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Chapter Text

Tricia Tucker enjoyed having her brother and his boyfriend over at their house. Craig and Tweek moved out of South Park after they graduated from high school. The two visited as much as they could, but it was still not as frequent as she wanted them to.

She had missed them terribly, especially Tweek.Tweek was fun to be around. Yes, he got nervous all the time, but she loved the guy. Tweek was the sweet and caring brother that she never had. He was so unlike Craig, who was more of a dumb asshole of a brother. It was funny to think about how much their personalities clashed against one another.

Craig was still an asshole, but he became tolerable when Tweek was around. If she was being honest, Craig was more than tolerable now. He helped Tricia land a modeling contracts here and there, and she really appreciated it. She knew her brother was a person who had an enormous heart deep beneath his I-don’t-care persona. However, he could be difficult to deal with sometimes and he would always be her asshole brother with a stoic face and monotone voice.

“What are you daydreaming about?” Craig asked her deadpanned, as he waved one of his hands right at her face.

Tricia frowned. There went Craig's chance of winning the best brother award. She gave her brother a pointed look. Tricia couldn’t believe how her brother couldn’t take a hint and leave her alone in her own mind from time to time.

The three of them were currently in the Tuckers' humble living room. The couple had just recently come from the Tweaks’ house after dropping off their stuff. Thomas and Laura were still not yet home.

“Craig, be nice to Tricia. We haven’t seen her for ages!” Tweek squeaked, his high-pitched voice reprimanding Craig.

The redhead smirked at the comment. That was the exact reason she loved having Tweek around. He was so good at having Craig wrapped around his fingers. Her brother even looked like a dog on a leash when Tweek was checking on his manners.

Craig only rolled his eyes at Tweek and raised both of his arms in a sign of surrender. “Yeah, sure, whatever.”

Tricia laughed at the display. Those two were impossible. They had been together for more than a decade and they still acted the way they did when they had just started their relationship. It was such a sweet sight for sore eyes. It seemed as if at least some things could still last forever.

“Shut up, Craig. I’m just happy that both of you moved back to South Park for good. I missed you, you know?” the younger of the Tucker siblings said as she embraced Craig in a loose hug. Tricia then turned to Tweek and did the same.

Craig cracked a genuine smile at his sister and ruffled her long red hair. “Missed you too, Ruby,” he said sincerely, breaking his usual persona.

Tricia gave her brother an enormous smile, and it seemed as if a look passed between the siblings. A small smile quirked in the corners of Craig's mouth.

“Awww, look at what you did to him, Tweek. He suddenly became like a sweet, caring bro or something,” Tricia teased, poking fun at her brother. Acting like she hadn’t even hugged Craig and told him she had missed him.

There was really something with the members of the Tucker household that made them unable to handle too much sappiness from one another in one go.

Tweek gave her a bright smile as an answer. “He’s such a dork, you know. He only needs some encouragement,” he supplied as he reached for Craig’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Craig smiled weakly at Tweek. Tricia thought that if Craig didn’t love Tweek, he would have flipped him off for saying that. They were really such a cute couple.

…

Tricia was daydreaming at her desk by the window. She was exhilarated to have Tweek and Craig back. She couldn't contain her smile. Her brother and his boyfriend were not only there to visit. They were back again for good and she could have a chance to have her whole family around her before she needed to move away because of college.

She was so glad that the Tweaks had decided that they wanted to tour the world before they were too old to do so. Because of that, Tweek needed to move back home to run the family business. Of course, Craig had also trailed down to where his blonde beau had gone.

The redhead snickered to herself. Craig and Tweek would officially move to the Tweaks’ house. They had been already living together since college, but living together in the house left Tricia giggling to no end. They looked like newly wedded lovebirds.

A satisfied smile crossed Tricia’s face. She remembered her childish dream of the two of them getting married and having a baby. She felt giddy for a moment, seeing as they were now going to live together in a house. That almost fulfilled her wish for them to be married. She almost wished that a baby would follow soon after.

She grimaced slightly when she remembered a younger version of herself thinking that the two could create a baby so she could be an aunt. Now, however, with the knowledge of how biology worked, she couldn’t help but feel a slight jab of pity for her younger self. She quickly shrugged it off. The two could easily just adopt a babe and call it a day. She would be happy as long as she would be an aunt.

“I wish they would have a baby. I’d be such a cool aunt,” Tricia whispered to herself wistfully.

As that was happening, on that chilly night in South Park, Colorado, a bright, shiny star suddenly crossed the night sky. And if one had ever believed in shooting stars granting wishes, maybe a wish would be fulfilled that night, maybe even an impossible one. As it is popularly known, batshit crazy stuff was a normal everyday occurrence in South Park.

...

And on that said chilly night in South Park, that shooting star wasn’t really shooting nor was it a star rather, it was an alien capsule in disguise with two incompetent aliens serving as its captains.

"Hey, aren’t we supposed to grant wishes today?" an alien with a long face asked his fellow alien with identical features.

"Wow, did someone really make a wish tonight?" long-faced alien number two asked long-faced number one clearly in disbelief. There had been a big decline in people wishing upon a star, and this seemed like a piece of big news.

"Yes, I heard three wishes today. One kid wants to have her mama go fuck herself. Another kid over there wants to sleep, oh he’s already asleep. Lame, kid. Lame," the alien paused for a second and scrunched his face. "It seems like we also cannot fulfill the first request," the alien continued with a sigh. How do aliens sigh? Don't ask.

Long face alien two stared at his comrade. His unblinking eyes looked straight into the other's unblinking eyes, as if to ask him why. However, nothing really changed in their expression and they both looked pretty stupid. Still, alien number one appeared to understand the unsaid question by alien number two. Maybe it was an alien thing.

"Stupid, the mother already went and fucked herself."

A long silence passed between the two aliens.

"So, what’s the third wish?"

Alien number one immediately looked troubled. The excitement of having someone wish upon them like they were gods themselves suddenly evaporated into the thin air.

"The wish would be really hard to pull off. It requires effort," long faced alien one finally told his partner.

"Oh geez, are we going to do it?"

"Do you want to?"

"Idiot! How am I supposed to know if you're not telling me what the wish is?"

The aliens stared at one another once again. However, telepathic communication seemed unavailable that day.

The alien responsible for collecting the wishes stood up and pulled a white screen out of nowhere. Displayed on the white screen was an image of Tricia Tucker with her red hair messily perched in a bun.

Long face number one cleared his throat. "She wishes for a baby."

"That's easy," alien number two argued.

Alien number one tsked at his partner. With a flick of the alien's wrist, an image of Craig Tucker and Tweek Tweak appeared on the screen. The images, or maybe the video that the alien showed to his partner, seemed to be a live stream of his people of interest. The screen showed Craig and Tweek making out in Craig's old bedroom.

"She wants them to have a baby," alien number one explained.

Another staring contest between the unblinking aliens passed once again. Even though they couldn’t converse telepathically, the two aliens kept on doing it. Maybe it was really just an alien thing.

"It's complicated," long-faced alien number two said, finally breaking the unblinking match. "We need to make one of them a specimen with a vagina to fulfill the wish."

"That's why I told you it is complicated. Human breeding is complicated. An anus differs from a vagina and not all vaginas work and can expel a little human properly," alien number one agreed using crude words and messed up terms. They are aliens, don't blame them.

"We must do it," alien number two said with determination. "This is the one-thousandth request we will have fulfilled and the only one that truly requires our effort. After this, we are free to go back into outer space and send back two other aliens."

His partner's determination fueled alien number one. He had to admit that they were lazy-ass aliens and that they unashamedly counted the other two wishes that they did nothing about as request numbers 998 and 999. They labeled the requests complete on their computer.

Honestly, 98.7 percent of their completed requests were the same case as request numbers 998 and 999. No doubt about it. They really only cared for request numbers: 1, 10, 50, 100, 200, 300, 400, 500, 600, 700, 800, 900 and to add to their list, request number 1000.

With a bob of its long face, alien number one agreed, "This will also look good on our record. As humans say, the best way to end with a bang is on our 1000th request."

"So we agreed?"

"We agreed."

"So, who will be the mother?"

For the fourth time, the aliens stared blankly at one another. Then simultaneously, their eyes moved to the scene unfolding on the white screen. As per tradition in an alien culture, the one that takes it up in the ass is the mother.

Those poor aliens, it hadn’t even occurred to them that they could have just saved a blonde baby that had been tossed in the dumpster and left it at the Tweaks' household and called it a day. Oooh, also, poor baby.

Chapter Text

Tweek woke up with the afterglow of someone who had had a good time the night before. The special moment between him and Craig had been a little spontaneous. However, it was so good that he could not complain.

Little did Tweek know, however, what had happened the previous night was not at all private as two aliens had watched what they were doing intently, as if it was some kind of exotic porn. As an excuse to defend their extraterrestrial curiosity, the aliens said they did it to know who the 'mom' would be. It was an essential part of their elaborate attempt to fulfill Tricia's wish.

Nevertheless, what happened the previous night brought back some old memories of Tweek. He fondly thought back to the times when he was sneaking into Craig's bedroom in the middle of the night to fool around with his boyfriend when they were teenagers. The bed where they were laying down knew all about their nightly adventures since they were fourteen. It had become a silent witness of their sweet chaste kisses, full-blown make-out session, and hot and steamy sex.

An enormous smile spread across his thin lips and Tweek could feel the warmth crawling from his cheeks. Thinking about those things made him hot too early in the morning. With a heavy heart, Tweek stopped himself from getting carried away by his thoughts. They weren’t in the sanctuary of their own apartment, and morning sex was not an option.

It would’ve been really terrible to be caught in the act by Tricia. Tweek was certain that she would’ve screamed her head off asking if gay sex hurts or scold Craig to be more careful with him. Oh, Jesus Christ, she’d definitely screamed at him last night if she had caught them in the act. Ugh, that was too much pressure and shame.

As an afterthought, maybe Laura or Thomas could’ve caught them, or maybe both of the parents. Fuck, Craig’s parents were cool, but they’d better not stick their noses into butt sex matters. It was figuratively and literally his and Craig's own stinky business.

With a sigh, Tweek thought he should stop his chain of thoughts. His eyes slowly fluttered before they fully opened and Tweek was greeted by the most adorable sight that immediately took his mind away from its crazy trip to nonsensical land.

Craig was lying on his side as he faced Tweek. His naturally pouty lips were slightly parted as soft snores escaped from them. His dark hair was a huge mess, but it suited Craig's features. The sharp angles blended well with his sleeping face. Tweek knew he was not as captivating as Craig when he was asleep and he frowned.

Wait, maybe he is not captivated by himself because he is not his type? Perhaps that’s the reason. Of course, Craig always insisted that he was captivating, and that was because he was obviously Craig's type and not his own type.

Fuckity fuck, he didn't even know what is Craig's type. Does he like blondes? Or did it just happen that Tweek was blonde? Come to think of it, he also didn’t know his own type. It had always been Craig. Tweek was never pressured to make a choice on what was hot and not for him. If you asked him what was hot and what he liked, it was easy. It was just Craig and coffee. Shut up, he liked coffee and he also liked his cup of coffee to be steaming hot.

And this was getting absurd.

"Thinking about all of these makes my head hurt," Tweek muttered to himself as he tugged at his hair.

Sometimes his mind confused him more than it made actual sense especially when it suddenly started to jump around and make unnecessary assumptions and conclusions. It was kind of funny how he couldn’t even follow his own train of thought when it got loose.

Luckily, there was a solution for that. Most of the time it was coffee. Sometimes it was Craig. However, Craig could be a total asshole and couldn’t be bothered to save his love when he was busy. What a dick. 

Tweek chuckled at his own thoughts. It was indeed true how Craig could sometimes be a total dick especially when they were playing video games. It was just one of the few things that Craig never grew out of. Back to the matter at hand, coffee was more effective and easier to get his hands with.

The visual of sipping on a freshly brewed cup of his favorite blend almost sent a shudder along Tweek's spine. Just a cup of coffee and he would be able to function as normally as he could. With a smile, Tweek began to pry himself away from Craig and their comforter. This day was going great as -

"Fuck, I forget that the Tuckers are pussy when it comes to coffee."

Like a balloon popped with a needle, his hope of having a good day simply vanished.

"Who's pussy comes to a coffin, honey?" a groggy Craig asked, clearly mishearing what Tweek had just said.

Tweek didn’t give too much mind to Craig waking up as his mind was thinking how he could get his coffee fixed. With a shrug, he corrected his long-term boyfriend, "I said that you and your family are pussies when it comes to coffee."

Craig snorted at the insult. It was not every day that he woke up to have his family's coffee preference be scoffed at. They just don't do coffee and when they have a cup, it’s always the pussy kind as Tweek likes to imply every time. Tweek sometimes referred to it as coffee-flavored milk.

"I know. We like it with two tablespoons of sugar and three shots of milk," Craig said proudly, with a little teasing lilt present in his voice. "Not everyone has your refined taste when it comes to coffee, babe," he added with a smile.

Craig watched as Tweek ran his fingers through his long messy hair to avoid pulling onto it. Craig was an expert on picking up when Tweek was fretting over his daily dose of coffee. Fortunately, Tweek looked like he was sane enough that the coffee could wait a few more minutes.

Tweek wasn’t the only one in a good mood and feeling playful that morning. Craig's thoughts return to coffee and to Tweek's insult. Well, coffee wasn’t really the Tuckers preferred drink, however, his family did unanimously like hot chocolate.

"We can make a sick cup of hot choco, dick."

"We aren’t  talking about hot chocolate," Tweek said as he rolled his eyes, "You're such a dick, dick."

Craig's laughter rang out in the small confines of the room. The dick calling never got too old between them. He then realized that the two of them acted like an old married couple but Craig didn't really mind.

"You love the 'dick'," Craig answered smartly, "And you also love my dick," he added suggestively as he wiggled his eyebrows at Tweek.

A scandalized gasp escaped from Tweek's lips as his face turned a lovely shade of pink.  Tweek then unceremoniously pounced on Craig who had been currently trying to sit up. Tweek cupped his hand to clasp over Craig's mouth.

"You don't have to say it out loud!" Tweek hissed at Craig.

Tweek was not the kind of person who would be easily embarrassed by Craig's pet names and flirting. For the most part, he was actually cool and unaffected by most of them, however, he liked to keep the sexual stuff between them. Yes, he liked the aforementioned dick, however, some things could stay unsaid.

A teasing smile played around the corner of Craig's lip. He gently pried away Tweek's hand from his mouth. His smile grew as Tweek's glare deepened.

"You're the one who called me a dick," Craig explained, as he nuzzled his face into Tweek's wild blonde hair.

"Cause you were being a dick, dick," Tweek snapped sharply at his boyfriend.

"Come on. Let it go, honey," Craig said as he started to pepper butterfly kisses along Tweek's jaw.

Craig could feel that Tweek was tense beneath him. Irritation had started to radiate from the blonde and Craig could understand that he needed to change his playing cards before Tweek's mood soured even more.

"I'm a good boyfriend, you know. Did you think that I wouldn’t remember to pack some of your favorite grinds? That I couldn’t be bothered for my love?"

Tweek's eyes popped open. He then shot a look of disbelief at Craig. His green eyes shining, "Are you serious!?" Tweek's voice rose a few octaves as he spoke.

Craig answered with a nod and a small timid smile bloomed across Tweek's lips. All of Tweak's irritation evaporated almost immediately. There was a distinct shift in his mood as Tweek's face gained a look of satisfaction and the small timid smile became slightly more prominent on his face.

Craig lived for this kind of moment. Those timid smiles only made their way onto Tweek when he was genuinely happy and touched. Tweek smiled at him a lot, but his shy smile was the rarest kind. After all this time that kind of smile still took his breath away.

Tweek leaned down and pressed his lips to Craig before whispering, "I love you."

"I love you too, babe," Craig stood up and offered his hand to Tweek, "I'm going to make you coffee."

When they were standing side by side, Tweek leaned down on Craig's arm. He then also threaded his fingers with Craig's. A pleasant blush spread on Tweek's high cheeks. They were the perfect picture of a happy couple.

Craig kissed the top of Tweek's hair, "Let's go downstairs, honey. We can have some breakfast and go  home."

Home . It sounded so good in Tweek's ears. He looked at Craig through his lashes. Home was anywhere as long as he had Craig.

"The moving truck is set to arrive this morning. We’ll have a lot of unpacking to do," Craig groaned as he started to drag Tweek down to the dining room.

"Fuck," it had escaped Tweek's mind that they had unpacking to do.

...

Large stacks of books, magazines, and pamphlets about human anatomy, pregnancy and babies littered a large white desk. Two aliens were busy reading and taking notes from their vast literary sources.

"We’re almost finished," alien number one commented as he closed the book that he was holding.

The two aliens looked exhausted. Their minds were crammed full with new knowledge concerning how they could successfully pull off their 1000th wish request.

If any other kind of their species saw the two now, they would be clearly shocked. The said aliens were the laziest known aliens to the alien kind. Seeing them taking their job seriously and putting enough effort could make one cry out of pride.

Long faced alien number two raised the blueprint that he and his partner had spent their time working on. In the blueprint, there were two human figures that could be observed. It seemed to be a before and after comparison.

"Here are the major points of the plan," alien number two began, "First, we will change the mother's genitalia to make way for the reproduction. Then, we will increase the width of the hips for better delivery. Lastly, we will also need to make sure that the mammary gland will be big enough to provide adequate milk for the little human."

For once, the aliens sounded somewhat intelligent and serious enough. Being tired seemed to have a good effect on their work performance.

The first alien just nodded as confirmation of what his partner pointed out. He cleared his throat, "When are we going to execute the process?"

"Tonight."

The two aliens did their thing again and stared once more at each other with blank and boring eyes. They would finally pull off the operation tonight. Hopefully, they would be given a promotion after their elaborate attempts at fulfilling Tricia's wish.

Chapter Text

"Craig, I don't want to unpack anymore," Tweek complained as he plopped down on the wooden floor. He stared dejectedly at the boxes across from him.

The two had been unpacking their belongings for over an hour, and yet the couple seemed unable to make any necessary progress. Currently, there were five empty boxes out of thirteen. However, the remaining ones were considerably larger than the said five.

Tweek looked at the boxes with contempt. If he could just get their stuff to unpack and sort itself, he would’ve already done it. Tweek hated how packing up was comparatively easier than what he was doing right now. When you’re packing, all you have to do is just place your things inside a box, make sure that everything fits, tape it up and then, like magic, you are done.

In contrast, unpacking was hell in comparison. First, you needed to plan where to put everything when you took it out of the box. Then, you needed to arrange everything one by one. You could very well just leave your stuff in the box, but eventually you’d need at least some of that crap out, so there was no real escape from it.

In reality, everything was going fine with Tweek at the start. Tweek finished unpacking three boxes successfully. He kept on being motivated as he saw the bare shelves of the dining room being filled with his china collections and how the living room came into life with color as he carefully arranged different souvenirs, pictures, and knick-knacks that he and Craig had collected over the years.

On a side note, if you were wondering why the Tweaks' house was so bare, it was because Mr. and Mrs. Tweak sold everything inside the house except for the wall-mounted shelves. They did it to have additional money for their trip. At the start, they also wanted to sell the house to Tweek so they could have even more money. Fortunately, the two came to their senses and realized how wrong that was.

However, everything headed south when Tweek opened the fourth box. The events leading up to that transpired as follows; Tweek was humming along to some kick-ass 80s-music that was blaring upstairs courtesy of Craig. The blonde was even dancing along to the music when he flipped open the flaps of the box. Then, much to his horror, an extra set of china and other displays stared back at him. Tweek felt like he opened Pandora's box and unleashed hell itself.

Tweek's hands suddenly twitched. The urge to throw away the box was strong even though it contained his favorite china set, which he won at an auction in Denver.

Tweek’s irritation made his blood boil. He had already arranged everything so that it would be symmetrical and perfectly lined up in the space in the kitchen and living room. He fucking hated that he now needed to realign everything to make room for the stuff that he had forgotten about.

"Craig!” Tweek cried out, "I hate this! I can't do this anymore!" 

The blonde fought the temptation to trash the box’s content.

As that was happening, Craig stopped what he was doing upstairs. He walked toward the door, where he could hear Tweek's screams. He gently set down one of Tweek's airplane models on the top of a box.

"What's the matter, honey?" Craig asked. It alarmed him when he saw Tweek shaking in the same way he did when they were kids. He rushed down the stairs, where he almost tripped because of the rumpled carpet.

Tweek suddenly whipped around to face Craig. He was twitching as he pointed an accusatory finger at the open box on the floor. "That’s the fucking problem!"

Craig looked at the box that Tweek was pointing at. He saw Tweek's favorite teacup set, and he was suddenly alarmed. Craig abruptly sat down on the floor to inspect the beloved set. He gently took everything out of the box and checked for cracks or chips, anything that could make Tweek lose his cool.

"Tweek, honey, I don't know why you’re so upset. The entire set seems to be fine," Craig said as he looked at Tweek with a raised eyebrow. 

He was completely oblivious to the fact that Tweek was freaking out, not because the set was damaged, but that it had ruined everything that Tweek had poured his heart into organizing.

With wide eyes, Tweek looked at Craig as if his boyfriend had grown another head. He couldn’t believe that Craig couldn’t pick up on what was wrong. "Ugh!" Tweek suddenly screamed as he pulled at his hair.

Alarmed, Craig was at Tweek's side in a fraction of a second as he took hold of his boyfriend's hand and pried it away from Tweek's long hair.

"Tweek, honey, calm down," Craig said to Tweek, "It seems that I misinterpret what's wrong. Can you clarify it for me, honey?"

"I-It's.." Tweek shut his eyes as he will his own self to calm down. He then squeezed tightly at Craig's hand to lose some tension.

"It's the content of that box."

Craig shot another look at the box. Up to this point, he still couldn’t understand what was so wrong with it.

"It's ruining everything I work hard for!" Tweek explained, catching the apparent confusion in Craig's eyes. "I already finished arranging everything Craig! There’s no room for it! I need to arrange everything again!"

The realization then dawned on Craig. In short, Tweek was screaming and twitching around because he didn’t want to redo what he already organized. Craig was tempted to call Tweek a big baby for making such a tremendous deal on small matters. 

He also wanted to point out to Tweek that he was the one who insisted on separately boxing the china set and the other contents of the box for matters that Craig didn’t understand, but he held his tongue. Instead, Craig circled his arms around Tweek and nuzzled his nose into Tweek's hair.

"It's alright, Tweek," he pulled away a little bit from Tweek so he could look at the blonde's face, "Don't fuss too much about it, okay? We can put the other pictures in our room along with the other stuff. We can also display the china set in the coffee shop. It will look fantastic in there, right?"

Tweek nodded his head at Craig's idea. Most of the time Tweek hated it when Craig became the voice of reason that he didn’t want to hear, but at times like this, he appreciated how calm and collected Craig could be.

A smile appeared on Craig's face, "Wait for me for a minute," and just like that Craig suddenly walked away from Tweek and towards the staircase. 

After a couple of minutes, Craig came back. He was holding a pair of scissors and a packaging tape in his right hand.

"I'm going to retape this and move it upstairs so it won’t upset you anymore."

Tweek pouted at Craig, "I'm not a baby."

"As you say, babe. You are not a baby," Craig hummed in agreement but his tone said otherwise.

And just like magic, Tweek was calm again and everything seemed fine. Craig's phone from upstairs had started to fill the room with love song music by Pandora.

"Craig?"

"Yes, Tweek?"

"I'm feeling lazy. I don't want to do any unpacking anymore."

"Tweek, honey, I’ll bribe you with a cup of coffee. We need to finish this," Craig answered deadpanned. 

The bribe was too good to pass up, leaving Tweek with no choice but to pick another box and unpack it.

"You're making that coffee now."

...

In the cover of the night, the two aliens walked toward the Tweaks' house. Their target was in the vicinity and tonight, the two planned to strike. With the protection that the darkness offered, the two long-faced aliens walked calmly towards the front door of the said house.

"We should enter the house and get done immediately," alien number one told his partner.

The aforementioned partner nodded. The two continued to walk until they were face to face with the front door.

"I have seen how humans do this before," alien number two told the other alien seriously. "Stay back, so I can let us pass."

Long-faced alien number one looked at his partner with wonder. Well, as much wonder as his unblinking eyes could transpire.

Alien number two gave a reassuring look to alien number one. He had seen this plenty of times and he knew he could do it. So, with determination, he raised his knuckle, and he knocked on the door.

A few minutes passed, and nothing had happened. So the alien tried again, but to no avail, the door remained closed.

"There must be something wrong. I have seen humans do this all the time when they are going to another person's house."

Due to the fact that instead of knocking, the alien actually only tapped at the door, and the time they announced their visit was inconvenient, the door remained closed as Tweek and Craig continued to sleep. The couple was tired, since they had just unpacked the majority of their possessions.

Long-faced alien number two looked dejected. Alien number one picked up the waves of disappointment from his long-term partner. So he patted reassuringly at the other alien.

"We need to do this the polite way. So we must enter without their validation," alien number one proposed to alien number two.

If you were an ordinary human and you were sneaking in that line would usually be said with hints of sarcasm, but seriousness and urgency only dripped from the alien as he uttered his plan.

The aliens shared the same silent look that we are all familiar with. They still both looked stupid, but we couldn’t really stop them from doing their thing.

Together, the two aliens passed through the door like ghosts. The two aliens made a beeline toward the bedroom on the second floor. There, they could see the humans they were interested in. The first specimen was coded as Blue while the other one was Green.

The two aliens were almost shaking from the nerves. Tonight, they would accomplish their 1000th wish request. Tonight, after they injected the correct formulation to the 'mother' they could leave the Earth for good and never look back.

The aliens were so caught up in the moment that they both spent some time daydreaming about it. They couldn't believe that they were able to do everything so far. Both aliens wanted to shed some tears of joy.

"Partner, inject the formula into the blue specimen," alien number two ordered alien number one.

Long faced unblinking alien number one walked towards the blue specimen. On the night when the wish was made, Blue was the one who took Green all the way up his ass. And as a standard in an alien culture, the one who ends up being stuck up with something in their asshole would carry the child.

If they bothered to study or learn a bit about the history of the couple, for example, who usually tops and who is the usual bottom, they would have definitely assigned Green. However, since they were lazy, the aliens just used the night that they watched the two as their sole reference for the selection.

As a consequence, the two aliens agreed with one another that Blue would be the mother. The aliens created the right mixture of chemicals based on Blue's records. They trusted the records that they pulled with their amazing technology from a local hospital in Denver. It was a real advantage that the aliens' technology was so advanced or else the two would not have gotten anywhere with only themselves to rely on.

