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Chapter Text

*.*.*

The time of holidays always felt calmer than the months before. The usual chaos in the world was still there, going strong, but the people dealing with it felt calmer.

Saying the holidays brought warmth in their hearts was taking it too far, but there was something different in the way they dealt with the world around them.

Maybe it was knowing they will get a few days off work. Maybe it was the shiny lights and baubles. Maybe it was the infectious excitement all the children were pushing out into the world. Maybe it was knowing they were about to spend time with friends and families. Maybe it was the warm drinks and sweets that were now available. Maybe it was the child-like excitement of getting presents.

Maybe it was all of those things, maybe it was none of them.

Either way, it was normal. This was a normal feeling to experience during the winter holidays, and nobody was against it.

Everything was normal. Until it wasn’t.

On an unassuming Christmas morning, a part of the people of the world woke up changed, mentally and physically.

Mentally, they knew something they didn’t know when they went to sleep. They knew that soulmates were real, that there were pairs of people roaming the world that were meant for each other, meant to love each other, meant to share a bond, share a life together.

They knew they were part of the small percentage of humans that had a soulmate. They also knew that they have already met their soulmates.

Physically, they woke up with a tattoo. They didn’t remember choosing the design, because they didn’t. They didn’t remember getting it inked, because they didn’t. They just woke up with it, somewhere on their body. The tattoo wasn’t theirs, it belonged to their soulmate. The design of it was a hint, a clue to help them recognize who their soulmate was.

Whereas the night before the world felt calm, on this Christmas morning the world exploded. News spoke of nothing else but soulmates, the novelty of it, the excitement, the dread, the lack of choice, the good and the bad. People grew anxious, people fought, people cried. People ran to each other, people ran from each other.

A new tattoo on Christmas morning should have been a sign of love, the prospect of a new love story that will start soon. But change was difficult, and in the world they lived in, people tended to feel bad before they felt good.

Chapter Text

It was a good Christmas, one of the best Molly had ever had. Certainly the best since her dad died.

She was in the countryside, at Sherlock’s parents, with him, Mycroft, John and Rosie. It was a surprisingly good time, really. The Holmes parents were lovely and greeted her with open arms, Rosie was very close to start walking, they were all placing bets on how many more days it will take. Even Sherlock and Mycroft made the experience a good one, because their brotherly banter was more amusing than hateful.

Everything was covered in a thick, clean layer of snow. The air smelled fresh and healthy, the sunsets were beautifully colored every day, Rosie loved just rolling around in the snow. Mrs. Holmes was a brilliant cook, and Mr. Holmes’ mulled wine was the best thing Molly has ever drank.

It was a very good holiday, she was having a lovely time, until she wasn’t. Until she woke up on Christmas morning with a burn on her ribs and an impending sense of doom.

*.*.*

Molly didn’t really question it, which was weird, considering she was a woman of science. But once confronted with the fact, she couldn’t deny that it felt right. Sherlock being her soulmate felt absolutely right.

But she knew he wouldn’t take it as well as she did.

*.*.*

Everyone was watching tv over breakfast, when she made it downstairs. The news were was discussing soulmates, of course, and nobody was talking, clearly listening intently.

He wasn’t there.

‘Morning, Molls.’, John smiled at her, started preparing her coffee. ‘The world’s gone bonkers.’

‘Where’s Sherlock?’, she asked. Something in her voice made everyone turn to look at her.

‘He was gone when we woke up.’, John said slowly.

‘He does this.’, Mycroft almost shrugged. ‘When Mummy’s nagging gets to much.’

His mother threw him a look which Molly ignored.

‘Have you tried calling?’, she insisted.

John shook his head. ‘I texted, he said he’d be back by dinner.’

‘Please call him.’, Molly said. ‘Make sure he’s alright.’

‘Why wouldn’t he be alright?’, Mrs. Holmes said in a harsh voice.

Slowly, with shaking hands, Molly pulled up her sweater. A palm above the waistline of her jeans, under her right breast, a new tattoo stood.

Everyone was very silent for a few long, moments.

‘What is it?’, Mr. Holmes finally asked.

‘The chemical structure of dopamine. It’s a…’, she swallowed hard. ‘In the brain, it functions as a transmitter. There are several dopamine pathways, used to send signals from the brain to other cells. Addicts have an increased dopamine release to-’

‘Are you sure it’s for Sherlock?’, Mycroft asked gruffly.

Molly let down her sweater and stared, somewhat incredulous, at Mycroft. He had a good point, because he did not feel what she felt, he had no idea what this tattoo felt like.

‘I thought it could be for some other chemist I know, but then I came downstairs and saw that Sherlock had ran away .’ Molly glared at Mycroft. ‘What do you think?’

‘But this is a good thing, isn’t it?’, Mr. Holmes said hopefully.

Molly shook her head. ‘With all due respect, your son is aromantic and has an intrinsic disrespect for authority figures, alongside a very strong ego and trust in his decision making capabilities. How do you think he reacted to some bigger power choosing his-’

She cut herself off, because she couldn’t say the word out loud. She turned to John and Mycroft.

‘Just make sure he’s alright, please. I’ll go pack.’

‘You don’t have to leave, sweetheart.’, Mrs. Holmes said gently.

‘Thank you.’, she smiled at her. ‘But it’s really best I do.’

It said a lot about the situation, that nobody else argued, not even John.

*.*.*

John texted just as Molly’s train entered London.

He said nothing about it, but he didn’t say anything about you leaving, either.

What that meant, Molly had no idea. She didn’t find it in herself to think about it.

It hurt, yes, that Sherlock’s instinct was to run away from her, but more than that, Molly was tired. So tired.

Tired of trying to push her way into Sherlock’s orbit, to make him understand that she was there, she could be there for him, be more than just a colleague or a friend. So bloody tired to act like everything was fine after Sherrinford.

Molly was exhausted, she didn’t have the energy to start thinking about what being Sherlock’s soulmate actually meant.

She went home, did not shed a tear, ordered pizza and fell asleep on the couch long before the sun set.

*.*.*

The next three days were spent in a similar manner. Molly was still free from work, so she made camp on her couch, ordering food because of laziness and making her way through the bottles of wine she had, catching up on mindless tv shows.

She compusevely refused to think about Sherlock. Mostly, it worked.

*.*.*

On her first day back to work, Sherlock barged into the lab after lunch.

He leveled her with a look, a cold one. ‘You shouldn’t have ran away.’

Anger flared in Molly, making her nostrils twitch. ‘I was just following your example, Sherlock.’

She went back to work, turning her back on him. He didn’t leave, not immediately, he lingered for a few minutes, but Molly didn’t look at him.

Neither of them said anything before he left.

*.*.*

It was late at night when her phone pinged, but Molly wasn’t asleep yet. She had honestly forgotten she was following Sherlock’s blog, because he hadn’t posted anything new in such a long time.

But there it was, a new post on The Science of Deduction. Molly couldn’t stop herself from reading it.

A CHRISTMAS CASE, A LIFELONG MYSTERY

On Christmas morning, the world woke up to the greatest mystery of its time.

No previously undiscovered sarcophagus came to light, no one found the Holy Grail. Not a horrific murder-of-the-century, not the kidnapping of someone so terribly important. Not the birth of a new chemical element, nor the accidental discovery of a technology that will change the world. No, none of that nonsense.

The world has apparently received confirmation of the existence of soulmates. Of course, I did not accept this as a given, not without analyzing the facts.

Let’s start with the concept of soulmates, for it has existed since ancient times.

Plato talked about it in The Symposium . Humans had four arms and legs and a head with two faces. Because they were a threat to the gods, Zeus split the humans in half. They began perishing in misery, so Apollo sewed them back together, but not in their original form, thus creating humans as we know them. From then on, humans longed for their other half.

An old Chinese folk tale talks about the red string of fate . The gods had tied an invisible red cord around the ankles or pinky fingers of humans who were destined to meet one another, destined to become lovers regardless of place, time or circumstances.

Similar stories exist in most, if not all mythologies of the world.

In our modern times, the world soulmate is used to describe a pair of people who are the love of each other’s lives. They are partners in every sense of the word, in a romantic and sexual way, but a mental one as well. Your soulmate is a special person, designed to complete you, designed to help you, designed to love you unconditionally.

Society has taken the concept of soulmates and took it a few step forwards. The concept of love at first sight was born, stories have been written, movies have been made. You know it all.

Of course, all of this is based on speculations, there has never been any real evidence to prove the existence of soulmates.

The tattoos that appeared on Christmas morning are the first real, tangible clue. Or are they?

Why have they appeared on Christmas morning? This holiday celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ, in accordance with messianic prophecies, a biblical event that was the start of the world’s salvation. Presumably. Having this tattoo appear on a day with such heavy significance for believers has clearly made them keen to just accept it.

I don’t believe in God, so I am not so keen to just taking this as a sign of his or hers existence. I would just as easily believe they’re a gift from Santa Clause, but that is, as well, utterly ridiculous.

Thus, we don’t know where the tattoos came from. God? Karma? Magic? I’m a scientist, I don’t believe in any of that. But are the tattoos proof that there is a bigger power in the world? Something we don’t understand yet, but that influences human life, unknowingly to them? That is not a question I can answer only based on deductions.

Let’s go on and analyze the tattoos, themselves.

Physically, they are tattoos. I have personally tested the skin cells and the ink, and I can safely say they are no different from any professional work. But, of course, none of the individuals that woke up with them visited a tattoo parlor.

There is no explanation to how the tattoos came to be on the skin, I have not encountered anybody in my research who has felt anything in their sleep, or who had been awake when the ink appeared. There is no information on the exact moment when the tattoos appeared, but taken into consideration that the phenomenon happened all over the world, and that there are 38 different time zone, then it it safe to assume that not all the tattoos have appeared at the same time.

I am hopeful more information will appear at a later date, there has to, statistically, be someone in the world who had a security camera pointed at them. I have already sent enquiries to various prisons and mental asylums, and I shall update you as I receive information.

Another detail worth mentioning is that the tattoos are already completely healed. With a normal tattoo, the skin would take weeks to heal, but with these, the entire process took place overnight. Once again, there is no logical explanation for it.

The designs of the tattoos could count for a very long discussion, but I don’t think it is a necessary one at this moment. It could be an interesting research topic, definitely, but at the end of it, there is only one thing that matters: the tattoo designs are very well thought out. It is not an easy feat, to choose a visual representation of a person, of everything they mean, of everything they are. But that is what happened, the designs are a way to help you recognize your soulmate. All my research has pointed to this, all you need to do is check one of the hundreds of forum boards that have appeared.

The next issue that needs discussing is the one of irregularity, or rather, lack thereof. Every person in the world who had woken up with a tattoo on Christmas morning had already met their soulmate. I can’t speak for every pair in the world, but it is a safe assumption to make that most people didn’t have major trouble identifying their soulmates.

This goes to show that the pairings constructed have not been chosen at random. There are reasons these people are soulmates, even if they are not aware of them. I will assume that, as the years pass and the relationships evolve, the reasons will come to light.

There is one more issue that, I will admit, annoys me the most. There are a lot of unexplained things around this tattoo case, but I, personally, hate the idea of gathering information without knowing where I got it from, without remembering actually getting it. The heart is not something to be played with, yes, but for me, the brain is even more off limits.

A various array of other issues had arisen with the appearance of the soulmate marks, more on the philosophical side. The lack of choice, the security of true love. The feeling of being pushed and trapped into a romantic relationship, the love that was already there. Issues of consent and surprise. Why doesn’t everyone have a soulmate? In honesty, these are not topics that interest me, right now.

I am more interested in whether or not soulmate pairs are real. This is the biggest mystery I will ever encounter in my lifetime, and I wish to decipher it.

How long will such an inquiry take? Decades or a lifetime are the most plausible time frames for such a complicated issue.

For this is not an easy case. It is, I dare say it, the most complicated case the world has ever encountered.

However, for me, the case has been made easier, because I know what the conclusion will be.

Soulmates are real. I have no doubt about it.

If you have been keeping up with this blog for awhile, you’re probably in shock right now. Possibly laughing. Sherlock Holmes, believing in something as romantic and far from science as soulmates? It does seem ridiculous, I’ll give you that.

But what you do not know is that on Christmas morning, I woke up with unwanted information in my mind palace and a burning sensation on my arm, with the knowledge that I had a soulmate. For the first 24 hours I did not believe it. Instead, I analyzed everything, deduced as much as I could.

Didn’t really reach any conclusion, as you have learned by reading this post. I can’t deduce where the tattoos have come from, why or how. It is frustrating and a failure on my part, but there is not enough information, not enough real clues to point me in the right direction.

There aren’t facts, just talks of emotions, fate and love.

I have always believed romantic love was real, I just never thought it would be a suitable endeavour for me to pursue. The tattoo on my arm begs to differ.

I don’t want to reveal too much. At the end of the day, this is a very personal matter and I am not in the habit on washing my dirty laundry on this blog. I will, however, say that the process of deducing that I undertook after I saw it took no time at all. My tattoo represents a crude representation of my soulmate’s vocation. It stands for more than that, because through the post she occupies, she has helped me with cases various times before. It also represents the reason why we’ve met, for I had made her acquaintance through the office she works in.

It took virtually no time at all for me to realize that there is not another person in the world who could even come close to my heart. I fear this is a bi-product of the mysticality of this case. Because I have been sitting on this information for years, by this point, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge it, blocking her from getting inside of my heart.

Not anymore, for she is already there. Has been there for a long time, even if, in my stupidity, I failed to acknowledge it. In my stubborness, in my belief that I was meant to be alone, I have always pushed her away from my heart, I refused to let her take a place there.

She did it anyway, long before magical ink appeared on our skin.

People are wondering why the soulmates are people you already know, why hasn’t a new person been chosen for you? It is a good question, and my personal answer to it is pain. There is a lot of pain between her and I, and no matter how much we try, we can’t undo it. I thought we couldn’t move past it, considering I caused her even more pain on Christmas morning. I don’t believe that anymore.

The tattoos changed a lot of things for me, in my mind palace and in my heart.

Soulmates are real. She is real, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am more than willing to spend the rest of my life proving it. Dare I say it, I am excited for this case.

Dear reader, I invite you to tell me your soulmate story.

Dear soulmate, please forgive me.

-SH

For the first time since Christmas, Molly cried. But it wasn’t a bad thing, it was not a bad thing at all.

*.*.*

She managed to fall asleep at one point, but she didn’t sleep for long before her alarm went off. There was a text from John waiting for her: You might want to read Sherlock’s blog.

She answered quickly. I did, last night. Now what?

It took a few minutes for John to answer. How should I bloody know that? You figure it out.

John wasn’t very helpful, but she didn’t expect anything else. He was trying, which was sweet, but ultimately, it was up to her. Up to her and Sherlock to figure it out.

The thought brought a smile to Molly’s face.

*.*.*

She went to work, surprised to see all of her coworkers gossiping about Sherlock. He has always been an interesting character for all the doctors and nurses of St. Bart’s, but Molly didn’t really expect everyone to be talking about Sherlock’s love life.

There were a lot of speculations going around, about who his soulmate was. Of course, nobody thought of even mentioning Molly. She didn’t really mind it, it was less of a hassle for her.

She spent the day thinking about how she was going to approach Sherlock. What she would say, what she wanted to ask him, what she wanted to ask of him. Molly tried her best not to get carried away, but it was a difficult thing to do. Knowing that Sherlock thought of her as his soulmate, it caused excitement in Molly, and the instinct to do a lot of stupid things that he probably wouldn’t enjoy. She pushed that down, intent on discussing boundaries with him, expectations and wants.

So as the work day ended, she steeled her nerves and texted him, asking if he was free to take on a new case. Of course, he answered an affirmative immediately. But Sherlock didn’t expect to see her, he looked very surprised when he opened the door and saw her.

‘I thought you said there was a case.’, he said slowly.

‘There is.’, Molly nodded, taking off her coat before taking a seat in the client’s chair.

‘Should I call John?’, he went on, still hesitating.

‘No’, she smiled, ‘you can handle this one on your own. Well, I’ll help.’

‘Very well.’, he said after a beat. He sat down in his armchair, crossed his legs and steeled his hands under his chin, adopting a very serious expression. ‘Tell me about the case, Molly.’

She did her very best to not look as nervous as she felt, or as in love as she was. Molly tried to speak in an even voice, and in order to keep her heart in check, she didn’t look at Sherlock too often.

‘As I understand, you have already taken the case. But you need my help with it, so…’ She got up from the chair, sat down on John’s armchair. Molly brought her bent legs up on it, making herself comfortable.

Stealing a look at Sherlock, she saw that he was watching her intently. No flicker of emotion on his face, lips pressed tightly together, eyes narrowed, but moving quickly all over her body. She was being deduced and for the first time since she met Sherlock, she didn’t mind.

‘Before we start, I should say that I accept your apology. We both made mistakes along the way’, Molly smiled at her lap, ‘but as you said, now we know that we can get past them.’

‘You read the blog.’, it wasn’t a question.

‘Of course I read the blog.’, she looked at him. ‘Cried straight through reading it, if I’m being honest.’

The emotionless expression on his face faltered at that, replaced with regret.

‘It was a good cry.’, Molly was quick to assure him.

It took a few moments for him to believe her, but he did nod. ‘So the case you want to help me with is…’

‘Proving that soulmates are real.’, she said when he didn’t go on. ‘But Sherlock, I don’t know… I don’t know what you want from this.’

‘Want?’, he frowned.

She had to look away. ‘From the blog, I gathered that you want… something, with me. But you’re going to have to tell me what that is. Up until Christmas I thought you were aromantic and uninterested in sex.’

There was a long pause. ‘Are those the most important issues, to you?’, his voice had dropped to something cold, making Molly look up at him.

He looked angry.

‘Not at all.’, she whispered, looking away and talking fast. ‘The most important thing is to not make you leave me. So I need to know what I’m allowed to do. Are we going to spend more time together? Are we going to let people know? Can I hold your hand when we walk down the street? Can I cuddle with you on the couch? Can I kiss you? Are we ever going to sleep together? Are you at all interested in sex? Will we celebrate anniversaries? Will we go on dates? Do you want children? Do you want to get married? Do you want this to be purely platonic? I just…’

She took a deep breath and put her hands to her flaming cheeks, not managing to meet Sherlock’s eyes.

‘I just need to know.’, Molly whispered. ‘I can handle it, anything you want, but I need to know what you’re comfortable with.’

Things were silent for a long, awkward while. Eventually, Molly managed to take her hands away from her face and look up at Sherlock. She startled upon seeing the expression he wore, because she had seen it only once before.

The small smile on his lips, the soft sparkle in his eyes, he had looked at her like that in an empty stairway after a day of solving crimes, as he deduced she was engaged and thanked her for helping him fake his death.

‘Molly’, he said softly, ‘may I see it?’

She blushed furiously, but she had known it was coming. So Molly nodded, straightened her back and pulled up her sweater.

Sherlock’s eyes grew very wide when she started moving, but the shock wore off when he realized what the tattoo was. He smiled, a little, turning it into a cocky smirk.

‘I feared it would be that damn hat.’

Molly snorted, surprised by the joke. She pulled her sweater back down, and looked to Sherlock. She didn’t want to ask him, but he knew anyway.

With a nod, he took off the suit jacket he was wearing and unbuttoned the right sleeve of his shirt, folding it up. The tattoo was on the inside of his arm, just below the fold of his elbow. It was a scalpel.

‘Oh, that’s awful.’, Molly breathed out.

‘Why?’

‘It’s not very nice, is it? It’s bloody, and gory.’

Sherlock hummed. ‘I don’t mind it. I like what it symbolises, your profession was the first thing that attracted me to you.’

Her eyes snapped up to his, instantly, because that was very different from what he had said on the blog. Sherlock smiled and straightened his back, meeting her eyes without any hesitation.

‘Molly, I am sure that with time, I will be comfortable to do everything and anything with you. But not… instantly.’

‘Alright.’, she breathed out, in awe. ‘That’s alright.’

His smile grew brighter. He pulled back his shirt and leaned his upper body forward.

‘Everything I said on my blog is true. Please know that from the second I saw the scalpel, I knew it was you and I knew that… it was right. It feels right. Forgive me for not realizing it sooner. I am known for being an idiot, at times.’ He chuckled. ‘But with your guidance and patience, I will be your soulmate.’

It was no love declaration, but it was close enough. Molly couldn’t handle words, right then, so she nodded. And then, to her embarrassment, she yawned.

Sherlock was quick to get up and offer a hand to help her. ‘Go home and rest.’

‘I’m sorry.’, Molly said. ‘I had a long night.’

He smirked at that. ‘As did I. We’ll continue this conversation at another time. Let’s say tomorrow at seven?’

She blinked at him, once again surprised.

‘Dinner?’, he asked lowly. ‘I think you’ll like Angelo’s.’

‘Yeah, yes.’, Molly said quickly. ‘Yes, I think I will.’

With a fleeting smile, he helped her into her coat, and Sherlock only hesitated briefly before grabbing her hand and sweetly kissing the back of it. He wished her good night and asked of her to text him when she made it home safely.

It was… a lot. It was a whole lot more than Molly expected from him, because there was something warm in his eyes, maybe not love, but close to it. She felt overwhelmed, and happy, and she couldn’t stop herself from wrapping her arms around Sherlock’s neck and hugging him.

He tensed for a few seconds, but then he relaxed, bringing an arm up to her back, and pushing his cheek to the top of her head.

‘Will you be alright?’, he whispered.

Molly wordlessly nodded.

‘No more crying?’, there was a teasing note in his voice.

She chuckled and let go, smiling up at him. ‘No more crying tonight. Maybe some anxious crying tomorrow.’

He rolled his eyes, before grinning cheekily. ‘There’s no need for that, but I’ll come prepared with tissues.’

Sherlock kissed her cheek before opening the door. Molly did not stop smiling all the way home. She knew it will not be an easy feat, being Sherlock’s soulmate, but the fact that he was willing to work thought it, it meant the world to her.

So did the good night text he sent her, and the good morning one.

Chapter Text

Nico did not want to get up that morning, because he knew the day was going to be horrible.

You would think that a bunch of children who had Greek godly parents wouldn’t care much about Christmas, you know, a Christian holiday that celebrated the birth of the son of God. Singular, not plural, like they all knew existed.

You’d also think that a place such as Camp Half-Blood, that was currently more empty than filled, wouldn’t care much about Christmas.

And yet, Nico had spent the morning before finding pines in the woods, pines who were willing to temporary relocate in a pot and move indoors. With the help of a few dryads, he managed to do that.

Afterwards, he spent the rest of the day in the Big House, where they all made decorations for the trees. There were only 12 people staying at camp right then, and they were all very loud people, who were very excited for Christmas. Except for Nico, that is. It would have been rude to lock himself up in his cabin, and he knew exactly which of the people in the Big House will be sad and disappointed if he did that.

So he didn’t. He didn’t work on making decorations, either, but he sat in a corner with Chiron, letting the loud sounds of his campmates wash over him. It wasn’t an incredibly horrible day.

But Nico knew that today will be different and that he’ll feel horrible throughout it. He’d actually have to socialize, spend the day with these people, exchanging presents and who knows what else will happen?

It will be horrible.

And he thought that even before he woke up with a tattoo on his hip.

*.*.*

Of course it was Will Solace. Staring at his shirtless self in the mirror, Nico thought that of course, of course!, it was Will freaking Solace.

The tattoo was a simple, small thing, on his hip. A minimalist sun, stark black against Nico’s skin. He had a few scars around it, silver lines that were testimonies of bad memories, but the sun was on a patch of perfect skin.

As far as symbols went, the choice of sun was obvious. Will was Apollo’s son, the son of the sun god. It was more than that, though, Apollo had other children at camp, but Nico didn’t need to think who the tattoo was for. He knew it was for Will, instantly, because that’s how he saw him. Since day one, since Nico saw a mess a blonde hair against the forest, he had thought of Will Solace as a spark of light, a ray of sun walking the earth.

And, fuck, he had been falling for Will since day one one, too. There couldn’t have been anyone else, really. If Nico was going to have a soulmate, it couldn’t have been anyone else but Will Solace.

He was at camp, for once. He was almost always at camp, but Nico knew that he usually spent Christmas with his mother. But she had booked a lot of holiday shows that year and Will knew he will get very bored if he traveled with her, so he stayed at camp, but promised to visit her for New Years.

So Nico had to face him. With a tattoo on his skin, knowing there was one on Will’s skin too, he had to go out of his cabin and spend the day in the Big House with the rest of the campers, spend the day in a room with Will and a bunch of other people, doing Christmas things.

He sat back down on the bed and panicked.

*.*.*

Chiron knocked on his door what felt like days later, but was only an hour. When Nico didn’t answer, the centaur opened the door himself. He sighed, upon seeing Nico, turned his legs into a wheelchair and made his way into the cabin, closing the door behind himself.

‘Will was under the impression you were going to be having a bad day today and that you may wish to cancel it. I see he was right.’

Nico said nothing.

‘How did he know that? Are you telepathically connected and omitted to tell me?’

Nico shook his head and hesitated for a moment before lifting up his shirt.

‘Ah.’, Chiron said after a moment. ‘That explains it.’

‘Explains what?’, Nico asked, hesitantly.

‘What Will wanted me to tell you.’, Chiron smiled a little. ‘He said you shouldn’t worry about it, shouldn’t let it ruin your Christmas. That he’s not going to let it do that.’

‘Easier said than done.’, Nico couldn’t help but whine.

Chiron didn’t show him any sympathy.

‘Did you know other pairs of soulmates?’, he thought of asking. Chiron was old, maybe this wasn’t the first time the gods pulled something like this.

But the centaur shook his head. ‘I have met people who were soulmates, but none of them had the certainty of a tattoo to prove it.’

‘Does everyone know?’, he already felt himself blushing.

‘No.’, Chiron said seriously. ‘The news today spoke of nothing but soulmates, and news travels fast. So yes, everyone knows about the tattoos, but nobody know you two got them.’

Nico swore under his breath.

‘Is it such a bad thing?’, Chiron asked softly.

‘No.’, he had to admit. ‘I just hate it when gods meddle like this. Take away our choice, force us into something we maybe didn’t want.’

‘Is this something you don’t want?’, Chiron asked pointedly, with a very judgemental brow.

Nico didn’t answer, because he did want it. Damn, he wanted it a lot.

‘Thought so.’, Chiron smirked. ‘You better be in the Big House in 10 minutes. Everyone is waiting on you so they can open presents.’

He sighed, but did get up. ‘Will there be coffee?’

‘A lot of it, Mr. Di’Angelo. A whole lot of it.’

*.*.*

Nico did not look at Will for most of the morning. Not necessarily because he didn’t want to, but because he didn’t get the time to.

The process of opening Christmas presents was a mess. Everyone had a pile of gifts on the floor of the Big House, with name tags from who they were from. Nico’s presents were nice, mostly useful things, like socks and knives, a pillow and a blanket, a soft hoodie from Will, but he couldn’t really keep count if the gifts he got the others were well received. Everyone was speaking loudly over each other, there was laughter and screaming, it was a mess.

They seemed to be having fun, though. Nico still felt anxious and uncomfortable in a crowd, but they were enjoying themselves.

And then the food came out, and Nico started enjoying himself, too, because there was a lot of it, and it was all delicious.

Of course, the good feeling didn’t last long, because just as they finished breakfast and were discussing (arguing) about what they wanted to do, Aphrodite popped up.

Literally, just appeared in the middle of the room with a loud pop.

Nico and everyone else took a moment of just blinking confusedly. He knew, from Percy, that Aphrodite’s thing was to appear to you looking like the person you liked, making herself attractive for everyone she met. For a few seconds, Nico saw blonde curls and blue eyes, before the shape settled. Aphrodite was still gorgeous, but at least she didn’t look like Will anymore.

‘Good day, my lady.’, Chiron sad politely. ‘What brings you here?’

‘Oh, hello Chiron.’, Aphrodite smiled at him. ‘I just thought I’d visit.’

Nico snorted at that, and so did Will. They were the only ones, so they locked eyes for a moment before looking away. It made Aphrodite smile, somewhat hungrily.

In the few seconds that transpired, Nico deduced some things. Judging by their reactions, it was clear that only him and Will had woken up with tattoos. Also, it was painfully clear that the soulmate tattoos were Aphrodite’s doing. It made sense, really, no other god would have been crazy enough to pull this off.

The goddess sat down. Introduced herself properly, and Chiron introduced all of the campers. There were no children of Aphrodite at camp right then, so she didn’t know any ot the kids before. But when Chiron said Will and Nico’s names, she had a different reaction. Her eyes sparkled and her smile was just a little brighter.

Nico felt sick to his stomach, and by the looks of it, so did Will. Chiron kept throwing them concerned looks, as Aphrodite asked about Christmas traditions and the kids told her what it was all about.

They were all terribly excited. Nico understood it, somewhat. The particular assortment of kids who were at camp, they were younger ones. They haven’t been on quests, yet, they haven’t fought in the New York, maybe not even against Gaia. They haven’t seen a god before, besides Dionysus, and if they had, it probably wasn’t a pleasant experience. And Aphrodite was pleasant, listening to everyone attentively, chuckling and being polite.

Nico wanted to tear her hair out and in order to stop himself from doing that, he got up and, very stiffly, said he was feeling sick.

‘Me too.’, Will got up.

Aphrodite seemed delighted.

‘Boys.’, Chiron said gravely, clearly seeing through them.

‘We’ll be back later.’, Will said in an authoritative voice he usually used in the Infirmary.

‘A goddess graces you with her presence’, Aphrodite said slowly, threateningly, ‘and you wish to run away?’

Will and Nico shared a long long. They knew each other pretty damn well by now, a lot was said between them without using any words.

‘My lady’, Nico started, ‘either we run, or we pick a fight.’

‘It’s best we not do that, yeah?’, Will piped up.

Aphrodite kept glaring at them, but she tilted her head. ‘You’re not my children, do as you wish. I have no control over you.’

‘And yet you try.’, Will mumbled under his breath, but loud enough for everyone to hear.

She opened her mouth, but Chiron cut her off.

‘Dinner is at eight, boys. Be back before then.’

Neither Will nor Nico looked back. They wordlessly got dressed in the hallway, hearing Ben, one of the Hermes kids, say that they were acting weirder than usual.

‘Your cabin?’, Will asked when they were on the porch.

Nico shook his head. ‘Somewhere else. Any ideas?’

He thought about it, then Will confidently said ‘Vegas’. It confused Nico.

‘The Hard Rock, mom’s there right now.’

Nico hesitated, badly. He and Will were friends, good friends even, and they’ve been talking about Nico maybe joining the Solaces on New Years, finally meeting Will’s mom. But that was before this whole mess.

‘Mom’s cool.’, Will said gently. ‘She’s very good at… distracting me.’

That did sound really damn good, so Nico nodded. He grabbed Will’s shoulder and into the shadows they went.

*.*.*

The receptionist didn’t want to call Naomi Solace’s room, because she had finished her concert just a few hours prior and she was probably still asleep. It took a little bit of flirting and teasing, but Will convinced her to do it, and they were directed to Naomi’s room.

She was waiting on the hallway, blonde hair even messier than Will’s, barefoot and wearing a bright red, fluffy bathrobe. She was thrilled when she saw her son, hugging him very tightly. She hugged Nico, too, clearly aware of who he was.

‘What happened, boys?’, she asked in concern. ‘I thought we were gonna meet up for New Year’s.’

Will waved a hand. ‘Godly mess, we just had to get away from it. We can’t stay long, Chiron’s making us go back for dinner.’

Mrs. Solace was more than happy to accomodate them. They spent the day in her hotel room, lounging around, eating room service and just talking. Well, Will and his mom did most of the talking, catching up, but Nico felt content to sit back and listen.

Slowly but surely, his anger went away. He still wanted to bash Aphrodite’s head in, but he realized that there wasn’t anything he could do. It was already done, he couldn’t change things. The tattoo was there to stay, and so were the feelings he had for Will.

He fell asleep at one point, Mrs. Solace soft voice lulling him to sleep. He didn’t sleep for long, but he didn’t immediately open his eyes when he woke up.

‘I like him a lot.’, Will was whispering. ‘A whole lot, a ridiculous amount.’

‘So this isn’t so bad, is it? Your tattoos?’

Will didn’t say anything.

‘Come on, kid.’, his mother snorted. ‘He’s here, isn’t he? He does have a tattoo for you, doesn’t he?’

‘I haven’t actually seen it.’, Will said meekly. ‘And he was so angry earlier.’

‘You’re not usually this much of an idiot.’

‘Thanks, mom.’

Both of the sentences were said very easily and teasingly, so they weren’t true.

‘Seriously, though.’, she went on. ‘If you like him so much, and if the goddess of love thinks you’re meant for each other, then you just gotta man up and go get your guy.’

‘He could sick an army of skeletons on me.’, Will pointed out.

‘Not gonna happen.’

‘He could turn me down.’

‘Neah, I don’t think so.’

‘He could say yes.’, Will sounded utterly terrified by this.

‘How nice would that be?’, his mother chuckled.

Neither of them said anything for a long while, so Nico thought it was a good moment to wake up. He apologized for falling asleep and Will and his mom acted like the conversation they had never happened.

When it was time to leave, both of them got another set of tight hugs from the woman, and Nico had to promise her to go to Texas for New Years.

*.*.*

He shadowtraveled them to Cabin 13, which surprised Will. But he didn’t say anything, just gulped, before smirking, a little.

‘You wanna skip dinner and face Chiron’s wrath?’

‘No, we’ll go a little later.’, Nico sighed.

He looked away, and started undressing. He took off his coat and the sweater he was wearing and quickly, like pulling off a bandaid, he lifted his shirt, making Will’s eyes instantly move to the tattoo.

‘Oh’, the blonde breathed out, shakily.

‘I wasn’t angry that it was you.’, Nico managed to say, because if nothing else, he needed Will to understand that. ‘I was angry that she meddled.’

‘I don’t want to force you into anything.’, Will said quickly, looking into his eyes. ‘I mean, I thought this was the direction we were heading towards, but I don’t ever want to do something that makes you uncomfortable. This isn’t…’, he shook his head. ‘You still have a choice, Nico, okay? You can choose to walk away from all this.’

Nico tilted his head. He had walked away before, and it didn’t end well. He could’ve walked away after the war against Gaia, but he didn’t. He didn’t want to leave, then, and even if he had been scared to stay, he did.

And Nico was glad that he did, for a lot of reasons, one of them being his relationship with Will. Even before the tattoos, they had something good going on. And Will was right, that was the direction they were heading towards, and Nico felt comfortable on that road. He wanted to reach the destination.

So he steeled his nerves before talking.

‘I made the choice to stay at camp after we defeated Gaia. That’s not going to change.’

‘But-’

Nico cut Will off, shaking his head. ‘And I made the choice to stay by your side a little after that.’

Will stopped trying to babble and argue. His mouth fell open and his eyes grew wide. He also blushed, furiously, and Nico kind of hated how much he loved seeing it.

The blonde gulped, very loudly, and hurriedly took off his coat, letting it fall to the floor. Will then pulled up his right sleeve, sticking his arm out. The tattoo was placed on the inside of his arm, just under his elbow.

Nico felt absolutely disgusted, and he showed it. ‘That is the cutest skull I have ever seen.’

‘You hate it?’, Will blinked.

‘No, I love it.’ Nico grumbled. ‘I hate that I love it.’

It took a moment, but Will relaxed at that, and he started laughing. It was a nice sound, that Nico liked and wished he could hear all day long.

‘So’, Will took a deep breath, ‘this-’

‘Yeah.’

‘We-’

‘Yeah.’

Will took a step forward. ‘Are you-’

‘Yeah.’

‘Let me talk!’, Will chuckled a little.

‘No.’, Nico said as seriously as he could.

Will smiled at him, something incredibly fond in his eyes, and he stepped as close to Nico as he could without actually touching him. In a spark of courage, Nico grabbed his hand.

‘Can I…’, Will whispered?

Nico nodded, not trusting himself to speak anymore.

Will kissed him, but he did it slowly, giving Nico more than enough time to step back. He didn’t, he just closed his eyes and waited. When their lips met, Nico knew he was blushing all the way to his chest, but it was worth it, because he felt amazing. It was a new feeling, like nothing he had ever felt before, but it was good, and warm, and exciting, and Nico could not stop himself from smiling against Will’s lips.

But it was okay, because the other boy was smiling, too, when he pulled away.

‘I like you a ridiculous amount.’, Will whispered, still smiling. ‘I liked you even before I saw that you have a tiny Christmas tree decorated with tiny silver skulls on your bedside table.’

Nico had completely forgot about it, and he felt very embarrassed. But Will just snickered fondly, and kissed him again. They were rudely interrupted by a knock on the cabin’s door and Ben’s very loud voice.

‘You guys better be in there, or Chiron’s gonna kill you!’

‘We’ll be right there!’, Will yelled back, before leveling Nico with a look. ‘Do you think Hazel and Frank got tattoos? Annabeth and Percy must have.’

Nico glared. ‘Thank you, Will, you just ruined Christmas.’

Will just grinned, evidently pleased with himself, but he also kissed Nico again.

Chapter Text

Newt woke up to the distinct sound of Bunty’s heels pattering down on the stairs. He had fallen asleep at the desk in the crypt, so he felt a crick in his neck and his right arm was sore. There was also a small niffler sleeping on his head. The little buggers were still managing to escape, he really had to think of a better way to fix that lock.

Bunty giggled, having made her way to his side.

‘You really need to take better care of yourself, Newt.’

He huffed, gently removing the niffler from his hair. ‘I’m fine, Bunty. What are you doing here? It’s Christmas.’

She smiled at him. ‘I’ll help you with the morning feeding, I don’t have to be at my parents’ cottage until lunch.’

‘You don’t need to do that.’, Newt frowned. ‘You can take a few days off, I can handle it.’

‘When’s the last time you ate something?’, she asked, knowingly.

He rolled his eyes. ‘You’re not my mother, Bunty.’

‘No, if I were, I’d probably manage to feed you three times a day.’

‘You’ve gotten too comfortable here.’, he grumbled. ‘I’m your employer.’

‘Yes, well, I’m your friend.’, she bristled. ‘Which is why I got you breakfast upstairs. Why don’t you go eat while I tend to the animals?’

He didn’t move, kept frowning at her. Bunty gently took the niffler from his hands.

‘There’s tea, coffee too. And those scones you like from down the street.’

That got him moving. ‘Thank you.’, he yelled when he was halfway up the stairs.

As a response, he just heard gentle laughter, followed by Bunty sweetly telling the niffler about how ridiculous his adopted dad was.

*.*.*

He lost track of time, sitting at the dining table, absently eating scones and drinking coffee, thinking about all the ways life was wrong. It was almost noon when Bunty came back up, coat already on.

‘Everyone’s fed, the nifflers are all accounted for.’

‘Thank you, Bunty.’, he smiled. ‘Please take some days off, go be with your family.’

‘Speaking of, you remember Theseus will be joining you for dinner?’

‘Oh, bugger.’

She laughed. ‘You’ve got vegetables in the refrigerator. And-’

‘I know.’, he rolled up his sleeves. ‘I’ll manage, it’s fine.’

He was watching her, so he saw, very well, the way her eyes fell down on something, how they grew wide and how she gasped, silently.

‘What?’

‘Newt…’, she said gently, eyes not moving up to his face, like they usually did.

He looked down, followed her line of sight, down to his arm.

‘Oh.’, he breathed out, staring at the dark ink on it. Suddenly, it was like his brain remembered how to function.

‘It’s in the Prophet.’, Bunty said gently after a moment. She pushed the newspaper towards him, even if Newt didn’t look at it. ‘Soulmates, all over the world. Wizards and muggles, alike.’

He nodded, unblinking.

‘So you know who… who it’s for?’

Newt closed his eyes. ‘Yes, yes I do.’

‘That’s good, isn’t it?’, she asked hesitantly.

‘It’s… complicated.’ In a rush, he pulled his sleeve back down and he managed to smile at Bunty. ‘Have a good Christmas. Thank you for everything.’

He had to scramble, a little, but he did manage to find the pouch he was looking for, and he gave it to her. ‘I didn’t manage to actually buy you a gift, but please get yourself something nice. You deserve it, for all you put up from me.’

She took it, gently squeezed his shoulder. Smiled up at him. ‘Talk to your brother, Newt.’

‘Don’t give me orders.’, he chuckled.

Of course, she rolled her eyes. ‘Owl me if anything comes up, alright? And please, do try to have some cheerful time this Christmas.’

He didn’t bother answering. Between his brother, his fears and the loneliness settled deeply in his chest, Newt didn’t expect to feel cheerful anytime soon.

*.*.*

Grindelwald had been missing for more than six months. His follower count kept rising and rising, and no matter how hard the Ministry, all the ministries of the world tried to find him, they were unsuccessful. He was dormant, in hiding, his followers were doing all the work. For now, that seemed to be just gathering numbers.

Theseus had thrown himself head first into his work, coordinating with Aurors across Europe, investigating every lead, however small and ridiculous it was. He was still grieving, but Newt didn’t let him do it alone. He needed to grieve Leta’s loss, too, so he let Theseus stay at his house any time he needed it. They spent time together, a lot more than ever before, got to know each other again, and while it came from pain, it was good.

Across the ocean, Tina and Jacob weren’t doing so well. They had moved in together, hoping to fill the void left behind by Queenie, but while they both said, in their letters, that they were happy to be together, Newt didn’t think it was as good as they were making it up to be.

While he was happy for the letters, happy that he and Tina were talking again, Newt missed them. He missed Tina, he missed Queenie, he missed Jacob. He wanted to help, desperately wanted to do something, anything to bring Queenie back, to help Credence, to defeat Grindelwald. But there was nothing he could do.

Theseus kept him up to speed with everything that he found, and Tina was working on it from her end, too. The two of them exchanged letters, and Newt knew everything about the hunt for Grindelwald, from two sides of the ocean, but they didn’t need his help. They needed all the help they could get, but they had nothing to go on, so there was nothing Newt could do. Dumbledore didn’t have any new leads, either.

So even though he hated it, absolutely loathed not doing anything, he held back. He worked on the second edition of Fantastic Beasts, worked with Bunty on keeping his animals healthy and happy. Sometimes, people asked for his help with animals, and he always went, if they were in England.

His ban on traveling was enraging. More than anything, he wanted to go see Tina and Jacob. And, on top of that, Newt knew, without a shadow of uncertainty, that at one point in the future, Grindelwald will act. And when he did, there was no doubt in Newt’s mind that he will answer the call to arms. War or no war, he will fight Grindelwald.

For Leta and Theseus, for Credence, for Queenie, for Dumbledore. For Tina. He had chosen his side.

The traveling ban needed to be revoked. The chances of that happening had been slim even before Newt ran to Pairs. But with this new development, he thought he had a chance. So when Theseus came over for dinner, he asked him to set up another meeting.

‘I know you think it’s not going to happen, but there have been new developments that might work in my favor.’

Theseus narrowed his eyes. ‘What new developments?’

‘I don’t… I can’t tell you yet.’, Newt looked away. ‘I’ll explain, at some point.’

‘I thought we were past this.’, Theseus whispered in anger.

He was right, but this, this tattoo wrapped around Newt’s arm, it felt incredibly personal, like it was just supposed to be between him and his soulmate. The fact that Bunty saw it made him feel terribly uncomfortable. He’ll tell Theseus, he will, but Newt needed more time, to be able to say it out loud. To make it real.

‘I promise I will tell you, but I need more time.’

It took a moment, but Theseus nodded. ‘After the meeting, then?’

‘Yes, alright.’

‘Good. Now, what did you get me for Christmas?’

Theseus grinned wildly, like he was ten again and they were sneaking into the kitchen to steal cookies their mother baked. There was still pain in his eyes, Newt thought it was always going to be there, but there was a spark of normalcy, a small spark of excitement. It made Newt feel an uncommon surge of love for his big brother.

So he smiled. ‘Socks. I got you socks.’

Theseus threw a slice of baked pumpkin at his head.

*.*.*

‘What makes you think we’ll change our minds this time, Mr. Scamander?’

Newt spared a look to Theseus, who was watching him curiously, before looking back to the man who asked the question. His name was Guzman, he was the US Emissary to the International Conference of Wizards. He and Theseus were the only ones who were present for any of the other hearings, but Guzman was the only one who had addressed Newt on that day.

He took a deep breath. ‘Something new has transpired, a change, with me, that I think… I hope will make you change your mind.’

All the men looked unimpressed. With shaking hands, Newt stood up. He took off his coat and, without looking up, he folded up his right sleeve.

There was silence, for a few long moments, as the men looked at the tattoo on Newt’s arm, just below the elbow. It was a winged animal, the wings wrapped around his arm, the beak turned to the side. The shape was surrounded by a line of dots and on the bird, there were swirls that were not filled in.

‘Oh, Merlin’s balls!’, Theseus breathed out.

‘Is that a thunderbird?’, Travers, the Head Auror asked. ‘Like the one you set loose in New York?’

‘No.’, Newt started getting dressed. ‘Well, yes, Frank is a thunderbird, but this is a symbol.’

‘For an Ilvermorny house.’, Guzman added.

It took a few moments, but Newt managed to look up to his brother. Theseus was smirking.

‘So your soulmate is American?’, Guzman asked.

‘Not just any American.’, Theseus said under his breath.

Guzman opened his mouth, but shut it quickly. ‘It would be in poor taste to ask about her identity, wouldn’t it?’

Newt shrugged, even though he really hoped nobody will ask him that.

‘So you want us to revoke your travelling ban in order to go see your girlfriend?’, Travers asked in a very gruff way.

‘She’s not my girlfriend.’, Newt answered in the same manner, before calming himself down. ‘I want you to revoke my traveling ban so that I can travel outside of England. So I can go to China and release the Zouwu in its habitat. To Rome, where a colony of Boggarts is causing trouble at the Vatican. There’s a Basilisk loose in Athens, that the Aurors can’t find. There are plans for opening a dragon sanctuary in Romania and they need all the help they can get.’

‘You don’t work for the Ministry anymore, Mr. Scamander.’, Travers smirked. ‘None is that is of our concern.’

‘But Grindelwald is.’, Newt bravely said, making a shadow appear on the other man’s face.

‘I thought I made it perfectly clear after Paris, Mr. Scamander. You will never be involved with Grindelwald again.’

Newt tilted his head. ‘I want that to be true, but I got roped into it without even trying. Twice. And, with all due respect, Mr. Travers. If there’s one thing everyone in the Ministry knows about me, is the amount I care for my creatures. Can you imagine how much I care for my family and friends?’

‘Calm down.’, Theseus whispered.

He was perfectly calm. There was strength in his words, but no anger.

‘No.’, Newt told his brother. ‘It’s not just about you. Everyone I have left in this world that I care about is, in one way or another, involved. If there’s going to be another world war, I’m going to be drafted. And in the war against Grindelwald, I’ll be in the front lines no matter what, protecting the people I care for, protecting the wizarding world, my world. Helping you, brother, catch him.’

He turned back to Travers. ‘I’d prefer to do it legally.’

‘What makes you think you can help?’, came the mocking response. ‘You’re just a magizoologist, for Merlin’s sake.’

At that, Newt smiled. ‘People always underestimate me because of it. But it was my thunderbird that saved New York. It was my spell that cuffed Grindelwald, then. My niffler that stole that thing Dumbledore told you about and asked to keep secret.’

Travers recoiled at that, probably because he wasn’t aware that Newt knew about the blood pact.

‘I’m not a weak wizard, Mr. Travers.’, Newt said gently. ‘Actually, I am quite strong. I’m a good wizard, I have helped the Ministry in the past and I will continue to do so. I am just politely asking you to give me what I deserve.’

Nobody said anything for a long while, before Theseus got up, and stirred Newt towards the door.

‘You already know my vote.’, Theseus told the room. ‘Good day!’

*.*.*

Back in the hallway, Newt had a minor breakdown. He was not a confrontational person, he didn’t enjoy acting the way he did. Making threats wasn’t something he was comfortable with, and yet, that is what he had done. He didn’t regret it, he’d do anything for Tina, but it still made his stomach turn.

Theseus kept a hand on his shoulder through it, and thankfully, didn’t say anything. But when Newt managed to calm down, his brother smiled gently at him.

‘It’s Tina, isn’t it?’

Newt nodded.

‘That’s complicated.’

‘You don’t know the half of it.’

‘I’ll listen, if you want to tell me.’, Theseus smiled.

Newt found himself talking, fast and breathlessly, and he told Theseus everything. Not in great detail, but he managed to push through everything that happened, in New York, in Paris, and since then.

‘You love her.’, Theseus was very surprised.

Newt couldn’t deny it, but he couldn’t say it out loud, either.

‘And you’ve been in love with her before the tattoo appeared. Since New York?’

‘Probably.’, Newt chuckled weakly. ‘I might have fallen for Tina the moment I saw her, I don’t know. I don’t… I don’t understand these things. I never know what to say to her, how to act when she’s there.’

‘You’ve been talking for months.’, Theseus pointed out. ‘Don’t think I didn’t notice the pile of letters on your desk.’

‘Yes, but every time I write a reply I go through 20 drafts. It’s pathetic, really.’

