Chapter Text
It was the small habits they carried into death that made Reggie feel like maybe he wasn’t going crazy. He didn’t realize how many things he missed until he became a ghost.
He missed showers. (Julie had said that he wasn’t allowed to try using the one in the studio anymore after Carlos walked in to see that it was mysteriously running.) He missed food. And even though they had a great new thing going with Julie, he still kind of missed playing gigs the way they used to.
He had also missed twenty-five years of pop-culture, something that Julie was determined to remedy. She found an old TV in the studio and told the guys that they could use it to watch Netflix when no one was home or watch movies at night if they promised to be quiet. They set it up in front of the couch, and on the nights when he, Alex, and Luke fell asleep while watching some cheesy early two-thousands movie together, he didn’t feel so bad about their (after)lives.
Sunlight streamed in through the windows behind the piano, filtering through the plants to create a soft yellow glow that enveloped the studio, making it feel warm and safe. Early mornings had always been Reggie’s favorites. No one else was ever awake, and he could be still and appreciate how the quiet of everyone else’s world suddenly matched his own.
Without his hearing aids, everything around him sounded blurry, like a watercolor come to life. He had hated it when he was younger, angry that his sounds were different from the ones that everyone else was experiencing, but he had come to appreciate it as he got older. Sunny mornings when the world sounded soft and far away and he had his friends sleeping soundly on either side of him made him feel safe.
Reggie allowed his eyes to drift shut as he soaked in the sunlight and the faint light coming from the TV screen.
And then realization hit him like a truck.
They had all fallen asleep while watching a movie. Reggie could remember drifting off somewhere in the middle of it, and he had never taken his hearing aids out.
Panic rolled over him. He tried to remain calm; it wasn’t like it hadn’t happened before. He had been known to fall asleep before taking them out, only to wake up in the middle of the night and blearily pull them out and toss them aside. They should be somewhere close to him.
Don’t panic, don’t panic, he told himself and he ran his hands over the blankets around him. Don’t panic, don’t panic!
Someone tapped him on the shoulder. Alex was awake, watching him with concern. He made a y shape with his hand and held it in front of his chin. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t find my hearing aids,” Reggie said, trying to keep his voice low. Even as he got older, he still hated talking without his them, worried about speaking too loudly and not realizing it. He signed the rest, “I don’t know where they are.”
“We’ll find them,” Alex signed, already reaching over Reggie to shake Luke awake.
They found his left hearing aid folded into the hood of Alex’s sweatshirt. The hearing in his left ear was better than in his right. Reggie always made a point of standing with his left side to his friends so that he could hear them more clearly, and having his left one back was a little reassuring. He reasoned that if it had been so close by, then the other one couldn’t have gone far either.
Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic, he repeated to himself as they searched for the right hearing aid.
It evaded them. They shook out all their blankets and expanded their search perimeter to other parts of the studio. Half an hour passed and they still found nothing.
Don’t panic don’t panic don’t panic. Was this how Alex felt all the time? He made a mental note to check in with his friend after he had calmed down.
“Maybe somebody should go get Julie so that she can help us,” Luke suggested, signing as he spoke.
“No!” Reggie signed too quickly, at the same time that Alex said, “She spent the night at Flynn’s, remember?”
“I forgot,” Luke said. Then, to Reggie, “Why not?”
Reggie always hated that sign. The quick motion and the accusatory jerking of the thumb, the sign his parents had always used as an accusation more than a question.
Understanding dawned on Luke’s face before Reggie could even answer.
“She doesn’t know, does she?”
Reggie held his hands close to his body, barely moving his fingers as he signed the answer. “No.”
“She won’t be mad,” Alex rushed to reassure him.
“No more secrets,” Reggie signed.
Luke held up his hands, started to sign something, but the door to the studio flew open and Carlos came barreling in.
Instinctively, the boys jumped back, but Carlos didn’t come near them. He headed toward the sofa, picking up blankets and pillows and tossing them aside.
Ray followed him in, saying something that Reggie could only catch part of. “ – left it? The loft, maybe?”
“What’s happening?” Reggie asked.
“Julie’s calculus textbook,” Luke explained. “Apparently she needs it but forgot it in here.”
“She left it near the piano,” Alex said.
Luke shrugged. “Yeah, but it’s not like we can tell Ray that.”
The most they could do was stay out of the way while the studio was torn apart for the second time that morning. Despite Alex’s best wishes, Reggie moved closer to the sofa, picking up and moving things every time that Carlos turned his back, just to mess with him. Alex stepped forward to stop him, but Luke held out his arm.
“It’s making him feel better,” Reggie could hear him say.
Carlos tossed a pillow to the side and then froze. That’s when Reggie saw it.
