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Chapter Text

Eric Bittle @omgcheckplease • Oct 23

Oh, okay, I think Nursey's trying to set Dex up with one of his friends from Andover for a screw date or something.

Eric Bittle @omgcheckplease • Oct 23

Nursey: She does experimental theater & makes her own clothes. Sick, riiiight?

Chowder: wow!

Dex: That entire sentence was frustrating.

"I'm setting up a dating agency."

Ransom looks up from his notepad and frowns at Nursey, who is standing in front of his library table with his hands stuffed in his hoodie pocket and a very toothy grin settled on his face.

"I beg your pardon?" Ransom asks, not entirely sure if he's heard correctly.

"A dating agency," Nursey repeats. "It's like Tinder, but without the app."

Ransom glances around in case there's any hidden cameras or other hockey players giggling behind bookshelves, then raises an eyebrow when he sees an empty library. He's not on Candid Camera.

"Right," he says slowly. "Why?"

"I have a theory," Nursey says, "that Dex is angry and irritated all the time because of the fact that he hasn't gotten any in over a year."

"How do you know that?" Ransom asks, slightly incredulous. 

Nursey shrugs and throws himself loosely into the chair opposite. "It's just a guess. Probably an accurate one, though."

"So your plan," Ransom says, laying his pen carefully down onto his notes, "is to set him up to get him to stop arguing with you?"

"Yes," Nursey says, blinking over at Ransom with his chin rested on his palm. "It's going to be called Derek Nurse's Set-U-Up Agency."

Ransom snorts. "Set you up agency?" 

"Set-U-Up," Nursey clarifies, pointing at Ransom to clarify. "With a 'u'."

"Sounds great," Ransom says, still grinning at the sheer ridiculousness of the plan. "Good luck, I guess."

"Thanks!" Nursey calls over his shoulder as he begins to jog away.

"Sophia Matthis," Nursey says when Dex opens the door to him the next morning, grinning like a maniac with too much time on his hands.

If you ask Dex, he would probably tell you that it's a pretty accurate description. 

Dex pauses in reaching for his bag and raises an eyebrow. "Who?"

"Sophia Matthis," Nursey repeats. "She's in my lit study group."

"Oh, right," Dex picks his bag up from the floor and slings it over his back. He then pushes Nursey forward, out of the doorway, and shuts it behind him. "What about her?" 

Nursey grins and begins to walk after him. "She's great. Pretty, blue eyes, likes Orwell. She's quite good friends with March, I think. Ransom invited her to Winter Screw."

They begin to descend the stairs, three at a time, as usual. "Oh, cool," Dex says. Nursey can't see his face from behind him. "Are you dating her?"

Nursey laughs. "No, no," he says, and jogs a little to keep up with Dex's speeding pace. "I think you should go on a date with her."

"Ha!" Dex laughs out loud and then coughs. "No, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?" Nursey asks. Dex pushes open the main door and holds it open for Nursey, who flashes him a toothy grin as they walk out into the street.

"She sounds kind of boring, to be honest," Dex shrugs. "Sorry."

"Don't apologise to me, man," Nursey says. "I'm not that upset. Thought she might be a good fit, is all."

"Sorry," Dex apologises again, and Nursey rolls his eyes. "She just doesn't sound like my type."

Nursey hmms in thought. "What is your type, then?"

Dex doesn't have a chance to reply as Nursey trips on an uneven paving slab. Dex grabs his arm before he can faceplant the floor and pulls him upright.

"Nurse," says Dex.

"Yeah?" says Nursey. "What?"

"I don't want to date Sophie Matthis," Dex says, giving Nursey's arm a firm shake. "Stop trying to get me to."

"...Okay," Nursey replies with a nod. Dex smiles and lets go of his arm, beginning to walk off. "Wait! It's Sophia, not Sophie!" he calls after him, rubbing his arm.

"How about Athena Jones?"

"Hmm?" Chowder hums, his mouth full of pastry. "What?"

"Not you," Nursey grins. "Not unless you want to ditch Farmer and go on a date with my friend Athena Jones."

"No! Of course I don't!" Chowder says after swallowing, and Nursey laughs at the pure offence on his face.

Dex closes his book with a long sigh, sounding awfully like he's suffering a prolonged and painful injury. "He means me," he says whilst looking at Nursey.

Nursey says nothing, but smirks and takes a sip of his soda.

"What?" Chowder looks between Nursey and Dex, confused. "Why?"

"He keeps trying to set me up with his friends from his English study group," Dex explains. "What happened to Sophie?"

"Oh," Chowder says. He narrows his eyes at Dex and throws him a suspecting, calculating look before picking up another pastry. "Hmm." 