‘I think it’s sweet.’, Theseus teased.

It didn’t amuse Newt.

‘Hey, come on.’, his brother said gently. ‘They’re going to lift the ban and-’

‘Will they?’

‘Yes, I think so. You’ve proven that you couldn’t give a rat’s ass about doing something illegal for your friends. They don’t know it’s the same person, but they’ll assume that you’ll do it again for your soulmate. They’ll lift your ban just so they could, at least, keep track of your coming and going.’

Newt took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He looked to his brother.

‘I’m sorry, Theseus.’

‘What for?’

‘An Auror is supposed to keep an objective eye over every case and decision. You’re not doing that because of me.’

‘Well’, Theseus tilted his head, ‘it’s not just you. I want Grindelwald dead because he killed Leta. And when it comes to you… We’re the last blood we’ve got, Newt. We’re never not going to be on each other’s side. Not again.’

‘No, not again.’, Newt agreed.

‘Plus’, his brother grinned, ‘you have a soulmate. I can’t get between you and her, nor do I wish to. I still have nightmares about that binding curse.’

Newt snorted. It was the reaction he always had when anybody mentioned the incident in the French Ministry.

‘I like her.’, Theseus whispered. ‘Don’t tell her, but from what I’ve seen, during the debriefs after Paris, in her letters and what I’ve heard from every Auror visiting Macusa, Tina Goldstein is going to keep you in check. And from what you’ve told me, she’s going to love you, as well.’

Newt felt himself blushing, which made his brother snicker. But Theseus also wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

‘It will be fine. As soon as you’re allowed, I’ll set up a Portkey.’

‘Come with me?’, Newt said quickly, pretty desperately.

It surprised him as much as it surprised Theseus.

‘Of course, little brother. It won’t do much, because you and her need to sort it out without an audience, but I’ll come with you. For moral support.’

It made Newt feel better. Marginally.

*.*.*

Three days later, Newt and Theseus were in New York. Early on a Saturday morning, they were standing in front of Jacob’s bakery, and there was a line going outside of the shop.

‘That’s impressive.’, Theseus said.

‘He has niffler shaped pastries.’, Newt couldn’t help but grin.

Theseus wordlessly headed towards the end of the line.

They barely made it inside of the shop before Newt was engulfed in Jacob’s arms, as the other man was babbling excitedly in his ear.

Faster than Newt could keep up, they were all in the apartment upstairs. Tina wasn’t there, had to go into work for a few hours, but Jacob promised she’d be back for lunch, they always had lunch together at the weekends.

Newt was very anxious, but Jacob helped ebb that away, at least temporarily. But as soon as the apartment door opened, Newt was back to having a heart attack.

She looked lovely. Her dark bangs were ruffled from the wind, her cheeks were flushed from the cold, she wore the Auror leather coat. Newt loved her an incredible amount.

Tina saw Theseus first, and she paled. ‘What happened?’

‘Nothing.’, he said quickly. ‘Nothing on the Grindelwald front, anyway. We’re just visiting.’, he tilted his head in Newt’s direction.

When she saw him, she froze, staring at him in disbelief.

‘Hello.’, Newt managed to shakily breathe out.

She didn’t respond.

After a few very awkward moments, Jacob suddenly got up. ‘I should head downstairs and close the bakery.’

‘I’ll join you.’, Theseus said loudly. ‘I heard something about niffler pastries?’

‘Yeah, I have loads-’

Their voices slowly disappeared as they left the apartment. And Tina was still staring at him, not saying anything.

‘I’m sorry I haven’t written, recently.’, Newt started. ‘I-’

‘How are you here?’, she cut him off. ‘Weren’t you banned from traveling?’

‘I had another hearing, they lifted the ban.’

‘Why?’

He gulped and looked away. ‘Two reasons. I uhm… I told them, that when Grindelwald acts, I’ll be there no matter what. And I-’, his voice broke. ‘I actually…’

‘What?’, she said gently, finally walking inside of the apartment and coming to his side.

With immense difficulty, Newt managed to look up at her. ‘I showed them my arm.’

‘Your arm? Why?’

‘You… You know why.’

‘Can I see?’, she whispered.

Newt didn’t hesitate, he lifted his sleeve.

‘Oh.’, Tina whispered, seemingly in awe. She smiled afterwards, a small thing, but incredibly lovely.

He didn’t say anything, not even when she took off her jacket, letting it fall to the floor, not when she unbuttoned the top of her blouse. Tina’s tattoo was on her chest, on the left side, just below her collarbone. It was a small teapot, with a tail coming out of it. Newt had to smile, because it was an occamy, in a Macy’s department store, shrinking as it went into the teapot.

‘I love it.’, he said before he could second doubt it.

In a rush, Tina said his name and threw herself at him, so much so that Newt stumbled back a step. But he returned the hug immediately, wrapped his arms around her back and let her tuck her face in the crook of his neck.

She was shaking, slightly, and Newt didn’t feel too stable himself. But he was happy, in that moment, he would gladly spend the rest of his life with Tina in his arms.

‘I’ve missed you terribly.’, he whispered.

‘I can’t do this.’, she said, and Newt immediately let go of her.

His heart was in the gutter, but he took a step back.

‘No, I just-’, Tina’s voice broke, but she grabbed a hold of his hand. ‘I can’t do this now. I can’t, I need to know Queenie’s safe.’

Newt was quick to hold her hand in both of his, bringing them to his chest, forcing her to step closer to him.

‘It’s alright.’, he said gently. ‘I understand.’

‘I’m sorry, Newt, I-’

‘Don’t.’, he shook his head. ‘I really do understand. During the war, Theseus went missing for a few weeks. I was… dead inside, until he came back. And that was just a week, and we weren’t as close as you and Queenie are. Nothing needs to happen now, Tina. I just wanted you to know that… I’m here. I’m here for you, and I’ll be here, whatever you need.’

There were tears in her eyes, and he hated that he put them there, but Newt didn’t want to take back anything that he had said.

‘You deserve more than what I can give you.’, Tina whispered.

He immediately felt angry. ‘Don’t ever say that. Not to anyone, but especially not to me. Don’t lie, Tina.’

‘I’m not good at this.’

Newt chuckled. ‘I can assure you, without a shadow of a doubt, that you’re better than I am.’

She smiled, fondly, a spark of amusement in her eyes.

‘We’ll figure it out.’, he said, remembering what Theseus told him after the hearing. ‘We’ll sort it out, eventually. I don’t want to rush, Tina, I don’t...‘, he looked away, ‘I don’t think I’d be able to do that, either way.’

‘But we know that we’ll get there?’, there was hope in her voice.

‘Yes.’, Newt breathed out, very relieved. ‘Yes that’s-’

The door to the apartment opened, cutting Newt off and making Tina pull her hand away from his hold. Theseus walked in, a scowl on his face.

‘Look what I found in the bakery.’

Out of his pocket, he pulled out a niffler.

‘Bugger!’, Newt made his way towards Theseus. ‘He must have snuck in the suitcase before we left.’

‘Is that a baby niffler?’, there was glee in Tina’s voice.

Grabbing the animal, he took it to her, putting it in her outstretched palms. The niffler sniffed curiously at her hands, and when she brought them up to her face, he put his little paws on her chin.

‘He’s almost a year old, so he’s more of a teenager, really. I haven’t managed to train them yet, he and his siblings.’

‘Oh, you’ll never manage that.’, Tina said easily.

The niffler looked for treasure, inspecting the buttons of her shirt, her hair, her ears. Tina let him do it, and when he concluded there were no treasures to be found, the niffler settled in the crook of her arm, snuggling adorably.

But it wasn’t as adorable as the look on Tina’s face. All the tears were gone, there was no more pain and hesitation, just something very warm and fond. And when she looked at Newt, her smile grew even wider. He returned it, fully.

‘Jacob and I made lunch downstairs.’, Theseus said. ‘Or do you need more time to be emotional with each other?’

Newt reached for his wand, ready to hex his brother’s mouth shut, but stopped when he noticed that Tina wasn’t upset, not at all. She was, in fact, smirking at Theseus.

‘So’, she turned to Newt, ‘your brother’s a boob.’

He snorted. ‘If that means he’s an idiot, then yes.’

‘I wanna laugh real loud right now’, Tina said with wide eyes, ‘but I don’t want to wake up the tiny niffler.’

Newt loved her very, very much.

‘You’re perfect, Goldstein.’, Theseus said in jest.

‘Yes, she is.’, Newt was completely serious.

The blush on Tina’s cheeks was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

*.*.*

Four months later, Queenie showed up in Newt’s living room. She was bleeding, she was shaking, she was evidently pregnant, and she was sobbing for Jacob and Tina.

Theseus managed to get them to London in just a few hours, and Newt spent that time trying to calm Queenie down. He managed to make her stop sobbing, convinced her to take a bath, eat something and drink some calming tea. Made sure the baby was Jacob’s, that she hadn’t been forced into anything. By the time everyone showed up, she was asleep.

They left the family alone in the bedroom, even though Theseus was clearly itching to find out anything and everything about Grindelwald, and even though Newt really wanted to know if Queenie and Credence were alright.

Half an hour later, Tina ran out of the bedroom, tears in her eyes but smile on her lips. She said nothing, as she grabbed the lapels of Newt’s vest and pulled him, until their lips were pressed together.

Newt stopped breathing, he couldn’t close his eyes or blink, even, he didn’t know what to do with his hands but he couldn’t hold them still so he ended up waving them around.

‘Kiss her back, dung brain!’, Theseus said rather loudly.

Tina chuckled against his lips, but she also moved, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Newt found his footing, somehow, although he will forever claim that Theseus had nothing to do with it. He kissed Tina back, still hesitant and feeling like he was doing everything wrong, but also feeling like he will never be as happy as he was in that moment.

When Tina pulled away, she kept her hands on his cheeks. He couldn’t look away.

‘I need to take care of Queenie, now.’

‘Yes.’, he nodded, once.

‘She agreed to go to the Ministry and tell them everything she knows.’

‘I’ll go tell the Minister.’, Theseus said, Apparating away.

Tina kissed Newt again, just a quick press of lips. ‘We’ll figure this out later?’

‘Yes.’

‘Newt?’, the corner of her mouth lifted up. ‘Can you say any other word?’

‘Yes.’

She smiled fully, and Newt couldn’t help himself, he kissed it away.

‘We’ll figure this out later.’, he said after. ‘Once my heart beat goes back down, my lips stop tingling and after we convince Queenie to see a healer.’

Theseus Apparated back, but neither of them reacted to it.

‘You’re still here?’, he sounded annoyed.

‘Newt?’, Tina said shakily. ‘I love you, very much.’

He had to kiss her again, and he did not do it quickly. Because he loved her a terrible amount, and he was a flawed man, unable to use words, in that moment, to make her understand just how much he cared for her, and how happy he was to be her soulmate. So he kissed her with as much passion as he could, forgoing words for actions.

‘Merlin’s beard’, Theseus mumbled, ‘I don’t need to see this.’

It didn’t stop them.

‘Really now!’, he was aggravated.

It took another moment or ten, but Tina did pull away.

‘Your brother is still a boob.’, she smiled at Newt.

‘Yes, but your sister is always reading my mind, so I feel like we’re even.’

‘Weren’t we supposed to be doing something?’, Theseus asked, kind of desperately. ‘The Minister is waiting.’

‘Theseus Scamander!’, Queenie yelled from the bedroom. ‘You come in here and let them be for five more minutes!’

With wide, mildly scared eyes, Theseus made his way to the bedroom. Tina was kissing Newt even before the door was closed.

Five minutes was not enough, but Newt knew they had the rest of their lives ahead of them. Still, he took advantage of those five minutes.

Chapter Text

Clint would have had no idea it was Christmas if it wasn’t for the fact that Tony put a Santa hat on Dum-e and that Friday started playing carols in the elevators.

Time ran differently in the Avengers facility. Sure, he barely knew what day it was when he was living in Bed-Stuy, but once he moved into the high tech, high class building, he couldn’t keep track with the passing of days. Hell, most times he didn’t even know if it was night or day.

There was a lot of work to do, all day, every day. Missions, planning them, writing reports, training with the Avengers, training the younglings, personal training. Clint barely had time to eat and sleep, what even was Christmas, anyway?

It wasn’t that he minded keeping busy, he really didn’t. Being busy kept him out of his head, which was always a good thing. Being constantly surrounded by people wasn’t a bad thing, either. He thought he would hate it, but he didn’t. It made him feel human, which was a difficult thing to remember when you were surrounded by supersoldiers, shapeshifters, wizard and witches and the like.

Most of them were out on missions, because crime didn’t stop for Christmas.

Clint was particularly worried about Kate. She was undercover in Ohio, taking night classes at a local college. Those classes were the only thing connecting a series of murders that were unnatural in nature. They thought it was the work of an alien, and Kate was the only one from those available that could act as though she was interested in the classes, and, quite honestly, she was the only one who would be nice enough to befriend her colleagues, in hopes of catching the alien.

Bucky was with her, as backup. Clint trusted him, trusted him as much as he trusted Kate. They will keep each other safe, but he couldn’t help but be worried. Except for a bunch of random texts, he didn’t know anything much about the mission, about how it was going, about how they were doing.

Christmas really was the last thing on Clint’s mind.

*.*.*

He was woken up on Christmas morning by Friday’s shrieking voice. There was an attack in Brooklyn, a bunch of robots targeting an orphanage. Fucking ridiculous, really.

Clint and Cap were the only ones at the facility, and they suited up quickly, boarding a Quinjet and picking up Spider-Man on the way.

Honestly, Clint wasn’t aware of it. In the back of his mind, he did have the new information about soulmates, but beyond that, his brain was focused on the mission. If it weren’t for the kid, he wouldn’t have even noticed it.

‘Oh, Mr. Hawkeye! You got a soulmate, that’s so cool!’

He stared at the wide eyed mask in front of him. ‘What?’

Peter pointed to Clint’s left arm. In his haste to leave, he put on his summer suit, so the arm was exposed. On it, below his elbow, along the line of the arm, he had a tattoo. An arrow and, underneath it, a pair of aviator glasses.

‘So who’s it for?’, Peter asked excitedly.

‘No.’, Clint snapped, before he controlled his tone. ‘Sorry, buddy, but that’s not any of your business. We’ve got bigger fish to fry. I guess robots and circuits to fry.’

That managed to divert Peter’s attention, but Clint didn’t miss the concerned look Steve threw his way. Still, all three of them had a job to do and they focused on that.

*.*.*

The robots were dealt with, it didn’t even take that long. It took longer to calm down all the kids in the orphanage, and it involved a lot of hugs and cuddles, which was nice. Kids loved superheroes, and Clint loved seeing them smile as they gushed over his arrows. That, at least, felt a little as Christmas.

But as they dropped Peter on his apartment building, shit got real again.

‘Hey, Mr. Hawkeye.’, he smiled at Clint, blushing a little. ‘I know it’s not any of my business, but the happiness you’re gonna get out of that’, he gestured to the tattoo, ‘you deserve it.’

Clint was actually touched. ‘Thanks, Peter.’

He bit his tongue to not say anything more, to not say that he most definitely didn’t deserve it, that she deserves someone better, that it was not going to be easy. He said nothing, smiled at Peter and ignored the looks Steve was throwing him.

*.*.*

Cap managed to hold it in until late that night. But when he found Clint in the living room, watching a Disney movie, drinking coffee from a pot and eating his way through a 48 pack of Pop-Tarts, Steve leveled him with a look.

‘Let’s talk about it.’

‘Let’s not.’, Clint snapped.

Steve kept glaring at him.

‘I'm fine.’

Cap took away his Pop-Tarts. Clint huffed, terribly annoyed, but didn’t push. He also, reluctantly, paused the movie.

‘So.’, Steve was utterly calm. ‘Is it Natasha?’

‘No.’, Clint pulled a face. ‘God, no. What the hell, Steve?’

‘One of the guys, then?’

Clint shook his head, making Steve frown.

With a deep sigh, he pulled up his sleeve, letting Cap see his tattoo. He still didn’t get it.

‘Did you already have that arrow?’

‘No.’, Clint snorted. ‘It’s part of it.’

‘But who- Oh.’ His eyes grew wide. ‘Oooh.’

‘Yeah, oh.’ Clint grumbled, pulling his sleeve back down.

‘Okay, that’s not… that surprising, now that I think about it.’

‘Oh, really?’, Clint was sarcastic. ‘It’s not surprising to you? Cause I was surprised. Jesus fuck, I was so surprised, not in a million years would I have thought I’d get a soulmate. Let alone her.’

Steve narrowed his eyes. ‘I wouldn’t be so sure about that. You’re a great man and, as Peter said, you deserve the happiness that will come from-’

‘I don’t.’, he interrupted strongly. ‘I’ve done good in my life, but it ain’t enough to erase all the bad.’

‘That’s not true.’

‘Yeah, well, you don’t know all the shit I’ve done, Cap.’

‘I do know all the lives you’ve saved since I met you.’, Steve said strongly. ‘You’re a good man now, no matter what mistakes you’ve made in the past.’

Clint knew he wouldn’t be winning if he started arguing about that. ‘Even so, she deserves someone better.’

‘Have you spoken to Kate today?’

He shook his head.

‘Well then maybe’, Steve said slowly, ‘you should wait and see what she has to say.’

‘I already know what she’s going to say.’, Clint admitted after a moment.

‘Yeah, what’s that?’

Clint looked away from the other man. ‘She’s going to say that the tattoos mean something and that we should…’

‘You should be together?’, Steve asked gently.

All Clint could do was nod.

‘And why is that such a bad thing?’

To postpone saying it out loud, Clint drank some coffee. A lot of it, until Steve huffed and took the pot away from him.

‘You don’t have to talk to me.’, Steve said gently. ‘But I think you need to talk to someone and unfortunately, Kate isn’t here.’

Cap was always right, damn it. So in a shaking voice, Clint forced himself to start talking.

‘I have never had a good relationship in my life, man. All of them ended badly, in one way or another. If it lasts longer than a few weeks, I manage to crash and burn it, always in a horrible way. Even if we assume that won’t happen, because we’re soulmates and for some reason we can’t even begin to understand we’re supposed to be together and work well… Fuck, Steve. I’m still no good for her.’

‘Why?’, he simply asked. Not judgmental, just curious.

‘She’s so young. She’s not a kid, I know she’s not, she had a lot of growing up to do, way too early. But she’s supposed to hang out with her friends, and make dumb mistakes, hookup with idiots and…’, he sighed, reached for the coffee pot again. Steve, surprisingly enough, relented it.

Clint drank half of it in one go.

‘Katie shouldn’t be tied to me. I’ll drag her down, even if I’ll try my best not to.’

‘You’re not-’

‘I will.’, Clint shut the other man off. ‘I’m a mess, and you know it. I fight monsters for a living, for fuck’s sake.’

‘So does she’, Steve said, reasonably. ‘And don’t you dare say what you do is more dangerous than what she does, cause that’s bullshit and she’ll have your balls for it.’

‘Yeah, but I’m still me. I still get hurt too often, I’m bad at judging situations and making good decisions. I get angry at the stupidest of things, I’m lazy as fuck. I’m depressive, I’m bad at taking care of myself, I’m horrible about taking care of anybody else.’

‘You are.’, Steve said gently. ‘But she’s still by your side.’

That shut Clint up completely, his eyes snapping up to the other man.

‘Yeah, you’re not perfect, but Kate still chose to be your friend. Your sidekick, even, don’t tell her I said that.’, Steve snorted. ‘But honestly now. I don’t know details, but I know the two of you have been through a lot.’

‘We have.’, Clint breathed out. ‘Most of it was my fault.’

‘Either way, she stayed by your side. And I’m inclined to believe she helped you.’

‘Yeah, but… She cares about me, I know she does. But this is a whole other level.’

Steve shrugged, and they were silent for a while.

‘Hey, Clint. Quick question. Would you actually want to be with Kate?’

He blushed, instantly, and he tried saying something, but all came out was a mess of vowels and high pitched noises.

Steve laughed, really loudly. He got up and patted Clint on the shoulder.

‘You’ll be fine, man. A long as you hold on to that and don’t try to get her angry to push her away, you’ll be fine.’

Clint wasn’t convinced. The painful truth was that Kate had the power to really hurt him, right now. And he had the power to not just hurt her, but kill her.

*.*.*

A few days later, Clint woke up very disoriented. It took a few moments for him to realize it was because of the warm body next to his.

Kate was by his side, sleeping peacefully under the blanket she stole from Clint. There was a small bruise under her eye and a stitched cut on her forehead, but it wasn’t so bad.

His first instinct was to wake her up and ask for a full report on the mission, but Clint managed to control himself and not do that. She looked like she needed the sleep, and the fact that she not only crawled in bed with him, but also didn’t wake him up, it made him think that she didn’t want to talk. Not about the mission, and not about anything else.

So he let her rest, even if there was no way he was going back to sleep.

Checking his phone, he saw that he had a text from Bucky. Your girl was awesome on this mission, even if she had a meltdown halfway through because of a tattoo. She wanted to run home. I didn’t let her. Take it easy on her.

Take it easy? Clint rolled his eyes. He was never going to do anything but what Kate wanted. There was no choice about it, no doubt, she was going to have full control in this situation. He was set on saying his piece, point out all the reasons why she should run to the hills, but it was going to be Kate’s decision, in the end.

Even though he was dying to know it, Clint was set on waiting for a few more hours. She looked incredibly peaceful, too beautiful to wake up.

*.*.*

Kate moved a lot in her sleep, it was something that Clint usually found annoying. But now, when her cheek was pressed to his arm and her legs was pinning his to the bed, he couldn’t help but find it endearing.

She woke up slowly just as the sun was starting to come up. She shuffled around, smacked her lips together, rubbed at her eyes, but she didn’t pull away from Clint.

He waited her out and when she opened her eyes and blinked at him, Clint smiled gently.

‘When did you get here?’

‘Around midnight, but debrief ran till 2.’

‘Are you hurt? More than what I can see?’

She shook her head. ‘S’all surface stuff. We caught her by surprise, she didn’t have time to do much damage. Bucky got himself sprayed with gooey alien blood.’, she pulled a face. ‘It’ll be days before he gets it out of his hair. Oops.’

Clint grinned at her innocent flutter of eyelashes. ‘Atta girl, I’m proud of you.’

She rolled her eyes and moved to sit up. ‘Coffee?’

‘Sure. I’ll even make you some pancakes.’

He was halfway out of the room before she spoke again. ‘Any reason why you’re spoiling me, Hawkeye?’

With a deep breath and a shaky smile, Clint managed to look her in the eyes.

‘You know there is, Hawkeye.’

A moment passed, then another.

‘Coffee first.’, she finally said.

Clint grinned at her.

*.*.*

Kate was wearing a pair of leggings and one of his hoodies, and when she entered the kitchen, she headed straight for the coffee pot. She drank her first cup in one go, standing by the counter with her eyes closed, filled her cup again before she sat down at the table.

She talked all through eating her pancakes, babbled about the mission. Clint listened, but it was more about the ways in which Bucky annoyed her than actual mission details.

When Kate was done, with her food and her story, she wordlessly unzipped the hoodie and, right under the strap of the tank top she was wearing, Clint saw that she had a tattoo of a coffee mug with a target on it. It wasn’t colored in white and purple, but it was his, undoubtedly.

‘That’s fitting.’, he said after a few long moments.

Kate hummed, grabbing his hand over the table. She turned his arm around, so that his tattoo was visible.

‘This is fitting, too.’, she smirked. ‘I like it.’

He wordlessly nodded, not really managing to meet her eyes.

‘So, Clint.’, she almost sounded bored. ‘Tell me all the ways you angsted over this in the past days.’

‘You know me so well.’, he snorted.

‘I do.’, she grinned. ‘Which is why I’m gonna sit here calmly, listening to every issue you think you have, rationally trying to change your mind.’

It took a few moments and a couple of deep breaths, but Clint managed to look at her and he did his best to speak calmly.

‘I know what you’re thinking, Katie. You think we should give this a go.’

‘Yup.’, she said easily, playfully.

‘I don’t think that’s such a good idea.’

She rolled her eyes, but nodded. ‘And why is that, Clint?’

‘I’m no good for you.’, he said with difficulty. ‘I’m a mess and I… I’ll hurt you, Kate. It’s unavoidable, really, and I don’t wanna do that. I never wanna do that, I never did, but I still managed to hurt you before, time and time again and I-’

‘I think that’s important.’, she cut him off fiercely. ‘Yeah, Clint, you hurt me, and you might hurt me again, but that’s just cause we’re human, you know? I find it more important that you don’t want to do it.’

‘But-’

‘No, Clint, really.’, she glared at him. ‘You always see yourself in the darkest light, and sometimes you’re right. But most times, you’re not.’

‘You always drag me out of the darkness, somehow.’, he whispered.

Kate smirked. ‘Damn right I do, cause you need someone to remind you there’s light out there, and in you.’ She scrunched up her nose. ‘That was terribly cheesy, but it was true. And the truth is…’

She grew serious, and hesitant. Clint wasn’t used to seeing her like that. Unthinkingly, he squeezed her fingers, that were still wrapped around his hand.

‘The truth is’, Kate looked into his eyes, ‘you need me. You already care about me, you care a lot about me, that’s not gonna change. You just need to take a tinsy tiny step forward, s’all. Even if you’re afraid to do it.’

Clint nodded, because everything she said was true, and he knew it.

‘And I need you too, you know.’, Kate went on gently. ‘In ways you don’t even understand, right now. But you’ll get there, in time.’

He took a shaky breath. ‘I’m too old.’

‘Bullshit.’, Kate deadpanned.

‘I’m too fucked up.’

‘Same.’

‘Too much baggage.’

‘Hey, at least it’s designer.’, she winked.

Clint’s resolve was faltering, badly.

‘Katie-’

‘No.’

‘I screwed up before.’

‘So have I.’

‘I’ll hurt you.’

‘Maybe.’

‘I’ll annoy you.’

‘Definitely.’, Kate snorted.

‘I’ll... ‘, Clint blinked. ‘I’ll kiss you.’

‘Oh, you better.’

‘Like, a lot.’

‘You better.’, she winked.

‘Everybody’s gonna make fun of us.’

‘We can take it.’

‘We’ll have to keep our head on straight in the field.’

‘I’m sure Cap will help with that, should we need it.’

‘You really should be smarter than this, Kate.’

She got up, quickly, came over to his side of the table and glared down at him.

‘You should be smarter than this, Clint.’

Slowly, he nodded, and even slower, he wrapped his arm around her waist, pushed his cheek to her stomach. Kate hummed, a very girly sound, and started running her fingers through his hair.

‘We can do this, Clint. You just have to want it.’

‘Of course I do.’, he didn’t hesitate. ‘You know I do.’

‘Then stop being angsty just for the sake of it.’, she said in a clear order. ‘And get up and kiss me, you idiot.’

Clint looked up at her. ‘I’m not gonna do everything you order me to.’

She just raised an eyebrow.

He kept up the facade for a few moments, but then, Clint did as asked. He stopped being an idiot, smirked at Katie before grabbing her just a little roughly and pulling her down to sit on his lap.

Then he kissed her. In true Hawkeye fashion, they got the hang of that quickly, almost immediately. It was cool. It felt right.

Totally fucking right.

Katie’s body in his arms, her hands in his hair, giggling against his lips. It felt like it was supposed to happen, like they were supposed to end up here.

‘I’m still tired.’, she stopped kissing him, letting her head rest on his shoulder.

‘I slept like an hour last night, I could do with a nap.’

Clint got up, taking Kate with him. She was half asleep by the time they were in bed, but she still had enough strength to cuddle him and set an alarm. Apparently, they had a double date set with Steve and Bucky.

Chapter Text

The first thing Cisco did on that Christmas morning was to fall out of bed and into a very intense panic attack.

It took awhile, for his brain to comprehend the new information wired into it, and after that, it took an embarrassingly long time for Cisco to actually understand what was happening and what it meant.

By the time the panic subsided, he was a mess, sitting on the floor, legs trapped in the blanket he slept under, cold sweat pouring down his face and back. He felt a lingering sense of fear that he knew wasn’t going to go away any time soon, and he felt a burn on his upper arm.

He didn’t like that he didn’t have a say in choosing the love of his life. He didn’t like that all his past loves were rendered pointless. The burn on his arm was pressing on his heart.

Cisco compulsively postponed the moment. As he caught his breath, he kept his left arm pressed to his body, hiding it from his view. When he started crying, he wiped the tears with his right hand.

His phone pinged with a text, but Cisco couldn’t reach the nightstand. He took a deep breath and slowly, turned his left arm around. There wasn’t a lot of light coming in the room, the morning cloudy and gloomy.

But it was enough. It was enough for Cisco to see the new tattoo, on the inside of his left elbow.

He started laughing, a hollow sound.

As if waking up with a soulmate in the morning wasn’t enough, of course it was her. There was no doubt in Cisco’s mind, the intricate snowflake branding his skin was Caitlin’s.

It was a cruel joke, it had to be. Caitlin was his best friend, she was his longest friend. They’ve been there for each other through thick and thin, they knew each other inside and out. They shared a bond, no doubt about it, a bond forged in tears and fire, a bond strengthened by days of binge watching and drunken nights.

But it wasn’t enough. That wasn’t enough for a love story, it never was for them.

Until now, apparently. It was a cruel joke, Cisco and Caitlin being soulmates, because he has been in love with her since the week after they met, and she has never once even thought of it. He was sure the thought never crossed Caitlin’s mind.

The laughing died down, making way for the sobbing. Cisco sobbed like a child, clutching his chest, uselessly waiting for the pain in his heart to subside. It didn’t.

His phone beeped again, so Cisco forced himself to get up from the floor. He sat down on the edge of the bed, and even though he was still crying, he picked up his phone.

Barry: Just checking in
Barry: Cisco?
Barry: You have 10 minutes before I break in

Cisco texted him quickly, saying he was asleep and that he was fine.

He wasn’t strong enough to talk about it, not yet. He couldn’t even say the words out loud. At that point in the morning, Cisco didn’t think he’d ever be able to say the words out loud, not to anyone, not even to himself.

*.*.*

He spent the day in a haze. Being Christmas, he didn’t have anywhere to be, not until the evening, when everyone will be at Joe’s.

Everyone. Caitlin was going to be there.

Cisco spent the day panicking about what will happen when he’ll see her. But his brain was all jumbled, he couldn’t think of it, properly think of it. Of what it meant, what could happen. What couldn’t happen.

He couldn’t think about it properly, which was a good thing, because he knew he was going to freak out if he did. Cisco was already freaking out, no doubt about it, but if he actually thought about it, he’d spiral downwards straight to hell and he’d never leave the house ever again.

He couldn’t do that. He didn’t want to do that. He didn’t want to lose Caitlin.

Cisco was in love with her, sure, but that didn’t matter. What did matter was that he loved her. She was his closest friend, and just the thought of her stepping away from him again, it made him feel incredibly afraid and desperate to do anything to prevent that from happening.

He could handle being in love with her, if Caitlin was by his side. Those months after Killer Frost, when she worked in a bar and did not answer any of his texts, those were horrible times for Cisco. He didn’t want a repeat of it. He couldn’t survive a life without Caitlin by his side, and he would do anything in his power to not let it get to that.

Cisco knew exactly how Caitlin reacted that morning. She was in shock, at first, because she had never thought of him that way, but after the shock wore off, she started thinking about it. That genius brain of hers worked hard, and reached a decision. Caitlin thought it was a mistake, she didn’t think Cisco and her would be fit to be in a romantic relationship. Instead, she thought they were platonic soulmates.

She didn’t want their relationship to change, Cisco was sure of that. And no matter how much he longed to kiss her and hold her throughout the night, the need to not lose her was stronger.

So Cisco was going to go with it. Caitlin wasn’t going to say anything, so he wasn’t either. He’d keep his mouth shut and his hands to himself, no matter how fast his heart was beating, no matter how much longing he felt. He was used to that, by now.

The only novelty was that he had to remember to not let the sleeves of his shirt ride up over his elbows.

*.*.*

Nobody else in their group of friends had any new tattoos. They spoke about it, at length, discussing where did they come from, if the people matched really were soulmates, about the lack of choice but the security of love. And on and on and on, they brought up topics Cisco did not think about, alongside those that were evident.

He did not say a word, and neither did Caitlin.

As Cisco thought she would, she did not mention it. Not to him, not to anyone else. She acted like everything was normal.

But he knew it wasn’t, because of Caitlin’s accessories. Weird, but true nonetheless.

She looked gorgeous, as she always did at Christmas. Her dress was red, short and hugging everything nicely. But normally, she would be wearing high heels and gold jewelry. Tonight, Caitlin was wearing a black choker, studded biker boots and on her right wrist, a very large leather bracelet that was also covered in studs.

It looked like Caitlin Snow and Killer Frost had a baby, and she was smoking hot.

But Cisco knew that under that seriously uncharacteristic rocker bracelet, Caitlin had a new tattoo, and it was his.

And there was another thing. While Caitlin was acting perfectly normal, she was having trouble meeting Cisco’s eyes.

That evening, he had a brief moment of doubt, when he questioned whether Caitlin really did have a soulmate mark, whether or not the Universe was playing an even crueler joke on Cisco. But seeing her in Joe’s living room, playing with her bracelet and looking away when their eyes met, Cisco was sure. Caitlin had his mark on her wrist and she didn’t want to deal with it.

*.*.*

It was not a good night for Cisco.

When he didn’t sleep, he felt like shit knowing that Caitlin didn’t want him. He had confirmation of that now, where before he could still hope.

When he did sleep, he dreamt of her, of them, of a future together that could happen, but won’t. It made him feel even worse.

*.*.*

Team Flash went back to work the next day, but Cisco didn’t. He texted Barry in the morning, saying he was sick. It was a bad decision, looking back, because The Flash didn’t knock before barging into the apartment.

It took less than a second for Barry’s eyes to zero in on Cisco’s arm. He was wearing a tank top and no pants, so it was pretty on display.

‘Oh.’, Barry breathed out, blinking slowly at the tattoo. ‘That’s… Oh.’

‘Yeah.’, Cisco nodded. ‘I can’t say it out loud.’

Barry’s eyes moved to his, narrowing. ‘Why?’

‘Because that’s not what she wants.’

There was no hesitation from Cisco, but Barry didn’t agree with him, because he shook his head. He didn’t say anything about it, though.

‘I’ll let you figure it out between yourselves. And I’ll tell everyone you’ll be back to work tomorrow.’

Cisco nodded at that. ‘Thanks, man.’

Barry leveled him with a look. ‘You’re an idiot.’

And he flashed away, leaving Cisco feeling even more horrible.

*.*.*

It was close to midnight when someone knocked on Cisco’s door. Thinking it was Barry again, he opened it. And quickly closed it with a yelp, because it wasn’t Barry, it was Caitlin.

He panicked, but he didn’t think she saw the tattoo. Still, he needed an excuse.

‘I need pants.’, he yelled through the closed door.

‘Yeah, you do.’, came the prompt, mildly annoyed response.

Cisco ran through the apartment, managing to find a pair of pajama bottoms and a hoodie. He also managed to calm the fuck down, somewhat, so he was almost normal as he let Caitlin into the apartment.

She had brought them hot chocolate, and she smiled fondly as she took off her heels and made herself comfortable on the couch.

Cisco couldn’t help but notice that the dress she wore had long sleeves.

‘So how are you feeling?’, she asked after he sat down at the other end of the couch.

‘Better. I don’t know what it was, I was just in a funk.’

She hummed, clearly unconvinced.

‘I’m fine now.’, he smiled at her, very happy that unlike last night, Caitlin was meeting his eyes now.

‘I’m a scientist, you know.’, she said pointedly.

Cisco frowned at the very sudden topic change.

‘Right.’, he said slowly.

‘So I don’t believe in something else. In a higher power, in God, in faith.’

His stomach dropped, because he knew where this was going.

‘I’m a scientist’, she went on, ‘so I shouldn’t believe in soulmates, because there is no scientific proof behind it.’

He wasn’t ready for this. This shouldn’t have happened, she shouldn't have brought it up.

‘You lied to me.’, Caitlin’s voice lowered. ‘A lie by omission, yeah, but it’s still a lie.’

With great difficulty, Cisco met her eyes, for a few moments. Then, they fell to her wrist. ‘So have you.’

Going back to looking at her face, he saw that Caitlin nodded, but she didn’t say anything else. Instead, she took a sip of her hot chocolate before putting the mug on the coffee table. Then she grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch, putting it over her lap. She shimmied around, pulling her dress up under the blanket, crossing her legs, turning around and facing him.

Caitlin was stalling, clearly, and Cisco felt like bolting the fuck out of there. It would have been easy, to open up a breach and run away to Japan. But he didn’t do that, because of the love he felt for her. If Caitlin wanted to talk about it, then he owed it to her to stick around for it.

She turned her right arm around, placing it on the knees, palm up.

‘I do this and there’s no going back, Cisco.’, she said gently.

He gulped, eyes not moving from her hand. ‘There’s no going back either way.’

So Caitlin pulled up her sleeve, revealing her tattoo. It was a little on the large size, because it was placed vertically on her wrist. There, branded on her skin, the black of the tattoo stark against her pale color, were Vibe’s goggles. It wasn’t a very detailed tattoo, but Cisco knew his goggles and there was no doubt that’s what it was.

He doesn’t know low long he stared for, but it was a long while. Neither said anything, and Caitlin let him watch. She didn’t move her hand, not even when Cisco made a move to touch her tattoo. He didn’t manage it, but she would have let him.

‘Cisco’, she whispered, ‘take off your hoodie.’

He had to rub at his eyes a little, and take a few deep breaths, but he did manage to take off the hoodie. His mark was full on display now, and he did the same thing she did, placed his hand up on his knee, making sure she saw it clearly.

Once again, they didn’t speak for a long while, they just stared at each other’s tattoos.

Cisco didn’t know anything in that moment. He didn’t know what Caitlin was thinking, because she totally surprised him. He didn’t know what she wanted, hell, he didn’t even know what he wanted. He thought he wanted her, he had been wanting her for a long while, but these damn tattoos changed everything.

He couldn’t stand not knowing, not anymore. He had spent years not knowing, just assuming she wasn’t interested, because it was easier that way. It was easier for Cisco, to bury everything inside, to be her best friend and just that. He could do that again, he could do that going forward, but he had to know .

‘If you believe in science, not in soulmates, then what does this mean?’ He gulped. ‘For you.’

‘I didn’t say I didn’t believe in soulmates, I said that I shouldn't.’

The way she said it, strongly and without hesitation, it gave Cisco strength to look up. She was already watching him.

‘The thing is’, Caitlin went on slowly, ‘I can’t look at this from a scientific point of view. I tried, but it’s impossible.’

‘Why?’

‘Because it makes sense.’, she smiled a little. ‘To me, you and I being soulmates makes so much sense. I can’t… argue against it. It’s true.’

Cisco’s jaw was somewhere on the floor, and his heart was somewhere in his throat. But he still didn’t know. While Caitlin gave him an answer, it wasn’t a full one.

‘But what…’, his voice cracked. ‘What does that mean for us?’

Caitlin pulled a face, uncertainty clear. She shook her head, eyes growing wide but not moving away from him.

‘Whatever you want.’, she finally said. ‘It means whatever you want.’

‘That’s not fair.’, Cisco pointed out.

Again, Caitlin shrugged. He couldn’t stand it.

‘Tell me.’, he said with as much strength he could muster. ‘Tell me what you want.’

‘What if I don’t want to tell you?’, she challenged.

Cisco leveled her with a look. ‘Tell me what you want, and I’ll tell you what I want afterwards.’

She stared at him with wide eyes, but then she quickly got up, startling Cisco. As she hastily pulled down her dress, she spoke in a high pitched voice.

‘I can’t do this right now. I thought I could, but I can’t.’

She had put on her shoes and was marching to the door. He tried calling for her, but she wouldn’t have it, she just said they’d talk tomorrow. Caitlin left, slamming the door shut behind her.

Cisco felt empty, more than ever before.

*.*.*

That night was worse than the one before, and the day after wasn’t better.

Caitlin avoided Cisco throughout the day, busying herself with things that she really didn’t need to do, like clean the kitchen and inventory the Star Labs merch they had left.

And then, in the true spirit of Christmas, a metahuman thought it was the best time to attack a children’s playground. Barry and Cisco dealt with him quickly, but the asshole was still screaming nasty things at them at the cops took him away.

‘Yeah, Merry Christmas to you too, a-’, Cisco stopped, aware of the amount of children surrounding him. ‘Doofus!’

Unknowingly to Cisco, in the Cortex, while watching the news footage, Caitlin started laughing. Loudly, hysterically, and she didn’t stop.

‘What’s happening?’, Iris asked her.

‘I love him.’, Caitlin breathed out, eyes still sparkling. ‘I love him so much.’

‘That’s -’, Iris cut herself off when the other woman took off the large bracelet she was wearing.

Iris said nothing more, as Caitlin rushed out of the Cortex.

*.*.*

Caitlin was waiting for them in the breach room. There were tears in her eyes, but she was smiling wildly, making Cisco’s steps falter.

‘Oh.’, Barry said quietly. ‘Oh, okay.’

He was looking at Caitlin’s wrist, because she didn’t have a bracelet on. Her tattoo was fully on display.

Barry flashed out of the room without another word, and Caitlin made her way to Cisco’s side. Still smiling, she took off his goggles and shoved them inside one of Cisco’s pockets.

‘I should change.’, he managed to say.

She shook her head, said ‘I love you’, and Cisco stopped breathing.

‘I love you.’, Caitlin said again. ‘And I want you, in every and any way possible.’ She placed her hand on his elbow, right over his tattoo, even if it was hidden under his jacket.

‘If you want us to go back to how things were three days ago, that’s… I can handle it, but I don’t want it.’

She spoke very softly, the words caressing Cisco’s heart.

‘I want more than that, Cisco. I want… I want these tattoos to mean something, I want them to mean everything.’

He still wasn’t breathing. His heart wasn’t working properly, neither was his brain. He couldn't open his mouth to say something.

Caitlin was close to him, so very close, looking at him, want clear in her eyes. But he couldn’t say anything. So she smiled at him, shakily, nodded once, and quickly left.

Cisco stared as she left, unblinking. He kept doing it for a while longer.

He wanted to start crying. Not the painful sobbing he did on Christmas, not the silent tears that fell yesterday. No, Cisco wanted to cry because he felt so much happiness, he couldn’t contain it.

His feet weren’t listening to him, he couldn’t move, even though he wanted to run after Caitlin.

So he opened a breach, straight to the Cortex. He ignored Iris’ indignant cries, didn’t say anything as he all but marched to Caitlin’s side.

‘What?’, she asked, eyes wide. ‘What are you-’

His lips cut her off.

Because Cisco went for it. He didn’t hesitate, he didn’t second guess anything, not anymore. Instead, he did what he had wanted to do for years. He pressed his chest to Caitlin’s, grabbed her cheeks and kissed her.

Caitlin made a surprised noise, but she didn’t push him away. She didn’t kiss him back either, so Cisco pushed harder. It was desperate, really, he felt very desperate and the kiss showed it.

She did, eventually, respond, mostly by sighing deeply and grabbing a hold of his jacket. Cisco felt as though he was going to explode, he didn’t know one person could feel as much happiness as he felt in that moment.

With a gasp, he broke the kiss, but didn’t let go of Caitlin.

‘Everything.’, he breathed out. ‘You and me, everything from now on. Everything, together.’

She was crying, but it was alright, because so was he, and they were both smiling. She said his name, whispered it excitedly, and then Caitlin wrapped her hands around his neck and kissed him, stronger than before.

It didn’t last for long, but when she pulled away, she hugged him tightly, and he was quick to respond.

‘I don’t know how we’re gonna top this Christmas present.’, he said into her hair.

Caitlin laughed, pressing their cheeks together.

‘Oh, I have a few ideas.’, Iris said in a very sleek tone. Cisco honestly forgot she and Barry were in the Cortex. But they were, and they were both grinning at Cisco, as Caitlin tried her very best to hide her face in the Vibe suit.

Without another word, Cisco opened up a breach behind him. He gently dragged Caitlin with him, and they fell on his bed, but they were kissing again even before they landed.

*.*.*

Nothing never really topped that Christmas. Caitlin tried to say that her being pregnant was a Christmas gift to Cisco, but it didn’t work, considering it was only July.

Chapter Text

The first thing that Ravi did when he woke up on Christmas morning was to curse his past self. He forgot to pull the blinds the night before, so the harsh light woke him up way too early on a day he didn’t have to go to work.

The second thing he did was to groan, because he felt a weird burning sensation on his chest. He was definitely getting old.

The third thing was to scream. His brain woke up completely and it was flooded with information about soulmates.

He ran to the bathroom, stumbled only twice, threw his sleeping shirt on the floor. Sure enough, there was a tattoo on the left side of his chest, still burning a little.

It was a brain.

Of course it was a brain.

*.*.*

Ravi had too much on his plate, right then.

He was a zombie, sometimes. He was immune to zombie-ism, but once a month he got a silver streak in his hair and a desperate craving for brains.

The entire town was on lockdown, in order to contain the zombies. They were treated just borderline of humaine, given food, but just barely. They kept their jobs, but the humans had started treating them like they were scum. It was not a pretty thing to see happen, and there was little he could do about it.

He saw the way the cops upstairs looked at Liv every time she came into work. They never said anything, a little trickle of respect still lingering, but the looks they threw her way were filled with hate. Every time Liv showed up in the morgue, Ravi breathed a sigh of relief because she made it there unscathed.

Ever since the zombies were out in the open, Ravi spent all the time he was away from Liv being terrified for her, for her safety, for her wellbeing. Things kept getting worse and worse, they all knew it, but she acted like they weren’t. She acted like everything was fine, like the brain mush she ate was enough, like their coworkers have always been so silent with her, like every smile she threw Ravi’s way wasn’t fake and shaky.

Really, it wasn’t a surprise to him, that Liv was his soulmate.

Ever since he met her, there was something about her, even before he figured out what she was. After that, as they grew closer and became such good friends, there was still a spark of something inside of Ravi’s chest every time he saw her.

It was a crush, at first, that Ravi forced himself to not acknowledge. But it was there, and it grew and grew and grew to the point where on Christmas morning, when he saw the brain tattooed on his chest, Ravi was way past the point of no return.

He loved Liv, had been in love with her for quite some time. On the night she scratched him, he had to say it. He had to make her understand that it was okay. Ravi didn’t care if he was a zombie or not, as long as she was by his side.

Liv and Ravi, down in the morgue, eating brains and solving crimes. It was the best fucking thing ever. Love or not.

She wasn’t in love with him, never really gave any indication that she was even considering it. She loved him, sure, but like a brother.

At least, that’s what he always thought. With a hand on his new tattoo, Ravi realized that maybe he had been wrong.

*.*.*

They got called in on a crime scene, because murders didn’t take time off for Christmas.

When Ravi saw Liv, he couldn’t help but roam his eyes all over her body. It was useless, because she was bundled up against the cold, all the skin he could actually see was her face, and there wasn’t any tattoo on it.

When Liv saw him, she smiled, a little bit forced. It was clear she had woken up with a tattoo, as well, but they couldn’t talk about it right then, with a dead body at their feet and surrounded by cops and detectives.

‘What do we have?’, Ravi asked Clive.

‘Josh Mason, 16 year old male, found dead this morning.’

‘He’s been dead for about six hours.’, Liv pointed out.

‘Why was he in a mall in the middle of the night?’, Ravi asked Clive.

‘No idea. He doesn’t work here, doesn’t have any family working here, no friends at a first glance.’

‘And he’s wearing pajamas.’, Ravi wrinkled his nose. ‘Looks like he was in a rush to get here.’

‘Right.’, Clive nodded. ‘And he rushed to 15 stab wounds to the chest and stomach.’

‘17.’, Liv said, meekly.

‘17 stab wounds and nothing on the security cameras.’, Clive sighed. ‘I think this is one for you, Liv.’

‘Let’s get him back to the morgue, then.’, Ravi said quickly. ‘Liv and I will get right on it.’

She smiled at him, and yeah, yes, Liv and Ravi solving murders in the morgue was absolutely the best thing in his life.

*.*.*

They spent a couple of hours doing the autopsy, being extra careful with it. It was clear that both of them wanted to spend as much time there as possible. Yes, they had a murder to solve, but Ravi felt calm around her. He wasn’t freaking out about the whole soulmate thing, not with Liv by his side, helping him do the autopsy.

It revealed nothing new. Looking from Josh’s brain, waiting in a bowl, to Liv, he smiled.

‘So, Liv. What do you feel like having for lunch today?’

With a surprising grin, she grabbed her bag and started taking things out of it. Sugar, flower, butter, a rolling pin.

Ravi couldn’t help but chuckle. ‘I’ll help.’

‘No.’, she shook her head. ‘But you can do me a solid and do the paperwork while I bake?’

He grumbled about it, but Liv was sweetly batting her eyelashes at him, so of course he agreed.

*.*.*

Clive came back to the morgue just as the smell of vanilla was getting almost unbearable. The only thing he had managed to find was a text from someone called Hawkeye616, telling Josh to come where they first met.

