Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

~Body Positive~

A Modern AU

Cullen sat at his desk, lamenting the wilted salad that was staring at him for lunch. He longed for a burger, fries, and a beer, but knew that he needed to buckle down and start eating healthier. He wasn’t getting any younger and his metabolism was obviously starting to slow down.

Taking a good look at himself that morning, he ran his hands over his softening middle and wondered when that happened. In his mind he was still the sculpted, hard lined, athlete that he was in high school and college. There was a time when taking care of himself, and being active, was just a part of his everyday routine; it was who he was, it was easy.

But, now? Now his reflection was a mockery of his glory days gone by; a facade--created from necessity--that concealed so many of his hopes, dreams, and desires. He still hid behind his tailored Armani suits and black rimmed glasses, even though the people pushing for him to become this were no longer a part of his life. That morning, looking in the mirror, Cullen decided that it was time for him to make yet another change.

The last few years had been difficult for him. A failed marriage to his high school sweetheart, followed by the realization that perhaps he wasn’t as straight as his very religious family wanted him to be. The immediate fallout of said realization causing him to be disowned unless he repent for his sins and give up his scandalous proclivities . In finding himself, he’d disappointed so many. But, that wasn’t really his problem anymore, with that ultimatum, Cullen became free.

Now, as he approached his twenty-eighth birthday, Cullen decided that it was time to switch his focus from his already successful career onto finally doing a few things for himself.

Cullen jabbed at his salad, thinking about a few of the things that he planned to do. At the top of that list was taking better care of himself: eating healthier, bringing more activity into his everyday routines, and taking advantage of the beautiful gym his company recently renovated for their employees. Next on that list was to get out more, socialize, and maybe--hopefully--meet someone special. And finally, he was planning on trying to reconnect with a few of his oldest and dearest friends.

Cassandra would be easy, she was the only member from the church he used to attend who congratulated him for his courage when he came out. She may live on the other side of the world now, but she was only ever an email away and it was way past time for him to reach out to her.

A little more difficult would be, Dorian. The last time they were together was at his wedding to The Iron Bull where Cullen stood with him as best man. As national ambassadors, they traveled the world and were rarely home. Perhaps he would finally take a vacation and go to visit them… wherever they were. The last person on the list would be the hardest to track down; if not impossible.

A small smile played across Cullen’s face thinking about Alistair. They’d grown up living next door to each other. Alistair was a year older than Cullen, but seemed to carry the world on his shoulders from the start. He never figured out what happened to Alistair’s parents, Cullen just knew that when he was a baby, he was left in the care of his only living relatives, Eamon and Isolde Guerrin.

His uncle Eamon was ok, but Isolde always seemed put out by the fact that they were saddled with Alistair. Cullen hated her for it, but Alistair always laughed it off. That was one of his favorite things about Alistair: it didn’t matter how bad things seemed to be; he was inevitably able to turn it into a joke or find a silver lining.

“It could be worse, Len,” he used to say. “I could have been left to be raised by dogs!”

Cullen always thought that dogs would have been kinder to Alistair than the way Isolde treated him, than how most people treated him, actually. He’d never really made any friends at school, he was a bit awkward, choosing to stick to the books in the library rather than try to socialize. Cullen once asked him why he didn’t come hang out with him and his friends, but Alistair only scoffed at the possibility.

“Really? You think your cool friends want to be seen with me? Do you have any idea what those meathead jocks say to me when you’re not around to defend me?”

Sadly, Cullen knew--all too well. And he hated it. He hated the names that they called Alistair, seeing him only as that chubby kid , and ignoring all of the incredible qualities that he possessed. Cullen hated the way that his friends would tease Alistair and make fun of him in gym class or in the halls, and the way Alistair would inevitably laugh off all of the poisonous comments thrown at him as if they didn’t phase him. But, Cullen knew. He knew that the hazing hurt much more than Alistair ever let on.

One day, after one particularly painful incident, Alistair asked for Cullen’s help in fixing him so his friends would leave him alone. They spent a long time that night talking about how Alistair didn’t need to be fixed, because there was nothing wrong with him. If he wanted to exercise more to make himself happy, or to be healthier because he wanted to, then Cullen was all for it. But otherwise, he didn’t need to change himself for those assholes--or anyone else.

Truth be told, Cullen never found anything wrong with the way Alistair looked. Sure, his edges were softer and more rounded than the members of the football team, but he’d always felt that was just part of what made Alistair so-- him. He was smart, friendly, kind hearted, funny, and sure he carried around a few extra pounds with him, but his weight never dictated who he was as a person. He was just Alistair, his best friend, and Cullen found himself missing him more and more every day.