Everything was going well. The two of them would not need to watch over Blue as the dosage was correct and the chemicals would automatically wear off as soon as the baby stops relying on its mother's milk. Also, the formulation was set so that Blue would be comfortable enough in the two transition phases he would be subjected to. Blue's changes will be subtle enough, of course, baby bump not included. The aliens thought that they were so amazing because they gave so much thought to Blue's welfare.

However, the conception still relied on the couple. To make sure that the two would still be attracted enough to each other even though Blue's genitals will have been changed, the aliens also added some pheromones. In a volume just enough to attract Blue's partner and not cause any competition.

The aliens were really proud of themselves because they were able to create the right mixture for Blue. If Blue would have had the dosage above or below what he needed, there would have been some complications.

So far, everything was going according to plan and the two of them would later start their trip back toward where they belonged somewhere in the galaxy.

As alien number one prepared to inject the serum into Blue, the clock struck 3:30 am, and suddenly, little gnomes started to litter the room.

The aliens were alarmed as the gnomes suddenly made their appearance inside the bedroom. Likewise, the gnomes were surprised to see the aliens.

Agitated, alien number one confronted the gnomes. They couldn’t fail in their mission! "We were the first ones to arrive here. Whatever your business is, you must carry it out later."

The gnomes, on the other hand, had become tense on the mention of business. 

"This has been our business area for years now! You couldn’t drive us away even if you’d pay us!" the gnomes yelled violently at the aliens. The aliens didn’t have underpants, so paying the gnomes wasn’t even really an option.

The gnomes were ready to strike and defend their operation site. The gnomes wouldn’t easily step down and give up without a fight. The Tweaks', or should it be Tweek's only? The house was one of their most important transaction sites.

The aliens looked alarmed. The little Santa Clauses were not one of the problems they considered running. The two aliens panicked at what was happening. They couldn’t do anything to the little Santa Clauses or else they wouldn’t receive any gifts for Christmas!

Long-faced number one scurried towards the other alien in the room. Silence passed in the bedroom.

"I thought Santa Claus was supposed to be a big fat old man? And there is supposed to be only one Santa. So why are there so many little Santa Clauses here? And why are they so small?" alien number one asked alien number two.

Alien number two rubbed his hand on his long ass, pointy chin. "Maybe Santa Claus becomes big when all the little Santa Clauses fuse together," he hypothesized. "Imagine how Santa would deliver all the gifts during Christmas if he was just one big fat man?"

Alien number one hummed in realization.

"You have a point. They also say that he enters the house through a chimney. I understand, partner. He would get stuck if he had a big, fat ass."

The aliens seem satisfied with their theories. They then shared the infamous blank face and unblinking stare with one another, once again.

Unblinking alien number one stared at the little Santas. It appeared that they could not fulfill their mission right now. They couldn’t cross and start a fight with such a big wish granter as Santa himself.

"Partner, I think we should come back tomorrow morning to complete our task," alien number one whispered to number two.

Alien number two nodded as confirmation. They could change their plan for now. And speaking about the plan, he had already planned a new one.

On the other side of the room, the gnomes were still rigid as they watched the white colored aliens with their weird heads and body proportions whisper to one another. Suddenly, the aliens were nodding their heads at one another and they were gone from the room like ghosts.

The gnomes let out cheers of victory. They successfully drove away those who had planned to jeopardize their business without shedding any blood.

The tense air disappeared into the room and was replaced with the giddy chants of the gnomes. Craig and Tweek remained sleeping peacefully in their bed. Blissfully unaware as the gnomes stole a pair of Tweek's underpants.

The gnomes would not make a profit of said underpants. They had just missed Tweek since he was gone for a long time. The gnomes originally only planned to visit to check on Tweek. However, they still couldn’t resist the temptation of taking one of Tweek's underpants. The gnomes rationalize they were only taking it as a souvenir for having Tweek back home and driving away from the aliens that wanted to disrupt their business.

...

"Partner, I already have a plan for how we will inject or get Blue to consume the serum," alien number two told his partner as the two of them were suddenly transported back to their spaceship that was disguised as a star.

Their first plan might have failed, but that didn’t mean that the two were about to give up. They had already made it too far to turn back. Also, they already submitted a report to their headquarters in outer space that they were about to do the 1000th wish request. And it wasn’t like it was their fault that the little Santa clauses were there.

"How?"

"We will slip the formula into Blue's cup of coffee tomorrow."

Chapter Text

On every normal morning, Craig's day usually started the same. Craig would always wake up with his arms around Tweek while Tweek comfortably snuggled in his chest. For five years, Craig could count on his fingers the number of times he hadn’t woken up like that.

After waking up, he would eventually cuddle with his beloved boyfriend until satisfied. He loved hugging Tweek. Craig could always trace the scent of coffee from him, along with the faint smell of their laundry detergent. The blond always smelled good, and he was a huge sucker for it.

Recharged from his daily cuddling session with Tweek, Craig would go to the bathroom and do his morning business. When he was done, he would check on Tweek to see if he was awake or not. 

Tweek always slept later than him since the blond always stayed up past midnight. That's why Craig was usually the one up earlier. The blonde only got to sleep earlier than usual if he was sick or exhausted.

It annoyed Craig most of the time, but like always, he found a solution to address the problem. If Tweek could only fall asleep if he's dead tired, then Craig would make sure that he was exhausted. Thank god that sex was not only pleasurable, but it could also make Tweek sleep like a baby.

Anyway, whether or not Tweek was still sleeping, Craig would still always make a beeline toward the kitchen to make Tweek's coffee.

Craig really took it upon himself to look out for Tweek. He sometimes wanted to justify that he was only doing all of this because he wanted to make up for how badly Mr. and Mrs. Tweak raised their son, but that was really not the truth. He really enjoyed doting on his boyfriend and seeing him appreciate all of his small gestures. 

Of course, aside from that, he loved Tweek. Craig would do anything for him.

Craig missed doing his usual everyday routine, and he was glad that everything was getting back to normal.

The past couple of days were a mess. They had received a call from Tweek's parents only two weeks before they left for their trip.

Tweek hadn’t had a shift in Harbucks, where he worked as a manager that day. Craig didn't have any work or photography sidelines scheduled, so they were both just in their apartment playing video games.

The call from Tweek's parents was really out of the blue. He remembered watching Tweek as he talked with his dad, ending the call with shaking hands as he screamed excitedly that he would finally inherit the coffee shop.

It was still really vivid in Craig's mind how happy Tweek had been after that call. Tweek was even literally glowing like someone had put a bunch of highlighters, those used by the makeup artists on the models Craig took pictures of for a living, on Tweek's face. Up to now, Craig regretted that he was not able to take a picture of Tweek while he was glowing like that. He was sure the picture would have gotten thousands of likes on Instagram. He even had a perfect caption in mind.

Anyway, Tweek had quickly explained everything to him. So, in summary, Tweek’s parents wanted to fulfill their dream of touring around the world and trying all the different coffees every country could offer. So when they had finally reached their target pocket money for the trip - it seemed as if two had been saving up even before Tweek had been born - they had been quick to reserve plane tickets and sell everything inside their house. To be honest, Craig hadn’t expected Richard and Helen to have that kind of dedication to them.

And with Tweek’s parents off hopping from country to country, they had left the task to Tweek to run the family business or ‘inherit’ it, as Tweek’s parents had put it.

Craig didn’t know all that much about the arrangement between Tweek and his parents. All he knew was that Tweek would now run the coffee shop. Tweek would also be responsible for all the expenses that the coffee shop would incur from now on. And if he remembered right, Richard and Ellen hadn’t even left a single cent for Tweek to help him manage the shop.

It's not like Craig even expected them to. They had even planned at first to sell their house to Tweek, hoping to earn even more money for their trip. With a sigh, Craig pinched the bridge of his nose. What could he really expect from former meth heads?

At least, Tweek was happy because of it. Craig didn’t even bat an eye when Tweek insisted that they move back to South Park the day he got the call. He knew how much his boyfriend wanted to have his own coffee shop. Craig even knew that all of his life Tweek had been preparing for this . 

Tweek even had a business degree so he could run a future shop more effectively, as he had always said. So, why would he deny Tweek something that he had been looking forward to?

"You seem so lost in your thoughts. What's the matter?"

Craig almost screamed bloody murder when Tweek suddenly spoke and appeared in the kitchen.

"Don't do that again," Craig grunted as he composed himself.

Tweek hummed as an answer, not seeming to care about almost giving Craig a heart attack.

"It's not my problem that you’re a scaredy cat," the blonde answered as he passed Craig and made his way towards the fridge.

Craig rolled his eyes at Tweek. He then moved to the counter where the coffee machine was and unplugged it from its electric socket. He then got Tweek's favorite mug from the cupboard and poured some coffee into it. Craig set it beside the machine.

Turning around, he watched as Tweek rummaged through the inside of the fridge. 

"I'm going back to Denver this morning."

Tweek nodded. His head was still in the fridge. "Okay, are you going to spend the night over there?"

"I don't know. It depends on how long the shoot will take and how long my papers will need to be processed."

"That sucks. I don't want to sleep here all by myself," Tweek said as he gently bumped his hips on the fridge's door. "So, you're going to stay with Clyde?"

Craig watched Tweek unwrap a granola bar. He just shrugged as he picked up Tweek's coffee and passed it to him.

"Maybe I don't want to sleepover at Clyde's. I'm going to miss you," Craig confessed.

A soft giggle came out from Tweek. "Hey, we’re always together. It's impossible that you'll miss me that soon."

"I will."

Tweek rolled his eyes. He could hear Craig scoffing at him. Leaning against the counter, Tweek took a sip from his mug and he hummed in appreciation, "Wow, this tastes better than usual," he said he took a bigger gulp even though the coffee was still rather hot.

Craig shook his head at Tweek's antics, "Hey, honey, I know it's good, but you can slow down. You'll burn your tongue."

"I already did," Tweek stated, poking out his tongue, "But this is sooo good! What did you put in this?"

"Coffee grinds and water," Craig answered as he snatches Tweek's granola bar and takes a bite out of it.

"Smartass."

"I know."

A comfortable silence enveloped the two. Tweek continued to nurse his coffee, albeit he was now taking small sips instead of gulping it like a thirsty man who had been walking through a desert before suddenly finding an oasis. Craig continued to munch on Tweek's granola. He didn’t even bother to offer another bite to Tweek.

"Hey, I can just go home after the shoot," Craig offered.

Tweek thought for a second. Craig needed his papers to be processed so he could be transferred to a smaller studio in North Park. They were actually lucky since the magazine Craig was working on as a photographer had a small office in North Park and he could be transferred to. So he hadn’t needed to file for resignation like Tweek. The blonde hummed. The sooner Craig finished processing his papers, the better.

"Nope, I can manage. I'll ask Tricia if she wants to sleep here for the night. Your parents won’t mind, right?"

"No, they’ll be relieved to have a teenager off their back. I’ll call them for you," Craig said as he fished for his phone in his pocket. 

"Thanks, I hope that she's not busy," Tweek mumbled into his cup.

Craig leaned down to Tweek and planted a kiss on the blonde's cheek. "I'm going to get ready, honey. Just call me after the shoot if you need something, okay?" he whispered softly.

"Yes, mommy. Now, get ready, I'm not a baby."

"Yes, babe. Dream on," Craig replied as he let out a chuckle. 

Tweek flipped him off, which caused Craig's chuckle to be converted into a burst of full-blown laughter. The sound was so deep and rich that Tweek almost swooned.

"Tsk, bad baby. Where did you learn that?"

"From the greatest master of flipping people off," Tweek answered with a quirk of his lips.

Craig grinned back at him. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"You should."

Once more, Craig stole a quick peck on Tweek's red lips. With a snicker, Tweek swatted him on his shoulder.

"You’ll be late." 

The boyish smile on Craig suited him well and Tweek nearly asked him to just stay home with him and binge watch some red racer reruns.

"Okay, okay, here I'm going to get ready," and like an obedient boyfriend, Craig walked out of their kitchen and towards their bedroom upstairs. "I love you, babe!" Craig shouted out as an afterthought while he was climbing the stairs.

Craig seemed satisfied when he heard a soft squeak from the kitchen. He loved making Tweek flustered. It was too bad he couldn’t see the blush spreading across his boyfriend's face.

In the kitchen, Tweek was left alone. His face was flaming hot, and he could still feel it. He shouldn’t be surprised since Craig has a knack for making flustered. He was used to it, but some of his boyfriend's antics still got to him.

He mumbled to himself about how Craig was a sap and he really meant what he said earlier. It was just so like Craig to poke fun at him like that when it's just the two of them. Tweek was glad that at least Craig had some sense to quit the teasing in public and be really genuine about his emotions.

Tweek took another sip of his coffee. This cup tasted fantastic compared to what Craig usually fixed for him and it wasn’t like Craig couldn’t brew him some fine stuff. He taught Craig himself how he wanted his coffee. And with Craig being the meticulous guy he was, he always made sure that he used the precise amount of water and coffee blend for Tweek's coffee.

In record time, Tweek finished his coffee. He couldn’t put his fingers on it, but he suddenly felt a tad bit funny. There was some kind of warmth in his stomach. For a second, he could relate what he was feeling right then back to when he was still drinking the coffee blend that was laced with meth.

Tweek frowned. It was impossible that he just drank something laced with meth. Damn, he’d know if he was drinking shit like what his parents used to brew. That stuff had tasted awful, but it was very addicting.

"Maybe I'm just tired," Tweek whispered to himself.

He moved away from the counter, and he walked toward the sink. After quickly cleaning up the kitchen, he proceeded to the small bathroom near the kitchen.

Maybe he was really tired. It seemed like his dick was suddenly smaller, but that was impossible, right? Tweek let out a laugh. He was certainly not okay. He needed to sleep.

...

The two aliens remain ramrod still in the kitchen. They were both not able to process what had just happened. The green specimen had drunk the coffee. The coffee that Blue brewed. The coffee that they thought Blue would drink. The coffee that was laced with the serum. The coffee. The fucking coffee.

"What just happened?" Alien number one asked no one in particular. He was the first one to talk since the two of them slipped into the kitchen moments ago.

"The green specimen drank the fucking coffee," Alien number two hissed.

"I thought Blue always drank the coffee every morning?"

"It seems that he doesn't."

"What do we do now?"

"I don't know."

"Will Green die?"

"No."

"Will Green be okay?"

"Probably not."

"Fuck."

"Fuck, indeed."

Silence lingered in the kitchen. The two aliens appeared lost. They did not expect things to end that way. They were supposed to be off now and on their way back to outer space. However, the two of them remain glued to the kitchen.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Alien number two asked alien number one.

The said alien nodded his head. "We will need to watch over Green and make sure that he will carry on through the transition phase and that he will be fine during the pregnancy."

"Well, yeah, that's a given, but I don’t mean that."

"What do you mean, then?"

"We need to get out of here before anyone finds out about us."

Alien number one looks at his partner sharply. He stood his ground as he stared at his unblinking comrade. "We cannot leave Green without being sure that he is okay! If something happens to him, we’re dead alien meat!"

Alien number two smacked his hand on his face. His partner could be so dense. 

"Idiot, do you think we can help him now? He’d freak out if he saw us! He’ll even demand that we change him back to normal if he finds out that he is going to be a female until he expels a baby and the baby is done suckling on his mammary glands! We need to fulfill this request. We’ll be screwed if we failed this!” Alien number two burst out. "We'll watch over Green in the spaceship." 

The other alien looked down at his feet. He was not fond of getting yelled at, but he got what his partner implied.

"You need to promise me. We'll take care of Green and he won’t die."

"Yes, we will take care of Green, and as I said he will not die. He will just feel a lot of pain," alien number one assured his partner.

"Is anyone there?" A third voice asked, suddenly joining the two.

Tweek, or as the alien referred to as Green, poked his head on the kitchen door. Luckily, the two aliens were able to be invisible in record time.

Tweek shook his head when he didn’t see anyone in the kitchen. Maybe he was really sick. First, he felt light-headed, after that he imagined his dick growing smaller and finally he’s hearing voices.

He didn’t have any detrimental disease that had started to manifest itself right now, did he? Tweek had been attempting to google the symptoms he was having and self-diagnose himself when the doorbell rang.

While Tweek was distracted by answering the door, the two aliens grabbed the opportunity to leave the house. They would need to keep a close eye on Green.

With a heavy heart, the two left. They couldn’t do anything about the matter. They just hope that everything will turn out good for Green. Poor Green.

Chapter Text

A smiling Tricia greeted Tweek when he answered the door. Tweek could feel himself blinking a few times to make sure he wasn’t imagining things. Thankfully, all those funny feelings he had after drinking his coffee suddenly disappeared. He must have been imagining things earlier.

It still surprised him to see her smile. For starters, Tricia, like her brother, rarely smiled. Little chills crawled down Tweek's spine by just seeing the red-haired teen smile at him. It was not like the smile was creepy or didn’t suit the girl, but seeing it on the usual stoic faced woman was startling. Another thing was that the said girl usually slept in until ten o'clock in the morning. So he thought that Tricia would have shown up later.

"Hey, Tweek. Aren’t you gonna let me in?" the youngest of the Tuckers asked.

Tricia didn’t appear to notice Tweek's awkwardness as she continued to beam at him.

Tweek gave her a startled smile. "Oh, come on in. I don't expect you until later this afternoon."

Tricia presented a sheepish smile at Tweek. She then flicked her flaming red hair and hugged Tweek's right arm. She latched onto him like he was one of her girlfriends. Then she unceremoniously led the blonde inside the house like she was the hostess and Tweek was the guest.

Her behavior alarmed Tweek. He spent little time alone with Tricia. When he thought about it, Tweek couldn’t actually remember any moment that he had spent alone with her. Tricia always kept her space when she was hanging out with him and Craig.

She pursed her lips, "Craig told me to babysit you and offered to pay me ten bucks per hour," she explained, "I'll end up with a lot more cash if I start early, so here I am," Tricia ended up with a giggle.

Tweek looked at her with disbelief. Had Craig really told her that? How dare Craig!? Tweek rarely blushed hard, but right now he could feel that his face was as red as a tomato.

"Come on, Tweek. Don't be so gullible. Ruby's just messing around," Craig's voice called out.

Beside him, Tweek could hear Tricia groaning. "Sorry, Tweek," she whispered. However, any trace of being genuine was not present in her voice.

"Hey, imp, what are you doing here so early in the morning?" 

Craig was suddenly at Tweek's side as he stared down at his sister. He then glared at her when he noticed Tricia's arms were around Tweek's.

With a roll of her eyes, Tricia moved away from Tweek and held up her arms. "I'm not an imp, asshole. I'm six feet tall."

When Tweek was free from Tricia's grasp, Craig quickly pulled the blond to his side and wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's waist. The gesture didn't escape from his little sister's watchful stare, and she rolled her eyes at the display of possessiveness.

"I'm 6'4".

"Tweek is like 5'10"? Does that make him an imp, Craig?" Tricia asked shrewdly, an annoying smirk playing on her lips.

Craig grumbled and the younger Tucker laughed out loud. However, she sent an apologetic look at Tweek when she realized what she just said. This time at least, Tweek could see that she was genuine.

"Sorry, anyway, you're the one who called, and mom and dad are nagging me about getting some part-time job," Tricia explained. “They are all like, your brother started working part-time at Tweaks' as soon as he was 18,” she said as she imitated Laura. 

“My God! We all know that you were only eager back then because you could make out with Tweek in the coffee shop's backroom.” Tricia huffed.

"And it's not like I'm not working part-time already. What do they think modeling is? a hobby? It's my part-time job. I get money from it, my goodness!"

"Jesus, Ruby, you're a pain in the ass," Craig complained to his little sister. "God damn it. You're also too loud."

Tweek thought it was time to get in between the siblings. He had become such a standard witness to their fights that it was now easy to pick up when one was about to start.

Tweek experimentally cleared his throat to catch their attention. 

"Craig, you’re gonna be late. I think you need to go, honey," he told his taller boyfriend. He then chuckled awkwardly, "And just a side note, guys. I'm not an imp. You're just freaking giants."

Like what Tweek expected, the tension between the two lightened. However, Craig still looked a bit troubled since Tweek just used a tell word. Tweek only addressed him with pet names when he screwed up. On the same side, the previously sheepish Tricia looked like a reprimanded puppy.

Realizing that he overdid his intervention, Tweek took hold of Craig's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Oh, come on, don't be a baby, Craig."

"But I’m your baby," Craig said with a pout, realizing that Tweek wasn’t really mad. He stared at his boyfriend and the two beamed at one another.

Tricia rolled her eyes at the display the two were putting right in front of her. Nevertheless, she was grinning. How could she not? The two guys in front of her were so sweet, but not to the extreme, where she wanted to puke out her guts.

"Come on, guys, just kiss already!" She giddily demanded, like a girl watching a rom-com movie and waiting for the main characters to kiss for the first time.

But unlike those movies, this was not Tweek and Craig's first kiss. On the other hand, the kiss looked like something you could only see in movies. With Craig wrapping his arms around Tweek and lifting the blonde before twirling around as he caught Tweek's lips with his own.

Tricia's squealing could be heard in the background, but Craig didn't give her much of a thought. He deepened the kiss and hoisted Tweek towards himself.

When they pull away from each other, Tweek and Craig both have a dazed look in their eyes. On any other occasion, the kiss would have continued to be something more, but unfortunately Craig needed to go and Tricia was still present in the room.

Craig rested his temple against Tweek's. A satisfied hum could be heard from the blonde. 

"I'll call later," Craig whispered.

Tweek snuggled deeply into Craig's arms as he nodded. He didn’t want to pull away from Craig, but Craig took a back step. Tweek almost whined, but he stopped himself.

Craig turned to Tricia, who continued to stare at them dreamily, "So? Ten bucks per hour? You got yourself a deal."

Out of nowhere, Craig pulled out a pair of pink glasses with pink stripes and put them on. "I need to go. Bye, honey," he addressed Tweek.

Tweek waved at him, still dazed at the mind-blowing kiss he shared with Craig to notice the eyewear. However, that was not the case with Tricia.

"My god Craig, you're so gay," Tricia told Craig as she watched her brother gather his things in the living room.

Craig scoffed as an answer. "I'm not just gay. I'm a catamite," he deadpanned, as he exited the front door.

Tricia whistled, and her eyes instantly darted to Tweek. Tweek feigned ignorance as he continued to avert his stare away from Tricia.

"Oh my god! I always thought that you're the power bottom while my brother remains the passive top," she started, not caring that Tweek acted like Craig said nothing about being a catamite.

Unfortunately, Tweek could still feel Tricia's penetrating gaze and he just lost it. "It's not like that! I'm the regular bottom! We just switch sometimes!" Tweek squeaked, and he suddenly scurried toward the kitchen and away from Tricia.

He couldn’t stand still where Tricia was anymore. He wasn’t supposed to say that to her. Damnit. Why couldn’t he just shut his mouth when he was nervous?

In the living room, the redhead's laughter rang all over the house. The fuck just happened? Tricia shrugged as she plopped down on the couch in the living room. She could do basically nothing and still receive ten bucks per hour from her brother. She loved her life.

...

In the aliens' headquarters, the two extraterrestrial beings sprawled across the floor. If there was alien blood decorating the walls and the floor itself, the two would have looked like a couple of murder victims at a crime scene.

The truth was that the two aliens were exhausted. Since the night of the request, the two of them haven't gotten a wink of sleep. Their blood also contains too much caffeine from the amount of coffee and energy drinks they had consumed. They both felt like they were going to die.

"We stayed up for two days for nothing," alien number two grumbled underneath his breath, disappointed. He was very disappointed, but he wasn’t the unluckiest alien in the entire universe, so he guessed he couldn’t complain.

"At least one of them will have the necessary organs for everything to work," alien number one supplied, "Albeit it is the wrong human."

A long, uncomfortable silence passed between the two aliens. They were both not in the mood to talk. They were both disappointed with themselves. Their self-esteem ceased to exist after what had happened, and they couldn’t do anything about it.

Alien number one was the first one to break the silence. "What do you think will happen to Green?"

"Green? He will have breasts, wide hips and a functional vagina," the other alien answered. 

"However, everything will be larger than intended, especially the mammary glands and the hips. Did you not see the difference between Blue and Green's anatomy size?” alien number two sighed. "Green has overdosed. Luckily, he won’t die from overdosing, but the effect will be much stronger on him than what we planned." 

Alien number one sat up and faced his companion, who continued laying down on the cold floor in an odd manner. "Wait, are you trying to say that the transition phase will be much faster?"

"Why are you asking me all about this like you don’t have any idea of what's going on?" long faced alien number two with blank and boring unblinking eyes asked his companion, confusion laced in his words.

"I'm asking because I do not really understand what we are doing. I just followed everything as said in the manuals."

"Jesus Christ, are you for real?"

"Yes, I think Jesus Christ is real. Some humans worship him. They would not worship him if he was not real, right?" alien number one answered accordingly. He was not able to pick up the curse word and instead gave his view of Jesus.

Alien number two chose to ignore his companion. He hoisted himself up and made a mad dash towards the stack of books and papers on their table. He then proceeds to chuck books, magazines, and pamphlets at his partner.

"Start understanding what we just did, partner. Green will need us if something wrong happens to him. We’ll need to act fast. Get up here and help me formulate something to take away the sudden burst of pain," the alien looks down at his watch and frowns, "We have approximately three hours before he’ll fucking curse the entire universe in pain."

...

It had been almost two hours since Tweek evacuated from the kitchen and since then Tricia had not seen Tweek or even his shadow. The teenager suddenly became worried. Setting down the fifth magazine she had been flipping through, she checked on Tweek.

She simply poked her head through the kitchen door to silently watch what Tweek must have been doing all by himself. However, she was alarmed to see Tweek curled up in a ball in one of the chairs, clutching his stomach.

"Oh my god, are you alright?" she asked as she raced toward Tweek. In a matter of seconds, she was by the blonde's side.

Tweek whimpered as an answer. He then suddenly bolted out and ran towards the small toilet in the adjacent bathroom, where he puked his guts out. Tricia was quick on her feet and she was by Tweek's side in a flash. She carefully moved to rub pats reassuringly on Tweek's back.

"Should I call Craig?" Tricia asked, worried. Tweek looked perfectly normal two hours ago and now he was suddenly throwing up and he was pasty white.

"He would literally fly back if you called him," Tweek said as he leaned on Tricia for support. "Can you help me get up?" he asked shakily.

