Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Moving out

Moving has never been my thing. Nor has changing. Why should it be? It’s simply annoying to change everything that you are used to! I know that there are a lot of people out there jumping at the chance of moving to find new opportunities and start all over again, but I’m not one of them. If I’m being honest I’m even quite happy about that. For me, choosing to change everything to trying to solve problems somehow alludes that there has been a serious fuck up prior to that decision. When I say that I am happy not to be such a kind of person, I am only implying that I am happy that I have not yet had any serious fuck ups. If you think that I am saying that I’m flawless, I am afraid you didn’t quite catch my train of thoughts. I have an infinite amount of flaws, you’ll be happy to hear. However, my preference of solving things rather than running away and loosing people that are or at least once have been special in my life is something that I count to my virtues. Sure, I am not the most adventurous person out there but at least I am not heartless either.
Considering all these things, you can hardly be surprised that I wasn’t exactly happy when my job practically forced me to move. Alright, it was not only my job because, let’s face it, if that was the case then I could have easily said that I would look for a new one that I would not have to move house for. It’s more like everything made me move.
I do have an amazing family with a younger brother, two awesome parents and the cutest dog ever in existence but I decided that as I turned 20 in June, it was about time for me to move out and for once take the opportunity life offered me. My parents wouldn’t have said anything if I had decided to stay for a little while longer, but I guess that they were pretty glad and even proud that I managed to leave at last. They know fully well that I don’t like changes. It was really nice to see them appreciate me stepping out of my comfort zone. It makes it a lot easier to really stick to my decision.
My brother had been rather sad when I told him that I’d leave soon(-ish). We have always gotten along very well. Not counting the endless fights we had while playing video games, though actually, that was sometimes the only reason why we play at all…Even if I was touched by Adrian’s sadness, I knew I had to follow through with my plan of leaving home. In a way, I did it for him, too. Adrian always tried to assure me, but I don’t really think that I am a good role model. I usually stay inside, I am the most awkward person alive, and on top of that: I am a total mess. See, why I don’t consider myself a role model? Moving out, however, could be the first time I actually function as a role model. I have every possibility of being the perfect image of an independent, big brother who already moves out into the big world. Okay, that’s stretching it a little. First of all, 20 can hardly be considered ‘already’, and secondly, the big world is a town, 2 hours away by train.
Me ridiculing the step I am about to make does not change the fact that it was actually the biggest thing I have ever done. Alone.
I was well aware that Adrian would consider me less of a role model than ever before if he would be able to read my thoughts. He would probably only think that I’m a wuss. He wouldn’t even be wrong – and that, I think, is the worst part.
Sorry, this whole thing wrecks me. I keep losing my track. (Who would have guessed it!) The point I’m trying to make is that I’m 20 years old, about to move into a new town, about to leave my family and not at all able to bare it. I can feel my body starting to shake just thinking of these plain facts.
Perhaps all this fear of any sort of change has to do with my family never moving houses since my birth.
I’m so used to my home that even painting the walls in a new colour every now and then feels like neglecting memories I have from when I was younger. Pretty pathetic, I know. But what can I do about it? Is there anything anyone could actually do? I doubt it.
I sigh and knead my fingers, hoping to stop the shaking. I push myself off the wall that I had been leaning against while staring through my nearly empty room and finish packing the last few things that I will definitely need in my new home. Well I say home, at least it’s a roof over my head and that’s all that matters, isn’t it?
I desperately try to believe what I just told myself. The thing is I can’t really stand the thought of living in an apartment with literally nothing connecting it to myself. And no one waiting for me when I come home. Sighing really is everything I seem to be able to do right now. Oh, and pity myself of course.
As I debate with myself whether I should take my Winnie-the-Pooh series with me, or not, someone knocks on my door.
“Come in.” I say and, you guessed right, sigh.
“Finished yet?” Adrian asks. He has never been a person of many words.
“Pretty much.” Neither have I.
“Mum made cake.”
“Celebrating me finally leaving?” I ask sarcastically. At first Adrian laughs, but then I suddenly hear a few sobs in-between.
“Hey, everything alright?” I quickly put the books into my suitcase and walk over to Adrian. “Hey-“ I say softly and wrap my arms around him. He protests, trying to appear like he doesn’t like it. Showing feelings is as hard as speaking proper sentences for him but he capitulates eventually and sobs into my shoulder. I pat his back in a way that I hope is comforting and try not to cry myself.
“I’m gonna miss you.” Adrian mumbles into my shirt. Lucky for him, this is a shirt which I wanted to leave home anyway.
“I’ll miss you too.” This triggers several new sobs from Adrian before he loosens his grip around me and looks into my face.
“I can’t say it but I mean it. Honestly. It’s simply weird. No offence. I like you more than lots.”
I laugh and squeeze him once more. “I like you more than lots, too.”
Adrian sniffs one last time. He straightens is back in an attempt to look like he’s got himself under control again. He smiles crookedly. It’s rather fake but I smile back anyways.
“Coming boys?” mum’s voice suddenly sounds from downstairs.
“Coming mum!” we shout back in unison and head down the stairs.
Downstairs, I’m greeted by Colin our cute little ball of fur. “Colin!” I scream and cuddle him. He woofs in response and licks my face.
“Dan, dear. Do you want some cake?” mum asks and tousles my hair.
“As if that’s a question worth asking.” I shake my head disapprovingly.
“Sit down and have a cup of tea.” Dad says and pats the seat next to him.
“Showing what I’m going to miss, are we?” I ask and sit down.
“Your memories of us have to be the best they can be, otherwise you won’t ever visit again and we might not be allowed to visit you.” Mum explains.
“Oh, come on. He barely actually moves far away.” Says my dad and shakes his head.
“I’m still going to miss you.” I mumble quietly and concentrate on the pattern on my mug.
“So will we.” Mum assures me and Adrian nods eagerly.
“You are the best family ever.” I mumble.
Mum laughs. “Okay that’s enough now.”
“Honestly!” I persist.
“I know. But I can’t handle an emotional Daniel.” Mum shrugs.
“I love you, mum.” I say and kiss her cheek.
“DAN!” she shouts and kisses me back. Dad shakes his head and mumbles something about never being able to be a normal family.

Chapter Text

Goodbye and welcome

After we have finished our cake and not even mum could face another cup of tea, I urgently need the loo. Thanks to Adrian, I also really do need to put on the new shirt. Well, that second part is true at least. The reason why I am very eager to go to the toilet is to have some quite time to gather myself. I simply dread having to say goodbye to the people I came to call my family for these past twenty years. No, hang on. People said that when they were talking about someone who is not their biological family. This IS my biological family! Ah! I burry my head in my hands and sit down on the closed toilet seat. This whole thing is seriously messing with my head! When something wet touches the palm of my head, I jump up. Thank god, I opted for the toilet seat. If I would have melodramatically sunk down the door, as I had thought about for longer than I care to admit, my slow blood could have caused me serious trouble just now. With no bruises that could possibly prove to the world that I am rather dramatic, I hold onto the washbasin, stare at my face for a few seconds before splashing water into my face. I pulled my shirt over my head and use it as a towel, quickly turning around because the sight of my pale and mal-proportioned body could never cheer anyone up, least of all me.
I have just successfully pulled the new shirt over my head when Adrian starts banging on the door. “Dan, hurry up. It’s not only you who drank too much tea!” Adrian has always been a perfect whiner. Usually I have to fight extremely hard against the urge to hurt him whenever he sounds like that but right now it made me well up again
“Alright.” I gruff because that’s obviously better than letting anyone know about my feelings. I open the door and Adrian pushes past me.
“Are you alright my darling?” Mum has that tone about her where it’s clear as day that she knows I have just been crying. I can try as hard as I like, mum will never not know about my feelings.
“Yes.” I say slowly, and she nods with a kind smile on her lips.
“Are you sure you got everything?” her tone has changed back to normal.
“Yeah.” I say, not so sure actually.
“Should I check again?” she asks.
“Go ahead.” I shrug. I’m pretty glad she offered, I’m never too sure when it comes to having all things together, especially since I feel like my head has not always been concentrating on the task ahead these past few days.
“Are you sure you’re okay with leaving?” dad asks as mum heads up the stairs.
“Yeah. I guess. I mean I don’t really have a choice, do I?”
“There is always another option, Dan.” Dad sounds pretty serious.
“I guess you’re right, but I really want to stick to my plan.” I don’t really like it when he’s so serious.
“Don’t feel like you have to proof anything. Besides, mum would love to have you around a little longer.”
“Oh, me too. But no, I can’t. I feel like I should take this opportunity.”
“That so doesn’t sound like you.” Dad says and shakes his head.
“Hey, at least I try!” I laugh. I have to admit that he’s right though. I hope I am not making a mistake here. Dad laughs as well and pulls me into a hug. “Thanks for always believing into me.” I whisper into dad’s ear. Dad holds me tight, and even though I’m basically a proper adult I honestly need that hug right now.
Our moment is interrupted by Collin who barks at us. “I’m going to miss you.” I tell him and bend down. “You sure, I can’t take him?” I ask no one in particular. In return I get three answers. A laugh from dad. A “NO!” from Adrian. And an “Unfortunately not.” from mum. I sigh dramatically and pat Colin’s back.
“Let me give you a cuddle.” Mum says and hurries towards me with tears in her eyes. I squeeze her and mum mumbles: “My big boy.”
“Group hug!” Adrian screams and nearly wrestles me down. I am happy that I am going with a bang but I am not nearly as happy as Colin who is barking excitedly while blissfully unaware what is about to happen.

***

“Have a good journey.” Dad says as he opens the front door for me. He is the only one who can successfully seem like he has not just been part of a big heap of humans. Adrian’s hair is sticking up in every direction, and I bet so is mine. Mum looks practically presentable, at least she would if it weren’t for the energetic dog she has to hold back.
“Thanks.” I try to smooth down my hair and Adrian copies me quickly.
“Phone me, when you’re there.” Mum needs all her strength now that Colin realises that I am walking towards the car.
“Tell me when I can come and visit.” Adrian mumbles.
“Anytime.” I open the door to the small blue car and fall into my seat. “Bye!” I shout. Can holding back my tears until I turn around the next corner be considered and achievement? “Here we go.” I sniff in a last pathetic attempt to build up some courage.

***

After I had been driving for almost three hours (there has been a lot of traffic) I properly begin to get nervous. I have already seen images of my future flat, but one can never be too sure if everything on the internet actually is true. The only good thing about my situation is that I don’t have to go to work until the day after tomorrow. I can only hope that that is going to be enough time for me to settle into my flat.
The satnav voice startles me, and because my new home is supposedly only five minutes away, I start trembling. “Keep yourself together!” I tell myself. I jump another time when the satnav orders me to turn into the final destination street, but I manage to take the turn safely. The street looks absolutely lovely. Trees are framing the road. There are colourful leaves on the tree and few of them are already lying on the ground. The beds beneath the trees are bare but they will certainly look really lovely in spring. I don’t have to drive long before I spot the number 9 and to my unbelievable luck an empty parking space right in front of it. I pull in, less smoothly than I would have liked but there are barely any witnesses around. I stop the engine. “Thank you.” Don’t judge me, I know I’m weird, no need to tell me! I pat the dashboard of my loyal blue car before I pull the key out of the ignition. I sigh before throwing the door open, only checking afterwards if any cyclists are about. I stretch as I step onto the pavement. I grab my bag and feel for the key. “Here we go.” I mutter as I open the door.
My apartment is on the second floor, which is pretty fortunate for me as I’m unfit as hell. I happily brave the flight of stairs in front of me and approach the flat numbered 9M. I notice that I am slightly out of breath when I reach the door, something I really hope will settle in the future.
I take a deep breath and push the door open. I squeal a little and quickly push the door shut behind me, out of fear somebody might have heard me. The reason for my squeal was the pile of boxes practically falling onto me. I had forgotten for an ever so short amount of time that I had sent all my boxes and furniture ahead a couple of days back. Up until now, I had had no time to set up my flat. I was still required to work full hours so a short trip to my new home was less than feasible.
The first thing I do, even before looking around is pulling out my phone and the wireless speaker. I had nearly forgotten to pack it because it had played all the way through my packing process. Without hesitating, I now put on some Muse. Immediately, the empty flat seems less scary. I wouldn’t call the movement I am doing ‘dancing’ but I bop my way around the apartment. I am happy with what I get to see. The pictures on the internet did not lie all too much.
I make my tour around the apartment and am pretty happy with what I get to see. Without any problems, I can imagine my furniture in the rooms and suddenly I can’t wait to get started with setting up the things I brought with me. While I open the first box with a kettle, mugs and tea (mum insisted I packed something like that), I phone my parents. I only reach the voicemail, they are probably watching a film, so I quickly say: “Hey. It’s Dan. Everything is fine. Quite nice actually. I’m going to set my things up now. Call me when you’re free. Bye.” I shudder. Speaking to the voice mail is the most awkward thing in the world, if you ask me.
While the kettle boils the water, I put the mugs into the kitchen cupboards, which are already there, luckily. The next thing I do is pulling my desk into the room I chose to be my bedroom. After I ranged some stuff from my work, I think it’s time to set my bed. With rather embarrassing difficulty, I pick up the wooden thing which goes to the head of the bed. I barely manage to reach my bedroom when it slips out of my hands and lands on my foot. “Fluffing shine!” I shout. Just as I sit down and rub my foot, the doorbell rings. I sigh and get up. Who could possibly want something from me? I’m the new one! Ask my neighbours!
I open the door and am greeted with a friendly smile. “Hey, my name is Martyn. Do you need any help?”
“What?”
“I heard you walking and muttering in there and as you are new I thought you might need a hand.”
“Oh, so you are my neighbour then?” I manage to ask.
“No. I live a few blocks away. I visited a colleague. Which is your neighbour.” Martyn grins.
“Oh. Thank you. I guess… Are you sure you want to help me, you don’t even know me!”
“Neither do you. But I know you need my help so yeah, sure.” I laugh and open the door a little wider to let Martyn in. “Thank you.” He says and politely bends his head. Even though I’ve only saw people do that in really old films, it kind of suits Martyn. He is pretty tall, has a huge smile on his face and has got light hair.
“May I take your coat?” I ask completely enchanted by the way Martyn behaves.
“If I had one, you would be more than welcome to take it.” Martyn says and laughs. I feel myself blushing and manage to laugh as well. How stupid could I possibly be? Martyn doesn’t seem to mind and simply rubs his hands in excitement.
“There is always something thrilling about moving into a new apartment, isn’t it?” he says with a wide grin.
“I wouldn’t know.” I shrug.
“You never moved houses before?”
“No.” I say and hope the blushing would stop at some point in the near future, preferably now. Normally, I only blush when I’m around a crush. Does this have to say something?
“You’re just like my brother.” Martyn laughs.
“I know, I’m already pretty old for never having actually moved houses but…”
“Don’t feel like you have to defend yourself.” Martyn interrupts me.
After an awkward silence I finally say: “Well, if you wouldn’t mind, it would be lovely to get my bedroom finished.”
“Sure thing.”

Chapter Text

Setting up a home

Martyn and I pick up the second wood thing from my bed when my kettle suddenly beeps angrily. I had to put it on once again, as the water was already cold when I remembered that I wanted to make tea.
“What was that?” Martyn asks. I am weirdly happy to have seen him jumping slightly.
“My kettle.”
“Tea?” Martyn asks, and his eyes widen. I nod. “Great!” Martyn sounds enthusiastic.
“Oh. I get it. You’re only here to steal my tea.”
“Guilty as charged.”
We put the wooden thing onto the bedroom floor. I straighten up and announce: “I’m going to make a cup of tea. Do you want one?”
“Yes! I’ll carry on carrying your bed into your bedroom.”
I walk into the kitchen and notice a bag of cookies at the bottom of the box I thought I had already emptied. Loaded with those cookies, tea, milk and mugs I walk back into my bedroom.
“Yummy.” Martyn says and licks his lips. “Should we build up your bed first and drink tea afterwards?” he asks. I nod, and we start working. Martyn is far more talented than I am which means that we get things done relatively fast. Even though I’m pretty hungry by the time we finished putting up my bed, Martyn insists on putting on the bed sheets first. I still have my black and grey square patterned IKEA-sheets. After we finished putting them on, my room already seems quite like it could actually be my room.
“Lovely.” Martyn says and sits down on the edge of the bed. Even though he practically is a stranger, it already seems like we’re good friends. I don’t mind him sitting on my bed at all. In a perfectly platonic way of course.
“Here is your tea.” I say and hand him a cup. It’s still kind of warm, luckily. We silently sip our teas. It’s a comfortable silence, but I’m still really glad when Martyn starts to speak: “Why did you decide to move here?”
“My job kind of requires it.”
“What do you work as?” Martyn blows small waves into his tea.
“It’s a lame office job.”
“I’ve got a lame office job, too!”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I work for Peters&Stones.”
“You don’t seem too happy about it.”
“No. It’s alright but pretty lame. Where do you work?”
“A musical business kind of thing but we help bands to find concert halls and stuff.”
“That seems quite interesting.”
“It does sound interesting, but it has nearly nothing to do with actual music.”
“Oh, that’s a pity! Do you play an instrument?”
“I like to play the piano. I am hardly any good though.”
“Impressive.” He sounds a lot less sarcastic than would have been appropriate.
“Thanks.” I get up and place the empty cup safely on the floor against the wall.
“What are we doing now?” Martyn pushes himself up as well.
“I don’t know. Perhaps setting up my drawer? And then the living room kind of thing? You can always help yourself with tea and cookies.”
“Thanks. Sounds like a plan.”
I bend down and pick up the cup again. On the floor against the wall is really not safe and if we want to have more tea the cups would better be in the kitchen. I carry them through and put the kettle on for another time. Martyn is already carrying a box I have cleverly labelled: ‘Stuff – er clothes’. Once the kettle is on, I join Martyn and carry a box which I have even less cleverly labelled: ‘See above’. We continue working for the next few hours. Occasionally, we stop for a cup of tea, but we do work more than we don’t. I never imagined it to be this funny, but I do laugh quite a lot. We only finish when it’s already slowly turning dark outside we finish. We even emptied my car completely, so it looks like a car and not a bin on four wheels. Martyn is amazing company and I can’t get it into my head that I literally just met him a few hours ago. When we are finished with everything, and I mean everything, like putting my teddy bear (which mum put into my car this morning!) into my bed and those kinds of things, I don’t want the evening to end already. So, instead of simply calling it a night, I suggest: “We could order pizza. And watch a film, if that’s alright. I’ll pay of course. It’d be a thank you.”
“I love pizza! And films! If that’s a real invitation, then I’d really like to stay.”
“Do you know a place where we can order pizza?”
“Sure. Do you want me to call them? Is margherita alright?”
“Yes. Which film?”
“Never mind. You may choose.” Martyn says and fetches his mobile out of his jacket in the hallway. While he is ordering our pizza, I choose Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I simply love it and besides, Mrs Weasley always makes me feel like I’m at home. So, obviously, that’s the perfect choice to watch this evening.
“Good choice.” Martyn says and lets himself fall down next to me on the sofa. As the 2nd Harry Potter film is the longest ever (I know, I’m a geek), it doesn’t really matter that our pizza doesn’t arrive until we have already watch an hour of the film. The pizza is delicious and watching films with Martyn is great. He does have a quite similar humour, though saying that, I am not sure how anyone could not laugh with Hagrid.
The evening finishes far too early. But when we have even finished watching the entire credits, I have to say goodbye to Martyn. This isn’t exactly easy as that means I’ll be home alone, a thought which isn’t the most pleasing one, to say the least.
“That was a great evening… well day actually. Thanks so much for helping me.” I say and open the door.
“Yes. My pleasure.”
“Perhaps we’ll see each other sometime soon.” I say carefully. Who knows when Martyn feels like he wants to visit that colleague of his again.
“Oh, I almost forgot. Should we exchange numbers? Just like when you have got difficulties with carrying furniture… Who am I kidding this was a great evening, I’d like to introduce you to my friends!” Martyn laughs. I have no idea how on earth he can say something like that without loosing his face.
“That’d be lovely.” I manage to say while I pull my phone out of my pocket. Martyn creates a new contact and saves his number. “Thank you.” We say at the same time as he hands me back my phone. “Sleep well!” he says, pats my back and leaves with a last smile. I close the door and breathe out. The first impression of my new home town really couldn’t be any better. While I make my way back to the living room, well the living-, dining- and kitchen-room, my phone buzzes.

Martyn: I did give you the right number, didn’t I?

It says. I smile and sit down on the sofa.

Me: Seems to work.

I reply and close my eyes for a split second. A second later my phone suddenly rings. I jump in alarm and already try to riddle out why Martyn would call me, when I see on the screen that my family is calling me.
“Hey.” I say while picking up.
“Honey.” Mum screams. I can hear a few huffed noises which sounds like dad stealing the phone.
“How are you?” asks dad. I had been right.
“Good. Pretty perfect actually.” I say and stand up to tidy up the leftovers from our movie evening. While doing so, I speak with my parents and simply have to admire the home me and Martyn built this day. It’s cosy and it literally screams DAN, what else could I want?

Chapter Text

Getting to know the town

I have to orientate myself when I open my eyes. I spot the very familiar bed sheets but other than that I feel completely lost. Where am I? It takes a rather embarrassing amount of time for me to remember that I moved houses yesterday. I am lying in my bed in a new house in a new town. To be fair, I never have been a morning person. I feel like that should credit me a few minutes.
Now that I have remembered, I am all of a sudden pretty excited. In fact, it’s quite as bad that I practically jump out of my bed. I wobble a little before crashing back down on the mattress. I breathe heavily four times and another time for good measure before pushing myself up and walking into the kitchen with trailing my hands along the wall – better be safe than sorry. I put the kettle on and look around the room. This particular one functions as my living and dining room and as my kitchen. Even though that sounds rather weird, it’s actually pretty cosy. The room is large enough for the television and the sink to stand in a good distance from each other. Looking around now, I am once again impressed by how far Martyn and I have come yesterday. Just one box and one suitcase are left for me to put away. In the box, which I’m looking at right now, are a few more plates and mugs, stuff for my kitchen. In the suitcase, which is already in my bedroom, there is a big part of my clothes. I did not want to range them while Martyn was still with me. The suitcase mainly contains pants and shirts, whereas the box yesterday was mainly coats and jumpers.
While I wait for the tea to boil I notice that I don’t have anything to eat. Before I can go outside, I have to drink something and of course, shower. After I have already finished two cups of tea and showered, I stand in my room in front of the suitcase and think about what I’m going to wear. While I’m at it, I decide to put every piece of clothing already into the drawer. The more I work now, the less I will have to do later. Clever me.
My outfit of the day is some skinny black jeans and my ‘Wildcats’ jumper. Even though it’s only September, it’s already quite cold outside, so putting on a coat is necessary. A bonus of putting on a coat is that, like this, no one will get to see my ‘Wildcats’ shirt, even though I’m a genuine fan – as embarrassing as that might be to admit even to myself – doesn’t mean I really want to be judged for it.
Before I leave, I check if I have got my wallet, phone and keys with me. As I step into the fresh air, I once again congratulate me on the place I chose as my new home. It is really beautiful, especially when the sun is shining. I do need my time before I actually find a grocery store, but like this, I already got to know the town I live in a little bit. In the shop, I buy all the necessary goods plus some candles and matches. Nothing manages to make me feel more like home than candles. When I eventually open the door to my apartment, I’m really glad to have survived my first adventure outside of my apartment. While I range everything I bought, I put on a list of my favourite tracks. Dancing to various Fall out Boy songs immediately lightens my mood. Today is Sunday so I know that Adrian still is at home and not at school where he will be tomorrow at this exact time. Listening to our favourite song suddenly reminds me how much I miss him, so I do the only reasonable thing and call him.
“Hello.”
“Adrian.” I say relieved.
“Hello Dan! Is everything alright?” he asks, and I can practically hear him raising an eyebrow.
“Yes. Sorry. I just miss you very much.”
“I miss you too.” Adrian mumbles.
“Do you think you can come and visit me next week end?”
“Already?!” Adrian shouts.
“Too soon?” I ask confused.
“No… well... it is rather soon but I’d love to come and see you. How is your new home?”
“Pretty amazing. Very cosy already.”
“Great!” We speak for a whole hour until my mum calls Adrian downstairs because they are having lunch. This makes me realise how much I miss my whole family. “Tell mum I love her.” I quickly say before Adrian ends the call. Now, my flat suddenly is really quiet. There is still music in the air but I feel quite alone. To forget that feeling I quickly make another cup of tea, grab my teddy and the Winnie the Pooh books and put on some piano music. If I were feeling slightly better, I’d play something myself, but as I feel pretty miserable I decide reading is the better option. When I’m halfway through the first story, my phone suddenly buzzes. It’s a text from Martyn.

Martyn: Good morning!

I laugh and look at the clock across the room. It’s already quarter to twelve.

Me: Morning? That was close it’s
nearly lunch time!

I shake my head and suddenly wish Martyn could be here. He is great company, and that’s exactly what I need right now. For several minutes I debate with myself whether it’s too forward to ask Martyn to come around when my phone buzzes once again.

Martyn: :D
I may sound weird.
But when I moved into my new flat
I felt rather lonely.
Would you like me to visit?
I’d bring a bunch of friends. (I say
a bunch it’s like two but..)
What do you say?

I grin at my phone and am once again really glad that I had the good opportunity to meet Martyn.

Me: yEs!1!

Martyn: On my way. ;)

I feel myself grinning wider and wider and decide to get up and quickly put my teddy and book away. Once I have done that, I go over to the kettle, fill it with water and get four mugs out of the cupboard while the kettle is boiling the water. Luckily, I bought cookies earlier this morning, so I have something to present to my guests at least. I put on some candles as well and dim the big light. It really does look like a home now, and I’m pretty proud of myself.
I only have to wait a few minutes before the doorbell rings and I have to stop myself from running to the door. As I casually walk towards it, I pass a huge mirror and notice horrified that I still have my ‘Wildcats’ jumper on. It’s too late now to change, so all I can do is being proud of what I am and what I like. I however still pray they won’t notice what kind of a jumper I wear. I open the door and am greeted with Martyn’s friendly smile. Next to him are two girls. One of them with long wavy blond hair and one with rather short bright red hair.
“Hey.” I say and let them enter my home.
“May I present to you: Bryony, one of my best friends. She is incredibly curious so be aware. And Cornelia, my girlfriend.” Martyn says and first points at the blonde one and then on the red-haired one.
“Hey, I’m Dan.” I manage to say. Inside I take care not to be disappointed that Martyn has a girlfriend. I am not attracted to him, am I? I can’t possibly be attracted to everyone who only as much as smiles at me… No. I just like Martyn because he was the first one I met. No, obviously not just because of that. Also, his girlfriend seems to be really nice. I have already wasted enough time, so I decide to simply enjoy the day.

Chapter Text

Sunday’s peace and quiet

Martyn’s friends are really nice. Bryony is very kind, funny and extremely curious but that’s no problem, it’s nice to have someone paying attention. Cornelia is also really nice and funny. Martyn and Cornelia do seem to be in love and it’s nice to watch them. In a non-creepy way of course.
“It’s always very exciting to meet new people, isn’t it?” Bryony asks me while we wash up the cups we used.
“Yes. Well… I wouldn’t know. Actually.” I mumble and concentrate on the spoon I’m holding in my hand.
“You’re just like Martyn’s brother.” Bryony laughs.
“Martyn’s brother? So, he is just as social awkward or what do you want to say?” I ask. I am not sure if I want to meet that infamous brother if he is so like me. I don’t even like myself all that much how can anyone expect me to like another person like me that would make two which is two too many in my opinion.
“No. Not at all.” Bryony catches me quite unaware, but I manage to zone in once again. “He is the politest person I have ever met. I wouldn’t say he is awkward. Nor are you though. No, Phil simply likes to stay where he is. If necessary, he does make conversations with strangers... but you know… He prefers to stay in his comfort zone.” she explains.
“Oh.” Wow. I must congratulate myself. There is nothing dumber to say than that. Bryony simply laughs and throws foam into my face. “Hey.” I complain. Bryony laughs again.
“Do you know what else you want to do today?” she asks me and hands me a towel to dry my face.
“Not really.”
“We could go into town.” Martyn says who suddenly appeared right behind me. I jump in surprise and the other three laugh.
“That would be nice.” I say.
“We can show you some places we like, and I can show you were you will work, as the café where I work is right opposite of your office.” Cornelia says and smiles.
“Thank you.” I say and return the smile. You simply have to smile back when she smiles.
“Sounds like a plan.” Martyn says. He walks towards the wardrobe and puts his jacket on. The rest of us follow his example. After I blew out all the candles, I close the door behind us, and we head towards the centre of the town. The café where Cornelia works turns out to be the favourite café from everyone, so we already decide to meet there in the lunchbreak tomorrow. While walking around, I also get to see their favourite park and various restaurants they either love very much or detest. It’s very funny to have three tour guides who don’t necessarily agree with everything the others are saying. My tummy really hurts from too much laughing by the time we end up at my flat again. “That was a great tour.” I say and laugh.
“Yes.” Bryony agrees and winks at me.
“Do you want to come in?” I ask but they all shake their head.
“No, sorry… My boyfriend will be at my flat in a couple of minutes.” Bryony apologises.
“No problem. See you guys tomorrow at lunchbreak.”
“Bye.” Cornelia says and hugs me.
“Enjoy your first Sunday evening.” Martyn says and pats my back just like he did yesterday as he said good bye.
“It was great to get to know you. I know you’ll be a great friend.” Bryony says and hugs me tight.
“See you!” I call after them. I close my door, smiling to myself and get out of my coat. It’s only my second day and I already found three very good friends. Friends who all have a partner. I sigh. This won’t be the first time I am the only single one in my group of friends. Well… There have always been times where even I had a girlfriend, but in the end, it never really worked out. I simply haven’t found the right one for me yet. I am only young, but I still wouldn’t mind if they hurried up a little. Mum has always told us that only love was important, and that patience was key. Sometimes mum would accidentally raise an eyebrow when I introduced her to a girlfriend. She even spoke to me on more than one occasion about gay celebrities. That was weird, but I could see her point even if I couldn’t admit that to anyone. Also, because of society I am slightly terrified by the idea of being gay. I was weird enough already, there was no need to give society even more reason to exclude me.
I sigh and decide I have to distract myself. First of all, I check if I’ve got everything together what’ll need for work tomorrow. I do, which isn’t exactly a big surprise because when it comes to work and stuff I’m actually pretty organised. After making sure I even got an outfit ready for tomorrow, I range a few pieces around, so that everything is exactly like I would like to have it. While doing that, I watch useless stuff on the telly. I also phone my family once and tell them how my home is set up. Mum asked everything in such a detail that I assume she drew the outline of my apartment. That would just be something she would actually do. After speaking to my family, I feel better. I think going out with my new friends, finishing the setting up of my home and calling my parents really helped me to accept everything around me. I’m feeling so good that I decide to actually play something on the electric piano which is leaning to the wall next to my ironing board. Music really calms me down and it’s nice to listen to something you actually do yourself. After I played for nearly a whole hour, I begin to get tired. So instead of staying up late and scroll through various different Wikipedia sites, like I used to back home, I decide to start my new life of work with having slept enough. I quickly brush my teeth and lie myself down into my bed. On the bedside table next to me stands my amber lamp which produces unbelievably beautiful and soft light. I leave it on and slowly drift into my dream world.

Chapter Text

The perks of being the new one

I wake up when my phone rings. Before going to sleep I had remembered to set an alarm clock for today. Without thinking about it, I hit the snooze button. The second time my phone plays that annoying jingle that I have now ruined for ever and whenever I hear it somewhere evokes incredible aggressions in me, I finally open my eyes and sit up. When not even going to bed early helps me being able to get up in the morning, what could possibly help? I sigh and stand up. As usual, my vision turns black for a split second. Once I can see normally again, I wobble my way into the bathroom. Even if I have already showered yesterday, smelling fresh on your first day is always a good thing.
Showering did not take too long, so I’m able to have a proper breakfast before leaving for work. I have a bowl of cereal and drink a cup of coffee. I could also drink tea, I suppose, but the caffeine will help waking me up.
When I step out of the front door, the first rays of sunshine start to illuminate the street. Luckily, everything is in walking distance, so I don’t have to think about a parking space for my car. Just as I am busy gathering all the strength I can fathom in front of the office building, I see someone with red hair waving through a window of the café. I am fairly certain that that’s Cornelia and don’t feel awfully silly waving back. Somehow, this small gesture makes me feel brave. I have friends who will support me, no matter how I’ll do at work. That’s a good thing to know. I enter the building with bouncy steps and smile at every colleague I see. As usual I receive some confused, if not annoyed, looks, several raised eyebrows but some do remember to smile back. The front desk girl is one of the smiling ones.
“Hello.”
“Hey. My name is Daniel Howell.” I introduce myself.
“So, you’re the new one.” ‘The new one’, how I hate labels. “I’m Lisa.” Lisa is really pretty. As far as I can tell. She is tall and slim. Her long dark-brown hair is tied into a ponytail. The most beautiful things about her are her eyes and her smile.
“Nice to meet you. Do you know where I should be here now?” I ask in my friendliest tone. I don’t really have to adjust my voice though, I always sound like Winnie the Pooh anyways.
“Yes. Wait a second, I’ll tell our boss that you’re here.” She says and smiles once more.
“Thanks.” I say and sit down on one of those green plastic chairs which are lined up at the wall. It nearly looks like the waiting room of a doctor’s office. But as those kinds of rooms always look similar in every building of the company I’m working for, it doesn’t really bother me.
Three minutes later, Lisa is back with a rather small man. He has got black hair with a few bits of grey in it. Even though he is wearing a suit and has his hair pulled out of his face with a lot of pomade, he looks very friendly. “Mr. Howell. My name is Derek Cleaf” He says and shakes my hand. “I’ve only heard the very best about you from your former place of work. I’m glad you decided to join the team here.” Mr. Cleaf says.
“So am I. I’m looking forward to working here.” I say and smile.
“Great. I have to go back now, Lisa, can you show Mr. Howell where he’ll work?” he asks and already turns around.
“Sure, follow me.” Lisa says and smiles.
All in all, the office looks pretty similar to the one at home. Only my desk is different. I’m at a higher position now, so I have more space and the technology is more modern. Apart from that, only the bathroom and the kitchen look different from what I’m used to, which isn’t exactly a surprise.
Working is a lot fun. Well. It’s alright. The only problem is that because I’m the new one everyone seems to think they can order me around. Everyone is still friendly, but they don’t seem to understand that I know what I’m doing, that I’ve already completely started and that I don’t exactly have the time to deliver coffee to everyone. I’m pretty happy when Lisa comes to my desk to tell me that it’s already time for my lunch break. As fast as I can, I range everything and hurry inside the café opposite of the office. In there, I immediately spot Cornelia. She is still behind the counter. When she notices me, she points towards the end of the café. I turn around and see Martyn and Bryony waving at me.
“How was your first day?” Bryony asks the second I reach them. Perhaps I’ll never really get used to her being so curious. “Pretty good, actually.” I tell them and smile.
“What did you do?” Martyn asks.
“Well… Calling people and arranging stuff. The only problem is that as I’m the new one everyone thinks that it’s up to me to bring coffee to everyone.”
“Oh, the perks of being the new one.” Martyn says and sighs sympathetically.
“We have all been there.” Bryony says.
“And I haven’t yet quit that stage.” Cornelia suddenly appears behind me. I jump, and the others laugh. “What?” I ask.
“I still deliver coffee to everyone.” She says and laughs.
“Oh.” I say and laugh as well. Just like yesterday the four of us have a lot of fun simply talking about nonsense. Every few seconds Bryony says something along the lines of: “I’m really glad we found a good friend in you.”, which really warms my heart. I can’t help but whisper: “Are we really friends?” the first time she said it. In response she only laughs and tousles my hair. “Well, in that case: I’m really happy as well.” I smile broadly.
Just when it is about time for me to go Bryony tells me: “Oh, I nearly forgot, as I told John about you yesterday he said he’d like to meet you. Are you free tomorrow afternoon? You Martyn and Conni?”
“I’d love to yes. Afternoon or early evening, I don’t exactly know when I’ll finish work tomorrow.” I say.
“Yes. Let’s say 5 o’clock.” Cornelia says.
“Fine by me.” Martyn says.
“Okay. I’m sure that’ll be alright.” Bryony smiles widely.
“I have to go now.” I say and stand up. “Can you text me Bryony’s address?” I ask Martyn.
“Yep.” He says and smiles.
“Thanks.” I say and wave as I leave the café. Now I’m sure that I found real friends. It’s not just theory. It’s real now. And that’s a damn good feeling.

