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Chapter Text

            The Way Family Groupchat

Bandicoot sent an image

Bandicoot: Momma! Daddy! Look at what I drew!

Geesus: Sure.

Geesus: Lynz watch me be a dad

Geesus: Yes Bandi! She's beautiful!

Bandicoot: :(

Mom: Gerard!!

Mom: Ignore your father, Bandi, it's a beautiful picture!

Bandicoot: Let me be a daughter here

Bandicoot: "OMG, Like, W H A T E V E R DAD! Like, you don't even like, UNDERSTAND me anyway, ya know? Ugh I'm moving outta this dump the first chance I get and I'm gonna, like, move in with my BOYFRIEND CHAD!!!!"

Mom: um

Geesus: YOUR SEVEN!!!!!!

Bandicoot: NOT ANYMORE

Mom: Should I be intervening?

Geesus: BANDIT LEE WAY

Bandicoot: GERARD ( I just googled your middle name and found out that it's ARTHUR wow how lame) WAY!!

Mom: All the times that I yell at him, you didn't know your father's middle name?

Geesus: HEY

Geesus: Honey, YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE BACKING ME UP

Bandicoot: mOMMMMMMMMMMM

Mom: Yes Bandi?

Geesus: SHE YELLED MY NAME

Bandicoot: HE YELLED MINE

Mom: BANDIT GO TO YOUR ROOM

Mom: Was that better, GERARD

Bandicoot: momma I thought you were on my side

Mom: for the last time, I'M ON MY OWN SIDE!

Bandicoot: GERARD

Geesus: BANDIT

Bandicoot: GERARD

Geesus: LINDSEY

Mom: DO NOT CALL YOUR FATHER BY HIS NAME

Bandicoot: okay, LINDSEY

Mom: NO!

Geesus: ARENT YOU SUPPOSED TO BE IN YOUR ROOM

Mom: ^

Bandicoot: Maybe

Geesus: ?!?!?!

Bandicoot: I may have snuck out

Mom: smh

Bandicoot: YOULL NEVA CATCH ME ALIVE COPPERS

Geesus: BANDIT

Geesus: Bandit you can't sneak out if you're screaming at us

Bandicoot: 1, I'm already gone. 2, I'm not screaming cause texting is silent. Duh

Bandicoot: GERARD

Mom: NO

Geesus: THIS IS YELLING

Geesus: BANDIT LEE

Bandicoot: ARTHUR

Mom: "Let's have kids, he said. It'll be fun, he said. "

Bandicoot: ...do you regret me momma? :,(

Geesus: "I want you, she said"

Bandicoot: EWWWWW NOT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD

Mom: No ofc not Bandi, but right now you're stressing me the heck out

Bandicoot: THATS MY BRAND :D

Mom: Jesus

Mom: We all need Jesus

Geesus: Im here baby ;)

Bandicoot: "EWWWWW THEY'RE HAVING HETEROSEXUAL SEX!!!!"

Geesus: Im starting to regret letting you have a phone at 7

Geesus: GO READ A COMIC BOOK

Mom: Not one of the ones off the bad shelf

Bandicoot: COME FIND ME FIRST ARTHUR

Bandicoot: Wait whas the bad shelf?

Geesus: ;)

Bandicoot: YOU CRUSTY COMMUNIST CANOE THATS DISGUSTING

Geesus: BANDIT

Geesus: YOU REALIZE WE HAVE A GATE THAT NEEDS A CODE

Bandicoot: No, I've only lived here my entire life

Geesus: AND WEVE NEVER TOLD YOU THE CODE

Geesus: SO THAT MEANS THAT YOUR STILL HERE IN THE YARD

Mom: FOR THE LAST FRIGGIN TIME, IT'S "You're." WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE IN THIS FAMILY WHO USES CORRECT GRAMMAR

Bandicoot: GOTTA GO FAST

Geesus: BANDITT!!!!!!

Chapter Text

Bandicoot: I'm allll aloonnneeeeee thereessss nobody here besiiiiiiiddeeee meeeeee

Geesus: This is what happens when you're a BAD BANDIT. You get locked up in your room!!!

