161 - 177 of 177 Bookmarks by RandomAlienFromMars
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Thorin took out 20 pounds and smashed the notes on the counter, 'How does one say 'fuck you and your reptilian husband' in flower?' He demanded more or less.
He heard a chuckle as a response.
'With that amount of poison, you might as well just send them a bunch of Belladonna.'
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
17 Aug 2019
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Little Swan Lost by ISeeFire
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
16 Mar 2022
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Bilba has grown up the unwanted granddaughter of the Thain of the Kingdom of Shire but, as she rarely visits the palace, the relationship holds little meaning to her. Instead she focuses on her second year of college, her ballet career and her slowly burgeoning romance with Bofur, a crew member with her ballet company.
The same day Bilba is set to preform on stage for the first time with her company, the kingdom of Shire is anticipating another event. That very evening will oversee the political, arranged marriage between Thorin Durin, Crown Prince of Erebor, and an unnamed Princess of Shire (so unnamed because Bilba's grandfather is a paranoid bastard).
Bilba doesn't care about any of this, she hasn't been invited and has no interest in other countries, politics or other such machinations.
Just before she's set to preform, however, Bilba suddenly finds herself dragged from the theater and taken to appear before her grandfather at the palace.
There she is informed she WILL be participating in the wedding after all.
As the bride.
Whether she likes it or not.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 176,624
- Chapters:
- 40/?
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 4,276
- Kudos:
- 5,051
- Bookmarks:
- 1,183
- Hits:
- 152,171
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
12 Aug 2019
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Plan B by Drenagon
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
10 Aug 2019
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Plan B: an alternative strategy; a contingency plan, devised for an outcome other than the expected plan.
Or, sending an unqualified temp to act as Thorin Oakenshield's PA because no one qualified can put up with him.
(He'd say they can't meet his standards. Of course he would.)
Meet Bilbo Baggins. He just became Plan B.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 85,681
- Chapters:
- 23/23
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 1,394
- Kudos:
- 3,078
- Bookmarks:
- 795
- Hits:
- 44,704
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
11 Aug 2019
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The Beacon of the Barrows by Kattungefisk, orphan_account
Fandoms: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
13 Sep 2024
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When Emma Smith went to England, she expected to be spending her month working on her dissertation - not falling through barrows, joining hobbits on a quest, and getting a shake-down by the heir of Isildur. No one ever said a PhD was easy.
-Book Canon-
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 165,325
- Chapters:
- 33/62
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 852
- Kudos:
- 1,404
- Bookmarks:
- 445
- Hits:
- 56,082
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
09 Aug 2019
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Mazarbul by StairwellWit
Fandoms: The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
23 Oct 2021
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And so came it to pass that Durin the Deathless, First of Dwarrow-kind, the Eldest of the Seven Fathers, King of Khazad-dûm, found himself unrelentingly bound to a small chunk of blue stone pocketed by one Belladonna Took on her journey home from a well accomplished adventure.
Years, and multiple adventures later, Belladonna Took – by then Belladonna Baggins – settled into Bag End, and gave birth to a child named Bilbo Baggins, to whom this stone was always meant to belong.
It is with this one small Hobbit that the ghostly Durin is to change the tides of Middle Earth, save his legacy, and rewrite this unwritten history before them.
Additionally/And/Or: In which Durin the Deathless does not accept the finality of his lineage and submits his complaints to Mahal and Yavanna.
Becoming glued to a rock and a Hobbit was not part of his request, but he was Too Vague and forgot to Read the Fine Print.
Also, Hobbits are far too endearing even to Ancient Mostly Dead Monarchs.
Finally, and most importantly, to any Dwarf asking, it isn't technically breaking any rules if the ghost beside you works as a translator for super secret Dwarvish languages.
All Chapters Updated and Edited as of 10/16/21
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 90,962
- Chapters:
- 19/?
- Collections:
- 12
- Comments:
- 977
- Kudos:
- 4,295
- Bookmarks:
- 1,787
- Hits:
- 81,097
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
02 Aug 2019
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Stripper AU. Wednesdays at Kingsman are amateur nights. To Harry Hart, it's as good a time as any to make a comeback.
