Chapter Text
“..you sure?”
And he wishes to slip out more than anything in the world. And he wishes to slip out anytime. And he wishes but it doesn't matter now. “Yes.” and he looks at the man in front of him – the man who is a king and Phainon his noble, his knight, his saviour, his deliverer today.
Mydei smiles and now carries his face closer and closer. And closer.
And his lips sit and rest over Phainon's for a full second. He's given a chance at taking it back, this is not considered giving up. He waited, and at one point he took his heart in his teeth as he felt his own pulse quicken and then went in.
A faint sound echoed in the room as if a seal had been broken but none of them heard it. Even as they went in slow and beautiful there was no more space for anything – and for a moment they forgot what they were here for. The crown was merely a bonus now.
And this moment was short but enough to make both of them forget their statues, their ranks, their duties, who they were as persons. The usual differences between a king and a noble were high, even the differences between a king and a prince were major – but should we go back to the day when Phainon has vowed many things?
While Phainon craved for this and still felt fear, Mydei was not far from these. He craved it as well but he did not fear as much as the other man – his only fear was how Phainon might feel pressured to do it.
And as the world sank into stillness they were the only ones to move. And at one point they were out of breath and Mydei's clawed fingers carefully traced around Phainon's smile lines, his eyes were focused on his own finger sliding down. Phainon thought he was in a trance, he felt as if he was sealed underneath an euphoric feeling. He might not be able to tell the difference between transcending heaven and this moment. His eyes looked at Mydei's eyes even if he wouldn't meet them just yet, he was looking at his snake like figure.
And as Mydei angled his head slightly to meet with Phainon's eyes they started to lean in again, slowly going closer and closer.
And just like that their lips were once again touchin-
And it sounded like earth took a breath, a crisp split was heard and almost echoed. Well, if you two were so lost not to hear the first small crack when the seal broke, I might as well have you to go deaf, must've thought the crown.
And just like that when the sharp sound was heard they immediately flinched and both took a step behind – but they were still holding on to another. Shamelessly even, Mydei gripping Phainon’s shoulders as Phainon held Mydei's waist. And in the same split second both their heads turned to the crown which was now in air, ready to be taken in hand.
Phainon let out a weak “oooh..” as Mydei smiled and reached for it, he put it on his head and it started glowing beautifully. Oh, what a sight, Phainon was looking at Mydei wear his retrieved crown with such pride – if Mydei was the sun and were to come close and blind Phainon, he would still stare at it. No matter how hard it hurts or burns. Even if it was his eyes that were burning or some feelings inside of him.
“It's time we go.” Mydei says firmly.
“But.. what about the crown?” Phainon asks clueless as ever.
“What about it?”
“Well you can't just leave with it on your head!”
“Of course I won't do that,” he smirks as he is about to do the unthinkable, “it'll turn into a monocle.” And just as the words slipped from his lips the crown turned into a glamorous monocle which he put on his left eye.
Phainon looked and felt like he saw a ghost and then was brought back to life by a beautiful prince kissing him (him being a princess in another timeline).
All he could do besides look impressed would be to clap but at least he thought before acting – clapping here could get them killed. Just like the way back out of the palace.
“I've thought of escaping through the windows but the distance to the ground can be fatal, and if it wasn't it would win us nothing other than the attention of a few guards.” He sighed, “we need to go back just the way we first got in here.”
Phainon pressed his lips into a thin line understanding, and was already looking at the hallways they needed to pass.
Mydei never once looked at Phainon and thought he was weak. Actually he might've never looked at someone and thought they were weak. He wouldn't do such a thing.
When he heard such phrase leave Phainon's lips he thought he heard it wrong – Phainon is the most brave person he knows and today he showed that.
Thankfully it was somewhat easier this time since they already knew the passages and the patterns for the guards – they were out in no time.
They got their horses and everything and took their leave. “We can't afford to stay, they could notice the crown is gone and they would track us easily.”
“Alright.” Yet Phainon looked like he had some questions, and his eyes wanted to drift into a world of dreams.
“Anything on your mind?”
“Are we taking the same path back to the castle?
“No.” Mydei wore a map with him but wouldn't take it out now, “we'll go by a nicer realm where things flourish. That will be easier on us and on our horses.”
“No more insufferable cold?”
“No more insufferable cold.” He sighs, “The road might be a little longer but it's definitely safer.”
Both were tired but Phainon's head would soon start to spin. Spin into a spiral and break down as they have been walking for two days, day and night, watch the stars shine together with the moon and then the sun comes back out.
He's been wanting to ask for a break but he knows the request would be declined, the crown can distinguish itself as more items but it’s still something immense to just carry around.
