Chapter Text
i trek foreign grounds along foreign routes
the letter told me this is where you’d be
and i wonder why i’m here,
waiting with every single lost-in-time word conveniently stuck right in my throat
you have to be here. that’s why i’m here.
is this really where you’ve been thriving?
i’ll admit, those chrysanthemums are certainly your color
no, you’d think it’s the color of a jaded blonde teenager who was too afraid of her terrible insecurities to stand up for herself
but it’s also the color that looks very pretty in your hair,
laying in yellow fields and rolling in feels
and if i could’ve just known it was real
i can say confidently that your brunet strands are soft, curly, and well kept
no one loves showers and baths like you do, you weird merman.
so is this really where you’ve thrived?
498 entire days of your life?
when we parted on that cracked, age-old concrete, you had to picture yourself.
you had to picture yourself standing amongst chrysanthemums and skyscrapers without me and think “i could do that.”
i didn’t think I could do it. Almost two years later and I still don’t know how I’ve done it.
it was good though. i grew, you probably grew.
i wouldn’t know, you never got tied into social media. just tied into escaping.
i’m still gripping your letter while i desperately try to navigate this growingly familiar terrain. i’m trying to find you in every single brick, every single sorority girl’s bake sale sign, and i think i’m drawing up the right answers
but i’m also drawing blanks
and then there you are,
and wouldn’t you know,
you’ve become a tabula rasa.
i know your slate,
what’s underneath oxford shoes in place of converse and expensive button downs in place of- jesus christ are those prominent veins on your arms?
... you work out?
Do i even tap your shoulder, do i even dare to begin to know what is probably something vaguely resembling the man i fell in love with,
the man i’ll always never be able to get over.
but i call, and you turn
and fireworks and flames consume our world’s whole, do you think we’re clashing?
no, those are the sounds of BOOMing and FALLing fast, fast, fast, all over again
your familiar, beyond familiar, blues holding clear skies light up and that same dorky smile i saw clouded in smoke in the basement all those years ago
it’s here
and it’s for me
and Jesus Christ, can’t I just love you for a little bit longer?