"Sophia," Nursey corrects. "And you said she wasn't your type. I'm just exploring all the possible options," he says, raising both his eyebrow, questioning, and his glass to his lips.

"Well," Dex says, "she wasn't. I can't imagine Athena Jones is, either."

"Yeah, Nursey, your English study group friends are a little odd," Chowder agrees. "Although I'm sure they're all perfectly lovely people."

"They are," Nursey says, indignant. "Anyways, Thee isn't from my study group. She's from the varsity soccer team. Very athletic. Very attractive."

He winks. Something quirks in Dex's clenched jaw.

"See, eh, Poindexter," Nursey says and sips his soda again. "Now he's interested."

Chowder frowns and raises his finger to object. "I don't -"

"Not in the slightest," Dex says, sounding overly cheerful. He picks up his book and gets up, leaving the kitchen. "See ya," he says as he is half out of the door.

A gaping Nursey is left in silence at the table. "I don't get it," he says.

Chowder shrugs. "He's an enigma," he mumbles through a pastry.

Nursey rolls his eyes and finishes off his soda.

"Yo," Nursey says, dropping down opposite Dex and pushing his coffee across the table towards him.

Dex doesn't notice. 

"Yo," Nursey waves his hands in front of his face this time, and Dex looks up at him, pulling out an earphone. "Got you a coffee."

"Oh, thanks," Dex flashes him a smile, and it's gone as quickly as it came. He takes the coffee and places it directly in front of him, but doesn't take a sip.

"So," Nursey says before Dex can put his other earphone back in. "My friend over there, the barista, thinks you're cute."

Dex blinks at Nursey in surprise and then looks back down at his laptop again, starting to type once more. "Who?"

"Quinn Butler," Nursey replies with a big smile. "She's been working here for ages, says she serves you coffee on Tuesdays. Obviously you've caught her eye by, uh," he studies Dex for a second, "glaring at your laptop like that, I guess."

Dex looks up and over Nursey's head, presumably to study Quinn behind the counter. Nursey glances over to see her busying herself with the coffee machine. "Hmm," he says and looks back at his laptop again.

"That's it?" Nursey says.

"She makes good coffee," Dex says.

Then Dex simply puts his other earphone in and begins to type once more. Nursey sighs. He takes a scrap piece of paper from the very top of Dex's notes as well as Dex's pen and scrawls a quick note, pushing it across the desk once he's finished.

why not?????
if she makes good coffee ;)
                                ➚
        that's a winky face

At first Dex doesn't see the scrap paper note, but Nursey aims a kick at Dex's shin under the table to attract his attention. 

"Ow!" Dex exclaims, and a bunch of people glance over. "What the fuck, Nurse?" he asks in more hushed tones.

Nursey looks pointedly at the note and Dex picks it up to read it. Nursey swears he sees something that looks suspiciously like amusement before he grabs the pen to reply.

Too busy
             sorry
            :)

He screws the note into a ball and throws it so it bounces directly off Nursey's forehead. Nursey picks it up from the floor, unscrews it and rolls his eyes at the reply. 

He looks over his shoulder at Quinn and shakes his head. She smiles wistfully and shrugs, going back to wiping down the coffee machine.

Dex presses the enter key with a certain vehemency. 

"I'm here to give you an update," Nursey says as he vaults over the back of the couch and lands directly next to Ransom, who jumps practically out of his skin. 

"Shit, man!" Ransom shouts, and then clears his throat with a cough. "Uh, update on what?" he asks more calmly.

"Derek Nurse's Set-U-Up Agency," Nursey says, grabbing the bag of chips resting on the coffee table. "Obviously."

"Obviously," Ransom echoes, deadpan. He exchanges a glance with Holster, who slowly and inconspicuously pulls one of his earphones out. "How's it going?" Ransom asks.

Nursey takes a handful of chips from the bag and drops it back on the table. "Oh, it's not really going at all yet," he says and shoves a bunch of crisps in his mouth.

"Why not?" Ransom asks. "Are your matches that bad?"

"My matches are great!" Nursey exclaims, offended. "He just doesn't really seem interested in any of them."

Holster opens his mouth to say something, but Ransom shoots him a look and he closes it again. 

"Oh well," Nursey sighs. "I'll just have to keep trying!"

He finger guns at both Ransom and Holster and slings himself back over the couch, walking off into the kitchen, humming a cheerful tune.

"What was that about?" Holster asks, making grabby hands for the chips.

Ransom flings the bag over and sighs, smiling. "You don't wanna know, bro."

"Try me," Holster says with his mouth full.

