Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

stanwithaplan opened chatroom: “story time” at 9:47 p.m. EST

stanwithaplan: Hello friends from around the world, my name is Stan and I am the host of this site who so expertly decided to waste too much money on Monster Hunting Equipment and McDonald's, resulting in me going very broke :/

stanwithaplan: Therefore, my site is closing down tomorrow morning

stanwithaplan: So! I decided to host one last story time where we can all geek out about each other’s experiences with the secret world others don’t know of.

stanwithaplan: I’m thinking of starting at 10:00 Eastern time depending on how many people have joined by then. I’m expecting new and old visitors, so when you join make sure to introduce yourself with basic information.

stanwithaplan: I’ll go first.

stanwithaplan: Hello, my name is Stan Uris for those who are new. I’m a 24 y/o student from Montreal and I’m mainly studying Human and Environmental Sciences right now.

beverage joined chatroom: “story time” at 2:52 a.m. GMT

beverage: stan the man!! glad i could make it before the big close, i’ve stayed up super late just for this!

stanwithaplan: Welcome Bev! I didn’t expect you here, it’s really late for you.

beverage: ooh i just read. hey everyone in the future since its just staniel rn, i’m beverly, 25, and livin’ life like larry in the good ol’ land of the brits

thefreshprince joined chatroom: “story time” at 9:54 p.m. EST

stanwithaplan: Please… I swear to God if this is Will...

beverage: sHITTING MYSELF LMAO BRB

beverage: AT FIRST I WAS CONFUSED AND THEN I PLAYED THE SONG IN MY HEAD AND IM

thefreshprince: Hi, I’m Will -

stanwithaplan: Oh no…

thefreshprince: and this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned -

thefreshprince: U P S I D E - D O W N

stanwithaplan: What was past me thinking when I made changeable usernames an option…

buffalobill joined chatroom: “story time” at 9:57 p.m. EST

lionel richie joined chatroom: “story time” at 9:57 p.m. EST

lionel richie: boobs

buffalobill: Hey, I heard about the website closing party on social media, is that tonight? I’m Bill and my friend Richie is joining too if we have the right time.

buffalobill: jFC RICHIE I SAID MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION LOOK WHAT YOU DID

beverage: LMAO

lionel richie: excuse me billburt, but i am making a good impression! everyone likes boobs!

beverage: RT

stanwithaplan: I’m gay, so you’re wrong, but welcome Richie and Bill.

thefreshprince: I don’t like boobs or dick sorry bud ur wrong x2

lionel richie: omg will smith im a big fan can u sign my ass

theREALmike joined chatroom: “story time” at 8:59 p.m. CST

thefreshprince: sorry mr. richie, i don’t like ass either :p

theREALmike: oh okay i can come back later

stanwithaplan: Hey Mike! We have newcomers!

theREALmike: I can tell, one of them has horrible taste in music and the other killed thousands of animals

lionel richie: hello

lionel richie: is it me ur lookin for ;)

buffalobill: no he just uses it for the meme, and i was going for the serial killer but thinking about it i guess both of those options don’t make a good first impression whoops

lionel richie: FUCKIN HYPOCRITE

zoomzoombitch joined chatroom: “story time” at 6:01 p.m. PST

zoomzoombitch: whoa am i late, one sec i’m gonna read through

beverage: i cant tell if i like ur name bc its memey or edgy

buffalobill: Anyway, for an official introduction, I’m Bill. Richie and I are both 23 and we live in Maine, we’ve been friends since 1st grade. Neither of us are in college yet, we’re waiting for a while until we figure it all out. We’ve got some really interesting stories that we think you guys may wanna hear.

lionel richie: yeet sauce

stanwithaplan: Well, welcome to both of you! It’s nice to see new names on here even if it’s just for one more night. I don’t recognize zoom either, are you new as well?

compassgenius joined chatroom: “story time” at 6:03 p.m. PST

compassgenius: hey guys

theREALmike: dustin!!

thefreshprince: hey dustin!

zoomzoombitch: woops sorry i just finished reading through

zoomzoombitch: sup i’m max, 22 cali, and im here bc aliens are fuckin lit

stanwithaplan: That will be super cool to hear about! Thanks for joining in, Max.

sqwedward joined chatroom: “story time” at 10:06 p.m. EST

therationalone joined chatroom: “story time” at 10:07 p.m. EST

buffalobill : hey! i’ll save u guys time, tell us ur name, age, location, and a lil bit bout urself!

sqwedward: oh, okay! I’m Eddie, I’m 21 and currently in New York for college. I’m majoring in medicine.

therationalone: thanks buffalo, I’m Lucas from ATL, 23, I’m an intern for a production company, I work with editing and filming scenes for commercials and music videos.

stanwithaplan: It’s nice to meet you guys! We haven’t had new members since Will joined almost 9 months ago. Mike and Will, tell a little bit more about yourself!

theREALmike: Sure thing boss :)

theFAKEmike joined the chatroom: “story time” at 10:10 p.m. EST

theFAKEmike: MICHAEL DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING DIE!?

theREALmike: yes

theREALmike: i always do

lionel richie: hahah mike’s got good memes

theREALmike: i take back what i said abt ur name ur my new fav richie, besides stan ofc

beverage: [iamtriggered.gif]

theREALmike: ily bev im sorry

theFAKEmike: I WAS GONNA USE THAT NAME BUT YOU TOOK IT

theFAKEmike: WE ARE BOTH MIKE. THERE IS NO REAL MIKE.

theREALmike: Alright everyone this is other Mike aka Nerd Mike, he lives in the middle of nowhere in Indiana and is the fake Mike. He is blinded by this fact because since he is the fake Mike he is unaware of his lack of existence.

stanwithaplan: Mike, why couldn’t you just choose another name?

theFAKEmike: [sunglasses emoji]

theREALmike: but i was here first!! that’s unfair stan!!

stanwithaplan: I was talking to fake Mike.

theFAKEmike: WOW I’VE BEEN BETRAYED OKAY

theREALmike: have i ever told you that i love you stanley uris

theFAKEmike changed his username to mikewheelie

theFAKEmike changed theREALmike’s username to farmersonly.com

mikewheelie: is this better dad

farmersonly.com: suprisingly, im fine with this

stanwithaplan: I didn’t even know you could do that, I thought only admins were able to do that?

mikewheelie: yeah…

stanwithaplan: ??

mikewheelie: Like Farm Mike said, I’m Mike and I’m 22, I live in Indiana and work at the local factory where I make my own inventions all day pretty much, it’s pretty cool actually

lionel richie: sounds dorky

mikewheelie: hm okay i’ll let you call me dorky once you grow up, actually go to college, and find a better pun for your username :)

thefreshprince: shit i can FEEL the aggression behind that smile holy shit

buffalobill: damn rich u got roasted just now

zoomzoombitch: i don’t know u but nerd mike has earned my respect the most so far

beverage: did dustin die?

buffalobill: ..oh yeah

therationalone: who?

sqwedward: who?

beverage: my point exactly

stanwithaplan: Dunno, I’ll private message him brb

farmersonly.com: did stan just say brb??

thefreshprince: [shook.gif]

farmersonly.com: Hello I am the real Mike, as previously referred to as “Farm Mike” by the wonderful Nerd Mike. I’m the grandpa because I’m currently the oldest, 26. I work on my grandpa’s farm in Alabama and that’s the only thing Mike likes to make fun of me for

newkidontheblock joined chatroom: “story time” at 12:23 p.m. AEST

buffalobill: shit stan’s not here

sqwedward: holy crap look at the time dif

lionel richie: are u chinese

lionel richie: my 2nd grandma is chinese

lionel richie: do you even speak english??

newkidontheblock: ...i live in australia

lionel richie: HE SPEAKS

therationalone: jfc leave him alone ur probs weirding him out

beverage: no

therationalone: you don’t think he’s being a little weird??

beverage: not that

beverage: i’m thinking...

therationalone: ??

newkidontheblock: uh hey, i’m gonna introduce myself like everyone else

newkidontheblock: i’m ben, i’m 23 and live near the coast. i love swimming and sea animals, i’m currently studying marine biology! i moved to australia from texas when i was eight and i love it here! :)

lionel richie: so do u have a sexy aussie accent or did u move over there too late?

therationalone: DUDE. STOP.

beverage: ben

beverage: is your username a new kids on the block reference…?

newkidontheblock: uhm

newkidontheblock: …maybe

lionel richie: kakakdjakkajaahagata

thefreshprince: oh god

newkidontheblock: is that a problem?

zoomzoombitch: yes

beverage: i’m crying

newkidontheblock: what?! i’m sorry!? don’t cry!!

newkidontheblock: i didn’t mean to upset u!!

beverage: crying harder

buffalobill: beverly…?

thefreshprince: u broke her ben

farmersonly.com: bev… i never thought this day would come...

beverage: NOT ONLY DOES THIS NEW BEN LIKE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK

beverage: BUT HE IS PURE AND SWEET

newkidontheblock: wait so liking them isn’t a bad thing??

zoomzoombitch: no it’s definitely a bad thing

stanwithaplan: I am back! Quoting Dustin, he was “taking a well deserved and much needed shit.”

mikewheelie: he needed to shit for 30 minutes??

compassgenius: hey when a man’s gotta poo, a man’s gotta poo

sqwedward: nasty

stanwithaplan: Well, may I have a summarized update on what happened while I was gone?

farmersonly.com: I explained how I am the old man of our chatroom group, Ben joined and Richie accused him of being chinese

farmersonly.com: aaaaand currently bev is crying bc they both have horrible taste in music and he is soft for cute animals

lionel richie: hey whats up with u and bashing people for their tastes in music?

therationalone: yeah okay i agree with him actually, what do you listen that is supposedly better than what we all listen to?

thefreshprince: oh n o

beverage: i tEMPORARILY STOPPED CRYING TO SAY THAT LUCAS YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY FUCKED UP HAHA OKAY BACK TO SOBBING

buffalobill: just… make sure u drink water or you’ll get dehydrated

beverage: wow okay mom

thefreshprince: but… ur mom…?

thefreshprince: does that mean bill is grandma?

buffalobill: what

sqwedward: haha i like bev, sassy and sarcastic even while bawling over perfect guys

sqwedward: i’ve never related to anything more

lionel richie: i’ve never related to anything more

buffalobill: i’ve never related to anything more

compassgenius: i’ve never related to anything more

beverage: i’ve never related to anything more

therationalone: i’ve never related to anything more

stanwithaplan: I have never related to anything more.

farmersonly.com: i’ve never related to anything more

zoomzoombitch: ick. men.

mikewheelie: i’ve never related to anything more

thefreshprince: i’ve never related to anything more

newkidontheblock: i’ve never related to anything more?

lionel richie: #squadgoals

therationalone: don’t ruin it

compassgenius: Anyway, I’m Dustin and I’m 24. I live in Cali and run a radio show! I also do musical theater on the side but not too many people I know in person know that about me

zoomzoombitch: dude where in cali? we should hunt for monsters and shit sometime

compassgenius: sacramento, you?

zoomzoombitch: ughhff pasadena, like 5 ½ hours :p

newkidontheblock: hey it’s better than what i’ve got! it would probs take me at least 14 hours just to get to you guys, for everyone else it’d be longer to reach them

beverage: why do all of the perfect men live 22 hours away :,)

newkidontheblock: perfect men..?

lionel richie: literally the only two humans who like new kids on the block in 2017 live halfway around the world from each other

lionel richie: good

lionel richie: that way it wont spread

stanwithaplan: GUYS IT’S 10:43 AND WE HAVE UNTIL 12:00 WHEN THE WEBSITE CLOSES WE GOTTA START

thefreshprince: stan used all caps

farmersonly.com: scary

mikewheelie: fierce gurl

farmersonly.com: never again

stanwithaplan: Okay! Let’s go around and share one quick and short version of our greatest finding, experience, or story with the mysteries of our universe!

stanwithaplan: I’ll go first :)

stanwithaplan: Now, I’m a lover of all cryptids, but my favorite is perhaps the most classic of them all. Bigfoot. A majority of my hunts have been searches through woods ranging in proximity of my house and over the years I have collected a lot of data.

stanwithaplan: But tonight, I decided to surprise the previous guests and open the new ones to a story that has never been told before.

beverage: whoa… stan really?

compassgenius: wow i’m surprised, totally thought stan would blow out the big one for tonight with the famous ‘Teen boy of 16 years called every news station around him, three showing up, claiming he has captured bigfoot but turned out to accidentally tie his mom to his tree trap.”

zoomzoombitch: iM FUCKI- THAT WAS YOU!?? LMAO THAT WAS ALL OVER THE INTERNET

lionel richie: OMG HOLY SHIT BILL WE’RE TALKING TO ACTUAL BRACE FACE DISGRACE TO THE MONSTER HUNTER RACE

buffalobill: for clarification stan, only richie called you that and i sincerely apologize on his behalf

stanwithaplan: No sweat Bill, I didn’t know that story had gone so widespread though…

sqwedward: I REMEMBER THAT OH MY GOD THE KIDS IN MY CLASS WOULDNT STOP PLAYING IT

therationalone: i hate to join in, but my ringtone was your mom screaming when they shined the cameras and lights in her face for two years…

thefreshprince: omg bless mrs. uris, “AGAHG stANLEY YOURE IN A HEAP OF TROUBLE YOUNG MAN aaaaAAAAGH THE LIGHTS”

therationalone: i take it back, i never changed my ringtone whoops…

stanwithaplan: I cannot believe I am still getting bullied! Just when I was about to tell an amazing and unheard story!

buffalobill: Sorry Stan, go ahead! I’m eager to hear!

stanwithaplan: :)

farmersonly.com: that was soft oh my goodness stanley

stanwithaplan: ):

stanwithaplan: So! Like I was saying…

Chapter Text

stanwithaplan: So! Like I was saying…

stanwithaplan: After my grandma died when I was 6, a lot of her household items and furniture were automatically given to us, which some we accepted but had thrown a lot of the rest away.

stanwithaplan: But… there was this painting that I had never seen in her house before. My dad didn’t remember seeing it when he was a kid either, but regardless had decided to hang it up in his office.

stanwithaplan: He knew it had creeped me out, so if I was ever in trouble or if my grades were low, he would lock me in his office.

beverage: i’ve never liked your dad but there is so much more that i don’t know that is making me not like him even more with every msg you send

stanwithaplan: The painting was of a lady, I was assuming a deceased relative I hadn’t meant or a friend of my grandma’s, seeing as the tag on the back had “Commissioned for Uris - PW”

stanwithaplan: But the lady in the photo wasn’t just creepy… it was like her face was messed up. I was slanted and deformed, and her face looked evil. I always felt like it would watch me when I was alone with it in the room.