Chapter Text

New faces, new friends

The rest of the day, most of my colleges are kind enough not to ask about a cup of coffee every two minutes. I really appreciate that. Now, I am most definitely looking forward to tomorrow’s day of work. Perhaps that’s weird, but even though my job is lame, I’m doing something. I help people, kind of, and I don’t spend my hours aimlessly scrolling through the internet.
The second I get home I kick off my shoes and get out of my coat. It’s a great feeling after all to have a place for myself. After I put on my candles and cooked some tea, I feel myself relaxing. I finished everything I had to do at work, which was why I left rather late, so that I don’t have to do anything at home now. That’s a great feeling.
I check my phone and notice that I got a new message from Martyn with Bryony’s address. The second thing I notice is that it’s already quarter past five, so I walk to the fridge and check if I’ve got enough things for a dinner. It turns out I have. There are some tomatoes, noodles and cheese. Well, first of all I try to make myself a tomato-sauce out of the tomatoes, but I seem to fail so I simply take the ketchup. While the noodles cook I put a plate and other stuff I need onto the coffee table in front of the television. The dinner I have isn’t really high class, but it’s tasty and several episodes of ‘Friends’ keep me company.
After I finished eating, I wash up my plate and pour myself a new mix of Ribena and water in my glass. Then I sit back down and zap through the different channels on the telly. In the end, I watch a documentary about hedgehogs. Why not? Even if the documentary about rhinos, which follows directly afterwards, sounds interesting as well, I decide to rather go and get some sleep.

***

The next morning, I hit the snooze button a few too many time. I nearly don’t have enough time to brush my teeth and straighten my curly hair.
I hurry towards the office building and am greeted with a friendly smiling Lisa. After talking to her for a couple of minutes, I go to my desk and work. Today, I decide to stay in the office for my lunch break. Like that, I can get to know my colleges a little better and besides I am already seeing Bryony, Cornelia and Martyn later this day. My colleges turn out to be really nice. A few of them are weird, and with that I mean another kind of weird than I am. I get along with everyone, and that’s pretty amazing. One guy called Jake seems to be really nice, well, he likes the same sort of movies. But it’s really funny to talk to him. Jake sits at a desk in another room, which is a pity because we can’t talk like that but perhaps even that is kind of fortunate, like this I don’t run the risk of losing my job. Work is over fairly quickly, and within seconds, I find myself on the way towards Bryony’s house. She and John live in an apartment which is slightly bigger than mine. It’s really cosy and I like her style a lot. John is really nice as well. He pays attention and is the perfect host. Only one thing this afternoon isn’t that great. I’m surrounded by two enormously happy couples who are so in love that even a blind person could see it. Luckily, I don’t feel left behind, so everything is fine after all. It simply makes me want to have someone who loves me as well. But all in all, I can’t complain. We have a great afternoon and laugh a lot. It seems like my bunch of friends (it’s really nice to be able to say that) never really can’t be happy.
“Your home looks amazing.” I tell John after we just finished discussing whether one should allow those rowdy kids to be in our favourite park. (I simply copied their likes and dislikes for parks and restaurants, I trust them to have a good taste.)
“Thanks, man. It was hard work.” John says and smiles.
“But yours looks amazing as well. Really comfy!” Bryony says.
“Yes. You have a great taste in furniture.” Cornelia joins the praise for my home.
“Thanks. It wouldn’t look anything like this without Martyn’s help.” I say.
“Oh, that’s rubbish.” Martyn says.
“Martyn helped you? Oh yeah, I remember.” Bryony says and shots a glance towards Cornelia.
“Yes. One could say you owe him something.” Cornelia says.
“No!” Martyn interrupts and John seems alarmed as well.
“Don’t you dare.” John mutters but he seems amused at the same time.
“Sorry, I don’t seem to understand what this is all about.” I say carefully.
“Oh, well the thing is...” Cornelia starts. “There is this kind of party/ball thing in two weeks.” Bryony continues. “We wondered if you’d like to come with us.”
“Say no!” Martyn warns me.
I’m confused so I ask: “What kind of a party is it?”
“Well… it’s black tie. It’s got a dress code, well like fancy dresses for ladies and suits for gentleman.” Cornelia explains. I’m positively surprised. I already feared it might be a costume party or something like that.
“Say no.” Martyn mutters again.
“Sounds… nice.” I carefully say. Cornelia and Bryony smile widely and Martyn sighs dramatically. John laughs. “What’s so bad about it?” I ask and frown.
Martyn buries his head but as he appears again he smiles widely. “Nothing, actually, they simply shouldn’t get their way each time they want to lure us to a party.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. But that party really sounds quite fun.”
“It does, doesn’t it?” Bryony shrieks.
“Yes.” I say and smile. For the next hour we have to listen to many different kinds of dresses. Half way through a discussion if purple is a trendy or horrible colour Martyn sighs and mutters under his breath: “I’m so happy I simply have to put on a white shirt, a bow tie and a black suit.” I laugh. Martyn is right. It’s nice to be able to put on a suit, a shirt and bow tie and being finished with a look for an evening.
After Bryony and Cornelia slowly start to talk about the same dresses we have already dealt with, John seems to think it’s enough. “Okay. We already had that one.” He stands up.
“What?” Bryony asks. It seems like she just woke up out of trance.
“That was enough talking about dresses for today. I’m hungry.”
“Okay.” Bryony says and gets up as well.
“What would you guys like to eat?” she asks us. I shrug and look towards Martyn and Cornelia.
“What do you have?” Martyn asks.
“Well… We could eat pie with corn or something like that. Or we could eat out or order something.”
“Pie sounds fine.” Cornelia says, and I nod in agreement.
“Okay. I put it into the oven and you can decide over the film we’re going to watch.” John says and leaves into the kitchen. I don’t really care which film we watch. As we’re going to watch it together it will be a lot of, no matter which film we watch. In the end we decide to watch ‘Gravity’ with Sandra Bullock. Just like I thought, the five of us laugh at pretty much everything and have a lot of fun. The pie is delicious, and the following popcorn is as well. We truly have a great evening and it already feels like I’m part of the team.

Chapter Text

The stranger’s voice

I already watched the film in cinema once, but I don’t remember it to be this funny. To be fair, that could be because right now, I am watching with several fellow children who laughed at everything, no matter how serious it was originally intended. We laugh so much that I have to pee pretty urgently after only watching one third of the film. I get up and go to the loo.
When I come out of the bathroom, I hear my phone ringing. I quickly walk towards the pile of jackets and pick my phone. Without hesitating I answer the call. “Hello?” I say. It has only been a number on the screen.
“Hey.” A deep voice says on the other end.
“Hey, sorry. Who are you?” I ask. The voice sends shivers down my spine.
“You are not Martyn, are you?” The man sounds amused.
“No. Why? Oh.” I say and realise I wasn’t holding my phone. “Sorry. No. Martyn is in the living room watching a film. Should I go and get him? Sorry. I thought it was my phone which rang.”
“No problem. I t doesn’t matter. Thank you. I’ll call him another time.” The man says and laughs. His voice sounds amazing. It’s really soft and deep and yet the laughs are very cute.
“Oh, alright then. I guess.” I say, not wanting to end the call.
“Yes. Thanks again. Good bye.” The man says and ends the call. I put down the phone and realise I don’t even know the name of the man with the amazing voice. Great, only thinking about the voice sends shivers down my spine. To distract myself, I go back into the living room. The other ones still laugh at everything, and after a few minutes I’m completely the same again. I am actually so distracted that I even forget to tell Martyn that Somebody just called him. Like literally, since I don’t know the stranger’s voice I decide to call him Somebody. Luckily, spending time with Bryony, John, Martyn and Cornelia stops me from thinking about Somebody. However, the thoughts come back the minute I leave the apartment.
After we finished the film, we all realise that we have to go to work tomorrow morning, so we quickly call it a night. The goodbyes are pretty rushed because Bryony is suddenly more than eager to go to sleep because a day is jinxed if she doesn’t get at least 7 hours and 25 minutes of sleep. It’s quite as serious as that she is not even elaborating after I have asked her. Usually, if you don’t shout “NO!” at the top of your voice, Bryony will explain anything, no matter if you understand it or not. I haven’t tried this method myself of course, but both John and Martyn told me about it.
While I walk through the dark but dimly lit streets, I can still here Somebody’s voice. I have never met anyone with such a voice ever before. It sounded very kind and at the same time really mysterious. And yet, the giggles did not fit with the depth the voice usually had. I am confused, and I couldn’t imagine the person to this voice. If he is only half as beautiful as his voice, then he’d be prettier than any person I ever met before.
Even when I lie down in my bed, I can’t think about anything else than the voice. I wonder who exactly Somebody is and why he called Martyn. Perhaps it’s my neighbour! But no. I already talked to him once. I had tried to push open a pull door, he had helped and then laughed. A nice laugh but not in the least comparable to Somebody. Stupid me. Another friend of Martyn’s. Will I ever get to meet him? I really hope I will. Just to have a face to the voice. And well, to hear that voice again.
The thoughts about the man behind the voice never really leave me. Luckily, I can distract myself at work either with working harder than ever or with talking to Lisa. But whenever I’m home, not even songs by muse manage to muffle the voice. And that really is saying something – mum always claims she can’t hear anything above the ‘noise’ she calls it so kindly.
The worst part of all is that I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it. I already talked to Bryony once, and that was really nice, but I couldn’t possibly ask her as many things and talk to her as often as I’d like to. So, all I do is trying my best to completely enjoy my friend’s company and forget the voice. At least for a couple of hours. Something which is really nice about being friends with Martyn, Cornelia, Bryony and John is that I am, for once, the youngest. I don’t need to impress anyone, and I don’t have to take care of anything. It’s really relaxing, and it frees me from the guilty feelings towards Adrian for not being a better role model. Well. It doesn’t exactly free me. I am simply able to forget it until I remember that Adrian will come and visit me this weekend. I’m looking forward to seeing my brother again but I’m afraid that I might once again not be able to function as a role model.
When I speak up about this, everyone is kind enough to try and reassure me that I am doing just fine. “After all, it’s just your first week.” Martyn said.
“I only managed to move out of my home when John asked me if I wanted to live with him.” Bryony admits and laughs. I’m really grateful for the friends I have. They already know me and manage to make me feel better.
Even though I mainly worry about my brother, I still seem to have enough time to constantly think about Somebody’s voice. Especially at night, when I try to distract myself with either video games or animal documentaries. Unfortunately, the voice forced me to give up the regular and healthy sleep I was having. I can’t fall asleep when the voice is constantly speaking to me in my mind. It’s really astonishing that a voice of somebody I talked to for less than a minute manages to distract me this much. Just as I think about how few I know about Somebody, I notice something. Nothing major but enough to make the butterflies in my tummy fly around. Somebody is a man. Like I said, nothing major. It’s just like… Somehow the voice of Somebody makes me think that I might after all really be gay. As I only just thought about that possibility myself (at least it was the first time with a kind of proof), there is no need for me to tell anyone. Especially, since I’m not sure myself yet. I might or might not find out more about my sexuality in the next days but even if I don’t, I already know it doesn’t really matter. The only thing that really matters is that I spend an amazing weekend with my younger brother. I will show Adrian how I live without pretending to be something other than I really am.

Chapter Text

A brotherly weekend

Adrian rings my doorbell at 11 o’clock on Saturday morning. He couldn’t come on Friday night because he was on a friend’s birthday party. Even though he is four years younger than me, he is far more social than I was just one year ago. I open the door excitedly and hug Adrian. “Welcome to my new home.” I say and gesture into my flat.
“Wow. That looks really cool.”
“Thanks. I had help.” We sit down, and Adrian raises an eyebrow. “Help?” he asks.
“Yes. On my first day someone came around and well, he helped me and now we are really good friends.” Adrian now raises both eyebrows. “What?” I ask and frown.
“You already have a good friend after only a week?” he laughs.
“Four in fact.”
“Four what?”
“Four really good friends.” I specify.
“You must be kidding.” Doubt is written all over his face. Thank you very much.
“No! I’m not.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Thank you for believing in my social abilities.”
“Hey, sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. You know I like you more than lots.” Adrian says timidly.
“It’s alright. If I’m being honest I’m even quite surprised myself.” I grin.
“What are they called?”
“Pardon?”
“Your friends, you walnut.”
“Oh, ‘course. Well the one who helped me is called Martyn, then there is his girlfriend Cornelia, and another couple Bryony and John.”
“So, you’re the only single one?”
“Am I not always?” I ask and sigh dramatically.
“Well…” Adrian says and laughs.
“It’s no big deal. They are all really nice. In fact, I could invite them over for tonight, would you like to meet them?”
“Yeah. Sure. If they would like to meet me.”
“I’m certain they will.” I say and get up. I bring Adrian a cup of tea and take my phone to call Martyn. He says he’d like to meet Adrian and promises to come around this evening and to tell and bring everyone else as well.
“They’ll come.” I say and let myself fall down next to Adrian.
“What will we do now?” he asks me.
“You can choose. We might go into town. Or we could stay here and play video games.”
“Um… I guess I’ll take the second. We’ll go into town later.”
“Alright.” I say and laugh. Adrian and I play several different video games. We try some pretty new ones but as usual we end up playing Mario Kart for several hours.
“You walnut! You mushroom! You potato head!” Adrian shouts angrily as I manage to arrive first.
“Stop shouting different kinds of food. I’m hungry!” I laugh.
“You pancake!”
“Stop!”
“You waffle!”
“Adrian!”
“You crêpe!”
“Ou la la. Français!” I shout and laugh.
“Croissant!” Adrian shouts no longer looking at the screen but is laughing very hard.
“Eifel tour!”
“Baguette!”
“That’s enough!” I gasp and hold my stomach.
“I’m hungry.”
“Hello hungry, I’m Dan.”
“That was horrible.” Adrian says and starts laughing again.
“Your fault. Should we go and eat something?” I ask.
“Yes. But nothing French or I’ll only laugh uncontrollably.”
“Oui. Do you want to have pancakes or pizza?” I ask.
“Pancakes. We could order pizza this evening.”
“Good idea.” I say and get up. Adrian gets up as well, and we put on our shoes and coats. As we walk down the streets we pass a small bakery advertising freshly backed croissants. I start to laugh uncontrollably. “Dan. Stop it. You’re embarrassing.” Adrian hisses but he is already laughing as well. “You started it all!” I complain and laugh even harder. “It’s enough. Please.” Adrian begs. “Alright. Sorry.” I say and try not to snort with laughter as I see an advertisement for a holiday in Paris. Adrian and I have a lot of fun. Even though I promise not to laugh again I can’t help it of course. Adrian doesn’t really seem to mind though. He laughs just as much as I do. Before we head home, I quickly show him the office building from my job.
“Pretty impressive.” he says.
“Really?” I ask doubtfully. This building is everything the but impressive.
“No.” Adrian laughs.
“You waffle.” I say and laugh. “I really like working there though.”
“That’s all that matters.” Adrian says poetically.
“Yeah, right.” I say and shake my head. My younger brother is truly weird, but yet again I think that’s why I like him more than lots.
“What will we do ‘till the others arrive?” Adrian arrives as we climb the stairs towards my apartment.
“I don’t know. Either video games or telly.”
“Video games. Anything but Mario Kart.”
“Yeah. And with that you mean only Mario Kart, don’t you?” I say and unlock my door.
“Perhaps.” He slowly says.
“I knew it.”
“I get Browser now!” Adrian shouts and runs towards the couch.
“Alright I’ll kick your pomegranate bottom with anyone.” I say and close the door.

***

Adrian and I play non-stop. We are completely lost in the world of pixels. Only when the doorbell rings, we notice how much time has passed.
“Already?” Adrian asks.
“Seems like it. Can you quickly shut down the telly? I’ll light some candles.” While Adrian and I hurry to make everything tidy Martyn, Cornelia, Bryony and John take turns with knocking, ringing the doorbell and shouting my name. Adrian giggles. I roll my eyes before I open the door.
“Finally.” Martyn says and walks into my flat.
“We thought you’d never open the door.” Bryony says and follows Martyn. Cornelia and John smile and I close the door behind them.
“May I present to you: my brother Adrian. Adrian. Martyn, Cornelia, Bryony, John.” After they all said hello to each other we sit down.
“What’s it like to be Dan’s younger brother?” Bryony asks and helps herself with crisps which were still lying on the table.
“Great, I guess.” Adrian says and smiles.
“I imagine it is.” Bryony says and winks at me. I groan but the rest of the bunch is laughing. I shake my head and pretend to ignore them.
“What have you been doing today?” Cornelia asks kindly.
“I showed him where I work.” I tell her, happy about the distraction. We talk the whole evening and they seem to enjoy themselves. I have to go to the toilet once. When I come back, I put on some music and ask: “Is anyone hungry?”
“Not really. Thanks.” John says, and the others seem to agree.
“I heard you can play the piano?” Cornelia asks and points towards the keyboard next to my ironing board.
“He can. Pretty good actually.” Adrian says.
“Well… I do know a few songs.” I mumble.
“Please play something!” Bryony begs.
“Really? Alright.” I get up and plug the electric piano into the socket. Even though I love playing the piano, I never particularly enjoy playing while others are around. I decide not to think about it and start playing a very easy tune. After I finished, I turn around to look at the reaction.
“That’s amazing!” Bryony says and stands next to me.
“Can you play a quicker song as well?” Cornelia asks.
“I can try.” After I finished, Bryony pretends to be amazed with my playing skills. They really aren’t that good. There are tons of people who can do it better, but being praised never actually is a bad thing, so I simply enjoy it. Until everyone leaves I have to play five other songs. That’s not that much and everyone is just as friendly as always. Around 10 o’clock, Martyn decides he has to leave. He gets up and hugs Adrian.
“It was nice to meet you, young man. We’ll meet again sometime.” He says. Then Martyn hugs me. “See you, Dan.”
Cornelia gets up as well and hugs Adrian. Bryony and John decide to leave shortly afterwards. After we have said good bye to them, we are alone in the apartment.
“Would you like to eat something?” I ask Adrian.
“Is that pizza offer still available?” he asks.
“Yep. You pick something to watch, I’ll phone the pizza people.”
“The pizza people.” Adrian laughs and shakes his head. I order a large pizza with pineapple and ham and a large chicken one. Adrian choses to watch Friends and I’m pretty happy with that decision. I get the blanket out of my bedroom and lay it down on top of the two of us.

Chapter Text

: Unbearable

‘Friends’ never fails to make us laugh. Adrian and I have a lot of fun. We watch the entire first season while eating our pizza and drinking watered down Ribena.
“Why is that so funny?” Adrian asks at some time holding his tummy.
“I don’t know. I bet I have abs tomorrow. I really laughed a lot today.”
“True.” Adrian says and chuckles.
After we finished the season I have to yawn. “I’m rather tired now.” I confess.
“Me too.”
“Where do you want to sleep? Here or with me in my bed?”
“Here…” Adrian mumbles.
I get up and stretch my back. “Well, sleep well.” I say and leave.
After I changed into my pyjamas, I lie down and snuggle into my pillow. I think today was a total success. Happily smiling I close my eyes when my bedroom door suddenly opens. I sit up and see Adrian walking towards me. Without saying anything he lies down next to me and snuggles into me.
“You are a great role model.” He whispers.
“Not really.”
“You are.” He says and doesn’t seem to want to discuss this topic.
“I like you more than lots.” I whisper.
“I like you more than lots.” Adrian says, and I know he’s smiling.

***

We sleep very long on Sunday. So long, that we, instead of having breakfast, decide to go and eat pancakes once more. Once we’re done, we walk through the park and Adrian tells me everything little thing that happened at home while I wasn’t there. It’s really nice to listen to him rambling. Unfortunately, Adrian already has to leave at 3 o’clock that afternoon. But we are both confident that we made the most of the two days we had together.
“Give mum and dad a kiss and cuddle Colin.” I say and hug Adrian good bye.
“I will. I’ll come back and visit you soon.”
“Good.”
After I brought Adrian to the train station, my apartment does look empty. I sigh and make myself a cup of tea. While I think about the fun we had, I suddenly remember something. To be exact a voice. The voice. Somebody’s voice. ‘Hey’ I hear him saying in my mind and I shiver. Once again, I’m left alone with the miracle of how such a short conversation could make me feel this way. I don’t know exactly how I feel but I know that something about Somebody attracts me. And as I know nothing about him than that, it must be his voice.
In my weakest moments, which means late nights, I can’t help but imagine that voice saying different things. Things to me. And only to me. Things I would keep in my heart forever. Yes, that’s right. Sometimes I imagine Somebody telling me that he loves me. And yes, I know that that’s really weird. But I can’t help it. Something in Somebody’s voice makes me feel things I have never felt before. I feel something for a man of whom I only know the voice. Even though I’m not normal at all I’d say that’s the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. I sigh and drink my tea. While doing so, I desperately whish there would be someone I could talk to about this. Little did I know that I’d actually have a chance to do so in just a little bit of time.

***

On Monday morning, I manage to get up rather on point. I think that’s because I went to bed at 7 o’clock yesterday. Even though I’m quite awake, that doesn’t mean I have to be in a good mood. My mood is actually pretty bad until I have my first cup of tea and unlock my phone to see that I received some messages. There are two new ones from Martyn and one new one from Adrian. Martyn’s say:

Martyn: Hey. Conni asks if
you can by any chance accompany
her and Bryony on Tuesday
for dress shopping.
John and I can’t… :P

Martyn: I hope Adrian is back home
safely. Can you tell Conni in
person tomorrow if you can come?
Thanks.

I smile and eat my cereal. I don’t know why but the idea of shopping dresses with Bryony and Cornelia sounds pretty funny and exciting to me. (Yes, I would even say that if I wouldn’t be attracted to a man. (To the voice of a man that is.))
Instead of replying to Martyn, I open Adrian’s text. It says:

Adrian: Back home. Mum delighted
about your kiss, dad horrified
Collin says he loves you.

I laugh and immediately reply:

Me: Just like I thought they’d react.
Have fun at school.

Afterwards I quickly finish my breakfast and brush my teeth. Luckily, my mood is a lot better now. Like this, I don’t really mind Mr. Cleaf asking me to bring him coffee because his PA is ill. Lisa shots an apologetic smile towards me but I simply grin. I don’t really mind. Honestly, it’s fine. While I carry the coffee to Mr. Cleaf’s office, I remember that I’ll have to go and tell Cornelia I’ll come in my lunchbreak. Happily, I continue to work until it is 12 o’clock. Then, I walk into the café and grin at Cornelia.
“Morning, Dan.” Cornelia says and smiles.
“Can I have a caramel macchiato, please?” I ask.
“Sure. Sit down. I’ll bring it to you. You’re my last customer. For now.”
I sit down, and Cornelia joins me a few moments later. “How was your day ‘till now?” she asks and hands me my cup.
“Pretty good actually.”
“Mine’s been average.” she says.
“About shopping, I actually really like to come with Bryony and you.” I say and congratulate myself for the smooth segue to the topic.
“Really? That’s great! That party kind of is the only that keeps me going!” Cornelia shouts and looks thousand times happier immediately.
“Yes.” I say and smile.
“Oh, I have to tell Bryony. She’ll be delighted.”
“Go ahead!” I say. Cornelia quickly calls Bryony and I can hear her screaming even though I’m at least a meter away from the phone.
“You’re amazing Dan!” she shouts, and I laugh. I bend forward and say: “It’s a pleasure.”
“Thank you! Bye. I have to continue working now.” Bryony says and ends the call. After this, Cornelia and I talk about a lot of things until I have to go back to work. I don’t have the courage to tell her anything yet but I’m sure I’ll be able to do so tomorrow. Perhaps it will all be easier when Bryony is as curious as usual. When she gets me to speak, I will speak. I’m sure of it. At least I hope so. I really have to get everything of my chest.

Chapter Text

: Shopping

I wake up pretty excited on Tuesday morning. It’s the first time I’m so excited about going shopping and it’s a whole new experience for me. Of course, work has to be really dull today. Whenever anything only remotely interesting is about to happen after work, you can be sure that one day of work will feel at least like whole week if not a month. When Lisa comes and asks me if I would like to eat lunch with her, I can’t believe it’s only 12 o’clock. However, I say yes. It’s a good thing I did. Lisa is awfully funny and kind. Spending lunch with her is the best thing I could have done. It distracts me from how long everything is taking. Luckily for me, it doesn’t seem like she’s flirting with me. That would only confuse me more. Lisa is a great and reliable friend. Nothing more.
We eat our lunch indoors as the weather isn’t the best. After my lunch break is over, I return to my desk and carry on working. When I finally leave work, I can’t believe I have managed to survive the day. Luckily, I have because Bryony stands in front of the café and waves happily towards me. I quickly walk over to her and give her a hug. “Hey.” I say.
“Hey. I can’t wait to look for things to wear!” she tells me and her eyes shine.
“Me neither.” I say. “Well, I won’t try anything on, but it will be nice to watch you.” I clarify.
“It’s really nice of you to come with us.” Bryony says.
“It’s a pleasure.”
“Thanks. Would you like a cup of coffee? I’ll pay.” Bryony offers.
“Sure.” I say and follow her indoors. We order our drinks and wait for Cornelia to finish and join us. When we’re finally all together, Bryony storms out of the café towards the big clothes shop in the centre of the town.
“I can’t wait!” Cornelia says and squeezes my arm. I gently pat her hand and smile down to her.
“Where should we go first?” Bryony asks me.
“I have absolutely no idea. But give me your bags and I’ll be happy to follow you wherever you go.”
“You are a real treasure.” Bryony says and kisses my check. I laugh and take her bag. For the first hour, Bryony and Cornelia are much too focused on the dresses to ask me any questions. Only when we leave the store, walking towards another, Bryony starts asking questions: “Dan. Sorry for being so blunt, but do you have a girlfriend?”
“No. I don’t.” I am proud that I manage to smile.
“Why not?” she asks and sounds surprised.
“I don’t know?”
“I think there are a lot of girls out there who would like you very much.” Cornelia says, squeezing my arm.
“I doubt it.”
“Come on, Dan. You are really handsome and extremely nice of course there must be a lot of girls!” Bryony says. I blush at her compliments. She misinterprets it and says: “Oh, does that mean you have several girlfriends?”
“No! I’m single.” I say quickly.
“And there is no one?” Cornelia carefully asks.
“What about that Lisa girl from your work?” Bryony asks.
“No! We’re only good friends. I think she even got a partner.”
“Who else? There is somebody, isn’t there?” I nearly laugh out loud. There certainly is Somebody. Still, I don’t yet dare to actually tell Cornelia and Bryony everything about it. I wait exactly one store until I finally say something. “There is somebody.” I practically whisper.
“Really?” Bryony asks. Even though we have just spoken about something entirely different she seems to know immediately what I was talking about. Impressive.
“I guess so, yeah.”
“What’s her name?” Cornelia asks.
“Well… First of all… I only know the voice. And well it’s, as far as I’m concerned a he.” I mumble.
“You only know his voice?” Bryony asks. I can’t pretend that I am not rather excessively relieved that she doesn’t seem to care that I like a boy.
“Yes.”
“Don’t be offended. But that’s slightly weird.” Cornelia says carefully.
“I know.” I sigh.
“Tell us all about it!” Bryony demands.
“Really?” I ask.
“Yes! That’s like the most interesting thing happening in my life right now. Well apart from the party.”
“Okay.” I am hesitant at first but then I tell them literally everything. There isn’t that much actually. Only, that I, by accident, picked up a call on Martyn’s phone because I thought it was mine, that I spoke with a stranger who has got the most beautiful and enchanting voice ever and that I now can’t seem to stop thinking about him. Or Somebody, as I call him.
“Wow.” Bryony says and smiles.
“If there would have been a name I could have perhaps told you who he was, but with only a number, I can’t really help you.” Cornelia says apologetically.
“Oh, that’s no problem. I mean I would like to know who he is, but it’s not your fault.” I say and feel the fabric of a long green dress. “Look this one would match with your hair.” I tell her and hold it up.
“You’re right.” She says and smiles widely.
“Just so I get this straight. You spoke with somebody on the phone for like a minute and now you can’t stop thinking about it?”
“As weird as it seems, it’s the truth.” I sigh.
“Alright. That is really weird. But cute.” She smiles. Cornelia mutters something and turns around to try on the green dress.
“If you are trying to help me find a dress, I think I decided on dark blue now.” Bryony says casually.
“Right.” I say and look around the store.
“What about that one?” I ask and point a dress across the store.
“Let’s see.” Bryony says and walks towards it. “DAN!” she suddenly screams.
“Yes?” I ask concerned.
“IT HAS GOT POCKETS!” she shouts and smiles broadly.
“Great!” I say, needless to say that I don’t really get why she is so excited about that.
“It’s the perfect dress. You are an angel.” With that, she floats towards the dressing rooms. I follow her and stand before the curtains.
“You know what I thought about.” Cornelia suddenly says.
“No?”
“Well… If that person is a friend of Martyn it’s pretty likely that he’ll be at that party as well.”
“Do you think so?” I ask pretty excited.
“Yes.”
“That would be… great.”
“Yeah. Like that you’ll point onto him and we’ll help you find out more stuff about him.” Bryony adds.
“You two are very kind.” I say truly moved by how much they want to help me.
“That’s nothing.” Cornelia says and opens her curtain. She and Bryony step out at the same time.
“Wow, you look amazing! You are very beautiful!” I say. “Breath taking!”
“Thanks. Though you picked the dresses so it’s your credit.” Bryony says and hugs me.
“I’ll definitely take this dress.” Cornelia says.
“And I’ll take this one. IT HAS GOT POCKETS!”
“Alright. I get that part now.” I lie and take some photos of Cornelia and Bryony as they asked me to do so with each dress they tried on.
“Okay. Let’s go and pay. I would like to go and eat a cake afterwards.” Cornelia says and disappears behind the curtain.
“Uhh… I’m craving some cake!” Bryony says. I laugh and nod in agreement.

Chapter Text

Excitement

I have no idea how, but I seem to have survived the week. Today is Friday. The party will be tomorrow and even though I’m tired as hell I can’t sleep because I’m so excited at the same time. Earlier this day, I spoke to Cornelia. We talked about the party, of course.
“I’m sure he’ll be there.” Cornelia had done a great job at pretending she hadn’t said that particular phrase more than a dozen times each day. “Martyn said all his friends will come.”
“I’m pretty excited. I don’t know. What will he look like?”
“I can’t tell you that because I have no idea who you are talking about.” She had rolled her eyes with a hearty laugh.
“Oh, yeah. Right. Sorry.” I had mumbled embarrassedly. After I had finished my caramel macchiato, I said goodbye to Cornelia and walked home.
It’s now about 10 o’clock now. In the evening. Normally, after a long day of work, I can sleep by now but I’m far too excited about tomorrow. Well, tomorrow afternoon that is. I will still have to survive tomorrow morning.
To finally get some sheep I decide to count to 100. I have to start several times because whenever I reach 40 my thoughts keep trailing of. Just as I reach 100, I have to yawn, and my eyelids drop shut. I smile, count to 107 for good measure and settle into my cushion, relieved to finally be able to sleep.

***

I wake up at 11 the next morning. That means that I thankfully don’t have that much time left until the party. I get up and slowly eat breakfast. There is no need to hurry. After eating my bowl of cereal and drinking several cups of tea, I decide to do some laundry. Something which I’m not very fond of, but it must be done and also, time will pass. I get the clean clothes out of the dryer and put new dirty clothes into the washing machine. While I fold my trousers, I watch repeats of the first ‘Downton Abbey’ series. Somehow, I really get into the mood and sit up straight whenever I sip my tea. It’s ridiculous. I’m really happy no one can actually see me doing so.
After I finished ranging all my clothes, I decide to have lunch. It’s already two o’clock, but no one is there to tell me off, so I simply enjoy my sandwich. The party will start at four. I have about an hour left until I have to change into my suit. For this hour I decide to do something useful. I write letters to my grandparents. It’s a long time since I have seen them, well Christmas was the last time, and I miss them. It is not exactly fair that I only think of them when I am desperate to avert my mind, but it can’t be helped. At least I am writing to them. As long as they don’t know about the circumstances, they’ll be happy and that is really all that matters. Once I have written the two letters, I jump under the shower. Again, there is no need to hurry, so I simply enjoy the warm water on my body. Afterwards, I dry my hair. As its natural appearance resembles the hair of a hobbit, I decide to straighten it. I always do so. Unfortunately, even the slightest bit of rain can curl my hair already. Luckily, today the sun shines and there is no moisture in the air. At least not too much. I’m rather happy with how my brown hair looks, straightening sometimes looks rather foolish, but today I have done an okay job. There are no gaps in my fringe.
Now, I quickly change into my white shirt and my black suit. Only putting on shoes and tying a bow tie are left for me to do. I am finally done and stare at my reflection in the mirror. It’s not too bad. If I liked my body in general, I might actually think it looks rather nice. I twist a little and suddenly don’t think it looks that nice after all. I groan and send a picture of myself to Adrian - a second opinion can do wonders!

Adrian: Very handsome. Have fun.

