Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

7.5 Years Ago

In time, she will remember everything.

But for now, her memories are a journey which begins very early one morning, well before the suns rise on the lush planet of Ramura - before the warblers make their call bringing around the day. 

She awakes, flies to a seat and bursts into a cold sweat all in one swift move.  The dream she has just had was so real, so palpable she feels for the side of the bed to be sure that he isn’t actually there beside her.  But, as she knew they would be, the sheets are empty. 

Who? she wonders.  Who was I expecting?

On unsteady legs she rises hoping that by becoming fully awake the dream will dissipate. 

Names come next.  Janeway, Neelix, the Doctor.  She shakes her head - runs a clammy hand through her tousled blonde curls. 

Voyager.  

She pushes back the rising sense that this was more than a dream.  Then she moves for a glass of water.

Images, like projectiles assail her mind’s eye.  She struggles to swallow the liquid without choking.

A silver arrow, surrounded by an oval of gold.   She reaches out a finger to touch at the air but her hand finds no surface to stop on.

Lines, slanted downward and meeting in a curve at the bottom, fanning out to the edge.  To the edge of what? she wonders.  And then she instinctively touches her forehead.

Chakotay.

Almost immediately, another sensation.  Movement.  Startled, she drops the glass and it shatters on the floor.

Her hands are trembling as they slide to her abdomen. 

And they feel the second kick.

In the distance an alarm is blaring but with every pulse it grows closer to his reality. Groggy, he tells the computer to stop. He’s going to be late if he doesn’t get moving, but he’s having more trouble than normal shaking the stiffness from his bones and the fog from his mind.

A quick splash of water, a cup of tea and a fresh uniform goes a long way to help bring him into the morning. He heads to his living area where he left a stack of padds he had been reviewing the night before.

He retrieves them, then with a slanted eye, regards a few sheets of paper which he keeps safe on his bookshelf.

He has read them almost every day for the last three months. But the passage of time has made them feel no more real to him than they had the first morning he woke to find them on his desk.

My handwriting, he had noticed. How odd it seemed to him, since he had no recollection of penning them. Where did these come from? he had wondered, and he still does. A shiny, silver pencil had sat next to them but he couldn’t recall having replicated one.

He sets down the padds, moves to the shelf and picks up the papers once again. The words have been all but committed to memory. But maybe, if he reads them one more time, he will remember why he wrote them. 

Chapter Text

Present Day (July 2382)

Lazily, Kathryn’s fingers intertwined with those of her lover.  The soft sheets remained bunched between them, partially covering her still-naked lower half.  He stirred at her movements, a smile immediately working its way onto his face.

“We need to get up,” she said, imparting reality.

Chakotay groaned, the peace of a sound night’s sleep lifting too quickly.

“Computer, time,” he asked, hoping for good news.

‘The time is 0645 hours.’

“We have fifteen minutes,” he said optimistically.

“Before we both have to be dressed and ready for duty.”

“I’ll be quick,” he murmured into her neck.  Her eyes widened and she giggled, then found him on top of her once again.

Twenty minutes later, Chakotay entered the conference room.  She was already seated and eyed him with annoyance at his tardiness.  It was, of course, an act.  Just because their relationship had been made ever-so-slightly more public two months ago didn’t mean they were ready to divulge all of their secrets.

Chakotay joined his colleagues, the captains and select senior staff of the other fleet vessels, at the table.  One final straggler to the room of fifteen made him seem not so late.

The meeting passed without much fanfare.  Most of the attendees seemed tired or bored.  It was a natural slump after having had such an intense time on Sormana and he was certain that the next several weeks of planetary surveys would be a welcome reprieve.

If he was being honest, he might admit to her later that he didn’t hear much of what was said during the meeting.  His thoughts continued to drift to a very memorable evening two months ago.  While their relationship hadn’t exactly been a well-guarded secret, it had never been broached in public quite the way it was during a fleet-wide, senior officer dinner party hosted by Neelix.

Having been allowed to escort her on his arm, finally, and not just as a fellow officer but as a partner was a delicacy he thought he might never get to taste.  He felt proud, satisfied, and most of all, excited for what this might actually mean for their chances at a real, honest to goodness relationship with – should he dare to hope – a public commitment.

But for now, the meeting was over and duty called.  The attendees had begun to depart for their vessels and their assignments.  He was set to return to his bridge, and she to her ship, when an alarm interrupted their goodbyes.

*Intruder alert, deck three*

Chakotay furrowed his brow and met the Admiral’s slightly concerned eye.  “Chakotay to Paris,” he said after tapping his badge.

“We’re on it Captain,” Paris’s stressed voice replied.  “The intruder’s in your quarters.” It was obvious his first officer was running.

“Glad I didn’t leave my lingerie strewn about,” Janeway said with a raise of her eyebrow.

At that he grinned.  “Funny, I don’t recall you having any to leave.”

Paris and Kim moved adeptly to flank opposite sides of the door to their captain’s quarters. 

“I feel a bit like we’re Proton and Kincaid again, don’t you?” Tom whispered, raising his phaser to point at the ceiling.

“If Chaotica is in there, I quit,” Harry hissed back. 

“On three?”

Harry nodded and readied his finger ready on the panel.

“One, Two –“

The door swished open and Tom shot a glare to Harry.  “Wasn’t me!” Harry mouthed back with a shrug.  In a swift move they both swung through the entrance with weapons leveled.  Two additional security guards arrived post-haste from down the hall.

“Don’t shoot me!” a small, frantic voice shouted. “Please!”

The two men exchanged glances as Harry ordered the computer to resume normal lighting.

On the floor in the living area, stood a trembling boy.  He had olive skin, dark, curly hair and Tom reasoned he couldn’t be more than about seven years old.

“Sweep the rest,” Harry ordered his officers and they all moved off to inspect the other rooms.

Tom lowered his weapon and slowly approached the child.  “My name is Tom,” he said.  The boy began to shuffle backwards.  “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I know,” the boy finally managed, coming to rest on the couch.  “It’s just... I’m not supposed to be here and I’m going to be in really big trouble.”

“Where did you come from?”

“I came from my ship.”

Tom bit his lip.  “Ok.” Kneeling down in front of him, Tom continued. “What ship?  How long have you been here?” 

“Our ship is right out there, but you can’t see it,” the boy replied pointing out the window.  “I haven’t been here long, honest.  I guess I tripped your sensors when I came into this room.”

“No one else here,” Harry reported, returning from the bedroom.  Then he dismissed his men.

Tom turned to address the chief security officer.  “Have the bridge run every sensor sweep they can think of within a ten-thousand meter radius of the hull.  There’s another ship beside us, we just need to find it.  And make sure there isn’t anyone else on board.”  Harry nodded and took his leave.

Tom returned his attention to the boy who was quick to explain himself.  “There’s no one else here but me.  Please sir, please let me go back to my ship.  My mom is going to be so mad.  I’ll lose privileges for a month!”