lionel richie: update on me: stan is a scary man i will not mess with anymore and i’ve shit myself just about 10 times already

farmersonly.com: rt

buffalobill: will u actually leave him alone tho rich?

stanwithaplan: So this painting has still continued to scare me to this day. The lady would appear in my nightmares, almost like she was in my memories too, but there was one day that had truthfully sparked my true fear.

stanwithaplan: I was 13 and preparing for my bar mitzvah, my dad is the rabbi and forced me to learn all of this extra stuff about jewish culture that I wasn’t passionate about only because he wanted it. I was supposed to memorize a scripture from the Torah to perform but even when I tried I couldn’t wrap my head around it.

stanwithaplan: One day, he lost it and took out his anger. I’m not going to go into to much detail but after he finished punishing me he shoved me into the office and locked me in there. When he slammed the door, the painting had fallen off the wall.

stanwithaplan: Naturally, I went to pick it up because if I hadn’t I would’ve been in even more trouble. My hands were shaking and I didn’t look at the painting as I hung it back up on the wall with difficulty. But, when someone tells you not to do something, a little part of you wonders what will happen if you go against them and do it anyway, even if that someone telling you happens to be yourself.

stanwithaplan: I wish I hadn’t, but I peeked one of my eyes open before falling back onto the floor. The painting was blank.

lionel richie: did u maybe just,, idk,, hang it up backwards??

stanwithaplan: Well, the painting wasn’t blank actually… The background behind her was still there, it was just a dark green and black gradient, but she wasn’t in the painting.

stanwithaplan: Outside it had started to rain pretty hard and I sat in the corner, overaware of everything around me, making sure that she wasn’t there, but the painting was still empty and I was still locked up.

stanwithaplan: A door creaked, I jumped and thought it was my father to let me out so I ran up, but the door was still closed. That is where I made my first mistake, I heard flute music emerge from quietly behind me and I froze.

stanwithaplan: The lady in the painting was holding a flute.

stanwithaplan: I still don’t move and I am doing everything in my power not to scream. Before I realize it, I’m turning around, but my legs aren’t spinning me. It was so slow and I remember it clear as day because when I was turned, the lady stood over me and I was stuck.

stanwithaplan: No matter what I tried I still couldn’t move, I was stuck in the moment. She moved faster than comprehensible to me, but I remember she flashed a smile with ugly sharp teeth before jolting me and hot pain burning through the sides of my face.

stanwithaplan: And if this isn’t already weird and creepy as shit, just wait-

stanwithaplan: I felt the pain for only a couple seconds, surrounded by white light which I thought might’ve been death, but then I jolted awake in my bed and I was covered in sweat.

stanwithaplan: I thought that maybe it was a weird dream, but I knew I was lying to myself. The sides of my face still stung, so if it was a dream there was no way that could’ve happened.

stanwithaplan: When I went to the bathroom to wash up, scars ran down both sides of my face like teeth marks almost. I still have them too.

stanwithaplan: The weirdest part of it all, I asked my dad about the painting the next day, I waited for them to say something about the scars on my face, but they said they couldn’t see anything on my face.

stanwithaplan: My dad responded with: “What painting, Stanley. My office is my clean space, always has been. I’m never letting your mother cover my walls with the paintings, that’s what the rest of the house is for.”

stanwithaplan: I checked, it was gone. Not there at all. They had no memory of it, it had disappeared, and my scars could only be seen by me.

zoomzoombitch: consider me #shook

therationalone: shit dude…

beverage: stAN WHY HAVE WE NEVER HEARD THIS BEFORE??

farmersonly.com: ^^

mike wheelie: ^^^^ !!

stanwithaplan: i was saving it for a good time!!

skwedward: hey stan it’s like 11:24 just saying

stanwithaplan: FUCK SHIT

buffalobill: 0-0

lionel richie: furry

newkidontheblock: i don’t think all of us will have enough time to speak

farmersonly.com: stan cussing in all caps with improper grammar is my aesthetic

thefreshprince: rt but also not rt bc stan is scary as shit when he’s angry

beverage: will speaks the truth

thefreshprince: bev is the loml

beverage: babe <33333

thefreshprince: <3

farmersonly.com: soft

newkidontheblock: is beverage dating thefreshprince?

mike wheelie: LMAO

compassgenius: brb cryinf

therationalone: crying*

compassgenius: lucas is officielly my least favorite of the new members

therationalone: officially*

compassgenius: i will shit in ur mouth

farmersonly.com: kinky

skwedward: kinky

farmersonly.com: thx sqweddie :)

lionel richie: why bub? u LIKE her?

newkidontheblock: what? i haven’t known any of you for more than an hour?

lionel richie: i see through ur lies bub

newkidontheblock: my name is actually ben

zoomzoombitch: i’m in me mum’s car

lionel richie: get out me car!

zoomzoombitch: aww :(

therationalone: that literaly doesn’t connect to anything that was previously said in the chat

compassgenius: LITERALLY*

therationalone: literally*

compassgenius: HAH I BEAT YOU

compassgenius: HOW DOES IT FEEL

therationalone: i cannot believe this…

thefreshprince: max ily that vine is the best

zoomzoombitch: thanks will smith

beverage: OMG I JUST GOT THAT UR USERNAME IS A DOUBLE PUN WILL OH MY GOD

thefreshprince: i’m a genius beverly, i know

newkidontheblock: good to know ur name isnt actually beverage

beverage: that was weirdly one of the cutest sentences ever i love aussie ben <3

newkidontheblock: :)

beverage: MR HEART DID A FLIPPY THING

buffalobill: did u name ur heart mr. heart

beverage: did you just pull a lucas

therationalone: i guess everyone is just gonna roast me okay cool (:

mike wheelie: the backwards smiley is definitely more passive agressive than this one :)

zoomzoombitch: agreed

thefreshprince: aussie ben to answer ur question, bev and i are besties but we’re not dating

thefreshprince: i’m asexual :)

newkidontheblock: oh

newkidontheblock: cool :)

farmersonly.com: this kid is the softest kid okay just

farmersonly.com: /inhale/

farmersonly.com: b l e s s

compassgenius: oh my god

mike wheelie: you’ve been blessed by farm mike u lucky bastard

skwedward: i’ve been here for an hour and i feel like being blessed by farm mike is more important than any other achievement

newkidontheblock: aw, i feel loved

newkidontheblock: thanks mike :)

buffalobill: is mr. heart okay?

farmersonly.com: yeah where did stan go?

beverage: no he’S DOING FULL ON SOMERSAULTS IN MY CHEST BEN IS SUCH AN ANGEL

farmersonly.com: oh haha

farmersonly.com: u weren’t talking about stan haha ignore me

buffalobill: …

thefreshprince: EXPOSE HIM

mike wheelie: is tHERE SOMETHING U HAVE TO TELL US MIKE?

mike wheelie: [lennyface.jpg]

compassgenius: grrrrrrrrrrr ~

therationalone: pls never do that again

zoomzoombitch: sorry dustin but rt

compassgenius: i’ve been betrayed by my own potential monster hunting buddy

zoomzoombitch: sorry <3

beverage: wait mike does that mean that u aren’t the str80 we thought u were

lionel richie: thank u for opening me up to that usage of 80 for ‘aighty’ m80

beverage: no prob’ slim sh80

buffalobill: bev is jesus

thefreshprince: agreed

skwedward: don’t feel forced to say anything btw mike

therationalone: yeah if u aren’t ready or comfortable to talk about it, it’s fine

newkidontheblock: ^^

zoomzoombitch: ^^

farmersonly.com: oh nah it’s all good, I just thought y’all knew already

mike wheelie: “y’all”

farmersonly.com: -_-

farmersonly.com: but yeet i’m pan

beverage: aw coolio! for those who don’t me i’m bi :)

lionel richie: i’m bi too

zoomzoombitch: hardcore lesbian :)

buffalobill: questioning rn, but i think i’m homoflexible? maybe?

compassgenius: heteroflexible for me

newkidontheblock: i’m your boring old straight kid :,)

mike wheelie: me too ben no worries u aren’t the only one hah

newkidontheblock: <3 bro

mike wheelie: <3 broo

zoomzoombitch: i’m not the only one who heard that message right?

thefreshprince: yep, sounds like that one vine in my head

zoomzoombitch: EXACTLY

lionel richie: bless finally someone who appreciates vines //coughbillcough//

buffalobill: sorrY that i enjoy actual comedy!

lionel richie: … you like Jim Carrey movies

beverage: oof

skwedward: gay

skwedward: i’m

skwedward: gay i

skwedward: I AM GAY

lionel richie: u good there eddie spaghetti?

skwedward: sorry i was late w/ responding bc lauper had to go to the bathroom and my phone kept fucking up

skwedward: also yikes bill sorry but jim carrey movies are the lowest of low

buffalobill: :(

skwedward: also also do nOT call me that richie

compassgenius: is ur dog named after cyndi lauper…

thefreshprince: oof

buffalobill: and u make fun of me smh

skwedward: um number one, cyndi lauper is an actual goddess her music is amazing

skwedward: and number two, i don’t have a dog. lauper is a teacup piggie :)

lionel richie: fuck

beverage: number one, agreed cyndi lauper is a bop

beverage: number two OMG I LOVE THOSE GIMME

lionel richie: number one, disagree. more like cyndi leper

skwedward: i just gagged oh my god don’t

lionel richie: number two, i can’t believe u are a man in ur young twenties living in new york with a teacup pig named after cyndi lauper. u are the literal gay stereotype. now if u paint ur nails, wear pastel, and are a germaphobe which seems to be true after u gagged at the word leper, it’ll be an 100% match with gay city boy.

buffalobill: …richie? u good?

lionel richie: so? how accurate am i?

skwedward: … no comment

newkidontheblock: how the fuck

beverage: THE PURE CUSSED

BEVERAGE: I BLAME RICHIE

therationalone: how did u capitalize ur username

thefreshprince: bev is steaming so hard that her computer is angry

lionel richie: should i run

buffalobill: we literally live in maine richie, she’s in the uk

mike wheelie: bill my guy, do not underestimate bev

farmersonly.com: biggest mistake of my life

compassgenius: good luck living richie

newkidontheblock: bev i’m sorry it wasn’t richie it was me!

beverage: hmm

beverage: okay i won’t kill him

beverage: but…

beverage changed lionel richie’s username to richieisadeadman

beverage: there :)

richieisadeadman: she took my meme!

zoomzoombitch: twas a bad meme anyway

richieisadeadman: twas not!

richieisadeadman: hello

richieisadeadman: is it me ur looking for

zoomzoombitch: well i would give you Endless Love, but i’m rlly gay and want To Love A Woman much more than love a man… so Goodbye.

compassgenius: …

mike wheelie: lmaooo

buffalobill: get fucked richie

newkidontheblock: richie just got out-richied wowzers

beverage took a screenshot of the chat

beverage: wowzers T-T

beverage: i’m sorry but i had to save that

farmersonly.com: now u have screenshots of richie getting fucked hah

skwedward: oof i came back from feeding lauper at a wrong time didn’t i? bc that sounds rlly bad out of context… should i even attempt scrolling up?

richieisadeadman: ;) go ahead eds

skwedward: i’m scared AND DON’T CALL ME THAT EITHER

farmersonly.com: guess we know who doesn’t like pet names in the bedroom

thefreshprince: or he rlly does and he’s getting embarassed ;)

richieisadeadman: chokes what

beverage: WILLIAM

mike wheelie: bev is such a mom :,)

therationalone: I know you guys were just kidding but my main man Lionel Richie was getting dissed and he deserves more respect.

richieisadeadman: thanks bby boy lucas

therationalone: I was talking about the actual Lionel Richie not the Richie with bad memes from Maine

richieisadeadman: bad memes from Maine? dunno him

buffalobill: i do sadly

compassgenius: get bamboozled

zoomzoombitch: dustin has officially gained back monster hunter partner points because he used the word bamboozled

compassgenius: HECK YECK

newkidontheblock: oof

beverage: oof

richieisadeadman: oof

buffalobill: oof

mike wheelie: oof

compassgenius: i just got oofed by 5 of the 11 other people in here i’m hurt

thefreshprince: i didn’t oof u dustin i love you

compassgenius: thanks will smith ily

newkidontheblock: since i don’t know will and what he actually looks like i’m actually imagining the actual will smith sitting behind his computer screen at probably somewhere around midnight since most of u are using EST time and is chatting with a bunch of monster hunter and cryptid nerds

thefreshprince: but i am will smith

thefreshprince: west philadelphia born and raised on the playground is where i spend most of my days

therationalone: I’m glad I’m not alone on that Ben haha

richieisadeadman: but ur username is literal theration alone

mike wheelie: yeah lucas wtf is a theration

buffalobill: wot in theration

beverage: u beat me by .2 seconds bill im laughing

therationalone: hold up im shaking

therationalone: i actually have tears in my eyes

therationalone: theration alone

skwedward: oof

skwedward: sorry my phone is still fucking up i meant to send that after dustin said heck yeck

richieisadeadman: ooh dang dustin get rektified

compassgenius: i stand corrected, 6 of 11 other people oofed me

thefreshprince: sorry bby ily <3

newkidontheblock: i dont get it though lucas whats so funny

farmersonly.com: update on me: after i grabbed a pickle from the fridge i checked the chat and spiffily looked up theration

farmersonly.com: not a fucking word lucas, explain

therationalone: guys

therationalone: guys

therationalone: theration alone

therationalone: the rational one

therationalone: YOU SPLIT THE WORD WRONG EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU I’VE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD

buffalobill: o h

mike wheelie: hi i currently feel dumb

zoomzoombitch: hi currently feel dumb, i’m gay

richieisadeadman: //jUmpS Off cOunTer// i’M gAY

skwedward: me as a meme tbh

mike wheelie: wILL WENT AS HIM FOR HALLOWEEN LAST YEAR

beverage: SON WHAT

thefreshprince: MICHAEL WHEELER YOU HO

beverage: son watch ur language

zoomzoombitch: wAtch ur prOfAnity

skwedward: watch yo profanity ;;

mike wheelie: #twinsies

zoomzoombitch: idk mike i don’t wear pastel and own a teacup pig

zoomzoombitch: i skateboard 23/24 hours a day and my snake would eat his pig

skwedward: huRt?

zoomzoombitch: sorry eddie i’m just more man than you

skwedward: i’ll accept that tbh

buffalobill: i have a snake too! mine is all white, a blizzard corn snake if you’re familiar with that. she is the coolest noodle

richieisadeadman: i can vouch for that, She is the cutest and not a super big boy but not a tiny snipper either so she’s perfect wrap-around bracelet buddy :)

beverage: omg wow what’s her name

buffalobill: She

therationalone: just She? Like that’s her name?