‘That’s good.’, Ravi said. ‘You can track the phone number, right?’

‘Burner phone.’, Clive shook his head.

‘Damn. Well, it’s obviously someone Josh had met online.’

‘Is it?’, Clive seemed dubious.

‘Most likely. People usually use real names when they save someone in their contacts, unless they met online. And Hawkeye616 sounds like an username.’

‘So if we google that, we might find the website they met on?’

‘No.’, Ravi snorted. ‘Hawkeye is an Avenger, and Earth-616 is the cinematic universe.’

‘I have no idea what you just said.’, Clive said after a beat.

‘Let’s see if I can shed some light on it.’, Liv said brightly, coming into the room with a tray.

There were cookies on it, simple shortbread with chocolate icing, shaped as reindeers, with an overly large circle where a nose should be. But where Rudolph was supposed to have a bright red nose, there was a bright red piece of brain. Except for two of them.

‘Those are for you.’, Liv pointed out.

‘Awh yeees.’, Clive grinned, his mouth full a second later.

Ravi took a little bit more time, thanking Liv for thinking of them. She blushed.

Damn it, she blushed. It was gorgeous and it meant something. Alongside their tattoos, it meant something, and it made Ravi’s inside feel warm.

‘Let’s call it a day.’, Clive said with cookies still in his mouth. ‘It’s Christmas, after all. Didn’t you guys have plans with your respective roommates?’

‘I knew I forgot something.’, Ravi slapped his forehead.

*.*.*

Major already had most of the food made by the time he made it back home, but Ravi did have to decorate the tree and the house. By the time the girls came over, the whole house smelled like Christmas, and it looked like Christmas too.

Liv was dressed… a little bit off. She had on a pair of ripped skinny jeans, a very large Star Wars hoodie, a pair of black Vans and she was not wearing any makeup.

‘Josh was a nerd.’, Peyton said. ‘Thankfully, he was a little bit more chill than that guy who got you into Dungeons and Dragons.’

‘Different type of nerd.’, Liv shrugged. ‘Sci-fi nerd.’

‘Cool!’, Ravi couldn’t stop himself.

Again, Liv blushed and he realized that it was going to be a very long night.

*.*.*

Dinner was nice. Ravi sat next to Liv and every time their elbows or knees brushed, his heart skipped a beat and she blushed.

She was very subdued, because of Josh’s brain. Clearly, he had been a shy boy. Neither of them let it get to them, though, and they had a nice time.

The food was great, and Liv kept munching on the reindeer cookies. After the second one, she had a vision.

‘What did you see?’, Ravi asked.

‘Battlefield.’, Liv blinked, confused.

‘Like… an actual battlefield or the Star Wars game?’

‘The game. Hawkeye and Josh got into a dispute. I gotta call Clive.’

She was half out of chair when Ravi grabbed her hand and pulled her back down.

‘It’s Christmas, Liv, and I’m sure the people at EA aren’t working either. It can wait until tomorrow, okay? Text Clive and he’ll work on it first thing in the morning.’

‘Alright.’, she blushed again, and Ravi let go of her.

‘You’re acting weird.’, Peyton shamelessly pointed out.

‘Teenage boy brain.’, Liv said quickly.

‘Yeah, that explains you. Doesn’t explain Ravi.’

It was his turn to blush, which didn’t go unnoticed. ‘Drop it.’, he said strongly, and both Peyton and Major seemed taken aback.

Liv got up again, grabbing at Ravi’s sweater. ‘Come help me text Clive.’

Shit excuse, but it didn’t stop them from going to the kitchen.

‘We can’t do this now.’, Liv said in a whisper. She was blushing hard, wasn’t meeting his eyes and she looked terribly anxious.

‘I know.’, he said as gently as he could. ‘It’s fine, this can… it can wait.’

‘Are you sure?’, Liv was biting her nails. ‘Cause I don’t want you to-’

‘Liv.’, he smiled, pulled her fingers out of her mouth. ‘I can wait until we catch this guy.’

‘Can you wait until I get off this brain? Because I-’, she gulped, finally meeting his eyes, ‘I really need to be myself when we…’

‘Alright’, Ravi said easily, ‘I get it. Let’s just focus on catching this guy now, okay? Well, no, Christmas tonight, catching murderer tomorrow.’

Slowly, Liv smiled. ‘Time for presents, do you think?’

Ravi snorted. ‘I hope I get socks. You can never have enough socks.’

‘Alright, Dumbledore. Let’s see if you got socks.’

Damn, Ravi loved her. The Harry Potter information didn’t come from Josh, it was all Liv. And among other things, she did get him a pair of socks, they had little bees on them.

*.*.*

They had a few days off for Christmas, and thankfully, there wasn’t any new body that needed their attention.

Ravi spent his free days on the couch, playing video games in his underpants. Every now and then, his mind would go to weird places, he’d see flashes of a life he could have with Liv. There was laughter, companionship, holidays in foreign places, lazy breakfasts in bed. There was sex and hand holding, I love you s whispered in the night, there were arguments and full blown fights, but mostly, there was love and happiness.

He felt utterly alone. He felt longing in his chest, like never before, and he desperately wanted to run to Liv, hold her and never let go.

So when she called, Ravi had to fight all of that back down, and try to act as normal as possible.

‘I had another vision.’, she said in a rush. ‘I know who killed Josh, I know who Hawkeye is, but Clive can’t act on it, cause there was no evidence pointing in this guy’s direction.’

‘Okay, so we-’

‘Come with me to the mall. Please, Ravi, I’m sure that if we just hang out there for a bit-’

‘Stalk this guy, you mean.’

‘I’m sure we’ll see something, find something that can help Clive get a warrant.’

‘Of course.’, Ravi didn’t hesitate. ‘I’ll meet you there.’

She was silent for a few seconds. ‘Just like that?’, Liv asked in a very low voice.

He snorted. ‘When have you known me to say no to a potentially dangerous situation? But don’t be mistaken, Liv, you owe me some ridiculously sugary and expensive coffee.’

‘This won’t be dangerous.’, she was smiling. ‘I’ll make sure you’re safe.’

‘That’s my job.’, he said before he could stop himself, and he was met with silence.

‘Uhm.’, Ravi gulped. ‘I can take care of myself, Liv. But you need to take care of my coffee.’

‘Okay.’, she breathed out. ‘I can do that.’

*.*.*

Again, Ravi had to raise an eyebrow at Liv’s choice of outfit. She was wearing an overly large hoodie, once again, but this time it was dark green and Slytherin themed. It wasn’t that weird, what was weird was the fact that she had paired it with a short skirt and boots.

‘The brain’s wearing off’, she pointed to her legs, ‘but not entirely.’, she pointed to the hoodie.

Ravi frowned. ‘Since when are short skirts a Liv trait?’

She blushed, instantly. ‘I thought we were gonna wait until we catch this guy.’

Was she wearing the short skirt for him? Oh lord that was… exciting. He shook his head, pushing all the dirty images away from his brain.

‘And how do we catch this guy?’

‘His name is Oscar and he works at Starbucks.’, Liv started walking in that direction. ‘He and Josh met online months ago, started talking a lot outside of gaming, and Oscar fell for him, real bad. But-’

‘Let me guess.’, Ravi sighed. ‘Josh didn’t feel the same?’

‘No, he didn’t. They had coffee a few times, went to the arcade and to the movies. When Oscar tried to kiss him, Josh was kind. But Oscar didn’t take it well.’

‘So he killed Josh?’

Liv nodded, tears in her eyes. ‘He was so angry.’

‘Yeah.’, Ravi sighed, thinking of the 17 stab wounds. ‘We should have realized it was a crime of passion.’

‘We didn’t want to.’, Liv said in a whisper.

He couldn’t deny that.

*.*.*

They sat at a table that was close to the counter. Oscar was behind it, making drinks, and from where they stood, they could both see what he was doing.

It was kind of horrible, because Oscar seemed like a completely normal guy. He was still in highschool, a senior, apparently, and he bitched about schoolwork, and whined about teachers. He got along with his coworkers, they laughed and it was very hard to imagine Oscar stabbing the boy he loved 17 times in a row.

But it was clear that was what he did, because of the look on Liv’s face. She had seen it happening, and it was clear that she was still seeing it, because she looked frightened and… sad.

Ravi tried his best to keep her mind occupied. Sure, they had to keep their eyes on Oscar, but they also had to appear like they had a reason for spending so much time in Starbucks. Thankfully, Josh’s brain was still somewhat online, so they spent a few hours discussing and sometimes arguing about Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and various other super nerdy things.

It was a little weird, because Liv was using the information she got from Josh’s brain, but she was forming her own opinions. Ravi found it terribly endearing, and his tattoo felt like it was pulsing, which was absolutely ridiculous.

After they finished their first round of coffees, he went to the counter and ordered a cup of Santa’s Gingerbread Latte, which had a gingerbread cookie as a topper. Oscar took his order.

‘Hey, man.’, Ravi smiled. ‘Could you do me a solid and cut the cookie in half?’

Oscar paused. ‘That’s not the recipe.’

‘Yeah, but if it’s not cut, my friend’, he pointed to Liv, ‘is gonna have all of it.’

‘Maybe you should break up with her, then, if she steals your food.’ Even as he said it, Oscar reached for a knife to cut the cookie.

‘We’re not dating.’, Ravi managed to say, staring at the knife. It was a very particular knife, with a short blade, thin, and very sharp. It fit Josh’s wounds perfectly.

‘Oh, you’re not?’, Oscar said, suddenly amused. He reached into his pocket for a pen, and wrote something on Ravi’s receipt, handing it to him with a grin.

There was a phone number written on it. So much for heartbreak, Ravi thought, bitterly. Still, he smiled at Oscar, made a point to secure the piece of paper in his pocket.

When he got back to the table, he sat next to Liv instead of across from her. On the pretence of sharing their drink, he told her what he had just discovered.

‘Think it’s enough for Clive?’, she asked, anxiously.

‘Guess we’ll find out.’ Ravi took out his phone and texted Clive.

Only after he sent the text did he realize he had taken Liv’s hand. Before looking at her, he looked to Oscar. Their hands were under the table, so even if Oscar was watching them, he didn’t see their clasped hands. Looking to Liv, he saw that she was blushing, but she was also smiling, a little.

Still, he took his hand away. ‘Should we wait here?’

‘Well, we still have coffee.’ She smiled and took half of the gingerbread man, munching on it loudly.

*.*.*

It took less than an hour for Clive to come by, waving a warrant. He arrested Oscar, took all the knives for CSI to test against Josh’s wounds, and took the receipt with the phone number, too. It didn’t matter much, considering Oscar immediately started crying, saying that he didn’t want to kill Josh, but he didn’t have any choice.

After everyone left, Ravi and Liv regarded each other.

‘We did good.’, he said.

‘Yes we did, thank you for coming with me.’

‘No problem, I-’

‘It’s only because of your good looks that we got him.’

Ravi blushed at that, as did Liv, but she was grinning at him.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow at work?’, she grabbed his hand.

‘Yeah, of course.’

Liv paused. ‘I’ll still be a little on Josh brain.’

‘That’s okay.’, Ravi smiled. ‘I told you I’ll wait.’

‘Don’t know how much I’ll be able to wait.’, Liv grumbled.

It made his tattoo flare up again. It wasn’t his tattoo, though, it was probably just his heart.

*.*.*

The next day, Liv was wearing another Star Wars shirt, but the next day, she wore normal, Liv clothes. As they were wrapping up for the day, Liv came by his side and wordlessly grabbed Ravi’s hand.

He jumped and looked to her. Liv was looking at him with hesitation, where there hadn’t been any yesterday.

‘You okay?’, Ravi asked, his voice going down on its own accord.

She nodded, not looking away from him. ‘Peyton’s going to be staying in DC until New Year’s. Do you wanna come over tonight? I’ll cook us something.’

He kind of gulped.

‘Just for dinner.’, Liv was quick to say, eyes wide. ‘Maybe a talk that we’ve been postponing.’

‘You sure you wanna do that?’, he couldn’t help but ask.

But Liv didn’t hesitate, she nodded. So Ravi didn’t hesitate, either.

*.*.*

He went home, took a shower. Had a meltdown in the bathroom. Put on clean clothes.

Showed Major his tattoo, told him everything. All but started crying when Major assured him that he wasn’t angry, he was okay with his two best friends being soulmates.

Got an uber. Had another meltdown on the car ride.

Made it to Liv’s apartment building. Stood 10 minutes on the street.

Walked three streets down to a shop. Got a bottle of wine and a dozen donuts.

Made it back to Liv’s apartment building. Spent another 5 minutes on the street.

Got a text from Liv. I’m freaking out too, so get your butt up here so we can freak out together .

Took a deep breath and rang the intercom.

*.*.*

Liv was wearing a red dress, pink eyeshadow and gloss on her lips. She was also smiling softly, clearly excited over both the wine and the donuts. She was also excited about Ravi being there, because she hugged him tightly and all but dragged him to the kitchen.

Over dinner, Ravi managed to relax. Neither of them mentioned the tattoos, and he went back to being comfortable around Liv, talking easily about this and that, eating good food.

The donuts were surprisingly delicious, and went very well with the wine that Ravi got. As Liv was delicately eating a bright pink donut, he couldn’t help but stare at her.

Liv was lovely, not just tonight, but every night and every day, regardless of the clothes she wore on whose brain she was on. Ravi loved her, truly loved her, in any and every way.

And right then, in that moment, late at night with their bellies filled with wine and sugar, the tattoos not yet truly acknowledged but known to be there, Ravi felt a desperate impulse to tell Liv the truth. Tell her everything and take a plunge, make a play. Try to get them on a course towards being together.

So Ravi grabbed one of her hands. She froze, but only for a moment. After that, she turned her hand the other way up, wrapped their fingers together and smiled softly at him.

‘Are you completely off Josh’s brain?’, he asked first.

Liv nodded. ‘It’s all me.’

‘And what does your brain think about… all this?’

‘You know, my brain kinda… was late to the party.’

Ravi frowned at that, as she smiled fondly at him.

‘My heart knew it long before my brain got the memo. But it did, sometime between a night where I scratched you and a morning I woke up with a tattoo.’

He couldn’t help but feel relieved, at that, knowing that she, also, had been feeling things before the tattoo.

‘That’s good.’, he breathed out. ‘That’s really good, Liv.’

‘What about you?’

Ravi shook his head. ‘My heart and brain knew long before the tattoo.’

‘Oh.’, she breathed out, clearly a little shocked. ‘Really?’

He shrugged. ‘I just couldn’t help it. I tried to keep it in control, but I kinda…’, he had to take a deep breath. ‘I kinda started falling for you since the moment I walked in on you eating brains in my office. Granted, it happened slowly, but…’ He smiled. ‘But here we are.’

Liv’s eyes got a little wet, but the smile on her face was a good one, a happy one.

‘I’m glad we’re here, I really am.’

Slowly, Ravi brought their clasped hands up to his lips and kissed her knuckles.

Liv giggled, but she grew serious soon enough. ‘Can I see it?’

‘Not if you wanna keep this PG13.’

She snorted. ‘There’s no way we’re keeping this PG13. I wanna see it.’

With a shrug, Ravi let go of her hand and started unbuttoning his shirt, just enough so that she could see the brain tattooed on his skin.

Liv smiled, for a while. ‘Are you sure it’s for me? It could be another zombie.’

She was teasing, but Ravi couldn’t stand for the joke. ‘I’m positive you’re the only zombie I’ll ever be in love with.’

Once again, she was shocked by his words, but judging by the way she smiled, she was also pleased.

Wordlessly, Liv got up from her chair. She took off her shoes and without actually taking off her dress, she took off the tights she was wearing. As Ravi wordlessly gaped, she lifted up her dress, half way up her thigh, where a tattoo stood.

In a thick black square box, stood a pair of footprints, and one of them had a toe tag.

‘Wow, we’re really morbid.’, Ravi found himself saying. ‘You got a dead body, I got a brain.’

Liv pulled her dress back down. ‘I got a pathologist, you got a zombie.’

‘We got each other?’, his voice broke on the last word.

But Liv nodded. She sat back down on her chair, but dragged it closer to Ravi’s. This time, she was the one to grab his hand, and she took a deep breath before talking.

‘It’s crazy and it’s dangerous-’

‘So like every other of our Tuesdays?’

‘But I want to be with you.’

That shut him up.

‘I want it, Ravi, even though I know that it’s going to be difficult, that people are going to look at you differently for dating a zombie.’

‘I don’t care.’, he said quickly, maybe a little too strongly. ‘Plus, you know, there’s also the fact that I’m sometimes a zombie.’

‘That’s…’, Liv breathed out. ‘That’s actually one of the really good things in this.’

He couldn’t help but smirk, proud of himself. Not just for being the one who developed the vaccine, but also because he knew what his immunity meant. It meant that Ravi was able to kiss Liv without turning. Kiss, and other things.

Feeling brave, he bent his body, getting as close to her as he could.

‘Are there other good things in this?’

She nodded, placed her free hand on his cheek. ‘A lot of good things. You’re a… You’re a very good thing.’

‘Don’t objectify me.’, Ravi mocked.

Liv gently moved her fingers over his bottom lip.

‘Please objectify me.’, he relented.

With a grin, she pressed their lips together.

As much as Ravi’s tattoo had been burning throughout the entire evening, it had nothing on this. Not just his tattoo was on fire, but his entire body, his entire being. It wasn’t a long kiss, it wasn’t spectacular, but it was the happiest Ravi had ever felt in his life.

When Liv pulled away, she didn’t stay away for long. After she stopped the kiss, she hugged Ravi tightly, going as far as sitting in his lap. It felt completely normal, comfortable as hell, like they’ve been doing this for years.

He was curious if this would have happened if Ravi wouldn’t have discovered the vaccine. If it did, it would have been horrible. He wouldn’t have hesitated in becoming a zombie, but he knew Liv would have felt very guilty. He was glad that didn’t happen.

Ravi was very glad this happened, instead. He kissed Liv again, longer this time. It was still sweet, but a lot more passionate. He poured every drop of love he felt into the kiss, and Liv responded in kind.

They were still hugging, when the kiss stopped.

‘We could have gotten cuter tattoos.’, Ravi mumbled.

‘I think they’re sufficiently cute. Wouldn’t have it any other way.’

He scrunched up his nose. ‘You got a dead body!’

Liv got up, startling him. She was frowning down at him, but it was in an amused way.

‘I don’t think you’ve seen my tattoo long enough. You should look at it more carefully.’

Ravi’s eyes immediately went to the hem of her dress. He didn’t dare reach for it, and Liv didn’t do that, either. Instead, she reached for his hand and, with a smirk, dragged him to her bedroom.

That night, he did spend some time looking at her tattoo, but he spent more time doing other things, testing that the vaccine worked for other ways of transmitting zombieism, not just scratches. He made Liv happy, just the first night in a long string of days and nights they will spend together.

Chapter Text

Christmas was already awkward.

Never in their life had Sam and Dean spent a Christmas with so many people around. Cas and Jack, Mom and not-Bobby, everyone else from the other world, the Bunker was packed. Sure, they had more important things to do than worry about Christmas, but that didn’t stop them.

There was a Christmas tree in the library, decorated with popcorn strings and yellow fairy lights, there was mistletoe hung in very weird places, the kitchen has been smelling of vanilla for three days straight.

Sure, there was still blood, people coming back bruised and battered from killing off monsters. But they came in obnoxiously singing carols and some of them were wearing Santa hats, even if Christmas was still a week away.

It kept getting worse and worse, to the point where Dean got massively annoyed every time he left his bedroom.

And come Christmas morning, he woke up angry.

*.*.*

‘What do you mean Cas isn’t here?’, he seethed.

Sam actually looked a little afraid. ‘He-he left with Jack. Got a case in Nebraska.’

Dean kept glaring.

‘It sounded like a simple enough haunting, they already figured out who the ghost was and what cemetary they needed to go to.’

Dean huffed.

‘They’ll be fine.’, Sam said a little gently.

Dean cursed and walked out of the room.

*.*.*

He wasn’t angry at Cas, he was angry at God. There was no doubt in Dean’s mind that Chuck was to blame for this mess.

It was just like him to interfere in things that he didn’t have any business interfering in. And something so important as this, soulmates, for fuck’s sake!

Dean felt raped. That was it, he felt violated and dirty, and he felt robbed. The new tattoo on his skin had robbed him of a choice, the choice of whom to fall in love with. In theory, it might have been easier this way, but it wasn’t. It really fucking wasn’t.

This complicated everything. He and Cas, the relationship they have built up over the years, it was strong. It was love, sure, but not like these tattoos intended. It was something built in blood and death, in torture and Hell. Literally.

The thought that all that happened between them in the past decade was meant to lead to a lovey-dovey, mushy-wooshy pile of bullshit, it made Dean so fucking angry.

He spent Christmas day locked in his room, seething angrily.

*.*.*

Sam came by late at night. Dean didn’t want to let him in, but the asshole used a master key and barged in.

They exchanged their usual gifts (booze, porn and a hug), but Sam didn’t take the hints Dean was giving him. He sat down on the sole armchair in the room and leveled his brother with a knowing look.

‘So. You got a tattoo for Cas?’

Dean first instinct was to deny it, but it wouldn’t have worked. Sam was a smart guy, he must have figured it out that morning.

Wordlessly, Dean rolled up his right sleeve. There was an angel on the inside of his arm, right below his elbow. A pretty basic design, a human shape with wings, a collar and a tie. Obviously, it was Cas.

Sam was trying really hard not to laugh.

‘Stop it.’, Dean growled.

‘Sorry.’, he shook his head. ‘Sorry, but that’s adorable.’

‘Screw you!’

‘Hey, no, come on.’, Sam grew serious. ‘Is it really that bad? I mean… it’s Cas!’

He said it like that explained everything, like the fact that it was Cas meant that it was all peachy.

‘So what if it’s Cas?’, Dean exploded. ‘That doesn’t take away from the fact that we don’t have a choice anymore!’

That shut Sam up, briefly. ‘So that’s the problem?’

‘Of course that’s the problem! Why the fuck is God meddling like this? Last time we checked, he didn’t care. He didn’t care about humans, he didn’t care about angels, he didn’t care about any single being walking this earth. Why the fuck does he care now?’

‘Dean…’

‘No, don’t try to make excuses for this, there aren’t any! Yeah, it sounds like it’s gonna be all nice and fun, but it’s not, Sam! It’s restrictive and -’

‘Is that your only problem?’, Sam cut off strongly.

Dean frowned.

‘Is your lack of choice the only problem? Cause I don’t think that’s going to be an issue. This is Cas we’re talking about, he won’t do anything if you don’t want it.’

That much was true.

‘What else should I-’

‘Do you mind that it’s a guy?’

Dean had to look away, and he didn’t manage to answer. The truth was he didn’t mind that his soulmate was a guy. He’d be lying if he said he had never thought of a guy like that. Hell, he’d even thought about Cas like that before. It wasn’t an issue of want, it was more an issue of inexperience.

‘Do you mind that it’s Cas?’, Sam went on.

No, Dean didn’t mind that. He was actually pretty thankful that it was Cas. Actually, throughout the day, when he thought about Cas were the only moments in which he felt less angry. Thinking about it in that moment, looking away from Sam and feeling exhausted, Dean felt, surprisingly so, relieved.

His treacherous mind quickly went away from him, went further than it ever did, regarding Cas. He saw himself kissing Cas, sharing a bed, letting him ride shotgun, with Sam cramped in the back. Walking down the street hand in hand, cuddling on the couch while watching a movie, sharing a shower.

‘Thought so.’, Sam said, startling Dean out of it.

‘What?’

‘You’ve thought about it before. Maybe not, you know, soulmates, but, I mean, you don’t sound surprised that it’s Cas.’

Dean had to hide his face, so he rubbed at his eyes.

‘One last question, and I’ll leave you to your… angsting.’, Sam smiled. ‘If it weren’t for these tattoos, were you ever going to make a move on Cas?’

‘Who says I’m gonna make a move, now?’

Sam snorted. ‘Your face, Dean. You face.’

‘That’s not-’

‘Yes it is.’, Sam laughed. ‘And it’s okay, it’s a good thing.’

‘Why?’, Dean huffed. ‘Why is it a good thing?’

‘Because you and Cas have been falling for each other for a long time. And I’d say it’s about time you two got something real nice in your lives.’

Dean was shocked into silence by the sincerity in Sam’s voice. He was smiling softly at his brother, knowingly. He got up from the armchair, came to Dean’s side. Sam didn’t sit down, but he grabbed Dean’s shoulder.

‘Calm down. Think about it, think about Cas, not about how much of an asshole Chuck is. And don’t screw it up.’

Dean glared up at his baby brother, even if he knew it lacked strength.

*.*.*

By the time the sun rose the next day, Dean had to give it to Sam, because he had been right.

Once he stopped thinking about how angry he was, once he managed to push down his negative feelings towards Chuck and managed to think about Cas, it was impossible to go back to being angry.

It was impossible to feel anything other than longing. The strength of it surprised Dean, because there had never been a time when he wanted to have Cas near him so badly, not even when he thought Cas was gone.

And that wasn’t the only surprising part, no. Perhaps even more surprising was the lack of hesitation on Dean’s part.

So when Sam woke him up, saying that Cas called and needed help, Dean was out of bed in a second.

‘Cas and Jack found a vampire nest. It’s not that big, but they don’t have any appropriate weapons.’

‘Jack still needs a crash course on Baby’s trunk.’

‘Sure.’, Sam snorted. ‘But right now they need someone to get them weapons.’

Dean was pulling on pants.

‘So you’re going, then? I don’t have to find someone else?’

‘I’ll go.’, he said gruffly.

When he turned around, Sam was smirking at him.

‘Shut up.’, Dean glared.

‘I didn’t say anything!’, Sam laughed, but he also left.

*.*.*

‘I didn’t expect you to be the one to come.’, were the first words Cas told him.

Dean couldn't help but feel a little hurt. Cas didn’t mean it, though, so he pushed it down.

‘Yeah, well, most people wanted to take a break for Christmas, not go vampire hunting.’

‘We’re sorry, Dean.’, Jack really did sound remorseful. ‘But these vamps like eating young girls.’

He pulled a face. ‘How many?’

‘Three vampires.’, Jack said.

‘Four girls that we know of.’, Cas added.

Dean cursed under his breath, but he also started pulling swords out of his bag, asking Jack what he knew about vamps and killing them.

*.*.*

They knew where the vampires were holding out, but when they got to the creepy abandoned cabin in the woods, nobody was there. So they waited, a few miles away, with Cas popping up every hour to check if they returned.

It was cold, even if they were sitting in Baby, it was annoying, because they were wasting time and it was boring. It was also frustrating, because Dean wanted to talk to Cas about the tattoos, but Jack was there and they couldn’t. Also, it didn’t look like Cas wanted to talk about it.

He was acting perfectly normal, like nothing had changed. Dean felt like everything had changed, but Cas was content to just sit there, in the passenger's seat, drinking coffee and answering all the questions Jack threw his way.

Dean had to give it to the kid, he had studied a lot about things that bumped in the night, he knew a lot and the questions he asked were pertinent. So he helped Cas out, added to his answers with more hands-on details.

It wasn’t that bad, spending time with Cas and Jack, but Dean couldn’t fully commit to it.

*.*.*

The vampires came back to the cabin late at night. The three of them died quickly. Well, Cas and Dean got rid of two of them quickly, but Jack struggled, a little, with the third one. Dean went in to help him, but Cas stopped him.

He stopped Dean by grabbing his arm, and damn it, Cas’ fingers were right over the tattoo. Sure, there were layers of clothes in between, but the angel’s hand was right there, and Dean didn’t know if it was a coincidence or not.

It took a while longer, but Jack did manage to decapitate the third vampire. The kid was very happy about being able to do it, he jumped to Cas’ side and hugged him tightly, hugged Dean too, just because he was there. It was terribly endearing, especially after he saw the very fond smile on Cas’ face.

‘Come on’, Dean mumbled, ‘let’s go home.’

‘Let’s not.’, Cas said, just as Jack yawned. ‘Do they need us back tonight?’

Another night and morning spent not talking to Cas, desperately wanting to but not doing it because Jack was there? Sure, why not?

*.*.*

They had a late dinner at a diner, at least the pie was delicious. Jack passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow, but Dean didn’t. He was still obsessively thinking about Cas and the fact that the angel was in the room was not helping. Cas wasn’t sleeping, of course, he had taken off his trench coat and sat on a chair, legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the end of Jack’s bed.

Dean spent a lot of time staring at Cas. He was reading something on a tablet, his fingers tapping the screen being the only movement his body made. He blinked rarely and he breathed, but it wasn’t so visible.

When he realized he had been staring at Cas’ eyelashes and the way his eyes moved as he read for an alarming amount of time, Dean huffed and got out of bed.

‘You okay?’, Cas whispered.

He wordlessly nodded. Then he put on his jeans and coat and got out of the room, knowing that Sam had packed him a few beers in the trunk. Sure enough, there was a six pack, so even though it was freezing outside, Dean cracked open a beer and sat on Baby’s hood.

It didn’t take long for a door to open behind him, and he knew it was Cas even before the angel came into view. He was wrapped up in a blanket, and wordlessly wrapped one around Dean. It was scratchy, crappy motel quality, but it did make him feel a little warmer, and the gesture was nice.

Dean wordlessly handed him a beer.

They were silent for a while, just looking at the stars and drinking their beers, before Cas said his name.

‘Thank you for coming.’

‘Of course.’, Dean frowned. ‘Why wouldn’t have I come?’

Cas pulled a face, but didn’t say anything.

‘No, really.’, he said gruffly. ‘Why wouldn’t I have come for you? And Jack?’

Slowly, hesitantly, Cas met his eyes. ‘I thought you’d be inclined to keep away from me.’

Dean took a deep breath. They were doing this, apparently.

‘The first thing I wanted to do was to find Chuck and punch him in the face.’

‘Ah.’, Cas said in a diplomatic manner. ‘Why?’

Dean turned, incredulous, to the angel. ‘Do you really not see any problems with this?’

‘I do.’, Cas smiled. ‘But I’m interested in hearing what issues you have with, as you said, this .’

‘Lack of choice, mostly.’

‘Yes, which is why I thought you wouldn’t want to see me.’

Dean said nothing, rolled his eyes instead.

‘I knew you’d be angry, Dean. And I thought your rebellious personality will drive you to avoiding me.’

‘No, nope, not what happened.’, he looked away. ‘I actually looked for you as soon as I woke up.’

‘And what would you have told me?’

‘I would have bitched about Chuck, probably.’

Cas hummed. ‘I don’t think I would have let you do that.’

Dean narrowed his eyes at him. ‘So you approve of this?’

‘More than you do, clearly.’, the angel smiled. ‘I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Humans were not aware of the existence of soulmates until now, and-’

‘Were you?’

‘Yes.’

Dean spluttered. ‘Why didn’t you say anything before?’

‘Why would I? You wouldn’t have believed me.’

‘That’s… probably true.’

Cas smiled, again, snuggling deeper into the blanket. ‘Soulmates have always roamed this earth. God never did explain to us how they came to be, but I know they are his doing, and I know that he has worked hard on it.’

‘Really?’, Dean was skeptical.

‘Yes. And I think it’s a good thing that you know, now. I can’t help but think of all the soulmates who, over the millenia, have missed each other because they didn’t know.’

‘I didn’t think of that.’, Dean admitted after a beat.

‘It’s okay, you had more pressing issues on your mind.’

Dean huffed, took a long drag of his beer before leveling Cas with a look. ‘Why are you not freaking out about this?’

‘Why would I freak out?’

‘Because it’s me.’, Dean said slowly.

‘I would have freaked out if it wasn’t you.’, Cas said easily.

Dean gulped, had to look away from the other man. ‘That sounds a lot like you’re admitting something, Cas.’

‘Well.’, he said slowly. Then he bumped their shoulders together, but didn’t really move away after. ‘I don’t have to admit anything, you already know.’

‘I really don’t.’

‘Yes, you do.’, Cas smiled. ‘You do know, but I think you never did manage to acknowledge it.’

‘Cas…’, Dean breathed out, just a little shakily.

‘You know I care for you, you’ve known that for a long while. I hope that now you will be able to believe it. That’s the only thing I hope for, Dean.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘It means that I know you.’, Cas smiled. ‘I know that, no matter the signs, you won’t be comfortable with sharing a relationship-’

‘I don’t care that you’re an angel.’, Dean cut him off strongly.

‘I know.’, Cas snorted. ‘The fact that I’m a man is what makes you uncomfortable. And it’s okay.’

‘How is that okay?’, Dean stared, incredulous.

‘I’m happy as long as you’re comfortable with being my friend. While I would want more than that, I don’t need it.’

He got down from Baby’s hood, patted Dean’s shoulder.

‘I just need you to be as happy as can be.’

Cas turned around, meant to leave, but Dean couldn’t let him go.

‘What’s your tattoo?’

When the angel turned around, he was grinning, somewhat proudly. ‘The mark that I left on you, when we first met.’

‘Handprint.’, Dean said after a beat, understanding.

‘Handprint.’, Cas nodded, pushing a hand on his upper arm. ‘And I assume yours is something with wings?’

‘Yeah. Wings, a trench coat and a tie.’

‘That’s nice.’, Cas smiled, started walking back to the room. ‘Don’t stay out too long, you’ll turn into a popsicle.’

Dean stayed out long enough to finish the beer in his hands, and another one. Honestly, he kept smiling like an idiot. He never actually got with his thoughts to the point in which he considered that Cas felt something for him. Which was idiotic, sure, but it was to be expected from Dean, he did realize that.

This short conversation was surprisingly productive and less awkward than he thought it would be. Cas did admit to something, and it meant a lot for Dean, to know that the angel had feelings for him. Knowing it, it was easier for him to acknowledge the fact that so did he.

Fuck, he did. He cared about Cas a lot, yes, but this was more than that. And, no matter what anyone said (fuck you, Chuck!), Dean had these feelings long before the tattoo appeared on his skin.

And fuck, it sounded like being with Cas was a possibility. Like it could happen, in the soon future, but Dean knew that if a relationship with the two of them ever became a reality, then he was the one who had to do something about it.

*.*.*

Thankfully, Cas was acting like nothing happened, once again. He was even managing to ignore the curious looks Sam was throwing their way. Jack, bless his sweet innocent soul, was completely oblivious.

But Mom wasn’t, clearly Sam had told her something, because every time she saw Cas and Dean in the same room, she smiled, fond and large. Dean didn’t mind that she knew, but he did feel like the pressure was on.

Still, he managed to wait, and he managed to not make a complete fool out of himself that first day back.

But the next morning, he woke up before the sun rose and strongly knocked on Cas’ door. Of course, he wasn’t sleeping.

‘What’s wrong, Dean?’

‘Nothing’s wrong. I just thought we could get breakfast.’

Cas frowned.

‘You and me, that nice diner next town over, you know, the one with the awesome apple pie?’

Cas was still confused, and he hadn’t moved to put shoes on, so Dean took a deep breath.

‘Kind of a shitty first date, I’ll admit, but there’s not a lot to do around here.’

For the longest of time, Cas just looked at him. Blinking slowly, frowning slightly, clearly debating something. In the end, he took a tiny step forward.

‘Are you certain?’

The angel wasn’t blinking anymore, clearly waiting for Dean’s reaction.

He felt awkward, sure, but he also felt like it was right. Maybe not meant to be, but definitely meant to be right then. It was Cas, how bad could a date with Cas go?

Dean smiled. ‘Come on, man. Put some shoes on, we got apple pie to eat and coffee to drink.’

It took another beat, but Cas did as he was told.

*.*.*

As soon as they got into Baby, Dean didn’t feel awkward anymore, not at all. Instead, he kinda felt excited. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been on a real date, but it was Cas.

The angel was used to Dean going ridiculously over the speed limit, cursing when they got to town and trucks cut him off, ordering too much food and harmlessly flirting with the waitress.

They talked easily as they ate, kept on talking through another cup of coffee. But when they got out of the diner, Cas stopped Dean in the parking lot.

‘What are you doing?’ Again, the angel was watching Dean closely.

‘What you want. No! Wait, that sounded wrong.’, he ducked his head. ‘What you want, and what I want. What … what we want.’

Cas was silent for a long time, long enough that Dean managed to look up at him again.

‘We?’, the angel said slowly, unbelieving.

Dean hummed, nodding his head. ‘You’re not the only one who wasn’t surprised by this. I mean, I was surprised that soulmates were real, don’t get me wrong, and that I got one, that was pretty unbelievable, but the fact that it’s you is… understandable.’

‘Okay.’, Cas said after a beat.

‘Okay?’, Dean scrunched up his nose. ‘That’s all you got?’

The angel chuckled. ‘I had a great time, Dean. We should do this again.’

Dean grumbled and got in the car. Once Cas joined him, he started undressing. Dean bit on his lip to keep himself from saying anything stupid, because he did realize that Cas was going to show him his tattoo.

Sure enough, there was a hand mark on his bicep, just as Dean used to have all those years ago. It was weird, because the imprint was of Cas’ hand, but it was also kind of nice, because it was the first interaction they had. Before the stabbing and stuff.

Wordlessly, Dean took off his coat and pulled up the sleeve of his shirt, until Cas was able to see the angel tattooed on his arm.

‘That’s cute.’, Cas said with a completely straight face.

‘Uh-uh.’, Dean glared at him.

He gently, very gently, ran his fingers over Dean’s tattoo.

‘I like it.’, Cas said, smiling up at him.

Dean returned it, and he bravely grabbed a hold of Cas’ hand, intertwining their fingers and letting them rest on his thigh.

They were still in the parking lot of the diner, the sun was only just starting to come up, Dean had no real intention to start the car and drive home. Cas was staring at him, still smiling softly but clearly looking for something.

‘What?’, Dean asked just a little gruffly.

‘I’m trying to figure out’, Cas said slowly, ‘if I should kiss you now or wait until we get back to the bunker and have the excuse of mistletoe.’

Dean was probably blushing, so with his free hand, he reached up and shut the light between them. The lights of the diner were still getting through, but not too bad.

Cas was watching him with a raised eyebrow.

‘Both.’, Dean said around a smirk. ‘Definitely both.’

Cas chuckled, but he also bent his body over the gearshift.

*.*.*

By the time they made it back to the bunker, the sun was up, Cas had stubble burn on his cheek, Dean was in desperate need of some chapsticks, and Sam was the only one not worried they had gone missing.

In fact, Sam was smirking smuggly.

Dean didn’t even find it in himself to berate his brother for it.

Chapter Text

It really was the worst possible time for these tattoos to appear. Just last month, they were all convinced they were going to die. By Eliot’s hands, no less.

Well, it wasn’t really Eliot, it was just his body. He had been possessed by the monster that escaped from Castle Blackspire.

But knowing that didn’t take away from the fact that the monster doing all the horrors was wearing Eliot’s face. And they really were horrible things, for it did not know the concept of evil. Everything it was doing, it thought it was normal. It was having fun, while it caused so much pain. Eliot’s face was grinning as it tortured them all.

Quentin got the really short straw of the ordeal. Because he was the only one who actually interacted with it in Blackspire, the monster thought they were friends. So everything it did, it made sure Quentin knew about it. He wasn’t always there, by its side, but he always had dreams, terrible, horrible dreams of Eliot torturing and killing people, with a sweet smile on his face, dreams Quentin knew were real.

He was there at the end, though. The monster got a hold of him and didn’t relinquish it. Quentin had spent the last month locked in Blackspire, forced to watch the monster do what it did best: play. Maim and torture, cut flesh open, break bones and draw tears and screams. Hurt and kill. Quentin saw it all.

Their friends managed to trap the monster again, and after they tore it away from Eliot, they locked it and left it to rot in Blackspire without anyone to play with. Nobody came out of it unscathed, and however bad it sounded, Quentin did think that he got the worst of it.

The best thing Quentin got out of it all was that he got himself back. He got his memories, he got his magic, properly this time, without the Librarians having a say in it.

The worst thing Quentin got out of it was the inability to cope. Once again, he felt like he needed it all to end.

Fillory had saved him before, but it wasn’t an option right then. Eliot and Margo had gone back to take care of the kingdom, and Quentin really needed to stay the hell away from there.

So he was going to get himself committed, again, after having Christmas dinner with his father. At least that way he will have someone watching, making sure he won’t kill himself.

The tattoo couldn’t have appeared at a worse time. On the morning when he was set to get locked up, at a time when he couldn’t look Eliot in the eye without seeing blood and pain, Quentin woke up with a tattoo on the side of his neck.

It was a crown and it took no time at all for him to recognize that it was Eliot’s High King crown. The jeweled one, simple in design but covered in dark jems. Those translated as empty spaces in the tattoo, and it was a beautiful piece of art.

Magic was a cruel joke, at times. Either that, or it was always taking a piss at Quentin.

*.*.*

Julia found him about a day later. He hadn’t moved.

Quentin was still in bed, leaning against the headboard. He was famished, but he didn’t want to get up. He was thirsty, but he didn’t want to get up. He had been crying, on and off, but when Julia appeared at the end of his bed, his eyes were dry.

‘Go take a shower.’, she said in a gentle, but authoritative voice. ‘Put on some clean clothes and I’ll order some food.’

‘Did you do this?’, was what came out of his mouth. She was a goddess now, she could have done it.

But Julia shook her head.

‘Do you know who did it?’, Quentin insisted.

‘No.’, she smiled, a little. ‘I know it was a god, but I don’t know who. Go shower, Q. We’ll talk once you’re human again.’

With a sigh, he forced himself to get out of bed.

*.*.*

Julia was sitting at the kitchen table, two mugs of coffee and two very large pizzas in front of her. Quentin wasted no time to start eating, he hadn’t had anything in over 24h.

He was crying, again, by the time he was done.

Julia waved her fingers and cleaned the table, before pushing her chair close to Quentin, close enough to hug him. She was very warm, unnaturally so, making him painfully aware of her godly status. But she was still Julia, still his best friend, and she was there because he needed her.

So Quentin cried in her arms, until he managed to calm down, managed to stop.

‘Are you really this upset that Eliot is your soulmate?’, Julia asked, gently.

He shook his head. ‘If this would have happened before-’

‘You mean before the monster took over him?’, she said kind of pointedly.

Quentin glared at her, a little.

‘I know it wasn’t Eliot, okay? I understand that, logically. But I still saw Eliot do all those horrible things.’

His voice broke, and it mellowed Julia down. She grabbed a hold of his hand, and it was a good anchoring point.

‘You were saying, if this would have happened before?’

‘I would have been happy.’, Quentin breathed out.

That seemed to surprise Julia.

‘We lived a life together, before.’, he said in a whisper. ‘Yeah, I got married to Arielle, but Eliot was there . And it was… it was a good life. I already know what it’s like, to have him as a soulmate. I already know how good it is.’

‘But?’, Julia questioned when he didn’t go on.

‘But now I look at him and I want to throw up, in anger and fear.’ His hands started shaking. ‘And I hate it. I hate it so fucking much, Julia. I want it to stop, but I, I can’t, I don’t see how that could possibly happen.’

‘Q, why didn’t you go to the hospital?’

He did a double take at that. ‘What?’

‘You wanted to put yourself under observation again.’

‘How do you know that?’

She just raised a condescending eyebrow.

‘Right.’, he sighed. ‘Goddess.’

‘Why didn’t you go?’

He didn’t answer. He knew why, but he couldn’t get the words out.

‘You didn’t do it because you know you have to see Eliot.’, she said without doubt. ‘Not because he’s your soulmate, but because he is your friend and you want that back, at least.’

She was right, of course, and she didn’t need Quentin’s nod for confirmation.

‘So go pack a bag, I’ll get you to Fillory.’

He hesitated. He hadn’t been there since they locked the monster, he hadn’t seen Eliot or Margo since. That was three months ago.

‘Q’, Julia smiled, ‘he needs you just as much as you need him.’

That got him going. He didn’t question how Julia knew that, he just took it at face value. Still, before he left the kitchen, he paused in the doorway.

‘Did you get a tattoo?’

Julia snorted, shaking her head.

‘Alice, Margo?’, he went on.

Another shake of her head.

‘Penny, Kady? Josh?’

‘It’s just you, Q. You and Eliot.’

He sighed, deeply. ‘Of course it is.’

Really, magic was a bitch sometimes.

*.*.*

He found himself in the throne room. Margo was the only one there, and she dropped the goblet she was holding, staring at him with wide eyes, clearly in shock.

‘Hi.’, he said after a while. ‘Merry Christmas.’

Margo yelped, got out of her chair and ran, barreling into him. Quentin dropped his bag, as she wrapped her arms around him in a too tight hug.

‘You came.’, she whispered. ‘You actually came! I didn’t think you’d come!’

‘Why not?’, he managed to detach himself, a little.

‘I thought you were going to be Quentin about it.’, Margo said teasingly, before sobering up. ‘I thought you wouldn’t want to ever come back to Fillory after what happened.’

Gently, her fingers settled on his neck. It took a moment for him to realize that she was touching his tattoo. It was a little on the large side, on the left side of his neck. Even with his hair down, he couldn’t hide it, the only way he could do that was to wear a turtleneck and that wasn’t going to be happening.

‘It’s pretty.’, Margo tilted his head. ‘It’s real pretty.’

Quentin steeled his nerves. ‘How is he?’

Her eyes betrayed her fear. ‘Not so good. He’s been a mess ever since he came back, and he’s been trying to deal with it, but it’s not working. And it’s gotten worse since yesterday.’

‘How worse?’

Margo averted her eyes.

‘How worse?’, Quentin insisted.

‘He drank till he passed out.’

‘That’s not-’

‘No, it is.’, Margo’s eyes were wide. ‘He drinks, yes, but he hadn’t drank himself into oblivion since we were at Brakebills.’

Quentin didn’t manage to say anything.

‘How are you doing?’, Margo asked in a whisper.

He snorted, shrugging. ‘Just as well as he is, with the added bonus of PTSD from the monster wearing Eliot’s face and alarmingly strong suicidal tendencies.’

‘Q…’, Margo sounded scared. She grabbed his hand.

‘We’re both fucked.’, he looked at her. ‘How are we supposed to heal each other?’

Inexplicably, Margo smiled at that, no hint of teasing. ‘Just like you’ve always done.’

He rolled his eyes, trying for unaffected and missing by a mile.

Margo straightened up, let go of his hand. ‘Leave that here.’, she pointed at his bag. ‘I’ll order someone to get a room ready for you. Go see Eliot.’

‘Where is he?’

‘Oh, he hasn’t left his room since the tattoo appeared.’, Margo snorted. ‘Hasn’t showered, either, so… you deal with that.’

With a sigh and shaking hands, Quentin made his way through the castle.

*.*.*

Eliot was in a state, alright, and that state was still passed out.

Starfished in the middle of the bed, on his back, shirtless, still wearing leather pants and boots. There were faint red stains on his chest, but Quentin was relieved to realize they were wine, not blood.

Margo was right, Eliot was not doing well. He had lost a lot of weight, on top of all he lost when the monster forgot to feed him. The bags under his eyes were purple, his ribs were easy to number, and Quentin hadn’t seen him in such a state since he was doing cocaine on the regular.

In a rush, Quentin realized that he wasn’t the one to get the worst on the other side of the monster. It was definitely Eliot.

Eliot, who had a tattoo right above his heart, a tattoo of Quentin’s crown, a design even simpler than his, but a lot more stark against pale skin.

Biting down on his need to cry, Quentin gently took off Eliot’s shoes, then his own. He took off his jacket, emptied his pockets and sat down on the bed.

Eliot didn’t stir, so Quentin lied down, wrapping himself around the other man without actually touching him. He cried himself to sleep, the warmth radiating from El covering him like a familiar blanket.

*.*.*

Quentin woke up to the very distinct feeling of someone staring at him, and it took him awhile to remember he was in Fillory, in Eliot’s bed. A few long hours have passed, judging by the way the sky was dark outside, but Quentin still didn’t feel fully rested.

Still, he took a deep breath and got up, finally looking to his side, to Eliot. The other man was still in bed, wide awake, staring silently at Quentin.

For the first time since the monster, Quentin didn’t flinch at the sight of Eliot. Sure, he was afraid, scared shitless, really, but not necessarily because of the image of his best friend killing him. No, right then, Quentin was more afraid because of two crown tattoos.

‘You stink.’, he breathed out shakily. ‘If you take a bath, I’ll get us some food?’

Eliot said nothing.

‘Take a bath.’, Quentin said with a bit more strength. ‘I’ll get us some food.’

It was only when he was almost out the door that Eliot nodded.

*.*.*

The kitchens were empty, so it was clearly very late at night. Still, Quentin managed to gather a plate of food on his own, and he made sure to get plain grape juice, not wine. He lingered in the empty castle, took the long road through the throne room, sat there for a while.

But by the time he made it back to Eliot’s room, he was clean and already dressed, standing very anxiously near the table. Knowing him, he had probably been pacing.

‘Mind if I join you?’, Quentin asked politely as he sat the tray on the table.

Eliot shrugged, so they sat down on opposites sides. They ate in silence for a while, but Quentin did snicker out loud when Eliot realized that there was no wine, just grape juice.

