Chapter Text
NoChillTM: hey, so do any of you know how to raise a kid?
FreckledJesus: Don't look at me, Frances barely scraped by normally
TheFrenchiestFry: Just be there for them
TheFrenchiestFry: unless they refuse to sleep
TheFrenchiestFry: Then go full dad mode.
TheFrenchiestFry: No mercy.
NoChillTM: Thanks, laf. Pip is teething right now, and it's utter hell in this house, and it's so freaking sad.
NoChillTM: He's so tiny and I just want him to stop crying.
NoChillTM: It's heartbreaking
FreckledJesus: Have you tried rubbing his gums? Martha used to do that with Frances when she got cranky while teething. Says the pressure helps?
NoChillTM: It helps?
FreckledJesus: Yeah, just clean your hands and push lightly on your son's gums to relieve some of the pressure.
FreckledJesus: It probably hurts like a bitch tbh I think the pressure would help relieve the pain
FreckledJesus: Kids go through so much shit
Ineednointroduction: Amen to that.
TheFrenchiestFry: Mon ami~!
TheFrenchiestFry: Where have you been?
Ineednointroduction: Working.
TheFrenchiestFry: Booooo
TheFrenchiestFry: How's Will?
Ineednointroduction: I actually just got back with Ellie and him from the school.
TheFrenchiestFry: Oh?
Ineednointroduction: He was bullying some of the other children.
TheFrenchiestFry: Oh my...
TheFrenchiestFry: What are you going to do?
Ineednointroduction: I don't know, to be completely honest.
Ineednointroduction: He's not a bad kid
Ineednointroduction: He just did a bad thing
Ineednointroduction: How do I treat that?
NoChillTM: Maybe sit him down and explain what he did was wrong?
Ineednointroduction: Alex, he's like five.
NoChillTM: And there's no time like the present to start logical reasoning with your toddler
FreckledJesus: Chill, Alex.
FreckledJesus: And Herc, just do what you feel is right
FreckledJesus: In the end, it is up to you, after all.
NoChillTM: When did you get so wise?
FreckledJesus: I've always been this wise, whatcha talkin' 'bout?
NoChillTM: riiiiiiiiiight
FreckledJesus: Offended
NoChillTM: <3
TheFrenchiestFry: MERDE
NoChillTM: What's up?
TheFrenchiestFry: I forgot about Georges!! Adrienne is going to have my hide!!
FreckledJesus: Hahahahahahahahaha
TheFrenchiestFry: Shut up, your daughter was with my son.
FreckledJesus: Shit.
NoChillTM: Remind me to raise Philip better than you two raise your children
FreckledJesus: Oh shut up, Alex
NoChillTM: ;D
FreckledJesus: Laf, where were they hanging out again?
TheFrenchiestFry: Upstairs. A kid can't get into too much trouble when left alone, right?
FreckledJesus:...
FreckledJesus: Have fun redecorating
TheFrenchiestFry: Oh lord
Ineednointroduction: Ellie is talking with Will
Ineednointroduction: I honestly don't know what i'd do without that woman sometimes
NoChillTM: die
Ineednointroduction: tbh yeah
FreckledJesus: Shoutout to the mamas that stay
Ineednointroduction: rt
NoChillTM: rt
FreckledJesus: Bless'em.
FreckledJesus: Anyway, off of this topic and onto another
FreckledJesus: Who's actually prepared for birthdays?
NoChillTM: ahahahaAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAA-
NoChillTM: don't talk to me or my wife and kid ever again
TheFrenchiestFry: That bad, mon lapin?
NoChillTM: Between Eliza, Philip, and you schmucks, I'm broke as shit
NoChillTM: speaking of being broke as shit, guess what my cashier ass saw out on the sales floor
NoChillTM: Jefferson and his daughters.
FreckledJesus: Jeez.
Ineednointroduction: let me guess
Ineednointroduction: He saw you?
NoChillTM: Saw me, came into my line, altogether just made my life hell, and all I could do was smile.
NoChillTM: I swear, if I see Burr, that's gonna be the end of me
NoChillTM: talk less, smile more
NoChillTM: kill me
FreckledJesus: Hey, I've offered to give you money
NoChillTM: I die as a cashier and making my own money, or I die trying, my dear Laurens
FreckledJesus: :p
FreckledJesus: You're a stubborn man
NoChillTM: that's true
Ineednointroduction: Jeez, Alex.
NoChillTM: Yo, John, thanks for the gum rubbing advice
NoChillTM: Pip is calming down considerably
Ineednointroduction: Have you tried cold teething toys?
NoChillTM: Liza has a few in the freezer, actually.
Ineednointroduction: We used them for Will, and it supposedly really helped
NoChillTM: I'll keep that in mind
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NoChillTM: JOHN, YOU FUCKTRUCK
FreckledJesus: i'm dying this is G R E A T
NoChillTM: STOP COMING TO SEE ME AT WORK
NoChillTM: I'M TRYING TO BE GOOD
Ineednointroduction: yooooo
Ineednointroduction: what did i miss?
FreckledJesus: I snuck behind the register to see Alex on his break, and spooked him into hitting a call manager button
Ineednointroduction: jfc
FreckledJesus: He's currently pouting and being adorable as shit while checking people out
Ineednointroduction: Sounds about right
Ineednointroduction: Can he see over the register?
FreckledJesus: He actually can
FreckledJesus: I thought he'd need a stool
NoChillTM: SHUT UR FUCK
FreckledJesus: He lives
TheFrenchiestFry: John, why must you patronize him?