richieisadeadman: yep :)) she’s my daughter

buffalobill: i did not condone this…

buffalobill: and yeah, my lil’ brother georgie and i shared her

zoomzoombitch: ick siblings

richieisadeadman: …

buffalobill: heh yeah…

richieisadeadman: what about you?

zoomzoombitch: i have a blue dendrelaphis punctulata!!

richieisadeadman: stan might know what that it is, looks jewish

sqwedward: it’s the scientific name for it u imbecile

farmersonly.com: is that even legal in america?

zoomzoombitch: uhh… i actually don’t know

newkidontheblock: we have them in australia! my neighbor had one when I was 10

richieisadeadman: k seriouslytho like i’m literally the vine

richieisadeadman: sup i’m richie, i’m 23, and i apparently never learned how to fucking read

richieisadeadman: it looks like it says dreidl?! where the fuck is stan when you need him :(

beverage: uh, actually you have a good point… where the fuck is stan??

thefreshprince: mom!! language!!

beverage: sorry precious <3

richieisadeadman: MASSEL TAV?!

buffalobill: i have never been more disappointed to know you…

therationalone: massel tov*

compassgenius: FUCK OFF LUCAS

therationalone: iT’S A HABIT IT JUST HAPPENS I’M SORRY

mikewheelie: it’s literally 11:43… he’s going to miss his own site get shut down

thefreshprince: oh wow… i just had the sudden realization that this is probably the last time I’ll be able to talk to any of you ever again…

beverage: omg

farmersonly.com: shit dude…

mikewheelie: but… all of our friends…

sqwedward: about half of us only just joined tonight and i already feel so close to all of you

compassgenius: i was one of the first ones on here, i’ve been friends with some of you for years…

newkidontheblock: i wish stan would come back! i want to say goodbye to him!

zoomzoombitch: this fucking sucks.

zoomzoombitch: this is the first time that ive felt like ive had real friends in a really long time

buffalobill: i don’t think i’ve ever clicked with any other group of people so quickly

beverage: tears are streaming rn

beverage: i was the first to find stan’s site almost 4 years ago

beverage: i won’t be able to watch him complain about dustin and his obnoxious shitty memes

richieisadeadman: mah man

compassgenius: he always has hated them haha…

beverage: i won’t be able to watch the mike's fight over that they were better than the other but then fight about how the other was actually better than them

mikewheelie: haha no matter what i said, i’ve always known that grandpa mike is the better mike

farmersonly.com: aww mike…

farmersonly.com: i know :)

mikewheelie: BOI

farmersonly.com: <3

beverage: my son will, he is so pure and actually funny and just the sweetest boy i truly love him so much. i don’t want to leave him.

thefreshprince: mom … <3

beverage: it was so nice meeting all of you tonight bill, richie, eddie, max, lucas, and especially you new kid on the block <3

zoomzoombitch: i’m usually not super… affectionate…

zoomzoombitch: but uh

zoomzoombitch: <3

zoomzoombitch: that never happened btw

farmersonly.com: s o f t

beverage took a screenshot of the chat

farmersonly.com took a screenshot of the chat

thefreshprince took a screenshot of the chat

zoomzoombitch: I SAID IT NEVER HAPPENED

farmersonly.com: too late u were soft u couldn’t return

richieisadeadman: bev i never got to see ur hot bod but ily

beverage: ;) and its gonna stay that way

buffalobill: thank you all for being so nice and accepting of everyone else, even if it was more about memes than actual cryptids…

sqwedward: i got made fun of for my taste in music and style but i still had the most fun within the past 1 ½ hours than i’ve had in years

richieisadeadman: ur life must be pretty boring then

therationalone: do you ever shut up richie?? also thank you bev and everyone else, i love you all too!

buffalobill: no he doesn’t. try living with him for 16 years :)

newkidontheblock: oof rest in pieces buffalobill

newkidontheblock: thank u bev, i wish i could’ve known u better :(

zoomzoombitch: …

newkidontheblock: uh that goes for all of you i mean

newkidontheblock: i worded it weirdly… i guess…

mikewheelie: think u broke bev she isn’t answering lol

beverage: crying harder aCK

compassgenius: we have 2 minutes…

thefreshprince: yep…

farmersonly.com: how should we go out?

richieisadeadman: with a bang obv

mikewheelie: meaning..?

11001011101010010101000010101101001110 joined chatroom: “story time” at 00:00 T

zoomzoombitch: richie?

richieisadeadman: uh actually no i didnt do that

richieisadeadman: but great timing anon :)

therationalone: stanley, is that you?

11001011101010010101000010101101001110: isthistherightchatroom?

compassgenius: ooh edgy

thefreshprince: stan ur prank sucks and ur website closes in 1 minute so get back on and say goodbye

11001011101010010101000010101101001110: canyouguysreadthesemessages?

buffalobill: don’t do it pls

richieisadeadman: “ richieisadeadman: sup i’m richie, i’m 23, and i apparently never learned how to fucking read” sent at 11:40 p.m. EST

buffalobill: i hate you

mikewheelie: ITS ENDING IN 10 SECONDS GUYS

beverage: AH OMG BYE ILY ALL <333

buffalobill: <3

farmersonly.com: <3

newkidontheblock: <3

zoomzoombitch: <3

mikewheelie: <3

therationalone: <3

richieisadeadman: <3

sqwedward: <3

compassgenius: <3

thefreshprince: <3 goodbye bev

11001011101010010101000010101101001110: waitwhat

Error 101: The web address for: www.stanwithaplan.com/forums/chatroom/1vdfwr35h_story_time/my_friends_/ is unavailable because the host IP has been ceased. Sorry for the Inconvenience  

Chapter Text

Stan ran back to his desk chair and shook his mouse. The time he returned was 12:17 a.m. and he was too late. He didn’t get to say goodbye to his friends.

“ Fuck ” he hissed out before slamming his fingers against the keys to scroll through the coded conversation. He read through what he had missed and an idea hit him, he opened up another tab in the browser. He typed in the name, Beverly Marsh , and hesitated before hitting search. Stan shouldn’t do what he’s planning to do, but there is no way he’s letting his friends leave him, even the new ones. Still, he new next to nothing about them, he only knew two of their last names and has never seen a photo of any of them. He finally clicked enter and the first couple links that popped up were Facebook profiles. He took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself for finding the other 9 friends after locating Beverly.

Hours had passed. Hours.

Stan blinked. His eyes burned. He had been at this for what seemed like forever when he finally, finally, had found the right Ben.

“Hmm, Hanscom? Thank god for Ben Hanscom.” he laughed to himself and his voice croaked out. He glanced at the time, 10:47 a.m., he didn’t remember the sun coming up? He grabbed for his phone and was filled with a sudden energy that he definitely should not have had after a long night of no sleep and constant research, thank god he has the week off. He input all of the info he gathered and went to his messenger app.

stanthemanlyman created groupchat “i’m backkkk” at 10:51 a.m. EST

stanthemanlyman added aussiboi, billiam.denbro, bitchfuckdamnshit, xX_eddie_cutie_Xx, lucas.sin, missbevvyprincess, mikes-hands, nancywheeler2012, thisdustin, willsmithofficial, and zoomzoomho to “i’m backkkk” at 10:53 a.m. EST

stanthemanlyman: Shit I accidentally added the real Will Smith, one sec.

stanthemanlyman: How do you delete people…?

stanthemanlyman: Whatever here-

stanthemanlyman added officialwillsmith to “i’m backkkk” at 10:54 a.m. EST

stanthemanlyman: Cool okay actual Will Smith and our Will are both in our chat now

stanthemanlyman: Sorry Mr. Smith

stanthemanlyman : Now! Let me explain;

stanthemanlyman : I was up all night looking for you fucks by the way.

stanthemanlyman: There was a knock at my door last night so I went to get it.

stanthemanlyman: At fucking 11:30ish last night a giant ass package was left on my doorstep. No one was there either!

stanthemanlyman: Like the fucking idiot I am though, I brought it inside and I opened it in my kitchen.

stanthemanlyman: I shit you not, I screamed when I opened the package.

stanthemanlyman: Like, full on sissy little girl scream…

stanthemanlyman: It was the note, the one attached to the painting. I couldn’t move for a minute and new I couldn’t just leave it there… So I did what I didn’t want to do.

stanthemanlyman: And it was the most fucking stupid thing I’ve ever done.

stanthemanlyman: I picked up the painting and it was like how it was that one day in my dad’s office, the lady was missing.

stanthemanlyman: I sprinted out of my house, threw it outside and into the road, not going inside until I made sure it was ran over.

stanthemanlyman: I walked in… and it was hung up on my wall, above my fireplace…

stanthemanlyman: She was in the painting. But, I can’t do anything;

stanthemanlyman: Everytime I move it, it returns, but it doesn’t seem to be watching me this time as I walk by?

stanthemanlyman: But yeah… by the time I returned the website had closed and I’ve been up since then looking for you guys from the little little information I had.

stanthemanlyman: So, welcome back…

bitchfuckdamnshit: stan the manly man i’m shitting myself hahahahahaa your name. also u woke me up go die.

mikes-hands: Holy shit!! Stan how the hell did you find all of us!?

mikes-hands: It’s really cool! But like…

zoomzoomho: rlly fucking creepy holy fuck what?!

officialwillsmith: Stan! You manly man with a plan! Welcome back everyone!! I was super worried I had lost you all for forever :(

officialwillsmith: Bev will be super happy to hear!!

officialwillsmith poked missbevvyprincess at 11:12 a.m. EST

officialwillsmith poked missbevvyprincess at 11:12 a.m. EST

officialwillsmith poked missbevvyprincess at 11:12 a.m. EST

officialwillsmith poked missbevvyprincess at 11:12 a.m. EST

officialwillsmith poked missbevvyprincess at 11:12 a.m. EST

missbevvyprincess: WHY IS WILL SMITH TEXTING ME DURING MY LUNCH BREAK ON A CRINGY MSG APP I HAVEN’T USED SINCE I WAS 15?

officialwillsmith: Because! Stan found us Bev! He found all of us!!

nancywheeler2012: Why are a bunch of 12 year olds texting me…

missbevvyprincess: What?! Stan really!!?

stanthemanlyman: The one and the only, I missed you Bev <3

nancywheeler2012: Wow I’m even being ignored by 12 year olds smh

stanthemanlyman: Mike it’s us!!

nancywheeler2012: Why do a bunch of 12 year olds want to talk to my brother…?

bitchfuckdamnshit: we’re in our 20’s

nancywheeler2012: That’s not what your profile says, Richie Tozier attending Derry Middle School with a favorite color of “death” and bio including “omg im such a crazy random bisexual potato XD mcr is the best. i will fite u if u disagree owo”

bitchfuckdamnshit: fuck

billiam.denbro: RICHIE’S EMO PHASE HAHA GOOD TIMES

billiam.denbro: Hello everyone I saw this notification come up and I almost threw up from excitement!! I missed you guys all so much! I could barely sleep!!

missbevvyprincess: Billiam! Haha! Awwww I want to hug you all!

bitchfuckdamnshit: hey uh ms. nancy before you leave chat and get replaced with mike can u tell me how to change my name and bio details?

nancywheeler2012: Sure!

nancywheeler2012: :)

nancywheeler2012 left the chat at 11:16 a.m. EST

mike_hot_wheeler69 was added to the chat at 11:16 a.m. EST

bitchfuckdamnshit: fuck

mike_hot_wheeler69: hello to you too

mike_hot_wheeler69: Hey everyone!! <3

mikes-hands: okay god ur username proves that i am the better mike please disinfect urself

zoomzoomho: just ran out sorry farmer john :/

aussiboi: Well it’s your lucky day Mr. Hands! I happen to have some Germ-X on me! (hello lovelies its benny <3)

mikes-hands: glad to know ur still soft

aussiboi: that felt aggresive almost

mikes-hands: dw it’s a compliment <3

missbevvyprincess: Ben!

aussiboi: My princess!

missbevvyprincess: I no longer regret my little 13 year old girly self choosing this username

officialwillsmith: hot wheels - michael wheeler i’m gonna kill you that’s so cringy

mike_hot_wheeler69: will the wise!

thisdustin: why

thisdustin: am

thisdustin: i

thisdustin: being

thisdustin: bombarded

thisdustin: with

thisdustin: messages

thisdustin: its

thisdustin: too

thisdustin: early

thisdustin: for

thisdustin: this

thisdustin: shit

thisdustin: you

thisdustin: fuckers

stanthemanlyman: morning sunshine :)

thisdustin: was the chat ending and meeting a bunch of weird people just a dream?

zoomzoomho: zoom zoom ho

thisdustin: mission failed, we’ll get em’ next time

zoomzoomho: my monster hunter partner and vine junkie <3

lucas.sin: oh shit! hey everyone! what’s up?

bitchfuckdamnshit: sin, what do ya do that’s sinful babay? ;)))

lucas.sin: imma take a wild guess and say, dustin?

officialwillsmith: close enough

stanthemanlyman: honestly

thisdustin: im #hurt lucas

bitchfuckdamnshit: im also #hurt lucas

lucas.sin: never mind it’s def richie

billiam.denbro: duSTIN IS UR USERNAME A PUN I JUST GOT IT HAH

thisdustin: thank god i thought it was too subtle when i made it a couple months back hah

zoomzoomho: it’s a pun..?

officialwillsmith: ^^

stanthemanlyman: ^^

mikes-hands: ^^

aussiboi: ^^

mike_hot_wheeler69: ^^

billiam.denbro: this dustin… like this just in...

lucas.sin: mike i hate ur username change it now

zoomzoomho: ^^

officialwillsmith: ^^

stanthemanlyman: ^^

mikes-hands: ^^

aussiboi: ^^

billiam.denbro: ^^

billiam.denbro: also its okay dustin at least i liked ur joke

thisdustin: <3

bitchfuckdamnshit: do you know how to change usernames??

xX_eddie_cutie_Xx: …please answer that question

aussiboi: eddie!!

missbevvyprincess: eddie ily but w h a t

lucas.sin: pfft

bitchfuckdamnshit: iajsjauaiaiowiwjej

thisdustin: I THOUGHT RICHIE HAD IT BAD LMAO

xX_eddie_cutie_Xx: pls tell me how to change i made this when i was a lot younger

xX_eddie_cutie_Xx: ...but hello everyone it's nice to see you all

zoomzoomho: cute but the name totally throws me off but hey dude

mikes-hands: hey squiddie

xX_eddie_cutie_Xx: thats the only nickname i've ever been okay with aw, only mike can call me that :)

mike_hot_wheeler69: aw thx squiddie bby <33

xX_eddie_cutie_Xx: my mood was ruined by ur username u’ve got to change urs too.

