Comment on Just Add Water

  1. Erinnyes on Chapter 5 Sun 20 Aug 2023 03:57PM UTC

    I think there's an idea here you could do something cool with, the whole thing just needs to be massively paired down and focused.

    While it's cool that all our favorite characters exist and interact in the universe, showing us all of them at once stops us from knowing which ones are actually main characters, and there's a reason most good fics have 4-5 main characters at most. Maybe pick one character per universe and create the ultimate 4 person ensemble? Maybe focus a bit more and then just have other universes pass through as temporary supporting characters? Either would work well, but the actual main team needs to be established quickly and maintain the focus.

    Similarly, while the concept of "the eternal war on a universal scale" is cool, it makes for a poor story. There are a couple good options for making it work though. You could pretty easily pick a particular planet/mission and tell the story of that one conflict. Show how the eternal war actually plays out at the ground level, maybe drive some conflict between leaders who haven't been able to see trees for the forest in years vs soldiers trying to protect the people they live by. Alternatively, might be fun to have the conflict between drawing to a close, the enemy is on the ropes and the ultimate team must be assembled to put the final nail in.

    Anyway, those are just some thoughts. As always, you are an immensely talented author who's produced some truly unique and creative work, and when trying new things not all of them will work on the first shot. Don't let it get you down! Looking forward to seeing more from you!

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