Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

It has been 24 hours since Jeremy kissed Simon, and Simon was freaking the fuck out. God, there was just something about the way that Jeremy kissed him that gave his stomach butterflies, and even though the kiss was yesterday, Simon's lips were practically still buzzing. Simon wished he hadn't felt anything, that all of his emotions he'd been suppressing were just from stage jitters, but now he knew that he liked Jeremy, and Simon was fucking terrified.

So now Simon was in the diner Lilette worked at, sipping at his coffee and trying his best to repress his feelings. He looked up and saw Lilette walking towards him, meaning she had just gone on break.

"Lilette, tonight's the night Annabelle and I go all the way." Simon said as Lilette slid into the booth, " Last night we couldn't because of the minor police encounter, but tonight I'm going to light that jasmine candle."

Lilette sighed in exasperation, "Simon, don't you think that the police encounter was enough of a bad omen to wait for a while before finally, you know, doing it. You know what happened with my mom, she made one mistake and had a baby she wasn't ready for. Are you really ready to make a decision like that? And I know you bought condoms but do you know how many times they broke due to friction? One wrong move and you're a father to a child, and I love you Si but I would not trust you with a-"

Wow Lilette was talking a lot. Simon could tell that she was concerned, but Lilette didn't understand his situation. Not to mention that the flickering light from the neon sign in the window across from him was considerably more interesting than whatever Lilette was going on about. The neon sign was brighter than the other ones. Kinda like Jeremy, Simon did like how bright Jeremy's smile was. Jeremy is really attractive too, I mean the way his face just lights up when he smiles is enough for Simon to-

Wait.

Simon was thinking about Jeremy again. God he has to stop doing that. Perhaps if he redirected his horniness to Annabelle he would forget about Jeremy. Fuck, he just thought about Jeremy, he really needs to stop doing that. Maybe he could construct some sort of Pavlov test, where every time he thinks about the kiss he associates it with something gross, like his grandma. Well not that his grandma was gross, she was a lovely lady, its just that he didn't want to think about kissing his grandma. I mean that's like an instant mood killer. Not to mention the fact that his grandma has this weird mole right on her li-

"Simon! Are you even listening to me? This is serious!" Lilette exclaimed when she noticed the zoned-out look on Simon's face.

"Yeah! Yeah of course I'm listening, I should be careful. And I am being careful Lilette, you don't have to worry. I got this." Simon said after being pulled away from his thoughts. "We should change the subject."

There was a short silence as Lilette looked at Simon.

"How are things with Robbie?" Simon said through his noticeably fake smile.

After what seemed to be a lengthy conversation about her relationship with the quarterback, Lilette had to get back to work, and Simon had to go back home to study incase of a pop quiz in his History class.

---

Morning had come too early, the school day had gone by too quickly, and Simon had to face Jeremy at play practice before he was ready.

Simon was standing on the stage talking to Michael about how the pop quiz went in 5th hour, when Mr. Mazu entered the auditorium in haste.

“Okay, today we’re doing a rough run through of the first act! Lilette and girl ensemble, get ready for Mama Who Bore me, places people!

Simon had a sigh of relief, they weren’t running his scene with Jeremy today. So the run through went as planned, and honestly Simon wasn’t even thinking about Jeremy as much as he had been before hand. Things were running smoothly, and the band was starting to congeal with the ensemble which meant that the show was finally showing prosperity.
Then it was time for Touch Me, as well as Jeremy's solo.

Touch me, just like that.

‘Holy fuck can he sell that song’ Simon thought, getting ready to enter stage left.

And that oh yeah, now that’s heaven.

His eyes locked with Jeremy's.

Now that I like, God that’s so nice.

That's when Simon realized.

Now lower down, where the figs lie.

Jeremy wasn't just selling it. 

Simon looked away from Jeremy suddenly. God did he want Jeremy to touch him. He wanted to kiss him again, but this time without pulling away. To fully embrace him, the rest of the world all silent and all forgiving. He wanted to consume his mind and his wine, to have Jeremy touch him.

Simon looked at Annabelle, he knew that he didn’t feel the same things when he was with her. It’s just, he couldn’t do that to his family. Simon knows their strict ideologies, and he shouldn’t cause them unnecessary stress.

---

After the practice Simon rushed to gather his things. He texted Annabelle that he has to zoom home to help his parents. He knew it was a half-assed lie but he needed to leave Stanton as fast as he could, because he didn’t even know what he would do if he was face to face with Jeremy. What would he say? Would he say anything? Does Jeremy know that Simon has been thinking about what happened in the parking lot for hours? That he can’t get Jeremy out of his mind? That he spent the entire time wanting to study for the pop quiz with him? That Jeremy’s performance at practice exuded a palpable presence of sheer want ? That Simon knew that he wanted him back?

