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One: This was not his fault. He was simply being the demon he was and curiosity was a stone's throw from a sin. It originally was, in fact, the eighth deadly sin. But then God had removed it from the list since curiosity sometimes led to good things. Which, in a way, so could all things, sins included. Not that Crowley ever understood God's logic, but he had the good enough mind to not meddle with such things.
Two: He wasn't angry...not at first. Crowley was merely...frustrated. He became angry when the angel had showed up. That was because Aziraphale was being a bloody great waste of his time and annoying him, adding more to his current state of frustratedness.
Three: It had been a while since he'd been a snake. Not a half-century while, but, just a while. And he rather liked his human form more. But there he was, slithering around on the floor of Aziraphale's bookstore, pathetic and almost helpless.
It had started with a box.
Crowley had been waiting around the store for his angel to show (Aziraphale had a very important errand to run. Crowley didn't know and didn't care what it was, he didn't even bother asking before Aziraphale left) when a postal man came to the door. He'd dropped off a package for the angel saying that he'd know what to do with it when he saw it.
It was a simple thing: small wooden panels along the sides, containing whatever it was that happened to be inside. Crowley knew it had nothing whatsoever to do with him and that he shouldn't open it, but how harmful could it be, really? And besides, it was in his nature to go against his "good" instincts.
He undid the lock with a snap of his fingers, and opened the tiny thing. Before the demon could react to the swirling purple mist that floated swiftly from the box towards him, he could feel himself begin to shrink. His skin became less...skin, and more of scales. His arms were pinned unwillingly to his sides, and his legs morphed into one long, slithering tail. His sunglasses clattered to the floor beside him.
"Bugger." Crowley hissed. He was a snake. A long, thick, black snake. He tried to think it away, to "miracle" (as Aziraphale would say) himself back into his human form. Nothing happened the first, second, nor third time he tried.
That, of course, is when Aziraphale walked in. He was humming to himself happily when he saw the box (which had closed and locked itself back up) and the snake. For a moment, the angel just stared; looking back and forth between the two. Then he began to laugh. He laughed so hard he sat down beside Crowley, and removed his glasses to dab at a tear forming in his right eye.
"I'm...I'm sorry for being terribly rude, my dear." Aziraphale apologized. "It's just...you had to go and make such a...such a...well, human mistake." Crowley looked at him with his demonic yellow eyes.
"Whatever do you mean, "human missstake?" Crowley inquired. The angel looked down at the snake beside him.
"The box. I know you opened it. Don't tell me you've never heard of the story of "Pandora's Box", have you?" Crowley understood now.
"Oh. Doesssn't mean it'sss an exclusssively human missstake, angel." Crowley's forked tongue kept repeating this annoying habit of getting in the way and muddling up what the demon was trying to explain.
"No, but it's most commonly and more famously a human mistake." Aziraphale countered. Crowley gave up. Arguing would get him nowhere.
"Well then, sssurely you know how to remove it?" Aziraphale gave him a sly look.
"Perhaps."
"...And?"
"And what, my dear?"
"Do you know or not?!"
"Can't you just miracle it away?"
"Do you think I would ssstill be in thisss form if I hadn't already done that?" Crowley snapped. Aziraphale seemed to consider this a moment. Then he had an idea and snapped his fingers. Unfortunately, when Crowley jumped in happy surprise, nothing happened. He stared flatly at the angel. "Wasss that sssupposssed to do anything?" He asked. Az shook his head.
"Oh, no. Sorry, Crowley, I just had an idea."
"What?" Crowley growled.
"Don't move." The angel ordered kindly, cupping his hands and scooping up the snake.
"Angel-! What are you- AH! Well, jussst don't drop me-!" Crowley wobbled in Aziraphale's small grip as the angel set him on the table next to the box. Then Aziraphale disappeared into the back room to get something. Crowley slithered up next to the box, wondering what had to be so damn important that he had to be transformed back into a snake for.
Aziraphale returned with something green in his hand. Crowley sighed (as well as a snake could sigh, that is).
"What've you got there, angel?" Crowley asked reproachfully. Aziraphale smiled and sat down in the table's chair. He grinned drunkenly at the snake, and Crowley was sure he'd regret what the angel was about to do. Aziraphale revealed his arm, and on his hand was covered by a green sock. With buttons and a red, slitted tongue made of felt. Crowley gazed flatly at the sock puppet snake then at Aziraphale, who giggled.
"I've been waiting for an opportunity like this." He chuckled, slithering his hand towards Crowley in a mock-snake motion.
"Not amusssing, angel." Crowley hissed. Aziraphale cracked up, laughing even more than before.
"I apologize, Crowley. I just believe it's only fair."
"Fair for what?!"
"Last night." Aziraphale answered. If he could've, Crowley would've rolled his eyes.
"Oh pleassse, Aziraphale. You wanted lassst night to happen." Crowley argued. Aziraphale shook his head.
"My dear, last night went how you wanted it to go."
"Are you sssaying you didn't enjoy it?" Crowley asked smugly. Aziraphale sputtered at this.
"I-well...not exactly not enjoying...but, that's besides the point! Do you want my assistance or not?"
"Yesss!"
"Alright, well. If the box is opened by a force of evil, it will cast that evil into a less-pleasant form."
"And...?"
"And, my point is-"
"Don't you dare sssay dolphins." Crowley snapped. Aziraphale giggled.
"No. My point is, if a force of evil, you, opens the box, the charm on it can be reversed by a force of good."
"Then "force of good" me, angel!"
"Meaning, I have to kiss you."
Oh. Crowley wasn't quite expecting that to be the angel's answer. He swallowed (as well as he could), and nodded his little snake head. Aziraphale set him on the floor and abandoned the sock puppet on the table. Then he cupped the snake's chin, and kissed the snake. Crowley melted into the kiss, and when he opened his eyes, he was back in his original form. He wrapped his arms around his angel and deepened the kiss.
"You sneaky bastard." Crowley murmured against Aziraphale's lips. "What was in that box?"
"You will find that out in a moment."
"Really?"
"Yes."
~~~
Aziraphale curled up next to Crowley, slightly shivering. Crowley flexed around his angel, cocooning him with warmth.
"That was worth being a snake for." Crowley mused, looking over at the oil sent from a dear friend angel of Aziraphale's who had sent it. The angel laughed.
"I won't even tell you I told you so. Oh, and by the way, I like snake you, but I prefer this you." Aziraphale added with a warm kiss on Crowley's chest.
"Yes, and I like this you, too. Best you yet."
"Crowley, my dear?"
"Yes, angel?"
"I'm calling you Pandora from now on. And you can play with Slithers the sock puppet when you're bad." The angel teased.
"I will most certainly not! I am a demon, unholy and such, but I do have dignity-" Crowley was silenced at his angel's kiss.
"You're adorable when you're mad, Pandora."
~fin~