Chapter Text
Seungmin wasn't sure how long it had been since the staff member left. It could have been hours, maybe even minutes. He didn't know, but he didn't really care, either. He couldn't bring himself to. After all, did anything really matter? They were all going to die anyway.
He had fallen into a strange pit of self-loathing, in the silence. It wasn't the type of self-loathing where he hated his body, or hated his smile. He wasn't like that. Well, he hadn't for a while. No idol was ever truly safe from that. But that wasn't the point he was getting at. If anything, it was the opposite. Being skinny means being weak, it means being fragile. Seungmin hates himself for being weak. For being so pathetic. For being so stupid.
How could he just let himself spiral like that? How had he not realised how truly messed up he'd become? How closed off he'd grown. So closed off, no one had looked for him. So closed off, 3racha had probably completely forgotten about their interaction. Whereas Seungmin was still hanging onto it.
In just the past few weeks, he'd thrown his life off a cliff, plunging himself into unknown depths. And he never knew just how far down he'd fallen. But he hadn't even finished yet. Seungmin was still here, waiting to hit the bottom. There was no other way, after all. It's not like he had wings.
He felt a little chuckle leave his body, which confused him. He didn't find that funny whatsoever. In fact, he didn't really feel much at all. When he lifted his hand, the shadows between his veins pulsed black for a heartbeat. Then normal. Maybe he’d imagined it. Maybe he was imagining everything. He was numb all over. Well, possibly. He couldn't muster up the energy to check. He was too long, and dangly. Not strong like all of the people around him, who found themselves in dark times, and pulled themselves out of it. No, he was frail. He couldn't bring himself to stop the staff member from leaving, his only lead from just walking out a door. If he couldn't even do that, was there even a point in living? It's not like anyone cared about him anymore. They all hated him, and even if that wasn't the truth, they certainly didn't like him. He doesn't hate them for it. He understands it. There's nothing to like about him.
He didn't get the chance to continue, because the door creaked open again. Now that he wasn't mid panic attack, Seungmin could look around the room with a clear mind. Well, as clear as he was getting. He could also look at the door better, and the head peeking through it.
It was a girl. Her long brown hair was pulled into a messy ponytail, and her cheeks were flushed, as though she had just done some exercise. She didn't look all that old, maybe even around Seungmin's own age. Her eyes widened as they made eye contact.
"You're still here!?" She whisper-yelled, sounding slightly out of breath as she crept into the room.
The door slammed shut heavily behind her, and Seungmin jumped from his position on the floor. Was this who was talking to him earlier? She didn't feel familiar at all. But, if Seungmin was being honest, he had pictured a monster. So, no one would have looked like what he was expecting. Except... No, Seungmin wasn't that mean.
"Hello?" Finger clicked in front of Seungmin's face, and his head shot back, banging against the solid wall behind him. He winced in pain, bringing up a hand to cup his head.
The girl gasped. “I’m sorry!” Seungmin was positive there was no way this was the person from earlier. She was way too… cheerful. Too talkative, definitely not like before.
His emotions must have shown on his face because the girl groaned. “I have to do this all over again! This is so stupid!”
Seungmin blinked, still cradling his head. “What?”
“Okay, so, the last time we met I was a teensy bit upset so that's why I was all emo. You know, like, two hours ago?" Ah, so that's how long it had been. As Seungmin sat with the revelation the girl kept talking. "I had just broken up with my boyfriend. And he was so hot. But kinda a red flag, so after like two minutes of crying I saw you and remembered there are much bigger problems. You following?”
Seungmin nodded dumbly. He did not understand a word she just said. But he didn’t think it was too important. Hopefully.
“My name is Haeun. Okay?” She said her name so slowly, Seungmin wanted to jump across the room and rip her throat out.
He paused. Maybe that was a bit harsh. He wanted to slap her.
“Can you say Haeun for me? Ready? Haeun.”
Never mind. He was ripping her throat out.
Haeun groaned again. “Fuck. I forgot how difficult you were.”