bitchfuckdamnshit: MY GUESS IS EDDIE HAD A PASTEL PUNK SCENE PHASE WITH LOTS OF NON-MATCHING OUTFITS WITH FEM TOUCHES LIKE MAKEUP OR NAILS. OOH DRESSES.

bitchfuckdamnshit: OH AND HE DEFINITELY HAD HIGHLIGHTS. I’M GONNA SAY… PINK?

lucas.sin: wtf richie

xX_eddie_cutie_Xx: …

lucas.sin: WTF RICHIE

xX_eddie_cutie_Xx: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO CHANGE MY DAMN NAME?!

missbevvyprincess: eddie baby, no screaming inside. we use our indoor voices sweetheart. ily keep doing ur best <3

officialwillsmith: i love my mom <3

stanthemanlyman: Sorry! I’m back!

mike_hot_wheeler69: I’m having deja vu :))

stanthemanlyman: Oh the craziest thought just came!!

stanthemanlyman: It was “fuck off michael wheeler u slug :D”

zoomzoomho: oof roasted and toasted boi

aussiboi: TOAST SOUNDS POPPIN RN

missbevvyprincess: bless the lord oh my soul

billiam.denbro: ben isn’t it like 1:20 a.m. there..?

aussiboi: every hour is toast hour

missbevvyprincess: if you come to the uk ever i will make u toast 24/7

aussiboi: wow u are a good mom

mikes-hands: ooh #momzoned

lucas.sin: mike just- no

aussiboi: but while they all think you are a good mom, which you are don’t get me wrong sweetheart, i think you are perfect wife material :)

mikes-hands: #unmomzoned

missbevvyprincess: I NEED A MINUTE

officialwillsmith: he broke mommy

xX_eddie_cutie_Xx: he broke mommy!?

officialwillsmith: yeah!!

xX_eddie_cutie_Xx: let’s fix mommy together!

mikes-hands: soft

bitchfuckdamnshit: tf kind of mommy kink shit is this

zoomzoomho: mommy kink?? more likely than not.

thisdustin: does that mean ben is daddy??

mike_hot_wheeler69: AAAAAH

billiam.denbro: HOW DID ALL OF THOSE SEND AT THE SAME TIME WTF

stanthemanlyman: i would like to gouge out my eyes thanks

mikes-hands: YOU RUINED MY SOFT VIBES YOU HELLIANS

missbevvyprincess: england is my city

stanthemanlyman: welcome back beverly do not scroll up

missbevvyprincess: i need another minute brb

aussiboi: you guys keep making my wife run away! close ur gobs!

lucas.sin: okay does anyone know how to change usernames bc i cant look at eddie’s or mike’s name anymore without crying

stanthemanlyman: oh yeah! that’s actually why i left! i was gonna tell you guys but i was so rudely interrupted by my thought of Mike fucking off :)

bitchfuckdamnshit: kinky

mike_hot_wheeler69: richie dont bc now im thinking about him thinking about me and thats not something i enjoy

billiam.denbro: he doesn’t even know what we look like anyway so

stanthemanlyman: actually;;

officialwillsmith: ?!

stanthemanlyman: when i was looking for you guys last night i found photos of all of you…

missbevvyprincess: STANIEL

missbevvyprincess: YOU BROKE OUR RULE U LIL THOT

xX_eddie_cutie_Xx: rule??

zoomzoomho: ^^

lucas.sin: kskq

lucas.sin: sorry i just gagged bc i saw eddie’s name plEASE TELL US HOW TO FIX US AND THEN UR STORY THANKS

stanthemanlyman: jfc okay there’s an added drop down menu under the settings button with profile details that is hard to find unless you know what ur looking for

stanthemanlyman: it’s under Groupchat Details

billiam.denbro: thanks stanbo

stanthemanlyman: im

xX_eddie_cutie_Xx changed his name to sqwedward at 11:54 a.m. EST

missbevvyprincess: wait we should have a group theme

thisdustin: ooh like what

bitchfuckdamnshit: boobs :)

missbevvyprincess: richie don’t say that

bitchfuckdamnshit: sorry

bitchfuckdamnshit: breasts :)

missbevvyprincess: i recommend u run

bitchfuckdamnshit: IM A BAD BITCH U CANT KILL ME

zoomzoomho: i love richie his memes are mvp

bitchfuckdamnshit: <3

billiam.denbro: hm like characters or what bev?

aussiboi: we can do foods !! :)

missbevvyprincess: we’re doing foods end of discussion

sqwedward: but sqwedward

missbevvyprincess: FOODS EDWARD

officialwillsmith: omg she used the scary mom voice are u okay?

sqwedward: me, an adult male, almost cried just now bc a woman i’ve never seen typed with all caps

thisdustin: idk why but i’m cryin in the club right now

zoomzoomho: i love my meme bois

billiam.denbro: which one has better memes

thisdustin: ME

bitchfuckdamnshit: ME

bitchfuckdamnshit: I WILL FIGHT YOU

thisdustin: TRY ME BITCH

mike_hot_wheeler69: WHAT DID U JUST START BILL OH NO

lucas.sin: jajuJWJQHhhyG

lucas.sin: CHNAGE UR FUCKDNF NAME

thisdustin: shit u broke lucas so hard that he didn’t use the correct grammar or even attempt to correct himself

lucas.sin: CHANGE* YOUR* FUCKING*

lucas.sin: Come on Dustin, I still have my dignity.

billiam.denbro changed their name to bill pickle at 12:03 p.m. EST

zoomzoomho changed their name to maxed.potatoes at 9:03 a.m. PST

aussiboi changed their name to benchilada at 2:04 a.m. AEST

benchilada: :D

missbevvyprincess: omg so cute ily ben

lucas.sin: hey uh sorry to burst ur bubbles but literally nothing rhymes with lucas

stanthemanlyman: yeah… i can only think of one…

bill pickle: which is?

stanthemanlyman: gingerbread stan

mikes-hands: omg so soft !!

bill pickle: pls do that

bitchfuckdamnshit: FRYING STAN HAH

officialwillsmith: okay but like i wanted to stay will smith but i only thought of gwilled cheese

mikes-hands: soft x2

lucas.sin: ms. beverly over-ruling princess of name theme, can we just kinda choose whatever?

missbevvyprincess: screams fine. guess u guys dont want to be #softsquadgoals

mikes-hands: i’m okay with soft :)

maxed.potatoes: we know also i hate this pls let me change

missbevvyprincess: f i n e

maxed.potatoes changed their name to zoomzoombitch at 9:06 a.m. PST

zoomzoombitch: thank god

thisdustin: lmao

officialwillsmith changed their name to thefreshprince at 12:06 p.m. EST

mikes-hands changed their name to farmersonly.com at 12:06 p.m. EST

mike_hot_wheeler69 changed their name to mikewheelie at 12:07 p.m. EST

missbevvyprincess changed their name to beverage at 5:07 p.m. GMT

benchilada: wait bev i’ve got to do something

beverage: what??

bill pickle: ^^

benchilada changed beverage’s name to hot beverage at 2:07 a.m. AEST

mikewheelie: oh my god

thefreshprince: mom’s gonna explode if u keep doing this aussi boi

benchilada: that isnt my name anymore, will smith

thefreshprince: dont care u will always be aussi boi to me

farmersonly.com: soft benny

bill pickle: i gotta learn how to be as smooth as benny boi here

zoomzoombitch: rt if that ain’t me

mikewheelie: oof don’t use ain’t ur sounding like farm mike

farmersonly.com: all i am is farm mike to you :(

benchilada: at least u aren’t aussi boi

xX_eddie_cutie_Xx changed their name to squiddie at 12:09 p.m. EST

lucas.sin: thank god

bill pickle: still laughing at that tbh

bill pickle: reminds me of the tumblr boys richie would fawn over in 8th grade oh my god

bill pickle: these boys with bright colors and highlights with bangs that covered their eyes

bill pickle: 500% of them wore eyeliner that went all the way around there eye like a racoon

bitchfuckdamnshit: how about we stop talking about this

farmersonly.com: *whispers to mike*

mikewheelie: *whispers back to mike*

bill pickle: omg roleplaying lmao richie would always do that too

squiddie: i like bill :)

bitchfuckdamnshit changed their name to lionel richie at 12:12 p.m. EST

lionel richie: I THOUGHTWE AGREED TO STOP TALKING ABOUT ME THX

bill pickle: richie? passing down an opportunity to talk about himself? unheard of.

squiddie: awww richie!! i was just starting to like hearing about you :)

lionel richie: …

lucas.sin: my mans has returned

farmersonly.com: ur taste in music is god awful

thisdustin changed his name compASS genius at 9:12 a.m. PST

lucas.sin: i’m disappointed

zoomzoombitch: i’m not

compASS genius: <3

zoomzoombitch: :)

stanthemanlyman changed their name to stanwithaplan at 12:13 p.m. EST

lionel richie: more accurate

stanwithaplan: you dont know me

hot beverage: hi im back

hot beverage: ben u kILLED me

benchilada: dont die ily

hot beverage: <33

hot beverage: also stan i’ve known you for 4 years

hot beverage: u are not stan the manly man

compASS genius: then who is?

lionel richie: uh duh

hot beverage: um have u met mike

mikewheelie: :D

stanwithaplan: ...You should know she is DEFINITELY not talk to u hot wheels

mikewheelie: D:

farmersonly.com: they dont call me mike hands the manly man for nothin ;)

hot beverage: ick but regardless from the stuff that u describe on the farm u must be stacked like a jenga tower man

mikewheelie: I WILL KICK DOWN THAT JENGA TOWER

zoomzoombitch: one push to his middle and he’ll go falling

farmersonly.com: we all know who i’m falling for though ;)

thefreshprince: stan

stanwithaplan: yes, willy my boy?

hot beverage: OOF

mikewheelie: ooh man :,(

bill pickle: it was worth a try :,(

benchilada: i’m crying for you man :,(

stanwithaplan: I am confusion

compASS genius: WHY IS THIS ONE KANSAS

thefreshprince: BUT THIS ONE NOT AR-KANSAS??

zoomzoombitch: AMERICA EXPLAIN!!

lionel richie: WHAT DO U MEAN ARK-EN-SAW?!

stanwithaplan: Consider me confused x2

lucas.sin: I hate our friends

compASS genius: i hate u too :)

farmersonly.com: Lucasss you’ve gotta change ur name too!!

hot beverage: but nothing rhymes with lucas

mikewheelie: fresh prince doesn’t rhyme with will

thefreshprince: its different bc i am will smith

stanwithaplan: will,, i,,

bill pickle: (he knows he’s not actually will smith right)

lionel richie: (i can’t tell)

hot beverage: (it’s a coping mechanism he’s used)

mikewheelie: (he’s been like this since the fresh prince of bel-air was taken off the air)

benchilada: THAT WAS 21 YEARS AGO?!

thefreshprince: what was 21 years ago benwald?

benchilada: benwald..?

stanwithaplan: (SHHH)

hot beverage: (shhHH BENNY)

farmersonly.com: (oh no)

compASS genius: (thank god he didn’t say anything out loud)

benchilada: (i’m so confused why is he acting like he can’t read when it’s in between parenthesis?)

hot beverage: (tbh i dont know how it works)

benchilada: uh nothing

benchilada: unrelated but how old are u william

benchilada: (wait farm mike i thought u said u were the oldest, that means u were 5 when the fresh prince wasn’t on anymore)

farmersonly.com: (yeah, im the oldest, im grandpapa mike)

lionel richie: does stan have a grandpa kink

lionel richie: (SHIT LMAO does stan have a grandpa kink?)

stanwithaplan: w h a t th e f cuck

hot beverage: language staniel

farmersonly.com: richie stop exposing me

thefreshprince: oh yeah i just remembered i never gave my mini intro!

thefreshprince: i’m will! i just turned 20 so i’m the baby of the group haha. I live in auburn, maine so i’m only like an hour and a half away from bill & richie! i used to live really close to nerd mike as you call him when we were kids but my stepfather moved us to maine when i turned 13. but we managed to stay in touch and he actually introduced me to the chat! but rn i’m a comic book artist!

bill pickle: no way!! will the wise?! i thought i recognized that earlier!! i have some of your stuff!!

thefreshprince: whoa! cool billybro!

lionel richie: billybro :)

bill pickle: richie. dont.

lionel richie: that is added to my list! now i’m at 49 nicknames for u billion ;)

lionel richie: one more and i’ll meet my goal!

thefreshprince: i’m sorry bill…

benchilada: you’re 20???

thefreshprince: uhh… yeah..?

zoomzoombitch: ben wtf

mikewheelie: oh no he’s figured it out

farmersonly.com: OUR PLAN HAD NO FLAWS WDYM MIKE

stanwithaplan: wow good going on saying we had a plan in the first place u loaf

hot beverage: im sORRY BEN ILY

benchilada: please explain this plan

compASS genius: IT WOULDVE WORKED IF WILL DIDNT SAY HIS AGE

thefreshprince: well iM SoRRy dUsTin!

bill pickle: im confused too

lionel richie: come on bill even i caught on

benchilada: ??

bill pickle: ^^ ??

lionel richie: it was obviously a prank

lionel richie: a gimick?

lionel richie: gettin’ off on a good one?

squiddie: shut the fuck up richie we get it

zoomzoombitch: my boi eddie coming in clutch with these roasts :)

squiddie: it feels good to be appreciated <3

benchilada: okay lol u got me then

bill pickle: but why prank us with something so pointless,,?

stanwithaplan: we have a pact

farmersonly.com: only the tru og’s know of it

mikewheelie: we have an ongoing inside joke of will actually thinking he is actually will smith, it started from the first day he joined and i was telling the other a little about him

mikewheelie: i happened to mention his obsession with will smith films and “gettin jiggy with it” and it became all we talked about

hot beverage: we would send link to the theme for the fresh prince every chance we had

compASS genius: i still cry when i hear that song

stanwithaplan: it plays in my dreams

farmersonly.com: IMAGINE FLUTE WOMAN COMING UP BEHIND YOU AND PLAYING THE FRESH PRINCE THEME

lionel richie: PFFT

stanwithaplan: BRB CRYING

bill pickle: isnt that little too harsh…? and soon..?

farmersonly.com: you saw what happened earlier

farmersonly.com: [screenshotofstanbeingincrediblyoblivious.jpg]

farmersonly.com: “yes, willy my boy?”

