161 - 177 of 177 Bookmarks by RandomAlienFromMars

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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Thorin took out 20 pounds and smashed the notes on the counter, 'How does one say 'fuck you and your reptilian husband' in flower?' He demanded more or less.

     

    He heard a chuckle as a response.

     

    'With that amount of poison, you might as well just send them a bunch of Belladonna.'

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    11,825
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Comments:
    31
    Kudos:
    499
    Bookmarks:
    101
    Hits:
    6,262

    17 Aug 2019

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Bilba has grown up the unwanted granddaughter of the Thain of the Kingdom of Shire but, as she rarely visits the palace, the relationship holds little meaning to her. Instead she focuses on her second year of college, her ballet career and her slowly burgeoning romance with Bofur, a crew member with her ballet company.

    The same day Bilba is set to preform on stage for the first time with her company, the kingdom of Shire is anticipating another event. That very evening will oversee the political, arranged marriage between Thorin Durin, Crown Prince of Erebor, and an unnamed Princess of Shire (so unnamed because Bilba's grandfather is a paranoid bastard).

    Bilba doesn't care about any of this, she hasn't been invited and has no interest in other countries, politics or other such machinations.

    Just before she's set to preform, however, Bilba suddenly finds herself dragged from the theater and taken to appear before her grandfather at the palace.

    There she is informed she WILL be participating in the wedding after all.

    As the bride.

    Whether she likes it or not.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    176,624
    Chapters:
    40/?
    Collections:
    7
    Comments:
    4,276
    Kudos:
    5,051
    Bookmarks:
    1,183
    Hits:
    152,171

    12 Aug 2019

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Plan B: an alternative strategy; a contingency plan, devised for an outcome other than the expected plan.

    Or, sending an unqualified temp to act as Thorin Oakenshield's PA because no one qualified can put up with him.

    (He'd say they can't meet his standards. Of course he would.)

    Meet Bilbo Baggins. He just became Plan B.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    85,681
    Chapters:
    23/23
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    1,394
    Kudos:
    3,078
    Bookmarks:
    795
    Hits:
    44,704

    11 Aug 2019

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    When Emma Smith went to England, she expected to be spending her month working on her dissertation - not falling through barrows, joining hobbits on a quest, and getting a shake-down by the heir of Isildur. No one ever said a PhD was easy.

    -Book Canon-

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    165,325
    Chapters:
    33/62
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    852
    Kudos:
    1,404
    Bookmarks:
    445
    Hits:
    56,082

    09 Aug 2019

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    And so came it to pass that Durin the Deathless, First of Dwarrow-kind, the Eldest of the Seven Fathers, King of Khazad-dûm, found himself unrelentingly bound to a small chunk of blue stone pocketed by one Belladonna Took on her journey home from a well accomplished adventure.

    Years, and multiple adventures later, Belladonna Took – by then Belladonna Baggins – settled into Bag End, and gave birth to a child named Bilbo Baggins, to whom this stone was always meant to belong.

    It is with this one small Hobbit that the ghostly Durin is to change the tides of Middle Earth, save his legacy, and rewrite this unwritten history before them.

    Additionally/And/Or: In which Durin the Deathless does not accept the finality of his lineage and submits his complaints to Mahal and Yavanna.

    Becoming glued to a rock and a Hobbit was not part of his request, but he was Too Vague and forgot to Read the Fine Print.

    Also, Hobbits are far too endearing even to Ancient Mostly Dead Monarchs.

    Finally, and most importantly, to any Dwarf asking, it isn't technically breaking any rules if the ghost beside you works as a translator for super secret Dwarvish languages.

