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Chapter Text

The Accords have grown in the past two years, now managing three US based super hero teams, and 15 international ones. As well as working with hundreds of individuals, and opening schools for the enhanced. However alien threats are occurring at a terrifying rate, and as much work as Dr. Stark has done the planet needs more defenders. The Avengers are going to be reinstated under the accords.

They return to the united states on a rainy Thursday afternoon. The event is met with little fanfare. There are no press waiting for them at the end of the runway, no fans. Just Tony Stark, and a UN delegate by the name of Jessica.

“American soil.” Clint says, practically jumping over the stairs in his rush to get off the plane, the others follow at a more sedate pace, and Steve takes point as they walk up to Tony and Jessica.

“Welcome home Mr. Rogers.” Jessica says, mindful that this man has been stripped of his military title while away. “My name is Jessica.” She holds out a hand, and Rogers shakes it smiling at her. “I am a delegate from the UN and I will be working to ensure that you and your friends read and understand the accords before being reinstated as active duty.” She explains, and the smile drops.

“Nice to meet you ma’am.” Steve says, with a false smile. Jessica smiles back at him blood red lips stretched thin around the uneasiness in her stomach, this is not going to be an easy job. The others wave at her from where they’re standing behind Steve.

“A pleasure to see you again Steve,” Tony greets, smiling broadly at his ex-teammates. Jessica’s seen the clip from Siberia, she knows what they did, and she’s amazed at how open and kind Tony looks.

“It’s nice to be back.” Steve replies, and Jessica winces at the obvious snub. “We’ve been looking forward to getting home, it’s been a long time since we’ve been in the compound.” Steve explains, and the others nod. Jessica wonders how this man can act as if he has a right to Dr. Stark’s property.

“I’m so sorry, weren’t you guys informed?” Stark asks, and again Jessica finds herself admiring his ability to act, he seems truly apologetic.

“Informed about what?” Clint demands shouldering his way in front of Steve. Jessica immediately labels him as her second biggest project after Steve.

“The Avengers Compound no longer exists, it was turned into a boarding school for enhanced individuals about a year ago.” Tony explains. Clint’s mouth drops open. “I’m so sorry, we had no idea you were coming back, and after the backlash to our Civil War, you understand? These kids needed a place to say.” Jessica is reluctantly impressed, there’s not a lot the Avengers can say now without sounding like total assholes.

“That was our home Stark.” Wanda says, and Jessica realizes they have no problem sounding like total assholes.  Tony deserves an Oscar for how apologetic he looks.

“I understand, and I’m sorry. You guys will need to find your own housing now.” He explains, and Jessica can’t believe how entitled the rogues are.

“What, are you too good to allow us to stay in your tower? The mansion? Any of your other properties?” Clint demands, and Jessica wants to smash his face in with a brick so she doesn’t have to deal with his insolent ass.

“You started this war, and you’ve taken our home.” Wanda says, voice cold. Jessica silently mouths those words back to herself and finds that they still don’t make any sense.

“I’m sorry.” Stark starts again, and Jessica decides to save the poor man from these people, hopefully he’ll return the favor at some point.

“The Accords protect private citizens like Mr. Stark from being required to house teams of heroes. This also protects him from liability, and it is a constitutional right.” Jessica says, and Steve straightens up, smile back in place. She suddenly feels slightly afraid of him. “Any time spent avenging, or training will be compensated for by the UN. The facility for training mutants is currently located in DC.” This seems to shut down the others.

“Oh, of course. Sorry for arguing like that ma’am.” Steve bows his head respectfully, and Jessica feels a tension headache forming already.

“It’s okay, the car should be waiting outside to take you to the training facility.” She says, and watches as Tony graciously takes the shoulder check from Clint as they stalk past him to the exit. “Jesus, fuck man.” She mumbles, and Tony nods.

“Might want to invest in some asprin.” He tells her, offering her a bottle from his suit pocket. She nods, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. “Best of luck, and call me if I can do anything to help you.” He says.

“Thanks, but I don’t know if god himself could help me with them.” She replies, Tony smiles sympathetically.  “It was a pleasure meeting you Dr. Stark.” She says, scowling at the waiting car.

“You as well Jessica.” Tony says, and she watches in awe as the suit seems to form around him. “By the way, call me Tony.” He winks at her as he takes off.

…

Within a week, Scott had signed paper saying he would no longer act as Antman, and would instead return to Pym Labs. He would have to meet with his parole officer moving forward considering how he’d left to fight with team Cap. That was the only progress she’d made.

Being the delegate for the ex-Avengers is a nightmare, and Jessica hates everyone involved in giving her this position. Steve Rogers still doesn’t know how to shut up and act like an adult, and the whole group seems to think Dr. call-me-Tony Stark personally wrote the accords. Still after a month and a half of hammering the Accords into their heads a few of them have managed to reach active status.