‘Hey, so, uh, where’s Fen?’

Maybe that wasn’t the best thing to start with, but it was the only thing Quentin could think of.

‘Home, I would assume.’, Eliot said evenly.

Quentin frowned at that.

‘Oh, you don’t know.’, Eliot blinked. ‘Right. We’re divorced, officially. Well, first we had to pass a law that allows that, and we had to convince her father not to kill me, but we did it.’

‘I’m sorry.’, Quentin said softly. He wasn’t.

‘I’m not. She deserves someone better than me, someone who will actually love her like that.’, he said without any remorse. ‘She still works here, she’s Acting High Queen in Alice’s place, but she goes to her little cottage at night.’

Quentin pushed down the flash of excitement that passed through his chest, and didn’t manage to think of a way to continue the conversation.

Eliot sighed, pushed away his plate and goblet. He met Quentin’s eyes, with strength and courage. From where he was standing, Eliot looked ready to walk straight into battle.

‘Why are you here?’

Quentin tried his very best to not start a fight. He didn’t want to be confrontational, right then. He sighed, just a little shakily.

‘So you agreed with Margo, then? Thought I wasn’t going to come?’

‘Yes.’, Eliot stared him down. ‘Because the last time you saw me, you flinched and hid behind Penny when I tried to hug you.’

‘I couldn’t control that.’, Quentin looked away. ‘But last night, when I came in here, I wasn’t afraid of you.’

‘I was asleep.’, Eliot pointed out.

‘I’m not afraid now, either. I’m not fully comfortable, but I think…’, he forced himself to look at Eliot. ‘I think being away from you helped.’

‘But you wouldn’t have come here if it weren’t for that.’ he was staring at Quentin’s tattoo, now.

His look softened, visibly. The anger ebbed away, replaced with fear. So it was Quentin’s turn to be brave.

‘No, I wouldn’t have come.’, he admitted. ‘I had an appointment with a locked door in a mental asylum.’

Eliot’s jaw dropped.

‘I’m not okay.’, Quentin forced himself to go on. ‘I’m not, I haven’t been since… since Blackspire. It’s PTSD and depression and paranoia and…’ He started crying, but didn’t stop it. ‘It’s a lot and it’s painful and I don’t know if I can get past it this time.’

There was silence for a few moments, but then Eliot got up from his chair, came to his side and kneeled in front of him, hesitating only a little before placing his hands on Quentin’s knees. It was easier to look at Eliot, now, when he was so close.

‘Go home.’, El said in a whisper. ‘If being here is going to be torture for you, all over again, then go back home and do whatever you need to do to get better.’

It didn’t take long for Quentin to realize how much he did not want that. Now that he was back in Fillory, now that Eliot was touching him, willing to sacrifice his happiness for Quentin’s mental health, he really did not want to be anywhere else but there.

‘I don’t wanna leave, El. I wanna stay here, with you.’

Eliot crumbled at that, instantly. He let out a trembling breath and his hands started shaking on Quentin’s knees, so he pushed his forehead to them. Quentin’s fingers were in his hair before he actively thought of it.

‘I can’t have a soulmate.’, Eliot said in distress. ‘What the fuck, Q? Me? I’m not meant to have that, I never was. Love and family and happiness and everything? No, I’m meant to be alone.’

‘Don’t say that.’

His head snapped up, but Quentin didn’t take his his hands away from his hair.

‘Why not?’, Eliot all but spit out. ‘It’s been true all my life, why does it have to change now? Just because of a stupid tattoo?’

Quentin took his hands away, because that hurt, a surprising amount.

‘I don’t deserve a soulmate.’, Eliot went on. ‘And you deserve better-’

‘Don’t finish that sentence.’, Quentin felt a burst of anger, and he took a few moments to calm himself down.

‘Were you surprised by this?’, he asked gently. ‘I mean, waking up with a tattoo must have been surprising, yeah, but, I mean, were you surprised it was me?’

Eliot didn’t answer, he just bit on his lower lip and looked away.

‘Cause I wasn't surprised at all.’, Quentin said, grabbing the other man’s attention again. He even managed to smile at Eliot. ‘We were soulmates once before.’

He shook his head. ‘Arielle-’

‘But you were there .’, Quentin insisted.

‘Not like this.’. Eliot said desperately. With a deep sigh, he lowered his butt to the floor, legs sprawling in front of him, one of them under the chair Quentin was still sitting on.

‘No, not like this.’, he agreed. ‘But it would have been like this, if it wasn’t for Arielle.’

‘Q, if another Arielle comes along, if Alice comes back to you, I can’t go through that again.’ Eliot’s hands were shaking and he was, kind of pointedly, looking at them.

‘That’s not gonna happen.’, Quentin started.

Eliot rolled his eyes.

‘No, El, look. It might have. Why do you think I’ve never-’, he faltered, but went on. ‘And that’s why you never did anything, either. Yeah, it might have happened. But not anymore.’

‘You can’t know that.’

‘Yeah, I can.’, Quentin nodded strongly.

Eliot just looked at him, kind of incredulous, waiting for an explanation. Quentin chuckled, a little, while he pushed his hair behind his ear. Of course, Eliot’s eyes fell to the tattoo on his neck, which is exactly what he had planned.

‘I know nobody else is going to come along for me because I woke up with your crown tattooed on my neck.’

It took a while, but Eliot’s eyes moved up to meet his.

‘And I’m okay with that.’, Quentin went on in a whisper. ‘More than okay. It’s gonna take some work, cause we’re both pretty fucked up right about now, but…’ He wet his lips, looking with wide eyes at the man still sitting on the floor in front of him.

‘If you tell me you don’t want this, if you say you want me to leave, I’ll go. But I’d like to stay here, for a while. Try to figure us out.’

It took a few tense moments, but Eliot nodded. He did it very slowly and king of shakily, but he did it, and by the look in his eyes, he agreed with everything Quentin had said, there in the end. When he smiled, feeling utterly relieved, Eliot answered with a small smile of his own.

‘I didn’t get you anything for Christmas.’, Quentin said.

Eliot’s eyes grew very wide. ‘Fuck, it’s Christmas?’

‘Does Fillory even have Christmas?’

‘No, but it has mistletoe.’

‘So we’re good, then.’, Quentin snorted.

Eliot smiled, but it faded quickly. ‘I don’t know anymore.’

Quentin got up from the chair, careful not to step on Eliot, and he extended a hand to help him up. Eliot took it, but even after he was up and steady on his legs, Quentin didn’t let go of his hold.

‘I owe you a hug, after last time. Do you think I could - you could, I mean-’

His stuttering made Eliot smile very fondly. But it also made him nod, so Quentin let go of his hand and wrapped his arms around his waist. He always liked hugging Eliot the most, because of the height difference and because of the way El would put a hand on the back of Quentin’s head, making sure his cheek was pressed to his chest.

It was exactly what he did then, and Quentin felt… He still felt a little awkward, he could still see the image of Eliot pushing a nail into a child’s eye, but in his arms, he could block it out.

In Eliot’s arms, Quentin’s attention was all focused on the other man. How warm he was, how nice he smelled, how gently he was running his fingers through Quentin’s hair. How he could feel all the anxiety of having a soulmate just melt away.

How much he wanted to kiss Eliot.

If he’d close his eyes, Quentin knew he’d see the monster again. But he desperately wanted to kiss Eliot, desperately needed it, just a quick kiss, just to make sure that it was real, that it was still real. That they still cared for each other, that they still wanted each other, that the soulmate tattoos weren’t just a big mistake, a mark of a trickster god.

Just like on the mosaic, Quentin couldn’t get the words out. This time, he couldn’t move, either. He whispered El’s name, making their eyes meet, but that was as far as he could go. Thankfully, Eliot took over.

The kiss was short, just a sweet press of lips and a content hum coming from Eliot’s throat, his eyes fluttering close. The kiss was just what Quentin needed.

*.*.*

Later, they found Margo in the throne room.

‘Ah, Soulmate 1 and 2.’, she smirked at them. ‘Figured it all out?’

‘Definitely not.’, El threw her a look, before frowning. ‘Why isn’t Q’s throne here?’

‘I wasn’t sure he was going to stick around.’, Margo all but purred.

Quentin couldn’t even blame her for that jab.

He spent most of the day sitting on the hand rest of El’s throne. Or on his lap.

The next day, Margo made sure Quentin’s throne was where it should be, just so that she wouldn’t have to suffer through them being disgustingly adorable again.

Chapter Text

Alec was been having trouble sleeping since he got to Paris. At first, he assumed it was the jet lag, but he’d been in town for two weeks now, and he hadn’t had a good night sleep since. He’d sleep, alright, but few hours plagued with nightmares or weird dreams that made him wake up just as tired as he was when he went to bed.

He was lonely, and that was probably the reason why he was having such a hard time. He hadn’t been away from New York for such a long period in years. He missed Magnus, Max, Izzy, Jace and Clary.

Magnus, though. He missed Magnus a lot. It shouldn’t have been difficult, for him to open a Portal and meet Alec in Paris, but he was busy back home. There had been a series of attacks on New York warlocks, that left a lot of them homeless and hurt, and Magnus was working hard on taking care of them.

Beyond everything else, it was Christmas, so Alec’s longing was even more pronounced.

He was doing good work in Paris, helping the head of the Institute create a partnership with the local Downworld factions. It wasn’t too difficult of a work, though it was frustrating. At the end of the day, Alec had a few free hours to roam the streets of Paris. He liked the city, the gothic buildings and the modern museums, but he couldn’t help but hear Magnus’ voice in his head, talking about expensive wine and delicacy pastries.

Yeah, Alec was having a pretty miserable Christmas.

*.*.*

On Christmas Eve, he only managed to fall asleep when the sun was coming up, and he got rudely woken up just a few hours later by Clément, one of the Shadowhunters.

‘Excusez-moi, Monsieur Alec, but something has happened with the mundanes.’

‘What, all of them?’, he mumbled, getting up and not bothering to feel self conscious that he was only wearing boxers.

‘Some of them.’, Clément said, staring at Alec’s chest. ‘You included.’

Frowning, Alec looked down at himself. He didn’t see anything different, just his runes.

‘What?’, he asked Clément. ‘Why are you looking at me like that? You’ve seen runes before.’

Wordlessly, hesitating only a moment, Clément gently guided Alec to the bathroom, making him stand in front of the mirror. He pointed at Alec’s chest, and only then did he realize what the French Shadowhunter saw.

A little hidden by Alec’s chest hair, above his heart, now there was a new tattoo. It was a downward facing pentagram, placed inside a circle. At first, Alec panicked, because it was not a rune, and he had no recollection of getting a tattoo, but after a few seconds, he knew. He knew what the tattoo was, he knew why it was there.

He turned, slowly, to face the other shadowhunter.

‘Do you know?’, Clément asked in a whisper. ‘What that is?’

Alec nodded.

‘That’s what they’re saying on the news, that everyone who woke up with a tattoo already knows what it means.’

Again, he nodded. ‘Soulmates.’

‘Everyone’s panicking.’, Clément tilted his head. ‘Madame Verlac fears it is the work of a Greater Demon. Or...’

‘Or what?’, Alec asked when the other man didn’t go on.

‘Or a warlock.’, Clément winced.

Feeling anger spiking, Alec put on clothes and marched to the Ops Center.

*.*.*

He didn’t actually have the authority to intervene in this issue, he wasn’t the one running this Institute, Élodie Verlac was. Alec was only there to act as a mediator between the Shadowhunters and the Downworlders.

So he stepped back and listened to what Verlac had to say. She didn’t know anything more than Alec did, she was only making a lot of suppositions, pointing out that they were still waiting on orders from Idris. Still, she wanted to start investigating, start interrogating all the warlocks in the city.

When she started ordering people to go do that and not stop until they got answers, that’s when Alec intervened.

‘Excuse me, Mrs. Verlac. But you haven’t told us why you think the warlocks had anything to do with this.’

‘It’s obvious, isn’t it?’, she narrowed her eyes at Alec.

He shook his head. ‘Not to me. Would you please explain it to me?’

After a moment, she rolled her eyes, mumbling ‘Ah, yes, I forgot about Bane.’ under her breath. Alec said nothing, patiently waiting.

‘It is obvious, Mr. Lightwood, that this is either the work of a warlock or a Greater Demon, which we know can only be summoned by a warlock.’

‘It would have to be a very powerful warlock.’, Clément said, surprising everyone, because he was not the type of Shadowhunter who did anything else beside following orders. ‘I just mean, Madame Verlac, that this has not happened only in Paris. It has happened all over the world.’

‘Yes, but this just stinks of warlock work.’, the woman said stiffly. ‘Forcing mundanes to be together without knowing each other and without any explanation as to why? Who else would-’

‘No.’, Alec said strongly. Mostly everyone was staring at him by that point, but he really was used to it by now.

‘None of the soulmate pairs are strangers. All of them are people who have met before, people who already have a connection.’

‘How do you know that, Mr. Lightwood?’, Verlac said in a very cold voice.

He just threw her a look, at first. Then he took a step forward, making sure he had everyone’s attention.

‘It’s not just the mundanes, Mrs. Verlac. Did anyone here woke up with a soulmate tattoo? Besides me, that is.’

His question was met with silence for a while, but eventually, two Shadowhunters in the back raised their hands. A man and a woman, who were standing very close together.

Alec smiled at them, a little. ‘Do you think there’s no reason for it?’

The woman shook her head, while the man said a very strong ‘There are a lot of reasons for it.’

‘And do you feel forced into this bond?’, Alec went on.

‘Not more than we felt before this morning.’, the woman said gently.

‘We only just got together last week’, the man explained, ‘but we’ve been in love for a few months now.’

‘And we will be for a long, long time.’, the woman smiled at her soulmate.

Alec turned back to Mrs. Verlac. ‘Did you receive any word from Idris?’

‘No, but-’

‘I think it’s best I pay the Inquisitor a visit before he gets to do that.’

‘We’ll testify, if you need us to.’, the woman with a soulmate said, while her boyfriend nodded strongly.

Alec smiled at them, grateful, before turning back to Verlac. ‘I can’t make you do anything, but my advice is to stay away from the warlocks. You’ve done so well in cementing your relationships with them in these past weeks, don’t throw that out the window now.’

‘We still need you here for finalizing the partnership.’, Verlac said.

‘I’ll be back as soon as I can, you have my word.’

He went back to the room he was staying at in order to grab his jacket, knowing Idris was going to be covered in snow that time of year.

Clément and the warlock the Institute usually used for Portals were waiting for him in the hallway.

‘Good job, Monsieur.’, Clément grinned at him. ‘Madame Verlac is good at her job, but she sometimes needs a - how do you say? - wake up call.’

‘Right.’, Alec smirked. ‘I hope I wasn’t too rude.’

‘Just as rude as you needed to be.’

Alec snorted at that, as the warlock, called Réne, opened up a Portal. ‘Say hello to Magnus for me, will you?’

‘I don’t think I’ll be seeing him.’, Alec frowned.

Réne snickered.

*.*.*

Thankfully, when he made it to Alicante, his dad was free, but he was looking at Alec like he was insane, as he explained the issue.

‘I don’t think this was done by warlocks.’, he said slowly.

‘You don’t?’, Alec frowned.

‘No, of course I don’t. I think, like all of our runes, that it’s a mark of the Angel. Curious that the mundanes got them, yes, but these tattoos don’t really influence us, do they?’

Alec was very pleased that he didn’t have to fight his dad and that, for once, he didn’t take the judgemental side. Considering he had cheated on his wife, it was surprising that Robert Lightwood was on the side of love. Alec and Magnus might have had a little something to do with it.

‘I’ll send a message to all the Institutes.’, Robert said. ‘Make sure nobody does anything stupid. Alright?’

‘Yes, thank you.’, Alec nodded. ‘I should get back to Paris.’

‘How are the negotiations going?’

‘Fine, if not frustrating.’, he admitted. ‘Everyone keeps second doubting everything and it’s just… dragging things on.’

‘What of finding whoever was responsible for the attack on the New York warlocks?’

Alec frowned at that. ‘I don’t know, I left Izzy in charge. She hasn’t told you anything?’

‘No, which means they haven’t made any progress.’

Alec sighed, deeply. He was so tired.

‘You have two more days in Paris.’, his father said with authority. ‘Do the most you can until then, but then go home. You need to work on this case.’

Feeling relieved and only mildly embarrassed by it, Alec thanked his dad.

‘Hey, Alec.’, the other man said in a surprisingly gentle tone, smiling a little. ‘What tattoo did you get?’

Instantly, Alec blushed and looked away from his dad. But he did mumble, pointing a finger to his chest. ‘A pentagram.’

Robert didn’t say anything for a long time, and when Alec made himself look up, his father was frowning.

‘Why would you associate a pentagram with Magnus?’

Alec liked how his father didn’t even doubt who the tattoo was for. That was awfully nice, really. He hadn’t really thought of that before, didn’t get the time to actually think about it at all, really, but it didn’t take long for Alec to find the answer.

‘He uses it quite a lot in his spells, not just for summaning. And uh, you know. He’s a child of the Prince of Hell.’

Robert snorted, but he knew it was true.

‘Right. You should get going, son. Two days in Paris, then two days home to…’, he smirked, ‘get some rest. Then back to work.’

Once again, Alec blushed pretty badly, but he still hugged his dad goodbye and thanked him.

*.*.*

He had texted Magnus the exact hour he will be getting home, and he was only 20 minutes late, because Izzy did not stop hugging him for an unexpectedly long time, after he told her of his new tattoo.

The warlock was waiting for him with dinner, Alec’s favorite burgers from a restaurant in Manhattan, a bottle of sweet wine and, knowing Magnus, there was some sort of cake waiting in the fridge.

Magnus said a warm hello, moving to get up from the couch he was sitting on, but Alec didn’t let him. He was maybe a little overly-enthusiastic as he pushed his boyfriend back on the couch, making him lie down and sprawling over him.

‘Okay.’, Magnus said, surprised. ‘Sure, you’re not heavy at all.’

Still, as he said it he also got comfortable, Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec’s shoulders and ran his fingers through his hair, as Alec pushed his face to the other man’s neck.

He was exhausted, but he was home, now, and that made him incredibly happy.

‘What did the mean Parisians do to you?’, Magnus asked, heavily amused.

‘Put me in a room with a horrible bed. I couldn’t sleep much.’

‘Ah. So you wanna nap?’

‘I wouldn’t mind it.’, Alec yawned. ‘But it’s probably smarter if I just stay awake and go to sleep at the same time you do.’

‘Alright.’, Magnus hummed. ‘In that case, wouldn’t it be wise to not be in a sleep inducing position?’

‘Later.’, Alec didn’t miss a beat. ‘I missed you.’  

Magnus first kissed the top of Alec’s head, then he smiled wildly. ‘As have I, Alexander. We’ve never been apart for so long.’

‘I really hope it doesn’t happen again.’, Alec grumbled. ‘Or if it does, maybe it doesn’t happen in a time where soulmate tattoos appear.’

Magnus paused at that. ‘Did you get a soulmate tattoo?’

Suddenly, all the happiness Alec was feeling disappeared immediately, replaced by fear. He got up, a little, stared at the warlock with wide eyes.

‘You didn’t?’

Magnus gently pushed him away and got up, so that the both of them sat on the couch normally. He also grabbed Alec’s hand.

‘I did get a tattoo, and it is for you, I just… didn’t think you’d get one too. Because you’re a Shadowhunter.’

‘You’re a warlock.’, Alec frowned. ‘Neither of us are mundanes, so…’ He shook his head. ‘I have to be honest with you, Magnus, I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had the time to properly think about this.’

‘I’ll let you think about it, of course.’, Magnus moved to take his hand away.

Alec didn’t let him. ‘Do you think a warlock did this? Or a demon?’

Magnus frowned and shook his head. ‘I don’t see what they would gain out of it. What anybody would gain, really.’

‘Dad thinks it’s the Angel’s doing.’, Alec smiled a little. ‘I think I agree with that.’

‘You’ve told your father?’, Magnus was surprised.

Alec took the time to tell him what happened, with Verlac at the Paris institute, and with his dad in Alicante. Magnus seemed surprised by everything.

‘You handled that well.’, he pointed out. ‘I mean, not only Verlac, but waking up with a tattoo, you handled that very well.’

It made Alec frown, deeply. ‘How did you expect me to react?’

‘Badly.’, Magnus said after a beat. ‘Because it’s… it’s restricting, isn’t it? It took you some time to choose me, and this kind of erases that. Doesn’t it?’

‘I didn’t think about it like that.’, Alec admitted. ‘I just thought it was right.’

He shrugged, when Magnus asked for further explanations. ‘When I saw the tattoo, I knew immediately it was for you, there was never any doubt about it.’

‘There are some mundanes who feel restrained.’, Magnus said hesitantly. ‘The lack of choice is upsetting them.’

‘I get it.’, Alec frowned. ‘But I chose you before the tattoos.’

‘Yes, you did.’, the warlock smiled. ‘But before the tattoos, you could have changed your mind. I mean’, his eyes grew wide, ‘you can still do that at any time, Alec, tattoos or not. If you want to break up with me, I won’t stop you. But the tattoos kind of… assume that’s not going to happen.’

‘I don’t think it will happen.’, Alec said without missing a beat. ‘And I didn’t think different before.’

He felt very embarrassed then, by what he was about to say, but it was clear that he had to say it, because Magnus was having doubts about him, and he couldn’t have that.

‘Magnus, I haven’t said this before because I thought it was implied. Bun when I chose you, I didn’t do it for something that was going to end quickly.’

‘I know that.’, the warlock smiled.

‘Do you?’, Alec insisted. ‘Cause it doesn’t seem like you do.’

Magnus sighed and took his hand away from Alec’s hold. ‘It’s a lot to think about, Alexander. You should take some time to properly think about it, about what the tattoos entail.’

‘Why? They don’t change anything.’

‘But they do.’, Magnus countered, a little shakily. ‘It’s a big commitment, and it’s… There’s an issue of consent-’

Alec snorted at that, but he was ignored.

‘- and there’s a lack of choice, in love and... ‘

He didn’t go on, looking away from Alec. A thought came to him, like a tsunami crashing against a beach, and it shook him to his core. For a second, his instinct told him to not bring it up. But it wouldn’t be the first time he did that, and they needed to discuss it.

‘Now that I’m thinking about it’, he said slowly, ‘I think you’re the one who should have more problems with it.’

Magnus said nothing, so Alec pushed on.

‘This binding, it’s forever for me. But not for you.’

‘As you said’, Magnus smiled at him, ‘I chose you a long time ago. We both knew what it meant, being together.’

‘So why do things have to change now?’, Alec sounded just a little desperate.

‘They don’t have to, but they will.’, Magnus sighed. ‘I know our peers are more relenting with us, but not all of them, not all the time.’

Alec winced. ‘I probably shouldn’t have told everyone in Paris.’

‘I don’t mind that you did.’, Magnus smiled. ‘You did a good thing in Paris and I don’t mind anyone and everyone knowing about us.’ His smile vanished. ‘But there’s going to be backlash.’

Alec shrugged. ‘I kinda stopped caring about that four months into our relationship.’

It made the warlock laugh, a little, but it didn’t take too long for him to get serious again.

‘I’ll stop arguing’, he said gently, ‘but you have to promise me that if you ever have any… darker thoughts about all this, then you’ll tell me.’

‘Sure.’, Alec didn’t hesitate. ‘And you’ll do the same?’

Magnus nodded. ‘And we’ll discuss it.’

‘It’s a plan.’, Alec nodded seriously before he grinned and pulled Magnus closer to him, laying them back against the couch and settling for a cuddle.

The silence lasted for about 30 seconds. ‘You haven’t kissed me yet.’, Alec mumbled.

‘You’re the one who came home.’, Magnus sounded indignant. ‘You’re the one who’s supposed to kiss me!’

Alec muttered something only mildly unpleasant under his breath, but he did kiss his boyfriend. Nice and sweet, paired with a strong hug, pretty innocent by their standards, but lovely nonetheless. That initial feeling that Alec felt when walking into the apartment came back, that happy feeling of belonging.

He was home, in Magnus’ arms, and he was happy.

When the kiss stopped, Magnus hummed, pleased. But then he leveled Alec with a look.

‘Do you want to see mine? Because I really want to see yours.’ There was a pause. ‘And I am, surprisingly enough, speaking about the tattoos.’

Alec snorted, but he did give Magnus another quick kiss and grinned at him. ‘Show me, then.’

With ridiculous flourishes, Magnus rolled up his right sleeve, all the way up to his elbow. His tattoo was just below that, on the inside of his arm. It was a simple, stylized bow and arrow, and to Alec’s eyes, it looked… like a child’s toy. He had seen mundane children playing with them, and he’d always found them funny.

Now, seeing Magnus’ tattoo, Alec actually thought it was very cute. He didn’t see how that had any connection to him, but the bow and arrow were, most definitely, his.

He smiled, pressed a quick kiss to Magnus’ lips, and wordlessly took off his shirt.

Magnus was very excited for this, but it disappeared as soon as he saw Alec’s tattoo. He frowned, clearly displeased.

‘I don’t like it.’

Alec snorted. ‘You’ll get used to it.’

The warlock huffed, but relented, eventually. ‘When do you have to go back to work?’

‘Dad gave me two days off.’

‘That’s good.’, Magnus smiled. ‘We have time to celebrate Christmas, better late than never.’

‘Yeah, I noticed the lack of decorations.’, Alec threw him a look. Since they’ve been together, there hasn’t been a holiday, Christian or not, that Magnus hadn’t decorated for. Alec was sure some of them were made up.

‘I waited for you.’, Magnus grinned. ‘We can decorate together, we’ll do that later.’ He got up. ‘But now, it’s bedtime.’

Alec frowned. ‘I don’t wanna sleep yet.’

Magnus smirked, terribly cocky. ‘Who said anything about sleep?’

Without another word, he headed for the bedroom, stripping out of his clothes as he went, letting them fall to the floor. Hs hips were moving exaggeratedly, and he was humming a song Alec didn’t recognize under his breath.

‘My soulmate is ridiculous.’, Alec said out loud to the empty room.

‘I heard that!’, Magnus yelled from the bedroom. ‘But alas, you still love me, so come here already.’

With a chuckle and a fond smile, Alec got up from the couch and headed to the bedroom. He picked up Magnus’ disregarded clothes on the way. He knew he had a lifetime of doing that ahead of him, but he didn’t mind it. Not one bit.

Chapter Text

Bucky woke up feeling groggy. It didn’t happen often anymore, but it wasn’t unheard of, either.

He still had days when his brain didn’t work as well as it could. He’d been staying with Steve and the rest of the Avengers ever since Thanos was defeated a few months ago. Everyone kept telling Bucky that he’s been getting better, visibly so, and he did agree with it. Wakanda had been the first step, but his recovery didn’t stop there.

Still, bad days were to be expected, and considering the team spent Christmas night fighting a bunch of corn monsters in Texas, Bucky didn’t think a rough morning was out of the norm.

His side and back still hurt when he got out of bed, and his shirt was a little stained with blood. The corn monsters had very sharp claws, and Bucky had been stabbed and scratched. It was going to be fine in a few days, but he still needed to take care of it.

‘Friday, is anyone awake yet? I need help with changing my bandages.’

‘Mrs. Romanoff, Mr. Barton and Vision are in the common room.’, came the prompt response.

‘Thanks, doll.’

The AI liked it when he flirted with her, so she turned on the emergency lights, a little, casting Bucky in a soft red light. He chuckled as he made his way out of the apartment and to the elevator.

As Friday said, the three Avengers were in the common room, sitting on couches in various levels of sprawl (Clint the most, Vision the least), watching the news in complete silence.

‘You’re still bleeding?’, Vision asked as soon as he saw Bucky.

‘Good morning to you too.’, he answered sarcastically. ‘I’ll be fine, I just need help changing the bandages.’

Vision wordlessly got up from the couch and headed to the nearest bathroom. Natasha very pointedly looked at her nails, implying that she had just painted them, so Clint sighed and followed Bucky.

Once they were all in the bathroom and Vision was rummaging through a first aid kit, Clint helped him out of the shirt he was wearing. Bucky pushed his sweatpants a little lower and got to work on peeling off the soiled bandages, but after a while, he noticed the silence. No room with Clint in was ever silent.

He looked up with a frown. Both Clint and Vision were frozen in place, with their eyes wide, staring at Bucky’s torso, enough for him to start feeling self-conscious.

‘What, haven’t you seen a scratch before?’, he asked ruffly.

Clint still did not move, but Vision did. He took the bandages from Bucky’s hands and, gently, told him to look in the mirror.

Bucky did so, frowning immediately after. Right under one of the scratches, low on his hip, was a tattoo. It was Steve’s shield, evidently, the outer edge and the circle around the star filled in with black. Surprisingly, he didn’t have any scars on that particular patch of skin, so the new tattoo had perfect edges.

He didn’t remember getting a tattoo. Forcing himself to think really hard, Bucky realized that he wasn’t missing any time, he had a perfect memory of everything that had happened in the past month. Unless someone had given him a tattoo in the middle of the night, there was no possible way the tattoo was real.

Bucky licked his finger and started rubbing at it. It didn’t come off.

‘It’s real, Bucky.’, Vision said slowly.

‘How, though? I don’t remember getting a tattoo.’

Vision and Clint shared a long look.

‘When you woke up this morning’, Hawkeye said slowly, ‘don’t you remember having a… thought? About tattoos?’

Bucky just frowned.

‘It’s been all over the news.’, Clint said next.

‘As far as we understand it’, Vision went on, ‘you should have woken up with information about the tattoos. About what they mean.’

‘What do they mean?’

‘Soulmates, man.’, Clint said around an awkward smile.

‘Oh.’, Bucky breathed out. ‘I thought I dreamt that.’

There was a long pause, as all three of them looked back down to the shield.

‘So you do know?’, Vision asked.

Bucky nodded. ‘Yeah, soulmate tattoos, someone you already know, a small percentage of the world. I just woke up a little’, he waved a hand around his head, ‘foggy.’

‘You’re taking this surprisingly well.’, Natasha said from the doorway.

He didn’t meet her eyes, didn’t meet anyone’s eyes, really, but he did respond. ‘It’s not like it’s a surprise. I’ve known it since 1928.’

That rendered everyone speechless. They were still staring at Bucky, but they were staring at his face, now. It still made him feel very uncomfortable.

‘Could someone please help me with these damn bandages? I’m bleeding all over Stark’s expensive floor.’

Clint started working, Vision handing him things. Nobody said anything else.

*.*.*

Natasha was right, Bucky was taking it surprisingly well.

But what he told her was true, too, he had known Steve was his soulmate since 1928. Sure, maybe he wouldn’t have used that exact word to explain it, but it didn’t make it any less true. Maybe Bucky didn’t know he was in love with his best friend back then, and maybe he forgot it, for a while there, when he was forced to forget Steve, but he remembered it quickly. When he was in Wakanda and Steve was texting him every day, when they talked every other day no matter how far away from Wakanda he and his team were, Bucky quickly remembered all the reasons why he fell in love with Steve Rogers.

The feelings he felt, they were well known, well worn, like putting on a fluffy pajama you’ve had for years. And they were strong as hell, no wonder Bucky broke through Hydra programing for Steve. There was no doubt in Bucky’s mind that there never was and never will be anybody in the world who could be a better pair for him. Bucky didn’t need a mystical tattoo to believe that.

But maybe Steve did. He had never given Bucky any impression of feeling anything even remotely close to what he felt, so this whole tattoo business will surely come as a shock.

Bucky didn’t know how Steve would take it. Honestly, his first instinct told him to run, give Steve some space. But a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Sam was yelling at him to not be an idiot, insisting that Bucky leaving was the last thing Steve wanted.

Plus, it was Christmas, the first one since Bucky accepted some sort of normality with his teammates in the Avengers facility.

So he stayed.

And he only stressed a little bit about what Steve’s reaction will be. A little bit, like, just 88%.

*.*.*

Steve didn’t let himself be seen for the rest of the day. Bucky was mildly alarmed. He checked with Friday, so he knew that Steve was perfectly fine, that he had just locked himself in his room. That was the alarming part, because that meant that he was thinking.

Knowing Steve, he wasn’t thinking of nice things. But Bucky also knew that it was what Steve needed to do, so even if he wanted to very badly, he didn’t break down the door and yell at Captain America that everything was fine, they could just ignore it and keep on being bros.

*.*.*

They had planned Christmas dinner for months, and nobody suggested they cancel it, even if a few of them were still bleeding. There will be no gifts exchanged, but there was a nicely decorated tree in a corner of the common room, a lot of crackers that nobody enjoyed more than Clint, a ridiculous amount of food and booze. Everyone was there, Avengers and close affiliates, and honestly, it was the first time it happened since Bucky moved in.

Obviously, he couldn’t skip it. Steve couldn’t either.

So Bucky made sure to talk to Nat, Clint and Vision, made sure neither of them was going to say anything to Steve. Nat was the only one who didn’t seem keen on it, but Bucky explained it to her, that it didn’t mean he wasn’t going to talk about it with Steve. He will, he promised he will, but Steve needed time to think. Eventually, Nat relented and promised to not mention anything.

The dinner went surprisingly well. They ate their weight in food, drank mulled wine and beers until they were all smiling uncontrollably, there were no fights, no blood shed. Steve acted like nothing happened that morning, sitting across from Bucky and smiling at him fleetingly.

But Bucky knew Steve. From all the people in the room, he had known Steve for the longest time, and he knew him the best. So Bucky knew that Steve wasn’t as okay as he seemed. He had trouble meeting people’s eyes, Bucky’s especially, even if he got there, in the end. There were moments when Steve got lost in his thoughts, eyes fixed on something random, startling out of it only when someone addressed him directly.

He wasn’t sad, per say. Steve was just… still thinking hard about something. Bucky knew what he was thinking of, and he would have given an arm (well, no, maybe a leg) to know what Steve’s thoughts were. But he followed the other man’s hints, and Bucky kept his mouth shut about soulmates and tattoos throughout the evening.

*.*.*

He didn’t close an eye that night, though. The party had ended hours ago, the sun was almost coming up, and Bucky had not yet slept. He’d been making his way through Buzzfeed’s Top 5 Christmas Movies and was halfway through it when there was a knock on the door.

He made no move to get off the couch, frowning at the door instead.

‘Captain Rogers asked if you were awake.’, Friday’s meek voice came through. ‘You didn’t say I shouldn’t let anyone know.’

‘It’s alright.’, Bucky was quick to assure her, slowly making his way to the door. ‘But could you maybe stop watching and listening now?’

‘No, I need to do that for your protection. ’, Friday said. ‘But I can stop recording and make sure no data is kept on my servers.’

Bucky narrowed his eyes at the closest hidden camera. ‘Promise, doll? You wouldn’t be sneaky and betray my trust, would you?’

The alarm lights turned on for a flash, like Friday was winking at him. ‘Of course not, Sarge.’

With a light chuckle and a deep breath, he opened the door. Steve was already apologizing for waking him up.

‘I wasn’t asleep’, Bucky let him in, ‘I just had to convince Friday to… look away.’

‘Why would you do that?’, Steve asked, confused.

Bucky shrugged as he sat back down on the couch, not at all embarrassed by all the empty candy wrappers that were littering it. ‘I figured you’d wanna talk about… something that wasn’t anyone’s business.’

Steve sighed deeply. He didn’t sit down on the couch, instead he started picking up the empty wrappers. Bucky watched silently, as Steve cleaned up, went to the kitchen and came back a long time later with two cups of coffee.

He met Bucky’s eyes for the first time. ‘You wanna go on the fire escape?’

‘It’s freezing outside.’, Bucky frowned.

Steve didn’t hear him. ‘Like we used to do when we were kids? Trying to catch sight of Santa?’

That made something very warm squeeze Bucky’s heart. But Steve had always secretly been the romantic between the two of them.

‘Steve, there’s no fire escapes in this facility.’

‘Oh, right.’, he frowned. ‘Friday, is the terrace open?’

‘I can open it, but there is a layer of snow on it. Do you want me to send someone to clean it up?’

Steve looked to Bucky, raising his eyebrows. He shrugged in response.

‘No, thank you, Friday.’, Steve said. ‘We can handle a little snow.’

Wordlessly, he waited until Bucky put on a pair of boots and a hoodie, bypassing his jacket and grabbing a very thick blanket, wrapping it around himself. He gave one to Steve, too, who took it with a smile.

The terrace wasn’t a large, ridiculous thing, like you would expect from Stark. They had to walk through the med wing to get to it, and it was big enough to fit maybe ten people. It overlooked the forest and like Friday said, there were a few inches of snow crunching under their boots.

‘I’ve never been here.’, Bucky admitted, leaning against the wall and wrapping his hands around the warm mug, making sure the blanket wasn’t falling off.

‘I’ve been, a few times.’, Steve shrugged. ‘When I really needed to clear my head and my room was too… much.’

Bucky said nothing, and neither did the other man, clearly still thinking hard.

‘You’re overthinking this, Steve.’, he said as gently as he could.

Bright blue eyes instantly met Bucky’s. ‘Am I?’

‘Yeah, I think so. What’s done is done, you can’t change it. But that doesn’t mean anything has to change.’

‘I don’t understand.’, Steve said slowly.

Bucky took a deep breath. ‘You got a tattoo come Christmas morning, something for me. Right?’

Steve nodded.

‘I got one too, for you.’, Bucky had to look away. ‘We can’t change that. But that doesn’t mean we have to change because of it.’

‘So you want to act like… they’re not there?’

Bucky shrugged.

‘No.’, Steve said with surprising strength. ‘Look at me.’

He did so.

‘This is important.’, Steve said gravely. ‘Because this is just another thing on the long list of things that took your choice away from you.’

Bucky’s eyes grew very wide at that.

‘You didn’t even think about it, did you?’, Steve said, knowingly.

He hadn’t, not once. He didn’t think about himself much beyond the point of ‘Yes, I love Steve, that’s true.’ He mostly thought about Steve, about what this meant for him.

‘Buck.’, Steve said gently. ‘I can’t do that to you. We’ll do whatever you want.’

‘That’s not fair.’, Bucky managed to say.

‘I won’t have it any other way.’, Steve said quickly, before he smiled, a little, looking away, down into his still full mug of coffee. ‘I’ll take anything you’ll give me, Buck.

Bucky’s breath caught at that, because that sounded like…

‘Anything, Steve?’

‘Anything.’, there was no hesitation. ‘Anything you want.’

Why did Bucky feel like he was being lied to?

No, not exactly. Steve wasn’t lying to him, he really would be absolutely willing to act in any way Bucky wanted him to, but he didn’t mention what he wanted. In fact, he had been kind of avoiding that topic.

‘Let’s assume I will give you something.’, Bucky said gruffly. ‘Would I get something in return?’

Steve frowned, but nodded nonetheless. ‘Of course.’

A beat passed.

‘What would you give me?’, Bucky asked curiously.

‘Anything.’, no hesitation on Steve’s part, not for that. But after, he hesitated a little before blushing and whispering ‘Everything’.

It took a long while for Bucky to swallow that.

As he told Natasha yesterday morning, this hadn’t come as a surprise for him. Having Steve as a soulmate came as naturally as a breath of fresh air. He’d been in love with him for a long time, and even if it took almost just as long to understand it, Bucky had come to terms with it. He had accepted it.

Hell, most days he even wanted it. Felt happy for the love he felt in his chest, not just because it proved his humanity, but also because of the nice way his heart jumped when Steve laughed, of the warmth he felt during a hug, and so many other things.

But Steve didn’t love him, not like that. Never like that.

Not when they were children, playing in the dirt behind the school when they should have been doing homework. Not as teenagers, chasing tail for the fun of it and work for the need of it. Not as soldiers, fighting side by side. Not as enemies, fighting against each other. Not as Bucky was lost, and Steve helped him find himself again.

And yet, what Steve had just said…

He had never been too good at all the heart stuff. Bucky wasn’t great at it, either, but he had always been okay with talking about it. Steve, not so much. He prefered action over words.

So then why wasn’t he doing anything?

Bucky let out a long, frustrated breath.

‘I’m sorry.’, Steve was quick to say.

‘Don’t.’, Bucky gritted out. In a long drag, he finished his coffee, putting the empty mug down. Wrapped himself better in the blanket. It wasn’t going to protect him, not from heartbreak, but it was doing a decent enough job against New York’s December weather.

‘We look like idiots.’, he couldn’t help but point out. His blanket was bright blue, while Steve’s was obnoxiously red.

‘Yeah, we do.’, Steve grinned at him. ‘The sun’s coming up, though. That’s nice.’

It was. There were a few clouds on the sky, just enough to amp up the contrast of all the pinks and oranges. At that point, Bucky couldn’t care less of anything else beyond Steve.

He wasn’t used to wanting something, anymore. The Winter Soldier wasn’t allowed to want anything, and while Bucky understood, now, that it was normal for him to want things, it was still weird for him to say it out loud. He didn’t feel comfortable doing it, especially in a situation such as this, where he had to tell Steve that he wanted him.

But Bucky knew that was what he had to do. Steve wasn’t going to say it, he wasn’t going to admit to wanting Bucky, thinking it would force him into doing something he didn’t want. Captain America was an idiot, sometimes.

‘You’re an idiot, sometimes.’, Bucky said out loud.

Steve pulled an affronted face, but Bucky didn’t let him speak.

‘It hasn’t stopped me from being in love with you for all these years.’

At hearing Bucky’s words, the expression fell completely off Steve’s face, replaced with one of total surprise. It was a soft expression, there was a bit of awe in there. No repulsion, no disgust. That, more than anything, gave Bucky power to go on, even if his voice was shaky.

‘The tattoo means nothing to me. What it stands for, I’ve known it for a long while. The shield on my skin doesn’t change absolutely anything, for me.’

Bucky shrugged, managing to grin at Steve, who was still gaping wordlessly.

‘So you go lock yourself back in your room, and think about this all over again, now that you know that. Alright?’

Steve didn’t say anything.

Bucky nodded. ‘See you later, Steve.’

As he left, Steve said his name, but it was said very shakily. Bucky didn’t turn back.

*.*.*

Bucky didn’t go back to watching Christmas movies. Instead he made his way to the gym, taking a page out of Steve’s book and punching a bag (or three) to release all of his frustrations. Mostly, it worked, or at least Bucky’s body was getting too tired for his brain to be able to think about Steve.

Just as he was changing his fourth punching bag, Steve walked in. Barged in, more like, wearing a very particular expression.

Bucky knew that expression well, because this was Steve being angry. Not at a supervillain, let’s say, more like the type of domestic anger he directed at Sam when he didn’t put away his leftovers, or at Wanda when she left hoodies all over the common room.

Still, it was serious, so Bucky took a step back, raising his hands, opening his mouth and apologizing, even if he didn’t really know for what.

Steve grabbed his face and kissed him. Of course, that cut off whatever Bucky was about to say, and it also cut off his oxygen.

It didn’t last too long, Steve just pressed his lips to Bucky’s, roughly, three short times. Neither of them closed their eyes, which somehow, made it awkward. It was incredible, though, it was happiness as Bucky had never felt.

When Steve stopped kissing him, he didn’t step back, and he didn’t stop smushing Bucky’s cheeks. There was still anger in his eyes, which threw Bucky off, completely.

‘Why the hell are you angry for?’

‘I’m not angry.’, Steve frowned.

‘You look angry!’

‘No, I look determined.’

Bucky narrowed his eyes.

‘Wait.’, Steve tilted his head. ‘Are you angry?’

‘No, why would I be angry?’, it was Bucky’s turn to frown.

‘Cause I did this?’

Bucky shook his head, sneakily trying to make Steve relinquish his hold on his cheeks. It didn’t work.

‘Are you sure?’, Steve asked very seriously.

‘Yes.’, Bucky answered strongly. ‘Are you?’

‘I’ve been sure since the moment I woke up on Christmas. I just didn’t think you’d be.’

‘Well I am.’, Bucky brought his arms around Steve’s waist. ‘So kiss me again.’

It was even better this time, when they were both working at it. It didn’t take long for both of them to relax into each other’s arms, to make their fingers caress instead of hold, to open their mouths and tilt their heads and forget about everything.

Honestly, Bucky would have been happy to stand there all day and the whole next week, just kissing Steve.

‘Sirs, should I delete this?’, Friday’s voice startled them apart. ‘I need an order for that, or Mr. Stark is going to see them in approximately -’

‘Delete!’, Bucky yelped. ‘Delete everything, doll, please!’

As per usual, the alarm lights turned on for a flash.

‘What was that?’, Steve frowned.

‘Oh, Friday just likes it when I flirt with her.’, Bucky didn’t think before answering.

‘I sure do, Sarge. But I won’t be mad if you stop.’

‘Why would I stop?’, Bucky frowned.

Steve glared at him, very strongly.

To mellow him down, Bucky lifted his shirt, just enough so that Steve could see his tattoo. It worked, because the glare was quickly replaced with a soft smile.

After a while, Steve wordlessly lifted the left sleeve of his shirt. On his bicep, black on pale skin, was a star placed over a series of lines that looked a lot like the pattern the plates Bucky’s metal arm had.

‘Should I delete this too?’, Friday asked in the charged silence.

‘Yes, Friday, please do.’, Steve said with an annoyed huff, grabbing Bucky’s hand and dragging him away. ‘And please stop recording in Bucky’s room.’

This time, when the red alarm lights turned on, they didn’t turn back off, and when they made it in the hallway, red lights followed them all the way to Bucky’s room. He kept snickering, Steve’s hand warm in his, and by the time they closed the door behind them, he was full on laughing.

‘Thanks, doll.’, he said looking at a camera.

The lights turned off slowly, and the blinds drew themselves closed, turning the room almost completely dark. Almost.

‘Seriously?’, Steve said, clearly incredulous.

‘Do you mind?’, Bucky asked with a lot of sarcasm.

Steve didn’t really answer, but he did pull Bucky’s shirt off and kissed him until he forgot Friday even existed.

Chapter Text

Waking up on Christmas morning with a soulmate tattoo was not a good thing, for Felicity. She didn’t have time for it, really. She had only been with Queen Consolidated for a few months, and her superior had just started noticing that she existed and that she was overqualified. She had three different projects to work on, one of them directly for the CEO, she had to look for an apartment because her lease was up and because of Christmas, even if she didn’t actually have any friends of family around to keep her busy, everything was twice as hectic as normal.

On top of all that, she had no idea who the arrowhead was for, which, she knew, was not normal.

So she acted like it was just an ordinary, new tattoo, and pushed the idea of a soulmate in the back of her mind.

*.*.*

Oliver Queen was the Green Arrow.

He was bleeding in the backseat of her car, the Green Arrow was actually passed out in the backseat of her car, but he was still alive. Felicity checked, repeatedly, but he was breathing.

Felicity had a pretty major meltdown on the way to the factory, and it had nothing to do with finding out the real identity of the hooded vigilante. She had thought about that before, but without any proof, she didn’t spend too much time on it. Still, she wasn’t that surprised that it was Oliver.

It was the other thing that fucked her up. The thing where she had an arrowhead tattooed on her body, a few years old now, and in the past months, since the Green Arrow showed up in Starling City, she finally knew who it was for. She didn’t know it was Oliver, but Felicity knew, vaguely enough, that her soulmate was a fan of leather, arrows, dark green, and killing people who deserved it.

Now, she knew he was also a billionaire, spent five years on a deserted island, he was an expert at lying and flirting to get his way, and that when he said “Felicity”, it sounded like a very exciting melody.

She thought her meltdown was justified, really.

It went on, as she parked the car and tried, unsuccessfully, to drag Oliver to the basement. It didn’t stop when she met John Diggle, when they saved Oliver’s life, when they talked about what the Green Arrow did.

The only break her heart got was when John took off Oliver’s hood. His body was a mess of tattoos, brands, scars and bruises. It was a lot to take in, and her brain wanted to think about how he got in the state he was in, but Felicity couldn’t quite get there, because Oliver had a cursor icon tattooed on his hip. On the left side, surrounded by what looked like a shark bite, the tattoo was very stark against his skin, because it was filled in with black. It was pointing up, straight up, not tilting to the side like they were on an OS. That kind of irked Felicity, a little, but it didn’t take away from the fact that yes, her soulmate was currently dying on a metal table in a dodgy basement.

*.*.*

When he woke up, Oliver had jokes in him. He was going to be fine, thankfully, and he was smiling softly at Felicity, even as she was babbling.

And then he kind of asked her to join the team.

Felicity stopped babbling, at that. Her hands were shaking, a lot more than they did when she was wiping blood from Oliver’s skin.

‘Are you okay?’, he took a step forward, forcing her to look up at him.

She shook her head, making him frown deeply.

‘I’ll be okay.’, he smiled a little. ‘I’ve been through worse, you sa-’

‘It’s not that.’

‘You don’t want to be a part of my team.’, Oliver said slowly, knowingly.

She took a deep breath and met his eyes. ‘It’s just that you lied to me, a lot.’

‘I couldn’t tell you who I really-’

He cut himself off when Felicity shook her head kind of frantically.

‘I understand that you couldn’t tell me you were the Green Arrow, that’s fine. But you didn’t tell me, and you haven’t mentioned it now either, that… You haven’t said anything about the cursor on your hip.’