He was nearly free when he realized that he forgot to grab his chemistry textbook, and that he had an assessment due tomorrow. Simon spun on his heels, turning around as fast as he could and made a full send to his locker. He knew that he had to past the theatre to get to  his locker, but he figured if he speed walked as fast as he could, he would be home free and could make it back before a stream of people came through.

Simon was turning the corner to the hallway where his locker was, when he ran into someone and fell on the floor.
“Are you okay? I’m so sorry!”

Simon knew that voice, it was the same one asking him if he felt something around him.

He looked up and saw Jeremy’s face filled with an emotion that he could not quite pin point.

Chapter Text

"Simon." Jeremy said, gazing at Simon with those blue eyes that Simon could barely manage to look away from.

Simon awkwardly made finger guns, "Jeremy."

Okay so maybe Simon wasn't the best at confronting the guy he's been thinking about non-stop for the past 24 hours. It was definitely uncomfortable, and Simon was looking behind Jeremy to find his quickest escape route.

"I just-" Jeremy closed his eyes and paused, "I just want to know what's happening between us."

Simon cautiously smiled,"I'm not sure if I know what you mean."

That must have set off something in Jeremy, because this time he didn't pause before saying,"You know what I mean Simon. I know that I'm not delusional. You kissed me back. This entire time there has been something between us, and you can blame it on acting as much as you want but you can't deny that you felt it too. I know that you're probably scared, I'm fucking terrified. I've never felt like this before and I feel mental because you won't acknowledge what we have between us. It's palpable Simon. It's fucking palpable."

Simon swallowed hard, "I'm sorry if I conveyed that."

"That's all you have to say to me? You're sorry that you conveyed that?" Jeremy said, hurt, "I can't believe you Simon."

Simon watched as Jeremy pushed past him, turning the corner out of Simon's view. He stood there for a second, trying to process what just happened, before going to grab his chemistry textbook from his locker.

---

Okay, so maybe Simon was starting to feel guilty, but that didn’t matter right now. Right now Simon was face to face with Annabelle, and he was ready to go all the way.

“Simon, are you sure? I don’t want to pressure you into anything you’re not ready for.” Annabelle said, maintaining eye contact.

“Annie, I’m super ready. This will be great.” Simon laced their fingers together, “ We will be great.”

Annabelle smiled, leaning forward and pushing her lips against Simon’s. Simon really didn’t mind it. The kissing felt alright, you know the standard stuff. He noticed that Annabelle’s lips were smoother than Jeremy’s, which was a little disappointing because Simon liked the feeling of his rough lips against his. He pushed away the thought of Jeremy, and deepened the kiss, pushing Annabelle onto the bed, as they began to remove each other’s clothes.

Annabelle had nice boobs. Well, they were the only boobs Simon had ever seen but they were still good. They were kinda squishy, which was weird. But a nice weird, I mean it had to be a nice weird right? Guys like girls, and their supple breasts. That’s just part of humanity. But now that he thought about it, he did like how firm Jeremy looked. He was sturdy, and reliable. Not to mention that whenever Jeremy looked at Simon with that smile, Simon would just feel his heart skip. What Simon would give to have Jeremy under him right now instead of-

Simon opened his eyes, and saw Annabelle beneath him. Fuck, this wasn’t right He pulled his lips away from hers. He couldn't go through with it. He knew that he was supposed to want to finally do it, but this just felt weird and unnatural.
“I’m sorry Annabelle. I can’t do this.” Simon felt his throat catch, “I’m so sorry.”

“What do you mean?” Annabelle said, trying to kiss Simon again.

He turned his head away from her, “I can’t.”

The rest was a blur to Simon. He remembered her crying, covering herself with her blanket while yelling at him to leave. But he doesn’t remember driving back to his house, or going to his room. All he knows is that he was there, and now he was here- on the floor of his room sobbing for what he knew he couldn’t have.

---

Simon sighed before closing the door to his locker. It was Monday, which meant finally dealing with all the shit he started on Friday. Which he didn’t want to do. At all.

The bell rang, and he was off to his first hour, which was History.

The students clamored around before the bell rang. He was mostly zoned out, before he heard the teacher say, “I will be assigning you partners for an interactive presentation about one important figure in World History. Simon Saunders, you’re going to be partners with Jeremy Travers. Prepare a presentation by Friday about the life of Thomas Jefferson.”

Well fuck. Simon knew he would have to confront his problems, but he meant like Wednesday. Wednesday felt like a good time to talk to people about peculiar events that may or may not have happened. Just not on a Monday morning at 8:00am.

He looked across the room and made eye contact with Jeremy, as the teacher listed off the rest of the pairs. Jeremy quickly looked away, and Simon was left staring at the boy he so desperately wanted to be with.

The rest of the class was spent in the pairs, in order to start work on their project. While people were actively talking, Jeremy was sitting next to Simon in an what seemed to be an unbreakable silence.

