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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    As simple pawn shop owner in the human world, Bilbo isn’t all that thrilled to find himself lost in Thorin’s magical undead kingdom. Lured there by an old man dressed in grey, who turned out to be a wizard, Bilbo is charged with doing a job no one wants to do: fetch the King’s head from the corn maze. The King often loses his head when his temper boils over.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    74,005
    Chapters:
    24/24
    Comments:
    253
    Kudos:
    904
    Bookmarks:
    235
    Hits:
    21,742

    03 Jun 2022

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    So the delightful Pangur-Pangur wrote this prompt on tumblr: Giggling to myself over the thought of what stern glower Thorin might wear when, much to his dismay, Bilbo’s sole and most precious tomato sapling (perhaps a gift, and left in Thorin’s care before said Hobbit departs on an extended diplomatic excursion to Dale or Mirkwood) begins to droop and wither in its terrarium.

    Just…Thorin alternating between forlorn and fiercely determined scowls while Dwalin snickers unhelpfully. Thorin taking his duty to this sprout very seriously – holding court with the terrarium on a little pedestal next to his throne so he can keep an eye on it. Thorin talking to the little furred leaves and hovering anxiously with the watering can and everyone saying, “Thorin NO.”

    Thorin sending plaintive ravens to the Shire requesting aid before Bilbo returns.

    And I decided to turn it into a fic!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,803
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    151
    Kudos:
    1,796
    Bookmarks:
    366
    Hits:
    10,058

    13 May 2022

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Plan B: an alternative strategy; a contingency plan, devised for an outcome other than the expected plan.

    Or, sending an unqualified temp to act as Thorin Oakenshield's PA because no one qualified can put up with him.

    (He'd say they can't meet his standards. Of course he would.)

    Meet Bilbo Baggins. He just became Plan B.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    85,681
    Chapters:
    23/23
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    1,392
    Kudos:
    3,063
    Bookmarks:
    789
    Hits:
    44,403

    21 Apr 2022

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    “Miss Gandalf,” Thorin says, tiredly, because this is the third crime scene he’s come to this month where Phryne Gandalf had beaten him to it by a solid ten minutes. “To what do we owe this pleasure.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    15,834
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    67
    Kudos:
    740
    Bookmarks:
    200
    Hits:
    8,360

    21 Apr 2022

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    ‘We may have won the battle, but I fear the war with winter is just beginning.’

    The aftermath of war is no laughing matter. Those who died must be honoured, those who are wounded must be healed, and those who remain need food and clothing, peace and sanctuary. With Thorin's life hanging in the balance, it is up to Bilbo and the rest of the Company to rule the rag-tag remnants of Erebor in his place.

    Then there is the matter of the gold...

    Can Bilbo save both king and kingdom, or is Erebor destined to fall deeper into ruin?

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    254,270
    Chapters:
    31/31
    Collections:
    21
    Comments:
    2,953
    Kudos:
    8,693
    Bookmarks:
    3,023
    Hits:
    290,534

    19 Apr 2022

  6. Public Bookmark *

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    Business pulls Bilbo to the town of Scary, but it is the journey home that changes everything for Bilbo. Family, it seems, comes in many forms, and quite possibly in the form of a scarred, silent shade of a Dwarrow Bilbo finds in a ditch.

    Family, though, is a tricky thing, and there's fun to be had when they come looking for their kin.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    39,250
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    322
    Kudos:
    4,183
    Bookmarks:
    1,759
    Hits:
    38,943

    15 Apr 2022

  7. Public Bookmark *

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    One fourteenth of a share was simply not worth this kind of aggravation.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,957
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    43
    Kudos:
    1,131
    Bookmarks:
    176
    Hits:
    16,748

    06 Apr 2022

  8. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Bilbo Baggins was always a bit of an odd child. He knew that about himself. After all, other faunts his age could not 'remember' what *would* happen during their lifetimes. Bilbo doesn't know who or what brought him back, and he doesn't care. This is a chance to change the fate of those he cares most about. Even if he was to wait fifty years to do it.

    In the 'Before', he was Silvertongue, Barrel Rider, Ring-Bearer, and the Baggins of Bag End. He will need to become so much more if he plans on saving anyone from their fate; higher powers and destiny be damned.

     

    《 Rated Mature for Graphic Violence and Chapter-Specific Trigger Warnings 》

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    167,044
    Chapters:
    52/100
    Collections:
    6
    Comments:
    2,140
    Kudos:
    3,908
    Bookmarks:
    1,382
    Hits:
    102,561

    22 Mar 2022

  9. Public Bookmark *

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    In which everyone sees the budding romance between Thorin and Bilbo, except, of course, for Thorin and Bilbo themselves.

