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Agatha climbed on top of her, Rio giggling beneath her as Agatha took the pillow she’d been lying on and slapped it goodnaturedly against Rio’s head.
“Did you learn nothing in witch school?” Rio said, lifting her eyebrows.
Rio’s wrist flexed in the air, a spell on her fingertips.
“Never challenge Death to a pillow fight, unless you’re ready to handle the reaper-cushions.”
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Just some domestic fluff between lady death and her wife, agatha "I don't know who that woman is" harkness
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
07 Nov 2024
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Rio snaps her eyes open, scanning the deck rapidly. It doesn’t take her long to spot the figure she’s looking for, it never does. It’s not like looking for a needle in a haystack; it’s like looking for a dagger amongst butter knives—something your hand has touched, that you intimately know the shape of, sticking out boldly among the bland and uninteresting.
Agatha Harkness walks across the upper deck of the RMS Titanic the same way she walked a crooked path in the forest, the same way she walked through colonial mansions that she stole from unassuming generals, the same way she walked into Rio’s world those few centuries ago; like she owns it.
—
Two exes run into each other on the Titanic.
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
07 Nov 2024
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i just wanna be the one you love by jadziajay (jadzias)
Fandoms: WandaVision (TV), Agatha All Along (TV)
28 Dec 2024
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“Agnes,” says Dottie, from the far end of the cabana. There’s a sting of judgment in her upward lilt, but then, that’s far from unusual. Agatha gives her a beatific smile, and keeps her arm just where it is. “Will your wife be joining us today?”
The pit in Agatha’s stomach grows roots. Of all the likely explanations for that, Wanda Maximoff puppeteering her fictional self into a retconned lesbian marriage is somehow the least offensive.
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OR: Agatha Harkness isn't the only centuries-old being with an interest in Wanda's reality bending affairs.
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
07 Nov 2024
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“I would like to make a deal,” Billy says.
She scoffs, letting her head fall into her hand. Boring. “You and pretty much everyone else. Might want to get in line for that one,” she gestures with her dagger to the swirling vortex she knows is brushing against the edges of his vision. The humans always got a bit confused down here at the end of their reality.
“I think you’ll agree to it,” and the little smile on his face does tug at her curiosity.
“Oh?” she says. “What makes you think that?”
“I have something you want.”
Death throws her head back in a laugh. She likes this one. “What could you possibly have to offer me?”
“Agatha Harkness.”
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
07 Nov 2024
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the pareto principle by spookyscaryskeletons (Buttons15)
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
12 Oct 2024
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“I’ve got a scar.”
“No, you don’t.”
How dare you, Rio thought, and it was a thought that hurt. Not like the pain of chopping off her fingers, not a tingle, but actual crushing pain squeezing her chest. The kind of feeling she shouldn’t be able to feel, but she did, cause it was eighty per cent wrong, twenty per cent right, and it was that twenty per cent that kept her going.Bookmarked by fire_monkey
07 Nov 2024
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she kindly stopped for me by yeahitshowed
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV), WandaVision (TV)
27 Sep 2024
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“Gee whiz, Agnes,” Wanda sighs, touching Agatha’s shoulder sympathetically. “That’s heartbreaking. Have you never had a relationship that was anything more than just tolerable? Not even in your youth?”
Agatha can feel her smile falter. She hitches it back up, her face aching from the effort.
“Well,” she says, patting Wanda’s hand. “Considering my youth was somewhere back in the prehistoric age, my choices were either the caveman or the wooly mammoth. Both of which would’ve had better table manners than Ralph, I bet.”
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Throughout the events of WandaVision, Agatha thinks about Rio.
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
06 Nov 2024
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“Happy Pride!” says a man holding a clipboard, smiling at Agatha from a corporate tent set up on the sidewalk. He holds out a pair of cheap sunglasses wrapped in plastic; "CitiBank Supports Love" is scrawled across the top of the frames in an ugly serif font. “Would you like to sign up for a chance to win a spot on CitiBank’s Be-You Cruise for Two? Maybe invite the special lady in your life?”
