Chapter Text
When her mother did like asked the following day, consciously not providing her daughter with compulsory reassurance through pictures and text messages, Nancy's anxiety grew, but she was dealing much better with it than she'd imagined.
Until noon arrived. That's when her mind came up with the most horrible, vivid and distressing images of what her family could be doing in that moment.
Sucking in a harsh breath, which did not fill her lungs as much as she needed it to, she grabbed her phone and scurried into one of the bathroom stalls, sitting down on the closed toilet lid. She would just put her jogging pants in the laundry afterwards. There were more pressing matters on hand right now.
She eyed her phone, her fingers naturally moving to unlock it and open her messages, opening the chat with her mom immediately.
She could just text her. Ask if everything was okay.
Whether Holly got home safely.
No, that was too straightforward.
They just settled for this new "exposure therapy", which would fit the name torture therapy way better, yesterday. Her mom had seemed thrilled when Dr. Kelley initiated her to the whole reason behind it. Finally some real action that lead to some immediate results. Those words were all Nancy could see when looking at her mother then.
She must've been tired of her baseless struggles, of course she was, and finally someone seemed to do something, and she'd get her perfect, doll-like daughter back. The golden shield of the Wheeler family to present to outsiders.
No. She couldn't do this to her. Couldn't ruin her hope. Her expectations.
Pressing her eyes shut, she forced away her finger that had been hovering over the call button. One click and she'd be reassured. One click and she'd feel better- At least for a few minutes.
After that it'd just be something else. It was a never-ending story. Her mind just wouldn't stop, maybe couldn't even. Perhaps it'd found such great joy in suffering that it now yearned the process of putting itself through torture.
However, if her brain enjoyed it, wouldn't she do too? And she definitely, definitely, did not. Not one bit.
What a beautiful dream it would be to never have intrusive thoughts again, never feel the need to follow her compulsions again, and to never again get lost in the brutality and reality of the dreadful pictures bombarding her mind on a constant.
Car crashes, accidents on the way to the supermarket, at school, at home.
A sudden heart attack, respiratory problems, a fire raging at home, a cutting accident while cooking, drowning in the bathtub, and so on and so on, it was insane.
Her biggest fear was something occurring to Holly.
Something terrible.
Getting followed and kidnapped on the way to school, getting hit by a car and not being given a fuck about, getting hurt in school, whether it was by accident or intended. Being pushed while walking with scissors (she'd funneled in the correct way of holding scissors since Holly was able to listen), choking on her food, swallowing something she shouldn't, out of their medicine cabinet, which was always locked, and she always had to check, but she wasn't there now, was she, and fuck.
There was so much that could happen, any day, any minute, no matter where she was and what she was doing.
For all she knew, Holly could be dead right now.
And Nancy wouldn't know it.
Hell, she'd be the one responsible for it. Only because she'd been convinced to try this. Which was bullshit, nobody had convinced her to do anything, it was all on her own account. Because after listening to her therapist talk to her mother, even she, Nancy, had allowed herself to be optimistic and open for once in a lifetime, only for a second, and believe this would work.
That somehow, it'd all get better.
Bullshit.
The first day wasn't even over and every single smidge of faith that this plan would magically work out fell to pieces.
She just was done for. She wouldn't get better, she was sure of it.
And it was okay. She'd learn to live with it. As long as Holly and her family was safe, she'd take the responsibility upon herself.
Their wellbeing was more important.
With one last glance at the zero notifications on her phone, she put it into her back pocket, letting out a sigh.
She could do this.
They were safe.
Everything was okay.
As her trembling fingers reached for the tap to wash her hands, she looked at herself. If her thirteen year old self could see her right now, Nancy wouldn't be sure what she'd think of her older, current self.
There was no light in her eyes, no matter how hard she'd try around Holly to make her joy seem honest. All her reflection granted her was a pale, frail-looking girl with heavy eyebags, whose expression screamed, 'I don't want to be here!'
Whatever.
Not like she had to look good in here.
Nobody seemed to care how anyone was walking through the hallways in this house. Hell, Robin had spent her entire weekend in pajamas, not bothering to change for breakfast or dinner.