“I’m not difficult.” He narrowed his eyes. What was this girl on? I mean, sure, it was nice. Having someone talk to him for once. But honestly Seungmin would rather be alone than talk to this bitch. Why was she acting as if they knew each other? They most certainly did not. Seungmin has never known a Haeun. Not even from his childhood.
“Oh my god! Yes, you are!” Haeun shook her head a few times. “If what you did just now wasn’t difficult, what was it?” She rocked herself back and forth a few times, her head still shaking. She stopped suddenly. “Well?”
Seungmin opened and closed his mouth a few times. Who was this girl? “What- I mean- Are you- Did you mean to? Sorry um, what did you ask?”
Haeun looked like he had just asked her how to spell orange. “You know, I think you get more and more annoying each time we meet.”
Incredulity filled Seungmin. What was she on? They had never met? Hello? Did she mistake him for someone else?
“I’m so not in the mood right now-“
“Why? Cause your boyfriend broke up with you?” Seungmin honestly hadn’t even meant to say that. Really. It just…came out. And it kind of felt good. It felt normal. Strong.
Haeun let out another sigh. “I’m letting that one of the hook because I feel bad for you. That’s my only reason, okay? You’re about to go through something super traumatic.”
Seungmin scrunched his face up. “I am not.”
“Oh my god! Yes, you are!”
“How do you know that?”
“I just do!”
"How do you know?"
"I've seen it!"
“What? You’re some type of fortune teller?”
“Sure! If that’s what it’ll take to make you shut up!”
“Wanna know my zodiac sign too? I bet it’ll really help. Then I can know the first letter of my soulmate!”
“You know what. I am so done with you. This is why Number Four was better. This Number Sixteen shit is annoying. Go back to being depressed. Or… Whatever it was you were.” Haeun slightly fell off towards the end of her sentence, as though regretting something she said.
Inwardly, Seungmin felt himself fall even further. Number sixteen? What the fuck did that even mean? But outwardly, he knew he had to remain calm. He'd stuffed up once, and he wasn't going to again. Seungmin raised an eyebrow. “You want me to have a panic attack?”
Haeun spluttered. “That’s not what I said! You’re putting words in my mouth! You barbarian!”
“Barbarian?” He honestly wasn’t even surprised at that point. This girl was weird. But also, slightly, possibly, maybe a little bit fun.
“Look, I have to go, otherwise people are going to get suspicious. I’m on a tight schedule. So, I’m sorry I can’t be here to make sure you don’t spiral too hard. But I’ll be back here tomorrow, at 4:30PM. Okay?”
“Okay?” Haeun had suddenly gotten serious, and it was weird. It didn’t feel right.
“There’s no easy way to say this…”
Seungmin rolled his eyes. Whatever she was about to say surely couldn’t hurt him that bad…Right?
“Seungmin.” Haeun takes a deep breath in. “You’re dead.”
Silence.
Haeun breathes out.
“I’m pretty sure I’d know if I was dead…Just, just so you know.” Seungmin glanced around the room. Looking for something. He wasn’t sure what for yet, but he’d cross that bridge when he got to it.
"No, no. Not that type of dead. You aren't dead yet. But you have died before."
Seungmin was pretty sure that sentence just friend his brain. "What does that even mean? I'm not that type of dead? I know! Because I'm alive!"
Haeun grimaced. "You're...alive. Yes. But not for very long."
Seungmin was shaking. Visibly. He knew that.
“I’m being so serious right now. You’re going to die. You have died. You’re going to keep dying." Haeun looked as though she wanted to comfort him, but something was holding her back.
Seungmin couldn't let his voice be shaky too. He had to be strong. "So? If that's true, what's the point? If I just die anyway?"
"Because I can get you out! I know I can! I can- I can fix this. I'm telling you!" Haeun had this urgency in her eyes, this crazed look.
Seungmin avoided her eyes.
"Each time you die, our world resets, and we need to figure out why.” Seungmin can hear the desperation in her voice. “You and I are the only ones here with consciousness, maybe your members too, but I’m the only one who always remembers.”
Seungmin scoffs. “You expect me to believe that?”
She stops.
Then she stands up.
“I think you’ll believe what benefits you the best.” She smiles on her way out the door. "After all, you always do."
And then Seungmin is alone once more.