“Oh, I’m a God-fearing Christian woman, sir,” Agatha says, slipping into her best Southern drawl. “I was just on my way to the M&M store in Times Square and got awful lost. Those drag queens sure are funny, though. If they wanna damn themselves to an eternity of hellfire, lord knows they’ll look fabulous doing it, am I right? Slay!”
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Agatha attends her first Pride.
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
06 Nov 2024
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The first thing that Wanda sees after shuddering awake: the Grim Reaper, tossing a tarantula in the air like a baseball.
“Hey, bitch,” the Grim Reaper says, catching the tarantula by one of its hairy legs. “Sorry – witch.”
Wanda blinks. Her eyes won’t focus; there’s nothing to focus on. Apart from the Grim Reaper – skeletal and shrouded in a black hood – the world around her is a vast expanse of nothingness.
“You sure went out with a bang, hm?” the Grim Reaper says. “What do the kids say these days? ‘Big dick energy’?”
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After Wanda's death, Rio asks her for a vital bit of intel: Agatha Harkness's current location.
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
06 Nov 2024
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this twilight (in the shadow of your heart) by spookyrio (spookyrobbins)
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV)
31 Oct 2024
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Lilia nodded, a purposeful set to her shoulders that Rio could only respect. She stepped towards the billowing mist, only to turn back to look at Rio once more. “You know, the death card in tarot is misunderstood. People fear it means ill fortune or even their own demise. But they’re wrong. It almost always means a transformation, the end of one phase or journey for the next. It means letting go of the past and moving forward.”
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
06 Nov 2024
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memory that presses like a blade against her throat by thiswildernessismyhome
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV)
14 Oct 2024
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Rio stalks a slow, predatory circle around Agatha’s mother, running the sharp blade of her knife across her fingertips. God, she hates ghosts. They’re just water vapor and heightened emotion: all the most annoying things about human beings, with none of the fun parts. Nothing she can wrap her hands around and strangle. Nothing she can stab.
But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing she can do.
Rio has a little chat with her ex-mother-in-law.
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
06 Nov 2024
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spite, grudges, and other underrated methods of processing your feelings by littledata
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV)
20 Oct 2024
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“It’s been three seconds and I can already tell that hiring you was a mistake,” Agatha informs her, “Why don’t we start your leaving paperwork now?”
“You know.” Rio takes another, unnecessary sip of her lukewarm coffee, “Most people might say ‘Hey Rio, welcome to your new job, your ass looks great in those pants, let me show you where the fire exits are’.”
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In the same week that she starts work as her ex-wife's bodyguard, Rio is hired to murder her.
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
05 Nov 2024
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Beats for You by hurricxneamelia, thetbone
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV), WandaVision (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel
28 Feb 2025
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Rio comes on the Witches’ Road — and in Agatha’s bedroom — from the beginning. Maybe, just maybe, Agatha can let herself forgive. Maybe, just maybe, Rio can let herself break the rules. Maybe, just maybe, they’ll drive Jen to insanity in the process.
Basically, a smuttier rewrite of Agatha All Along Season 1 with a happier ending.
Series
- Part 1 of "Beats for..." Series
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 68,082
- Chapters:
- 23/23
- Comments:
- 334
- Kudos:
- 1,334
- Bookmarks:
- 190
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- 48,279
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
05 Nov 2024
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“Vidal,” Agnes says, twirling her stake between her fingers. Her voice carries over the empty cemetery, disturbing the chorus of crickets. “Don’t tell me you’re visiting your own grave. That’s just sad.”
Vidal grins. Her pointed teeth catch the moonlight. “Oh, please,” she says, brushing a bit of dirt from the name carved into the gravestone. “I wouldn’t be caught dead dying in this town. I’m just checking up on one of the locals.”