Right now, Tweek felt so bad. After he hid in the kitchen to avoid further embarrassment, his abdomen felt warm. Then, gradually, it felt as if whatever was in his abdomen scrambled his inside and aside from his abdomen, his chest also hurt like a motherfucker. He then had difficulty with breathing as it felt like his chest weighed a ton.

Tricia helped him to get up, "Maybe you should stay in bed, for now, Tweek," the teenager suggested.

Tweek nodded weakly and he let Tricia guide him towards his room upstairs. He was really glad to have her here instead of suffering his out of nowhere sickness all by himself.

On the other hand, Tricia was freaking out. She could only look calm because she was a Tucker. Her face was naturally set to look like she didn't care, while internally she wanted to scream and sob.

The walk towards the room was slow as the two struggled. It was a gift that the teenager was taller than Tweek. She doubted she could drag Tweek from the bathroom upstairs up to his room if that was the case.

She deposited her brother's boyfriend onto the bed. "Tweek, are you sure you can handle this? I can call mom and ask her to bring you to Hell's Pass?"

The idea of the hospital in their small mountain town sent shivers down Tweek's spine. He hated hospitals and he would hate to be in Hell's Pass more than any other hospital.

"No! please, Tricia! No hospitals," he begged her.

Tricia looked conflicted. "If something bad happens to you, Craig will kill me." She ran her fingers through her hair. "Okay, I'll make you some soup. If after eating it you’re still sick and everything gets worse after an hour, we’re going to Hell's Pass."

Tweek nodded weakly. After Tricia fussed with him some more, he watched her as she went out of the room. Tweek almost cried out when another wave of pain suddenly wracks his body. God, breathing is even harder now and he could feel himself wheezing. His lower half was also becoming numb from pain. 

God, he did not know why he was feeling this shitty at all. Tweek couldn’t hold on to his tears and he let himself cry. If he could just sleep through this pain, he was sure that he would not need to go to the hospital.

…

Fortunately, the aliens also had an idea in mind. They couldn’t let Tweek be hospitalized or else the chemicals that were now in his body might react to whatever the hospital would give him and he could die.

So the two aliens sneakily dropped what they had concocted in their spaceship into the soup Tricia scooped out for Tweek.

The two aliens even pray to their god that maybe this time the right receiver gets the soup. Luckily, their god gave them a favor and Tweek was the only one to take a sip from the said soup.

Alien number one and two watched as Tweek's eyes dropped after finishing the soup. God, the blonde looked terrible and the two couldn't help but feel the guilt gnawing at their stomachs. This was not supposed to happen.

They continue to watch as the teenager who had made the wish two days ago took care of Green. They were both satisfied that the girl was helping them out, even if Tricia didn’t know it.

In the aliens' opinion, it was her fault why all of this was happening. She was the one who wished for a baby for the couple.

When Tricia got out of the room, the aliens lifted off their invisibility gear.

Alien number two approached Tweek. He laid a clammy hand on the blonde’s head. "Sorry, dude, we’ll take care of you now. You'll be a hot girl when you wake up," he consoled.

...

It was five o'clock in the morning and Craig had driven back from Denver back to South Park. He didn't care that it was still early. He didn't even care that the road looked creepy, he just wanted to be at home right now.

Craig was really worried about Tweek. Last night, when he called his boyfriend to check on him, Tricia's annoying voice answered instead of Tweek's.

He found out that Tweek was sick, and he had been sleeping since lunch. His boyfriend had already been out for hours when he called at 8 pm. If Clyde hadn’t berated him to stay over and not to do anything stupid, he would have been driving back yesterday even if the traffic was bad and he’d of ended up in South Park after midnight. God, he was just so worried about Tweek.

The whole drive back to South Park was tense. Craig was driving over the speed limit. He's lucky that it was still too early for any officers to be around to stop him and give him a ticket.

After about one and a half hours of driving, Craig was on the doorstep of their house. He juggled his keys before he bolted up the stairs, right into the room he shared with his boyfriend.

He was careful to make any noises and he's somewhat relieved to see the sleeping form of his love breathing softly in their bed.

After removing his shoes and setting his keys on the bedside table, he slipped into the bed. He didn’t care if he caught whatever Tweek had, he just needed to hug him and feel him flushed against his skin to feel alright.

He chuckled to himself. Tweek was the one that was sick, and he ended up comforting Craig just by being near him.

Craig circled his arm around his boyfriend. He found it weird that there was a certain softness in Tweek that wasn’t there before. Craig shook his head, thinking maybe he's just sleepy. Sure, Tweek was not as fit as him, but there was no way that Tweek was pudgy.

He ignored the odd softness in Tweek's skin and he pulled his boyfriend closer to him. They were currently spooning, and Craig nuzzled his nose on Tweek's neck.

Craig was thankful that Tweek's temperature appeared to be normal, and he was not burning like Tricia had said from last night.

A satisfied hum came from Tweek, and Craig could not stop himself from smiling. He could feel Tweek wriggling in his embrace, and he loosened it enough for Tweek to turn around and press his body closer to him.

However, it didn’t escape Craig’s mind that there was something really soft that rested on his chest. He was confused. Tweek was never this soft.

"Craig," a very feminine voice called out to him.

In record time, Craig jumped out of the bed. He grabbed the katana displayed on the wall above the headboard of their bed and he flicked the light switch on.

The sudden burst of light hurt his eyes, but the fuck he cared. He unsheathed the blade from its case. He hadn’t really checked out his Katana since he was a kid, but that would have to do for now.

Craig glared fiercely at the woman on the bed. The lady sat up with a look of confusion on her face.

"Where the fuck is Tweek?!" Craig screamed as he pointed the katana towards the girl on his bed. There would be bloodshed if something bad had happened to Tweek.

Chapter Text

Tweek blinked slowly. His eyes were just adjusting to the bright light that had suddenly flooded the room. His mind felt light as if it was submerged in water and he just drowned. He never knew what drowning felt like, but that was how he imagined it would.

Fortunately, even if his mind felt cloudy, he didn’t feel any nerve-wracking pain anywhere in his body. He could still feel some heaviness on his chest and he had some difficulty with breathing, but at least, his abdomen didn’t feel as if it was being scrambled from the inside.

As his senses pieced themselves together, he was caught off guard by seeing Craig pointing a sword right at him. Tweek froze on the spot. Why the hell would Craig be pointing a sword at him?

He watched his boyfriend's face turn somber. Craig was shooting him a death glare that could’ve chilled even hell with its coldness. It was odd to see Craig looking at him like that. Tweek had only seen Craig's feature morphed into something akin to that when Cartman thought it would be fun to Photoshop pictures of Tweek and put him into different lewd poses.

"Where the fuck is my Tweek!?" Craig screamed at him, before adjusting his blade to look more threatening.

Tweek frowned. Whatever was happening, it had turned into something ridiculous. Why would Craig ask him where he was when he was there in the bed right in front of him?

He instantly wanted to bang his head on the bedside table because of the absurdity of the situation. Was this some kind of fucked up dream? If it was, he wanted out now.

However, everything looked and felt too real. He hadn’t even been a lucid dreamer, to begin with. Unfortunately, he realized that this wasn’t a dream, and he had no way out but to endure it through.

Tweek clenched his eyes shut and ran his fingers through his messy hair. He needed to calm down if he wanted to reason with this lunatic version of Craig. He was a lunatic, right? What kind of person pointed sharp objects at their loved ones so early in the morning?

Wait a minute. What if the guy in front of him wasn’t even really Craig? Craig was in Denver. It was even too early for Craig to be home. Maybe some human cloning device had copied his boyfriend's physique.

Just a side note, the copier had done a fine job. It even copied the way Craig's bicep tensed, the way Craig glared at those he hated, for example, Cartman, and how every black lock of Craig's hair adjusted on his head when it was free from the confined space of his chullo.

That had to be one hell of a fine piece of a copier. Or maybe there was no human cloning device. Damn, what was the matter here? 

Tweek's head ached from trying to understand the situation. He hadn’t even gotten to have his coffee before all of this started.

"I will repeat it again. Where. Is. Tweek!?" Craig screamed furiously.

Tweek groaned. What the fuck was wrong with Craig? Had he suddenly gone blind or something? He was right there in front of him.

"Goddammit! I'm right here!" a shrill and very feminine voice screamed.

Tweek sat still abruptly, back ramrod straight. That was confusing. Was there a woman in the room? Tweek looked around, searching for the woman who owned the voice. 

The hell, only him and Craig were in the room and he was certain he heard some woman scream out his thoughts. A shudder ran down his spine that was downright terrifying.

The woman's scream sounded so near. He squeaked in fright. So, Craig was pointing a sword at him, asking him where he was when was right there and there was a woman nearby parroting his thoughts and saying them out loud. Maybe he was actually dead, and he was just a ghost now.

"This makes my head hurt," Tweek whispered as he massaged his temples. "Craig, honey, put the sword down. It's me, Tweek. I don't know why you're pointing that at me, but please put it down," a soft feminine voice asked, trying to bargain with Craig.

However, this time Tweek was sure that the very feminine voice came from him. He just talked, and the sound came from him. He was confident about that. He let out a sigh of relief at the good news. He hadn’t turned into a ghost, and the possibility of an invisible woman reading his mind and saying it out loud was out of the question.

Wait a minute. The voice came from me?

Tweek hastily clasped his hand in his throat. There was something very wrong with him. He knew that there had to be something wrong, but this confirmed it. He sounded like a female and his Adam's apple was suddenly gone. He searched for it in the column of his throat and the noticeable bump wasn’t there.

He stared at Craig with alarm. What was happening here? He knew that he was asking it a lot of times now, but he couldn't grasp what was happening up to now.

His chest felt heavy not only because of the current situation but because it literally felt heavy, as if grapefruits were hanging from it.

"Who are you trying to fool, lady!? No one's gonna buy your crap. God, help me if I don’t slice you open. Where is Tweek!?" 

Tweek could tell that Craig was livid now, but why couldn't Craig understand and see that Tweek was right there in front of him?

Tweek had had enough. This was making him crazy, and it was too early for this kind of bullshit, to hell with Craig for calling him a woman. He was a man, a man with balls and dick. Sure, his dick wasn’t as big and as long as Craig's, but he still had it. He just had some rare throat disease that made him sound like a girl. He was sick yesterday! The girly voice must have been a side effect of that, Tweek convinced himself.

The blonde rushed towards the bathroom before slamming the door behind him and leaving Craig in their bedroom. He just needed to calm himself. He splashed cold water on his face a couple of times to clear his head. If Craig couldn’t be the reasonable person, then God help him, he would be the reasonable person for once.

His eyes suddenly caught his reflection in the mirror in the bathroom. A girl was looking back at him. What the fuck !? Did he turn into a female ghost? Tweek blinked his eyes twice. He even rubbed them for a good measure, but he could still see a very feminine version of him staring right into his eyes.

Tweek moved his arms toward his chest. He watched the girl in the mirror do the same. He gave his chest an experimental squeeze, and it felt soft and heavy. There was certainly something there. With something close to horror marking his features, Tweek slowly trailed his right hand to his crotch area, all thought of being the ‘reasonable’ person leaving Tweek.

“AHHHHHHHHH!”

A very shrill and very feminine scream could be heard all throughout the house. It was so loud that the neighbors might have been able to hear it. But what guy wouldn't scream bloody murder when the normal bulge inside their pants had vanished into nothing?

Tweek burst out of the bathroom, his green eyes wide with madness. 

The abrupt appearance of the blonde woman startled Craig. He dropped his sword out of surprise. The metal sword clanged heavily on the floor.

Tweek seized Craig by the neck even though there was a roughly a six inches difference in their height. 

"What happened to me!?" He screamed at his boyfriend, "Why am I suddenly a girl!?"

"What!?"

"You heard me, Craig! Why do I suddenly have boobs?! And my dick ! Oh my god! My dick is gone and I'm afraid to look at what’s there instead!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Why the fuck would I be joking around!? Fuck you, you dick!"

"Fuck you, too! Stop this nonsense! Where is my Tweek !?" Craig snapped.

Tweek felt himself shaking from rage. This was not the time for Craig not to believe him. "Jesus Christ, Craig! I'm Tweek. I am your Tweek! What the hell is wrong with you?" he said, putting extra stress on his words.

Craig scoffed, "As if I would believe that. Do you think that I'm stupid?" he asked before he started to calmly control his voice. 

"Miss, just tell me where Tweek is. And this will be all over immediately. I’ll forgive you for breaking into my boyfriend's house. And I won’t press any charges against you."

"I am Tweek! I'm Tweek Tweak, the only child and son of Richard and Helen Tweak. We’ve been together since fourth grade! At the start, everybody thought we were only together, because of those Asian girls!" Tweek screamed at Craig. 

Of all the times that Craig could be stubborn, he certainly had chosen the wrong time.

"Everyone knows that. Stop pretending you're Tweek," Craig deadpanned. 

The girl in front of him was hysterical. She was sure she was kind of hot, but she was clearly a complete airhead.

Tweek gritted his teeth. He pulled at his hair out of frustration. His eyes were livid as his frustration skyrocketed at how thick Craig’s skull was. 

“You want personal details?” Tweek snarled.  

“I’ll tell you something personal, then!" Tweek steadied himself. "When we fucked last time, you were the bottom! I gave you two hickeys here and there,” Tweek jabbed below Craig's collarbone and chest.

"You also have a birthmark on your left ass cheek! You knew nothing about it until I pointed it out in our freshman year of high school! I always tease you about it because somewhere in Asia they believed that any birthmark on your butt is a sign of bad luck!" Tweek Screamed at the top of his lungs.

Tweek took some deep breaths. His throat was hoarse from all the screaming.

"Now tell me I'm joking around and shit! You are not the one who suddenly has boobs! I should be the one freaking out here! I should be freaking the hell out, but goddammit! I ended up pacifying you before I turned batshit crazy and needed to deal with myself!" he spat. 

Tweek was shaking and his throat felt raw from all the screaming.

Craig, on the other hand, looked petrified. He said nothing. He could not for the life of him say anything as his throat closed up from the shock. Craig stared at Tweek with wide eyes.

Tweek turned away from him. If Craig wouldn’t believe him then so be it. He needed coffee or maybe alcohol or maybe even a mix of the two. He stalked out of the room leaving a stunned Craig.

He burst into the kitchen. He angrily opened the cupboards and slammed it shut. He was muttering under his breath. Unfortunately for him, he forgot that there was no alcohol since Craig had sworn off the stuff after puking himself into oblivion when he got wasted in college.

A soft shuffling broke Tweek's murderous thought of killing the one responsible for all this shit. He didn’t need breasts. He did not want to become a woman. The blonde was happy with his dick. He was gay, but he was not a cross-dresser or anything. There was nothing wrong with that, but it was and wouldn’t ever be him. Thank you very much.

"Tweek, what's the matter? I wake up with you and Craig screaming at one another. Did you guys fight?" Tricia asked him.

Tweek completely forgot that Tricia had stayed overnight to watch him. He shrugged, and he nursed his coffee. He didn’t bother to talk to Tricia. She was Craig's sister. So she would probably flip out as much as her brother.

He turned around and looked the girl straight in the eye while sipping his coffee.

Three, two, one…

Oh, and flipped out she did. 

"Wait a minute! Who are you, bitch? What the fuck! What are you doing at Tweek's house?" 

Tweek watched as she arched her left eyebrow and turned up her nose.

"The nerve! You're barging in and you're drinking coffee!?"

Tweek continued to stare. He was actually tired from all the screaming that he gave Craig, so he decided he would just watch to see how Tricia would react. Tweek was sure that he would be a girl for some time. So he would have to endure this exact scenario at least a couple of times. He might as well compare everyone's reaction and get used to it.

The blonde woman right in front of her irked Tricia so much. She gritted her teeth. There wouldn’t be any woman in here unless Craig brought one! The nerve of her brother, she would kill Craig then this oddly calm woman.

Tricia glared daggers at the woman. She would admit the blonde was oddly beautiful and if she was not so mad she would probably have fawned over how pretty the girl was. 

Tricia's blood boiled as she realized that this woman might be one of the models in the Denver studio where Craig was working at. 

No, she was definitely a model. Tricia scrutinized the girl, she wasn’t as tall as Tricia but with those legs of hers, she could qualify.

"Craig!” Tricia screeched. “I'm going to fucking kill you! How dare you bring your slut here in Tweek's home! I thought that you were loyal and not a cheater!” Tricia screamed while she bolted out the room and proceeded to the master's bedroom upstairs. “Fuck you, Craig! I'm gonna tell mom and dad!"

Tweek almost spat out his coffee. Well fuck, he hadn’t expected that. He quickly gulped down the remaining coffee on his mug. It burned his tongue, but he was used to it. He then quickly trailed after Tricia.

Tweek didn’t know if he was going to laugh or intervene between the two. When he already had a full view of the room, he could see Tricia crying. Her face was red and it didn't suit her too well, especially with red hair like hers. Craig looked as shell-shocked as when Tweek left him minutes ago.

"Craig! Where is Tweek!? He is sick you idiot! How can you do that to him! He's sick and you bring your whore in here! I fucking hate you! I really really hate you!" Tricia screamed at the top of her lungs while crying her eyes out.

Tweek noted that she had a stronger pair of lungs than him. He winced at Tricia's choice of words. When all of this was over he really needed to apologize to Craig for making him out as some kind of cheater again.

Craig snapped out of his dazed state and his gaze moved toward his sister. Two pairs of blue eyes clashed against one another.

"Tricia, let me explain," Craig started.

The younger Tucker wouldn’t care to hear his explanation. Tricia was not an idiot. She knew what she saw. "Craig, save it. You're a fucking cheater. A Cheater with a capital C! How could you do it? How could you."

"Ruby-"

"Don't call me Ruby you dirty fucker!" Tricia's eye caught the gleam of the katana on the floor and she picked it up from the floor.

"Try to touch me and I'll gut you with this, Craig," she whipped the blade around and pointed the sword at Tweek, "Don't worry bitch, you're next," she hissed.

Tricia looked scary, wielding the sword. She actually looked scarier than Craig and Tweek scolded himself. He should explain what had happened to her right away. Things now might not end well.

"Tricia, you don't understand what is happening. Put the sword down, now. Let me talk, you narrow-minded brat!" Craig screamed. 

His voice roared inside the room. That was the loudest scream Tweek had ever heard from Craig.

Tricia looked scared for a moment and she whimpered. She gently put down the sword. However, after gaining her composure she still held her head in defiance. Her eyes were murderous.

"Tweek, explain everything to her," Craig whispered.

Craig figured out that he needed to be calm. He lost his composure many times that day. Even though he did not fully believe that the girl was really Tweek he had no other reason not to. She knew things that Craig was sure only his Tweek could know.

Tweek felt relieved. At least Craig believed now that he was Tweek. That he was Craig's Tweek. 

He prepared himself. He could be the reasonable person now. He could tackle this as logically as Craig could when his mind was right on track.

"Tricia, it's me Tweek, not some dirty bitch your brother is fucking behind my back. I don't even think Craig is fucking anyone behind my back, anyways," Tweek said laughing nervously and shooting apologetic glances at Craig.

"He also never cheated on me. I don't know what happened, but I'm suddenly a girl,” Tweek said with a nervous laugh. 

The gravity of his situation suddenly dawned on him.

“Please, kill me."

Chapter Text

“Please, kill me."

At that instance, Tweek wanted to die. Dying would be easier, right? He wouldn’t have to deal with the sudden consequences of suddenly being a girl. He could just escape the part where he would be miserable and go straight to dying, which is something humans all ended up doing anyway.

Tweek twitched. He at least wanted his death to be painless. Could Tricia do that for him?

However, Tricia snorted at what he said as if it was a joke when he had actually been pretty serious about it.

"Is this an episode of some dumb fucking prank show? Because if it is guys, you could come out now! I will try to rein my temper," Tricia called out in the room.

"Come on Tweek, you can come out so this bitch can stop pretending that she’s you or something crazy," she continued.

She sent Tweek a dirty look. She would not accept yet that the bitch she was referring to was really Tweek himself.

However, no crew came out of the different nooks of the room. An awkward silence filled them as the three simultaneously became silent. The atmosphere was really suffocating. Each of the individuals present had their own train of thought that they were mauling over.

Craig was thinking about how Tweek could have possibly changed into a girl overnight. It wasn’t logically possible, and he didn’t have a clue how they could explain everything to everyone in town. They lived in South Park, after all. So he knew everyone would want to stick their noses in what happened to Tweek once it was out.

Tweek, on the other hand, was still busy thinking of ways he could die painlessly. He wished Tricia would do it, so he wouldn’t have to do it to himself. He didn’t want to commit suicide, but having someone do the deed for you would be murder, right? Tweek flinched. He did not want to send Tricia to jail.

However, would it still be murder if Tweek gave his consent? Wouldn’t it be the same case as when doctors mercifully killed their patients? Maybe he could write a letter that said that he gave Tricia his consent to kill him. Did he need to have the letter notarized for it to be deemed valid?

"It's too much pressure!" Tweek shrieked.

This caught the younger Tucker's attention. Tricia ran her eyes over to the other girl, who trembled badly. Tricia noticed a few things that made her take a double-take on the blonde.

The girl had pale blond hair the same shade as Tweek. Tricia also noticed that it was almost the same length. She additionally had green eyes and freckles dusting her face as if fairies brushed her cheeks with it. She somewhat looked like Tweek, Tricia realized, and it was a bit creepy. It felt like she was looking at a girl version of her brother's boyfriend.

However, when Tricia noticed the green button-down the girl was wearing she believed that maybe the girl wasn’t pretending at all. A huge stain was present on the girl's clothing and Tricia was sure that it was the same stain that Tweek got when Tricia accidentally spilled some chicken soup on him the day before.

"Tweek?" Tricia asked hesitantly.

Tricia couldn't understand what was really happening, but as she further scrutinized the girl, the more she resembled Tweek. For example, the way the girl trembled now resembled the way Tweek did whenever he got nervous and afraid.

"Oh my god! Tweek, it's really you! What the hell happened?" Tricia asked aghast.

"I don't know," Tweek said. His voice was raspy and it almost broke.

Tweek wanted to cry. All thoughts of murder thankfully gone. Unlike Craig who dubiously believed him, Tricia realized who he was. Yes, Tricia threatened his life, but at least she realized that the girl in front of them was him. He hadn’t even needed to start pointing out everything to her in the first place.

Tweek was never inclined to initiate physical contact with others, but at that moment he found himself hugging Tricia. Tears started to roll down his cheeks. He suddenly felt exhausted from what had transpired earlier.

Tricia glanced at Craig while she wrapped her arms around the crying blonde. Her brother only shrugged, his face blank devoid of any emotion.

"Hey Tweek, everything's going to be alright," she said.

Tweek sniffed loudly as he borrowed his face on Tricia's neck. He knew he was ruining Tricia's pajamas, but he could not stop himself from all the emotions suddenly crashing down towards him.

Everything was turning good for him. He had been living with his boyfriend of fourteen years since they were in college. He finally inherited the family business. He was satisfied with everything. And yet, now, of all times, he had turned into a fucking woman with no warning. To add salt to the wound, Craig wouldn’t even believe him and was looking at him like he was another kind of entity.

A fresh set of tears ran down his cheeks. Craig should’ve been the one hugging him and trying to comfort him instead of Tricia.

"I'm going to get you coffee," Craig said addressing Tweek.

Tweek nodded weakly. He wanted to tell Craig that he already had his coffee, but he couldn't bring himself. Maybe this would be the last time Craig would make him his coffee. He was a fucking girl now. Tweek was sure that Craig would dump his ass any time from now.

As Craig exited the room, Tricia maneuvered Tweek into the bed.

"Tweek, it's alright. Come on, we are here for you," Tricia consoled him as she rubbed comforting circles on his back.

"Nothing's gonna be alright. Craig will dump me. My parents will pull out from our deal when they learn I turned into a girl. I'll be left miserable and alone in life," he said.

Tweek pulled away from Tricia. He wiped away his tears on the sleeves of his button-down shirt.

"Why would Craig dump you?" Tricia inquired. Her left brow arched in a way that made her look snobby.

"He's gay," Tweek answered.

"So?"

"I have the body of a girl now, Tricia. Do I need to spell it out?"

"Well, Craig needs to adjust now. That's easy."

"It's not that simple, Tricia," Tweek said dejectedly.

"And breaking up with your boyfriend of fourteen years is easy?" Tricia asked, "Look Tweek, the two of you have been together for more than half of your lives. Do you think it would be easier if Craig breaks up with you than for the two of you to try?"

"I don't know," Tweek whispered, bowing down his head.

Tricia gave him a comforting pat. "Are you still attracted to my brother?" she asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"Just answer me," she said.

"Yes."

"Do you still love him?"

"Of course! I love him," a bright blush dusted Tweek's cheeks.

"See, you're a girl now and none of your feelings have changed," she said reassuringly. A devious smirk was suddenly plastered on Tricia's face. "And it's not like only Craig's sexual preference is at risk. I’m sure he loves you no matter what happens."

Tweek's eyes widened at the realization. He smiled timidly at Tricia. She was as logical as Craig, but she has her own way to deal with him. It was kind of refreshing.

A soft knock on the door grabbed their attention. Craig was leaning on the door frame and he was holding a steaming cup of coffee in his right hand. The smell of the freshly brewed coffee permeated the air. It somehow calmed Tweek's nerves.

"Can I come in?" Craig asked. His voice was soft and if Tweek dared to say it, Craig almost sounded like he was shy.

"Stupid, it's your room. You can certainly come in anytime you want," Tricia said sarcastically.

Craig flipped her off. He then entered the room and sat beside Tweek. Craig offered the steaming mug to the blonde beside him.

"Okay guys, I'm going to give you time alone so you can talk. I'll be downstairs cooking breakfast," Tricia announced as she got up and headed downstairs. She then sent a final reassuring smile towards Tweek.

Silence enveloped the couple afterward. Tweek stared down at his coffee. Its blankness staring back at him like it was a void. Tweek took a sip, and he looked at Craig through his lashes.

Craig was looking everywhere but him. Tweek’s shoulders tensed. He hated how awkward everything was between him and his boyfriend.

They should not be like this. They actually won an award in college for having the healthiest and longest relationship. There had been a poll about it that was started by the university's student council for Valentine's Day and they won unanimously.

"I won’t blame you if you want to break up with me," Tweek whispered.

He gulped his coffee nervously. His hands twitched and he could feel pinpricks of tears at the back of his eyes. He was sure that Craig would accept his offer and he would leave this afternoon.