"Charlotte Bordey," Nursey introduces, "meet William Poindexter, Jr."

"Knock it off, Nurse," Dex rolls his eyes, and then smiles at Charlotte. "Call me Will."

"Hi, Will," she sticks her hand out and shakes Will's with much gusto. "Nursey told me you're good at code? Physics, programming?"

"Uh," Dex glances over at Nursey, who winks at him. "I think so?"

"Modesty, I imagine?" Charlotte smiles at Nursey, who nods silently.

"Can I help you with something, uh, code-related?" Dex asks.

"Oh, yes," says Charlotte. "For one of my projects I'm calculating the perfect goal. I wondered if I could get a programming expert to help me out, and since you're a hockey player, that could definitely help as well."

"But I'm a defenseman," Dex frowns. 

"You scoring the goal isn't the most important factor, I have a lot of that data already," Charlotte admits. "Programming isn't my strong point, however, that's what I need help with."

Dex nods. "Okay, cool. I'd love to help."

Charlotte and Nursey both break out into identical grins, for different reasons, Dex assumes. 

"Wonderful! Shall we go over it at Annie's? Are you free?" Charlotte chirps.

"Uh, yeah, I am," Dex says, checking his watch. "That would be great."

"I've got my laptop," Charlotte says and flips her hair over her shoulder. "Thanks so much for your help, it's going to be great!"

Charlotte and Dex begin to walk off towards Annie's. Nursey clears his throat loudly and when Dex looks over his shoulder, Nursey sticks his thumbs up. 

Dex flips him the bird and turns back around.

Three hours later, when Dex walks into the Haus and drops his bag by the door, Nursey immediately bombards him with questions.

"Soooooo," he croons, "how was it?"

Dex blinks at him. "How was what?"

Nursey rolls his eyes. "Your little coffee date with Charlotte Bordey. Obviously."

"It wasn't a date, we were working," Dex says. He looks a little exasperated.

"Oh, yeah, of course," Nursey says, and then winks.

"Yes, of course," Dex says. "Working. We got most of her programming done, she's just got to wrap a couple of things up."

Nursey visibly deflates. "Is that it?"

Dex nods, leveling him with a look that's almost impossible to decipher.

"That's it," he says. "She's lovely, but I'm really not that bothered."

Then he wanders past into the kitchen, leaving Nursey with his arms crossed in front of the doorway, frowning at the door.

Next time, they're in the library. Nursey and Dex sit opposite one another, both absorbed in their textbooks and notes, until a tall girl in a Samwell hoodie walks past and takes a seat two tables away.

Nursey aims a kick at Dex under the table, and it's met with a low grunt.

"Stop doing that, Nurse," Dex mutters.

"Safia Reynolds," Nursey hisses by way of response.

Dex rolls his eyes and drops back low into his chair. "Are you kidding me? I'm working."

"You're always working," Nursey dismisses. "Look at her."

Dex follows where Nursey's pointing and his eyes fall on Safia Reynolds. He studies her for a moment and then his gaze returns to Nursey. He shrugs.

Nursey throws his arms up in the air, exasperated, and launches his pen over the desk.

"I'm not picking that up for you," Dex mutters once more.

"Charming," Nursey says. "No wonder you can't get the girls."

Dex opens his mouth to say something, then changes his mind at the last moment.

He cocks his head to the side and scrunches up his nose, and Nursey's first thought is ah, that's kind of adorable.

His second thought is Derek, what the fuck? and he shakes his head to stop his brain from doing, well, anything.

"Are you alright, Nurse?" Dex says, and he's smiling at Nursey's antics.

Nursey sniffs. "Perfect. As always."

Dex throws his pen at Nursey and it bounces off his shoulder, landing on his notes.

"Now we've got each other's pens," Nursey says, and then makes grabby hands for his own.

"Nope, this one's mine now," Dex grins. "I'm using it."

"But I can't use yours, it's blue!" Nursey cries, and then ducks his head when several people shush him.

"And?" Dex shrugs. "Yours is black, who cares?"

Nursey closes his eyes. "I can't suddenly use a blue pen half way through my notes, are you insane?" he asks.

"Are you?" Dex questions.

Nursey kicks him under the table again.

"Ow, knock it off!" Dex hisses and Nursey smirks, eyes still closed.

"Maybe I will if you go on a date with Safia," Nursey offers. "She's great, you know, really friendly. Very chatty, likes hockey. Likes the Flyers, even - I could sort you out for tonight."

"I'm busy tonight," Dex says and turns a page in his notebook. "I'm seeing Charlotte."

Nursey opens his eyes sharpish and gapes. "You're seeing Charlotte?" he asks rather loudly.