Oliver froze at that. He didn’t look away from her, but he stopped breathing and moving. Felicity met his gaze head on.

There was an awkward silence that followed, that was broken by John’s very straight forward voice.

‘I thought it was an arrowhead.’

Oliver closed his eyes.

Felicity smiled, despite herself. ‘It’s not an arrowhead.’

‘Sure looks like an arrowhead.’, John argued.

‘That’s not what an arrowhead looks like.’

Oliver opened his eyes, staring at her with a lot of fake confidence.

She had to look away from him, so she looked to John. ‘This is what an arrowhead looks like.’

Displaying a surprising amount of confidence, Felicity reached for the top buttons of her sweater. Two of them were already unbuttoned, but she kept going down. She didn’t flash the men completely, but her black bra was revealed. Because right underneath it, on the center of her body, Felicity had an arrowhead tattoo. Pointing upward, just like Oliver’s, half of the arrow was filled in, half wasn’t.

Felicity’s heart was beating very, very fast, she was sure her chest was visibly pulsing. But Oliver’s eyes were locked on the arrow. At least he was breathing now, even if it was a little too quick.

‘You know, Felicity, I barely know you.’, John said mildly. ‘I wasn’t too keen to know what type of underwear you wear. I mean it’s a pretty bra, it sits nicely on you, but we’re not there yet, ya know?’

Despite herself, she giggled. And she buttoned up her sweater. Oliver still hadn’t said anything, and he wasn’t looking at her.

‘They aren’t normal tattoos, are they?’, John asked.

He already knew the answer, so neither Felicity nor Oliver said anything.

‘Right. I’m gonna go get us some food. Big Belly sound good?’, John asked Felicity.

She nodded. ‘I promise not to show you my bra again if you get me extra fries.’

With a snort, John left, and she was left alone with Oliver. Who still was not looking at her.

‘I’m not an idiot, you know.’, Felicity started, as gently as she could. ‘I knew you were lying to me all this time. And I did think you were the Green Arrow, I just didn’t have solid proof.’

Oliver nodded at that, slowly, wrapping the blanket more tightly around his shoulders. Still not looking at her.

Even if Felicity was growing angry by that detail, she tried to push it back down. She spoke slowly, not willing to spook him.

‘And I know why you didn’t tell me about the cursor.’

Oliver finally looked to her. ‘Do you?’

‘Yeah.’, she smiled. ‘You decided to do that whole broody superhero thing, where you think that if you’re with someone, you’re gonna put them in danger.’

He didn’t deny it, so Felicity went on.

‘Or maybe you just don’t like me and want nothing to do with me, but I don’t think that’s true.’

Oliver raised an eyebrow, instantly making her blush.

‘I mean, you did keep coming back to my office.’, she stammered. ‘I’m good, but for what you needed, so was everyone else on the IT team. And you did just ask me to join your team, which, according to John, you don’t do that easily.’

‘I do want you on my team.’, Oliver nodded, once. ‘And I do like you.’ He took a deep breath. ‘But I can’t be with you.’

Felicity opened her mouth, but he cut her off.

‘Not now, not ever.’

She didn’t expect to come out of the basement with a relationship, that would have been ridiculous of her, but it did hurt Felicity, hearing him say that he didn’t think they’d ever be together.

‘So I was right all the way.’, she said. ‘You’re doing that broody superhero thing.’

His lips twitched upwards. ‘I’m doing what I think is best.’

‘I can respect that.’, Felicity’s voice broke. ‘No, I can!’, she said more strongly. ‘I know you’re right, I know you’re keeping me safe and with time, I’ll accept it fully.’

‘Good.’, Oliver said very gently. ‘But you don’t want to be part of the team.’

‘I didn’t say that.’, she leveled him with a look. ‘I want to help you, cause Lord knows you need it’, she gestured towards the mess of a computer behind her, ‘but I…’

Felicity got an idea, right then, when she saw Oliver purse his lips. It was an evil idea and it was bad, but once it made her way into her brain, she knew she wouldn’t be able to walk away from it.

The tattoos were a curious thing. Because of their existence, Felicity felt stronger, braver. She would have never acted this way with any other man, but it came easily with Oliver. Knowing they were meant to be together made her think she could do no wrong. That probably wasn’t true, but right in that moment, if Oliver was feeling even 5% of what she was experiencing, then he will forgive her for this very bad, bad idea.

So Felicity took a deep breath and the few steps needed to get to him. She stopped in front of Oliver and straightened her back, trying to appear taller than she was.

‘I’ll be part of your team, and I’ll act like we’re not soulmates…’

He flinched at the word, just a little. But he didn’t look away, he met her eyes and nodded once, urging her on.

‘With one condition, a small price to pay.’

‘What do you want?’, he sounded resigned.

Felicity blushed furiously, but she took another small step forward. They weren’t touching, but they were close. Oliver didn’t step behind, but he looked very hesitant, in that moment. Vulnerable in a way she didn’t think a superhero ever wanted to be.

‘One kiss.’, she whispered, smiling at him. ‘Give me one kiss now, and I won’t ask for one again.’

It took a moment, but Oliver smiled and narrowed his eyes at her. ‘Are you tricking me, Felicity?’

She snorted. ‘I got a feeling you’re not the type of guy to get easily tricked.’

‘How come you’re not babbling right now?’, he sounded amused. ‘You usually babble when I’m close, and I’m… really close right now.’

‘You know, I was thinking about that.’, Felicity nodded. ‘I think these tattoos are making me braver than I actually am.’

The amusement left Oliver’s face. ‘This is a mess.’

Felicity got serious, too. ‘I know. We have to deal with it.’

‘And how is this going to help?’

‘Closure.’, she breathed out. ‘Weird, considering we barely know each other and haven’t actually started anything, but-’

‘Alright.’, Oliver straightened his back.

Before Felicity realized what he was doing, Oliver had grabbed a hold of her neck and pressed his lips to hers. It was a little rough, for the first couple of seconds, but then Felicity’s hand moved up on its own accord, and her fingers touched Oliver’s skin.

Her hand might have ended right on his tattoo, but she really didn’t intend to do it.

Oliver pulled back, clearly intending to stop the kiss. She chased after him, just on pure instinct and surprisingly enough, he kissed her again. Gentler than before, tilting his head more, pressing quick little kisses to her lips.

It was Felicity who pulled back this time, because it was overwhelming. Oliver felt absolutely perfect, against her lips and beneath her fingers, and knowing she will not feel it ever again, it hurt, a terrible amount.

Still, she was brave. Felicity smiled at him, shakily, knowing he saw right through her. But Oliver smiled, as well, and there was something new in his eyes, something she hadn’t seen before.

‘Welcome to the team.’, Oliver whispered.

‘Team Green Arrow, huh?’ She looked away from him, distracting herself with looking around the basement, inspecting it for what was really the first time. ‘We’re gonna need a coffee maker.’

Oliver snorted, grinning at her. For the first time since she got into her car that night, Felicity relaxed.

*.*.*

The bad, bad thing she did that night proved to be as good as it was bad.

Kissing Oliver was good, because it meant Felicity didn’t desperately want it. She knew how it felt, she knew it was good and wonderful. It didn’t happen again, but Felicity hoped that it will, and she held onto the memory of it. She gathered strength from it, and while she fell in love with Oliver, she managed not to push for more than friendship. Mostly.

The kiss they shared was also very, very bad, because it formed an instant familiarity between them, that Oliver took great advantage of. He casually touched her without a second thought, he didn’t care that she saw him shirtless. He brought her lunch at the office, got her coffee and treats, popped up at her apartment with food and a movie that he’d missed. He kept his distance from her, sure, Oliver kept his heart very close to himself, at the start, and he never once gave any indication of their soulmate status. But he was very comfortable around her, and it caused Felicity some troubles. There was an issue of want and he was making it worse.

*.*.*

Barry Allen stirred things up.

A few years later, they would realize that it was just what the Flash did, but he was just normal, human, lovely Barry when they met, and he was clearly taken with Felicity. So was she, honestly, he would have been perfect for her, if it weren’t for the arrowhead on her skin. If her and Barry had met before, the story would have been very different.

Which got her thinking. It was a question that plagued her since that Christmas morning, but she hadn’t voiced it, yet. She felt like it was a good moment to bring it up.

So after Barry left Starling City, Felicity managed to catch Oliver alone, as he was inspecting his new mask.

‘I have a question’, she said gently, ‘but I know you’re not going to like it.’

‘If you want to ask me when you can take time off to go see Barry’, he said gruffly, ‘then yes, I won’t like it.’

He was jealous, still, and that meant something, Felicity was sure of it. But it was not the right time to point that out.

‘It’s not about Barry.’

That got him to pause. He put the mask down and turned to look at her, leaning against a table and crossing his arms over his chest in a clearly defensive manner.

‘I’m just curious about when we met.’

‘I was hunting Deadshot and I came to you with a laptop.’ He smirked. ‘You babbled about my dead father.’

Felicity tilted her head. ‘Was that really when we met? Because by that point, we had our tattoos for years. And I’ve checked, there have been no recorded soulmate pairings that didn’t already know each other before that Christmas morning.’

Oliver blinked a few times, surprised. But then he relaxed his shoulders, even if something dark crossed over his feature.

‘I didn’t spend five years on the island.’, he said slowly.

‘I figured that out by now, yes.’

‘At one point, I had to come back to Starling.’

Felicity’s jaw dropped. ‘Had to-’

‘I had to steal something from mom’s QC computer.’

‘You-’

‘You almost caught me.’, Oliver smiled, a little. ‘Almost.’

Felicity’s mind was whirling. Who ordered him to go to Starling? What did he steal from QC? Why hadn’t he told his family he wasn’t dead, then?

‘You were babbling’, he went on, heavily amused, ‘all alone in the empty office, about how I was cute but, too bad, also dead.’

She regretted everything in that moment, because she had never felt more mortified in her life, and that was saying something.

Oliver chuckled, and he opened his mouth to speak. She knew him, so she knew he was going to tease her further. So Felicity glared at him as strongly as she could, and he snorted, but he also grew serious.

‘Any reason why you’re asking about this now?’

Felicity shrugged. ‘Do you want the honest answer, or the edited one?’

Oliver raised an eyebrow. ‘Honest.’

‘Meeting Barry got me thinking about timing. Because in all honesty’, she looked with wide eyes at him, ‘I would have fallen for him real bad if I had met him before I got the tattoo.’

He was clearly surprised by this, and he took a few seconds to think of a response. Felicity waited patiently, but also breathlessly.

‘And now?’, Oliver finally said. ‘You’re just mildly falling in love with him?’

She threw him a look, the one that usually meant don’t be an idiot . ‘Do you really think I’ll ever fall in love with someone else?’

‘I wish you would.’, he whispered.

Felicity didn’t answer. Instead she smiled at him and took her leave. If she had stayed, she probably would have done something very bad. Again.

*.*.*

Nanda Parbat was a horrible place and she wanted to grab Oliver and everyone else and rush to the other side of the world. Maybe that was why she made her way into his room. Maybe not.

‘You have done so much.’, she breathed out. ‘You have saved so many people’s lives, and you have changed so many for the better. Including mine.’

Oliver clearly didn’t believe her.

‘I’m not saying this just because I want you to come back home, but I don’t think you’re supposed to be the next Ra’s al Ghul. Because if that were true’, she placed a hand on her torso, right on top of her tattoo, ‘then I wouldn’t have an arrowhead on my skin.’

He didn’t say anything, but something shifted in his eyes. Ever since she came into the room, Oliver looked utterly sad and vulnerable. But there grew a flash of strength in his eyes, and Felicity had to respond in kind.

‘Knowing you has changed my life, you opened up my heart in a way I didn’t even know was possible.’ Felicity took a deep breath and smiled. ‘I love you.’

Oliver was surprised, she didn’t know why. Was it because she said the words out loud? They were in Hell and he was about to stay there. Was it because she actually meant it? She thought it was obvious by now.

He didn’t say it back, but his actions did. He took off her glasses before he kissed her, and after he undressed her, he spent a lot of time with his lips pressed to her arrowhead.

*.*.*

‘Can I say something strange?’, Oliver chuckled. ‘I’m happy.’

Felicity grinned at him.

He was driving just a little over the speed limit, the top of the car was down, her hair was blowing in the wind. Their hands were clasped together between them.

‘I was so afraid of having a soulmate.’, he went on. ‘I knew it was you when I woke up with it-’

‘You only saw me once.’, Felicity said with incredulity.

‘I still knew.’, he smiled at her. ‘Seeing you once was enough to know you were… pure.’

‘I definitely wasn’t.’, she snorted.

‘You were, by my standards. And I was terrified that I was going to taint you.’

‘Well you didn’t.’, Felicity grinned, bringing their clasped hands to her mouth, kissing Oliver’s knuckles. ‘You didn’t taint me in any way, you made me stronger and braver.’

He smiled at her, briefly but wildly, before his eyes went back on the road.

‘And now, my dear cursor soulmate, I’m going to make you happy.’

Felicity grinned at him, without a care in the world, with so much love in her heart that she felt as if she will explode. But she frowned at Oliver, pouted even.

‘Don’t start calling me that, it’s horrible.’

‘Okay, babe.’, came the prompt response. ‘Cursor babe.’

She wanted to glare at him, but she couldn’t. She was too happy.

Chapter Text

To be fair, Hermione was spending a lot of time thinking about Draco Malfoy even before Christmas. Since they came back to complete their seventh year at Hogwarts, she couldn’t stop analyzing him.

The war has changed everyone, but nobody was more changed that Draco Malfoy. He was… kind. Never has she seen him bullying anyone, making fun of someone or being generally obnoxious. Now, she saw him helping younger students with their homework. Mostly Slytherins, but not only. She didn’t know how it came to happen, but everytime he was in the library, Draco was surrounded by kids, and he always answered their questions patiently. At meal times, he sat at the Slytherin table, away from people in later years, but talking animatedly with the younger ones.

In classes, he was doing very well. Studying hard, always being present and paying attention to the teachers. He did his homework, and sometimes, she saw Draco talking to teachers after class, asking extra questions.

Close to Christmas, he helped Hagrid find the trees and bring them to the Great Hall. Then, alongside Professor Flitwick and Slughorn, they all decorated. Draco spent most of that time smiling.

Seeing Draco being a good person was very disconcerting, on its own. But Hermione saw even more than that.

On their first Potions class, which was double with Gryffindor and Slytherin, Slughorn announced that they will be working in pairs for their first project, brewing Polyjuice Potion. He also made them pair up between houses, which had everyone pausing.

There was complete and utter silence when Draco confidently made his way to Hermione’s table. She was sitting with Ginny, and the girl didn’t move out of her chair yet.

‘Don’t pair up with Merlow, he’s awful at potions.’, Draco told her gently.

‘Hey!’, a very large Slytherin boy said, evidently affronted. But he also seemed amused, and Draco smirked at him, before turning back to Ginny, looking expectedly at her.

She turned to Hermione, raising her eyebrows.

Swallowing hard, thinking about McGonagall’s start of the year speech about solidarity and helping your fellow man in a time of need, Hermione nodded at Ginny, making the other girl get up and move to another table.

Malfoy sat down in the emptied chair and smiled awkwardly at her.

‘I’ve never actually brewed Polyjuice Potion before.’, he said airily.

‘I have.’, Hermione said after a beat.

‘In Myrtle’s bathroom, right?’

‘The first time, yes.’

Draco smirked, a little. ‘First time, of course. So.’, he took a deep breath. ‘Teach me?’

Reluctantly, Hermione nodded.

And in the months that followed, she kept on with it, not just during Potions, where they now sat together even if the Polyjuice was brewed. Every now and then, Draco came and asked her questions. He spent his free time reading random books in the library, and he’d ask Hermione about what he encountered, very random topics. Sometimes, she did know more than him, and she didn’t hesitate to tell him. But other times, when she didn’t know more, they ended up discussing the topics.

It was weird, Hermione realized that, but it didn’t feel weird in the moment. When they were in the library arguing over their Transfiguration homework, in the middle of the Great Hall arguing over some magical history detail, at Potions discussing rare ingredients, Hermione felt surprisingly alright with it.

She didn’t realize that her feelings for Draco Malfoy had changed drastically since that first Potion class, but when Hermione woke up on Christmas morning with a burn on her upper thigh, it all became clear.

The tattoo was a simplified version of the Malfoy crest. A shield with an M on it, three arrows, two dragons, two snakes. No inscription, though. Hermione knew there was supposed to be a band on the shield, saying Sanctimonia Vincet Semper , Purity Will Always Conquer , but there wasn’t.

A Malfoy, pureblood and proud of it, having a mudblood soulmate. Yes, there was no place for purity anymore, that much was clear.

*.*.*

Draco hadn't stayed behind at Hogwarts for the Christmas holiday, which Hermione was very glad for, because it gave her time to think.

She had no doubt that she had started to care for Draco. She hadn’t seen it before, yes, but now she realized it was true. But it wasn’t… strong. Not yet, anyway. The tattoo on her skin meant that it will end up growing stronger, sooner or later, but right then, it wasn’t like that.

It wasn’t like that at all.

Hermione just felt like it was a possibility. If she continued to spend time with Draco, they might get to a place where they’ll be able to talk about more important things, more personal. And if that happened, she knew her feelings for him will grow, slowly probably, up to the point where her tattoo will be justified.

She knew Draco will not think like her. He has changed, yes, a tremendous amount, but getting rid of a centuries old hatred that had been imprinted on him since the day he was born, it was a difficult thing to do. And even if they have been getting along, Draco will not be able to just accept she was his soulmate, and Hermione didn’t really expect him to.

So by the time the holidays were over, she managed to prepare herself for whatever Draco was going to throw at her.

*.*.*

At dinner, when everyone was back to school, when Ginny and Neville were talking loudly about what they did over the holiday, Hermione’s eyes skimmed over the Slytherin table, and they landed on Draco.

He was already watching her, had been staring for a while by the look of things. There was no expression on his face, but when their eyes locked, Draco started smiling. Slowly, just a little, a playful smirk. It made Hermione blush instantly and furiously, but she couldn’t look away.

Draco, looking cocky as hell and, dare she say it, overly flirtatious, he winked at her before visibly shaking himself out of it and looking away, piling food on his plate.

She definitely had not been ready for that .

‘What in Merlin’s pants just happened?’, Ginny whispered, having clearly seen it all.

‘I wasn’t going to tell you’, Hermione gulped, ‘but I think I need to.’

After dinner, the girls went into Hermione’s bedroom, which was thankfully empty. She showed Ginny her tattoo, explained all the things she had been thinking of since Christmas.

Surprisingly enough, Ginny kept quiet through it all, but once Hermione was done talking, the redhead leveled her with a serious look.

‘So let me get this straight. You’re not in love with Malfoy yet, but you could get there.’

Hermione wordlessly nodded.

‘And you actually thought he wasn’t going to acknowledge the fact that you’re soulmates?’

Ginny sounded very incredulous, which Hermione didn’t understand.

‘Hermione, he’s been flirting with you since October!’

‘What? No he hasn’t!’

‘Yes he has.’, Ginny laughed. ‘How could you not notice it?’

‘He hasn’t been flirting!’, Hermione argued. ‘He’s just been friendly.’

‘No.’, Ginny said strongly. ‘He’s friendly with me and Luna, with Neville and the rest of the school. He’s overly friendly with the smaller kids, but with you, he’s flirty with you.’

‘But he doesn’t… I didn’t… I have never-’

‘Yes you have,’, Ginny snorted. ‘Think about it, Hermione. Think back, maybe not as far as September, but the past weeks… You’ve been going on walks almost every day, you went together to Hogsmeade, twice, just the two of you! He sent you a Christmas gift, for Merlin’s sake! And remember that time he brought you flowers?’

‘He was just thanking me for helping him with homework!’, Hermione wailed.

Ginny looked at her, seemingly in pity.

‘Merlin’s pants.’, Hermione breathed out after a minute of intense thinking. ‘You’re right.’

‘It’s not a bad thing.’, Ginny said gently. ‘I mean, some people will freak out, especially Harry and Ron, but at the end of the day, he’s not that bad. Anymore.’

‘He’s really not.’, Hermione nodded.

‘And if he’s gonna love you and treat you right, then there’s nothing wrong with Draco Malfoy being your soulmate.’

Hermione wasn’t exactly convinced, but she was grateful for Ginny opening her eyes.

*.*.*

Draco did not mention anything about a tattoo, he didn’t act like anything changed, he just kept acting normal towards her. But now Hermione knew what to look for, and she did see that Ginny had been right.

He was flirting with her, sweetly and in a very cute, somewhat understated manner, and he wasn’t doing it with anybody else. And Hermione, it came completely natural to her to flirt back, she wasn’t even consciously doing it.

It was a mess.

A nice mess, because he was nice, and spending time with him was nice. But it was a mess, and she didn’t want it to stop.

*.*.*

There was a Hogsmeade trip on Valentine's day. Draco didn’t ask her out, but when they met in the village, Ginny was quick to take her leave, having a date with Harry, and Hermione and Draco ended up in The Three Broomsticks, having butterbear and discussing this and that.

When they were making their way together back to the castle, Hermione slipped on a patch of ice. She yelped, but Draco had kept her standing by grabbing onto her arms.

‘Careful now’, he frowned, ‘you’ve spent enough time in the Infirmary to last you a lifetime.’

It hit Hermione, in that moment, that the time they spent together that day could have easily been considered a date.

‘Thank you for not taking me to Madam Puddifoot’s.’, she blurted out.

Draco frowned at her. ‘Did you want to go to Madam Puddifoot’s?’

‘Not yet.’, she found herself saying.

He let go of her, kept on frowning. ‘Yet.’

Hermione was blushing, but she didn’t manage to say anything.

‘Why haven’t you said anything?’, Draco asked after a few awkward moments.

She started walking back towards the castle, just so that she didn’t have to look at him anymore, and he followed.

‘You didn’t say anything, so I thought you didn’t want to hear anything from me.’

‘I didn’t think you wanted to talk about it!’, Draco countered.

They were silent after that. Hermione didn’t manage to say anything that she might have needed to say. Draco kept looking at her, she felt his eyes on her, but she didn’t look back.

When they made it inside of the castle, Hermione wanted to head to the Gryffindor tower, but Draco didn’t let her.

‘I’m not letting you run away now.’

She was surprised, to say the least. ‘We’re talking about this?’

He just threw her a wide-eyed look, but Draco didn’t say anything. Instead, he took her hand and dragged her away, to Myrtle’s bathroom. She wasn’t there, thankfully.

Both of them took their time to take off their coats and scarves, it was clear that neither of them wanted to start talking. Draco leaned against a sink and, with a deep sigh, pulled up his right sleeve.

Hermione first noticed what used to be a Dark Mark, that was now a mess of silver lines, but then her eyes fell to the tattoo that was placed on the inside of his wrist. It was fairly simple, an outline of an open book, with an otter overlapped in a corner and a Time Turner in another.

Hermione couldn’t help but frown.

‘It’s all the reasons I was jealous of you.’, Draco said around a smile. ‘Smartest student of our generation, as I wished to be; the only one who got permission to use a Time Turner, which is a piece of magic I have always been fascinated with; and your Patronus is an otter, while I still can’t produce a full corporeal one.’

She just kept staring at the tattoo, because what Draco was saying was quite horrible. They were supposed to be soulmates, and here he was, explaining ways in which he didn’t care for her.

‘I don’t think like that anymore.’, Draco said strongly. ‘Obviously. But, truly, you and I didn’t have much in common until now. The tattoo… makes sense.’

‘Right.’, Hermione’s voice shook.

‘I like it.’, he went on in a teasing tone. ‘It’s cute, isn’t it? And it stands for good things, for your brains, the difficult things you did in your chase for knowledge, and for the strong magic you can wield. The tattoo shows some of your strengths, though not even remotely close to all of them.’

Hermione stared at him, for a long time, because that was the nicest thing he has ever told her. It made her think that they really had a chance to make this work, and that made her inexplicably afraid.

‘Are you going to show me yours?’

Her heart started beating really fast, but she did owe it to him.

‘In a minute.’, she told him, and then grabbed her scarf and went into a stall.

Hermione took off her boots and trousers, staring at the tattoo for a few seconds. They were there, this was really happening, she needed to be strong, she needed to do this. So she wrapped her scarf a few times around her thighs, in a makeshift sort of skirt.

When she got out of the stall, Draco’s jaw dropped, as he stared at her legs.

‘You got off easy.’, she told him in a fake annoyed voice. ‘Small little tattoo, barely filled in.’

‘Not easy to hide, though, is it?’, Draco said after a beat. ‘At least you can hide yours.’, he waved at her legs. ‘Unless you’re wearing shorts, which, do you do that often?’

He suggestively wiggled his eyebrows at her, which helped Hermione in relaxing, just a little. Without answering the ridiculous question, she made sure she held onto the scarf with one hand, as she pulled the other side up her thigh, until her tattoo was revealed.

Draco was very surprised by it, his eyes grew very wide as he stared at it. She didn’t say anything, let him have at it. Even if Hermione felt very exposed, half naked in front of him, she let him look at her as much as he needed. It took a while.

‘ Sanctimonia Vincet Semper .’, he finally said.

Hermione shook her head. ‘Not anymore, no.’

His eyes snapped up to hers. ‘It’s cold in here, you should get dressed. And after that’, he smiled, ‘I’ll tell you how Mother spent an hour laughing on Christmas morning.’

Hermione rushed back inside of the stall, because she felt very ashamed, in that moment. It was ridiculous, after all she had been through, she never really felt ashamed of being muggleborn. Draco, for all he tried in previous years, he never managed to make her feel that way. Hermione shouldn’t have cared about Narcissa’s reaction, but she apparently did.

So she was apprehensive when she got out of the stall. Draco had sat down on the floor, straight onto the tiles, but urged her to sit on his coat.

‘It occured to me that you might have taken what Mother did in a bad way.’, he said calmly. ‘It wasn’t like that.’

Hermione said nothing.

‘The Malfoys have always been horrible people.’, he said after taking a deep breath. ‘Mother and I agree that it’s about time that changed. We don’t want to adhere to the Sanctimonia Vincet Semper school of thought anymore, we already don’t, please trust me when I tell you that blood status is not something I care about anymore.’

‘But your mother-’

‘No.’, he cut her off strongly. ‘Mother laughed because of the irony of it.’

‘Irony?’, Hermione frowned deeply.

Draco smirked. ‘I spent all those years thinking I hated you, only to find out you’re my soulmate. You have to admit it’s, at the very least, ironic.’

‘I guess it is.’

She wasn’t feeling well. This conversation was very emotionally taxing, it was taking a lot out of her, and she hadn’t even said anything yet. Her heart was beating fast, she felt like crying and screaming, she wanted to run straight into Draco’s arms but she also wanted to Apparate to the other part of the world.

‘I’ve never apologized.’, he said next, startling Hermione.

‘I’ve been a horrible person, especially to you, and there’s no excuse for that.’ He tilted his head. ‘There were reasons, but no excuses. I’m sorry, for everything I ever did to you, I ever said to you, and you might not believe it, but I’m … I’m trying to be better.’

‘I know.’, she whispered quickly. ‘I know you are, I can see it, everyday.’

He seemed relieved by that.

‘And when it comes to you’, Draco went on, ‘there’s always been something about you, Hermione. In the back of my head, always there no matter how hard I tried to ignore it.’

‘Something?’, her voice broke.

For the first time that day, Draco blushed, and he looked away from her. ‘Yes, something. Something that made me do things I considered stupid at the time.’

‘Like what?’

‘When I realized the basilisk was going to kill someone, I made sure you found the page about it in your bag. At the Quidditch World Cup, where you didn’t realize how much danger you were in, I made sure you knew.’

He met her eyes. ‘I tried to get Belatrix to stop hurting you, but casting an Imperius charm without saying the incantation is way beyond my capabilities, and my parents would have heard me and stopped me.’

Hermione swallowed with great difficulty. ‘So you-’

‘Yes.’, he nodded, smiling a little. ‘I have made a lot of mistakes and I’m trying to atone for them, but, Hermione, please believe me when I tell you I don’t ever want to hurt you again. Never again.’

When she didn’t say anything, Draco went on, in a very lowered voice.

‘This tattoo didn’t come as a surprise to me. I think I’ve wanted it for a long while, but I’ve only allowed myself to accept it since the school year started.’

She stopped breathing, at that. Draco was looking at her with a lot of hesitation, but there was also something very soft in his eyes, something Hermione had never seen there before.

‘What about you?’, he asked, and she remembered to breathe again.

‘I didn’t realize it.’, Hermione admitted with great difficulty. ‘I saw how much you’ve changed, but I didn’t realize what was happening until Christmas.’

‘What… what was happening?’

Hermione looked away. ‘I was starting to like you. I… I do, I like you.’

Draco was silent for a long time, so much so that she gathered enough courage to look up. He was smiling, blushing quite beautifully, with a spark of excitement in his eyes.

‘That’s good.’, he breathed out. ‘I mean, it is good, isn’t it?’

She laughed, weekly. ‘Yes, I think it is.’

Draco grinned, kept on grinning wildly at her.

‘So what now?’, Hermione asked.

‘Whatever you want.’

She scrunched up her nose.

‘Look’, he grew serious, ‘you’re not in love with me, and I’m not in love with you. As you said earlier today, not yet. We don’t need to do anything now. I mean’, he chuckled, ‘there’s not a war looming, we don’t need to rush into anything.’

‘Right.’, Hermione said slowly, feeling disappointed.

‘I’m glad we’re friends.’, Draco said in a rush, making her smile. ‘I don’t mind keeping on with that. Especially if I know that, at one point, there’s a chance of more.’

Hermione nodded, but had to ask. ‘How much more? You haven’t really said.’

Draco’s eyes moved to her thigh, even if the tattoo was covered. ‘You having the name to fit that crest would be nice. Kids, with my eyes and your hair. Or the other way around, I’m not picky.’

She stopped breathing, again, looking at him with wide eyes.

He chuckled, patted her knee just a little bit mockingly. ‘I don’t mean tomorrow, of course, we should postpone that for a decade or so, I think. Is that alright?’

‘Yeah, yes.’, her cheeks were on fire. ‘That’s alright.’

Draco got up, extending a hand to help her up as well.

‘Right, so. I’m going to go and tell Pansy I’ve got a soulmate, maybe it will finally get her to back off.’

Hermione scrunched up her nose, then she sighed. ‘I should write to Harry and Ron.’

‘I’m gonna get hexed, aren’t I?’, Draco sounded resigned. ‘Not just those two, but all your other friends.’

‘Well’, she couldn’t help but smile, ‘Ginny definitely won’t hex you.’

‘What?’, he snorted. ‘She’ll approve?’

‘I believe her exact words were if he’ll love you and treat your right .’

Around his blush, Draco smirked. ‘I can work with that.’

He also grabbed her hand and gently kissed the back of it. Oh, it was such a ridiculous gesture, outdated and awkward, but it made Hermione feel butterflies in her stomach, and it made the last wisps of anxiety that she felt disappear.

Ginny was casually waiting for them outside of the bathroom, leaning against the wall.

‘You know, as a Prefect, I could give you detention for being in the girls bathroom.’, she told Draco around a glare.

‘You could.’, he nodded. ‘But are you going to?’

‘No.’, Ginny said after a beat. ‘But if I ever hear you stepped out of line, I’m gonna punch you.’

‘Noted.’, Draco chuckled. With a playful wink thrown to Hermione, he left.

‘So?’, Ginny asked excitedly. ‘What happened?’

‘Nothing.’, Hermione said. ‘Nothing at all.’

She ignored the redhead’s incredulous yells, and she couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day.

*.*.*

It was the last week of term, the sun was shining over the grounds, N.E.W.T.’s were over, everyone was getting ready for graduation.

On that day, Hermione was laying in the grass at the very edge of the Forbidden Forest, relishing in the shade provided by the tall trees. Draco was on his side next to her, keeping his head up on his bent arm, and they were discussing their last exam, which had been in Transfiguration.

‘I’m just saying’, Draco babbled, ‘McGonagall taught us a lot more than was needed to get a good grade on the exam.’

‘Draco’, she sighed, ‘we’ve just finished with our last exam of our school life. Could you please change the subject?’

He gasped, mockingly. ‘Hermione Granger, not wanting to talk about an exam? Are you feeling alright?’

He moved to place a hand on her forehead, as if checking her temperature. Hermione was faster, though, and she grabbed his hand before it reached its destination. In a fit of bravery, she intertwined their fingers together, letting them rest on her stomach.

Draco smiled at her, clearly pleased. He looked to the castle, and he grew serious.

‘A lot of bad things happened in these halls, but I’m still going to miss it.’

‘Yes.’, Hermione agreed. ‘It was a second home for us for a long time, war or not.’

‘This year has been the best for me.’, Draco shrugged. ‘I know it wasn’t the same for you, it’s fine, but just know that you have helped me a lot, this year.’

‘I didn’t do anything.’, Hermione blushed.

‘You didn’t push me away.’, Draco looked back at her. ‘That was incredibly important to me.’

She didn’t say anything, but she did squeeze his fingers.

‘Anyway.’, he smiled. ‘Mother expects you to come visit.’

‘Yes, so do my parents.’

Draco hummed. ‘Are we ready for that?’

‘Probably not.’, she relented. ‘Will we deal with it? We sure will.’

He smiled, a little.

‘And after that’s out of the way’, Hermione went on, ‘you can take me on a proper date.’

Draco blinked at her, evidently surprised. ‘That sounds good. Do we have to go to Madam Puddifoot’s?’

Hermione chuckled. ‘No, we can go wherever you want. I’m sure you’ll think of something pleasant.’

Slowly, he got closer to her, until his body was pushed to her side and until his head was hovering very close to hers.

‘Is this really happening?’, he whispered with a lot of hesitation.

She smiled, trying to calm him down. ‘It’s been happening for a while, now.’

‘Yes, but this, this is more than that.’

Hermione frowned, even though she knew it looked fake. ‘I thought the decade deadline is only for last names and babies.’

His jaw dropped at that. ‘It is, but-’

‘So now would be an acceptable time to go on a date. Or ten.’

Feeling terribly cheeky and pleased to see Draco flustered, Hermione smirked at him, placed her free hand on his shoulder.

‘You could even kiss me now. If you want.’

Draco blushed, still looking flustered and confused. But he was a Slytherin, and he was a Malfoy, so before Hermione got to tease him more, his lips were pressed to hers. Strong, at first, but he quickly relaxed, kissing her softly, almost playfully.

‘Okay.’, he said against her lips. ‘This is happening.’

It was happening, it was real, so Hermione kept on kissing him, using both of her hands to pull him closer. He was her soulmate, he was allowed to be all but sprawled on top of her, hidden behind a tree, in the last week of school.  It was more than allowed, really, it was exactly what Hermione wanted.

*.*.*

Hagrid didn’t think it was allowed, when he found them a while later.

Hermione and Draco were, apparently, the first students to get detention in the last week of seventh year, as far as the teachers could remember.

Neither of them were too bothered by it.

Chapter Text

Stiles was already dreading Christmas.

He had moved to San Francisco the summer before, started working for the FBI office there, finally!, after years of internships, college classes and various training academies. It was great, it was amazing, even if he was still pretty much a rookie. But he was learning a lot, and he was involved in operations, and it was everything Stiles didn’t know he wanted.

But on the first day at work, his superior informed him that he won’t be getting any time off for the first eight months. So that meant that it was the first Christmas ever that Stiles won’t be spending with his dad.

He won’t be able to go to Beacon Hills, not even for a weekend. His dad won’t be able to visit San Francisco either, he always took on more shifts during holidays so that the other deputies didn’t have to.

The pack will all be in Beacon Hills, everyone else who didn’t live in town anymore managed to get at least a few days off.

Stiles was dreading Christmas, because he will spend it working and feeling very lonely.

And that was before he woke up with a tattoo on his chest.

*.*.*

Honestly, Stiles shut down on Christmas morning. He woke up and just stared at the ceiling for an hour. He took no time at all to process what he now knew, but beyond that… he was scared.

Stiles was absolutely terrified, more than he should have been.

He had almost died a handful of times in his life, because of werewolves or guns or whatever, but this was something else. This felt a thousand times worse.

He knew. As soon as he blinked at the ceiling, he knew there was a tattoo on his chest, and he knew that he had a soulmate somewhere in the world.

Stiles had a soulmate he already knew. He was terrified to find out who it was, so he didn’t get up and look in the mirror. Instead, he called his dad.

At first, he tried to act like nothing happened, like everything was normal. They exchanged Christmas greetings, talked about work. Stiles whined about how much paper work his boss had him doing over the holidays, the Sheriff whined about everyone being too focused on Christmas to actually do any work.

When the time came to hang up, Stiles didn’t. He didn’t say anything, either.

‘So do you know who the tattoo is for?’, the Sheriff asked mildly.

Stiles didn’t ask how he knew. Nobody knew him better than his dad.

‘I haven’t looked.’, he admitted.

‘Well why not? You never ignore your curiosity.’

‘I’m scared, dad.’

He sighed. ‘Why are you scared, Stiles?’

Before he answered, he had to take a few deep breaths, to keep himself from crying.

‘I have a feeling about who it is.’, he finally said. ‘But what if it’s someone else?’

Noah snorted. ‘Well there’s only one way to find out, isn’t there?’

Stiles said nothing.

‘Come on, Stiles.’, his dad said gently. ‘Where is the tattoo?’

‘On my chest.’

‘So get out of bed and go to the bathroom.’

Stiles still hesitated, but then his dad all but yelled at him to get a move on. So he made his way to the bathroom, keeping his eyes closed as he stopped in front of the mirror.

Another deep breath, and he opened his eyes.

‘Shit.’, Stiles whispered. ‘I was right.’

‘So you know who the tattoo is for?’

‘Kinda. It’s…’, he took a deep breath, eyes not moving from the triskele on his chest. ‘The tattoo, it’s a family thing. It could be one of two people, but I don’t think it’s-’

He couldn’t go on from there, Stiles started crying instead of finishing that sentence.

‘You don’t think it’s Cora.’, the Sheriff was smiling. ‘You think it’s Derek.’

‘Oh shit.’, Stiles breathed out. ‘Oh fucking shit-’

‘Stop.’, Noah said strongly.

Stiles did stop cursing.

‘He misses you, kiddo. Every time I see him, he asks about you and his eyes light up. Like a puppy, I swear.’

‘I know that.’

He did know it, because Derek said it often. Two times a week on their scheduled skype calls, and some other times too, because they texted every day.

‘But it’s not enough.’, Stiles went on.

The Sheriff snorted, again. ‘Well, d’uh. You guys gotta talk about it, but it’s a start.’

‘No, we’re never gonna talk about it.’

‘Stiles-’

‘No, nope. This is a problem, and I’m gonna-’

‘Ignore the problem until it goes away.’, Noah sighed. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea, in this case. Or any, really.’, he ended up grumbling.

Stiles didn’t say anything.

‘If you stop talking to Derek’, Noah went on, ‘you might end up losing him.’

At that, Stiles had to close his eyes. The triskele was still imprinted behind his eyelids, but at that moment, he was more concerned about the deep pain he felt in his heart.

‘I don’t want that.’, he managed to say. ‘That’s the last thing I want.’

‘I know.’, the Sheriff said gently. ‘I know, Stiles, I’ve known for a while.’

He had to laugh at that, because Stiles had never said the words out loud. While he acknowledged it to himself, he never told anyone how deep his feelings for Derek truly went. But his dad knew, of course he did. Stiles shouldn’t be surprised by it.

‘It’ll be okay.’, the older man said. ‘Just keep your head above the water and don’t freak out too much.’

‘Too late for that.’, Stiles had to snort.

‘Please talk to Derek. You know you have to.’

‘I will.’, Stiles promised with a deep breath. ‘But I can’t do that now.’

‘I’ll take it.’, Noah sighed. ‘Don’t you have work today?’

He did had work, and he was already late. With a quick ‘I love you’, he hung up on his dad and rushed through getting ready. By the time he made it to the office, he had managed to push Derek and his tattoo in the depths of his mind.

*.*.*

Derek texted him after lunch. So the world went crazy this morning. How do we feel about that?

It took Stiles an embarrassingly long time to answer. And it wasn’t really an answer, not really, considering all he said was that he didn’t really know yet.

The response came quickly. I’ll take that. Did you have lunch? I was forced to stuff myself with Mrs. McCall’s spaghetti and meatballs.

Stiles sighed in relief, because Derek seemed to be thinking the same thing he was: ignore the problem, at least for now. That was a very good thing, from where Stiles was standing. It made his heart feel lighter.

*.*.*

It was quite late at night when Scott called, but Stiles had been waiting for it all day, because he knew he spent the day with the pack, Derek included.

They chatted about it for a while, but then Scott grew more serious, even if he was clearly still amused.

‘So I had a really deep conversation with Derek today.’

‘Oh?’, Stiles whispered.

Scott hummed. ‘Yeah, we were making coffee and he reached up for mugs. The sleeves of his sweater fell down. Do you know what I saw?’

Stiles sat down heavily on his bed. ‘Yeah. I mean, I… a tattoo, I assume.’

‘Yeah, a tattoo. Not a normal one.’

It took a beat for Stiles to gather enough courage. ‘What does the tattoo look like?’

Scott snorted. ‘It’s just as complicated as your name, I’ll tell you that. But I won’t tell you anything else. It’s not really for me to say, is it?’

‘Fuck.’, Stiles breathed out.

The wolf snorted again. ‘What’s your tattoo? And where is it?’

‘Chest, right in the middle. It’s a triskele, but not as big as Derek’s. It kinda… it kinda looks like a pendant.’

‘That’s nice.’, Scott was smiling.

‘Is it? I’m really not convinced.’

‘Of course you’re not, cause you’re an idiot.’, Scott easily said. ‘But I really do think it’s a good thing. I think the two of you will be good.’

Stiles just shook his head, because he didn’t feel strong enough to talk about it right then.

‘Did Derek freak out as much as I did?’

‘Hmm, no. I waited till everyone else left and I talked with him about it. A little, cause you know he doesn’t feel comfortable talking about things like that.’

Stiles snorted, because that was an understatement.

Scott went on. ‘But no, he really didn’t freak out. He was actually surprisingly calm about everything.’

They were both silent for an awkward amount of time.

‘I don’t know what to do with that information.’, Stiles finally said, making his best friend laugh.

‘You should calm down, too, I think. And then, maybe do what you do best.’

‘What’s that? Make things awkward and talk too much?’

‘Think, Stiles.’, Scott said softly. ‘Think about it. Promise me you’ll think about it.’

A beat, then another.

‘Stiles!’

‘Yeah, yeah.’, he chuckled. ‘Yeah, I’ll think about it. But I can’t do that right now.’

‘Okay, but don’t postpone it too much. Mom always says things get moldy if they’re left alone for too long.’

With a deep sigh and the image of disgusting mold in his brain, Stiles hung up.

*.*.*

He kept his promise to Scott, but it took a while. Honestly, he only started thinking about it on Valentine’s day.

That was a moment when Stiles felt depressingly alone. It wasn’t something he had experienced in years before, but now, with a tattoo on his chest, Stiles felt the lack of love in his life. There were red hearts everywhere and his eyes fell on all the couples holding hands as they walked down the street. All he had to watch on tv were romantic comedies or dramas and the empty side of his bed was taunting him.

He felt alone since the moment he moved to San Francisco, he felt alone without his dad and his pack. He was alone in an apartment for the first time in his life, he knew nobody in this town except for the people he worked with and the barista who knew his Starbucks order.

He was used to this type of feeling, but come Valentine’s, it felt different.

Because now, Stiles didn’t want to wake up in the morning and have coffee with his dad, he wanted to wake up in Derek’s arms and forgo breakfast all together. He didn’t want to spend nights playing video games with Scott, he wanted to cuddle on the couch with Derek and watch movies. He didn’t want to go out to dinner with the pack, he wanted to cook dinner with Derek.

It was inevitable, from that point on, and all Stiles could think about was Derek.

He thought about everything , from how he would show Derek the tattoo, to what sort of suit he’d wear for their wedding. He thought of what they’d name their children, how they’d move in together, how Scott would tease the shit out of them. He thought about sleeping with Derek, waking up next to him, buying condoms together. He thought about anything and everything, no matter how serious or ridiculous it was.

There was no doubt in Stiles’ mind that he wanted it, there never was. But he didn’t know what Derek wanted, if he even wanted anything at all. They hadn’t talked about it, not even a hint at them being soulmates.

But it needed to happen. Sooner rather than later, or Stiles risked dying of loneliness.

*.*.*

At the end of March, he managed to get a week off work. He only told his dad he was coming home, and he only did that as the Jeep’s wheels passed the Welcome to Beacon Hills sign.

He spent the first night at home with his dad, Stiles managing to settle bits of the loneliness he felt.

‘So are you going to see Derek?’

Stiles nodded. ‘Yeah, I’ll go over tomorrow.’

‘He’ll be glad to see you.’, Noah smiled. ‘But are you gonna-’

‘Yeah.’, Stiles cut him off. ‘I’m gonna. Don’t know how, but I’m gonna.’

‘Gonna what?’, the older man raised an eyebrow. ‘Jump his bones?’

Stiles scrunched up his nose. ‘Don’t ever say that again, and no. I’m gonna...talk to him about it. Somehow.’

His dad’s smile turned into a full blown grin. ‘I’m sure you two will figure it out.’

‘I hope so.’, Stiles smiled, shakily. ‘I really hope so.’

*.*.*

Derek texted him in the morning, saying that he had some errands to run, so Stiles had to wait. He started baking, in lack of anything else to do. Instead of freaking out and letting his anxiety grow until it exploded, he made cookies. A lot of them, various kind, the ones he knew Derek liked the most. He used the Christmas cutters, on a whim. They turned out delicious and cute, he was quite proud of them.

It was close to 8PM when Derek finally said he made it home. Stiles didn’t hesitate, got in his Jeep as quickly as he could, plates piled high with cookies secured on the passenger's seat.

Derek opened the door to his apartment before Stiles had to knock.

He looked incredible. His hair was fluffy, still a little wet from a shower, he was wearing soft sweatpants and a worn down shirt, he was barefoot, and Stiles hadn’t seen him in close to nine months.

‘God, I missed you.’, he said before he could stop himself.

Derek laughed, loudly, and hugged him tightly, pulling him inside.

‘What the hell are you doing here?’

He said the words against Stiles’ cheek, and it made him shiver.

‘I missed Christmas, so I made you cookies.’

Derek let go at that, eyes finally falling on the plates Stiles was carrying. He was very excited for them, clearly, considering he grabbed them out of Stiles’ hands and made his way to the couch, sitting cross legged on it and viciously tearing open the seran wrap. By the time Stiles made it to his side, Derek had at least four cookies in his mouth, and he was not at all apologetic.

He was clearly very excited for the treats, considering he didn’t realize what was happening. He was wearing a t-shirt, so his tattoo was full on display, and Stiles couldn’t stop staring at it.

He didn’t understand it. It was a symbol, maybe a rune, but Stiles wasn’t familiar with it. It was a downward facing triangle, without the horizontal line at the top, and with a break one third of the way in. Or it could have been a bulb that was hanging from a light fixture. Or a weirdly shaved vagina.

Stiles sat down on the couch, still staring, his mind going a mile a minute.

Only when Derek put the plates on the floor next to the couch did Stiles realize that the wolf was now aware of what was happening. He looked a lot more calmer than Stiles felt. Derek was smiling, a little, looking with fondness at Stiles.

‘Did you figure out what it is?’

He shook his head, eyes going back to Derek’s wrist.

‘It took me awhile, too. It’s the modern symbol of Veles.’

‘Who?’, Stiles frowned.

‘Veles is a Slavic god, present in various mythologies, including the Polish one.’

‘Oh. That… okay, that makes sense. Who’s he the god of?’

Derek didn’t answer immediately, so Stiles looked up to his face. The wolf was smirking.

‘To begin with, he is the god of earth, waters, forests and the underworld.’

‘That doesn’t make sense anymore.’, Stiles pulled a face, because that did not represent him in any way.

Derek hummed, unperturbed. ‘He’s associated with harvest, wealth, music-’

‘Still makes no sense.’

‘-magic and trickery.’

That shut Stiles up.

‘He’s believed to be related to Loki.’, Derek went on.

‘I hate it.’, Stiles whispered. ‘Why does that damn fox get to define me?’

He quickly backtracked, looking with wide eyes at Derek. ‘I mean, I don’t wanna presume it’s me, but-’

‘Oh, it’s you.’, Derek nodded, highly amused. ‘I wouldn’t have made the connection if I didn’t already have you in my mind.’

Stiles was rendered speechless at that, and it made Derek smile.

‘I don’t think it’s because of the Nogitsune, Stiles. I think the trickery of Veles says more about your playful personality and the skill of finding a solution by thinking outside of the box. I also think it’s more… I think the magic aspect of the god is more important, in this case.’

‘I’m not magic.’

‘You’re a little bit magic.’, Derek snorted. ‘Take it up with Deaton, will you?’