He replies, and I grin. I quickly put on my coat, it gets colder and colder outside, and put my phone, wallet and keys into it. I can’t wait for the party to begin. With enthusiasm I throw the door open and skip down the stairs. I’m more excited than ever and really pray I might meet Somebody in person today. His voice got louder and louder in my mind these last days and I desperately whish to hear that voice again and see the face to the voice and while we’re at it, the body as well.
It takes quite a while to get to the address. But at least I can take this time to prepare myself and calm down. Well I could have taken the time. I mean, I tried. But it’s not easy!
The house, I stand in front of now, looks really chic. I walk up the front steps and open the door. Inside, there are a lot of people. All wearing either suits or dresses. The room looks absolutely amazing. It’s pretty old and there are a lot of candles lit. It’s not quite like Downton Abbey but it’s nevertheless really impressive.
I get out of my coat and give it to a nice young girl who gives me a coin with a number in return. “Thank you.” I smile. When she turns around I take a deep breath and quietly whisper some words of encouragement to myself. I straighten my back and turn around with closed eyes. When I open them, they immediately meet two sapphire blue eyes. I feel myself blush but am able to hold the gaze. Even though the man and I are standing several meters away from one other, I can see that the eyes are more beautiful than anything I have ever seen. The rest of the man is really beautiful as well if I am completely honest. He has got a dark black fringe. His pale skin makes him look classier in that suit than anyone in that room. He looks like he really belongs here.
Just when I basically have built up enough courage to walk over to that man, Bryony suddenly appears in my view. “Dan!” she screams and hugs me. I jump and loose my balance slightly. I see the man laughing. Before I can be overly embarrassed, he turns away, and I am finally free to concentrate on Bryony. “You look amazing.” I tell her.
“So do you.” she giggles, and I blush. When I look up again, I can no longer see the man. I feel slightly sad about that but yet again I’m distracted by Martyn, Cornelia and John walking towards me.
“You look amazing, Cornelia.”
“Thanks for helping me pick my dress.” She hugs me.
“How are you?” Martyn asks.
“Fine, thanks. Pretty excited.”
“Why?” Martyn raises an eyebrow.
“Um… I have never been to such kind of a party. Those I know are pretty lame and not even half as chic.” I manage to say. Of course, I’m even more excited whether I will meet Somebody today, but I can’t possibly tell Martyn.
“I really like these kind of parties. But don’t tell Cornelia I said so.” Martyn whispers into my ear. I grin. “My brother should be here somewhere.” He adds in a louder tone to everyone.
“Phil is here? Oh great!” Bryony says and looks around excitedly.

Chapter Text

The party

Everyone was looking around. Including me, even if I had no idea what Martyn’s brother is supposed to look like.
“I can’t see him.” Bryony says after a while.
“Neither can I, we’ll see him later.” Martyn says confidentially.
“Yes. Let’s go and get a drink.” John says and already walks away. The rest of us quickly follows him. I have no idea about the drinks they sell here so I simply take the same one as Cornelia. I don’t think that Bryony is as reasonably as Cornelia. Copying Cornelia is the sensible thing to do. I carefully take a sip of my drink and am surprised how sweet and cherry-like that clear substance tastes like.
We start walking around the big room and stop occasionally to talk to someone. I don’t know anyone but that doesn’t really matter. All I do is looking at the beautiful colourful ceiling. Okay, perhaps not only that. If I am completely honest, I have to admit that I do look for those piercing blue eyes as well. When we finally stop at a table in the far corner of the room, music starts to play. Rather slow music. Music people can dance to. I look at the others and see that Bryony and Cornelia are just as excited as I am. Cornelia pinches Martyn’s arm. He sighs but then takes her hand with a smile. “May I have this dance?” He asks.
“With pleasure.” Cornelia says. They leave and dance together. They are one of the first couples to do so but slowly the dance floor fills up with other couples.
“I’m out of here.” John mutters and leaves.
“John!” Bryony complains.
“May I have this dance, fair lady?” I ask with a formal bow.
“You may.” Bryony says with a curtsey. We both laugh and walk onto the dance floor. Dancing with Bryony is great fun. She keeps asking me questions but that’s fine. It’s quite nice actually because it stops me from looking around every time.
“Did you see him already?” Bryony asks.
“No? I don’t know what he looks like?!” I hiss back.
“Oh yeah. Right. Sorry. I keep forgetting that bit.” She says lost in thought. “Did you see anyone else?” she asks with a cheeky wink.
“No.” I answer far too quickly.
“Who is it?” she raises an eyebrow. How can everyone do that? I can only raise both at the same time! Whenever I try to rise just one Adrian keeps asking me if I have spasm.
“Don’t know.” I mutter.
“What does he look like?”
“Tall.” I keep my responses short on purpose. Bryony could theoretically know who I am talking about. Then she might want to introduce me, or even worse tell me that he already has a girlfriend. No, keeping everything vague is a good strategy. It seems to work as Bryony slowly loses her interest and starts talking about the location instead.
“It really is beautiful.” I say.
“It or he?” she laughs. Dammit! “It!” I say and blush. Bryony laughs again and shakes her head.
“You are adorable.” She says.
“Thanks.” I say and poke out my tongue. We keep dancing and talking for the next two songs. Just when the fourth one is about to start, we decide we’d rather go and drink something.
“The party is great.” Bryony says to Martyn and Cornelia. Cornelia eagerly nods, and Martyn rolls his eyes. “Yeah. Sure.” He says and receives a punch in the stomach from Cornelia. “Alright, it’s kind of really nice.” Martyn admits and kisses Cornelia.
“Have you seen John?” Bryony asks.
“No. I haven’t… hang on. I think there he is!” Martyn says and points through the room.
“Right. Oh, who is he talking to?” Bryony squints her eyes.
“Martyn! It’s Phil.” Cornelia excitedly says.
“Phil? Isn’t that Martyn’s brother?” I ask Bryony. She nods.
“Oh. I’ll go and get them.” Martyn says and walks towards John. I can’t yet see who John is exactly talking to because Martyn’s brother is standing with his back towards us. When Martyn reaches them, his brother turns around and my heart does a funny little tumble. Martyn’s brother is the tall black-haired man with the sapphire blue eyes. I have difficulties breathing normally when I realise that Martyn, John and Phil are walking towards us. Bryony and Cornelia are talking about something, but I can’t hear what they are saying. Only when Bryony gently nudges me do I realise that they are talking to me. “Sorry, what?” I ask and blush.
“We were just trying to tell you that Phil is Martyn’s younger brother. I did not realise you were somewhere else with your thoughts.” Bryony says and has the audacity to wink at me. I’m just about to say something to her when Martyn suddenly clears his throat. “Dan. May I present to you, my younger brother: Phil. Phil, this is Dan, a good friend of mine.” Martyn says and smiles widely. I timidly shake Phil’s hand and murmur a hello. Just when I think that this is a confusing as it can get for me, my heart doesn’t only tumble, it feels more like it falls down multiple stories. The reason for that is Phil starting to speak: “Hey. Nice to meet you.” It’s his voice. Like… I mean it’s SOMEBODY’s voice. My Somebody! No, he is not mine. I just meant to say it’s the same deep voice which sends shivers down my spine ever since I talked to him on that Tuesday two weeks ago.
“Nice to meet you too.” I say and finally dare to look into Phil’s blue eyes. I can’t believe I finally have a face and a body and a name and an everything (well nearly) to Somebody!
Phil’s eyes widen, and he looks at me disbelieving. “Sorry. But, are you? I mean. You know…” he asks.
“I suppose so.” I blush. I don’t allow my mind to wander just yet.
“I have wondered who you might be and where I might meet you.” Phil says and smiles warmly. Does this mean he thought about me? Like I thought about him? Surely not.
“I never thought you would be Martyn’s brother. You weren’t saved as a contact, you know?” I say, eager not to think about what Phil just said.
“Oh. Right. That was because I called him from my friend’s house. She was very kind to let me do so.” Oh. Sure. I knew it. I mean. It’s obvious. How could anyone who look only remotely like Phil not have a girlfriend? It feels like I am deflating.
“True.” I manage to say and smile weakly. Phil doesn’t seem to notice. His eyes are still roaming over my body. I’m tingling all over and try really hard not to enjoy myself. When I think that Phil is probably only wondering how Martyn could possibly be friends with me, it is not so incredibly difficult to not enjoy the situation. Actually, the longer he looks at me, the more uncomfortable I get. Phil notices that I shudder. His eyes shoot back up to mine, and he says: “Sorry, that I’m starring at you. It’s simply like I have thought about you ever si…” Unfortunately, he can’t finish his sentence because Cornelia pulls his sleeve and urges him to dance with her. Phil smiles apologetically. Now, I’m even more confused than I was before Phil had said anything. He does have a girlfriend. I’m sure of it. But he also seems to have thought about me.
Somehow, I manage to feel pretty jealous watching Cornelia dancing with Phil. Jealous of Cornelia, because she can simply dance with him without seeming weird. And of his girlfriend too, because holy cow! She is after all the girlfriend of the most beautiful and polite person on earth. It’s safe to say that even I’m quite surprised by my thoughts. I have only doubled the time I spoke with Phil to about two minutes. And if that’s not yet enough, this is the first time I have seen him in person. How is it possible that I know so little of him and still am slowly but surely falling for him? The chance that this happens to me is pretty small and yet again, here I am staring at the most beautiful person ever.

Chapter Text

Talking

Phil returns from his and Cornelia’s dance and I know immediately that I have to speak to him. Despite my usual shyness, I walk up to him and say: “You’re a pretty good dancer.” He blushes at my compliment. I nearly let out a sigh. Phil really is adorable. “Thank you. I saw you dancing earlier. You dance really well.” He says, and it’s my turn to blush. “Oh, no. I think you saw somebody else.”
“No. It was most definitely you.” Phil says with a smile.
“Well then you have to give all the credit to Bryony.” I say. Phil laughs and shakes his head. His laugh is as adorable as his giggles. When he laughs, his tongue pokes out between his teeth. It’s the cutest thing I ever saw anyone do.
“Why have I never seen you before?” Phil asks me.
“Well… I guess because we don’t live in the same town.” I say confused.
“Yes. Of course. Sorry. I mean. You know, I visit Martyn quite often.”
“Oh. Well. I only moved here about two weeks ago.”
“Two weeks? That’s a pretty short time. You seemed pretty intimate with everyone.”
“Yes. I think they made it easy for me to arrive in their friendship group.” I shrug.
“Martyn did not tell anything about you on the phone or anything. Otherwise I could have guessed who I spoke to.”
“We know each other for only two weeks. It’s natural that he didn’t tell you yet.” I say.
“I guess you’re right. Why did you move houses?” Phil asks. “Does it have anything to do with your girlfriend living here or something?”
“Oh. No. I don’t have a girlfriend. My job offered me a higher position here, so I decided to finally move out of my parent’s home.” I say. Somehow, I’m pretty excited about the fact that Phil asked me if I have a girlfriend. Does this mean he’s interested in me?
“So, you are just as early with moving out of your parent’s home as I was.” Phil laughs.
“Really? Isn’t twenty relatively old?”
“Twenty? Oh dear. I thought you were older! You were quicker with moving out than me!”
“How old are you?” I ask.
“Twenty-four. Twenty-five in January.” Phil smiles. We are nearly the same height, but he is a tiny bit taller than me and as I’m not standing up properly he smiles down at me.
“It never really happens to me that people misjudge my age.” I say quietly.
“Really? I would have bet you were older.” Phil says and smiles.
“Thank you. I guess.” I say and smile. Talking to Phil isn’t hard at all. It’s pretty easy. I only feel rather awkward, but I’m used to feeling like that. I simply don’t have the social ability to speak to anyone without feeling awkward. Except my family of course. Besides, the fact that I’m constantly blushing doesn’t make it easier.
“Did you get to know the town already?” Phil asks and takes a sip of his drink.
“Yes. It really can be pretty.”
“I suppose so. Martyn always begs me to move here as well.” Oh, yes. Please! Once again, I’m surprised by my thoughts.
“The park is really beautiful and there are a few romantic spots as well.” I hear myself saying. Phil doesn’t say anything he only slightly raises an eyebrow. “It could be nice for you and your girlfriend.” I quickly add and avoid looking into Phil’s eyes.
“Oh. I don’t…” Phil doesn’t get to finish his sentence. This time it’s Martyn who interrupts him.
“Phil!” he says and pokes his brother’s cheeks.
“Look over there! It’s Joanne! I think she really wants to talk to you. She keeps staring over to you.” This time, Phil doesn’t smile apologetically when he turns around and leaves. Great. I sigh. Did Phil want to tell me that he doesn’t have a girlfriend? Even if he wanted to do so, that status will change soon. I bet it will. Great.
Even though it would be torturing myself, I actually really want to watch Phil and Joanne talking. Unfortunately, Bryony forces me into a conversation. “Dan. What do you think about llamas not being able to express their opinions?” she asks. She clearly already had quite a few drinks.
“Pardon?” I say and look at Cornelia. She laughs and shrugs.
“If you think about it, really hard… Llamas should be able to tell everyone how they feel!” Bryony says enthusiastically.
“Yeah.” I vaguely agree.
“All these prejudices about them only spitting at people. They have feelings! They can’t change their habits! It’s so mean!” Suddenly, Bryony starts sobbing. She throws her arms around me, and I can’t do anything else than patting her back helplessly. I look around, but I can’t see John anywhere. Cornelia seems to read my thoughts, as she says: “John already left.”
“Okay.” I slowly say and stroke Bryony’s hair.
“I want to go home.” She mumbles into my chest.
“Do you want me to come with you?” I ask.
“Yes.” She says and pouts.
Because I don’t want her to start crying again, I quickly grab her hand and pull her towards the exit. “Bye. Can you tell the others?” I ask Cornelia.
“Sure. That’s really nice of you, by the way.” She smiles.
“No problem. Have a nice evening.” I say and leave with Bryony still holding my hand. In the last second, I remember to go and grab my coat. Because I’m pretty hot myself, as in I’m feeling warm (I don’t consider myself anything near good-looking), I put it around Bryony’s shoulders and put my arm around her.
“Thanks, Dan.” She mumbles and leans into me. I’m pretty happy to leave the party. I had a great time, but now that Phil is talking to Joanne, I am more than happy to take my leave.
After a few minutes walking in the fresh air, Bryony seems to sober up slightly. Unfortunately. “I completely forgot to ask, did you meet your Somebody?”
“Yeah.” I smile in spite of myself. The chances that Bryony won’t remember anything in the morning are pretty high. I might as well be honest.
“Really? Who is it?”
“Can you keep a secret?” I ask her.
“Absoluly.” She mumbles.
“Alright. Well. It turns out, the man I spoke to on the phone is in fact Phil.”
“Martyn’s brother?” Bryony screams.
“Shhh… Yes.” I hiss and smile.
“That’s amazing! So cute! You two talked, didn’t you?”
“Yeah.” I say and smile as I remember what it felt like talking with Phil. I continue smiling until I remember what Phil was doing right now. The thought of him flirting with somebody and significant impact on my mood: it plummeted.
“What did you talk about?” Bryony asks.
“Random stuff. Did you have a good evening?” The change of topic works for both of us: I am distracted, and Bryony is happy to talk about her evening. She also seems to already have forgotten what I just told her.

Chapter Text

Alone

I ring Bryony and John’s doorbell. Bryony’s mood changed again, so now she is no longer curious but deadly unhappy. She looks like she could start crying any second. The sooner I deliver her into John’s arms (where she should be right now) the better. John opens the door and frowns when he sees me. “Dan?” he asks but then he notices Bryony and nods understandingly. “I see.” He smiles.
“Sorry. I thought it would be best if I bring her to you.”
“Of course. Thank you very much.”
“John.” Bryony whines next to me.
“Come here.” John says and smiles warmly. I carefully hand over Bryony’s arm to John and watch with a big smile how he gently lifts her. “Can you close the door?” John asks quietly.
“Yes. Sure.”
“Thank you very much.” He says and walks down the hallway.
I close the door quietly and sigh. By now it’s a really desperate wish to have something like that as well. The more I see of, for example Bryony and John in love, the more I simply want to have something or rather someone like that as well. Someone who loves me, who will take care of me when I’m drunk. Well… Not that I get drunk that often, but it would be nice to have someone who actually cares about how I am feeling. No matter if drunk or not. I sigh and notice that I’m still standing in front of Bryony and John’s door. I quickly leave and walk home. Because I’m deeply in thoughts, I somehow take the longest route ever and end up in our favourite park. My feet seem to have a mind of their own. Otherwise, I couldn’t explain the phenomenon. Well… Perhaps I could but I don’t want to allow my thoughts to go into THAT direction. So, um, great. I am in the park now. And it’s dark. Some would call it romantic. I think it’s kind of creepy. What a stupid idea of my feet to bring me here. Don’t they know that a dark forest and stuff are the only things that actually freak me out? Apparently not, because I just keep walking. Walking towards an unfamiliar place. It’s true. I’ve never been there before. But I’ve heard of it. Martyn told me to be exact. I already got to know him as a pretty old-fashioned person, so him describing the exact location where he asked Cornelia to be his girlfriend did not surprise me in the slightest. It’s that same little bench, standing all alone, somehow illuminated be the moon, where I’m heading to in this moment. Without looking around, I sit down. Looking around would only creep me out more. I simply sit down and sigh. Why am I sitting here? In the dark? But worst of all: Why am I sitting here, alone? I sigh deeply and look up to the stars. Living on the countryside was really fortunate late at night. Well… you could get murdered easily as no one would notice you screaming but at the same time, you can always admire the beautiful star constellations up in the sky. The stars are calming me down. Before I know it, I hear myself first hum and then sing “Twinkle, twinkle little star”. Embarrassed, I quickly look around to check if somebody heard me singing. Unfortunately, this reminds me where I am at the moment. I get uncomfortable and decide to stand up. Besides it’s getting really cold without my coat. The peace of this little place is gone. All I want to do now is lying in my bed. Another point which convinces me it’s better to go home is that I start thinking about how it would be like if Phil was sitting next to me. Only at the thought of it, I feel myself blushing.
“He will never sit next to you.” I mutter to myself and walk faster. “He is straight!” I laugh. Straight. Only a couple of days ago I was nearly 100% sure I was straight as well, and now I’m here thinking that I’ll never have someone because he is straight. Not really a plot twist but still a rather drastic change of events. I sigh once more and walk even faster. Perhaps the cold wind will erase those thoughts out of my mind. Unrealistic thoughts about me and Phil, that is.
When I reach the corner of my street I’m completely out of breath. I curse myself for practically jogging in this cold air and hurry towards home. With difficulty, I climb the steps and open the door to my apartment. I walk over to my couch and drop onto it. After several minutes, my breath starts to get normal again and my heart beat has slowed down. I sigh and get up. After my little involuntarily work-out session in the cold, I’m really hungry and thirsty. I walk to my fridge. There’s nothing in there. Only the meat for my lunch tomorrow. I sigh and grab my box of cereal. Dry cereal will do for now. On my way back to the sofa, I grab a glass of water. When I sit down and eat a handful of cereal, I notice how tired I actually am. Today was not easy for my body. First of all, I practically stood all evening. Then my heart worked hard and had problems around Phil. And finally walking to Bryony’s, to the park and jogging back to my flat, isn’t something I do on a regular basis. I yawn and rub my eyes. My body is terribly tired. It’s as bad as I don’t even manage to get into my bed. I simply close my eyes on the couch and start to breathe slow and evenly.

Chapter Text

Reality?

I look around and notice I’m back in the big dancing room. That’s weird, I can’t remember going back. While I try to figure out why I’m back, I hear music starting to play in the background. Everything looks just like I left it except for the size of the room. Compared to the actual room, this one seems like an opera hall including the stage. That’s really weird. Did those candles actually burn? Why does everything suddenly seem like I’m in a movie?
I immediately stop questioning everything when I see Phil. He looks amazing. Honestly breath-taking. His dark suit makes his eyes shine. His figure stands out between all the other men around him. I can’t stop staring at him. When he notices me staring, he faces me and smiles slightly. Hot shivers run down my spine, and I have to swallow. Phil’s sapphire eyes watch me closely and I start to forget everything around me. Looking into Phil’s eyes feels like drowning. In a positive way. If that’s possible. I lose the contact to the floor and it feels like I’m swimming. Phil’s eyes seem to be able to look into my soul. Shivers run down my spine, and I feel the hairs on my arms stand up. Without blinking once, I look at him and can only hope my mouth isn’t standing wide open.
Our eye contact is broken when someone suddenly runs into me. This time, it doesn’t only feel like I’m losing contact with the floor. I actually am. While I’m falling in slow-motion, I turn around and see it was Bryony who ran me over and is now winking at me. Just when I think I’m about to hit the floor, two strong hands take hold of me. I look up and look directly into the incomparable blue eyes. How could Phil catch me? Just seconds ago, he was standing several feet away! Even though that’s certainly weird, I decide not to care. I’m practically lying in Phil’s arms, after all. I swallow and start to get really warm. Somehow Phil’s touch heats up my entire body.
“Lucky for you that I caught you.” Phil murmurs into my ear. His voice is deeper than ever, and a lump starts to form in my throat. I’m not able to answer. Phil doesn’t expect an answer, though. He smirks and pulls me up so that I stand again.
“Thank you.” I breathe.
“You’re welcome.” He says. I notice that he still hasn’t let go off me. His hands are still around my waist. I blush slightly as Phil starts to stroke the small of my back with his left hand. We stand like this for a couple of moments. Suddenly, Phil says: “I love that song.”
The music hasn’t changed at all but instead of saying anything I simply nod and hold my breath. Just when I wonder if he will ask me to dance with him, Phil clears his throat and asks: “May I have this dance, Dan.”
“You may.” I say and lock my eyes with his. Phil takes my hand and pulls me onto the dance floor. His hand is really soft and warm and the skin where he touches me feels like it’s on fire. In a good way.
“I know it was you, who I saw dancing.” Phil mutters into my ear after pulling me close. I don’t know what to respond to that, so I simply close my eyes and lean into Phil. My head rests on his shoulder. The dance we’re dancing is a slow one and I start to feel really light. When I raise my head and look into Phil’s eyes, it feels like we’re alone in the big room. Phil loosens his grab on my right hand and spins me around in a circle. That’s when I notice that we are in fact alone. Nobody is to be seen. Just when I wonder how that is possible, I trip and land on the hard, wooden floor. That really hurts. I moan and rub my back. Suddenly, Phil disappears in front of my eyes, and I see the contour of the couch table in front of me. How is that possible? Where am I? Where was I just seconds ago?
It hits me so abruptly that I have to lean against the couch. I just dreamed. To be precise, I dreamed about slow-dancing with Phil. What does this mean? It means he is a really good dance. Unfortunately, I can’t fool myself. I couldn’t fool anyone with that. The only reasonable interpretation of such a dream is that I have feelings for Phil. For a man I saw in person for the first time this evening. That was so typical of me. Why can’t I choose someone I already know? “Because it doesn’t work like that!” I hear the voice of my mother in my head. I know she is right. Still. It’s not fair. Why do I always have to fall for those who are not even the slightest within my reach? Why can’t it by Jake from work for heaven’s sake! At least I would see him every day. But no. Not Jake. Phil is superior. He is the politest person on the whole earth (Martyn is the second one…). Even if one would leave his unbelievably good looks aside, he would still outplay every other human being by his personality. How can I know all this after only speaking to him twice? Who am I to judge him? Nobody. And I will always stay a nobody to him. A nobody who is somehow friends with his brother. A phenomenon which isn’t for me to explain.
I stand up and stretch my back. It still hurts. How come I fall off the couch when I dream about dancing with Phil? Either my brain was thoughtfully enough to stop everything until it became even weirder than my usual chimaeras. Or I fell because just like in my dream, I spun around. It’s perhaps the second one, even if I’d like to praise my brain for being so clever. Though, when I think about it. If I want to praise my brain for being clever, it can’t be that clever after all. My head is spinning and I’m sick of thinking about everything. I groan and walk into my room. Without taking my suit off, I jump onto my bed and close my eyes. Whether I want my dream to come back, or not, is a question I rather not think about it. One shouldn’t tempt fate.

Chapter Text

Interrogation

The next morning, I’m pretty happy the dream did not continue. I would have probably gone insane if I just woke up from something like I dreamed about yesterday.
With a stiff back, I crawl out of bed and walk into the kitchen. I make myself a cup of tea and drink it while staring out of the window. It’s only natural that thoughts come creeping back like that. Why did I fall for Phil (apart from the obvious reasons…)? Why couldn’t it be someone else? Why me? While I’m about to lose my mind with pitying myself, I hear a letter being pushed through my letter box. Confused, I get up and walk towards my door. I pass the giant mirror in the hallway and stop to look at myself. Horrible would be too gentle. I look horrific. (Great increase, I know.) I’ve got huge dark circles under my eyes and my hair is a mess. It did not only become all curly again, it also looks like birds could live up there. I sigh and try to sort it out a bit. Even though my head looks the worst, my creased suit isn’t the most beautiful sight either. How can someone like Phil look so good in a suit while I look so horrible? I sigh and roll my eyes. Phil keeps popping into my thoughts. It’s not exactly annoying, it’s simply pretty distracting. Right now, it distracted me from going to my front door. I sigh and spot a sheet of card board on the floor. I pick it up and read the few lines, scribbled down.

Hey.
My voice is gone so I couldn’t shout
and your doorbell is broken.
Can I come in?
Bryony x

I laugh and shake my head. I open the door and ask: “Why didn’t you knock? Is your hand broken?”
“Oh right.” Bryony whispers and hits herself with her hand. “Sorry. I don’t seem able to think properly.”
“No problem.” I say and let her in. “Why is your voice this bad?”
“How would I know?” she asks miserably. “Oh, before I forget.” Bryony looks around herself. “Oh, actually. It seems like I did forget after all. I meant to bring you your coat, but must have left it at home.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I say and laugh.
“I see you haven’t changed yet.” Bryony says and musters me.
“Oh. Right yeah. I meant to just now.” I lie.
“How about you take a shower and I make us some breakfast?” she asks.
“Yeah sure. Just one question. Why exactly are you here?”
“Oh. Yes. Well John left earlier this morning to do something with Martyn and Phil, so I thought I may as well go and visit you.” Only the mention of Phil’s name makes me shiver. My body is out of control.
“Right. I’ll take a shower now.” I say and point towards the bathroom.
“And I’ll make breakfast.” Bryony says.
“Good luck. I don’t think I have that many eatable things left.”
“I thought you wouldn’t, so I quickly grabbed some things on my way.” Bryony says and I only now notice her basket full of tasty things.
“You spoil me.”
“It’s a pleasure. And now hush - begone under the water!”
“Alright, mum.” I say and leave before she can hit me.
It doesn’t take long for me to shower and change into more comfortable clothes. In fact, the delicious smell, coming out of the kitchen even speeds me up. Even though I’m really hungry, I take my time to dry and straighten my hair. I walk into the kitchen and see Bryony standing at the stove.
“Wow.” I say as I see all the tasty things on the table.
“Sit down.” Bryony says.
“Why do you spoil me?” I ask and sit down.
“I’m your friend that’s why.” Bryony says and turns around.
“Oh.” I say.
“What?”
“I recognize your ‘curious’ face by now.” I say and sigh.
“Oh. Well then I don’t have to find a smooth entrance to the topic.”
“Oh dear.” I don’t have to pretend to sound scared. I really am.
“Eat.” Bryony says and smiles mischievously. I do as I’m told. And grab a toast and put some baked beans onto my plate. “So… How did you like the party yesterday?” Bryony asks after a while.
I nearly choke on my beans. “A lot.” I say and cough.
“Did you… meet somebody?” she asks and winks at me. Damn it. She still knows what I told her yesterday!
“Uh?” I pretend to be dumb.
“Dan.” Bryony warns.
I sigh and look onto my plate. “Do I really have to tell you again?” I ask her quietly.
“I knew I didn’t dream it!” Bryony shouts triumphal. “And with that I mean, yes, you do have to tell me again.”
I sigh. But perhaps this conversation will be able to help me. We’ll see. “Okay. Well, yesterday at the party I spotted someone. I told you while we danced, remember? This someone turned out to be Somebody!” At least the NASA would have no idea what we’re talking about if they were listening to us.
“I did not know that!” Bryony shouts. By the way, her shouting sounds a bit like a dying cat. She doesn’t sound that different when she speaks normally though, she is only not as loud as usual, which is quite relaxing.
“Well. That could be because I didn’t tell you yesterday.”
“Quite right. Continue.”
“There is nothing left. I talked to Phil a little bit, but he left suddenly to talk to a girl.”
“Oh. What a pity. What was that girl called?”
“Jo… something.”
“Joanne?” Bryony asks with a hint of worry in her voice.
“Yes? Why?”
“Um… Well… It happens that a girl called Joanne spent most of the time Phil visited Martyn the last time. Not that that has to mean anything.” I knew it. Joanne was Phil’s girlfriend. At least by now she surely was. Great.
“Oh. Well that was everything anyways.” I say and blush, remembering my dream.
“That isn’t everything. Why do you blush?” Damn it!
“It’s pretty hot in here isn’t it? I’ll open a window!” These kinds of distraction never work. Bryony grabs my hand and holds it, so I can’t stand up. “Bryony. Please!” I whine.
“No. I have to know.” She says firmly.
“You are horrible.”
“That’s why you love me.”
“Don’t be too sure of that.” I mumble.
“Dan. Please- pretty please?” Bryony pouts.
“Alright. But you have to keep it as a secret, understand?”
“Yep.” She says excitedly.
“Why are you able to convince me this easily?” I ask and frown.
“I’ll tell you another time now say what else happened!”
“Nothing happened. I only. Well. I dreamt something.”
“A vision!” She whispers excitedly.
“No. It was simply a dream.” I say and frown once more.
“Oh. Still interesting. What happened?”
“Well. We were at the party again.” I begin.
“We… That’s you and Phil?” Bryony interrupts me.
“Yes. Well. We’re there and… we look at each other and then you appear, and you gave me a push, so I land in Phil’s arms and well, suddenly the music changes, and we dance. We dance until… well. This is embarrassing. Phil spins me around and somehow, I trip and fall onto the floor which causes me to wake up. Perhaps I only wake up because I fell off the couch. That could be a possibility…”
“Slow down a bit.” Bryony says and raises her hand. I shut my mouth like a fish and look at her. “You dreamt about dancing with Phil?” Bryony asks.
“Seems like it.”
“That’s so cute!”
“Is it?”
“Dan. Stop pretending. I’m sure you know what that means.”
“It means that I have a weird imagination.” I shrug.
“No! For heaven’s sake! It means you have got feelings for Phil!”
“I don’t!” I say. Too quickly.
“Have you ever dreamt about dancing with anyone before?” she asks.
“No… But…”
“See! You must have feelings for him!”
“But!”
“What?” she asks and laughs.
“I don’t know him. I only know his name and that he’s the brother from Martyn.”
“Well that’s something at least.”
“Not nearly enough to fall in love.”
“And yet you managed to do just that.”
“I did not!” I shout, and my voice suddenly sounds pretty high.
“Dan. You are adorable.” Bryony says and tousles my hair.
“I’m not. But honestly. Just because someone looks unbelievably handsome has the most amazing voice on the earth and is kinder than everyone else isn’t enough to make one fall in love.”
“Apparently it is.” Bryony says and winks.
I realise what I just admitted and turn bright red. “I’m not in love with Phil!” I whisper.
“All evidence is against you.” Bryony gently says.
“I didn’t commit a crime though, did I?” I ask and laugh.
“No. Most certainly not.” Bryony says and smiles gently. I quickly bend my head. “By the way, I think that your dream might have been a vision after all.” Bryony says.
“How?”
“I pushed you so that clearly says I have something to do with bringing you two together.” Bryony explains proudly.
“Oh dear.” I say and bury my head in my hands.

Chapter Text

Realisation

After Bryony interrogated me, she keeps smiling and hugging me. Not that I mind. Bryony is a lovely girl and a really great friend. I don’t yet dare to tell her that I think I have no chance whatsoever with Phil. She is far too happy for those kinds of thoughts. It’s enough if I keep telling me I can forget Phil.
Bryony stays with me after we had breakfast and washed everything up.
“Let’s watch something romantic. Shall we?” she says and runs to the pile of DVDs next to my computer.
“Alright.” I say and sit down.
“What about ‘The Holiday’?” she asks and holds up the case.
“That’s a Christmas film, isn’t it?”
“Well it’s nearly Christmas.”
“It’s September!”
“Fair enough.”
“Do you really want to watch it?” I ask her.
“Yes. And I know you do too.”
“Fair enough.” I say and smile.
“Ah! John never watches it with me! Perhaps I should make you fall in love with me so that I have someone to watch films with.”
“I already love you.” I say.
“Nice try.” Bryony says and tousles my hair.
“I think you should keep John. You are really cute together.”
“Thanks. I do love him very much.”
“That’s settled then.” I say casually. Bryony laughs and starts the DVD. We watch the film, and somehow, it’s not too weird to watch a Christmas movie in the mid of September.
When we are nearly half way through the film, I suddenly notice something. “Bryony?”
“Yes?” she says and still keeps her eyes fixed onto the screen.
“I just realised something.” I say.
“What did you realise, Dan?” she asks still not really paying attention.
“As a conclusion to everything we talked of, I think I might be bi.” I say.
“What?” she asks and faces me.
“Yes. Sure. I kinda like Phil a lot. So, I obviously have to be bi.” That’s when Bryony suddenly starts laughing. “What is it?” I ask her.
“How…” she gasps and laughs even harder. “How did we not remember that? How did I forget you are bi when you like both men and women? Why was I so surprised when you just told me?” Bryony can’t stop laughing and I already joined her. Everything is so weird. I just realised I was bi (even though I assumed something like that for the last couple of days) and I can’t help but laugh.
“Why were you surprised?” I ask after I calmed down a bit.
“I don’t know! I forgot that loving men isn’t considered straight.”
“Only if you happen to be a woman.” I say. We both start laughing again and pretty soon we are both crying at the same time.
“Bryony stop it!” I gasp.
“I can’t!” she shrieks and laughs.
“You started!”
“I didn’t!”
“Of course, you did!” We honestly can’t stop laughing. Suddenly Bryony stops laughing but starts again a second later.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“My phone just vibrated. I was scared for a split second.”
“Oh dear.” I say and start laughing.
“It’s a text from John.” Bryony says as she looks at her phone.
“What does it say?”
“It says: Why are you laughing, open the door.” Bryony reads out loud.
“What?” I ask, and we are suddenly quiet.
“Bryony? Dan?” someone shouts in front of my door. Bryony and I start laughing for the 100th time in ten minutes and get up.
“Somehow, I think that something like this only happens to us.” Bryony gasps and puts our glasses away.
“True.” I say and walk towards the door. “Sorry about that.” I say while unlocking the door. My heart skips a beat when I open the door. Phil stands in front of me. Martyn and John are there as well, in fact, they are already walking in, but somehow all my brain focusses on is Phil. Phil in skinny jeans and a cute owl jumper.
“Hey.” He says and smiles.
“Hello. Come in.” I manage to say. Even though he isn’t wearing anything special he looks breath-taking.
“Thank you.”
I take a deep breath while I close the door and slowly turn around. Phil is watching me. Do I only imagine that slight red on his cheeks or did he really just blush? “Come through.” I say and lead the way into the living room. When we come in, I can hear John asking Bryony why we laughed so much. I immediately feel uncomfortable. Thankfully, Bryony says we watched a funny film and winks at me.
“Tea, anyone?” I ask.
“Yes.” Martyn says eagerly.
“Everyone?” I ask. Phil nods and smiles. I quickly walk over to the sink and fill the kettle. How is it possible that Phil’s smiles take me aback like this every time? While putting on the kettle and searching together five mugs, I feel Phil watching me. At least I think so. However, when I turn around, he is no longer watching me. Either, he didn’t look at all or he turned away quickly enough for me not to see.
“Where is Cornelia?” I ask Martyn. He doesn’t hear me, probably listening to Bryony and John talking. Phil answers for him. “Conni has to work.”
“On a Sunday after a party?” I ask astonished.
“One of her colleges got ill.” Phil explains.
“Oh. That’s a pity. Do you know when she’ll be back?”
“No.” Phil says.
“Oi. ‘tin! When will Conni come?” Phil asks his brother.
“In like twenty minutes.” Martyn answers.
“In about twenty minutes.” Phil says to me and grins.
“Oh.” I say and pretend to be surprised.
“What did you do today?” Phil asks.
“Um. Bryony visited and after having breakfast, we watched a film together.” I say. ‘By the way, we were also having a fit of laughter because we realised I was bi.’ Of course, I don’t say that. Phil would only think I’m weirder than he already thinks I am.
“What film?” Phil asks.
“’The holiday’.”
“I love that one! Isn’t it a bit early though?”
“As in the time of the day?” I ask confused.
“No as in: ‘It’s a Christmas film’.” Phil says and giggles.
“Oh. Yes. Sure. Well. We felt in the mood for it. It surprisingly didn’t even feel wrong.”
“I can imagine. I could watch that movie the whole year around.” Phil says and smiles.
“What other kinds of film do you like?” I ask Phil.
“I would say nearly everything actually. I like superheroes. And Harry Potter of course.”
“Is there anyone who doesn’t like Harry Potter?” I ask and laugh.
“If there is he can come, and I’ll fight him.” Phil sounds serious.
“As if you could fight anyone. You even apologise if you ‘hurt’ a blade of grass.” Martyn says and sits down next to me.
“Hey.” Phil complains but laughs.
“It’s true.” Martyn tells me. I laugh, but on the inside, I can’t understand how one person can be that cute.
“You make it sound as if that was a bad thing!” Phil pouts, and my heart nearly can’t take it.
“It isn’t.” Martyn says and tousles Phil’s hair. Martyn and Phil seem like they understand each other really well. They get along just as well as I do with Adrian. Watching Martyn and Phil mock each other makes me miss Adrian.
“What are we doing today?” John asks and interrupts my thoughts.
“How about eating dinner later. Now we’ll wait for Conni to arrive.” Martyn says.
“And what will we do when she arrives?” Bryony asks.
“We could have Mario Kart tournament with teams. I have got three controllers.” I say. Phil and Martyn’s eyes widen in excitement.
“Sounds amazing.” John says and smiles.
“John and me, Conni and Martyn and Dan and Phil.” Bryony says.
“Pardon?” Phil asks.
“Those are the teams.” Bryony says and winks at me. I try not to make it obvious that I blush and get up to start the Wii.

