Chapter Text
Pipperpan: daaaaaaaaaaad
Pipperpan: can dick come over
Hamilson: wait wahat who the fuck is that
Pipperpan: richard, duh
Hamilson: where in the world did you learn to associate his name with that
Pipperpan: that’s a funny story
Pipperpan: i was actually hanging with rich, Georges, Ange, and Will after school, and somebody called him dick, and he responded to it, like it was normal, so now we call him dick
Hamilson: well just as long as it's a nickname and I don't catch you two necking sure he can come over
JefferSIN: PFFFFT
JefferSIN: WHO THE HELL CALLS IT NECKING ANYMORE
TolJeffie: dad no
LucyLou: can I disown myself
JefferSIN: wtf I will ground you
LucyLou: darn
Hamilson: psh looks like I'm not the only one without a hold on my kiddo
JefferSIN: shut up I have perfect control of the situation
JefferSIN: but srsly why would you say that I'm pretty sure your kid wants to jump out a window now
Hamilson: because I'm an evil father tbh
Hamilson: I might as well be blunt
Hamilson: he's at that age
FreckledSon: JFC ALEX
DonewithyourshitLaurens: wait necking why would they be necking Philip likes theo
Saltfactory: wait
Hamilson: wot
Pipperpan: FR AN CES
Pipperpan: WHY
Saltfactory: stay away from my daughter
Hamilson: tell her to stay away from my son >:U
Pipperpan: will I die if I launch myself in front of a moving car
Pipperpan: will please run me over
Pipperpan: better yet Georges do it
Will.Mull: no
Georgeous: non
Hamilson: wtf Pip stop
Pipperpan: stop being an ass
Pipperpan: it's embarrassing
JefferSIN: o m f
PreciousJemmy: oh Christ
NotyourDolley: see this is why we can't have nice things
PreciousJemmy: Todd would be grounded if he did that
Pipperpan: wait you're paynes parents
PreciousJemmy: yes?
Pipperpan: lol wow no wonder he doesn't talk about y'all
CinnamonRollTM: PHILIP
DonewithyourshitLaurens: so can we assume Pip pop is grounded
Hamilson: oooooooh yeah
Hamilson: better yet
Hamilson: you're gonna help out at the daycare
DonewithyourshitLaurens: r I p
Pipperpan: wHAT NO
Pipperpan: that is social suicide!
LucyLou: your face is social suicide enough, this’ll just end you
Hamilson: JEFFERSON, CONTROL YOUR DAUGHTER
JefferSIN: no
Hamilson: you are useless
Hamilson: and philip i don’t careif that’s considered “social suicide,” you’re fucking doing it
CinammonRollTM: ALEX
CinammonRollTM: LANGUAGE
Saltfactory: so are we just dropping that your son likes my daughter
Hamilson: the one thing you’re concerned about in life and it’s this
Hamilson: great
Hamilson: good shit
CinammonRollTM: Alexander!
JefferSIN: jesus christ you’re a mess hamilton
JefferSIN: maybe you should go to daycare
JefferSIN: just crawl into there like the baby you are
JefferSIN: they’d never be able to tell the difference
PreciousJemmy: okay i’m stopping this here
PreciousJemmy: Thomas, stop
PreciousJemmy: Hamilton, stop
PreciousJemmy: Lucy, apologize
JefferSIN: but jem
PreciousJemmy: Quiet, I am being assertive.
JefferSIN: :/
Hamilson: kinky
JefferSIN: excU SE
PreciousJemmy: you’re both infants
PreciousJemmy: Knox, I need you
KnoxKnox: Yo
PreciousJemmy: You’re familiar with Hamilton’s antics
PreciousJemmy: how do we put a cap on it?
Hamilson: i will kick you both from this chat
PreciousJemmy: please do
PreciousJemmy: end my suffering
KnoxKnox: you need to pinch his finger
JefferSIN: wot
KnoxKnox: it’s his off switch
JefferSIN: that’s
JefferSIN: that’s fucking stupid
KnoxKnox: Elizabeth, be a dear and pinch his finger
Hamilson: n o
Hamilson: KNOX WHAT THE FUCK
Pipperpan: anyone want a video of this mom is basically chasing pa around the livingroom trying to pinch him
DonewithyourshitLaurens: me
LucyLou: ME
Will.Mull: meeeee
Georgeous: I
--Pipperpan has sent VID00058643.img to group chat--
JefferSIN: did he seriously leap over the couch to escape her
Pipperpan: keep watching
JefferSIN: PFFFF
PreciousJemmy: please tell me that wasn’t the sound of him falling
FreckledSon: it was
FreckledSon: he makes a very distinct noise when he loses altitude
Ineednointroduction: if you watch closely, you can see his leg hook on the couch and bend in an effort to save himself
--Pipperpan sent VID000584372.img to the group chat--
JefferSIN: tiiiiimber
--Pipperpan sent IMG00005648.png to the group chat--
Pipperpan: aaaaaaand he's out
JefferSIN: did you just livefeed your dad getting knocked into submission
Pipperpan: you make it sound like that's a bad thing????
JefferSIN: I take it back, I like this kid, he's a good kid
Pipperpan: aaaaaand now I bail bc dad is piiiisssed
TolJefferson: I always forget how much younger everyone is than me
LucyLou: that's cause you're stupid, tall ass
TolJefferson: quote BMC at me one more time and I'll bite you
LucyLou: LETS SAVE THE PITIFUL CHILDREEEEEEN
JefferSIN: Girls!