They've had small talks through the days and it was already starting to feel like the formalities must envelope Phainon's lips. No more Mydei, no more quiet moments when they'd sneak in the castle and have their bodies pressed together tightly, and no kiss. Most likely ever. Phainon is already being taken out by exhaustion but this thought will not leave him alone.
And as they were going slower he gave in, “Mydei.”
He turned his head at the white haired man and slightly raised an eyebrow.
“I'm far too tired.” He was already losing the grip of the reins. And before he could continue, “I'm sorry, we can not stop.” but the words wore nothing, the phrase was only a scathing wip.
Phainon felt his sanity drop. By the minute. More and more, it slips out.
Until his body had enough of it and he can not even realise that he is on the ground, he dismounted his horse almost unconsciously and knelt on the ground.
“Phainon.” And it only stung more when Mydei's voice rang once again in his head. And this time even firmer than the first time, “Phainon.”
And now Phainon was the one in need to take his heart in his teeth and be braver than ever before, “No.”
“What?!” And tension erupted. “What no?”
“I can't,” and it wouldn't stop hurting
“Keep going now,” and it took him a sharp breath
“I need to rest.” And he put his hand over his heart and his horse’s head turned down to brush its head against Phainon's forehead. And it felt like the worst thing ever, more painful than a fist fight and probably more painful than being pierced by a sword through a vertebrae.
“Come on,” if only words were easy, “we must continue.”
But the world took a whole different shape and color as Phainon’s eyes drifted away in a frightening way. And as sweat drops from his forehead, tears from his eyes and he struggled to catch air through his mouth he thinks he sees the end.
Everything is warped, everything is so bright that it could blind him, everything is louder. He hears a voice reaching out for him and adrenaline gets the best of him as he feels human touch on his back, the feeling of one palm births into a weird flow of heat, as if he felt his blood get warmer.
And as he tries to stay as conscious as possible he is aware Mydei is not murmuring – yet he can not hear.
His heart only grows heavier and he feels like he is trying to survive suffocation he manages to cry out a strong “I can't continue now.”
It sounds so easy to say out loud until you get to that point. “Call me weak.”
“Call me fragile.”
“Call me flawed.” But everyone is flawed.
“Phainon..”
He almost wants to say he does not want to hear Mydei's words and that's a sick thought even for him.
And just like two waves would collide their voices hit one another at once, “You're not weak.” - “I give up.”
And Mydei might've never begged but today was a day of change. He had to change his aim.
“Phainon, listen to me.” The world was starting to fall silent and the knelt man felt another arm around him. “I know an inn, and we’ll stay there.”
“...”
“..stay there for as long as you need.” He wants to repair his mistakes and he feels like something in him broke.
In Phainon – his heart broke a little bit because of how things turned out.
In Mydei – his heart broke a little bit more because things turned out like this due to his ignorance.
But we’re all flawed, more or less. Mydei never regretted anything more ever in his life.
“I'm sorry.” He feared lifting Phainon up to his feet, the inn was not in a small walking-on-foot-distance, and he doesn't know how to say it without breaking Phainon even more.
“It's not far but it is not near either.” Mydei says as he now starts to lift up Phainon wondering how he'll get this guy back on the horse. He thinks he might not be able to sit on his own and hold the reins anymore and he doesn't want Phainon to get even more tired.
Mydei is fortunately a strong man. He moved the saddle bags from his horse to Phainon's, Beau. He managed to put Phainon back up but this time they'll share a horse – he does not want to risk it any further. He took Beau's reins as he mounted on his own horse and immediately felt Phainon's hands get around him.
And that felt… quite extraordinarily. Oh and now he can't and won't stop thinking about this. Such small touches like this make him feel a certain way, “like butterflies in the stomach” as people like to call it… but then he remembers the way they kissed back in that almost cursed palace and realm. A realm so cold but when they kissed he burned. His body felt like it was on fire because of how nice that was. Of how nice the memory is now.
And he has been walking for some time now, he roamed around this place a few times before on different occasions. Also, he knows the woman from the inn, he'd see her (rarely) when in town there was an open market or a fair. Obviously not all the time since neither would have the time, or, the money.
And after a long time and probably forever for Phainon, they got there.
A big wooden house with some pens for guests’ horses and then pens for some other animals, they are doing better, Mydei remarks. Pigs, sheeps, cows, chicken – a lot of everything!
He carefully gets off the horse as he binds both of them to a fence, carefully placing Phainon in a somewhat more comfortable position. He'll be back to get him after he pays and gets the keys to their room.