The officer took a deep breath.  As much as he would have liked to have saved the boy from whatever punishment was to be doled out, he realized several things.  First, if there truly was a ship outside and they couldn’t see it, there could be something far worse lurking nearby.  And second, he couldn’t get the boy back even if he wanted to.

“We will make sure that you get home safely.  But first I need for you to tell me a little bit about what’s going on.  Why are you here?”

“To find my father,” the boy said meekly, then he quickly grew upset.  “She was just going to leave!  Without even saying anything and I just…” He paused to sniffle back the rising tears.  “I wanted to see him.  Just one time.  I wanted to know what he looks like.”

“I thought you said your parents are on your ship.”

The boy shook his head.  “Just my mom.  My father lives here.  Or, at least, he used to.”  He put a hand in his pocket and pulled out a piece of cloth.  Tom recognized the arrangement of angular lines drawn on it immediately.

“His name is Chakotay.  Do you know him?”

Tom Paris had never been quite so anxious for his captain to arrive as he was in the minutes that crawled by.  His nervousness ratcheted up another notch when the admiral followed through the door.

“Captain, Admiral,” Paris began, his posture a bit straighter than normal.  “This is Tallo.”  He turned to the boy.  “Tallo, this is Captain Chakotay.  He is in charge on this ship.  And I think he’s the person you’re looking for.”

The boy’s eyes grew wide as he craned his neck to the right and unabashedly examined Chakotay’s tattoo.  Tentatively, he stepped toward the tall man before him. 

Not sure of exactly what to do next, Paris offered the piece of cloth to Janeway.  If she felt anything at all about the symbol displayed there, she didn’t show it.  Tom renewed his mental note never to challenge her to a game of poker.  Then he took his leave.

“You… you’re Chakotay?” the boy asked shakily. 

“Yes.  That’s right.  My first officer said you were looking for me.”  Suddenly aware that he must have looked foreboding standing more than a half a meter over the child, Chakotay bent to one knee.  “Can you tell me why?”

“You’re my father.”

Chakotay felt his breath hitch, a thousand thoughts raced through his mind and he was certain a thousand more were assaulting the woman who remained silent behind him. 

“I’m afraid I don’t understand,” Chakotay said.  “I don’t have any children.”

“Well.  Yes.  You do,” the boy said matter-of-factly.  “You just don’t remember.”

“I’m pretty sure I’d remember,” Chakotay corrected.

“You don’t.  You couldn’t.  You don’t remember my mother either.  But she remembers you.  She’s been looking for you for seven years.”

While Chakotay did the math in his head, Kathryn took the initiative to speak.  “Where is your mother now?”

“She’s on our ship.  Her name is –“

The chirp of a commbadge interrupted him.

‘Kim to Captain Chakotay.’

“Go ahead,” Chakotay responded, his eyes drifting upwards toward the admiral.

‘A small ship has decloaked off our port bow.  The pilot has hailed us and asked permission to come on board.’

“That’s my mom,” the boy said.  He looked down at the floor and shuffled his feet nervously.  “Oh man, oh man…”

“Permission granted.  Beam her directly to my quarters.”

A moment later a lithe, blonde-haired woman materialized across the room.  Her first instinct was not at all what Chakotay expected.

“Oh,” she said with a gasp, her vision now fully centered on the captain.  Pale hands clasped across her mouth she moved with a solitary focus towards him.  Janeway glanced back and forth between the two, looking for some sign of reciprocation from her partner’s face but found none. 

The woman came to a stop well within Chakotay’s personal space.  Her eyes welled with tears that she either couldn’t - or didn’t care to - hold back.  She put a hand out as if to touch him and he did not flinch, but before her fingers could find his uniform, Tallo sprinted to his mother’s legs.  He wrapped his arms around her and began to plead. 

“I’m so sorry mom.  Please, I know I shouldn’t have come here but you wanted to leave and I just thought we had been searching for so long I knew I had to come and see him and –“

The words finally registered and she looked down at the boy then silenced him gently with the hand meant for Chakotay.  “It’s okay Tallo.  I understand.  But you can’t be here now.  I’m sending you back.  Have your breakfast and then go read your lessons.  We’ll talk when I return.”

“Wait,” Kathryn interjected, anxious to know more of the story unfolding before her.  To do that she needed to keep as many pieces to the puzzle on their table as she could.  “If he’s hungry, let me take him to the mess hall.  Surely you’d feel better with him on the same vessel as you.”

The woman bit her lip then nodded.  “Alright, Captain Janeway, thank you.  I’ll be there in a little while.”

Kathryn paused a moment.  “You know me too?”

“Yes.  Well, I did,” she regarded the change in the appearance of the uniforms which had once been so vivid in her mind.  “Your rank insignia is different.”

“She’s an admiral,” Chakotay informed her.  “I’m the captain of Voyager now.”

The woman turned back to him.  “Congratulations.  To you both.”  Her eyes began to betray a watery glisten once again.  “I guess a lot of time has passed.”

Janeway bowed her head slightly, gave Chakotay one last look of support, and then took the boy by the hand to lead him from the room.

“I’m afraid I still haven’t caught your name,” Chakotay said when he and the blonde haired woman were finally alone. 

“Kellin.  My name is Kellin.”

Like sand through a sieve, realization trickled through.  His eyes grew wide.  “Kellin?”

“Yes,” she paused for a moment, taking in his observations of her.  “But you don’t remember me, you can’t possibly.”

“You’re right.  I don’t.  But I tried to, for months.”

“I…I don’t understand,” she said, but Chakotay was already moving to his bookshelf.  From there he pulled out a tattered bundle of papers.

“I wrote these the night you were taken off of Voyager.  They never made much sense to me, I thought they were the product of some kind of dream.  But I guess…”

“It was no dream.”

“Obviously,” he clenched the papers in his hand.  “So what the boy said was true?  I’m –“

“His father.  Yes.”

Chakotay let out a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair.  Then he sunk into the couch.  “You’ll excuse me if I request our doctor to confirm that point.”

“He may find it hard to do.  Our species –“

“Can’t be scanned,” he finished.  “I knew that.  But if he’s half-human then maybe?”

She sat down next to him.  “Unfortunately, Ramuran genetics are rather dominant in that particular area.”  She regarded his worried features, the way his fingertips played over his brow, massaging the invisible knots there.  “Not the kind of news you expected to get today?”

“Not exactly.” He looked up at her.  “Especially not from a woman I don’t even remember.  I have so many questions for you.  What happened to you, where have you been?  What really happened between us?”

“And I will answer all of them,” she said, placing her hand on his arm.  “Which one do you want to ask first?”

Chakotay thought a moment and regarded her closeness.  To have another woman touching him in such a way felt wrong to him even though it seemed very natural for her.

“How did you remember me?  And how did you get away? From my notes, I was under the impression that your species didn’t allow anyone to leave. That’s what started all of this, wasn’t it?”

