Chapter Text
Insecurities
By: Orika
Why did I do that? I'm so stupid… stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid… How did it turn out like this?
- The woes of Len Kagamine
Len was looking at his watch eager for the day to end. It was the last day of class of the week. He was looking forward to this weekend because it was their anniversary. He hasn't Rin for a while. She was sleeping over with her friend Gumi and not the dorms, because she they were working on a project.
He reached the lockers and was hurrying in putting away his things, except for the ones he needed.
Rin had been busy these days; they had an event of fashion runway. She had been pulling an all-nighter according to Gumi. He doesn't understand why Gumi reports to him, it's not like he wants to know what Rin's been doing…
No, that has been lie. The reports were a welcome relief; it's not that he doesn't trust Rin. But he just can't seem to let go of this inane fear that Rin will find someone better than him.
Someone who's about her age and can be with her all the time… Be reliable and can help her out and the list goes on and on. He had confessed all of this to Gumi without thinking. He couldn't tell anyone, not his friends, they'd go telling Rin the instant they find out. Not his parents… Especially his dad, he doesn't want to have that "The bees and flower" talk again. Definitely not Rin, she already has too much on her plate with her college studies and he didn't want to be a clingy boyfriend.
Gumi had laughed in his face and he wanted to cry there and then. But then Gumi said; "You know… Rin keeps her phone with her by the time 8 o'clock comes. She glances at her phone checking often. And when 9 come and you still haven't called she makes the initiative to call you instead. She clearly loves you, what are you being worried about?"
The reassurance was nice and all but doesn't actually alleviate his insecurities entirely. Its Rin's voice that's at the other end of the line, every night that does. But afterwards when he's lying in bad he wonders. If there will be a time when his phone doesn't ring in the night or when it does it will be the end of his precious relationship with Rin.
If their relationship were to end, Len was sure there was no way; he would be able to look at Rin and not cry or see her with another guy. And he thought of the time he was thinking of giving up on her for her happiness. Was he really that stupid? Giving her up when he could barely think of her with another guy, what was he a masochist?
Len's friends seem to think he's obsessing too much with his time with Rin because he doesn't go hang out with them that often anymore. They would make jokes about Rin dumping him because of his too much clinging. He supposed that's when the worry started. Of course they had no idea, what they had planted on his mind…
Len then reached the mall and was near the meet up place. He stopped in his tracks. There at the distance he saw Rin's back and she was talking to a guy. He was taller than her, with blue hair and wears a blue long scarf. Rin talking to a guy wasn't what made him stop. It was when the guy had kissed Rin on her cheeks.
Len felt his heart beating faster, that it was hurting too much. What was going on? Was Rin cheating on him? No! No! Rin would never do that! His mind was buzzing. He needs to get out of here. He stumbled through the crowd farther away from Rin. He didn't know where he was going. The only thing that was on his mind; 'It's over… It's over… It's over…'
Len came to because of the tune that finally snapped his thoughts. He looks at his surroundings and found himself sitting at the swing. The playground he and Rin used to play with. Noticing that his phone was ringing he took it out of his pocket.
The caller ID read "My Princess", it was Rin. Len clutch the phone in his hand, he can't talk to her right now. If he did he would certainly cry like the crybaby he is in front of her, he never showed that side of him to anyone, only Rin knows. He only did the only thing he could, he switched his phone off. He sighed and stood from the swing and began walking home.
"I'm home…" Len said as he closed the front door. He was then surprise by the familiar voice he heard.
"Len…!" There stood Rin tears running down her face. "Where were you?! I've been calling you for hours; you weren't answering your phone! I've called Gumiya and Piko, they said you left quickly to meet me. Where have you been?"
Len gulped what had he been doing? He was going to meet Rin, why didn't he meet Rin again? Oh, yeah that's right, he remembered now. But maybe what he saw was a misunderstanding.
"I'm fine… Sorry for not showing up. I didn't feel well suddenly." Len said not looking at Rin. The silence lay heavy between them. There were murmurs from behind Rin, but it didn't register as the heavy air continued between them.
"Are you sick?" Len suddenly felt hands fiddling with his face checking his temperature and he noticed how they were shaking. He held her hands; he can't handle this right now. His emotions are too raw.
"I said I'm fine… I'm just not feeling well right now. Can you just go home, Rin?" He said in a snappy tone.
"Len Kagamine! That is no way to speak to someone who came here worrying about you!" Mrs. Kagamine said.