benchilada: oof

zoomzoombitch: ^^ rt

lionel richie: ooh this app doesn’t show when u take screenshots..?

lionel richie: thanks for the useful intel tractor man ;)

squiddie: i dont even want to know what that means

lucas.sin changed their name to therational one 1:01 p.m. EST

theration alone: i left for so long, trying to find a pun

theration alone: just SOMETHING that rhymed with my name

theration alone: nothing besides “poo-cuss and tuchus”

theration alone: so i went with the dumb ass meme you guys made out of my original user

zoomzoombitch: wait is that how u pronounce tuchus?

compASS genius: too-kus?? literally no one pronounces it like that

bill pickle: i’ve always said it like tuck-is

benchilada: just say butt guys

stanwithaplan: that’s a bad word ben

farmersonly.com: STAN MEMED RARE PRECIOUS MOMENT

squiddie: hey i may be an idiot but what is a tuchus

lionel richie: Tuchus (n) - the jew word for booty

lionel richie: Ex: “ stan u jewish sex lord, come over here and touch my farm tuchus” - Mike

farmersonly.com: jihsxiwsbxiqhbsxbibkhqsnxkjqnsxijqsjid

stanwithaplan: richie, must you?

lionel richie: i must

thefreshprince: my eyes are still crying from that

hot beverage: i’m in a love/hate relationship with richie's humor because i love it but it ruins my virgin children’s eyes my poor willbo and squiddie

thefreshprince: my eyes will be forever virgin but thx mom

hot beverage: just means i’ll always be here to protect u

thefreshprince: <3

squiddie: hah

squiddie: i mean

squiddie: thx mom <3

hot beverage: what

bill pickle: rip

thefreshprince: omg poor eddie he’s gotten the scary mom voice twice already

lionel richie: he’s a bad boy u should punish him

zoomzoombitch: ew

compASS genius: hey stan, u never told us about how you found photos of all of us and oh,, u know,,

compASS genius: broke the rule :)

theration one: thank you for ignoring richie and changing the subject

compASS genius: me? thanked by lucas? unheard of

theration one: if we could send emojis you would be seeing 3 beautiful middle fingers right about now :)

stanwithaplan: oh yeah, that! i had to break the rule or else we wouldn’t be here rn!

squiddie: ur making it sound like we would’ve died if u hadn’t stalked us online

zoomzoombitch: stalker

stanwithaplan: it’s not really stalking!! it’s just using the information i had on my friends to research and find out their number codes for the messaging app

thefreshprince: hmm sounds pretty similar to the definition of stalking my guy

thefreshprince: im jk i love you stan and appreci8 what you’ve done

lionel richie: so, who’s the hottest?? ;)

stanwithaplan: uh i shouldn’t say that, it’s personal opinion not science

hot beverage: ooh come on stan i’m interested!

farmersonly.com: i wish i could see you

farmersonly.com: guys

farmersonly.com: you guys** i clicked send too early

mikewheelie: mhm

zoomzoombitch: im the hottest

lionel richie: let’s agree to disagree bc if you guys saw me u wouldnt be able to not fall in love with me

squiddie: hm idk.. it wouldn’t rlly matter if you looked like zac efron i don’t think they’d be able to get over ur personality

lionel richie: aw thx babe, i’m hotter than zac efron btw and i’m glad u recognize my amazing qualities and personality and u don’t just like me for my bod

squiddie : not what i meant, i doubt ur hotter than zac efron bc it’s scientifically proven that no one is hotter than zac efron… also ur personality is memes and a big mouth

lionel richie: true and true… but i know how to use my big mouth right ;)

squiddie: bye

squiddie: stan can u kick him

stanwithaplan: no u have to suffer too u saw what he said about me

stanwithaplan: i also dont know how or else i would remove will smith

lionel richie: poor mr. smith we’re probably clogging up his phone

compASS genius: ur stalling stan!! who’s the hottest!!

theration one: who cares?

compASS genius: aw are u self-conscious lukey?

theration one: do not call me that

lionel richie: eds is that u?

squiddie: don’t call me that

thefreshprince: hahaha

theration one: no, i just don’t think that who is hotter than who is important?

bill pickle: okay but aren’t you a LITTLE interested about what everyone else looks like..?

zoomzoombitch: even i am and i can already tell that i’m the edgy one out of our little party of losers

mikewheelie: tru omg

benchilada: party of loser lol i like that

stanwithaplan: should we have a squad name? are we the party of losers?

lionel richie: loser party is easier to say just saying

hot beverage: i like it

farmersonly.com: i vote yes

thefreshprince: question, is the actual will smith a member of the loser party

theration one: i vote yes

bill pickle: me too

hot beverage: okay but he wasn’t here for the planning any of this

squiddie: he’s been here in spirit

stanwithaplan: i see what ur saying,, then maybe he can be something like a ½ member

thefreshprince: honorary member will smith

zoomzoombitch: honorary member will smith

compASS genius: honorary member will smith

hot beverage: honorary member will smith

benchilada: honorary member will smith

stanwithaplan: all opposed to will smith being an honorary member, say something now or forever hold ur peace

theration one: why did we just wait three whole minutes

lionel richie: just to make sure no one was opposed

theration one: but three minutes??

compASS genius: IS IT OFFICIAL STANNY BOY?

stanwithaplan renamed the groupchat “the loser party and honorary member will smith” at 1:53 p.m. EST

stanwithaplan: it’s official bitchrs

stanwithaplan: GOD DAMMIT

stanwithaplan: bitches*

lionel richie: bitchrs

compASS genius: bitchrs

bill pickle: no use saving urself stan lol, i could sense richie typing it

lionel richie: ur also right next to me rn

bill pickle: that too

zoomzoombitch: bitchrs

compASS genius: :)

stanwithaplan: guys i love you all but i have a week break right now and i was up ALL night looking for you, so i’m going to hit the hay at 2:00 lmao

benchilada: me too! its 4:00 am rn… i’ve screwed myself i have a class at 7:00 tomorrow ;;

hot beverage: aww good luck babe

benchilada: i hope my dreams are filled with you bev <3

farmersonly.com: so soft and precious

zoomzoombitch: is anyone else thinking about how they met less than a day ago…

mikewheelie: ^^

farmersonly.com: hshhshhshshshh softt

bill pickle: mike rlly likes soft things doesn’t he

thefreshprince: you’ve officially done it bill, how do you manage to keep bringing up things that mike will not shut up about ever again?

farmersonly.com: inhale

bill pickle: oh no i’m sorry ..

hot beverage: quick someone distract him

stanwithaplan: k i’m going now! bye everyone <3

farmersonly.com: aw stanley sent a heart how precious <3

hot beverage: i said distract him stanley

stanwithaplan: p.s. farm mike and bill are the hottest

stanwithaplan: bye loves!! <3

bill pickle: what-uh- thanks!?

benchilada: hey i think stan did it!

theration one: …he isn’t saying anything

mikewheelie: mike… u there buddy?

compASS genius: miss keisha? miss keishaaaa?

zoomzoombitch: oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead

thefreshprince: i love my new friends holy shit

hot beverage: language young man

benchilada: goodnight everyone!! <3

squiddie: goodnight ben!

bill pickle: night!

hot beverage: gn my love <3

thefreshprince: gn!

theration one: sleep well buddy, good look for ur class in less than three hours…

lionel richie: i still think i’m the hottest just saying

compASS genius: i dunno man stan doesn’t lie, he’s super serious about lying actually, we all are

thefreshprince: oh yeah that’s a big rule, we don’t lie

hot beverage: yeah, if you lie then you lose trust

mikewheelie: so be yourself, and don’t lie

lionel richie: creepy… but okay i get that

lionel richie:  my humor is heavy on sarcasm and lying tho and i cant change that

compASS genius: me too don’t worry, but we just mean the serious stuff y’know

theration one: yeah, because friends don’t lie

hot beverage: exactly lucas :)

thefreshprince: passive aggressive smiley?

hot beverage: no, nice genuine smiley :)

thefreshprince: :)

squiddie: sorry to join stan and ben, but i’ve got to leave too. i may have the week off for the holidays but my job still wants me this week, see you loser later ;)

lionel richie: bye eds!

squiddie: dont make me say it

lionel richie: uGH fine

lionel richie: bye babe ;)

squiddie: how about no nicknames at all :)

lionel richie: no fun

hot beverage: my son, i love you! remember to drink lots of water and don’t let the stress from work crush you too much because you’re amazing sweetheart <3

squiddie: what did i do to deserve such a good mom

mikewheelie: bye eddie!

farmersonly.com: i have risen from the dead only to say goodbye to my squiddie and then die again lol mikey out peace y’all

squiddie: <3

lionel richie: i get the sense that everyone is leaving;; so Bill and I are gonna grab a late lunch/early dinner

compASS genius: cute

bill pickle: that cute sounds suggestive

zoomzoombitch: cute

theration one: you weren’t kidding when u said u were the edgy one

bill pickle: u made the word cute sound scary how tf

zoomzoombitch: :)

thefreshprince: bev ily but she just crushed the records of most passive aggressive smileys holy shit

hot beverage: i’m not even going to fight u on cursing bc i said holy shit out loud when i saw that smiley face

zoomzoombitch: aw ily guys thanks :)

compASS genius: i aspire to be able to be that edgy and then that cute the next second but a giant meme the entire time

theration one: did you mean: soft

mikewheelie: careful u might bring mike back from the dead by saying that and especially italicizing it like that

thefreshprince: i don’t think lucas even realizes that he did the google search meme just now

lionel richie: i was thinking that that looked out of character wow

lionel richie: also we just got to the sandwich shop bye boisss

hot beverage: have fun on ur date sons

bill pickle: i would rather throw up in my mouth 15 times and eat it after blending it with toilet water and expired strawberries than go on a single date with Richie Tozier

lionel richie: wow i was last-named just now

zoomzoombitch: thank jesus eddie wasn’t here for that sentence or he probably would’ve drank bleach to disinfect himself

compASS genius: yikes

thefreshprince: yikes

mikewheelie: yikes

compASS genius: k peace out guys i’m gonna go play with my lizard

hot beverage: i still to this day cannot understand how you can play with a lizard

compASS genius: um dart isn’t like the other lizards

compASS genius: he’s different

theration one: wouldn’t take dustin as the furry-type, but alright the world is full of suprises

compASS genius: nasty bye

thefreshprince: me when i look in the mirror every morning

hot beverage: hush my son u are beautiful

zoomzoombitch: later losers, i’m gonna go ride my skateboard. my shifts starts up in an hour and i wanna get in some time before i have to ride there

mikewheelie: whoa cool dude, have fun!!

compASS genius: bye bye meme queen

zoomzoombitch: i’m metaphorically sending the kissy emoji bc it isn’t too loveydovey but shows respect while still looking badass

theration one: jesus christ that was edgy oh my god

thefreshprince: lmao looks like how i texted in my emo days :,)

hot beverage: YOUR WHAT -!?1

thefreshprince: yes, i had an emo phase

hot beverage: I THOUGHT YOU WERE ALL WILL SMITH AND MEMES?

hot beverage: MIKE WHY DIDNT YOU SAY ANYTHING

mikewheelie: UHM MAYBE BECAUSE DIDNT I KNOW ABOUT THIS

thefreshprince: lmao it was after i moved to maine

mikewheelie: YOU MOVED WHEN YOU WERE 15 THOUGH

thefreshprince: i had my emo phase when i was 17 and the first couple months of being 18

hot beverage: I’M CRYING THAT WASN’T EVEN TWO YEARS AGO

mikewheelie: WHAT HOW DID I NOT KNOW???!

thefreshprince: idk honestly i mean i texted you all the time, i was wondering why you hadn’t mentioned it to the other yet lmao

thefreshprince: but yeah lol, got to head to my office. i have a meeting at 5:00 with important people in the animation industry! i’m hoping to return with good news! see you all later!

theration one: alright, see ya will! i’m heading out too, i wanna take a walk on a trail about 20 minutes away. i live right in the middle of downtown atlanta and it’s hell. traffic is horrible and there is no natural nature, so i have to drive just to take a walk somewhere decent :/

theration one: i’m gonna take my camera too, upload photos to my nature blog :p

hot beverage: link pls!!

theration one: yeah! one sec

theration one: http://tumbllr.com/iaddedanotherlbcidintwanttoaccidentallylinksomeonespage/lucassinclairphotographyandfilm/blog/189979201

hot beverage: holy shit you are amazing!!

hot beverage: aw oh my god! i can see you! the selfie with the building omg u are so cute!!

theration one: haha forgot about that one… thank you!

mikewheelie: damn dude you’ve got some talent

mikewheelie: i’d call you cute too but i’m straight and don’t wanna be weird so i’m gonna state it like this and say that you are an attractive man no homo

theration one: thanks man no homo

hot beverage: lucas is hot no homo

mikewheelie: that doesnt even make sense

mikewheelie: why did i say that, that was hypocritical sorry bev

hot beverage: TWAS ABOOT TO SAY

mikewheelie: aboot;; bev that’s canadian ur british…

hot beverage: better call stan then

mikewheelie: he’s from montreal,, meaning he’s french canadian,,

hot beverage: oh my god i want to hear his accent

theration one: i want to hear him speak french !!

mikewheelie: imagine him speaking french to farm mike omg

hot beverage: okay okay once stan comes back i want him to tell us how to make separate chats bc i have a plan

mikewheelie: so you could say

hot beverage: omg i swear

mikewheelie: we have a stan plan

theration one: i face palmed in real life that was so awful

theration one: and i’m pulling out of my apartment building rn! ttyl!

hot beverage: bye my beautiful son lucas :)

mikewheelie: alright i’m heading out too

hot beverage: ooh what’s ur excuse?

mikewheelie: lmao i was gonna watch a documentary on retro video games from the 80’s

hot beverage: ooh man good excuse have fun

mikewheelie: chat wit ya later beautiful ;)

hot beverage: alright fly guy see u on the flip side ;)

hot beverage: farm mike ur still logged in

hot beverage: are u still not gonna chat because stan killed u?

hot beverage: smh fake friend byebye

farmersonly.com: hey bev!! sorry!!!!

farmersonly.com: i’m finally not dead!!

farmersonly.com: just checked the time,, 8:21 CST,,

farmersonly.com: oof i’m a bad friend i left bevvo alone

farmersonly.com: well,, guess i should just leave since i’m talking to myself yikes

willsmithofficial: what the fuck is this

farmersonly.com: hOLY SHIT UH HELLO MR. SMITH

farmersonly.com: UH LET ME EXPLAIN

Chapter Text

stanwithaplan opened chatroom “help bev” at 10:32 a.m. EST

stanwithaplan added hot beverage to “help bev” at 10:32 a.m. EST

stanwithaplan: hello gorgeous

stanwithaplan: need some advice

hot beverage: stanny! always a pleasure

hot beverage: how can i be of service?