His hearing aid, on the ground, right beside Carlos’ foot.
Reggie lunged forward as he picked it up, but Alex and Luke were by his side in an instant, holding him back.
“Wait,” Alex warned.
“But it’s mine!”
“Reggie, we’re ghosts. If you grab it right out of his hand you’ll scare him and then Julie will kill us . . . or just make us more dead than we already are.”
“Hey, Dad! Do you know [mumble, mumble].“ Carlos turned his head, cutting off his words.
“What’s he saying?”
“He’s asking Ray if Julie uses an in-ear monitor . . .” Luke said. “And Ray just said that he doesn’t think so.”
Carlos turned away from the loft with a shrug. It was too much to hope for, that he would put the hearing aid back where he had found it, but Reggie was still disappointed when he watched Carlos put it into his pocket, watched Ray come down from the loft carrying Julie’s textbook, and then watched them leave.
He let out a strangled noise, somewhere between a groan and a whine. His dad had always warned him to be more careful with his hearing aids. If he had been right about that, what else might he have been right about?
“Okay, we’ll figure out a way to get them back,” Alex assured him. “When Julie gets home this afternoon, we’ll tell her what happened – “
“My hearing aid won’t survive the day.” Reggie’s hands moved rapidly, all of his anxiety and frustration guiding his quick movements. “I remember being his age. I would put stuff in my pockets and then it would all be gone by the end of the day. Things get lost on the bus. You trade stuff at lunch so someone will give you their brownie. Things get sticky and smashed and lost.”
Luke moved so that he was standing right in front of Reggie, where there was no escape and where he would be sure to catch his every word. “We will figure this out.”
For the first time in his life, Reggie had doubts about Luke’s plan.
Julie breezed into the studio that afternoon, all smiles as she dropped her bag by the door. She said something as she turned to close the door behind her. Her smile fell when she saw the ghosts in front of her, expressions serious.
“Did something happen?”
Before he could lose his nerve, Reggie stepped forward. “Carlos and your dad were in here this morning looking for your textbook and, uh, Carlos took something of mine when they left.”
“Took something?” Julie stepped forward, head tilted. “What did he take?”
He hesitated. Someone’s hand found its way onto his shoulder, a reassuring weight.
“My hearing aid,” Reggie admitted. “We spent the whole morning looking for it, and then Carlos spotted it and took it with him.”
“Hearing aid?”
Please don’t kick me out of the band, I can still play music just fine, please don’t kick me out of the band, Reggie wanted to beg. Instead, he fixed her with as brave a look as he could muster. “I wear hearing aids because I’m hard of hearing.”
Julie blinked. “I had no idea, Reggie. Do you need me to help you get it back?”
Usually people found out that Reggie was hard of hearing and their only reaction was to apologize to him, like there was anything they could do about it, or worse, tell him how bad they felt for him, how amazing it was that he could participate in music so well. Julie’s words had cut straight to the point, no bullshit. It caught him off guard, as refreshing as it was.
“Yeah. He took it with him when he left for school.”
Julie nodded, all business. “Well then we’ll just have to [mumble, mumble].” She turned toward the door as she said the last part, cutting herself off.
“She’s going to get them,” Luke signed helpfully. “Do you want us to go with you?”
“No, I’ll be fine.”
He hoped that he was right.
The second that Julie and Reggie stepped into his room, Carlos began talking a mile a minute. He was sitting at his desk, facing away from them, which made it hard for Reggie to make out what he was saying.
Julie, however, was not taken aback by her brother’s rambling. She stepped forward, and Reggie could hear her words loud and clear. “Carlos, I know that you’re desperate to prove that ghosts are real, but that’s just my in-ear monitor.”
Slowly, Carlos swiveled his chair around to face her. “But dad said that you don’t use an in-ear monitor.”
“I just ordered it, actually,” Julie explained. “I’ve been using it during rehearsals.”
“How did it end up on the floor?”
Julie shrugged, her curls bouncing. “I’m not used to wearing it yet. It must have fallen out without me realizing.”
Carlos frowned, the look of disappointment on his face so strong that Reggie was tempted to grab something and throw it across the room just to prove that ghosts did exists. Wordlessly, he turned back to his desk and said something that Reggie could only make out as incoherent mumbling. He pointed to the edge of his desk, where Reggie’s hearing aid was precariously balanced on the edge. At least he hadn’t lost it on the bus.
“Lo siento, hermanito.” Julie picked up the hearing aid and ruffled her brother’s hair before leaving. As soon as she shut the bedroom door behind her, she handed Reggie his hearing aid.
“Thanks.” Reggie rubbed it across his sleeve, not quite trusting Carlos to have not dropped his hearing aid on the floor of the bus.