No one was going to bat an eye on Nancy's too big hoodie, and her washed out jogging pants. Her parents probably never would've let her leave the house like this. "You want people to think this is your attitude?", they'd say, not allowing her to argue, because what exactly was it about a hoodie that scremed apathetic, lazy teenager that didn't give a fuck about anything?
Only thinking back to this particular dispute had her rolling her eyes. As much as she missed her family, or rather was anxious for them, there definitely were upsides to this whole residential thing.
After drying her hands with a paper towel, she shot her reflection one last glance and eventually reached for the door.
"Hey, Nancy!", a voice called her as she was just stepping out of the bathroom and onto the hallway.
"Hi", she shot Jonathan a smile, a genuine one. The intensity of it, though, lessened visibly when she realised that Robin was walking close behind him. The girl's expression was nothing but a resting bitch face.
"You okay?"
She blinked and shifted her attention to the boy.
"Me? Yeah, why?"
"No reason", he shrugged and ran his hand through his hair.
Before she could say anything else, he spoke again, "You know, or maybe- probably not, but next saturday is the 10th anniversary of, well, everything here, and we're about to brainstorm and plan some surprise for my mom, like this giant gesture, with decoration, food, flowers and stuff-"
"And you're only starting this now?", Nancy asked with a lighthearted smirk.
It was only supposed to be a joke, but as soon as she saw Robin rolling her eyes behind Jonathan's back, her own face hardened instantly.
Letting out an awkward huffing sound, Jonathan rubbed his neck sheepishly, muttering, "Yeah, that's- that's probably our fault, we're very high on procrastination-"
"What he means by that is that he was the one who repeatedly postponed our planning session and put it off until the very last second", scowled Robin, shooting the boy an annoyed glance.
Jonathan blushed. "Well- I, uhh-"
"C'mon now!", the girl groaned and shoved him by the shoulder. The force of it made him take a few steps, before he suddenly stopped, as if remembering something super important.
"Wait, wait, Nance- Nancy"
His eyes met hers and her skin was suddenly burning.
"Do you wanna help us?"
Robin immediately casted a glare at the boy, her exasperated expression not at all subtle.
"She's probably busy", she muttered through her gritted teeth.
The other girl squinted at the words for a second, before wildly nodding her head, "Yeah, I have so much uhm.. stuff.. to do"
Shit.
She really was the worst liar.
In reality, she had nothing else to do than to drown in her anxious thoughts until going to sleep. If she got any at all today.
Jonathan grinned knowingly, "Well.. you can do your stuff later then, c'mon", their eyes locked again. "I'd really like you to hear your opinion on some of the ideas."
The genuiness in the boy's tone made her heart stutter.
"Okay", she shot him a small smile, which he returned big time.
"Nice! C'mon, we'll go to my room", he motioned to the stairs, letting her walk first, closely followed by him and lastly Robin, who was grumbling something incoherent.
Great.
This was just great.
Robin's nails were digging into the skin of her palm as she eyed them. Nancy was sitting on her heels, with the boy close to her left. His limbs constantly shifted to get closer to her. Not extremely, invading-your-personal-space close, but close enough. Close and pressing enough for Robin to notice.
What was that idiot doing? Jonathan wasn't seriously trying to start anything with that girl, was he?
Oh my god, if only he knew.
If only she knew.
That would definitely result in.. something.
She could picture the disaster perfectly.
If it wasn't so devastating, it'd almost be funny.
"So like only us and her?", Nancy asked, eyes skimming through his notes. Which were exactly 3 sentences long. Robin rolled her eyes internally and averted her gaze down to her socks, realizing she had somehow gotten a hole into them.
Ugh. Those were her favorites. They had little sushi on them.
Jonathan shrugged, "I mean, I don't know, she would probably want everyone to be there, or at least Hopper, but Will thinks if we invite him but none of the others it'd be mean."
The girl hummed in response.
"What do you think?"
A moment of silence passed, and Robin brought her knees closer to her chest, letting her head rest on them.
She was so goddamn tired of everything at the moment. Nothing was wrong in particular. Yet still.. All of it felt like it was.
Just when she began to wonder why Nancy was letting the poor boy hanging for so long and didn't just answer him, Jonathan's voice piped up again.
"Robin?"
She lifted her head at them, brows furrowed.
"Huh?"