Several more people shush him.

"For her goal project, you idiot," Dex mumbles. "She's still not done, she's stuck on some code stuff."

Nursey sighs dramatically. "You don't help yourself with all this floundering, Dexarooney."

Dex's fist visibly clenches but he says nothing.

"I will never give up," Nursey says, and pats his arm reassuringly. "Don't you worry."

Dex's facial expression looks incredibly worried, coincidentally.

"Tia Dyer," Nursey says out of the blue at a team breakfast one morning, and Dex, Chowder, Ransom and Holster all groan.

"What?" Tango asks, forever confused, it seems.

Bitty looks around the table like he's trying to suss out the issue.

"Who's Tia Dyer?" he asks curiously.

"She's one of my mama's friend's daughters," Nursey explains.

"Are we stretching that far now?" Dex asks with his mouth full of scrambled eggs.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures, Poindexter," Nursey shakes his head.

Dex just glares and shovels more eggs into his mouth wordlessly.

"What are y'all up to?" Bitty asks.

Ransom and Holster shrug and Chowder looks at the ceiling. Dex continues to glare at Nursey.

Bitty crosses his arms, his Southern need for gossip outweighing any tactful bone in his body. "Well if I'm not gettin' told, then I'm not serving y'all up breakfast on Saturdays anymore."

Nursey grins. "I'm setting Dex up."

"Oh!" Bitty says, clearly surprised. Then, his face falls. "With Tia Dyer?"

"Yes," Nursey says at the same time as Dex says "no."

"Sheesh," Bitty laughs. "Y'all can work this out between yourselves. I'm off to Skype Jack."

"Say hi from me!" a lot of the team chorus. Bitty relents as he puts his plate in the dishwasher and strides out of the kitchen. 

"What are Tia Dyer's best selling points, then?" Holster says and he's probably mocking, but Nursey jumps at the chance anyway.

"Well for starters she's not from my English study group, because Dex thinks they're all weird," Nursey says, giving Dex a look. Dex just eats some more scrambled eggs in silence, staring at Nursey with an annoyingly unreadable expression.

"They are a bit strange," Whiskey agrees, and three people shush him.

"She's very nice, actually," Nursey continues. "Lovely, in fact. She's a student counsellor at the LGBT+ society."

Chowder shoots Dex a look, which Nursey misses, as Tango frowns. "But -"

"She's bisexual, Tony," Lardo deadpans.

"Oh!" Tango says. "Yes, of course."

Nursey begins his spiel again. "She's a really good listener, doesn't talk loads like Charlotte or Quinn or -"

"Or you?" Dex interrupts, and half of the table giggle like schoolchildren. 

"Funny," Nursey says. "You should just go for coffee with her. Maybe she'd listen to all your pent-up anger problems or give you counselling or something."

Ransom sighs. "Nursey -"

"Yeah, okay," Dex says. 

The room falls silent as everyone gapes at Dex.

"...What?" Nursey's grin slowly grows a lot bigger.

"Do you have her number?" Dex asks, sitting upright. "I'll text her."

"Okay, yeah!" Nursey says excitedly and pulls his phone out.

Ransom and Holster exchange slightly confused glances and Chowder's jaw drops open, but of course, Nursey misses it all.

"Nursey?" Ransom grabs his shoulder as they're about to get on the ice.

"Yeah?" Nursey replies.

"I would just - maybe leave Dex alone for a bit, yeah?" Ransom suggests hopefully. "With the... agency, I mean."

Nursey grins. "It's going so well, though! I've got some more gals lined up, too, more like Tia this time, though. I'm trying to find the perfect match if Tia doesn't work out, a bit like how Charlotte didn't."

Ransom shakes his head. "I'm not sure -"

"See ya, captain," Nursey tips a pretend cap and skates onto the ice enthusiastically, at top speed.

Ransom sighs.

"He is the most clueless person I've ever met, bro," Holster says as he comes up behind Ransom.

"You have absolutely no idea," Ransom says, monotonous.

Nursey sticks his head into the lounge where he heard Dex working earlier to see him in the middle. "How did your coffee date go?" he asks. "What did you think of Tia?"

"She was nice," Dex says from the floor.

Nursey scans the room. Dex sits in the middle of the room surrounded by stacks of paper and textbooks. His laptop sits directly in front of him.

"Nice girlfriend or nice friend, though?" Nursey prods. He drops himself down, cross legged, opposite Dex.

"Nice friend," Dex mumbles. "Obviously."

"Not so obvious to me, pal," Nursey says and steals one of the cookies that lay untouched next to Dex. He imagines Bitty probably put them there whilst Dex was in his work trance and they haven't been noticed. "All the girls I suggest aren't good enough for you, or something?" he says with his mouth full.