Tweek didn’t know that he was shaking until Craig pried away his hands from his coffee mug and entwined his fingers through his. Tweek watched with blurry eyes as Craig ran his thumb on top of his hand.

Tweek's breath hitched. This was it. Craig would break up with him as gently as he could.

Tweek expected it to happen. He expected Craig to dump him right there. However, he didn't expect to be surrounded by his boyfriend's strong arms.

"You idiot, give me a break, will you?" Craig murmured right into his ears. His voice was soft and loving and it made Tweek's heart skip a beat.

Craig nuzzled his face in Tweek's wild blonde hair. The familiar scent of coffee still lingered on Tweek like nothing had changed at all. This girl was still his Tweek.

"I don't care if you're a guy, a girl, or whatever. I love you," Craig whispered. "Whatever happens, you're still my Tweek, okay?"

Tweek whimpered as he burrowed his head in Craig's shirt. He knew that he was ruining the shirt, but he couldn’t stop himself. His tears were flowing freely. If he could love Craig more than he already loved him, he would certainly love this guy more.

"I'm sorry for being a douchebag," Craig said. He then laughed awkwardly as he toyed with the ends of Tweek's hair. "I thought something really bad happened to you."

"It's alright, Craig," Tweek said. "Still, something terrible has happened to me. I'm a girl now. How will everyone believe that I'm still me?"

"I'm believing in you. That matters, right?"

Tweek pulled away from Craig to look directly at his boyfriend's eyes. Tweek's green eyes were huge. He was reaching out to his boyfriend to guide him in this one. Craig always had something logical to say in this kind of situation and Tweek was keen to follow his boyfriend's plan.

But instead of thinking of something to deal with Tweek's case, Craig became distracted. As he was able to study Tweek's feature, he felt himself get hot under the collar. Even before Tweek suddenly became a girl, his features were already captivating and now that he was a girl, Tweek looked like an angel. Craig cringed at himself when he thought that Tweek even looked beautiful in an out-of-this-world way. He wasn’t even exaggerating at that.

Come to think of it, was this girl his boyfriend, or should it be a girlfriend? He needed to clarify things with Tweek once he calmed down. Craig blushed at the idea that they would be certainly intimate in the future.

Craig reprimanded himself. He sounded like a sixth-grader excited to see real boobs for the first time. Well, he was indeed going to see Tweek’s boobs for the first time… On a side note, however; he hadn’t expected Tweek's breasts to be so... huge.

Craig suddenly pried away his eyes from Tweek. He felt ashamed that he was checking out the blonde. He even wanted to vomit at the thoughts that had slipped into his mind. They felt traitorous. 

He was not disgusted with the thought of banging Tweek. He was actually a little bit excited. It would certainly spice up their bedroom arrangement. However, he was not sure how Tweek would react. Tweek was sensitive, and Craig didn't want Tweek to think that he was only eager to bang him because he was now a woman. Female or male, Craig would still want to get into Tweek's pants.

If Craig just knew that the excessive amounts of pheromones that Tweek was emitting caused his distraction, he would not be so hard on himself. But well, he didn’t know that and suddenly he was willing himself to not notice everything.

"We'll think about it later. Let's go downstairs," Craig said.

He did not want to be alone with Tweek for a while. The blonde might take it differently when he noticed he was all too eager about Tweek being a girl. He winced. It was way too early to be having a migraine.

...

Right back at their spaceship in disguise, the two aliens watched over Green. It had been officially the first day of Green's transformation. Both aliens were unprepared to have witnessed all the events that had transpired just within this earlier morning.

"Green almost died two times today," alien number one said, horrified as he refreshed the thought of the Tucker siblings pointing a sword at Tweek.

"It's alright, partner. He almost died, keyword being almost. He did not die," the other alien said.

"I still could not believe that the pheromones didn’t work instantly. Green was overdosed, right?" long-faced alien number one asked.

Alien number two shrugged. "It appears that it was working well. The blue specimen was behaving positively," the alien pointed out.

Alien number one approached his partner and watched over his shoulder to see what the other alien was talking about. The usual passive face of Blue looked different. The man actually looked constipated as he stopped himself from looking over and over again to his mate.

Green appeared to not notice how Blue kept on blushing and avoided looking at him.

If alien number one could roll his eyes, he would certainly do it now. He knew his partner was smarter, but how could Blue ignoring Green result in Blue behaving positively?

Sensing his partner's apprehension, alien number two explained his side. "Everything is going fine. Once Green realizes that Blue is keeping his distance, they will fight and make up like the healthy couple they are."

"And how is that supposed to be positive?" The other alien asked.

"It is positive since it will trigger makeup sex. I guaranteed it," he started. Alien number two also opened windows besides the one where the Green, Blue, and Blue's sister were being live-streamed.

"I started to search and bothered to learn about the two," he stated proudly. "You see, there is a certain dynamic in Blue and Green's relationship. It was tested over time since they were in fourth grade. I searched everything on their Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram account along with their mutual friends for cross-reference,” he said proudly.

"Anyways, it appeared that the two tend to fight over something, continue to fight more for a period of time and then they will make up and have some kind of production after it," alien number two said.

Alien number one started to tear up, his partner was really getting into Green and Blue's business. He couldn't be more proud of his partner.

"So it was guaranteed that they will end up conceiving a baby after that?"

"Yes. You see, there was a time that the Green and Blue got into a fight. After beating up the kids in couples counseling the two of them ended up in their boxers in public. Take note, they were only in fourth grade when that happened.”

“Things will end up in our favor."

Chapter Text

Tricia was waiting for the two in the kitchen with her arms crossed. Her brows knitted and her lips pursed in a straight line.

She couldn’t believe Tweek and Craig. When she had opened their fridge so she could cook breakfast, there was nothing in there to be cooked! Their fridge was far away from being bare. That being said, however, the fridge was full to the brim with ready-to-eat foods, cans of soda, and cartons of milk. But there wasn’t even a single egg in sight.

She didn’t know if she could consider the pantry any better. She could only see piles of chips and boxes of cereal in there. Tricia already checked the entire kitchen, but she wasn’t able to see a loaf or even a tiny slice of bread. Sadly, the Tweak's kitchen was a sorry excuse for one.

Her head was hurting. She hadn’t thought the two's food preferences would be composed of microwavable staples. She kind of expected her brother to live this way, but not Tweek.

Tweek was so paranoid. And as a result, she had thought that he was at least somewhat of a health-conscious person who followed diet fads regularly. She at least thought he had enough common sense to eat something healthy at least.

Tricia really needed to remind them that sometimes you need 'real' and homemade food in your diet. Or the two could end up having colon cancer or something.

Her internal ranting stopped when she heard a gentle chatter from the other occupants of the house.

"Your fridge and pantry," Tricia sighed. " I just don't know what to say," she said as the two entered the kitchen.

"What?" Craig asked as he pulled a chair and sat on it. Tweek just shrugged at Tricia before he sat beside Craig.

"Uhm, what's the matter, Tricia?" Tweek asked.

Tricia pinched the bridge of her nose, "You guys are going to get sick. I mean, just look at the contents of your kitchen! Are you both kids?" She chided them.

"Hey, mom. It's our kitchen. We can do what we want," Craig said.

"Is there a problem with it?" Tweek asked, not getting what Tricia was trying to point out.

Tricia sighed. She flipped Craig off and she copied the two as she sat down on the chair opposite from the couple.

"You two are adults, not kids. You need to eat healthily or you'll both die young," she explained like the two were little children. Her voice modulated in a tone one could be usually heard when moms tried to talk calmly to their children when they were being stupid.

The said adults said nothing in reply. Craig rolled his eyes and Tweek looked like a guilty puppy.

However, on the other side of the matter, Tweek was glad. He really appreciated the fact that the atmosphere between the three of them had not turned awkward, and he wasn’t being treated differently. It was nice to continue the day like how it usually was. He felt some of his worries slip away. 

Give it to the Tuckers to act like nothing out of ordinary happened.

While Tweek continued on basking how lucky he still was, the siblings continued on their tirade.

"When exactly did you turn into a mom?" Craig asked Tricia. He didn’t truly care, but it was always fun to rile up his sister in every way he could.

Thankfully, the younger girl did not take the bait immediately. "And when did you stop growing up?"

"Around 19, I think? I didn’t get any taller after that."

"I'm not talking about your height, idiot."

"Oh? So what are we talking about, brat?"

Tricia straightens in her chair. A small smirk played on her lips. Craig raised his eyebrow, curious about what insult his sister intended to fling his way.

"I’m referring to your lack of cognitive growth."

Craig snorted. 

"That's the lamest insult ever, Ruby. Could you at least try to kick it up a notch?"

"That wasn’t even intended as an insult," the younger sibling said with an eye roll. "It's an observation, stupid."

Craig quickly became bored as he saw no point in keeping up the conversation. He simply raised his middle finger in Tricia's direction.

Yawning, he slung his arm over the chair Tweek was occupying. "What are we supposed to do now?" he asked, shooting a quick glance at Tweek, who simply watched the siblings' shenanigans earlier.

Tweek replied with a shrug. Honestly, he felt drained from all the things that had transpired earlier. Aside from that, he felt uncomfortable.

Tweek felt like his senses were enhanced. He could feel every breath he was taking, along with the additional weight on his chest. He could smell everything more sharply. Tweek almost felt light-headed when Craig threw his arms around him. Mind you, it was that kind of heavenly feeling that made him almost want to snuggle deeply into Craig.

Everything felt sharper and seemed clearer like he was in a new body. Well, he was kind of in a new body, anyway.

Tweek leaned into Craig's arm, and he closed his eyes for a moment. So, what should they do? It was a lazy Wednesday morning. The sun was still on the horizon. Tweek internally cringed. He was subjected to a lot of drama way too early in the morning.

Okay, back to the point of what they had to do. So it was currently Wednesday. He missed visiting the shop yesterday because he suddenly felt ill.

They had to go to the shop today and take an inventory of what was left in stock. Knowing his parents, Tweek had a vague idea that the shop would be close to bare. However, he needed to know how bad it was right now.

Even though he was a bit stressed, Tweek was glad. At the end of the day, he would still own his shop. He would be the fucking owner of Tweak Bros Coffee, and that was mostly what his dreams were composed of. Of course, spending a lifetime together with Craig was the other part of those dreams.

"We should go to the coffee shop later," Tweek finally said after his long train of thought.

Tweek caught Tricia looking at him with confusion in her eyes. That expression was honestly easy to detect from someone whose face was usually set like she knew everything.

"Isn’t that a little early for you, Tweek?" Tricia asked. She leaned back in her chair and gave Tweek a quick once-over. Her crystal blue eyes dragged along his frame.

Tweek quickly picked up what she meant. Tweek's cheek was suddenly red, and he crossed his arms defensively in front of him. The blonde could not believe that the thought that he was morphologically a girl right now completely escaped his mind.

For a constantly self-acclaimed paranoid that was new to him. Maybe whatever that happened to him was messing him way more than he had an idea. That was even plausible since he practically knew nothing about this whole situation.

"Oh my god! OH, MY GOD! Can I still run the shop now? Technically, I'm not me anymore," he suddenly burst out.

"Oh nooo! No! No! No! My parents can’t hear anything about 'this'!" He suddenly gestured to himself. His big green eyes darted quickly towards Craig's direction.

"We’ll think of something Tweek. Just calm down for a moment, babe," Craig said. He firmly clasped his hand with his partner’s and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Fortunately, Tweek melted right away at the contact and his breathing turned normal. Still, the thought of not being able to run the shop plagued his mind. It was the only reason they moved back to South Park.

On the other side of the table, Tricia cleared her throat to catch the two's attention.

"We need to tell mom and dad about this," she said. When she did not receive any reply from the two, she explained herself. "Let’s just tell them, okay? Just think of it this way. How mom and dad will react will be exactly the same as the rest of the community will. Think of it as a practice."

"I don’t want to be face to face with a sword again," Tweek replied.

"Hey!" the siblings simultaneously answered. The said sword was only in an inconvenient place at the right time. They didn’t really intend to point that at Tweek.

Tweek rolled his eyes. "Is it really necessary?"

"Not really, but at least if we do, you won’t stress about it for days if we told my parents today," Craig told him. Tricia nodded in agreement with her brother.

Tweek pursed his lips. He was not keen on exposing himself to another round of drama. But they had a point. His anxiety would kill him if they prolong the inevitable.

"Okay, but you two will do the talking," Tweek negotiated.

"No problem. Anyway, I should head home. See ya later, lovebirds," Tricia said. "I'll tell mom and dad to come here later," she added as an afterthought.

After the three exchanged their goodbye, Tricia quickly collected her things. In just a few minutes she was already in the front door and waving goodbye at the two.

As quickly as that, the two found themselves alone with one another.

"Well, she suddenly bolted out," Tweek said.

"She probably remembered something and now she's in trouble," Craig remarked.

"Teens," the blonde muttered, giggling.

The corners of Craig's lips quirked and soon enough, he was joining Tweek. Craig's deep chuckling blended with Tweek's highly feminine one.

Hearing Tweek now was a sobering experience for Craig. It was still odd for him that Tweek was suddenly a girl. He almost forgot since everything was still just like how it used to be.

Tweek stretched in front of him, and the flash of bare midriff made his throat constrict. Craig groaned. He was already having a hard time restraining himself earlier from stealing glances at his boyfriend. Being alone with Tweek now proved to be more challenging, especially since the blonde didn’t know what she was doing to him.

Craig was suddenly having some weird realization. He remembered once when they were kids that another gay kid moved to South Park. The new kid didn’t stick around long enough in the said tiny mountain town, but he stayed enough to play fantasy and superhero games with them.

That was the first time Craig realized that he was not attracted to other guys, even if they were gay or not. The scenario also continued until high school, college, and up to now. The same was true for girls. He had a girlfriend before he ended up with Tweek, but that only lasted for a week. The girl had been so demanding and did third grade girlfriend even count?. Long story short, he was also never attracted to girls.

It had always been Tweek. Craig only felt all the attraction in the world for his blond and twitchy coffee loving boy... or girl. It was like Tweek was a magnet and Craig was a piece of metal. Craig could only feel himself being pulled to Tweek, but not literally, of course.

Craig relaxed and he let his eyes wander on Tweek's profile. There was really no harm if he was still attracted to the blonde. If anything else, it strengthen what they had together. It just meant that nothing could truly separate them.

Warmth blossoms from Craig's stomach. He was such a sap, but so what? He just loved the blonde, and he was glad that nothing inside him changed at all.

Craig hugged Tweek. He borrowed his face in the blonde's hair. He really loved how Tweek smelled.

"Hey, dude. What's the matter?" Tweek asked.

It was a shocker when Craig suddenly hugged him out of nowhere since his boyfriend was just spacing out moments ago.

"Nothing. Just hug me back, idiot," Craig muttered, and he pulled Tweek's body closer to his.

Tweek laughed and gently hit him on the shoulder, but he complied with what Craig wanted. He loosely embraced Craig, and he tucked her head underneath Craig's chin. He could hear the soft thumping of Craig's heart.

"Hey, don't forget that I love you," Craig whispered in Tweek's left ear.

Tweek's lips stretched into an enormous grin, but he only nodded as an answer. He suddenly received a pinch on the arms from Craig.

"Ouch! What is that for?"

"You're supposed to say I love you too, honey."

"Fine. I love you too."

"Hey, don't say it like you don't mean it."

"I love you too, Craig."

A satisfied hum came from Craig. Tweek giggled, and he pulled away a little to look at Craig. "You're such a sap," he whispered.

Craig bent down to steal a quick kiss at Tweek. "And you live for it," he said.

A blush spread from Tweek's cheeks. He was blushing furiously. He did not expect Craig to kiss him. It wasn’t like Craig and he didn’t kiss each other a lot. Their kisses ranged from small pecks to heavy frenching, but this was different. It was their first kiss since he turned into a girl. It oddly felt like their first kiss when they were fourteen.

It felt nice, and Tweek definitely felt loved. He stood on his toes to reciprocate the small kiss. A timid smile plastered on his face right after. He quickly tucked his head again under Craig's chin. He felt like a teenage girl.

The two stayed like that for a moment until Tweek wriggled out of the brace. His face was beet red once again, but it was clearly from discomfort.

"Did I hug you too tight?" Craig asked sheepishly as he ran his hand through his hair.

"Oh, no..." Tweek replied, and he suddenly twitched. "I suddenly have a problem right now," he said as his red face went a full shade deeper.

Craig tilted his head in question. He waited for Tweek to explain herself.

"This is embarrassing, but I'm really afraid right now, Craig," Tweek started. 

He pulled down on his shirt and he twisted it around.

It was all too much for Craig to watch Tweek's pajamas stretching on places that were once not there.

"Stop doing that, honey," Craig said, gesturing down to Tweek's hand. 

He wanted to pry away Tweek's hands by himself, but he might end up having his hands somewhere else, so he refrained from doing so.

"Oh, okay," Tweek quickly dropped his hands. "I desperately needed to pee," he finally said.

"So pee."

"B-but!"

"What's the matter?"

"I need you to go with me," Tweek finally said after going silent for more than a minute.

"Why?" Craig asked, perplexed. That was an odd request, even for Tweek. If he wanted to pee, he should pee. He knew where the bathroom was.

"Because…" Tweek muttered, going even another shade redder.

"Tweek, honey, you know that wasn’t an answer." 

Craig did not actually see what Tweek wanted to imply.

"I am dead scared of what is in here," Tweek gestured to his pants. He didn’t want to tell Craig how dead scared he was, but the male was giving him no other choice.

"Okay, fine. I'll go." 

Craig took hold of Tweek's free hand and led him towards the bathroom.

Tweek was really nervous. Craig could feel her vibrating under his hold. He wished he could chuck in the face the one who was responsible for this. He honestly wanted to blame this weirdness on Cartman, of all people, but he didn’t even know if the fat ass was still in South Park.

He looked back over his shoulder to sneak a glance at Tweek. The blonde's eyes were furiously scanning his phone

"What are you doing?" Craig asked. The blonde almost tripped as he was intently reading whatever was on his phone.

"Oh, it was something about how girls pee and how you know," Tweek replied.

Craig stopped in his tracks. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, this article is really useful. It detailed how to properly take care of girl parts," Tweek said. He showed Craig his phone screen.

"Is that really necessary?" Craig asked.

He saw different colored bottles, and what appeared like wipes. Craig didn't have a single idea what all of that was for. He wished Tricia was still here to explain and help Tweek herself. Suddenly, he felt stupid. He never imagined himself in this kind of situation. Craig kinda wished he paid a little attention to his sister and mom's thing, so he could at least appear a little less clueless.

"Maybe? I don't know. Vaginas appear so scary. It’s practically an open wound, right? Like you could easily get an infection right there," Tweek answered. He shivered slightly at the thought. 

Then he suddenly went pale. The way Tweek flushed and paled worried Craig.

“Craig… I have a fucking vagina down there!”  

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” Tweek held Craig’s hand and brought it to his crotch to prove his point. “See? You can’t feel my dick!”

Craig was suddenly beet red. His entire face was a cherry shade. He never touched a vagina ever. Craig thought he would have passed out. 

Tweek realized what he did. Color instantly returned to his pale face. The couple both sported a red face. As if Craig’s hand burned him, he suddenly flung Craig’s hand away from him. 

“I’m so sorry!” Tweek shrieked. “It’s just… I, fuck, Craig. How are we gonna have sex if I have a vagina instead of a dick?”

“What?”

“Uh! Never mind,” Tweek squirmed. “I need to pee so bad,” Tweek complained. 

Craig massaged his temples. “Please, honey, just pee already. I’ll be there. I’ll hold your hand if that will make you feel better.”

“Promise?”

“Yes, promise. Come on, before you pee all over yourself.”

“Thanks, Craig,” Tweek said. “I’m just terrified of how vagina looks and now that I have one. I’m more terrified.”

Craig looked oddly at Tweek.

"Have you ever even seen a vagina before?" Craig asked.

"Yes? Do sex ed and porn count?"

Craig raised an eyebrow. So Tweek watched porn? And porn with women? He felt a prick of jealousy. It was only porn, but he hadn't had an idea that Tweek was mildly interested in girls.

"I kind of just saw it on Clyde's laptop," Tweek added.

A soft oh escaped Craig's mouth. He definitely knew what Tweek meant. Clyde was pretty careless with his porn collection.

"I desperately needed to pee," Tweek said. “I’m terrified of what it would feel like.”

"Just pee, honey. Scream loudly if you suddenly feel creeped out. I really would not mind."

"You're the best boyfriend you know."

...

"Are you telling me, son, that you’re straight now?"

Leave it to Thomas to ask that first thing after Craig and Tricia explained what happened to Tweek.

The Tuckers came to the Tweaks' house around dinnertime. They brought dinner for everyone after Tricia told Laura how poorly the two were eating.

"Thomas!" Laura chided her husband.

The news actually surprised Laura, but she accepted it easily. Her children told her about it and she raised them, to be bluntly honest. If she heard the news from someone else, she would not believe an ounce of it.

"It is true! Our son’s not gay now. I liked you being gay, son. Don't take my words the other way, but I am glad to know that you’re also straight now," Thomas said proudly. “Don’t forget, son, that I love you, whatever your sexuality is.”

Craig fought the temptation to roll his eyes at his dad. 

Right at that moment, Tweek poked his head on the door's entrance. "Is it alright for me to come out now?"

The very feminine voice coming from a very familiar blonde caught everyone's attention, especially the older Tuckers.

"Oh Tweekers, you don't need to hide from us. We are your family," Laura said as she approached where the blonde was hiding all this time.

Tweek hid as Tricia and Craig explained his situation to Thomas and Laura. The siblings insisted he didn't need to hide, but he relented. The kids ended up pointing a sharp katana at his face, the parents might have ended up doing worse. Thomas could have a gun and shoot him right away.

Thankfully that did not happen. Tweek did not expect that the two would accept it right away like it was a normal occurrence.

"Tweek, honey, you look really beautiful!" Laura exclaimed as she gave the blonde a quick hug.

Her blue eyes darted enviously on Tweek's platinum blonde hair. It looks really full and glossy, and it was naturally blonde. Laura then remembered that she needed to re-dye her hair again because her roots were showing.

"Thank you?" Tweek answered blushing.

"Tweek! I don't really know what to say, but no matter what you are still part of our family," Thomas said as he approached his wife and the boy turned into a girl.

He clasped his large hand on Tweek's shoulder. A small smile on his lips.

"Gosh guys, don't make such a production out of this," Tricia piped in teasingly. Her grin was bright and highly infectious.

"Mom, Dad, you're crowding Tweek,” suddenly Craig was beside Tweek and he was holding the blonde's hand.

Craig was glad that his parents took the news more positively than he expected. He was glad that he had such open-minded parents. He sent Tweek a large smile that she reciprocated timidly. Gosh, Craig really loved it when Tweek smiled like that at him.

"Oh sorry, dear. Come, come. Let’s set the table so we could have dinner," Laura said.

Tweek couldn’t wish for anything more at this moment. Maybe being a girl wasn’t that of a bad thing.

Chapter Text

For the past couple of days that Tweek assigned Craig to run the coffee shop, nothing remarkable had happened. It had been a week since Tweek turned into a girl and everything was as normal as it could get.

Craig had expected rumors to run around the town as soon as he was the one behind the cashier of the Tweek Bros. Coffee with no member of the Tweak family in sight. He expected someone from South Park to come up with a crazy idea that he was using Tweek to own the business, especially when he opened up the next day with Tricia in tow.

His sister was there because she insisted that Craig really needed help. It was partially true since he almost lost his mind on the first day of opening the shop on his own.  They could also help each other since she needed a job for the summer.

Luckily, the town found it really sweet that the Tuckers were running the shop while Tweek was 'sick'. Everyone should have seen how the bitch personification of what a real bitch of a mother was when Sheila Broflovski almost melted when Craig explained the makeup excuse. He nearly lost all his cool when the big red-haired woman literally swooned at how sweet and caring Craig was.

Craig was glad that the town still cherished Tweek and him as their beloved gay couple, even after so many years had passed. It came with certain perks and people always found what the other was doing as sweet, even if they did not really intend it to be sweet and it was just some sort of excuse.

Craig was really hesitant to open the shop by himself at first. He worked at the said coffee shop for most of his high school years, but that was years ago. And like what Tricia accused him, most of his time at Tweek Bros. was spent making out with Tweek in the back room, anyway.

Aside from that, he was usually assigned with cleaning duties and assisting Tweek when he used to work part-time at the shop. He knew how to brew coffee, which was basic, but he didn't have an idea how to do the other fancy stuff.

Tweek took it upon himself to give him a crash course on coffee for dummies. They snuck into the shop the day after the Tweek incident. For three days, the blonde drilled everything Craig needed to know. However, they both agree that the shop would only sell coffee, hot chocolate, and pastries in the meantime. It was all too much for Craig to do by himself and luckily, Tweek took pity on him.

Still, the crash course session was fun even though it did not end the way Tweek wanted it to be. Tweek was really in his element when he explained everything to Craig, like how to use the coffee steamer and how to do that fancy latte art.

Craig remembered fondly an image of Tweek with his long hair in a messy ponytail as smiled brightly at him as whipped cream decorated his face. If he could just lick all of those whipped cream off his face, he would be sooo happy.

Just imagine, if he could just run his tongue across the Tweek's cheeks and get a taste of his skin along with the whipped cream. He could almost taste the familiar tang of Tweek's skin, along with a hint of sweetness from the cream. If his imagination did justice, he was certain that it would be heavenly.

Craig groaned. God, the sexual tension was killing him. His daydreaming was enough to conclude how much he wanted Tweek. It had been a week, and he was sure that his parents' sex life was better than his. His conflicting feelings with Tweek did not help his situation.

Craig Tucker was afraid to admit it, but he was damned scared of what to do and how he should tell Tweek he wanted him and how he wanted to make love so badly. Craig hated it. He should not go into two awkward stages of fumbling sex.

He was already done with that in his high school years. But damn, the whole situation with Tweek just repeated it. He did not have a single idea of what to do. Aside from that, he didn’t know how to discuss the said problem with Tweek. He did not want him to get the wrong idea. Also, for once, Craig Tucker was embarrassed.

"Hey, looks like you needed to get laid, dude," a deep familiar voice called out to Craig.

So it appeared that even with a face that was stoic as hell, someone could still see that he needed to get laid. He was hopeless.

Craig mumbled a quick good afternoon as his eyes shot up to look at the newcomer. A grin was instantly plastered across his face when he saw Clyde.

