Chapter Text
Taichi laid in bed. It was the first day after the successful reboot. A small part of him deep down was relieved that it finally was over but the hurt of the loss of his Digipartner clouded every other feeling.
Were his actions or rather is undone actions the reason everything turned out like that? Would Yamato make him responsible for that?
He feared Yamato would probably never talk to him again. He buried his head in his pillow.
Yamato… Why was he always thinking about him, even if he actively tried not to?!
Taichi knew he had a huge crush on his best friend, but at the same time he was convinced that his love was one sided. After all they had been through, Taichi was convinced keeping it a secret to himself was his only option to protect their friendship, especially because their relationship was damaged already by all their fights and discussions. The hurt that Yamato caused him was added to the hurt of loss and Taichi felt like crying, as he suddenly heard a knock at the door.
He pulled himself together and opened. To his surprise it was Yamato. They spend the afternoon together, getting some ice cream. They hardly talked but Tai was relieved that Yamato obviously didn’t make him responsible for what happened. Yamato didn’t even eat his icy and left out of sudden without much explanation.
Taichi watched him leave. In that very moment, Taichi realized that Yamato probably intended to talk to him. He seemed hurt, but they all were a mess right now. He wasn’t the only one, although Taichi shortly wanted to run after him.
Was he supposed to take the initiative? There was clearly something on his mind, but why didn’t he just tell him?
Back in his apartment, Taichi straightly went back to bed to hide under his blanket. Spending time with Yamato always was bittersweet. He loved being close to him but at the same time he wanted to be much closer, knowing that this won’t ever happen except in his fantasy.
His phone rang. It was Sora. He hesitated but answered.
“What’s up?”
“Hi. I thought maybe we all should meet tonight… I can’t really take being alone right now. There is a fun fair down town this week. Shall we meet there?” Sora asked.
Taichi wasn’t in the mood for something like that but he knew spending time with the others was always a good idea to clear up his mind and as he thought about his sister he was sure it would be a good thing.
“Sure. 8 pm? I’ll tell Kari. Are you informing the others?” Tai responded.
Sora agreed, obviously happy to finally have found something to abstract herself from her thoughts as well.
Summer holidays just started, and it was a warm night. Taichi and Hikari went down the street, the sound of music and the smell of cotton candy were getting closer. They didn’t talk. They didn’t have to. Both understood perfectly fine how the other felt about the loss of their partner.
As they reached the point where they were supposed to meet, T.K. and Yamato were already there. Hikari directly went over and hugged T.K. tightly. For him it was even harder to deal with the loss, because Patamon was the first one infected and he couldn’t bring himself to confess to the others. T.K. hugged her back, relaxing in her arms. They had a physically close friendship, totally different from Tai’s and Yamato’s relationship. Things came easy for their younger siblings. Well, the boys were close, but it seemed like something unsaid stood between them and the invisible barrier grew bigger ever since they had to start fighting again. Tai hoped, now that there wasn’t a subject left to discuss, things were getting back to normal between them. Still, it was awkward seeing their siblings act so close, making them realize they were not.
Yamato walked over. “Hi. So, Sora convinced you to come.” He said a bit unbelieving.
“I thought it’d be a good thing for Kari to get out.” Yamato nodded.
Meanwhile the others gathered around. As finally everyone arrived, Tai was conscious that they were expecting him to say something. Everyone was staring at him. T.K. even invited Meiko, who stood several feet behind the group. By now, everyone knew that Meikomon was the reason for the infection, but they decided that there was no sense in blaming her. Tai looked at Yamato who was facing him with the same piercing glance as always.
“Emm…” Taichi started but he had so many thoughts going on in his mind. “Thanks Sora… for organizing.” He forced himself to smile.
Fortunately, Sora took over and said something about being together helped her feeling better, then Mimi took over.
“I got us some liquor… To honor the time we were allowed to spend with our Digimon.“ She took some bottles with self-mixed flavors out of her bag “…and maybe to numb the pain…” She added more quietly, in a serious tone. Still everyone could hear it.