She nodded. “Yes.  The Ramurans are a very secretive people.  We don’t make contact with others, we can’t be remembered by others, and we do everything to conceal our existence.”  She sighed and he noted that these phrases seemed to be well rehearsed.  “When I found out I was pregnant, my memories started to return, happenstance of biology I suppose.  It was obvious after my first checkup that I was carrying a mixed-race child.  The doctors didn’t know what to do with me.  I was the first person in recorded history to ever become pregnant by an outsider.”

Chakotay held his breath at the sudden seriousness of her tone.

“Family is everything on Ramura.  It’s one of the reasons we don’t let people leave.  But the elders were…scared.  They were worried that if people saw me with a hybrid child they would get the idea that this kind of thing was being accepted.  You have to understand, this situation could have been both socially groundbreaking and personally very dangerous.”

“So they let you leave?”

“They gave me two options.  I could abort the baby, which I declined instantly.  Or I could leave and not return.  They phrased it as a reward.  But now I know, it was meant as punishment.”

“I don’t understand.”

“All I wanted to was to be with you, to have a father for my child.  All I wanted was to get away and they gave me that chance.  I welcomed it at first.  I was so sure I could catch up and find you.  But after a while, I realized I was chasing a dream.  I was alone, with a baby and I was terrified.”

Chakotay swallowed hard. “I can’t imagine…”  Guilt and frustration, rising quickly in his gut, would turn to anger if he didn’t control it.  “What did you do?”

“I tried to settle in a few places.  Three or four times we even managed to stay for a couple of months.  But the people I would get close to forgot us if I didn’t see them every single day.  Something would always happen to keep us away.  The person would get sick, or go on a trip and then we were strangers again.  A few times it became dangerous.  People thought we were intruders.”

“So you just kept flying?”

She nodded.  “I kept looking for you.  It was the only thing I could do.”

Tallo, happily scarfing down a variety of fruit and pastries from the breakfast buffet, was all but oblivious when his mother and Chakotay came to join him in the mess hall.  Kellin slid to a seat and put an arm around the boy’s shoulder then began speaking to him softly.

“I have to return to the Vesta,” Janeway explained, walking a few steps away with Chakotay.  “I’ve kept them detained long enough.”

“I’ll see you in a few days.  And I’ll comm you tonight,” he said, fighting back the urge to take her hands in his own. 

“If you’re too busy –“

“I’ll make time.”

“Tallo explained a few things to me, but not enough.”  She raised her hand to his chest.  “Are you sure she’s not deceiving you?”

“No.  She’s not.  She’s Kellin, exactly how I described in those papers.  She remembers everything I wrote about.  And look at him, aside from the ears he looks just like me.”

She glanced back to the boy then nodded with quiet acceptance, finding that she couldn’t disagree with the similarities between supposed father and son.  “Enjoy this Chakotay,” she said, hoping that her words masked the lurching in her heart.  “He seems like a wonderful boy.”

She removed her hand and then walked away.

“Where is Voyager headed?” Kellin inquired when Chakotay had returned to the table. 

“We’re breaking from the other ships to survey a few systems.  Long range scans detected planets rich in deuterium and duranium.  We’re taking note of them for future use.”

Kellen’s eyes widened.  “Is that so?  I’ve been searching for deuterium.  Our stores are running low.”

“You’re welcome to follow us,” he said, hopeful.

“I…. I don’t know.  I don’t think it’s such a good idea that we stay here much longer.”

“Please mom?” Tallo said, glazed danish dripping from his chin.  “I want to stay.”

She sighed and rubbed her brow.  “We’ll accompany them to the planet,” she finally agreed.  “But only because we need deuterium.  And, we’ll take our own ship.  When we get there, I’m going to need to talk with your fath- Captain Chakotay a little more.  I told you, before you disobeyed me and came over here on your own, it’s not my intent that we intrude on his life.”

A knot twisted in Chakotay’s stomach.

“Yeah, yeah.  But, can I ride on Voyager?” Tallo asked impatiently.  “Admiral Janeway said that they have something called a holodeck that can take me anywhere I want.  She said Chakotay would show me.”

Kellin was about to object when Chakotay interrupted.  “I’m not going to pressure you, but I’d appreciate it if you’d let him stay, Kellin,” he said.  “The trip will only be six hours.  I promise he’ll be safe.”

At seeing the excitement in her son’s deep, brown eyes - despite every motherly instinct - she relented with a sigh.  “Okay.”

“Yay!” Tallo shouted, bouncing out of his chair.  “What are we going to do first?” he asked his father.

Chakotay picked up a napkin and wiped the remnants of breakfast from the boy’s face.  “That was first,” he teased.  “Now we’re going to get your mother back to her ship.  Then we’re going to the bridge.”

The boy grinned from ear to ear.

“Hey,” Chakotay said, a smile appearing on his own face.  Then he pointed to the boy.  “He has my dimples.”

“This is the bridge,” Chakotay said proudly, walking his son out of the turbolift. 

“Wow….” Tallo said, his eyes wide with amazement.  “I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

“It’s where we run the ship.”

“You mean it’s where you run the ship,” the boy corrected, awe still prevalent in his voice.

“There are a lot of people involved in making sure that Voyager runs safely and smoothly.”

Tom Paris turned from looking over the shoulder of the officer at helm while Chakotay and Tallo descended to the captain’s chair.

“Tallo, you’ve already met Tom.  He’s my first officer.  Harry back there, who you also met, is our security chief and then there’s Ensign Larson at Ops and Ensign Gwyn at the helm.  She’s our pilot.”  In turn, each officer offered up a smile and a wave to the boy. 

Chakotay returned his attention to the commander.  “What’s our status?”

“Vesta just departed.  We’re ready to get underway.”

“Course laid in sir,” Gwyn confirmed.

Chakotay stooped down to the boy’s level.  “Tell them to engage,” he whispered in his ear.

The smile that hadn’t left Tallo’s face since the mess hall sparkled even wider. 

“Engage!” he shouted at the top of his voice and with a jump into the air.

“That was good Tallo,” Tom chuckled.  “Helm, surely you heard the young man, get us out of here.”

“Aye sirs,” Gwyn confirmed with a grin. 

“What do you do in here?” Tallo asked, climbing over the railing at the back of Chakotay’s ready room.  He flipped his legs over the glass wall and hung upside down.

Chakotay shook his head.  “Not that.”

“Oh, sorry,” Tallo apologized, righting himself onto his feet.

“This is my ready room.  I work in here when there’s nothing else urgent that needs my attention.  It’s an office.”

“It’s kinda boring.”

Chakotay shrugged.  “It works.  Not everything on a starship is exciting.”

“You need some art.”

“I have art,” Chakotay replied, then he motioned for Tallo to join him.  Pointing to a small painting on the wall, he began.  “This painting was given to me by Admiral Janeway’s sister.  She’s a professional artist.”

Tallo considered the broad, dark and heavy strokes of an abstract stormy sky.  “It looks….sad.”

“She painted it during a rather difficult time.”

“I don’t like it,” he said, upturning his nose. 