At least having Clyde around could divert his train of thought from fantasizing Tweek and fretting out how he could address his issues.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Craig asked. His tone was flat as ever, but his grin was wide enough for Clyde to know that he was actually happy.

Clyde shrugged, and he propped his elbow on the counter as he leaned down to rest his chin on his hand. "I should ask you that. You're normally in the backroom when you're working here."

"Tweek's sick," Craig explained. "He insisted that I needed to open the shop so his hard-earned money and all of our effort moving back here would not go to waste."

Craig smiled fondly as he remembered Tweek trying to convince him to run the shop. Without his conviction, Craig would not do it. Seeing Tweek so passionate and determined always made Craig move along with what he planned.

"Is he alright?" Clyde asked curiously. "I feel kinda scared all of a sudden. I mean, if Tweek got sick, I'm sure as hell that I'm going to catch something."

"What?" Craig asked, amused. He knew his partner had a really strong immune system, but it didn't mean that he was invisible. Tweek still got sick once in a while.

"Craig, Tweekers never gets sick. Are you sure that he does not get something really bad?"

Craig internally winced. He would be happy if Tweek just caught a common cold, but now he was a girl. It was not something that he could just drop casually at anyone and be done with it. Craig shrugged. Leave it to Clyde to be a critical thinker at the worst time.

"He's doing fine," that was the only thing that Craig could say at the moment.

Craig cleared his throat and gestured to the array of pastries displayed in a clear glass cabinet beside the cash register. If you wanted to distract Clyde, food and girls were the way to go.

"Clyde, order something. It's rude coming to the coffee shop and not buying anything."

Clyde snorted, but he still took a quick glance at the pastries and his eyes immediately sought a flaky confectionery.  

"I'll never pass up the chance to have Tweek Bros. Coffee's infamous chocolate croissant," he said delightedly, his eyes wide. "Ooohhh, did Tweek bake this one? He makes so much better croissants than Mrs. Tweak," Clyde continued, eyeing the sweet like it was a taco.

"There, there, Clyde. Stop drooling over there. How many do you want?" Craig asked, snapping the thong he was holding.

"Get me about six of those babies, dude. I also want some frappe. What can you do best? I hate to tell you this, but you suck at making frappes," Clyde told Craig. His entire attention was on the croissants Craig was piling on a tray.

Everything that Craig did in the coffee shop turned out terrible, even though it was not that bad. Tweek just always made his better. It was not really Craig's fault. It was because his creation was being compared to a superior one.

This time, it was Craig's turn to snort, "We only serve brewed coffee, hot chocolate, and pastries as of now," he shrugged and handed Clyde his tray of sweets, "I know I suck at making them and Tweek will kill me if I ruin the shop's reputation. He tried teaching me, but..." he explained, chuckling a little.

"But, you sucked so bad that Tweek gave up teaching you," Clyde finished for Craig, chuckling too. He took a bite from the croissant and he hummed content. "This is sooo good. I'll have hot chocolate with these babies."

"One hot chocolate coming right up," Craig said flatly.

"Wait, I'll also want four cupcakes." Clyde perked up as he eyed the red velvet cupcakes on display.

"Did someone dump you again? What's with sweet binging?" Craig asked curiously, "Will you eat this here?"

"Oh, it's not for me. It's for Token and Jimmy. We planned to surprise visit you and Tweek," Clyde answered nonchalantly as he continued to munch on his croissant.

"So, how is it going to be a surprise when you're already here and you already told me about your plan?" Craig deadpanned. He totaled Clyde's bill and the man paid.

"That's easy dude. Just don't tell Token. We'll just say that I want some sweets, there is no donut shop here and we’re off the hook," Clyde explained while taking a bite on his second serving of croissant.

Craig only gave Clyde an odd look, and he dropped the subject. "You're going to get fat," he called out to his best friend as Clyde made his way to deposit his food in the booth nearest to Craig's station.

"As Cartman put it, I'm not fat. I'm just big-boned. I will also burn this. I work out." Clyde flexed his biceps for show.

Craig rolled his eyes at Clyde's antics. If Clyde meant playing video games as a workout, so be it. Video games are a good workout for eye and hand coordination.

Since it was a really slow day and Clyde was the only one at the coffee house beside him, Craig gave himself a quick break. He untied his blue apron, the one Tweek gave him when he worked here for the first time, and he hung it on the tall chair behind the counter.

Craig then proceeded to Clyde's booth. He occupied the seat across the man and snatched a croissant from his pile of pastries.

"Hey, don't be a food thief, Craig! I paid for those!" Clyde complained to him. The stockier man moved his tray away from Craig's reach.

Craig only rolled his eyes at Clyde's. He nibbled on the pastry. As he expected, the croissant had the right amount of flakiness on it. It was also so buttery that it was simply so good. Thank god he could control himself or he would get as fat as Cartman from Tweek's baking.

As if reading his mind, Clyde commented on how Craig could maintain his figure when Tweek's baking skills were on a god tier level.

"If I ended up with Tweek, I think I'd be bigger than Cartman," Clyde wrinkled his nose. "Wait, that sounds wrong, and I don't want to end up with Tweek. I mean, Tweek's cute, but I'm straight." Clyde frowned. He didn't want Craig to have a wrong idea.

"I just mean I cannot imagine Tweek without you, dude. Anyway, hypothetically speaking, if I have easy access to Tweek's baked goods, I'll end up being larger than Cartman. Just take a bite in this," he said, gesturing to the croissant he was currently munching on. "This is like a taco, but it is flaky with butter and chocolate. How are you still skinny?"

Craig could not help himself but chuckle at Clyde. "I'm not skinny. Anyway, I get what you mean. Thank heavens I'm not a glutton like you."

Pouting, Clyde kicked Craig underneath the table."I'm appreciating the food. It's not gluttony."

"Yeah, sure."

"You're not believing me!"

"Yup, it's nice that you can detect sarcasm," Craig egged Clyde.

The chime at the entrance of the coffee house rang, catching the two males’ attention.

"H-h-hey fellas," Jimmy greeted as he waved his right hand. 

His crutches were also flapping in the air. Meanwhile, a grinning Token held the door open. He wore a pressed dress shirt rolled at his elbows. Token always looked like he just had a photoshoot.

Craig instantly sprang on his shoes, and he was quick on his feet to greet the two.

"Hey, it's nice to have you in town, guys," he greeted. He quickly gave the two a quick half-hug.

"Hey, Craig," Token greeted back.

In the background, they could hear Clyde complaining about how unfair Craig was. "Dude! You didn’t welcome me like that!" Clyde complained half-heartedly, gesturing the three to his booth.

"I'm too surprised seeing you to react," Craig said walking back behind the counter.

Token chuckled, "It seems it was your fault, Clyde, after all. So, how come Craig's aware that we are dropping by?" the darker man asked as he leaned back in his chair looking at the man in question in his eyes.

Clyde shrugged and stuffed his face with a croissant. "This is great, you should definitely try it."

The three males laughed at Clyde. Still, the two take the last two pieces of croissant.

"Where's Tweek, C-c-Craig?" Jimmy asked. He was looking around the cafe for the blonde. "I h-haven't seen him for years."

"Apparently, Tweekers caught something and our boy runs the shop for him," Clyde explained.

"So Tweek's sick. That's kind of unsettling since he could practically stand outside the street naked in the middle of winter like it was nothing," Token said.

"Are you sure he does not have a-a-anything worse, Craig?" Jimmy asked.

Craig walked back to the booth and set a cup of hot chocolate for Token and Jimmy. He sank back to the seat he was previously occupying, and he nursed his own hot chocolate. His three friends watched him curiously as he took small sips of his drink.

He did not have a single idea when his friends became this observant. Craig expected the trio to talk about things besides himself, but he was the focus of attention now.

"He's fine. Really, I'm sure he would be fine. You know Tweek hates hospitals," he said. He wished they would already drop the conversation.

Thankfully, Clyde picked up Craig's uneasiness. He didn't have an idea why Craig was acting like that. But he knew Craig. He would tell them if there was a problem.

"Hey Craig, how come that these two got free hot chocolate, and I had to buy one for myself?" Clyde asked. "This is completely unfair. What kind of best friend are you?" he whined for effect.

"Token will leave a tip enough to buy five hot chocolates," Craig deadpanned.

"Hey!" Token shouted out, balling a napkin and throwing it in Craig's direction.

"And Jimmy will buy a dozen cupcakes before he goes home. His mom loves those orange chocolate cupcakes," Craig added as he laughed and threw the napkin at Clyde. It almost splashed on Clyde's hot chocolate.

"T-t-that was an excellent observation. I'm also buying c-c-croissant with the cupcakes," Jimmy added as he watched the three throw napkins at one another. He was glad they did not include him in the childish display, or so he thought.

"Catch, Jimmy!" Clyde shouted as he threw the napkin at him.

The four continued their game as they ate and laughed. Thankfully, there was still no one entering the coffee shop.

"I think Tweekers doing well. He baked this croissant and this cute cupcake. Do you know that time when I helped my ex-girlfriend bake a croissant? Goodness, it was a total body workout," Clyde started.

Token snorted. "Ex-girlfriend? You mean Bebe? When did you two break up again? You told me you got back together a few months ago?"

Craig looked quizzically at Clyde, Token and Jimmy. "I thought you broke up almost a year ago?"

"I t-t-think they broke up a year ago. Then they start going out again after four m-months. I-I-f I remembered correctly, they were officially back together after two months," Jimmy said. "I-I-I haven't heard from Wendy that you broke up again."

"Dude, Bebe and you started to become like Stan and Wendy," Craig pointed out. He then turned to Clyde. He gave him a cold stare. "I feel kind of bad that I'm being left out. I'm technically a year late in the gossip."

"Well, you're technically still on track, since what you knew a year ago is still the same as now?" Clyde defended himself. He then sighed. A really deep sigh.

"I don't know. I'll tell you guys everything about it at Skeeter's. It's not a topic over pastries and hot chocolate," Clyde said. "This is turning out into something like a girls' tea party. We should have tea instead of hot chocolate," he attempted to joke, but his heart was not really on it.

"We should f-f-find a new girl for Clyde," Jimmy said.

Clyde snorted. "This is a little mountain town. How the hell will a blonde goddess with a figure of a playboy model come from here?"

"Well, Bebe's from here and doesn’t she qualify as one?" Craig said.

"Nice one there, Craig," Token said, laughing. "But seriously, Clyde. You and Craig need to get laid."

Craig almost choked on his own saliva. "What are you talking about?"

His three friends laughed at him.

"Y-y-you're not that harsh to Clyde when you're getting your usual dose of sex," Jimmy explained in between laughs.

"You know, I already told him that when I entered here. He looked like he’s fantasizing about Tweek," Clyde said, his deep voice almost incoherent from laughter.

"So, this sickness that Tweek has is preventing them from having sex. Damn, I know now why Craig was so uncomfortable to talk about Tweek," Token concluded. His laughter died down unlike the two who were still chuckling.

"I think I need to check something from the back room," Craig told them as he rushed out from their table.

Craig left blushing furiously, bright red from embarrassment. Damn these three for making fun of him.

"You're such a prude, Craig!" Clyde called out.

"Fuck you, Clyde! I'm not the only one not getting laid!" Craig screamed. A renewed round of laughter rang inside the coffee shop.

Craig locked himself inside the backroom. He could still hear his friends laughing. He rarely minded being the butt of the joke that was how friendship works. You laugh together or you laugh at one another.

However, he was frustrated that they caught up easily. If he could just tell them that Tweek was a woman now. Maybe he could ask for some tips on how to score on Tweek.

...

The aliens moved lazily as they watched their computer screens. There was still nothing substantial happening since Green turned into a girl. The pair acted like nothing had happened, but they were not progressing. They were still not having a baby.

"Hey, you told me they will get on it eventually, but it was a week already and nothing has happened," alien number one complained as his black eyes watched Blue having his friends over at the coffee shop where he was working.

"I don't know. Maybe we should wait?" alien number two told his fellow alien. He was also watching lazily what was transpiring on the screen. It had been a slow day since Green turned into a woman.

Alien number one sighed. He was really bored. "Do you think we should increase the pheromones we gave Green?" he asked curiously.

The other alien shrugged. "I don't think so. His pheromone levels are already higher than what we intended. If we add more, everyone in town will surely get crazy over him," he explained. "He will be like those omegas minus the sex starvation part from the alpha, beta, omega universe that I'm reading."

Alien number one looked quizzically at his partner. "Alpha, beta, omega? That was Greek letters being used in equations by humans, right? What do they have to do with pheromones and Green?"

Alien number two cleared his throat as he prepared to explain everything to his partner. He always ended up explaining everything to him.

"I have been searching for ways from the past few days how a human male could get pregnant here on Earth. I found out from an article that I read about werewolves that omega males could become pregnant by alpha males. It seemed legitimate enough since there were a lot of viewers on the page and they were reacting positively to the article," he explained.

"Aside from that, there are a lot of articles about it. Here, let me show you," alien number two said as he opened a tab on their computer to a site filled with alpha and omega stories. "Here, you see, males can still get pregnant in here."

Alien number one raised his brow at his friend. He found the site sketchy and for once he thought his partner was not as smart as he thought he was. "But that is fiction," alien number one muttered.

"I know, but evidence of werewolves was observed in Europe and other countries years ago. Through content analysis, I think that this is true since almost all the stories run this way," alien number two defended himself.

Alien number one hummed and he opened and closed several stories featuring two werewolf males. It seemed that what his alien partner was saying had a point. This kind of dynamic was observed in the fictional stories that he was reading.

Alien number two cleared his throat. "Anyway, back to the point, we could not increase Green's pheromones or he would be like an omega on the heat with how high his pheromones level would be. There might also be an incident where other humans might force themselves on Green. We don't want that," he continued to explain seriously. They did not want to bring harm to Green. Also, they needed Green to carry Blue's baby, not any other man's kid, for that matter.

"I see your point partner," alien number one agreed. He nodded as he absorbed what his partner had said to him.

He lazily closed the tabs that they opened that contained the stories, and he idly watched again as Blue interacted with his friends.

His attention was diverted when he saw Green exiting the house while carrying boxes and loading them into the car.

"Partner, Green is leaving the house," he alerted the other alien, who was busy on his tablet. He had a hunch that alien number two was reading another alpha and omega werewolf fiction.

Alien number two set his gadget down and his blank eyes trailed towards the screen and back to the other alien. The two locked eye contact and they nodded at one another.

"This is new progress. Green never leaves the house by himself," alien number two observed. "Where is he heading?" he asked his fellow alien.

Alien number one watched Green pull out in the driveway. "I think he is heading towards the coffee shop," he said.

Alien number one smirked. "We will now know the extent of Green's pheromones," he said as he eyed Blue's friend. All of them were healthy young adults. He was sure they would all react at simply being in the vicinity with Green. It was a great way to validate if the pheromones were really working or not.

"I hope that the competition for Green will end up in Blue's favor," alien number one said, catching alien's number two train of thought.

"He will. I placed a bet on Blue."    

Chapter Text

Tweek wiped off the sweat beading on his forehead. He just finished making new batches of cupcakes. Tweek would admit it. He was so bored with being all by himself most of the time, so he resorted to baking.

It needed precision and focus, but not so much that it would end up being too much pressure to handle. Baking was also kind of meditative. The procedures were repetitive, and he loved the designing part. It was fun piping the icing out and making the cupcakes look so cute that you almost could not consider eating it. Also, their profit from selling it was a huge plus.

As Tweek looked around the slightly disorganized kitchen, he could feel that he overdid it this time. He baked so much that he was sure it wouldn't fit in the fridge.

He inhaled deeply. The kitchen smelled like vanilla, but there were still too many cupcakes lying around.

Tweek guessed he really had no choice but to head to the coffee shop. He could not exactly store all the cupcakes in the fridge. It was already crammed with buttercream icing and other baking goods that needed to be stored at a cool temperature.

It was not like there would be people loitering around the shop at this hour. Besides, it was summer, and it was really uncomfortably humid outside, even at South Park. Tweek thought it was stupid for someone to visit the shop today since they were only serving hot beverages.

Tweek snickered a bit. Craig was so hopeless at making stuff other than hot chocolate and brewed coffee that they had no choice but to only sell those besides what Tweek baked.

Maybe they should convert the coffee house into a pastry shop. They already offer a lot more varieties of sweets than coffee. For heaven's sake, they were only selling brewed coffee. Sure, they have different blends, but it was not really a coffee house when you could only sell brewed coffee, right?

But how could they really sell that multiple types of what Craig called a fancy and expensive caffeine concoction when Tweek was practically hiding in the public?

Tweek took another deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. He guessed he really had no choice once again. Either he turned back to 'normal' or he sucked it up and let the town go loose with a bunch of speculation when they knew what happened to him.

He was practically a woman. However, he didn't have an idea if his extra parts worked like how they should. Was there even a reason that he was a girl now?

Tweek scoffed. At least he could not get pregnant and start pooping children, right? As if that would happen to him. He had been a woman overnight. Tweek was sure that his parts would not function like how usual woman parts worked.

Tweek stretched, and he heard the satisfying snapping of bones on his back. The boobs really made his backache, but he was slowly adjusting. His body did not bother him that much anymore. He was also not that terrified by his own body now.

He just became really squishy in a good way. It was embarrassing, but there were times he caught himself holding his own boobs. It was so soft, and it felt like he was playing with water balloons. He already had an idea why guys really love them. 

So, back to the cupcakes. He had no choice but to deliver the cupcakes to the shop. They had a huge glass fridge in there where he could store the cute cupcakes he baked. It would also be a really cool display. As a bonus, he could also fix himself some coffee if no one was around.

Tweek pursed his lips for a moment. He would send Craig a quick message. If he agreed that the coast was clear and he could head over, then he would head over there.

Tweek quickly packed around as he put the cupcakes in empty containers. He was careful not to ruin his hard work. He also did a quick job of straightening the kitchen. Tweek loaded the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and he wiped away the flour dusting on the counter. In a few minutes, the kitchen looked pristine, like Tweek had not spent hours baking in there.

Then he proceeded to the bedroom upstairs to change. He settled on wearing a skirt that Tricia gave him for practicality. His hips got really wide and his jeans cannot fit like they used to. He could not even fit a pair up past his hips. When he tried using Craig’s pants, the pair passed up his hips. However, he ended up being more frustrated at how loose the pant was on his waist. He really needed to shop for a new pair of clothes. 

Tweek shimmied on the skirt, and he turned towards the mirror to check his appearance. However, he almost shrieked when he caught his reflection.

"Jesus Christ, I get it now why Craig looked like a ripe tomato when I'm wearing button-down these days," Tweek muttered to himself as he looked at his own reflection with wide eyes.

Seriously, he was wandering around the house with his buttons almost ready to burst at his chest area all this time? No wonder Craig was acting really, really strange.

A small smirk graced Tweek's face. At least Craig still found him attractive. He could see it in how Craig stared at him, especially when he thought Tweek was not looking. Tweek could feel the intensity of those stares when his boyfriend spaced out while looking at him. Craig wanted him and he wanted him badly.

Tweek giggled to himself. He knew he was being a little mean, but it was refreshing to see Craig being uncertain about what to do for once. He knew Craig wanted him and Tweek was very interested in what his boyfriend would do to have a taste of him.

Tweek stared at his exposed skin where he missed the buttons. With a sigh, he unbuttoned his shirt, and he nonchalantly tossed it on the corner of the room.

Tweek considered what he should wear for the day. He rarely put any effort into dressing up, but he felt playful today. Besides, he was enjoying the fact that Craig paid him an extra ounce of attention.

Since the two of them get together when they were basically still kids, they never really went to the stage where the two of them circled one another unsure of what to do with their feelings, unsure if the feelings they harbor would be reciprocated or not, and unsure of what to do with the looming charge of sexual tension. It was like experiencing that mess of feelings and the only difference was that Tweek knew they love one another and it was not as complicated.

Still, Tweek wanted to explore the uncharted territory that was opened up by his condition. It was harmless, and he wanted to get out the best of being a girl instead of sulking. Brooding over with his sudden changes would not really benefit him, he realized earlier.

It was not like he did not become paranoid about what happened. From the first few days, he was a girl, he had a few sleepless nights. He kept on thinking about what would happen to him, what the town would say, and especially his parents. He did not know if he should inform them or not. Tweek decided on the latter. He was sure that his parents were really enjoying themselves somewhere overseas while sipping on exotic coffees.

However, he still came to some terms with himself from having Craig treat him naturally and seeing that nothing changed except his body. It really calmed the blonde a great deal.

Paranoia would never leave him, but Tweek liked to think that he got better at controlling his thoughts and emotions now compared to when he was still a kid.

It was not like anyone would not have a say in whatever happened. People always talk anyway, especially here in South Park, where the town's folk thought that everyone's business was their own business as well.

Maybe he should adopt his father's mindset. Publicity was still publicity, either good or bad. It still promoted the business, and that was good for the family business. Tweek laughed. His father really had deranged common sense.

With a smile, Tweek considered wearing something not too flashy or over the top. He settled on wearing a white V-neck tee that was given to him by Tricia and one of Craig's jackets.

Tweek just tossed his messy hair on the side, like he usually saw most of the girls doing. He giggled at his own reflection. He looked really cute.

Tweek had a secret plan to get on Craig's nerves. Underneath the simple tee hid Tweek's ultimate weapon. It was a lacy garment that Tricia threw in among the bunch of clothes she bought for Tweek as a joke.

Tweek was wearing blue lingerie, and he was planning to flash Craig some glimpse of it 'accidentally' later on. He purposely wore something with a loose neckline for his plan.

It was a real pain in the ass hooking the piece of clothing together. He even accidentally snapped himself twice, and he had some difficulty in breathing after putting it on - it was really amazing how girls could wear this stuff every day for hours- but Tweek will endure the pain for a few hours.

If Craig would not pounce on him later on tonight after the seduction plan, Tweek was uncertain if Craig was still into him like he thought. The sexual tension was killing Tweek, and he needed to do something.

If pushing Craig to his limits would do it, then he would tease Craig until his resolution or whatever that was keeping him from doing any move on Tweek bends. Tweek knew his boyfriend needed encouragement sometimes. And he would give all forms of encouragement that Craig needed if he must.

Anyway, Craig really loved it when Tweek was wearing his color. The blonde hoped his plan would work. Dammit, it needed to work. He needed to get laid soon.

Almost half an hour later, Tweek realized Craig had left his phone in the house. He glimpsed the phone screen turned on and off when he dialed Craig's number several times. That was why Craig was not replying to any of the blonde’s messages and answering his calls.

Craig had left his phone charging on their bedside table. With a shake of his head, Tweek picked it up, and he walked towards the kitchen.

He gathered the boxes of cupcakes and he went outside to load it into the car. After several trips of going back and forth, all the cupcakes were inside the car.

Tweek would go to the coffee shop unannounced. Oh well, he had a hunch that no one was there besides Craig.

He carefully pulled out of the driveway, keeping in mind to not jolt the car too much or the cupcakes would be ruined.

He did not want the icing on the cupcake sticking on the top of the box and ruining it in the process, so driving at a turtle's pace was his only option. The road was almost empty, and he was glad. Tweek did not want anyone honking at him for driving like someone's grandma.

In a record time for someone who was driving at a snail's pace, Tweek found himself at the front of the shop. He parked his car beside the coffee shop. He was so excited to be at the coffee shop that he did not check if there was anyone besides Craig inside.

Tweek was so full of himself that no customer was in there. He did not have an idea why he was so full of himself on that matter, but he did.

So imagine his shock when he pushed open the door and the soft ringing of the door chimes announced his presence, and his three childhood friends greeted him without Craig in sight.

Fuck it. Why were Clyde, Token, and Jimmy in the coffee shop? And why were they staring at him like he just grew another head?

...

The three were still laughing their ass off at Craig. It was a rare sight to see the usually stoic man all flustered. It would be the thing that they would always dig up to laugh at when they were old and reminiscing about the good old days.

Imagine Craig Tucker running in the back room of Tweak Bros. Coffee because his friends embarrassed him by figuring out that he was not getting laid. Sounds really unbelievable, right?

What happened would never get old and the three would make sure that even their grandchildren would hear of the epic tale about what could be one of the most embarrassing moments of Craig Tucker's life at the moment.

The abrupt sound of the door chimes instantly stopped the three men from their laughter. The three of them curiously looked at the newcomer. Instantly, all of their attention diverted to the woman who entered the coffeehouse.

The woman was tall with platinum blonde hair that looked like it tossed around purposely to look seductive. It was messy but in a good way. She had dazzling doe green eyes that were as huge as a saucer as she looked at them like she was a deer caught in headlights. She was simply beautiful with alabaster skin that glowed in the sunlight.

Most important of all, she smelled so good. The woman smelled like what you wanted your home to smell like. She smelled sweet, warm and cozy. She smelled like something you wanted to come home with. There was something about her smell that gave you a light-headed feeling. It made you want to have her for yourself.

It was Clyde who broke the spell that was cast by the sudden arrival of the mysterious girl.

"Did I die without me knowing? Because I'm certain that you're an angel and I'm already at heaven," Clyde asked voice only above a whisper. Clyde's throat suddenly felt parched and he could feel his heart beating hard on his chest.

Token and Jimmy looked gave Clyde a look. That was a little bit over the top and cringe. 

However, Clyde did not give them any of his attention as his eyes were still fixed to the blonde woman.

Clyde did not believe in love at first sight, but after seeing the gorgeous blonde woman, he reconsidered his thoughts. He suddenly thanked every god he knew for having him at South Park at this very moment.

The blonde woman only blinked at him. She was so beautiful. Her pink cupid bow lips parted for a second and suddenly she was blushing really hard.

This time it was Token's time to talk. The usually smooth black man struggled with forming coherent thoughts at being in the same space as the girl.

"The weather's not that good today, huh," Token said.

He instantly wanted to sock himself in the face for that. Blame it on his weather forecaster days as a kid to resurface right now. He almost wanted to bang his head on the table for picking up the worst thing to bring up right now.

It was the true ladies’ man, Jimmy, who appeared to have his senses with him at the moment. He smiled charmingly at the girl, "W-w-would you like some coffee? We're sorry since the boyfriend's owner is in the backroom," Jimmy gestured at the door at the corner, "Would you l-l-like to sit with us while w-w-waiting?" he asked.

Jimmy was flashing his billion dollar smile that resulted from painful orthodontic works during his childhood years. So far, he was the only one carrying himself with dignity among the three males.

The blonde ran her fingers through her hair. Her eyes quickly darted between the three and to the backroom door. She nervously nibbled on her bottom lip, and a visible shudder ran along her body. She spun on her heels and she was gone as soon as she appeared.