Chapter Text

Attentive

A couple of minutes after I started the Wii, we hear a knock on the door. “I’ll go.” Martyn says and gets up.
“Can we have the pink one?” Bryony asks and points towards Peach.
“The pink one?” Martyn, John and I ask in unison.
“Pearl or what is her name…” Bryony says and looks confused.
“Peach.” John sighs.
“Yes. Peach. That’s it. Can we have her?”
“Sure.” I laugh.
“Who should we be?” Phil asks. He whispers it into my ear just as if we would be talking about something really secret. Needless to say, that his voice and breath on my neck sends shivers down my spine. Of course, I can’t think or answer properly, so I simply say: “You can choose.”
“Really? Martyn always says I choose the dumb ones.”
“I’m confident. You won’t make a dumb choice.” As if he could ever do anything dumb, he is Phil after all.
Martyn and Cornelia come into the room. “Hey, Dan.” Cornelia says and hugs me.
“Hey. I’m really sorry you had to work.” I say.
“It wasn’t that bad. Like this I can lie in on Tuesday. Maddy promised to take my shift that morning.” Cornelia says.
“Sounds agreeable.” I say and smile.
“Oh! You got the pink one!” Cornelia shouts when she sees that Bryony and John chose Peach. John audibly inhales. Bryony pats his hand and laughs.
“How do we do this now?” Martyn asks and sits down next to me.
“We take it in turns each time, and then we’ll see who is the best team in the end.” I suggest.
“Who will start first?” Bryony asks.
“The younger one.” Phil shrugs.
“Alright.” I say and grab the remote.
“You’re the younger one?” Martyn asks astonished.
“Yep. I’m twenty.” I say.
“Blimey. I’m old.” He says and laughs. I’m really thankful, that no one thinks I’m too young or anything. They simply carry on pressing buttons.
“Let’s start then.” I say and press A.
“We’ll show them how to do it.” Phil murmurs behind me. I’m not sure if he perhaps does know what he does to me in doing so. My body starts trembling, and I need a lot of effort to hold onto the remote. It’s not only the fact that Phil’s voice is deeper than usual when he murmurs, it’s much rather because he said ‘we’ that I’m trembling, shivering and feeling hot at the same time.

***

Phil and I win the tournament. With a lot of places in advance. Cornelia and Martyn are second. Mainly because they are far too distracted by themselves. They do know how to play. Not that I’m not distracted myself. I simply have no possibility to actually show I am. All I can do is concentrate even more.
“Well done!” I shout when Phil finishes first in the last round. He jumps slightly but smiles proudly at me.
“High five!” he says, and we fail completely. We both start laughing and try again. The second one works better but it still looks pretty horrible.
“What do you want to do now?” I ask.
“Is it too early for dinner yet?” Bryony asks.
“Strictly speaking, no.” Martyn says after checking his watch.
“Great.” Bryony says and gets up.
“Just last week I discovered a great pizza place. Want to check it out?” Cornelia asks us.
“Sure.” I shrug.
“Let’s go!” Martyn says and gets up as well. We all follow suit. In the hallway I remember that I no longer have a coat. “Damn it.” I mutter while thinking about what to put on instead.
“What’s the matter?” Phil asks.
“Oh. Um.” Do I now have to stutter as well whenever I talk to him? “I don’t have my coat. I gave it to…”
“Me.” Bryony finishes my sentence for me.
“You can take mine. I don’t need one. I’ve put on several layers today.” Phil offers.
“I can’t.” I say.
“I insist.” Phil says and smiles warmly. He hands me his coat, and I can’t help blushing.
“Are you sure, you’re okay?” I ask Phil.
“Yes. Don’t worry. It’s more important you keep warm. You were having goose bumps all the way through playing Mario Kart.”
“Thanks.” I mumble and blush again. I hadn’t exactly been cold. Those goose bumps came from something other than coldness. To be precise, the direct opposite. Whenever I think about Phil, I feel warm. Not only when I think about him. Also, when I see him. And whenever he touches me (which happens less than I would like) it feels like my skin is on fire. In a good way. Hang on. I already thought that once. And that had been… in my dream! Oh dear. When reality and dream start to merge into each other, that’s like the first hint that something pretty crazy is happening.
The fresh air outside helps me getting my head clear. Well as long as I don’t notice that amazing scent of Phil’s coat. It smells warm and cosy and just really lovely. It’s like… No. I can’t describe it. Perhaps there is a little bit of perfume, but I know that the scent is mostly just Phil. I suddenly feel special, being allowed to wear Phil’s coat.
“You seem far away. What are you thinking about?” someone asks me.
I think it’s Bryony, so I’m about to say: “I thought we had that earlier.” Luckily, I look up before I say something because it was in fact Phil who asked me. “Um.” I can’t possibly tell him that I just thought about him, can I? No. That’s impossible. What on earth do I say?
“Can I have a bet?” Phil asks with a smile.
“Go ahead.” I say slowly.
“Your family.”
“What makes you think so?” I ask him, happy he didn’t guess right.
“You smile a lot and you look as if you were thinking about someone really special to you. So, I assume it’s your family.” Phil explains.
“Got me.” I say and laugh. Did I really look like I was thinking about someone special? I was not as good at hiding it as I thought I was, after all. Not so great news.
“Do you miss them?” Phil asks.
“Who?”
“Your family.”
“Oh. Yes.”
“Do you have siblings?”
“Yes. One younger brother.” I say. Talking to Phil is really great and besides not nearly as hard as I always think it will be when I’m on my own. Phil and I continue talking all the way to the restaurant. Slowly, I start to say more than just one-word responses. I already know it’s going to be a great evening.

Chapter Text

An agreeable evening

We arrive at the restaurant, and I can’t help but notice that it’s a pretty romantic location. I blush slightly. But no need to get my hopes up too high, there are going to be four other people, after all.
We sit down next to a big window. Like this, we can see a small garden which is illuminated by several candles. Why did Cornelia choose this place? Well whatever the reason may be, I’m pretty thankful she did because somehow, I manage to sit down opposite of Phil. I’ll be able to look at him the whole evening. That’s nice. If I’m thinking about it, it isn’t that surprising that I sit opposite Phil. Martyn sits opposite Cornelia, John sits opposite Bryony, it’s only logical that Phil ends up with me. I sigh quietly. Just yet I thought that maybe Phil chose to sit opposite me, but it turns out he had no choice. Still, that’s no reason to not enjoy the evening.
“We wrecked them at Mario Kart.” I say to Phil and smile.
“Yes. I think I play Mario Kart more often than I actually go outside.”
“Same! It is really addictive.”
“Yes. When you start once you can’t really stop, can you?”
“No. What other kinds of games do you play?” I ask.
“Loads. ‘Portal’ for example.”
“Oh. I’ve heard of it.”
“Have you never played it?” Phil asks astonished. I can’t answer because a waitress arrives at our table and asks us what we would like to drink. I know fully well that I can’t really trust drunk me, so I decide to drink a coke.
“No, I haven’t played ‘Portal’ yet.” I say when we’re alone together.
“You really should. There is better animated stuff out there but it’s a classic. And really fun to play.”
“I’ll see if I can buy it somewhere.” I honestly think about buying the game. It really must be brilliant if Phil likes it that much. What have I become? Buying everything Phil praises? No. I only value his opinion. And I’ve heard of that game before. That’s why I want to play it. Okay, maybe that was a lie…
“What kinds of video games do you play?” Phil asks me.
“Um. My brother and I sometimes like to play those music things. I really like to play the guitar. In real life I can’t really though. Piano is enough for me.”
“You play the piano?” Phil asks me.
“Yes. Not really well. I simply like to press notes and hear what I’m doing.”
“That’s a lie.” Bryony intervenes.
“What’s a lie?” Phil asks confused.
“He is a really good pianist.” Bryony smiles.
“Not really. There a lot of people out there who would laugh at my ability to press keys.” I mumble.
“I think you play really good.” Bryony says.
“Thanks.” I say and blush.
“I can’t play any instrument. Playing the piano is really impressive.” Phil smiles warmly.
“Thanks.”
“Do you have any hidden talents?” Phil asks and laughs.
“Not really. Except for being awkward no matter where, when and with who.”
“You’re not awkward!” Phil disagrees.
“Oh. Believe me. I am. I’m like the weirdest person on earth. I think that’s why no one really smiles back to me.”
“I don’t believe that! I would always smile back at you.” A gentle shiver runs down my spine and I feel myself smiling widely. “See. I’m smiling back.” Phil says and grins broadly.
“Thanks. But there are not many people who actually do so.”
“Really? Is everyone you smile at blind?”
“No. Definitely not. They can look weird at me. They simply don’t smile.”
“That can’t be the truth.” Phil says and shakes his head.
“It is.” I say and shrug. Phil still shakes his head when I ask him: “What about you? Do you have any party tricks?”
“I can imitate the sound of a mosquito.” Phil proudly tells me.
“Pardon?”
“It’s true!”
“Can you show me?”
“Unfortunately, not. It’s too noisy in here. I would have to be really close to your ear.” And I wouldn’t want that. No. Well. Perhaps I do a little. Maybe a little bit more. Alright. I really want that. The only problem is that my body tenses up so that I can’t answer properly.
“Except for that. I can’t do anything.” Phil says after a while.
“I doubt that.”
“Really? I’m like the clumsiest person in the world. Anything to do with magic tricks would only go horrible wrong. Although I did want to become a magician when I was younger.”
“I had no idea what I wanted to become.” I say truthfully.
“I was too shy to ever fulfil any of my dreams, so I became something where I don’t have to be brave for.”
“I bet you’re braver than you think.”
Talking to Phil is really nice. But also kind of weird. It feels like we have known each other for a really long time already even though we first spoke two weeks ago. Sometimes, when we talk, it feels like Phil understands me better than anyone ever did before. He understands what I’m like. Talking to him is very comforting in a way I have never experienced before. Only the fact that I’m starting be head over heels in love with him, without my love being returned is rather hard to deal with. But only one smile from Phil makes me forget all my doubts, and I’m simply glad I’m able to spend time with that wonderful human being.
A few minutes after our drinks arrived our pizza comes and we all hungrily start to eat. Even though I had a large breakfast and some tea today, I feel like I’m starving. While we eat, Phil and I don’t really speak. I sometimes feel his eyes on me but I’m not entirely sure if I perhaps only imagine it.
“That was delicious.” I say after I finished.
“Yes.” Phil says and leans back.
“Good choice.” I say towards Cornelia.
“Wait till you eat your desert.” She says and smiles.
“Desert?” I ask excited. Phil laughs. “I have a sweet tooth I guess.” I smile.
“So have I!” Phil says and licks his lips. No brain. You won’t think about those sorts of things right now.
“Do they have ice cream?” I ask before my thoughts actually drift away.
“I bet they do.”
“Good. Even though I’m not hungry anymore I’m craving some ice cream right now.”
“Same!” Phil laughs. It’s a really good feeling to make Phil laugh.

Chapter Text

Turning of events

We hungrily eat our ice cream and stop talking once more. Phil looks adorable while he tries to balance raspberries and a bit of ice cream on his spoon. He swears slightly as the raspberry falls down. I laugh quietly, and he looks up.
“Oh. Sorry.” He says. He is the first person to apologise for swearing and with swearing I mean ‘Damn it’.
“No problem.” I smile, and we continue eating our desert until nothing is left.
“Wow. Okay. Now I’m full.” I laugh when I finish.
“Yes. But that was worth it.” Phil says and taps his tummy.
We talk a little bit about our favourite kinds of desert as Martyn suddenly asks Phil: “Philly, when do you have to leave?” Phil blushes slightly. “Um. I’m going to meet Joanne in thirty minutes or something.” Phil mumbles. His words directly shoot into my heart.
“Oh right. I meant tomorrow morning.” Martyn says.
“At eight o’clock.”
“You leave tomorrow?” I ask and notice how sad I sound.
“Yes, unfortunately.” Phil says and smiles apologetically. His smile is nearly enough to make me forget that he will have a date with Joanne in thirty minutes time. A date. With his girlfriend. I can’t take it. The whole evening, I thought Phil really liked talking to me. Apparently, he didn’t enjoy it that much, otherwise he wouldn’t go, would he? A little voice in my head tries to convince me that him going away didn’t have to do anything with whether he liked the evening because he must have decided to go earlier, but I don’t pay attention.
After ten minutes, we decide to leave. I’m quite glad about it. My mood dropped, and I can’t wait to be alone. Even if I’m slightly mad at Phil that he is going to spend time with Joanne now, I’m still really sad that he will already leave tomorrow morning. When will I be able to see him again? Will I ever be able to see him again? Do I want to see him again? Okay, that was a stupid question. Of course, I want to see him again.
“I’m really sad you already leave tomorrow.” I need all my courage to say that to Phil when we stand outside the restaurant and wait for Cornelia and Bryony.
“So am I.” Phil says.
John and Martyn are talking about something, they don’t pay any attention to us. Phil glances over to them and then slowly bends his head towards me. I hold my breath. What is he doing? He isn’t going to kiss me, is he? That can’t be true. What is he doing? Phil still leans forward. I quickly close my eyes and jump in surprise as Phil breathes into my ear.
“Sorry, I’ll try again.” Phil says.
“Try what again?” I ask and open my eyes.
“The mosquito noise.” Phil says.
“Oh right.” I say. Suddenly, I hear a high tone in my ear. “That actually really sounds like a mosquito!” I say impressed.
“I told you so.” Phil said and backs away. The warmth of his body is gone, and I feel cold again. I even start shivering.
“Oh. You are cold. Sorry. I forgot about it. Take my coat.” Phil says and pulls it off.
“No.” I shiver.
“I insist.” Phil says and helps me get into his coat. The coat is still warm, and I immediately feel better. “Better?” Phil asks.
“Yes. Thank you very much.”
“It’s a pleasure!” he says.
“But… You will leave tomorrow. Take your coat! I can’t keep it.”
“You can. At least till I come back.”
“I really can’t.” I say.
“You have to.” Phil shrugs and smiles.
“Thank you. I guess.” I return the smile.
“There you are at last!” Martyn says, and I see Bryony and Cornelia coming out of the door.
“Are we leaving now?” John asks. We nod and start moving.
Around the next corner Phil stops and says: “I have to go that way now. Have a nice evening.”
“Have fun.” Martyn says and winks. My heart cramps and I have to take a deep breath.
“Thanks.” Phil says and turns around.
The rest of us starts moving again. I stay behind so that I can be alone with my thoughts. Besides, I don’t want to be the third wheel to any of the couples. It’s better to be the fifth wheel of a complete group than interrupting intimate moments. We haven’t walked long when I suddenly feel warm fingers around my hand. I turn around and see Phil with slightly red cheeks. He gives me a small paper and smiles warmly before turning around once again. I quickly walk behind the others, so that they don’t notice anything. Only when I arrive home, do I dare to open the paper Phil gave me. On it there is a long number. I turn the little paper around and see a small note from Phil.

Text me. :)

I smile widely and immediately grab my phone. With pressing a few wrong buttons, I finally manage to save Phil as a contact. Why did he give me his number? Did he give me his number because he likes me? I don’t dare to think about it. Mainly because Phil currently spends time with a girl which is most likely to be his girlfriend.
With a deep sigh, I get out of Phil’s coat. I burry my head in it and smell the enchanting scent of Phil. How can one person look so good, be so nice and smell so good at the same time? God must have had a good day when he created Phil. I can’t resist taking the coat with me into my bedroom. Of course, I don’t keep it on, my smell could linger and I don’t want that! Instead of keeping it on, I put it over my chair, so that I can look at it.
Phil gave me his number. He actually did. I still have to resist the urge to text him immediately. First of all, that would seem just as eager as I am, and I can’t reveal that, and secondly, Phil wouldn’t even read the text now. Not if he is with his girlfriend.
Why am I still pretending there is anything like hope for me? Phil is neither single, nor straight. Great. Of course, there are still chances for me. I shake my head and close my eyes. Dreaming about Phil would only make everything worse right now, so I pray I don’t and try to think about anything but him. It doesn’t work. I fall asleep with burning skin where he touched me.

Chapter Text

Texting

I know I shouldn’t have texted Phil. Not when I know that he has a girlfriend. But something in me (most definitely my selfish part) decided texting with someone wouldn’t harm anyone. Besides, I did not want to hurt Phil’s feelings. He gave me his number, it’s only polite to actually text him. At least, that’s what I tell me, ever since I texted him this morning.
I had just woken up when I decided to text him.

Me: Good morning.
Have a save journey back.
Dan :)

Of course, I haven’t asked how his night was. It’s none of my business, and I probably couldn’t take it if he says it was amazing. So not asking at all was the safest option.
A couple of minutes later while I was brushing my teeth, I heard my phone’s notification. I immediately left the bathroom and ran into my room. With holding my toothbrush between my teeth, I grabbed my phone and opened the text I got from Phil.

Phil: Thanks.
I don’t really want to go.
I hope we’ll meet soon.

My heart beat faster while reading that. After taking a deep breath, I answered.

Me: So do I.
Do you already know when
you’ll come back?

I took my phone with me into the bathroom. After having finished brushing my teeth, I walked into my big room. (That’s what I call it now.) I waited a couple of minutes but until I had to leave for work, I didn’t get an answer from Phil. My mood wasn’t the best when I arrived at my desk.
Now it’s better. Mainly because in the meantime, I did receive a text from Phil. Several even. We have been constantly texting with each other. About his plans of visiting his brother. About my work. About different kinds of food. About a lot of weird stuff. It’s really fun to text with him. He always texts with several emoticons attached to his texts. He especially likes the animal ones. If I’m honest, I’m not really surprised about that. Phil is just such kind of a person who loves nature and everything. In fact, I think he loves everything on the earth. Everything worth of his love. That might explain why he didn’t love me. I’m not worthy enough.
A couple of minutes ago, I said good bye to Phil because I was having my lunch time with some friends. Such irony. I text with him the whole time while working, but when I actually don’t have to work I excuse myself.
Today I’m eating with Lisa and Jack. They are both really nice. I’m glad I have them at my work. Talking to them is fun as well but it’s nothing compared to talking with Phil. How could it? I have never experienced something like that before. Once again, I shake my head and try to concentrate on what Jack and Lisa are talking about. The lunch break seems to last for ever. When I finally return to my desk, I excitedly grab my phone and see that I have a new message from Phil.

Phil: No problem. Have fun.
Btw what do you think
about friendships between
a lion and a tiger?

I keep receiving those kinds of texts from Phil. They always manage to make me smile. I don’t know if Phil only wants to make me smile or actually wants to know my opinion about it, so I always answer honestly.

Me: I think it’s great.
Just imagine what adventures
they could have together.

I immediately get an answer from Phil.

Phil: Yes! Do you think there exists
a film about such kind
of a friendship?

I laugh out loud and quickly check if anyone heard me. It doesn’t seem like it. I quickly type my answer and send it.

Me: Perhaps not yet.
But you could make one…

Afterwards, I try to concentrate on my work, but Phil’s text distracts me.

Phil: Only if you come with me
when I go abroad to film.

My heart starts beating really fast. Would he really like to travel with me around the world? Or is he just saying so to be funny? Whatever it is, it warms my heart.

Me: Sure :)

I answer before switching the notification from my phone of. At least for an hour, I’ll try to concentrate on my work. I even manage to work for two hours before I look at my phone. I’ve got three new messages from Phil. I quickly open them and read.

Phil: Great. When should we go?

Phil: Is April next year alright?

Phil: Why aren’t you answering?
I hope your boss didn’t take
your phone because you
texted with me.
If he did, I’m sorry.

I smile and answer.

Me: Sorry, I had to switch of the
notifications because I wanted
to finish work. I hate having
to do something at home.

Afterwards I switch on the notifications again. I still have enough time left to finish everything at work even if I’m distracted every now and then.

Phil: Oh. I was honestly worried.
I’m glad you didn’t get in
trouble. Is April alright?

Phil writes. I smile. Does he like the idea of travelling together as much as I do? Why else would he keep texting me about it? It’s a miracle. Phil and I keep texting, but I still somehow manage to finish off everything I have to. Except from planning our trip in detail, we speak about different films and teasers for new ones.
At one point, Phil explains a plot of a film to me. There is nothing special about that but right before actually giving away the whole mystery Phil wrote in capital letters: ‘SPOILER WARNING! Don’t read if you want to riddle it out yourself!’ I really appreciate that and immediately tell him so. My friends used to be really thoughtless whenever it came to spoilers. Phil warning me before he gives the story away only makes him increases my high opinion of him. Why does he have to be so perfect? He could have at least one flaw, couldn’t he? Apparently not, because the more I get to know him the more I fall in love with him. Even if it all started with only a crush, I think I’m now completely in love with him.

Chapter Text

Words

Phil and I keep texting all day and even the days afterwards. We keep telling each other random facts about random things. I like to spam him with video games and stuff and he likes to explain the differences between certain animals. It’s all very informative and entertaining.
Today is Wednesday, and I’m going to meet my bunch of friends at Cornelia and Martyn’s house. I’m always really looking forward to those kinds of evenings. Spending time with nice people is always the best way to relax. I’m really fond of my bunch of friends. We haven’t yet decided what we will do this evening, but I’m sure it will be fun. I decide to spend the time I have left before going to Martyn and Cornelia with doing the laundry. Somehow, there are always dirty clothes and washed ones who have to be put into my drawer again. I finish the pile of clothes just in time. Before leaving my flat, I remember to grab my coat which Bryony brought back to me on Monday. I don’t want to start collecting other people’s coats in my flat just because I’m too stupid to take mine.
On my way to Martyn and Cornelia, I notice that it already starts to get dark. Even though it happens every year, I’m still always surprised when it starts getting dark earlier. It’s a miracle I don’t get a heart attack every time it starts snowing.
While walking to the fresh autumn air, I feel that the coat with only a plain t-shirt underneath isn’t nearly warm enough. When I finally arrive, I ring the bell and move on the spot. It’s really cold.
“Come in.” Martyn says and smiles warmly.
“Thank you. It’s freezing, isn’t it?” I ask while getting out of my coat and shoes.
“Yes. Cornelia insisted I put on the heating.”
“Good.” I say and follow Martyn into the living room.
“Dan!” Cornelia shouts happily and hugs me.
“Sit down.” Martyn says and tackles Cornelia down.
“Martyn!” Cornelia complains but kisses him on the cheek.
The doorbell rings. “I’ll go. You two stay on the sofa.” I say and get up. I open the door and see Bryony and John kissing. Does everyone want to show me that I’m the only single one? What’s up with them? As long as they are happy I’m fine with it, even though I’m a tini-tiny bit alone.
“Evening.” I say and cough.
“Evening!” Bryony says and hugs me.
“How are you?” I ask John.
“Fine, and you mate?” he asks.
“Alright I guess.” I say and smile.
“Why do you never bring anyone? You know you can bring somebody if you want. What about that Lisa girl from your work?” John asks while getting out of his shoes. I blush and exchange a quick look with Bryony who smiles apologetically.
“You don’t have to of course.” She quickly says and winks at me.
“I’ll think about it.” I mumble and walk into the living room.
“Any suggestions on what to do?” Martyn asks after everyone settled down.
“We could play a board game.” I say timidly when no one else suggests anything.
“Yes!” Bryony shouts excitedly.
“We haven’t done that in ages!” Cornelia says and already gets up.
“Which one do you want to play?” she asks us. “Settlers of Catan? Or perhaps Scrabble?”
“Scrabble!” John shouts both disgusted and excited at the same time.
“Why not? The last time I played it was with my grandparents. Phil and I put some weird words. It’s great fun.” Martyn says. I feel myself blushing and getting warm. Why does only mentioning Phil’s name has the power to make me feel like this?
“Scrabble it is.” Cornelia says and puts the box onto the table.
“Oh, but now we don’t have perfect teams. Now that Phil isn’t there.” Bryony says and smiles apologetically.
“Oh. We could play three against two. Bryony, Dan and me versus Martyn and John.” Cornelia suggests.
Everyone looks at me. I shrug and say with a smile: “I’m fine with that.”
“Good. Let’s start.” Martyn says and sits down next to John.
Playing Scrabble is really funny. We keep laying idiotic words, but as no one actually counts the points we all laugh more than bother about our silly suggestions. Right now, it’s our turn and we proudly present our word: ‘tonguegiraffe’.
“Did you know that the tongue of a giraffe is black?” I say casually (a fact I learnt from Phil).
“Really?” Bryony asks in disbelief.
“Yes.” I confirm.
“Are you texting with Phil?” Martyn asks and frowns.
I feel myself blush and asks as neutral as possible: “Why?”
“That’s just such a sort of fact, Phil would be happy to tell everyone.” Martyn explains and laughs.
“Oh. Does he like animals?” I ask and pretend not to know anything about Phil.
“Yes. He loves them. Especially lions.” Martyn says and shakes his head.
“Lions? I love donkeys.” Bryony says.
“I love llamas.” I admit.
“Llamas?” Cornelia asks and raises an eyebrow.
“Yes. They are highly misunderstood animals.” I say and we all laugh.
“I’ve got a word!” John excitedly shouts.
“Go ahead.” Martyn says and leans back. Does it only occur to me or does he actually look at Cornelia the whole time? Not that he wouldn’t be allowed to do so or that he wouldn’t do that normally as well. But today it seems like he can’t look at anything but her. It looks like he wants to have a reaction to something. I can’t continue thinking about it because I’m busy laughing about the word John laid down: ‘donkear’. (John explains it as the ear of a donkey.)
After we laid down all of our letters, we lose interest in Scrabble. Instead, we decide to play ‘Who am I?’.
“Can I start?” John asks.
“Sure.” Martyn says and closely watches Cornelia.
“Okay.”
“Are you female?” Bryony asks and John nods.
“Do we know you?” I ask, and John nods again.
“Are you someone of us?” Cornelia asks, and John shakes his head.
“Do you live in this town?”
“Yes.”
“Does anyone of us have to do with you on a daily basis?” Bryony asks.
“What?” John asks back.
“Are you a college of any of us?” she clarifies.
“Yes.”
“Your college?”
“No.”
“Dan’s college?” Martyn asks.
“Yes.”
“LISA!” Bryony, Martyn and Cornelia shout at the same time.
“Yes.” John says and laughs. I laugh as well. It wouldn’t do anything if I explained to them that Lisa and I are just really good friends. Besides, then I would surely blurb out that I’m in love with nobody else than Phil and that’s something I’m not yet ready to do. Perhaps will never be.

Chapter Text

The announcement

After we have guessed John’s person, it’s my turn to think of someone. I immediately think about Phil, but I can’t possibly take him. In the end, I decide to take Peach. The Mario Kart character reminds me of the day Phil and I played as a team.
“I know it! But I don’t know her name!” Bryony shouts desperately.
“Maybe I can help you.” John offers.
“Yes. But then it’s your turn.” Bryony says and buries her head.
“Fair enough.” John says and shrugs.
“Is it Sonic?” Martyn asks.
“Sonic isn’t female.” I say and shake my head while laughing.
“Oh. True.” Martyn says and once again seems like he isn’t really paying attention to anything but Cornelia.
“PEACH!” Bryony suddenly screams and jumps up and down.
“Yes.” I say a little bit scared. She laughs and falls around my neck. She then pulls me up and dances with me through the room. The others laugh loudly while I am mildly horrified.
“That’s enough.” Martyn says calmly but firmly and gets up.
“Would you two please sit down.” He asks us, and I immediately do as I’m told. “I… We would like to tell you something.” Martyn says after clearing his throat. He grabs Cornelia’s hand and smiles down at her. Bryony, next to me, starts trembling. I know that’s because she is really excited and very moved (already).
“We… Well. I asked Cornelia to be my wife.” Martyn says and smiles widely.
“And I said yes.” Cornelia shrieks and jumps up. Martyn and Cornelia share a quick kiss before welcoming our congratulations.
“I’m so happy for you!” Bryony says, now in tears.
“Congratulations!” I say and hug Martyn and Cornelia both at the same time.
“Thank you, Dan. You are really sweet.” Cornelia says and hugs me again.
After we all calmed down again, we want to hear the whole story, so Martyn starts explaining. “Well. I wanted to propose to her for a fairly long time now. I simply now she is the one woman for me.” He is interrupted by Bryony who starts sobbing. John puts an arm around her and holds her tight. Apparently, everyone really wants to show me how much it sucks to be single. Not the right time to be selfish! I much rather pay attention to what Martyn is saying.
“Well… Today it finally happened. I always knew where I wanted to propose, and the ring was in my pocket since last week so… Well. Today at lunch time I persuaded Cornelia to come into the park with me. Luckily, I bought flowers on the way to the café… So, I had those at least. Well. In the park we walked to our bench and when she sat down I kneeled down and gave her the flowers first and well the ring right afterwards.” Martyn mutters slightly embarrassed.
“That can’t be everything!” Bryony says and watches Martyn closely.
Martyn doesn’t seem like he wants to speak so Cornelia quietly says: “It was the most romantic thing in the world. I was really excited but so was Martyn. Besides he did not only give me the ring he also said something. Words I will always keep in my heart.”
After Cornelia finished, I feel a little bit like crying as well. Bryony is already full on sobbing again, and John tries to comfort her. Everyone except me is occupied so I simply take turns in watching Bryony and John and Cornelia and Martyn. Both pairs are really cute. I suddenly feel like I shouldn’t be here. Those two couples know each other for a long time. I’m interrupting their close friendship. I can’t take it anymore and decide to leave. Unfortunately, Cornelia notices how I open the door. “Dan?” she asks.
“Yes?” I say and slowly turn around. Everyone is watching me.
“Where are you going?” Martyn asks.
“Home?”
“Why?”
“I don’t belong here.” I murmur.
“That’s rubbish.”
“You are friends for a really long time now. I’m… new. I don’t belong in between you.” I mumble.
“Dan!” Cornelia shouts upset. She gets up and pulls me by my wrist back into the room. “Of course, you belong here. You are our friend. It doesn’t matter how long we have known you!”
“That’s true.” Martyn joins. “We value your company.” He adds and smiles.
“Thanks.” I mumble and blush.
“Sit down again.” Cornelia says with a warm smile.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have a couple evening?” I ask shyly.
“We want to have you around.” Bryony says, and everyone nods.
“Thank you. You are the best friends I ever had.” I say and smile.
“That’s always nice to hear.” Martyn says and leans back into the couch. “What do we do now?”
“Do you have champagne?” I ask.
“I suppose so?!”
“We have to celebrate your engagement. Champagne is the only fitting thing.” I explain.
“True.” Bryony says and gets up.
“I’ll help you prepare the glasses.” she says and pushes me into the kitchen. She closes the door and looks at me with her curious face. Oh dear. Here we go again.
“Have you heard anything from Phil lately?” Bryony asks.
“The last time I saw him is only three days ago. I saw him on Sunday, remember?” I sigh.
“I know. But have you heard from him?”
“I might.” I say while opening cupboards looking for champagne glasses.
“Dan.” Bryony whines.
“We might be texting each other every now and then.” I mutter while opening the champagne bottle.
“Really?” Bryony squeals.
“Yes.” I say and try to hide my wide smile.
“I didn’t notice he gave you his number.” Bryony says and hops onto the counter.
“Well. He gave it to me Sunday night.”
“When?”
“We thought he had already turned the other way, but it happens that he ran after me and gave me a sheet of paper with his number.” I mumble.
Bryony squeals once more and comes over to me and hugs me tight. “That’s so sweet.” She says.
“Is it?” I ask but it sounds just as if I would have said: ‘It is, isn’t it?’
“Yes! I’m so happy for you! So many good news today!” she says and dances through the room. I shake my head but feel like I could easily dance with her.
“Can you take those three?” I ask and point towards three glasses full of champagne.
“Sure.” Bryony sings.
“Thanks. And secrecy, remember.”
“You can trust me.” She says and kisses me on the cheek.
We return into the living room and hand over the glasses of champagne. “Thanks.” Cornelia says. “Cheers.” John says and raises his glass. “All my best wishes.” I say and raise my glass as well. “Cheers!” we all say at the same time and drink our champagne.