Chakotay tilted his head and had to agree.  “You know what?  Neither do I.  Maybe you can make me something more cheerful to go in its place.”

“Okay!”

“Here,” he said, guiding the child toward a pedestal by the doors.  “This is a Native American wedding vase.  It was used in the ceremony that married my parents - your grandparents.  It’s been passed down for generations in my….our family.”

“It’s pretty,” Tallo said, studying the image of a sun-face carved in its reddened surface.  “Will I get to meet my grandparents?”

“I’m afraid not.  They were killed a number of years ago.”

“Oh,” Tallo said sadly.  “That’s too bad.”

“I’ll be happy to tell you all about them though.  And about your aunt, she lives in the Alpha quadrant.”

“I’d love that.  Until today, I didn’t have any family except my mom.  She’s told me everything about Ramura but I don’t know much about where you’re from.”

“I have a lot to tell you about my side of your family.  We have a very rich and proud heritage that runs through our veins, Tallo.”

“I hope I get to hear everything.  But my mom doesn’t want to stay very long.”

Chakotay put his hand on the boy’s shoulder.  “Well, I’ll explain as much as I can while you’re here.  And I’ll give you some books so you can read about Earth and our culture later.”

“Can I see the holodeck too?  And engineering, I want to see the warp core.”

Chakotay smiled.  “Of course.  Let’s take a tour of the ship and then I’ll take you to the holodeck.  I want to show you one of my favorite places from where I was raised.”

“On Earth, right?”

“I grew up on a planet called Trebus.”  Chakotay stooped down slightly.  “Hey, you wanna see something fun?”

Tallo nodded, eyes wide.

“There’s a secret passageway out of my ready room,” he took the boy’s hand.  “Come on.”

Then they fled through the Jeffries tubes with all the stealth of spies on a secret mission and the vigor of youth that Chakotay hadn’t felt in years.

Six hours later, Chakotay and Tallo stood before the platform in the transporter room. 

“You look…. tired,” Kellin said, eyeing Chakotay up and down.  She took his hand and stepped off of the pad.

“Let’s just say, he certainly has a lot of energy. I guess I have to work up to this parenting thing.”

Kellin laughed and patted her son on the top of the head.  “Did you have fun?”

“Oh, yes!  Chakotay told me all about Trebus and Earth.  He took me for a hike in the forest, we played in a swimming hole and we climbed a mountain!”

“A whole mountain, huh?” she said, feigning awe. 

Chakotay made a pinching sign with his hand to indicate that said ‘mountain’ might have been a little smaller than the boy let on. 

“And!  I got to give orders to everyone on the bridge!”

Chakotay raised a finger to indicate it was actually just one order.  Kellin chuckled and followed them into the corridor with her hand on Tallo’s back.

“I need to return to duty for a little while,” Chakotay said.  “But, I’ve arranged for my first officer to bring his daughter to the holodeck so you youngsters can wear each other out.”

“Great!” Tallo exclaimed.  “I didn’t know there were other kids on this ship.”

“Miral’s a few years younger, but I think she’ll give you a run for your money.”

“How long until you’ll have located the planet with the deuterium?” Kellin asked. 

“To be honest, I have to check the exact details,” he said, suddenly feeling uncomfortable at his lack of knowledge.  “The plan was to remain in this system today then move to another overnight before we arrive at the one you want later tomorrow.”

“That’ll give us more time to hang out here,” Tallo said, hopeful.

“Let’s not be hasty now Tallo.  We don’t want to overstay our welcome.  We’re going to play with the little girl a bit and then we have to go back to our ship.  It’s almost dinnertime.”

“You’re welcome to stay here on Voyager,” Chakotay offered.  “When we jump locations we won’t be at warp.  Voyager can tractor your vessel along.”

“Thank you, but I really don’t think -”

“Mom, please?!” Tallo begged.  “We never get to ride on other ships.  Let’s stay here.”

She sighed.  “We’ll see.”

Tallo sidled back up to Chakotay and loudly whispered, “That means yes.”

After a shared dinner and a bit more crawling through the Jefferies’ tubes – which Tallo insisted that his mother must see - Chakotay was all too happy to shed his uniform jacket and boots, pour himself a glass of wine and settle down on the couch.  He needed time to process everything that had happened in his whirlwind of a day.  He decided, considering the circumstances, he would continue to write with pen and paper in a set of journals he had replicated for the sole purpose of not wanting to forget a single moment.  

When he was done scribing, and realized that the hour was right, he opened a comm channel to the Vesta.

“I see you survived,” Kathryn said, when his face appeared on her monitor.   His heart flipped, as it always did whenever he laid eyes on her.

“Just barely,” he replied, “That kid has a lot of energy.”

“Maybe you’re just out of shape,” she teased.

He patted his stomach. “I can’t argue with that.”  Then he leaned in closer.  “It’s good to see you.  How are you?”

“I’m fine, nothing to report,” she said, brushing him off.  “I want to hear all about your day.”

Chakotay sighed and relaxed back.  He couldn’t fight, even if he had wanted to, the deep abiding smile that had found itself etched on his face.  “You should have been here Kathryn.  He’s just the most amazing little boy.”

“Sounds like you’re smitten.”

“Oh, I definitely am.  He’s smart and funny, athletic and is very kind.  I can’t wait for you to spend some time with him.”

She swallowed sip of her coffee, unsure exactly how to ask what she needed to.  “So they’re staying with you then?”

The sinking feeling briefly returned to Chakotay’s stomach.  “They’re in quarters on Voyager but only for the night.  I’m not sure after that.  Kellin hasn’t really made any plans.”

“I see.”

“She is in need of deuterium so they’re accompanying us on our survey.  They’re be around for at least another day.”

Kathryn nodded.  “I’m sure she has a lot to consider.  You both do.”

“I intend on talking with her more about it tomorrow afternoon.  Of course, before anything is decided I’ll involve you as well.”

“I appreciate the thought, but this is your son, Chakotay.  Not mine.”  Then she quickly changed the subject.  “What are you going to do with them tomorrow?”

“Kellin needs to prepare her ship to receive the deuterium.  Apparently Tallo helps with that.  In the afternoon, Tom and Miral are going to join us on the holodeck again.  You should have seen those two little ones chasing each other this evening.  I think things are probably pretty quiet in Tom and B’Elanna’s quarters tonight.  Aside from the newborn, that is.”

“So Harry will have the bridge,” she asked, prodding just a bit. 

“Yes.  And no, I haven’t forgotten about my duties, Admiral.”

“I didn’t expect that you would,” she said with a smile.  “So, tell me.  I want to hear everything you did with your son today.”

And then he regaled her with every, single detail until she said it was time for them both to go to bed.