Clyde, Token and Jimmy looked at the entrance door with wide eyes. Well, that was fast. The three stared at the spot where the girl had previously stood.

"Jimmy! What did you do? You scared her!" Clyde whined as he looked at the spot where the girl had occupied a few moments ago.

Jimmy glared at Clyde, "I-I-I did not! I'm playing it c-c-cool unlike you, guys," he replied as he shook his head.

Token sighed, "Well, she's already gone."

Disappointment heavily laced his words. Token was looking forward to having some sort of conversation with the girl. He was not really into blondes, but there was something about her he could not point out. He just felt really attracted in a weird way that it was almost illogical.

"But!” Clyde let out a frustrated groan.

How could they let the pretty lady go away just like that? They did not even know her name yet.

"I'm going after her," Clyde said, with determination. He quickly darted out of his seat and, in a flash, he was also out of the café.

"H-h-hey!" Jimmy called out after him, but Clyde was already out of sight.

Oh well, that was Clyde for them. Show him a beautiful blonde bombshell and he would surely trail after the girl like a lost puppy.

Token and Jimmy were looking at one another with Clyde missing when Craig finally emerged from the backroom.

He came out of the backroom as soon as he felt the café was uncharacteristically silent. That never happened when Clyde was around. The man cannot stand silence, even a companionable one.

"What happened?" he asked when he saw his two friends were silent.

"Clyde followed some lady who was here a few moments ago," Token explained as he gestured at the front door.

Jimmy dreamily sighed. "She's a very p-pretty blonde lady."

Craig raised his eyebrow. A blonde? He nervously gulped. It was not Tweek, right? Tweek had enough common sense to know that going out was not the smartest choice nowadays.

However, in the back of his own mind, Craig had a feeling that the pretty blonde they were referring to was Tweek. Of course, Tweek was the prettiest blonde woman he had ever laid eyes on.

"What does she look like?" Craig asked curiously while he tried to control his voice. Thankfully, his question came out as boring as ever and no hint of his actual feelings bled from his words.

"As Jimmy said, she's really pretty. Blonde hair, green eyes and hot. Definitely Clyde's type," Token said, nodding to himself. "Wait, she also looked oddly familiar. I cannot point out where I have seen her."

"M-m-me too. I think I know her."

Craig could feel himself sweating nervously. It could not be, but he was sure it was Tweek. There was no point denying the fact. The blonde they were talking about was no other than Tweek himself.

"Crap," Craig bolted right out of the café.

If Clyde laid any fingers on Tweek, he would not be held accountable for punching the man into a bloody pulp. Best friend or not, no one could touch or hit on his partner.

...

Tweek could feel his face heating really badly. He did not expect to see his childhood friends back in the coffee shop. Least of all, he did not expect them to hit on him like he was really beautiful or something. He thought those things only happened in movies, but it proved him otherwise. He was even called an angel by Clyde. What the fuck was wrong with them?

Tweek wanted to puke at how fast everything happened. For god's sake, he was only in there to put the cupcakes in the fridge. That was his main agenda besides fixing himself a frappe or maybe even getting himself a kiss or two from Craig.

Tweek leaned on the post outside the coffee shop. Why did God seem to hate him today? It was also so hot outside that in a few minutes he knew that his vision would start to swim. Leave it to him for being too sensitive to the hot temperature. Hot coffee was the only thing that he could handle without feeling that he was dying.

Tweek stared down at his outfit. With a sigh, he ran his hand over his hair. Goddammit, he even tried to look cute for Craig and it seemed that his big plan had gone and did a grand nose dive to failure land.

He really should just stay home in the first place. He should wait until Craig came home and then he could ask him to bring the cupcakes by himself. Or he could even contact Tricia. The kid worked part time for the shop, so he could definitely ask her a favor or two.

Why did he have to go in here in the first place? Oh, right. He previously had a totally flunked master plan.

"Hey," a very breathy voice called on Tweek.

Tweek gulped. He nervously turned his head in the direction of the voice. He expected to see either Clyde or Token, but he was taken aback as he was greeted with a sight of Stan Marsh looking really worried at him.

"Are you alright? I saw you leaning in the post. Can I help you?" Stan asked as he gave Tweek a really comforting smile.

"Oh, uhm, I'm fine" Tweek flinched.

He removed himself from the post and he straightened himself, running his hands over to his clothes to smooth it out and remove the invisible lint in there. He still had his back on the other male.

"Are you sure? I could help you inside if you wanted," he said, jerking his hand on the coffee shop, "Or I could help you walk towards your car," Stan kindly offered.

A shudder instantly ran at Tweek. God no, he would really like to die here outside because of the heat rather than get back there. He did not have any idea how to face his friends again.

"I'm good, thank you."

Stan, on the other hand, got a bit tired of talking at the girl's back. With a few large steps, he deposited himself across the girl. He placed his right hand on the blonde's shoulder.

Tweek immediately froze from the contact and his eyes quickly darted up to look at Stan. The other male was almost as tall as Craig with his black hair cleanly cut.

"Are you sure-" A quick gasp escaped from Stan's parted lips. "Oh! You're beautiful," he said as his eyes met Tweek's green ones.

Stanley blushed bright red, realizing what he said out loud.

"Uh, I don't mean that. Wait! I mean, you are beautiful, but I don't mean to say it out loud!" Stan quickly explained. His face was still beet red.

Tweek could also feel himself blushing really hard. What was wrong with everyone? Why did most of his friends suddenly find him really attractive? Was he that good looking? Or did his facial features sit well on a female face? 

Lost at what he was supposed to say, Tweek uttered a simple thank you.

"Thank you?"

"N-no! It's alright. Since I already slip anyway, you're really beautiful. I'm Stan Marsh, by the way. We should grab coffee together sometimes. You are?" Stan offered his hand at Tweek. He was also giving him a really boyish smile.

Tweek frowned. Of course, he did not have an idea that he was Tweek. For some reason, the thought that everyone was hitting on him just because he was apparently beautiful put a sour taste in Tweek's mouth.

"Boys," Tweek muttered to himself as he ignored the hand that Stan offered to him. Tweek turned around pissed off, leaving a gaping Stan.

Tweek kind of understands now why girls usually used that line to describe guys. Boys would always be boys. He did not expect that he would be treated as eye candy as if him being pretty was the only thing that mattered. His head started to hurt.

Tweek was still seething when he collided with Clyde. The other male was looking at him with wide eyes and he was smiling brightly. His energy and aura were so infectious that Tweek's mood was almost lifted. Almost. Until Clyde decided to open his mouth.

"Hey! I'm Clyde. You remember me, right? I'm one of the guys inside the shop. Uhhh, you did not order anything and I think my friend creeped you out. But he is really nice," Clyde said, laughing easily and flashing his cutest smile.

Tweek was very familiar with that smile. He saw it often on Clyde when the male tried hitting on various girls. Tweek felt his lips thinning.

"So, would you like to have some coffee with us? We could talk and spend time together. I could definitely recommend the croissant inside. It’s so good. It will be your loss if you miss it,” Clyde started. 

Tweek felt his lips quirk at the mention of croissants. It was good to know that Clyde loved them. Maybe he could humor Cly–

“Anyway, what's your name, barbie doll?"

Nope.

Tweek lost it as soon as Clyde called him a barbie doll. A fucking barbie doll. What kind of person called anyone a barbie doll? Yes, he was blonde, and he knew that his body proportions were doll-like, but to also freaking call him a doll at his own face? He knew it was meant as a compliment, but Tweek did not give a fuck. At that moment, Tweek could only see red.

A few seconds later, all he remembered was his right fist connecting at Clyde's face along with the sound of nose crunching and breaking. A loud thud and wail were heard as Clyde clutched his nose while he cried.

Tweek looked down at Clyde horrified. Thankfully, Stan, who Tweek ignored a few moments ago, was quick on his feet and he was already helping Clyde to sit down.

Tweek was clutching his slightly bloody fist. He had a vague idea that he hit Clyde really hard since there were specks of blood doting his fist. Tweek was already panicking over what he had done.

“I did not mean to!” Tweek shrieked. Clyde was still crying really hard and he was sniffing like a kid.

Out of the blue, Tweek heard a deep chuckle that was deeply embedded in his mind and heart. Tweek's eyes sought the sound and he saw Craig, who was shaking his head at Clyde. Craig's blue eyes did not hold an ounce of sympathy for his friend. Instead, a large smug grin was plastered on his face.

"Nice one, Tweek," Craig said as he winked at his partner. Tweek could still handle his own like always. 

“Tweek?” Clyde asked as he still sniffed. His eyes were red and there was snot and blood running down his nose. “You’re Tweek?” he asked the blonde, aghast. The color on his cheeks was suddenly gone.

This time, another thudding sound was heard as Clyde’s head collided with the pavement. It seemed that he could not handle what had happened today.

Chapter Text

"What the fuck did you mean that she is Tweek?" Stan blurted out as he looked at Craig with wide eyes. He was pointing at the blonde woman who he just tried to hit on and got ignored in return.

Craig fucking Tucker could not be serious, Tweek Tweak was never that hot and he was not even a girl to start with!

"Fuck," Craig muttered as he realized his mistake.

He blinked several times as what happened started to sink in on him. Of all the people in town to know, it ended up being the town's worst blubber mouths, Clyde and fucking Stan Marsh. 

Grace god, at least Stan was the only one conscious. It would be really insufferable if Clyde was also chewing off his ear for answers. It was a gift that he knocked out himself before he could start asking questions.

"Forget it, Marsh," Craig hissed. "Just help me carry this fat ass inside the shop, first," he said referring to Clyde who he kicked lightly in the leg to check if he would get any reaction. Unfortunately, Clyde was still out cold.

"No way, dude! How come Tweek becomes a goddess? This is just- you need to explain everything to me," Stan complained. He was still shell-shocked and he needed answers.

Craig glared hard at Stan. Who did Stan think he was? He had no right to comment right into his face what he thought of Tweek. Yes, of course, Tweek is beyond hot, but how dare he? If they were in another situation, it would not be Craig's fault if his knuckle found its way on Stan's face.

On the other hand, Tweek was nearly losing it. So what if he was a girl now? There were plenty of crazier things that had already transpired here in South Park.

"You don't need to talk as if I'm not here! You could ask me yourself, you know!?" Tweek screamed, fed up he was being ignored like he was not present there. "I'm a girl now, Marsh. Grow some balls and get done with it," Tweek hissed as he glared at Stan. 

With those words coming from Tweek herself, reality dawned quickly on him. Stan looked at Tweek, his mouth hanging open, and he seemed to have an internal breakdown. 

He could not believe that he just hit on Tweek, and he was actually really attracted to her. Like a lot. Even though she just screamed on his face and she was undoubtedly mad, she still looked beautiful. 

The sun peaking on the clouds made her hair glow beautifully like she had a halo around her. Her emerald green eyes were intense with the way she was looking at him. He did not have this kind of attraction to anyone since he first met Wendy in the playground years and years ago.

Stan clutched his head. It was too much for him to handle. He stared one more time at Tweek and he could see the resemblance between the Tweek he knew and the lady he had hit on moments ago. 

They both had the same shade of platinum blonde hair, the same wide and doll-like green eyes, and the slight twitching that he could only associate with Tweek. There was no denying it. The girl that made his stomach do crazy acrobatic movements was indeed Tweek herself. 

Why did his heart feel so erratic by just looking at Tweek? Man, he could not understand himself. Could it mean that years ago he was already attracted to Tweek and he just realized it when Tweek was now a girl? Was he secretly gay or something? He knew he liked girls, not boys, but could he actually...like, like boys?

The thought of Tweek’s green eyes reminded him of another pair of eyes, which were deeper and richer green in color. Somehow in the back of his mind, he started seeing images of Kyle, of him with Kyle and those super bro moments they shared.

"What the fuck?" Stan whispered to himself. His eyes popped wide like saucers. 

He could no longer handle it anymore. Stan felt really light-headed. His thoughts went haywire and his brain could not hold it all together. In a snap, Stan's eyes rolled at the back of his head. In an instant, there were two lumps of unconscious body right outside of Tweek Bros. Coffee shop.

"Easy, honey," Craig said while sighing. 

He stared helplessly at Clyde and Stan. Great, just great. How would he explain that there were two unconscious grown up guys at the front of his boyfriend's business place when someone walked over here?

"Ugh!" Tweek screamed. "I-I'm sorry! It was just, it was really stressful for me. I didn't mean to cause this," he sobbed. 

He walked towards Craig and he cried right into his boyfriend's shirt. Honestly, Tweek did not have an idea what was happening. He just felt really hormonal, and his mood was going haywire. 

"Hey, honey, don't cry," Craig whispered to Tweek's hair. 

To say that Craig was alarmed was an understatement. He was panicking on the inside. During the course that Tweek became a girl, this was the first time that the blonde cried. 

Tweek was not the crying type. He usually screamed out his feelings whenever he became frustrated, angry, and even when he was sad. It might seem like really childish behavior, but that was how Tweek worked. 

So damn it if there was suddenly someone who walked and asked why two men were lying unconscious in the shop's front. Fuck it if someone wanted their coffee. Craig did not care. Tweek came first before anyone else.

"Tweek, honey, it's not your fault. Please, don't cry," Craig murmured as he ran his hand down Tweek's back. 

"It's my fault. I should not come here in the first place. I promise, I thought no one's going to be around," he sniffed. "I just want to bring the cupcakes I baked and surprise you!" Tweek said, his voice was muffled on Craig’s shirt. 

A small smile peaked at the corner of Craig's lips. "What do you mean by surprise?" he asked, hoping to distract Tweek. Well, he was also curious about the surprise himself.

Craig broke away from Tweek's grasp to look at his eyes. Damnit, Tweek always caught his breath, but he looked exceptionally breathtaking today. He almost forgave his friends for hitting on his partner. Almost.

Craig noticed the blonde put an effort into dressing up. Tweek was also wearing his jacket. His smile broke into an enormous grin. 

"It's a secret," Tweek answered, his cheek reddening even though it was already splotchy from tearing up a few moments ago.

Craig snorted. How typical Tweek behavior. He would let that secret slip for now. Craig pulled a handkerchief from the back pocket of his jeans. He gingerly cradled Tweek's face in his left hand as he gently dabbed on the tear stains with his other hand.

"You're wearing my jacket," Craig commented before he placed a soft kiss on Tweek's nose. God, Craig missed being affectionate on Tweek in public. 

Craig closely watched as Tweek played with the hem of his jacket. She shyly looked at him underneath her lashes and Craig willed himself to not become distracted. He had plenty of time later to think of other circumstances where Tweek could look at him like that.

However, when Tweek's bottom lips ended up being bitten between Tweek's teeth, Craig could not handle it anymore. He quickly ducked his head and gave Tweek a kiss on the lips. He sucked on his plump bottom lip and he ran his tongue on it after.

"What happened here?" Token asked. 

He was looking at Clyde and Stan, who was lying sprawled on the pavement, passed out. When Clyde and Craig took so much time getting back, Jimmy and him decided to check on the two. Token did not expect things to look like this.

"I-I-I think the major problem in here is w-w-why Craig is c-c-cheating on Tweek," Jimmy stated as he stared openly at Craig and the girl he was kissing.

Token quickly sought Craig's direction. He was taken aback when the blonde girl from earlier was with Craig. The two were standing so close together and they appeared to just share a kiss. He blinked several times and he even rubbed his hand on his eyes like he could not process what he was seeing. 

Jimmy was right. The main problem right now was why Craig was cheating on Tweek. The two remained standing still as if they were deer caught in headlights. 

"C-craig, was there s-s-something you are not telling us a-a-about?" Jimmy asked.

"Was the girl in the coffee shop because she was looking for you?" Token also asked right after Jimmy.

Token realized it made perfect sense. The girl bolted out as quickly as she came. He thought that they just crept her out since the three of them practically hit on her. But given the circumstances now, it was possible that she was looking for Craig and she did not want anyone to know. 

But why would Craig cheat on Tweek? And why was Craig running the shop with no kind of guilt while he was also cheating on Tweek? Craig was also not the kind of person to use someone to gain anything. It made no sense whatsoever. 

Maybe he was running the shop because he felt bad at cheating on Tweek? Also, Tweek might really be sick like what Craig was saying. Their blonde friend would surely notice if Craig was cheating on him unless he was so badly sick that he could not observe Craig as much as he used to.

But it still did not answer the question of why Craig would cheat on Tweek. 

Token stared at the girl. It was odd. He felt he knew the girl and he had seen her before. Anyway, what did Craig see in her to cheat on Tweek? 

Token was sure that he was not the only one that could not imagine Craig Tucker with anyone else, but with Tweek Tweak. If he did not see with his own eyes how Craig was so close with the girl, and how he probably just kissed her, he would not believe it.

So, the girl was blonde, with green eyes, and few freckles doting her face. She could also definitely qualify as one of the models Craig was working with. Token felt this funny feeling that the girl almost looked like a girl version of Tweek. If Tweek would have a hot sister, he was sure that she would look like her.

"So, what happened Craig? You just thought you don't want to be gay and find a very beautiful girl version of Tweek?" a very familiar voice taunted Craig.

All attention was centered on the bulky man with a a blue beanie and red jacket. Eric Cartman sauntered towards them with a shit-eating grin. He kicked Stan hard on the leg and he chuckled to himself when the unconscious man groaned in pain.

"Shut up, Cartman," Craig hissed.

He instantly came into his senses and he blocked Tweek on Cartman's line of sight. This fatass better not set his eyes on Tweek or he would personally escort him to hell. 

"Whatever," Cartman rolled his eyes as he tucked his hand in his pockets. He grinned widely as he approached Craig and Tweek.

"Hey, you beautiful. Did you know that this giant right here has a twitchy boyfriend? Did he inform you that?" he continued as if he was only having a casual conversation with friends, which was not the case.

When no one answered, Cartman saw it as a chance to continue his jab at Craig. Sure, the lady must not have had an idea that she was being used, and he could use that opportunity. She was pretty hot and maybe she'll go out with him if he told her how much of a douchebag Craig is. She'll be thankful to him for letting her know she was being used. 

"Oooh, so you don't know? They are the gayest couple in town. Ask Token, it's true!"

Token pinched the bridge of his nose and he released a long sigh. "Don't drag me on this, fatass."

"But Toooooken! It's true. They are like the gayest gay couple in the whole South Park!" Cartman screamed, his accent more heavy and thick as the second passed.

Tweek, on the other hand, became fed up with Eric Cartman's usual scheme. He lightly tugged on Craig's shirt and Craig quickly glanced at him. 

"I'll handle this," he said as he gestured to Cartman and the whole tangle of people who were caught in their drama. 

"Are you sure? We are avoiding this from happening in the first place," Craig whispered back to Tweek. His eyes were downcast and worry marked his usual neutral expression.

Tweek sighed and shook his head. It appeared that he needed to, even if he wanted to or not. 

"It happened. I need to do something to deal with this," he said as he tipped on his toes and kissed Craig's cheek.

Craig grabbed her hand and gave it a firm squeeze. Tweek squeezed Craig's hand back with much greater force, channeling some of his nerves into Craig.

"I'll go and get them, tiger," Tweek said with determination flashing in his big green eyes.

"Aye! Stop flirting, you two!" Cartman bellowed as he rolled his eyes, clearly dismissing any bits of the conversation the two had. "You guys are acting like super gay. Well, Craig is super gay and a super cheater," he snickered.

For once, Jimmy and Token could not say something to make Cartman shut up. They watched helplessly as the annoying man from their childhood insulted Craig right in his face. It hurt them to admit it, but Cartman was voicing some of their accusations on Craig regarding the matter of being a cheater.

"Ugh, my head hurts," Stan muttered as he was woken up by the loud noise around him.

Stan was grateful that he felt arms helping him to sit up. He muttered thanks to Jimmy and Token, who helped him. With his head throbbing like he had an acute case of hangover, he cradled his head in his arms. Stan tried to remember what had just happened and why he lost consciousness.

Stan blinked several times as his eyes focused on his surroundings. His mind was getting clearer and less foggy as seconds ticked by. 

He was a bit surprised to see Cartman. He scoffed at himself when he realized that the bigger man did not help him at all. Well, he would not be Cartman if he was not an asshole.

"What's happening?" Stan asked as he looked at Jimmy.

"W-we don't actually h-h-have an idea what is happening," Jimmy explained with a sigh.

"Apparently Craig was cheating on Tweek with her," Token supplied as he gestured to the girl beside Craig.

Stan let his sight trail where Token was pointing. His heart pounded again as he laid his eyes on the blonde angel, ehrm, Tweek. Everything rushed back to him. He now remembered the reason he had suddenly passed out in the street. 

"Are you guys nuts? How can Craig cheat on Tweek? She's Tweek," Stan deadpanned as he continued to nurse his head between his hands.

"What!?" 

"Bloody tampon! What do you mean that she's Tweek?" Cartman screamed.

"Quit screaming, dude!" Stan moaned. "Ask her yourself, dumbass."

Unfortunately for Stan, Cartman along with Token and Jimmy ended up questioning him more than Tweek or Craig. In a flash, no one was paying attention to the pair.

Meanwhile, Tweek blinked in wonder a few times. He was actually thankful for Stan's timing. At least he did not need to spill the beans himself. It also went less violent than what he had in mind. 

Tweek wanted to laugh. He turned around to face Craig. Tweek was smiling brightly and his eyes were crinkling. He checked on Jimmy, Token, Cartman and Stan one last time. The three men were looking and grilling at Stan as if the man was to blame for what happened.

"Let's escape while they're distracted," Tweek whispered.

"How about the shop?" Craig asked back in a beat. It's not like they could just leave the shop like that.

"We'll get back tonight," Tweek said as he tugged Craig toward his car parked at the side of the coffee shop. 

"Quick," Tweek literally pushed Craig toward the shotgun seat and he sprinted to the driver's seat.

It was very unlikely for Tweek to drive quickly, but they zoomed out of the parking lot in a few seconds. Once they passed the coffee shop, Tweek let out the giggle that he was repressing. Craig quickly joined after him. Their pent-up tension turned into bouts of laughter.

"I thought you said that you're going to handle it?" Craig asked between laughs.

"I did. Escaping was my way of handling it," he answered smartly. With a sheepish smile, Tweek shrugged, "It also kinda fits with Stan spilling everything."

Craig hummed in agreement. Their laughter died down and a comfortable silence engulfed the two. 

They were almost at their house when Craig spoke up again. "So... What's the surprise you're telling me earlier?" Craig asked.

Craig watched as a bright blush crept on Tweek's cheeks. He almost thought that he would not answer and kept on insisting that it was a secret. 

"You'll see later," he finally answered, his voice above a whisper as he looked at Craig with low-lidded eyes.

Craig felt his throat constricting and maybe some other places were doing the same. He cleared his throat awkwardly and his face also flamed up as an answer. Whatever that surprise was, he was certainly looking forward to it.

Chapter Text

"Why are you in the café in the first place?" Craig asked as soon as Tweek finally parked their car in the garage.

"I bake some cupcakes and I kinda bake a ton," Tweek explained. He let out a long sigh as he glanced at the back to look at the said cupcakes. "I hope I did not ruin everything with how fast I drive."

Craig chuckled as he got out of the car and gently closed the door behind him. "There's only one way to find out."

Craig opened the back seat and retrieved one container full of cupcakes. He then returned to his seat. He placed one of the large plastic containers across his lap and opened it.

"They looked fine for me," Craig announced as he held a cupcake for Tweek to inspect.

"Thank goodness. It's really a pain in the ass pipping the icing on each of these." Tweek snatched the sweets that Craig was holding and took a bite from it. "I really need one of these after what happened," Tweek hummed as he took another bite from the cupcake.

Craig, on the other hand, just watched Tweek as he munched on the sweets in record time. He couldn't stop himself from chuckling when he grumbled underneath his breath how easy it was to finish a cupcake within a few bites.

"Now, now, you said there's a lot of that. Here, get some more," Craig offered as he extended the container towards Tweek.

Tweek grabbed another one and he ate it more slowly this time, savoring the sweetness of the cupcake.

"Maybe I should convert the shop into a pastry shop," Tweek said between bites.

Craig shrugged, and he also got one cupcake for himself. Since he was a sucker for strawberries and cream, he helped himself with a piece. He took a huge bite and he raised his brow at Tweek when he heard him laughing.

"Craig, you're such a kid. Here, let me wipe that icing off." Tweek hiked up his skirt and he twisted around the driver's seat to have better access to Craig's face. He leaned down, and he wiped off the icing near the corner of his boyfriend's lips.

"Hey, why are you staring at me like that?" Tweek asked.

The gesture was really innocent itself. Tweek was only reaching to whip off the icing on his face. However, Craig’s sexually charged brain could only think of it the other way.

Even though it made him sound like a creep, deep in his thoughts, Craig considered today was his lucky day. He hadn't seen that expanse of Tweek's milky alabaster legs for more than a week, and after Tweek hiked his skirt up, he could have more than a glimpse of it. On the other hand, the way that the neckline of Tweek's shirt hung really low and offered him a view of Tweek's breast encased in a lacy blue bra took home the prize.

Craig cannot remove his gaze from the display before him. Craig frequently caught himself staring at Tweek's boob and the way it dangled in front of him was the greatest view he had so far. He did not really like girls. He was even never fascinated with a pair of mammary glands, but seeing it on Tweek had an effect on him. 

“Oh nothing, really,” Craig muttered as he moved his gaze away, feeling hot under his collar.

He also had an idea how perverted he must look. It was embarrassing, but he could not help himself from staring. It was right into his face. How could he not look?

Tweek giggled, knowing what Craig was really staring at. "Like what you see?" Tweek teased Craig.

He bit the inside of his cheeks to prevent himself from laughing out loud. Tweek was fascinated with how fast a blush blossomed on his boyfriend's face.

Motivated by Craig's rare occurrence of embarrassment, Tweek felt bold out of the blue.

"You could do more than look, you know," Tweek murmured as he cradled Craig’s face to keep him from avoiding looking at him. "Say, you could touch it if you wanted," he added, voice dropping a few notes.

He shot Craig a playful smirk as he licked the icing that he wiped off.

"Ohhh, Tweek," Craig groaned. His usual clear ocean blue eyes turned into a darker shade of blue. “Why are you doing this to me?” Craig threaded his fingers on Tweek’s blonde hair, pressing his lips lightly on the corner of Tweek’s mouth.