“Sorry my dude, sorry my dude, I know they’re all assholes, but I think you’re cool.” A robotic voice sings, to the tune of happy birthday, from her desk as she enters her office. “From Tony Stark.” It adds, as if an afterthought. She looks at the giant gift basket, and the biggest thing of aspirin she’s ever seen right in the middle of chocolate, and toys, and what looks like a full set of Stark products, and bursts out laughing.

“I don’t know if you can send messages back, but if you can tell Dr. Stark-“ She starts not expecting to be interrupted by the gift basket.

“Tony.” It corrects, she smiles wryly at it.

“Fine tell Dr. Tony that I appreciate the gesture, but I really didn’t need such an expensive gift.” She says, and there’s a small beeping noise.

“Message delivered, response, shut up. You deserve it.” The basket informs her, and she smiles at it, and grabs the biggest chocolate bar.

“Tell Dr. Tony he’s sweet.” She says, and the basket beeps happily.

…

A month after that and everyone has finally signed the Accords, Jessica still feels like slamming her head repeatedly into a wall until they go away, but she’s almost done here. Soon they’ll be cleared for duty and she’ll be given an easier task, like solving world hunger, or vaccinating all of Africa.

“Who’s cleared for duty now?” Tony asks, and she leans back in her chair it groans under his weight.

“Rogers finally passed his psych evaluation today, but they’re holding Barnes back in therapy. Sam passed last week, and Clint managed to get past the psych eval, but I think he cheated.” She lists off. Tony groans.

“I do not want to see them in the field.” He mumbles, and she laughs. “Yeah, I know. You’re probably just excited to be done with them.”

“Damn right, Maximoff is at Xavier’s now for training, although if she continues to be volatile he may black her powers. Soon the PR nightmare that is Steve Rogers will be someone else’s problem.” She sighs in relief, and Tony laughs.

“What, three more days? What could go wrong?” He teases, and the color drains out of her face.

“Why? Why would you jinx me like that?” Jessica asks.

…

Things were finally looking up for Jessica, but goddamn Tony Stark had jinxed her, and consequently himself. She had one day left before PR nightmare Steve Rogers would be out of her hands, but he’s cleared for a battle against a small group of dimension hopping aliens, and of course he decides to pick a fight with Tony Stark, and of course someone recorded it.

The recording was shaky and partially blocked by an overturned hotdog cart, but it showed Captain America Shield in hand stalking up to Iron Man.

“What did you do to Clint’s gear?” Steve demands, and Jessica notices a minute flinch when the man raises the shield. Tony covers it, removing the Iron Man mask and pulling off a look of confused innocence.

“I haven’t touched his gear Steve, what happened?” Tony asks, concerned. Steve breathes in deeply through his nose. Jessica feels her stomach drop as she watches him open his mouth.

“You heard him on coms, the draw time was a fraction to slow, the arrow tips aren’t changeable, and the quiver works slowly. What did you do? Are you trying to sabotage us?” Steve demands, and Tony looks absolutely aghast.

“Steve, we’ve talked about this, under UN policy I am not involved in paying for or creating your gear.” Tony explains. “I’m sorry, but as an independent citizen the UN cannot ask me to do things like that.” Steve looks outraged.

“I’m not the UN, and I’m asking.” Steve says, and Tony blinks at him.

“Look, I’m sorry that he isn’t used to government designed weapons, but if the UN can’t afford my consulting fee, then I don’t think you’ll be able to either, and to be perfectly honest Steve I can’t justify spending hours on a product for a single person.” Tony explains as Clint arrives, picking his way past a crushed car to Steve’s side.

“What is this shit.” He demands throwing his bow and quiver at Tony’s feet. Jessica groans.

“That is what the government can afford to arm you with I guess.” Tony says, looking apologetic. “I do not touch any of your weapons, and all Stark Industries property was repossessed while you were away. Frankly, I am not permitted to work on weapons for you guys, the UN can’t afford my consulting fee.” Tony explains.

“We all almost died over your consulting fee!” Clint screams, arms flailing out in anger. He looks like a caricature. Jessica groans at the sight of PR nightmare number two.

“I’m sorry, but I cannot afford to spend time on a weapon used by one person when there are thousands of police officers in need of sturdier body armor. The government pays me for that consulting job and it helps more people while funding clean water research.” Tony explains. “Giving away my services and time to you means that I cannot help the everyday people on this planet as much as I’d like to.” Steve opens his mouth to interrupt. “I design prosethisis and medical gear now Steve, I can’t afford to spend days working on new gear for you guys when the government can provide you with perfectly functional equipment.” Tony finishes. “I’m sure you understand.” Tony moves to leave, and Rogers grabs his arm.