Chapter Text

Chakotay slid to a seat near Kellin on the oversized blanket that B’Elanna had laid out.  From his place on the sandy bank, he had a perfect view of the river and the large, grassy field.  The holodeck simulation of his youthful stomping grounds were vibrant for all of the senses with meadow flowers and birds while a cool breeze maintained the perfect comfort level from what would have otherwise been a very warm day.  In the distance he could see Tom, Miral and Tallo happily continuing the game of kickball that he had just excused himself from, while further down the shore B’Elanna strolled with Michael happily dozing in her arms.

“So,” he said, pulling his legs back and crossing them in front.  “Have you thought about your plans?”  He hoped to appear nonchalant but the lump in his throat was anything but relaxed.  He reached for a bottle of water and trusted it would help.

“I can’t say that I have,” Kellin admitted, taking the last bites from her watermelon rind. 

“You know you’re welcome to stay on Voyager for as long as you like.”

She smiled at him and he thought for a moment he might have seen a flicker of something akin to happiness in her eyes.  “Thank you.  I appreciate that, but I meant what I said. It wasn’t my intent to intrude on your life.”

“It’s not intruding Kellin.  This is my son we’re talking about.”

She nodded and that flicker he had observed quickly faded.  “I know.  But you have commitments.”

“Surely you must want something more for him than the isolation of your ship,” he said.  The rehearsed words were flowing well.

“That’s not exactly how we live Chakotay,” she said, a timbre of defensiveness rising in her voice.  “Tallo and I do alright for ourselves.  We have places we visit where I know we’ll be welcomed.  He understands now that people won’t remember us so it isn’t as difficult.  It’s not that bad you know.” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to accuse you.  You’ve done an excellent job with him.”

“Thank you.”

Chakotay took another sip of his water and pondered a moment.  “Is it that you don’t want me interfering with your life?”

Kellin shook her head.  “That’s not it at all.”

“What then? Because I feel like now that I know, I need to be a part of his life.  It’s not my place to demand it, goodness knows after so many years I have no right.  But he deserves a father and I’m fairly confident that I’ll make a good one.”

“I know you would Chakotay.  I’ve never had doubts about your ability to be a great father.  Just look at how much you’ve bonded with him in such a short amount of time.”  She bowed her head slightly.  “But it’s not that simple.  It was never going to be that simple.  If you were to be away, even for a day, you’d forget him and me all over again.  That kind of thing is hard enough with strangers, but with his own father?  I couldn’t do it to him.”

Chakotay flipped over her words in his mind and silently cursed the intricacies of this situation.  “Then why did you come here?” he asked finally.  “Why not just keep on going if you didn’t want him to get to know me?”

“When the computer alerted me to Voyager on sensors I couldn’t believe it.  I wrestled with whether to tell Tallo at all.  But then I realized that I had to.  I didn’t expect he would transport over without permission.”

“I’m glad he did,” Chakotay admitted.  “I can’t bear the thought that you would have just flown by.”

She shook her head.  “To be honest, neither could I,” her eyes wandered back to where the children were horsing around with Tom.  “Chakotay, what happened between us was brief.  But it was real.  I’m not so naïve to think that we could recapture what we had after all this time.  But I had to know how you were.”  She continued to stare down her hands.  “And now I have to ask.  Is there a chance?  Any chance, at all for us?  Because if there is, then maybe….”

Chakotay bit his bottom lip.  “No,” he replied.  In an instant he was both sad and guilt-ridden over every angle of the trade-off he was apparently making.  “I’m….” then he hesitated, unsure of exactly how to express or quantify his current relationship status.  “I’m committed to someone.”

“Admiral Janeway?”

Her immediate answer took him by surprise.  “How did you know?”

“It’s pretty obvious,” she said with a small smile.  “I was only around the two of you for a few minutes, but the way you look at each other…. I hope you don’t think you’re fooling anyone.”

He chuckled.  “I guess I thought, maybe, it was still a bit of a secret.”

“Yeah.  You go ahead and think that.”

“I’ll only be gone a couple of hours Tallo,” his mother said, tool bag slung over her shoulder.  Her empty containers sat in wait on the transporter pad.  “You keep being a good boy.”

“Yes mom,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“He’ll be fine,” Chakotay interjected, then he took her slightly to the side.  “It’s you I’m worried about, are you sure I can’t convince you to take a few of my officers along?”

“I appreciate the offer, but I’m used to taking care of things on my own.  I’ve collected deuterium before, and in much worse environments than this.  It should take me three hours, tops.”

“Okay, but I want you to report in every hour.”  In his outstretched hand was a communicator.

She raised an eyebrow at him.  “Is that an order, Captain?”

“Does it need to be?”

She smiled and demurred slightly, then patted the device to her jacket.  Deep down she was grateful for the concern he was showing, it had been so long since anyone cared what happened to them.  “I’ll check in every hour.  If nothing else I want to know what mischief you two are getting into.”

“I promise he’ll eat nothing but vegetables for dinner, read his lessons and have absolutely no horsing around whatsoever,” Chakotay said, making a crossing motion with his hand over his chest.

“Aw, man,” Tallo grumbled.

“Mm, hm,” she eyed knowingly.  Then she kissed her son on the top of his head, stepped on to the pad and transported away.

“You didn’t mean what you said about a healthy dinner and studying and stuff, did you?”

Chakotay grinned.  “Not on your life.”

“Oh good!” Tallo said, jumping up with excitement.

“Well, maybe the vegetable part.”

“That’s okay,” the boy agreed.  “As long as I can have pudding after.”

Chakotay closed his computer console and moved back to sit with Tallo.  The dishes from dinner remained unrecycled on his table and the boy was happily slurping down dessert – in the form of a chocolate milkshake – on the couch.

“Was that my mom?  Shouldn’t she be back by now?” Tallo asked. 

“Yes.  She’s been delayed on the planet while a storm blows through.  She took cover in a cave.  It’s nothing to worry about,” he reassured.  “She’ll be another hour or so, and she asked me to get you to bed.”

Tallo slumped in a sigh and set his empty glass on the floor.  “I’m not tired.”

“How did I know you were going to say that?”

“Because you were seven once and you didn’t want to go to bed either?”

“Something like that.  How about this?  You go wash up, I’ll replicate some pajamas and then I’ll tell you more stories.”

“Okay!” Tallo replied, jumping to his feet.  Then he stopped in his tracks.  “But….”

“Something wrong?”

“I’m really worried you’re going to forget about my mom.”

“When we’re done here I’ll go to the bridge and order everyone I can find not to leave until we’re sure she’s back safely.  Would that make you feel better?”

Chakotay watched his son nod, then run full sprint into the ‘fresher. 

Maybe ice cream before bed wasn’t the brightest idea, he thought with a sigh.

Chakotay looked at the child curled up next to him on the sofa.  His soft, slumbering sounds lulled with each peaceful breath.  He needed to extricate his arm but he didn’t dare move yet for fear of waking the child.  And so, he decided to wait a few minutes before carrying him into the bedroom.