For what it was worth, Julie didn’t look mad or even vaguely disappointed in Reggie. That didn’t stop him from writing a million different apologies in his head as they headed back to the studio.
“I’m sorry,” he said before Julie could open the door. “I know you said no more secrets, and I know that I should have told you, but I – “ He paused. Why couldn’t he tell her? “I just couldn’t.”
“Reggie, it’s fine,” Julie assured him.
“I was worried that you would kick me out of the band if you knew.”
Julie took a step back. “What?”
“It’s stupid,” Reggie admitted. “But my whole life, people assumed that I couldn’t make music because I couldn’t hear as well as them. But I can play, and I know that you know that. Part of me worried that you wouldn’t want to make music with me anymore, because every time I made a mistake, you would think it’s because I’m hard of hearing.”
“Reggie, no,” Julie said. She reached out, like she could take his hand, but paused when she remembered that he was made of air. “I could never find a bass player as good as you. You’re the one I want in the band, haring aids and all.”
Other people had always read Reggie and his hearing aids as an inconvenience. Something pricked at the corners of his eyes. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Julie said, her own eyes suddenly sparkling.
“God, look at us.” Reggie rubbed a hand across his eyes, cleaning away any evidence of tears. “The only thing worse than one band member crying is two band members crying. Luke’s gonna freak out.”
Julie laughed. “Well he – “
“Julie!”
Flynn came barreling toward them, braids streaming out behind her as she ran. “I’ve got it!” She skidded to a halt in from of them, almost running over Reggie if he were still able to be run over. “Wait, why are you crying? Do I need to call your dad?”
“No,” Julie laughed. “Just having a moment with Reggie.”
“Reggie’s here?” Flynn pushed her hair back from her face and ran a finger along her hairline, flicking away beads of sweat that had collected as she ran. “Why didn’t you tell me? I can’t have a cute boy see me look disheveled!” She looked in the direction opposite Reggie and waved theatrically. “Hey, Reggie!”
“Wrong way,” Julie said. “And why were you running, anyway?”
Flynn grabbed her arm and pushed open the door of the studio, leading her inside. “[mumble, mumble, mumble], and it’s perfect for the gig tomorrow!”
From across the studio, Alex caught Reggie’s confused look. He splayed his fingers out, held his hands near his hips, and pushed downward, moving them out the slightest bit. “Skirt.”
Flynn produced the skirt in question from her bag, holding it up so that Julie could inspect it. It was pleated and purple and –
“Kind of short,” Julie said, taking it and holding it against her body. “It hits just above my knees.”
“Oh, Jules, I completely forgot!” Flynn facepalmed. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think about the length.”
“It’s not that short,” Luke said, stepping forward to inspect it. “The girls at your school wear them shorter than that.”
“No, it’s not what you think,” Julie said.
Flynn looked around the studio. “The guys don’t know?”
“Don’t know what?” Alex asked.
Something crossed Julie’s face – a mix of nerves and the beginning of an idea. “No, actually, it’s fine. It’s time they knew, and everyone else can, too.”
“Yeah?”
Julie took the skirt and crossed the studio in quick, confident strides until she reached the bathroom. She shut the door behind her, and a moment later, stepped out in the skirt.
“I told you guys no more secrets, but this is mine,” she said, stepping forward with confidence and placing her hands on her hips. “I have vitiligo.”
Just below her knees, white patches of skin dotted her legs. Reggie had never seen anything like it before.
“It’s beautiful,” he said.
Julie grinned. “People made fun of me for it when I was younger, and I was so embarrassed that I covered it up. I still do, sometimes, even though now I’ve learned to realize that it’s a unique part of me and that it makes me beautiful.”
Reggie glanced at Luke, who had never been able to stop a thought that crossed his mind from becoming an emotion on his face. If Luke looked like he might be crushing on Julie any other time he looked at her, he was officially head over heels. It took Alex jabbing him in the ribs with his elbow to bring him back down to earth.
“I realized it wasn’t fair that you guys all revealed really personal parts of yourself to me, and I hadn’t done the same for you,” Julie explained. “Now there are officially no more secrets.”
Flynn glanced between Julie and wherever she thought the rest of the band was standing. “Have I missed something?”
“I’ll catch you up later,” Julie promised with a smile. She looked between the boys. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you guys.”
“You’re cool,” Alex said. “Although I think you’ve just sent Luke into cardiac arrest. Ow!”
Luke stomped on the drummer’s foot. “You look great, Julie.”
“You really do,” Reggie agreed. He signed something to her.
“What does that mean?” Julie asked.
“It’s ASL for ‘no more secrets,’” Reggie said.
Julie repeated the sign, and on her hands, it looked like a song. “I really like that.”