Work Text:
Flourish
The earth smelled green . Goku loved when he woke far from the reek of smoke, dirt, and grinding metal. This morning, all he could smell was the green of spring.
On the mountaintop, when spring came, Goku would lean as close to the bars as far as the chain would allow, inhale deep, and catch what of the perfume from the blossoming pink trees below he could. It was the only sweetness he could remember of all those years. Later, he would learn the names of those trees, of the beautiful flowers in the temple garden or that Hakkai planted in front of his and Gojyo's shabby little shack, of the fruits they grew into and which he loved to eat in the summer and fall, and actually be able to come close. Goku cherished those moments of sweet green life, and the people who'd brought him into a world full of them.
This morning, he was waking up to the sweet aroma of honeysuckle through an open window at a little inn they'd found tucked in a peaceful little valley in the shadow of two temples, and in the peace and quiet of a tranquil morning, Goku could forget that not too far away, the Minus Wave wreaked havoc on more lives than Goku could even remotely imagine. However, that wasn't his problem today.
Today, his only “problem” was that he was stuck in this idyllic little piece of paradise for at least three days while Sanzo was paraded between the two heavily fortified temples by a bunch of monks, Sanzo griping the entire time as he was led away. The monks who'd begged him to come pay tribute had insisted they would be welcome guests in the town, but he, Gojyo, and Hakkai weren't allowed on the temple mountains, and they had been promised a massive load of supplies if Sanzo just led a few prayers. Hakkai had convinced Sanzo to go along with it, with the worry that they might find another stretch of towns that wouldn't accept the gold card, and so off Sanzo went. Goku couldn't suppress a little laugh at the thought of Sanzo having to pretend to be a holy man (though he technically was). He had groused as he was led off that they were going to “waste time” here.
Yeah, Goku thought as he lazily stretched out in bed, enjoying the sunlight on his skin and the smell of spring. “Wasting time.”
Wasting time resting. Wasting time not killing anyone today. Wasting time enjoying himself with nothing to worry about.
“I'm gonna waste so much time,” he boasted to himself as he rolled to a sit, then jumped to his feet. “I'm gonna eat a nice breakfast and run around and play with the innkeeper's kids, and maybe go wander around town and look for neat stuff to tell Sanzo about, and...” He heard the door across the hall open and shut, and inspiration struck. “Oh, maybe see what the others are up to!”
The hallway was lit by bright morning light, motes of dust dancing in the warmth of the sun, and Goku danced with them as he bounded to Hakkai and Gojyo's door. He found it unlocked and threw it wide, and bounded to the bed without looking. “Good morning!” He bounced right onto the mattress, landing next to the occupant still buried in the sheets. A tan arm swiped the unused pillow next to him, and Gojyo moaned from where he was cocooned in the quilt.
“There is nothing … absolutely nothing good about mornings like this.” Gojyo's voice was thick with sleep and maybe even sickness as he tried to roll over again. Goku halted in jumping on the bed.
“Hangover, huh?”
Gojyo groaned and pulled the pillow down harder over his face. “What was your first clue?”
“Oh, I dunno!” Goku shifted his weight, tilting the mattress and forcing Gojyo to roll with it. “Maybe it's 'cos I saw you leavin' last night, sayin' you wouldn't come back until you found the prettiest girl in town and made some memories!” He shifted his weight the other way, and Gojyo's body rolled with it, wringing another pitiful noise out of him. “And then Hakkai got all worried 'cause you didn't come back and went looking, and told me he found you too drunk to remember anything and to just push you into bed when you wandered back.” He slid to the other side of the bed, and Gojyo gripped the headboard as if he were about to fall overboard. “Or maybe it's 'cause you reek of sake, and –”
“For fuck's sake,” Gojyo groused into his pillow. “I have. A hangover. Let me sleep.”
“Okay, fine.” Goku jumped off the bed. “Where's Hakkai?”
Gojyo muttered something nonsensical into his pillow, then flapped a hand at the door. “Said somethin' about helpin' the innkeeper in the garden.”