Still prevalent was a heavy, almost oppressive guilt that threatened to destroy this peaceful moment.  Guilt at the thought of all of the times, like this, that he had missed.  Of how hard it must have been for Kellin, as not just a single mother, but as one completely alone and vulnerable.  And, of course, for his son.  Who, despite all odds, was growing up a happy and well-adjusted child.  It was a true testament to the boy’s inborn goodness and his mother’s care. 

Chakotay also couldn’t deny that he felt a bit like an afterthought - an unnecessary.  But then he looked at the boy and changed his way of thinking.  Just because he was new in Tallo’s life didn’t mean that he wouldn’t be important.  And, he vowed to continue to fight for the right to be involved.  No matter what, he didn’t want to simply forget.

He reclined his head back and tried to memorize everything about this particular second – the dark color and wildness of the boy’s curly hair, the way his little, round nose flared with each breath, his perfect fingers, and the way his body looked – youthful, but strong and vibrant with growing potential.  Chakotay felt proud. 

“I have a son,” he whispered, as if in thanks to an answered prayer.  “Spirits, keep him safe.”

The hum of engines and the boy’s gentle snores were making Chakotay’s eyelids weigh heavy.  He closed his eyes effortlessly and allowed his thoughts to dance about until he dozed completely.  Then, when he woke hours later, he moved the boy to bed and slept soundly the rest of the night on the couch.

Chapter Text

“We left orbit?!” Tallo shouted even before the turbolift doors retracted fully.  Commander Paris stood from his place on the bridge and addressed the frightened child.

“Tallo?” he asked, “What are you doing here?”

“I need to see my father!” he screeched, panic rising in his voice.  “Where is my father?”

Tom pointed to the ready room.  “He’s in there,” he said, moving to intercept him, but in a flash, Tallo was down the ramp.  He stopped short at the doors that refused to open without permission and unsure of what to do next he began to beat on them with his fists.

A moment later the doors opened and the boy all but fell inside.  Tom glanced a concerned eye back to Harry.  They both shrugged nervously and returned to duty.

“You left orbit!” he shouted before Chakotay could ask.

“Tallo, calm down,” he said, rising from behind his desk.  “Take a breath, what’s going on?”

He did as he was told and then spoke again, more calmly this time. “You left orbit.  You left my mom behind.”

Chakotay furrowed his brow.  “We left orbit of the planet in the middle of the night, yes.  Our sensor sweeps were complete and we’ve just met back up with the rest of the fleet.”

“But my mom,” Tallo repeated.  His voice beginning to wobble.  “She was collecting deuterium and she didn’t come back.  She was stuck in a storm.  Don’t you remember?”

“Son, I don’t know who you are talking about.  We didn’t leave anyone behind.”  Chakotay moved to kneel in front of him and put a strong hand on his shoulder.

“You…. you forgot her,” the boy realized.  Tears formed quickly and streamed down his already rosy cheeks.  “She was gone too long and you forgot.  I was afraid this would happen and it did.” He buried his head in his hands and began to cry.  “Please try to remember….”

Chakotay’s heart was shattering.  He would have done anything in that moment to make his son feel better.  When he searched his mind and found he could not place any memory of the boy’s mother whatsoever - a realization that in itself bothered him - he decided to follow his newfound fatherly instincts and tapped his badge.

“Chakotay to Paris.  Inform Admiral Janeway we will be returning to the last planet we surveyed to….well….. To retrieve something we forgot.  After she confirms, set a course.  Maximum warp.”

Then he returned his attention to the quivering child.  “I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here.  But we’ll get to the bottom of it, okay?”  Then the boy fell into his open arms.

When all was said and done it had taken Admiral Janeway five minutes to board Voyager, five hours for them to intercept Kellin’s vessel, another hour and a half for all memories of the woman to return to Chakotay and exactly zero seconds for guilt to set in.

After having been profusely reassured by his mother, Tallo had grudgingly followed Tom to play with Miral in their quarters, leaving two weary parents, and a concerned admiral alone in the captain’s living room.

“Are you starting to understand now what a life with us would mean, Chakotay?  You would never be able to be apart from us, not for more than a few hours or this would happen again.  If I had been gone any longer your memories wouldn’t have come back.”

“Then we’ll have to make sure that doesn’t happen,” Chakotay replied.  “This is a learning process.”

She shook her head.  “This isn’t just a learning process, Chakotay.  It’s going to be a way of life.  Think about it.  You couldn’t go on an away mission.  Not a vacation.  You would be bound to us.”

“Surely there must be some way to overcome that.  I can keep journal entries, in fact I’ve already started.  I’ll make recordings, take pictures, write myself notes, have the computer remind me hourly - whatever it takes.  You said this was because of pheromones, maybe our doctor can even work on something….” he said, grasping at anything that might alleviate all of their concerns. 

He glanced to the corner where Kathryn had been standing, searching for an ally.  But instead he found her eerily silent.

“You’ve already forgotten once and you’ve seen how hard this was on him.  You scared him Chakotay, and you scared me too,” she hung her head.  “I should have known better.  Dammit,” she swore.  “This is why I hesitated to come onboard in the first place.”

“Then I just won’t leave.  We won’t be apart.”

“You know that’s not possible.  And even if it was, it’s a lot to ask….of both of us.”

“Are you saying that you don’t want to be here?” he blurted out, cutting to the chase.

She shook her head.  “No.  I want to be here, with you, more than I’ve ever wanted anything.  It’s what I’ve been dreaming about for the last seven years.  But the reality is much more difficult than I had considered, especially since all of this time has passed.”

“I don’t see how the passage of time has much bearing, this would have been just as hard if I was there from the start.” Chakotay argued.

“You have duties and commitments now.”

“I had those before.”

“You have a life, Chakotay.  And…” she hung her head.

“And what?”

She swallowed back the lump rising in her throat.  “You’re in love.  And it’s not with me.”

Chakotay bowed his head, stole another glance back to Kathryn, and then relegated himself to pleading his case.  

“Just….give me some time to think.  None of this has to be decided today.  For now I only want to keep getting to know my son.”

“The more time you spend with him, the more attached he’s going to get to you and he won’t forget.  He’s been idolizing you for so long now.  And Chakotay, you’ve lived up to his greatest expectations.  I see the way he looks at you.  If this doesn’t work out and we have to leave you behind….”

“That’s not going to happen.  No matter what, I will be there for my son,” Chakotay vowed and in the deepest part of his heart, he believed every word.  “However I can, however you let me.  I will be there.”  Then he took Kellin’s hands into his own.  “Promise that you’ll let me.”

A few hours later, Kellin found herself in an empty corner of the mess hall.

“Mind if I join you?” Tom Paris asked tray in hand, standing before her table. 

She stopped stabbing mindlessly at her meal to look up at him and made a waving gesture.

“I had to get away from all of the crying for a little while,” he said, sitting across from her.  “For people with such tiny lungs, newborns sure are loud.”

She smiled lightly.  “I remember those days.”

Tom suddenly felt a wave of regret over addressing something that would have been so difficult for her.  For all of the challenges of having a newborn, at least the mother of his children had a husband, a family, and a community to share them with.  He quickly changed the subject. 

