Chapter Text
Josh plopped onto his bed, allowing the relatively cool air to relieve his skin from the hot dampness of the bathroom. Even if they were in the heat of summer, he could never bring himself to take a cold shower. Feeling the room grow as warm, Josh reached for the white remote on his nightstand and turned on the air conditioner.
After blow-drying and brushing his hair, Josh looked at himself in the mirror…and smiled.
He cut his hair back to how it used to be. The idea was scary at first, looking like the old, lost version of himself again…but he wasn’t that guy anymore, even if he didn’t think of changing his appearance in the first place. Truth was, he didn’t even have to.
He started wearing logoed T-shirts again. He tugged on the light yellow fabric and inspected the print on it, his gaze calm. It was the logo of his favorite show that he wronged by forcing Kratok-related implications on it. He was glad that it didn’t catch his eye back when he was in the frenzy of setting anything remotely related to that frog on fire.
It wasn’t related to Kratok. He made it to be, but in the end, it wasn’t. It was just his favorite show that he slowly allowed himself to watch again, enjoying it for what it actually was.
He pulled up the shirt to expose his trunk. He hadn’t been picking on his skin that much anymore…erm, minus messing with his hangnails. The little pricks over his torso were healing, some even disappeared completely. It made him release a loud, happy sigh.
“My God!” His mother exclaimed from outside his door. “Josh! How do you not melt in there?!”
Things were going better with his mother, too.
Both their relationship and her, specifically. His father’s face was starting to light up again, too. They were starting to heal. They were starting to grow closer than before. They were starting to build back what was always broken.
He was starting to forgive his mother.
After fixing his shirt and tying his sweatpants’ drawstring, Josh stepped out of his room. “Mom, I’ll be going to the park. Do you need anything?”
“Just come back before dinner, okay?” She smiled, placing the laundry basket in its usual spot. “And stay safe! Remember stranger danger!”
“I’m not ten anymore.” Josh laughed as he rolled his eyes, receiving a playful nose scrunch from his mother. He went to the dressing room then his wardrobe to take out his pair of crocs.
…
Josh went down the sidewalk, his eyes studying the leaves that decorated his neighbors’ front lawns. He paused next to the white jasmines the sweet old lady had planted, the flower open and high to decorate the greenery that protected the comfort of her home. Despite initial hesitation, he leaned in and brought one flower to his nose, taking in its soothing fragrance.
Now he knew exactly what flower shampoo industries used in their products, but the natural thing smelled so much better.
He froze when he heard a sound, his face turning bright red, but it turned out to be a cat that meowed, squeezing itself from among the branches and stepping out of the lady’s lawn.
The two silently stared at each other, before Josh smiled and slowly lowered to its level. The cat stepped back, but when he extended his hand to it, it twitched its ear before it carefully approached, sniffing the tips of fingers before it pressed its forehead against his skin.
Josh’s eyes glistened, holding back his squeal to not disturb the feline. He scratched at its fur, enjoying its softness just as much as the cat enjoyed his contact.
He would’ve loved to carry on, but he needed to go. He felt bad when he withdrew and straightened his legs, the cat looking up at him with a mewl and a wagging tail. He waved goodbye to it before he carried on with his path, already attached and hoping that he would come across it more often.
Finally, he made it to the park. He could already hear the laughter of children and their families from the gate. But Josh didn’t go to the park just to sit on a bench and watch the kids play around. He had his own plan in mind.
He went straight for the lake.
He stood just a small distance away before he lowered to lay on his stomach, his arms holding him up and palms supporting his head. It probably looked weird finding a teenager laying like that, but for crying out loud, he did even weirder things.
The ducklings already swam for their safety when he came too close, but he wasn’t here for them. His eyes studied the smaller, green creatures croaking and hopping among the lily pads: the frogs.
He wasn’t going to lie; his stomach was churning, and the idea of meeting them was anxiety-inducing, but he didn’t want to be scared of them anymore. He didn’t want to associate them with the biggest lie of his life.
Once a lily pad swam closer to him, he extended his open palms. Without even turning its body, the frog jumped onto his hand. Josh immediately froze, his muscles tensed and hands trembling…but he soon relaxed.
Frogs were just frogs. They didn’t have any supernatural powers or assistants, and they surely didn’t force him to believe that.
He gently held the frog between his fingers, staring into its unfocused eyes. He very delicately patted its head with his index and scratched its chin with his thumb. Was that frog feeling anything? Do they even respond to pets like dogs and cats do?
Josh snorted, and he spread his fingers again, allowing the amphibian to jump back into the lake. Eventually, he processed just how weird and slimy its skin felt. He grew compelled to wash his hands in the lake water, and he did just that.
He tucked his hands under his chin, his eyes still fixed on the species. To think that the universe is ruled by one of these things was…bizarre. So very bizarre. Bizarre enough for Josh to burst out laughing at his foolishness on the spot. If only he opened his eyes a little more…
He rolled into his stomach, taking in the cloudy sky above. Oh, how silly. The universe, so organized and harmonious, from the vastness of the galaxies down to the grass bristles under him, wasn’t ruled by a giant frog that was yet to hatch and needed their money for a palace.
Josh stretched his arm to the sky, pretending to catch the rounded cloud in his palm.
He recalled the fragile petals of the Jasmine he smelled. The delicate details on the leaves that surrounded the fences. The patterns on the kitten’s grey fur. Even the rough texture of the frog he held, and the cloud that simply slid out of the side of his fist.
The universe was ruled, organized, created by something far, far greater.
…
Josh’s screen lit up, the reminder for his medications displayed.
He poked the pills out of the films, now a casual part of his routine rather than a lifeline. After he swallowed and logged them in his ‘Health’ app, Josh placed his phone on the bed…but remained still for a moment.
Then he picked it up again.
This time, he went for his ‘Journal’ app and tapped on the ‘New Entry’ button:
‘Today marks one year since my OCD diagnosis.
Honestly, I thought I would be doing completely okay by now, like nothing had ever happened, but it seems like I really underestimated the layers within.
But I’m doing better now. I’m doing so much better now. A year ago, I wouldn’t have thought that I would ever reach this point. But here I am!
And I’m not the weird, frog-obsessed Josh anymore. I’m glad I’m not that Josh anymore. I’m not the insane, out-of-his-mind Josh that was eating at himself from the inside out to seek freedom and purification, either.
I’m the real, slightly-less-crazy Josh now.
And I’m glad that I am.’
He put his phone back down, a smile curling up his lips. He stood up with a relieved huff before he went for his desk and took his seat.
He was preparing for his SATs now. He still didn’t know what he wanted to major in, but he had around a year and a half to figure that out.
He thought of becoming a psychiatrist or a therapist, helping people figure themselves out just like how he wanted to be helped. But would he withstand 5 years of general surgery and borderline gore just for that moment? Would he be able to handle the weight of people’s traumas above his own?
He hummed in thought, tapping the eraser end of hus mechanical pencil against his bottom lip. Well, the answer to that question wasn’t going to solve the practice tests for him. He dragged the large book and opened the pages where his bookmark resided.