"Ah, no, it's alright auntie. Len is just not feeling… Ah, I better go… It's a good thing I decided to stay home this weekend." Rin said her voice was wobbling. She quickly left shutting the door behind her.
Len quickly went up the stairs to his room, ignoring the calls of his mother. He was suddenly feeling really sick right now.
They didn't talk the entire weekend… It's actually been a month since that dreadful scene at Len's house. They weren't any contact from Rin and he was too afraid to call her. Afraid she might blow the gasket and break up with him. Sort of like what Gumi did.
"I can't believe you, Len! How could you do that to Rin?! After everything I've told you, you seriously have issues mister! Better fix them up and apologize to Rin or else…"
Yeah, that last part certainly wasn't going to be nice and he stopped calling Gumi. To be honest though he deserved the blow in the gasket, he was fine with that as long as the latter doesn't happen.
Gumiya and Piko had been nagging at him about what happened, when they were alone, they had a feeling there was a fight, what with Rin calling them frantically looking for Len. The two weren't that stupid to know to keep it a secret to everyone. His fan girls were still around. Imagine the trouble that would cause if they find out. When they couldn't get a pip out of him, they changed their tactics from consoling to offering advises.
"Dude… I'm sure, she's not that angry. Rin is a cool dudette, she doesn't stay angry for long. Just say you're sorry… Beg on your belly if you have to." Piko said.
"Yeah, I'm sure she's missing you. So, just buy her flowers and chocolates… On second thought, screw the flowers and buy chocolates lots of it. She'll forgive you in an instant." Gumiya advised.
Len knew that his friends were helping him out because he looked terrible. He hadn't been sleeping well and it's very obvious, most people just don't know the reason and he would clam shut if anyone had asked.
It was currently Sunday and Len had laid in all day as usual, when there was a knock on the door. He breathe in.
"Len, sweetie can I talk to you for a moment." Mrs. Kagamine said from the other side.
Len released the breath he had been holding and told his mother, okay. His mother entered the room and sat on his bed. Thank goodness she didn't pat him on the bed anymore, which would've been embarrassing.
"Len, sweetheart… Mama is worried about you. You've been depressed ever since your fight with Rin. Are you two still fighting?" Mrs. Kagamine asked.
"I haven't seen Rin, mama." Len said bitterly. "She's in college remember. She's probably too busy to contact me…"
"You mean you don't know?" Mrs. Kagamine looked at Len surprised.
"What don't I know?" Len asked bewildered as well. What was he supposed to know? That he was a horrible boyfriend? He already knew that.
"Rin has been commuting home sweetheart." Mrs. Kagamine said. "She has been for a month now."
"What?" Len exclaimed sitting up and looking at his mother. All this time worrying over Rin being consoled by some… When she was just next door within reach. "But isn't it a bit difficult to commute to school?" He was looking at the house next door, the window which curtains were drawn closed. It was drawn closed as it always has been since Rin's move to college.
"She probably didn't want to be away from you, while this fight is going on? Really, sweetheart what really happened that day?" Mrs. Kagamine asked.
"I don't wanna talk about it." Len said.
"No…" Mrs. Kagamine said firmly. "We are talking about this right now." Len gulped, his mother can be scary when she gets serious. "I don't what had happened that day, Len. But I certainly didn't like how you were very rude to Rin, when the girl had been looking for you in a frantic. Honestly, you all gave us a fright that day."
Len looked down feeling guilty. "I'm sorry…"
"Hmmm? I don't think I'm the one who you should be saying sorry to." Mrs. Kagamine said and was waiting for Len to tell her everything.
"Well… I saw Rin with a guy and he kissed her." Len explained.
"What?!" Mrs. Kagamine couldn't believe what she had just heard. Sweet little Rin cheating on Len, there must be some mistake. "When was this?" Her hands was clutching each other.
"When we were supposed to have a date. I saw this guy with her at our meeting place." Len said sounding so bitter. "And he was kissing her."
Mrs. Kagamine sighed, that doesn't sound right. "Well, sweetheart I don't know what to say. Only that, if Rin is really cheating on you, she's doing a poor job of it. No woman would let herself be caught cheating, straight at the time of meeting with her boyfriend she's cheating on." Len looked at his mother stupefied. "Don't underestimate dramas sweetheart, they are based on true to life situation sometimes." She added.
"Anyways, why don't you talk over it with Rin?" Mrs. Kagamine suggested. "It's probably just a misunderstanding."
"I… I don't know how?" Len said biting his lower lip. "She probably doesn't want to talk."