"Your opinion? Yes or no to inviting everyone?"
Wait, had she been that lost in thought that she missed Nancy's point of view?
"Uhh-", her mind did a quick rundown.
"Everyone..?", she offered with a bit of hesitation, which immediately disappeared as soon as she distangled her limbs, sat up straighter and continued. "You know she sees every single one of them as family, and an indispensable part of everything, pillar of strength and all, so I think it'd only be fair to her and them."
"Alright", he nodded, squinting at his notes. "Then we definitely need more of.. everything"
"Sorry-", Nancy chimed in, fumbling with her necklace. "Maybe that's an inappropriate question for me to ask, but who's going to pay for this?"
"Everyone", the other girl shrugged. "We chipped in our allowance."
"You obviously don't have to do that!", Jonathan instantly assured her. Robin fought the urge to hit him. Newbie's mother had driven a brand new car yesterday, and an expensive looking one, too. While she knew a lot about all kinds of stuff, her knowledge ended at cars. Brands, body styles and purpose, nevermind the fuel types- She'd made no effort to learn about any of that. Why should she? It wasn't like she was ever going to just get a drivers license and buy herself one.
But theirs had seemed like a rich people car to own. Aside from that, their whole appearance screamed rich family. Or at least upper middle class. It was all the same to Robin.
So paying a few dollars for a good cause, for the woman that she seemed to adore soo much, would definitely not hurt Ms. Rich-kid.
"We really appreciate you helping us plan this at all", Jonathan kept talking, smiling dopily.
How far back could one roll their eyes? Maybe she'd turn blind and wouldn't have to look at Jon throwing himself at the girl and make a total fool out of himself any longer. This was so painful to watch, she had to force back a groan.
"We have more than enough anyways", she said instead. "Can we carry on?"
The list was long after all.
Invitations. Decor: Tableware, decorations for the room, lighting. Music. Drinks. And most importantly, food.
"We could use the high ceiling for streamers", Nancy suggested after they discussed the first few points of the list.
"If we put them all to meet in the center, it'll create that 'tent' effect."
Okay yeah, that was a pretty good idea..
Robin nodded, "Yeah, and you know those paper fan thingies? We could add them too"
"Maybe a banner as well?", Nancy continued.
"Yeah and balloons too, maybe to form a giant garland-"
"Yes!", Nancy beamed. "This wall", she pointed her finger at the quick sketch of the dining room, "we can use for a photo area, if people wanna take pictures. And this one, we could cover with curtains to-"
"Change the color of the room!", finished Robin excitedly. She couldn't wait for Joyce's reaction to all this!
Nancy met her eyes over the shitty sketch.
"Exactly"
"Okay okay, I get it, you're a match, but I need a few breaths in between", Jonathan said, his hand never slowing down as he wrote down everything the girls just had proposed. "Wait a sec"
Robin grinned and shot an amused eye-roll to Nancy, who chuckled in response. Their gazes lingered on each other, some kind of invisible force keeping Robin from turning away.
It was the first time since meeting Nancy that her eyes radiated total excitement and joy, making them glow in all their blue glory.
It suited her well.
As well as anyone else, obviously.
It was, after all, a scientifically supported fact that people were perceived as more attractive when they were happy.
The girls were still holding each other's gazes, and before it turned awkward, Robin decided to flicker her a small smile. A bit of kindness could never hurt after all.
Too her surprise, Nancy instantly reciprocated her smile, her expression almost.. relieved?
Robin's stomach dropped, and that's when she finally broke their eye contact, averting her gaze to the list Jonathan was writing.
Had she been a complete, unreasonable bitch? If she pulled herself together, they both could share more moments like these and lesser that were full of awkwardness and unnameable tension.
They were actually agreeing on things. For some strange reason.
It this very moment, Robin could've even imagined a growing friendship between her and her roommate.. But then again.. She really didn't desire being a friend of some homophobe.
It was so easy to forget sometimes, because Nancy just didn't seem like it. She didn't appear to be everything that Robin was not. The opposite was the case even- In some aspects, the girl reminded her of herself.
But no, Robin forced herself to get her feet back on the ground. Why would she want to be friends with someone that wouldn't accept her? It would only end in tears and heartache, why start a friendship that was doomed from the beginning? Only a total masochist would enjoy that, which she was not, contrary to Eddie's claims.
