Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Koga knows full well that alcohol makes him dizzy. He learned it the hard way; he also suspects that the amount he drank tonight would make anyone dizzy, but this is the road he wants to take. Not his fault that he doesn’t know any of the cool people here, and the people he does know are either boring or already hanging out with someone else. Not his fault the only thing he was able to hang out with so far is a very unsupervised fridge full of canned beer.

What he wants to do is leave, but it is too late by now, he has no money to pay for taxi, and if he’s completely honest, he doesn’t trust himself to not get into a fight with the driver. He low-key wants to get into a fight with someone – now that would spice things up a bit. He tries to find a familiar face around him, but these are all Hakaze’s friends, and he only met them tonight; judging from the way they are chatting happily to each other Koga isn’t even sure they can see him or care enough to. That is mutual, at least: he doesn’t care about their stupid normie problems either, and he certainly does not want to hook up with anyone. He tried in the past and ended up listening to a random girl whine about that stupid playboy not calling her back. And she wasn’t even that hot.

So he opens another beer. Not that he wants to admit it, but even hanging out with the twins from his TCG club – who are still in high school – is more fun than this, and there’s only this much free alcohol can compensate.

The world is swaying gently around him. It’s a nice feeling, strangely peaceful, and he lets it take him away from the chatter and the intrusive pop beat until he listens closer and hears a voice that is supposed to be important for a reason he can’t quite catch. Koga opens his eyes to let in a stream of light and color that weren’t this vivid in his memory, and shouldn’t be now if ever this world had compassion.

Ah. Hakaze. He tries to remember what exactly he wanted from him – there must have been something – but that is beyond reach for now. He just sees him and calls out his name while trying to come up with something to ask, but nothing comes to mind. Hakaze sees him, too, and frowns: he is talking to a girl. Of course.

Well, fuck that. Koga is bored, and it is the host’s duty to entertain him.

“Oi, Playboy,” he starts, speaking loud enough to cancel out the hideous dance song from the speakers, “I need more beer. And someone to talk about real music to. No one here knows shit or gives a fuck.”

Hakaze waves vaguely at him in a way that says not now, please, and his girl looks at him with irritation as evident. Chances are he is going to be kicked out of here: they aren’t exactly friends, or even acquaintances. And he wasn’t exactly invited either, just tagged along.

Koga stares at Hakaze with drunk determination until the latter gives up and sighs. And smiles a smile that doesn’t look good.

“I have an idea. Follow me.”

So he does, navigating to another room, a bit more quiet with fewer people, and everything stops for a moment when Hakaze leads him to the couch. For that moment, even his drunkenness seems to go away.

A guy is sitting there, listening to music in his headphones, and it takes him some time to recognize their presence. He looks at Hakaze briefly, then at Koga. Who is... staring. And the guy stares back at him, probably trying to remember if they have ever met. His gaze is heavy, mildly amused, more surprised, and Koga wants to disappear from the face of the Earth forever.

Because this was never supposed to happen.

It’s all in fragments now. Hakaze smiling like the bastard that he is, the guy casting another brief glance at him, clearly perplexed now. There is a shade of recognition in these eyes; Koga shivers under the intense gaze and slowly shakes his head to shake it off.

“Do you guys know each other?” They both look blankly at him. “Wonderful! Oogami, this is Sakuma Rei. Sakuma-san, this is Oogami Koga, he plays the guitar,” he looks directly at Koga, “and now owes me way more than he can afford. Well, have fun!” He pats Koga on the shoulder – and disappears, waving a cell phone.

“Do I know you?” says Sakuma Rei, squinting a little. The Sakuma Rei. The mysterious genius and the ultimate powerhouse of their whole university. And the guy Koga’s been fanboying over for the whole last year.

“Nah, I don’t think so,” he manages to say, trying to act cool. Of course Sakuma Rei doesn’t know him. There is no way he’d remember a face in the crowd at his lives. Even if that face was at all his lives. Even though he was basically stalking him around campus. Sakuma Rei does not know him, and this is the first time Koga thinks it’s good. For if he remembered this stalker thing – no, no, it wasn’t stalking despite what his stupid friends are saying, he just wanted to know a little more about him and maybe ask him to teach him how to play and stuff – if he remembered it, Koga would be in so much trouble.

He’s preparing to be found out before he can say a single word to him, but Rei decides against it, head bobbed to the side.

“Well then, sit,” he invites at last, and Koga takes care not to drop himself on the couch next to him too eagerly. And then – then Rei starts to talk, slowly and endearingly, with a rhythm lulling and aggressive at the same time, and Koga looks at him, torn between the wish to listen to him like this forever and them having never met. Because Rei is charming and handsome, and smart and witty, and he truly, truly does not know who Koga is.

But that is about to change. And it’s also where all the problems start.

He doesn’t remember how he got home that night. He obviously did – which is amazing in itself – but how, remains a mystery.