Stiles let out a weak laugh. He had a speech planned, several ones, actually, but he couldn’t get the words out. So, instead, he unbuttoned the top of his shirt, until the triskele was visible. Derek wasn’t surprised by it, not really. He raised an eyebrow, but mostly he just smiled.

‘Might be for Cora.’, he said, clearly not believing it.

‘Yeah, and yours might actually be an A.’

Derek snorted. ‘It’s not an A.’

‘And mine’s not for Cora.’

Their eyes locked, and it calmed Stiles down, a little.

‘Why didn’t you say anything?’, Derek asked gently.

‘I was scared. You?’

‘Same.’, he nodded. ‘I don’t know what… What happens now.’

Stiles got up from the couch then, started pacing in the middle of the room, voice raised.

‘I don’t know either, Derek, but what could happen? You’re here, I’m there. I don’t even know if you like men, in general, hell! I don’t even know if you like me!’

‘Doesn’t my tattoo prove that I like you?’, he asked in a reasonable manner, which just pissed Stiles off.

‘No it doesn’t! It really doesn’t, because this tattoo is supposed to mean something, yeah, but it’s just supposed . I don’t- you never… You never said anything, Derek, you never did anything!’

He leveled Stiles with a look. ‘You didn’t either.’

That was true, but it didn’t make Stiles feel any better.

‘But that doesn’t mean there was nothing there.’, Derek gently went on. ‘You cared for me long before the tattoos appeared, and not just as a pack mate.’

Stiles couldn’t deny that, so he nodded.

For the first time since the conversation started, Derek looked away. ‘I never said anything about my feelings for you because I always thought you deserved better.’

Stiles got angry again, and he opened his mouth to yell how much bullshit that was, but Derek didn’t let him.

‘I don’t think that anymore. Whatever this is’, he pointed to their tattoos, ‘wherever it came from, there’s magic in it. You can feel it, can’t you?’

‘Yeah.’, Stiles breathed out. He couldn’t really explain it, but he knew from the moment he woke up on Christmas morning that there was magic involved. It was in him, he knew by now, there were traces of magic inside of Stiles, but now it all felt concentrated in his chest.

‘I’ve learned at a very young age to not question magic.’, Derek looked back at him. ‘So with these, with the triskele and Veles, I don’t doubt that you and I are meant for each other. And where before I didn’t let myself hope for it…’

He didn’t go on, swallowing thickly.

‘Do you want it?’, Stiles managed to shakily ask. ‘Do you want me?’

‘Of course I do.’, Derek said strongly, before taking a deep breath. ‘Look, we can take it slow. Make some sense out of it. I don’t…’, he shook his head. ‘I don’t have to stay in Beacon Hills anymore. Scott will move back home in a few months, the town will be protected. I don’t… The pack can take care of themselves and I… I can take care of you.’

Stiles felt like crying. He probably was.

‘If you’ll let me.’, Derek smiled. ‘If you’d want me.’

A dam broke inside of Stiles, then, and it broke violently. He let out a desperate sob and he rushed to Derek, crashing onto him, pushing his back to the couch. Derek yelped, but didn’t stop Stiles from hugging him desperately, pushing his head into the crook of the wolf’s neck.

‘I’m so lonely in San Francisco.’, Stiles whispered. ‘The apartment is too empty, and the bed is too cold and Valentine’s was horrible and I kept daydreaming of you being there, with me, but you weren’t and it hurt so much.’

Derek held him tighter at that, shuffling a little to make himself comfortable, with Stiles still on his lap.

‘We’ll figure it out.’, Derek said somewhat strongly. ‘We’ll make it work out, like we always do.’

‘I’ll screw up, I know I will.’

‘We both will, that’s for sure.’, Derek snorted. ‘I have no idea what a real relationship is, let alone one with a soulmate.’

Stiles paused at that, taking his head away from Derek’s skin so that he could look at him.

‘You said it.’, he whispered in awe.

Derek blushed, but he also smiled, a little. ‘It’s true, isn’t it? That’s what you are. You’re my soulmate.’

‘I care about you a stupid amount.’, Stiles breathed out. ‘A stupid, ridiculous amount.’

The wolf’s smile widened. ‘Yeah?’

Stiles nodded.

‘That’s nice to know.’, Derek kissed his cheek. ‘Cause I’ve been falling in love with you ever since you saved me from the bottom of a pool.’

Stiles froze at that, completely, looking with very wide eyes at Derek. He wasn’t lying, Stiles knew it, Derek was watching him with a very soft and caring smile on his face.

‘Could you please stop crying?’, the wolf chuckled, gently wiping away Stiles’ tears. ‘Because I’d really like to kiss you at some point tonight.’

Stiles blushed furiously, so he pushed his cheek to Derek’s chest, trying his best to hide it from view, but he also tried to calm himself down.

*.*.*

Derek ate all the cookies, every single one of them, as they cuddled on his couch under a soft blanket and watched a few episodes of a ridiculous vampire flick.

As the minutes passed and Stiles got more comfortable, everything inside of him settled. His heart, his thoughts, his anxiousness, his hesitancy and his fears. Everything settled, with Derek taking his rightful place in Stiles’ heart.

Close to midnight, Derek urged him to go home, knowing the Sheriff’s shift was going to end soon. Stiles grumbled about it, but he did gather himself and moved to leave.

Things were awkward, for a moment, when Derek walked him out to the door, but it disappeared when Derek hugged Stiles tightly. He whispered a ‘thank you’ against Stiles’ cheek, and he had no idea what he was thanking him for, but he didn’t get to ask, because Derek kissed him.

It was so very soft, almost innocent, just a sweet press of lips with Derek’s hand placed gently on Stiles’ jaw.

His tattoo flared up. Magic, deep inside Stiles’ chest, threatening to explode, a warmth that was too big for words to explain. There was no doubt in Stiles’ mind that Derek’s wrist felt the same.

They were both smiling when they pulled away, and on the drive home, Stiles felt the happiest he had felt in the past year. And he didn’t feel lonely, not anymore.

By the looks of things, Stiles didn’t think he will ever feel lonely again.

Chapter Text

Frank honestly couldn’t care less it was Christmas time. He didn’t have time to think about it.

He saw the decorations in New Rome, noticed demigods wearing Santa hats and sucking on candy canes. But he had so much work to do, he could barely spare a quick look.

Reyna had been gone for over a month, and he had left Frank in charge. She was on a quest, a pretty important one. They caught wind of a legacy lost in the world, Matt, a third generation legacy of Vulcan. Lost legacies weren’t very common, and Camp Jupiter always tried to help them, This situation was a bit more important, because their intel said this boy had the power to create metals out of nowhere. He was a kid, barely 10 years old, and some very bad people had kidnapped him from the orphanage he was staying in, and they were keeping him for profit.

It was a terrible tale, really. Frank was not at all surprised that Reyna wanted to take care of it herself, and he didn’t blame her at all for leaving.

But she had taken Hazel with her, and Frank was a little angry about it. He missed her, they’ve never been apart for such a long time since they got together. Granted, Frank probably wouldn’t have had enough time to see her while Reyna was gone, but he still missed her.

And he was worried. Hazel called, every other day, a dodgy Iris Message connection, but enough to let him know that they were fine and where they were. They’ve been to 19 different cities now, and every time, Hazel said they were getting closer to Matt. Frank was having a hard time believing her.

*.*.*

On Christmas morning, Frank woke up gasping.

He was having a nightmare, which was pretty much normal for him in times when he was stressed. This time, he was back in that town, surrounded by evil cows. But he wasn’t strong enough to fight them off, and he knew he had to defeat them in order to save Hazel. As he died, he knew Hazel will, as well.

He woke up in a sweat, gasping to get air back in his lungs. Honestly, he didn’t even notice the burn on his upper arm, at first, he thought it was an aftermath of the nightmare. But once he managed to calm down, once his brain came back online, he knew.

Frank knew about soulmates, knew what the burn on his chest meant. Hades, he knew it was for Hazel even before he made his way to the bathroom. And sure enough, there was a jewel tattooed on his chest. It was black, but it should have been purple, because it was the shape of Hazel’s favorite gem.

By that point, it had been four days since Hazel had called. Frank felt something very dark settling in his stomach.

*.*.*

He tried to not panic, that day. He went on with it, did his job, did his duties. But at the end of the day, when Hazel still hadn’t contacted him, that’s when Frank panicked.

First, he tried texting her, but that didn’t go through. Then, he tried IMing her, but that didn’t work either. He tried it a few times, hoping that maybe it didn’t work because he was a Roman, but after the 10th failed attempt, he stopped.

Getting desperate, he IMed Nico, who despite the late hour, was not yet sleeping.

‘What’s up, Frank?’

‘Have you heard from Hazel recently?’

The way he said it, it made Nico pause. Understandable, Frank was not under the impression that he didn’t sound desperate.  

‘No, I haven’t.’, Nico finally said. ‘But it’s fine.’

He had to control himself to not explode. ‘Since she left on this quest, she’s been getting in touch every other day, like clockwork. And she hadn’t in the past five days, and today especially, she would have.’

‘Today especially?’, Nico raised an eyebrow.

Frank didn’t find it in himself to say it out loud. It wasn’t the fact that it was Nico he was talking to, it was that it wasn’t Hazel.

‘I don’t think I should tell you before she does.’

Nico frowned, looking to the side to something. But then he shrugged.

‘Whatever. Frank, look. Hades made a deal with Hazel and I. When one of us dies, Hades will get the other one, not kill them, just get them. So that we’d walk together into the Underworld. So that we won’t be alone.’

‘That’s so dark.’, Frank found himself saying.

Again, Nico shrugged. ‘The fact that we talked about it, yeah. What it stands for? No, it’s not dark. Anyway, that means that I know Hazel is still alive.’

‘But she could still be hurt.’

‘She could.’, Nico nodded. ‘But she’s strong, Hazel can handle being hurt. And she’s not alone, she’s with Reyna, yet another very strong lady.’

‘I don’t doubt that.’, Frank said quickly. ‘I know they can take care of themselves, but I’m… worried.’

‘Come on, man.’, Nico said almost gently. ‘You and Hazel haven’t always been connected at the hip.’

‘No, we haven’t, but this is the first time we’re spending so much time in different places of the world since we’ve gotten together.’

He was blushing, but it was true. When he managed to look up into the floating image of Nico, he was smiling, a little. It looked fond, which was surprising.

‘She’s fine, Frank. And, I’m just guessing here, but I think she’s pretty desperate herself, to come back to you. Especially after she woke up with a tattoo this morning.’

Frank didn’t deny it. He blushed furiously, but didn’t deny it, making Nico smirk.

‘So what is it? It is a Pluto symbol? Or her name in her handwriting? Or-’

‘It’s a jewel.’, he cut Nico off. ‘Her favorite one.’

Nico cooed, obnoxiously so. Frank glared, as harsh as he could.

‘So how are you doing?’, he spoke over the annoying sound.

‘Oh, better than you are.’, Nico smirked, eyes once again moving to something to the side, and staying there. ‘I got a sun on my hip.’

Frank’s jaw dropped, just as Will Solace came into view, sitting next to Nico.

‘I got a super cute skull on my arm.’, Will grinned.

‘It’s disgusting.’, Nico wrinkled his nose.

Frank started laughing. ‘I’m happy for you two and Hazel’s gonna be over the moon.’

‘For what it’s worth’, Nico tilted his head, ‘I’m happy it’s you, for my sister. She’ll be home soon, you’ll see.’

‘Thank you.’, Frank smiled, just a little shakily. ‘Let me know if you find out anything.’

‘Yeah, promise. And you better call me when she gets back to Camp Jupiter. After, you know’, Nico smirked, ‘you sort yourselves out.’

With that, the IM was gone.

Frank felt just the tiniest bit better.

*.*.*

Hazel texted him the next day.

We’re fine, we got Matt. I’m sorry I didn’t call, it was tricky to get him. On our way home, but it will take a week.

He was quick to text an I love you back, but it didn’t send, Hazel must have been keeping her phone off. Still, Frank was relieved.

*.*.*

The next week went by in the same stressful manner. Frank had a lot of work to do during the day and every night, without fail, once his head hit the pillow, he sent a silent prayer to Mars and one to Hades, asking them to keep Hazel, Reyna and Matt safe until they got to Camp Jupiter.

*.*.*

It had been more than a week since Hazel’s text, Frank was waiting for them to come back any day now.

So he was only a little surprised when he woke up one morning to Hazel tucked against his side. She was fast asleep, curled up next to Frank, her head on his shoulder, both of her hands were brought up to her chest, but her fingers were touching his arm.

Frank didn’t know if he had ever felt so much relief, as he did then. Taking deep breaths, he did his best to not wake Hazel up, but he did turn around to face her. She seemed unharmed, no cuts or bruises on her face, but she had some really dark bags under her eyes. She had clearly came to his room first thing after she came back, because she was wearing cargo pants and a purple henley that had a few cuts on its arm.

He couldn’t help but look for a tattoo. He didn’t find one, of course, because Hazel really was not showing a lot of skin. Frank was a little disappointed, by that and the fact that he didn’t wake up when she came in. But it was okay, because Hazel was finally there, and as Nico said, she came to him.

As soon as the thought of Nico came into his mind, Frank remembered what he had said: Call me after you sort yourselves out . He would want to know that Hazel was back, and for that, Frank had to wake her up. As much as he liked watching her sleep, calm and safe next to him, he also wanted to talk to her. Sort them out.

So Frank gently started to run his fingers through Hazel’s hair. At first, she didn’t react at all, but then she scrunched up her nose and frowned, quite adorably, before her eyes fluttered open. After a few seconds of getting her bearings and focusing on Frank, she started smiling, wide and fond.

All words left him and he did the only thing he could think of. He kissed her, softly at first but he couldn’t keep it like that for long. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest, he had missed her so much, so desperately when she was gone. He felt giddy, with excitement and love, and his kiss definitely showed that.

Hazel went on with it for a while, but then she started giggling against his lips and trying to kiss was a moot point.

‘Gods, I missed you.’, she breathed out.

‘Me too, I don’t know how I managed for so long without you.’

She chuckled. ‘I’m sure you handled it perfectly.’

Feeling only mildly ashamed, Frank shook his head. ‘I had so much work to do, I started dreaming about paperwork and meetings. I managed to handle it for awhile there, but then you didn’t call.’

‘I’m sorry, the men who had Matt were tracking us, we thought by tracking magic. And-’

‘It’s okay.’, Frank cut her off. ‘I understand, of course, I’m glad you’re safe. But I… panicked. And I might have called Nico.’

Hazel’s eyebrows rose up at that. ‘You really did panic, huh?’

He nodded. ‘Nico was very understanding.’

That confused her further. ‘He what?’

‘I think I should let him tell you.’

It took a few seconds. ‘He woke up with a tattoo, didn’t he? Oh, please tell me it’s Will!’

Frank, who know Hazel and Will only met once, who had only heard his name come out of her mouth twice before, he didn’t even bat an eye or question how she figured it out. So he nodded.

Hazel, being the most adorable creature in the world, squealed excitedly, kicking her legs.

‘They were together, when I called.’, Frank told her. ‘Nico kept looking to the side, and then Will came in the shot. Also, uh, I should tell you.’ He took a deep breath. ‘He knows. I didn’t really tell him, but, like you, he figured it out.’

‘Figured what out?’

‘That we got tattoos.’, Frank blinked. ‘I mean, I got a tattoo. For you. Did-did you?’

Hazel smiled at his stammer, but it wasn’t mocking, not at all. ‘Of course I did.’

‘Oh, good.’, Frank breathed out, falling back in bed. ‘Thank gods, you scared me for a second there.’

She chuckled, but she also rolled over, until she was half on top of him, pushing her cheek to his chest and snuggling closely, very closely. It wasn’t the first time they shared a bed, and his heart didn’t go haywyre when it happened, anymore.

So Frank let her get comfortable, wrapping his arms around her afterwards.

‘I should call Nico.’, Hazel said, even as her eyes closed.

‘You should, but only after, and I’m quoting here, we sort ourselves out.’

Her eyes snapped open at that. ‘Is there anything to sort?’

‘You don’t wanna talk about it?’, Frank was very surprised.

‘Not really.’, she shrugged a little. ‘We’re soulmates, we love each other, we’re going to be together forever.’

‘Easy peasy.’, Frank said, somewhat incredulous.

It made her snort. ‘Well the soulmate part was a little of a surprise, and the paw print on my chest, but the rest wasn’t anything I didn’t know before.’

He had to kiss her then, because of the easy way Hazel had said it, the conviction in her tone. The fact that she didn’t second guess it, not for a moment, it made him feel so terribly grateful to have her.

‘Paw print?’, he couldn’t help himself.

She giggled, giving him a quick kiss before she started moving, pulling up her right sleeve. It took some maneuvering, and Frank had to help, but he did, eventually, see her tattoo. On the right side of her chest, just barely above the line of the bra she was wearing, there was, indeed, a paw print tattooed in black. It could have been a dog’s paw, if it wasn’t for the nails.

He ran his fingers over it, not feeling anything different, but making Hazel giggle.

‘Why a wolf?’, he smiled up at her.

‘I like when you’re a wolf.’, Hazel blushed, a little. ‘Not just because you’re fluffy and warm, but also, you’re very… impressive. Seeing your eyes in that form, it takes my breath away every time.’

He kissed her again, with even more passion than before, but Hazel stopped him pretty quickly.

‘Come on, Frank, it’s your turn.’

She had to move off of him, for that, and Hazel grumbled about it, but she did it. Frank took off the sleeping shirt he was wearing, and showed her that on his right upper arm, on the inside of it, he had a jewel tattooed.

Mirroring him, Hazel gently ran her fingers over it, making his skin tingle.

‘I really love it.’, she smiled, still looking at it.

‘I really love you, Hazel Levesque.’

‘Oh, I know.’, she grinned, eyes meeting his. ‘I may have had my doubts before, but these tattoos really do settle it.’

‘As you said, it’s been settled long before these tattoos.’

She was the one who kissed him this time, but it was just as giddy and passionate as his kisses had been.

*.*.*

A while later, after they had breakfast and Frank checked with Reyna that he could have that morning off, Hazel called Nico. He was still in bed, and he clearly wasn’t alone. But, thankfully, both Nico and Will were still sleeping.

Hazel woke them up by laughing really loudly. Will fell out of bed, Nico cursed in Italian, Hazel kept on laughing.

As Frank will find out, over the next decades, it was pretty normal for their family.

Chapter Text

There were a lot of reasons Rey was frustrated for spending her formative years on Jakku. Loneliness and not knowing the Force when she was a child, hunger and overworking herself for someone else’s gain. Ever since she left the planet, she discovered new ways in which she had missed out on life.

Sometimes, there were little things, like taking a warm shower, a new fruit to taste, a new fabric on her skin, a new word. Sometimes, there were bigger things, a new friend, a new planet, the sight of forest greens and blue lakes.

The past few days, Rey had discovered another thing that she had been deprived of on Jakku: Life Day, a holiday that had long ago taken roots on the Wookiee planet and spread across the galaxy. It was a celebration of family, friends, joy and harmony. Not everyone celebrated it, but the people who did were very excited about it.

Rey didn’t understand it much, there were a lot of weird customs that made no sense to her. Hanging a plant from the ceiling and making people kiss when they ended up under it, exchanging gifts with close friends and family, making special food and sweets that were only consumed on Life Day, silly songs sung only for the holiday.

Although she was very confused about all the commotion surrounding the celebration, she went along with it. Everyone was in good spirits, and it was the perfect moment for Life Day, because the First Order was finally on its last leg. It had taken a long, long time, a lot of planning and fighting, a lot of sacrifices made and quite a few surprising allies.

Kylo Ren had turned up at the supposedly secret Resistance base months ago. Nobody believed him, at first, and everyone thought he was there to destroy them, but he had been utterly calm and patient about it. Still rude and prone to glaring, but he answered all the questions, did everything that was asked of him, spent the first month always in cuffs, took the insults and the hurtful names, saying that he deserved it. But he also helped the Resistance, quite a fair amount.

He gave all the information he had, about the First Order fleet, their bases, the stormtroopers, their usual strategies. Hux had taken over after Kylo deserted, and he had a lot to say about the red haired asshole , as he called him.

Slowly but surely, with time passing and battles won, the Resistance started to trust Kylo. They stopped calling him murderer and monster, started calling him Ben. He was still behind bars most days, but he had a desk in his cell, blankets and pillows, sets of clothes and books, he was allowed to eat in the hall and he could go to the training room once a day, even if he still had a guard that followed him around.

He was a changed man, and nobody saw it more than Rey.

Although their bond had stopped opening, every time they were together she noticed the change in him. Ben was calmer, but also riddled with guilt over all he had done. He wished to fix all his wrongdoings, and actually worked hard for it, helping the Resistance take down the First Order.

Sure, he did it with a glare on his face and constantly calling Poe ugly names, but Ben did it.

And there was something else, something that a few people acknowledged, in the back of their minds, but never out loud. Just two people knew the truth, only Rey and Ben knew how much time they actually spent together.

When he came to the Resistance, Rey felt compelled to spend a lot of time around Kylo Ren, in case he did something. If it was all a trick, she was the only one who could stop him. So she spent a lot of time outside of his cell, at the start, for protection.

But when she lost the fear that Ben was going to betray them, she started feeling pity for him, because the only people he saw were the guards outside of his cell and the people who were interrogating him.

So Rey kept spending time outside of his cell, and then inside of it. And it was bad at first, there was still a lot of bad blood between them, that neither of them was able to completely ignore or move past. But they started talking, and with time, they got better. They learned a lot about one another and reached a point where they understood each other.

It had been months spent side by side each other in the Resistance, in planning rooms and on missions, on the Falcon and in the mess hall, and Rey and Ben had been slowly falling in love with each other.

The process had started long before that, both were aware of it, but their feelings grew only when they found themselves in this new situation. Only then, did they allow their feelings to grow. Neither of them ever said anything about it, not one word about any feelings they may harbour or about the thought of sharing something more than a surprising friendship. Still, both Rey and Ben knew, and they knew the other one knew.

Unspoken things had always held more strength for Rey, more than anything said or written. She was glad to keep it a secret, from Ben and everyone else, as long as it kept being real, as long as their feelings for each other were real.

On the morning of Life Day, Rey didn’t get a surprise that shocked her to no ends. No, she just got confirmation.

*.*.*

Rey woke up with a burn between her breasts and she knew exactly what it meant. She hadn’t known it just hours ago, when she went to sleep, and yet, there it was in her mind, the notion of soulmates.

She knew who her soulmate was without seeing her tattoo, but she rushed to take off her shirt, curious of it’s design. It was Ben’s lightsaber, the crossguard’s hilt, black lines stark against the skin between her breasts.

Rey found herself chuckling when she realised that if the lightsaber were to be ignited, it would impale her neck. That was never going to happen, she knew it. And now, she knew for a fact that various other things could happen.

Oh, Ben was going to fight it, she was just as sure of that. He will argue that he wasn’t any good for her, that everybody will judge her, that she has no future by his side. That she deserves better, that she shouldn’t be forced into a decision like this.

Rey thought about it, briefly. She was going to do anything in her power to change his mind, because she had chosen him before this, she already loved him, and, blast it!, she wanted to be with Ben.

*.*.*

They saw each other at breakfast. Like they always did, they ate at the same table, Poe and Finn joining them that morning. But unlike all the other days, Ben was quiet and he never once met her eyes.

More than anything, it annoyed her. That, and the fact that he all but ran away as soon as he had finished eating.

Rey watched him go and missed the sleek way Poe was looking at her, and the way Finn threw her an anxious look before walking away.

‘So what did he do?’, Poe asked around a smirk.

‘What?’

‘Obviously Ben did something real bad, for you to look at him like that.’

‘How am I looking?’

‘Like you’re vividly imagining where you’d want to stick your lightsaber.’

Rey said nothing, but tried to neutralize her expression.

‘Oh, that’s even worse.’, Poe pointed out, before getting up and extending a hand to her. ‘Let’s go on a walk.’

‘I’m fine.’, she said quickly.

‘Sure you are. Let’s walk anyway.’

He didn’t say it as an order, but it was close enough. Rey relented and followed Poe through the maze of hallways, until they reached his bunk.

‘I thought we were gonna go for a walk.’

‘This is more private.’, Poe pointed out.

He motioned for her to sit down on the bed, which she did. Next thing she knew, her lap and half the bed were filled with candy. Different wrappers, all very colored, words written in languages she knew and didn’t know.

‘Happy Life Day!’, Poe grinned at her. ‘This is my present to you.’

Rey smiled. ‘I got you something with Rose and Finn, we were going to give it to you at the party.’

‘That’s fine.’ He snorted, and he also helped her put all the candy back in a bag.

Then he took off his shoes, sat down on the bed and crossed his legs, smiled at her before leveling Rey with a look.

‘C’mon, tell me what happened.’

‘What makes you think something happened?’, she hesitantly asked.

‘A few things.’, Poe did not look away from her. ‘You were both acting real weird this morning, and he could barely look at you, when he usually can’t look away from you. Plus, there’s, you know, the only thing that’s being talked about on the HoloNet.’

‘I didn’t check it this morning.’, Rey tried for nonchalance.

‘But you know of it, anyway.’

She didn’t find it in herself to deny it.

‘So what’s the problem?’, he put on his thinking face. ‘Is he your soulmate and that’s the problem? Or he isn’t your soulmate and that’s the problem?’

After a moment, Rey sighed. ‘I don’t actually know what his problem is, because as you could see, he made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want to talk to me about it. I, personally, have no problem with the fact that he’s my soulmate.’

Poe blinked at her. ‘No problem?’

‘No.’

‘None whatsoever?’

‘Not one.’

‘Okay then.’, he said after a beat. ‘Well, I don’t know what to tell you.’

Rey snorted. ‘Thanks, Poe, you’re such a helpful leader.’

‘Hey, now.’, he glared. ‘I’m such a helpful friend right now, cause if I were a leader, I would probably forbid you from getting in bed with the enemy.’

She almost slapped him, but managed to abstain from it.

‘I didn’t mean it like that.’, he rolled his eyes. ‘I couldn’t care less who you share your bed with, I know you’re smart enough to make your own decisions and I know that he’s not the enemy. But…’, he took a deep breath. ‘There are going to be a lot of people who won’t think like me.’

‘I know.’, Rey sighed. ‘But it’s not their business, I don’t care what they think. It’s my life, not theirs.’

‘You’re still on for leaving? After the First Order’s gone?’

Rey looked away, because it was a discussion they have been having for months now. Poe and all the commanders thought that Rey should have a big part in reforming the galaxy in a post First Order world, she should have a say in anything, like the Jedi Council had in the past. Rey, however, thought that she should take the Falcon and see the galaxy. Nobody agreed with her. Her closest friends were somewhat supporting, but they were also concerned about her, afraid that something will happen to her or that she’ll forget to visit. It was nonsense.

And now there was another thing. They all already knew that at the end of it, Ben was going to be exiled. He’ll be left alive, left free, with a ban from Coruscant and whichever planet the new leadership chose as a base. There were to be inspections and they were sure the New Council will consult Ben, even send him on missions, but it was an easily payable price.

With these tattoos, Rey thought she had a chance to convince Ben to come with her.

‘Yeah, I am.’

‘Well then I think that maybe,’, Poe said gently, ‘you two keep this to yourselves until you leave. It’ll make both of your lives easier.’

It didn’t take long for her to realize that he was right, so she nodded.

‘I’ll talk to Ben about it.’, she smiled, before her smile fell and she scowled. ‘If he ever lets me talk to him again.’

Poe snorted. ‘Rey, there’s no kriffing way the guy will ever have the power to stay away from you, not again.’

‘That’s-’, her voice broke, ‘that’s actually nice to hear.’

Poe gave her a real big, strong hug, but she couldn’t help think that she’d rather hear those words coming from Ben.

‘Hey’, Poe whispered against her hair, ‘what’s the tattoo?’

‘Crossguard.’

He snorted. ‘Of course it is. And where do you have it?’

Rey pulled away from the hug and ran a finger over the tattoo. She couldn’t see it, but she knew perfectly well where it was, underneath her clothes. Poe’s eyes grew very wide as he, kind of pointedly, looked only at her face.

‘Hot as a bomb, but a lot more pleasant.’

With blushing cheeks, Rey left Poe’s bunk without another word.

*.*.*

She didn’t see Ben for the rest of the day, even if she looked for him. It was only at the Life Day party that their paths crossed again.

The party was intense. The music was loud, songs made to be danced to with some Life Day carols in between, loads of food, even more drinks, that poodoo plant hung every other step. When Rey got there, half the people were already drunk, the rest of them were well on their way, and it was hard to walk through the mess hall without bumping into someone dancing.

Rey easily found Ben. He was standing against a wall, close to the exit, with a cup in his hand, talking to one of the commanding officers. Well, he was talking, Ben was just nodding away, a small scowl on his lips.

She didn’t hesitate in making her way towards them. The moment Ben saw her, he froze, cup halfway up to his mouth. He recovered quickly, adopting a very controlled neutral expression.

‘Talak.’, she smiled politely at the other man. ‘I’m sorry to interrupt, but I have something to discuss with Ben. Is this important?’

‘No, of course not. Go right ahead.’

Ben opened his mouth, but Rey cut him off, thanking Talak and grabbing Ben’s hand, dragging him away. She let go only when she was sure he was following her out of the hall.

Neither of them said anything until they got to Rey’s bunk. He walked inside, looking curiously around, flinching when she shut the door after them.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Rey tried not to glare at him, but wasn’t terribly successful.

‘You’ve been avoiding me.’

‘I have.’, he gulped.

‘Why?’

‘You know why.’, his tone was very gentle and Rey made sure to not sound the same.

‘No, I don’t, because you didn’t tell me anything, did you?’

Ben sighed and looked away from her. ‘I wanted to give you space.’

She huffed. ‘I don’t want space and you know it.’

‘You should.’, he said forcefully. ‘You should want to be as far away from me as you can, you should run to the other side of the galaxy.’

Rey took a deep, calming breath.

‘What gives you the right to decide what I should and shouldn’t do?’

That made him falter, he was very surprised.

‘We woke up with soulmate tattoos this morning, Ben. From now on, we’re supposed to make decisions together or, at the very least, discuss them.’

Ben also took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He looked to her, and Rey saw a lot of hesitation in his eyes. He looked like he had a lot to say, but didn’t know how he was going to do it.

‘Whatever you’re going to say’, she said, ‘just know that I’m going to argue against it and bring good arguments that will change your mind.’

He chuckled, weakly. ‘Of course you will. Have you thought of everything?’

Rey shrugged. ‘Not a lot, to be honest. I don’t care much about… whatever it is, that’s running through your head.’

‘You don’t care?’, he raised an eyebrow.

‘Nope.’

‘So you don’t care that all your friends will push you away.’, he said in a cold voice that she hadn’t heard in months.

‘They won’t.’, Rey said with certainty. ‘Because all of them are secretly romantic and they’ll be happy for my happiness.’

‘Happiness?’, Ben shook his head. ‘Everyone will cast you out, because you’ll be the traitor who got in bed with the enemy.’

She rolled her eyes, and tried not to think about how it was the same thing Poe said. ‘You’re not the enemy anymore, you helped the Resistance destroy the First Order and-’

‘I’m still me.’, he all but yelled, before taking a deep breath and calming himself. ‘I’m still Kylo Ren, I will never run away from that, no matter who’s by my side.’

‘So you think’, Rey said slowly, ‘that I should ignore what I think and what I want just because some strangers around me won’t agree with it?’

‘What do you think?’

‘That it’s not any of their business and nobody has any right to have a hand in my life.’, Rey said in a rush. ‘Not anybody else, except for me and you.’

Ben shook his head. ‘But that’s the thing, isn’t it? We didn’t choose this.’

Her anger disappeared then, her annoyance and frustration with Ben. It was replaced with something soft, something that Rey recognized was easily breakable.

For all her life, she had learned to not show weakness. But she couldn’t keep that from Ben, not anymore. He hadn’t done it ever since he came to them, he had told her about every hesitant thought, all of his fears and insecurities.

So, while Rey knew she had to thread carefully, she tried, for the rest of the conversation, to not hide anything from Ben.

‘There are a lot of things we didn’t get to choose, Ben. Who our parents were, how they raised us, where we grew up-’

‘That’s different.’, he cut her off with pain in his eyes.

‘The Force.’, Rey breathed out. ‘We didn’t choose to have it, but we wouldn’t give it up for the world.’

Ben didn’t say anything, but he didn’t look away from her, so Rey pushed through.

‘This is not a decision I’m making because of a tattoo. I don’t want to be with you because we’re soulmates, Ben. I want to be with you because ever since you came to the Resistance, I’ve allowed myself to fall in love with you.’

He recoiled visibly, took a step back. He looked very shocked, which Rey found hilarious, because there was no way he didn’t know.

She smiled. ‘And when we put the Resistance and the First Order behind us, I want to see the galaxy with you, and you know I’ve wanted that for a while now.’

‘You have mentioned it, yes.’, he smiled, a little.

Rey chuckled, because she also had this discussion with Ben before. She pestered him to join her to the point where even she was annoyed by it. He always said no, but he didn’t say that now, which gave her hope, a lot more than the ink on her skin did.

‘You don’t have to decide now’, she took a deep breath, ‘but you know where I stand and you better know that from now until the First Order falls, I’m gonna be even more annoying in trying to convince you to come with me.’

‘It’s not just about coming with you.’, Ben said slowly.

‘It’s not.’, Rey smirked. ‘But all the other stuff are a given.’

‘Are they?’, his eyebrows went very high up and his voice was unnaturally incredulous.

Rey, feeling a lot lighter than a few minutes before, just grinned cheekily at him. Ben huffed, but he was amused. There was love in his eyes, and she knew she had gotten to him. Maybe not entirely, not yet, but he wasn’t going to push her back anymore. She was content with that, at least for the time being.

‘One more thing: Poe knows.’

Ben instantly glared. ‘Why would you-’

‘He noticed something was wrong this morning and I was angry enough to want to talk to someone.’

She threw him a look, and he did look apologetic, but only mildly.

‘He suggested we keep this to ourselves, for now. Because you’re right, people are not going to take this well, and while I don’t really care, we need to keep strong in order to end this war.’

‘Of course.’, Ben said after a beat. ‘That is for the best.’

‘We should go back to the party.’ Rey turned around to leave, but he gently called her name before she got to open the door.

‘What’s your tattoo?’, he asked after a few moments of looking at her.

She couldn’t help but smile. ‘Your crossguard, right here.’, she pointed between her breasts.

Ben seemed like he was expecting it.

‘What about yours?’

He pointed to the right side of his hip, where he usually kept his lightsaber. Ben didn’t say that his tattoo was Rey’s lightsaber, but she knew it was.

‘I don’t like it.’, Ben said. ‘That crossguard caused a lot of pain.’

‘It also saved a lot of lives, in recent months.’, she answered quickly. ‘And because of that, it’s a symbol of change and evolution.’

He blinked at her a couple of times. ‘You really have thought of everything.’

Rey snorted. ‘It’s okay that you’re slower.’

As Ben glared, she started laughing and made her way back to the party. He followed and didn’t leave her side for the rest of the evening, which was quite nice.

*.*.*

‘We’re spending next Life Day with Chewie, on his planet.’, Ben stated the next morning at breakfast, looking deeply into Rey’s eyes.

‘We are?’, she shakily breathed out.

Nodding, Ben smirked, a little. ‘What you saw yesterday was an abomination. I’ve spent a few Life Days on Kashyyyk, growing up, and it is nothing like the bastardisation that happened yesterday. You’ll have to experience it, properly.’

Rey felt tears in her eyes, because this was Ben, agreeing with her. He will join her in discovering the galaxy and they will be together, like soulmates should be, like they both chose long before the tattoos.

‘Can I come?’, Poe asked pointedly, reminding them that they weren’t alone.

‘Fuck no!’, Ben glared.

Rey just laughed, feeling very happy.

*.*.*

On the day the First Order was defeated, the entire galaxy rejoiced, but nobody did it as strongly as the Resistance. They returned to the base, and even if everyone was bruised and battered, they partied. They ate all the food they had stocked and drank every single drop of mead and fire-water, there was music heard from the mess hall, the hangar, the med bay, everywhere.

Rey was right in the middle of it, alongside Ben, Poe and Finn. Every single person wanted to shake their hands, hug them, thank them and congratulate them.

It was overwhelming, and Rey found herself crying constantly. But they were happy tears, for once in her life, and she felt like her heart was about to explode, and it was the most beautiful thing she had ever experienced.

She rejoiced with the Resistance, danced with them, drank a little with them. They were happy and relieved, and there was a lot of work to do, come morning, but for that night, they were free of all the evil in the galaxy.

Ben found her late at night, early in the morning. He didn’t say anything, at first, just hugged her tightly for a long while, making all the people around them scatter.

‘Can we get out of here?’, he said into her ear, and Rey was quick to nod.

It took a while, but they made it to her room. Ben hadn’t let go of her hand for the entire way, and once they were behind closed doors, he kissed the back of her hand before letting go of hugging her again.

Somehow, it was different than before. He held her very gently, but his fingers were pushing into her back and his lips were pressed to her neck.

Ben pulled away, looked at her with an intensity she had only seen once before, on the Supremacy, surrounded by fire. But he was closer now, he was still holding her, and he was smiling.

‘I love you.’, he whispered. ‘And it’s going to be difficult, and we’re going to have to be strong, but we are going to spend the rest of our lives together.’

Once again, Rey felt tears in her eyes. She felt happiness, and joy, and love, so much love. She never thought she would ever be able to experience something like this, but damn it, she had it. She had him.

When Ben kissed her, Rey closed her eyes and just let everything wash over her. The feel of his fingers on her cheek, his warm body pressed against hers, the way she had to stand on her tiptoes to reach. How soft his lips were, the hesitant way they opened under hers, the way his breathing quickened. The way her heart was beating fast.

The way the Force flowed around them, through them, silencing everything except for the love they had for each other.

When Ben kissed her, he didn’t stop for a long while.

When Rey first saw her lightsaber tattooed on his skin, she laughed, loud and happy. She remembered Finn telling her the story, of Kylo Ren in the snow, saying That lightsaber, it belongs to me .

That was a lie, until now. Now, her lightsaber belonged on his body and his crossguard belonged on hers. Just as they belonged to each other.

Chapter Text

Ronan woke up in a state. You’d think, being a Dreamer, he’d be used to waking up in odd ways by now, but this was different. After he opened his eyes, he just blinked at the ceiling for a while, trying to take stock of himself.

He remembered what he was dreaming of. It didn’t feel like the type of dream he’d steal something from, it felt unnaturally normal. He dreamt of Adam, shirtless in sand. They were on a beach, somewhere, Adam’s freckles were more pronounced than normal, there was sweat glinting on his skin and he was grinning. Free and without a care in the world, hand in Ronan’s, smiling at him.

It was a damn good dream, maybe that was why it threw Ronan off.

He sat up in bed and looked around. He expected to find his sheets covered in sand, but there was nothing. No sand, no water, no weird object, not even a piece of seashell.

So it was just a normal dream, he concluded. But then he realized that he felt a burn on his upper arm. That burn was familiar.

Ronan quickly got out of bed and all but ran to the bathroom. Sure enough, there was a new tattoo on his arm. He blinked in confusion at the tarot card. He would have recognized The Magician even without having the words written, he saw the card time and time again at Fox Way, or in Adam’s deck. It didn’t look like those looked, the tattoo was a little childish, considering the man was a slightly more evolved stickman.

He wrinkled his nose. This tattoo clashed terribly with the one on his back, it was a totally different style. He’d make it work, he thought, he’d just have to start working on a sleeve, encompass the tarot card in his mess of dream things.

It was doable, but Ronan kept on frowning. He had never actually pulled a tattoo from a dream, and honestly, he could have done a better job at it. He didn’t necessarily hate it, though. The fact that he got a tattoo for Adam was cheesy, but it was something he had planned on doing, at some point in the future.

So Ronan shrugged and took a shower.

*.*.*

Opal was waiting for him outside of the bathroom. She grinned widely, and when Ronan picked her up, she placed her palm over the tattoo.

Love , she said in the Cabeswater language.

‘No.’, Ronan frowned. ‘It says The Magician . You know, for Adam.’

The kid nodded at that, pleased.

Ronan didn’t think too much of it.

*.*.*

He went to church with his brothers, but didn’t actually listen to whatever the priest said. The Christmas sermon went on longer than usual, and he was over it very quickly. But he sat through it, and felt relieved when it was over and he drove back to the Barns.

Opal wasn’t as into Christmas as he thought she would be. She liked the presents she got just fine, but she was more interested in munching on the wrapping paper and playing with the fairy lights, even if they were already placed in the tree.

He let her play with whatever she wanted that day, spending most of his time in his parent’s bedroom. It was a difficult decision to make, but Ronan needed to redecorate. He needed it to look nothing like it did before, when they were still people sleeping there, and he needed to move out of his childhood room. He had spent the last weeks clearing it of everything, storing all that was salvageable in the attic. So he spent Christmas day replacing floorboards.

When he stopped for the day, it was night, way past dinner time, he was exhausted and in desperate need of a shower.

Before he got to do that, he heard a car and a few seconds after the engine stopped, there were very loud knocks on the front door.

Opal had already opened it when he got downstairs, and he would have yelled at her for letting strangers in, if it wasn’t Adam on the porch. He looked both pissed and worried, and so did Orla, who had clearly driven him to the Barnes.

‘What’s wrong?’, Ronan asked.

‘You didn’t answer your fucking phone.’, Adam said in a barely controlled straight tone.

When Ronan didn’t say anything, Orla extended her hand to Opal.

‘You’re gonna sleep over, kiddo. Until dad and dad sort themselves out.’

Surprising absolutely everyone, Opal did not hesitate to take Orla’s hand. Usually when Ronan sent her away, she yelled and kicked and all but chained herself to the Barns. It was twice as bad if Adam was there, but not that time. Opal went willingly, smiling brightly, but only after she hugged Adam tightly and got a kiss on the cheek in return.

He came in, closed the door after himself. He was fuming and Ronan really didn’t know what he did. It was not unusual for him to not answer his phone, and they had a skype call planned later in the night.

‘You stink.’, Adam pointed out.

‘Worked on the bedroom all day.’

‘Go shower.’

Ronan raised an eyebrow. ‘You came all the way here in a rush and now it can wait till I shower?’

‘Yes.’, Adam breathed out. ‘Now that I know you’re not dead in a ditch or bleeding internally on your bed, you can go shower. But you better hurry up cause we need to talk.’

‘What did I do?’

At this, Adam looked up into Ronan’s eyes, for the first time. Whatever he saw surprised him, because he frowned for a few moments. He also relaxed, a little.

‘Go shower, I’ll tell you when you don’t smell like rank wood anymore.’

Knowing he wasn’t going to get anything out of Adam, Ronan made his way to the bathroom.

*.*.*

After he showered, Ronan hesitated with a hand hovering over a tank top. Looking down at his arm, the thick lines of the tattoo were very stark against his pale skin. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Adam to see it, but Ronan did think Adam wouldn’t want to see it. So he put on a long sleeved shirt.

Adam was in the living room, sitting stiffly on the couch. He had taken his shoes off, and was sitting cross legged facing the Christmas tree, blinking slowly and confusedly at it. Ronan gave him that, because it was a weird ass tree. But when they went shopping for decorations, beyond the fairy lights, Opal was very adamant about only hanging Christmas themed socks and tiny, rainbow colored espresso cups.

‘Why-?’, Adam tried, but didn’t quite manage to finish the question.

‘She threw a tantrum in the store.’, Ronan shrugged, throwing himself on the couch. ‘Wouldn’t have it any other way.’

He nodded, but didn’t turn to look at Ronan. And he didn’t say anything.

So Ronan asked. ‘How did you get here? I thought you had a lot of homework to do over the holidays.’

Adam sighed, finally turning to look at him. ‘You really don’t know?’

‘No, fuck you.’

An eye roll. ‘Ronan, when you woke up this morning, wasn’t there anything… weird?’

Instinctually, one of his hands went up to his arm, covering his tattoo even if it wasn’t out in the open. Adam caught the movement.

‘Yeah, that.’

‘How did you know about it? Did Opal text you, or something?’

‘Wow.’, Adam said slowly. ‘You really don’t know.’

‘What don’t I know, Parrish?’, his anger spiked up. ‘Just tell me already.’

‘No, how about you tell me what you think that is.’, he pointed to the tattoo.

It annoyed Ronan, he didn’t want to say a word. If Adam was going to be annoying, then he was going to be stubborn.

Adam knew him very well, so he knew that was what he was planning. His expression softened, a little. He got up from the couch and started unbuttoning his pants. Ronan spluttered his name, but it didn’t deter Adam.

He let his pants fall to the floor, and Ronan didn’t even acknowledge the briefs Adam was wearing, because there was a tarot card tattooed on his right thigh. It was called the Chariot and it showed a man wearing a spartan looking mask, standing in a chariot pulled by two horses, one filled in with black, one not. There were two half-moons on the chariot, which Ronan didn't recall seeing on the card in Adam’s deck.

‘What the fuck?’, he breathed out.

Adam pulled his pants back up, sat back down and leveled Ronan with a look.

‘Tell me what happened this morning, and I’ll explain.’

It took a moment, but Ronan relented. ‘I had a nice dream last night, you were in it, it wasn’t one of my dreams, or at least it didn’t feel like one. Still, I must have pulled a tattoo out of it.’

‘Did you pull your other tattoo out of a dream?’

Ronan shook his head.

‘And you didn’t have a conscious thought of pulling this one.’

‘Are you saying I didn’t pull this out of my dream?’, Ronan frowned deeply. ‘How else would I have gotten it? How… how did you get it? And how did you know mine was going to look like this? Cause they match.’

‘What about soulmates?’, Adam evaded all the questions.

Ronan huffed, highly aggravated. ‘Are you trying to get me to punch you?’

The other man blinked innocently, making Ronan’s irritation grow, but Adam also grabbed his hand.

‘Fine, I’ll roll with it. What about soulmates?’

‘Didn’t you wake up with information about soulmates?’, Adam asked gently. ‘Knowing they are real, that there are pairs of people in the world who are, somehow, destined to be together. They woke up on Christmas morning with tattoos on their skin, not matching, but designed for their soulmate.’

Ronan thought about it for a few moments. ‘What a bunch of bullshit.’

Adam chuckled. ‘Doesn’t make it any less true.’

‘What, really? You really believe that?’

‘I woke up knowing it, Ronan. I don’t need to believe it, I know it’s true.’

That rendered him silent.

‘The question is, why didn’t you get the memo?’, Adam went on. ‘Because you’re a Dreamer?’

Ronan closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch. Now that Adam had said it, he did know. He knew everything about soulmates and the tattoos, and he did know in the morning.

But he also knew it the day before that. And the day before that. And the day before that. He knew it ever since Adam was holding a dreamed toy car and Ronan was breathlessly pressing their lips together.

‘I didn’t realize it.’, he said out loud.

‘What does that mean?’, Adam frowned.

‘It means what I said! When I woke up, I didn’t realize it was new information.’

He took a deep breath, spared a look to Adam before looking away.

‘I already knew it.’

Adam swallowed thickly, Ronan heard it loud and clear in the silence of the room. He braced himself to look at him. Adam was smiling, just a little, just in a corner of his mouth. There was love in his eyes, and Ronan realized, in that moment, how much he missed seeing it.

How much he’s missed Adam, in all these months he’s been away. It wasn’t such a long time, but texts and skype calls didn’t make up for an empty bed.

‘How did you get here?’

Adam snorted. ‘Found a last minute flight.’

‘I’ll pay you back for it.’, Ronan said quickly.

‘No, you don’t need to pay me back for it, but you’re gonna need to buy me a ticket back.’

That surprised Ronan, Adam accepting money, so he didn’t argue against it. Instead, he sighed deeply, realizing that he was in the wrong.

‘I’m sorry I didn't pick up the phone. I would have, if I would have known what was happening.’

Adam hummed. ‘Would be nice of you to watch some news every now and then.’

‘No.’

‘Read them online?’

‘Fuck no.’

‘I missed you.’, Adam punched his shoulder.

Ronan grinned. ‘Of course you did, I’m a delight.’

Around a snort, Adam mumbled ‘Shut up!’. But he also leaned forward and grabbed Ronan’s neck, kissing him before he could protest. Not that he would have.

It didn’t last very long, not nearly enough as Ronan needed right then, but when Adam pulled away, he didn’t go as far away as he was sitting before.

‘Why am I a Chariot?’, Ronan asked, genuinely curious.

The tattoo he got for Adam was obvious, he was Cabeswater’s Magician, he had seen the card always pop up in a reading that had anything, any little thing to do with Adam. Hell, every time one of the witches insisted on giving him a reading, the Magician would act as a guide for Ronan’s life. But he didn’t know what the Chariot meant.

‘I’m impressed you knew it was the Chariot.’

Ronan rolled his eyes. ‘I do pay attention to the things you say, Parrish. Sometimes.’

‘Sometimes.’, Adam chuckled lightly.

‘Yes, sometimes. So I know it’s the Chariot, but I don’t know what it means.’