“We’re your friends Stark.” He growls, and Tony glances down at his grip.

“Funny none of my friends physically assault me and then expect me to pay for their stuff.” Tony says, a metal finger rubbing against the top of the armor comically. “I didn’t realize we were friends Rogers, I thought we were just coworkers.” The man filming makes a soft ooh sound as Dr. Stark activates the thrusters.

“Fucking asshole.” Clint says before the filming cuts off.

In the time it took Jessica to watch it the video gained nearly 200,000 views, and it didn’t seem to be slowing down at all. Her phone rings.

“This is Jessica speaking, how can I help you?” She asks, dropping her head down onto her desk with a surprisingly loud thunk in frustration.

“Hey Jess, this is Tony.” Tony says, and she groans loudly into the phone. He jinxed her, he caused this mess.

“I hate you so much right now.” She hisses, and he sighs. “Hate you.” She reiterates, banging her head against the desk a couple times.  “Why would you jinx me? Why? Why did you curse me? I mean he’s already a PR nightmare, but you didn’t have to jinx me.”

“I’m sorry, I’m awful, I know.” Tony jokes, and Jessica scowls.

“You’re not awful, shut up. Rogers is awful.” She grumbles into the wood of her desk.

“Agreed, but I did jinx you. I’m sorry, can I get you anything, an apology basket?” He offers, and she sits up, relaxing back in her chair, the one he bought for her unnecessarily and that she is taking with her when she leaves this hell job, because dear god is it comfortable. “Anything you need.” He offers.

“I need a replacement.” She mutters, six more hours, that’s all she has to survive. Six more hours, and then it’s over and she can go home.  

“Oh?” He asks, a teasing lilt in his voice. “Well you’re in luck the UN should have a full Public Relations staff there in about,” There’s a pause presumably as he checks the time or their progress. “Five minutes.”

“Thank Fuck!” Jessica says, chair squeaking as it rolls back under her weight. “You ass, holding onto that information while I was mad at you.” She hisses, and Tony laughs.

“You know you love me.” He teases, and she smiles.

“Only cause this chair is super nice. Thanks again, you’ve been a godsend.” Jessica smiles, and there’s a moment of awkward silence.

“My pleasure Jessica.” He says, and then the line goes dead. Now she just has to survive four more minutes until the PR team arrives, what could go wrong? A loud crash comes from the hallway, and Jessica groans.

“Fuck everything, and everyone who put me in this position.” She mumbles, climbing out of her chair 3 minutes fifty five seconds, she can do this.

Chapter Text

Loki enters the building with his team, in a crisp suit, prepared to deal with the rogue Avengers, he is not prepared for a frantic brunette holding a huge stack of papers.

“Here. Take these,” She says, shoving the papers into his hands. He takes them noting the way her eyes dart to look behind her. “The enhanced gym may or may not be on fire,” She blurts out. “Maximoff broke the vending machine, and Barnes was trying to choke her, again. She’s not even supposed to be here.”

“Yikes.” Wade mumbles.

“Get the blue kid to take her back to Xavier’s if you can. I wish you all the best of luck. Really.” Her eyes sweep over the group and she grabs a huge bottle of Aspirin dropping it on top of Loki’s pile of papers, before rushing out of the building. He honestly can’t blame her.

“This is going to be a god-awful internship.” Peter mumbles, although he doubts it’ll be worse than JJ ‘Spider-man is a menace’ Jameson.

“He’s right,” Murdock chimes in. “This sounds like a nightmare Boss. We may be damn good lawyers, but this sounds like a challenge and we haven’t even met the clients yet. There’s only so much we can do.” Loki shrugs, handing the papers to Peter and heading further down the hallway the frantic brunette had come from.

“Parker, Wilson find our offices, and put those papers and our things there,” Loki says, gesturing towards the front desk.  “Please try not to get lost, together in a broom closet or otherwise.” Peter turns bright red and scurries off Wilson hot on his heels. Loki continues on his path, prepared to reintroduce himself to the enemy.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” Karen mumbles as Loki swings the door open to the Avengers gym. There’s a small fire in the corner, the vending machine has indeed been broken, and Barnes seems to have pinned Maximoff by the neck. Foggy whistles softly, impressed by the destruction, Loki is significantly less impressed.