Chapter Text

Plans

We stay at Cornelia and Martyn’s house for the whole evening. I only leave after it turned midnight. We do have a lot of fun. Martyn explains to me the whole story of how he and Cornelia got together in the first place. I can really see that Martyn is the man for Cornelia and vice versa. Even though the evening is nearly unbearable as a single, I still enjoy the lovely atmosphere.
“Do you know when you will have your wedding?” I ask while eating peanuts.
“No. Not yet. Soon. Like really soon. In a few weeks’ time. At least that’s what I would want but unfortunately there is a lot of planning behind a wedding.” Martyn says and shrugs.
“That’s true. Do you know where you would want to marry?”
“Yes. In the little church at home. Mum and dad will be delighted and well Cornelia always says how pretty that little church is.”
“What do I say?” Cornelia asks.
“That that little church at home is really pretty.”
“Yes. That’s true. What are you talking about?” she asks.
“Wedding. Location and stuff like that.” I explain.
“Oh. Right. Yes, we’ll marry in that little church. I think. We can’t exactly marry in Sweden, can we?” she asks and laughs.
“Sweden?” I ask confused.
“Cornelia’s parents are Swedish.” Martyn explains.
“Really?” I ask surprised.
“Yep.” Cornelia says proudly.
“Wow.”
“Yes.”
“Impressive.”
“Yes.”
I laugh. “Sorry. I think that’s really interesting. But your parents will come to your wedding, won’t they?”
“Yes. They are living in England. My grandparents stayed in Sweden, I hope they’ll come as well.”
“That would be lovely. When would you like to marry?” I ask her. Martyn excuses himself and walks over to John.
“As soon as possible. We have to wait for a date which is free in the church and then we’ll have to hope that all our friends and relatives can come.”
“It already sounds lovely.”
“I know right. I’m already really excited. I love Martyn so much!” I smile and don’t know what I could reply to that, so I say nothing. We keep talking about the wedding and it’s lovely to hear how similar Cornelia and Martyn’s plans are. That’ll make it easy to work together.
Whenever someone mentions Phil, which happens occasionally when Martyn talks about his family, Bryony shoots funny glances towards me. I pretend I don’t notice and continue listening to whatever Martyn is actually talking about.
Around midnight we all notice that, despite the amazing good news, we will all have to work tomorrow. After saying good bye to the newly engaged and the super-in-love couple, I walk home and am kind of happy I am alone. If I don’t have anyone who actually loves me, then I really do prefer being alone.
I sleep rather well that night which is mainly because I’m super tired and can’t be bothered to dream some weird stuff. The next morning, I get up and have breakfast as usual. While eating my cereal, I unlock my phone and look if anything happened yesterday evening. I got some new mails (all spam) and a new text from Phil. I quickly open it and read.

Phil: Did he tell you?
He said he’d tell all of you?
I hope he told you! I’m so happy!
He did tell you, didn’t he?

I laugh and answer with my left hand.

Me: Yes. He did tell us.
I’m really happy for
them as well. I hope they
can marry as soon as they
want to. It would be a shame
to wait too long…

It’s really cute that Phil is so enthusiastic about Martyn’s engagement. I think he doesn’t want them to wait too long either. Personally, I also want them to hurry because that means for certain that I’ll see Phil again. Somehow, my selfish part is really sticking out in the last time. As long as only I realise it, everything is alright, but I have to tame myself.
Today nothing really happened. I worked as usual and texted just as much with Phil as I did the days before. It’s unbelievably distracting but it lifts my mood, so I think not even my boss Mr. Cleaf could complain. (He probably still would but staying positive is really important!)
My love for Phil starts to get extremely big so that I can literally think about nothing else than him. Not that I mind particularly, it’s only that I fear that others might slowly notice that something is up with me. Bryony noticed pretty early, but that’s because she has got a sense for something like that. I don’t want the others to know as well. Martyn surely won’t think I’m worth enough for Phil. Keeping it secret is really important.
Phil’s texts are just as lovely as always. They cheer me up and make me laugh. Sometimes, I wonder if he wants to tell me something with facts like otters holding hands when they sleep, but then I remember that he has a girlfriend and that he is simply really interested about the way animals sleep.
After work, I walk home and spend the rest of the day reading (not really that much), playing the piano (a little bit more), watching telly (nearly all the time) and texting with Phil (non-stop).
The next day the same procedure repeats itself. Nothing exactly happens during the weekend until on Tuesday morning I find a blue letter in front of my door. I hastily open and read it. It’s an invitation to the engagement party of Martyn and Cornelia! Another one? Fine with me! They’ll have a party in the room where I first saw Phil. That’s really cool, and I’m already looking forward to it. I look a little closer onto the invitation and see that they have written ‘Dan +1’, I can bring someone. But who? All I can think of right now is Lisa. She really wants to get to know my other friends because I (apparently) can’t stop talking about them.
I quickly walk to work. Unfortunately, there is no time for me to ask Lisa then because Mr. Cleaf is talking to her. I decide to ask her in my lunch break instead and start working. Of course, not without texting with Phil. I simply wanted to write a normal good morning but instead I press a few too many buttons. Horrified I see that I just send a hideous picture of a seagull. How the actual hell did that happen? Why do I have pictures of seagulls on my phone? How did I just send it without noticing it? I already want to write something when my phone tells me I have a new message from Phil.

Phil: Morning, gorgeous.

I feel myself blushing and my heart starts beating faster. I know it’s ridiculous. Phil isn’t talking about me. But yet, receiving such a text from such a person only can make me feel this way. Imagine Phil would actually be talking about me! Perhaps, he did not even see the photo, perhaps he is actually talking about me. Those attempts to persuade myself don’t work. Of course not. Phil definitely saw the picture. He was being funny only that my stupid body can’t take it. After thinking really hard about it I finally reply:

Me: I would like to return
that compliment.
What are you doing rn?

I cringe and quickly put the phone away as if I burnt myself. Then I take a deep breath and actually start working. I don’t receive a text from Phil immediately and when I do, I start breathing really uncontrollably.

Chapter Text

Second interrogation

Phil’s text says:

Phil: Thinking about you.

Nothing more. Those three words and my body runs riot. I’m hot and cold at the same time, thousands of shivers run down my spine, I have goose bumps, I’m sweating, my heart beats really fast, my head spins and I’m breathing unevenly. And that’s all because of three words. Three small words. Like, it could hardly be any shorter! And yet again I continue feeling that way for several minutes. Phil is thinking about me. About ME! What exactly is he thinking about? That he likes me? That I am stupid because I sent him a picture of a seagull? That he wishes he never met me? I want to know what he is thinking about, but I don’t dare to just ask him straight away. After all, it could have always just been a typo. That would probably crush my heart into tiny pieces, but the possibility is still there. And as long as it is still possible that he meant something completely different, I am not going to make a fool out of myself. ‘Too late’ a tiny voice in my head says. Thank you very much. I sigh and notice that I still haven’t answered Phil. Again, a lot of shivers run down my spine and I have to clutch my teeth together so that they don’t clatter. My body is behaving ridiculous. Without properly thinking about it I type: ‘So was I’. As if I would ever send something like that. By now I am pretty sure it must have been a typo. My thumb is hovering above the delete key when suddenly someone grabs my shoulders and shakes me gently. Even though it’s gentle, it’s still violent enough that instead of deleting my text, I hit send. “Sh…ine.” I mutter and drop my phone.
“What’s wrong?” Lisa asks.
“Um.” I say not sure how to explain.
Lisa grabs my phone and reads the texts from me and Phil. The most recent ones. “Awww.” She says and hands me my phone back.
“Pardon?” I say and cough.
“Is that your girlfriend?” she asks with innocent brown eyes.
“No. No. No. Definitely not.”
“Explain.” Lisa says and stares at me.
“Not here.” I mutter. I already know that it won’t do any good if I try to lie, I might as well tell her the whole truth at once. But definitely not here.
“Kitchen?” Lisa asks.
“Alright.” I capitulate. Lisa pulls me into the kitchen and closes the door behind us. Somehow this is familiar to me. Bryony did the same just a few days ago. Somehow, people like to pull me into a kitchen, close the door and then interrogate me about my love life. I hope that won’t continue happening forever!
“So. Explain.” Lisa says and sits down.
“Okay. Should I start right at the beginning?”
“Where else?” she asks and laughs.
“Right. Okay. So first of all, I think you should know that I’m like… kind of bi. I like both girls and boys.”
“Awww.” Lisa says.
“Alright.” I say confused. What was that supposed to be? Approval? Disapproval?
“Continue.”
“I haven’t even started yet!”
“Then start!” Lisa says and laughs again. I really like her laugh. It somehow encourages me to actually start telling my little story.
“Well. It started when I picked up a phone.”
“Pardon?”
“I’m rubbish at explaining this!”
“You already tried?”
“Yes. Bryony forced me.”
“Oh. Please. I’m confident you can do it.”
“You are only curious.”
“I am. But please tell me everything!”
“Alright.” I sigh and start once more.
“One evening while being at John and Bryony’s house I answered a call on Martyn’s phone, which I originally thought was mine. Well. I answered that call and I spoke to a man and somehow his voice enchanted me.”
“Awwwww.” Lisa interrupts me.
“Can you please stop that? I have no idea what you are trying to say, and it confuses me.” I say.
“I’m sorry. That’s really cute.” Lisa explains.
“Oh. Alright. Well. After ending that call, we barely spoke a minute and I didn’t even know what he was called, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him all the same. Bryony forced me to talk about it and well, she then knew as well. Can you follow? I’m really rubbish at this.”
“I can follow. It’s fine.” Lisa laughs.
“Okay. Well. Not connected with anything what I just said… the five of us went to a party. There I saw a really handsome man with black hair, piercing blue eyes and incredible manners. This man first of all turned out to be Martyn’s brother and then later also as the man I spoke to on the phone.”
“So, you fell for the same person two times without knowing it?” Lisa asks.
“I guess you could say so, yes.” I say and blush slightly.
“That’s cute. What happened next?”
“Well. The next day everyone came over to me and Phil and I played a team on Mario Kart. That was really fun and well… afterwards we went to a restaurant.”
“You and Phil?” Lisa squeals.
“No, everyone.”
“Oh.”
“It was still really nice, and Phil and I talked the whole evening.”
“That sounds pretty ideal, if you ask me.” Lisa smiles.
“It does right now, doesn’t it?”
“Did something happen?”
“Well. I guess. As long as Phil having to leave early because he had a date with his girlfriend counts.” I say sarcastically.
“No!” Lisa says and sounds genuinely sad.
“Yes. Unfortunately.”
“I’m really sorry.”
“That’s alright. Well. Afterwards something happened which only confused me more. Like I guess you can tell I have a slight crush on Phil…”
“Slight…” Lisa snorts.
“Well. Yes. But as if finding out he has a girlfriend isn’t confusing enough just as we were about to go home Phil suddenly ran towards me and gave me a sheet with his mobile number.”
“He does like you! I knew it!” Lisa happily shouts.
“But he has a girlfriend.” I indicate.
“Well…” Lisa says.
“See. It’s all very confusing.”
“I see. But why did you react that weird when I shook you?”
“Well. As you might have read Phil send me a text saying that he has been thinking about me.”
“Yes. I saw that. Really cute.” Lisa says.
“Well I guess you also saw what I answered.”
“Yes. That you were thinking about him too.”
“Exactly. That might have been the truth but that doesn’t mean I actually wanted to tell him.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry.”
“Well. It’s too late now anyways. Besides it’s not your fault.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Honestly. Forget it. Phil probably simply laughed because he made a joke and I fell for it. It’s fine. Honestly.”
“You sure?” Lisa asks doubtfully.
“Yes.” I manage to say even though my brain isn’t yet working completely.

Chapter Text

Plus one

“Thank you for telling me everything.” Lisa says after a while.
“No problem. I guess it even helps kind of.” I say and at least try to smile.
“Is there anything I can do for you?” Lisa asks with a lot of pity in her voice.
“Yes, actually.” I say.
“Really?”
“Yes. Well. It’s not directly about that problem.” I rant.
“What is it?”
“Well. Martyn and Cornelia are having an engagement party and well as you always say you would like to meet them I thought you could be my plus one.”
“Thank you very much! That’s really cute.”
“You’re welcome, I guess. We’ll be only friends of course. I know you have a boyfriend.” I quickly say.
“Yes. As friends. I think Felix wouldn’t mind.”
“Felix?”
“That’s my boyfriend.”
“Oh, I see.”
“I would love to come with you as your plus one. If I’m doing you a favour.” Lisa says.
“Thank you.”
“Who am I kidding I’m doing me a favour as well. But I will need a dress. Thank you so much for asking me!” Lisa says and hugs me.
“It’s a pleasure. You’re always so nice it’s only fair if you once get something as well.”
“You talk as if I would be Cinderella!” Lisa laughs.
“Well… Perhaps not as miserable but still. I wanted to do you a favour.”
“Thanks. You are adorable Dan.” Lisa says and hugs me once more.
“It’s a pleasure.”
“Oh. By the way, when exactly is the party?” Lisa asks.
“Um. Soon. Soonish. I can’t remember. I’ll tell you tomorrow?” I ask and smile apologetically.
“You scatterbrain!” Lisa shakes her head.
“Sorry.”
“It doesn’t matter. Thanks again. I have to go and work now.” Lisa says and gets up.
“Bye!” I say and get up as well.
Without looking at my phone once more, I switch it off completely. I don’t dare to look if Phil answered anything. If he has, I don’t even really want to know what he wrote. He had probably made a joke and I made everything awkward. At least, this would finally be an example of how awkward I am as Phil doesn’t want to believe me.
I sigh and put my mobile into my bag. Then, I start working and am quite pleased with myself how fast I manage to get everything done. Well. I have caught myself staring into the void more than once but if I finished everything even starring can be allowed. Later, I leave work. Normally, I would be more than happy about it, but right now, I’m feeling pretty bad. I’m not as happy as usual and that’s only because I stopped texting with Phil. It’s really astonishing that he has such a huge impact on my life. Even though texting with him is the only thing right now I really want to do and I know would cheer me up, I can’t bring myself to switch my phone on. I’m too scared about the text I surely received from Phil. I can’t do anything but stare holes into the air after I finally arrived home. Nothing can cheer me up. Like, literally nothing. I try dancing to muse songs (a method which works in 99.99% of the cases), I watch ‘Friends’, I watch animal videos, but nothing works. The animal ones in particular even make my mood worse. They remind me of Phil. Why do I have to be such an awkward person? Why did I type these words in the first place? I didn’t want to send them so why did I type them? Why am I so stupid? Why can’t I simply die? Well perhaps not die. But at least wake up in an alternative universe where nothing of this happened. Where I preferably still live at home and where I am not as dumb as I am now.
Instead of doing anything productive I’m now sitting on my sofa watching ‘Friends’ and listening to muse at the same time. I keep sitting there for the whole night. After the first disc is finished, I keep watching the screen and listening to the menu music. I’m a mess. My life is a mess. How can anyone be so stupid? My mum would say I should stop blame myself for everything and don’t even think about pitying myself. I should get up and have a shower simply to feel better. But I can’t. At least not right now. I’m having a seizure in my leg, so I can’t get up. Which is ridiculous because I need to get up in order to get rid of it. It’s very much a vicious cycle. I somehow manage to grab my foot and massage the seizure away. After it’s finally over, I get up. I notice how stiff I am. Sitting in one position for too long, doesn’t do any good for my back. I stretch a few times before hobbling into the bathroom. Under the warm water, I’m able to forget everything. For like a second. Then the thoughts, doubts, and accusations come back. Great. This is the first time a shower isn’t able to make me feel better. Something is really wrong with me. Like, really wrong. Why do I keep feeling so weird? I sigh and decide to get out of the shower. If it doesn’t help I can at least help nature with not wasting any water. What a good person I am. I laugh at my own joke and walk towards my bed.
Before closing my eyes, I remember to look at the blue envelope on my drawer next to my bed. I grab the letter. The engagement party from Martyn and Cornelia takes place in three days’ time. That’s soon. The last thing I do before falling asleep is hoping that Lisa is free on that evening.

***

The next morning, I feel horrible when I wake up. I look at the clock above my door and notice that I’m already about to run late. Why didn’t my phone wake me? Where is that useless piece of electronic? I curse under my breath and put on some clothes. Afterwards, I run into the bathroom and try to straighten my hair and brush my teeth at the same time. Then, I run out of my flat towards work. Luckily, no one seems to notice that I’m late. That would have been the last thing I need right now, someone telling me that I have to be on point. I do know that myself!
While sitting down at my desk, I notice that I haven’t taken anything with me. My bag must still be in the hallway where I left it yesterday after coming home. Luckily, I don’t necessarily need anything from it. Still breathing unevenly, I start my computer and open the document with the list of things I have to do today.
After I have worked for about an hour, someone taps my shoulder. “Morning, Dan.” Lisa says when I turn around.
“Morning.” I mumble.
“How are you feeling?” she asks concerned.
“Alright. By the way I found out when the party takes place.”
“Great. When?”
“In two days’ time.”
“So soon? They are quite eager, aren’t they?”
“Oh. Hang on. Yesterday it was in three days’ time. Today it’s the day after tomorrow.”
“The day after tomorrow? Oh dear!” Lisa cries.
“What’s wrong? You can come, can’t you?”
“No. That’s fine. I can come. But I don’t have anything to wear.”
“Anything?”
“Well. Perhaps I do. But I wanted to buy something.” Lisa pouts.
“Sorry.”
“That’s alright. After all I’m still going to that party and that’s kinda all that counts, right?”
“Yes.”
“I’m really looking forward to the day after tomorrow!” Lisa says and squeezes my arm.
“Me too.”
“Oh. What I wanted to tell you. Your red-haired friend came in a couple of minutes ago. She says you are to come into the café in the lunchbreak either today or tomorrow.”
“Alright. Did she sound angry?” I ask worried.
“No. Not at all. She wanted to speak to you about the party I think. She seemed really excited.”
“Oh. Alright. Thanks for telling me.” I say and continue working.
“Pleasure.” Lisa says and tousles my hair.

Chapter Text

Anticipation

Unfortunately, there is no time for me to go in the lunchbreak on Wednesday, so I have to wait for the lunch break the next day. I immediately run towards the café the second the clock on the wall said it was 12 o’clock. (It doesn’t actually speak, though.)
Cornelia smiles extremely brightly today. She literally beams. It’s lovely to look at but I’m quite hungry so I get into the queue and order a caramel macchiato and a chocolate muffin. Someone of Cornelia’s colleges served me, so she hasn’t yet noticed me. While walking past her I cough, and she looks up confused. She recognises me and smiles widely. “Nearly finished.” She mouths and points towards the back of the café. I nod and sit down. She joins me a few moments later still smiling really broadly.
“You look great today. That beam suits you.” I say and wink.
“Thank you.” Cornelia says and laughs.
“Lisa said you wanted to talk to me?” I ask and take a bite of my muffin.
“Yes. It’s nothing major and I only asked her to tell you because Martyn texted you the day before yesterday and well you didn’t reply.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry. I can’t find my phone. I switched it off two days ago and put it somewhere and now I can’t find it.” I explain.
“Oh. That’ll explain everything.” Cornelia laughs.
“That party tomorrow. Why is it so soon?”
“’That party’ is so soon because Martyn and I can’t wait.”
“Oh right. Don’t get me wrong. I’m really excited about it all but I didn’t imagine you would be able to marry so soon.”
“It was a big surprise for all of us. But you don’t know when we’ll marry, do you?”
“No. I only assumed it’s soon because the engagement party is tomorrow.”
“You assumed right.” Cornelia smiles.
“When is the marriage?” I whisper.
“I can’t tell you yet.” She whispers back.
“Oh.” I pout.
“Don’t be sad you will get to know it tomorrow.” She says and pats the back of my hand.
“Okay.” I say and smile.
“Will you bring anyone?” Cornelia asks curious. I immediately notice that’s what she wanted to ask me in the first place.
“Yes, actually.” I say and smile mischievously.
“Who?”
“It’s not a date though. We come as friends.”
“Oh. Alright. But who?”
“Lisa.”
“Lisa! That’s amazing! I always wanted to get to know her! But why isn’t she your date if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Well first of all she already got a boyfriend and second of all I’m bi…” I did not mean to say that. Well there is no come back now.
Cornelia’s expression doesn’t change at all. “I didn’t know that.” She simply says and laughs.
“Sorry I did not mean to spit it out like that.” I apologise.
“Don’t be sorry. It’s really brave you did.” Cornelia says.
“Brave? Do you think so? I think I’m simply awkward.”
“You’re not awkward!” Cornelia says.
“Thanks, but I think I am.” I say and shrug.
“That’s fine with me, you’re an awkward bi.”
“You’re a poet and you didn’t even know it!” I say and laugh. Cornelia pretends to be flattered. After five seconds, we both crack up and laugh really hard.
“What did I miss?” Bryony asks.
I jump when she suddenly appears in front of us. “Nothing.” I say.
“Dan’s bi and I’m a poet.” Cornelia laughs.
“Alright.” Bryony says and raises an eyebrow. “You told her?” she mouths towards me. “Nothing about Phil.” I mouth back. Bryony nods wisely and winks at me.
“Who is excited for the party tomorrow?” she asks.
“I am.” I say quickly.
“I’m more than excited!” Cornelia says. “I can’t wait to tell everyone, and I can’t wait to meet everyone again and I can’t wait to meet Lisa.”
“Lisa?” Bryony asks.
“She is coming as my friend because she wants to get to know you lot.” I explain.
“Great. I’m curious now.” Bryony smiles.
“When should we meet tomorrow?” I ask Cornelia.
“I already thought about that. Perhaps at about 5 o’clock? The party will start at half past six, so we have enough time preparing everything.”
“Sounds like a plan.” I say and smile.
“Okay.” Bryony says.
Cornelia stands up and smiles apologetically. “I have to continue working now.” She explains and waves us good bye.
“Sorry. I need the loo.” Bryony says and gets up as well.
“Can I borrow your phone? I can’t find mine!”
“Sure, go ahead!” Bryony shrugs and leaves.
I quickly open the address book. I’m looking for Phil obviously. Just when I’m about to go mad I find him saved as: ‘xy martyns brother’ I shake my head and quickly call Phil. I anxiously wait for him to pick up, but nothing happens. After a few moments the voice mail speaks, well it’s still Phil but it’s recorded. “Hey. It’s Phil. I’m unfortunately not able to pick up right now, so if you would be so kind to leave a message I will be happy to listen to them. Speak after the ‘raaaawwwrrr’. Thank you very much.” I shake my head and wait for the ‘rawr’ to come. When it finally comes I’m so surprised that I choke on my own saliva. I have to cough a few times before I’m able to speak. “Sorry. Hey. It’s me. Well, Dan that is. I call with Bryony’s phone because I kinda lost mine. I can’t find it. I’m really sorry. I’d really like to text with you, but I can’t find it. Sorry. Bryony is coming back now, so um… bye, I guess.” I hate speaking to voice mails. It’s the worst thing ever! I shudder and hand Bryony back her phone.
“What did you do?” she asks.
“Call Adrian.” I lie.
“Oh. What did he say?”
“Um. Hello to you?” I ask and laugh nervously. Bryony simply smiles and steals a bit of my muffin. “I’m really looking forward to tomorrow.” I say.
“Me too.” Bryony says.
“I don’t even know why. I’m just so happy you guys really think I’m your friend and well it’s so great to be part of something this special and I love that location!” I rant. I usually rant whenever I’m feeling slightly nervous or in this case emotional.
“You are adorable.” Bryony says. She smiles and shakes her head at the same time.
Bryony keeps stealing bits of my muffin until I have to leave. I give it to her but take my cup of caramel macchiato with me. Tomorrow will be great. I know it. I only hope Phil gets to hear my message.
While I finish off everything left at my desk, I know I have to look for my stupid phone at home. I can’t take not writing with Phil any longer even though my heart will probably break that’s better than it slowly stopping to beat because everything seems worthless without Phil in my life.
The second I come home I start looking for my phone. But I can’t find it. I looked everywhere. I’m pretty sure I did. I even looked in the mug cupboard in the kitchen. Nothing. I can’t find my phone. Now all I can do is hope that I didn’t actually lose it somewhere and that no one (especially not Phil) tries to contact me.

Chapter Text

Surviving work

The next day is torture. Today is one of those Fridays which simply don’t seem to end, ever. Mr. Cleaf doesn’t help to relax us, he simply keeps telling each one of us that it’s really important to finish off everything at the end of the week. He has already made a tour around the office to speak to each one of us individually. It’s horrible. Luckily, he was very kind and nice with me because I’m the new one, but I already saw a lot stressed faces, after Mr. Cleaf spoke to them.
Work couldn’t be worse. I sit at my desk and speak with various clients. If that’s not bad enough, there is one really important customer who I can’t reach because he isn’t at home or something. The problem is that I have to reach him quite urgently, so there is no other option for me as to listen to the stupid music on the voice mail. It drives me mad. My head is already ringing and I’m sure my eyes will soon start to roll uncontrollably. Just when I am about to actually scream someone answers the phone. I’m really glad because I couldn’t have said what I would have done otherwise.
After the phone call is over, I decide that I deserve a small coffee break. Well I say coffee, I drink tea. I sit in the small kitchen and look at the ceiling. Perhaps work wouldn’t be half as bad if I had Phil to keep me company. Unfortunately, I still can’t find my phone. It’s really frustrating. I don’t want to do anything but texting Phil and that pretty badly. I need him to cheer me up. Maybe I also need to know that I’m worth enough that he bothers to reply to my texts. I have a little bit of self-esteem left but that will soon be gone. Definitely. Why does Phil have so much control over me? He is miles away and still everything in my life seems to revolve around him. How is that possible? I know I should be able to take care of myself and not only rely on other people. But with Phil it’s different. It feels so good to know that he is able to cheer me up. The only problem is I don’t have any way of contacting him. I didn’t only lose my phone, somehow, the sheet of Phil’s number disappeared as well. Like that I can’t even call him from a telephone box. It’s horrible. I know that my mood would lighten up if I could only hear his voice (talking to me, that voice mail yesterday was only frustrating).
After I drank my tea, I return to my desk. I don’t have much left to do but Mr. Cleaf said there is going to be a meeting at the end of work where everyone has to attend. That’s also one of the horrible things of a Friday afternoon, there are often meetings taking place. It’s really unfair that I can’t even leave earlier even if I finished everything. Of course, I could go home and come back but that’s something I’m sure my nerves couldn’t bear. So instead, I work for fifteen minutes and then take a five minutes break. I either drink a cup of tea or look at Wikipedia articles. Like this, I learn a lot. Great. Who wouldn’t want to know that the captain of the Mayflower was called Christopher Jones. I don’t, actually. Well, now I do. Great. I also discover some great animal facts which I would love to tell Phil about, but, unfortunately, I can’t. That’s rubbish. Why me? Why did I have to switch of my phone? Would it have been really that bad to actually read Phil’s text? Probably not. At least a lot less bad than this. I sigh for the thousand’s time today. I also burry my head in my hands quite a lot. It helps me escape from the shitty situation I’m in. At least for like two seconds.
The only thing which slightly lightens my mood or at least makes me want to look forward is Cornelia’s and Martyn’s engagement party today evening. I still can’t believe they are actually to be married. It’s kind of obvious (even to me, who doesn’t know them exactly long) that this was the next step they would take. They are completely in love and they complete each other. It’s lovely to watch them, even though I’m single. By now I even start to think that being single is better than being with someone who isn’t Phil. One could definitely say that my feelings are really strong by now. To be honest, they already started fairly strong but now my heart actually hurts whenever I only think about him, in a good way though. It’s hurting just now. Even thinking about thinking about Phil is enough for my body to act weird. Great. It starts to get rather complicated and difficult to hide. Being in love isn’t half as fun as it sounds if it’s impossible to be accepted by your friends. For example, Martyn, he would want only the very best for his brother. So would I, for Adrian. If Adrian chose someone really awkward and if I saw how weird that person is then I wouldn’t want him to be together with that person, at least not if I was absolutely certain he wasn’t happy.
I sigh. What else can I do? There is nothing I can do. Except for drinking tea. But even that isn’t absolutely great because I keep burning my tongue and I have to go to the loo every few minutes. I look at the clock on the wall and notice it’s nearly 12 o’clock. That means my lunch break is about to start. I don’t have anything I could do which wouldn’t take too long so I decide to simply leave already. My lunch break consists of drinking more tea, eating an apple and biscuits and starring into the air. Great. Oh. I forgot to mention sighing. I sigh a lot. Like, really a lot. I can’t stop. I’m pitying myself and cursing myself at the same time which makes the two voices in my head go really mad at each other which is quite exhausting. It takes a lot of time until I can properly concentrate on my work. It finally seems to work at about two o’clock. I finish everything I ever wanted to and even manage to tidy up my desk. I’m pretty proud I can present a clean desk as Mr. Cleaf tells me the meeting starts now. The meeting itself isn’t interesting at all. We, or rather the others, talk about different things happening in the near future. I don’t have to do anything with most of them, so it isn’t even required that I pay attention. Of course, my brain seems to think that’s an invitation to think about Phil. Since I lost my phone and don’t really have any contact with him, I started to hear his voice again. The voice I talked to on the phone. I get goose bumps whenever I hear Phil saying ‘Hey.’ in my brain. My thoughts wander off and I think about Sunday night were he first imitated a mosquito for me and was really close to me and then ran after me to give me his number. I blush and desperately try to think of something else. But I can’t. My hand starts getting hot just where Phil touched me, and I quickly put it into my pocket, so no one notices anything. I’m pretty sure Lisa noticed something, but she is kind enough to not say anything. How could she? She has to write down every decision we (they) make.
After another twenty minutes the meeting is over, and I’m honestly surprised I survived that day of work. I grab my things and leave. Even though I still feel miserable, the fresh air helps me to think straight again. What I mean with thinking straight is that I’m thinking about what I will put on later this day. It doesn’t have to be a black suit, Martyn told me. I will probably put on a button-down shirt and some skinny black jeans. If I’m being lucky, that can actually look quite fancy. We’ll see.

Chapter Text

Preparation

I start getting ready pretty early, so that I have enough time to take my time. I think it never took me this long before to get ready for a party. But that doesn’t matter.
I’m finished by now and I still have enough time left till I have to leave if I don’t want to be late. I decide to text Adrian a picture of myself. Until I realise I don’t have my phone. I hit myself on the forehead and open my laptop. If I’m lucky, Adrian is on skype at the moment. I am lucky, he is online. Without hesitating, I call him.
“Hey, Adrian!” I say and wave at the camera.
“Hey, why are you calling me?”
“I lost my phone.”
“Scatterbrain.”
“Pardon?”
“Nothing. Why do you look so fancy?”
“Oh. I haven’t told you, have I? Martyn and Cornelia are engaged. They are having a party in a couple of minutes.”
“Tell them that I’m really happy for them!” Adrian shouts.
“I will.” I say and smile.
“What else is new with you?” Adrian asks.
I blush and realised I haven’t told anyone from my family that I’m bi. “There is something actually. Something, not huge but rather important.”
“Well, spit it out.”
“I’m kinda scared.” I mumble.
“Why? Just tell me!”
“Okay. Well I think I discovered that I’m bi. I like boys and girls.”
“That’s nothing huge. I thought you got a tattoo or something!” Adrian says and shakes his head.
“It is important though.”
“Is it?”
“You don’t think so?”
“No? You stay Dan. There is nothing changing just because you realised something.” Adrian smiles.
“Thanks.” I say with teary eyes.
“Don’t you dare to cry now.” Adrian sniffs.
“But you can?” I ask and laugh.
“Yes. I don’t have to go to a fancy engagement party.”
“Fair enough.” I say and rub my eyes.
“You look really handsome.” Adrian says.
“Thanks. So do you.”
“Very funny indeed.”
“When does the party start?”
“Not until half past six but I have to be there in ten minutes.”
“Well, then, I suggest you go.” Adrian says.
“Alright bossy.”
“Bye.” Adrian says and ends the skype call before I can say bye as well. He always does that. I sigh and close my laptop. Adrian is right. I better go now. Besides, I still have to go and ‘get’ Lisa. I walk towards her house and ring the doorbell. A tall blond man opens the door. Well, tall as in as tall as me (I’m a giant wherever I go). “Hey, you must be Dan.” He says and shakes my hand.
“Yes. You must be Felix.”
“Indeed. I’ll get Lisa for you.”
“Thank you. And thanks for letting her come with me.”
“No problem, mate. I couldn’t stand such a formal event but it’s nice to see that Lisa enjoys it.”
“It’s not that formal. It’s the engagement party of two of my best friends.”
“Still not exactly my cup of tea.” Felix shrugs and gestures me to come in. “Lisa will be there in a few moments.” He assures me and leaves me standing in the hallway.
“Dan!” Lisa squeals and comes running towards me shortly after Felix left.
“You look amazing.” I say. She really does. She put on a short blue dress which shows her beautiful figure. Her long brown hair is kept out of her face with two clips on each side of her head.
“Thank you.” She says and blushes.
“Should we go?” I ask and reach out my arm. She nods and takes it.
“You look really handsome as well.” She whispers into my ear.
“Thanks.” I say, and we step out of the house. We arrive a couple of minutes late but that doesn’t matter.
“May I present to you: this is Cornelia, one of my friends who just got engaged, and this is Bryony.” I introduce the girls to each other.
“Nice to meet you.” Bryony says and smiles.
While Cornelia and Lisa talk I quickly whisper into Bryony’s ear: “I told Adrian I was bi.” She shows me thumbs up and squeezes my arm. “Well done.” She quietly says and beams at me.
“Where are the other guys?” I ask Cornelia.
“In here somewhere. They wanted to put on some tables, I think.”
“Do you want me to go and help them?”
“If you want to. But you could give us a hand with decorating this room.”
“Sure.” I say and shrug. Decorating is always more fun than to carry heavy things. Besides, like this no one will notice how unfit I actually am.
After we finished putting flowers onto the tables and into the windows, we sit down onto a small bench.
“If I’m honest, I think this looks even prettier than the last time I was here.” I say truthfully.
“I agree.” Bryony says and nods.
“I haven’t been here before, but this looks amazing.” Lisa says.
“You are all very cute.” Cornelia says and beams.
“There they are.” We suddenly hear John say.
“This looks great.” Martyn says and gives Cornelia a kiss.
“I had helps from my little fairies.” Cornelia laughs.
“Sorry, but I won’t kiss you.” Martyn says to us which sets us off laughing.
“Oh, Martyn and John, by the way, this is Lisa, my college.” I say.
“Nice to meet you.” Martyn says and bows slightly, John simply smiles and shakes Lisa’s hand. She shoots a funny glance towards me, I simply shrug and smile
“Do we have something left to do?” Bryony asks after a while.
“Yes. The food will arrive soon, we have to carry it into the room John and I just prepared.”
“Alright. You two and Dan carry, and we’ll decorate that room.”
“Okay.” John says and shrugs. I get up and follow the guys out of the room.
“Lisa seems really nice.” Martyn says when we walk down the stairs.
“Yeah.” I say and completely forget to clarify that she isn’t my girlfriend.
Once outside, we just stand there without speaking, waiting for the food to arrive.

