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Summary
Summoning a hero from another dimension makes perfect sense to the desperate and stupid.
Unfortunately, they're not the only ones to reap the consequences.
Series
- Part 1 of Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes
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The Way of Conquest by pagination
Fandoms: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, The Mandalorian (TV), Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
26 Jun 2025
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Summary
All Din wanted to do was find the Child a sorcerer teacher, pick up a job or two, and follow his Creed.
Three out of three is good, right? Right?
Series
- Part 1 of The Way of Conquest
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Dr. Seuss Never Wrote This Sh*t by pagination
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Hawkeye (Comics)
23 Jun 2025
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Summary
On Friday, Clint comes back to the tower from an op in Cairo.
He eats two tuna sandwiches. After that, he takes a shower.
Then, since he doesn’t have anything better to do, he finally decides to do something about the strange dick in his pants.
Okay, yeah. That sounds bad.
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Home Improvement Appendix: How They Met by pagination
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Hawkeye (Comics), Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
22 Jun 2025
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Summary
“Speaking of American heroes—“ Phil begins.
“I wasn’t,” Marcus says rudely.
Phil ignores him. “It was an honor to be wing man to a real, undeniable American icon,” he says, taking shrimp from the freezer to thaw. “I have his trading card from 1952, when his image was being used by Fairchild against Joe McCarthy’s campaign. A little foxing on the edges, but otherwise in good condition. Current valuation—“
The inchoate sound of rage that Marcus makes is satisfying in the way a good bowel movement is: viciously physical, and spiritually rejuvenating.
Series
- Part 2 of Home Improvement
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The Logistics of the Way by pagination
Fandoms: Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mandalorian (TV), Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
29 Nov 2024
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Summary
Side stories, perspectives, and the bits and bobs I wrote for the Way of Conquest that didn't make it into the story. Because plot.
Series
- Part 2 of The Way of Conquest
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Force is a Verb by pagination
Fandoms: Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
24 Nov 2024
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Summary
Twinky is a Great Explorer. The greatest! And even if the Grabbing Thing is being rude and grabbed her in the middle of her Great Explorings to take her to a dirty place with lots of moons and a different sky, Twinky knows what is important and what is not.
A little wizard and childrens being hurt by big no-majs is bad bad bad. Well. Twinky knows just what to do about that.
Series
- Part 4 of Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better
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Tales of Middle Earth by pagination
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
22 May 2024
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Summary
Middle Earth-based story ideas as I clear them out of my WIP and plot bunny folders. Some of them might end up something someday, but at the leisurely rate at which I'm clearing out my WIP folder, that might never happen. If anyone cares to adopt an idea, feel free. Just let me know!
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There Are No Words Adequate For This Day by pagination
Fandoms: 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
02 Jan 2023
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Summary
"The ICW put a spell around the Five Nation borders so visitors would gradually forget after they left if they saw anything magical. Still, there are violations all the time, and the Five Nations arbitrarily rip it down from time to time so the ICW has to put it back up again—”
“Who’s going to tell the Five Nations what to do?” interrupted one of the Weasley twins, buoyantly. “They’re run by the greatest Dark Lord that ever lived.”
Harry sprayed cider in Ron’s face.
Series
- Part 1 of Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better
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Karma is a Four Letter Word by pagination
Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
30 Nov 2021
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Summary
Whenever Eraserhead gives thought to his past lives, he assumes he must have been a terrible person. A villain maybe, heavy on the drama. Probably even abusive to kids. There's no other way he could deserve the suffering he's put through by his friends and these horrible brats.
Well. He isn't wrong.
Series
- Part 3 of Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better
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Variations on a Theme by Macy's by pagination
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
23 Nov 2020
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T-minus thirteen days to Black Friday. It’s one of the busiest times of the year at Macy’s, leading up to the busiest time of the year. Phil has been planning for weeks, assigning roles, walking his people through their parts, drawing up contingency plans and making sure they’re memorized. His people are prepared, his floors are prepared, everything will run smoothly as God is his witness.