"Okay, I really hope I got everything you said, buut..", Jonathan's eyes flew over his notes, "looks good. We will have plenty of.. everything", he chuckled. "Could one of you create a list where the others can sign up to help with things? What, when and where?"
"Yeah, I can do that", Nancy nodded immediately.
"Amazing, thank you", he smiled sheepishly, and Robin could feel the vomit rising in her throat.
"Uhm, for buying the decoration", Jonathan continued, "I've searched around for a bit and HomeGoods has a 20% off event this Saturday, maybe one of us and some others could buy some deco there."
"Yes sure", Nancy agreed again, and Robin threw in hastily, "I can do that, too!"
Both teens turned to look at her.
"Aren't you working on Saturday?", Jonathan asked.
"Well yeah, but not like the whole day and I could ask someone to cover for me for some-"
He shook his head, "Nah, c'mon, it's easier if Nancy just does it. Why the hassle?"
In response to her death glare, the boy just shrugged. Not in a mean way, he was probably only being rational, but-
She could absolutely kill him right now.
"I feel like we also need something like, I don't know, boom and something appears, something spectacular", Jonathan moved his hands in an absurd, dramatic gesture, making Nancy giggle.
"I want her to be speechless- In a positive way of course", the two shared a laugh, while Robin's stare was directed back to her socks.
"My brother", Nancy started excitedly, "he had this fog machine for his 10th birthday and the kids absolutely loved it"
"That's so cool!", Jonathan replied, sounding equally thrilled. Nancy smiled at him, and he smiled back, seemingly getting lost in it, before suddenly shaking his head.
"Great idea, but we uhm, yeah no, we can't do that here", he said more sternly, his eyes moving.
Nancy followed his line of sight, which landed on Robin, who held his gaze for a few seconds before averting her eyes, and started playing with her rings. The only thing she noticed before lowering her head was the slight furrow of Nancy's eyebrows.
Please don't ask, please don't ask, please don't ask.
"That's fine, it was only an idea", Nancy put on a smile, which was clearly fake and clearly longing to know.
Great.
Of course. And now she was going to wonder why the hell they couldn't get a damn fog machine in here, and would obviously be too polite to ask, already getting her journalistic-newspaper-questions ready to find out why. Or she'd just ask Jonathan behind her back some other time. Terrific.
Just because he couldn't keep his mouth shut, or at least not look at her like she was the reason the earth had exploded??
Ugh.
Please just don't let her overthink that, Robin thought.
"Okay, then..", Jonathan broke the momentary silence, "..food?"
He looked between both girls. "As far as I know mom wanted to bake a cake herself, as a small little something, so I'm not sure if we should get another one?"
Robin just shrugged, earning a sigh from him.
"I mean why not, if everyone we invite is actually attending, it'd be safer to have more on hand", Nancy argued, and Jonathan agreed.
"Totally", he tapped his pen against the list. "Then I'm gonna order one from that one bakery on Hickory Street, and pick it up on Saturday"
"Why not bake it ourselves?"
Robin shot Nancy an incredulous stare, "Are you actively searching for more external stressors?"
"No but- I like baking..", she shook her head, "It's fine, I just thought maybe we could save some expenses or get something else instead"
"I mean if you're totally okay with that?", Jonathan asked, wanting to be sure. He probably couldn't imagine anyone baking for fun either.
Letting out a breathy laugh, Nancy mused, "As long as you're not expecting a three-tier cake with three different fillings, because then you'd be very disappointed. But I can try two tiers"
"You really don't have to stress yourself about it, just do one you're comfortable with."
"Okay"
"Great, that's settled, thanks so much. Truly", he smiled at her. "Robin certainly would be happy to help"
Said girl barked out a laugh, huffing, "Very funny", before noticing the weird looks from both Nancy and Jonathan. Well, his one seemed a tad bit irritated.
"Sorry, but I know my strengths and also my weaknesses, and baking is definitely one of them."
Her roommate just waved her off, her face regaining composure, "That's fine, I prefer doing it on my own anyways."
Aha.
They drifted off to different food choices, from pizza rolls to halloumi sticks, chips and dips, some fruits and candy.