With a sigh, Cullen finished his salad, glancing at the clock to gauge how much time he had left before his next appointment. He was feeling pretty good about some of the changes he’d decided to make in his life. When he’d come into work, he had a short meeting with his personal assistant, Jim, detailing some of the in office modifications he was wanting to make. With a supportive grin and two thumbs up, he managed to get Cullen set-up with healthier choice deliveries for both breakfast and lunch as well as a daily afternoon appointment in the gym downstairs. Mornings were usually spent in meetings, but afternoons were a little slower paced. So, with minimal shuffling around of his schedule, Jim managed to get Cullen a recurring appointment with one of the best trainers at their gym every day after lunch.

He currently had another twenty minutes to let his food settle before he needed to get changed and head downstairs. Toeing off his shoes under his desk, Cullen reclined in his chair and put his feet up on the surface while he indulged in further reminiscence.

He often wondered what Alistair had been up to over the last ten years. He finished school the year before Cullen, and because his aunt was only obligated to put up with him until he finished high school, Alistair joined the military after he graduated to avoid being homeless. They’d written to each other a few times after he left, but then Alistair suddenly got deployed and Cullen lost track of how to contact him after that. Over the years, he’d periodically search social media pages for Alistair Guerrin but other than his old Faceplace account that hadn’t been updated since he left for bootcamp, he’d come up empty.

There was a soft knock on his office door. Sitting up and sliding his feet back into his shoes, he called out, “yes?”

Jim peeked inside, barely cracking the door. “Sir, it’s time to get ready for your appointment. But, I wanted to let you know that there’s been a change in your trainer.

“A change?”

“Yes, sir.” He looked down at the piece of paper. “You were previously scheduled with Anders, but he had a family emergency and had to leave. They had another trainer with the same time slot open, so you’ll be meeting with him instead.”

“Hmm, Anders came pretty highly recommended; that’s disappointing. So who is this other trainer? Do we know anything about him?”

“His name is Al. He’s the one that’s been pushing for more interoffice competitive sports teams.”

“Oh, yeah? Do you know what types of teams he’s looking to start?”

Jim looked back down on his list. “Looks like, slow pitch softball, flag football, and… soccer to start. But I hear this guy loves all sports, I wouldn’t be surprised if we have lacrosse and curling teams by the time he’s done.” He chuckled. “Why? You thinking of joining?”

Cullen shrugged. “I don’t know, we’ll have to see. I used to play football back in the day, but I’m a little out of practice now.”

“Well, you did say you wanted to be more active. Maybe you could talk to him while you’ve got him captive for the next hour.”

“Maybe I will. Thank you, Jim. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get changed for my appointment.”

With a courteous nod, Jim hit the button on the lock before closing the office door. Cullen quickly swapped his glasses out for his contacts, then carefully placed his suit on a hanger before slipping into a pair of comfortable shorts and t-shirt. He tied on his gym shoes, grabbed his water bottle and towel, then headed for the elevator that would take him down to the first floor where the company gym was.

He signed in quickly and was told that he was a little early but his trainer would meet him in the TRX - Suspension Training room, where they would do his intake evaluation and get him all set up.

As Cullen approached his destination, he heard music playing softly, and the telltale grunts and exhales of someone working out. Reaching the doorway, Cullen gaped at the stunning sight before him. He assumed it was his trainer, Al, with his feet hooked into the TRX straps, elevated about two feet off the ground. He was facing the ground, doing inverted, pushups, and making it look effortless.

The man didn’t have an ounce of fat on him and was cut in ways that Cullen only ever used to dream of being. He was wearing loose fitting shorts and a tank-top that made Cullen wonder exactly how much of his body those freckles covered. His clothes began to ride up as he performed one push-up after another; gravity doing Cullen all sorts of favors. Those shorts, bless them, were riding up, revealing an incredibly sculpted pair of runners thighs that were making his mouth water. And that shirt was being a terrible tease; flipping up ever so slightly with every depression of his arms, allowing a sweet sliver of flesh to peek through for Cullen’s viewing pleasure.

Realizing his thoughts were traveling into inappropriate territory, Cullen swallowed thickly and cleared his throat, knocked softly on the door-jam. “Um, excuse me, are you Al?” he asked hesitantly, his voice cracking unrecognizably.

An almost familiar chuckle came from his trainer. “Yes, that’s me, you must be my one o’clock. Give me a moment. These things are great, but can be a little tricky to get out of.” He lowered his chest to the ground and began to struggle to untangle his shoelaces from the straps so he could pull his feet free.