Well, if Tweek was initiating this and he was clearly pushing Craig to his limits, he was pretty sure that Tweek needed intimate contact as much as he did. He had a gut feeling that all of these were planned. He nuzzled his cheek against Tweek. What a sly little fox his little blonde is.

“Why am I doing what?” Tweek murmured in Craig's ear, nibbling on it.

“Why are you torturing me?” Craig asked, peppering butterfly kisses along Tweek’s jaws.

“Am I?” Tweek leaned down and kissed Craig squarely at his lips. “Am I really torturing you?” he asked as he stared intently at Craig’s blue eyes.

“You damn well know what you’re doing, honey,” Craig answered before capturing Tweek’s lower lip between his.

Craig could not help but groan at the feeling. It had been so long since he was able to kiss Tweek like this, to taste him and savor the feeling. They still kissed ever since Tweek became a girl but it was either a peck on the cheek or a chaste lip lock. Craig missed this. Actually, Craig needed this more than ever. The sexual tension between them was killing him.

He did not have an idea if whatever happened to Tweek or the lack of intimate contact made everything damn exhilarating. Tweek felt nice and so much more intoxicating. The kiss was almost as good as the first time he and Tweek discovered the wonders of making out. He almost felt high by just kissing Tweek.

“God, Tweek, I missed this,” Craig sighed as he rested his forehead against Tweek’s.

Tweek giggled as an answer. “I know. That’s why I thought you need some encouragement to overcome your anxiety about me freaking when you’re all over me,” Tweek chuckled. "For obvious reasons, you know,” he gestured down to his frame.

Craig’s cheeks colored red yet again.

"I don't want to hurt your feelings," Craig said while pushing a stray blonde strand of hair away from Tweek's face, sobering up a little from lust.

Tweek hummed in agreement. "You're such a dork," he leaned down and ran his tongue on Craig's bottom lip. "You're even more sensitive about my feelings than me."

"What can I say? You have me wrapped around your fingers."

Craig captured Tweek's lips once again. The kiss was slow this time. He was savoring the fact that the two of them could finally kiss each other like this again. He was fond of the chaste lip lock, the short and sweet kind. However, really kissing someone like what he was doing now was more earth-shattering, rawer and more personal.

Having Tweek moaning under the kiss was another thing. Craig gripped the back of Tweek's neck and pulled the blonde towards him to deepen the kiss. A gasp escaped Tweek and Craig took it as a sign to continue.

"Ouch, wait, wait," Tweek pulled back wincing. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were plumper.

"Did I accidentally bite you too hard?" Craig asked, concerned. His breathing was still laborious, and he looked wide-eyed at Tweek trying to know what he possibly did wrong.

“Fuck, am I already losing my touch?”

"No dummy, you're still a good kisser," Tweek answered, giggling. "The hand brake dug on my side when you pulled me," he explained, pouting a little bit as he grabbed his side.

"I'm sorry. I just got way too excited," Craig admitted sheepishly.

Tweek raised an eyebrow, getting several shades darker. Trying to ignore the fact that he was being flustered due to his own effects on Craig. Tweek poked at his side to check for any bruising.

"Well, it doesn't hurt."

“Are you sure?” Craig asked as he ran his hand on Tweek's sides which sent shivers on his blonde companion.

Tweek nodded as an answer.

A moment of silence passed the two. A smirk graced Craig’s lips as he saw Tweek looking at the prominent tent on his jeans. The blonde was tomato red and he seemed to lose any teasing attitude that he had a couple of moments ago.

For a second, Craig thought of an idea. It was not fair that he was the only one being teased. Since Tweek already said that he could do more than look, he should heed his beautiful companion’s words and do more than look. Of course, he would not do anything Tweek was not comfortable with.

"Care to continue inside?" Craig asked, eyes glassy with want.

Tweek nodded again in agreement. He felt tingles running up and down his spine. Oh lord, please help him. He knew what Craig could do when he had that look in his eyes.

...

Tricia was a little bit confused when she pushed open the doors of the coffee shop. For starters, there were way too many people for a café that could only sell hot coffee or hot chocolate. Second, her brother was not in the register. Craig was simply nowhere in sight. Lastly, no one was drinking or eating anything.

She could only raise her brow in irritation. Really? They don't have wifi and people were hanging out there out of the blue without ordering anything? Yes, the place was air-conditioned and a great place to cool down especially this hot summer in South Park. However, people really need to realize that they needed to order something before they could lounge in the area like they owned the place.

Tricia tried to act like nothing was bothering her with the setup. She immediately took a quick look at the backroom. Maybe Craig was in there doing god knows what.

However, she was not able to catch any glimpse of her brother. With a shrug, she went to the register and made sure that nothing was broken.

Everything looked fine. Of course, besides what she had noted earlier. Being annoyed that she didn't have a clue what was going on she practically abused the bell situated in the cashier's counter.

"Come on, people. Order up or I'm calling the police to escort you all out," she said blankly as she crossed her arms and set it in the signature Tucker stoic face.

Oddly enough the people in the shop appeared to just notice her. A frown marred the red head's face. Honestly, what was going on?

"Come on, people. We don't have the whole day," she announced in her bored tone, yawning for effect.

She heard several scraping sounds of the chair and she was somewhat glad she had control of a thing or two. Tricia did not really bother to look at the people inside the shop when she entered, so she was in shock to see her brother's childhood friend.

"I don't have an idea that you're taking off too much from your brother," Token teased. "We were waiting for Craig and Tweek to come back," he explained.

He gestured to his booth where Clyde and Stan were nursing a bruised face, Timmy was trying to lighten up the mood of the two, and oddly enough Cartman was also in there sitting really silently like he was traumatized for life. How Tricia did not notice the five was something she could not comprehend.

On the other hand, the rest seemed to be customers that were waiting for someone to man the register.

"I'll explain everything later. These people over here were waiting for some time," Token said as he gestured to the line behind him.

Tricia found herself nodding in response, still too confused about everything to properly react.

"Oh, miss! We read so much about the detailed review of these croissants and cupcakes. May I get a dozen of each? My sweet, sweet little boys will love it," a random woman exclaimed excitedly to her.

Tricia did not know anything about what the woman was saying, but it appeared that the pastries were suddenly quite popular.

"Yes, ma'am. This is really great. The owner made them themselves. Have a good day," Tricia recited in a bland voice. Thankfully, the woman did not seem to mind or she did not just care.

The redhead found herself serving people cupcakes and croissants for almost an hour. The line was pretty long. This was the most action and money that the café had for a week. She was exhausted, but happy.

She nearly forgot that her brother was missing, and Token told her that he would explain everything. Tricia was just too happy to finally be done with the customers and clean up the shop. She was kinda glad that Tweek almost went overboard with the pastries and they did not run out of those.

Tricia slumped at the register too tired to move an inch of muscle. But damn, she was really satisfied. Craig and Tweek agreed to give her five percent of the shop's earnings besides her salary and tips. She made a lot today.

"Tricia?" someone called her and she lazily raised her head to see Clyde fidgeting.

She clearly forgot that his brother's friend promised her an explanation.

"Yes?"

"When did Tweek have an operation?"

"Operation?"

Did her brother tell them that Tweek went under the knife for some disease or something? Clyde looked pretty worried. Maybe that was what her brother told them.

"Come on. You knew about it, right?"

Tricia pursed her lips. Thinking that she must play along, she asked her own questions. "What operation? Tweek had several."

"Oh god, why didn't they tell us anything? We're friends," Clyde said disappointedly. "We would understand."

Tricia knew that would be a bad lie. However, she already said it. There was no turning back now. She felt a tad bad about lying to Clyde. The man was his brother's best friend.

"Tweek doesn't want to worry anyone," she replied. "So... care to tell me what happened earlier?" she asked carefully. She absolutely wanted to know what happened earlier.

"I hit on Tweek," Clyde started to explain. "Stan and Cartman, too."

"So that's what happened," Tricia murmured to herself. "Wait, what? Tweek was here?"

"Yeah," Clyde scratched the back of his neck. "Can we sit down with the others?" he jerked in the direction where the other guys were sitting.

"Okay. Maybe I'll fix everyone something to drink," Tricia agreed, sighing. "Care to flip the sign close for me?" she directed to Clyde. This was going to be a long talk.

...

The aliens were holding their breath as they watched what was happening inside the car. Green and Blue just got home and they were making out like they never did ever since Green became a woman.

The aliens’ plan was finally progressing. Green and Blue might have sex today. If they were lucky and the conception was successful, they were done with the first step they needed to do to finally have a baby.

They were wishing to all of the intergalactic gods for the two to finally get it on.

"I'm so ecstatic that the two were finally intimate," alien number one told his companion, eyes fixated on the screen. His facial expression and tone of voice were not expressing any ecstatic feeling that he had.

"I am too. I am starting to think that they would not consider having any sexual contact for a month," alien number two agreed to his partner. "I am starting to be concerned for Blue's condition too. I frequently caught him masturbating in the shower when I am supervising them during the night. It was a huge waste of viable sperm."

The other alien nodded at what his partner had said. "I agree. I caught him myself some time ago. I found it odd that he was whispering Green's name in the shower when he could definitely just have sex with Green. I don't think Green would mind."

“Do you think that we should sneak into the bathroom and collect Blue’s semen and artificially inseminate it into Green?” alien two asked. “We could get a sample on the wad of tissues in their bathroom that Blue always used to clean up. We can culture the sperm here.”

“But don’t you think Blue would become suspicious if we do that?”

“How?” alien number two asked, being the one who was a little bit slow for the first time.

“If Green was suddenly pregnant without them having sex he might think that Green cheated on him,” alien number one started to explain. “Also, if they had a DNA examination and they learned that Blue is the father without Blue putting his penis into Green’s vagina, they would think that someone was behind it…”

“In short our cover might be blown up,” alien number two continued for his partner.

“So, collecting the tissue with the Blue’s semen was not an option,” alien number one said.

The two aliens turned back their attention to the live feed that they have of the two. It seemed that the two specimens were really getting on it. However, the aliens almost had a heart attack when Green pulled away from Blue, wincing and clutching his side.

"Oh no! No! They stopped!" Both aliens cried simultaneously.

"They need to continue!" alien number one said in despair. If the two stopped they didn't have an idea where the two might be this intimate again.

As if hearing them, Blue arsed Green if he wanted to continue what they were doing inside. Lifting their worries away.

"A conception might happen tonight," the alien number one exclaimed.

"They might. I am relieved that Blue finally took the initiative. I am tempted to inject him with additional testosterone if he continues to not do anything," alien number two declared.

Alien number one agreed to his partner with a hum.

They both simultaneously looked back at the live feed that they had when they heard squealing. Blue was currently pouncing on Green like a lion to its prey.

Alien number one stared sharply at alien number two. “Are you sure you do not inject him with testosterone?”

If the other alien could roll his eyes he already did so. Reaching for the drawer in their long table, he held up a vial with a liquid. “I had it prepared, but I have not administered it yet.”

Another bout of squealing resonated again from the live stream that they had. There was an evident progression happening between the blue and green specimens.

Alien number one hummed happily at what he was seeing on the white screen. He honestly did not mind if the two did not end up fucking each other’s brains out today. He was glad that they were making progress and sooner or later Blue and Green would have sex.

Alien number one watched at the corner of his black eye his partner. He could not understand it but he could tell that number two had a morbid obsession for the two to have sex at one another. He had a feeling that his partner was trying to learn something from the coupling of the two, but what exactly was that? He had no idea.

Glancing back at the screen and at his partner, he realized that he did not really need to be in there. Standing up, alien number one walked towards one of the computers at the side of their capsule.

“You take the watching duty. I have something to attend to,” he informed his partner whose eyes were still focused on the white screen.

Settling down on the chair in the front of the computer, alien number one started to create a food blog. He read on one of the pamphlets that his partner forced him into that having a baby was expensive, so he assigned it to himself to check the savings account of Blue and Green. They had a pretty decent savings account, but it was not enough in the alien’s opinion.

Well, it would definitely never be going to be enough considering that the alien only looked for very expensive baby stuff and he already put the college expenses in the equation. Honestly, how could Craig and Tweek's savings live to that?

Gathering a few screenshots of the pastry that Green baked, alien number one busied himself.

He would make Blue and Green rich with the power of the internet or so he thought.

Chapter Text

"So, you're telling us that Tweek's procedure was swapped with someone named Tweety?" Clyde asked with a raised brow.

"And Tweety was supposed to have that breast augmentation?" Stan also asked, looking suspiciously at the youngest Tucker.

Tricia nodded. She was trying so hard to not crack under any pressure. Her cover-up story for Tweek was more than ludicrous, and she knew it. She made up a story where Tweek was supposed to have rhinoplasty because of a badly broken nose, but the doctor swapped Tweek to Miss Tweety since the two of them were both blonde and some other uniquely out of this world reasons.

"The doctor thought that Tweety is his nickname," Tricia mumbled. "You know how his name sounds like its chirping bird sound," Tricia continued to cover up for her lies.

She internally winced that sounded like an awful pun. Technically, it was Craig and Tweek's fault. They leave her without choice and to make up something to save their own asses.

A round of silence passed the occupants of the room. Jimmy was not speaking at all. He was just listening very intently at Tricia, eyebrows drawn together. Token too. He was watching the girl like a hawk as if he was waiting for that one final straw to tear her down and her stories.

"That was impossible. I'm not buying that crap. A hospital would not screw up like that," Cartman said unconvinced, eyeing Tricia sharply. He slurped loudly at his cup of hot chocolate.

"Tweekers does not look like someone who only had breasts done. He looked like he had undergone the whole trans path. No hating you know. He was already a fag, so taking an extra step further is nothing at all," Cartman said.

"Oh, come on and humor us, fatass. How did you know that?" Tricia hissed at him. "Wait, did you look up the operations yourself? Figuring how to have breast yourself? And maybe a vagina, too? Cause you already don't have balls and my pinky was bigger than your dick?"

Tricia brought up her hand and curled her pinky a couple of times. Cartman was red in the face as if a vein was threatening to poop anytime soon.

"I'm stating the obvious! Does he look like someone who only got a breast implant!?" Cartman shouted looking at the other guys in the room.

"A-a-actually, Cartman has a p-point," Jimmy decided to talk before Tricia got what she had to say, leaving the teenager with a tense jaw. "Tweek l-l-looked more feminine. S-she or he... I d-d-don't know, it p-p-pains me but C-cartman might be right."

A smug look was plastered across Cartman's face.

"So? Another hospital can make a mistake, but I bet if that happened on South Park you'll all act like nothing happened," Tricia snorted.

"Stan's mom would be delighted if that happened. She will probably let the whole town know by herself," Cartman answered, picking at his fingernails.

"Don't bring my mom into this Cartman. You're not being funny," Stan said, glaring at the bigger man.

"You know, let us just believe what Tricia said. She had no reason to lie to us, right?" Token said.

"Tweek has a fairly feminine build to start with. Maybe we just realized it now when we saw her," Clyde added.

Tricia almost let out a sigh of relief.

"As if I would lie about something like that," she huffed, biting the insides of her cheek.

If they only knew that she was certainly lying through her teeth.

"B-b-but why would Tweek w-w-wear those girly clothes?" Jimmy asked. He was still not convinced by what Tricia was saying. He absolutely wanted to believe the girl, but something in his guts told him it was not the entire story itself.

As if having the exact thoughts, Stan also added his own doubts. "If it is not his operation, why doesn't he just have it removed? Why continue to have it?"

"That's my point all this time," Cartman pipped up.

For a second, both Clyde and Token looked intently at Tricia. They did not want to believe in her, but they could not find the reason she would lie.

"As if you would believe me if I told you that Tweek suddenly wakes up and then, like magic, she's the gorgeous girl you all wanted to bone," Tricia said with a sigh.

"You know, if you don't believe me, just don't. I'm not here to convince you."

An awkward silence encompassed them. Tricia stood up, her chair scraping at the floor. "You all better get going. I'm going to clean up before closing the shop. And Cartman, that's seventeen dollars."

"What!?" Cartman asked surprised since he was the only one being charged for the hot chocolate and pastries. The other four occupants of the room could only watch the exchange.

"You pissed me off. Now pay up," Tricia held out her hand for Cartman's payment.

With a string of curses, Cartman got a twenty dollar bill. "Keep the change. I'm out of here before the ginger started her devil works."

Tricia rolled out her eyes at Cartman. When the annoying man was finally making his way out, Tricia directed her attention at the remaining four men.

"Actually, I really lied about the mishap with Tweek's operation," she admitted, raising both of her arms as a sign of surrender.

"Why?" Stan asked, voicing all of their thoughts.

"I thought all of you would buy it. It doesn't hurt that I tried," she said as she shrugged. She sent an apologetic smile at Token and Clyde.

"What really happened to Tweek?" Token asked, arms crossed, a bit annoyed since Tricia lied to him.

"I'm sorry. It was not really my place to tell. I'm just protecting Tweek. He doesn't want anyone to know. We honestly don't know what happened. He just had stomach cramps and then the following day he's already a girl."

"W-w-when all of this happened?"

"Just last week."

"Did you mean that the reason Tweek was sick last week was because of that?" Clyde asked.

He was thinking back to the time last week when he practically locked Craig into his apartment so that the other man would not rush in the middle of the night at South Park. He remembered Craig talking to Tricia about how Tweek was so sick and burning with a high fever.

"Yes, we were just talking, and everything seemed fine, and then he just threw up and he was burning with fever," Tricia explained.

"So, basically Tweek changed into a woman when he was in South Park," Stan realized, nodding to himself.

"Something about this town really sends a shiver down my spine," Token said, realizing Stan's implication. "Should I already book my flight?" Token attempted to joke, but he almost meant it.

The other guys almost immediately panic.

"I don't really want to be a girl. I want a hot woman, but I don't want to be one," Clyde said as he hugged himself, looking suspiciously around the coffee shop.

"I-I-I don't want to be a woman myself either," Jimmy said. "That would be a problem."

"It's not much of a problem if I become a girl, right? Wendy said she is bi," Stan muttered to himself, also panicking with the way the other guys were panicking around him.

"Stop it, guys. No one was going to be turned into a woman," Tricia exclaimed.

If she knew they were going to act like this, she might as well stick with the wrong plastic surgery cover-up.

"If there is another man that turned into a girl without his own accord, you could panic," she could not help but add as she realized how stupid the four grown-up men were acting.

"For now, help me clean and close up. Maybe they spare the ones with a golden heart," Tricia laughed at her own joke and the way that the men appeared to be too eager to help her.

...

Tweek watched Craig sleeping peacefully with a small smile on his lips. He felt his heart melting for this man. He was so lucky to have him in his life. Craig was perfection himself. Extremely good looking, and a very understanding partner.

He felt himself blushing. Craig wanted him still, even though he had a woman’s body now. He could certainly feel it in Craig's kisses and in how Craig stared at him. It felt like nothing changed. Craig loved him, no matter what.

Tweek felt his stomach doing somersaults at the thought. The blonde tucked himself on Craig's side and he draped his arm around his boyfriend, face flushing red and heart pounding loud on his ears.

His man got a heart big enough for both of them.

"...Tweek?"

"Mmmph?" Tweek muttered, hugging Craig tighter and pushing himself towards his boyfriend.

"What's gotten into you?" Craig chuckled, lying down on his side so that he was facing Tweek. He wrapped his arm around the blonde in return.

"...nothing. You smell really nice," Tweek answered, burrowing himself deeper into Craig's embrace.

Craig laughed at Tweek's antics. He rested his chin on top of Tweek's blonde head. A smile wormed its way into his lips. He could spend the rest of his waking days like this with Tweek on his arm. He would not have it any other way. 

"Are you sore?" he asked as he ran his thumb along the curve of Tweek's spine.

Craig nuzzled his nose into Tweek's hair. It smelled of coffee and oddly enough, it also smelled like strawberries.

"No, a bit stiff, but not sore."

Craig hummed. With unexpected ease, he hoisted Tweek up so that the blonde was laying right on top of him.

"There better, I might squish you if you're sandwiched between the couch and me," he said, hugging Tweek right against him. "Might be the cause of stiffness. I'm not that rough at you earlier."

"Craig! I might squish you!" Tweek abruptly sat on top of Craig, his legs on either side of the taller man's torso. He playfully swatted Craig at his shoulder.

"And what are you saying about not being rough? I have hickeys!" Tweek tugged down at the neckline of his shirt. Purple color blossomed from the expanse of Tweek's collarbones.

"You weigh like close to nothing," Craig said with a huge grin as he traced the hickeys with his fingerprints.

"Hey, it's still tender," Tweek pulled away, wincing slightly.

Craig let his hand rest on Tweek's hips, running his hands up and down on the blonde side slowly.

Tweek looked at Craig sharply. "I swear Craig if you tickle me again," he threatened as he glared down at his boyfriend.

"What? You'll squeal again?" Craig teased. "Man, our neighbors might think that you're having the best sex ever!" he continued. "Craig! Stop! Wait! I can't take it anymore!" Craig mimicked Tweek’s higher pitched voice, the side of his eyes crinkling at his own joke.

"Shut up, Craig."

Tweek was blushing furiously. His flushed color made Craig burst into a full-blown laugh.

"I'm sorry," Craig apologized, clearly not being sorry.

Tweek rolled his eyes at Craig's childish antics, but he finally laughed at his own actions earlier. He was very ticklish, and Craig used it to his advantage. Tweek rested his forehead against Craig. His green eyes shone with mirth and love.

"I love you even though you're mean," Tweek whispered.

"I love you even though you're a tease," Craig replied, his lips still split into a huge grin.

"I love you, even though you're a dork."

"I love you even though you're a dummy."

"Hey, it's almost the same as a dork."

"No, it's not."

"Whatever, I will always love you, Craig," Tweek leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Craig's lips.

"I love you too, no matter what," Craig replied. "Even if you're a boy, a girl. Even if you become a mermaid or whatever. I'll always love you, Tweek."

"You're going to make me cry," Tweek whispered as he nuzzled Craig's neck.

Craig threaded his fingers through Tweek's hair. "Don't cry, honey."

Tweek pulled away a bit from Craig, just to look into his boyfriend's eyes.

"I'm just glad that you still liked me even if I'm not a guy," Tweek admitted. "Can I ask you a question?"

Craig nodded as an answer. Tweek completely pulled away, but he was still resting on top of Craig.

"We never really talked about it, but are you really gay? Or you're just gay for me?"

Craig closed his eyes for a second, thinking about Tweek's question. He found it a little odd, but he and Tweek never really talked about their sexuality.

"I... I'm not sure. I've been around different kinds of beautiful people, because of my job, but nothing really catches my attention," Craig explained. "You'll definitely call me a dork again, but it's always been you, Tweek."

Tweek couldn't stop himself from smiling. He was smiling from ear to ear.

"Really? No guy or girl caught your fancy for a tiny bit?"

Craig thought for a moment. "It's not like I did not try. I do. I wanted to figure out if I like boys or girls or both of them, but I never really had an urge to pounce on anyone." Craig paused. "Maybe I'm bi? I don't have a problem that you're practically a girl now. I'll still make love to you as I did before, but I don't really know how," he added with an unsure laugh.

Both of their cheeks instantly colored red. Craig cleared his throat, asking Tweek a question of his own.

"How about you, sweetheart?"

"Well, there was this guy on Economics..."

"Oh, no you didn't," Craig was looking sharply at Tweek.

"That takes my same class as an elective to have a subject together with me," Craig rolled his eyes.

"That was me you're talking about," Craig said unamused at Tweek, who was giggling to himself. "Seriously, do you strictly like boys? Or do you also like girls?"

"I like boys. I know that I'm gay in our senior year of high school," Tweek confessed.

"How?" Craig asked curiously. He propped himself up onto his elbows, prompting Tweek to slide down on his lap.

"At prom, I caught Wendy at Stan fooling around," he started. "I first saw Wendy with her top off and I didn't really get any reaction when I saw her boobs," he explained, laughing a bit at the memory.

"However, I got a slight hard on because of how flustered Stan looked. It was a really weird experience. That's how I confirmed I liked boys and I'm not only exclusively attracted to you."

Craig pouted at Tweek. "I shouldn't have asked. Made me want to go back in time a bit earlier to punch Stan in his face."

Tweek tapped Craig's nose. "Don't be a baby. It's not like I have the hots for Stan."

"I'm the possessive and jealous type," Craig muttered underneath his breath.

Craig knew it was slightly immature of him, but he wanted to be Tweek's only thought and no one else.

"And I still love you even though you're the possessive and jealous type," Tweek said as he threw his arms around Craig.

Craig made a production of being mad at Tweek, as he tensed his jaws and frowned at him. Tweek raised his brow at Craig, biting the insides of his cheeks to stop himself from laughing.

"I love you more," Craig mumbled, knowing that his attempt at faking mad is futile.

A comfortable silence enveloped them. The two were smiling at one another, eyes twinkling.

"...Tweek?"

"Yes?"

"Do you want to go on a date with me?" Craig asked. "We haven't been in one for like months. The two of us have been busy with the move and then what happened after that... We rarely go out and spend time together outside."

Tweek did not know that he could have felt his heart melting a couple of times within an hour, but he felt it melting again like pools of a puddle on how sweet Craig was being.

"Of course, I'll love too," he smiled brightly, almost shining on his own happiness. He hugged Craig tightly, resting his chin on his boyfriend's broad shoulder.

"You always know how to make me feel better, thank you," Tweek whispered.

Tweek already knew within himself Craig's other reason for asking him to go out on a date. It was Craig's subtle way of proving to him that he didn't care whatever gender he was, and Craig would still definitely date him no matter what... or maybe he was reading too much into it again. Tweek chuckled to himself, and he let himself melt into Craig.

"So how about Friday next week?"

"You're absolutely telling me when it is already?"

"Sure, just wear something you're comfortable with. It's a surprise."

Tweek hummed, "Are we gonna stay overnight somewhere else?"

"Maybe."

"Do I need to bring a condom?" Tweek joked.

"Oh, please no. I planned to impregnate you," Craig answered sarcastically. "What? Are you already going to sleep with me on your first date as a girl?" Craig joked back, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Maybe if you're good or the hotel is really nice," Tweek answered. "We don't want to waste the ambiance."

"Hey, Craig."

"Yes, honey?"

"You're poking me in the stomach," Tweek smirked at Craig. "You pervert," he teased.

"You're giving me plenty of visuals," Craig defended himself.

"Let's do it Friday next week," Tweek proposed to Craig, face blushing red yet again at his own offer.

"We're going to... next Friday?" Craig gulped. He ran his fingers right into his hair, messing it a bit. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Tweek said in a small voice. "You better be good and book that pleasant hotel."