    Also, Dis brings the fear of God in other Dwarves and likes to meddle in her big brother's romantic life, and if she has to do this through scathingly written letters, then so be it.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    116,178
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Collections:
    10
    Comments:
    1,895
    Kudos:
    7,161
    Bookmarks:
    2,516
    Hits:
    277,466

    22 Mar 2022

  10. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    When Bilbo puts himself between Thorin and Azog's blade, his mithril shirt protecting them both, it isn't long before some dwarves whisper that 'Oakenshield' might not be the best epithet for their king anymore. But for Bilbo, barred from Thorin's sight since the battle, this new epithet only adds to the sting. Spending his days caring for the recovering princes, Bilbo wonders how much more of this he can take, not suspecting his place at the center of a silent divide in the company.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,011
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    459
    Kudos:
    15,718
    Bookmarks:
    3,014
    Hits:
    188,256

    19 Mar 2022

  11. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Two years after Bilbo returned from his adventures, he's made his peace with being back in the Shire. He still wonders what might have happened if things were different, but figures all that is behind him now. A mysterious visitor turns out to be someone he never thought he'd see again, and he's shocked by the news he hears.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    152,426
    Chapters:
    29/29
    Collections:
    7
    Comments:
    1,803
    Kudos:
    4,037
    Bookmarks:
    1,198
    Hits:
    114,430

    19 Mar 2022

  12. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Bilbo really should return to the Shire. Thorin, Kili, and Fili all survived their wounds and Erebor is restored. But something is keeping him there, and something is keeping him away from the Shire.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,627
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Comments:
    125
    Kudos:
    1,394
    Bookmarks:
    292
    Hits:
    24,488

    05 Mar 2022

  13. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    He’s giving last of instructions to Triss, reminding her to pay for the craft beer he ordered for tonight, when something strange happens.
    A child walks through the door. Not the underage teenager with fake ID and nervous eyes, no. An actual child. Little girl who cannot be older than five, completely unaccompanied and crying her eyes out.

     

    Or: Five years ago Jaskier lost Geralt. Today, he finds his daughter, Ciri.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    32,876
    Chapters:
    35/35
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    559
    Kudos:
    2,551
    Bookmarks:
    337
    Hits:
    43,501

    30 Jan 2022

  14. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “You had a run-in with that fire mage, didn’t you?” Vesemir asks. Geralt turns to look at him. No. But Jaskier’s heart skips a beat and he replies, “Yeah, paid me a visit,” and Geralt realizes he isn’t looking at the ink at all but the faint scars of burns that Yennefer must have healed for him. “I didn’t tell him anything. Not that I had anything to tell, anyway.”

    In which Jaskier gets the comfort and attention he is due. Also in which that same kindness is extended back to the rest of Kaer Morhen.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,298
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    62
    Kudos:
    1,603
    Bookmarks:
    225
    Hits:
    14,503

    29 Jan 2022

  15. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Soulmarks aren't always a good thing. People say they stand for a grand destiny, but Tony is a fan of evidence over folklore. And evidence states that your 'grand destiny' could simply be your ending. Death or something worse.

    Tony thinks his soulmark just represents his death. It certainly doesn't mean that Bucky and Steve are his soulmates.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    14,055
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    6
    Comments:
    281
    Kudos:
    5,686
    Bookmarks:
    1,130
    Hits:
    70,594

    23 Jan 2022

  16. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Right so this all got started because of that one infamous tumblr post regarding the Grinch and Tony the Tiger's tragic break up: www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/k51rck/so_gaud_is_making_a_tony_the_tigergrinch_fix_fic/

    Anyways, I hope the existence of this fic bothers you on a level you struggle to articulate to your loved ones and/or therapist :)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,499
    Chapters:
    5/7
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    2,245
    Kudos:
    9,709
    Bookmarks:
    1,963
    Hits:
    254,503

    09 Jan 2022

  17. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    She had thought their ilk did not usually travel in pairs, but there they were, two great, hulking shapes in the rough-hewn doorway of the tavern.

     

     

    Or: fem!Jaskier gets sandwiched between two beefy lady Witchers

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,794
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    38
    Kudos:
    982
    Bookmarks:
    170
    Hits:
    7,451

    05 Jan 2022

  18. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “I thought the best thing for you was…less of me,” Geralt says quietly. “You’re pretty much the only one in this keep who’s not bound to me by some sort of destiny, Jaskier.”

    “Yeah, I’m the idiot who fucking chose you. Thought you wanted me to.” Jaskier swallows. “Thought you were choosing me too,” he says in a smaller voice.

    Geralt hums, and holds him tighter.

    “I was,” he says. “...I am.”

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,857
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    69
    Kudos:
    2,535
    Bookmarks:
    318
    Hits:
    17,568

    02 Jan 2022

  19. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    After the mountain top, Jaskier keeps running into witchers. The other witchers of Kaer Morhen decide that if Geralt can't be nice to Jaskier, then they will have to take care of him themselves.

    [Chapter titles from The Amazing Devil songs]

    This is currently being edited, mainly so I can get myself focused and ready to write a sequel. There will be no major changes, mostly just fixing up my bad grammar and typos.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    179,708
    Chapters:
    101/101
    Comments:
    3,740
    Kudos:
    4,596
    Bookmarks:
    971
    Hits:
    188,422

    20 Nov 2021

  20. Public Bookmark 81

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    Summary

    A little 5 + 1 about Geralt seeing the things Jaskier has come to share with those at the Keep, and what Jaskier and Geralt still have with each other.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,885
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    106
    Kudos:
    1,350
    Bookmarks:
    81
    Hits:
    12,181

    20 Nov 2021

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