Said and done, their room is on the second floor. Quite reasonable. The first floor sometimes feels shady, anyone can jump in through the window. The second floor is harder to reach from the outside if an attack or a robbery were to happen. And he knows this because of certain things that happened in the past..
“C'mon buddy. I got us a room." He lifts his hands to Phainon just like a small kid who raises his hands to their parents to carry them.
Phainon attempts to get off on his own but Mydei is not even a second late, his hands are already around the other man's waist. As they walk in, Mydei still makes sure he holds Phainon, more or less. Even if he was completely stable now he wouldn't risk it.
He unlocks the door and guides Phainon to the bed. Mydei looks around and seems somewhat agitated, he's trying to find a bucket and a cloth.
After going back and forth and in circles he finds said things, but he can't rest just now. He fills the bucket with water and puts the cloth on the edge, half hanging in and half outside. “Lay down.”
And Phainon's eye sparkle for a moment. The voice that spoke to him was different than usual, it was much calmer and seemed to wear some kind of affection. It's not the time for remarks though, he is lightheaded and lies as he's told.
Before he has the privilege to wince or put his palm on his forehead, a wet cloth touches it first. It pains Mydei to talk or do anything, he is almost scared now. “You can rest now.”
And Phainon felt like a little kid again but this time he felt way more loved and tended to with such care that he could cry. Eventually his headache got the better of him and he drifted into a deep sleep – but it was weird. He couldn't move or open his eyes, yet he heard murmurs and felt some slight touches.
“That day you proved to me just how brave you can be.” He exhaled, “and how merciless I could be.” but we all know Mydei is not a merciless person. He is the opposite. He can not view himself as anything else right now, he doesn't know what snapped in him just a day before for things to turn out like this.
“And I know these words aren't going to heal your soul but I want to tell you once again that I am sorry.” and probably other words lingered on his tongue as his neck burned.
He now wonders if he overstepped any more people's boundaries and limits, he for sure tested some – be it willingly or not.
He is aware that Phainon has maybe heard that, maybe not, maybe only fragments of it. And he wants to say it's fine but deep down it's not. What if he didn't hear the apologies, even if they wouldn't help so much?
And this is the day when Mydei's own fears engulfed him so deep that he couldn't see the way Phainon must've hurt. He thinks of the retrieved crown and he imagines if he was to wear it now it'd feel like it was made out of daggers. A crown out of daggers.
Mydei unfortunately had to push Phainon a little bit since he sat down in the middle – and he wouldn't blame Phainon for that – and they had to share a bed.
He gently pushed him near the wall as he prepared to sleep as well. Mydei worries Phainon might be a little cold since earlier he put a blanket over him but (unconsciously) Phainon kept clinging on to Mydei which was warm.
Thankfully they had not one but two cloaks! Mydei put his own over Phainon and then the blanket, keeping the second cloak at their feet just in case. And before he headed to bed himself - he checked Phainon's pulse. His hands were kind of weak due to the gloves – heavy gloves and patched fingers, he should try to help him take more care – so he reached for Phainon's neck. Carefully touching it with his whole palm to get a hold, and the pulse was just fine.
Mydei woke up before Phainon, he got out of the bed and went to the bathroom – he also took the water bucket and the little cloth. He changed the water and went back to their bed and put his palm on Phainon’s forehead to check whether or not he had some kind of fever. Fortunately he was fine but a few cold water touches wouldn't ruin.
“I'll go get some food.” He says as he looks at the still sleeping man, “I'll be back quick.” He closes the door gently before him and hurries downstairs to grab something.
Bread, cheese, a cup of milk.. will have to do. Oh and one piece of ham! That's delicious and nice, he hopes Phainon will be able to eat. He wouldn't let him walk out with an empty stomach either way.
He returned to their room as fast as light and placed down the napkin with food on the little table they had. Reminds him of home, the doors with carving in wood animals and the library. Has Phainon been to it? Mydei can't remember.
He walked a little, mainly in circles, not really knowing what to do. He looked around the room, everything fine, everything fixed - nothing broken. He gazed outside the window and saw their horses eating hay and each having an apple in their bucket, pretty horses. They carry them so much and around anywhere.
And he decided to sit leaning into the window, taking in the view. Beautiful land, greenery, everything bloomed and alive. And he got kind of lost in this image until he heard somewhat of a weak voice calling out,
“Mydei?”
And Mydei turned around extremely fast, he even took a few steps closer to bed without even realising. “Yes?” he had to gather some courage not to voice crack.
Phainon smiled as he looked at him and then blinked – for longer. He kept his eyes closed for a little more than usual but when he opened them Mydei left out a breath (he is exaggerating it was like three seconds at most). Phainon opened his mouth to speak but closed it again and softly smiled again.
