Work Text:
Jeno had just survived the first elimination, placing in a respectable 15th place, and he found himself saying, “I don’t ever want to go through that again.”
“Very respectable,” Renjun, his fellow label mate, the one who became an unforeseen sleeper hit around the net for his adorkable snaggletooth (but still not enough to bring him over what the other kids are calling the ‘safe zone’, or what Jeno just simply call ‘top 20’) mumbled back to his complaint during their ride back to the dormitory.
“I couldn’t do it.”
The image of his fellow group member who got eliminated, a rank C who in Jeno’s opinion doesn’t deserve to be given said rank by a long stretch, was haunting him. Like an annoying piece of confetti stuck to the back of your hair and can’t seem to shake off. The kid was trying so hard to maintain his shred of dignity, some semblance of pride when they did their quick and mandatory farewell hug.
But his trembling bottom lip was the biggest giveaway. He was just one push away from bursting into tears and it caused Jeno to feel such immense guilt.
Jeno was the leader of the group. He was the one who allowed the kid to take a rapping position instead of a singing one just because he told Jeno that he wanted to ‘try out new things.’ Maybe if he was a little bit more stern and denied the kid of his wishes, he would’ve really be able to show what he’s made of and still be with them now.
“It’s not your fault.” Renjun had spent too many years stuck with Jeno in small, not well lit places and he must’ve picked the smell of regret emanating from every pores of Jeno’s being. Or it could’ve been just anxiety induced sweat. And you know those kind of sweat are the one that really smells.
“I won’t ever volunteer to be a leader again.” Not with the amount of responsibilities, and the sensation of carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
“It’s hard not to if you’re the oldest in the room.”
“Don’t say that when you’re older than me.”
“Just by a month. It doesn’t count.”
It does not count.
_ _ _ _ _
Second challenge was something called position evaluation, and after quickly catching up with the schtick behind the gimmick that was the blind, rank-based turn for choosing their desired position, Jeno knew for sure that he wanted to dance.
Knew it. Deep in his bones. Dance. He wanted to dance. No matter what happens he will dance. No matter what’s waiting beyond the wall, he’ll dance.
But reality hit him hard when Jeno saw which other kids chose the same song as he did. Of the fact that when pursuing his passion, he has to deal with people.
There were four people already lined up in front of Jeno’s song of choice.
There was Mr. First Place aka Jaemin aka the kid who gained a full army of fangirls just for smiling and singing a children’s nursery rhyme in his one minute long appeal video.
Then Jisung the powerhouse maknae who probably had won the heart of half of the population of South Korea just by merely existing.
There was also Mark Lee, the painfully foreign kid who figuratively wiped the floor of the group challenge’s stage with the faces of other trainees who claimed that their chosen position in a group is rap. ( Why did he chose dance then?! Jeno wondered. Hell, a better thing for him to wonder is how could a human being contain so much raw talent without the danger of finding oneself suddenly combusting into flames.)
And then,
There was,
Lee Donghyuk a.ka the kid Jeno has never really interacted with but still kinda hate for no other reason than that perpetual smug looking grin on his face.
Hate is a strong word but this Donghyuk kid literally snagged the 14th spot out of Jeno’s hands just be a meager 20 votes.
Twenty.
How dare he.
Jeno must’ve spent quite a while just standing in front of the entrance to the waiting room that the numerous show runners began to prompt him to move forward, in order to make room for another trainee who they hoped will make a more memorable reaction than just someone who’d just stand there, for 10 seconds, with a slightly surprised expression on his face.
(That exact delicious reaction came when Renjun dashed into the room, holding a far too familiar card in his hand, and squealed so hard when he saw who he was grouped with.
“You’re supposed to be a singer!” Jeno found himself yelling before his brain could stop him from doing so.
But Renjun couldn’t care less. He was too busy giggling while jumping up and down in excitement after finding out that he’s managed to put himself in the same team as Jaemin, his newfound bestie.
It was an understatement to say that Jeno was feeling attacked from all fronts . )
_ _ _ _ _
Remember when Jeno said he will never consent to be made a leader ever again?
Yeah. That plan didn’t work.
“I was the leader for my group last time. I think it will be a better idea if someone else gets the chance to do it.” Mark, the true eldest in their group said. And honestly, whatever he said will become a reality because he has this aura around him. One that screams of, ‘don’t mess with me if you want to live.’
“What about you Jeno-ssi, interested to be a leader?”
Oftentimes Jeno was proud for looking much more mature than his age (some people even thought that he was twenty one , for god sake). But not then. Not that day. He never wished he’d be born with a childish looking face more than that day.
He scanned his eyes around the circle of people and found them all looking at him with either hopeful eyes, or encouraging ones. Except for Renjun, who was trying so hard to avoid his gaze because that kid just wouldn’t admit that he’s one month older than Jeno.
But honestly, how could he say no. How could he? There were already two cameras trained on his face and saying no would’ve made such a bad impression to his image.
