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Lance sat in the sand, absent-mindedly burying and sifting his fingers through it as Domingo sat beside him blowing up his last water wing. Lance lived for days like this. The beach was full of life without the crowd being overwhelming, the afternoon sun was warming every inch of his skin while the ocean spray kept him pleasantly cool, and he was with his favorite people in the world. It wasn't often that his entire family could ever arrange to have a beach day where they were all present, but today was one of those perfect days.
“Lance,” Domingo looked up to question his older brother, “why do you love the beach so much?”
“Girls in bikinis Dom, why else?” Lance smiled as the little guy chuckled beside him.
“No really. You beg to go to the beach more than any of us, why's it so special to you?” Dom was an observant, persistent scamp and Lance knew he'd eventually have to give him a real answer. He thought for a moment before he conceded.
“I like the beach because it's home and an entirely new world all at once,” he paused for a moment, looking to the line where the sky met the sea. “When I'm in the water I'm weightless. I feel like I can do anything and if you can manage to open your eyes while you're swimming you can see some pretty amazing things. I get lost while I'm down there, like I'm somewhere else and it's the best feeling. Then when I pop back up and turn around I get to see you guys again and tell you about what it was like living like a fish for awhile.”
Lance turned back to Dom expecting to see him smiling. Instead he found his little brother looking down at one of his water wings with a pout on his face. Lance’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and concern, but the little one spoke before Lance could even open his mouth.
“If you go to space then you won't be able to pop back up and tell me what it was like for a long time,” Domingo practically choked out the last word and Lance felt his heart break. “It's really cool and I'm excited for you but I just…” Lance pulled the runt into a big hug before he could think of anymore to say.
“I'm not leaving anytime soon guy I promise, and I'll always come back to you.” He nuzzled Dom’s head then started swaying in the sand as he held him until he started giggling. Relief washed over Lance and he smiled as he stood, pulling Domingo to his feet.
“C'mon pequeño, this barracuda’s gonna teach you how to swim.” Dom shot past Lance toward the water and that's the last glimpse of perfection he was allowed before black clouds began to swarm in around the edges of his flashback.
The clouds consumed his perfect beach day, one of the last perfect days he'd had before he left for the Garrison, washing it away and leaving him alone in empty darkness. Lance was free-falling, tumbling through nothingness as his pulse skyrocketed. He was perplexed and panicking, desperate for some semblance of reality.
Bright lights assaulted his eyes before he could fully decide if he was dreaming or not. He collapsed against something firm. No, he gripped rough elbows before he fully fell, he had fallen into a person. Lean, strong arms wrapped themselves protectively around his trunk, and he felt a gentle hand in his hair as his eyes focused on the cobalt pair looking down at him. Keith.
“Hey,” Keith spoke in a soft voice, hushing Lance as he pulled him closer. “It's okay. I got you. I'm right here.”
Lance was still panicking from the loss of past Dom. His heart was racing and he was hyperventilating. He hadn't even had the chance to register his exhaustion before his body began to slump to the floor. Keith followed suit, holding Lance as securely as possible as he sank to the floor with him. Lance’s lower body was curled up between Keith's open legs as his upper body was cradled. There was a slight ripple of surprise as he felt Keith's forehead press against his temple, then came a hand stroking his hair while another rubbed soothing circles on his right bicep.
“Focus on me,” Keith said with closed eyes, “Listen to me breathe. Feel my heartbeat.”
Keith's breathing was calm and even, Lance did his best to imitate the pattern with the knowledge that it would help him get his bearings. One of his arms was clinging to Keith's back, but the other was pulled close to his body with his hand splayed against the red paladin’s chest. He felt his friend's heartbeat, which initially seemed as fast as his, but it soon slowed. Lance focused on syncing his body rhythms with Keith's until he could gather himself together enough to notice a few things. He took note of how the smaller paladin’s bangs and breath tickled his cheek, how Keith had never stopped stroking his hair, and the fact that they were holding each other in front of a healing pod.
Wait… a healing pod?
“Keith?” Lance croaked, pouting at the sound of his own voice.