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Before guest-starring as Agent Vidal in Agatha's cop drama, Rio plays along for a few of Agatha's other TV-inspired delusions.
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
05 Nov 2024
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and death is an evil, so the gods agree by dumblibramoon
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
24 Oct 2024
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“Unless you're here to kill me,” Agatha muttered, not looking up from her books, “I really don't care.”
“See, that's the thing.” Rio's voice took on an oddly gleeful tone. “I can't kill anyone right now. I quit.”
That got Agatha's attention. Her head snapped up, eyes narrowing as she took in Rio's appearance. Death looked... different. Still draped in her usual black attire, but there was something more solid about her presence. More... mortal.
“You what?”
“Quit! Resigned. Took early retirement. Put in my two weeks' notice, whatever. Except I didn't actually give notice, I just stopped showing up.” Rio beamed.
In which Death retires.
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
05 Nov 2024
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i looked to the children (i drank from the fountains) by seabiscuit
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV)
31 Oct 2024
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“Wait, you haven’t even heard my pitch,” She can hear William’s footsteps quickening behind her, “She’s gay, too.”
Agatha turns sharply on her heel, “How could you possibly know that?”
“I asked.”
“You asked?” Agatha slaps a hand over her face, covering her eyes, “Oh my God, Teen, one of these days you’re going to get slapped in the face, and you’re going to deserve it.”
*
Or,
Agatha’s teenage neighbor tries to play matchmaker with her and the hot funeral director who just moved in next door. It goes about as well as you’d expect.
Series
- Part 1 of the neighbor's blessed burden
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
04 Nov 2024
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creator, you destroy me by velvetprayer
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
02 Nov 2024
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Time, suddenly, means the moments in between her.
Series
- Part 1 of love in withdrawal was the weeping of me
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,806
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 382
- Kudos:
- 6,340
- Bookmarks:
- 1,550
- Hits:
- 132,592
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
04 Nov 2024
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riding on your rhythm through the solar system, come with me by justinbieberpotato
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV)
24 Nov 2024
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"AGATHA if you're reading this, it means I am dead. Or, dying, at least. help. made a deal with Death lol can you undo it
XO, Billy :P"
Wherein Billy tries to parent-trap a ghost and a cosmic being by semi-killing himself.
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
03 Nov 2024
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Even cosmic entities get lonely. Maybe they especially do.
A series of vignettes featuring Rio, a small army of tiny moss kittens, and Agatha – if Rio's lucky.
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
03 Nov 2024
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Life (Love)’s Like An Hourglass Glued To The Table (And No One Can Push The Rewind Button, Girl) by WhothefelsewantedtobeLynNyx
Fandoms: Agatha All Along (TV)
16 Oct 2024
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Alice hasn’t said a word since they’d pulled her out of the trial. Not that Agatha can really blame her. Dying, she’s been told, is particularly unpleasant. Revival is even worse. Poor thing’s probably earned the right to a little bit of catatonia.
Although that statement isn’t entirely accurate. Alice had actually tried to stutter out about two words- right after she’d woken up, panicked, and decked Agatha right in the goddamn jaw.
~
Alice is back from the dead, and she’s…in complete and total shock. Meanwhile Teen is losing it, Jen is constantly astounded, Agatha’s having feelings, and Rio…
Well, Rio, of course, is having the time of her goddamn life.
Or: my take on the (as of right now) theoretical reunion between newly revived Alice and her coven.
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
01 Nov 2024
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When Agatha volunteers to find food for the coven after the events of the second trial, Rio joins her, knowing that it's damn well not about the food or the frankly uncharacteristic intent to do something kind out of the goodness of her heart.
It's about the fact that Agatha doesn't like anyone to see when she's hurting.
(But, oh, if she isn't a minefield of a thousand wounds.)
Bookmarked by fire_monkey
01 Nov 2024