“Barnes, please release Ms. Maximoff, she needs to find her blue friend and return to Xavier’s before they are both arrested for trespassing on government property. Rogers, do not throw that shield,” He spins pointing at the man in question. “Barton, put the damn bow down.” They slowly comply, Barnes dropping Maximoff and taking a step back glass crunching under his feet. The silence is interrupted by Wilson managing to get the fire extinguisher pointed at the small fire. “My name is Reynard.” Loki says when the silence returns. “I’m in charge of your new Personal Relations team.” Barton gives him a wary look while Rogers just looks confused.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you ma- si- Reynard?” Rogers greets, extending a hand to him. Ah, so his gender is what has Rogers so confused. “I’m Captain Rogers, and this is my te-“

“I know who you guys are Rogers.” Loki resists the urge to roll his eyes at the idiocy. “You’re the Avengers, the superheroes who went rogue.” They all look outraged at that. “This is my team. Matt Murdock, Foggy Nelson, and Karen Paige will be in charge of your legal issues. My other two have disappeared into the building, Peter Parker, and Wade Wilson. Alliterative I know.” They blink at him, as if waiting for something.

“Okay. Nice to meet you all, I guess.” Sam says, after a minute, still holding the fire extinguisher. “Why are you guys here though?” Loki glances at the foam at his feet, and then the broken vending machine.

“Well, I can see that you have your own fires to put out, but earlier today these two created quite the PR fire.” Loki gestures to Clint and Steve. “Seeing as it is my job to handle these things I’m here.” He raises an eyebrow in challenge. “Some things will have to change.”

“Why isn’t Stark here? He’s the reason we even have a PR fire in the first place.” Clint grumbles, slouching against a training dummy. Loki sighs, scooping the remote for the gym TV off the floor and hitting the power button.

“-Captain Self Righteous is more like it.” A reporter says, a still of the video behind her, Steve mouth open and angry looking.

“Honestly Deborah, what kind of respectably human being assumes they have the right to the time and attention of a man they brutally assaulted?” The other anchor replies. “What kind of heroes are these people, that they would bully one of their own? How can we trust them to protect us?”

“That’s just one station. People will understand that this is Stark’s fault.” Clint says, talking over Rogers attempt to deny being a bully. Loki holds up a finger to silence him and flips the channel.  

“Agent Barton, and Captain Rogers are seen here harassing Tony Stark. Based on the video it seems Barton and Rogers think a bow and arrow is more important than protective gear of thousands of police officers across our nation.”  The anchor looks disgusted. “I expect that there will be another wave of people burning Captain America gear after tonight, and I don’t blame anyone involved one bit. These people are not our heroes.” The CNN logo sits in the corner.

“That’s CNN, everyone knows they’re biased!” Clint says, throwing his arms up in frustration. Loki makes eye contact as he changes the channel again.

 “-your opinion on the reinstated Avengers?” A news anchor asks, holding a microphone out to a woman on a seemingly busy street. She clutches a bag against her chest.

“I was a Captain America fan, I believed that they were right in fighting against the UN. I thought they understood how important it was to be independent and strong as a nation. However, since his return it has become evident that Captain Rogers doesn’t care about either of those things, nor does he care about integrity, or honor. Rogers and his team are a shame to our country. A shame to me for ever having supported him. I thought they were good people, New York’s heroes. Clearly we were all wrong on that front.”

Loki turns off the TV turning to face Clint as he waits for a snappy comeback. Instead silence engulfs the room. He glances around at the sullen Avengers.

“Oh, I can talk now?” He asks, when Clint doesn’t reply he continues. “Wonderful. We’re in a bad situation, the media is not on your side, and you can no longer rely on being America’s golden boy in order to get away with whatever you please,” Loki explains. “Moving forward you are not allowed to speak with Dr. Stark in public, you will only make the situation worse. You can speak to him over coms for missions, or schedule private meetings with him if you can get an appointment, but frankly after this nightmare public opinion of you cannot take another hit or we will have an actual witch hunt on our hands.” Steve looks outraged, Loki isn’t sure if it’s the golden boy comment or something else he said, and frankly he doesn’t care.

“It was Stark’s fault anyways,” Clint grumbles, glaring at Loki. He looks like a sulky child with his arms crossed over his chest.

 “Frankly, fault is irrelevant in this situation,” Matt cuts in. “No matter who is at fault, the public blame has fallen on your shoulders, and if a legal problem arises that will also by your problem, and not Dr. Starks. Since it is our job to both avoid legal issues and handle the PR problems you’ve already created, we would like you to refrain from speaking to Dr. Stark in public.”

“You can’t tell us what to do.” Wanda cuts in like a petulant child. Something on Matt’s face screams unimpressed when Steve tries to catch his eyes. The man doesn’t look at him though.

“Well, I already did. I told you to find your blue friend and return to Xavier’s or risk being tried for trespassing.” Loki points out idly, he’s already bored with the whole situation.