She turned to Taichi. “You defiantly need the Tequila.” She handed him an orange bottle. “Please share with Yamato… I didn’t have time to organize more.” She said by the way.
Taichi shortly drank. To his surprise it tasted pretty good and he drank some more.
Yamato stepped forward. “Hey! Leave me something!”
It made Taichi laugh and he relaxed.
The fun fair was overcrowded, and it was hard to stay together as a group of nine people. Soon they realized that they lost T.K. and Kari. Tai turned his head to search for them.
Suddenly Yamato put an arm around his shoulder, making his heart skip. “Leave them. They’re fine. They probably just need some privacy.”
The girls stopped in front of a haunted house.
“Let’s walk through that! I’ll pay for everyone!” Mimi shouted euphorically. She brought tickets and handed them to the others.
“I’ll wait for you outside.” Matt said slightly blushing.
“No way! I already paid for you.” Mimi pulled a face.
“Oh, come on, just go already.” Tai pushed him.
“I said I’ll wait here!” Matt shouted.
Taichi looked surprised. “Are you scared?” He asked evilly smirking.
“No… I just don’t like such places.” Matt blushed even harder.
“Come on. We’ll walk through that as a group. It won’t be worse than the Digiworld.” Sora laughed.
Taichi and Sora linked arms with Yamato and pulled him to the entrance. As they stood in line Yamato was visibly nervous.
“I had no idea that you’re scared by those things.” Taichi grinned.
“Shut up.” Yamato mumbled.
After some time, they were allowed to enter.
“Sorry, only two at a time.” The man at the entrance explained.
“Whaaatt???” Yamato shouted and was about to turn around, but Taichi pulled him back.
“You won’t let me walk through that alone?!” He raised an eyebrow.
Against his will, Yamato was pulled inside the haunted house by Taichi. Taichi let go of Yamato’s arm and walked in front of him. It was dark, only some lights guided the way.
“Wait for me!” Yamato panicked.
“Did you know that this is the scariest haunted house in Japan?” Taichi lied as provocation. He always knew how to tease Yamato.
“No way…” Yamato had lost all his coolness.
Suddenly a girl with a doll mask appeared behind Yamato and touched his shoulder from behind. He turned around, scared to death. He made several steps and bumped into Taichi, screaming. Both fell on the ground.
“Ow… Yama.” Taichi rubbed his head. Before he could move he was pulled on his feet.
“Let’s get out of here!” Yamato panicked.
As they turned around the next dark corner, another monster was waiting for them. Yamato hid behind Taichi and buried his fingers in his shoulder, pushing him forward. Taichi’s heart skipped.
“Oh god….How long til we get out of here??” Yamato asked nervous.
Taichi simply laughed. “It’s not that scary. Those are actors… you do know that, right?!”
“Sure…”
Before they could continue talking, a masked man with a chainsaw appeared beside Yamato. He pulled Taichi into a tight hug from behind and buried his face in his shoulder. Taichi had to admit that he shortly was frightened by that as well but the feeling of being so close to Yamato let every other feeling vanish. Taichi continued walking with Yamato glued to his back.
“Taichi?” Yamato said into his ear. It made Tai shiver. “Promise me not to tell anyone.” He said serious and a bit ashamed.
Taichi paused. “Of course not.” He said serious as well. He knew that Yamato could hardly admit being vulnerable, so he knew that there was no sense in teasing him now.
Taichi turned around and linked arms with Yamato. “I won’t leave you alone.” He said as if he didn’t mean just the situation they were in right now.
Yamato stared at him. Something passed between them, but they continued walking. Yamato clenched Taichi’s arm. Taichi had to picture how it’d be having Yamato as a boyfriend. He wanted that feeling never to stop. He felt like there were uncountable butterflies in his stomach. Unconsciously he slowed down and pulled Yamato closer. He didn’t say anything.
After a while they reached the exit. As soon as they stepped outside Yamato let go of Taichi and sank to the ground.
“Here.” Taichi handed him the bottle with Tequila. Yamato looked up into his grinning face. He smiled warmly and took the bottle.