It's a pity Clint Barton isn't smooth.
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The Importance of the Silent E by pagination
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Final Fantasy VII
28 Apr 2020
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Summary
“I think this must be Voldemort,” Vincent said, staring at the ranting Bad Rap. Cloud was skeptical, and this was coming from a man named after a weather phenomenon. “He’s the local dark lord, considered one of the more powerful magic users on the planet.”
There was nothing about that statement that Cloud didn’t take issue with. “Really?” And then, because it needed to be said, pointed out, “He’s pretty pale.” Maybe ‘Dark Lord’ referred to his tragic fashion choices?
Series
- Part 2 of Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better
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Summary
“Look,” Thorin said to Dwalin, after the halfling had miraculously survived a hundred foot fall and caught up with them after escaping a mountain full of ravenous goblins, the entire company had been cornered on a cliff by wargs and set fire to the trees they were on, Thorin himself had managed to avoid getting decapitated, and the whole lot of them had gotten an unexpected ride by oliphant-sized talking eagles. The halfling was still bubbling happily nearby, his stupidly beautiful eyes wide open and fawn-like. “Look,” Thorin said again, a little more firmly. “There’s something not right about all this.”
“Mahal, not this again,” said Dwalin.
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Maybe Now Would Be a Good Time to Stop Talking by pagination
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
20 Feb 2018
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Summary
Phil's civilian friends love Clint. They love Phil-and-Clint. But most of all, they love Phil: their ex-Army, bravely bisexual, establishment-bucking, sewage treatment-passionate, no longer lonely friend.
So of course Clint f***s it all up.
Series
- Part 3 of Words are Hard
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Summary
Four little hobbits went Adventuring. Bilba Baggins, sent to bring them back, found four little hobbit birds instead. Transformed along with a pair of dwarves by a batty wizard, their only hope is a spell that hasn't been performed in an Age. Bilba is a Baggins, which means Responsibility--and if traveling across Middle-Earth, dealing with ridiculously overprotective elves, and outsmarting a nutty king is what it takes, then that is simply what she'll have to do.
But goodness, she really could have done without this irritating dwarf prince!
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A Fate Worse Than Death by pagination
Fandoms: Discworld - Terry Pratchett, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
23 Jun 2016
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Summary
Where does one go for help when one is the anthropomorphic personification of death, and having problems with one's love--for lack of a better word--life?
Maybe not the Avengers.
Probably not the Avengers?
No, definitely not the Avengers.
Eh. Let's go ask the Avengers.
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No Regrets by pagination for Jantique
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Spider-Man (Ultimateverse)
04 Jun 2016
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Summary
The problem with addictions is that once they start, they're really hard to stop.
Clint has no regrets.
Series
- Part 2 of Words are Hard
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Talk to Me (But Maybe Use Different Words) by pagination
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
12 May 2016
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Summary
Clint Barton's To Do list
1. Buy more undies.
2. 'Pizza is my second favorite thing to eat in bed.' Try line out on Phil.
3. Look for other sock. Maybe left in bodega.
4. 'Your eyes are like spanners. Whenever I see them, my nuts tighten.' Tony = hilarious. Try on Phil.
5. Feed dog.
6. 'I'm no weatherman, but you should expect eight inches tonight.' Don't try on Phil yet.
7. Measure dick. Use ruler this time instead of fruit.
8. Throw out the yogurt container in the fridge. Do not open first.Phil Coulson's To Do list:
1. Request new psych eval for Barton.
2. Buy butter.Series
- Part 1 of Words are Hard
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[Cover] Washed Ashore by pagination for Kathar
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
19 Sep 2015
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[Cover] Just Across the Hall by pagination for Ralkana
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
19 Sep 2015
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[Cover] Dragons Don't Drink Coffee by pagination for orderlychaos
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
19 Sep 2015
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