Mydei was very confused. “I..” Is everything alright?... I bought a room – the last one – in this inn!.. I… pick a struggle Mydei. Faster.
“I took some extra food!” Liar, you didn't eat. He points to the little table.
Phainon tries to sit up still in bed, before deciding to get fully on his legs. As he tries to get to the corner of the bed Mydei quickly acts and holds him just a little by the back. More of a reassuring hand.
Phainon lets his head fall as he is looking at his hands that are resting on his knees. He notices new bandages on his fingers… They feel fresher and look cleaner. Oh, he is taken well care of.
“Whenever you're ready.”
Phainon eventually sat up and he felt weirdly lighter. He thought it was because of the sickness he caught but he then noticed how much of his armor was missing. His boots, his shoulder pieces, his chest pieces, everything was pretty much gone. He had just a pair of pants on and his white shirt.
He felt weird. He felt seen, he felt cared for, he felt some kind of guilt, he felt… he doesn't know. He isn't sure.
It hurts but he doesn't know what hurts. Psychically, not really. Mentally, he doesn't feel as if that was not.
He sits up and Mydei is slowly moving with him, small careful steps towards the little table. Reaches for it slowly, sits down on the floor and eats, very little, but it’s better than nothing.
They've barely exchanged words, both have questions and somehow neither want answers. There is a lingering silence but neither can tell whether it is comfortable or not.
One another's presence is comforting enough.
“How are you feeling now?” It's Mydei's time to be brave,
But so it's Phainon's, to answer truthfully. “Better. But not completely..”
“We will stay here one more day, if you'll need more, we'll stay more.”
He is met with a smile.
They go back to sit lazily in bed, but Phainon starts to somewhat cling to Mydei. He says nothing, none says anything – same usual silence.
It started with Phainon being so close to Mydei that their shoulders brush, this time no armor parts them. Their arms and then palms brush, no armor and no gloves part them. And Phainon wants to do more, wants to get on top of Mydei just to feel him underneath, have his body rise and fall the way and at the same time as Mydei.
And it would be a lie to say Mydei wasn't having similar thoughts, hence why he wrapped an arm around Phainon's shoulders and somehow in the same motion they happened to lay on their sides together. Face to face.
And they look one at another, eye to eye and say nothing but both men's hearts seem to beat faster.
“I feel pretty good.” Phainon sits up and stretches. “I say we get going.”
“You sure?” Mydei wants to make sure Phainon wouldn't say it out of guilt, duty or pressure.
“Yes!” You could see the way he shines, he definitely feels much better now.
“Y'know i was thinking,” Phainon wears a face that Mydei can easily read, a smug expression, he has a stupid idea or an useless question, “Shouldn't we party now that you've got your crown back?” maybe he wants some spice, some excitement.
Mydei huffs and lets out a small laugh, “Surely not another ball or banquet.”
“A small party shall not hurt.” And he does like he knows best, push but not too hard.
“It shall not.” and Mydei gives in like usual, he doesn't even dare glance at Phainon. What if he is wearing his puppy eyes and asks for more? Mydei would have to obey.
But soon it'll be Phainon who has to obey The King, but in all honesty he does not mind. He loves his king, one way or another.
It took them about a day and a half to get back to the castle, they wondered how everything looked. The King to be gone, the crown to be stolen, and the most trusted knight & noble to be gone too. Also, what about the patrols that were sent to track down the ones who stole the crown? The trackers especially?
Knights would throw fireworks but they know they shall not celebrate big, no more attention is needed.
“Everyone.” King Mydeimos says loud and clear as day for everyone to hear. “We've returned.” Some fondness engulfs his voice as he smiles a little.
Phainon smiles as he is behind The King, slowly walking their horses as a few stablemen come in hurry. What a journey this has been.
Knights cheer and immediately start helping, unpacking the bags they have, a few guards surround King Mydeimos, and a few knights come close to Phainon. Those who come are somewhat of close friends.
“Feller!” A man almost shouts as he extends his hand. “You're finally back!” They do a handshake and a slight hug.
“Do tell, what happened?” another one chimes in, all excited.
“You and The King have been gone for so long!” Yet another person coming up to him, he almost wants to say he never felt this appreciated. “We started thinking about who should be our next king!” They all erupt into laughter.
“Yeahh, fella,” he jabs Phainon a little, “we kept wondering what if a realm would declare war or something like that'd happen.”
“..but, it was just you and King Mydeimos, right?”
“Right.”
Not too long after, The King has asked everyone to come closer to the palace, even the guards at the gates. Even the stablemen came. If everyone was called and in such a way, then everyone had to gather close.