“Welcome back,” Keith breathed as he looked down at Lance with a relieved smile that would've been dazzling if he weren't so concerned. He tried to roll a bit more so he could get a better view of his rescuer until a sharp spark of pain in his lower abdomen had him wincing. “Lance be careful!” Keith's face quickly switched back to one of deep concern as he brought the hand from Lance’s arm down to the source of pain at his side. The hand Lance had resting on Keith's chest flew down to meet the new hand at his side as he groaned in pain, hiding his face in the gray fabric of his nurse's shirt.
“What happened to me man?” Keith nestled against Lance’s temple, and Lance whimpered just a bit as he tried to nuzzle him back. That porcelain nose pressed to his cheek and those pouty lips were almost kissing his face. This Keith, tender Keith, made Lance feel loved, the kind of love he remembered from home. If they stayed like this he could almost ignore the pain, but it was still there.
“... I promise I'll tell you, but I think we should let everyone else know you're up and get some food in you first.” Keith was happy Lance seemed to agree to that plan, even if his injured friend was a bit hesitant. Being as careful as possible, he helped Lance to his feet, and they slowly made their way to the nearest common room. Keith played crutch for Lance the whole way there.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
The entire crew was thrilled to see Lance awake again, and he was surrounded by genuine warmth and concern. This surprised him because he always assumed no one but Hunk cared this much about him. Well Lance knew everyone cared but he apparently didn't know how much. All of their doting only solidified his fear that something horrible had happened to him before the healing pod, and he hated that he couldn't remember.
After a brief reunion in the common room, they all ushered Lance to the dining room, being sure not to agitate his fragile condition. Keith never left his side and the lanky, wounded boy was incredibly grateful for his presence. He may never say it but he really liked Keith, and he appreciated him more today than he ever had.
Keith sat next to him when they had arrived and he scooted his chair closer just to be near in case Lance needed him. Hunk, of course, plopped down on Lance’s free side while Pidge, and Allura sat across from them. Coran joined them once he was done serving everyone, he and Hunk beaming as they saw Lance look down and gape at his favorite space foods.
“Hunk this looks amazing,” Lance gushed as he took his first sporkful and hummed happily at the incredible flavor sensations.
“Just for you buddy! I had a feeling today would be the day so me and Coran whipped all this up for you.” The friendly behemoth smiled at Lance before turning back to his plate and Lance returned the gesture. Everyone was eating and idly chatting until he had a small realization.
“Today would be the day?” Lance’s question was met with resounding silence.
“You… you've been in the healing pod for two weeks Lance,” Coran explained, “we were all very worried about you.”
“Two whole weeks?” Lance was incredibly worried now, he didn't know the healing pods could even take that long to fix injuries.
“Yes, you were badly injured after our mission to rescue the Apidaens,” Allura summarized but he still felt like there was more to the story he wasn't being told.
“She's downplaying it but you… you died Lance.” Hunk couldn't bring himself to look at his friend as he finally told the truth. There was hurt painted all over his face, and even though he didn't look at everyone else Lance knew they were all wearing the same expression.
“Why was I dead?” The question sounded odd as it left Lance’s mouth, but he knew his friend's understood it. He looked at all of them expectantly and no one would meet his eyes, but all heads turned when Pidge began to speak.
“The Apidaen queen’s escape pod was hit by one of the homing harpoons from the Apocritas. Her engine was down and you…” retelling the event became too much for Pidge, but there was no need to continue. Those few details managed to rekindle Lance’s memory.
The remaining Voltron lions had been called upon to assist the Apidaens in evacuating their planet before their irate neighbors, the Apocritas, would invade to take planet Apidae’s nectar reserves and females for themselves. Pidge was halfway between their planet and the moon to make sure they stayed on course, Hunk was tailing the flock of pods with the essentials they'd need to construct a hive on their new home, and Keith and Lance were in charge of managing any threats from the Apocritas. Keith was closest to the enemy ship and Lance was farther back near the mass exodus of Apidaens. During the evacuation one of the Apidaen escape pods was hit by an Apocritas homing harpoon that destroyed its engine. This downed pod belonged to the Apidaen queen, and if she was stranded in space her people would eventually die off without her. There was no finding another Apidaen queen, she had to be born and Queen Bareet hadn't produced an heiress yet. Her pod was completely stalled and the Apocritas clearly intended to launch another assault guaranteed to hit its mark. The queen needed Voltron, and Lance took the needs of those who called on Voltron very seriously.
