into his mouth.
Wylan wanted to drown in this feeling, he’d forgotten how good it felt, Wylan would’ve let Jesper do anything he wanted to him that night. But a few moments later Jesper slowly broke the kiss.
“It’s late, Wylan.”
“That’s never stopped us before.” Wylan said, letting his nose brush against Jespers.
Jesper leaned forward and kissed Wylan on the cheek. “I want you to rest, love.”
“What about you? You can’t sleep if I’m taking your bed.”
Jesper raised an eyebrow. “I can sleep somewhere else.”
Wylan pulled him forward and pushed himself back so Jesper could crawl onto the bed with him. “I want you here.”
Jesper kissed his forehead. “Okay, let me get ready.”
A few minutes later, Wylan was resting on Jespers chest. Was it truly that easy for Jesper to forgive him? Was it that simple that they’d just go back to normal? Maybe Wylan wanted more than what they’d been before. It had been wonderful, but sometimes they’d act like casual hookups rather than a couple, they hadn’t even labeled what they were. If Jesper had taken Wylan back had he truly meant it when he told Wylan he loved him? It couldn’t be that easy, not for Wylan, could it?
“Jesper?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.” The words were barely a whisper.
“I love you too, Wylan.”
Wylan shut his eyes, feeling nothing but relaxed and in love. He finally let himself sleep.