Cullen rushed forward to hold the last strap still as he tried to place why that voice sounded so familiar. As he reached his hand out to help pull Al to his feet, their eyes locked and the pieces finally clicked into place. “Alistair? Ali is that really you?” He’d know those honey eyes and shock of red hair anywhere. The body definitely wasn’t the same as the chubby boy he’d grown up with, but the slow smirk that began to brighten his face certainly confirmed the truth of it.

“Lenny?! Holy shit!”

Cullen wrapped his arms around Alistair and pulled him in for a tight hug. “I was just thinking about you and wondering what the hell happened to you.” He pulled back with a grin then brought him back in for another tight hug, before releasing him. “How long have you worked here?”

“I’ve been here about six months. I didn’t realize that you--” His voice trailed off and his eyes widened. “Wait… Lavellan, Montilyet, & Rutherford. Shit, you’re that Rutherford aren’t you?”

Cullen nodded sheepishly while rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I’m one of the partners here. Um… welcome to the company?” He laughed at the absurdity of the situation. “I can’t believe you’re here! I’ve tried to find you, but it was like you disappeared off the face of the earth. What happened to you?”

Alistair looked away uncomfortably. “I got shot, Len. During my first deployment.” He lifted the left side of his shirt, pointing out a faded white circular scar and small incision on his abdomen.

Cullen reached up, without thinking, and ghosted his fingers over the small raised bit of damaged skin. “Oh, Ali. I am so sorry. What happened?” He pulled his hand back, but couldn’t keep the sadness from his eyes.

“I was in the right place, but at the wrong time, I guess?” Alistair shrugged indifferently but turned to show Cullen an identical circular scar on his back. “I got lucky. It went clean through, didn’t hit anything vital, and I had a medic on me almost immediately. In the end, they had to remove a little of my intestines, but otherwise I had a pretty easy recovery.”

“I wish I had known. I would have been there for you.”

“I know you would.” Alistair smiled sadly. “They called my aunt and uncle. You know what she said?”

Cullen shook his head. “I can imagine though.”

Alistair scoffed, “I don’t think even you could imagine her telling my C.O. that she was disappointed that the bullet didn’t do its job and finish me off. Then she just… hung up on him.”

Cullen gasped, covering his mouth.

“I was understandably pretty fucked up after that. Physically, I was healing nicely; mentally, I had a longer road to travel. It was quite the eye opening experience. Once I was cleared for duty again, I finished off my enlistment then legally changed my name and used my GI bill to go back to school. I needed a fresh start; a new identity. I took back my parent’s name and haven’t looked back. That’s probably why you couldn’t find me. I go by Alistair Theirin now.”  

“I can’t imagine how hard that was.” Cullen said. “I’m really sorry that I couldn't be there for you.”

He shook his head sadly. “At the time, I’m not sure I would have welcomed any contact from anyone where we grew up. I needed complete separation to be able to heal. But, eventually I did, and I went looking for you. You did a pretty good disappearing act of your own.” Alistair chuckled uncomfortably. “I, uh… tried asking your parents—”

Cullen snorted out an angry laugh. “Yeah, I bet that went over well.” He looked away and down. “I’m so sorry, Alistair. Whatever they did or said, you didn’t deserve their ire. I hope they didn’t—”

Alistair lay a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Hey, nothing they say will ever change how much you’ve always meant to me.” He smiled triumphantly. “Once your mother realized it was me asking for you, she practically chased me down the block for being the one to turn you gay... and your father…” Alistair shuddered. “Man--if looks could kill.”

“Why would they blame you for my sexuality? You left long before I came out.” Cullen asked, confused.

“Well, when I first went back, I heard the rumors of what they did to you. So… I may have shown up on their doorstep wearing a t-shirt with a rainbow flag on it that said that I was a proud veteran.”

“Oh my god! You didn’t!” Cullen doubled over laughing at Alistair’s devious grin. “Damn, I missed you! No wonder they chased you off!”

Alistair smiled fondly. “I missed you too, Lenny.”

“And you don’t mind?”

Alistair looked at him, confused. “Mind what?”

“That I’m gay, Ali.” Cullen rolled his eyes.

“Did you think that I bought the pride t-shirt just to go mess with your parents?”

“I wouldn’t put it past you.”

“Yeah, well. Be that as it may, let’s just say, leaving our homophobic little town was a very liberating experience for me.”

“But… you never said anything. We used to share everything.”

Alistair rolled his eyes, smiling. “Lenny, I was in the closet, living with a neglectful set of verbally abusive relatives, and had this unrequited crush on my only friend; who, at the time, happened to be straight, popular, and dating the head cheerleader--who, incidentally, was equally unhelpful when it came to trying to track you down.”

“I bet she was. We didn’t exactly part on good terms.”