    All Chapters Updated and Edited as of 10/16/21

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    90,962
    Chapters:
    19/?
    Collections:
    12
    Comments:
    977
    Kudos:
    4,295
    Bookmarks:
    1,787
    Hits:
    81,097

    02 Aug 2019

  6. Public Bookmark 17

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    Stripper AU. Wednesdays at Kingsman are amateur nights. To Harry Hart, it's as good a time as any to make a comeback.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,189
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    134
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    1,415

    27 Jul 2019

  7. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Stripper AU. First and foremost he did it to pay the rent, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have a little fun.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    77,228
    Chapters:
    25/25
    Comments:
    305
    Kudos:
    659
    Bookmarks:
    136
    Hits:
    12,554

    27 Jul 2019

  8. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Ad left 10h ago in section male - male
     

    HHeart:
    Looking for someone to accompany a middle-aged man to a social outing in the country NEXT weekend. I only wish to make my homophobic mother squirm non-stop for sixty hours and nothing more. Successful applicant will be rewarded handsomely. Cash bonus on offer if you are one or several of the following: young (must be eighteen or over - no practical joke is above the law), working class, someone with an extreme aversion to received pronunciation or in possession of a strong regional accent/dialect.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    92,600
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    462
    Kudos:
    2,488
    Bookmarks:
    507
    Hits:
    39,111

    23 Jul 2019

  9. This has been deleted, sorry!

    22 Jul 2019

  10. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    For one summer, when I was about fourteen, I was Harry Potter. It was fucking epic.

     

    Some meta thoughts on Mary Sues, and what they might represent.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,153
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    100
    Kudos:
    2,221
    Bookmarks:
    450
    Hits:
    15,706

    22 Jul 2019

  11. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Darcy Lewis and Jane Foster are college roommates who embark on a mission to create a musical about Steve Rogers that highlights the unsung heroes of his story: his mother, Peggy Carter, and the USO girls.

    Of course, Steve Rogers was never supposed to be alive to see it.

    [none of my works are up for adoption]

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    29,202
    Chapters:
    13/?
    Collections:
    7
    Comments:
    1,925
    Kudos:
    4,003
    Bookmarks:
    1,631
    Hits:
    54,722

    21 Jul 2019

  12. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    So, a magnificent Gryffindor, a gentle Ravenclaw, a just Slytherin and a valiant Hufflepuff walk into a magical castle...stop me if you already know that one.

    Reincarnated Pevensies at Hogwarts AU, Marauders Era. Post 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe' AU

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    47,304
    Chapters:
    9/?
    Collections:
    8
    Comments:
    139
    Kudos:
    1,718
    Bookmarks:
    576
    Hits:
    24,419

    17 Jul 2019

  13. Public Bookmark 79

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    It drove him crazy sometimes to know that Edmund, the freckle-faced boy in front of him who was barely a teenager, had been a king. He’d led armies and held power while Tom was still little better than a schoolboy. Tom swallowed down his discontentment and pulled Edmund into his lap. It made him feel better to know that he got to manhandle a once-king.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,585
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    13
    Kudos:
    977
    Bookmarks:
    79
    Hits:
    7,813

    17 Jul 2019

  14. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    It is exceedingly difficult to destroy a complex system which iterates from very simple principles. If even one small part of the system remains, it can rebuild itself.

    After Civil War, Tony is struggling with heading up the team and dealing with the emotional fallout of being betrayed by those closest to him. Luckily, an old friend is back to help protect Tony and ensure he comes to no harm.

    A Jarvis lives AU.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    9,034
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    327
    Kudos:
    6,603
    Bookmarks:
    1,612
    Hits:
    72,063

    15 Jul 2019

  15. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Harry gets another chance - and another and another. At some point, they stop feeling like chances at all.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,607
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    286
    Kudos:
    9,051
    Bookmarks:
    2,071
    Hits:
    135,497

    15 Jul 2019

  16. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    Ginny is sorted into Slytherin. It takes her seven years to figure out why.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    182,687
    Chapters:
    11/11
    Collections:
    51
    Comments:
    2,055
    Kudos:
    12,156
    Bookmarks:
    6,063
    Hits:
    425,138

    25 Mar 2019

  17. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    The Dursleys didn't raise Harry Potter to be a very good boy.

    Mildest of fusions with Sherlock Holmes

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,460
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    761
    Kudos:
    28,241
    Bookmarks:
    7,362
    Hits:
    349,317

    24 Mar 2019

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