"Okay, I got Doritos, Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch, Potato Chips, classic, M&M's-"
"Sour Cream too"
"What?"
"Sour Cream & Onion chips. Write that down", she ordered.
"Okay", he sighed, writing it down, before he continued, "Peanut Butter Cups, Skittles and maybe Popcorn."
"I want Oreos too"
"Seriously?"
"Yes??"
He shook his head, but with a grin tugging at the corner of his lips.
"You want any extra requests too Nancy?", he turned to the girl, who Robin hadn't even noticed, had quieted down. She appeared to be deeply lost in thought.
Furrowing her eyebrows, Robin watched as Jonathan calmly waved his hand in front of her, "Nancy?"
Suddenly, the girl startled, lifting her gaze to stare at them both.
"Huh, what? Sorry I, uh, kinda spaced out", she muttered, and received some reassurance by Jonathan in return, "That's no problem at all. You wouldn't believe how often this happens to Robin."
"Asshole"
He grinned at her, then turned back to Nancy.
"Anything in particular you'd like to eat?"
"Oh no, I'm good with the things you've already got", she spoke instantly, her voice somewhat strained.
"You sure? Maybe there's some-"
"I'm sure", she broke him off sternly, and forced a smile onto her face quickly after. "Thank you though"
Jonathan nodded, giving her a hesitant smile.
Oookay.. Sure.
Robin had noticed the girl's odd behavior around food, not giving it as much as a second thought. It was nothing special in here. The unspoken rule was not to talk to those who struggled about it, unless they initiated it.
As long as Nancy didn't puke inside of their room or did some other disgusting stuff, she didn't care. She didn't care about her.
Screw Steve, screw Eddie, screw them for thinking the girl could do anything to make Robin care about her. The only thing she wanted was to keep her friends safe. And she definitely did not want one of her friends falling for someone as fake and shallow as Nancy.
However, of course, no one else had clocked her real self. How should they? It was like she claimed to be a fairy but in reality she was the villain that had casted a spell over everyone, like some kind of magic, evil, thick-skinned bubble to prevent them from seeing the real version of her.
Ugh. Robin really shouldn't have read so many of those fantasy stories Will had lent her.
Did Nancy irritate the hell out of her? Yes. Did that make her care about the girl? Nope. Not one tiny bit. If the girl stayed for 3 more months or left tomorrow, Robin wouldn't care any way.
Second option all the way, though. She still was allowed to prefer one, right?
Seeing Nancy sit on the porch with Joyce, cups of tea in their hands, when it was Robin who had first started doing that with her- It wasn't like that ritual only belonged to them. But Nancy was still new and it just.. felt wrong.
Max's first choice to cook with turned out to be Nancy now too, so it was Jane's preference as well.
Dustin and Will seemed equally thrilled by her, or rather the fact she used to play their little game when she was in middle school, too. Hah. So Nancy was a nerd after all? Plus, her brother was apparently still into the whole thing, and was the same age as the boys, so they begged her to connect them all. That was that.
Side-eyeing the girl who now fiddled with her necklace again, Robin bit at her lip.
She didn't seem to be able to make her mind up about her roommate. It was exhausting only thinking about her.
"Okay then-", Jonathan broke the silence. "Guess we got everything covered."
Great. Robin was ready to leave this constellation behind.
"And you're sure Joyce is in the house on Saturday?"
The others turned to look at each other, then at Nancy, faces questioning.
"Where would she be?"
"She's here everyday"
"Yes I know, but maybe she has planned something for herself, like going out with friends or by herself to celebrate?"
"I think she would've told me", Jonathan said pensively.
In reality, Joyce would've told them both. Robin was sure of it.
But okay. He was her son. It was okay.
"It's just to be sure. Imagine organizing all this only for her not to be home all day. It'd be a shame, don't you think?", Nancy continued.
The room fell silent.
"I can ask her if you want?"
"No!"
Her eyes slightly widened, Nancy turned to Robin, seemingly expecting her to elaborate.
While she didn't have an explanation, she just didn't want Nancy to do everything, she wasn't the main part of this operation.
"Just- let me do it. I don't want her to suspect anything", Robin ended up saying.
"But wouldn't it be less suspicious if Nancy asked her? She's the newest, mom wouldn't suspect her of organizing anything. Or at least less than us."