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
27 Jul 2019
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Stripper AU. First and foremost he did it to pay the rent, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have a little fun.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 77,228
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Comments:
- 305
- Kudos:
- 659
- Bookmarks:
- 136
- Hits:
- 12,554
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
27 Jul 2019
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Ad left 10h ago in section male - male
HHeart:
Looking for someone to accompany a middle-aged man to a social outing in the country NEXT weekend. I only wish to make my homophobic mother squirm non-stop for sixty hours and nothing more. Successful applicant will be rewarded handsomely. Cash bonus on offer if you are one or several of the following: young (must be eighteen or over - no practical joke is above the law), working class, someone with an extreme aversion to received pronunciation or in possession of a strong regional accent/dialect.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 92,600
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Comments:
- 462
- Kudos:
- 2,488
- Bookmarks:
- 507
- Hits:
- 39,111
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
23 Jul 2019
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Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
22 Jul 2019
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I Was a Teenage Mary Sue, or Why Being a Big Damn Hero Is Hard (Though It Shouldn't Be) If You're a Girl by Sigridhr
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
28 Jun 2013
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For one summer, when I was about fourteen, I was Harry Potter. It was fucking epic.
Some meta thoughts on Mary Sues, and what they might represent.
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
22 Jul 2019
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Stars and Stripes: an American Musical by Archetype_ElectraHeart
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Captain America (Movies), Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
30 Dec 2016
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Summary
Darcy Lewis and Jane Foster are college roommates who embark on a mission to create a musical about Steve Rogers that highlights the unsung heroes of his story: his mother, Peggy Carter, and the USO girls.
Of course, Steve Rogers was never supposed to be alive to see it.
[none of my works are up for adoption]
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 29,202
- Chapters:
- 13/?
- Collections:
- 7
- Comments:
- 1,925
- Kudos:
- 4,003
- Bookmarks:
- 1,631
- Hits:
- 54,722
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
21 Jul 2019
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This way comes by atomicmuffin
Fandoms: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types
01 Sep 2018
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Summary
So, a magnificent Gryffindor, a gentle Ravenclaw, a just Slytherin and a valiant Hufflepuff walk into a magical castle...stop me if you already know that one.
Reincarnated Pevensies at Hogwarts AU, Marauders Era. Post 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe' AU
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 47,304
- Chapters:
- 9/?
- Collections:
- 8
- Comments:
- 139
- Kudos:
- 1,718
- Bookmarks:
- 576
- Hits:
- 24,419
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
17 Jul 2019
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1949 by petersnotkingyet
Fandoms: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis, Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types, Chronicles of Narnia (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
08 Oct 2018
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Summary
It drove him crazy sometimes to know that Edmund, the freckle-faced boy in front of him who was barely a teenager, had been a king. He’d led armies and held power while Tom was still little better than a schoolboy. Tom swallowed down his discontentment and pulled Edmund into his lap. It made him feel better to know that he got to manhandle a once-king.
Series
- Part 1 of The Only Good
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
17 Jul 2019
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Summary
It is exceedingly difficult to destroy a complex system which iterates from very simple principles. If even one small part of the system remains, it can rebuild itself.
After Civil War, Tony is struggling with heading up the team and dealing with the emotional fallout of being betrayed by those closest to him. Luckily, an old friend is back to help protect Tony and ensure he comes to no harm.
A Jarvis lives AU.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,034
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 327
- Kudos:
- 6,603
- Bookmarks:
- 1,612
- Hits:
- 72,063
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
15 Jul 2019
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Summary
Harry gets another chance - and another and another. At some point, they stop feeling like chances at all.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,607
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 286
- Kudos:
- 9,051
- Bookmarks:
- 2,071
- Hits:
- 135,497
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
15 Jul 2019
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Summary
Ginny is sorted into Slytherin. It takes her seven years to figure out why.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 182,687
- Chapters:
- 11/11
- Collections:
- 51
- Comments:
- 2,055
- Kudos:
- 12,156
- Bookmarks:
- 6,063
- Hits:
- 425,138
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
25 Mar 2019
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Business by esama
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
01 Jan 2014
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Summary
The Dursleys didn't raise Harry Potter to be a very good boy.
Mildest of fusions with Sherlock Holmes
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 12,460
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 761
- Kudos:
- 28,241
- Bookmarks:
- 7,362
- Hits:
- 349,317
Bookmarked by RandomAlienFromMars
24 Mar 2019