‘Right, so, the Chariot kind of fits you.’, Adam took a deep breath. ‘The card itself describes the personality in a state of struggle, but it does eventually result in triumph. When it comes up in a reading, it means that you’re feeling one thing, but you know logically that you ought to do something contrary to that feeling.’

‘What am I struggling with?’, Ronan couldn’t help but frown. He ignored Adam’s snort. ‘No, tell me, Parrish, what do I feel like doing even if I know I shouldn’t?’

‘Be an asshole, maybe?’, Adam said lightly. He chuckled at Ronan’s glare.

‘Really, though…’, Adam said gently, even if he was clearly hesitating. ‘You’ve been dealing with being a Dreamer for a long time. You like Dreaming, you love doing it, and you’ve kept doing it, even if you knew it had the power to hurt you.’

He didn’t answer in any way to that because, once again, Adam demonstrated just how well he knew Ronan.

‘Or it might be the asshole thing.’, Adam went on just as seriously. ‘You want to act like a massive asshole but you know you shouldn’t.’

‘Can’t be that.’, Ronan said quickly. ‘I’ve got to be an asshole, I know that in my heart and brain.’

‘Sure.’, Adam bit on his lower lip to keep himself from laughing. ‘Anyway, my Chariot, it’s special.’

Ronan raised a cocky eyebrow at that.

‘The normal card in a tarot deck, the symbol on the chariot is usually one for war, or for the god of war, not the two moons I have.’ He smiled, a knowing thing. ‘Dreamer.’

‘What about the Magician?’, Ronan asked, ignoring the way he felt too warm. ‘What does that card mean?’

Of course, the smile fell off Adam’s lips, and his eyes grew wide. ‘Is that what-’

‘Answer the question.’, Ronan glared a little.

Adam glared right back, a habit, but he sighed and nodded. ‘It’s a card with energy and potential, showing that there’s a decision need to be made. The Magician is a guide, pointing out directions, offering ideas, but-’

‘He’s not responsible’, Ronan cut him off, ‘for the decision you make.’

The other man was evidently surprised.

‘I told you, I do sometimes listen to what you say.’

‘So listen up now.’, Adam’s said in a mildly authoritative manner. ‘Show me.’

He could have just rolled up his sleeve. But Adam had wordlessly taken off his pants, when he could have just said, so in retaliation, Ronan took off his shirt entirely.

Adam just blinked at the tattoo for a few seconds, expressionless. Then there was a flash of love in his eyes, clear as day and strong as a dream, it made Ronan’s knees feel a little weak, even after so many months of being together.

‘It’s like mine.’, he breathed out. ‘Same design.’

‘Yeah, but it’s not like mine.’, Ronan pointed out. ‘It clashes with my back.’

‘It’s not that bad.’, Adam said gently, reaching out a hand, trailing his fingers over Ronan’s tattoo.

‘Yeah it is.’, he snorted. ‘I’ll work around it, though.’

Adam’s eyes finally moved up to meet his. ‘More tattoos?’

‘I’d like a sleeve.’

‘Of course you would.’

Ronan grinned at him, made no move to put his shirt back on, not when Adam’s fingers were still on his arm.

‘Are you not freaking out about this?’

‘No.’, Ronan didn’t hesitate. ‘Are you?’

Adam took a deep breath and he let it out slowly. ‘Not so much anymore, no. I did when I woke up, and it got worse when I thought you were dead, but... ‘

He didn’t finish the sentence, kissed Ronan instead. Gently and in a very sweet way, which made Ronan blush more than being naked with Adam would have made him.

‘I’m not freaking out.’, Adam whispered against his lips. ‘Not anymore.’

Ronan wrapped his arms around the other man’s waist, pulled and pushed until Adam got the right idea and sat himself in Ronan’s lap.

Stopping the kiss, he settled for a hug. He held Adam tightly, pushing his cheek against his chest. Adam hummed, an amused sound, and wrapped his arms around Ronan’s shoulders.

‘If this really is forever’, Adam whispered, ‘doesn’t it scare you?’

‘Not more than it did yesterday.’

‘You’re being uncharastically chill about this.’

Ronan shrugged, awkwardly against the other man. ‘I like my Magician. The thought that we’re meant to be together, it’s fucking cheezy but it feels true.’

‘Yeah, it does.’, Adam said without hesitation. ‘But aren’t you curious? Where do they come from? Why us? Why now?’

‘We’ve seen weirder things.’

‘Yes, but-’

‘Your soulmate’s a Dreamer.’, Ronan cut him off, moving his head back until he could look Adam in the eyes. ‘You’ve seen demons, and ghosts and magic, you’ve done magic. Is this really hard to believe?’

‘So the tattoos are just another form of magic.’

‘That we don’t know yet.’

Adam smiled, slowly but surely. ‘Okay. I can accept that.’

Ronan nodded, pressed his lips to Adam’s throat. Breathed in deeply.

‘You don’t have to come running every time I don’t answer my phone.’

‘Well what was I supposed to do?’, Adam was still aggravated.

‘Call the witches?’, Ronan said, reasonably.

‘I did, I needed a ride from the airport.’

‘Yeah, but you could have called before you boarded the plane and had one of them drive here and check.’

Adam blinked twice, then he started blushing and looking thoroughly embarrassed. Ronan grinned, pleased with himself.

‘Don’t be an asshole.’, Adam flicked him on the nose. ‘I was worried.’

‘So worried you got stupid?

‘It’s contagious, when I’m dealing with you.’

Ronan huffed. ‘Will you get in a lot of trouble at school?’

Adam shrugged. ‘No, but I can’t stay more than two days.’

‘That’s two more than I thought I was gonna get.’, he paired this with moving his hands to Adam’s ass.

As Ronan grinned, as predatory as he was capable of, Adam rolled his eyes, but he also rolled his hips.

‘Who did I piss off to get stuck with you for the rest of my life?’

The words didn’t hurt Ronan, he knew perfectly well that Adam was joking and that what he felt was the complete opposite of it. As far as love went, neither of them needed spoken words, not really. They didn’t even need the tattoos, although they were a good bonus.

Adam kissed his forehead, letting his lips pressed there. ‘In the rush to get to the airport, I forgot your Christmas present.’

‘Then I’m just gonna have to unwrap you.’

Ronan knew Adam well, too. So he knew that in that moment, Adam hated him as much as he loved him, and he knew that in ten minutes, they will be up in Ronan’s bedroom, showing exactly how much they’ve missed each other. And an hour later, they’d be in the empty bedroom, Ronan talking fast about all the things he wanted to change and Adam brainstorming with him. After that they’d head to the kitchen, where Adam will only eat fresh vegetables from the garden Ronan kept. They’d fall asleep in each other’s arms, both of them more tired that they’d want to be.

It hurt a little, knowing that he couldn’t have Adam in his bed every night starting now, but it was enough to know that it will happen, somehow, someday. Ronan could wait for his soulmate, especially if every now and then, he’d get a Christmas present wrapped as beautifully as this.

Chapter Text

Christmas as usual, in the Jones family.

Dinner with everyone, enough food to feed a small army, Christmas tree messily decorated in a corner of the living room, the tv set on the news, aliens attacking Manhattan. The usual.

Really, her dad actually said ‘No aliens ever attack Queens, thank god for that. Pass the mashed potatoes.’

A few months ago, MJ would have been right along with her dad in that sentiment of indifference. A few months ago, she couldn’t have cared less about who or what the Avengers were fighting. But a few months ago she didn’t know Peter Parker was Spider-Man. Now, she knew. Not because Peter told her, but because she was observant and not an idiot. But that was a discussion for another time.

The issue, on that Christmas Eve, was that Spider-Man was fighting alongside the Avengers in Manhattan. MJ didn’t hold her breath, but it was a close thing. Very, very close. But she was breathing, so when Spider-Man fell from the side of a skyscraper, MJ had enough air in her lungs to scream.

*.*.*

She didn’t go to her room, that night. Instead, she made camp in the living room, kept watching the news on tv and searched for any mention of Spider-Man online. There was nothing, nothing after the moment when he fell and didn’t wake up, not even after Hulk roared in his ear.

God damn Peter Parker.

If she wouldn’t care so much for him, and if she didn’t know the truth, she wouldn’t have been so worried. But she did care, damn it, and she did know, so she spent Christmas night awake, worried to death for a boy who only thought of her as a friend.

When the sun rose, there still wasn’t any information, and nobody was answering their phone, not Peter, not Ned, not May. MJ didn’t want to fall asleep, stubbornly waiting for Stark to do a press conference, but she must have passed out at some point.

Her mother woke her up a few hours later, by turning up the volume to the tv. There was no more talk of the Avengers or the aliens, but of soulmates and tattoos.

MJ didn’t need to hear the news, she knew all of it. With a deep breath, she lowered her right sock, in order to see the place where her skin burned. When she saw, her mother gasped, all but collapsing next to MJ.

There was a spider web tattoo on the outside of her ankle, and it felt like it was supposed to be there.

MJ started crying.

*.*.*

Ned finally picked up his phone, late the next day. He didn’t say much, just that he had spoken to May. Apparently, Peter had food poisoning and he was in the hospital, but he’ll be okay in a couple of days. When MJ pressed, he said he didn’t know which hospital he was in, he didn’t think to ask.

It didn’t take long for her to figure out that meant he was at some secret Avengers location, and it took even less to break into Peter’s Find my phone account. He was in the middle of the woods, apparently, in upstate New York.

*.*.*

She left early in the morning, the drive taking a couple of hours, because she was still a very slow driver. But, thankfully, her mom let her have the car. MJ didn’t tell her who Spider-Man was, just that she knew him and that he was hurt. The older woman knew better than to try to forbid MJ from going.

Honestly, the lack of hesitation surprised MJ. She was, usually, a very straightforward person, who did what she wanted and said what she wanted, but when it came to Peter, it was difficult for her. She’s been crushing on him for so long, it took conscious effort to not just scream it out, especially in the past months. They’ve gotten closer ever since the world came back after Thanos, but she still hesitated when Peter paid attention to her.

So yes, it was very surprising, the way she confidently told the guard at the gates that she was there to see Spider-Man. It was even more surprising when, after clearly listening to something in his ear piece, the guard let her through.

Tony Stark was waiting in the foyer of the facility, angry as hell. He started yelling as soon as he saw her, about how she shouldn’t be there, the facility is a secret, blabla. MJ didn’t really listen, not after she caught sight of Clint getting out of an elevator.

She had met Clint just a few days ago. Ned and Peter took her to a cupcake place in Hell’s Kitchen, where they exchanged Christmas gifts. They ran into Clint, there, who was very friendly with Peter. Nobody told MJ that he was Hawkeye, but she figured it out anyway, even as Peter was saying that Clint worked for Stark and they’ve met through the internship.

So now, as Stark kept on yelling and Clint’s eyes fell on her, Hawkeye grinned and made his way towards them, Bucky Barnes following with a frown.

‘MJ!’, Clint said in an excited voice. ‘I’m so glad the kid finally told you! He’s been stressing for months, it was getting kinda annoying.’

She tilted her head, not saying anything for a few seconds.

‘He didn’t tell you, did he?’, it was Barnes that asked.

She shook her head.

‘How did you get here, then?’, Stark asked pointedly.

‘Hacked his Find my phone account.’

Stark wasn’t impressed by that. ‘And why are you here?’

MJ glared at him. ‘He fell off a skyscraper on national television. I just wanna make sure he’s not dead.’ Her voice cracked on the last word.

It didn’t deter Stark, who was still glaring at her. Clint whispered a mildly affected ‘Oh-oh’.

‘I’ll take you to his room.’, Barnes said, daring Stark to argue against it. He didn’t, Stark just sighed deeply.

MJ silently followed him to the elevator, but once they were inside, she got her wits back.

‘Thank you, Sergeant Barnes.’

‘Call me Bucky, please.’, he smiled at her. ‘Peter’s gonna be just fine, he’s a tough lil guy.’

MJ’s right eye twitched, but she guessed the Winter Soldier was allowed to call Peter little.

‘His aunt’s here.’, he went on. ‘If you could convince her to take a fucking nap, we’d all be very grateful.’

‘No promises.’, MJ snorted.

Nothing else was said as he took her to a room. He didn’t go in, but knocked and winked at her before taking his leave.

May was surprised to see her, for a few seconds. She didn’t let MJ in the room, instead stepping out into the hallway.

‘So you figured it out, huh?’, she leveled MJ with a look.

‘A few months ago.’, she admitted.

‘I knew it.’, May smirked. ‘Look, he’s going to be fine. He heals fast, unnaturally so, but they’re keeping him asleep to bypass the pain.’

MJ swallowed. ‘Can I see him?’

‘He doesn’t look so good, sweetheart.’, May said gently. ‘I don’t know if it’s a good idea.’

‘I can take it.’, she said strongly.

It took a beat, but May did let her in. Peter did look bad, covered in bruises and cuts, various IVs in his arms, oxygen tube in his nose. But he was breathing steadily, MJ saw his chest rising and falling.

On shaky legs, she made her way to the bed and sat on the edge of it. At least she didn’t start crying again. She took his hand, glad to find it warm. The little skin visible showed no tattoos.

‘May?’, MJ whispered. ‘I woke up with a spider web tattoo on my ankle.’

When the older woman didn’t answer, MJ took her eyes away from Peter’s face. May was smiling.

‘I figured as much when his tattoo turned up.’

‘You don’t mind?’, MJ couldn’t help but ask.

May shook her head, her smile widening. She came to MJ’s side, kissed her forehead before she wrapped her arms around MJ’s shoulders.

It was a nice hug, a very nice hug, but MJ didn’t let it last too long.

‘I’ll sit with him for a few hours. You should go sleep.’

May rolled her eyes. ‘You sound just like Steve and Bucky.’

‘Well we’re right. Peter’s gonna need you awake and kicking when he wakes up, you need to get some rest. I promise I won’t leave until you come back.’

She kept grumbling about it, but May did leave.

MJ made herself comfortable on an armchair that was in the corner of the room. She put on some music from her phone, pulled out a book and started reading.

Clint brought her a cup of coffee and a sandwich an undisclosed time later.

*.*.*

Peter texted her two days later, saying that he was out of the hospital, feeling better, but he wanted to stay home and spend time with May for the rest of the holidays.

Nice, but probably bullshit.

Still, MJ needed time to sort herself out. Not her feelings, no, those were evident enough, but she needed a plan of attack. All day, she went through different scenarios in her head. They varied a lot, from not saying anything to Peter, to tracking him down during his patrol and kissing him, mask still on.

Both of those were very bad ideas, but MJ figured out a solution, somewhere in the middle. It will still be very hard to do, she wasn’t the type of person who was comfortable talking about her feelings. It needed to happen, though, so MJ steeled her nerves, made an effort with her clothes, for once, and headed to the Parker’s apartment.

May opened the door, smiling gently. ‘I was waiting for you to show up.’

‘Is he home?’

‘No, he’s out on patrol.’, the older woman rolled her eyes. ‘I tried getting him to stay home for a few more days, but you know how he is.’

May let her in the apartment, making her way to the kitchen and started making coffee.

‘I have a few errands to run’, she told MJ, ‘but you can wait for Peter. He shouldn’t be much longer.’

MJ nodded, but didn’t say anything.

After the coffee was done brewing, May grabbed her hand.

‘Are you sure you want to do this?’

‘Yeah.’, MJ didn’t hesitate at that. ‘But it’s not… easy, for me.’

‘And he won’t be making it easier for you.’, May snorted. ‘The boy’s an idiot, sometimes, but you already know that, don’t you?’

MJ smiled, a little. ‘I do know. And I’m still here.’

‘I’m glad you are.’, May smiled back.

Then she left, and MJ was left all alone in the Parker’s apartment. It was still decorated for Christmas, abundantly so. Knowing Spider-Man will be coming through the window of his room, that’s where MJ went.

There weren’t as many decorations there, but there was a small Christmas tree on the desk. It had a set of fairy lights wrapped around it, and it was covered in spider web. MJ had to admit the diffused light effect looked awesome.

The only other piece of Christmas decoration was the blanket piled messily on the bottom bunk, bright red and covered in candy canes. It was very soft, so MJ made herself comfortable on the bed and set up for the wait.

*.*.*

She must have fallen asleep, because she woke up to the sound of something thudding. Opening her eyes, she saw Spider-Man crouching on the floor, clearly having just come in, possibly by using the ceiling.

Peter hadn’t noticed her yet. He was singing Taylor Swift under his breath, as he closed the window. Then he took off his mask, and MJ saw that he had headphones in. Next, he pushed the spider emblem on his chest, and the suit collapsed to the floor, leaving him standing in a pair of boxers.

MJ couldn’t close her eyes, because Peter had a set of books tattooed on his hip. It made her smile, even as her anxiety kept rising and rising.

He took out his headphones in order to pull on a shirt, and didn’t put them back on afterwards. Peter kind of froze, and he slowly turned around. When he saw her, Peter gasped like he was a virgin heroine in a Victorian setting, a hand on his chest and blush high on his cheeks.

Slowly, MJ got up. She pushed the Christmas blanket aside and as she rose, made sure to pull her skirt down.

‘You look nice.’, Peter frowned. ‘Why do you look nice?’

MJ couldn’t help but snort. Trust Peter to focus on the non important things, like the black skirt she was wearing and the almost fitting red sweater.

‘Weren’t you cold outside?’, he was frowning down at her legs.

She had been, because she had on a pair of mostly transparent pantyhoses and a pair of socks that stopped under her knees. But the outfit was needed, maybe not for that exact moment, but soon.

‘I just saw you dressed as Spider-Man, then almost naked’, MJ said slowly, ‘and you’re focusing on my legs?’

His eyes snapped up to hers, fear clear.

‘I’ve known you were Spider-Man for months, now.’, MJ rolled her eyes, a little. ‘You really don’t need to… stress about that anymore.’

‘Don’t I?’, Peter’s eyes were wide and his voice was too high.

MJ shook her head. ‘I came to see you when you were in the med wing. Didn’t anybody tell you?’

Judging by the shock on his face, clearly they didn’t.

‘Put some clothes on.’, MJ ordered, and he was quick to do so.

‘I’m sorry.’, he said in a rush, taking a step towards her and two back. ‘I was going to tell you, I promise I was.’

She knew that from Clint, so she nodded, easily. But then she leveled him with a serious look, crossing her arms over her chest.

‘Were you going to tell me about the other thing, too?’

‘What other thing?’, again, his voice was way too high.

MJ just glared at him. Was he really going to try to ignore it?

‘What?’, Peter said again.

She sighed. Mumbled ‘Do I really have to do everything myself?’. Rolled her eyes as she sat back down on the bed. Wordlessly, she told him to sit down next to her. He did, but it took a while.

Her hands were shaking by then, but she managed to roll down her right sock. Shamelessly, she stared at Peter’s face, as her spider web was revealed.

At first, only Peter’s eyes grew wide. But then his chin started quivering and he bit on his lower lip, hard, as his breathing became uneven. That, she expected all that. She knew Peter really well, by this point, it was not hard for her to predict the way he’d react to things.

But what surprised MJ to no end was the look in his eyes once the shock wore off. She would have expected Peter to show fear and hesitance. It was a huge deal, having a soulmate, and the fact that his was MJ, it should have made Peter show some sort of negative emotion.

That’s what she had done, anyway. She freaked out, cried her eyes out for hours, and even now, days later, after she had time to think about it and analyze everything, MJ still felt a lot of negative things. She was filled with anxiousness and dread and really, she wanted to throw up as soon as her eyes fell on the books on Peter’s ribs.

There was none of that in Peter’s eyes or on his face. He was looking with awe at MJ’s tattoo, and with barely concealed excitement. His lips, now very red from where he bit on them, they were turned upwards in a small smile, like he decided half way through it wouldn’t be decent for him to smile.

‘Oh.’, MJ breathed out.

It made Peter look away from her ankle, and look up at her face. His smile widened.

‘I didn’t think you’d actually have one, too.’, Peter whispered, still evidently excited.

MJ frowned, deeply. ‘Why not?’

Peter looked away, back at her ankle, blushing hard. ‘I didn’t think you’d ever like me back.’

She took a few moments to process that sentence, because Peter revealed a lot with it. Not only did he like her now, but the way he said it, it let MJ know that he had liked her before the tattoo. Also, Peter reminded MJ that he was an oblivious idiot.

She couldn’t keep her tone from getting a little harsh, her defenses rising up. She was scared of heartbreak, yes, but she was even more scared of getting ridiculed.

‘You know I’ve liked you since before you even became Spider-Man, right?’

Peter’s eyes snapped up to her, incredulity clear. ‘B-but why?’, he managed to stammer.

‘A lot of reasons.’, MJ snapped, getting up and walking away from him. Awkwardly, she pulled her sock back up as she spoke. ‘If you really can’t see why someone would actually like you, Parker, you’ve got a lot of issues to get through.’

‘Hey, MJ, I-’, he got up too, coming to her side again, looking into her eyes. But he didn’t go on, seemingly at a loss for words.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘I know this is a lot. We’re too young for this and you have too much other shit going on. But it’s a lot for me, too, okay? And I can’t…’, her voice shook, and she had to do some serious fighting against the tears in her eyes.

But MJ managed to meet his eyes, who were wide and unblinking.

‘Figure yourself out, Parker.’, she said in a whisper. ‘Figure out what you want and how much you can give. And get back to me when you’ve reached a decision.’

‘MJ-’

‘You need to actually think about it!’, she all but yelled. ‘This is not something you can be impulsive about, I deserve better than that. And so do you.’

It took a few moments, but Peter did nod. It was the best MJ was going to get at the moment, and it was enough. So she made her way out of his room, heading for the door.

May was in the kitchen, happily asking MJ to stay for dinner, but she politely declined.

As she left the apartment, MJ didn’t feel bad. She wasn’t angry, disappointed or sad. Surprisingly enough, she felt proud of herself. This was something that they needed, if there ever was to be a future for MJ and Peter, they needed to be on the same page.

He was an idiot, but Peter wasn’t stupid, so MJ knew he will take her words at heart. He will think about it, really think about it, and when he’ll be ready, he will talk to her.

Until then... Peter texted her a dumb Spider-Man meme ten minutes after she left. Right. Until then, things were back to normal.

*.*.*

The New Year’s party that Flash threw was insane. The whole house was still decked to the nines for Christmas, so everything was bathed in a soft yellow glow. Sure, the drum and bass music hurt MJ’s ears and she was pretty sure she saw seniors doing coke lines in a corner, but everything looked very pretty.

Including her, apparently, according to Ned.

She raised an eyebrow at him. It wasn’t anything too special, but she was wearing a dress. It was yellow plaid and she had black tights under it, making sure her tattoo wasn’t visible.

‘What are you talking about?’, Peter frowned at Ned. ‘MJ always looks pretty.’

His statement was met with both of his friends staring at him like he was insane. Peter just laughed at them and left to get drinks.

‘That was weird.’, Ned said slowly. ‘Wasn’t it?’

She didn’t know if Peter had told him anything, so MJ shrugged.

But really, he spent the rest of the night acting weird, just a little bit off. Agreeing with MJ, making sure she always had soda in her cup, making sure Flash didn’t get in her vicinity, barely leaving her side.

‘If you plan on kissing me at midnight’, she hissed in his ear, ‘I’m gonna cut off your balls.’

Peter just grinned at her and laughed.

*.*.*

He didn’t kiss her at midnight, but he did hug her. MJ was okay with that.

As the party started dying down, and Ned was snoring on a couch in Flash’s game room, she found herself alone with Peter, sitting side by side on the other couch. He spoke in a whisper, to not wake Ned up.

‘Bucky saw my tattoo yesterday. He was very upset I got myself a nerd.’

MJ snorted. ‘How you convinced the Winter Soldier that you’re not a nerd is beyond me.’

Peter grinned, faking innocence. ‘I’m kinda mad at you, you know.’

She frowned, because she had actually been pretty nice with him in the past days.

‘You told May before you told me!’

‘Oh, that.’, MJ shrugged. ‘You were in a coma, I wasn’t thinking straight.’

‘Good excuse.’, Peter mumbled under his breath. He was very playful, making MJ think that he was planning something.

She narrowed her eyes at him. ‘What are you up to?’

‘Who? Me?’, he blinked innocently, making her look turn into a full on glare.

‘I don’t know how to do this.’, he chuckled. ‘I… honestly, I have absolutely no idea.’

‘Happens a lot to you.’, MJ said mildly.

Peter glared at her. ‘You’re not gonna make this easy for me, are you?’

‘I would, if I’d have any idea what you were talking about.’

‘Who’s the oblivious idiot now?’, he mumbled under his breath, prompting MJ to punch his shoulder.

He grabbed her hand, lowering it to his knee, and started playing with her fingers. Peter wasn’t looking at her, but MJ couldn’t look away from him. Her heart started beating faster in her chest and she felt very warm.

‘I don’t know how to do this.’, Peter said slowly. ‘I’ve never had a girlfriend before, there is no how-to manual for soulmates and don’t even get me started on how I have no clue about how having someone would work with me being a superhero.’

He looked up to her, blushing badly but smiling, a little.

‘I know you have at least two of those problems, too.’

‘All three.’, MJ admitted.

It relaxed Peter, a little. ‘So there’s gonna have to be a learning curve. A steep one, and… I’m gonna screw up, obviously, and you might… not. So, you know, if you… I mean, it doesn’t have to happen now, if you don’t think you’d be up for that. I can wait, as long as it takes.’

‘That almost made sense.’, she said after a beat.

‘Almost?’, he pouted.

‘You haven’t said, you can wait for what ?’

Peter looked at her, smiled shily. ‘I’ll wait until you’re gonna let me take you out to dinner. Maybe a movie?’

God, MJ really did like Peter a ridiculously amount. Tattoo or not, she wouldn’t have wanted anyone else but awkward, loveable, after-school superhero, Peter Parker.

‘You’re going to have to wait for a while.’, she tried her best not to smile. ‘I don’t think there’s gonna be anything open tomorrow.’

Peter looked at her just as he did in his room, a few days ago. With a spark of excitement in his eyes and a very soft smile on his lips. He was still holding onto her hand, so she did the bold thing and wrapped her fingers properly around his.

It made his blush reach alarming levels, but his smile evolved into a proper grin.

‘Can I stop pretending I’m asleep now?’, Ned whispered, completely ruining the moment.

MJ cursed at him, and threw a few pillows his way, but she didn’t let go of Peter’s hand in the process.

*.*.*

May drove them home, and Peter walked MJ to her building’s entrance.

Once again, she leveled him with a harsh look. ‘You don’t plan on kissing me when May and Ned are watching, are you?’

‘Of course not.’, he rolled his eyes. ‘I am, however, going to hug you.’

He was daring her to argue, but MJ didn’t.

*.*.*

She felt warm all over, simple happiness flowing through her veins, giddiness and excitement, her heart still beating rapidly in her chest. MJ was smiling as she turned on the lights in her room, and she only just barely managed not to scream.

Peter was waiting in the middle of the room, the window open wide behind him. He said nothing as he marched up to her, somewhat gently grabbed her cheeks and pressed his lips to hers. It was a short kiss, MJ didn’t manage to get over her shock and kiss him back. She would have liked to kiss him back.

He was grinning when he pulled away, clearly amused by MJ’s reaction. She had yet to move, blink or breathe.

‘I’m going to get in a lot of trouble for doing that.’, Peter said as he walked backwards towards the window.

MJ nodded.

‘From you and May, too.’

Again, she nodded.

Peter stopped moving towards the exit, and he lowered his voice. ‘Can I do it again?’

MJ nodded faster than before. This time, she kissed him back, managing to wrap her arms around his neck and close her eyes, so it was a longer kiss than their first, and it was more daring. However, it wasn’t less lovely.

He stepped back from the kiss with a gasp.

‘I really need to go, but I’ll text you when I wake up. And I’ll think of a place for our date.’

Peter waited until MJ nodded, and then he jumped out the window, a string of web appearing on her windowsill a few seconds later.

Right. Spider-Man was her soulmate. That will take some getting used to. MJ was very excited for it.

Chapter Text

When Christmas time came around, Magnus knew he didn’t want to stay at Hotel Valhalla. They had traditions which sounded interesting, but they were nowhere near Christmas, and he didn’t find himself getting excited about them. Plus, the Chase Space was filled to the brim this time of the year, Blitzen and Hearthstone needed all the help they could get.

Magnus will have time for Christmas in Valhalla some other years. He’ll have an eternity for it, but he didn’t have an eternity with Blitz and Hearth. So with only a little apprehension, he asked Helgi if he could leave. He grumbled about it, but considering Magnus stopped Ragnarok and everyone was still very grateful for it, Helgi allowed him to leave, a few days before Christmas until after New Years.

He packed a bag, said goodbye to his friends only coming out of it with a few bruises. Just as he was about to knock on Alex’s door to, undoubtedly, say something stupid like ‘I’ll miss you, please miss me too’, he opened it and handed Magnus a bag.

‘What?’, he asked, stupidly.

‘I’m coming too, d’uh.’, he rolled his eyes. ‘You can’t be trusted to be left on your own.’

Magnus opened his mouth to argue against it, that it wasn’t true and that he wouldn’t be on his own, but he didn’t. Alex was willing to come with him, for more than a week!, to Boston. Magnus wasn’t going to do anything to stop him from coming along.

So Magnus just nodded, trying his best to hide the excitement he felt.

He and Alex were doing very well, lately. After the mindblowing chocolate kiss, not much has changed in their relationship. There wasn’t a repeat of the kiss, there weren’t any dates or anything like that. Magnus and Alex just hung out as they usually did, fought side by side, bantered and teased each other. But there were small things, here and there, that made everything feel different.

Magnus didn’t push, he never did, no matter how much he wanted to. He knew that Alex cared for him and that he was working through his issues, and that was enough for Magnus. He waited patiently (mostly), let Alex set the pace. It was a very slow pace, but every now and then, he did something that made the wait be worth it.

He’d grab Magnus’ hand when they were walking down the street, he’d snuggle up to his side if it was cold. Alex defended Magnus when some other einherjar would try to bully him. Sometimes, if he went out and Magnus stayed at the hotel, Alex would bring him hot chocolate. A handful of times, after particularly harsh battles, Magnus got a kiss on the cheek instead of a good night.

The thought of spending so many days with Alex in Boston, away from Valhalla and all the noisy einherjars, it made Magnus’ heart beat very fast in his chest. Blitz and Hearth will smother them with hugs, warmth and loads of food. The new kids staying at the space will be apprehensive of them, at first, but with the help of the ones who already knew them, everyone will eventually get comfortable with Alex and Magnus.

He will hang out, all day, with Alex.

‘Wipe that idiot smile off your face.’, Alex said gruffly.

Magnus did, blushing furiously. But it made Alex smirk, so it was okay.

*.*.*

Waking up on Christmas morning was the weirdest experience Magnus had ever went through, which was saying something.

He was surprisingly calm. He knew, logically, that he should have freaked out about having a soulmate, about the gods meddling in his life once again, about the burn he felt on his chest, about what the tattoo was going to be, about who his soulmate was.

Magnus did not freak out. He got out of bed, made his way to the bathroom, took off his sleeping shirt. Yelped when he saw the snakes tattooed right under his collarbone.

Then he freaked out.

*.*.*

Magnus was happy that Alex was his soulmate, that wasn’t the issue. The problem was that he knew Alex wouldn’t be happy about it.

Whatever she felt for Magnus was already problematic, she had been fighting it from the start. Sure, Alex didn’t fight it as much anymore, she was trying to embrace it, Magnus had no doubt about it, but the tattoos were… forcing. And Alex was not going to feel good about it.

It was going to be a set back, Magnus was sure of it. Alex was going to be angry, and frustrated, and she was going to pull back, distance herself from Magnus. Everything they have build till then, it will all be undone.

Magnus felt desperation inside his chest, more than anything else. He was willing to do anything and everything to not have that happen, but he also knew that there was nothing he could do. He didn’t have power over Alex’s decisions.

That hurt a terrible amount.

*.*.*

Hearth found him two hours later, still shirtless, laying down on the bathroom floor. He stared at the tattoo.

Honestly, Magnus kind of loved it. It was very different from the tattoo Alex had on her neck. Magnus’ snakes were tiny and short, some of their scales filled in, some not. Their tongues were poking out and they somehow looked playful. The two animals weren’t intertwined together, like on Alex’s tattoo, but they were close, almost touching. The snakes looked identical, but they were facing different ways.

It was terribly cute and beyond loving how it looked like, Magnus loved what it stood for: not for Loki, but for Alex. Even changed, she was still Alex.  

That’s why she left early this morning , Hearth signed.

Magnus sighed, nodding. He figured she would run. He would have wanted to run after her, but that was not what she needed.

She’ll come back , Hearth said next. I’m sure she will.

He shrugged, hoping but not fully believing it.

The kids are waiting for you to have breakfast.

With a deep breath, Magnus pretended everything was normal.

*.*.*

It was a nice Christmas day, it would have been the best Christmas Magnus had since his mom died, if Alex would have been by his side. But she wasn’t, and by the time everyone went to sleep, she still hadn’t returned.

Magnus was terribly worried. Obviously, he didn’t go to sleep.

*.*.*

Alex found him in the living room, sitting on the floor in front of a fire that died down ages ago. She sighed, deeply, as she stepped out of her boots and coat. She didn’t take off her bright pink scarf, which was weird, and she sat down on the floor very close to Magnus, which was even weirder.

But she didn’t say anything.

‘Where did you go?’, Magnus asked gently.

‘Valhalla. I locked myself in my room and made 20 mugs.’

Magnus’ eyebrows shot up at that.

Alex shrugged. ‘I’ll bring them over next time. Show me?’

The sudden change in topic startled Magnus, but he was expecting it, so he pulled the collar of his sweater down, revealing his tattoo.

Alex showed no reaction on her face, but after a moment, her lips turned upward, slightly. ‘Cute.’

‘I think so, too.’, Magnus said with a lot of hesitation. He let go of the sweater, tattoo hidden once more.

Wordlessly, Alex took off the scarf, startling Magnus once again.

The tattoo was placed on Alex’s throat, right in the middle, she had to bend her head backwards so that Magnus could see it. It was a Fehu rune, which made sense, because it was the rune of Frey, his dad. Ridiculously enough, Magnus was pleased that Alex now matched him, because when Jack was asleep, the sword was a runestone pendant with Fehu on it.

Where Magnus’ tattoo was hard, stark, made out of thick lines, Alex’s was a lot more … gentle. It was made out of scribbles, it looked like someone took a pen and drew it on her skin.

‘It’s different.’, Magnus said out loud.

Alex nodded. ‘I don’t like blocky tattoos, not on me anyway. This suits my aesthetic a lot more.’

‘It’s not as easy to hide, though, as mine is.’

‘Why would I want to hide it?’

Alex met his eyes, and Magnus faltered, badly. He looked away and wasn’t able to say anything.

‘I didn’t run away today because I didn’t want it to be true.’, there was no hesitation in Alex’s tone. ‘I ran away because I knew I needed to accept it, but I had to do it on my terms.’

Magnus flinched, badly. ‘You don’t have to accept it. I know that’s what we’re supposed to do, but…’

‘But what?’, Alex said coldly.

‘I don’t want you to be forced into this.’, Magnus said in a whisper.

‘I know you don’t.’, she said gently after a beat. ‘You’ve always been very... accommodating towards me.’

Magnus’ cheeks were on fire and he didn’t dare look up at her.

‘That doesn’t mean I don’t want it.’, she said in a very low whisper.

His eyes snapped up at that. Alex looked uncomfortable, cheeks red too, but she did meet his eyes.

‘I’ve always wanted it, I just wasn’t ready for it. The tattoos haven’t changed that.’

‘They haven’t?’, Magnus whispered.

Alex shook her head. ‘I know I haven’t said it, or showed it, but I’ve been thinking of us for a while now. Us, together, I mean.’

That single sentence calmed Magnus instantly. All the tension left his body, all the darkness squeezing his heart disappeared, and all the excitement he was feeling the day before rushed into him tenfold.

‘Don’t call me your girlfriend.’, Alex glared, even as she was still blushing. ‘Or boyfriend, or… significant other. None of that.’

‘None of that.’, Magnus nodded, unable to keep himself from smiling. ‘Promise.’

She looked away. ‘I gotta be honest with you, the tattoos did change some things.’

‘What did they change?’, he asked as softly as he could.

‘I’m not afraid of you leaving anymore.’

The words rendered Magnus completely speechless, something cold settling back in his chest. He stared at Alex, but she didn’t meet his eyes, speaking almost in a whisper, clearly forcing herself to say the words out loud.

‘Before I came to Valhalla, people have always left me. They chose to do it, always after I ended up caring for them, trusting them. It’s one of the reasons I was keeping you at arm’s length, I was postponing the moment when you realize that one of the things that are wrong with me is something you can’t handle, and you’ll leave. Leave me.’

‘There is nothing wrong with you!’, Magnus said strongly.

She still didn’t look at him. ‘There is, a lot of things, actually, but these tattoos prove that… you’re okay with it. With me, as I am.’

‘Did I not make that clear before?’, he asked desperately. ‘Because I-’

‘I knew you believed it.’, Alex cut him off. ‘But that didn’t mean it would always be true.’

‘Alex.’, Magnus sighed. ‘I-’

‘I know.’, she looked up at him, smiling a little. ‘I’m sorry for before, but this, this is good.’, she ran her fingers over her neck, over the tattoo. ‘This is proof that what’, she looked away, ‘we’ve been feeling is real, and long term, and… It’s good.’

Magnus desperation was replaced with the desperate need to kiss her. He didn’t, somehow, but he did take her hand. She let him, blushing as hard as he was.

‘So what now?’, he had to ask.

‘How about you make us some hot chocolate?’, Alex grinned. ‘And we have it in my room, where it’s not colder than Niflheim?’

Magnus was quick to agree with that.

*.*.*

Unlike the rest of the house, Alex’s room didn’t look like Father Christmas barfed all over it. The only decoration visible was a tiny tree on her nightstand, with two garlands of tinsel, one pink and one bright green.

They drank their hot chocolate sitting side by side on the bed, Magnus telling Alex about everything that she missed that day. By the time he was done with the story, she was half asleep.

But Alex didn’t let him leave. She ordered him to shut the lights and take off his shoes, but she also ordered him to get under the covers and sleep. Magnus did as asked, even if he was pretty much freaking out, even more than he did that morning.

Once they were both laying down, Alex didn’t cuddle him, not really, but she did turn on her side to face Magnus and placed a hand on his chest, right over his tattoo.

‘Did you get me a Christmas present?’, she whispered.

‘Yeah, it’s not much.’

‘What is it?’

‘A pink sweater. But it’s like… super soft. The softest thing ever.’

Alex hummed, pleased. ‘I made you one of those blue Tardis things.’

‘I’m gonna love it.’, Magnus said quickly, clearly excited.

She chuckled at that, as she rolled over him, until she was laying fully on top of him. Magnus was frozen in place, as Alex placed her head on his chest and got comfortable.

‘Warm.’, she whispered.

‘Are you cold?’, Magnus moved, wrapping his arms around her waist and back.

She didn’t hit him for it. Instead, she lifted her head and grinned at him.

‘Not anymore.’

Their faces were very close. Not as close as their bodies were, but still, very close. Magnus wasn’t breathing, and Alex was still grinning.

When she kissed him, Magnus didn’t move. Like the other two kisses they shared before, he was too stunned to do anything. It was worse now, because they were touching from chest to toes, laying on a bed, cocooned under a blanket, soulmate tattoos on their skin.

Alex pulled back, just barely, licking her lips before whispering.

‘You can kiss me back. You can kiss me anytime you want, from now on.’

‘Fuck.’, Magnus whispered, completely in awe.

Of course, it made Alex snicker. But it was a fond sound, not a mocking one. That gave Magnus courage to move his hands from her waist to her face, grabbing her cheeks gently. He kissed her, for the first time, and it was even better than before. He couldn’t help but run his fingers over her neck. He couldn’t feel the Fehu under his fingertips, but he knew it was there, and considering she was doing the same thing with his snakes, Magnus did not feel bad for doing it.

Actually, in that moment, Magnus did not feel bad for anything. Absolutely nothing.

*.*.*

In the morning, the first thing Hearth did was check on Magnus. He didn’t find him in his room, so he went to Alex’s, wanting to check if she was back before alerting Blitz.

He found the kids fast asleep, huddled together with the blanket covering Alex, but not Magnus. He was the little spoon, and Alex was completely wrapped around him.

Hearth let them sleep in.

Chapter Text

Kara had been feeling off for the past few days. She couldn’t explain what exactly was wrong, she didn’t even know if something was actually wrong, but there was something off, and she couldn’t, for the life of her, pinpoint what.

Alex chalked it up to Christmas. For the first time in years, they weren’t spending it in National City, but Midvale. It was this whole thing, Alex and Kara will be staying in the house they grew up in, bringing J’onn and Brainy with them. James and Lena will be visiting his family for Christmas, but Lois and Clark were going to be there.

Kara didn’t think that was it. She wasn’t at all anxious for their holiday, even if it could be a recipe for disaster. She was excited for it, so the impending sense of doom shouldn’t have come from that.

It shouldn’t have come from anywhere, and yet, it was there.

*.*.*

Midvale might have changed in the years since Kara had stayed there, but Elisa’s house really didn’t. It was a comforting thing, that helped with dealing with so many different parts of her life interacting.

Having gotten there a few days before Christmas, they all helped decorating the house and they only overdid it a little bit. As much as Alex and Kara tried, the old tree decorations they made throughout school came out, and it gave all the men a lot of teasing ammo.

Eliza was calmly answering all of Brainy’s questions regarding Christmas traditions, Brainy was calmly answering all of Clark’s questions about Calu, Clark and J’onn were managing to be civil with each other, Alex was doing her very best to tease all of the men and Lois was helping her out, Eliza was making enough food to feed an army. Kara was constantly texting with both Lena and James.

Everyone was having a great time. So why did Kara feel like the world was about to get ripped apart?

*.*.*

On Christmas Eve, they started eating around four and by ten, they still had some desserts left. It was a good time, and it only got better when they started opening up gifts. By the end of it, the clock struck midnight and nobody looked keen to go to bed.

Kara was on the couch, wrapped up in the super fluffy bunny hoodie Brainy had gifted her, a cup filled with hot cocoa in her hands, Clark snuggled up to her side.

‘So how’s Winn doing?’, he easily asked and a silence fell over the entire room.

Elisa was watching Kara curiously, but everyone else was not meeting her eyes.

‘He’s in the future, right?’, Clark went on, slowly. ‘With the… uh…’

‘Legion.’, Brainy supplied. ‘With my team.’

‘Right.’, Clark turned to him. ‘Have you had no contact with them, at all?’

Brainy looked to Kara, but she didn’t manage to answer. So he took over.

‘They send messages regularly. It’s not a lot of information, they just share the most incredible things they have accomplished since the last message, tell us they’re fine and wish us well.’

‘At least you know that.’, Clark said calmly, wrapping a strong arm around Kara’s shoulders.

‘Doesn’t make us miss them any less.’, Alex pointed out.

Kara acted like she didn’t catch the pointed look her sister threw her, but Clark definitely did.

‘I’m sure Winn will come back. Right?’, he asked Brainy.

He opened his mouth. Looked at Kara and promptly shut it, and then he smiled, clearly struggling to do so.

‘I’m sure he will, yes.’

‘It’s been three years.’, Kara rolled her eyes. ‘You don’t need to sugarcoat it on my account. Either he never wants to come back to the past because he’d get bored, or he’ll be killed while fighting with the Legion. Logically speaking, the chances of Winn coming back are minimal.’

‘Sweetheart.’, Elisa seemed distressed.

‘Kara.’, Alex seemed angry.

‘You’re right.’, Brainy said easily. ‘The probability of Winn dying with the Legion is at 84.33% now, and climbing with every day he spends with them. I don’t know Winn that well, but I know he is a very logical man, considering his high intellect. However, I was under the impression that he isn’t a man to be led by his mind.’

‘You’re right.’, J’onn said immediately. ‘He is a very logical man, but that doesn’t mean his heart doesn’t have a big say in things.’

‘So the probabilities and logics of it are unimportant.’, Brainy all but grinned at Kara. ‘He might come back tomorrow.’

She snorted. ‘He won’t.’

‘He might.’, Brainy insisted. ‘Tomorrow, or the day after that or-’

‘I’m really tired.’, Kara unkindly cut him off, got up from the couch. Still, she smiled widely, kissed everyone’s cheeks before leaving the room.

And once she got under the covers, she only cried for a little while, missing Winn terribly.

*.*.*

Waking up on Christmas morning, Kara immediately knew. She knew soulmates were real, she knew she had a tattoo on her ribs, she knew the sense of doom she had sensed in the past days was because of that.

It took a lot out of her, to get out of bed and head to the bathroom, to take off her shirt and look in the mirror. But Kara did it, and once her eyes laid on the tattoo on the side of her body, she was glad she did.

On her right side, on her ribs just beside her boobs, there was a tattoo of an open laptop, with the Legion logo on the monitor.

At least she knew, now. At least Kara now knew why she took Winn leaving so hard, why with every month that passed, her longing got worse and worse to the point that she spent a night crying after every message he sent. They were all so impersonal, and everytime, Winn had some sort of cut or bruise on his face, even if he was grinning. It always looked fake, to her, he was smiling wildly and his eyes betrayed turmoil.

Damn it.

Trust Kara to get a soulmate who was not only years and years in the future, but also someone who used to love her. Used to .

She cried in the bathroom for an hour before making her way downstairs.

*.*.*

Most of the day was spent discussing soulmates. The news was blowing up, of course, and they all casually talked about it. Brainy knew more, from the future, and he told them everything. Clark was weirdly interested in it, Kara assumed he planned on writing a piece on it.

Maybe she should do that, too. Her article might just end up being better than her cousin’s, because she actually had a soulmate tattoo. She was debating going upstairs and pulling out her laptop right then and there, when Alex startled her by grabbing her hand and dragging her to the garden.

‘What?’, Kara asked, confused.

‘You have one, don’t you? That’s why you’ve been acting so weird today.’

‘I haven’t been-’

Alex just threw her a look, shutting her up.

Kara took a deep breath, but it was shaky. She started crying again.

‘Oh god.’, Alex whispered, hugging her immediately. ‘It’s not Mon-El, is it?’

‘Winn.’, Kara breathed out, and her sister froze. ‘It’s Winn.’

‘Are you… Of course you’re sure it’s him.’

Wordlessly, Kara nodded.

Alex swore, long and filthy, and yeah, that summed it up pretty well. But Alex also held Kara, until she managed to calm down.

*.*.*

Going to bed that night, Kara couldn’t fall asleep, Winn on her mind, stronger and so much worse than usual. She couldn’t help but think about what his next message will be. Would it be completely normal? Would he mention getting a tattoo? Would he keep it away from his friends just like she did?

Did he even get a tattoo? He was years, decades and centuries into the future. Maybe it didn’t work if the two people weren’t in the same time. Or on the same planet.

She had so many questions, and she knew they weren’t going to be answered.

At least she wasn’t crying anymore, which was a good thing, because the door to the bedroom opened and Clark came in. As silently as possible, as to not wake up Alex, he placed a blanket on the floor and a pillow on top of it, lying down. He was clearly waiting for Kara to join him, and she did so, throwing her pillow next to his and covering them both with her comforter.

‘I have superhearing, if you remember.’, Clark whispered. ‘I heard you and Alex talking about Winn.’

Just hearing his name made her start crying again. Clark held her, as strongly as only Superman could, and he whispered that it will be alright. She didn’t believe him, but was very thankful he was there.

*.*.*

Kara compulsively did not think about Winn during her days. She threw herself into work, at the magazine and at the DEO. But each night she fell into bed, she cried.

It was ridiculous, really, she was supposed to be stronger than this. But she wasn’t, and her soulmate was lost to her. And damn it, she wanted Winn to be there. She wanted him by her side, wanted to hold him and kiss him.

Kara wanted to love him. She wanted to learn what that meant, how to do it. She wanted Winn, stronger than she ever thought possible, so strong she didn’t know what to do with it.

She couldn’t handle it, she didn’t want to handle it, she wanted him there.

And it wasn’t because of the tattoo, all it did was point out something that Kara was too afraid to acknowledge. She had loved Winn for years, now, and she had been in love with him for three years, in solitude, and even longer than that. At one point, between Mon-El leaving and Winn leaving, Kara had fallen in love with Winn, and there was no turning back.

She may have hoped, before, that Winn will come back, that she would at least be able to be his friend, even just his friend. The tattoo was supposed to bring with it the certainty of more. It did the exact opposite of that, it only brought despair and loneliness, and Kara didn’t have even an ounce of hope left.

*.*.*

On January 5th, there was a knock on her door come 2AM. It wasn’t just a knock, it was someone continuously knocking on the door fast and hard, the person on the other side was clearly desperate.

Opening the door fully prepared to rage yell, she stopped short because it was Winn on the other side.

He was wearing a suit, sleek black and tight on his body, with the Legion logo in the center. He was panting, like he had run there, sweat dripping down his forehead. There was a gash on his eyebrow, a bruise on his jaw and his hair was longer. He had a backpack on his shoulder.

Kara thought she was dreaming.