Chapter Text

Working

The food doesn’t arrive for a fairly long time, and I start to get cold. It’s not yet freezing outside but cold enough to make me have goose bumps. When the food finally arrives, we are glad to move again.
“That looks tasty.” I say while carrying a basket full of bread.
“I’m already starting to get hungry.” John says.
“So am I, but I’ll have to welcome everyone before anyone is able to eat anything.”
“Oh bother.” I mutter.
Martyn starts laughing. “Sorry. That sounded really cute.” He says and laughs even harder. I blush and start laughing as well.
“You sounded just like Winnie the Pooh.” John says and laughs as well.
“I know. I think I have watched it a lot when I was younger.” I say and shrug.
“If you pay attention, you always sound a little bit like him.” Martyn says and laughs once more. “Sorry. I don’t want to be offending or anything it’s simply really funny.”
“I know, that’s alright.” I say and shrug.
“Does your brother sound like Piglet?” John asks and Martyn snorts with laughter. I have to laugh pretty hard as well and have to take care that I don’t drop the basket I’m holding.
“I ask you. You have already met him.” I say after calming down a little.
“Oh right. Well I don’t think he does. It would have been really funny though.” John says and giggles once more.
“I’m already having so much fun!” Martyn shouts happily.
“So are we.” I say.
We have to walk several times before everything is in the room upstairs. Bryony, Lisa and Cornelia worked pretty hard because that room looks even more amazing than the big room downstairs. It looks so beautiful and cosy. We all sit down at one table and catch our breath.
“The guests will arrive soon.” Martyn says and closes his eyes.
“How many did you invite?” Lisa asks.
“Around thirty, or something. I think we’ll be around twenty people.” Cornelia says.
“Then there is a lot of room downstairs.” Bryony says.
“Yes. But Martyn and I are in love with this location, so we thought it wouldn’t really matter.”
“It doesn’t. It’s beautiful.” I assure her.
“I know right?” Cornelia says dreamy.
“It really is beautiful.” Martyn admits and smiles down at Cornelia. We all stay silent for a few moments. Somehow, preparing a party is really exhausting.
“Do you want us to do anything when the guests arrive?” Bryony asks into the silence.
“You don’t have to of course.” Cornelia says.
“But?” I ask.
“If you would be so kind you could hand glasses of champagne to the guests.”
“Sure.” Bryony says.
“I’ll help.” I say.
“Don’t you want to spend some time with Lisa?” Martyn asks.
“Sure, sorry. I nearly forgot about you.” I say to Lisa.
“No problem. I would like to help as well. Like that, I’ll get to know a lot of people.” Lisa says and laughs.
“Alright.” Martyn says and frowns. I really do have to tell him that Lisa isn’t my girlfriend.
“Okay. Should we take our positions then?” Bryony asks and gets up.
“Go ahead.” Cornelia says and smiles.
Lisa and I get up as well, and John follows shortly afterwards. Bryony grabs a tablet full of glasses and John takes the other one. Lisa and I are left with none. We decide to wait if someone will bring another one. Just when I am about to ask in the kitchen, Cornelia runs towards us.
“Hey, sorry. Could you two perhaps help the people with their coats? We didn’t book any staff.”
“Sure. I don’t mind, do you?” I ask Lisa.
“Not at all.” She smiles.
“You two are angels. I make sure you get to eat first.” Cornelia says and disappears around the next corner.
“Alright then.” I say and hop over the counter.
“Dan, you know there is a door.”
“Oh.” I say and Lisa laughs.
“Never mind, no one noticed.” She says and opens the door.
We have a few minutes left before anyone actually comes to us to hand us their coats. This is really good because like this Lisa can tell me what they talked about in the meeting earlier this day.
“You should really have paid attention.” Lisa says and raises an eyebrow.
“Sorry. I know.”
“What did you think about? I saw you blushing, I think.” Lisa says cheekily.
“Well. You are welcome to guess.” I murmur.
“Aww. Sorry. I mean, that’s cute!” Lisa says after making that weird sound again.
“Cute? It’s distracting!”
“I noticed that.” Lisa says and laughs.
“So, what did you talk about then?” I ask her.
“Nothing as interesting as what you thought about.” Lisa says and winks.
“Please tell me. I don’t want Mr. Cleaf to notice I didn’t pay attention.”
“I fear that’s too late. I had to tell Derek everything afterwards.”
“WHAT?” I shout.
“Just kidding! The look on your face!” Lisa laughs.
“Lisa.” I complain and feel my heart beat.
“Dan.” Lisa imitates my tone.
“That wasn’t funny.”
“Yes, it was.”
“Perhaps but mean.” I say and laugh.
“Fair enough.” Lisa says and laughs as well.
That’s when the first person comes. I hand him his coin, and Lisa takes his coat. Afterwards, a lot more people come, and Lisa can’t tell me what they talked about. For half an hour all Lisa and I do is handing out coins and taking jackets. It’s still great fun because Lisa and I keep telling each other jokes. After we worked for half an hour, Bryony comes and tells us everyone arrived so that we can go into the big room now. I hop over the counter which causes Bryony to roll her eyes and Lisa to sigh. I laugh and put my arm around Lisa’s shoulder.
“You are really weird.” She says.
“Thanks.”
“In a good way.” She adds.
“Thanks.” I say again and smile.
Together, we walk into the room. There are a lot of people in there. Perhaps everyone did come after all, I don’t think this is just 20 people. Lisa and I both know no one except for my friends but as we are together it isn’t that bad. Before doing anything, I ask Lisa if I could borrow her phone. She hands it to me and I quickly make a picture and send it to Adrian’s number. We then both grab a glass of champagne and look at the people in the room. I watch a group of people on the other side of the room. Is that…? I can’t even finish the sentence in my head because Bryony shouts: “DAN!”. This causes me to jump and the man on the other side of the room to turn around. Two sapphire blue eyes look at me. My heart misses a beat. Phil.

Chapter Text

News

Of course, he is here. How could I forget that he will be at his brother’s engagement party? How could I be so stupid? Phil looks positively stunning. Just like me, he wears black skinny jeans and a patterned button-down shirt. Except, he looks absolutely brilliant, and I don’t.
Bryony arrives next to me. “Sorry, I wanted to tell you that Phil is here.” She says out of breath.
“I noticed.” I mumble and blush.
“Phil?” Lisa asks excitedly and looks around.
“You told her?” Bryony asks gently.
“I made him.” Lisa laughs.
“So did I, Phil is that black-haired man over there.” Bryony says. Luckily, she doesn’t point at him, that would have been embarrassing.
“He does look really handsome.” Lisa says.
“Yes.” I breathe. Lisa chuckles next to me. “Sorry, what were we talking about?” I ask her and try my best not to stare at Phil’s back. He already turned around again.
“Nothing, you scatterbrain.” Lisa laughs.
“Oh. What do you want to talk about?” I ask.
“I don’t know, perhaps why you are so surprised to see the groom’s brother at the engagement party?” Lisa asks and raises an eyebrow.
“I forgot he will be here.” I mutter.
“How?” Lisa asks in disbelief.
“I simply did. Sometimes I even forget that Phil is real.” I mumble.
“Okay.” I wouldn’t have known what to answer either, to be fair. “Are you happy to see him?”
“Of course I am! Why do you ask?”
“Because you seem slightly horrified.”
“I am surprised, that’s all.” I clarify. In reality, I am actually horrified as well. No, simply shocked. That’s because Phil didn’t really smile when he looked at me. He looked as if he doesn’t even really know me. This one look really hurt me, but I have to pretend it didn’t, I’m not a wuss, at least not tonight.
“Do you want to talk to him?” Lisa asks.
“No.” I say quickly.
“Why?”
“I do. But not right now.”
“Why?”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Stop asking me why.”
“Why? Okay, sorry, I’m kidding. But honestly. Why can’t you?”
“It would look really weird. Besides I’m not brave enough yet.”
“You are not going to get drunk, are you?” Lisa asks concerned.
“Good heavens, no! You can’t trust drunk me.” I say, horrified about the thought of drunk-me talking to Phil.
“Good. Well, then just take your time.” Lisa says and pats my back.
“Thanks for being so understanding.” I say and put my head onto her shoulder.
“That’s alright.” Lisa laughs. I lift my head again, and we stand next to each other and keep looking at people. My eyes often land on Phil. Sometimes, I think he is looking at me, but I never actually catch him doing so.
After a couple of minutes, Martyn suddenly clears his throat and starts speaking. “Hello everyone. Cornelia and I would like to welcome you to our engagement party.” Everyone including me starts clapping. “Cornelia made me really happy with accepting my proposal, but she will make me the happiest man alive when we will actually marry.” Martyn says and smiles widely. “We decided to announce the day of our wedding today so that every important person already knows when it will take place.”
“Just tell us the date please.” Bryony shouts and earns collectively laughter. I look over to Phil and see he is laughing as well. I can’t hear him, but his tongue pokes out a little bit.
“Alright. We decided on the 19th of October.” Martyn says. Everyone is clapping again. Me too, even though I have no idea which day of the week it actually is, we finally have a date, that’s reason enough to clap. Afterwards, Martyn doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t have to, everyone is already talking about the wedding. Apparently, it’s on a Saturday. Good to know.
Bryony, Lisa and I walk over to Cornelia. Bryony immediately starts asking tons of questions.
“Slow down, Bryony.” Cornelia says.
“Sorry. I’m so excited.” Bryony says with tears in her eyes.
“So am I. By the way, I mean to ask you in private, but would you like to be my maid of honour?”
“ME?” Bryony squeals and starts crying.
“I guess that’s a yes.” I tell Cornelia. Bryony falls around Cornelia’s neck. Now Cornelia also looks like she is about to cry. Luckily John arrives and pulls Bryony into a hug. Cornelia toughens up and smiles up to me.
“If you were a girl, I would choose you as my bridesmaid.” She whispers into my ear.
“Thank you very much.” I say and hug her.
“That’s alright. I’m only sad you can’t actually be. Hang on! Let’s say you are my best man.”
“That would be an honour.” I say and bow.
“You are so sweet.” Cornelia says and hugs me.
“So are you.” I say and squeeze her. When I let go, I see Martyn joining us. “Congratulations!” I say and hug him.
“Thanks. I think you already told me so once, but thanks, Winnie.” He says and laughs.
“I know. I’m simply really happy for you.”
“Thanks.” Martyn says and smiles widely.
“Is John your best man?” I ask Martyn.
“No. Phil is.” Martyn says and smiles widely.
“That’s cute. I’m Cornelia’s best man.” I tell him.
“Okay?” Martyn asks confused.
“Bryony is her maid of honour and I’m her best man because I can’t be a bridesmaid.” I explain and laugh.
“Oh. I’m happy that you are her best man, Winnie.” Martyn says and laughs.
“Could you please stop calling me ‘Winnie’?” I ask and laugh.
“Alright, silly old bear.” Martyn says.
“Such impertinence.” I say and laugh.
“I’m sorry, Pooh.” Martyn says and pats my back.
“Don’t be.” I say and poke out my tongue at him.
“Okay, I’m not.” Martyn laughs.
“Do as you wish. I have to be nice to you. You are about to be married.”
“Do you? That’s good to know. Go and fetch me a drink.”
“I have to be nice to you, but I don’t have to be your servant.” I clarify.
“What a pity. I was kidding though.”
“That’s alright. Do you want to drink something?”
“No. Thanks. Enjoy your evening.”
“You too.” I say and leave him, so he can talk to his other guests as well.
I myself am rather thirsty so I go to the bar and order the same drink I had last time. I take a sip of it and turn around. While drinking my cocktail I decide to walk through the room and see if there is anyone I want to talk to. Alright, my real purpose is to run into Phil. It turns out I don’t have to look for him because just when I start walking through the room, someone taps my shoulder. Electrified, I turn around and look into the bluest eyes on earth. I carefully smile at Phil, afraid he might not smile back. He does smile back, but he looks sad.

Chapter Text

Assumptions

“Hello.” I say carefully.
Phil doesn’t answer immediately. He looks at me as if he tries to riddle something out. “Hey.” He finally breathes. This simple ‘hey’ send shivers down my spine, and I have to look somewhere else than Phil’s eyes. My eyes land on his shirt. It’s covered in animals. I smile and slowly look up again. Phil still looks at me confused but again he also seems to be sad.
“I heard you are the best man.” I say after clearing my throat.
“I am.” Phil says and smiles slightly.
“I would have brought your coat if I knew…?” I start but Phil interrupts me.
“You could have told me.”
“Pardon?” I ask confused.
“I know, we only know each other for a few weeks but you didn’t have to stop texting just because of that.” Phil says.
“I don’t understand…”
“Of course, you do.” Phil says and laughs sadly.
“I don’t!” Phil raises an eyebrow. “I stopped texting you because I lost my phone!” I say. Phil sighs.
“Don’t lie to me, Dan.” Phil says.
“That’s not a lie!” I say desperately.
“I saw you with your phone earlier.” Phil says and looks incredibly sad. I can’t handle this. Phil looks at me as if I would have let him down. It’s horrible. I can’t even find any words to say so I simply stare at him. “I thought we were friends.” Phil says and turns around.
I grab his arm and turn him around. “Wait a second. You still haven’t told me what I apparently did not tell you!” I quickly say.
Phil frowns. After a while he says: “You didn’t tell me you have a girlfriend.” And with that he leaves. I’m too astonished to hold him back. I simply stare at the place where he just stood. I can’t move. It’s as if my heart stopped beating and because of that my muscles aren’t working. I feel my eyes tearing up. Luckily, Lisa arrives and taps my shoulder. Just like Phil did. I hope she won’t make me feel as bad.
“You alright?” Lisa asks concerned. I bite my lip to stop it from trembling and nod. “You sure?” I shake my head. “Oh darling.” Lisa says and hugs me. “What happened?” she asks quietly.
“Not here.” I mumble.
Lisa pulls me out of the big room into the hallway. “Tell me everything.”
“Phil thinks I stopped texting you because you are my girlfriend. I tried to tell him that I lost my phone, but he saw me with yours and doesn’t believe me.” I say.
“What? You can’t be serious!” Lisa says horrified.
“I am.” I say, and my eyes start burning. Lisa pulls me into a hug. “What can I do?” I ask her.
“Clarify that I’m not your girlfriend.” She says.
“But how? He doesn’t want to talk to me. That was clear.”
“But you have to talk to him!” Lisa says.
“I know but I don’t want him to go mad at me.”
“Was he just mad at you?”
“No. He was upset and that made everything worse!”
“Perhaps he’s jealous.” Lisa carefully says.
“I don’t think so. He is only sad because I didn’t tell him.”
“Sure?” Lisa asks and frowns.
“Yeah.” I say.
“Okay. But why would he be upset. Don’t get me wrong, after all you told me that he has a girlfriend himself.”
“Yes. Perhaps he thought he doesn’t have to tell me because I practically saw him going onto a date.” I say and shrug.
“Mmmhhh.” Lisa says.
“What can I do know?”
“You have to talk to him, that’s clear.” Lisa says.
“But what can I say?” I ask.
“You have to tell him the truth.”
“Okay, but when?”
“As soon as possible.”
“Now?”
“If you want to.”
“The sooner it’s over the better.” I say and take a deep breath.
“True.” Lisa says and pushes me into the big room.
I spot Phil immediately. It’s really not hard but my eyes seem to focus on anything but him. With shaking legs, I walk over to him. He is talking to a girl. I immediately feel jealous. I awkwardly wait a few steps away from them until the girl leavens.
“Hey.” I say and Phil spins around.
“Dan.” He says. My heart misses a bit, like usual when Phil is around, but this time it actually really hurts. Just like someone would have poked me into my heart with a pointed needle.
“I came here to tell you that I don’t have a girlfriend.” I say.
Phil laughs sadly. “So you want to tell me that the girl you had your arms around as you walked in, the girl who is constantly next to you, the girl who hugged you and just pulled you into the hallway, you want to tell me that that girl isn’t your girlfriend?”
I don’t have the chance to be happy that Phil apparently observed me the whole evening, I have to correct him. “I know what it looks like…” I start.
“And I know what it is.” Phil says and turns around. He made clear that this conversation is over. I have to swallow really hard to stop myself from crying right here and now. The fastest I can I walk towards where we hung up the jackets. This time I don’t hop over the counter. I use the door and walk into the far back of the room where I can hide behind the jackets and coats. With shaking legs, trembling hands and a fast beating heart, I sit down. Tears start streaming down my face, but I don’t care, no one can see me. I start sobbing violently but I can’t stop. Why doesn’t Phil believe me? Lisa isn’t my girlfriend! Why would he think so? As if I would abandon him for any other human being on the earth. I would always choose him. But now I won’t have any chance to tell him that, ever. I missed my chance. Phil is most certainly not even thinking about me right now. Perhaps he is happy that he no longer has to deal with me. That he was now able to spend his time with his girlfriend and only with her. Why did he react so weird? Lisa is right. Phil himself does have a girlfriend and he never bothered to tell me so. Just because it’s obvious he can’t expect me to understand. One can see to what simply drawing conclusions can lead to. I can’t stop crying. It feels like I already lost Phil before he was a proper part of my life. Everything is my fault, which doesn’t make it easier in any way. Why do I have to be so stupid? Why couldn’t I simply bring anyone? That’s not fair, I know. I simply wish I hadn’t brought Lisa. She is great, sweet and kind but I could have always introduced her another time. Why is it always me?

Chapter Text

Consolation

I’m still crying when someone suddenly says my name. I try my best to not make a sound, but I fail miserably. The someone, who just called me, opens the door and walks towards me. I quickly burry my head in lap, which as an athletic action would have rather impressed me if I had any room in my mind for anything but Phil. The stretch in my spine makes my entire body tremble.
“Dan.” The someone says shocked. I identify the someone as Bryony and look up. “Why are you crying?” Bryony quietly asks me and sits down next to me.
“Ph…hil.” I manage to say and start crying again. Bryony hugs me and patiently waits for me to answer. “Phil thinks Lisa is my girlfriend.”
“Oh, did you tell him otherwise?”
“I tried to, but he won’t listen to me.” I whine.
“Why not?”
“I don’t know. The worst is he seems so upset about it. He isn’t even angry but simply looks at me with those sad eyes. He won’t listen to me.”
“Have you tried everything? What did he say?”
“He accused me to have stopped texting because Lisa is now my girlfriend, and then when I tried to persuade him she isn’t, he simply didn’t listen and turn away.” I sob.
“Oh darling.” Bryony says and strokes my hair.
“Everything is too late now.”
“Nothing is ever too late. No one of you is dead.” Bryony says firmly.
“Not yet.” I whisper.
“Dan, stop that immediately!” Bryony shouts and slightly shakes me.
“Don’t worry I don’t want to kill myself. I just think it’s likely that my heart stops beating.”
“I don’t think so. Is there anything I can do?”
“Not really. I would actually like to go home.”
“You can’t possibly go home alone.” Bryony says and shakes her head.
“But I can’t take Lisa. Someone would only jump to conclusions.” I say.
“True… I cou…”
“No. You stay here.” I interrupt her.
“But you can’t stay alone!”
“I could skype with my brother.” I shrug.
“Do you want to call him to warn him?” Bryony asks me.
“Could you do that? I don’t want him to hear me crying.”
“Okay.”
“But don’t make him worry.” I say. Bryony hands me a handkerchief and hands me the phone to type in Adrian’s number.

***

The rest of the time I spend at the engagement party and the walk home is nothing but a blurry memory. Bryony talked to my brother and assured me he would be on skype the second I come home. Then, she gave me my coat and hugged me goodbye. The next thing I remember is that Lisa hugged me goodbye as well and that I was walking outside. Somehow, I must have arrived at my home because right now I’m sitting on my couch waiting for my laptop to start. The second I typed in my password the screen shows me that Adrian is calling. I answer the call after cleaning my face with the end of a blanket lying next to me.
“Dan? How are you? I can’t see you!” Adrian says concerned.
“Sorry.” I say and turn on the light.
“How are you?”
“Bad.”
“You look it.”
“Thanks.” I say but smile a little.
“Do you want to tell me why you left your friends’ engagement party?” Adrian asks carefully.
“Oh god. I left their engagement party, didn’t I?” I ask when the truth hits me.
“You did. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Yeah, I guess.” I say and start talking. I’m completely honest with Adrian. He deserves to know the truth. Besides, I know that he won’t tell anyone and that he won’t judge me for what I did and said.
“Oh dear.” Adrian says sympathetically after I finished my story.
“Yeah.” I say and feel my eyes tearing up again.
“So, in conclusion, just after you told me you were bi the next thing I get to know is that there actually is someone but apparently you already lost that someone again.” Adrian says and sounds confused.
“Exactly. I lost Phil before he was even a real part of my life.”
“Oh, Dan.” Adrian says, and I start crying again.
“Don’t cry. It’s not too late yet.” He says.
“That’s exactly what Bryony said.”
“Well then you should have listened to Bryony.”
“But what can I do?”
“You have to convince him that you are telling the truth.”
“But how?”
“Just be honest. If he is as special as you say he is then he will have to understand.”
“He is special.” I mutter.
“Good.”
“But when do I speak to him?”
“The next time you see him.”
“But when will I see him again?”
“Don’t ask me!”
“Perhaps at the wedding?” I ask.
“Yes. When is the wedding?”
“On the 19th of October.”
“That’s rather soon. In two weeks, isn’t it?”
“Already?”
“Yes. Let me check, yes. In two weeks.”
“So, I will speak to him at the wedding.”
“Yes. But it would be even better if you could find a situation where you could do so earlier. You wouldn’t want to ruin the wedding, would you?” Adrian asks.
“Of course not. But how will that work?” I ask.
“I have no idea. Perhaps you could ask Bryony to help you.”
“Good idea, but I can’t call her. I lost my phone, remember?”
“Oh right. Then you will have to ask her in person tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow is Saturday.” I whine, threatening the thought of getting up early.
“So what? Phil is special enough to walk to a friend’s house on a Saturday morning, isn’t he?”
“Yes, he is.” I say and sigh.
“Good, so that’s settled then. Is there anything else you want to tell me?” Adrian asks and laughs.
“John asked if you sound like Piglet.” I say and laugh.
“What?”
“I told them I kinda sound like Winnie the Pooh, so they wanted to know if you sound like Piglet.”
“No, I don’t!” Adrian squeals and I laugh.
“You actually did a little bit just there.” I say and laugh again.
“You’re stupid.” Adrian says and shakes his head.
“I guess.” I mumble.
“Hey, that was a joke!” Adrian shouts and taps the webcam.
“Alright.”
“Dan, I think you should go to bed now.” Adrian says softly.
“Okay.” I say quietly.
“I like you more than lots!” Adrian says and waves.
“So do I.” I say and close my laptop. I walk into my room and collapse onto my bed. The next thing I know is that I’m dreaming some weird stuff.

Chapter Text

Plans

The next morning, I wake up and feel miserable. Completely miserable. I first don’t know why, but then the memories of yesterday evening come rushing back. Even though it’s going to be hard, I know that I have to do everything to convince Phil I’m telling the truth. After all, I’m not ready to lose him. No, not without fighting. Oh dear, I sound like a maniac, but it’s the truth. I will fight. Phil deserves to know the truth. While lying in bed, I wonder if Phil might have actually been jealous. He did act kind of weird when he thought Lisa was my girlfriend. But after all, he seemed more upset about the fact that I didn’t tell him than about the fact that I had a girlfriend. At least, that’s what I saw. Even though it’s possible that Phil might actually like me, I shouldn’t get my hopes up to high. The higher I get them the worse will the fall be. It might not break my neck, but it will surely break my heart.
I sigh and get up. After drinking a cup of tea, I feel slightly better. I can’t forget anything about what happened last night, but I start to get hopeful. Before going to Bryony, I decide to take a shower. Of course, I’m straightening my hair afterwards. I have always done so. Leaving the house with curly hair isn’t exactly what I want, so straightening it before I leave really is essential.
I don’t eat anything before going to Bryony because I either get to eat something at hers or I’ll grab something at the bakery on my way home. After walking for about fifteen minutes, I arrive at Bryony and John’s door. I ring the doorbell. Nothing happens. I ring a second time. Normally, I wouldn’t do that. Especially not on a Saturday morning after a party. But I decide to make an exception today, after all it’s really important. I hear someone walking towards the door. It’s Bryony. “Dan? Is that really you or is the alcohol still affecting my brain?”
“Yes. It’s me. Can I come in?”
“Sure.” Bryony says and yawns.
“I’m sorry to have woken you up.” I say and get out of my coat.
“Never mind, John did so earlier today. He left to visit his aunt because he doesn’t have to work tomorrow, as I have to, I decided to stay here.” Bryony says sleepily.
“I came here because I need your help.”
“Oh. Alright, follow me into the kitchen. I need some tea now.”
“I would take one as well.” I say and follow her.
“’course. Would you like to eat something?”
“Only if we have breakfast together.” I say.
“Deal. While I set the table, you can sit down and tell me how I can help you.”
“Okay, well. Do you remember why I left earlier yesterday?” I ask her.
“Yes. Oh, I’m still so sorry.”
“Thanks. Well, I’m determined to convince Phil I’m telling the truth. Well actually Adrian told me I have to tell Phil the truth.”
“See? It was a good advice of me to say you should skype with him.” Bryony says proudly.
“Yes, it was.” I say and smile thankfully.
“But how can I help you now?” Bryony asks.
“Well. I don’t have Phil’s number and I won’t be able to talk to Martyn, so I guessed you could perhaps…”
“Mmmmhhh… I could ask Cornelia when Phil is around. I think I heard someone saying that he would leave today morning.”
“Already?”
“Yes. But Martyn already told me that Phil will spend a few days with them before they marry.”
“Oh, alright.”
“But if I ask Cornelia when he’ll be around she might want to know why I need to know and what would you do if you knew?”
“Well. First of all, I think you could perhaps tell Cornelia about everything. I don’t think I could, but I give you the permission to do so if necessary.”
“Alright. But what will you do, if you know?”
“I have no idea.”
“You want to meet Phil, don’t you?” Bryony asks me.
“Of course!”
“Well, perhaps Cornelia and I could arrange a meeting.”
“Yes. But I’m not sure if Phil wants to talk to me so you must be careful.”
“I’m sure he wants to meet you, but I promise we’ll be as careful as we can.” Bryony assures me.
“Thank you.”
“So, let’s say Phil is coming next Wednesday evening.”
“Why so precise?” I ask and frown.
“I think I heard Cornelia and Martyn talk about it, but I’m not sure.”
“Oh, alright.”
“Well, if we say Wednesday evening I’m sure Martyn’s stag night will be on Thursday and on Friday there will be the wedding-eve party and on Saturday there is the wedding.” Bryony lists.
“But when will I meet him?” I ask desperately.
“Would it be clever to meet before the stag night or rather afterwards?” Bryony asks me.
“I don’t know.”
We both think about it in silence for a few minutes. Suddenly the telephone rings. I jump in surprise. Bryony looks surprised as well and answers the call. “Hello? – Hey Cornelia!” Bryony says and shots a knowing glance towards me. “Yes, I will tell Dan.” Bryony says and winks at me. Bryony and Cornelia speak for a couple of minutes, but I lose track and can’t follow so instead I decide to finish laying the table.
“That was Cornelia.” Bryony says after ending the call.
“I guessed so.”
“Well, she told me that Phil comes on Wednesday evening and that there won’t be a stag night. That’s what she wanted me to tell you.”
“Oh, alright. Why did she tell you right away when Phil will come?” I ask.
“Because I said I’ll tell her another time and that it’s important.”
“Thank you.” I say.
“You’re welcome. Oh, I nearly forgot. Just because Martyn isn’t having a stag night, doesn’t mean Cornelia isn’t having her hen party. She would like you to come.” Bryony says.
“To her hen party?” I ask.
“Yes. Well. I think we will only sit in a café and talk. She said she wanted her best man to come as well.”
“That’s nice.” I say.
“Well, that hen party thing will be on Thursday evening. I reckon you meet Phil earlier that day. You could meet him on Friday, but I think he’ll spend a lot of time with Martyn. Do you want me to ask Cornelia to help me arrange everything?” she asks me.
“Yes. Thank you. But remember to be decent.” I say.
“Of course, Dan. You can trust me.” Bryony says. “Now, let’s have breakfast. I’m hungry.” She says and claps her hands. I laugh and hand her a cup of tea.
Bryony and I talk about everything but Phil while eating our breakfast. I know she wants to make me think of something else. I’m really thankful for that, so I simply join her in talking about differences in the seasons of ‘Friends’.

Chapter Text

Help

It’s a wonder I survive the next days. Work is a nice distraction. Well, sometimes at least. I give my best to work as hard as I can, what else could I do? With losing my phone, I lost a way of distracting myself. In general, the idea might not be bad but in praxis it’s horrible. I can’t even look at Wikipedia articles because after various days of reading stupid facts, I’m fed up with it. All I can do is work and occasionally talk to Lisa. On Monday, the day after I talked to Bryony, Lisa is very concerned about me.
“How are you?” she asks when I walk into the office.
“Alright. I’ll tell you later - lunchbreak?” I ask.
“Yes. Have fun working!” she calls after me.
When the lunchbreak finally arrives, I walk into the kitchen and see Lisa worriedly biting her fingernails.
I have to laugh. “Everything is alright. Well, it’s nothing too bad at least.” I say and smile.
“Thank god!” Lisa cries and looks at me expectantly. I obviously tell her everything from why I exactly left the party, to skyping with Adrian and finally talking and spending the day with Bryony.
“That’s a good plan. I hope you can convince him.”
“So do I.” I say and sigh.
I have never been this open about my life ever before but it’s kind of nice. It’s good to not simply keep everything secret but talk about. My friends are able to help me, which is very nice indeed.
“Hey, do you think maybe I should talk to Phil afterwards? Like simply to confirm everything you said?” Lisa asks.
“That’s a good idea. But I don’t know where we’ll meet or if he runs away at the sight of me.”
“I don’t think he would to that, after everything you told me about him.” Lisa says confidently.
“We’ll see.” I say.
“Hey, please be a little bit more optimistic!” Lisa says.
“Alright. But if I get my hopes up too high, it will break my heart if he actually does run away.”
“My poor little Dan.” Lisa says and pats my hand. “I understand you, but don’t be pessimistic, that won’t do you any good.” She adds.
“Okay. I promise I’ll be more optimistic from now on.” I say.
“Good.” Lisa says and smiles widely.
After this conversation, I continue working as hard as I could. Like this, I can go home pretty early. The only problem is that there isn’t anything really interesting at home. I have to distract myself with various things. One good thing can be seen in all of this though. Because I have to distract myself, I get to play the piano and I read more. I’m actually pretty proud of myself because I learnt to play several new songs and I finally finished all the books I wanted to.
On Tuesday, I do the exact same thing as on Monday. I work hard, spend my lunch break with Lisa and go home early. Luckily, I start to look forward to going home. It’s really nice to rediscover the joy of reading a good book.
On Wednesday, everything is still the same. Only on Thursday, everything changes slightly. Lisa comes to my desk at around 11 o’clock and says: “Cornelia just came in. She says she wants to meet you at your lunch break. Bryony will be there too.”
“Do you want to come?” I ask Lisa.
“I can’t. There is a meeting.”
“When is it over?”
“At half past twelve.”
“Well, come then!” I say.
“You sure?”
“Yes! I told you everything the other two know as well, so you might as well come and say hello.”
“Alright.” Lisa says and smiles.
The hour I have left before going to the café flies by in the blink of an eye. I soon find myself opening the door of the café and ordering my usual stuff. Cornelia waves at me and I sit down at our favourite table at the end of the café.
“Bryony will be there soon.” Cornelia says and sits down next to me.
“How are you?” I ask her.
“More and more excited with very day that passes.” She says and smiles brightly.
“I understand you.” I say.
“But, how are you?”
“Fine, I guess.”
“It was a rather big surprise when Bryony told me about you and Phil.” Cornelia says, and I blush.
“It’s very kind of you not to freak out.” I say.
“Why should I freak out?” she asks confused.
“Because well we’re talking about PHIL! You now… I’m just Dan…”
“Stop talking rubbish.” Cornelia says and shakes her head. “You are just as lovely as Phil.”
“I’m not.” I say and bend my head.
“Dan. Look at me.” I look up and Cornelia smiles warmly. “I think you are a very lovely person. Would you please simply accept that and not underestimate yourself all the time?”
“I’m not… Alright.” I say and sigh.
“Thank you.” Cornelia says. “Oh look, there is Bryony!” she says and waves towards the door.
Bryony first orders a drink and then joins us. “Hey!” I say and hug her.
“Hello. Nice to see you.” Cornelia says.
“Before I forget it, I told Lisa she might come after her meeting, which finishes in twenty minutes.”
“Lovely.” Bryony says and sits down. “Dan, we have a plan.” She says after taking a sip of her coffee.
“Okay.” I say slowly.
“Do you want us to present it to you?” she asks eagerly.
“Go ahead.” I say and smile.
“Okay.” Bryony says and gestures that Cornelia should start. Cornelia clears her throat and says: “Well, Dan. We would both very much like to help you. I already know what I will say to Phil so that he will be fine with coming into the café. Afterwards well… I’ll leave you two alone and we only can hope that everything turns out good, but I’m pretty optimistic.”
“So, your plan is to put Phil into a café with me and see how it goes?” I ask.
“Yes.” Bryony says proudly.
“Okay. Sounds great.” I say a little bit sarcastic.
“You forgot the best part yet!” Bryony says.
“And that is?” I ask.
“If your heart is broken Cornelia and I will be there at Cornelia’s hen party to look after you.”
“Thank you. That’s sweet. But I don’t want to ruin your hen party.”
“I don’t think you will. If you need help I’ll be happy to help you and if you don’t, which I highly assume, then we will have the best night ever.”
“Nicely put.” Bryony says and raises her cup.
I shake my head and laugh. “Thank you for being so great friends.” I say.
“You’re welcome.” Bryony says and laughs.
We keep talking about the evening and other stuff until Lisa arrives and of course afterwards as well. It’s a lot of fun and I would say, the first time in what seems like ages, that I spend an enjoyable day.

Chapter Text

Anxious

The next days, I either spend my lunch break with Lisa at the office kitchen or with Bryony and Cornelia at the café. It’s always great fun, but with the more days passing I get pretty anxious. Well. I’m mainly excited but I also do worry quite a lot about how Phil will react.
I spend the weekend with reading and learning or rather playing the piano. Though, on Saturday afternoon, someone suddenly rings my doorbell. I open the door and am pretty surprised I see Lisa and Felix standing in front of me.
“Hey, sorry that we come by without any announcement. We simply felt like taking a walk, maybe you would like to join us?” Lisa asks.
“Sure, I only grab my coat and then I’ll be with you.” I say.
“Great.”
Felix is really nice as well. We laugh a lot and I get to know Lisa on a whole new level. Together, we walk through parks I have never been before. Felix has lived in this town since forever, and Lisa only moved here because of him, which again was already five years ago. They know their way around, and it’s pretty interesting to hear their point of view on parks, streets, shops and restaurants.
After walking for two hours, we sit down in a café at the other end of the town. Felix is an attendant in the local swimming bath. He is very muscular but a really funny guy as well.
After a while he says out of nowhere: “I heard you had a little bit of a problem because someone thought Lisa would be your girlfriend?”
“I… er… Yes. I’m sorry.” I mutter and blush.
“Don’t be. It’s fine. Pretty funny actually.” Felix says and laughs.
“Not for you though.” Lisa adds and smiles apologetically.
“True, that sucks, sorry mate.” Felix says.
“Perhaps everything will be fine in a few days’ time.” I say and shrug.
“I do hope so.” Lisa says.
“We’ll see. I’m not pessimistic but not the most optimistic person either.” I say.
“True. It’s an improvement nevertheless.” Lisa says and smiles proudly.
“Okay, let’s eat cake.” Felix says, again out of nowhere. Lisa and I start laughing. Felix is confused at first but joins in with our laughter. “You two are weird.” He mutters and frowns.