“Yeah, I kinda got that.” Alistair huffed a laugh then checked his watch. “Hey look, we’ve burned through half of your session just reconnecting, and I don’t think we’ve even begun to scratch the surface of what we need to. How ‘bout I take you to dinner after work tonight and you can tell me more about what you’ve been up to these past ten years.”

“You want to take me to dinner? You mean like… on a date?”

Alistair blushed. “If… that’s ok with you? At the very least, I’d like to just talk with you more. No pressure. If this leads somewhere, great. But, to be honest, I would be completely happy just having my best friend back again.”

Cullen grinned widely. “I think I’d really like that.”

“Me too.” Alistair responded with a light touch to Cullen’s shoulder. “Now, we need to get to work, or the big bosses might fire me for not taking care of one of their partners. ” He winked then turned and walked toward his clipboard. “Lets get your vitals and goals here, then we can get you set up with a daily routine. Before Anders ran out this morning, he said you were going to be a regular client down here?”

“That’s right.” Cullen poked at his softened belly. “I’ve spent too much time sitting behind my desk over the last few years. It’s time for me to fix this.”

Alistair frowned at him. “There is nothing about you that needs fixing , Cullen. Now, if you’re wanting to get into better shape for your own health and happiness, then I’ll happily be by your side on this journey.”

Cullen grinned. “Having my own body-positive words thrown back at me a decade later.” He chuckled. “I think I deserved that.”

Alistair winked. “Yes… yes you did. And, Len?”

“Yes?”

“I’m really glad we found each other again.”

“I am too, Ali. I am too.”   

Chapter Text

~Body Positive~

Part 2

A Modern AU

Dinner

Cullen paced his apartment while watching the clock. His day started the same as so many others: basic, boring, humdrum; but, by the afternoon, everything had changed. It all began with a few extra minutes in front of the mirror pondering his life, health, and overall happiness. In minutes, he’d made some pretty significant decisions about what was truly important to him and where he wanted his path to take him. As it turns out, it was somewhere utterly new.

For so many years, he’d spent his time fulfilling other people’s wishes and goals; letting his own fall by the wayside. He’d taken back a little of his autonomy when he acknowledged his sexuality and divorced his ex-wife--a decision that not only rocked the boat, but turned his whole world upside-down. Ostracized from his family and friends back home, he took the opportunity to focus on his career. He became driven and ambitious and he loved his job--he really did--but everything else fell by the wayside.

That all changed this morning.

With a simple desire to be healthier and reconnect with people he cared about—for himself, because he deserved it—he set in motion a series of events that he never could have predicted the outcome of. His first order of business, when he got to the office, was to check in with his assistant, Jim, and arrange for healthier meals and a regular exercise schedule to be built into his workdays.

A simple enough change to orchestrate, and boy did Jim deliver more than he asked for.

He couldn’t have known that just that morning, Cullen had made a list of the three people that meant the most to him in the world. Three people he’d lost contact with over the years and still had an actual chance of rebuilding a friendship with. There was no way that Jim would have known that the gentleman downstairs, who was to be Cullen’s new personal trainer, was at the top of that list of people he missed most.

Cullen showed up for his appointment that afternoon, expecting to create a lifestyle plan, workout routine, and perhaps a new healthy eating regimen. But, what he got, was a heartwarming reunion and a sense of hope for something more. By the end of their scheduled hour together, they’d agreed on a a few changes to Cullen’s routine and lifestyle, but the undeniable spark between them led to an arrangement for a more personal meeting later that evening.

He was going on an actual date… with Alistair.

He was so excited about the potential for his evening that he left work early to take his time showering and getting ready before Alistair arrived to pick him up. He didn’t know where Alistair planned on taking him, but he knew he wanted to look his best. After some deliberation, he eventually settled on a pair of casual slacks, a dark v-neck t-shirt, and his favorite blazer to complete the look. Twenty minutes to tame his curls, and a light splash of his favorite cologne later, and he was ready to go.

As hopeful as he was that there could be something romantic between them, Cullen valued their friendship far more. Whatever the outcome of their date tonight, he would be content with whatever Alistair wanted. But, from their brief interaction earlier, he was confident that Alistair wanted to explore this new territory as much as he did.

He couldn’t actually remember the last time he went out on a real date. He’d had a few hook-ups since the divorce, but no one that he ever wanted to bring home with him. And certainly no one that meant as much to him as Alistair did. Not that he ever really allowed himself to think of Alistair as anything more than a friend before. But now, after seeing that familiar mischievous glint in his eyes, the soft affectionate smile on his lips, and the lingering looks they shared that afternoon, Cullen certainly felt a growing desire be more than just Alistair’s friend.