Mrs. Kagamine smiled softly, her baby was such a worry-wart. He'd probably get angry too, if she tell him that. "Sweetie, Rin has been coming home instead of the school dorms. She's just waiting for you."
"Huh…" Len muttered lost.
"Ok, why don't you buy some groceries for me and we'll think about how to get Rin here to talk." Mrs. Kagamine suggested.
"Well-" Len said but was cut off.
"I'm not exactly giving you an option young man." Mrs. Kagamine said a brow at him. Len sighed and nodded, he can't exactly say no to his mother not when she raises her brow like that at him.
The grocery wasn't too crowded, his problem was the strange list of grocery items his mom had given him. Looking over the list of groceries and that was quite a long list.
"Is mama trying to make a feast or something?" Len mumbled trying to find the lane he was looking for. And found it browsing at the items he sighed.
Len was looking at the chocolates in front of him, deciding on which he should by. He remembered Gumiya's advice and decided to take it. The question was what chocolate was he going to buy? There were many different kinds and he didn't know what to get. He rarely got Rin chocolates, he always got her hair accessory. He was preoccupied when…
"Len…"
Len breathe in, he seems to be doing that a lot this day. He turned to the sound of the voice. He hasn't seen her for a month now… No, that wasn't right, it's more like he hadn't heard from her for a month now.
"Hey Rin…" He said.
"Grocery shopping too?" Rin said looking at his push cart.
"You too?" Len said looking at her push cart.
"I don't actually think mum will be needing these." Rin said showing Len the long list of grocery items. He then looked at his and cannot help but chuckle.
"Mothers…" They both chimed.
Rin parked her push cart at the side and left it there. Len returned to looking over the chocolates. The hell, since he didn't know what to get he grabbed what he could and they were a lot and different brands too. They walked then heading to the counter…
"Want some help?" Rin asked looking at the armful of chocolates.
"No, I got it." Len replied quickly. Then thought for a while and bit his lip. Here was his chance. "Hey, will you wait for me?" Waiting for the rejection.
"Sure…" Rin said smiling awkwardly and walked a little bit closer to him.
Len checked out his items and they left the store with a giggling cashier muttering about the wonders of youth.
"Do you have time?" Len asked.
"Plenty…" Rin simply said.
They headed to the park and sat at the swings. No one had said anything during the trip and even as they sat at the swings. The silence was deafening.
"Rin ahh… About what happened?" Len said.
"I was really worried…" Rin cut him off. "I waited for hours, and then I started calling everyone, and when you do show up you snapped at me." She added standing up from the swing.
Rin was angry, oh shit, Rin was angry and it was making Len panic.
"I know, I know… I'm sorry about that." Len said following her motions dropping the bag of chocolates.
"Screw that! A month of no contact, no explanation, Len!" Rin was screaming.
Rin had never screamed at him. She does raise her voice but scream… No she has never done that, and it wasn't pretty. She sounded like… Like she was fed up… with him, was she going to break-up with him?
Len's vision was getting blurry. His chest was hurting… Everything was hurting. Rin was still screaming but he can't register what she was saying. He moved forward arms outstretch, bumping to the softness of Rin and wrapping his arms around her. Afraid that if he lets go she'll leave and disappear from his life. They stumbled and fell on the ground.
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I was being stupid (hic). I saw a guy kissing you and I couldn't help it. There are probably so many guys (hic) at your school who are more reliable… (hic) than me. Always waiting for your call… Afraid that when you do call (hic) was to b-break up (hic)..." I bawled out. "I'm sorry Rin… (hic) I'm sorry… I'll do better…" I added the promises.(1)
"Len… what are you saying (sniff)?" Rin said in a wobbly voice. "You don't need to do better (hic). Y-you're perfect to me… I was… S-scared I thought we were b-breaking up. I-I was waiting for y-you, thinking… As long as y-you weren't saying it, we're still (hic). I l-love you… (Hic) still do…"(2)
"Me too…" Feeling the warmth of her arms around me… They laid there crying, glad that they weren't actually breaking up. Looking at each other's ugly crying(3) but happy faces. After staying in such an awkward position for a while, they realized where they were.
"Rin, I think we better go, before (sniff, sniff) someone reports us to the police." Len suggested.
"Yeah, you're right. (hic)" Rin agreed.
When they got home… Surprise, surprise their parents were not home. And there was no way to contact them… Not to mention Rin has been locked out of her own house. She didn't think to bring her keys because well, her mother was home of course. Len on the other hand had been forced to bring his, courtesy of his scary "mama". Those sly, little… Len invited Rin to his house instead and now they were at the table eating dinner across each other.