***

After drinking our tea and eating cake, Felix and Lisa accompany me home.
“Thanks for the great afternoon. Otherwise I would have simply stayed inside and read.” I say.
“Doesn’t sound too bad but I’m glad you joined us.” Felix says.
“Have a nice weekend.” Lisa says and hugs me.
“You too. Bye!” I say and wave at them.
When they turn around the corner, I close the door and walk towards my couch, where I left my book. I continue reading but leave my laptop open, so my family can call via skype if they want to. A couple of hours later, nearly dinner time, it turns out that they do want. I’m currently reading a pretty tense scene in the book. When I suddenly hear the skype call, I literally throw my book through the room. With a fast beating heart, I answer the call. Adrian and mum are smiling at me.
“Is something wrong?” Adrian asks and frowns.
“Yes? You just called me? I was reading a tense scene…”
“You were reading?” Adrian asks.
“Yes, I was.”
“I’m proud of you Daniel.”
“Mum, I can tell you are being sarcastic when you call me Daniel.”
“Damn it.” She says and laughs.
“Adrian said you had something important to tell me?” That’s true. The last time I skyped with Adrian, I asked him if he could make mum attend one of our skype calls. I wanted her to know that I was bi.
“Yes. That’s true. Well, I’m sorry I can’t tell you in person but… I discovered I’m bi…” I say and don’t dare to look at my screen.
“And that’s why I had to interrupt cooking dinner?” she asks me and laughs.
“You’re not mad?” I ask her.
“Why should I? Do you want me to?” she asks confused.
“Good heavens, no!” I say.
“I told you she would be fine with it.” Adrian says.
“Fine with it? I’m delighted!” mum says and stands up.
“I would love to give you two and dad a hug now! Oh, and Collin of course!” I say sadly.
“Me too. We’ll see each other soon, won’t we darling?” mum asks.
“Yes. Definitely. I can’t come next weekend because I have to attend the wedding of a friend but perhaps the one afterwards…”
“Uh. A wedding. I love weddings.” Mum says with a wide smile.
“I’m looking forward to it too.” I say and wave at her when she leaves the room.
After telling Adrian everything new about my situation with Phil, we talk about video games. Not only video games of course but we do speak quite a lot about them. Which is really nice and distracting. We speak until mum calls Adrian to have dinner downstairs. I decide to cook myself something as well and get up. After putting on some muse, I get out a pan and fry some meat. I eat it with some plain white bread while watching telly. Afterwards, I go to bed and continue reading.

***

Sunday is quite similar to Saturday. Except that no one comes to go on a walk with me. But that’s alright. I simply keep reading (I finished that book yesterday but luckily, it’s a series) and eat Maltesers and drink Ribena.
In the evening, my eyes start to get sick of reading, so I watch telly instead and eat a frozen pizza, after it has been in the oven for a couple of minutes, obviously.
It’s lovely to spend a weekend like this. It’s really relaxing. Every once in a while, everyone needs a weekend like this, I’m sure of it. Of course, distracting myself with an exciting story for a couple of hours doesn’t delete the thoughts and worries about Thursday. How could it? I’m pretty anxious already on Monday morning. On Tuesday morning and Wednesday morning it gets worse and on Thursday morning it’s nearly unbearable. That’s because I already know that Phil is in town again. He is actually that near that I might run to him. And that’s saying something as I’m the most unfit person on earth.
With shaking hands, I brush my teeth. I even manage to burn me slightly while straightening my hair. After my morning routine, I’m pretty happy with what I look like except for that red bit on my left ear where I burnt myself. After looking into the mirror for slightly too long, I get self-conscious but now there is no time for me to change, so I simply have to leave for work.
Lisa knows that this is the big day, well for me it is, the actual wedding is on Saturday…, and smiles when I enter the office. Today, I don’t dare to take a lunch break. That’s mainly because I don’t want to run into Phil on my way into the café (which is pretty unlike but likely enough to make me sweat at the thought of it) and because I don’t want to listen to my thoughts while I’m sitting in the kitchen alone. So, simply leaving out the lunch break is the best thing I can do. Besides I’m not even hungry. My tummy is one single knot. Since this morning I didn’t want to eat anything. I couldn’t actually.

Chapter Text

Encounter

I’m completely lost in my work and nearly get a heart attack when Lisa tips on my shoulder. “Dan?” she asks quietly.
“Yes?” I say breathing heavily.
“It’s time for you to go.” She says and looks as excited as I feel.
“Already? Don’t you think I should finish this thing?”
“No, you really shouldn’t.” Lisa says and pulls me out of my chair. She grabs my stuff from my table and shoves it into my bag. “Hurry u… Dan!” Lisa interrupts herself.
“What?” I say and turn around, I’ve just been putting on my coat.
“Look at this!” she says and pulls out something black out of my back.
“No!” I say when I realise that she is in fact holding up my phone!
“Is that your phone?” Lisa asks and raises an eyebrow.
“It is… but how? Why? I did look in that bag! Of course, I did!” I say and take my phone disbelievingly.
“Apparently not good enough.” Lisa shrugs and hands me my bag.
“Don’t you know what this looks like?” I ask her and frown.
“No?”
“Phil will think that I lied to him about losing my phone!”
“He won’t!” Lisa says and sounds pretty certain.
“You sure?”
“Yes. He will believe the truth and nothing else!” Lisa says and pushes me towards the door.
“I’m so nervous.” I whine.
“I believe you are, but the sooner you get there the sooner you will know how he will react!” Lisa says.
“I guess you’re right.”
“I’m always right.” Lisa laughs and pushes me for a last time.
“Bye.”
“Good luck.”
“Thanks.” I say and leave the office. Damn it! It’s wet outside! Not even properly raining but still enough to curl my hair. Why does this have to happen today? Of all days? I won’t even be able to make a good impression on Phil because I look like a freaking hobbit. That’s not fair. Not fair at all. Out of all the days, this days it had to be ‘curly-hair’-wet today. Someone really does like to make a fool of me, it seems.
While I’m slightly swearing that I didn’t bring an umbrella with me, I can see Bryony standing in front of the café. With wobbly legs, I walk towards her. She doesn’t say anything, simply pulls me into a tight hug. We wait a couple of minutes in silence until Cornelia finally arrives.
“Good luck, Dan. Everything will be fine.” Cornelia says and hugs me.
“Thank you.” I mumble.
“I’m going to get Phil now. You two go to the café, alright?” she asks us excitedly. I simply nod but Bryony shouts: “Okay!” Why is everyone so excited? I should be the one who is excited and yet I’m also nervous and anxious. Without Bryony’s support, I wouldn’t have made it to the café where I’m about to meet Phil. I literally hang on to her arm. She pretends not to mind, which is really nice of her indeed.
We arrive at the café but stand in front of it for a couple of minutes before actually going in. I think I can really need every little bit of fresh air I can get. In these couple of minutes, I show Bryony my phone. “Lisa just found it in my bag.” I say contritely.
“Oh dear. What’s so bad about it, though?” she asks confused.
“Phil will think I lied to him!” I say miserably.
“He won’t.”
“You sure? I wouldn’t believe me!”
“Yes, but that’s because you are a little dork.” Bryony says and tousles my already curly hair.
“Thanks.” I say and try to straighten my hair a little bit.
“Stop that! You look lovely with curls!” Bryony says and swats my hand away.
“I don’t!” I blush.
“You do. Well, I think it’s time for me to leave now.” Bryony says.
“Already?” I ask and get properly nervous.
“Yes. Phil will be here soon. Good luck. I believe in you.” Bryony says and kisses me onto the cheek.
“Thanks.” I mumble and slowly walk towards the door. Inside the café, I try to position myself so that Phil will spot me without having to look for me too hard. My hands start to sweat, and I uncomfortably begin to slip around in my seat.
“What can I bring you, sweetie?” a waitress asks me.
“Do you have caramel macchiato?” I ask with my voice slightly shaking.
“Sure, honey. I’ll be back in a second.” The waitress says and turns around. Why does everyone always refer to me as honey or sweetie? I never get called ‘dashing gentleman’. Not that there is anything wrong with being called ‘honey’ or ‘sweetie’ it’s simply like I’m already a proper adult now. A proper male adult who knows how to behave. The noun ‘gentleman’ would be fitting after all.
“Penny for your thoughts?” a shy voice behind me asks. I spin around and see Phil standing in front of me. His black fringe is slightly wet. Somehow, this makes his eyes appear even more blue than usual.
“Er… Sit down.” I say and point towards the chair opposite of me.
“Thanks.” Phil says. His eyes have just been really warm, now, they seem to be colder again. No need to lose every bit of courage.
“Are you going to pay that penny now?” I ask after a long and awkward silence.
“Sure.” Phil says and pulls out a penny out of his jeans pocket. I silently praise God for Phil’s understanding. This could have been really rather more awkward than it was before.
“If you need to know, I just thought about why everyone is calling me ‘sweetie’ and stuff but never something like ‘dashing gentleman’.” I say and blush slightly.
“Perhaps no one ever thinks to call you a dashing gentleman because one can get easily distracted by your dimple and cute curly hair.” Phil says quietly. Did he actually just say that? Like, did he say he liked my dimple and that my curly hair was cute? I must be dreaming. Phil would never say something like that to me. I can imagine him saying something like that to another person but definitely not to me.
The waitress comes back with my drink before either of us says anything. I’m pretty sure I dreamt Phil saying that because when he speaks to the waitress, his voice sounds different than it just did.
“What did you order?” I ask.
“Caramel macchiato. I did not think they would have that one here.”
“They do. That’s what I took as well.” I say and smile carefully.
“Did you really?” Phil asks surprised.
“Coincidence.” I say and think: fate.
“What brought you here?” Phil asks.
“Bad weather.” I say and shrug.
“Cornelia lured me here. She said she wanted to talk about something.”
“Where is she now?” I ask and look around. If I’m being honest, I think I’m rather excelling in my role.
“She got a call from Martyn.” Phil says and smiles slightly.
“Why did you decide to come in?” I say and swallow hard.
“Cornelia highly recommends this place and I spotted you through the window…” Phil says, and his voice trails off.

Chapter Text

Convincing

Again, the waitress destroys the moment where I was just about to build up enough courage to say something.
“Thank you.” Phil says and smiles at the waitress.
“You’re welcome, darling.” She says.
“See. It’s not only you who doesn’t get called what he wants to.” Phil laughs after the waitress left.
“I guess you’re right. Actually, I only thought about it, it doesn’t really bother me.” I say.
Phil takes a sip out of his cup and looks around. “Are you alone?” he asks.
“Yes?” I say confused.
“I only thought your girlfriend might be around.” Phil practically spits that word out. Might he be a little bit jealous after all?
“Phil, I don’t have a girlfriend.” I say after taking a deep breath.
“And who was that girl you…” I don’t let him finish his sentence. I promised Lisa to explain everything and I owe her defence. “Lisa is a college from work.” I say.
“It looked as if you were more than colleges.” Phil says and doesn’t look at me.
“That’s true. We are really good friends.” I say and roll my eyes.
“You seemed quite in love.” Phil mumbles and observes the napkins on the table.
“We are not. I assure you. I’m as much in a relationship as Cornelia is single.”
“So, you are telling the truth?” Phil asks carefully.
“Of course, I am. I always have.” I say.
Phil takes another sip of his drink and looks pleased. I look at him and notice horrified that his expression is changing once again. He looks hurt and confused again.
“Why did you stop texting me?” he asks quietly.
“I lost my phone.” Phil raises and eyebrow and laughs. I know he doesn’t believe me. “I did lose my phone.” I say and notice I sound rather desperate.
“How do you lose a phone these days? You can always call it! I’m sorry that I can’t believe you.”
“I switched it off to concentrate on work.” I mumble quietly. I do hope he doesn’t notice I’m lying.
“That’s very respectable.” There is a ‘but’ coming.
“But?” I ask and frown.
“But you didn’t seem to want to concentrate on work on the other days.”
“So, being interested in doing my job is a bad thing?” I ask. Attack is the best form of defence.
“Did I get you in trouble?” Phil asks and sounds worried.
I immediately feel bad and quickly say: “No. Oh dear. Phil, this is hard!” Without looking at him I sigh.
“What’s hard?” Phil asks innocently.
“Explaining everything to you!”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“I do, actually. Okay, let me be completely frank with you. I only switched off my phone because in that moment I was kind of afraid what you answered on the text I send you by accident.”
“So, you didn’t mean what you wrote to me?” Phil whispers. I can’t see if he’s looking at me because I’m still looking at the floor.
“I did. But I wouldn’t have been courageous enough to actually send it to you.” I mutter.
“Why not?” I feel Phil’s eyes on me.
“Because I only know you for a few days, and you have a girlfriend.”
“Pardon?” Phil asks. I look up. “What do you mean, ‘girlfriend’?” Phil asks.
“You left earlier on Sunday night because you wanted to meet her.” I remind Phil.
“Joanne?” Phil frowns.
“That’s her name.” I confirm.
“She isn’t my girlfriend. Did you really think she and me, that we are an item?” Phil asks.
“Yes. You made me think so.”
“I didn’t?”
“You did!”
“When?” Phil asks and squints.
“For example, when you spoke about meeting her as if you were having a date.”
“I wasn’t!”
“You were. But that isn’t everything.”
“It isn’t?” Phil asks and blushes.
“No. You left me without saying any word to talk to Joanne on the evening we first met in person.”
“But I only wanted to get distracted a little bit.” Phil mumbles. Again, I probably make up most of what he is actually saying.
“Why did you make me think Joanne was your girlfriend?” I confront Phil.
“I didn’t notice I was.” Phil says.
“Who is Joanne if she isn’t is your girlfriend?” I ask with a fast beating heart.
“Joanne is a good friend of mine. I helped her brother settle down in the town I’m currently living in. I got to know her quite well in the process.” Phil explains.
“Bryony said you and Joanne practically were an item the last time you visited.”
“Did she?”
“Yes.”
“She isn’t telling the truth. I am.”
I nod but then think about something. “Why didn’t you let me tell you the truth at the engagement party?” I ask after a while.
“Excuse me. But I did have a lot of proof for my assumptions, didn’t I?” Phil asks.
“Proof? You saw me having friendly banter with a friend. That’s just like I would accuse you for being in love with Cornelia.” I say and shake my head.
“Okay. I’m sorry.” Phil says.
“I’m sorry as well. I shouldn’t have brought Lisa to the party.”
“Don’t be sorry you can bring whoever you want.” Phil says and sounds slightly sad. Would he also have minded if I had brought someone else?
“I still can’t believe you losing your phone.” Phil says and sounds genuinely unhappy about it.
“Unfortunately, I can’t prove it because Lisa found it just now.” I say sadly.
“Oh. So, you read my text?” Phil asks hopefully.
“No, I haven’t.”
“Why not?”
“Why didn’t you listen to the voicemail I left with Bryony’s phone?” I ask back.
“You did what?” Phil asks, and his eyes widen.
“I wanted to let you know I can’t find my phone, so I left a message with Bryony’s phone.”
“You didn’t.” Phil says and shakes his head in confusion.
“I did! Didn’t you receive any voicemails?” I ask.
“There was one where someone simply coughed into the phone.”
I blush. “That would have been me. I did talk afterwards though. Haven’t you listen to the rest of it?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Do you think you could now?” I ask carefully.
“If you really want me to.” Phil says and smiles.
“I do.”
“Okay, I will.” Phil says and grins slightly.
“Thanks.” I answer.
So far, the encounter is better than I expected it to be. I really hope I can convince Phil that I have always been telling the truth.

Chapter Text

Proof

Phil gets out his phone and opens the message folder. “That’s the only one I got.” Phil says and shows me the screen.
“That must have been me.” I say and blush.
Just now, when everything between Phil and me is going to be back normal again, I feel myself blushing very often again.
Phil holds the phone to his ear, but I can still hear me coughing and saying: “Sorry. Hey. It’s me. Well, Dan that is. I call with Bryony’s phone because I kinda lost mine. I can’t find it. I’m really sorry. I’d really like to text with you, but I can’t find it. Sorry. Bryony is coming back now, so um… bye, I guess.” I sound even worse than I remember! Why does my voice sound so weird whenever someone records me? Do I actually speak like this? Oh dear, if that’s the case, I would like to formally say sorry to anyone I have ever talked to.
Phil buts his phone away and smiles at me. His blue eyes are sparkling, and I can see that he is amused.
“Sorry, that wasn’t very informative. I simply wanted to warn you that I couldn’t answer.” I say.
“That’s alright. It really is. I still can’t understand why you would switch your phone off completely just to avoid my texts!” Phil says and still sounds kind of hurt.
“Well. I switched my phone off because I thought you just made a joke. I was embarrassed and scared what your answer would be like!” I mumble and blush.
“Dan.” Phil says and hesitates to take my hand. Am I dreaming or is this reality? “I would never joke about something like that.” Phil says firmly. “Especially not towards you.” He adds in a smaller voice.
I blush, again. “Don’t think I’m not sorry for losing my phone. The first couple of days were horrible! I couldn’t do anything and had to think about you constantly. Luckily by now, I got really interested in books and playing the piano. I had a nice distraction.” I say quickly.
“I’m so sorry!” Phil says.
“Don’t be! It’s not your fault.”
“All the time I thought you were being selfish with not answering me!”
“Selfish? How?”
“Well you didn’t reply, and I had no proof that you weren’t in fact happy, so I thought you would only think about yourself and leave me behind.” Phil quietly says.
“I could never leave you behind! It’s far too late for that already.” I whisper, and hope Phil didn’t catch most of it.
We quietly take sips of our caramel macchiatos. I for my part, try my best not to stare at Phil constantly. That’s pretty hard because I have never seen a human who looked more beautiful. How does he do this? Can he switch it off? Isn’t it annoying when people like me always stare at him? It would bother me, except perhaps when Phil stares at me.
“I heard, you’re best man?” I ask with a croaky voice.
“I am.” Phil says. Apparently, his voice doesn’t get croaky when he doesn’t speak for a while, his simply gets deeper. Needless to say, that I have got goose bumps all over my body. “Are you cold?” Phil asks who seemed to have noticed the goose bumps.
“No, thank you.” I say and blush.
“By the way, I still have got your coat at home. Would you like me to bring it to you tomorrow?” I ask.
“That’s alright. You don’t need to bring it. I can come and get it another time.” Does that mean he would like to come to my house? Surely not, or does it?
“Okay.” I say, and my voice still sounds pretty croaky.
“What will you do at the wedding?” Phil asks.
“Pardon?” I ask confused.
“Oh, sorry. It’s just like Cornelia told me at the engagement party you were helping with the coats and jackets.”
“That’s true. If they want me to do that again, I will. But I don’t think I have to.”
“Good.” Phil says, and I can see a slight blush on his face.
“By the way, I’m Cornelia’s best man.” I say proudly.
“Do brides have best mans?” Phil raises an eyebrow.
“Cornelia does. She was sorry that I couldn’t be a brides-maid, so she decided to call me her best man.”
“I see. So, we’re both best men.” Phil says and laughs.
“Yes. We are.” I say and blush. ‘We’. It’s nice to say it and hear it.
“Do you know why Martyn doesn’t want to have a stag night?” I ask Phil.
“No, does Cornelia have a hen party?”
“Yes, actually. I have to get there. It would be best if I leave in half an hour.” I say.
“Already?” Phil asks, and it warms my heart.
“Yes, unfortunately.” I say sadly.
“But we will see each other tomorrow, won’t we?” Phil asks carefully. He is adorable.
“I hope so.” I say.
“Me too.” Phil says and smiles warmly.
“I’m really pleased for Martyn and Cornelia that they can marry as quick as they want to.”
“Everyone is really pleased, especially the couple itself.” Phil says and laughs.
“I heard Cornelia mention a bus or something like that who will bring all the guests from this town to the church in your home village?” I ask.
“Yes, that’s what they wanted to do first. Now they decided that John’s car is big enough to take everyone.” Phil answers.
“Oh. Alright. I didn’t know that!” I say and smile.
“It’s nice to have helped you.” Phil says and bends his head.
I love talking to Phil. It’s not long before we yet again start to speak about animals, movies and our favourite video games. Everything is great fun. Is it only me, or does Phil come closer with every minute passing? Not that I mind. Not in the slightest! It’s really nice to have Phil this close even if I would like to be as close as this to him in other circumstances. I would like to let him know how much I love him. I do love him quite a lot. Maybe even more than I ever loved anyone before. That’s not really hard though, the people I met could never compete against Phil. Never. No one. Not in a million years.
Phil briefly touches my arm several times. Again, I feel like I’m on fire. But yet again there are goose bumps all over my body. Apparently, my body can’t handle Phil touching it. It seems very confused. So, does my brain. Great, everyone is leaving me behind.

Chapter Text

The hen party

It’s a horrible feeling to leave early. I would love to simply sit with Phil like this forever. Leaving him feels like I might actually lose every contact with him again. After having waited for as long as possible, I have to get up eventually. Phil gets up as well.
“You can stay here.” I say.
“As if there would be a point without you.” Phil mutters. Perhaps I did hear him say everything. Perhaps I wasn’t dreaming. Perhaps Phil really liked me a lot. Perhaps he liked me as much as I liked him, not very likely but hope dies last.
“Where will you go now?” I ask Phil.
“To John’s house.”
“So, you are having a stag night after all!”
“Not really. You would have to be there as well.” Phil says. Does he know that sentences like this are far too much for my body to handle? It’s as if a small child were allowed to press any button in my brain which causes muscles to contract, hairs to stand up and shivers to run down my spine.
“Have fun this evening.” I say and don’t know how to say goodbye.
Phil seems to know because he leans forward. This time I don’t think he is going to kiss me. Well, not for much more than two seconds. He leans forward and reaches my ear. My body is even slightly shaking by now, thanks for the support.
“Please don’t read my text.” Phil whispers.
“Why not?” I ask confused. Earlier he seemed like he really wanted me to read it.
“Wait until after the party tomorrow, please.” Phil says. His breath tickles the sensitive skin on my neck.
“Okay.” I shudder.
“Thank you.” Phil says. He slowly leans back again but stopes at my cheek. My heart misses a beat as I feel Phil’s lips gently touching my skin. “Good bye.” Phil says and walks away. I can’t even answer him properly because every muscle in me is frozen. After what feels like hours and probably isn’t even a couple of minutes, my body seems to relax again and I’m finally able to start walking.
A few minutes later, I arrive at Cornelia’s house. I ring the doorbell and the door is immediately teared open. “DAN!” Bryony shouts and pulls me into the kitchen.
“Yes?” I ask and grin widely.
“How was it?” Bryony asks.
“What?” I ask.
“Dan, I warn you.” Bryony says.
“Please!” Cornelia begs.
“Alright. But don’t expect too much!” I warn them and start speaking.

***

After having told them everything, literally without leaving out the tiniest bits, Bryony and Cornelia exchange a knowing glance. “What?” I ask them.
“I knew everything would be fine.” Bryony says and tousles my hair.
“’Don’t expect too much’. Are you kidding? That is far more than I dreamed would happen!” Cornelia says and smiles widely.
“Really?” I ask.
“Yes! I’m so happy for you!” Cornelia says and hugs me.
“So am I.” Bryony says and hugs me and Cornelia at the same time.
“What is the protocol of a hen party?” I ask them after a while.
“Er. I haven’t yet been to one.” Cornelia says and shrugs.
“Me neither.” Bryony says.
“Oh, great. What do we want to do?” I ask.
“I don’t intend on getting drunk.” Cornelia says.
“Me neither.” I say.
“No, not really. We’ll have enough time for that tomorrow.” Bryony says and laughs.
“So, what do you want to drink?” Cornelia asks me.
“Ribena?” I ask and blush.
“Yummy! It’s been a long time since I had it!” Bryony says.
“Yes. Luckily I bought a bottle because Phil always drinks it.” Cornelia says and hands us glasses.
“Phil drinks Ribena?” I ask. We seem to enjoy exactly the same things.
“Yes, he practically drinks nothing else. Except for coffee in the morning.”
“Oh.” I say. I’m much rather a tea person.
“Should we watch a film?” Bryony asks while opening packages of crisps.
“Yes.” I say and help her putting the crisps into bowls.
“Okay, which one?” Cornelia asks.
“You can choose.” I say. Like this, it isn’t too obvious that I would like to watch a romantic film. In the end we decide to watch ‘Love actually’.
“It’s barely October and yet this is already my second Christmas film I watched this year.” I say and shake my head.
“As if you cared.” Bryony says and throws a piece of popcorn at my head.
“You’re right. I don’t care at all. It’s great.” I say and laugh.
“You’re weird.” Cornelia says and shakes her head.
“Why?”
“Because you are so enthusiastic about a film.”
“I bet you have those kinds of f…” I say but Cornelia interrupts me.
“Ssshhh! I love that speech from the prime minister.” Bryony and I roar with laughter. Cornelia shots irritated glances towards us but she joins in after a while. The film is a brilliant as ever, even when one watches it in October. We laugh a lot. Somehow our emotion levels are pretty high because each one of us even managed to cry at the end.
“Did you make me so emotional?” I sniff.
“No!” Bryony says and starts crying again.
“It’s all your fault, Cornelia.” I say and rest my head on her shoulder.
“It isn’t.” Cornelia sobs.
We form a huge pile of wet and sobbing people for the whole duration of the credits. When the menu music starts playing again, I sit up straight and blow my nose. Bryony follows my example. Soon we are all dry again. Well, more or less. A few tears still escape our eyes, this time mainly because of laughing too much.
“That was the lamest hen party in the history of earth.” Bryony says proudly.
“Yes, and the greatest.” I say just as proud as her.
“You dorks.” Cornelia says and tousles our hair. I whine. The more one touches my hair the curlier it gets. “What?” Cornelia asks concerned.
“My hair…”
“Looks lovely like this.” Bryony finishes my sentence.
“That’s what Phil said…” I mumble.
“What?” Bryony asks. Oh, I might have left this out as I told them about the evening. Whoops-a-daisy.
“Phil kinda said my hair looked cute but I might have imagined that.” I quickly explain.
“Sure.” Bryony says and tousles my hair.
“Hey!” I say and try my best to straighten my hair.
“Stop it!” Bryony says and swats my hand away.
“Do you think you could leave your hair curly for my wedding?” Cornelia asks.
“Pardon?”
“I think it would look really cute!” she says.
“Really? I don’t want to smudge your wedding photos.”
“Don’t be ridiculous!” Cornelia says.
“You really want me to leave my hair curly?” I ask doubtfully.
“Not if you don’t want to, of course.”
“I’ll think about it.” I say and blush.
I don’t stay at Cornelia’s too long after that. The main reason is because I have to go to work tomorrow. I partly also leave because I need to play the encounter with Phil back in my head. Perhaps I missed something important. This could also lead to misinterpreting stuff but that’s worth it.

Chapter Text

Wedding-eve

The next morning, I wake up and am pretty much already wide awake. To be fair, I need my time to remember everything that happened yesterday and what will happen today. I get out of my bed and take a shower. Despite everyone’s affirmations, I still don’t think I look particular good with a curly fringe. I prefer my hair when it’s straight.
After taking a shower and blow drying my hair, I get my book and read while straightening my hair. I don’t even miss my phone by now. Sure, not being able to talk to my family is annoying, but all in all it’s nice to be distracted by a story and not useless things on the internet. Alright. Perhaps I don’t miss my phone that much now because I know that Phil practically forgave me. Also, I don’t have to worry about what he sent me because he wants me to read it after the party. The party. I’m really looking forward to it. I’m going to meet Phil after all. And of course, I’m happy for Cornelia and Martyn.
While putting on the kettle I think about how lucky I am to be able to eat again. After eating my cereal, I brush my teeth and leave for work.
Lisa is currently talking to someone. She still looks up curiously when she hears me enter. I show her thumbs up and gesture that I’ll talk to her later. Lisa smiles brightly and winks at me.
Work isn’t that bad today. Of course, I’m often somewhere else with my thoughts (the party obviously), but work doesn’t feel like it will never end.
In my lunch break, I tell Lisa everything about yesterday. She is really happy for me. Even though she is absolutely certain that I will have a great evening, she makes me promise that I will make the best of this evening. While thinking about what she could have meant by this, I blush slightly and decide to concentrate on my tea instead.
Somehow, I manage to finish and leave work early. Unfortunately, I can’t really distract myself with reading my book. Partly that’s because I’ve reached a scene in the book where every action is frustrating, but mainly I can’t concentrate because I’m far too excited for the wedding-eve party. I decide to not put on muse but Kanye West. His music is exactly what I need right now. Even though it’s rather loud it helps me to relax. Because I have a lot of time left, I tidy up my whole flat. I even sweep every floor. As I haven’t done so in a long time, there is quite a lot of dust and dirt. Afterwards, I’m really proud of myself. I even put some dirty clothes into the washing machine and ironed some clean ones. Mum would be proud of me, I’m sure. With this knowledge, I decide that I deserve a tea and Maltesers break. I sit down on my couch, switch Kanye off (I’m sorry!) and put on the telly. As usual, there are reruns of ‘Friends’. I watch those and laugh even though I already watched it a million times. I keep checking the clock on the wall constantly. When it’s finally time for me to get changed, I jump up from the couch and run towards my room. I already decided what I want to put on so that I don’t have to lose time with thinking about what I want to wear. Well, I say ‘not losing time’ in reality I still have plenty of time left after I finished changing. I decide to put my phone into the charger. Like this, I can read Phil’s text the second I come home. Afterwards, there is still plenty of time left. I decide to play the piano. Just a little bit. The little bit turns out to be quite a lot. When I finally look up from the black and white keys in front of me, I notice I’m nearly running late! I quickly grab my coat and leave my flat.
It gets colder and colder outside, which is only natural, and still I’m always surprised. I shake my head and walk as fast as I can towards Martyn and Cornelia’s house. They decided to have their party there because there won’t be too many people coming and like this it would be a nice and familiar environment. I’m fine with it as this means I don’t have to walk too long. But they do want to go into the park later or something. Perhaps they even booked a restaurant later. First of all, they wanted to start in their flat, though.
When I’m thinking about it, I have been constantly walking for the last few weeks. My loyal blue car is still standing on the spot where I left it when I first arrived here. How time flies by.
I ring the doorbell and wait for someone to open the door for me. From where I’m standing I can already hear some music. I have to ring a second time before anyone opens the door.
“Hey. Come in!” Cornelia shouts as she opens the door.
“Hey.” I say and hug her. “Where are the others?”
“Living room.” Cornelia says and smiles brightly.
“Thanks.” I say and open the door. I see a couple of unfamiliar faces but yet again I also see John, Bryony and of course Martyn.
“Hey, Winnie!” Martyn shouts and pats my back.
“How are you?” he asks.
“Fine thanks. How are you?” I ask.
“Excited.” He says and his eyes sparkle.
“So am I.” Cornelia says and hugs Martyn from behind.
“Dan, I mean Winnie, could you do us a favour?” Martyn asks while taking Cornelia’s hands in his.
“Sure, anything.” I say.
“Thanks. Could you take some polaroid pictures?” he asks.
“Sure. From what?”
“The party in general. Phil also got one. Cornelia says you two could work together.” Martyn says and smiles. Cornelia, (literally!) behind his back, winks at me. I blush slightly and adjust my fringe.
“Where is the polaroid camera?” I ask after clearing my throat.
“Phil’s got them. He is in the kitchen.” Martyn says.
“Alright.”
“Thanks, Dan.”
“That’s okay. You two have fun!”
“Thanks!” Cornelia says.
Martyn pulls her with him towards the other guests. I take a deep breath and walk towards the kitchen.

Chapter Text

Photographers

I knock on the door and open it slowly.
“Dan!” Phil sounds pleased.
“Hello.” I say rather shy. My body already starts to behave weird and that just after Phil said my name, great start.
“So you will help me taking photos?” he asks with his back to me. The shirt he his wearing really points out his frame. I have to swallow hard before I can answer him.
“Yes.” I say.
“That’s nice of you. Do you know how to take polaroid pictures?” Phil asks and turns around. My heart misses a beat. At first, I don’t know why but then I see Phil is wearing glasses. He looks incredible like that.
“Are they different than other cameras?” I ask croaky.
“No. I just wanted to fool you.” Phil says and laughs. His laugh makes my body do whatever he wants. Well, not literally, I don’t say anything or suddenly fall over, I simply feel hot and shivery at the same time again.
“That’s not nice, Phil.” I say and laugh.
“Sorry. Here take this one.” Phil says and hands me a polaroid camera.
“Thank you.” I say and blush as Phil and my hands touch. Why can’t I control when I blush? That’s not fair!
“Should we take one pic so that we know how exactly it works?” Phil asks.
“Sure.” I say and smile down at my camera. I suddenly hear the trigger of Phil’s camera and look up.
“Sorry. I had to take that picture.” Phil says and waves the polaroid through the air.
“You took a photo of me?” I ask and blush.
“Yes. Look at it, it looks incredible!” Phil says proudly and shows me the picture. I blush once again. Does that mean Phil thinks I look ‘incredible’? I really should stop asking myself questions and simply enjoy the evening.
“I look alright.” I say and blush. The photo itself is really pretty but the fact that it’s me whose dimple one can see makes it less pretty.
“You look amazing!” Phil says. I shrug. “If you don’t want that picture, I’ll keep it.” Phil says and puts it into his pocket.
“Alright.” I shrug again but my face is burning red.
“Let’s take pictures then.” Phil says and wants to leave the kitchen.
“Wait! I have to take a picture of you first! To test out the camera!” I quickly ad even though in reality I simply want to have a picture of Phil for myself.
“Go ahead.” Phil says and smiles. I take the photo and wave it through the air just like Phil did. Slowly, Phil starts to appear on the polaroid. It’s a beautiful picture. Phil looks as pretty as usual. Luckily, this picture is mine now, Phil doesn’t even say anything as I wordlessly put it into the pocket of my jeans. He simply smiles, and I would love to take another picture of him just now.
Phil and I leave the kitchen and start taking photos immediately. Phil loves to take photos of small details and I love to take photos of people without them noticing. Of course, I also ask them occasionally, but I prefer to take photos where they are genuinely laughing. I take some great pictures of Martyn and Cornelia. They are so cute that anyone would be able to take photos of them where you can clearly see that they are in love. It’s very cute.
Phil and I compare our picture every now and then and we somehow get really close. Both mentally and physically. After we have been listening to music, taking pictures, talking with people, drinking and eating stuff for a couple of hours, Martyn and Cornelia decide it’s time for us to go out into the park. Every one of us puts on a coat or a jacket.
“Oh, sorry. I forgot to bring you your coat.” I say and blush.
“That’s alright.” Phil says and smiles warmly.
“You sure?” I ask concerned.
“Yes. Martyn always has got more than one.” Phil says and puts on a grey coat.
“I’m really sorry.”
“That’s alright. Honestly.” Phil says and gently pushed me through the door. His hand on my waist is really distracting and I nearly trip over a step on my way out. “Careful.” Phil whispers into my ear. I feel myself blush and again I curse myself for doing so.
“Who wants to take a torch?” Martyn asks.
“Should I take one?” I ask.
“Yes, I’ll continue making photos.” Phil says and grins.
“You sure?”
“Yes, we can always take turns.” He says.
“True.” I say and light my torch.
We walk in silence except for the noise Phil’s trigger makes every now and then. Because Phil sometimes has to stop to take a picture we suddenly find ourselves at the end of the group. That’s not too bad actually.
“Wait a second.” Phil says.
“Why?” I ask and turn around.
“No turn back.” Phil says with the camera in front of his eyes. I blush and do as I’m told. After a couple of moments, I hear the trigger. I turn around, but Phil already put the picture away.
“Don’t I get to see it?” I ask and raise my eyebrows.
“No, it’s mine.” Phil says in a husky voice and then giggles. Two things which normally wouldn’t fit together but seem as the most normal thing when Phil does them. Being sweet and hot at the same time is something I have only ever seen Phil do successfully.
Phil and I continue walking in silence until we reach the others. I’m completely fine with it because first of all, being silent with Phil is as nice as having a pleasant conversation with someone else (not Phil, though, talking with him is even better than to be silent). And secondly like this my face had enough time to recover from blushing. I can only hope that I’m not red as a tomato when we reach the others, but then yet again, you can’t really see me in the dim light. Thank god.

