Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You stood in front of the mirror in your hotel room, fully kitted out in cosplay, hands clasped behind your back, eyebrows furrowed.

"Illogical." You muttered, trying to get your voice to sound right. "Wait, no. Illogical.." You sighed, and lifted one eyebrow up with your finger, trying to get it to stay raised. "Captain, you almost make me believe in luck."

You held your hand up in the ta'al.

"Captain."

"Illogical."

"Cap-"

"Miss (Y/L/N)?" A slightly out of breath bellhop was standing in the doorway.

"Yes?" You jumped, embarrassed.

"You asked us to give you a five-minute warning at eleven, remember?"

"Oh! Yes! I mean...It seemed logical at the time."

"Riiiiiight..." The bellhop nodded slowly, then, noticing your ears he said, "What're you, an elf?!?"

You groaned, and pushed past him. "I'm SPOCK, man!!!"

Chapter Text

You felt slightly awkward walking around by yourself, as far as you could see, everyone else was groups. You spotted some other Star Trek cosplayers, a group of red shirts. You made your way through a sea of gender-bent Harry Potters and Daleks Crossed with God-Knows-What-From-Some-Anime-Or-Somethings, and tapped the nearest one on the shoulder.

"What?" he turned around, arms crossed. You jumped in surprise when you realized he had blue face paint on and some kind of tin foil helmet.

"Ummm...hi." You held up the ta'al. "I'm Spock..."

"Gender-bent." He muttered under his breath.

"Well...I guess."

"What do you want?"

You shrugged. "I like your costume. Who are you?"

"Isn't it obvious? I am mystique after she has been captured by the Mondasian Cybermen, and then rescued by Starfleet."

"Of course! I was just about to say that." You gave him a 'Bye, Mr. Crazy Guy!' smile, and turned to walk away.

"Wait!" He called after you, rummaging around in his bag. "I have some Tony Stark sunglasses in here, too!!!"

Is there anyone here who just decided to keep it simple!? C'mon, people!!!

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"Spock!?" You ignored the person shouting, and kept looking at the display cabinet in front of you. It had lots of models of the ships from the Kelvin Timeline. A miniature Enterprise caught your eye. You were debating whether or not to get it when you heard the voice again. It did sound familiar... It was probably just that guy from earlier.

You paid for the ship, and turned away from the stall, brushing past a guy in Starfleet command garb as you did so.

"Spock!!! There you are!!! Listen, we've got to get back to the E-" The guy grabbed you by the arm, and started to drag you away.

"Woah, man, what do you think you're doing?!?" You whirled around to confront the guy who was practically pulling your arm out of your socket, eyes widening when you realized who it was. "Holy shi- You're Chris Pine. Whaaat what what wh- It's...umm...very, very good to meet you, sir." You stuck your hand out, then changed your mind and gave him the ta'al, then changed your mind and stuck out your hand again. He gingerly took it, and you shook his hand vigorously. He looked rather confused.

"This is so cool!!! Can I have your autograph?"

He flashed you a smile, but shrugged his Chris-Pinely shoulders. His eyes were so dang blue!!! "Sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about. And you're not Spock... Sorry, why're you dressed like him? Have I missed something here, or..."

"Sorry, man, but you are DEFINITELY Chris Pine. In any case, if you're not, you should probably think about changing your name."

He attempted to free his hand from yours. "I still don't know who that is..." He finally managed to wriggle out of your grip. He looked down at your other hand, confused. "What the hell???..."

"What?" He was staring at your model as if it was the strangest thing on the planet. You held the box up to him so that he could see his look-alike's face smiling brightly at him from the packaging. "You see what I mean? Hey, do you have, like, a secret twin or something?"

"Where did you get that???" He sounded pretty worried.

You shrugged, and pointed over to where you been standing before he'd dragged you away. "They have Warbirds, too, if you're interested."

The guy-who-looked-like-Chris-Pine-but-wasn't-Chris-Pine dashed off.

Chapter Text

"Hey! Hold up!" You latched onto his arm again.

"Yes?" He said impatiently.

"Look," you sighed. Boy, were you going to regret this."You can't just walk around a convention centre stuffed to the brim looking all Chris-Piney by yourself, especially not dressed like that."