LucyLou: Oop. Shit.
TolJefferson: sorry dad
JefferSIN: it's alright. Also, Lucy, language.
LucyLou: Sorry :(
Hamilson: how do you do that all my kids act like I'm not even there
LucyLou: that's cause you're a submissive fudge
JefferSIN: Lucy, please.
LucyLou: :v sorry, dad
JefferSIN: as for you Hamilton, try not raising your voice
Hamilson: that's stupid
JefferSIN: it'll get their attention if you're more calm than you feel
Hamilson: you want me to be meek? God you're stupid as hell
Pipperpan: tbf I'd be downright quivering if you ever reacted like Jefferson does to his daughters
Pipperpan: you're too quick to hump at things
Pipperpan: okaythat was a mistake but honestly same idea
Hamilson: ElizaAAAAA
Pipperpan: and that usually follows
Will.Mull: o m god
Hamilson: sassy sassy child
JefferSIN: I love this
CinnamonRollTM: Philip, that is quite enough.
Pipperpan: sorry
Pipperpan: am I still grounded?
Hamilson: yes
Pipperpan: but it's true!
Hamilson: you're not grounded for that!
Hamilson: and no it isn't, this is slander!
---
Pipperpan: am I grounded for hurting your feelings because that was an accident
Hamilson: whose sassy lost child is this
Pipperpan: dad c’mon
Hamilson: they're calling me dad I'm confused
Pipperpan: D:
Pipperpan: dad that's not nice
Hamilson: it's happening again. They're too old to be my kid, why does this happen to me
Pipperpan: dad…
Hamilson: is he yours john
FreckledSon: Alex stop being a dick
Hamilson: rude
Hamilson: wA IT
Hamilson: oh fuck a duck he's crying
JefferSIN: you're literally the worst parent I've ever had the displeasure of knowing
Pipperpan: of coursee I'm crying yorue acting like a freak in g monsrte
JefferSIN: COMFORT YOUR SON, HAMILFUCK
LucyLou: dad have you basically adopted Philip at this point
JefferSIN: No
JefferSIN: …
JefferSIN: Yes
CinnamonRollTM: I was cleaning what happened why is my son crying Alexander is this your fault
Hamilson: I did a bad
Werk: Don't type like an ignorant douche. Why did you think pretending your son wasn't yours was a good idea?
Hamilson: He was being rude, so I played a joke, chill
Werk: I will not c h i l l
JefferSIN: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
PreciousJemmy: Thomas pls
Pipperpan: if dad ungrounds me I'll forget this all
CinnamonRollTM: Alex
Hamilson: no way he needs to learn
Pipperpan: hey Jefferson want a son
LucyLou: ew no stay away from my family
JefferSIN: I'm not sure your mom would like that
Pipperpan: would you adopt me if she was okay with it tho
JefferSIN: I always wanted a boy tbh
CinammonRollTM: that is my son!
Pipperpan: I’m playing, ma
CinammonRollTM: you better be :(
Pipperpan: I am, I promise
---
--User: Pipperpan has added Angeljoker--
Pipperpan: ANGELICA STOP STEALING MY SHIT
Angeljoker: haha i didn’t do anything, stop being such a baby
Pipperpan: you did!
Angeljoker: are you certain it was me~?
Pipperpan: it’s always you
Hamilson: Angie you know better
Angeljoker: hi dad :D
Hamilson: wait aren’t you in school
Angeljoker: aren’t you at work
Hamilson: i
Pipperpan: ooooooo i’m telling mom
Hamilson: n o
Pipperpan: y e s
Hamilson: go back to class omg
Pipperpan: i’m on lunch
Angeljoker: wait you have a lunch
Pipperpan: please don’t tell me we both have a lunch
Angeljoker: FOUND YOU
Pipperpan: sdfghj
JefferSIN: you guys still do the a lunch b lunch shit?
JefferSIN: i thought that was only a thing when i was younger
LucyLou: didn’t you just all cram in there at once tho
JefferSIN: how old do you think i am
Hamilson: ahahhahaa
JefferSIN: i’m gonna throttle you
Hamilson: I’d like to see you try
Hamilson: aBORT HE’S TRYING
Pipperpan: rest in peace dad
Angeljoker: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dj20Ao4Vw9w
Hamilson: ANGELICA WHAT THE FUCK
Werk: THAT’S MY GIRL
Hamilson: ANGELICA WHAT THE FUCK AGAIN
Ineednointroduction: i feel like alex has just given up on being a noncursing dad tbh
Hamilson: don’t mind me just getting STRANGLED TO DEATH
Ineednointroduction: how are you typing then
Hamilson: because he hasn’t grabbed my phone and i type fast
Hamilson: oh shitqwerfbj
Hamilson: hjgisdm
Hamilson: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
Pipperpan: once again rip dad
Angeljoker: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixqLzIQlfvo
---
DonewithyourshitLaurens: dude i know something angie has stolen
Angeljoker: wot
DonewithyourshitLaurens: my heart
Pipperpan: E W
Angeljoker: GO EAT A TOE PILIP
Pipperpan: u nasty
Angeljoker: oh like your gay ass has anything over mine
Pipperpan: EXCUSE
Pipperpan: I AM PAN TYVFM
Pipperpan: oh fuck
Pipperpan: oh fucking shit how do i delete that
DonewithyourshitLaurens: and today on i accidentally came out.com
Pipperpan: SHUT UP