His memory got cloudy around the moment he touched that couch, but he does, unfortunately, remember how he stared at Rei with pretty obvious dumb adoration at first, mostly nodding as he couldn’t believe they were having a genuine human conversation. And Rei… smiled at that. And asked what he thought, and smiled some more – Koga did suspect he was having fun at his expense, but he let him have it. He couldn’t really care then.

He cares now, well past midday, his head hurting like crazy and the sole thought of food revolting. He is very clearly very hungover. Because at some point Sakuma Rei got him another beer, and he couldn’t refuse. Fast forward, and he’s telling this genius that he has unmatched guitar skills. Fast forward some more, he’s drunk and Rei is tipsy and demanding that Hakaze get them Guitar Hero so Koga can prove his words.

At some point it didn’t matter who won anymore. They were having a great time and there was a crowd around them, and Koga is suspecting someone was filming that. So there may, in theory, be footage of him and Sakuma, damn him, Rei playing plastic guitars together. Like friends. Equals.

Except there’s no way anyone is equal to him in anything. Especially Koga. Koga is great, sure, he’s fucking awesome, but Rei is on a whole other level. That’s a fact. Everyone knows that. And even if there is video from last night, the whole university is probably laughing at him already, this nobody who thought he was good enough to challenge Sakuma Rei to a guitar duel.

He doesn’t want to see that, and he is very reluctant to charge his dead phone. There might be pictures. And messages. And who knows what else.

But he is a strong, proud wolf. There is nothing he cannot deal with. What’s done is done, right? It was certainly an experience. He’d do that again, given the chance – maybe with less alcohol, but he’d do that again. Especially since he now has a legitimate reason to approach Rei on campus.

… That is, if he didn’t do anything worse than this. Or said something weird. He really has no recollection of how he got home whatsoever, only a faint feeling of wind around him and the not-noise of the midnight city rushing past. And Rei’s voice, but Rei’s voice was following him all night, and it does not mean anything. Except that maybe people are right and he’s a creepy stalker.

“That’s ridiculous,” he mutters to his dog, who is his only friend and ally. And also hungry. And bored. And missing his dog friends from the morning walk they never went to. “Alright. Let’s go to the park, buddy.”

For he needs to get to the pharmacy – and get the image of Sakuma Rei on an arm’s length away from him, the light of the giant screen dancing in his eyes, off his mind.

Rei is nowhere to be seen, which is to be expected with all that “vampire” image he has going on, only appearing at night-ish events and mostly sleeping through lectures if he chooses to attend at all. Maybe that’s for the best, because Koga doesn’t feel he’s ready to face him. He wants to – and he freezes every time he sees someone even faintly resembling him – but he also really doesn’t.

He’s restless, more and more so by the hour. No one pays him any mind, but he has a reputation, so none of these herbivores will ever dare to tell him anything. And what is he nervous about? It was just a party, and it was just a game. And just the most popular guy on campus. No big deal. Koga’s cool. He’s the coolest guy around here. He doesn’t need Rei’s acknowledgment.

But he checks the music room anyway before heading to the weekly warm-up TCG session, ready to slay anyone with his upgraded deck. Nothing can stand between him and his new sweet victories.

Well, maybe a foreigner.

“Oogami,” Otogari Adonis says, appearing before him out of nowhere.

Koga doesn’t bother to greet him back. They have some classes together, but he doesn’t talk much, and Koga couldn’t care less anyway. What could he possibly want now?

“Get out of my way.”

“I have a message for you.”

“Huh? Whatever. Not interested. I’m late.”

He brushes past the guy, bumping into him lightly to prove his point, but it takes Adonis a mere second to block Koga’s path again.

“It’s from Sakuma-senpai,” he says, and Koga suddenly can’t move anymore. “He told me to give you this,” Adonis proceeds, handing him a small envelope with perfect composure, and Koga can’t even think of a derogatory comment to use here – by the time he does, Adonis is walking away.

“Well, tell him to come himself if there’s something he wants to say!” Koga shouts to his back, but it’s no use.

The envelope has his name on it and a small object inside it, and Koga has too little self-control to not tear it apart right there right then.

There isn’t even a note, only a small USB drive. Black and shiny, but otherwise completely unremarkable, and Koga is so annoyed and disappointed by that he almost sniffs the envelope for any additional evidence. Almost. Of course he wouldn’t do that; that’d be ridiculous. So he stashes it in his bag and heads straight home.

There’s no time for card games anymore.

His mind all but explodes by the time he gets to his apartment. He even considers not taking the train because it’s only a couple of stations and he knows he’d get furious because it does not move at the speed of light. He’d have at least the illusion of control on foot, sure, but it’s a crazy idea, and his body will not thank him for that.

Sakuma Rei sent someone to give this to him. What can possibly be on it? Has he done something after all at that party, and the only reason no one told him anything is because Rei has ordered them not to? Is this a cruel joke, has he given him a day of silence before turning his life into hell?

No, no, there’s no way it’s like that. Rei wouldn’t. But he could. Koga is not the only one who has a reputation, and Rei’s is much more formidable than his. He is a man capable of anything.

