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    “Ilya,” Shane whispers. “Ilya, baby, can you open your eyes?”

    He’s met with silence, and the frantic tremor of his heart turns into an earthquake. The ice beneath him seeps into his veins and freezes his blood. Panic claws at his chest, scaling his ribcage like a ladder and lodging in his throat. He can barely breathe around the terror.

    “Ilya, you need to open your eyes. You need to look at me.”

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    23 May 2026

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    He wanted to take it back instantly. Wanted to swallow his name down, down, down, shove it back into his heart where he’s been hiding it for - god - years. He wanted to go back in time a few seconds, to just before the moment when he ruined it all. He’d call him Hollander, instead. He’d whisper something sweet in Russian so Shane would never know - so Ilya could speak his feelings into existence without Shane hearing them.

    He’d do anything at all to fix it.

     

    (Or, Shane leaves. Then he comes back.)

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    22 May 2026

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    “You were so cute,” Shane said, trying not to visibly react that Rozanov was closing the distance between them. He was still wearing his coat, from the outside. “What happened?” he asked, turning to Ilya.

    Ilya carefully took the picture from his hands, sliding it in a top drawer on top of folded t-shirts.

    Rozanov exhaled in a half laugh. “I am not cute anymore?”

    ***
    A missing scene from pre-tuna melt, Shane is left alone in Ilya’s apartment and he snoops, just a little bit.

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    22 May 2026

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    He doesn’t remember any part of that night that didn’t involve Shane. He doesn’t remember the woman’s name, or what she looked like, or even why he didn’t go home with her. All of that was insignificant, a blur that faded into nothingness.

    He only remembers Shane, and then the absence of him.

    (They finally talk about what happened at the club.)

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    29 Apr 2026

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    “I felt…bad. It felt bad. I had missed you so much and then I finally saw you again and you -” Shane cut himself off. “I know you didn’t mean to,” he started again. “I know you weren’t trying to be… I don’t know. You didn’t mean to.”

    “I didn’t mean to what?” Ilya’s pulse quickened. Shane wouldn’t meet his eye.

    Shane took a deep breath. “You didn’t mean to hurt me.”

    Ilya felt the words like a sucker punch to the stomach. He swallowed hard, fighting to keep his voice level. “I hurt you?”
    ___________

    An offhand comment from Yuna triggers a conversation between Shane and Ilya about that night in Ilya's Vegas penthouse after the MLH awards. Ilya knew he had fucked up, but maybe not how much. Maybe now he can make up for it.

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    29 Apr 2026