stanwithaplan: was i too direct with mike and bill yesterday?

hot beverage: ??

stanwithaplan: oh come on bev u know

stanwithaplan: …

stanwithaplan: i said they were the both hottest…

hot beverage: OH MY GOD STAN

hot beverage: YOU CALLED SOMEONE HOT?!?!

hot beverage: CALL THE POLICE!!

hot beverage: ALERT THE TOWN TO HIDE THEIR KIDS

hot beverage: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST PROTECT THE DAMN CHILDREN!!

stanwithaplan: -_-

hot beverage: sweetie you see how i’ve talked to ben and we aren’t together

hot beverage: yet ;)

stanwithaplan: idk im just so confused bc i’ve known mike for forever and i don’t want him to think of me differently

hot beverage: i cannot believe you just

hot beverage: omg im sorry but stan u are the literal stupidest person on this planet

stanwithaplan: ???

hot beverage: smh just tell me how to make chats on this app so i can scream to ben about new kids on the block without spamming the main chat

stanwithaplan: gladly

//the losers party with honorary member will smith//

stanwithaplan: hello losers!

stanwithaplan: i just read through what i missed and what the actual fuck

farmersonly.com: my mans has returned from the war :,)

farmersonly.com: ALSO TALKING ONE ON ONE WITH WILL SMITH IS SCARY SHIT MAN

farmersonly.com: but long story short, will smith agreed to being an actual member i’m shitting myself

squiddie: oMG WHAT LMAO

farmersonly.com: HE MESSAGED ME FOR LIKE 15 MINUTES AND ASKED WHAT IT WAS

farmersonly.com: SO I EXPLAINED THAT IT WAS JUST OUR FRIEND GROUP AND HE SAID “uhh do i gotta pay”

farmersonly.com: I TOLD HIM NO FEE AND HE FUCKING SAID “k man tell the fresh prince guy that he’s my fav btw”

thefreshprince: holy

thefreshprince: f u c k

thefreshprince: IM JUMPING AROUND MY ROOM IM CRYING KAJAJANSJDJDJJWYWYA

lionel richie: i want proof michael boy

farmersonly.com: [screenshotofwillsmithconvo.jpg]

thefreshprince: IM HUGGING MY LIFE SIZE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR CARDBOARD CUT OUT

mikewheelie: yOU STILL HAVE THAT IM SCREAMING

mikewheelie: HOW DID YOU BRING THAT ON THE PLANE?!!

thefreshprince: I GOT STARED AT THE ENTIRE BUT DO I REGRET IT

thefreshprince: NO I DO NOT BC WILL SMITH SAID I WAS HIS FAV

zoomzoombitch: wow this must be what it would be like if gerard way complimented richie :,)

bill pickle: OKAY STORY TIME

lionel richie: bILL I SWEAR

squiddie: ooh story time :)

zoomzoombitch: dont say that actually happened

bill pickle: RICHIE USED TO STRAIGHTEN HIS HAIR AND TRY TO POSE LIKE THE EMO MYSPACE BOYS ONLINE

bill pickle: PETE WENTZ LIKED HIS PHOTO AND RICHIE PISSED HIMSELF

bill pickle: LIKE LITERALLY HE WAS CHECKING HIS PAGE ON MY COMPUTER AT MY HOUSE AND THE DUDE PISSED HIMSELF IN MY CHAIR

zoomzoombitch: i can tell the future

theration one: technically that’s the past, but still talent

zoomzoombitch: i was going to scream at u but then u saved urself

squiddie: wow im liking bill more and more with every story he tells :)

bill pickle: <3

lionel richie: why do you like bullying me bill im only ever nice to you!

bill pickle: H A H okay

compASS genius: im late quick someone summarize

hot beverage: will metaphorically pissed himself bc will smith likes him and richie actually peed himself like 8 years ago bc pete wentz liked his photo

compASS genius: yikes @ richie

compASS genius: congrats @ will !!

thefreshprince: UPDATE I PEED MYSELF

hot beverage: sweetie,,

farmersonly.com: me when stan is online :)

stanwithaplan: lmao what

squiddie: can we change the subject im gagging with all of this pee talk

lionel richie: aw but i love to make u gag eds ;)

squiddie: STAN

stanwithaplan: wHY AM I THE ONE YOU GO TO FOR THIS ALL THE TIME

stanwithaplan: also richie i swear to god if you dont shut the fuck up i am going to kick you from this chat and blackmail bill into not letting you find out how to get back in :)

squiddie: that is why i go to you thank you

bill pickle: fuck im probably more scared than richie rn

lionel richie: im quaking wtf stan

benchilada: hello friends :)

hot beverage: babe!! its past midnight there!! you need sleep!!

benchilada: but i want to talk to you :((

theration one: ben, it’s important to sleep!

stanwithaplan: agreed, we love you but you need to sleep.

bill pickle: what time is your first class done?

benchilada: starts at 7:00, ends at 8:30 a.m. AEST

benchilada: For Dustin & Max that’s 3:30 p.m.

benchilada: For Mikey that’s 5:30 p.m.

benchilada: and for everyone else besides Beautiful Bev’s, who will be at 11:30 p.m., it will be 6:30 p.m. for EST

hot beverage: why must my boy live so far away <3

zoomzoombitch: Dustin and I are the farthest from everyone tho

compASS genius: true it’s like 10 ½ hour flight to get to Ben and a 31 hour drive to Mike and Mike who are the closest to the east

zoomzoombitch: yeah but driving is for plebs, it’d be like a 4 hour flight to Mike squared

mikewheelie: mike squared

farmersonly.com: mike squared

bill pickle: that’s ur ship name

farmersonly.com: oof uh no thanks

mikewheelie: i am s t r a i gh t

lionel richie: :)

mikewheelie: ...what

lionel richie: : )

mikewheelie: i dont like the way ur smiling at me richie

lionel richie: :   )

zoomzoombitch: damn almost as scary as my smiley

lionel richie: i saw what you wrote michael

mikewheelie: what

theration one: no, nothing can rlly beat that

thefreshprince: im back i have cleaned myself

squiddie: nasty

thefreshprince: no longer nasty!! im clean now!!

squiddie: nasty

stanwithaplan: anYWAY we got way off topic bc my second message had to mention will smith

stanwithaplan: you guys can created private chats in the drop menu now!

lionel richie created chatroom “eds and zac efron” at 11:14 a.m. EST

lionel richie: hello precious princess eds

squiddie: who are u trying to be, ben?

lionel richie: no bc unlike him im not a str80 ;)

//the losers party with honorary member will smith//

squiddie: stan i hate you richie is already abusing me via private chat

stanwithaplan: richie

compASS genius: hey can we take a moment to appreciate lucas’ face? i just scrolled up and wow

hot beverage: rt

theration one: i thought u hated me dustin??

compASS genius: perhaps, but i can recognize attractive people

theration one: uhh,, thanks ?

compASS genius: but hey stan, doesn’t that technically mean lucas broke the rule too?

theration one: i knew there was something wrong

stanwithaplan: i thought we went over this already, i needed to find photos of you or else there is pretty much no way you would be in this chat right now.

thefreshprince: okay, but since YOU have seen everyone and we have a link to a photo of Lucas (which i haven’t seen yet actually)

mikewheelie: you should

lionel richie: :    )

mikewheelie: fdhfglusdhfjvaf

thefreshprince: k mike, but as i was saying

thefreshprince: shouldn’t we be allowed to see photos of everyone too?

hot beverage: please,,, i really want to see my sons

squiddie: mom <33

farmersonly.Com: i wanna see stan

zoomzoombitch: we know

compASS genius: yeah apparently mike and bill are the hottest but we don’t have proof, also lucas is beautiful so if they beat him??

theration one: …

bill pickle: cute

bill pickle: also i disagree with me being one of the hottest

stanwithaplan: trust me, you and mike,, wow,,

farmersonly.Com created groupchat “bev i’m gay help me” at 10:23 a.m. CST

farmersonly.Com added hot beverage to “bev i’m gay help me” at 10:24 a.m. CST

farmersonly.Com : bev i need ur help

hot beverage: i’m having deja vu

farmersonly.Com: ??

farmersonly.Com: whatever just BEVERLY LOOK WHAT HE SAID HE’S KILLING ME

hot beverage: u fucking oblivious bastard smh

//the losers party with honorary member will smith//

stanwithaplan: alright!

stanwithaplan: for all members who joined BEFORE last night,,

stanwithaplan: all those in favor of disbanding the previous rule of no sending photos, say will smith now

lionel richie: will smith

stanwithaplan: richie literally shut the fuck up

hot beverage: will smith!

compASS genius: will smith

thefreshprince: will smith

farmersonly.Com: will smith!!!

mikewheelie: will smith

stanwithaplan: will smith i guess

willsmithofficial: i was summoned?

thefreshprince: HOLY SHFUCK

lionel richie: shfuck

squiddie: did we just summon will smith by saying his name six times?

zoomzoombitch: what kind of bloody mary bullshit is this

willsmithofficial: ooh shit we sending pics? Me first

willsmithofficial: [selfiewithjaden.jpg]

willsmithofficial: yo i’m will smith and my guess is that i’m the team mascot or something? Idk, my boy says hi tho

thefreshprince: UPDATE I PISSED MYSELF AGAIN

hot beverage: son,,,

squiddie: nasty

willsmithofficial: yo lil’ me don’t piss yourself, ur creepin out mr. squid man

thefreshprince: im crying

farmersonly.Com: sorry for summoning you mr. the smith

compASS genius: mr. the smith im

willsmithofficial: youre what?

willsmithofficial: shit gotta go theyre comin for me peace

zoomzoombitch: mike saying mr. the smith reminded me of tow mator saying mr. The king bc they are both hillbillies

lionel richie: omg i’ve got number 50,,, thank you max

theration one: ??

lionel richie: hillbilly :)

bill pickle: oh god

mikewheelie: is no one going to mention that will smith is currently running from someone??

hot beverage: hey stan we voted can we send photos now since honorary member will smith sent one?

stanwithaplan: yeah i guess

mikewheelie: okay guess we are just going to ignore it uh okay

theration one: so how are we going to decide the order?

stanwithaplan: beautiful question, beautiful lucas!

theration one: …

farmersonly.Com: soft boy has returned

stanwithaplan: i’m using www.wheelspin.com to randomly select the order!

lionel richie: why does stan sound like a horribly paid youtuber to sponsor a company?

compASS genius: USE MY AUDIBLE CODE FOR UR FIRST AUDIOBOOK FREE

zoomzoombitch: USE MY CRUNCHYROLL CODE FOR A WEEK OF FREE ANIMES

thefreshprince: HEY SQUADFAM ILY GO BUY MY BOOK LINK IN BIO TURN ON MY POST NOTIFICATIONS AND SUBSCRIBE IM RESPONDING TO COMMENTS FOR THE FIRST 2 SECONDS AFTER POSTING MY VIDEO

mikewheelie: too accurate, i love my meme friends

hot beverage: i love my dead gay son

squiddie: mom im alive

hot beverage: thank god, speaking of dead where is my hubby??

benchilada: hello princess i was making coffee so i can talk to you all night long <3

hot beverage: you’re too good to me :’)

zoomzoombitch: a d a y

compASS genius: 2 4 h o u r s

bill pickle: it’s been longer than 24 hours!

lionel richie: ur just saying that cause stan called you hot

stanwithaplan: ...anyway! Shall we start?

compASS genius: spin that wheel pat!

theration one: imsorrydustinicantcontrOLMYSELF pat doesnt spin the wheel

bill pickle: im starting to think that he actually cannot physically control correcting dustin

compASS genius: -_-

stanwithaplan: hoo wow! The wheel landed on farm mike!! Alright you're first!

thefreshprince: actually he is second because our god will smith went first

hot beverage: hm i wonder why mike is going first

lionel richie: probs bc stan is desperate to jack off and needs more for photos to add to his giant collection that he found while stalking bill and mike last night, watch i bet that bill will get “randomly” picked second

stanwithaplan: fF R I CH iE

squiddie: omg can you delete him now

stanwithaplan: I AM SO CLOSE TO DELETINH HIS ENTIRE ACCOUNT

farmersonly.Com: haha dont worry stan i know he’s just joking ily

bill pickle: yeah no worries i’ve known richie and he’s always been like this

farmersonly.Com: alright,,, are y’all ready to see my beautiful face?

compASS genius: yall

mikewheelie: y’all

farmersonly.Com: stfu or gtfu

lionel richie: get the fuck up

stanwithaplan has kicked lionel richie from “the losers party with honorary member will smith” at 11:45 a.m. EST

farmersonly.Com: my mans <3

stanwithaplan: <3

hot beverage: soft

farmersonly.Com: dont steal my line

hot beverage: send ur damn photo mike!! I wanna see ur beautiful face!!

bill pickle: im sorry guys but richie is blowing up my phone and freaking out bc he thinks u actually wont add him back

bill pickle: even tho he seems like a prick, he’s actually very self conscious

bill pickle: i can tell he truthfully cares for you guys

bill pickle: you guys really should’ve seen him at lunch yesterday

bill pickle: he was gushing over everyone and he even said how he is so happy because he feels like he finally has a group of really good friends

mikewheelie: omg what

thefreshprince: that’s so cute what the heck

stanwithaplan: that sounds,,, nothing like richie at all,,, but it’s very sweet

squiddie: ...really?

bill pickle: oh yeah haha you should’ve seen him talk about you eddie

squiddie: …?

bill pickle: he was gushing about you, word of the wise,,, when he talks how he talks to you, that’s how he has flirted with people in the past just saying…

compASS genius: OOH

squiddie: ...what?

stanwithaplan: klasdhfkjalsdf okay add him back alreaddy so we can all see mike’s face

theration one: ^^

zoomzoombitch: agreed

bill pickle added lionel richie to “the losers party with honorary member will smith” at 11:52 a.m. EST

lionel richie: sup fuckers

zoomzoombitch: why do you have my phone??

thefreshprince: FUCL YOU THATS WHY

benchilada: son, language

hot beverage: my hero :’)

compASS genius: he said fucl there’s no profanity there

farmersonly.Com: alright are you guys ready to handle my hot face?

stanwithaplan:   yes

mikewheelie: im ready to see my mike competition :)

farmersonly.Com: alright…

farmersonly.Com: [cutemikeselfieinhoodie.jpg]

bill pickle: oh wow mike definitely wins, how did you even include me in the top two stan??