Not-Chris-Pine wrinkled his Chris-Pinely nose. "Why not?"

You ran a hand through your hair, then remembered it was supposed to look like Spock's, and attempted to pat it back down again. "You'll get mobbed!!! Mobbed by fangirls!!! They'll latch onto you within seconds!!!"

"Fangirls?" He asked, confused.

You nodded. "So,-and you can't refuse this next offer, by the way, unless you want to be made into a professional selfie-taker for the rest of your life-I'll help you run off to wherever you were running off to without being spotted, but in return you need to explain-well-" You gestured to his face. "-this. 'mkay?"

He shrugged. "I have no idea what's happening myself, but okay. Being a 'professional selfie-taker' doesn't sound great." He smirked.

You gulped. He was quite handsome, after all. You stuck out your hand. "(Y/F/N) (Y/L/N)."

He shook it heartily. "Jim Kirk."

Chapter Text

You blinked. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Kirk. James T. Tiberius. Jim..." He trailed off when he noticed your expression.

"CAPTAIN Kirk?"

"It would seem so." He grinned. "Why so shocked? Do I remind you of a...former boyfriend, perhaps?" He winked.

You blushed furiously, and closed you mouth, which and been hanging wide open for the past fifteen seconds. You studied his eyes for a moment, trying to find anything that might prove he was messing with you. Nothing. He was being completely serious, if a bit flirty. He couldn't be telling the truth...could he?

You shrugged. "Oh, what the hell. This day's been pretty darn weird so far, anyway. Pleased to meet you, James T. Can I call you James T?"

He nodded. "It's a first, but sure. Now, can you please explain what on Earth is going o-"

He was cut short by Karl Urban poking him in the back. This didn't really surprise you. After the whole Chris-Pine-lookalike-who-is-actually-the-main-character-in-your-favourite-franchise-flirting-with-you incident, you had a feeling it would take a lot to shock you.

"Hey, Bones." You said casually.

"You know him, as well?" Jim asked.

"Dammit, man, what've you done to Spock this time?!? You're telling the Admiral about it! I did it last time, and I'm fed up of covering for you." Karl/Leonard grumbled.

He turned to you, studying your stuck-on ears and drawn-on eyebrows. "You're not Spock." He drawled, raising an eyebrow. "What's he done this time? Jim, I thought you might have a bit of a thing for Spock, but this is just too far, I mean-"

"Nonononono," you interrupted. "This is a COSPLAY."

"Bones." Kirk grimaced. "That's just wrong."

Leonard shrugged, and looked around, eyebrows furrowing as he took in where he was. "Dammit...this isn't Tandar Prime, is it?"

You pulled a face. "Afraid not. Can you please explain how the hell you got here!?"

"Not entirely sure myself, Darlin', but I'll try my best." He turned back to Kirk. "Spock was beamed down, too. You seen him?"

He shook his head. "I'm sure he'll turn up soon enough."

Chapter Text

You threw your keys down on the coffee table, and flung yourself onto the bed in your hotel suite with a loud sigh. "What the hell is wrong with my life?!?"

The two StarFleet officers shuffled awkwardly in the doorway.

You rolled over onto your back to stare at the ceiling. "Kirk, what the hell were you doing back there? Telling that random Pepper Potts that her phaser 'must be set to Stunning' doesn't exactly scream inconspicuous."

"I was running an experiment!" He protested.

"Oh, yeah? An experiment to see how long it takes before we're mobbed?? Dammit, man, I'm a doctor, not a celebrity!!!" Bones grumbled.

You had explained the whole 'characters-from-an-over-fifty-year-old-franchise' thing to them, and they'd taken it rather well. You supposed that they'd probably seen weirder things. Kirk had seemed much more enthusiastic than McCoy, asking question after question about his personality and William Shatner, and what your favourite show was. Bones had just muttered under his breath about how he was a Doctor, not a something-or-other.

"Why Spock?" Kirk asked suddenly, snapping you out of your thoughts.

"What?"

He gestured at your get-up. "Your costume. Why dress up as Spock? Why not someone else? Like, y'know, me?" He winked.

"..."

"Is he your favourite?"