“Soooooo, Thomas Jefferson. What a guy am I right?” Simon said, attempting to have some semblance of a conversation.
“Yeah, I especially liked his essays containing blatant racism and derogatory terms to all of the enslaved peoples from Africa.” Jeremy said coldly, “What a guy.”

“Jeremy, I know you’re pissed with me but we have to work together on this stupid project otherwise our grades will be wrecked. So can we put all bad feeling away for just a minute so we don’t fail this class?”

“We can meet at my house, Wednesday night at 6.” Jeremy said.

The bell rang, and everyone filtered out of the room, but Simon sat there for a second.

Well, Wednesday it is then.

Chapter Text

Monday and Tuesday came and went, and the news had gone around that Simon and Annabelle had split up. Things were actually getting back to normal. Even though Jeremy was starting to warm up to Simon again, Simon was still nervous about their study session. And sooner than Simon would have liked, Simon was on Jeremy’s doorstep, at 6:00pm sharp, carrying books with sweaty palms. He took a deep inhale and rang the doorbell.

The door opened. “Oh, hey Simon.” Jeremy said. “Come on in.”

Jeremy was wearing a form fitting t-shirt and joggers that hugged his legs, and Simon was totally digging it.

He led Simon upstairs to his room and Simon took a deep breath before entering. He was actually in Jeremy’s room, and it was a little overwhelming. The room seemed to reflect Jeremy’s personality in every way, from the Rent posters on his wall, to the Nintendo Switch on his night stand, to the way his room was clean except for a little clutter around his desk.

“So I was thinking we could just do a Jeopardy review game for our interactive presentation.” Jeremy said, grabbing his books and sitting down on the center of his floor.

Simon stopped looking around the room and sat across from Jeremy. “Yeah sure. We could bring in some type of candy for whoever wins or something like that.”

“Yeah.”

The room was filled with a somewhat comfortable silence while two boys continued on their work. About 10 minutes into researching Jeopardy worthy material, Jeremy grabbed his speaker and started to play songs from his theatre playlist. Simon really thought nothing of it, until Jeremy started to sing the lyrics to Take A Chance On Me from Mamma Mia under his breath.

Simon chuckled to himself.

“What’s so funny?” Jeremy asked, looking up from his work.

“Nothing. It’s just, you’re awfully familiar with Mamma Mia.” Simon said teasingly.

“Why wouldn’t I be familiar with it? It’s only the best musical of the 20th century.” Jeremy said, defending his choice of music.

“Really? You think that a cheesy Abba jukebox musical is the absolute best musical of the 20th century?”
“Hey! Just because I have a fondness for Norwegian folk-rock music does not mean I’ll allow myself to be the subject of bullying. Besides, you probably think that Grease is the best musical from the 20th century.” Jeremy said, starting to chuckle at their conversation.

“That’s because Grease is a timeless classic! I don’t understand how its not your favorite, especially with bops like Greased Lightnin’ and Summer Nights.” Simon smiled through his words. God did he like spending time with Jeremy.

Jeremy baffled at that statement and retorted, “Hello? Have you not heard Dancing Queen?? Or Lay All Your Love On Me?? Not to mention that the movie encapsules Meryl Streep in all of her professional glory, whereas John Travolta had a two-dimensional character with little to no character development.”

Simon couldn’t help it, he just started to laugh. It just seemed so ridiculous that less than a week ago Jeremy said he didn’t want Simon to touch him, and now they were actively arguing about whether or not Mamma Mia was the best musical of the late 20th century.

“Ha-ha Simon. You can laugh all you want, you know that I’m right.” Jeremy said light heartedly.

“Okay, I’ll admit it. Mamma Mia is definitely the second best musical of the late 20th century.” Simon said grinning.

Jeremy didn’t respond for a moment, looking sheepishly at his notebook. “I-I missed this Simon.”

Simon looked up at Jeremy, “Me too.”

The rest of the night seemed to go by fairly quickly, as the two boys worked and sang along to a miscellaneous theatre songs. At around 9:15 they started to wrap up their work. Jeremy walked Simon to the door, both of them still smiling from their evening together.

“So I can fix all the details tomorrow so we’ll be ready by Friday.” Jeremy said, opening the door for Simon.

“Okay yeah, I can go out and by the candy for whoever wins tomorrow.”
“I had fun tonight Simon.” Jeremy said, “We should do this again sometime.”

“I’d like that.” Simon said.

They said their goodbyes, and Simon walked out to his car. He sat in the driver's seat, and before leaving, looked up at Jeremy’s house. For once, something felt right.

---

“So Simon, how was your presentation?” Simon’s dad said, over dinner.

“It was fine.” Simon said, using his fork to move around the meatloaf his mother made.

“You spent a lot of time working on it,” His father continued, “Surely it was better than fine.