"Of course they are. Probably too good, even," Dex says. "Just not my type."

"You keep saying that," Nursey says.

"Keeps being true," Dex shrugs.

There's a moment of silence as Nursey racks his brains for all the Tia Dyer-type girls he knows. Good listeners, lovely people, people that help. 

It confuses him a little that Dex wants somebody to listen to him. Dex doesn't talk a lot.

"How about Charlie Quentin?" Nursey suggests after somewhat of a lightbulb moment. "On the varsity diving team, too."

Dex immediately snaps out of his trance and looks up at him. "Who?"

"...Charlie Quentin," Nursey says again, slowly. "Do you know her?"

"Oh," Dex looks down again, visibly dejected, and flips a page in his textbook. "No, I don't know... her."

Nursey's heart aches a little for Dex, looking so disappointed in a pile of work on a Wednesday evening. 

They sit in silence for a minute, Nursey studying Dex as he sits, awash in the blue light of his laptop screen. 

Probably too good. Nursey doesn't really understand why Dex thinks that. Dex is really cute, Nursey would be the first to admit; he has done, in fact, to all the girls who he's trying to set up Dex's dates with. He's changed an awful lot since they met at Samwell and their arguments no longer amount to much like they used to. He's really clever and very good at hockey, and there's something not cute but hot about his concentration on the ice.

Nursey realises with a jolt that he likes Dex.

"Fuck," Nursey says out loud in summary of his thoughts.

"Hmm?" Dex looks up and his laptop screen goes black as it hasn't been touched for a while.

Nursey is very glad for it as a blush blooms across his cheeks. "So how about Charlie Quentin, then?"

He doesn't see the textbook that Dex throws until it hits him in the face.

"What about Harriet Pinkett?" is met with a glare over the dinner table and a kick underneath it.

"Lola Fairbright. She's really cute. She's on the cheer squad," is met with collective groans from the entire team in the locker room after practice.

"You've got to have heard of Zara Simpson," is simply ignored in favour of Dex body-checking him into the Pexiglass.

"Lauren Lyons?"

"Can you pass me the screwdriver?" Dex says, ignoring Nursey and holding his hand out for the desired screwdriver.

"Yeah," Nursey says and passes it to him. 

There's a few minutes of companionable silence as Dex tinkers over the dryer, biting his lip in concentration. Nursey leans over the stair rail, watching him.

Nursey's crush on Dex has gotten bigger. Dex has been a lot happier recently, for some reason, and it suits him. 

The recommendations keep coming, however. Nursey's affections are now bordering on falling in love, but he knows that he can't fail in making Dex happy. Even if Dex doesn't seem even remotely interested.

 "She's really nice," Nursey says with the air of somebody that's about to tell a long, long story. "She's -"

"Nurse."

Nursey startles silent. There's quiet. Nursey flips a wrench in his hands for something to do.

"...What?" Nursey asks, confused.

"Look," Dex sighs. "Dude, I appreciate the... um, huge and ongoing effort, but you do realise I'm gay, right?"

Something in Nursey's chest drops into his stomach out of pure shock. All this time, all this effort, even all this pining... 

He drops all of the tools he's holding.

The minimal interest in Charlie was because of the gender ambiguous name, the date with Tia because she was an LGBT counsellor. Nursey gets it now, and he feels like electricity has replaced the blood in his veins.

"I... I had no idea," he stammers. "Dex, I'm really sorry."

Nursey is expecting Dex to punch him, or fight him, or yell at him or something like that, but he doesn't.

Dex just grins, and turns back to the dryer with a shrug.

"Chill," he says, and Nursey falls in love completely.

Chapter Text

"So," Nursey says, dropping down in front of Ransom at the breakfast table. 

Ransom drops his spoon into his cereal and throws Nursey a look. "Don't even start," he warns. 

"You don't even know what I'm going to say," Nursey says and steals one of Holster's four slices of toast. 

"You're going to reel off some ridiculous list of boys to set Dex up with," Ransom says in monotone. 

Nursey pauses around the toast. "Hmm," he narrows his eyes. "Lucky guess."

Holster snorts next to Ransom but doesn't add to the conversation. 

"Nursey, dude," Ransom says. "Quit while you're ahead."

Nursey shakes his head, shoves the rest of the toast into his mouth and stands up. 

"No can do, Justin my friend," he says. "Got to get to work."

"Don't you have, like, actual work to do?" Ransom shouts after his retreating figure. 

When offered no response, Ransom sighs. 

"He is literally insatiable," Holster comments offhandedly. 

