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Safe Spaces, the Pleasure Principle, and Other Lies From the Chaise Longue by lavinialost (tempestandtea)
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
09 Jul 2023
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Summary
“Dirk,” Todd turned to him and hissed.
He kept his eyes firmly on the door and plastered on his most believable “everything is fine” smile. “Yes, Todd?”
“At any point while making this appointment, did you actually use the phrase ‘business partner’ to describe our relationship?”
“You know, it’s funny. I can’t quite seem to recall that right now.”
“It’s not funny. He thinks we’re a couple.”
“Yes, I had picked up on that, thank you very much.”
In which Dirk drags Todd to therapy undercover for a case as "business partners" (definitely not anything else), Farah's not sure that's a real thing, and Todd doesn't know enough about therapy to argue either way. What could go wrong?- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 16,205
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 27
- Kudos:
- 156
- Bookmarks:
- 15
- Hits:
- 1,065
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
30 Aug 2025
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one septendecillion brass doorknobs by Bootstrap_Paradox
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
26 Dec 2020
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Summary
The cogs and circuits of the great machine of inter-connectedness are once again in motion. A Thing is missing. In fact, several things are missing, and they have to be returned to their rightful owners. After a whole month of peace and quiet, Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency has two whole new cases to solve. And what a fine pair of cases they are.
The journey will start close to home and venture beyond the Earth, far into the cosmos. It will connect an old professor (and his young friend), a paranoid billionaire, world’s worst mercenary and a band of mysterious twenty-somethings in a cool van.
Yes, the Rowdy Three are also there. Yes, there is more than one cool van in this book.
(You can’t go wrong with a cool van)
Read on to discover more of Dirk’s past and Amanda’s future, of the successes and errors of Black Wing supervisor Adams, of unspoken feelings and disappearing music boxes and meanings lost in translation.
Oh, and could there be someone watching this all from behind the reality curtains?..
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
24 Aug 2025
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Board Games Won With Arguable Efficiency by flailfail
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
21 Sep 2021
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Summary
Dirk swung his feet off the desk and leaned forward. “Game Night, Todd! We need something new to play, after the…Universe-required but nonetheless unfortunate deaths that followed our last round of Trivial Pursuit, and Cluedo seems perfect for a detective agency bonding exercise, wouldn’t you agree?”
Game Nights at the agency tend to get a little holistic. When Dirk convinces Todd and Farah to try Cluedo, their quiet evening of board games inevitably leads to a murder investigation, a forcefield of coincidences, and some minor interdimensional travel. The trio discover that toothpicks are not to be taken lightly, Mona is a useful ally in dismantling booby traps, and holistics really need to unionise. But at the heart of this chaotic tale of intrigue, romance, and betrayal lies one burning question: was it actually Professor Plum in the library with the candlestick?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 62,113
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 81
- Kudos:
- 142
- Bookmarks:
- 32
- Hits:
- 2,565
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
13 Aug 2025
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Summary
looking back, annabeth doesn’t think she ever had a relationship with her father past observing him.
(or in which annabeth’s dad helps her and percy move into their new apartment and there is no reconciliation)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,297
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Comments:
- 104
- Kudos:
- 1,302
- Bookmarks:
- 360
- Hits:
- 13,352
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
27 Apr 2025
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Both Created In Chaos (Part One) by MauveIdiot
Fandoms: X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men (Comicverse), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Avengers (Comics)
16 Apr 2021
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Summary
Enemies to Lovers. Slow Burn.
Kurt is an X-Man and Wanda is one of the newest members of the Brotherhood - they are on seemingly opposite sides of the same battle being fought against mutant oppression. They should be enemies, but a chance meeting in a bar and a mistaken identity sets them on the path towards friendship, and maybe even something more.
Completed.
Series
- Part 1 of Both Created In Chaos
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
05 Dec 2024
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Winter by ImperiusRex
Fandoms: X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men, Marvel (Comics)
24 Jun 2020
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Summary
Pietro Maximoff recalls stories his father, Django Maximoff, told him as a child. Pietro deals with an assassin and Magneto's emotional manipulation of the twins continue with the latest attack.