FreckledJesus: He knows I love him
FreckledJesus: I was just in the store buying some stuff for Frances while she's at the babysitter's, and I knew Alex was working, so I decided to say hi
Ineednointroduction: Say hi in a way that doesn't get him fired
FreckledJesus: That's no fun
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TheFrenchiestFry: Georges is starting to read~!
NoChillTM: How can you tell?
FreckledJesus: Did he get a hold of your dirty magazines and start quoting things?
TheFrenchiestFry: Non, those are locked up
TheFrenchiestFry: He started reading and pronouncing things on the cereal box
Ineednointroduction: That's cute as shit
TheFrenchiestFry: Oui
NoChillTM: gUys HOW DO I STOP PHILIP FROM PULLING OUT MY HHAIRRR
FreckledJesus: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH
NoChillTM: I'M NOT DAD MATERIAL
FreckledJesus: AHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAA
NoChillTM: SHUT UP
FreckledJesus: HAAAAAAAAAA
--NoChillTM has kicked user: FreckledJesus--
Ineednointroduction: oh damn
TheFrenchiestFry: Merde
NoChillTM: I panicked
Ineednointroduction: No shit
--TheFrenchiestFry has added user: FreckledJesus--
FreckledJesus: I'm hurt that you'd do that to me, Alex
NoChillTM: I PANICKED
FreckledJesus: Blocked and reported
NoChillTM: I 'M SOR R Y
FreckledJesus: ...
FreckledJesus: Apology accepted
NoChillTM: <3
Ineednointroduction: Get a room
FreckledJesus: Only if you join
Ineednointroduction: Ya kinky fuck
FreckledJesus: ;D
TheFrenchiestFry: Why am I always left out
TheFrenchiestFry: This is the greatest thing of disrespect I have ever witnessed
NoChillTM: We didn't forget you, you just weren't in the coversation that that moment
FreckledJesus: that that
NoChillTM: sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssshut the fuck up
FreckledJesus: What ever happened to Philip anyway?
NoChillTM: He's a permanent part of my hair now
FreckledJesus: rip
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NoChillTM: insert group chat text thing here to wake anyone with their notifications on up before i actually sleep
NoChillTM: <33333
FreckledJesus: gOD DAMMIT ALEX
FreckledJesus: YOU KNOW MY PHONE IS ALWAYS ON
FreckledJesus: It's three in the morning i was sleeping what the fuuuuuucccckkkkkk
Ineednointroduction: I will end you
FreckledJesus: same
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TheFrenchiestFry: So, I see I avoided an Alex bomb
FreckledJesus: t'was grand
FreckledJesus: Not really, I'm still tired as shit
FreckledJesus: Herc is a grump
FreckledJesus: But I guess Alex actually slept, so?
Ineednointroduction: I'm still going to end him
FreckledJesus: rt
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NoChillTM: Who gave you the right
FreckledJesus: We drew straws on who was watching the kids
FreckledJesus: You lost
FreckledJesus: Have fun watching our little devils
NoChillTM: I can't deal with screaming infants
FreckledJesus: Then it's a good thing the only screaming infant is you
NoChillTM: ummmm??? don't be?? fucking rude????
FreckledJesus: And we're also taking Eliza out for the night too
NoChillTM: MY OWN WIFE
FreckledJesus: <3333333
NoChillTM: I hate you all
Ineednointroduction: Just try not to kill them
TheFrenchiestFry: If you're truly "terrible", Georges will tell you
NoChillTM: thanks for the vote of confidence
TheFrenchiestFry: Any time
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NoChillTM: Okay, so I know you're all in a movie or whatever
NoChillTM: BUt it's your loss bc the kids are being adorable
NoChillTM: And I'm not going to send you pictures even though I know you want them
NoChillTM: suck on that
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FreckledJesus: We're out of the movie now and headed home
FreckledJesus: Text me when you get this
FreckledJesus: Alex
FreckledJesus: Alex, seriously where are you?
FreckledJesus: Alexander seriously where the fuck are you and why are you not answering
FreckledJesus: Alex where are the kids!?
FreckledJesus: Alexander Hamilton where the fuck are the kids!
FreckledJesus: Unlock your door!
FreckledJesus: I'm breaking it down
FreckledJesus: Nevermind Eiza has a key
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NoChillTM: jFC????
NoChillTM: We were watching Moana maybe calm the hell down?????
FreckledJesus: You didn't answer
FreckledJesus: I thought the kids had rebelled
NoChillTM: I don't keep my phone on, John, you know that!
FreckledJesus: Well, you should
Ineednointroduction: Otherwise turtleman may kick your door down in search of his child
TheFrenchiestFry: At least he's dedicated
NoChillTM: He cares, at least
NoChillTM: Then again, if one of you had Pip I would've broken a window to get in tbh
FreckledJesus: And what, carry your kid through the broken glass?
NoChillTM: No, I would unlock the door AFTER crawling through the window and then take him home
Ineednointroduction: geez remind me to never watch philip then
Ineednointroduction: Ellie would have a heart attack if she came here and there was broken glass everywhere
FreckledJesus: Duct tape helps fix holes
NoChillTM: Does it help fix the holes in even more duct tape?
FreckledJesus: Duct tapeception
FreckledJesus: No, but imagine a burgular, or Alex, in this case
NoChillTM: rude
FreckledJesus: They toss a rock and it hurls itself back at them like a slingshot
FreckledJesus: They get injured
FreckledJesus: Boom, no more theft
TheFrenchiestFry: You're a special one, Mr. Laurens
FreckledJesus: C'mon, it's not that bad
NoChillTM: And if they have the brain to cut through it with like scissors?
FreckledJesus: Shhhhhhhh, my dear boy, shhhhhhh
NoChillTM: Dork
FreckledJesus: D':