"Or just really dumb," Ransom adds.

"Crazy in love," Holster nods gravely, spreading butter on his toast. Ransom glares at him. 

"Right," Nursey says.

Dex looks up at him from the library table and then narrows his eyes.

"What do you want?" Dex says. "Aren't you meant to be in class?"

"It's cancelled, fortunately," Nursey explains and sits down opposite.

"Fortunately for who?" Dex mutters, turning his eyes back to his scribbly notes.

"For you, clearly," Nursey grins.

Dex doesn't reply but doesn't carry on working, so Nursey assumes it's safe to start a conversation.

"Have you got a date for the kegster on Friday?" Nursey asks offhandedly. 

Dex drops his head down onto the table where it makes a loud thunk sound. It echoes throughout the entire library.

"That's a no, then," Nursey snorts.

"It's a don't even bother," Dex says into his notes.

"You suck, bro," Nursey says. "I'm putting a lot of effort into this."

He doesn't mention the fact that he needs this to pull off, because if Dex stays single, Nursey is going to end up doing something stupid and drastic.

"You should stop," Dex suggests.

Nursey shakes his head. "I'm relentless, Dexter."

"I'm getting that sense," Dex says darkly.

"On an unrelated note," Nursey continues, grabbing Dex's eraser, "I have a friend. A good friend. His name's Oscar Phillips."

Dex shoots Nursey what could be easily categorised as a withering death glare.

"No, seriously," Nursey grins. "He's super cute. You'd like him."

"I can guarantee you I wouldn't," Dex deadpans.

"Why not?" Nursey raises an eyebrow and throws Dex's eraser at him. "He's a really good guy, Dex. On the swim team, too. Bilingual. Very attractive, very friendly, very gay."

Instead of replying, Dex maintains eye contact and puts his earphones in.

Nursey raises both his eyebrows. "Well, that's just rude. I'm trying to set you up with the possible love of your life and you prefer your shitty emo music."

Dex makes a very big point of turning up the volume.

Nursey throws a pen at him.

"Dex! Bro!"

Dex hears Nursey yelling for him and downs the rest of his drink. He figures he's going to need the strength.

"Dex Dex Dex Dex," Nursey repeats and shakes Dex's shoulder.

Dex turns around to see Nursey standing next to a tall blonde guy, who looks like somebody out of a magazine.

"This is Lewis Solomon," Nursey introduces.

Lewis sticks his hand out, smiling, and Dex shakes it resignedly, looking less than interested, to Nursey's chagrin.

"He's a friend of a friend from Andover," Nursey hurries to explain. "But he's from Maine. Dex! Maine!"

Dex grits his teeth. "Really?" he asks, sounding like he'd rather not know anything else about Lewis Solomon.

"You're from Maine!" Nursey says loudly and excitedly, and then collapses into giggles.

Lewis winces. "I'm really sorry, he's super drunk," he apologises to Dex.

He seems nice enough, Dex thinks. He dials his hostility level down a little. Maybe he should be a little less miserable about being set up, especially if all of the guys are friendly and gorgeous.

Dex nods. "Yeah," he says. "I'm guessing Bitty forgot about Nursey Patrol."

The two of them look over at the gaggle of dancers that, since Beyoncé came on over the speakers, includes Bitty. 

"I'll take him from here," Dex sighs. "Don't worry about it."

Nursey's giggles stop abruptly. "No!" he whines. "You gotta go with Lew - Lewis!"

Lewis coughs awkwardly. "I'm really not -"

"Lewis, my dude, you are not nearly drunk enough," Nursey says, poking Lewis in the chest.

"Oh, I'm the designated driver," Lewis shrugs, still smiling casually. "Don't worry about me."

"He drives!" Nursey wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. "What else do you do in that car, Solomon?"

"Okay!" Dex says loudly. "That's enough! Let's go get you some water!"

He grabs Nursey by the shoulders and pushes him in the direction of the kitchen.

"I'm really sorry," Dex says to Lewis, who shrugs again.

"Don't sweat it," he says. "I should probably go find my girlfriend. Bye!"

Nursey lets out a low whistle as he walks off.

"Damn, girlfriend? I misjudged that one," he says very, very loudly, and then collapses into giggles again.

Dex shoves him into the kitchen slightly more aggressively than necessary.

"Dex!"

"I'm going to stop you right there, Derek," Dex says before Nursey comes up behind him. "I don't want a set up right now, thank you, bye."

Nursey scoffs. "How dare you assume that's what I was going to say."

Dex shifts his backpack and shrugs. "It seems to happen regularly. Just an educated guess."

