Honestly, what prompted me to make this suggestion in the first was the Storybook writing at the begin of the intermission that was just like the Storybook writing that could be found in the begin of the prologue. Also, from where you leave off at the end of the prologue and the place where you start the current first chapter is a little ramshackle at this time, but if you were to put the intermission in there instead of the current chapter one I think it may lead into one another a little better. As for the audience not understand the order of events with regards to the war from the beginning of the prologue, I think the problem solves itself. Here's how, first the war is won, then we are introduced to Alya and what her plotline will be for the time being, then we move on to Nino's story and why Adrien was so pissed(this is important because it gives better insight into Nino and Adrien's relationship and what could be seen as one of the driving forces behind his actions to curse himself). At the same time, it reintroduces us to Gabe and his minions for this story and even gives a glimpse into Gabe's character and how he treats Adrien(and those that get close to him). This way, we understand the events of the current chapter one a little better (At the same time I think making a Storybook intro for Mari and explaining the how and why of her character could be welcomed, as well[seeing as all four characters are the main cast of this story])... Either way is up to you, as I said before I really like this story(and all your other ones as well), I hope you keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your work in the near future...
If it's the fairytale framing that made you think these two belonged at the start, then I'll have to pull my author-card here. That's going to be a consistent framing device throughout the entire story, not just set-up for the beginning.
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Chris_sd on Chapter 4 Mon 09 Jul 2018 11:21PM UTC
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MiniMinou on Chapter 4 Wed 11 Jul 2018 04:21PM UTC
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Chris_sd on Chapter 4 Wed 11 Jul 2018 05:56PM UTC
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