You shrugged. "Maybe. So?"

He waggled his eyebrows. "Betcha hoping he'll show up soon, huh?"

"Shut up."

Chapter Text

You and Bones had decided to go look for Spock. You had originally said that you didn't mind Jim coming, too, but as soon as you walked out of your room he'd spotted the bellhop from earlier.

"Hey handso-" You had pushed him back into your room and locked the door after him.

"There's food in the mini fridge." You heard him mumble something from behind the door, but you just pocked the keys and headed downstairs, Bones in tow.

Now you were standing where you'd first seen Jim and Bones, keeping your eyes peeled for any Zachary Quinto lookalikes.

"SPOCKKKKKK"

"Let me try." Bones raised his hands to his mouth, creating a mini megaphone. "THE ENTERPRISE RUNS ON THE THOUGHTS OF SLEEPING CHILDREN."

"...Say what?..."

You jumped as someone grabbed Bones' arm.

"Doctor McCoy, you know that that is ludicrous. As you are very well aware, The Enterprise is powered by annihilating matter and antimatter in a fusion reaction mediated by dilithium crystals. This produces the enormous power required to travel through space at wa-"

"You're Spock."

He studied you for a moment, taking in your costume. "Indeed. And you are?"

"Spock. Wait! No! I'm (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N)." You blushed, screaming internally, and held up the ta'al.

He returned the gesture, but not before raising an eyebrow.

Bones smirked, and tried to hold back a laugh. It didn't really work. "She's a big fan." He managed to splutter out in between sniggers.

"That would explain her attire." He agreed.

You cringed, and waited for the ground to open up and swallow you. It didn't. "Commander...Umm...Let's go see what Jim's been up to!" You said with a forced smile, and way too much forced excitement.

Chapter Text

When you reached room, you were annoyed to find that the door had been unlocked. You still had your key in your pocket, so maybe Jim had found some way to pick it? You crossed your fingers, praying that he was still there. Bones groaned, and pushed the door open. Jim was lying on your bed with a laptop on his knees, looking slightly guilty.

"Spock!" He cheered when he saw who you were with.

"JIM WHAT DID YOU DO?" Bones screeched, tackling Jim to the floor and leaving the laptop unguarded.

You strode over and plucked it off of the duvet. Jim had failed to close the window. He had been reading FanFictions of himself.

"..." You furrowed your eyebrows. "James T, I have no words..."

"I was researching!" He protested. Bones had untangled himself, and was now reading over your shoulder.

"You seem to do an awful lot of research." You smirked, passing the laptop to Spock. His eyebrows shot up so fast you swore they almost came off his forehead.

"Where'd you get this, anyway?" You frowned. "And why's the door open?"

"That nice bellhop came over earlier and gave it to me. He also..." He held up a key card. "Gave me this. He's never seen...Space Trekkers?"

"Star Trek." You corrected.

"But he's assured me that he'll come over later with the DVD so that we can watch it together."

"You asked out the bellboy?" You groaned.

"No, techn-"

"The bellboy asked you out?'

"Weelll...it was more of a mutual asking out, you know?"

"No, captain, I do not."

"Aw, don't worry Spock, you'll find out someday." He took the laptop back. "Hey, guys, check it out! I found these things called 'memes', which I thought were pretty call, and also...FanArt? Some of it is pretty weird, though. There's this whole big thing on 'Spirk', which I don't agree with AT ALL."

Bones snatched the laptop back off of Jim, wrinkling his nose when he saw what Jim had been talking about. "Well, that ain't something I ever wanted to see."

You groaned, and sank back into the mattress next to Jim. "I have to go HOME tomorrow. What am I supposed to do with you guys???"

Chapter Text

"Okay, you guys." You fixed your ears one last time, before bending down to grab the handle of your suitcase, which had increased it's weight by about 700%.

You shot a glare at the bellhop (his name was Anton) who was currently attached to Jim's arm. He made a big thing out of ignoring you and your luggage situation.

Spock wordlessly took the bag from you, taking the weight easily.

"Well, damn. You're strong." You said before you could stop yourself.

Bones snorted. "You're just weak." He waved your protests aside, and ushered you out the door. "Keys!!!" He yelled at Jim, who had draped himself over Anton like a Captain Kirk shaped blanket.