Gardening! Now that sounded like a nice way to spend the morning. “Neat! Okay, enjoy your lie-in!” Goku bounded right back out and shut the door behind him, closing the door a little harder than he had to and snickering to himself as Gojyo complained into his pillow about the noise.
Goku only stopped to wave at the innkeeper and to grab a few steamed buns from the breakfast table before bustling out the door to the back garden. The air was clean and fresh, with the distinct scent of clear water and green things drifting around him, and the garden was thick with shrubs and flowers in a cascading gradient of reds and yellows. It was a perfect strolling garden, or maybe just the kind of place someone could get lost a little while. Goku inhaled deep and exhaled slowly, tasting the springtime like he might sample a sumptuous sauce on the edge of a plate before digging in. Goku still recalled only imagining that places like this existed. It was nice that they still did.
He wasn't completely sure he could call it a garden at all, more like a microcosm of the native fauna crystallized into this one spot. Goku was sure Hakkai had told him the name of every plant growing here, pointed it out along the roadside or cooked with it while they'd been traveling. The flowers smelled sweet, and even better all in one place. It was everything he'd dreamed it might be all those hollow years he'd spent on the mountain, and Goku had no idea what sort of work would need to be done, or what Hakkai could possibly do to make it better. Then again, if anyone could, it was Hakkai. This seemed like the kind of place where Hakkai would be happy, and Hakkai would show his gratitude by making it happy back.
“Hakkai!” Goku stopped between a few briar bushes and cupped his hands around his mouth. “Hakkai!” There was no noise in response, just the wind in the leaves, trilling birdsong, and a few gooseberries rustling in their skins. He plucked a few gooseberries and peeled them with a deft thumb before popping them into his mouth, then jogged on. “Hey, Hakkai, you out here?”
“Ah, yes, here!” There was a bustle in the nearby hedgerow, and Goku jumped with only a little alarm, but he knew Hakkai's voice when he heard it! He turned around twice before peering over the brambles of wild bushes to see Hakkai on his knees in front of a patch of earth and a row of trellises. He'd clearly been at work for a while, his tunic laid over top of the trellises, pants rolled up to his knees, his white undershirt damp with faint patches of sweat and scuffed with fresh dirt, and the soil in front of him was freshly overturned, rich brown and crumbly. Hakkai smiled to see Goku, bright and cheery like a sunrise despite the mud streaking his face. “Did you need something?” He moved to dust his hands clean on a nearby rag, but Goku waved his hands a little.
“Nah, nothin' like that! I just came to say good morning!” He returned Hakkai's smile with the selfsame cheer, then carefully stepped around the hedges to take a closer look at Hakkai's work. “Whatcha doin'?”
“Ah, earning my keep, a bit.” Hakkai's smile shifted to sheepish, and really, anyone who said Hakkai smiled all the time wasn't paying attention. He may have smiled a lot, but those smiles all meant different things, and by now, Goku knew which ones were good and which told him he needed to look or listen a little closer. The inquisitive tilt of his head was probably what spurred Hakkai's explanation: “We've paid our way, of course, but I wished to express my gratitude for the innkeeper's hospitality. I offered to cook breakfast for her family, but she asked me to help transfer these pepper seedlings –” Hakkai gestured to a few little pots with tiny green vines poking their heads out – “into the outside garden for their kitchen.” He motioned to the garden past the fresh bed,, and Goku peered past the trellises to see neat little patches of herbs, lettuces, and what looked like a pumpkin vine of some sort.
“Wow, this is a kitchen garden, huh? You think they can feed all their guests with this?”
“Oh, I'm not so sure of that,” Hakkai chuckled, taking up a trowel and scraping into the dirt again, left to right, long strokes. “But it must feel wonderful for the owner, to make a meal with vegetables she grew and laying it out for her guests when she can. Besides all that, I've always wanted a kitchen garden, but I've never had fertile ground in which to plant it.”
“Fertile ground?” Goku put his hands on his knees as he bent down to examine the soil Hakkai was working on. It was glossy and damp, to be sure, and had that musty smell of strong coffee and sunrise, but he wasn't sure how that was special. “Whatcha mean?”