“Honey, if Simon says it went alright then I’m sure it was alright.” Simon’s mother said, stepping into the conversation.

“I’m not saying it was bad. I just think the boy should be more confident in his work.”

Simon stopped listening, and kept playing with his food. He had gotten used to his parents arguing over mundane things, and wasn’t going to focus on it. He looked over at his sister, who was sitting quietly. He hated how his parents’ fighting made her feel.

Their bickering ended after a little while, and Simon excused himself from the table and got ready for bed. He didn’t feel okay about his presentation, he and Jeremy kicked ass. They perform really well together, on and off the stage. But it’s not like he can tell his parents, ‘Hey, you know the kid I have the gay love scene in the play you disapprove of? Well I think we did really well on our presentation because we spent 3 and a half hours alone in a room together which of course only fueled my romantic and sexual feelings for him.”

Yeah that wasn’t going to happen.

He looked at his phone, he received a text from Jeremy.  

Jeremy:

Want to grab coffee tomorrow morning?

Simon forgot that he gave Jeremy his number when they were working on the project. What should he do? Of course he wants to go, he loves hanging out with Jeremy, but he doesn’t want to freak out on him like he did last time they made plans.

Fuck it, if Simon wants to go, he should go.

Simon:

Sure what time?

Jeremy:

10:30, Cafe au Lait

Simon:

Great see you there

Simon exhaled, now he has something to look forward to.

Chapter Text

It had been three months since Simon blocked the fear that burrowed into the pit of his stomach and went on a date with the boy he'd been thinking about for weeks. Of course he had kissed Jeremy before, but he still remembers being petrified by the thought of going on a real date. It wasn't because he didn't like Jeremy, it's because he liked him too much. He was scared of his feelings and the aftermath of his decision to pursue a relationship with another boy.

But now sitting on the floor of his room in his mom's new apartment, watching Jeremy rant about how Mamma Mia 2: Here We Go Again focused too much on trying to be considered a cinematic work that ignored the fact that it stemmed from a jukebox musical, making it hard for him to enjoy the family friendly movie that he grew up loving, Simon couldn't be happier with his decision to face the fears that had developed in him over the last few years. 

Jeremy noticed Simon was zoning out. "You okay babe?" 

 Simon smiled, "I'm just looking at you and reminding myself how lucky I am to have such an amazing, caring, beautiful boyfriend." 

Jeremy leaned forward and kissed him, "Mhm, I guess you are pretty lucky."  

"Yeah, I am. Hey tomorrow I won't be able to make our coffee date on Thursday, the date for my parent's divorce hearing got rescheduled."

Jeremy positioned himself so he was sitting next to Simon, their backs leaning against his bed. He leaned his head on Simon's shoulder and held his hand. "It's okay, we can reschedule." 

"I know, It's just it would have been our three month anniversary." 

"Hey, you know, there will always be our four month anniversary." 

"It's bold of you to assume that we'll have a four month." Simon teased.

Jeremy looked at him and raised his eyebrow. "Is that so?"

"Yeah, you know there might be one boy at the hearing tomorrow that will just be so taken by me that he'll want to drop everything to run off with me. I would understand why he would want to though. I am quite captivating." 

"Ha, you're so funny," Jeremy said,"When did you become such a comedian?" 

"Since I've had a reason to laugh." Simon was looking at their interlocked fingers, and he was, admiring how well Jeremy's hand fit into his. 

Simon still couldn't believe how lucky he was to have Jeremy. He remembered the first time that Jeremy kissed him in the parking lot, and the first time that Simon kissed him during the final production of Spring Awakening. Simon doesn't even like to think about what his life would be if he hadn't pursued Jeremy that night. Simon hates thinking about what his life would be like if he hadn't been as brave as he was. Sure there had been rougher times, especially the feeling that he's the reason for the end of his parent's marriage, but now actually spending time with his parents he realized how wrecked his parents relationship had been. 

"So I was thinking that we could switch it up tonight." Jeremy said, breaking their comfortable silence."

"Oh?"

"Mhm. You know how we usually just stay up late watching cheesy movies? I figured tonight we can stay up late doing something else." 

"And what did you exactly have in mind?"

---

"I can't believe I agreed to this."

"Come on babe you look SO good." Jeremy said through laughter, taking pictures of Simon on his phone.

"I look like a tool!" 

"No, you look like the Zuko to my Sandra Dee!!!"

"What do you even want me to do in this costume?" Simon said, shifting awkwardly with his leftover leather jacket from Grease. 

"Well, you know I have always wanted to know what it was like to mess around with a T-Bird, and you are giving me some pretty strong John Travolta vibes, so maybe we can-"

Simon grinned, moving over to Jeremy and kissing him. Sure, he and his boyfriend were musical theater nerds, but at least they could have some fun with it.