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and i feel gay in this groupchat tonight

Summary:

Mango: ejurhyyuryt

ask me about my sleepjeans: The Current Mood.

Mango: srry that was johann he wanted 2 play with my phone

anti-sleepjeans activist: o, i thought you were just gay keysmashing 7th85t87tjgfgyt

Lucretia: THZHFghyfurbj

Mango: thuegurt8yrd3dnk.',ra

ask me about my sleepjeans: 7hv ';-vsgddetnt6mn

Dad'n'port: I'm gay - should I know what the significance of this is?

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter Text

 Mango >>> Jimmy Buffetttttttts Daiquiritown

Mango sent 3 pictures.
 
Mango: AN GOOD BOY!!
 
Mango: hes so good... oh ye btw his name is johann he lives w/ us now. jules roommate was a narc so  
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: Hey Mags Why Didn't You Ask Your Roommates Before Adopting This Dog?
 
anti-sleepjeans activist: barold, that's fair, but also how can u hate this dog its the cutest.
 
Mango sent 8 pictures.
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: i never said i hated the dog! i just think he should have come into our household after a group discussion.
 
Mango: 4 all u know i asked lucresh, then it'd be a majority
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: Did you ask Lucretia?
 
Mango: Not Relevant
 
Mango: ive known her since we were kids! so basically i know she would approve.
 
anti-sleepjeans activist: IM CALLIN LUC RN, U SURE 'BOUT THAT?
 
Earl Merle: big dog!
 
Mango: finally someone gets it!!!
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: Im only hearing Lups side of the phonecall but?? this can only end poorly.
 
Lucretia: Magnus Terry Burnsides, what the fuck do you
 
anti-sleepjeans activist: O FUC She Did Full Name,
 
Earl Merle: ur middle name is terry???
 
Mango: ye. you're my godfather u didn't kno that?
 
Lucretia: I apologize, I pressed send too early. As I was saying, what the fuck?
 
Earl Merle: im like... oldish. my memory is shit.
 
Mango: is this a Serious anger that we need to hve a private roomie chat abt or a goof?
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: for my part its a goof but im still gonna drag you. idk abt luc tho...?
 
Lucretia: It's nothing, don't worry.
 
Mango >>> Lucretia
 
Mango: r u rlly ok? bc i dont want u to like. bottle it up
 
Mango: im sorry that i didn't ask u guys first
 
Lucretia: I appreciate that. It's okay, just please don't assume I'll be okay with things in the future.
 
Mango: gotchu.
 
 
ask me about my sleepjeans >>> Jimmy Buffetttttttts Daiquiritown
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: btw it's not smart to talk abt our illegal pet dog in a groupchag w/ 2 professors in it??
 
Earl Merle: im not a narc. im cool.
 
anti-sleepjeans activist: "im cool" merle fuckin highchurch that is the biggest lie you've ever told
 
Mango: dav never even comes here?? im p sure he turned notifications off.
 
Davenport: No I didn't.
 
Mango: well fuck. pls dont rat me out i was your favorite student!!
 
anti-sleepjeans activist: LIKE CHILLEAN MINERS
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: EMERGING FROM THE SOIL!
 
Davenport: Why would I do that? Johann seems like a nice dog.
 
Davenport: And I don't play favorites.
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: ye c'mon guys our father doesn't have a favorite child.
 
Mango changed Davenport's nickname to Dad'n'port.
 
Dad'n'port: The nickname is only in this chat, correct? If it's not I'll have to change it back.
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: that's right.
 
Lucretia: Oh dear god. We're having to teach him about computers. He really is a dad.
 
Earl Merle: don't talk to your father in that tone
 
Mango: ejurhyyuryt
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: The Current Mood.
 
Mango: srry that was johann he wanted 2 play with my phone
 
anti-sleepjeans activist: o, i thought you were just gay keysmashing 7th85t87tjgfgyt
 
Lucretia: THZHFghyfurbj
 
Mango: thuegurt8yrd3dnk.',ra
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: 7hv ';-vsgddetnt6mn
 
Dad'n'port: I'm gay - should I know what the significance of this is?
 
Mango: its just... idk? you just kinda have to feel it.nhhjth
 
Dad'n'port: That doesn't help me whatsoever.
 
Lucretia: It's basically just a way of expressing that you find something relatable/funny.
 
Dad'n'port: I see.
 
Earl Merle >>> Davenport
 
Earl Merle: do you want to grossly misuse modern slang and annoy the children?
 
Davenport: Of course I do.
 
Davenport: That's the most relationship goals thing you've ever said to me, bae.
 