‘Am I late?’, he said, inexplicably.

When she didn’t answer, Winn pushed by her, came into the apartment and went straight for the kitchen. Kara followed him in a daze, staring at him as he drank two glasses of water and caught his breath.

‘I’m sorry I’m late.’, he turned to her, speaking quickly. ‘Honestly, I wanted to come back like 5 minutes after I left but I realized I wouldn’t have been able to keep the secret for three years, I mean honestly, I would have broken down way before it happened and I would have definitely messed with the timeline. Which is why I’m late, actually, cause I would have wanted to come back a couple of months before Christmas, but the Waverider could only drop me here. And like ten blocks away, really, I-’

‘Waverider?’, Kara was blinking rapidly, not really understanding all that he was saying.

Winn smiled. ‘Not your Legends, not the ones you know. The Legends from a few centuries in the future. I met an Allan who isn’t a speedster, how weird is that? But he can shapeshift into a dragon, that’s cool too.’

Kara was still staring at him, and Winn seemed to finally realize it.

‘Hey, so, what’s today? The date, I mean.’

‘January 5th.’

‘Oh damn.’, he winced. ‘I’m really late, Kara, I’m sorry.’ His eyes grew wide. ‘Wait, it’s 2018? Please tell me it’s 2018.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Okay, good.’, he sighed deeply. ‘That’s good.’

‘What are you doing here?’, Kara breathed out.

Winn faltered. But he also came closer to her, looking with hesitation into her eyes.

‘Did you wake up on Christmas morning with a tattoo? Cause I did.’

She felt like crying.

‘It’s your emblem, you know, the diamond shape with an S. It’s on my hip.’ Winn poked his finger in the place. ‘Weird, cause like, I was in the middle of the 67th century, and you were here, in the 21st and I can’t even wrap my mind around it. But it happened, right as I got to the future.’, he chuckled, before hesitating again. ‘It happened to you too, right?’

Slowly, Kara nodded.

‘I’m sorry I wasn’t here.’, Winn said quickly. ‘I’m so sorry, I should have been here.’

‘You didn’t answer the question.’, Kara swallowed with great difficulty. ‘What are you doing here?’

He took a step back, faltering badly.

‘I came to see you, Kara.’ Winn took a deep breath. ‘Look, I… I know you don’t want this. You’ve never wanted this and I can’t even begin to understand what you went through these past days. You’ve never wanted me and I don’t have delusions that might have changed in the years I’ve been away, but I-’

Winn’s voice trembled, his hands were shaking and Kara’s heart was beating so wildly in her chest, she felt like she was going to faint.

‘I’m not going to lie’, he went on, ‘when this tattoo showed up it gave me hope, for something I had long… long lost hope for. I know it’s ridiculous to still hold hope, but I... ‘ He shook his head. ‘That’s not why I’m here.’

Winn smiled, a little. ‘I just wanted to see you. No matter what you think or feel of what, I just… thought that we needed to talk.’

Talking was the last thing on Kara’s mind. Winn was there, on Earth, in 2018, in her apartment. He was alive and breathing right in front of her, he was smiling softly, even if his eyes held pain, he was there and he had just confessed that he had hope. For them.

‘I don’t want to pressure you into anything.’, Winn said around his blush. ‘You know I’d never do that, no matter of these tattoos. But I-’

Kara cut him off, quite strongly. She didn’t really realize she had done in, but in a flash, her lips were pressed to his and her arms were around his shoulders. Winn kept on trying to talk for a few seconds, until he realized what was happening, and then he froze, completely.

She stopped kissing him at that, pulled away just a little. His eyes were wide open and his jaw was slack.

‘I missed you so much, Winn. I missed you more than I realized it, and it…’ Kara was crying, all but sobbing, but she couldn’t stop. ‘It was horrible, waking up and you weren’t there. And now, I-’

She gasped and let go of him like she was burned. ‘You have to go back, don’t you? I can’t, you just-’

‘No.’, Winn cut her off, grabbed one of her hands. ‘I don't have to go back.’

It was too scary, to believe him.

‘I’ve done all I had to do.’, he said gently. ‘Invented all that I needed to invent. I checked the archives, then someone else double checked, then someone else triple checked. And I asked Gideon, too, before I left. My job with the Legion is done. No matter what’, he smiled, ‘I wanna come home.’

‘You-’

‘Here and now is right where and when I’m supposed to be. And I don’t want to leave again.’

She still didn’t say anything, so of course, Winn started babbling.

‘I mean, the Legion might call, if there’s a very intense impending apocalypse, but I’m never gonna be gone for years again, that’s a promise. I gotta talk to Brainy, if he wants to go back, it’s a little bit tricky in contacting the ship. Granted, don’t tell him this, but they don’t necessarily need him anymore. They kinda picked up another Coluan, but they’ll take him back if he wants to, of course.’

‘I don’t think he’s going to want to.’, Kara said in a whisper.

Winn seemed surprised by this.

‘He’s been seeing someone for a while, they just got serious over New Years.’

‘Oh man.’, Winn said loudly. ‘What else did I miss?’

‘Me, apparently.’, Kara said around a shaky smile.

He returned it, as he squeezed her fingers just a little more tightly.

‘You kissed me.’, Winn whispered. ‘That was actually a thing that happened, right? I didn’t have a weird seizure or something?’

She shook her head. ‘It happened, alright.’

‘But how?’, he seemed both in awe and utterly confused. ‘Why? Just because of this tattoo? Did it really… convince you so easily?’

‘No, this doesn’t really have anything to do with the tattoo. At one point, after Mon-El left the first time around and you left with him, I started falling for you. And it didn’t stop when you weren’t here. The tattoo, it just... ‘

She was crying again, and Winn was quick to wipe away her tears, letting his hand rest on her shoulder.

‘My tattoo just made everything painfully clear.’

‘I’m sorry I wasn’t here.’

‘You’re here now.’, Kara smiled. ‘And you’re staying. You promise you’re staying?’

‘Forever, if you’ll have me. And if you stop crying.’

She chuckled at that, but there were still tears falling down her face.

‘Kiss me and I’ll stop crying.’

Winn grinned joyously, and started leaning forward, but then he stopped, freezing again.

‘Can I see it? Your tattoo, I mean. I’ll show you mine.’

Kara barely managed to say an ‘Okay.’ before Winn rushed through getting his jacket off. He had a white undershirt on, tucked into his pants, and he roughly pulled it out. As he had said, there was an S in a black diamond shape on his hip, right above the hem of his pants. It didn’t look exactly like the emblem on her suit, but she had a feeling the suit will soon be getting an upgrade.

Honestly, Kara wanted to touch the tattoo. She knew it wouldn’t feel any differently than skin, but she wanted to run her fingers over it. Maybe her tongue.

In order to keep herself from doing that, she turned her body to the side and lifted her shirt, just enough so her tattoo was revealed.

Winn’s jaw dropped. ‘Oh. So going with the Legion wasn’t a mistake.’

‘No, definitely not.’

He kept looking at her tattoo for a while, but then his eyes moved up and met hers.

‘Was coming back a mistake?’

Kara let her shirt down. ‘No, not if you kiss me now.’

Without another word, Winn grabbed her cheeks and kissed her like there was no tomorrow, like he had been waiting for it since forever.

*.*.*

Kara called in sick the next morning, at CatCo and the DEO.

But that evening, all of her friends got a text from her. It was a picture message, two bodies lying side by side on white sheets. The woman, who was Kara, had on a black training bra and you could just see the line of her sweatpants, and she was on her side, arm wrapped around the man’s chest. He was lying on his back and wearing a pair of leather pants. The picture was perfectly framed to cut off their faces and anything too indecent, but to center their tattoos. However, while everyone realized the man had the Supergirl logo tattooed on his hip, nobody managed to figure out what Kara’s tattoo was, because the picture was purposely blurred.

There was an invitation attached to the picture: Stop by tonight if you want to meet my soulmate. I got booze, you bring food.

Needless to say, everybody turned up. And besides Alex and Clark, everyone all but screamed when they saw Winn.

They didn’t scream when they saw him kiss Kara, but there were cheers.

Chapter Text

Caitlin knew something was brewing long before Christmas. She had absolutely no idea what, but she had been waiting for something to happen ever since Easter. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say that her spidey senses were tingling. But she knew better, so she kept her mouth shut, even as she was waiting for an apocalypse. Another one, that is, on the long list of apocalypses they have stopped.

It didn’t come, but three weeks after Easter, Barry told Iris how he really felt and she hadn’t reciprocated. So it wasn’t an apocalypse, per say, but it was close enough.

And yet, Caitlin’s spidey senses were still tingling.

*.*.*

She had almost forgot about it, in the months that came. Almost.

There were times when she remembered the impending sense of doom, and all of those happened when Barry was around her. She thought he was just being overly friendly with her because he was lonely, and she was sure it was going to die down eventually.

But it didn’t die down, it kinda only got worse and worse.

Most days, the way Barry acted towards Caitlin was overly friendly, overlapping with flirty only a few moments. Some days, he was overly flirty.

Three times, he did something painfully obvious. In July, he grabbed Caitlin’s hand when they were walking down the street and didn’t let go for three miles. In September, he got her a ridiculously expensive pair of gold earrings for her birthday, and he kissed the corner of her mouth instead of her cheek. On Halloween, which they spent at Cisco’s place, he dressed in a costume that matched hers, without telling her beforehand.

The worst thing about the entire situation was that the feelings Caitlin had buried deep inside herself had surfaced, and they came back more strongly than she thought possible.

She always had a crush on Barry, ever since the beginning. But now that he was acting like he felt the same, Caitlin’s feelings grew stronger.

And it was an apocalypse, because she knew Barry didn’t really feel that way about her. She knew that he will realize, one way or another, that he didn’t want her, that he was still trying to get over Iris, that it was all made up in his head. He’ll go back to being just her friend, and Caitlin will be left with a broken heart and the need to act like it didn’t happen.

That wasn’t the apocalypse she had been waiting for, apparently. No, that came on Christmas morning, in the shape of a lightning bolt tattooed on her ribs.

*.*.*

Barry wasn’t in the country. He was in Canada, where a metahuman was killing young girls. The authorities asked for his and Joe’s help because they were the best in the world in solving cases regarding metas and, of course, neither of them hesitated in going.

Caitlin didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing, that he was away. On one hand, she wanted to run into his arms and never let go, but on the other hand, she was absolutely terrified of the conversation they needed to have.

So she didn’t call him that day. Didn’t skype him, didn’t text.

Barry didn’t either.

*.*.*

Iris came by Star Labs the next day, and she was walking on cloud nine. She had woken up with a tattoo, as well, and had spent the day with a fellow journalist at Central City Picture News, called Trent. They were both glad that they were soulmates, considering they have been casually dating for the past month.

Iris was very happy, borderline disgustingly sweet about it. Caitlin was happy for her friend, but she couldn’t help but feel a pang in her chest, thinking of Barry and her own tattoo.

After Iris finished telling Caitlin and Cisco every single detail she knew about Trent, her excitement died down.

‘I’m worried about how Barry will react.’

Cisco’s head snapped to look at Caitlin, smirking at her. ‘You know, Iris, I don’t think he’ll take it as bad as you think.’

He didn’t know, Caitlin hadn’t told him anything about her tattoo. And yet, he seemed convinced.

‘What makes you say that?’, Iris frowned.

Cisco grinned, didn’t move his eyes away from Caitlin. ‘Sorry, Iris, but Barry’s had his eyes set on someone else lately.’

‘Did he tell you that?’, Caitlin snapped, anger spiking.

His eyes turned softer, less teasing. ‘Did he really need to?’

She looked away, eyes involuntarily moving to Iris. The other woman took a moment to pull herself together, but she did smile at Caitlin.

‘I’m not mad, I’m actually kind of glad. I can…’, she tilted her head. ‘I can see it, the two of you. Could work quite nicely.’

Caitlin chuckled weakly.

‘I just hope this’, Iris placed a hand on her arm, where her tattoo stood, ‘won’t affect you and Barry.’

Suddenly, Caitlin felt a desperate need to tell them about it. She hadn’t told anybody yet, and she just wanted it off her chest. Cisco was her best friend, and Iris was Barry’s, they deserved to know. Sure, it probably would have been in better form to discuss things with Barry first, but that was clearly not an option.

‘I don’t think your tattoo is what’s going to affect us.’, Caitlin said slowly, shakily. ‘Ours will, though.’

‘Ours?’, Cisco asked, as Iris’ eyes grew very wide.

Slowly, Caitlin raised the shirt she was wearing. On the right side of her body, underneath her breast, the Flash symbol stood in stark black against her skin. It was a pretty large tattoo, spanning down to almost the line of her pants.

Cisco yelped, hands covering his mouth. He recovered quickly. ‘Oh boy oh boy oh boy-’

‘Cisco!’, Caitlin glared.

‘Sorry!’, he yelped again.

She wordlessly pulled down her shirt, unable to meet anyone’s eyes.

‘This is a good thing.’, Iris said after a few moments. ‘It’s great, Caitlin.’

‘I’m not so sure about that.’

‘Well what does Barry say?’

Caitlin said nothing.

‘You haven’t spoke to him yet?’, Iris insisted.

She shook her head.

‘So you’re both being idiots about it.’, Cisco cheerily piped up. ‘That’s nice.’

Again, Caitlin glared at him, but it didn’t deter Cisco.

‘Iris is right.’, he said, confidently. ‘You’ll be good for each other. Once you, you know, get over the initial awkwardness and angst.’

Caitlin sighed, and with a parting smile to Iris and a mild glare to Cisco, she got back to work.

*.*.*

Barry texted her late that night.

I’m sorry I’ve gone MIA, but this case is taking a lot out of me.

Caitlin wanted to ask, badly, but if he didn’t offer any more information to start with, she knew he wasn’t going to. So she took the easy way out.

It’s okay. Hopefully we’ll talk when you get back home. Stay safe.

He didn’t answer back, but it was okay, Caitlin was fine with that. It was as good as she was going to get, in that moment, but she had hope that in the near future, she might get something better.

*.*.*

She had a news alert for Barry’s name, so she knew about it as soon as the article went online, two days later.

The serial killer was caught, in the act, just as he was trying to kill another girl. The article gave a surprisingly detailed explanation on how Joe and Barry figured out where the murderer’s base of operation was and the Canadian authorities, with a little help from some power dampening cuffs, managed to apprehend him. The Flash didn’t even need to make an appearance.

Caitlin’s anxiety kicked up a notch, then, knowing that Barry would be coming back soon. Knowing that she will see him, and his tattoo, and that they’d have to talk about it.

And sure enough, Joe texted everyone, inviting them next evening to a late Christmas party.

Caitlin spent her time panicking, but Cisco was there to tell her, over and over again, that everything will be alright, and Barry didn’t show up at the lab.

*.*.*

The first time Caitlin saw Barry, she barely managed to smile at him before Iris was introducing her to Trent. As the pair of them babbled excitedly at Caitlin, she spared Barry a look. He was smiling, clearly trying not to laugh. He didn’t seem sad, at all. He was still looking at Iris with a lot of fondness, but he didn’t seem angry or sad.

Caitlin got strength from that, managed to not act weird around Barry. She really didn’t want to ruin Christmas, so she didn’t. She sat on the couch between Cisco and Joe, ate her weight in food and drank mulled wine, she had a good time with her friends, surrounded by sparkly Christmas lights.

*.*.*

It was already pretty late, but nobody was making any move to leave. Caitlin found herself in the kitchen with Cisco and Barry.

‘So’, Cisco said in a playful whisper, ‘what do we think of Trent?’

Of course, both he and Caitlin were looking to Barry.

He rolled his eyes. ‘Guys, I’m fine, I promise. And Trent seems like he’s okay. I like him.’

‘You do?’, Cisco seemed unconvinced.

‘He’s a little overenthusiastic right now’, Barry relented, ‘but he’s cool. He’s smart and funny and I’m not getting any bad vibes from him.’

At this, he pointedly looked to Cisco.

‘Yeah, no, I didn’t vibe anything.’

‘Good.’, Barry nodded, before smiling, a little. ‘Plus, they’re soulmates, it’s not like we have any say in it.’

An awkward silence fell over them, then. Caitlin and Barry resolutely did not look at each other, as Cisco’s eyes kept moving between the two of them. He wordlessly left the kitchen, pointedly shutting the door behind him.

‘Well, you did say we needed to talk.’, Barry said softly.

Caitlin chuckled, and managed to look up. She didn’t feel up for it, really. She didn’t feel brave enough to talk with Barry, right then.

He must have read it in her eyes. ‘You wanna get out of here?’

‘That would be rude, wouldn’t it?’

Barry shook his head. He went back to the living room, Caitlin heard him saying that she wasn’t feeling very well, so he’ll be taking her home. There was a chorus of concerned voices, and he came back into the kitchen with her coat and a mischievous smile.

They left the house through the front door and walked down the street in silence, side by side, but once they got to the end of the street, Barry stopped and made her look at him.

‘Heads up.’, he smirked, and next thing she knew, Caitlin was in his arms, being flashed away.

*.*.*

Barry took them out of town, somewhere in the middle of nowhere. They were at the edge of a forest, and Caitlin was about to ask what the hell they were doing there, but then she noticed that he was looking up.

There were so many stars out. So many of them, you couldn’t see anything like this from Central City.

‘We can go back, if you want or if you’re cold. I just thought it’d be nice.’, Barry said bashfully.

‘It is nice.’, Caitlin nodded. ‘It’s also a nice place to kill someone.’

‘I wouldn’t do that!’, he yelped. It took a moment for him to realize that she was joking.

‘Hey’, he said seriously, ‘as soon as I woke up that morning, I wanted to run and see you.’

‘Oh.’, she breathed out. ‘Why didn’t you do that?’

‘Joe convinced me not to. Told me we both needed some time to think.’

Caitlin sighed. ‘He was probably right.’

When Barry didn’t say anything more, she turned and met his eyes. ‘So did you think about it?’

‘A little.’, he hesitated. ‘This meta took a lot out of me.’

She frowned. ‘What happened?’

‘It was gruesome.’, Barry’s tone was harsh. ‘It was like nothing I’ve ever seen before, and it wasn’t because the guy was a meta. It was just… he was just a horrible human being. I didn’t, I didn’t cope with it very well.’

‘I’m sorry.’, Caitlin said gently. ‘But you got him.’

‘Yeah.’, he nodded, before meeting her eyes. ‘I didn’t get to think about us a lot.’

‘That’s okay.’, she said quickly. ‘We don’t have to do this now, you take your time, however much you need. I don’t mind-’

‘Cait.’, he was smirking. ‘Breathe.’

She did stop talking and took a deep breath.

‘I didn’t really need to think about it.’, Barry went on, to her surprise.

He smiled. ‘Cait, I’ve been trying to get you to go out with me for months. You can’t tell me you didn’t figure that out.’

‘No, I know.’, her cheeks were on fire. ‘But I-’

She didn’t go on, looking, helplessly, at Barry. He kept smiling fondly at her, taking a few steps forward, until he was standing in front of her.

‘Come on, Cait.’, he said gently. ‘We’re doing this now. So take a deep breath, steel your nerves-’

‘You’re horrible.’, she glared.

‘And talk to me.’, Barry smiled.

She sighed, but did as asked. ‘I thought you were getting over Iris.’

He blinked. ‘A pertinent assumption, but what did that have to do with-’

‘I didn’t think you meant it.’, she said in a rush. ‘I thought you were just trying to get over the heartbreak and I thought you were going to stop.’

‘Stop.’, he said evenly, frowning at her. ‘Stop liking you?’

‘I thought that you were going to realize you didn’t really like me, like that. And we’d go back to being friends.’

Barry kept watching her, for a few moments, and then he sighed, running a hand over his eyes.

‘Does it look like I did any of that?’

Shakily, Caitlin shook her head.

‘You’re right, though.’, he sighed. ‘It did start like that. I needed a distraction and I thought you were the obvious choice, because you’re my friend, and you’re my coworker and my doctor and you’re there every day. It made sense.’

Caitlin took a step back. ‘That’s kind of a horrible thing to say, Barry. What gives you the right to use me like that?’

‘You’re right again.’, he smiled in a self deprecating manner. ‘But I stopped thinking like that pretty early on.’

She still eyed him wearely.

‘I realized pretty quickly that hitting on you felt right.’

‘What?’, she couldn’t keep the anger out of her voice.

‘Hear me out.’, Barry pleaded, hands in front of him in a placating manner.

Caitlin huffed, crossing her arms over her chest.

‘I have fun with you.’, Barry said slowly, eyes wide and fond. ‘I like hanging out with you, I like flirting with you and I know I’m going to like being with you. I figured that out literally the week after Iris turned me down, and I realized that it was weird.’

Caitlin was ready to flee, really, she did not like anything that Barry was saying. But they were in the middle of nowhere, she had no way of getting back home and she did owe it to Barry to let him explain himself. So even though she wanted to punch his face, Caitlin urged him on.

‘I was still in love with Iris, so why did the idea of being with you feel so right?’

He was waiting for an answer from her, but what could she possibly say?

‘You tell me, Barry.’

‘Right.’, he smiled at her impatience. ‘So I started thinking about it, and I realized that I’ve been thinking about it long before Iris turned me down.’

‘What?’, she breathed out, all her anger being replaced with shock.

Barry shrugged. ‘I liked you since day one, Cait. Since I woke up from the coma and you were asking me to pee in a cup.’

‘That’s not-’

‘Yeah it is.’, he cut her off. ‘But the thing is, I pushed it down. Because of Iris, yeah, but because I thought what we did as Team Flash was more important.’

Caitlin felt unsettled, because that was exactly the explanation she gave herself, the reason why she had pushed down her crush on Barry throughout the years.

‘Iris is not an option anymore, and either way, I don’t want her to be. And the other thing…’, Barry shook his head, ‘was a dumb thing to think. We’ve got Team Flash down to a science, nothing that’s ever going to happen between us can change that.’

Nothing else was said for a long while, Caitlin trying to comprehend what Barry was saying. All that he said, it made sense to her, and that was getting her hopes up.

‘Cait?’, Barry asked gently. ‘Your turn.’

She chuckled, still feeling shaky, but she did need to say it.

‘Me too.’

His eyebrows quirked up in surprise. Then he narrowed his eyes. ‘I’m gonna need a bit more than that.’

She took a deep breath and talked in a rush. ‘I liked you since the start, but I’ve pushed that down because of Iris and because we can’t afford to not present a strong front against all the metas the Flash deals with. But I…’, she had to take several deep breaths. ‘I couldn’t ignore my feelings anymore when you kept…’

‘Hitting on you?’, he raised a playful eyebrow.

Caitlin nodded, swallowing thickly. ‘My feelings for you, they grew stronger in the past months.’

Barry took another step forward and grabbed her hand. ‘Mine too, Caitlin. Mine too.’

They smiled at each other, him a lot more confident than Caitlin felt.

‘Can I see it?’, Barry whispered.

She shook her head. ‘Not here, it’s too cold. Take me home?’

With a playful grin, Barry held her tightly and started running.

*.*.*

When they got into her living room, after taking off their coats and shoes, Barry cooed, obnoxiously loud.

He was looking at the Christmas tree Caitlin had set up in the corner. It only had gold decorations, except for the tinsel, that was dark red with Flash gold symbols on it.

‘Cisco gave it to me last year.’

Barry pouted. ‘He didn’t give one to me.’

‘It would be a little on the nose, wouldn’t it?’

‘Nuh-uh. It would be totally cool, if you ask me.’

They both chuckled for a while, but then Caitlin’s anxiousness returned with a vengeance. He must have seen it, because he smiled again, very gently.

‘You don’t have to show me, if you don’t want. We can-’

‘It’s fine.’, she shook her head. ‘I just need to change out of this dress.’

He frowned at that. ‘Okay, but why?’

‘You’ll see. I’ll be right back.’

She didn’t look at him as she made her way to the bedroom. As she changed into a pair of jeans and a sweater, Caitlin tried her best to calm herself down. It helped, that Barry felt something for her. She believed that he wasn’t in love with Iris anymore, and of course, the tattoos meant a lot. They meant that they actually had a chance at being together, and it made her feel excited.

Barry was inspecting the baubles Caitlin had on the Christmas tree. He looked so very good, against the shiny lights in her living room, it warmed her heart. And the way he smiled at her when he noticed she came back, fond and sweet, it made things even worse.

But Caitlin did straighten her back and made her way to him. With shaking hands, she lifted her sweater, Barry’s eyes immediately falling to her tattoo.

He froze, and his eyes grew a little wide. ‘I didn’t realize it was gonna be the Flash.’

Caitlin frowned at that. ‘What did you think it was going to be?’

‘Some chemical element?’

She snorted. ‘While your work at CCPD is just as important as your work as the Flash, it’s not the reason we met, is it?’

‘You’re right, I guess.’

He had yet to take his eyes off the tattoo. Feeling very awkward and embarrassed, Caitlin covered it back up.

Barry’s eyes moved up to hers. ‘Is it weird that it made me feel… kind of possessive?’

A shiver ran through her body at his words, but it wasn’t bad, it was like a compliment.

‘It’s, well, it is one of the purposes of the tattoos, isn’t it?’, she managed to stammer out.

‘Right.’, he shook himself out of it. ‘So what do you think my tattoo is?’

She hadn’t actually ever thought of that, so Caitlin blinked slowly. ‘A syringe, maybe? A slide or-’

‘It’s much cuter than that.’

That made her frown.

Barry took off his sweater, throwing it carelessly to the couch, and then he started unbuttoning his shirt. In the middle of his chest, right under where his emblem stood on the Flash suit, he had a snowflake tattoo. Circle shaped, a simple yet effective design.

‘I always thought your name sounded like a superhero.’, Barry said around a smile.

Caitlin chuckled, but she couldn’t look away from the snowflake. It was obvious, yes, but, as Barry said, it was also cute. And the placement of it made her insides swirl. Every time he’ll put on the suit, the Flash emblem will be pressed together with the snowflake. It was terribly sweet.

Barry buttoned his shirt back up, and he was still smiling as he did so.

‘I forgot to mention it earlier, but I’m really happy you’re my soulmate.’

All of Caitlin’s breath left her, but it didn’t deter Barry.

‘It would have been really awful, if it was someone else. I really couldn’t have dealt with that.’

‘Me neither.’, she admitted, blushing furiously.

Barry nodded, but then he hesitated, clearly debating something. She didn’t really let him reach the end of that thought. Instead, Caitlin took that final step needed and wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly.

He didn’t hesitate in hugging her back, and they stood like that for a while. Long enough for it to get awkward, but Caitlin couldn’t bring herself to let go. Barry was her soulmate, and he liked her and it really was looking like they were going to be together. She cared about him a ridiculous amount, and it felt amazing, just being in his arms.

‘Can I give you my Christmas present, now?’

Caitlin jumped up at that, took a step back. Barry was grinning, as he pulled out a little box from his back pocket. It was covered in velvet and honestly, it looked kind of tacky. But she still opened it.

There were two silver necklaces inside. The pendants, if pushed together, made a heart that spelled Love . They were the sort of friendship necklaces Caitlin used to wear in middle school and high school. It was cheesy, and they looked tacky, and it was embarrassing but oh so lovely.

So Caitlin wordlessly put the necklace on, securing it under her sweater, and so did Barry. He grinned at her afterwards.

‘Does this mean you’ll finally go out with me, Snow?’

She rolled her eyes. ‘Not if you start calling me that.’

‘Caitlin.’, he relented. ‘I’ll cook you dinner tomorrow?’

‘Yes, alright.’

Neither of them moved. Barry started smiling, slowly but surely.

‘I should go.’, he whispered.

Caitlin nodded, but she really didn’t want him to leave.

‘I’m gonna go.’, he took a tiny step forward.

She nodded, again, wetting her lips.

Barry’s smile widened. Slowly, very slowly, giving her enough time to pull back even if she didn’t, he gently placed his hands on her cheeks. Caitlin felt herself blush, but she didn’t fight it. She grabbed a hold of the shirt Barry was wearing, closed her eyes and tilted her head up.

It was a small kiss, by any standards, soft and quick, just a simple press of their lips. But it made Caitlin feel terrible warm inside and for the first time since Christmas morning, she knew Barry and her were meant to be together. The happiness she felt in her chest right then, it was more proof than even the tattoos.

After he pulled away, Barry hugged her again, just as tightly as before.

‘Thank you for the Christmas present.’, she said against his chest.

‘I didn’t think you’ll actually wear it.’

Caitlin snorted. ‘Oh, it’s quite horrible. I’m never taking it off.’’

‘Good.’, he said.

Then, in a rush, Barry kissed her again, just a little longer than before, and with a flash of yellow light, he was gone. Caitlin wasn’t bothered by his abrupt departure, in fact, she couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the night and half of the next day.

Chapter Text

Christmas was just a few days away, but honestly, Joan was already over it. It wasn’t her fault, but when all the shops in London started selling and decorating for Christmas immediately after Halloween, by the time December was over, she was already fed up with it.

It wasn’t just that, Joan was aware.

They’ve been in London for a few months now, and she was having trouble acclimating. Navigating the streets was an adventure every time, having grown so used to New York’s grid. And it only grew worse if she had to take the tube. It took a very long time for Joan to learn the shops around Baker Street, even longer to learn where everything else in the city was. She still had trouble understanding some of the English accents, and it was frustrating.

Sherlock wasn’t really helping the situation. This was his home, even if he had spent the past years in New York, London was his home and everything there came as easy as breathing. And being Sherlock, he didn’t understand why Joan had any issues. He was trying to help her, but it didn’t go well.

Even the cases they had were different. Sherlock had a different sort of reputation in London, so most of the people that crossed his threshold were usually members of a very high society that needed their name kept out of the papers. The Police were still iffy on hiring Sherlock. They have made some progress along that front, but not a lot.

Add all that to the fact that she missed her family, Joan really was waiting for Christmas to be over, already.

*.*.*

Christmas Eve was spent in Sherlock’s flat, helping him solve three cold cases. He had put a tiny tree on the desk, decorated with fairy lights and a popcorn string, and they exchanged gifts early in the evening. Sherlock had gotten her a pair of very expensive earrings, that were fairly simple, but Joan was glad that she could wear them on a daily basis.

Being Sherlock, they were quick to wrap up the Christmas traditions. They ordered some pizza and worked late into the night. It was a good time, a nice, calm ending to weeks of frustration, on Joan’s part.

She fell asleep quickly, feeling very tired.

When she woke up the next morning, with knowledge of soulmates and tattoos, her first thought went to Sherlock. He was going to hate this, no doubt about it, and Joan had to be prepared to deal with an angry Sherlock all day. He was sure to go into a long rant or 15, about all the ways the soulmate tattoos were wrong.

Absently, she scratched at her ribs. When she realized what she was doing, Joan sat up, quickly. Her skin didn’t itch, not exactly, it was more of a calm burn.

Rushing to her bathroom, she threw off her shirt and stared at herself in the mirror. Under her breast, over her ribs, there was a tattoo. A grid of 16 squares, with four different locks hanging onto the railings. It didn’t take a genius to figure out who the tattoo was for, considering the lock grid was something Sherlock spent a lot of time on with Joan.

She took a deep breath.

Sherlock being her soulmate was utterly surprising, not because it was him, that kind of made sense. Joan was more surprised that she had a soulmate, any soulmate. That he had a soulmate that wasn’t Irene.

Suddenly, Joan felt an immense wave of panic crush over her. This was going to change everything.

Everything.

What happened before they left New York had already changed them. The image of Sherlock saying We’re two people that love each other was imprinted in the back of her eyelids, and after that acknowledgment, when Joan followed him to another continent after he sacrificed himself for her, their relationship changed. Not a lot, but there were small things, moments when Sherlock demonstrated, in an understated way, how much he cared for her, and moments when Joan surprised herself by saying something painfully true.

They were in a good place, in their relationship, they had both worked hard for it and made sacrifices for each other.

And now, these tattoos were going to change everything, Joan was sure of it.

There was no way Sherlock was just going to accept it as easily as she did. She didn’t even think that he was going to accept it, at all, definitely not in a romantic way. He might be okay with them being platonic soulmates, but surely nothing more than that.

She had never allowed the thought to fully form, but it was something that Joan wanted. Deep inside of her heart, buried deep under many rational thoughts, she wanted Sherlock, in a not platonic way.

This situation was going to hurt her, she was certain of it. All Joan could hope for was that, while their relationship won’t evolve, they will manage, somehow, to maintain their friendship.

*.*.*

On most mornings, Sherlock would have already been in her kitchen, a pot of coffee brewing and, if he was in a good mood, some sort of breakfast.

He wasn’t there, but Joan didn’t really expect him to be. Clearly, he had some thinking to do, and she was grateful that he didn’t show up in the middle of a fit of anger. She much prefered he went through everything on his own, and came to her with a prepared and thought out speech.

So Joan went on with her day. There wasn’t much to do, being Christmas, but she kept herself busy by finally organizing her bookcase, which she hadn’t found the time to do since she arrived in London.

It took most of the day, and when she was finally done with it, Joan quickly cooked herself something and settled on the couch, drinking a glass of wine and watching mindless tv.

That’s when Sherlock texted her. He had gotten a new case, apparently, and he was off on the first flight to Edinburgh. Easy job, he will probably finish it in a few days, there was no need for Joan to join him.

She couldn’t help the disappointment she felt.  

Everything will be fine , Sherlock had added to the end of the text. He wasn’t talking about the case, and for the next days, Joan took strength from those four words.

*.*.*

Three days later, Joan woke up to Sherlock drinking coffee in her kitchen. He looked like he hadn’t slept since he left, which he probably hadn’t, and like he had something grave on her mind, which was probably Joan herself.

Still, when Sherlock saw her, he smiled and told her a bright ‘Good morning, Watson!’.

She returned the smile and gratefully poured herself a pot of coffee, sitting down across the table from Sherlock.

‘How was the case?’

‘Dreadful.’, he pulled a face. ‘The case wasn’t even simulating, I cracked it in two hours. But it took two days to gather evidence.’

‘So you really didn’t need me.’, Joan smiled.

Sherlock tilted his head, looking at her. ‘Need you? No, not for this case. Having you there would have made the experience a lot more pleasurable, but I wanted to spare you the insult.’

‘Insult?’, she frowned.

‘The man who hired me’, he pulled a very distinctive face, ‘has a particularly horrible set of beliefs. He would have done nothing else but insult you.’

She understood what he meant. ‘Because I’m a woman?’

‘Yes.’, he glared at nothing. ‘An Asian woman, with an American citizenship. All three things he hates.’

‘Well’, she said after a beat, ‘thank you for not subjecting me to that.’

Sherlock smiled at her, easily, before it fell off his lips and he adopted an oddly serious expression, for 6:30 in the morning.

‘I hope you don’t think I took this job because I wished to run from you or this new situation we find ourselves in.’

So they were discussing it, full on. She could do that.

‘And yet, that’s what you did.’

He flinched, a little, making her realize that her tone might have been too harsh. So she softened it.

‘I’m sorry, I haven’t woken up yet. I don’t actually blame you, Sherlock, it’s fine. I knew you weren’t going to take this easily.’

‘Quite.’, Sherlock admitted after a beat. ‘But I will say, this mindless case has actually given me the opportunity to properly think things through.’

Joan hesitated. ‘Can it wait until after breakfast? I’m starving.’

Sherlock blinked, evidently surprised. Still, he agreed, even offered to help cut some fruit while she made pancakes.

Honestly, Joan needed this time to gather her strength. Sharing a space with Sherlock, being domestic, she needed to see it was still something they could do, that even with the soulmate tattoos on their bodies, they were still able to act normal with each other.

It was possible, and it did the job, so by the time they finished eating, Joan was ready to hear whatever Sherlock had to say.

He leveled her with a confused look. ‘You seem oddly calm.’

‘Oddly? I’m usually calm.’

‘It is odd for our situation.’

Joan shook her head and leveled him with a look. ‘You want me to start, Sherlock, just say the word.’

A beat passed, then two, then Sherlock looked away. ‘Please start, Watson.’

She took a deep breath and with one look at him, decided that she will tell the truth, the whole truth. As much as she feared losing the friendship and the partnership they had build up, she didn’t want to lie to him.

‘I am calm because I knew you wouldn’t be. I knew for sure that you weren’t going to take this well.’

Sherlock blinked at her. ‘Did you take this well?’

‘Quite.’, she couldn’t help but be sarcastic. ‘Truth is, Sherlock, the tattoo did surprise me, but not in the way you think.’

‘Not in the way I think.’, he raised an eyebrow.

‘No. I wasn’t necessarily surprised by the fact that my tattoo was meant for you, I was surprised to have a tattoo, at all. And that you have one that’s not for Moriarty.’

‘Yes.’, Sherlock said slowly. ‘That was surprising to me, as well. But also… it’s a very good thing. That it’s not her.’

Joan snorted under her breath. ‘I can’t help but agree.’

‘But I, unlike you’, he went on quickly, ‘was incredibly surprised to discover my tattoo was for you.’

When she didn’t say anything in response to that, Sherlock went on, somewhat subdued.

‘I didn’t think I’d be the type of person who got a soulmate.’

‘Yeah, me neither.’, Joan said, making him narrow his eyes.

She chuckled. ‘I mean I didn’t think I would get a soulmate. Honestly, I didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about you and soulmates.’

He nodded at that.

‘It is curious and I’ll admit, Watson, at the start I thought it faulty. You and I, getting soulmates when it was not something either of us was actually looking for.’

‘That’s not true.’, Joan cut him off. ‘Before you left New York, you were ready to date again.’

‘Date? Yes. Spend the rest of my life with someone? Definitely not.’

Joan poured herself more coffee, trying her best to disguise the disappointment. She smiled at Sherlock.

‘That’s alright. I don’t actually expect anything from you. Tattoo or not, this is not something you’re looking for.’

Sherlock was evidently surprised by this. ‘But the tattoos, they mean something.’, he said slowly, looking closely to her reaction.

She kept smiling, didn’t hide the love she felt for him, but didn’t show him quite the true extent of it.

‘Yes, they do mean something. But it’s not something we haven’t known before, I think.’

‘Watson.’, he said slowly. ‘I didn’t know it was supposed to be with you.’

‘But you already are with me.’, she argued. ‘Yes, it’s not in the way the tattoos… intended. But in every other way, we are together, Sherlock. Friends and partners. People who love each other. There’s no denying that.’

‘No, of course not. But-’

‘But nothing. You don’t feel like that about me, and it’s alright, Sherlock. I’m not going to force you into something you don’t want. We love each other too much to hurt each other like that.’

Sherlock was staring at her, eyes fixed on her face, breathing slowly.

‘I thought I taught you not to make assumptions.’, he said in a whisper. ‘To always base your thoughts on facts and deduction.’

She couldn’t help but look, incredulously, at him.

‘Exactly. And in all the years we have known each other, you have never shown any sign that you would want to be more involved with me.’

‘Haven’t I?’

He said it easily, in a quick breath. He still hadn’t looked away from her, and that was making her resolve falter.

‘Just because a magical tattoo appeared on your skin’, she said strongly, ‘it doesn’t mean you have to change the way you think.’ Joan looked at him. ‘Or how you feel.’

‘No, I should think the tattoo has not changed the way I feel. But it has… enhanced it.’

Joan froze. ‘What does that mean?’

‘It means that, despite of what you may think, I do want you.’ A beat passed. ‘To be more involved with you.’

He swallowed thickly, struggling to meet her eyes. ‘And that has… transpired long before my tattoo appeared.’

Joan wasn’t expecting that. Not in a million years, she wasn’t expecting that. It took a long moment for her to be able to say something.

‘You never said anything. You never did anything.’

‘I didn’t.’, Sherlock nodded. ‘I was afraid.’

‘Of what?’

‘Of losing you. We have something very good, and I have an atrocious history with romantic entanglements.’ He tilted his head. ‘Yours isn’t so great either.’

She didn’t deny it.

‘The thought of undergoing something’, he went on, ‘having it end disastrously and loosing you in the process, it was terrifying. So I have never said anything.‘

Sherlock smiled at her, just a little, and straightened his back. ‘After thoroughly analyzing everything, I have come to the conclusion that the tattoos are an indication that I shouldn’t have feared it so much. The chances of me losing you have gone down, quite significantly. So here I am, saying something.’

He tilted his head. ‘Even though you haven’t really said anything since we’ve started this conversation.’

Joan took a deep breath. ‘You can’t just dump all that on me and expect me to-’

‘I don’t expect anything’, Sherlock cut her off, ‘as you said before. But I would still like to know.’

She had to laugh at that, albeit weekly. ‘You’d like to know everything.’

Sherlock shamelessly nodded. ‘I would, but I would settle with the answer to a single question.’

‘Yeah? Which question is that?’

‘Whether or not you have ever thought about me in a manner more than just as your friend and partner.’

It was very difficult for Joan to say the words out loud. Her heart was going crazy inside of her chest and there were many thoughts running through her mind, so many thoughts. But not one of them was to deny that Sherlock was telling the truth. She had no doubt about it, and because he had been brave enough to say it, she had to be brave too.

‘You know the answer already.’, she managed to say.

Sherlock smirked. ‘I do know it, but I would like to hear you say it.’

Joan laughed, feeling tears in the corner of her eyes. ‘You’re an asshole.’

‘Quite.’, he smiled wildly. ‘It’s one of the reasons you like me.’

Unfortunately, he was right. Joan wiped her eyes and managed to meet Sherlock’s.

‘I have thought about it, more times than I would like to admit. But I always stopped myself from really thinking about it, in fear. The same fear you mentioned, but because of fear of rejection, too.’

Sherlock hummed, gently. ‘Well now you know that is not a fear you should have.’

He said it like a challenge, like he was waiting for her to refute him. Sherlock looked ready to fight her on the subject, but there was no need for that.

‘Now I know and now you know. Now what?’

Sherlock blinked, twice. ‘My thought process didn’t reach that far.’

Again, she had to laugh at that. It was easy to laugh, in that moment, because Joan felt a million times better than when they started the conversation. It was terribly calming, knowing that Sherlock felt the same way she did. And whereas on Christmas morning she was terrified of everything changing between them, now she felt excited for it.

‘Dinner.’, he said loudly, getting up from the table and startling her.

‘What?’

‘Let me cook dinner for you tonight.’, Sherlock said calmly.

She blinked at him, feeling herself flush. ‘Like a date?’

‘Yes.’, once again, he was challenging her.

Joan didn’t take the bait. ‘I’ll bring over dessert .’

He smiled at her, and it took a few long moments for Sherlock to wish her a good day and take his leave.

*.*.*

Dinner that night felt completely normal, which Joan was incredibly grateful for. It was a date, Sherlock went over his head with the food, but there was no awkwardness between them, no first date jitters.

Still, when Sherlock asked her about her tattoo, Joan hesitated, mainly because she was wearing a dress. Sensing her hesitation, he insisted that he didn’t need to see it. So Joan told him about it, and it amused him terribly because ‘You hated me when I made you work on the lock grid.’ She didn’t deny it, because she had been very frustrated by it at that point, he had been terribly annoying.

‘What’s yours, then?’, Joan challenged.

‘A section of a beehive with a particularly cute bee on top of it.’

He said it with so much fondness in his voice, so much love in his eyes, Joan was moving before she realized she had done it. She stopped on his side of the table and didn’t even wait for Sherlock to get up before she kissed him.

With her hands on his cheeks and holding her breath, Joan kissed him for the first time, but surely not for the last. She was certain of it, more certain that she had been five minutes ago.

But, even though so many things were going to be changing between them, some things will never, ever change.

When Sherlock’s phone started ringing, they stopped kissing. When DI Foster told him that he had a triple homicide, Sherlock looked to Joan. The corner of her mouth lifted and she nodded, just once.

‘We’re on our way, Detective. Joan and I both.’

He hung up immediately, pressed his lips to hers, shortly and sweetly, then urged her to grab her coat.

Chapter Text

Neville didn’t think he’d fall asleep that first night home for Christmas.

For one, his ribs still hurt from the last time he stood up for his friends in the Muggle Studies class. Secondly, he still heard Luna screaming.

They came for her on the train ride back to London. Four Death Eaters, grinning evilly, they grabbed Luna roughly. As she struggled, they punched her stomach and pulled her hair, making her scream in pain. Everyone was frozen in fear, Neville was the only one who managed to move. He got up from his seat, intent to fight, but Ginny grabbed his wand. She was right to do so, if he acted, he probably would have been taken too. And as much as he wanted to be with Luna, wanted to keep her safe and hold her, he knew he couldn’t really help her, and he was needed at Hogwarts. The fight there started with him, and it needed to continue.

When Gran saw him on the train platform, she paled.

‘I didn’t know it was this bad.’, she whispered, gently trailing her fingers over the cut on Neville’s brow.

He managed to keep his composure until they got home, until she made tea and demanded to know everything that happened. Neville told her, told her everything, but he kept crying all through it. For the first time ever, she didn’t berate him for it.

‘They took Luna from the train.’

Gran narrowed her eyes. ‘Luna, that’s Xenophilius’ daughter, right?’

Neville nodded, feeling so much longing in his chest, it hurt.

Wordlessly, Gran reached for something on the counter behind her. It was the latest Quibbler issue, and it showed Harry’s face, Undesirable #1 in stark letters over his chest.

‘Got here just before I left for the train station.’

‘So they took Luna because her dad was supporting Harry.’

‘They won’t kill her.’, she said roughly. ‘They need her alive to keep that daft man in check.’

She was probably right, but that didn’t make him feel any better. The fake galleon was cold in his pocket.

He honestly didn’t think he’d be able to sleep that night. He spent a lot of hours awake in bed, the galleon in his hand, thinking about everything. All the things the DA accomplished that term, all the student blood spilled.

He thought about every moment he shared with Luna these past months. There were a lot of them, planning to steal Gryffindor’s sword, planning night excursions to graffiti the school, planning the rebellion. But there were other moments, too, shared in hallways and empty classrooms, moments where Luna talked excitedly about the letters she got from her dad, talked anxiously about what Harry, Ron and Hermione were doing. There were hugs and hands held, but nothing more. Neville knew he cared for Luna, ever since she grabbed his hand in the Department of Mysteries and ran with him, but in the past months, he had been slowly but surely falling in love with her.

So it wasn’t a big surprise, on Christmas morning, to wake up with a tattoo on his right wrist. Against a background of hectic black dots, there was an empty space in the shape of a crescent moon. He kind of loved it, liked how it looked on his skin, the artistry of it. It was messy, as messy as he was, but it was also cute, somehow.

There was no doubt in Neville’s mind that Luna was his soulmate, and he could still hear her scream in his ears. He cursed, loud and filthy, and in a fit of anger, threw an empty mug at the wall.

Gran barged in a few seconds later, wand at the ready. When she saw that there was no danger, she put it down.

‘What are you doing, boy? I thought someone attacked.’

He didn’t answer, he just showed her his wrist. Gran swore too, and that was saying a lot.

*.*.*

He didn’t tell anyone else. It wasn’t like he had a lot of people he could tell, but he didn’t tell Ginny and when he went back to school, he made sure to always have his wrist covered. Seamus figured out something was weird, because he kept throwing Neville looks every night when they got ready for bed, but he didn’t actually ask.

There was no information on Luna, not from his galleon, not from anyone in school, not from Mr. Weasley in the Ministry, not from Potterwatch .

*.*.*

Neville kept on fighting. He kept standing up to the Carrows, kept doing his best to protect his colleagues, especially the younger ones.

Even after Ginny didn’t return after Easter, he kept on fighting.

Kept on ending up in the Infirmary, kept having to ask for new sheets every other day because of the dried up blood, kept experiencing the Cruciatus curse at the hands of various Slytherins.

It went on and on, a never ending stream of pain and blood, but Neville kept fighting. There were times when he wanted to stop, felt like giving everything up. They haven’t heard anything about Harry in a while, Luna was still missing, Ginny and her family were hiding.

But every time he felt like he wasn’t strong enough to keep on staying at Hogwarts, every time he wanted to run to Hogsmeade and Apparate in Gran’s living room, Neville touched his wrist.

He couldn’t feel his tattoo against his fingertips, but he knew it was there. And he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that Luna would have given him a hug and told him to stay strong.

So that was what he did.

*.*.*

He was in the middle of a Transfiguration class when the galleon in his pocket grew warm. Terrified of what could have happened to Ginny, he didn’t waste time pulling it out.

I’m alright. Escaped from Death Eaters. I’m safe with Bill and Fleur. Love, Luna

A small flash of fireworks exploded from the tip of Neville’s wand.

‘Mr. Longbottom!’, McGonagall screeched.

With wide eyes, he looked up. The whole class was staring at him, Gryffindors and Ravenclaws alike. Almost everyone in the room had helped the DA last semester, Neville trusted them, and the other people were her housemates.

‘What happened?’, Seamus asked, staring at the coin in his hand.

Neville looked up to McGonagall. ‘Luna’s safe. She escaped the Death Eaters.’

A few people gasped, some people whooped, some laughed. McGonagall made her way to his table.

‘How do you know that?’

He unclenched his fist and revealed his gold galleon. ‘We used these for Dumbledore’s Army, in our fifth year, Hermione made them. Ginny, Luna and I have been using them again this year.’