“Ah, well.” Hakkai straightened up and wiped his hands on the sides of his trousers, then cleaned his monocle. “It just means it's ready to grow things, and good for it. At home, Gojyo said he'd clear the rocks out of the ground around our house, but Sanzo kept us on missions so often that when we weren't away, he was recovering from injuries, and if it wasn't that, then he was off earning money at the poker table and asleep during the day.” Hakkai paused for a moment and pursed his lips. “Or, perhaps, sleeping during the day anyway.” Goku snickered a little, and Hakkai forced a little laugh. “But, ah, before that...” Goku clammed up, as Hakkai's expression shuttered. A chill wind shifted the shadows of the trees overhead. There was a beat of silence, before Hakkai murmured, “Er, the ground outside of my house before that. It was far too sandy for anything other than weeds to really grow and flourish. Seeds could never have taken root there.” He put on a mask of false cheer for Goku. “I'm lucky to be here now. The earth here is rich and moist naturally, and lots of things will grow here, if only given the chance.”
Hakkai was smiling rather fondly at the ground, with something wistful and wanting in his expression. Goku couldn't help but smile, too, and something in his voice resonated in Goku's head. “Yeah? Do you mind if I help?”
That only seemed to brighten Hakkai's expression. “Not at all.”
“Great! I'll go see if the inn lady has another shovel and stuff! You want me to bring you some water?”
“A pitcher of water would be lovely, thank you!” Hakkai wiped his brow, smearing a little bit of damp dirt over his forehead. Goku grinned to himself.
“Great, you got it!” He jogged back for the inn, unable to shake the happiness that welled through him in empathy with Hakkai.
Goku found a spare trowel and a set of gardening gloves on the rear porch, and filled a pitcher from the pump, then ran back to the garden. He tiptoed through the rows, but Hakkai hadn't moved from where he had been. Goku held the pitcher out to him first, and Hakkai gratefully took a long drink out of it. “Thank you.”
“Anytime!” Goku grinned again, basking in the glow of Hakkai's appreciation. He cuffed his pants up to his knees as Hakkai poured a little water in his hand, rubbed his face, then slicked his hair. Goku took a swallow out of the pitcher himself, then got down next to Hakkai. “So, how do we do it, Sensei?”
Hakkai laughed, but the noise was tight even in the open air. “My, my, after all this time? I think you've grown out of calling me 'sensei.'”
“Only a little.” Goku beamed, face a little warm, either with embarrassment or maybe just the sunlight. He'd been a kid when he'd met Hakkai, but sometimes he felt like Hakkai was the only one who'd noticed that he was growing up. Even if it was only because Hakkai had been the one letting out the hems on Goku's pants. Hakkai, however, just laughed again, that familiar “a-ha-ha,” but turned his attention to the garden.
“I suppose I still have things to teach you! Here, I can show you.” Hakkai took up the trowel, and Goku followed suit. “I'd like to plant these little ones at the base of each trellis pole, so the pepper plants have something to grow against. They don't climb like tomatoes, but if they get too heavy, the innkeeper might use the poles to help keep them upright until the stems get stronger.”
“I got it, they just need a little support, huh?” Goku assayed the sprouts thoughtfully, fondly, before nodding to Hakkai. “Okay! I'll start on the South end of the row if you'll start at the North!”
“Gladly.” Hakkai bowed his head, then gingerly moved a few of the little pots, two at a time, over to Goku's side of the plot. “Here, this will get you started. Be very gentle, they're just babies.”
“Babies,” Goku repeated, cooing and unable to keep from beaming at the thought of tiny baby vines as he moved his share of the seedlings closer. “They're fragile, huh?”
“As much as any new life, yes,” Hakkai affirmed, then took up his trowel. “Hold it like so, when your thumb – ah, yes, like that.” Goku tried to mirror Hakkai's grip on the handle, shifting his fingers until Hakkai nodded his approval. “Good! Then, dig a little hole, a little wider and just a little deeper than the pot.” He dug his trowel in, straight down, and pulled wedges of earth loose and set them aside. “Steady on the handle, I wouldn't want you to get blisters.”