“I want to make an announcement.”
Phainon is somewhere in the crowd, almost hidden.
Mydei seems to be looking for someone. “I've left the palace in everyone's hands so I could retrieve the sacred crown.” Some people gasp, some people clap a little, everyone smiles.
“It was a hard journey and I want to thank everyone for working together like a family.” He takes a deep breath, “You’ve done a great job with a castle with no king.” He giggles, but Phainon can tell his voice wears a little of nervousness.
Knights, guards, stablemen - everyone claps.
“And I want to make one more call, a special thank you to my most trusted, brave and loyal knight, personal guard.. essentially everything.”
He is met with gasps and a lot of whispering voices, more and more growing.
Phainon feels his face get red, his adrenaline starts to run hot in his body.
“Phainon.” Mydei smiles.
Everyone moves around, to the side, to the back, almost creating a path. And there he is, now in the spotlight.
He kneels and plants his sword into the ground, unsure of what to do. This seems like the most logical thing to do.
And the world goes quiet when The King laughs a little once again, as he is making his way to Phainon.
Meanwhile Phainon keeps glancing upwards for a split second and then turns his head down quicker than lightning. He hopes he isn't as red as he feels.
Mydei is standing right in front of the kneeling man and he crouches down, holding Phainon’s shoulders.
Nobody says anything, nobody blinks, nobody breaths.
His grip tightens on the other's shoulders as he starts getting up, dragging his favourite (knight, guard, noble, everything he is, more than he could ever be and everything he wishes to be) person to rise on his feet.
And now they stand straight looking into one another's eyes, “I thank you for everything.”
Phainon lets out a breath and his head falls back and smiles so bright he could blind. Everyone around starts to cheer loudly, claps even louder and it is quite obvious there will be a party tonight.
And this takes the both of them to the night where Mydei taught Phainon how to dance.
“Have you ever danced?” Mydei's tone was soft and clearly an invitation.
“No.”
“Well then open your eyes wide.”
Mydei first shows Phainon how the dance looks. He gets in position, back straight, shoulders firm but not tense and one of his arms extended - intended to hold another. He does some steps, front, side, back, what the hell now he is twirling around.
Phainon looks more confused than ever and Mydei realizes this will take a lot of time. He gestures for him to come close.
“My hand on your left shoulder and your hand on my right shoulder.” we are already lost.
Eventually they got it right and now their other hands are clasped together.
“We start on the right, step back.” Phainon does as he’s told and Mydei continues, “Left foot to the side, then move your right foot to the left.” Phainon is very slowly moving and Mydei completes him.
“Now you start with the left foot, take a step in front.” Oh a step towards Mydei. He should fake a trip and fall in the man's hands.
“Step right foot to the side.” Now we are getting nauseous. Does he know they'll have to do this while twirling?
“Now again, bring your left foot to the right. You got it?”
“We could say so.”
“Let's have some fun then.” And he goes fast while also twirling Phainon around, making him do very messy steps, tripping at least once per rotation, and oh when he is too slow to step back and Mydei gets too close to Phainon.
Great times, that's how he learnt and Phainon'll never forget that day. One of the best days, besides all the private spars they did - oh and their mission through a frozen realm.
And like this, they danced the whole night. Just the two of them.
And in the end, Phainon always looked at Mydei with fondness, at the way he acted, the way he solved things, the way he wrestled, the person that he is. The words he says, he once eavesdropped but only heard Mydei say “You don’t get to live a bad life and have good things happen to you.”
And once again, Mydei always looked at Phainon with tenderness, the way he was up for anything, his bravery, his loyalty, his motivation, the way he wrestled, the person that he is. The day Mydei's heart broke was when Phainon said that he is weak and that he can not continue forwards - that was a sign of bravery. Being able to say what hurts you and asking for help - in a way or another - is bravery. It takes a lot to be able to say such things and weaknesses or fears.
Everything that the two have endured remind Mydei of one time when he was in a town and sat down on a bench next to a nun. She didn't know who he was, but it didn't matter. They barely exchanged a few words, until “Say, what are you afraid of?”
This caught Mydei off guard. He straightened his back and stared forward with almost no emotion. Before he could figure out an answer, she spoke again, “Take a gamble that love exists, and do a loving act.”
Have they wished they've done more loving acts?
Some people will long for another to see them again even if it means one will come to them and shout, to come and to them and fight, to come to them and break their heart. But to come to them and see one another for one more time can make everything doable.
But now, if one of them was to talk through hell, the other one would follow.
And if one needed the other and said person wouldn't be able to walk, they'd crawl.
If you're not happy, then it's not the end. Shape it.