By now everyone was really drunk. They stopped at a snack bar. Joe brought something to eat. Taichi noticed Yamato and Sora standing close to each other. Yamato handed her his jacket. She gladly accepted it and made a gesture that she wasn’t freezing anymore. She smiled warmly. Mimi obviously saw Tai’s expression and went over.
“Why are you making such a face?” Mimi asked.
Taichi quickly looked away from the couple. “I don’t know what you mean. Where is Koushiro?”
“I have no idea. I’ll find him sooner or later.” She smirked a bit evil.
“Taichi, you know that Meiko likes you a lot…” She suddenly said incoherently.
“So, what?”
“I just see how you’re staring at these two and there might be a bit jealousy in your eyes.” She guessed.
Taichi knew he shouldn’t have that conversation when he was that drunk. “I’m not jealous!” He said not even trying to convince Mimi or himself. “I’m happy for Matt... for both” His voice cracked but he hoped Mimi didn’t notice.
“Oh, come on, you won’t lose your best friend.” She said tragically.
She just wanted to be funny but soon she realized he hit a nerve, because Taichi was looking on the ground.
She rested a hand on his arm. “Taichi, you do realize how Yamato is acting around you, don’t you?”
“What do you mean?” He asked dumb.
She raised an eyebrow. “He’s like a magnet to you. He’s always around you. He’s watching like every step you make and he’s protecting you as soon as a situation might turn out to be dangerous.” She paused and sighed. “I wish I’d have a friendship like that.”
Taichi wasn’t consciously aware of those facts Mimi listed, but if she had one ability, it was reading people’s behavior. Tai’s mouth slowly fell open.
It made Mimi smile warmly. “You’re welcome. Now I’m going to search Kouchiro.” She said enthusiastically.
Taichi didn’t really know how to interpret the new information he received. Thousand thoughts came up to his mind:
Why didn’t he recognize this? Was there a chance Yamato actually felt the same way? No! He just gave Sora his jacket. He was in love with her ever since they were fourteen.
Taichi bit his lip. Right now, he felt like he wanted to be home as soon as possible. He turned around as suddenly Koushiro appeared at his side.
“Taiii.” He was probably the most drunk of all of them. “Try that.” He handed him over another bottle. “Mimi is so awesome, don’t you think?”
Taichi drank instead of answering. Mimi and Joe joined them.
“I want to go in there!” Mimi shouted happily and pointed to a fun ride which was designed like a small house.
“It is moving, and you have to get through the show-jumping course.”
“Let’s go!” Koushiro screamed as euphorically as Mimi. If he was sober, he’d have probably never agreed to this. Even Joe seemed to join them. Tai’s mood immediately got better. He was glad to be with his friends.
As soon as he entered, he realized that this wasn’t his best idea. The whole world already moved around him from all the alcohol he drank, but now the house did as well. The other three didn’t seem to be bothered by that. Taichi followed them, but soon he had fallen far behind them. He stood in front of something where he had to keep the balance. He made a step forward and quickly needed to admit that this wasn’t working. Half way there, he thought about returning. This thought made him lose balance.
“Taichi!” He heard a clear but angry familiar voice.
Taichi grinned, but tripped and was about to fall backwards as he suddenly felt Yamato’s hand on his wrist. But it was too late, Yamato couldn’t pull him back, but didn’t let go either. Both fell, Taichi backwards and Yamato forward. They hit… the very soft ground. As Tai thought about it, he didn’t know why he was surprised. It was just making sense that there was soft material because it was a fun park… It was like Mimi said, Yamato was there, even though Taichi didn’t see him even following them in there.
Taichi laid on his back, with Yamato leaning close over him, his face inches away. He could smell that Yamato was drunk as well. It was dark in there but Taichi noticed a blush on his friend’s face and did see that Yamato shortly licked his bottom lip, before biting it.
“Idiot. What were you thinking?!” He said reproachful but didn’t move.
“I just wanted to have some fun.” Tai said honest.
There was a clear tension between them. It felt like electricity.
“You could have gotten hurt.” Yamato’s voice was quieter now but there was something like concern hearable.