stanwithaplan: wow…

hot beverage: AW OMG HELLO MIKE ITS SO NICE TO SEE YOUR FACE AW

mikewheelie: i hAVE LOST THE MIKE BATTLE YOU OFFICIALLY WIN

compASS genius: but ur supposed to be farm mike?? Where’s the buckteeth and hillbilly haircut?

farmersonly.Com: hahah thanks everyone! You’re all too nice

stanwithaplan: okay the wheel is spinning and it lands on…!

stanwithaplan: shit

stanwithaplan: it landed on me :(

hot beverage: i’m so excited to see my french canadian noodle boy :’)

bill pickle: noodle boy?

mikewheelie: blessed fact: staniel has curly noodle hair

bill pickle: oh…

stanwithaplan: [selfiewithsunglassesthenoodlehairandadisgustedface.jpg]

thefreshprince: STANNY BOYYYY WHAT

compASS genius: why are all of my friends hotter than me

zoomzoombitch: rELATE

benchilada: i’m suddenly nervous to send a photo,,, what if bev doesn’t think i’m pretty?

farmersonly.Com: stan wtf u are so hot

bill pickle: ^^^

farmersonly.Com: why did you rank US top two?? Should've definitely been you and bill??

bill pickle: nahh more like you and mike, you haven’t seen me yet haha

farmersonly.Com: i trust stan’s taste in men

zoomzoombitch: you literally just said you didn’t by saying he should’ve been in the top two

squiddie: i'm laughing mike technically just called himself hot through stan and bill’s words

stanwithaplan: oh wow haha,, thanks guys,, i’m flattered

stanwithaplan: also mike is right, i know what i’m talking about

stanwithaplan: not that the rest of you are ugly!! just that uhh mike and bill are prettiest? idkikdikdikdik

//help bev//

hot beverage: careful stan ur gay is showing for both of your boyfriends

stanwithaplan: hijfsfvkjlsenjk

//the losers party with honorary member will smith”

stanwithaplan: anywho! lucas the wheel chose you next!

theration one: but,, you’ve already seen me,,

compASS genius: come on lucasss!! just send another

thefreshprince: [lennyface.jpg]

compASS genius: stfu william

theration one: well okay, i took some photos with my friend downtown today, i can show you one of those

theration one: but i look like an artsy nerd fyi

hot beverage: good i am ready

theration one: [lucasinsweaterdowntownposing.jpg]

theration one: [cutelucasinbuttonuppointingtohimself.jpg]

hot beverage: hothothothot

mikewheelie: u look good boi

lionel richie: :          )

zoomzoombitch: oh wow hi lucas i’d go straight for you wow

thefreshprince: you take such good photos!! I take photos with professional cameras too

theration one: hah thanks! Actually my friend took those two but thank you!

lionel richie: rip will

benchilada: you should send the professional photos when it’s ur turn will!

hot beverage: omg yes i want to see my son slay

stanwithaplan: okay eddie it’s ur turn!!

squiddie: ack okay uhh

squiddie: i couldnt find any photos from before today, so i’m just going to take a mirror selfie and send it v quick!

compASS genius: sounds good dude

mikewheelie: yeet

lionel richie: hah can’t wait to see how accurate my image was

squiddie: [cutemirrorselfieinoverallswithscrunchedupface.jpg]

squiddie: rip this is the best i could do

bill pickle: richie is in my house rn lol you guys shouldve seen him im shitting myself

lionel richie: BILL DONTU FUKCINDF

bill pickle: he screamed and yelled that eddie looked so cute and then he tried to act like it was a joke once he realized what he had said and rambled on about being accurate on his overalls or some shit

lionel richie: FUCL O F F

squiddie: aw thanks richie :)))))

squiddie: bill ily thank you for exposing richie

zoomzoombitch: okay but i think we can all agree that eddie is probably the cutest out of all of us, i’m guessing will is pretty high up there though maybe even a tie

compASS genius: yep same, and probs ben too

theration one: ^^^

hot beverage: aw my boysssss also EDDIE MY SON U ARE SO ADORABLE

squiddie : thanks mommy <3

stanwithaplan: alright sir hot wheels is next

mikewheelie: OH YIKES UH

farmersonly.Com: woo go mike!! I’m excited to see my twin!!

mikewheelie: lmao we nothing alike

farmersonly.Com: even tho ur white it doesn’t mean we aren’t twins!

mikewheelie: i wasn’t even talking race it’s just ur hot and i’m the definition of not

thefreshprince: shhhshshshsh send us ur beautiful face hot wheelios

mikewheelie: ehh… okayy…

mikewheelie: [beautifulphotoofmyboyoutsidewithsunglassesandwavyhair.jpg]

hot beverage: mY boY

compASS genius: who knew, mike wheeler = full time liar??

theration one: k yeah mike the actual f you are super attractive??

bill pickle: i agree but,, you kind of look rlly rlly similar to richie??

lionel richie: what? No he doesn’t? Tf bill??

bill pickle: no the similarities are almost stricking??

lionel richie: no look!! His hair is wavy?? Mine’s rlly curly compared to his?? And his face shape is rounder?

bill pickle: idk..

stanwithaplan: ooh! The wheel chose Bill!! :)

benchilada: i wanna see bill!!

hot beverage: me too omgomgomg

thefreshprince: billllllllllll

bill pickle: ehhh i made richie take this photo of me this morning,, so i apologize for the bad quality haha

zoomzoombitch: aw omg did you guys take photos of each other just for this?

lionel richie: ...maybe

compASS genius: AW

bill pickle: [cutephotoofbillinfrontofflowerswithpeacesign.jpg]

stanwithaplan: my heart

farmersonly.Com: oh my god stan what holy crap u were right this boy is hot

stanwithaplan: i told you!!!?!?!?

hot beverage: BILL MY MAN

squiddie: wow what did a beautiful man like you do to be locked up in a small town in maine with richie

lionel richie: #rude

lionel richie: any man would be lucky to live NEAR me let alone next door

thefreshprince: youguysarenextdoorneighborsomgomgomgsocute

hot beverage: shhshshh nonono i dont ship that will

thefreshprince: oh? What do we ship then?

hot beverage: i’ll pm you

theration one: …

zoomzoombitch: …

farmersonly.Com: ?

lionel richie: also bill smh you should’ve sent the one where you were licking up that ice cream cone >:)

bill pickle: dont you dare

lionel richie: man imagine everyone’s dick once they see this :)

lionel richie: [billlickingupicecreamconethatspilleddownhishand.jpg]

lionel richie: pay back is a bitch isn’t it denbrough?

thefreshprince: A H

hot beverage: dont look ben it will spoil ur str8ness

hot beverage: jesus holy i cant even look anymore

benchilada: icannt see bacuase my eys are closedf but iwnated to twwl you bev thst my euees art cklosed

compASS genius: hey lucas how does that sentence make you feel :)

theration one: i neED TO CLEAN IT

zoomzoombitch: dustin what did you do

theration one: i* cannot* because* eyes* closed* i* wanted* tell* that* eyes* are* closed*

theration one: FUCK YOU DUSTIN

compASS genius: :)

farmersonly.com: oof oh god i need a minute

farmersonly.Com: stan please delete that from the chat

stanwithaplan: …………… richie tozier you better fucking run

lionel richie: ITS A LOT SCARIER SINCE HE KNOWS OUR LAST NAMES SH I T

stanwithaplan: don’t worry mike i deleted it ur safe now

farmersonly.Com: my noodle in shining armor

stanwithaplan: alright Richard Tozier mr.hotstuff, the wheel chose you. Show them what you got :)

lionel richie: oh shit

lionel richie: uhhhh fuck okay ;;;

lionel richie: [rllyprettyphotoofrichieoutside.jpg]

stanwithaplan: oh that’s actually a lot better than the photo i found of you online was

mikewheelie: we dont look the same at all???

lionel richie: ikr???

lionel richie: so eddie am i hot :)

squiddie: jesus fucking christ richie i hate you

lionel richie: ill take that as a “fuck yeah daddy 69/10”

squiddie: I reiterate, “jesus fucking christ richie i hate you”

zoomzoombitch: richie my dude you look sickkk i like ur hair

lionel richie: thx bbg also stan wdym photo you found of me???

stanwithaplan: oh you know,,

stanwithaplan: this one :)

stanwithaplan: [memeyphotoofrichiescreaminganditsrllyblurry.jpg]

thefreshprince: HAH ME

compASS genius: i relate like literally those are th only photos i have of myself

squiddie: oh wow richie!! You are hot!!

lionel richie: at least you are admitting it ;)

farmersonly.Com: think that was sarcasm bud

lionel richie: GET BACK TO THE PLOW OLD MCDONALD E I E I FUCKING O

hot beverage: IM CRYING

hot beverage: i think that was the best insult i have EVER heard for mike

farmersonly.Com: im crying but of laughter holy shit richie

benchilada: hye bwv can i lppk now>

theration one: hey* bev* look* ?*

theration one: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME DUSTIN????

compASS genius: heheheheh

stanwithaplan: omg bev is next!!

thefreshprince: gASP mommmmm!!!!

benchilada: ooh my goodness im so nervous i get to see my beautiful princess wife for the first time

hot beverage: ahh omg okay, my friend does makeup/model blog posts and she asked me to be a model for her once!! So here is that end result:

hot beverage: [wowthemostbeautifulphotoofbeverlyever.jpg]

benchilada: holy

benchilada: fuck

benchilada: ….

benchilada: i suddenly am 100 times more nervous to send a photo

benchilada: you are stunning wow im shaking rn actually

thefreshprince: not to interrupt my beautiful boy ben, BUT MY MOM IS A FUCKING SUPER MODEL HOLY FUCK

squiddie: ^^^^^ IM CRYING WHAT WOW

zoomzoombitch: f uc ck i M ga Y

zoomzoombitch: if you weren’t engaged to ben i would literally fall in love with you and try for years on end to try to get you to even look at me wowowowowowo

lionel richie: bev wins

compASS genius: bev wins

farmersonly.Com: bev wins

theration one: bev wins

mikewheelie: bev wins

bill pickle: bev wins

hot beverage: wowow i am feeling the love tonight thank you all so so much??? Crying???

hot beverage: also ben my lovely babe don’t be nervous i love you

theration one: bev if the small chance of us meeting in person happens, you have got to model for me and let me take photos

theration one: that goes for all of you actually,,,

bill pickle: omg that’d be so fun! To all meet up and have a giant photoshoot and then we can watch movies and play games and omsjbujavsd

farmersonly.Com: soft boy <3

mikewheelie: THAT SOUNDS LIKE SO MUCH FUCKING FUN

stanwithaplan: OOH WILL IS NEXT GET READY YOU GUYS

stanwithaplan: lucas you’ll want to take photos of this boy trust me he models for himself

thefreshprince: i’ve been waiting for this moment for years :,)

compASS genius: technically only like 9 months though because you’ve only known us for 9 months

thefreshprince: same difference

thefreshprince: [willcutelyposingforcamera.jpg]

thefreshprince: [willlookingconfusedatcamera.jpg]

thefreshprince: [willthinkingcutelyforcamera.jpg]

thefreshprince: gratata ;)

hot beverage: FUCK MY BOY IS SLA Y I N G IT

zoomzoombitch: i was right, eddie and will and definitely the cutest tf

bill pickle: makes sense, they are bev’s and ben’s children

compASS genius: TRUE

theration one: holy shit will you are such a good moDEL LEMME TAKE YOUR PHOTOOOOOO

squiddie: my brother and mom are so attractive i feel like the weakling

lionel richie: hmmmmmm

squiddie: the actual fuck

bill pickle: dont worry eddie, in real life he screamed “no yOu FuckiNG aReNt LOoK at YuH cUtE bOy” to his phone

lionel richie: no he didnt

lionel richie: no i didnt ****

squiddie: aw richie ur so sweet ;)

bill pickle: ;)

thefreshprince: awww thanks guys ur so sweet <3

benchilada: my wife is an angel, my children are cute little puppies, i’M scared I lOoK like a dWaRF

stanwithaplan: bennybooboo you’re next!!!!!

hot beverage: i love you sweetie don’t be scared <3

squiddie: dad <3

theration one: i am including you when i say i want to do a photoshoot buddy, you got this don’t be nervous :)

compASS genius: cute

compASS genius: i mean uh yeah lucas is right dont fret man i look like a literal door knob you cant be worse than me

zoomzoombitch: stfu dustin u door knob

compASS genius: my point exactly

benchilada: [cutephotoofbenstandingandsmilinginasnazzyoutfgit.jpg]

hot beverage: AW W < 333

bill pickle: ben my dude what you had nothing to worry about look at you man

squiddie: holy shit look at those guns what

compASS genius: my man you look fly as fuck

theration one: see look. Perfect model material right there just saying :p

thefreshprince: ben <3333

zoomzoombitch: wow ben and bev are a beautiful couple and they have beautiful children where can i find this type of love :(

bill pickle: dont worry max!! I’m sure you will find a wife just as badass and cool as you :)

farmersonly.Com: my boy coming in strong with these soft vibes

zoomzoombitch: bill wow that’s like the sweetest thing i’ve ever been told

compASS genius: oof it’s just me and you left max

zoomzoombitch: ack i’m nervous now because everyone else is so good ??/

stanwithaplan: dustin!! You’re up :)

compASS genius: oh god okay, i only have one photo of me that isn’t blurry and,,, i apologize,,,

compASS genius: [preciousboydustinwithswirlystrawsstickingoutofhismouthliketusks.jpg]

hot beverage: oijddfoandocna that photo is hilarious but you are adorable dustin omg

mikewheelie: this photo definitely sums you up quite well

theration one: you look good

compASS genius: wow! Thanks lucas!!

theration one: … :)

lionel richie: thank god this app doesn’t say when people take screenshots

farmersonly.Com: richie you fool

lionel richie: oh come on i know you all did it ;)

thefreshprince: yes but that defeats the purpose OF IT NOT SAYING WHEN WE SCREENSHOT

lionel richie: oh okay so i’m not supposed to mention that we all know stan and mike and probably even more of you screenshotted Bill’s ice cream photo?

farmersonly.Com: hsonsao what no

stanwithaplan: i did no such thing

squiddie: ...sorry but ur not fooling anyone stanny

lionel richie: :D eddie spaghetti!!

squiddie: ick get off tozier

lionel richie: i already am ;))

squiddie: MOTHEER

hot beverage: richie leave eddie, stan, mike, bill, and the rest of this damn chat alone please

lionel richie: i can’t resist the princess ;)

benchilada: i will beat you up

farmersonly.Com: soft boy with a dark side!!

thefreshprince: we all know you can beat him up too bc we saw your muscles jesus christ ben

benchilada: heh

mikewheelie: stan come back!! Spin the wheel(ie) i want max to go!!