A soft knock on the door drew Cullen out of his reverie. With one last look at himself to make sure his curls were still behaving, he took a deep breath and opened the door. The sight of Alistair in his form-fitting, dark jeans and crisp button down shirt, had Cullen stuttering and rubbing the back of his neck nervously. But, seeing Alistair fidget with his hands behind his back, looking almost as nervous as he felt, helped Cullen to relax. This was Alistair—his Alistair—he wasn’t a stranger. He could do this.

“Hey, Ali,” Cullen said, smiling. “Are you ready to go?”

Alistair slowly raised his eyes to meet Cullen’s gaze. The nervous smile was slowly replaced with the familiar grin that Cullen missed so much. “Hi, Len. I um… brought you a—” Alistair produced a single red rose from behind his back. “I hope you don’t think it’s too… cheesy.”

Cullen could have kissed those flushed cheeks with how adorable they looked. Taking the rose, he held it to his nose, inhaling deeply. “Thank you, Alistair. No one’s ever…” Cullen paused with a smile and opened the door wider. “Please, come on in while I put this in water.”

He ushered Alistair inside, who looked around the condo’s open floor-plan. “You have a lovely place,” Alistair said politely.

“It’s not much, but it’s home.” Cullen chuckled while reaching for a small vase above the stove and filling it with water. “After Icis, I needed a sanctuary to call my own, so I moved here and started over.”

“I love it, Lenny; it suits you.” Alistair stopped at the large bay window and gaped. “Wow! This view is fantastic! You can see the whole city from here and the sun glinting off the bay is just beautiful!”

“It’s part of why I picked a unit this high up. Sometimes the city can feel a bit overwhelming and impersonal. This view helps me keep things in perspective and gives me a modicum of peace.” Cullen stepped up beside Alistair and tentatively rested his hand in the small of his back. “If you like it now, just wait until you see it after the sun goes down with the lights reflecting across the water—it’s truly breathtaking.”

Alistair turned toward Cullen, momentarily lost in his eyes. “I bet it is. I can’t wait to see it.”

Cullen licked his lips and with a wry smirk, said, “I can’t wait to share it with you.”

Neither one dared to step into the almost embrace, but neither did they pull apart.

After a long moment, Cullen blinked away the quiet intensity, and—stepping away—placed the small vase containing the rose on the mantle above the gas fireplace. He cleared his throat. “So… how bout you? Do you live far from here?”

“Not terribly, no. It only took me about five minutes to drive here from my house, and another five to find parking.” Alistair chuckled. “It’s nothing like this though, and you are definitely closer to work.” Alistair leaned in and bumped shoulders with Cullen.

“Still not close enough to walk, though.” Cullen chuckled. “So, where are we headed this evening?”

“Have you ever been to the Amell’s down on fifth?” Alistair asked.

Cullen shook his head. “No. I tried to get in when they first opened, but the waiting list was already six months long. I haven’t bothered to try again, why?”

Alistair grinned.

“Wait, you mean…? But how?”

With a small shrug, Alistair said, “I served with one of the owners. Lyna’s actually the reason I chose to move here. She was the officer in charge of my rehabilitation after I was shot. I don’t know where I’d be without her and her wife, Leliana.” Alistair looked distant. “I was in a dark place for so long, but Lyna kept me focused and wouldn’t let me wallow. She was a cruel taskmaster…” He chuckled fondly. “…but I owe her… well, everything, actually. She retired from service while I was in school and opened Amell’s with her wife, who is a classically trained French chef. When I graduated and started to look for a place to set down roots, they invited me here. I stayed with them for a bit, while I got my bearings, and now they’re like family.”

Cullen found himself leaning closer to Alistair as he spoke. There was that pull again, beaconing him in. He wanted, more than anything, to lean in and kiss him, but even though they weren’t exactly strangers, it had been over ten years since they’d seen each other, so jumping in with both feet probably wasn’t the best idea. Before Cullen could do anything that might mess up their evening together, a small alarm sounded on Alistair’s watch.

With a nervous cough, Alistair silenced the sound. “Um… that’s our queue. If we don’t leave now, Lyna will give our table away just to spite me.” He placed his hand on Cullen’s shoulder and guided him toward the door. “Shall we?”

Grabbing his keys, Cullen opened the door for Alistair. “Lead the way.”

~*~

They walked the short distance to Amell’s. Even though it was still fairly early in the evening, there was already a crowd of people hoping for a cancellation so they could get in. With a shy smile, Alistair took Cullen’s hand and led him directly up to the podium where he greeted the host by name. “Hey, Zevran. Table for two tonight; the bosses are expecting us.”