Series
- Part 1 of Quicksilver Week 2020
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
05 Dec 2024
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why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? by cambion
Fandoms: Scott Pilgrim - All Media Types, Scott Pilgrim (Comics)
15 Sep 2024
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Summary
Wallace wanted Scott to please sleep with someone, and Scott took him up on the offer. Now, it's the day after, and they have to deal with what that means.
--
1st part of this series is the night before, so you should probably read that first! Also will contain in-depth references to events in books 4-6, so it'll probably be confusing if you haven't read the comics. Sorry!
Explicit rating is for the 3rd chapter :-)
Series
- Part 2 of scott pilgrim's precious little night
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
03 Dec 2024
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getting to where you need to be by clockworkcheetah
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
29 Oct 2021
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Summary
Todd never really noticed how much he likes touch.
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
10 Nov 2024
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Two Bats with One Stake by vanillicose
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
31 Oct 2021
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Summary
"Farah, I need to talk to you."
"You’re using the voice," Farah replied coolly, not looking up from her coffee as she stirred in a splash of creamer.
"What voice," Todd asked, eyes narrowing as he settled against a counter beside her, clutching his own mug loosely with both hands.
"That voice you use when you suddenly need to talk to me about something I’m probably going to find alarming, baffling, or some unpleasant combination of both."
----
As Halloween approaches, a series of extremely minor but increasingly suspicious events have Todd wondering whether maybe-- just possibly-- Dirk might be turning into a vampire. Somehow.
Farah has other hypotheses. Dirk has his usual luck with the Universe.
Shenanigans, a case about a were-pig, and a party ensue.Written for the 2021 DGHDA Halloween Mini Bang, with art by dontoffendthebees
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 13,135
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 13
- Kudos:
- 45
- Bookmarks:
- 5
- Hits:
- 519
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
10 Nov 2024
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Summary
Wirt knew, on a basic level, that drowning was not good for your health, even in non-fatal cases.
He knew, in theory, that it could cause issues.
But Greg didn’t seem to be having issues as he walked around the hospital room telling everyone about their adventures.
Greg was fine.
And for some reason, that made Wirt forget that the same might not apply to him.
—————
The boys wake up from their adventure in The Unknown, and Wirt learns about two things: Greg’s wish in Cloud City, and the physical side effects of drowning.Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
06 Nov 2024
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Summary
Ten days into their acquaintance Magneto gave her a very special gift. He presented it to her in a dark blue, velvety box with a small nod of encouragement. The lid lifted by itself, revealing a thin band of gold that twinkled in the sunlight as if it were alive, its color a vibrant yellow like the sunrise through the fog.
---Another fanfic set during the early days of The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants; a look at the developing relationship between Wanda and Magneto and what they have in common.
Series
- Part 3 of Silver Age Magnet Family
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,824
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 5
- Kudos:
- 23
- Bookmarks:
- 6
- Hits:
- 313
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
25 Oct 2024
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Every cloud has a silver lining (and a scarlet one) by DanyaFinlyn
Fandoms: X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
26 Jun 2025
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Summary
The events take place after the battle with En Sabah Nur (Apocalypse).
At the most crucial moment, Peter Maximoff chickened out and didn't have the courage to reveal the truth of his whole life - Erik Lehnsherr, the great and terrible Magneto is his father. Now he lives under the same roof as the men, still they are strangers to each other. At least until another Maximoff shows up on the doorstep of the school...- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 361,860
- Chapters:
- 26/?
- Comments:
- 285
- Kudos:
- 923
- Bookmarks:
- 177
- Hits:
- 38,065
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
25 Oct 2024
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i'd bleed myself dry for you (over and over again) by OverlyObsessed223
Fandoms: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
20 Sep 2022
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Summary
Four's breath is caught in his throat as he slips out of his bed, cautiously taking a few steps forward, reaching out to touch this battered and broken image of himself with a trembling hand, but it's met with nothing, save for icy cold air.
It’s like this boy is… his own ghost.
or, Klaus lives a life of death after death. It haunts him.
Series
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
24 Oct 2024
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If I Could Smoke Fear Away by 100yos
Fandoms: Scott Pilgrim - All Media Types, Scott Pilgrim (Comics)
21 Nov 2023
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Summary
“We could try something,” Wallace said. “But you’re going to think it’s pretty gay.”