compASS genius: that pun makes me want to death

theration one: im trying so hard not to correct you but im succeeding bc i know you purposely did it

zoomzoombitch: thx for the love hot wheels but why the fuck would stan spin the wheel if i’m the only one left?

stanwithaplan: i like watching to colors go around :D

farmersonly.Com: soft and excited boy bless

stanwithaplan: max wins!! She is the last one!!

hot beverage: now is a prime example of the use for the phrase “saved the best one for last”

zoomzoombitch: my heart did a flippy thing wow thank you bev :’)

thefreshprince: did u mean mr. Heart

bill pickle: *high fives will*

zoomzoombitch: ick i have another photo besides this one but it looks very model-y and professional and i’m a nervous, self-deprecating asshole so shrug

zoomzoombitch: [cutephotoofmaxlaughingatnightatskatepark]

squiddie: ow my heart you are so cute max

bill pickle: cute but bad ass

lionel richie: ^^^

compASS genius: man we make a pretty mean monster hunting team don’t we mad max?

zoomzoombitch: heheh yeah :)

thefreshprince: cute also i agree

squiddie: agreed

stanwithaplan: agreed

mikewheelie: im agreeing too

farmersonly.Com: *nods in agreement*

theration one: not that i don’t agree, but i don’t think i’m alone when i say that i would rlly like to see the photo you described as more model-y

hot beverage: me too!!

benchilada: ^^

squiddie: u are beautiful dont feel shy!!

thefreshprince: ^^

zoomzoombitch: ehhhehhh okayy,,,

zoomzoombitch: [beautifulphotoofmaxlookingovershoulder.jpg]

theration one: wow…

compASS genius: crying my monster hunter partner is an actual goddess

hot beverage: that beats my model photo 100% max wowow you look amazing!

lionel richie: i love how my bad ass meme bud can go from bad ass sk8er gurl with snake to bad ass hot model who will crush you

zoomzoombitch: aww thx richie <3

farmersonly.Com: wow we are an attractive bunch aren’t we guys?

stanwithaplan: retweet

squiddie: legit tho

theration one: my mind is racing like i’m thinking of so many possible photoshoot outfits that would fit you guys but also match your personalities and locations and just Y E S

theration one: i’m not going to sleep for the next three years

benchilada: literally me though because of the time difference yikes guys it’s like 3:30 a.m. Here now,,, ily all especially kiddos and especially especially you bev <3

benchilada: goodnight <3

lionel richie: goodnight benito!

stanwithaplan created groupchat “hey let me clear this up haH uh” at 1:35 p.m. EST

stanwithaplan added farmersonly.com and bill pickle to “hey let me clear this up haH uh” at 1:35 p.m. EST

stanwithaplan: hey guys,,

stanwithaplan: sorry if this is weird or unexpected :p

farmersonly.Com: it’s all good, what’s up stanley?

bill pickle: ^^ :)

stanwithaplan: i just wanted to apologize to Bill… I didn’t actually screenshot that photo of you…

bill pickle: hahahahah!!! Oh stan i hope you weren’t worried about that all this time!

bill pickle: richie’s just got nasty humor, i’ve learned to just accept it now :p

bill pickle: but there’s no worries! Thank you for telling me though haha

bill pickle: besides,, i wouldn’t really mind if either of you had screenshotted it

farmersonly.Com: what??! Why not?

bill pickle: it’s okay haha! I mean it’s just me eating ice cream

stanwithaplan: yeah… haha… definitely…

bill pickle: aww come on you guys know i’m not serious i’m not THAT oblivious lmao

farmersonly.Com: i was about to say haha;;;

bill pickle: now if it were someone like Max or Dustin, I might’ve had a problem bc I know they would tease me with it

bill pickle: but i mean,, why would you guys screenshot it?

stanwithaplan: yeah,, haha,,

bill pickle: ;)

bill pickle: i like teasing you guys

bill pickle: do you want the photo?

stanwithaplan: what????

farmersonly.Com: uh no,, it’s fine,,?

bill pickle: hmm okaaay tell me if you change ur mind tho ;)

farmersonly.Com: ??!

farmersonly.Com created groupchat “wtf just happened” at 12:39 p.m. CST

farmersonly.Com added stanwithaplan to “wtf just happened” at 12:40 p.m. CST

farmersonly.Com: uHH

farmersonly.Com: what tHE fuck JuSt HapPeNeD???

stanwithaplan: IDFKKKK????????

farmersonly.Com: i’M sO CONFUSED

stanwithaplan: i dont think that was bill, richie had to have stolen his phone,,

stanwithaplan: ...right???

farmersonly.Com: ??!?!?! IDK ??!??!?

//hey let me clear this up haH uh//

bill pickle: richie stole my phone i am so sorry!!

bill pickle: it was me until the “besides i wouldn’t really mind if either of you had screenshotted it” richie took my phone when i went to the bathroom

stanwithaplan: thank god mike and i were just shitting ourselves like “UHHH WTF??”

farmersonly.Com: thank god i was so scared

bill pickle: oh my god i’m so sorry that must’ve sounded so weird omg im so sorry

stanwithaplan: dont apologize bill!! You’re good don’t worry

farmersonly.Com: haha no worries bill, it’s funny now

farmersonly.Com: scary as hell at first, but now rlly funny haha

bill pickle: ehh okayyy sorry guys haha im going to kill him

//the losers club with honorary member will smith//

lionel richie: IM A DEADMAN IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU ALL TELL BEVERLY I SAID I LIKE HER TIAUbuvuhjkabnLNWHBSHGIZKBJ19I87

lionel richie: hey eddie ur so hot i love you i squeal about your photo in my living room and think ur overalls make you look “like a little teddy bear, eddie bear”

squiddie: …

lionel richie: im an emo boy who is growing his curly hair out to cover my bangs like the true edgelord i am i play the guitar and my favorite band is my chemical romanCRETGHJBUVUYCTFYGJ

lionel richie: BILL DENBROUGH YOURE DEAD

lionel richie: MY FAV BAND IS NOT MCR BTW

hot beverage: i love how you only correct that part of what bill said

lionel richie: wdym sweetheart, the rest is true

squiddie: …..

lionel richie: aw omg ur blushing rn am i right

squiddie: ...shut up

thefreshprince: eddie bear awwww <3

squiddie: SHUT THE FUCK UP

hot beverage: fiesty, just like the son i raised him to be :’)

bill pickle: hello little update from me: i am not dead also richie is currently screaming into a pillow bc he thinks it’s adorable that eddie is blushing

mikewheelie: hardly and update on yourself, but glad to know you are alive and thriving

bill pickle: i wouldn’t say thriving, now i am currently sat under richie who i boUnc ai nf an d i

thefreshprince: rest in peace bill

zoomzoombitch: dont get me wrong i love this richie roast, but wasn’t the eddie thing a little much bill?

bill pickle: a little much?

bill pickle: you dont know what richie did

farmersonly.Com: you dont know what richie did

stanwithaplan: you dont know what richie did

theration one: seems like they know what richie did?

compASS genius: i would like an explanation??

lionel richie: hahah yeah it was pretty bad wasn’t it?

lionel richie: also i’m back hello bill was an awful chair

bill pickle: well i wasn’t exactly made to be a chair so :/

hot beverage: lovely lovely bill, stan, mike, someone explain what richie did?

mikewheelie: hi im rick harrison and this is my pawn shop

zoomzoombitch: u never know what’s gonna walk through that door

thefreshprince: whIP

compASS genius: my memers just put two pawn stars vines together im mcloving life

lionel richie: iVE MCFALLEN

hot beverage: guess i will never find out what richie did :(

bill pickle: tbh probably for the best beverly

stanwithaplan: ^^

farmersonly.com: ^^^^

hot beverage: shrug okay

mikewheelie: sorry bev, my family is all at my parents house and my sister brought her fucking annoying boyfriend with weird hair and they turned on pawnstars jfc

mikewheelie: [nancyandstevewatchingpawnstarswithmikelookingverydisappointed.jpg]

lionel richie: tell nancy i said she looks hot

mikewheelie: how tf do you know her name???

lionel richie: she was in the chat for like two seconds yesterday

compASS genius: her boyfriend’s hair isn’t that bad,, i think it’s cool

mikewheelie: ughfbcbj no he looks like a fucking loaf of bread

compASS genius: bread is tasty tho so

mikewheelie: i just told steve that my friend said his hair looked tasty and he just squinted his eyes, said “what the actual fuck michael”, and returned to pawn stars

theration one: i’m crying, i relate to steve on a personal level

stanwithaplan: me too but i’ve got better hair

farmersonly.Com: ^^

thefreshprince: ^^

squiddie: ^^

zoomzoombitch: OMGOMG BYE GUYS EMERGENCY ALERT

zoomzoombitch: THIS MODEL IS MESSAGING ME I FUCKING LOVE HER

zoomzoombitch: JKSDNF SHE IS SO HOT AND I COMMENTED ON ONE OF HER POSTS AND SHE COMMENTED BACK ON MINE SAYING I’M REALLY PRETTY AND SHE DIDN’T DESERVE COMPLIMENTS FROM ME

zoomzoombitch: AND SHE JUST FUCKING DMED ME IM

zoomzoombitch: BIPPITY BOPPITY BYE

thefreshprince: bye max??

compASS genius: hey maybe our grill is gettin a grill!!

squiddie: i hate that i read that as a normal sentence wtf

theration one: i heard model and im interested

theration one: also im super duper awake and alert bye i’m going to take a walk and take photos and PLAN COSTUMES YAY

hot beverage: i love lucas we’ve known each other for like a day and he’s already planning on meeting us all in person and treating us like celebrities

lionel richie: i mean technically it’s been more than a day though,,

hot beverage: idc i’m always going to say we’ve known each other for like a day

bill pickle: neat

squiddie created groupchat “i think im gay” at 2:01 p.m. EST

squiddie added hot beverage to “i think im gay” at 2:01 p.m. EST

squiddie: mom i need ur help

squiddie: i hate that im admitting this but richie is actually rlly hot and funny

squiddie: and when bill talks about how richie freaks out about how he thinks im adorable,,,

squiddie: i get all happy and giggly HELP

hot beverage: wHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS COME TO ME FOR BOY HELP THIS IS THE 3RD CHAT

hot beverage: but youre my son and this is adorable awwww omg

squiddie: dont make fun of me :(

hot beverage: i wont i swear!! But i mean,,

hot beverage: we’re talking about Richie here…

squiddie: oh god…

Chapter Text

benchilada created groupchat “Hello Princess” at 6:00 a.m. AEST

benchilada added hot beverage to “Hello Princess” at 6:02 a.m. AEST

benchilada: hey bev are you awake? my alarm just went off, my first class is in an hour

hot beverage: benny! yeah i’m awake! it’s 9:03 p.m. here, it’s crazy that we are living life at different times of the day

benchilada: haha yeah it really is…

hot beverage: what’s up? you alright or did you just want to chat? :)

benchilada: ur photo just blew me away… i’m still just shocked by how beautiful you are

benchilada: and even after you saw me,, you’re still so sweet and kind,,

hot beverage: but sweetie, you are adorable what are you talking about?

hot beverage: you manage to be so incredibly cute but a muscly hunk at the same time!!

benchilada: bev… i weigh a lot more than i’d like to…

hot beverage: omg i’m tearing up i want more than anything to hug you

hot beverage: you have no reason what-so-ever to feel like you aren’t good enough

hot beverage: i love how you look, whether you think you are overweight or underweight, you’re handsome to me

hot beverage: besides!! look at you!! you’re so huggable but you look strong enough to kick anyone’s ass who comes near me or our kids

hot beverage: not that i can’t defend myself though, i can kick anyone’s ass

hot beverage: listen,, i know what it’s like to be self-conscious,,

hot beverage: i think every woman does bc of the media these days, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a problem for you either

hot beverage: i know you might see a lot of negative things towards yourself, but those things are just what make you unique

hot beverage: and, i happen to love what makes you unique

benchilada: :)

benchilada: wow i actually feel so much better

benchilada: so bev,, i know we’re “married with kids” haha

benchilada: but…

benchilada: what do ya say,,,

benchilada: would you want to go on a date with me sometime? <3

hot beverage: brb im crying

hot beverage: of course!!!!! but theres a problem, we live half the world away :(

benchilada: sure that may be a problem for now, but we can do online dates! maybe even look into chatting through skype?

hot beverage: that would be the best!!!

benchilada: <3 <3 <3

hot beverage: so is it official?

benchilada renamed the chat “benverly” at 6:14 a.m. AEST

benchilada: it’s official

hot beverage: :)

//the losers party with honorary member will smith//

zoomzoombitch: WASSUP FUCKERS

stanwithaplan: i hate you

zoomzoombitch: i hate me too

zoomzoombitch: anyWAYS

zoomzoombitch: so how many of you have heard of penis

bill pickle: what the fuck

lionel richie: hell yeah my boiiiiiiiiiiii

zoomzoombitch: jk dick is big nasty

compASS genius: so what are we doing today

farmersonly.com: sucking big boi chodes

zoomzoombitch: LETMESPEAKKSJADHFKJASDHV

thefreshprince: this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down

mikewheelie: and i’d like to take a minute so sit right there and i’ll tell you how i became the prince of a town called bel-air

willsmithofficial: hello, i was summoned?

willsmithofficial: shit nvm they are still chasing after me gotta run

zoomzoombitch: i hate my life and i want to die

theration one: rip will smith don’t die

thefreshprince: i guess i’m just gonna piss myself everytime will smith appears cause i’ve peed like three times now

zoomzoombitch: even will smith wants me to kill myself i guess

farmersonly.Com: okayokay max go ahead speak u ho

zoomzoombitch: masanobu fukuoka had a farm, why don’t you get back to yours :(

farmersonly.Com: whom the fuck

zoomzoombitch: AYWAY SO YOU REMEMBER THAT SUPER HOT GIRL I WAS TALKING TO ONLINE

theration one: anyway*

compASS genius: nobody likes you

hot beverage: yes we remember, continue my child :)

zoomzoombitch: thanks bev aka the only one who cares about me :(

benchilada: we can adopt you if you’d like

benchilada: we have 2 children i wouldn’t mind another :)

zoomzoombitch: :D

thefreshprince: sister?

squiddie: sister?

hot beverage: daughter!!

squiddie: the three of us will share a special bond unlike any other

lionel richie: kinky

squiddie: FUCKINGBLOCKHIM

stanwithaplan: i already did that and last time bill ended up adding him back two minutes later

hot beverage: dont yell at him staniel

bill pickle: thx bev im scared of him