huh, that Murtagh´s state got so bad, that Eragon is regularly thrown out of bed is not a good sign.
It is also interesting, that Murtagh was so haunted by his life of violence, that he refused to teach sword fighting or offensive magic, but still cant stop training in the middle of the night. Not that this is a critique of your writing – it shows perfectly how haunted he is by his experiences – he does not feel stable enough to teach it/ see teaching it as amoral, but at the same time, it is so integral to his character to be always on the look out for danger and therefore always ready to fight, that he can’t stop training obsessively.
And the familiar movements might have a calming rhythm to it and give Murtagh a feeling of control. That he is swinging his sword and simultaneously is holding a jug of alcohol made a rather silly picture spring up in my mind and I found it a bit hilarious, which I presume was not intended. I can`t imagine someone taking fighting soo seriously to swirl a sword in one hand and drink with the other, even if Murtagh has the coordination ability to do it. Of course it is your story and maybe I am the only one to find it involuntarily funny, but describing the smell of strong alcohol that Eragon notices might be a good substitute. He can take out a pocket flask later if needed.
That Kharnine is embarrassed by the situation is understandable, especially given that she kind of likes or even admires Murtagh after the events of your pervious story. And Eragon is completely right in how bad of a look it is for an instructor. Huh, even I am second-hand embarrassed by my favourite characters behaviour, but I am certain it will serve the purpose of a good story. Uh and now Murtagh has hurt Thorn, it gets even worse!
Eragons anger born out of concern is understandable, but maybe he could have send his student back to bed to keep it a bit more private? And now they are arguing about Zar’roc! From Eragon-the-responsible-leader -perspective it makes absolutely sense that he wants to take the weapon with which Murtagh has already accidently harmed is own dragon at this point – but that is such a bad idea on a personal level between the brothers. I mean Murtagh hate being defenceless and controlled by others and my taking the sword Eragon does both to Murtagh, while acting towards his elder brother (with whom he has already a rocky backstory) like a misbehaving child.
And that is bevor we get to the fact, that Murtagh must have very conflicted emotions towards Morzans blade and Murtagh took it originally from Eragon after the latter tried to kill him with it. Sure I would also not want my half brother to touch that blade in the foreseeable future as well.
But “My father gave it to me” – sure Murtagh is drunk, but that is a rather alarming line – when? That time he threw it at you? Or was that it reference the line in the first book, when Murtagh said that Zar’roc was the only thing he would have inherited from Morzan if Brom had not stollen it. Did Morzan write a will and said Murtagh should get Zar’roc ? – That Morzan had such a twisted sense of humour/family legacy would not be a surprise. Good that Torn intervenes – I think he is in a much better position with Murtagh personally to do it.
Huh, I understand Eragons irritation, but treating Murtagh that way even if he does not really consider you an authority figure does not help. I get Eragon is the leader of the order and Murtagh causes a problem, but while he is right, this semes like a sure way to tear at their relationship more, before what happened in the books is remotely repaired or addressed. But hey what can Eragon do, he just tries to handle this the best he can, I suppose.
Hu , that line about Kharnine being an Urgal and wanting to kill him – I love that you included that – growing up thinking the Urgals are monsters and only ever fighting against them should lead to such biases – sure, when he is sober his mind can supress that but it makes sense, that in this state of mind it comes back up again. And that Kharnine understands and was afraid of humans for a long time is a really nice touch and fits perfectly into the world.
I liked how Blodgharm gives slightly cryptic advice about trauma and weathering them and his leave analogy and his un-cryptic advice to let Murtagh speak with the elders. I mean the came be more of an experienced authority figure to Murtagh than Thorn or Eragon, who are more his equals and he might (begrudgingly) accept guidance from them. That Eragon does not like to command Murtagh as leader of the order is a very reasonable instinct – if he does not approach that delicately Murtagh might just bolt and run of into the wild. But with Thorns help it might work.
Murtagh does not even remember hurting Thorn . ok, he needs help fast! Aw, I love how the elders simultaneously correction Murtaghs self-hat filled assumptions, by saying Eragon thinks he has a problem, not that he is one , while also thoroughly calling him out. Especially the part about putting Thorn in a position between cutting Murtagh of or being pulled under as well was very good- I had not thought about it like that. Great first chapter!
Comment on The Dark Hours - Eragon Series
GrimnirGraubart on Chapter 1 Thu 24 Nov 2022 12:14PM UTC
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StoryDreamBeliever on Chapter 1 Mon 28 Nov 2022 11:36PM UTC
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