Since when was he against everything she suggested? Ah right, since Nancy.
Blood beginning to boil, Robin shot him a glare.
"I don't care", Nancy shrugged. "Robin can choose who does it."
GREAT.
Now she was going to be the irresponsible, ineffective asshole again, if she didn't let Nancy do it. Because truthfully, Jonathan had a point. And she hated when that actually happened to be the case and he wasn't just talking pure shit. Ugh.
Glimpsing at Nancy, who's expression had turned into something sour and impatient, her heartbeat quickened.
They were all waiting to get away from this. From her.
C'mon, hurry the fuck up!
Swallowing down her pride, Robin sighed, "Fine. Nancy can do it."
"Alright", Jonathan leaned forward to scribble another note down.
"Then we're done now", he looked up to both girls. "Hey, we did good!"
Grinning, he raised both of his hands to high-five, which Nancy reciprocated with a small smile, while Robin.. didn't. She was just staring ahead, lost in thought.
"Rob?"
"I don't know.. I feel like something's missing.."
"Like..?", Nancy followed up, earning a sharp look from Robin. "Like-", a beat passed and her shoulders sank, "..I don't know. Something."
"Well, you can think about that 'something' and let us know", offered Jonathan, gathering all his notes and placing them onto his desk.
Humming, Robin remained exactly where she was, while the others moved towards the door.
"You not coming to dinner?", Jonathan asked her confused.
"I'll catch with you later"
Suspicious eyes took a once-over, but he ended up muttering, "Okay".
"Right behind you!"
"So she just randomly stays in your room or..?", she only heard Nancy ask after the door was closed.
Didn't her sister claim to be hanging out all the time in Nancy's room, too?? But yeah, sure, of course that was something entirely different, given they were 'real' sisters. Bloodrelated. Birth certificates and all that.
Exhaling deeply, Robin rolled backwards onto the floor, staring at the ceiling.
She had to come up with something.
Everything they've got so far was great, and Joyce would love it, she loved and appreciated every little thing, but-
It just felt so simple. So plain. So not enough.
They were in need of something else too. Something like 'BAM', highlight. Just like Jonathan had mentioned.
The cherry on top.
She closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh.
No idea what that was going to be though.
To at least keep her mind off of the constant anxiety swiveling through her, Nancy decided to take the organization for their surprise party into her own two hands. Of course, she also wanted to take some of the pressure off of Jonathan's shoulders, but in all honesty, she mainly had put it forward to keep herself busy.
Doing this all for Joyce was something Nancy really enjoyed. She'd never met a woman like her before, someone as generous and understanding of everything, always trying to actively encourage everyone to keep going and not give up, no matter how difficult their situation was. She wasn't toxic positivity either, not like Nancy's mom often chose to be, no- Joyce was like a lighthouse in a tempest, providing them hope and possible direction. Though everyone of the team seemed to be good at their job, and helped the residents just as often.. Joyce was the grounding force behind it all.
How the woman had been surrounded by so many different teenagers for ten whole years and hadn't lost her mind completely was a total miracle to Nancy.
When her mind got too loud, too cluttered, she relied on the basics: Structure and organization. If there was one thing she could always count on, it was order.
Efficiency, tactility, cognitive ease and an immediate feedback.
While it was probably just another aspect of her controlling tendencies, she'd done a fairly well job of not letting it get the better of her, too. This wasn't like her compulsions, this was freedom.
When she was organizing or planning something, taking charge, she came alive.
One thing she absolutely hated though, was when it included other people, who had to take their responsibilities seriously.
If Nancy had to triple check that everyone was doing what they were supposed to be doing, only for it to still not run smoothly, her patience would snap in mere seconds.
In this particular case, the hardest part was definitely to keep Dustin from spilling the secret to Joyce. That boy really had no filter sometimes. Because of that, he couldn't be left alone with her at any point.
"Yes, it is that necessary", Jonathan told her, a pained expression on his face.
Nancy just grinned. "Did you learn that from experience?"
"Please don't remind me", he groaned. "That birthday was something I'd like to forget."
"Oh c'mon!", Nancy let herself rest against the couch cushion with a growing smile. "It couldn't have been that bad!"