With a nod, Zevran checked something off in his book, then looked Cullen up and down as he spoke to Alistair. “Si, mi amore. They have reserved the best table for you this evening. I wondered at first, but now I see why. Very nice.” Cullen felt his face flush as Zevran turned his attention to Alistair, speaking quieter. “Should things not work out between the two of you tonight, would you mind too terribly if I got his number?”

With a roll of his eyes, Alistair chuckled. “Not on your life, Zev. No touchy.”

“You’re no fun!” Zevran bantered. Slipping back into a professional demeanor, he grabbed a couple of menus and directed them to follow him inside. “Right this way, gentlemen.”

Cullen got a good look around as they were led to the other side of the restaurant. This place was classy, yet comfortable. It held none of the pretentiousness of the usual higher end restaurants where Cullen attended business meetings. This one was definitely different, but as of yet, he couldn’t put his finger on exactly why . Maybe it was the fact that Alistair had yet to release his hold on Cullen’s hand and Cullen didn’t mind one little bit.

Zevran led them to a table next to a window looking over the bay. The view was incredible. After taking their drink orders, Zevran left them to their evening. A few minutes later, a petite brunette approached with a whiskey sour for Alistair and a whiskey neat for Cullen. Alistair’s face lit up at her approach. “Slumming it tonight, Lyna? I thought that’s why you hired all the help, so you didn’t have to work the floor.”

“And leave your happiness in the hands of an amateur? I wouldn’t hear of it!” She patted his shoulder then turned to Cullen. “You must be the illustrious Cullen Rutherford.”

“Illustrious? I’m not sure I like the sound of that. What kinds of lies has Ali been telling about me?”

She laughed warmly. “I’ve only heard the good ones and I have to say,” she looked at Alistair and smiled affectionately. “I’m glad he finally found you. He was such a sour puss when he got back from trying to talk to your parents.”

“Hey, we had some laughs after that little shit-show. I can honestly say, I will never forget it. And I will happily never return again.” Alistair laughed quietly, then provided the introduction Cullen didn’t really need. “Lenny, meet my Commanding Officer, Lyna Amell. Lyna… play nice.”

“ Former Commanding Officer. Now, I’m just the co-proprietor of this humble little restaurant and slave to the head chef.”

“You love her.”

“Maker help me; I really do.” She said with a smile then held her hand out for Cullen to shake. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Cullen. Or do you prefer, Lenny?”

Cullen laughed. “Truthfully? Alistair’s the only person to ever get away with calling me Lenny, or Len. I tried to fight it at first, but he’s pretty persistent.” Cullen shot Alistair a quick wink. “Eventually, I just started looking at it as a term of endearment. It’s when he uses my real name that I start to worry.”

“Cullen it is, then.” She gestured to the menus before them. “Now, before you dig too far into the selections, Leli wanted me to ask if you would permit her to choose your courses for you this evening?”

Cullen looked at Alistair, who seemed mildly horrified.

Lyna laughed. “What’s wrong, Alistair, don’t you trust us?”

“About as far as I can throw you,” he grumbled, before cracking a smile.

“I’ve seen what you can bench, and honestly, I don’t think I’d like to be thrown that far, thank you very much.”

Blushing, Alistair lowered his head and fidgeted with the cloth napkin in his lap, a bashful smile on his face.

How can someone be so hot and so adorable at the same time?

“Don’t worry, Ali,” Lyna chided. “Leli’s excited and wants to do something special for you.”

Alistair looked over at Cullen, who nodded his consent. With a quirk of his eyebrow, Alistair handed the menus over. “Fine, I’m going to trust you with this. But… I want something with cheese.”

“You always want something with cheese. No fondue fountain tonight, though,” she countered.

Alistair pouted.

“Sorry, dear, the boss said no . But she promised that you’ll love what she has in mind.” Lyna looked at Cullen. “Any food allergies before I give her free reign?”

Cullen shook his head. “But, uh…” He cleared his throat, embarrassed. “…just smaller portions, if you don’t mind. I have this new trainer who’s going to make me work off every calorie.” He winked at Alistair whose blush deepened.

“I’ll tell the chef, but you might want to rethink not wanting to work it off. I’m sure your new trainer could make that an enjoyable experience for you both.” She chuckled as she walked off.

Cullen caught the double meaning of what she said and his cheeks turned almost as red as Alistair’s. He shook his head, chuckling and rubbing the back of his neck.

“So… um… that was Lyna.” Alistair said nervously after a few moments of awkward silence.

“I like her.” Cullen grinned. “Gotta have someone just as hard headed as you to keep you in line.”

“ You always did a good job with that too.”

Cullen hid his blush behind a sip of his drink. “It wasn’t anything you didn’t also do for me”

“We were a pretty great team, huh?” Alistair asked.

