Soofpot
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the loud, the abnoxious, and the assholes by Soofpot
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
14 Mar 2023
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Summary
Marlene has been expelled, Dorcas has been expelled and they have no clue what's next. Little did they know they were going to meet some of the most annoying people ever and fall in love with this group of idiots
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“I do prefer it when you do other things to my skin.”
And once again, Hermione’s brain was gone. Off. In the gutter. Derailing itself with horrifying efficiency.
No.
She tore her eyes away, mentally superimposing the image of her grandfather at Christmas – spectacularly pissed, stark bollock naked under a tartan robe, arguing with the angels in the tree. Still not enough. So she added the memory of that one chapter in Magical Maladies and Their Management, the one with close-up photos of Spattergroit pustules. That did the trick.
Refreshed, centred, pure of thought, she cleared her throat and continued the tour.
Or: Bellatrix Lestrange is supposed to stop committing crimes. Hermione Granger is supposed to stay impartial. Neither of them is very good at following instructions. There’s a dead man, a collapsing investigation, and a rapidly collapsing sense of professional distance.
(Works both as a sequel to Of Magic, Mayhem and Poor Decisions and as a standalone if you don’t like slow buildings.)
Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 102,472
- Chapters:
- 19/19
- Comments:
- 636
- Kudos:
- 2,154
- Bookmarks:
- 196
- Hits:
- 36,111
Bookmarked by Soofpot
22 Jun 2025
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The newly elected President's daughter, Lena Luthor, just got a new bodyguard, Kara Danvers.
But Lena loves her privacy and Kara loves doing a good job.
Can the two meet in the middle and find some common ground or is this relationship doomed from the start?- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 97,550
- Chapters:
- 18/18
- Comments:
- 521
- Kudos:
- 2,660
- Bookmarks:
- 317
- Hits:
- 67,602
Bookmarked by Soofpot
19 Jun 2025
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Summary
“Hello,” Lena says, followed closely by, “Who the hell are you?” She swears to God this better not be another assassination attempt, that would really screw up her day.
The blonde smiles like an alley cat who has just found a new spot to piss in and says, “I’m Kara Zor-El. I’m your soulmate.”
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At age forty-two, freshly-divorced Lena Luthor long ago gave up on ever finding her soulmate. Even if she did find them, there is no possibility they would be a twenty-three year old bartender who breaks into her office in the middle of the night.
Right?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 30,839
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 208
- Kudos:
- 3,861
- Bookmarks:
- 716
- Hits:
- 42,862
Bookmarked by Soofpot
19 Jun 2025
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Summary
AU, no magic.
Hermione is a university student at Oxford and one of her professors is the delightfully complicated Narcissa Black-Malfoy. This is a very slowly-paced teacher/student romance that stretches over multiple years, until Hermione isn't a student anymore. It's my most honest try at a story without dark backgrounds, trauma or abuse of any kind. Just two very human people who take a long time to find to one another. Lots of university politics and drama and familiar characters. Also, smut. But you’ll have to be patient to get there…
Props to Dancy for this summary
Series
- Part 1 of Oxford U
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 426,505
- Chapters:
- 46/46
- Comments:
- 1,640
- Kudos:
- 1,731
- Bookmarks:
- 189
- Hits:
- 65,744
Bookmarked by Soofpot
19 Feb 2025
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Christmas, 2020: United States President Lexa Woods has recently been re-elected for her second term, has three Nobel Peace Prizes under her belt, and a 97% public approval rating. None of this, in any way, serves as preparation for the pretty girl her sister brings home to the White House for Christmas.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,427
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Comments:
- 651
- Kudos:
- 8,898
- Bookmarks:
- 825
- Hits:
- 76,032
Bookmarked by Soofpot
12 Nov 2024