"If you're talking set-ups," Nursey says very quickly, "there's this guy, Bradley Derbyshire, who came to watch our game last m-"

"Derek."

Nursey lets out a dramatic sigh. "You grate on my patience," he says.

"I grate on your patience?" Dex says, incredulous. "You've got to be kidding me."

"I just figured that since you're a flaming homosexual now you'd like for me to set you up with some dudes," Nursey grins.

"Flaming -" Dex echoes faintly and then shoves him. "You figured very wrong, Nurse."

Nursey flails slightly and loses his footing, falling down into a bush next to the sidewalk.

Dex bursts out laughing at the sight of his d-partner lying in the shrubbery.

Nursey lets himself, for a moment, take Dex in. He's standing above Nursey with his eyes closed, clutching his stomach, laughing. The sun's behind him and his hair glows. The fast approaching summer means he's even more freckly than usual.

Obviously Nursey's obsessed with him, and it's not going away.

Date me instead, he could say right now, but he doesn't. He can't, not really.

"Help me up, loser," Nursey whines, ignoring his own thoughts and making grabby hands.

"You're a danger to yourself," Dex says, holding his hand out and hoisting Nursey up to his feet.

"You shoved me!" Nursey protests. "If anything, it's your fault."

"It's Bradley's fault," Dex says. "He started it."

Nursey scrunches up his nose. He doesn't get it. If he were in Dex's shoes, he'd have agreed to a date a long time ago.

"Bradley's so nice, though," Nursey says. "He's majoring in paediatrics. He's in a band. He's very chatty. He's just... so nice."

"Nice," Dex echoes. His flat tone doesn't reflect his words.

"Nice," Nursey confirms.

"If you like him so much, why don't you marry him?" Dex smirks, and begins to walk off.

Nursey splutters for a second on the sidewalk, struggling for something to reply with.

"Real mature, Poindexter!" he eventually yells after Dex's hastily retreating back.

"Do you think he knows he's in love with Dex?" Holster asks, skating over to his co-captain in their five minute break.

Ransom studies Nursey and Dex for a second, eyes shifting over how close they're standing and how Nursey keeps leaning in whenever Dex says anything. 

"Probably not," he replies. "Do you think Dex knows he's in love with Nursey?"

"A thousand percent definitely not," Holster says.

Dex says something to Nursey in a low voice and Nursey bursts out laughing.

"Hmm," Holster mumbles. "Do we interfere, or leave it as woefully poor as it is now?"

"Well," Ransom laughs, "interfering like that is a Derek Nurse level of low, bro."

They both watch as Dex's smile gets a little bigger, and Nursey slings his arm around Dex's shoulder, leaning into him to support himself.

Holster nods. "You're right." He sighs. "We'll just have to endure this pitiful sequence of events until it either ends in a relationship or crashes and burns." 

Dex ducks under Nursey's arm and speed skates off towards Chowder, laughing. Nursey chases him, waving his hockey stick above his head.

Ransom snorts as Nursey slams into Dex, who grabs hold of him to stop himself falling. "Don't hold your breath. You might suffocate."

"Samuel Ellis," Nursey says nonchalantly. His feet are on the kitchen table.

Dex ignores him in favour of pulling a couple of wires out of the back of the broken microwave.

"He can do a backflip."

He frowns at the wires and cuts one with his scissors.

"He's six foot two."

Still nothing. 

"Majors in musical theatre."

Dex looks up at him like he's just suggested Chowder jump off a building and laughts.

"You're joking, right?" Dex says. "Musical theatre?"

"Obviously I'm not joking. Do I even look like I'm joking?" Nursey says, and then points at his face, trying to look as serious as possible.

"You look like you've shit yourself," Dex says, smirking.

Nursey gives him a look and places his feet on the floor. "Well, I resent that."

"Doesn't change the fact that your serious expression is worryingly constipated," Dex shrugs.

"You suck," Nursey says as a response.

"You suck," Dex replies.

"For f - " Lardo starts, and then stops herself and sighs, gripping her pen frustratedly. "Will you two shut up? I'm trying to concentrate!"

Nursey scans the room to see Lardo sitting at the table with them, Bitty at the sink and Tango by the fridge. He hadn't even registered any of them.

Bitty gives him an amused look as he dries a plate.

"Soz," Nursey says. He isn't sorry in the slightest, and he doesn't sound it either.

"You're so irritating," Lardo says in one tone of voice.

"He really is, isn't he?" Dex agrees from behind the microwave. 

"Dex," Nursey continues. "Sam Ellis! He's wonderful! He's very good at singing. He could be famous one day. A famous boyfriend. Good, eh?"