“All the time I spend holding the Nyoi-Bo? I dunno, I think my skin's too thick now!” Goku dug in too, laughing, a little proud of himself, but Hakkai loosed a little sigh.
“My, I suppose...” He gave Goku a sideways look, one loaded with either nostalgia or regret. “Even so, one never knows where one might find a soft spot.” He returned his attention to the dent he'd made with his trowel, a neat circle in the dirt, smooth and sloped-sided, then set his trowel aside. “Watch over here a moment.” Goku twisted around to watch as Hakkai held the pot in one hand and, with the front two fingers on the other, gripped the stem, gently but firmly, right where the seedling had emerged from the potting soil. “Holding the plant just so, pull it from the pot. Loosen the edges if you must.” He tapped the edges of the pot with his fingers, holding the bottom steady in his palm, and loosened the sprout and the soil it was packed in from the pot. “Then, pack it down into the hole, like so –” He turned the sprout down into the hole he'd made – “And then, pack it down in, covering it with the dirt you dug loose.” He used his palms to scoop the crumbly dirt back into the gap around the seedling, then smoothed it down with his palms. Finally, he pressed the earth in, smiling with satisfaction at the baby plant where it sprung up, perky and happy, between the diamond of his index fingers and thumbs. “Don't pack it too tightly, but don't let it droop. It needs space to grow and breathe as much as it needs support so it can grow and become strong.”
“Yeah?” Goku worked his first plant loose of his pot, just the way he'd seen Hakkai do it, but scattering a little dirt from around the edges. He set it in the ground, careful not to disturb its precious little leaves. “It's got plenty of room to breathe here! Lots of fresh air, anyway.” He smoothed the soil back into place around it, lumping it up at the stem like a tiny mountain, tucking it in the gaps and packing it down at the top. The baby plant stood upright, proud and firm, and Goku felt the same swell of satisfaction that had surely risen in Hakkai not a moment before. “Sunlight and water, too. This is a good place.” He glanced up to the midmorning sun, bright between the gaps in the tall garden rows. “They'll grow real good here, right?”
“I think so.”
“I think so, too!” They traded smiled across the pitch, then worked on, digging their rows and scooting towards the center with each hole they filled.
After a little while at work, Goku glanced over to Hakkai, who was still intently focused on his task. Goku smiled to himself, and went on working too. The dirt felt nice on his fingers. He wasn't sure he'd done anything like this before. “Hey, can I tell you something?” Hakkai hummed his curiosity. “I really like stuff like this. Like, little things, simple things. Like sitting with Sanzo on the porch, or fooling around with Gojyo, or when you taught me math, and reading. I guess it's 'cause I don't have memories of doing that stuff before, so it's special now.” He covered the plant as he pushed it down into the earth again. “I still remember being in the cave.” He used to shudder a little just thinking about it, but in the warmth of the sun, so far from that dark place, the old chills didn't come anymore. “Back then, all I could do was watch the seasons go by, and wonder what was out there. I didn't know about plants, animals, people, anything. I just had to watch winter, fall, summer, and spring blow over me, over and over and over.” He bit his lip, but though Hakkai's mouth was pursed with contemplation, he didn't seem unhappy, and Goku dared to go on: “But I got a new life now.” He dug his fingers into the dirt, beaming to himself as it crumbled between his fingers. “I can go out in the sunshine and snow and experience it all for myself. I can go wherever I want, do what I want. I'm free. I could have never done anything like this back then, so it's special now!”
Hakkai hummed thoughtfully, and Goku heard his digging slow and stop. “I see. It's... it's rather painful to think of it, really. I can't imagine you so confined.”