 “True you did, but she isn’t wrong.” Foggy points out, wryly. “They are stronger, and more powerful than we are, we can’t physically stop them.” Loki nods agreeably, happy not to show that he is in fact the most powerful person in the room. Wanda nods. “However, our team reports directly to the UN, and we do have the power to bench all of you, as well as the right to sue you for damages both within the Accords Council, and in public court.” Steve blanches.

“Okay, we’re sorry. We’ll try to avoid another public scandal.” The Captains tone is more placating, than honestly apologetic. “We didn’t mean to cause you any inconvenience.” Loki smiles, this is something he can work with, the first sign of adaptability. “But, we want Stark to fix our weapons, and drop his petty grudge.” Nevermind then.

“Petty?” Karen asks, nearly choking in surprise. Loki hands her the bottle of Aspirin.

“Listen, as much as you may want Stark weaponry, you don’t have a legal leg to stand on. Tony Stark has no reason to offer you any of his services, and the UN cannot afford him.” Matt explains. “The only reason he would work on your property would be because he wanted to, and he has made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t. There’s no legal rule saying he has to help you.” He’s projecting calmness, but his knuckles are white around his white cane.

“Fuck Stark anyways, I’m Hawkeye with or without Stark’s stupid tech.” Clint pushes off the training dummy, prepared to storm out of the room.

“Agent Barton, you are not dismissed.” Loki scolds. The others look shocked at the authority in his voice. “I am not just here to introduce myself, we will be holding a press conference tomorrow in which you, Agent Barton, and you, Captain Rogers, will be presenting a formal apology to Dr. Stark.” Loki points to each of them in turn, talking over their attempts at protest. “I do not care about the fault you have assigned to Dr. Stark, you will apologize because that is what the public is demanding.”

“Fine.” Clint grumbles, glaring at the group.

“Good, and one last thing before we wrap this impromptu meeting up, which one of you broke the vending machine?” Loki asks. Wanda raises her hand.

“That was me.” She admits. At least she has the grace to look embarrassed under Loki’s stern gaze.

“That is a two-thousand-dollar piece of equipment Ms. Maximoff. I hope you’re prepared to replace it.” He doesn’t wait for a response, turning his attention to Barnes. “Sargent Barnes, as much as I can understand wanting to strangle the person between you and a snack machine the next time you assault one of your teammates I will be forced to permanently bench you.” It’s not much of a punishment in Loki’s opinion, he would prefer to be benched than work with this team.  He leaves them to talk, he has to prepare Barton, and Rogers statements for tomorrows press conference.

“Wait, is Reynard a guy or a dame?” Rogers asks, voice carrying down the hall. Loki has to refrain grom laughing as he goes to track down Peter and Wade.

…

“Rogers!” Loki calls, grabbing the super soldier’s attention as he heads toward the cafeteria. “This is your statement.” He shoves the paper into Rogers hand, getting a confused look in reply. “For the press conference, after yesterday’s scandal I can hardly trust you two to apologize for yourselves. Don’t worry, you don’t need to memorize it, you’ll have this paper on stage.” Loki attempts to wave off his concerns.

“Si-Reynard, I’m a grown man, I think I can handle my own apology,” He says, with all the command of a man used to being listened to. Loki however is royalty, and well accustomed to ignoring commanding people. 

“I’m sure you could if this was a private conversation.” Or if you felt sorry in the slightest. Loki thinks, unkindly. “However, this will be in front of the world, and I’m not certain you understand what the world expects out of your apology. It’s my job to ensure you are palatable to the public, therefore, this is your statement.” He points to the papers sternly. He considers pulling out a knife, just to ensure Steve is getting the message, but he fears that wouldn’t fit in with the PR professional persona. “Do not stray from this script.”

“Yes Reynard.” Steve says, as if Loki is a commanding officer. The moment of respect doesn’t last. “Wait, no. I can form an apology.” Steve protests.

“Again, I’m sure you can, but you are going to stick to the cards either way.” Loki turns on his heel to go deal with Clint, praying to the Norns that Rogers listens. If the plan fails spectacularly, well at least Loki tried.

“Barton!” Loki calls, the agent attempts to duck into a conference room to avoid him, and Loki is once again reminded of a petulant child. He ducks into the room after him.

“Reynard.” Barton greets coldly. “What’s this about? I’m already going to your stupid broadcasted apology, I even prepared my statement.” Loki finds himself unimpressed.

“Somehow, I don’t trust that.” Loki drops his own written statement in front of Barton. “This one will probably come off as less abrasive, and be less likely to get us both in trouble.” Clint opens his mouth to protest, then shrugs.

“That’s fair. Give me the statement then.” Clint reaches out to him. Loki rolls his eyes, grabbing the papers off the table and physically handing them to him. He snatches them away like an impatient Asgardian.