"At least Mrs. Kagamine left some dinner for us to eat." Rin commented. "Strange, why they're eating out when there's dinner here."
"Rin, can be so naïve…" Len commented to which Rin tilted her head looking at him. "Never mind, it's one of your cute traits after all."
While they were doing the dishes Rin wondered about the all the chocolates Len bought earlier.
"Hey, Len… What were you going to do with those chocolates?" Rin asked looking at the bag of chocolates sitting at the counter.
"Oh, ahh…" Len said… then mumbled something.
"Hah? Speak louder I can't hear you." Rin said going closer to Len.
"It's an apology gift Gumiya said it's a sure way to be forgiven." Len explained in one breath.
"Ahhh… But those are too much…" Rin said reddening. "How about we make a fondue. It's and easy enough treat." She added smiling.
So, Len melted the chocolate while Rin cut some fruits, Mrs. Kagamine made it a rule to not let Rin do any cooking after she burned her favorite saucepan which up to this date they still had no idea how she did. They then ascended to Len's room and ate their dessert and some unexpected added dessert behind closed, double checked, locked door(4).
So the whole grocery thing was of course planned out by their meddling mothers. Regardless Rin and Len had thanked them without telling what for. By the giggles their mothers gave, it was obvious that they knew. And of course, Rin and Len had just to have a heart attack from extreme embarrassment the next morning, when they had joined their mothers for breakfast at the Kagamine's household.
It went like this, they were eating a peaceful breakfast, and the fathers were at work of course. Rin and Len had decided to be absent because their eyes were still puffy red from crying yesterday. They thank their lucky stars their mothers didn't say anything about those, when…
"I hope you used protection…" Mrs. Kagamine suddenly said.
Rin but choked on her drink and Len beet red screamed at his mother. "Mama!"
"Oh, don't give us that you two. We have been through that with your fathers too, you know." Mrs. Shimoda chimed while putting butter on her toast.
"Mum!" Rin choked.
"Been there, done that, wore the t-shirt, sweetheart." Mrs. Kagamine then sipped her coffee.
"Make-up sex is always refreshing after a nasty fight between couples." Mrs. Shimoda said to which Mrs. Kagamine nodded in agreement.
Rin broke first; "Please don't tell dad." She pleaded with her mother. Len on the other hand groaned on his hands like a sinner begging for mercy.
"Of course, I won't sweetie. Your father is bound to throw little Len to an ocean infested shark, if he finds out. I certainly want him to live long enough to see my grand babies." Mrs. Shimoda said.
"I want plenty but not too much~" Mrs. Kagamine agreed like she wasn't worried about her son being possibly murdered by her (ahem) future in-law.
Len then whined; "Oh, gads." And here they were thinking on how to get rid of the evidence in his room.
The two of them decided to just burn the sheet in the bathroom. When Mr. Kagamine had commented about the smell, Mrs. Kagamine simply said that she used too much incense stick to get rid of the biting mosquitos, which sounded dirty to Len's ears.
A few weeks later, Len had met the guy he saw kissing Rin and was horrified to find out that Shion Kaito, which was his name by the way… Rin's classmate was in fact gay, and his kissing Rin's cheeks had been a normal sistership(5) greeting.
Then Len was scarred to life when Kaito was flirting on him. Rin's reprimand of; "Kaito! That's my boyfriend, hands off." Fell on deaf ears.
A little later Len kept on apologizing to Rin, to which she had no idea what he was apologizing about, and Len was too ashamed to explain.
"Neh, Len… It's so late don't you have school tomorrow." Rin said looking at her digital clock. "I mean later…" She rephrased seeing it was one in the morning. She had Len on speaker phone connected to a Bluetooth speaker.
"What about you?" Len asked still not quite sleepy.
"My class starts at 9 unlike you who has a fix schedule." Rin said.
"What are you wearing, Rin?" Len asked out of the blue he wasn't ready to let go of her yet.
"Ummm… pj's the night's been cold lately." Rin said.
"Awww, want me to warm you up…" Len said from the other line.
"Ah gads, go to sleep you two." Gumi said from the other side of the wall. "When you two start talking like that, it's going to end up in phone sex. That's dandy and all, just please don't do it when I can hear it from here. Now I want a boyfriend too!"
"Go to sleep Gumi!" Somewhere in the house echoed.
The end