Comment on Peter's background check

1. Account Deleted on Chapter 2 Thu 18 Apr 2019 09:39AM UTC

   Hello there! I finished reading 2 chapters and I'm loving the plot. I just feel that maybe you can follow dialog lines with action lines? Like the story effictively conveys what the characters are saying but not what they are doing...

   For example: "But I don't like graham crackers!" He poured himself a glass of milk, "Besides, they are like 7 dollars." he took a sip.

   I'm no expert, but I feel this would be better.....

   And while reading on a laptop the text seems crammed together, like maybe leave a line after major chunks...

   If I offend you I'm sorry, Happy writing! :)

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2. 1. Fan628 on Chapter 2 Thu 18 Apr 2019 05:29PM UTC

      

      No offense taken
      I did ask and if I can’t take it that’s uncool of me 🤗

      I shall add a large description of their action in the future chapters 👍

      Hope you enjoy the rest of the books

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