“It’s not like I was going to die in here.” Tai rolled his eyes. “And anyway, why do you care?”
Taichi couldn’t interpret Yamato’s expression. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he seemed to deal with an inner conflict. Then he shook his head and pushed himself off the ground.
“I do care…” He simply said, but that was obviously not what he wanted to say in the first place.
It was like uncountable times before that something between them was unsaid. He pulled Taichi up. Tai didn’t expect his surrounding to move that much. He almost fell back to the ground but once again was caught by Yamato.
“Are you sure you’re able to get out of here without breaking your neck?” He said sarcastically.
“Well, I’ve you to catch me.” Tai didn’t even intend saying that, especially not aloud.
He was still in Yamato’s arms and his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest. Yamato blushed even harder and quickly pulled him up without commenting.
“Let’s get out of here.” Yamato said but hesitated to continue walking. Taichi turned around.
What was wrong with Yamato? He wasn’t acting as self-confident as usual. He didn’t want that situation to end like when they met earlier and didn’t talk at all.
“Matt, what is it?” He asked.
Yamato looked up. “Taichi, when did you stop telling me things?”
Tai’s eyes widened. Before he could answer, Yamato continued:
“When we were fourteen, we had been so close. We told us everything. I knew everything about you. But I just don’t understand you anymore.”
Obviously, alcohol made Yamato sentimental, because Taichi was a hundred percent sure he would have never told him something like that in a sober state.
“I already told you I’ve changed.” He did tell him when they were together in that ferris wheel some weeks ago. At that point Yamato had been so angry about Taichi’s behavior and they didn’t talk for ages.
“Yeah I know that. All I want is that things are getting back to that point. You’re my best friend.”
Taichi was moved by those words but didn’t respond.
“Can you please just tell me what’s wrong?” Yamato’s voice grew louder of frustration.
Taichi didn’t face him. “We should go.” He said almost whispering.
Yamato stepped forward and pressed Taichi against the wall. “No Tai, you’re not running away this time. Just tell me already what’s going on in your mind.”
Taichi was totally caught off guard by this action.
“Yamato, don’t! Let go!” It was way too much to take for Taichi. He tried to get out of Yamato’s grip halfhearted. It didn’t work.
“You’re such an idiot!” Taichi struggled. And before he could do anything about it, tears streamed down his face.
He could impossibly tell Yamato about his feelings. He would hate him.
But he needed to say something to save their friendship, but nothing came up to his mind to explain his behavior.
Yamato let go in shock of Taichi’s reaction. The last time he had seen Taichi crying was when they were ten, back in the Digiworld. Back then, he had been the reason and he swore to himself never to be the reason again. Taichi slowly sank to the ground, pressing his hands on his eyes. Taichi desperately begged his body to stop crying. He was awfully aware that Yamato was still standing in front of him. He felt vulnerable as never before. He sobbed, not recognizing his own voice. Suddenly he felt Yamato’s arms around him. He kneeled in front of him and pressed Tai’s head to his shoulder. The smell of Yamato’s skin and his arms around his back calmed him.
“I don’t want to lose you.” Taichi mumbled into Yamato’s shoulder.
Yamato pulled back to look right into Tai’s brown eyes. “You won’t ever lose me.”
He paused, and Tai quickly whipped away his tears.
“Tai, what are you afraid of? You can tell me everything.”
“Can we please just leave.” Tai asked tired of talking in circles.
Yamato faced him with a piecing glance. Then he stood up in silence. Taichi got up as well and went in front of Yamato, not expecting him to continue their conversation.
“Taichi.” He said clear and stopped.
Taichi turned back around.
“I know what you felt when we created Omegamon.” Taichi froze in shock.
He was thrown back in his thoughts to the point where their Digipartners made the fusion to Omegamon. He was aware that to some point he could feel what Yamato felt and the other way around. He just didn’t know how it worked but as soon as his mixed feelings for Yamato came to his mind he tried to end the fight. He remembered that he felt perfectly fine admitting that he was in love with Yamato. For a short moment, he enjoyed it. A second later, he felt like he had been hit right into his stomach, because he realized that Yamato could probably feel what he felt in that very moment.