And thus he accepted. With a sigh and a weak smile that most viewers will interpret as acceptance, but is in fact one that represented resignation.
“All right then, that was easy!” Jaemin, the kid who in the next few days will actually be the true leader in everything but the crown sticker on his training shirt, clapped his hands together to announce that he was just about to throw a live bait in a pool filled with crocodiles, “who wants to be center?”
_ _ _ _ _
In the end, they decided to appoint Jisung as center, and Jeno was totally happy with that.
The camera loves the kid and the kid loves cameras. It was a match made in heaven.
But someone was obviously unhappy about it.
(Donghyuk.)
Someone was apparently a little bit upset about the decision that he looked so unwilling to join the choreography making session.
(Lee Donghyuk.)
Someone found it hard to accept reality and will try to mess up the choreography so much Jeno began to think that maybe, maybe he was doing it on purpose. You know, the if I fall, you fall with me kind of mindset.
(It was Donghyuk.)
The last straw was when Donghyuk acted as if he forgot his choreography in front of the mentoring session and brought the whole group’s morale down. How did Jeno finally decided that Donghyuk acted out his cluelessness, you might ask?
Because he saw it, that morning in the training room. Donghyuk practiced the routine by himself and he did not fumble. Not even once.
Jeno tried everything already. Soft warnings, pat on the back, second soft warnings, a quick talk in the dormitory, from which he surprisingly found the kid to be very amicable about everything. So Jeno just did not understand why the hell was he acting this way.
It was probably for the screen time. Everyone is a camera whore in this wretched place.
After the harrowing mentoring session, Jeno found himself being dragged by some crew members who told him to ‘talk it out with your problematic member.’
Jeno would much prefer doing such things in a private place, but before he could reject their words, he could already see Donghyuk leaning against the wall of the tiny vocal training chamber from his periphery.
So he once again sighed and gave out a weak smile. As this one was not filmed, it was a full blown display of resignation.
“I’m sorry,” Donghyuk breathed out as he took a seat right opposite from where Jeno was told to sit.
His face looked as if he was really sorry, but both he and Jeno knew that they were just acting. A long running performance art. Elaborate practical joke.
Donghyuk was playing the devil to his angel. But for his fans, Jeno was the one playing the devil to Donghyuk’s angel.
Complicated. Complicated indeed.
But a perfect fuel for quality television drama.
“You know that it’s a team effort, what we do.” That was Jeno’s answer to Donghyuk’s spiel about how and why he really wanted to be center, “we need you to really give it your all.”
I need to show them what I’m capable of. I’m afraid they will overlook me. I’m insecure of my abilities.
Lies, lies, lies.
Jeno was amazed by how smoothly they ran through this bullshitery that he was starting to wonder that maybe, just maybe, if they have the chance to meet again after all this shenanigans ended, they might really be able to hit it off.
For that afternoon though, Jeno couldn’t care less. It was the third day in a row where he’s only gotten a mere 4 hours of sleep and he couldn’t care less.
(He wanted to blame it all on Renjun who just wouldn’t seem to stop giggling and whispering senseless things with Jaemin on the bunk right below him, but was just partially his fault for forgetting to bring his pair of earphone into a full-male dormitory.)
“I’m sorry. I got my vision too clouded with all the stress. I promise I’ll do better.”
They should’ve ended it that way. With Donghyuk and his thankful smile, and Jeno with what must’ve been coined as his trademarked ‘accepting smile’ . But no. Donghyuk just got to push his luck, tempt fate and try to somehow find the right button to press just to make Jeno blow off his steam.
Sometimes Jeno wondered if Donghyuk has a malicious agenda against him, or if he knew that Jeno absolutely couldn’t stand that shit eating smirk of his. Because everytime they were just about to enter that brightly outlined square marked ‘common grounds’, Donghyuk would always throw him the figurative middle finger, blow some pocket sand on his face, and ran away laughing.
Running with that shit eating smirk permanently etched on his face.
Which was why Jeno found that he couldn’t ‘stop himself’ from leaning in and pulling Donghyuk into a ‘friendly’ hug. The cameras could only pick up the subtleties for so much. Only a ‘friendly hug’. Viewers will see it and go ‘aww', the program will have their coveted rating, both Jeno and Donghyuk will have their coveted screen time, and everyone will be happy.
Nobody needs to pick up the words that were carefully whispered to Donghyuk’s ears, quiet enough so that the ultra HD microphones couldn’t pick them up but still loud enough so that the kid was still able to get all the hidden nuances that were beautifully woven into the sentence.
“Do you want to know why you didn’t get that center part?”
Jeno didn’t wait for Donghyuk’s answer. They both knew he wouldn’t be able to do so even if he wanted to anyway. They were much too conscious over what the public thought about their own images to indulge in such personal things.
“You’re not as good as you think you are, you little shit.”