"You can't imagine! I swear to you, everything that could've gone wrong that day, did go wrong. It was a disaster", he said. "And my mom found it hilarious"
That did sound like Joyce.
"Well, that's at least something?", she laughed and Jonathan joined in.
A comfortable silence settled over them after that. Thank god the only things on her mind right now were party-planning related, otherwise she would've panicked for sure. Out of the corner of her eye, she registered Jonathan opening and closing his mouth multiple times, but just as she was about to ask what he was trying to tell her, his voice reached her ears. It sounded oddly nervous.
"Nancy? Can I ask you something?"
She turned to face him, noticing a bit of embarrassment in his features, which she wasn't able to place.
"Yeah?", Nancy asked, her face (hopefully) remaining calm and not show the uneasy feeling that was spreading in the pit of her stomach.
"How are you?", his gaze met hers carefully. "Like really?"
Oh. Okay. She could deal with that.
"How are you?", she teased. Fine, maybe that was a bit childish, but her best friend was a seven-year-old, what can one expect?
The boy shrugged, not reciprocating her grin, "Well, I'm not living here because I'm struggling-", he winced, and Nancy looked down, her fingers moving along the edges of her phone. "Shit, sorry, that sounded completely wrong-"
"It's fine", she mumbled, and lifted her head again, searching his eyes. It truly was okay. They were becoming friends, or have already been, Nancy couldn't really decipher where a friendship of convenience ended and a true one started. But Jonathan was trying, had been trying for more than two weeks, the least Nancy could do was being honest about how she was feeling. Surface level, obviously.
"Okay I-", she started, averting her gaze again. Why couldn't she ever do this while looking at the other person?? That surely made her seem more insecure than she truly was.
The girl let out a sigh. "Honestly? I don't know. One moment it's completely doable, the other I just want to quit everything and not exist..", she glimpsed at him, meeting his understanding look. Her heart did a little jump, because that just was the first time since coming here, that she actually shared her own feelings with someone other than Ms. Kelley. Progress? If one could even count revealing the tiniest bit of emotion as improvement.
"..You do know that feeling though, right?"
"Of course. I think everyone does", he bopped his head and added with a chuckle, "in moderation".
"So I'm not that crazy", a smile tugged at the corners of her lips.
"At least I'm 80% sure of it"
Fake gasping, Nancy tried her best to look offended.
"Okay okay, 90%", he laughed, "You're officially one of the least craziest people I've met and I've lived here for ten years so you can trust my expertise"
She let out a breathy chuckle, before their gazes locked once more, and their smiles turned gentle.
"What I meant to ask was.. Is there anything I could do to help you?"
Oh.
"Uhh, I'm not-", she shook her head. "It's fine, honestly, there's nothing you could help me with. But thank you. Seriously."
He was looking at her so intensively then, she had to oppress the urge to glance into any other direction.
"Do you.. maybe wanna do something?"
She blinked. "Like.. now?"
"Yeah, I mean if- If you want to.."
"What's your suggestion?"
"There's this small bookshop like half an hour away. They have a whole section of international magazines", he smiled. "And the photography books are good too."
When she didn't answer, he added, "We could get ice-cream on the way back?"
Her breath hitched and she hoped he didn't notice. What he seemed to notice was the hesitation across her features.
"Or-or not! We don't have to"
A small pause.
She smiled, "Okay"
"Really?"
"Yes. Let's go"
Getting up and beginning to walk towards the lobby, Nancy didn't register the smile Jonathan tried to hold back.
"I'm just saying, that fucker of a prick just wanted-", Eddie suddenly trailed off, a wide grin spreading on his lips. Following his gaze, Robin's eyebrows furrowed as she saw two figures leaving the front yard of their house.
Before she was able to give her thoughts any attention, Eddie next to her suddenly wooped and yelled, "Where are you two lovebirds headed at?"
Robin's elbow collided hard with his arm.
"Ow! What??", he asked, his grin diminished.
"The Reading Niche", Jonathan told them when the two pairs met on the sidewalk, earning a mocking gasp from Robin.
"Without inviting me??", she put on an astonished expression.
"You hate that one!", Eddie and Jonathan both argued at the same time.
