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His hands are shaking.
Tony takes a deep breath and tries to still the trembling of his fingers, fumbling with his shirt button.
It's not a big deal. He's only going to show Steve the machine in his chest. It's fine. Completely fine. No problem.
Damn it, he is not having a panic attack now of all times!
“Tony.”
Steve very gently pulls his hands away from his shirt.
“You don't have to do this if it's hard for you. You can show me later.”
But Steve doesn't get it. Because this, this is later . This is already much too late for this to happen.
They've been together five years. Tony once jokingly told Steve that he'd get to see the arc reactor on their wedding night. Which is right now.
Welp, way to back yourself into a corner, Stark.
Wedding night; check. Long list of unfulfilled promises he regrets; check. He's not gonna add another one to it.
“No. I have to. I want to. It's just–“
Ugly. Intrusive. Alien. He swallows the words.
He knows that to other people the arc reactor is grotesque and horrifying. He still remembers Pepper's face when she saw it. Not something he'll ever forget.
“It's just hard?”
Steve's voice is infinitely gentle. Tony nods.
“Well, like ripping off a band-aid then.”
And with that, Steve grabs his shirt and tears the front in half.
“Wow.”
“Do you want to know what that cost?”
But Steve's not listening to Tony's deflection. He's staring at Tony's chest, one hand hovering over the blue circle of light in the middle of the arc even though Tony knows Steve knows that he can touch it without hurting it or Tony.
“It looks worse than I expected.”
Tony breathes out in a rush like he's been punched. Steve puts a hand on his chin, tipping it up so he's looking into kind blue eyes.
“Not the reactor, Tony. I see that in the armour. I meant the scarring.”
Oh .
Nobody ever talked about the scaring. Not even doctors. Tony wonders if your heart can actually burst because you love someone too much.
“Do they hurt?”
He shakes his head, feeling strangely numb. His mind distantly informs him that that's the adrenaline wearing off.
“No. I can't feel them.”
“Well, not much sense in kissing them better then.”
“I'd ra– I'd rather you don't touch them.”
Steve presses a kiss to his shaking fingers, draping Tony's shirt so it hangs mostly closed, hiding the reactor and the scars from sight.
“Then I won't.”
And that, Tony, realises with sudden clarity, is it . Because that's just the way Steve is. Case closed. Deed done. Nothing more to talk about.
He married this man. He should really have known better than to expect anything else.