“Me neither! Not anymore, anyway.” Goku packed in the next sprout, still grinning, the damp, soft earth still cool on his fingers. There was nothing really like the sensation of damp, crumbly soil on his palms and feet, and he relished it every time, especially after an unfathomable amount of time spent staring at the world from a bed of slate and limestone. “See, I remember what it was like, like an old snapshot, when I close my eyes and think really hard, but even though it was all that time, it feels like nothing, y'know? When Sanzo let me out, when I first stepped out of the cave and into, like, the world, on the grass for the first time I can remember, everything started to feel real. I think I told Sanzo it felt, um...” He had to think, but Hakkai seemed to subtly hang on the word, working slowly without looking at him but with such an intent gaze Goku could tell how closely he was listening. “ Full . Yeah.” He patted the ground under his palms and began to dig a new hole. “Like, all that time was hollow and empty, and I was empty 'cause of it, but everything since then has been filling it up.” Hakkai was watching him out of the corner of his eye now. Goku pretended not to notice, even though he could feel Hakkai's surreptitious stare on the back of his neck. Instead, he turned and smiled right at Hakkai. “Y'know what I mean?”
“I think I do,” Hakkai answered carefully, as if the words were eggshells on his tongue and he didn't want to break them.
“Yeah, and like, everything I do!” Goku dug in again, as the sun shifted through the trees and warmed his back. “Every experience, every time I put my hands on something new or every new place my feet land, every new voice I hear, every time I eat something delicious, my life feels more full! You know what I mean?” He looked to Hakkai, but halted his enthusiasm at the curious intensity in his gaze. Even his false eye was affixed to him now. “Hakkai?”
“Ah, sorry.” Hakkai shook his head and shook off his intensity like a dog shaking off rainwater, but Goku cocked his head and took a second look. As much as he thought he saw, he felt like there were still things he missed about Hakkai, things that were often hidden in plain sight, pieces of a jigsaw puzzle turned the wrong way or flipped over. Even though he could usually figure out the most important stuff, he wished he knew what he was missing. However, Hakkai put on one of his usual masking smiles, pretending to be as cool as the wind in the trees. “Only, I was thinking, perhaps I understand what you mean a little more than you think.”
“Oh!” The pieces fell into place for Goku, or mostly: “It's cause you had an old life, too, and you've got a new life now.”
“In a different way, but yes. Perceptive, as ever.” Hakkai's eyes crinkled up at the corners, and he turned his attention back to the work, the plot, the seedlings. He packed the dirt down just a little, then crawled sideways down the row, closer to Goku. “But beyond what you knew, the life that I ended was... to paraphrase you, hollow. Everyone I met, everything I did, it was with hatred and disdain, and I took nothing to heart.” His next jab of the shovel into the dirt was a little sharper than it had to be. “I remember being a lonesome, unhappy person, feeling as if there was nowhere I belonged, and but one person with whom I belonged, one who I only found much later than I could ever wish. And while finding her was a relief...” He trailed off, and Goku winced.
“Hakkai...” He wanted to reach for him, but resisted. Hakkai probably wouldn't like to be touched, not when he was thinking about her. “I guess you still miss her, huh?”
Hakkai managed a little chuckle. “I suppose I always will, or a part of me always will. That part of me, however, is gone. The man who was in love with that woman is dead, and he isn't missed in the slightest.” He folded the earth around another seedling, as Goku crawled a little closer down the row. “I met you all, though. Gojyo, then Sanzo, and you, of course – goodness, if you hadn't stopped me on the path I was on the night we met … if you all hadn't been there, I wouldn't have had a new life to live at all.”
Goku knew what he'd meant. Gojyo may have dragged the man who became Hakkai from his own grave, but Sanzo kept him from chasing Kanan right back down into the earth.
“But now, with that, I've lived. This life is so much more full than the one I led before, if only because I have opened myself up to it. I was tethered by the notion that I could only be happy with one person, and I, too, was freed.” Hakkai was smiling again, genuinely, warmly, and Goku felt warm every time he dared glance up from his work and over at him. “I've been filled with new experiences, new things I've learned, new friendships. I dare say I didn't truly live before.” He paused in his work and lifted his hand to the sky. “Perhaps that's why this lifeline was so much shorter. It began later.” He smiled again, wistfully. “It was you that made it deeper and thicker, of course.”