“Tallo’s hanging out with Chakotay again?”

“And the Admiral.”

“I guess they have a lot of catching up to do.  It’s hard to imagine - having a child and not knowing about him.”  Tom rearranged the food on his plate while he contemplated the time his own wife spent in isolation with Miral.  He also harbored many regrets.  “It’s a shame that they’ve both missed so much.” 

“It’s far from an ideal situation.  But at least they have a chance now.”

“Yes,” Tom replied hesitantly.  “I suppose they do.”

Kellin watched as Tom brought a chunk of noodles in brown sauce up to his lips then paused. 

“Something?” she asked.

Tom lowered his fork.  “To be honest, yes.  Chakotay is in a relationship now.  You know that, right?”

“I do.”

“I’ve been going over in my mind whether or not this is any of my business.  Then I realized that as Chakotay’s first officer, it must be.  I have a duty to him and to this ship that goes past our friendship.”

“Ok….”

“Kellin, I like you.  Chakotay likes you.  I’m sure even Admiral Janeway likes you, so please don’t think that this is anything personal.  But….well….”

“You’re not running a hotel and this isn’t a ship designed for families?”

Tom shook his head.  “No.  That’s not it.  I mean, of all people I can’t be the one to give a lecture about having a family onboard.  It’s just… I don’t see how this can work.  Not long term.”

“Tom, you’re a good man,” Kellin said.  “You’re a good officer and a good friend.  And you know what?  You’re absolutely right.”

“I am?”

She nodded.  “I don’t know how we can make this work either.”

They sat in contemplative silence for a while.  Tom gazed out at the stars and Kellin down at her plate until finally, she broke the quiet.

“I have to say, one of the things I had missed about Voyager was the food.  But somehow it just doesn’t taste quite as good as it used to.”

Tom chuckled softly.  “Don’t tell me you miss what Neelix served up.”

“I suppose I do.  Where is he anyway?”

With the tension on hiatus for a moment, Tom was all too happy to continue conversation in another direction.  “Neelix left the ship a few weeks before we found our way home.  He lives not far from here actually, in the center of an asteroid.  With a whole colony of Talaxians.”

“Is that so?”

“Mm hm.  He has a wife now, and a stepson who’s not a whole lot older than your boy.  They’re doing remarkable things, you wouldn’t believe the community they have going.”

“They live inside an asteroid?” she asked skeptically.

Tom chuckled.  “I know.  When he first decided to leave, I couldn’t imagine being stuck inside a rock, but it’s just as good as anywhere else if you have your family with you.  I suppose it’s not a whole lot different than being on a starship.”

Kellin wrapped her hands around her mug, while her mind wrapped around the information he had just shared. 

“Neelix is an Ambassador for the Federation now, but I’m sure the next time we pass by he’d be happy to cook something for you.”  He took a bite of his salad and started to butter the bread. 

She once again stared out to the stars.  “How good of a friend are you, Tom?” she asked, drawing her eyes back to his.

He set the knife down.  “I’m not sure, why are you asking?”

“Because…” she began, making up her mind with each passing word.  “I think we all know how this is going to end.  Even if Chakotay doesn’t want to admit it.”

Tom’s stomach churned.  “You’re leaving.”

“I could use your help.  And your silence.  If it’s any consolation, you’d only have to live with it for a few hours.”

He ran a hand through his hair.  “Tallo’s going to be heartbroken.”

“The longer I wait, the harder this will be.  As a parent, I’m sure you understand, what’s good for our kids today isn’t always best in the long run.  Someday, I think he will come to respect my decision.”

He sighed and thought about the hard choices B’Elanna had made to ensure the long-term safety of Miral.  In the end, he couldn’t argue with a mother’s instincts.  Fork in hand, he poked once again at the main course before taking a bite.  At the taste, he frowned.

She regarded his expression curiously.  “What is it?”

“Actually,” he said, forcing down the casserole.  “This reminds me of Neelix quite a bit.”

Kellin wandered the corridors for over an hour after retrieving Tallo from his father and tucking him in - despite the boy’s protests – to his own bed on their ship.  At first she appreciated the subtle nods and ‘hello’s’ from the few night-shift crewmembers she had passed.  But after a while all she really wanted to do was walk in silence. 

In an odd way, she realized that she missed her little vessel and the solitude it offered.  It would be good to get back to normal for a while, she thought.  Beyond that, she was excited for the plan she had developed.  She glanced to the padd in her hand and committed the coordinates Tom had provided to memory. 

After passing another crewman who wanted to relay just how happy he was that she and Tallo were onboard, she had finally had enough of other people.  She tapped the device kept hidden in her pocket and disappeared into thin air.  Then she continued walking.

“Please,” Chakotay asked, leaning forward slightly from his seat on the couch.  “Tell me what’s going through your head.”

Kathryn stopped her pacing and turned to regard him.  “I’m thinking that you have a son, and that’s wonderful.”

“There’s more to it than that.”

She sighed and took a seat next to him.  The truth which she had long been loath to admit, even to herself, was bubbling to the front of everything else at this odd turn of events.  She could avoid the topic no longer. 

“Chakotay,” she began, finding it hard to meet his eyes.  “I have always known that having children was important to you.  I saw the way you were around Naomi, and now how you look at Miral and Michael.  There is a happiness there, but also regret.  I know you want children -“

“But,” he interjected, sensing her doubts.

“No.  No buts,” she corrected.  “‘And.’ And I know that you would be a fantastic father.  You’re going to be a fantastic father to this little boy.  To your son.”  She bit back the shaking feeling that had been rising in her voice.  “I’m just not sure where my place is in all of this.”

Chakotay reached forward and grabbed her hands.  “Your place is by my side.  We will figure everything else out,” he said, trying to weave some thread of confidence into the delicate situation.  But, no matter how hard he tried to deny it, the look on her face betrayed the same uncertainty which he felt in his bones.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is this.  If you want to be a father, and I know in your heart that you do, he’s going to have to stay with us.  Or you’ll have to go with him.  Then too, if you want to have more children, you deserve that chance.”

“Kathryn, what are you trying to say?”

“It’s not going to be with me,” she said, feeling the words burst forth after having been held back for one moment too long.  “I love you.  More than anything or anyone I’ve ever loved in my entire life.  And if you were to ask me for just about anything else, I’d do it.  I love you enough, that if I have to, I will accept your resignation and leave you wherever you want so that you can have this chance you’ve been given.  I love you enough that I will walk away from this relationship so that you can make things work on Voyager if that’s what it takes,” she said, her heart aching against the phrases coming from her tongue.  “But I won’t have your children Chakotay.  I wasn’t meant to be a mother.  I know that now.  That life, the one I dreamed of years ago, it’s gone.”

“Why?  Why are you coming to this realization now?”

“If the situation on Sormana taught me anything it’s that there isn’t a place in my life for a child of my own.  Not when I can’t give one hundred percent.  Not when I can’t be completely sure that the child would be safe out here.  I wouldn’t be able to remain objective and it wouldn’t be fair, to anyone involved.”