He directed Blue to start running calculations and left his chair to retrieve an emergency booster jet from his lion's ICE supply stock. There were numerous questions about what he thought he was doing and pleas for him not to leave Blue's cockpit, but his mind was already made up. He assured them that everything would be fine as best as he could, but he was going anyway. After looking over the flight path Blue set for him and finding it satisfactory, he boarded his glider and made his way to the exit at Blue's mouth. He told Blue he was ready to go and he could feel her wishing him well, putting her full faith in him as he pulled up the flight plan on his helmet and she started the countdown to launch. Everything was going according to plan until a defiant, primal growl filled the coms and Blue's entire body jerked backwards before Lance was shot out of her mouth.
Lance was completely thrown off course and furious, but there was no time to dwell on that. His helmet began to compensate for him so he could return to his designated flight plan. He had been tossed further away and turned around completely but if he could manage to go full speed he'd reach the royal escape pod in about 30 seconds. Despite the protests of his teammates he pressed on, ignoring them entirely as he zoomed toward his target. Lance had told Allura to inform the fleeing Apidaens that they should get ready to assist their queen, and he was just about to alert Bareet that he was coming when he saw a shimmering light being unleashed from the Apocritas ship. He looked as he continued on his trail, and saw what looked like a jagged ended javelin heading right for Bareet’s pod. Lance knew this weapon was intended to destroy her vessel and he couldn't allow that.
Turning his laser focus back to the pod, he laid his body out flat behind the bulk of his glider like he'd seen Allura do on her own a few times before, hoping it'd help him gain speed. It didn't, but remembering he had rocket boots proved productive, and while it only gave Lance a slight boost he was grateful for the assistance. As he closed in he was aware that the stinger, as he'd taken to calling it, was doing the same, it was about as close as he was too. He refused to pay the horrendous thing anymore attention as he reached Bareet’s pod with seconds to spare. Lance quickly attached the self adhesive jet to the pod, backing his glider up and giving her a rough push to kickstart the remainder of her escape. He had no time to feel pride, or notice the queen’s arms flailing in an effort to get him to retreat, he couldn't even register the warnings of his team through his helmet as he quickly found out that the stinger was barbed. The stinger was barbed, cold as ice, twice the length it appeared to be, and it left a stinging, soda can sized hole in his abdomen where it stayed.
Lance was able to notice that it was twice as long as one of his legs, and instead of exiting him, the opposite end decided to latch onto him at the entry point. Screaming. Screaming is the next thing Lance remembers, his own and everyone else's. He could feel Blue's anger as she made her way to him as quick as she could, but as he was snapped into a lion's maw, he could register enough to know that he wasn't familiar with these particular metallic jaws of justice. Red. Keith had saved him. Keith's voice was calling to him, sounding broken in his helmet but he couldn't understand it. Lance tasted iron through his writhing before he became groggy, hearing a growl at the back of his mind and seeing a blurry image of Red yanking Blue's tail before she coughed him out, then everything went black.
Hunk's voice shook him from that horrible memory.
“After you were hit and she couldn't get to you Blue kinda lost it. She took down that Apocritas ship all on her own,” he said, looking at Lance through eyes that told he had been mourning the loss of his friend.
“We had to fight to get her back on the ship,” Coran added. “She only stopped once we set up a monitor so she could see you in your healing pod.”
All eyes turned Lance’s way, waiting for him to say or do anything, but he just sat. There wasn't a single peep from him or much interaction whatsoever since he asked what had happened to him. He just sat there staring at his picked over plate in silence, expression completely unbearable. Finally, he spoke and anyone who wasn't close had to strain to hear him.
“You pulled Blue back.” He seemed to speak to no one, but the accused knew exactly who Lance’s words were for. Keith's entire body shrank in on itself.
“I just didn't wanna see you get hur-” Lance whipped his head around to face him and Keith couldn't help but look up at him. The taller paladin's face was furious, it was a version of Lance Keith thought he'd never see and his eyes went wide with fear.