Chapter Text

Bonfire

I haven’t been completely wrong with thinking that Cornelia and Martyn booked a restaurant. It’s not exactly a restaurant but it’s a fireplace with benches around it. The fact that there is staff around with different drinks on tables in front of them makes me assume that Cornelia and Martyn did book this thing. It’s not spontaneous but it’s also not a restaurant. If this were a game, I would give me at least half a point.
Phil and I arrive last. Obviously. There are only two places left and they are right next to each other. What a pity. I don’t mind at all. I really hope Phil doesn’t either, but it seems like he is fine because he gently pushes me to the empty places.
Just like the others did before me, I put my torch into the grass around the bonfire. It looks magical, kind of. Even though it’s bitterly cold, the big fire warms us. And besides if I’m sitting this close to Phil, I could never feel cold.
Some people (who are all older than me) start singing songs. Phil covers his eyes with his hands.
“What’s wrong? Do you know them?” I ask.
“Yes? They are my parents!” Phil says and laughs.
“At least they can sing. If dad would try to sing that would be horrible!” I say.
“I’ll tell them you said you liked their singing.” Phil says and smiles.
“Okay.” I say and blush.
“Not now obviously, they wouldn’t stop, I’ll tell them later.”
“Okay.” I say and am pretty sure my face is redder than a tomato.
“No need to blush.” Phil says and looks at me.
“I… I’m not blushing.” I say and laugh.
“You are… Cute.” Phil says and smiles warmly. If he doesn’t want me to blush he should stop saying those kinds of things!
“Have you and Martyn always been this close?” I ask, simply to change topics.
“Yes. He was always the bigger brother who wanted to look after me and I was always the younger one who wasn’t unhappy if anyone paid attention to him.” Phil says and laughs.
“You seem to share everything with him.” I say and look up to him.
“There is only one thing I didn’t tell him.” Phil whispers. I’m not sure if he wanted me to hear it so I simply say nothing. “What about you and your brother?” Phil asks slightly louder.
“Adrian and I get along very well. The only problem is that I can’t see how I am a good role model.”
“Don’t say that! I’m sure Adrian thinks you’re a great role model.” Phil says.
“He does say so but I’m not sure if he is actually telling the truth.”
“I think he is. There is a lot to admire about you.” Phil says gently. I blush.
The later it gets the more tired I get. That’s only natural. The only ‘problem’ is that I start to sink into Phil, rather involuntarily.
“Are you tired, bear?” Phil whispers into my ear.
“Bear?” I ask confused.
“Martyn keeps referring to you as Winnie the Pooh, or silly old bear.” Phil explains. I’m fine with him calling me bear, so I don’t say anything. “Do you want me to tell you stories about Martyn and me?” Phil asks and gently puts an arm around me.
“That would be nice.” I say quietly. I sink into Phil’s lap by the time he tells me the second anecdote. Phil gently starts stroking my hair while he tells me about how Martyn stood up for him when class mates called Phil a nerd or worse a weirdo. Normally, I would freak out and my body would start trembling if Phil would touch me, but because I’m horribly tired, I simply enjoy lying in Phil’s lab.
“You’re not a weirdo.” I mumble.
Phil laughs gently. “Believe me, I am.”
“Not to me.” I whisper but keep my eyes shut.
“Thank you, bear.” Phil says and giggles. I can feel his tummy slightly shaking against my head. It’s a nice feeling. “Where was I?” Phil asks. “Oh yes, well Martyn always stood up for me and I was really grateful for it. He also helped me die my hair black because everyone was calling me ginger!”
“You don’t have natural black hair?” I ask and open my eyes.
“No.” Phil says and smiles.
“Is your hair the same colour as Martyn’s?”
“No, slightly darker.”
“I like your black hair, but I think I would like your ‘ginger’ one as well.” I say and shut my eyes again. I hope that this will preserve me from blushing. Unfortunately, it doesn’t especially not as Phil says: “I like your straight hair, but I also really like your curly hair.”
“Really?” I ask with my eyes shut.
“Yes. You look really cute with curly hair… like a…”
“Like a hobbit.” I interrupt him and open my eyes again.
“A really cute one.” Phil says and smiles warmly down on me.
“Did you drink anything?” I ask him.
“No?” Phil says confused.
“I doubt you would be saying this if you were sober.” I say and close my eyes again.
“I would.” Phil says and sound slightly offended.
“Really? No one I ever met said anything like this without being drunk!” I say.
“Well it hurts me to say this but then your ‘friends’ are pretty horrible.” Phil says firmly.
“You might be right.” I say and open my eyes for split second. Phil is still watching me, but his eyes are wandering over my head. Please don’t imagine this literally! I just wanted to say that he closely looks at every little area on my face. Not in a disgusted way, no not at all. He seems to be enjoying what he sees. Before he notices me looking at him, I quickly close my eyes again.
“You’re beautiful.” Phil whispers in a husky voice. I blush immediately. Phil laughs gently and strokes my cheek with his thumb. “Why do you always blush?” he asks quietly.
“Perhaps because you always say those things?” I ask and carefully open my eyes.
“What things?”
“Lies?”
“I would never lie to you.” Phil insists.
“And yet you keep making me untruthful compliments.” I say and laugh a little bit.
Phil looks at me with a funny expression. “You don’t think you’re pretty?” he asks astonished. He looks at me as if he just discovered a bad result in a test everyone thought he had done well in. Well, what an awful example. I want to say that he looks at me surprised, horrified and yet kind. Would anyone have an example for that kind of look? I could have said he looks at me as if I would have just said I didn’t think I’m pretty but that would have been as informative as the rubbish I’m thinking about right now. I really should pay attention to Phil and not think about awful examples. Easier said, er thought, than done. When I notice that I haven’t answered Phil’s question, I know it’s already too late to do so now. So, I simply look at him.
After a while Phil says: “If you do think so I have to tell you that you are completely wrong.” I hold my breath and don’t dare to break the eye contact with him.

Chapter Text

Sheltered

Neither Phil nor I break the stare. It’s Martyn who does. He runs into us and I nearly fall of the bench. Luckily, Phil grabs my waist soon enough, so that I don’t land in the damp grass.
“Thanks.” I mutter while sitting up straight.
“Sorry, Philly.” Martyn says happily.
“That’s alright.” Phil says, and a crooked smile appears on his face.
“Everyone is heading into a pub now.” Martyn shouts happily.
“Everyone?” Phil asks and raises an eyebrow.
“Well, no. Mum and dad obviously left but a lot of the other ones are coming!” Martyn corrects himself.
“Do you want us to come to?” Phil asks. A pleasant shiver runs down my spine as Phil says ‘us’.
“It would be lovely!” Martyn cries and hugs us both at the same time.
Phil looks questioning to me. I nod and say: “We’ll come.”
“Amazing!” Martyn says and leaves.
“You don’t have to come.” Phil says, looking slightly concerned.
“But I want to.” I say and manage to hide a yawn.
“Alright, we better get going then.” Phil says and gets up. Without asking he takes my hand and pulls me up.
“Thanks.” I mumble and blush.
“Come, Dan. The others are already leaving!” Phil says and hurries towards the leaving group.
“Coming.” I mumble and yawn.
Phil and I are walking next to each other. We don’t speak. But that’s fine with me, especially as I have to yawn every time I open my mouth. I don’t want Phil to see that I’m tired. Even though no one of us has to stop to take pictures, we still are at the end of the group. When we arrive at the pub they want to go into, I suddenly have to yawn pretty hard. I squint my eyes and promptly trip over a root or something. I lose my balance but instead of hitting the floor someone catches me. It’s Phil.
“You are tired, bear.” He declares and helps me stand on my own feet again.
“I’m not.” I say but have to yawn directly afterwards.
“You are.” Phil says and chuckles.
“A little bit.” I admit.
“You should go home.”
“Thanks.” I say and smile weakly.
“You know what I mean.” Phil says apologetically.
“I should go home because a young boy like me shouldn’t be in a pub at this hour.” I say.
“No!” Phil says and seems horrified. I laugh and wait for him to say more. “I meant that I would like to accompany you home.” Phil says. After a while he adds: “Like this I know you are home safely.” I nod. Of course, I don’t dare to say anything. I really want him to come. So, saying something might destroy everything.
“Are you feeling alright?” Phil asks concerned.
“A little tired and weak?” I ask and laugh nervously. No need to tell him that the thought of him accompanying me to my flat makes me nervous.
“Oh, better?” Phil asks and lays an arm around my waist. In a way this really helps with my weakness because my whole body tenses up and forces me to walk up straight.
“Yes, thank you.” I say and can’t help but shiver.
“Are you cold?” Phil asks and gently rubs my shoulder with his other hand.
“I’m fine thanks.” I say and have to bite my lip not to say anything else.
Phil and I walk together like this the whole way to my apartment. With slightly shaking hands I manage to open the door. I awkwardly stand in the doorframe and wait for Phil to break the silence. He, however, simply looks at me without saying anything. Is he torturing me on purpose? After a few more minutes pass (in reality it’s something like seconds, but it honestly feels like minutes! Perhaps even hours!), I finally clear my throat and say: “I would hate if you leave already.”
Phil seems really pleased with what I said because he smiles widely. “So would I.” he says.
“Do you want to come in?” I ask shyly and blush.
“I would like to, thank you.” He says.
I open the door a little wider and let him in. I’m really glad I decided to tidy up the flat before leaving for the wedding-eve party. It honestly never looked this great before. I wish my mum could see me like this, welcoming a friend in my tidy and clean flat, she would be proud. But then again, I don’t want her to be here at all. I want to spend some time alone with Phil. Luckily, I don’t have to worry about anyone coming in as I live alone.
“Do you want to drink something?” I ask.
“That would be lovely.” Phil says and gets out of his coat.
“Watered down Ribena?” I ask and smile.
“Yes!” Phil says excitedly. I laugh and shake my head.
While I’m waking over to the sink with my back to Phil, I have to yawn. Like real proper yawning. Luckily, Phil doesn’t see me. He would send me to bed or something!
“There you are!” I say and hand him his glass.
After we both took a few sips in silence, Phil suddenly clears his throat. “Dan, I want to tell you, that I’m sorry.” He says honestly and looks deep into my eyes.
“That’s alright.” I croak.
“I’m being serious.” Phil says and takes my hand.
“You sure, you’re not drunk?” I ask and laugh nervously.
“100% sure.” Phil says and sounds slightly offended.
“I’m sorry. I’m not used to people talk to me like that.” I mumble and pray to god that my hand isn’t sweaty.
Phil still hasn’t let go of me. Now he shakes his head sympathetically. “Talk to you, how?” he asks.
“Affectionately.” I mumble but lock my eyes with his. Phil blushes slightly, which is very nice to see because Phil looks incredibly cute and it also means that I’m not the only one who blushes involuntarily.
Phil takes a deep breath and squeezes my hand. “Dan, I have to tell you something.”

Chapter Text

Declaration

I hold my breath and don’t dare to think about anything. I simply look at Phil and wait for him to tell me whatever he wants to tell me.
“Dan.” Phil says and looks at me for a few moments. “I know you’ll think I’m weird.” He starts but stops without having said anything. I decide to be patient. After all, I would never be brave enough to say anything to Phil. “Well. I don’t know how to start.” Phil says and looks down at our hands.
“Will it help if I say I promise I won’t think you are weird?” I ask timidly.
“Slightly.” Phil says and smiles crookedly.
“Well, I promise I won’t think you are weird.” I say firmly.
“Okay, Dan. I know I haven’t spoken to you nearly as much as my emotions would require under normal circumstances.” Phil says and looks at me with caring eyes. Don’t ask me how caring eyes exactly look like. I simply used that word because he looks like he cares about me. “Well, anyhow. I think, even though we hardly ever met and talked, I think I’m falling for you.” Phil says and takes a deep breath before looking at me. I can’t believe what I just heard! How could I? I have been dreaming about Phil telling me these exact things, how could I believe this is reality and not some weird day dream I’m having.
After a while, I still can’t open my mouth to say something. I want to, but I can’t. It nearly breaks my heart to see that Phil’s expression turns from hopeful to sad to nearly miserable. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Why now?
“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Phil says and looks down. He even pulls his hands away.
“This is so cliché.” I think, but before I know it, I say it out loud.
“You don’t believe me?” Phil says and looks hurt.
“No! Oh my god. Phil! NO! Please listen to me, please.” I say and grab Phil’s hands with the last bit of courage left. Phil looks sceptical. “I did not mean to say that. I meant to say something else, but my mouth wouldn’t open. Well. That was because I was so surprised of what you just told me. Surprised in a good way.” I quickly add and smile up to Phil. His smile is slowly coming back as well. “What I wanted to say but couldn’t just now because I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming is, that even though I first of all only had your voice, than unconnected with that your name and your face and finally the whole you, I was enchanted the first time I heard you or saw you. One could basically say I fell for you twice without knowing it.” I say quickly. If I took my time I’m afraid I might be too scared to continue.
Like this everything is out at once and I only have to wait for a reaction of Phil.
“You fell for me twice?” Phil asks and blushes.
“Not only twice. I guess every time I got to know something more about you, which wasn’t very unlikely because I practically knew nothing about you, I fell for you once more.”
“But why?” Phil asks shyly.
“Why? Phil, look at you!” I say and squeeze his hands.
“All I can see is a tall, clumsy and awkward person with bad eyes.” Phil mumbles.
“All the time telling me I shouldn’t diminish myself and then you can’t see anything brilliant about yourself? Have you even been listening to you when you give me advice?” I ask and lift Phil’s chin so that he looks at me. Phil simply stares at me with his big blue eyes and I nearly lose my track. “When I look at you I see a beautiful, kind, polite, funny, intelligent, lovely and sweet human being, who drives me mad, in a good way, every time I only hear him talking” I say quietly.
“Even now?” Phil says and smiles carefully.
“Especially now.” I whisper.
“But you could have anyone!” Phil says doubtfully.
“I can’t, and as it happens, I only want you.” I say truthfully.
“What about Lisa?”
“Lisa? Are you serious?” I ask and laugh.
“What?”
“Lisa and I are really good friends, but she has got a boyfriend and even though I’m convinced I’m bi I think I’m slightly more gay. Well at least I’m very gay for you.”
“I’m not sure if you can say it like that.” Phil says and giggles.
“Again.” I say and smile.
“Again what?” Phil asks confused.
“You drive me mad with the slightest thing!” I say.
“Really?” Phil asks, and his eyes widen.
“Again.”
“Stop it.”
“Again.”
“Dan.”
“Again.”
“Please.”
“Again.”
“Stop.”
“Make me. Again, by the way.” I add and smile. I didn’t notice how close Phil and I sat together. Now I do notice. I practically already sit in his lap, but I think I’m still not close enough. At the same time, Phil and I lean forward. I close my eyes just in time. A bolt jolts through my body when Phil’s lips meet mine. I can’t believe what I’m doing right now. All I know is that it feels amazing and I never want it to stop ever again. I feel Phil’s hands in my hair and wonder why mine are still lying patiently next to me on the sofa. With my right hand I slowly run up Phil’s neck and gently touch his jaw. Phil smiles into the kiss and I start smiling immediately as well. My hands are now in Phil’s hair. His hair is unbelievably soft. I have to stop my movements suddenly because Phil just touched a very sensitive spot on my neck. Shivers run down my spine and I intensify the kiss. After a few moments, we break apart completely breathless.
“How do you do that?” Phil asks still breathing unevenly.
“What?”
“Making me forget everything around me!”
“I could ask you the same.” I say and quickly kiss him onto the cheek. I sink down into his chest and breathe in his amazing scent.
“Are you tired?” Phil asks and strokes my back.
“Yes.” I say and yawn.
“Do you want to go to bed.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want you to leave.” I say and look up into Phil’s blue eyes.
“I don’t have to.” Phil whispers into my ear and sends shivers down my spine. He accidently touches my neck with his lips and I can’t help but moan.
“Not so tired after all.” Phil says and laughs.
“I am.” I say and pout.
“Alright, little bear. Let’s get you into your bed.” Phil says and pulls me up. Phil practically carries me into my room and onto my bed.
“Thank you, Phil.” I say and smile.
“No problem, little bear.” He says and gently puts the cover over me.
“Again.” I whisper and see Phil blush.
“Good night, Dan.” Phil says and gently kisses me.
“Stay.” I say and pull at Phil’s hand.
“Really?” Phil asks uncertainly.
“Yes.” I smile.
Phil lies down next to me. I immediately cuddle into him and he lays an arm around me.
“This is the one hundred and eleventh time I’m falling for you.” I mumble before closing my eyes and drifting away into dreamland.

Chapter Text

The letter

The next morning, I wake up and immediately have to smile. It smells like Phil. Before opening my eyes, I think about last night. Phil had said he was falling for me. We kissed, and he slept next to me. The smile is growing wider. I can’t take it anymore. I turn around and open my eyes. There is nothing but an empty half of a bed next to me. Where is Phil? My heart starts beating really fast and hurtful. Where is he? Did he leave? Was everything a dream? Or worse a joke? Just when I’m about to freak out (even more than I was already) I notice two pieces of paper stuck to my door. I hastily get out of my bed, nearly trip when the covers get tangled between my legs. After freeing myself, I hurry over to the door and take of the two pieces of paper. One of them is a letter and the other one is a polaroid picture of me sleeping. Underneath Phil wrote: ‘My little bear. ILY’ My heart starts beating faster again but this time it’s positively hurting. Why does nothing ever make sense when I think it?
I quickly open the letter and hop back into my bed. My hands are shaking, and I have to breathe in and out a few times before I can hold the paper still.

Dear Dan.
Please don’t freak out. If that’s too late now, I’m honestly sorry. I had to leave earlier this morning because I have to help Martyn get ready. I’m his best man after all. I’m really sorry I can’t be with you right now. I would love to wake up with you. But waking you up when I leave isn’t worth it. You look far too cute when you are sleeping. I didn’t want to disturb you. Err… That’s why I took two pictures of you, by the way. One is for you to remember how cute you are and the other one somehow found its way into my pocket.
Last night, when I tried to fall asleep I noticed that you still haven’t read the text I sent to you a couple of days ago. I decided to write it down for you (I know it by heart by now. I looked at our messages hundreds of times always waiting for an answer…): In the same way as I did? If so, you would make me happier than anything ever could.
Cheesy, I know. But the truth. I felt horrible as I didn’t get an answer of you. The only logical conclusion was that you had a girlfriend and that I wasn’t worth enough to get a reply from you. That hurt. It really did. I tried my best not to think about you, but I think I failed. If you counted the times I reread our messages, you would see how often I failed in my attempt not to think about you.
I still hate myself for being so mean and stupid at the engagement party. I was really hurt and seeing you with Lisa, who I thought was your girlfriend, made me think I lost you. That was a really horrible feeling. After all I didn’t even get the chance to explain myself! Now, I do have that chance and I will use it. I thought about you the second I ended the phone call. Not even watching my favourite shows could distract me from your voice. Something about it made me curious. I wanted to get to know you and yet you were too precious as that I would have asked Martyn about you.
Remember I told you that there is one thing I didn’t tell Martyn? I did not tell him that I was falling for you. For a long time, I didn’t even realise myself. Of course, meeting you in person completely blew my mind but admitting I was falling for you was something I could only do when I saw you with Lisa. I constantly kept checking my phone on that one Sunday night where I gave you my number. Nothing could distract me at Joanne’s I constantly thought about you and if you would text me. But literally only after Lisa and you left the room, I knew I was falling for you. I think that’s why I acted that weird as you tried to convince me she wasn’t your girlfriend. Hearing your voice made me feel dizzy and I felt like I had to defend myself. Of course, that’s rubbish but you took me by surprise. Believe me, I immediately felt sorry for what I said. It nearly broke my heart when I heard Martyn and Cornelia whispering something about you crying and leaving earlier. I wanted to apologise but I had to leave the next morning so there was no time.
I’m sorry I’m writing this much. Still I’m not even remotely writing everything I could. I simply have to get the main things of my chest (even though I might run late like this).
On Thursday, I was extremely happy when I spotted you in the café, Cornelia brought me to. Everything was planned, wasn’t it? Well. Even though I was really glad to see you I chose to distance myself just in case you were about to break my heart. Luckily you didn’t break my heart. On the contrary, you gave me hope.
Last evening, I always had to take care to not just push you against the next thing and kiss you. You were extremely adorable. While sitting around the bonfire with your head in my lap, I felt like the luckiest person alive.
Well… I think the rest is obvious. I’m extremely happy I got to tell you everything that was on my chest. Even though I feel liberate, I’m sad that I couldn’t tell you in person and that I couldn’t wake up next to you. Next time.
By the way I never told you what I see when I look at you, so here it goes: I see a beautiful, cute, adorable, curly-haired, strong, funny, intelligent, sarcastic, wildcats-fan who is the kindest, most interesting and inspiring person I ever met. I’m enormously glad I had the opportunity to meet you. You can be sure I’m waiting for you in my home town. You are still lying next to me and yet I can’t wait to look at you again in the church. How do you do that? Tell me your secret.
With love, Phil

After reading this letter I have to take a deep breath. Phil is the cutest human on earth. That’s clear. I don’t deserve him and yet he chose me. Who do I have to thank for this? Everyone. Starting with god, over to my friends, ending with my primary teachers who made sure I wouldn’t follow my dreams, otherwise I wouldn’t have ended up here.
I sigh and get up. Someone really wanted to make me feel happy and I’m pretty thankful for it. I already know what to put on, so I quickly grab my clothes and take a shower. Phil must have showered as well because the bathroom is slightly damp. I decide not to think about it but hurry. No one wants to come late to a wedding.
Just when I leave the bathroom, I hear knocks on the front door. “Dan? Open the door! Did you know that your doorbell is still broken?” Bryony shouts.
I shake my head and quickly walk to open the door.

Chapter Text

Wedding

Bryony smiles at me when I open the door. “Are you ready to attend a wedding?” she asks.
“Yes, I am.” I say and smile brightly.
“Tell me.” Bryony says and looks at me curiously. That women isn’t normal! How does she know?
“In the car.” I say and close the door behind me.
“You leave your hair curly?” Bryony asks happily.
“Yes. Someone told me he liked it.”
“What else did Phil say?” Bryony curiously asks.
“In the car!” I say and sigh.
The second I sit down, Bryony forces me to speak. It actually isn’t that bad, after all, I have finally something nice to tell. Bryony can’t stop saying how happy she is for everyone. Me, Phil, Cornelia and Martyn that is. I’m honestly sorry for John, who drives us and has to listen to everything I say and Bryony squeals. I try to tell him I’m sorry, but he only laughs and says he thinks listening to us is funny. That’s fine with me.
“You’ll meet Phil in a couple of minutes!” Bryony squeals as the satnav tells us we have about fifteen miles left.
“Yes.” I say casually but am just as excited about it as her. “But I will also meet his parents.” I say rather worried.
“What’s the matter? You already met them yesterday!” Bryony reminds me.
“Yes, but then Phil and I haven’t yet been an item.” I say and blush.
“As if that would change anything! Anyone could see that you are in love! Whether it’s official or not, doesn’t really matter.” Bryony says firmly.
“Anyone could see that we are in love?” I ask horrified.
“Yes.”
“Anyone.” John confirms. I blush deeply and burry my face in my hands.
“What’s so bad about it? It’s really cute!” Bryony says and pats my knee.
“Do you think so?” I ask and lift my head.
“Yes.” John says, and I blush again.

***

My face doesn’t recover from blushing. Not even when we arrive at the little church. The whole time I try to look at everything in the most detail I can, after all this is where Phil grew up! When I open the door of the car, I blush once more. Just to think that nearly everyone in that church knows that I’m in love with Phil makes me feel rather uncomfortable. And yet again, I obviously don’t want to miss the opportunity of meeting Phil.
While I take all my strength together, I notice how selfish I am once again. This is Cornelia and Martyn’s special day. I shouldn’t think it’s a special day for me. Cornelia and Martyn are the important people today. Just because Phil and I are an item now… But are we actually? We never precisely said so. Does it still count? We did kiss after all! But does kissing mean you are in a relationship? In this case, I really hoped so. Stop being selfish! It’s unbelievable how little I think about Cornelia and Martyn today even if this is their big day. I shake my body for a second, simply to get rid of the selfish thoughts.
Together with John, I walk into the church. While we sit down, John tells me that Bryony overslept today, that’s why she wasn’t yet with Cornelia.
“Oh. But everything is fine, isn’t it?” I ask concerned. I don’t wish Cornelia to panic or anything.
“Yes. Cornelia called me earlier today to ask where Bryony was. I tried to wake her, but Cornelia simply laughed and said she was sure Phil would be able to help her.” John says and laughs.
“I’m sure he can.” I say.
John and I talk about the guests arriving in the church. John knows a few more people than me but we still play ‘guess the guest’ which is quite funny as our theories get wilder and wilder the more guests arrive.
“Those are Martyn’s parents.” John says and point towards a couple walking towards us.
“Hello. You must be Dan.” Phil’s mum says.
“Yes, Mrs. Lester.” I say and blush.
“No need to blush! I made Phil explain everything to me. I would very much like to get to know you.” Mrs. Lester says warmly.
“So do I.” Mr Lester says and smiles.
“Thank you. It’s an honour.” I say and nearly bow. Those are Phil’s parents, not the queen and her husband!
After waiting a couple more minutes, the church is nearly completely full. Martyn and Phil arrive. They both look absolutely stunning. Especially Phil in his black suit looks better than anyone in the whole room, at least to me. Cornelia might think differently, but for me Phil is the most beautiful person in the room. Martyn smiles really brightly the whole way up the aisle and even when he is standing at the altar, he can’t stop beaming. Phil turns around and looks through the guests. When he spots me, his eyes light up and he smiles widely. I blush and return the smile. After reading his letter, I have to huge urge to kiss him but doing so now would be extremely selfish. So, I decide not to.
After a couple of minutes where Phil turned around every now and then, music suddenly starts playing and everyone stands up. Bryony comes through the door. John’s eyes next to me light up and his eyes follow her through the church. If I looked like this when I looked at Phil, I would be fine with it. I am only afraid that I might dribble while doing so. That wouldn’t be nice.
After Bryony is hallway through the aisle, the door opens completely and Cornelia steps into the church with her dad next to her. It’s a lovely and very teary ceremony. I see a lot of people, not only women, crying (including myself). The vicar did a great job. Martyn and Cornelia exchanged vows and rings and are now walking out of the church smiling widely. Everyone follows them out of the church. I stand a little bit aside from everyone; after all it still slightly feels like I don’t belong there. While a line forms to congratulate the newly wedded couple, I suddenly feel two arms around my waist. I turn around and look into Phil’s smiling face.
“I missed you.” He whispers and kisses me. I turn around in his embrace and put my arms around his neck.
“So did I. Thanks for the letter.” I say and kiss Phil again.
“You’re welcome.” Phil says and smiles proudly.
“Phil.” I sigh.
“What?”
“Again.” I say and laugh.
“Dan.” Phil says warningly.
“I love you.” I say.
Phil’s eyes widen, and his smile gets warmer, even if I didn’t think it possible. “I love you too, bear.” Phil says and kisses me. He actually said I love you! I smile into the kiss which causes Phil to intensify it but I’m completely fine with it. I practically melt into Phil’s arms. When we break apart, we are both out of breath, just like we were yesterday.
“How do you do that?” Phil asks and holds me tight.
“How do YOU do that?” I ask and kiss the tip of his nose.
“Again.” Phil says.
“That’s my word!” I complain and laugh.
“I’m sorry.” Phil says and strokes my cheek.
We spend the rest of the big day in each other’s company. Phil never leaves me alone and even presents me to a lot of members of his family. I’m really happy he does, it’s lovely to meet his very kind family. When the day comes to an end, I’m pretty exhausted. So is everyone else. Especially the bride and the groom.
“My best wishes.” I say and hug Martyn and Cornelia.
“Thanks, brother-in-law to be.” Martyn says and laughs. I blush and am really happy Phil didn’t hear what Martyn said.
“Thanks for everything.” I whisper in Cornelia’s ear. She squeezes me tight and kisses my cheek.
After we waved them good bye, I’m really happy I don’t have to return to my home all alone. Instead, I accompany Phil into his room. This time, he promises me to be there when I wake up.

Chapter Text

A family weekend

After the troublesome week with the wedding parties, I’m happy to simply work again. Of course, I have to tell Lisa everything. I would have wondered if she wouldn’t have insisted on knowing everything.
Phil stayed with his parents, so all we can do is text. I’m pretty sad about that, but Phil promised to accompany me to my childhood home this weekend. I’m really looking forward to it. As it’s finally time for me to go home on Friday, I practically run home and jump into my loyal blue car. I first of all drive to Phil’s childhood home. We drink tea with Mr. and Mrs. Lester. It’s very lovely. They are very kind. No wonder that Martyn and Phil both are so very nice if the parents are really nice as well. Phil’s family doesn’t seem to mind that I’m Phil’s boy- and not girlfriend. I didn’t expect them to be homophobic, but it’s really nice to see how supportive everyone is. Especially Phil’s grandparents are really nice as well. They come over just as we are about to leave towards my childhood home. Phil’s grandmother insists I call her ‘nan’. She is really happy to have a third grandson with me. Everyone is really sweet, and they don’t want us to leave but we eventually do so after all.
While I’m driving the car, Phil tells me stories about his family. A story where his grandpa got stung by a bee, which flew up his shorts while he was driving his car through a safari park with real life lions. We laugh a lot.
The nearer we get to my home the more nervous I get. Mum is already looking forward to meeting Phil, she told me so several times, and I’m sure Adrian and dad will be happy to meet him as well. Still, I’m really nervous when I pull my small blue car up the drive. Before we can even get out of the car, the front door opens and mum walks out. I quickly jump out of the car and hug her. Colin runs out of the door and barks at me. I kneel down and cuddle him.
“It’s so good to be back!” I say and pick him up. By this time mum already walked around the car and hugged Phil. Phil is beaming at me. I smile back. Mum calls Adrian, and together, they bring Phil and my stuff into my room. I carry Collin towards Phil. He happily strokes him.
“What’s his name?” Phil asks while Collin licks Phil’s face.
“Colin.” I say and laugh.
“Nice to meet you, Collin.” Phil says and shakes Collin’s paw.
Together, we walk into the house. Mum tells us to sit down at the table. I don’t sit down before I squeezed Adrian. “It’s amazing to see you again.”
“I’m really happy as well. You are my favourite potato head after all!” Adrian says and tousles my hair.
“You are unbelievably and yet I like you more than lots.”
“So do I.” Adrian says and hugs Phil next.
While eating dinner, consisting out of two kinds of pie with peas as a side dish, my family makes Phil and me tell our story. It’s slightly embarrassing but also very fun to take turns in telling the story. After we finished, mum squeezes Phil and my hand. I notice horrified that she has got tears in her eyes. The next time I look, the tears are gone, and I can behave normally again. There is always something weird and really upsetting about seeing your mother cry. It’s always very uncomfortable and you don’t really know what to do.
After we finished eating dinner, we decide to play a board game. We play ‘Settlers of Catan’, Phil and I and mum and dad are a team. Adrian has to play alone but as he wins, he doesn’t really care. Playing with Phil and my family is great fun. Everyone is really kind (I know, I always knew my family was kind but it’s nice to see them not acting different around Phil).
After Adrian won twice in a row, we decide to call it a night and head upstairs. It’s pretty cold in my bedroom, so I immediately snuggle into Phil. He puts an arm around me. Just when I’m about to fall asleep, he asks out of nowhere: “Do you remember when we talked about a friendship between a tiger and a lion?”
“Vaguely.” I say but am suddenly wide awake again.
“I asked you if there was a film about it. And you said…”
“… that there isn’t but that you could film such a movie.” I finish Phil’s sentence.
“Yes. Do you remember what I asked you afterwards?” Phil asks quietly.
“Not exactly.” I lie. I simply want Phil to ask me again.
“Do you want to come with me when I go abroad to film that movie?” Phil asks.
“Sure.” I say and smile.
“Would April be okay?”
“What are you doing? Re-enacting our messages?” I ask and frown.
“No, I’m asking you if April would be okay.” Phil says and smiles.
“April, as in you actually want to go travel with me?” I ask, and my jaw drops open.
“Yes, I do. I want to visit lions with you. And bears.” Phil says and smiles.
“I would love to come with you!” I say.
“Really?” Phil asks hopefully.
“Yes! As if you would have to ask twice! I would go anywhere with you.” I say and take Phil’s hand in mine.
“So would I.” Phil says and squeezes my hand.
“You sure? I can be pretty annoying, just ask my family.” I warn him.
“I doubt it.” Phil says.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you!” I say and laugh.
“I won’t but I don’t think that was necessary. I do know you by now Daniel James Howell.” Phil says and smiles.
“Again.” I whisper before bending over to him and kissing him. I close my eyes but that wouldn’t have been necessary. Every time he kisses me I lose every contact with reality. I literally lose grip to everything but Phil. It feels like Phil is the only one who can keep me safe. No, it doesn’t only feel like it, it’s the truth.
“I love you.” I breathe after breaking apart.
“I love you too, bear.” Phil says. Those are the words I’m living for.
Before closing my eyes and starting to dream, I thank past-Dan for his stupidity. If I hadn’t been so stupid to think Martyn’s phone was mine, I might have never fallen for him as often as I have now. Being stupid can also lead to something, so never stop trying! Only remember to be yourself.