Scott couldn’t help but laugh a little at that, and some of the tension seemed to leave Wallace’s face as well. “Try me,” Scott said goodnaturedly.
“There’s this thing called shotgunning,” Wallace said. “Pretty much, one person breathes in a hit, and then, they breathe out the secondhand into the other person’s mouth. It’s less harsh after it’s been in someone else’s lungs, in my experience.”
That didn’t sound incredibly gay to Scott. Sure, a little, especially if the lips touched, but really, it was smart—weed could get expensive, Scott imagined, and that’s a two-for-one deal. Twice the amount of high people. Genius, really.
So, he said so: “Makes sense. That’s just practical.”
Wallace’s eyebrows, though mostly obscured by his bangs, absolutely raised. “I’m glad you think so,” he said slowly.
———
Scott and Wallace attend a totally-not-gay house party and engage in some totally-not-gay shotgunning.
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
21 Oct 2024
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Way Too Hot to Simmer Down (Might as Well Overheat) by 100yos
Fandoms: Scott Pilgrim - All Media Types, Scott Pilgrim (Comics), Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
28 Mar 2023
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Summary
“Do guys ever want to experiment…after uni?” he asked meekly. He couldn’t help but hold Wallace’s stare, though it was growing more intense by the second. Christ, he just had something for people who could stare him down like they couldn’t decide whether to punch him or tear his clothes off.
“All the time,” Wallace said flatly. “Why?”
“Just curious,” Scott said, finally breaking the staring contest to stare instead at his hands in his lap. “You said they usually turn out gay?”
“Not always,” Wallace said, and Scott could feel the ulterior motives radiating off of him. Well, was mutual attraction really all that sneaky, all that perverse?
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
21 Oct 2024
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Summary
He can almost taste their bloodlust on his tongue, feel their rage heavy in his breastbone. They’re bad today, and it’s safe to say he’s having a very bad day as a result. Each swipe is sending icy pain across his skin, making him shiver. God, he’s cold.
He closes his eyes, pretending not to hear the faint roar of the snarling, crying, screeching mass around him. Why did he think sobriety was a good idea? Christ on a cracker, this fucking sucked.
Or: After hopping around time, and returning to the day of the apocalypse that never was, Klaus falls apart slowly, then all at once.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 172,859
- Chapters:
- 14/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 599
- Kudos:
- 1,618
- Bookmarks:
- 463
- Hits:
- 44,611
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
18 Oct 2024
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sincerely signed, you from the future by lavinialost (tempestandtea)
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
23 Oct 2023
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Summary
“It’s a mailbox, Todd,” Dirk says, regarding the rusted hunk of metal with the same level of paltry disdain he might offer a particularly bland cup of tea.
“No, it’s a haunted mailbox,” Todd insists, shaking the letter in his face, “and whatever’s possessing it is impersonating some messed-up future version of me.”
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,710
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 61
- Kudos:
- 161
- Bookmarks:
- 33
- Hits:
- 1,649
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
14 Oct 2024
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hopeless, breathless, burning slow by oneprotagonistshort
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
08 Nov 2023
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Summary
Dirk is so rarely still that he often forgets what it feels like. Even when he’s not physically in motion, the wheels in his head never stop turning; some intrinsic part of him is always listening for the stream of creation like he’s a radio telescope waiting for a distant ping to give him somewhere new to turn his attention.
Inexplicably, sex is the only thing he’s encountered so far that can shut it all down. It’s not just calm, it’s quiet. It’s bliss.
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
14 Oct 2024
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very good friends by clockworkcheetah
Fandoms: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
13 Mar 2023
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Summary
From Amanda's experience, describing your relationship as 'very good friends' usually translates as 'we're fucking'.
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
09 Sep 2024
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Wallace's system (and how it failed) by LegoBatmansFightClub
Fandoms: Scott Pilgrim - All Media Types, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010), Scott Pilgrim Takes Off (Cartoon), Scott Pilgrim (Comics)
05 Dec 2023
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Summary
Scott and Wallace have been living together, and they have been continuing their non-platonic activities. Wallace thinks he can manage the situation until stuff happens idk read it.
This is part of a series but it can be read without context, In my humble opinion.Series
- Part 3 of Breaking rules and making exceptions
Bookmarked by Nocoolusername
08 Sep 2024