"Uhm, let's also try things on my girl parts," Tweek mumbled, his face going redder as seconds passed. He wished he could just shut his mouth for good.

Craig chuckled, his face also beat red. He could not believe what he was hearing. Lost at words, he gently kissed Tweek on the lips, letting his actions do the talking for him.

This was going to be a long, long week. Craig had a lot of things to plan and research to do. He also needs more creative ways of distracting himself.

Chapter Text

Tricia's day started how it usually did. She woke up early so she could open the coffee shop before six am. She hated waking up early. Tricia loathed it more than anything in the world. If she had a choice she would not wake up until ten in the morning. Her skincare regime could only work as much as it could if she was not getting enough beauty sleep.

However, due to some phenomenon that only the elderly seemed to experience, the early morning was one of their peak hours. The old woman who always tipped generously for her and her husband's coffee arrived around that time.

So, even though Tricia did not want to, she sucked it up for the money. How the hell was she going to pay for her La Mer moisturizer if she did not work her ass off? 

Tricia had a great start at the shop, as she had more customers than usual. After an hour, she noticed that women, especially Asian ones, started to flock to the cafe. Tricia smiled to herself. Maybe the Asian girls heard of Tweek inheriting his family business and they were there to show their support. 

Tricia felt giddy as she imagined the possibility of hosting an event in partnership with the Asian girls. With that in mind, she struck up a conversation with the girls as they took their orders. Casually chatting up with the girls as she worked behind the counter.

“Hello! Thank you for supporting Tweek's business!” 

“You heard about Tweek owning the business, right? Thank you for coming!”

“I’ll tell Tweek that you girls stopped by.”

Most of the women smiled and nodded shyly at her at first, but as the day went on, the Asian girls continued to pile up and more girls had a small talk with her. Tricia learned that some of the women present in the cafe were the original ones that ship his brother with Tweek. Some even showed her their artwork from years ago when they started shipping his brother with Tweek.

Tricia stopped herself from squealing in delight as she listened intently to the old tales of the Asian Girls. She was so young back then so she did not remember what exactly happened, so she listened to every word the girls were saying. Craig and Tweek rarely talked about how they started dating, and she could not let this tidbit of information go to waste.

Tricia was busy steeping tea for the girls, since some of them like tea most. They did not even have it on the menu, but Tricia could do a small favor for them.  She spotted an old box of matcha powder under the counter when she was cleaning up the other day, and that could make do. Did the matcha taste good? She did not have an idea. At least, it was still tea and Asians love matcha, right?

Tricia's musing was interrupted when one of the Asian girls approached her.

"Hello, how could I help you?" Tricia asked brightly at the girl.

“Uhm, do you know someone called Michaela?” 

The question took Tricia off guard. She thought if she knew someone with that name as she tapped her fingertips along the counter. 

“I’m not sure if I know anyone with that name,” she answered honestly.

“Really?” the girl who asked her the question looked at her suspiciously. 

“Yeah, I don’t remember knowing any Michaela,” Tricia said, as she smiled awkwardly. 

Tricia instantly regretted the fact that she said the name out loud as the coffee shop became silent. She felt several pairs of eyes gazing at her intently like a hawk focused on its prey. That was also the moment that Tricia’s eye caught what was written on the signages some girls were carrying earlier. She was too busy to pay attention to what was written on it earlier, but she felt dread as she read: ‘Craig Tucker is a CHEATER’.

Craig and Tweek both woke up late after the long day they had yesterday. The two had not even come back from the coffee shop like they planned as they hole themselves in their home. 

It was a big help that Tricia had already handled the guys when the two of them ran off yesterday. The girl was a lifesaver as she also did not mind closing the store yesterday and manning it for today. 

After what happened yesterday, the two decided that they both needed a break. So, the pair sat in their living room in their pajamas as they ate their breakfast while watching reruns of Red Racer. 

"I hope we can finally have a moment of peace," Tweek said as he leaned on Craig's shoulder, his eyes glued to the TV while he held a bowl of cereal on his lap.

"I'm sure we will have one," Craig said. 

Craig pressed a kiss on the top of Tweek's head. He also hoped for the same thing. He knew that the worst was yet to come, considering that the town still did not know what happened to Tweek. 

“I think we need to get something for Ruby. She saves our asses a lot these days.”

“You think?” Craig asked as he glanced down at Tweek. “I don’t have an idea what she wants, though. We could give her money, I guess?”

Tweek raised his brow at Craig. “Dude, you’re taking too much off from your dad. What kind of brother are you?” Tweek teased.

“I’m a doting boyfriend, not a doting brother.”

“Thank god you’re a doting boyfriend,” Tweek said as he shoved Craig lightly with a roll of his eyes. “I’ll ask Ruby if she wants something. We both knew that you’re just too shy to ask your sister what she wants for a gift.”

“Hey, I’m not! And teens love money, so they could buy their own stuff.”

“Uh-huh,” Tweek said, not buying whatever Craig said. “What else?”

“Honey!” 

“What?” Tweek asked as his lips quirked. “Okay, fine, teens love money. You can give Tricia some money and then I'll get something for her. Deal?"

"Deal."

Craig picked up Tweek's empty bowl and deposited it in the kitchen sink along with his. He prepared Tweek's coffee as his boyfriend lounged on the couch still engrossed in Red Racer. 

A small smile made its way to Craig's lips. He longed for this kind of domestic life with Tweek. Just the two of them in peace while they lazily spend the day together. Nothing could be more perfect than that. 

After pouring Tweek's coffee on a tall mug, he made his way back to the living room. The sight of him with a coffee mug brought an enormous smile to Tweek's face. 

"Damn, I love you, Craig," Tweek said as he reached for his coffee, eyes shining like a kid who received a grand gift.

"I love you too, sweetheart," Craig said after Tweek kissed him on the lips. 

The pair once again curled on the couch as another episode of Red Race played on their TV. Tweek was busy nursing his coffee while Craig was playing with his hair when Craig received a call from Wendy. The pair watched curiously as Craig’s phone vibrated on the coffee table with Wendy’s caller ID on sight. 

“Babe, do you have an idea why Wendy’s calling?” Craig asked as he looked oddly at his phone. 

He had a bad feeling about the phone call. Wendy and he were not exactly close friends, so it was bothersome that she was calling him. 

“I don’t know. We haven't been able to chat these past few days because of how busy we are,” Tweek said with a shrug.

“Do you think she's calling because of Stan?” Craig asked as he eyed his phone skeptically.

Tweek blinked as he pursed his lips while in deep thought. "I know that they're not together as of now?" He took a sip of his coffee. "Just answer it, honey.”

Craig nodded in agreement. He answered the call and then he hit the loudspeaker button. 

“You cheater! How could you do this to Tweek!?” Wendy’s angry scream registered on his speaker. 

Tweek almost choked on his coffee at what Wendy had said. His eyes were wide open at the sudden statement from his friend.

Craig, on the other hand, looked at his phone as if he was receiving a call from Satan himself. His regret in answering the call was instant. He should have left Wendy on voicemails. Where did that outburst even come from?

“Wendy, what do you mean?” Craig said. He pinched his temples as he stared at his phone.

“Oh, don’t play innocent, Tucker. I know what I see!”

“What the fuck? " 

"What the fuck indeed, Craig," Wendy hissed over the line. "I saw it on Twitter! Your cheating ass is trending right now!"

" What!? "

"I can't believe you! The Asian girls and I are going to have a meeting. Expect a word from our lawyers!" 

Craig stared at his phone in disbelief after Wendy ended the call. 

"We are trending?" Tweek asked Craig, eyes wide in shock. He set down his cup of coffee as he reached for his own phone. He opened Twitter and, like Wendy had said, they were trending. 

There in his feed was a picture of him and Craig kissing outside the coffee shop with the caption 'Craig Tucker is a CHEATER!!!'

Craig groaned as Tweek showed him the tweet.

" Fuck. I'm a cheater once again?" Craig asked helplessly as he sank onto the couch beside Tweek, head in his hands. 

Tweek patted Craig’s back. 

“Now, now, honey. You’re cheating on me… with me, so it’s okay,” Tweek said, amused. 

“Oh, no,” Craig said as he looked at Tweek in disbelief. “You actually find this funny?”

“What?” Tweek asked, feigning innocence. He picked up his coffee once again and took a long sip. His eyes were full of mirth as he checked the Tweet once again. 

“Tweek, this is not funny,” Craig complained.

Tweek bit his lips to stop himself from laughing. “But it is. Whenever something crazy happens between the two of us here in South Park, you always end up as the cheater.”

“That’s unfair. I’m a wonderful boyfriend.”

“That is exactly what you are, babe,” Tweek said as he blew Craig a kiss.

“I am genuinely confused why you’re not talking this much seriously.”

Tweek paused scrolling through his phone as he stared at Craig for a second. “Well, I think it would not get worse than this, right? What are they gonna do? Do a TV special or something?” 

Craig rolled his eyes at Tweek. As if on cue, his phone rang once again. Craig checked his phone and this time Tricia was calling. 

“Ruby, what happened?” Craig asked as soon as he answered the call. 

“Craig! Do you know anyone named Michaela?”

“ What? No! I don’t know anyone with that name. Why are you asking me that? I thought something bad happens to you”

“I’m fine. The Asian girls keep asking me about Michaela –”

The line suddenly got disconnected and Craig looked at his phone worriedly.

“Who the fuck is Michaela?”

To say that the aliens were in shock was an understatement. The two almost had a heart attack when they did their usual surveillance run for Green and Blue and their Coffee Shop. The unusual amount of people outside the shop holding signs that read ‘Craig Tucker is a CHEATER’ was alarming. 

“Partner, what is the meaning of this?” Alien number one asked the other alien as he stared at the word cheater with extreme disdain. 

It would be a big problem if Blue was a cheater. Aliens were strictly monogamous, and only married couples could have a baby. If Blue was indeed cheating, they were going to have a problem.

“We must be vigilant, it appears that Blue is cheating on Green,” Alien number two answered. He tilted his head to the side. “To be honest, I am surprised by the information. We have the two specimens in tight surveillance, and Blue escaped our notice.”

Alien number two quickly searched the internet for any information regarding Blue’s cheating activity. In a few seconds, he was directed to the trending Twitter post that read the same thing as the signage people carried outside the specimen’s business place. 

Alien number one looked over his partner’s shoulder to read the piece of information the other alien was able to acquire.

“So who is this Michaela that they keep mentioning her, partner?”

“She is allegedly Blue’s love affair,” Alien number one said with contempt.

“We should exterminate her. She could not foil our plans,” Aline number two said. His hollow black eyes had a murderous glint in them. 

“We should. However, I cannot find any information about her.” Alien number one moved to the side to give his partner a bigger view of his screen. “All these articles with the number sign craigisacheater only show pictures of Blue and Green kissing together.”

Alien number two paused as his brain analyzed what number one had said. “Humans have a weird taste of what picture they should use,” he concluded.

“We should investigate the crowd outside Blue and Green’s place of business,” Alien number one said. “We could gather evidence on who Michaela is, then we will exterminate her as soon as possible.”

“No one could go between Blue and Green,” Number said as he clasped his fingers together and stared at the string of tweets on his screen. “Who the hell are you, Michaela?"

Chapter Text

Tricia's call unexpectedly dropped. Craig was left to wonder what the hell happened to his sister as he tried to call her number a couple more times. Craig impatiently spammed Tricia’s phone with calls, but she was not picking up. For once, Craig was genuinely worried about his sister’s safety.

“Babe, I think Tricia’s in trouble,” Craig said as he stood up to look for their car keys.

“Huh?” Tweek asked as he whipped around to look at Craig. His green eyes were wide as a frown marred his face. “What happened?”

Tweek also got up from the couch, pocketing his phone. He ran his fingers through his hair, distressed at the news. They did not have a robbery inside the coffee shop, right? It’s like nine in the morning. What kind of dumb idiot would rob a shop so early and when there was still sunlight? 

“I don’t know. She asked if I know someone named Michaela and then the phone call just ended,” Craig said. He sighed as he looked at Tweek. “Have you seen our car’s key, babe?” Craig asked as he rummaged around the cabinet where they always put their keys. 

Tweek rarely saw Craig worried, so he kept his imagination on what might happen at bay. Tweek approached Craig and he held his boyfriend’s forearm. He could feel Craig relaxing underneath his touch. 

“Breath for a second, okay? What exactly happened?”

“It’s like what I’ve said, honey. She’s asking for someone named Michaela, and then the phone call ended,” Craig said. “I tried calling her after that, but she’s not picking up.” Craig stared at Tweek, his blue eyes wide. “What if she’s in trouble?” 

“Just sit down for a second,” Tweek said as he guided Craig back to the couch, gently coaxing Craig to sit down. “I’ll try calling her, okay?” 

Tweek pulled out his phone and called Tricia’s number. Just like what Craig had said, the girl was not picking up. 

“Maybe the shop is suddenly busy?” Tweek tried to rationalize. “I guess she’s fine. Maybe her phone suddenly dies?”

“She’s a teenager, Tweek. Her phone will not die this early in the morning,” Craig replied. “And the phone call ended after she asked me about Michaela.” Craig rubbed his temples as he tilted his head to the side. “Do you know someone named Michaela? Because I don’t have a fucking idea who that girl is.”

“She’s asking about someone named Michaela?” Tweek asked, his lips pursed. He sat beside Craig as he scrolled on his phone again. “I think I’ve seen that name a little while ago.”

Craig raised his brow in question. Was this Michaela thing tied with his cheater thing on Twitter?

“Oh, this!” 

Tweek handed his phone to Craig. There on his screen was another tweet that read: ‘Craig Fucker is allegedly cheating with someone named Michaela.’

“I’m cheating on you with Michaela?” Craig asked Tweek. He could not believe what he was seeing. “I don’t even know one. Where did they even get that name?”

“I don’t know,” Tweek said as he chuckled lightly. “Whoever thought of it is honestly creative and has an excellent memory.”

Craig looked at Tweek, confused. Tweek rolled his eyes at Craig when it was clear his boyfriend did not have an idea what he was talking about. 

“Don’t you remember Michael?” 

“Michael? Is that Michaela’s twin or something?” Craig asked, more puzzled than before. 

Tweek jabbed Craig on the side as he glared at him.

“Nooo! I mean Michael."

Tweek stared at Craig as he waited for Craig to remember who he was referring to. However, Craig only stared blankly at him, still clueless about who he was talking about.

"Michael. You know, the imaginary guy you cheated on me all those years ago in fourth grade?” Tweek said, waving his arms on his side for emphasis. "How could you forget him? He’s the reason you’re originally branded as a cheater." 

Craig blinked at Tweek's explanation. It had been years and his memory of that day was already foggy, but he finally remembered Tweek’s award-winning act when they were in fourth grade.

“I completely forgot that,” Craig said as he rolled his eyes at Tweek. “Don’t tell me that’s where they get that name?” Craig said as pieces of information clicked on his head. “But if Michaela came from Michael, does it mean that–” 

“Wait, what do you mean, Craig?” Tweek asked. He was nervous at the sudden change in Craig's tone. 

“The Asian girls are looking for someone named Michaela.” Craig explained. “Considering that our picture kissing is circulating, I think you’re also in trouble, honey.”

Tweek frowned. He pursed his lips as he comprehend what Craig said. How was he going to be in trouble? It was not like he was Michaela. Tweek’s eyes turned wide as realization occurred to him. His palm felt sweaty as he gulped. He chuckled nervously. That can be it, right?

Craig smirked. “So what are you going to do, Michaela? ”

Tweek paled as Craig confirmed his suspicion. 

“So that whole Michael thing you did back then has finally come in a full circle, babe,” Craig teased as he chuckled. “Funny how karma works, right?”

“Shut up,” Tweek groaned. Everything was turning more absurd as time passed. “Who in their right mind even escalates this thing more than it should be?”

As if to answer his question, their TV hummed a static noise as local breaking news flashed on their screen. 

Their eyes were glued to the screen as they saw the Asian girl news anchor with Cartman in front of Tweek Bros. Coffee. Plenty of angry Asian girls flocked in the background with their signs that read ‘Craig Tucker is a CHEATER’.

Tweek and Craig stared at their TV screen, not believing their eyes. Nothing that the Asian news anchor had said registered on their minds, as they were both shocked at the sudden turn of events. 

“Am I having a nightmare?” Tweek asked Craig, his eyes still glued to the screen. 

“I think this will be much better if this is a fucking nightmare,” Craig said as he clenched his eyes shut before he opened them once again to stare at the screen.

Unfortunately, they were both not dreaming. The Asian girl on the screen continued to talk about Craig’s cheating with a blonde girl yesterday in front of Tweek’s coffee shop. 

Tweek abruptly stood up. His hands were shaking from uncontrolled rage as he stared at Cartman on the TV screen. Why did it always have to be Cartman? That guy knew how to pull out the most unbelievable stunt in mankind. 

“Come on, Craig. I’m going to kill that fat-ass.”

“Can you please share with all of us what you have seen yesterday, Mr. Cartman?” The Asian newscaster asked as she gave Cartman the microphone. 

“Craig’s deadass cheating on Tweek. I saw it with my own two eyeballs yesterday.” Cartman said as he pointed to his eyes with his fingers.

Eric then waddled to the front of the store. He then motioned to the front side of the shop near a post. 

“This is where I saw them making out!” Cartman pointed violently at the space. 

“I can’t believe my eyes at first. Craig is like the gayest piece of gay for Tweek, but he suddenly decided that dicks are not for him. Poor Tweek with his lying and cheating boyfriend.”

“Are you certain of what you saw yesterday?” the girl asked. “Can you describe what the girl looks like?”

“Eh? I already gave you the pictures, right? That’s enough proof! You’re not even paying me that much–” 

The Asian girl stomped on Cartman’s foot. Cartman glared at the girl, but it seemed like he understood what she was trying to say. He grumbled under his breath as he looked for something out of the camera’s frame. 

“Stan! Clyde! Aye! Move your asses up here!” Cartman hollered, but no one joined him. “Oh, you fucking dumbass, come here!” he screeched as he moved out of the frame. After a few moments, Cartman was back in the frame with Clyde and Stan on his side. 

“Dude, I thought we already have this settled down with Tricia,” Stan complained.

“Yeah, Craig’s going to kill me, Cartman,” Clyde said, as he tried to pry himself away from Eric’s firm grasp.

“Oh, shut up you two,” Cartman rolled his eyes. “Both of you already accept one hundred dollars, so you don’t have any room to complain.”

“Can you please stop chatting and answer the question?” the Asian girl said as she crossed her arms in irritation. 

“What? You could just cut it, duh,” Cartman said with another roll of his eyes.

“We are broadcasting this live.”

Cartman threw his hand in the air. “Who cares?” 

“Uhm, hi!” Clyde said shyly on the camera as soon as he saw it. He gathered his nerves to act cool, completely distracted by what was going on. 

“What’s the question, miss?” Stan asked, trying to be helpful as Cartman monologued in the background about how cheap he was being paid and how unfairly he was being treated after he gave all the pictures and information that the Asian girls needed. 

Stan indeed got one hundred dollars and he felt guilty not doing his end of the bargain. 

The Asian girl breathed a sigh of relief at Stan’s question. She subtly motioned for her crew to move Cartman out of the frame as Cartman drowned them with his monologue about self-righteousness and other hypocritical shit that he always did. 

The Asian girl cleared her throat as she once again stared into the camera with as much professionalism as she could muster. 

“Please, excuse us for the technical difficulty,” she said with a small empty smile as she looked sharply at Cartman in the corner of her eyes. “To continue with our news, can you describe what the girl looks like?”

“Oh! She’s so beautiful and she smells like flowers and vanilla!” Clyde said as soon as he heard the question. “She’s blonde, tall, and a total bombshell."

Stan nodded in agreement. 

“She’s really beautiful. Seriously, she’s like an angel with her long lashes, pouty lips and big green eyes,” Stan explained. “I’m not into blondes, but boy, I will not mind dating her if I don’t know her.”

That piqued up the girl's attention.

“Do you know, Michaela?”

Both Clyde and Stan looked oddly at the Asian girl as if she grew another head. 

“Where the hell did you get that name?” Clyde asked.

“You’re seriously scammed by Cartman, aren’t you?” Stan said as he shook his head.

“What do you mean?” the Asian girl asked with a frown. 

Suddenly, a commotion started as a redhead came out of the coffee shop. She was fuming as she wrestled with the other Asian girls to tear down the signages the girls were holding. 

“My brother is not a fucking cheater!” the redhead screamed at the top of her lungs. 

“We locked her in the storage room, but she’s out now,” one girl said as she tried to scamper off Tricia’s path. 

“What the hell’s going on?” Clyde asked Stan as he looked at Tricia who wreaked havoc against the Asian girls. 

“Dude, I don’t have a freaking idea,” he muttered as he pulled on Clyde’s sleeve. “I think it’s actually smart if we escaped from here like Cartman,” Stan said as he pointed to Cartman running away.

“Yeah, if Tricia knew what we did, we'd be in trouble,” Clyde said. “I mean, look at her. She looks like a devil reincarnated. Maybe Cartman’s right about redheads.”

Clyde and Stan stared at Tricia. Her long red hair was flying all around as her blue eyes flared like it was smoldering in blue flame. She looked ready to tear their heads off their necks.

“I’ve been so nice to all of you and you’re trashing on my brother like that!” Tricia screamed as she reached for another bunch of signs. 

The two men watched as the Asian girls could only run away from Tricia as the girl continued her furious rage. 

“Come on, dude. Let’s go,” Stan said as he pulled Clyde, too eager to escape from the scene. It felt like he would not live for another year if they stayed any longer.

The aliens stared at the commotion in confusion. One moment they were watching the live broadcast as they searched around to have a clue about who Michaela was. Then the next thing they knew was their wish grantee was wreaking havoc like a madwoman. 

“There’s nothing like a madwoman,” alien number one said.

He watched fascinated as Tricia used her height to reach and shred the sign that one Asian woman was holding. The alien did not have an idea that the girly girl had this side. He might be prejudiced because of the amount of pink he had seen inside the girl’s room, but he definitely learned his lesson right now. 

“What a shame she went mad,” alien number two agreed. 

He cocked his laser gun at Tricia when the girl looked in their direction. For a second, he feared for his life. Fortunately for them, the girl did not notice them. Unfortunately for the Asian girls, Tricia snarled at them like a wild animal.

“No one likes a madwoman,” alien number one said as he shook his enormous head. His heart also beat wildly on his chest when Tricia’s gaze grazed them. 

“Who made her like that?”

“Probably these girls that she’s so angry with,” number one said. 

Alien number two pulled his partner behind a large tree across the road. He would not risk their lives with Tricia’s ire. 

“Do one of those girls Michaela?” alien number two asked. 

“Maybe? Should we help her out by eliminating those girls?” number two asked as he stared at his partner’s eyes. “The fight seemed unfair. Look, all of those midgets versus one giant.”

Alien number two scratched his chin as he weighed their options. It was true that the fight was unfair, but the girls were not really fighting each other. This did not look like the catfights he had seen on YouTube, where girls with long nails scratched off each other’s faces. This looked harmless even though the Asian girls were screaming for their life. How could they even fight fairly when the redhead stood at 6' while most of the Asian girls barely reached 5'3".

On the other hand, he was not too keen on humans knowing where they were. They might insist that they grant them wishes. Helping Blue and Green have a baby was already making them crazy. Why would they accept any more wishes?

“That would be unwise, partner. We must not intervene with human affairs,” alien number two finally said.

The other alien considered what his partner had said. He hummed as he thought about his partner’s argument. He stared at the other girls and their wish grantee. She seemed to do fine with only herself, so like what his partner had said, it would be better if they did nothing. 

“I agree this is not a part of her wish, so we must do nothing concerning this,” alien number one said. “Our main priority is to know who Michaela is and exterminate her,” he added as he hoisted up his laser gun, ready to kill the girl that tried to mess up things between Blue and Green.

The two settled on watching what would happen to all the people in the shop's front. They both stayed alert for any hints about who Michaela might be.

They watched in interest as people from the town, other than the slanted-eyed girls, gathered like a swarm of moths attracted to a flame’s bright light. They also looked confused, but at the same time furious about Michaela. 

They were both engrossed watching what would happen next that they almost missed Green and Blue getting out of their car. 

“That’s Michaela!” one of the Asian girls screamed as she pointed her fingers in the car's direction.

Both aliens propped their guns in the direction the girl was pointing. Their fingers hovered over the trigger, ready to kill on sight. However, they were both confused when only Green and Blue were in that particular direction. 

“Partner, is my aim off?” alien number one asked the other alien.

“I’m also about to ask you the same question. I almost killed Green,” the other alien said. 

“What the fuck are you saying that she’s Michaela!?” 

The aliens heard Tricia scream. They dropped their hand while holding their gun. They stared as Tricia walked toward Green and held Green's hand. 

“My brother is not a cheater!” Tricia screamed at the top of her lungs. “And she’s not Michaela! She, he, whatever! This is Tweek!” Tricia huffed as she caught her breath. “How’s my brother gonna cheat when it’s Tweek he’s kissing yesterday?” Tricia said. “Are you all dumbasses crazy or something?” 

The aliens dropped their guns. So Blue was not a cheater and Michaela was actually Green?

“I feel so stupid right now,” alien number two said. “It makes sense why all the photos that popped up on Twitter when you typed ‘Craig and Michaela’ showed Blue and Green kissing.”

Both aliens could feel shame. They were the brightest crayons in their classes. They both graduated top in their class. Granted, the class was composed of the dumbest bunch of the alien kind, but graduating at top of the class could still be credited to something, right?

Alien number two felt his partner’s hand on his shoulder. 

“You’re not the only one, partner,” alien number one said with a tiny smile on his tiny mouth. “All exceptional individuals have their one moment of dumbness.” 

Alien number two’s mood brightened up at what his partner had said. He was right anyway. It was only a one-time event. They were still wise, as always. 

“You’re right, partner,” alien number two said, totally convinced that they only messed up once. “We should help Blue and Green with this mess.”

“Do you have an idea?” alien number one asked.

“Of course. We are the great aliens. Our mind is superior to simpleton humans,” alien number two said with pride.

“So what’s the plan?”

Alien number two’s eyes glint. He didn't have an idea that a BuzzFeed video he saw on YouTube could be useful. 

“Humans love sales more than anything, especially Asian girls."

"How's that going to work, partner?" 

"We'll just hack Amazon's website and we'll give discounts to everyone here in this town to show support for Green."

Alien number one's eyes also twinkled at his friend's idea. The two of them were brilliant.