"It's not all it's cracked up to be," Bitty jokes from behind him. Lardo snorts.

"I don't want a famous boyfriend," Dex says in a flat voice.

"It's starting to seem to me like you don't want any boyfriends at all, bud," Nursey says.

"That's exactly what I want," Dex sighs. "I'm glad you're finally getting it. It was getting annoying."

Nursey scoffs. "I'm being annoying?"

"Very," Dex says. "All the time."

"You're making this very difficult," Nursey says. "One m-"

"He's clearly making it difficult on purpose," Lardo interrupts. "You know, maybe for a reason."

Nursey grins. "Playing hard to get, eh, Poindexter?"

Dex, Bitty and Lardo all groan loudly, and it makes Nursey jump.

"Stop just setting him up with random boys!" Lardo shouts.

Nursey gives Dex a calculating look. He nods, and everyone sort of relaxes in relief.

"I shall have to break out my fully theorised and curated list of matches," Nursey says with a grave tone of finality.

Lardo physically throws her notebook at him.

The thing is, every guy that Dex has turned down is exactly like Nursey. He'd at least spoken to Lewis Solomon, but he'd been the opposite of Nursey.

It's not just been irritating matchmaking, it's been meticulous research.

Not that he's going to tell anybody that. 

Nursey's problem is that nobody else has the same dynamic with Dex that he does. Dex is a nice person, despite being initially hostile towards basically everyone, and doesn't bicker with anyone else like he bickers with Nursey.

It's always been something Nursey's liked - this dynamic that they have with each other, something truly their own - at the minute, however, it's grating on his patience.

Nursey doesn't have a lot of patience.

"Hiya," Nursey sings cheerily and pushes Dex's coffee across the table to him.

"Thanks," Dex flashes him a grin.

"Same as always, black coffee like a weirdo," Nursey says.

Dex glares at him but there's no malice behind it. "You're the weird one. Who has four sugars in their coffee? What's the point in coffee if it tastes like that?"

Nursey doesn't have a retort so he aims a kick at Dex's shin under the table instead.

"Stop -" Dex hisses loudly, "Will you stop doing that?!"

"Soz, bro," Nursey says and takes a sip of his coffee.

It's too sugary, but he's determined not to show it. The amused face Dex is making hints that he already knows.

Nursey takes a deep breath. It's now or never, he thinks. Just ask him. Ask him out.

"So," he says. "I've been thinking about these dates, and -"

"I'm going to stop you right there," Dex says. Nursey's heart sinks in his chest, slowly and painfully.

"Why?" he forces a smile.

Dex sighs, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath of his own. 

"I'm going to do some asking of my own, if you don't mind," he says.

Nursey feels a little sick. 

"Uh," he says, trying to articulate something that isn't a wail. "Sure. Yeah, you, uh, go for it."

Dex grins. "Thanks, Nurse."

Nursey shrugs. "It's not up to me, man, I was just tryin'a help."

"In any case, watching you stumble over yourself to find me a date was very funny to see," Dex smiles at him.

"Always happy to amuse," Nursey smiles back.

Dex punches him in the shoulder and they both smile at each other for a moment.

"Uh, so, who are you asking?" Nursey asks, hoping he sounds a lot less miserable than he is.

"That reminds me!" Dex says, sounding pretty chirpy despite the pink blush spreading over his cheeks that usually means Grumpy Dex.

"Reminds you what?" Nursey asks before cursing himself for asking more questions.

"How would you feel about accompanying me on a date?" Dex asks.

Nursey chokes on his next breath and claps himself on the chest.

"What?" he gasps, and Dex blushes redder but stays quiet.

"Obviously I'll - Dex, yes," Nursey says after spluttering into silence. "Why didn't you just say something?"

"I didn't think you were interested," Dex shrugs with a bashful smile that pulls on Nursey's heart strings.

"I'm interested," Nursey insists. "I've been interested for a while."

"Well, me too, you moron," Dex laughs. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Nursey shrugs. "You turned all those people down, I thought you might do the same for me."

Dex blushes even redder and looks at the floor. "I turned those people down because first they were girls, and then after that they weren't... well, they weren't you."

Affection surges almost painfully in Nursey's chest and he grins extremely wide.

"You're smiling like a maniac," Dex says.

"I'm happy, you idiot," Nursey laughs, and then sits up and grabs Dex by the front of his Samwell sweater.

"Well, me too," Dex smiles.

Nursey doesn't say anything else - instead he pulls Dex in towards him and kisses him across the table, slow, soft and sweet. Dex moans into his mouth a little and Nursey's insides melt.

On the couch with an almost perfect view of the entire scene, Ransom breathes a huge sigh of relief.