He tossed the keys to Bones, who tried to catch them, misjudged, swore a lot, and then proceeded to lock the door then fling the keys at Anton. He missed. Jim caught them without even watching.

You set off down the corridor, with half the leads from Star Trek trailing after you. You snapped a couple of pictures of Spock with your little suitcase on wheels (he looked adorable), Jim and Anton (you weren't sure what you thought about their situation), and Bones being Bones (he looked mad).

Jim and Anton had a very...emotional parting. It involved a lot of making out, and a lot of Leonard trying to drag them apart.

"We need to leave before it gets too busy, dammit!!!" Leonard said, for the millionth time.

"Jim! Call me!" Anton said, for the millionth time.

"Of course I will, babe!!!" Jim said, for the millionth time.

"I never showed you that Space Walking thing!!!" Anton wailed, burying his face in Jim's neck.

"IT'S STAR TREK!!! IT'S REALLY NOT THAT HARD TO REMEMBER!!!"

They both ignored you.

Bones shoved Jim out of the revolving doors.

Anton pressed his hand against the glass, and Jim copied. It reminded you a lot of a certain death scene. You waved to Anton, and took Jim's other arm.

Chapter Text

You had told them to just stand outside the Centre whilst you went to grab some snacks.

"Sit." You had ushered your new friends towards one of the benches outside, and told Spock to keep an eye on the other two. "Don't you dare move an inch, James T."

He didn't listen, naturally. You hurried back seven minutes later to find that all three of them had vanished. Of course.

"For God's sake!!!" You groaned, standing on the table on your tiptoes and craning your neck to look for any sign of them. You didn't have to look for long. "Oh, shit."

You could see Jim, alright. Spock and Bones weren't as easy to see, but you glimpsed the occasional flash of blue here and there. The other two were obscured by a group of squealing Trek fans.

You elbowed your way through the crowd, which, thankfully, only consisted of about fifteen people. Jim was standing on one of the benches, loving the attention. He was happily taking photos and signing costumes and stuff. Bones' eyes seemed to be permanently rolling, whenever someone asked for his autograph he just glared at them. Spock just stood there, still as a statue, unblinking.

"Alright, people!!! Shoo!" You made waving motions with your arms. "I'm...umm...these guys' agent? And you should give them some space!!! We need to catch a...a limo? And get back to...umm...actor things."

That wasn't received particularly well. Most of them booed you. Even Jim booed. "Give the people what they want, (Y/N)!!!" he yelled.

"Hell no. James Tiberius Kirk. I mean...wait...what's Chris Pine's middle name?"

"WITELAWWWWW!!!" squealed most of the crowd.

"What? That's a name??? Okay, thanks." You shrugged. "Christopher Whitelaw Pine, if you don't get your ass down from their this instant, you can WALK home!!!"

"Fine." He grumbled, jumping down. "Whatever, Mom."

Chapter Text

They had no money, so, naturally, you had to pay for their tickets. It wasn't cheap. But they were the crew of The Enterprise, so you tried not to grumble.

"Three tickets to London Heathrow." You told the lady at the tickets desk, "I've already purchased one."

"Of course." she smiled politely, and tapped away at lightning speed on her computer. "That would be six thousand dollars, please."

"Wha-" you spluttered, "Six thou- how many pounds is that?!?"

The woman simply blinked at you. "Four thousand, seven hundred and thirteen pounds, twenty seven pence."

"Oh."

She glanced back at the group behind you. Jim was on your phone, furiously typing a message to Anton. Spock had found your Credit Card, and was studying it with interest. Bones just looked annoyed, and kept muttering to himself about sharks or something. You all looked ridiculous standing in the line of business men.

"Cosplayers." You sighed, hoping the woman would understand.

She just frowned. "Are you paying by cash or card?"

You nudged Spock. He looked up. "Yes?"

"Can I have that?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"I need to pay for the flights." You explained patiently.

Spock handed you your card. He stared over your shoulder as you entered your PIN.

"Hey!" you waved him off. "You're not supposed to watch!"

"Watch what?" Leonard leaned over you, and grabbed the card out of the machiney thing.