"Only 'cause she kicked me out once for eating in there! That's like, a basic human need", she rolled her eyes dramatically, and tried to get a glimpse of the quiet girl next to her friend.
Why were they going out now? Wasn't it nearly curfew-time? Well, obviously Jonathan owned a key, just like she did, but was Nancy allowed to join him, too?
Well, good for them, Robin thought with an internal eye-roll, body shuddering at the thought of them two getting closer. Physically and mentally.
"See you later guys", Jonathan shook his head, laughing, his eyes asking Nancy to follow him.
"Bye", Nancy's voice piped up for the first time, a sweet smile on her lips.
Wait, had she just looked at the girl's lips?
"Have fuuun", Eddie sing-songed, pulling Robin along with him, who only muttered out a "bye".
"Why so quiet all of a sudden, Buckley?", Eddie nudged Robin as they were entering through the front door, and she swatted him away immediately, "Shut up".
"What? Jealous?"
She barked out a sudden laugh, "Oh yeah definitely, you know, I actually wanted to ask Jonathan out for like a decade-"
"Funny", he returned.
"I know right!"
"Remember Max's fixation on those enemies-to-lovers books?", Eddie grinned like a Cheshire Cat, earning a snort from Robin.
"Of course!"
"Your situation with Newbie reminds me of that strangely-", he stopped in his tracks when Robin took a step in front of him a of a sudden.
"Don't think I've forgotten that you talked to Steve about me and my "jealousy" for Nancy", she hissed, looking behind her to make sure no one was walking down the hall. "Which, by the way, is total bullshit and I swear to god, if you gossip to my best friend about me again, I'll-"
"Who else am I gonna talk to?", he asked genuinely, flailing his arms.
"I don't know, your guitar?"
"Ha ha", Eddie rolled his eyes and smirked sideways at the girl, who bit back her own grin.
That evening, Robin laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering when the hell Nancy and Jonathan were getting back. It wasn't like she was anxious, jealous or whatever. She just was curious.
Shooting a glance at her phone, she let out a sigh. 10:38 pm.
For some reason she didn't like the image of Nancy coming back when she herself was already unconscious and vulnerable.. Not that she believed Nancy would be capable of hurting her, hurting anyone for that matter. Hell, she was 5'4'' and frail-looking as fuck.
Robin was almost completely sure this girl couldn't even hurt a fly. However, that single part of her brain replaying the girl's ability to get everyone to do whatever she wanted, her glares, her clearly faked serenity... It all gave her the creeps.
That's why she decided to hop off the bed, grabbed her headphones, put on her extra fluffy socks, and easily slipped through the door.
It was a habit she'd adopted during her first year in this home- Walking through the empty hallways at night, when no one was awake, she didn't have to see, talk, pretend. She could just be.
Remembering exactly how special the layout of this house had been to Robin, especially the long halls, which had fascinated her since day one.
She'd never been bothered by the simplicity of her old home, it'd been the most amazing place on earth at the time in her mind. Sometimes, random images of her old bedroom, the kitchen or their living room popped into her mind, and she wouldn't be able to let them go again.
Robin was aware that it was highly unlikely that she was ever going to get a glimpse inside her early childhood home again, even though she'd gone over there quite a few times, watching from distance.
When had been the last time she'd last visited her old neighborhood? Maybe she should ask Steve to drive her sometime.
After changing the currently playing song, Robin put her phone into her pocket, and let her eyes wander towards the countless pictures on the wall.
Walking past this wall every single day, it was easy to forget it even existed. Even though it was one of the most precious places in this house. A place of true magic.
Glancing over hundreds of pictures, featuring all kinds of children: Younger, older, or both- them growing up, having fun, spending time with their chosen family, healing, moving on, moving out. Bringing their stay to an end.
Swallowing, she stopped at a image of Chrissy, smiling brightly into the camera. Ever the sunshine.
Her heart hammered against her chest, her airways narrowing. One tender stroke against the glass over the blonde's angel-like face, Robin blinked away the wetness in her eyes, and moved on.
After taking a few steps further down the hall, she suddenly came to a halt.
Oh my god. That was it.
The perfect finale.
The cherry on top.
It was perfect.
Yes, yes, yes!
This would work.
This would be phenomenal, and most importantly, Joyce would be totally. freaking. stoked.