“That we were.” Cullen fidgeted a moment and was about to say more when Lyna appeared at the table’s edge with the first course of their meal.

“Bon appetit, boys. I’ll be out with your next plates in a few minutes.” She looked at Cullen and whispered conspiratorially, “I’d eat yours quick, before Alistair snags it. He can never be trusted around these.” She winked and sauntered off again.

Cullen looked down at the small plate with a single gougere on it, then back at Alistair whose face had lit up.

“Cheese puffs! Oh, you’ve never had true gougeres until you’ve tried Leliana’s.” He chuckled darkly. “These are my favorite. This is either going to cost me dearly later, or she’s trying to impress you for me. Either way, I’ll end up owing her.” He wiggled his eyebrows then picked up his little puffed pastry and took a bite, a low moan escaping as he chewed.

Picking up his own savory treat, Cullen took a bite and had to agree. “I don’t care if we have to add an extra hour every day next week to work this off, these are totally worth it!

“Well, I hope so!” Lyna suddenly appeared at their elbows again, whisking away their empty plates and leaving behind a charcuterie board piled high with a variety of meats and cheeses.

As their meal progressed, Lyna brought out one tasty morsel after another. The charcuterie board was the centerpiece while she kept them guessing with mini quiches, cheese souffle, flamiche, and several other dishes Cullen didn’t have names for, but they were all more delicious than the last. Their conversation was easy and pleasant, and as Lyna brought out two beautiful tiny lemon cheese tarts with fresh raspberry drizzle for dessert, Cullen could swear that Alistair was about to swoon.

“Hey, Al. Do you need a moment alone with your tart?” Cullen teased.

“Shhhh…” He paused with his finger in the air. “Just… give us a moment alone, then I’ll be all yours again, I swear.” Alistair lovingly picked up the sweet little bite of heaven and made incredibly obscene sounds while he chewed; his eyes closed in ecstasy.”

Cullen watched Alistair swallow, transfixed; his mouth suddenly dry as his mind created several thousand different scenarios where he was the one causing Alistair to make those sounds.

With a terribly tantalizing lick of his lips, Alistair opened his eyes and immediately noticed that Cullen hadn’t touched his tart yet. “You didn’t eat yours,” he accused, almost sounding offended.

Still unable to speak--or blink, hell, even breathing was difficult at this point--Cullen slowly nudged his plate with the tart toward Alistair.

His face lit up like it was christmas. “Are you sure? You really should try these.”

Cullen made a vague go ahead motion with his hands while slowly licking his lips. The second tart was consumed, much like the first, only this time Alistair kept his gaze locked on Cullen’s. The sounds were only slightly less pornographic, but watching the euphoria dance over Alistair’s features, was totally worth passing up his own dessert.

Lyna showed up, shortly thereafter, distracting them from the heated moment. “Leliana is swamped with orders presently, but she asked that you both stick around for a few until she can get freed up to come see how you enjoyed everything this evening.” She looked from Cullen, to Alistair, and back again.

Alistair grinned mischievously as he wiped his mouth and stacked the dessert plates for Lyna. “I have no urgent business elsewhere. Cullen, do you mind staying?”

“Everything tonight was absolutely delicious. I would love to opportunity to tell her that myself.”

Lyna grinned. “Wonderful! Can I get you some coffee while you wait?”

Alistair nodded while Cullen spoke, “That would be perfect, thank you.”

As she busied herself clearing away the their dishes, Cullen found himself reflecting over his day and their evening together. He felt happy--truly happy--which was something he hadn’t felt in years.

As Lyna brought them their coffee, Cullen laid his hand gently over the top of Alistair’s.

“Hey, Al? Thank you for inviting me out tonight; I’m having a wonderful time.”

With a shy smile, Alistair threaded their fingers together. “I am too, Len. Is this… is this okay?”

“It’s more than okay.” Cullen smiled back sheepishly, savoring the feel of Alistair’s skin next to his. “Earlier today, you mentioned the possibility of seeing where this could go.” Cullen looked down at their hands clasped together and rubbed his thumb over Alistair’s knuckles. “I think… I think I’d really like that… to see where this goes, that is.”

Alistair’s eyes softened. “I would too, Lenny—” Alistair paused mid sentence, his face visibly paled and his eyes grew wide in surprise while focusing on something behind Cullen. He slowly drew his hand away as two very familiar people stepped up to the side of their table.

“Just look at this disgusting display. It makes me sick,” came the venomous voice of Cullen’s mother.

Standing at their sudden appearance, Cullen stuttered out an uncomfortable, “M-mother, F-father, what are you doing here?”