“Do not, I repeat, do not stray from this statement.” Loki puts all the threat of a 40-year-old PR representative in his tone.

“Don’t stress Reynard, I’ll say exactly what you want and not a bit more. I’ll be super apologetic to Dr. Stark and everything.” Despite his claims he can’t keep a sneer off his face. Loki has a bad feeling about this.

…

Captain Rogers takes the stage to a silent room full of cameras pointed straight at him. He speaks slowly and confidently.

“Hello, I’m Steve Rogers, and I’m here to issue an apology both to Dr. Stark and the American people. I understand that my actions recently have been concerning. The accusations I leveled towards Dr. Stark were unfair, and out of line. I’m sorry for any fear or inconvenience my anger may have caused to Dr. Stark, and I’m sorry for breaking your trust in behaving so harshly. I understand that my bullheadedness was frustrating and insulting. In the future, I will think more before speaking, and acting.” He’s in full uniforms, and the cameras flash as he talks. Loki watches from the side, relieved to see Rogers following the script.

“I’m sorry that my anger, and post battle adrenaline got the better of me, I promise I’ll keep a clear head in the future.” He offers a sad smile to the cameras and Loki is abruptly reminded that for a short time in the 1940’s Steve Rogers lived on stage and did exactly as he was told. “I would like Dr. Stark to know that I am truly sorry for my actions, and I hope to continue working with him to protect our great nation. Steve finishes, ignoring the press when they start yelling out questions and ducking off stage. Loki’s phone rings.

“I saw Rogers apology.” Stark’s voice says, Loki smirks unsurprised that Stark had somehow gotten his number. “You did great.”

“What have I told you about jinxing things?” A voice says, muffled in the background. Loki turns a wary eye to Clint as he walks up to the podium. “Give me that.”

“Hello.” Loki greets when the rustling noises stop and he assumes the phone has changed hands.

“Hi, Reynard, Loki whatever. Clint is going to go off script. Loki wouldn’t be surprised, but he’s curious so he waits for an explanation. “I’m Jessica by the way, I don’t think I introduced myself during my mad dash for the exit.” Loki snorts, remembering the frantic brunette.

“Why do you think Clint will go off script?” He asks, watching as the man in question waves awkwardly to the audience and introduces himself. There’s a laugh from the other end of the line, Loki isn’t sure if it was Tony or Jessica.

“Look, there’s a reason you only saw Tony on camera before they had their break up. Clint is a confrontational bastard, and he’s not going to just let this go for the sake of public opinion.” She explains. “Or rationality. Also, Tony just jinxed you, that’s when shit always hit’s the fan.”

“The introduction was on track.” Loki grumbles.

“Now, I’m supposed to stand up here and apologize to Tony, sorry Dr. Stark.” His lips curl in a sneer around the title. Loki groans, resisting the urge to slam his head into the wall. “I’m supposed to tell you how bad I feel for harassing him. I’m not going to lie to you like that.” Clint grabs the mic off the stand.

“There he goes.” Jessica says, humming sympathetically when Loki groans again.

“Probably shouldn’t have had this be a live event.” Loki mutters. “Live and learn, I guess.”

“Steve and I did not harass Tony Stark. Tony’s negligence nearly got all of us killed, we confronted him. His refusal to help poses a risk to any civilian on the streets the next time we work, the next time an alien army decides to attack the city.” Clint gestures to the crowd as an example. Loki is trying to rework his plan to ruin the Avengers, with this kind of blow up he could probably change it from a yearlong plan, to two months.

“Mr. Barton! Are you claiming that Dr. Stark is at fault for your interaction yesterday?” A woman yells from the crowd, blonde hair, sharp heels.

“Christine, playing hardball.” Tony’s voice says over the line. Loki snorts.

“Of course, it was his fault, Tony Stark was being a selfish bastard refusing to keep our team safe. He’s putting everyone at risk.” He’s practically foaming at the mouth. It might not even take two months to destroy them.

“Mr. Barton, what about Dr. Stark’s work to help other enhanced teams under the Accords?” Another reporter asks, Clint freezes clearly surprised by the question.

“He’s willing to help other people, other teams, but not us? This petty grudge he’s been holding since our so called ‘Civil War’ is getting ridiculous.” Clint holds up his free hand to do air quotes around the words Civil War.

 “Did he just say petty?” Tony asks, voice sounding outraged through the tinny speakers.

“Yeah, did he just use air quotes?” Jessica sounds simultaneously disgusted, and unsurprised. Loki has a feeling he’ll feel the same way soon.

“They are so awful, dear Norns.” Loki groans. Jessica hums sympathetically. “Tony, Tony darling, please can I destroy them?”

“Like I said, as long as you do it legally, and subtly I don’t care.” Tony says, Jessica laughs. Clint is still on-stage raving, although his microphone has been turned off.