“You made Red yank Blue's tail didn't you?” Lance wasn't yelling but his tone was so harsh Keith felt like he'd rather be fighting him. Those deep blue eyes were intensely locked onto Keith's and he couldn't look away. There was pain in his eyes and hesitation before his response.
“Yes I did,” Keith admitted.
“You killed me,” Lance blatantly stated.
“What? Lance no! I didn't k-” Keith was interrupted as Lance’s voice rose above the other protests around the table.
“What you did almost cost me my life! That is a fact and you do not get to debate that Keith! Not for as long as you live!” He didn't care that he was invading Keith's personal space, he needed Keith to know if he'd never woke up it was his fault.
“Lance please.” Keith's eyes were wide, desperate and pleading for Lance to will the words away. “I'm sorry.”
“Good.” Irate, Lance violently stood from the table and stormed out, leaving Keith to wallow in his own guilt.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
Lance retreated to Blue's hangar and stayed there with her all night, slightly comforted by her concerned purrs as she laid with him. He cuddled as close and comfortably up to her as he could manage, and even though he felt more peaceful than he had in his whole time outside the healing pod, sleep never found him. As exhausted as Lance was, he was still too irritated to fall asleep. Even though she gave it her best, Blue's consolation couldn't relax him that much. He was entirely too upset.
Because time is inconsiderate to all, it passed anyway as Lance sat with his celestial, armored cat. He never noticed the lights turning themselves off, but his eyes definitely felt assaulted when they came back on. He was too groggy and still too agitated to attempt being a person today. As if his exhaustion and irritation weren't enough to deal with, the back of his neck bristled as he heard a familiar pair of boots shuffling their way into his hangar. Who the quiznak let Keith in here?
“Hey um,” Keith began, “I just wanted to let you know that… well breakfast is ready.” There was a long beat of silence between the two of them and Keith held his breath for the entirety of it.
“I don't care.” Lance’s cold tone knocked the wind right out of Keith. Any hope he had built on his way to the hangar was now gone. “Lance… I'm really sorry, I feel horrible hones-” Keith was quickly quieted as Lance looked at him for the first time since last night. He still looked like an agitated predator about the eyes and that terrified Keith.
“You don't get to feel anything Keith. You killed me. I was dead and you were the reason why.” Lance spat.
“But I never meant t-” Keith was cut off again.
“Yes you did, you meant to stop me because you didn't care about what I was doing!” The taller boy accused as he rose from his seat between Blue's toes.
“Maybe because I was too busy caring about you!” The red paladin insisted.
“Oh please! You don't care about anybody but Shiro and we all know it.” Something in Lance’s fierce eyes held a tinge of sadness as he continued to stare Keith down. “Do you know what hurts even worse than the fact that you killed me? I told you I could handle the situation. I told you not to worry because I had a plan, but for whatever reason you couldn't trust me. Now I know for sure you think I'm incompetent.”
Keith couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had hurt Lance. He killed Lance and hurt him all at the same time. His Lance. There was one person beside Shiro that he cared enough to share his personal life with and he had irreparably destroyed him inside. Keith officially hated himself and he understood why Lance did too, but he couldn't just let him go.
“Of course I trust you.” He didn't know when his legs decided to move but he found himself headed toward Lance. “Lance you've gotten us out of tough spots so many times. Nobody's better at having my back than you. We're partners.”
“If you mean everything you just said then you should've known that I knew what I was doing.” Lance looked down at him, seething with silent rage.
“Lance all I saw was that stupid ship spitting spears through space and I didn't want to see you going out there into that.” Keith reasoned.
“Right, because I could've died couldn't I? Oh wait.” His eyes bored right back into Keith's. “I did.”
“Lance please listen to me!” He pleaded with those fierce eyes for even the slightest hint of understanding, but he found none.
“I shouldn’t have to listen to someone who wouldn't do the same for me.” With that, the newly revived paladin was storming out of the hangar, leaving Keith slack jawed in his wake.
“Lance!” After regaining his bearings he tried to chase after Lance, but once he breached the exit the door slid closed after blue eyed boy. Keith tried to open it but the timed lock was on, keeping him trapped with Blue for as long as Lance saw fit. There was an ache in his chest that quickly spread through his entire body as he leaned his forehead against the door with a shaky sigh. “I can't lose you too.”
But he was afraid he already had.