Goku's chest ached at that memory. “Hey...” The word stuck in his throat and panged in his heart, like the distant echo of a temple bell, but Hakkai just smiled a little brighter like the sun passing over his face.
“Small things like this make me happy too. I never would have bothered enjoying them before, but now, after all the great hurdles I've cleared – hurdles we've both cleared – things like this are wonderful.” Hakkai chuckled a little, and made to crawl down one step closer to Goku. “I'm just glad we see eye to eye.”
And then, suddenly, they were hand to hand. They had reached the center on the same stretch, at the same time, and their hands were touching the same patch of earth, and Goku's fingers covered Hakkai's. Their knees were hardly an inch apart, their shadows like one on the ground. Goku made to withdraw, but Hakkai chuckled and turned his hand over to fold his fingers around Goku's palm.
“It seems we're on the last pot. Shall we do this one together?”
Goku dug the hole, with Hakkai coaching him, “a touch wider, just a little deeper, just a little more,” and Hakkai pulled the seedling from the pot with his usual care. He set the seedling in the hole, and they covered it up together, hand over hand, packing the soil down and letting their fingers touch. Goku found himself looking to Hakkai over and over, somehow feeling like he was seeing a side of Hakkai that hadn't been there even half an hour ago, or that Goku had simply never noticed was there. As they packed the earth down around the last little vine, Hakkai pressed his hands over Goku's again. Goku's face felt hot – when had the sunlight gotten this warm? Hakkai hadn't seemed to notice, but his smile held the very same warmth, and his eyes crinkled at the edges as his face drew into a soft, genuine affection. “Thank you, Goku.”
“Y-yeah, you're welcome! I'm happy to help!” Goku nodded hard, but he couldn't break eye contact or move his hands. Hakkai's eyes - everything about him - was so green. Hakkai closed his hands around both of Goku's.
“For more than this.” He bowed his head with gratitude. “I admit, I think I admire you most. We're very much alike, so I think seeing how you were able to step out onto this earth as a new soul and shine so brightly made me feel like I could strive to do the same.” He kept Goku's hands in his and ran his thumbs against Goku's palms. “You've flourished. It made me want to bloom, too.”
Goku gaped, then closed his hand around Hakkai's. “Of course you can!” He beamed, and Hakkai laughed.
“I had hoped you'd say so.” He released Goku's hands then turned his palm over. “After all, you were the first one to remember my name, to commit it to memory when I was a new soul. You gave me that new lifeline, too. I owe you so much of my hope.” He broke eye contact first, and his face was flushed from more than the sun. “But I'm rambling now. Thank you, again, for helping me.”
Goku felt Hakkai put a masking smile back on, felt it like an impact that knocked the wind out of him, and it left him dizzy. “Oh, um, were you done?”
“I'd like to make the afternoon meal. Why don't you wash up and join me? I believe I saw some chao siu pork left over in the icebox, I was thinking of making some steamed buns to put it in.” Hakkai rose to a stand and dusted his palms on the sides of his khakis. Goku beamed, knowing Hakkai was spoiling him.
“That sounds awesome! I'll come in and help you wash the scallions and stuff!” He waved, as Hakkai turned away with one last soft smile and walked for the main house, still dusting his hands against one another as he strolled out of the garden. Goku stood and stretched his arms overhead, then turned his own hands over.
His hands were streaked with dirt, looking vaguely like dried lifeblood, but Goku wasn't thinking about death or fighting or all the terrible big things that were happening in places far away from this one, things that weren't here. He was thinking of the things that were here, the life in this place, the sweet scent of flowers and the swelling season, the satisfaction that came with finishing little tasks, and the tiny baby lives that would bloom in his wake.
“Like seeds of hope,” he mused aloud. He'd heard the phrase somewhere before, a long time ago, maybe before the cave if there had been a time before the cave. Maybe there were other things like that still, buried in the little happy things or in the people around him.
Flourish, Hakkai had said, like flowers in bloom. Goku wanted that too, for Hakkai and himself. Maybe someday, he and Hakkai could find fertile ground of their very own for themselves.