“It’s not like it’ll be hard, they practically destroy themselves.” He watches as Clint takes a microphone from a BBC reporter. His phone rings. “I need to hang up, Murdock is calling.”

“Tell the devil I said hi!” Tony yells before he can hang up. Loki answers Matt’s call as Clint starts to wind down, heading off stage.

“How are we planning to handle the defamation of character lawsuit?” Matt asks the moment he picks up.

“Tony says ‘Hi’,” Loki informs him. “Also, we don’t have to, Tony isn’t going to file one.”

“Tony might not, but Stark Industries absolutely will.” Matt informs him. “Ms. Potts is not pleased with the Avengers right now, this certainly isn’t going to help. I bet she sends Jennifer Walters.” It’s a battle they probably won’t win, Clint has already made the case for Jennifer.

“We’ll defend him as best we can.” Loki shrugs, there’s not much else they can do. Clint stomps up to him.

“I’m not wrong.” He announces. Steve stands behind him looking as if he were trying to be intimidating, while also being nervous as hell.

“I don’t care if you are wrong or not, you’re benched. No more missions, no more training. You’ll get reviewed and we’ll see if you can keep your position on the team at all.” Loki rolls his eyes at Clint’s outrage, the man’s face is practically tomato red.

“You can’t bench members of my team.” Rogers protests. “You certainly can’t permanently remove them. I’m the Captain, it’s my team.” Loki looks him dead in the eyes.

“I don’t care. He’s benched, keep this up and you will be too.” Loki’s voice is colder than Jotunheim. “Are we clear, Captain?” Steve nods, taking a step back. Loki smiles sweetly at him, and then heads for his car. “Good talk.”

Chapter Text

It has been 2 weeks since Jessica handed over the Rogues to Reynard and she finds that she misses it. Not working with them, god no, she misses her chair.

“I want my chair back.” She informs Tony, he snorts a laugh at that. “I do, I really want it.” She could go get it, but the risk of running into one of Rogers team is rather high.

“I can get you another one.” Tony offers, and she considers it. “Exact same model, everything.” She shakes her head solemnly.

“It wouldn’t be the same.” Jessica heaves a sigh, and climbs to her feet. “I’m going to get it. Give me that.” She pushes Tony out of the way and temporarily closes his files. “FRIDAY give me the lay out of the Avengers Housing I have a heist to plan.” Tony snorts a laugh, but let’s himself be pushed out of the way.

“You could just ask Reynard, they would get it for you.” Tony points out, but that plan is too logical, and who knows Reynard might fall in love with the chair and keep it for themselves.

“I have decided to steal it, I’m going to steal it.” She says, and starts identifying potential points of entry and routes to get to her old office.

“Alright, but what if the chair has been moved out of your old office.” Tony asks, and she scowls at the map, looking for other offices it might have been moved to.

“I’m getting that chair.” She states with finality.

“I can be mission control.” Tony offers, and she thinks she’ll take him up on that. He would be a huge asset to a successful heist.

“Let’s get planning then, any ideas on how best to avoid The Rogers Crew?” She asks, and Tony sits up and starts planning then. She feels hopeful, they’re going to get this figured out.

…

“Entering the building now.” Jessica says, swiping her access card and walking into the building. “Taking route A. Training began 30 minutes ago hallways should be clear.” Her heels clack loudly on the tile floor, and she feels like she’s going to be found, a part of her wants to sneak around, but Tony had stressed there is nothing more obvious than a woman hiding behind corners, confidence is key.

“We have planned for ever eventuality, what could go wrong?” Tony’s voice rings in her ears. She groans.

“Do you enjoy jinxing me or something?” She grumbles, and as if by magic there he is Steven Grant Rogers himself, and she’s in the middle of the hallway, there’s nowhere to hide. Fuck.

“Whoops.” Tony says, and she really wants to hate him for this. Steve’s face lights up when he see’s her and he starts walking towards her. She really wants to hate Tony for this.

“Miss Jessica!” Steve calls out, and she wants to groan, but plasters on her most professional smile.

“Mr. Rogers, how can I help you?” She asks, putting all of her effort into professionalism. Rogers is bent down trying to look approachable she would guess, but he has that determined set to his jaw that spells bad things for Jessica.

“Your replacement, Reynard he-they are well they’re not very good.” Steve says, tone saying that he’s trying to put this lightly. “He keeps, sorry they keep telling us that we have to talk to the press, and say certain things.” Jessica waits for a moment for Rogers to explain the problem and then realizes that is it.

“Well Mr. Rogers, it is their job to handle your public image, and as such they have to manage your public appearances.” She says in an effort to be diplomatic.