The result was that the fusion broke.
Yamato had confronted him about that in the school corridor shortly afterwards, but Tai still owned him an explanation.
Did he know Tai’s feelings all along? That couldn’t be true!
Tai felt sick. He panicked.
He needed to deny it. He needed to find an excuse for his feelings. He couldn’t think straight.
He started running.
“Taichi!” He heard Yamato’s voice behind him. Somehow, he managed to get out of the house.
“What took you so long?” Mimi asked.
Taichi quickly passed her without answering and bumped into Meiko. Without apologizing he continued running. He needed to get away as soon as possible, but that wasn’t so easy with so many people blocking his way.
Unconsciously, he ran down to the river where he always went after school, when he needed to be alone. He had been there with Agumon after his first fight with Yamato. Yamato had been so certain that fighting was the right thing to do, but Tai was so scared – too scared to take action or responsibility.
Tai fell into the soft grass, exhausted from running all the way down. He could have fallen asleep right away, if there weren’t all these thoughts in his mind.
Yamato had always been there – well, in his own messed up way – but fighting was always part of their relationship, right?!
Taichi shook off these thoughts. He needed to concentrate on finding a way to fix their friendship. And suddenly something came up to his mind:
Meiko.
Mimi told him she liked him. If Taichi was ending up in a relationship with her, Matt would probably rethink his theory about Tai’s feelings.
Tai would find an explanation for his feelings: as he thought about it, Meiko was at the scenery with Alphamon back then as well. So, he could simply say his feelings were directed to her.
He quickly got out his phone and texted:
“Hey Meiko, so sorry for running into you lately. Do you want to meet tomorrow? Get something to eat? I’d like to invite you as an apology… and maybe as a date, if you like?”
He probably would have never texted something like that, if he had an honest intension to date her. He pressed send.
Soon he received a massage. “I’d love to. 6 pm, under the bridge?” There was a very happy smiley at the end of the text. Taichi was pretty sure Mimi took her phone to answer him.
He didn’t care.
He didn’t know how long he sat there, but meanwhile dawn was breaking. He started to get sober again. Suddenly someone sat down right beside him. Of course, it was Yamato.
“I knew I’d find you here.” He simply said. “Why did you run from me?” He confronted him.
By now, he seemed to be sober as well. Now was Taichi’s chance to get things right, even if he had to lie.
“I’m sorry. I guess it was just way too much to take. The reebot, loosing Agumon, the alcohol…” Well he wasn’t lying about THAT.
“Yamato, I really don’t want to fight anymore, and I want things to go back to normal.” He didn’t define what that meant to him, but Yamato listened.
“I wanna show you something.” He took out his phone and handed it over to his friend.
He put on a huge fake smile. “I have a date.” Tai said pretended happy and a bit plaidful.
Yamato just stared at the phone for quiet a while, without changing his serious expression. He slowly handed it back to Taichi.
“Is that what you want?” He asked monotone.
“Yeah sure. Otherwise I wouldn’t have asked her out, idiot.” Taichi lied confident.
It was easier than he expected. Yamato kept quiet for a while.
“I’m happy for you then…” He paused and obviously chose his next words more thoughtful.
“… don’t get me wrong, but you hardly talked to her at all.”
Taichi didn’t like how their conversation turned out.
“Yeah, but sometimes you don’t need no talking. I just feel like there is something between us… maybe ever since we first met. And she is cute.” Taichi grinned, but doubted that Yamato believed that crap.
Yamato clenched his fist. “Ok. Then don’t mess it up.”
Taichi’s eyes widened, because he didn’t expect Yamato to buy his lie. And a small part of him hoped he saw through it. They sat there in silence for a few more moments.
“I’m going home. Sora is waiting for me.” He got up.
Taichi turned around, seeing Sora standing further away, concern mirrored in her eyes. She still wore Yamato’s jacket, causing Taichi a hurt in his stomach.
Now he could at least justify his lies to himself.