“We were trying to have a quiet dinner in the city, but we’ve lost our appetites because of your flagrant vulgarity. You are in public--have some decency! No one needs your vile homosexual choices flaunted in their face. I’d hoped that the last time we talked, you would have repented your sins and come to your senses. I prayed that you’d give up this—” She waved vaguely at the two of them together. “—this desecration of the sanctity of all that is holy in the Maker’s eyes.” She sniffed disdainfully as her husband stood tall at her side looking down his nose at the two of them.

Cullen’s heart fell, looking at his feet; his fists clenched at his sides. He knew he was probably beet red at such a public shaming of his lifestyle… choices.

Ha! Choices they called it. It’s not a choice if it’s just who I am.

Cullen began to tune them out when Lyna’s voice interrupted their tirade. “How dare you! How-dare-you come into my establishment and harrass my customers.”

“That is my son!” Cullen’s mother shrieked.

“Actually,” Cullen interjected, much calmer than he felt. “The last time we spoke, you told me that I was no longer your son. That you were embarrassed by me and could never admit to your precious friends that I was gay. ”

“What?!” Alistair shot up, livid, rounding the table and placing himself between Cullen and his parents. “Do you even realize how amazing he is? He’s dedicated and devoted, compassionate and kind. He’s the type of son you should be proud to talk with your friends about, not ashamed of him for who he is hardwired to love. He is the best person I’ve ever had the privilege of calling my friend , and you’ll be hard pressed to find another man of his integrity and caliber.” Alistair’s voice escalated in his tirade.

Cullen slipped his fingers back into Alistair’s.

Taking a deep breath, Alistair continued with a steely resolve. “Parents should love their children unconditionally. Being a parent doesn’t give you the right to take away someone’s essence of being or their free will to follow their heart and dreams. Do you think your religion gives you permission to denounce others? It’s a crutch for a weak mind.”

Cullen watched Alistair’s glorious fury in awe. His righteous indignation at their audacity came through in every eloquent word. Glancing at his parents, Cullen watched them quietly retreating back into themselves, away from Alistair’s onslaught.

“The Maker teaches--” Cullen’s mother started again, only to be cut off by Alistair.

“Let me tell you a little something about the Maker, lady . The Maker is love in its purest form. He teaches acceptance, no matter what a person's gender, race, disability, designation, or sexual orientation. He doesn’t teach the hateful slurs that you’ve been spewing. He teaches pure, unconditional, unadulterated, soul-searingly-beautiful love . And, everyone deserves love. Everyone deserves the chance to love.

Cullen couldn’t help staring as Alistair berated his parents and sang Cullen’s praises. This man--that he’d spent most of his childhood with, his best friend--was loudly and publicly declaring how proud he was of Cullen’s accomplishments, and was currently standing between him and his parents, shielding him from any further hurt. His Alistair, who always had his back. Time and circumstances didn’t diminish that; it seemed to only make their bond stronger.

Taking a step forward, Cullen gently gripped Alistair’s shoulder, turning him so they stood face to face. Reaching up, Cullen brushed his fingers down Alistair’s cheek and smiled brightly at him. All of the appreciation and joy he felt quickly overshadowed the voices still tittering in their periphery--Cullen only transiently registered the french accented woman asking his parents to leave, stating that such archaic views of bigotry and hate would never be welcomed in their establishment.

Alistair’s face softened at Cullen’s touch, and that was the only invitation he needed.

Closing the distance, Cullen gently pressed their lips together. It was brief and pure and everything he’d hoped it would be, but it was over far too quickly. Pulling back, he searched Alistair’s eyes, for his reaction, for permission. With a familiar mischievous grin from Alistair, Cullen kissed him again more ardently.

Gone were his hateful parents, gone was the crowded restaurant surrounding them, gone were the doubts, fears, and loneliness that had been plaguing him for years. All that mattered was Alistair; the feel of their bodies flush together, the feel of fingers carding through his hair, lips against his. In that moment, he let all the rest go. Yes, he still had hopes and dreams for the future, but no longer were they met with a disparaging longing. In its place was a feeling of peace, contentment, and excitement. The future was now a place of hope and the man in his arms was who he wanted to accompany him on his journey.

As their kiss ended, Cullen opened his eyes and gazed lovingly into Alistair’s. The same look of hope and reverence, was reflected back at him. As his brain clicked onboard again, he looked around; noticing, for the first time, that the whole restaurant was cheering. He saw Lyna standing there wiping her eyes with a redhead’s arms wrapped lovingly around her shoulders.  

Cullen’s parents were nowhere to be seen.

Embarrassed by their audience, but far from ashamed of his own very public declaration, Cullen started laughing joyfully. He happily buried his face in Alistair’s neck and savored the feel of those unconditionally loving arms wrapped so tightly around him.