Bandicoot: Alooonneeeee agaiiiinnnn. Naturalllyyyyyyyyy.

Geesus: Okay, why are you singing random songs that your father didn't write. What the hell is going on.

Bandicoot: oNNNN MY OWNNNNNNNN
PRETENDING HESSSS BESIIIIIIIIIDDEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Geesus: SINCE WHEN DID YOU BECOME A THEATRE KID!!!!!!!

Mom: BOTH OF YOU, STOP!!!!!!

Bandicoot: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Bandicoot: *starts clapping excessively* exCUSEEEEEE MEE!
How dare!!! You!!!! This!!! Violates!!! My!!! Rights!!! As a !!!! HUMAN!!! Being!!!!

Mom: Bandit you're 7

Bandicoot: What? Gerard fell asleep when we were watching Spongebob and it flipped over to the BET network

Mom: Mmhmm.

Mom: Whatever you say

Bandicoot: whoa whoa, YO YO

Bandicoot: *DABS*

Geesus: Oh dear god we've created a monster

Mom: are you high?????

Bandicoot: DRUGS GIMME DRUGS GIMME DRUGS

Geesus: YEET

Geesus: NOW LEMME TELL YOU BOUT THE SAD MAN

Bandicoot: sHUT UP AND LEMME SEE YOUR JAZZ HANDS

Mom: Noooo Gerard what have you done to our daughter

Geesus: I'm so proud

Bandicoot: BUY MY MIXTAPE YO

Geesus: Never mind

Mom: Bandi what on earth???

Bandicoot: :D

Mom: You're so odd :)

Bandicoot: Blame Dad

Geesus: ....

Geesus: Pretty odd

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Bandicoot: Hey dad?

Geesus: Yes sweetie?

Bandicoot sent an image

Bandicoot: wHAT IS UNCLE FRANK DOING?!

Bandicoot: MOMMA DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS????

Mom: Unfortunately yes

Geesus: ...that was before you

Bandicoot: Why are you married to a gay man

Geesus: BANDI NO FRERARD IS OVER

Bandicoot: But don't you still have feelings for Uncle Frankie???

Geesus: SHUT UP!!

Bandicoot: SEE

Geesus: BANDIT STAHP

Bandicoot: IM SEVEN AND I CAN SPELL BETTER THAN YOU CAN

Geesus: I MEANT TO SPELL IT LIKE THAT

Bandicoot: Uhuh sure

Bandicoot has renamed the chat,
"THE BROKEN AND DYSFUNCTIONAL way
family Groupchat"

Bandicoot has left the chat

Chapter Text

Word got out about the Way Family's episode. Screenshots of the text got leaked and were spread all over Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Even though no one uses Facebook anymore, the screenshots were seen by people all over the world. (Lead Suspect is Bandit Lee Way, but no one will ever know who actually leaked the pictures)
Later on that night, News Vans speeded over to the Way Family Home, trying to get the latest gossip on the hottest family in town. It was the whole ordeal that you see on TV. 10 news vans strewn all about the yard, 2 helicopters whirring overhead, flashing red and blue lights, hundreds of reporters banging on the windows and doors, hollering for the chance to talk to the family. Luckily, little Bandit saw the paparazzi and saw it as "her big chance to talk with her fans" Bandit came out and talked with the reporters, very graciously I might add. She told us everything, even while 20 microphonesand 40 camera flashes were thrusted into her face. That girl is a real good sport. Here was what she told us:

•Gerard is scared, humiliated, and very much gay

•Bandit has gone on a wild streak, fleeing her "Broken and Dysfunctional" family. She plans on moving to Orlando, Florida to become the next Disney princess

•And poor Lynz is very distraught. Last Bandit saw her, she was sitting the corner, back and forth with her hands wrapped around her knees, questioning her life choices and what her life has become. Little murmurings of "Why, why?" Could be heard from the poor girl.

But that's all we have for today, folks. Tune in tomorrow morning for the full story. This has been Kevin Price with the "Orlando Sunshine News Network." Goodnight, and Good News.