Earl Merle: perfect
 
Davenport: I've got some work to do - shall we do this a bit later? Tommorrow?
 
Earl Merle: k.
 
ask me about my sleepjeans >>> Jimmy Buffetttttttts Daiquiritown
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: Lup got a text, yelled "Ch'girls gotsta go get a scoop, cya nerd!" and just left. idk what the fuck she's doing but she's perfect.
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: im back @ our dorm & johann is so Good.
 
Mango: I TOLD U! HE! IS! A! GOOD! BOY!
 
Lucretia: My bet is that Taako is doing something stupid. He hasn't been on all day, and he's prone to doing stupid things.
 
Mango: yeah probably. on a scale of doing a hit to doing a murder how bad do u think it is
 
Earl Merle: i think he did a theft of your deceased cousins shoes
 
Mango: that was ONE TIME!
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: that scale is whack. murder shouldnt be on it, mags!!
 
Lucretia: I'll Price is Right this. He did a theft of... two dead people's shoes.
 
Lucretia: This scale really is bad.
 
Mango: every1s a critic smh...
 
anti-sleepjeans activist: y'all are all wrong lmao. i am doing recon as we speak. more updates 2 follow.

ask me about my sleepjeans: Mags is getting some trashbag popcorn he is ready for the drama
 
Lucretia: That stuff is disgusting. You're a dog father now, you have to set a good example.
 
Mango: weve all made mistakes, lucy!! barry used to say he didnt know how to vacuum when he worked at the movie theater!! some of us just happen to be making mistakes right now!
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: honestly? that was a good grift who the fuck wants to teach a 16 y/o how to vacuum. nobody!
 
anti-sleepjeans activist: HERES THE SITCH. taako texts me & says Tall, Dark, and Handsome, this guy from his history class who he's been majorly crushing on, is asking abt open mic night at the coffee shop?
 
Mango: taako has a crush & he didnt tell me?!? I THOUGHT WE WERE BEST FRIENDS!!!
 
eating isnt vore, you idiots: i hate u all & fuck off.
 
Lucretia: He speaks! So... tell us about him. :) :) :)
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: :) :) :)
 
anti-sleepjeans activist: i tell him 2 stall as long as he can so he can talk 2 TDH more. then i put on a disguise and rush my ass over 2 the shop bc im his sister and i suck.
 
eating isnt vore, you idiots: you wore the sunglasses u stole from mags thats hardly a disguise!!!
 
Mango: the what
 
anti-sleepjeans activist: they were still flirtin' when i got there... he got his number for "any questions" he has ;)
 
anti-sleepjeans activist: it was ages ago, statute of limitations is up, theyre dope sunglasses
 
Lucretia: Interesting... :)
 
Earl Merle: you kno abt safe sex right?? if you want i could draw you a diagram
 
eating isnt vore, you idiots: nobody wants that!
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: father no!!!
 
lucretia: Yuck.
 
Mango: Banned.
 
Earl Merle: okay!! im just looking out 4 u guys. be open about what youre comfortable with consent should be enthusiastic.
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: thats good advice i just rlly dont wanna think abt ur sex life.
 
Dad'n'port: :)
 
Mango: no!!!
 
anti-sleepjeans activist: ... anyway, let's all give him hell lmao.
 
eating isnt vore, you idiots: ive done nothing wrong ever in my entire life i don't deserve this.
 
Lucretia: False.
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: hold on i have receipts
 
anti-sleepjeans activist: SHOW 'EM BABE! drag my brother!
 
ask me about my sleepjeans: from when i told him i was into lup:
 
"gay rights!: this isnt a shovel talk, per se. i wont be kicking your ass if you ever hurt her, she will, but i'll be righr there with her flipping you off.
 
Game Theory: is Shaggy a stoner?: I don't plan to? I'm trusting you not to tell Lup any of this, since I'm really not planning on doing anything about this. But, uh, yeah. No plans on hurting her as a friend either.
 
gay rights!: tiny nerd man you are weak and a fool.
 
gay rights!: go for it, lol. im not gonna be a dick abt it? she likes you for some godforesaken reason i couldn't comprehend in my worst nightmare. just make her happy, dumbass.
 
Game Theory: is Shaggy a stoner?: Thanks, I guess? What happened to not being a dick about it...?
 
gay rights!: i changed my mind. youre too easy to insult."
 
Mango: LMAO GET REKT
 
anti-sleepjeans activist: please dont say get rekt we're trying to be right here.
 
eating isnt vore, you idiots: this is homophobia.