“Why do we need to make public appearances though.” Steve says, and he sounds like a petulant child. Tony is laughing in her ear, and she almost wants to laugh with him.

“Because I’m not there to do it for them anymore.” Tony mumbles, and there’s a mix of humor and anger in it. Jessica is tempted to say that, but she really just wants to get her chair and go.

“Because you are a public figure Mr. Rogers.” Jessica explains, and she starts walking again, heading towards her old office.

“But we didn’t used to have to do all this stuff.” Rogers whines, and he really is a petulant child.

“True, Tony Stark used to do it for you, but I’m afraid we all have to grow up some time.” She’s reached the end of her rope now. “I’m afraid I cannot help you Mr. Rogers, you should let Reynard do their job.” He lengthens his stride to keep up with her and she wants to groan.

“Ma’am that feels a little uncalled for.” He says, and Jesus Christ he’s trying to scold her. “I’m not stopping anyone from doing their job, I just think Reynard is doing a bad job.” She stops dead, and waits for him to look at her.

“Mr. Rogers let me be very blunt, I am not here to help you, I am here on official business.” She starts, causing Tony to snort loudly in her ear.

“Official Business.” He mimics, laughing. Rogers looks taken aback.

“Furthermore, you do not need help.” Other than psychological, she thinks to herself. “Reynard is doing their job, and by going off script and acting out in public you are making their job very difficult,” She feels like she’s talking to a child, a particularly insolent child. “Stop making their job hard, stay on script, and act like an adult for once in your life Mr. Rogers, and please stop pestering me.” She starts walking again, relieved that the sound of footsteps doesn’t follow.

“Okay so there was one mishap, but you’re in the clear now.” Tony said, still cracking up. She feels her soul leave her body.

“You just live to jinx me, don’t you?” She hisses, and that is the moment when none other than PR nightmare number 2 stumbles into her path.

“Hey, it’s you.” Clint says, voice trailing off in a way that means he’s almost definitely forgotten her name.

“Yes, me, now if you’ll excuse me,” she gestures past him hoping he will just move to the side. He doesn’t.

“You really thought it would be that easy?” Tony asks, she hadn’t but a girl can hope, can’t she? “Sorry, about the jinx.”

“Do you think you could get me an audience with Stark? Reynard keeps denying my requests, but I need to talk to him about my equipment, he needs to fix it.” Clint says, and by the look in his eyes he is mere moments away from a delusional rant about Tony Stark being the source of all evil in the world.

“This has been explained to you before Mr. Barton, Tony Stark is not responsible for your equipment, and is not required to speak to you under any circumstances if you wish to speak for him ask Stark Industries for an appointment.” She informs him, taking a step to go around him, he moves with her blocking her path.

“Yeah, but you know he won’t let me, so if the UN could just set up an appointment.” He asks, she frowns at him.

“No. That is not the UN’s job, and we cannot afford Dr. Stark’s time.” She says, Tony laughs in her ear. “Now I have business to attend to please let me past.” He finally steps to the side.

“As you wish.” He bows slightly and she rolls her eyes, but keeps going. She isn’t about to thank him for having the decency not to trap her in the hallway.

“What an ass.” She grumbles once she’s out of range.

“You said it.” Tony agrees. She’s almost to the office now, she’s going to get her chair, she throws open the door to reveal Reynard sitting in her chair.

“This is the most comfortable chair I have ever sat in.” They inform her. She nods mutely, unsure how to steal a chair someone is sitting on.

“Oh my god.” Tony whispers, and then he is howling with laughter. Reynard smirks at her, and she has the feeling they know that she’s talking to Tony.

“It was actually a gift from a friend, I was hoping to take it back.” She explains, and Reynard looks thoughtful.

“You think I’m a friend.” Tony asks, and he means to sound joking, but she thinks he might be legitimately pleased.

“Yes, now hush I am attempting to secure the goods.”  She grumbles, startling a laugh out of both Tony and Reynard. “Look Reynard, Tony might be willing to get you your own chair, but that one is mine, and I’m planning on taking it back.” She informs them.

“And If I try to stop you?” Reynard asks, standing up as if they’re going to stop her from taking this chair. She leaps over the desk plants one knee firmly on the chair and aims for the open door, pushing off with all her might.

“Then you’re gonna have to get out of the way.” She says, as they leap out of her path and she goes rocketing out the door. She has the exit in sight when she notices a flash of red.

“Miss Jessica!” A too familiar voice calls, the Black Widow.

“No!” Jessica yells, pushing off with her foot and barreling towards the door. “I’m so not dealing with them ever again.” She grumbles.

“Don’t jinx yourself,” Tony warns her, and she laughs, pulling her chair out into the parking lot.

“You’re one to fucking talk.”