Chakotay felt a heavy sigh leave his body and the looked up to meet her reddened eyes.  “I’m glad you were honest with me.  It’s hard, sometimes, to know what you’re feeling.”

“I should have told you sooner.”

“I probably should have asked.”  He opened his arms and she fell into him.  She nuzzled against his strong shoulders and heard him question, “How would you feel about being a step-mother?”

“I think I’d enjoy that job very much,” she admitted quietly. 

“You’re right, this isn’t going to be easy.  We’re going to have to make some sacrifices.”

“I’m okay with that.”

I love you,” he whispered into her hair. 

“And I love you.”

“That’s all I’ll ever need from you.  Please believe me.”

Tom should have been sleeping.  It was, after all, that blessed time of night when he could actually get some uninterrupted rest.  But he knew better than to believe it would come to him on this particular evening.  A few more hours and Michael would be up again.  And then again, and again…

He sighed and rolled to his left.  Glancing over the slumbering body of his exhausted wife, he gazed into the small bassinet at his swaddled son.  Against his better judgement, with an unstoppable urge, he swung out of bed and stepped lightly across the room.  Then he carefully slid his hands under the newborn and cuddled him close. 

The baby stirred and cooed.  His tongue jutted out to suckle at the air.  Tom rocked him gently and held him tight to his body.  Then he left the room. 

The first thing he thought when he laid eyes on his daughter was that she looked as if someone had knocked her out with a bat and thrown her into the bed.  Tom shook his head with a smile.  The harried way she would run until her last drop of energy had been expunged caused her to collapse most nights, and tonight was no exception.  How lucky he was to get to witness this, to know her routines and quirks - to experience her joys and frustrations.  To watch his son grow.

Taking a seat on the edge of her bed, he made a mental note to fully involve Chakotay in the lives of his children - and he hoped he wouldn’t forget that point as he would other things from this evening.  Still rocking Michael, he breathed in the newborn scent - memorized the shape of his daughter.  And appreciated, just a little more than usual, the life he was living.

In the relative dark of ship’s night, Kellin covertly made her way through deck ten and used Tom’s security code to access the room at the end of the corridor.  With a near-silent movement, the door split from the bulkhead and she entered.  She retrieved the data stick she had prepared from her pocket and then located the access port.  Without another thought, she plunged it into the matching slot.  The computer blipped acceptance, erasing all traces of her existence.

Her decision had been made and her work was almost complete.  There was just one last thing to do.  

Disappearing into thin air as she reactivated her cloak, she made her way back to deck three.  It took just a minute to steal into Chakotay’s quarters and find the shelf where he kept his handwritten journal.  A moment more and she had it safely tucked under her arm.  At least, she realized, she would have these to remember him by.  And if, by some chance, the need ever arose she would be able to show them to him.  Maybe, she thought.  Someday.

The next weeks would be hard, she knew, especially for Tallo.  But he would have to learn to accept the gift he had been given of these few days.  Together they would move on, just as they had always done.

Padding softly to the exit, she heard from the far corner of his living space, voices behind the wall.  Soon she would no longer have a need to use her invisibility to spy on others.  But just this one, last time she felt like she deserved the advantage it afforded her.  She deserved to know that what she was giving up - a father for her son - was the best thing for everyone involved.  So she walked over, leaned an ear to the wall and eavesdropped for a moment. 

She heard all she needed to in the muffled giggles and sighs and deep-voiced confessions. 

And then, she left.

Chapter Text

Three Months Later

“Ah, Captain!  Admiral!” Neelix’s outstretched hand preceded him as he hustled to the duo who had just materialized in the central common area.  “How wonderful to see you both again and so soon,” he gushed, shaking Janeway’s hand wholeheartedly up and down.

“Well, we were in the area with a day to spare and you said you had something interesting to report,” Janeway said. Then she leaned close and lowered her voice a bit, “Not that we need any excuse to take a day to see you.  How are you doing?”

“We are all quite well,” Neelix replied. “Quite well indeed.  And I do have some matters to discuss with you Admiral.”

Just then a small group children ran past Neelix, one of them brushed Chakotay’s leg as he did so. 

“Oh! Slow down!” Neelix chastised as his own step-son, Brax, went whizzing after the other children. 

Janeway took note that the boy who came the closest to them didn’t look anything like the others who called this asteroid home.  Even with the speed at which he had raced by, the boy’s dark, curly hair was a dead giveaway that he was not born to the Talaxians.

“I didn’t realize you had other species in your colony now Neelix.”

“Ah, yes.  We have two actually,” Neelix replied proudly.  “That was Tallo.  He and his mother joined us just a few months ago.  Their ship was damaged and they took refuge in the asteroid belt.  It seems they have been lost on this side of the quadrant for quite some time.”

“If they’re looking for a ride home, perhaps one of our vessels can help.  We may be going in the same direction,” Chakotay offered. 

“That’s very kind of you,” Chakotay heard a feminine voice say from behind.  He turned to see an attractive woman with curly blonde hair approaching.  “But we’re not looking to get home,” she put a hand on the Ambassador’s shoulder.  “Mr. Neelix and the others have offered to let us live here, and we are quite content to stay.”

“Kellin,” Neelix began.  “This is Admiral Janeway and Captain Chakotay of the Federation Starship Voyager.”

The woman bowed softly and smiled. 

“It’s nice to meet you,” offered Janeway.

“Admiral, I know your time is at a premium,” Neelix continued, gesturing away from their little group.  “If you have a moment I’d like to provide you with some news.  It seems there have been some very interesting negotiations going on....”  Their talk fell out of earshot as Neelix led the Admiral away.

Chakotay returned his attention to the woman.  “How are you enjoying New Talax?”

She nodded with a shy smile. “It’s wonderful here.  Everyone is very friendly and have been so welcoming to us.”  Just then the boy came around the corner and stopped short of his friends to join his mother.

“Hi,” he said to Chakotay.  “We’re going to play together later, right?”

Chakotay tilted his head to the side curiously and smiled.  “Sure.”

“Great!” the boy replied, and then he ran off again. 

Kellin bit her lip.  “I must apologize for my son, you see, Neelix has told us so much about you and Admiral Janeway, I’m afraid we both feel as if we know you.  I’m sure you must be very busy and you don’t have to -”

“He seems like a fine young man,” Chakotay interrupted.  “I’d be happy to take him and his friends to the holodeck for a while, if you think he’d enjoy such a thing.”

She nodded with a smile.  “He would love that, Captain.  And he is a fine young man.  Sharp as a tack and very kind.  Just like his father.”

“Neelix said your name is Kellin?”

“Yes.”

“I knew someone named Kellin once,” he said, then he shook his head.  “At least, I think I did.”

She tilted her head, feigning confusion.

“It’s a bit of a strange story.” 

Kellin smiled.  “Maybe you can tell it to me sometime.”

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