"How are there things stored in this?? Actually, never mind. I don't care."

The woman waved you through. Jim didn't even glance at her.

Chapter Text

You had all had your luggage x-rayed, it seemed totally fine...until Jim stepped through the machine. It beeped like mad. The burly security guard stepped forwards to pat Jim down.

"Woah, woah, woah. I have a boyfriend, I'll have you know." Jim crossed his arms.

You sighed, and shook your head at the security guard. "It's his first time flying."

He nodded, and gestured for Jim to hold his arms out. He did so, begrudgingly.

"I've got nothing to hide." He declared.

The man promptly found his phaser.

Shit.

"Ah." Jim frowned. "About that..."

"You've been to Comic-Comic, have you?" the guard smiled, and inspected the phaser. "Wow, it looks so realistic...is it one of the original props?"

"Errrr..." Jim pulled a face. "...yes?"

"Hey, you even look a bit like Chris Pine..."

"That is...new information."

"Well, enjoy your flight." He handed the phaser back, and waved Jim through. You breathed a sigh of relief.

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You boarded your plane with minimum difficulties, Jim didn't try to chat anyone up, Bones just angrily chewed a ham sandwich, and Spock looked around in awe.

"It is amazing that such a primitive machine works." He said, rather too loudly, once you had found your seats.

He was next to you, Bones behind, next to a girl of about six or seven, and behind him was Jim, beside an old lady who kept offering him hard boiled sweets. He took them all graciously.

"Jim," Bones hissed, "stop kicking my seat."

"I'm bored." He groaned, "how long until we take off?"

The little girl stuck her head over her seat, looking down at Jim. She poked her tongue out at him.

"Leonard says you smell."

She sat down again, and high-fived Bones.

Jim leaned forwards. "Little girl...little girl? Tell Leonard that-"

"Jeremy," the old lady warned, "don't sink to his level."

"Fine." Jim lounged back in his seat. "I'll be the bigger person."

Spock ignored what was going on, he was reading those leaflets they give you about Emergency Exits that no-one ever reads.

Leonard tapped you on the shoulder. "Y/N?"

"Yes?"

"Is this safe?"

"Certainly not." Spock replied, holding up the flyer. "Are you aware that, although there are several safety procedures, there are very little-"

"Yes." You reassured him. "It's safe."

Chapter Text

"Idon'tlikethisIdon'tlikethisIdon'tlikethisIdon't-"

The plane was moving, and Bones was not having fun.

"Hey, hey, deep breaths, Bones, deep breaths..." Jim patted his hand. "You're gonna be fine."

From out of the window, you could see the plane had started to rise off of the ground. Bones' eyes grew wider.

The old lady next to him handed him a boiled sweet. "They help with everything." She explained.

Spock suddenly sat bolt upright, and leaned backwards towards Leonard.

"I doubt they would save you from drowning. Also-"

"Not helping." You hissed, glaring at him.

He quirked an eyebrow, and the tips of his ears turned a little green, but he shut up, so that was good.

The little girl next to Leonard pressed her hands against the window, beaming. "Look how high we are!"

Leonard tentatively peered over her shoulder, grimacing.

"See? Nothing to be scared of. HEY, LET'S WATCH CARTOONS!!!"

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You showed Spock how to use the little touchscreen TV on the back of the seat in front of him.

You put on 'Notting Hill' for him, and he seemed generally interested.

"So...Mr Thacker is pretending he works in the media industry in order to see his love interest?"

"Yes." You nodded, taking out your earphones for the millionth time.

"But surely it would be more logical if-"

"Spock." You said gently, "It's a romcom. It doesn't have to make perfect sense."

You were about to settle back down when Leonard started tapping you on the shoulder.

"What?" You snapped, turning around.

Leonard was in tears, rocking back and forth in his seat.

"Bones...are you okay?!?"

He nodded. "I-I...just...I love this show."

You leaned over to take a look at his screen.

You blinked, and then grinned. "Bones...are you watching Queer Eye?"

"Yas Queen!" He gasped, bringing a hand to cover his mouth. "What have I become???"

You laughed. "Bones, relax. It's a good show."

"No." He shook his head. "It's a fabulous show."