But having a reputation means you have to protect it. Bullying a fan? Blackmailing? That’s a no-no when you’re a star. It could end your career, especially when it isn’t even in full bloom. Unless the fan did something that would end your career much sooner and with much more brutality. But the fan didn’t do anything.

Or did he?

The only thing Koga can imagine doing to piss Rei off so much is throwing himself at him. Which he obviously didn’t do, because he doesn’t like him that way. Rei is cool, and handsome, and whatever, but what Koga likes about him are his skills. Maybe his style. And his badass bike. He’s not some crazy girl squealing at his gigs about how sexy he is, and he’s not into guys.

Not that he’s against that; they’re musicians, so it’s fairly common. He’s seen guys get a little too intimate on campus, girls too, and even though it gave him creeps, he is decidedly not against that. It’s none of his business. They can do whatever they want as long as it doesn’t include him.

Love is stupid and relationships are overrated, and it does not matter if it’s a girl or a boy. He has music, and that’s the only thing he needs.

But what if Rei is interested? What if he is blackmailing him because he’s into some really weird stuff and has decided that Koga would be, what? Suitable for that? Or even willing because he’s a fan?

He shudders violently. No, he’d go straight to the police then. Star or not, Oogami Koga won’t be ordered around by anyone. And besides, it will never happen. Because it can’t.

Rei is not like that anyway: his true love is music as well. That’s why Koga likes him. Yeah. Totally.

Koga’s ears are on fire and his hands are shaking when he finally gets the USB in the port on his laptop. Why is he thinking about something this perverted in the first place? He’s the weird one here after all.

“Here we go,” he mutters, and Leon whines next to him, the dog version of support.

There they go indeed. The laptop does not explode when he opens the drive, and there isn’t even a virus, just a folder with three files, none of them even close to incriminating.

“‘Read me,’” he says aloud. “The actual... ‘Listen to me’? ‘Learn me’? Who does he think I am, fucking Alice?”

He chuckles at that, way more nervously than he should. There is no one in his apartment besides Leon, but Koga reaches for his headphones anyway before he double-clicks on Listen_to_me.mp3. Better not take any risks.

It could be anything, but it’s only a piano recording, rich and soft and intense, and it makes him want to live in this melody forever from the first notes. So he opens the PDF next to it – and stays up all night learning the tabs. They’re for an acoustic guitar and that’s not his specialty, but there’s no harm in coming back to basics.

So Sakuma Rei wants to play games with him. That, he can do.

Read_me.txt only says, “I will see you on Friday.” That, he can do too. That is plenty of time.

He oversleeps the whole first period on Tuesday, and he almost gets kicked out the next day because he’s drumming his fingers on the desk a little bit too loud. This song – this melody – is what he wakes up with and what he falls asleep to at night. He can’t crack it. There is something about it that makes him return to it again and again.

The recording is not perfect, with very low, almost indiscernible background noise. Rei probably recorded it in the music room with windows open, because Koga can hear the faint screeching of cicadas underneath the smooth, rich and velvety sound of the piano. And it’s beautiful, the energy of his rock toned down but still there, like the ocean at night, or the wind in the mountains. His old guitar fits perfectly into it.

On Thursday he sees Rei talking to a professor in a hallway, and Koga stops and stares, no idea what to do. Interrupting would be rude, and he’s sensible enough not to get on the profs’ bad side too much. Should he wave? Wait until Rei sees him and nod? Walk away from it all?

Rei notices him before he can make a decision, and he has the nerve to wink at him and turn away as if nothing happened. That bastard with his smart black shirt and his stupid skinny jeans.

He drags himself to the game club where the twins make him stay a full hour on top of the usual time as punishment for his crime of Monday non-attendance, but his mind is still occupied with this little encounter. He rants to Leon about that when he gets home, but this corgi is too smart to be amused, and the poster of Rei that Koga has in his room seems to mock him, too. He must be going crazy from the lack of sleep, Koga tells himself, and proceeds with ignoring rest in favor of practicing until he falls down on the bed, exhausted.

On Friday he puts on his favorite T-shirt – not the best, mind you, it’s not a date or anything, and he’s not dressing up for a guy – and takes his old guitar with him. He’s ready. They’ll meet, and Rei will play the piano and maybe sing – there weren’t any vocals on that track but he knows they have to be there to fill in the obvious void – and Koga will play the guitar, and then Rei will tell him that Koga is exactly who he’s been looking for and invite him to perform with him, and Koga will gracefully agree after some consideration, because he’s not a monster. He can help a guy out. Rei will just have to ask him really nicely, and it will all be set.

Yep, that’s how it will go down. There are no other options at all.

But Friday is rapidly ending and Rei is off his radar, so eventually Koga falls asleep in the empty music room, on an uncomfortable chair by the window.

His sleep ends violently as the stream of piano music is ripped away from it, his headphones removed by an external force. It’s dark already, and whoever took the liberty to awake him did not bother to turn on the lights.

“Hey!” He calls out, disoriented for a moment, jolting awake and almost falling. His whole body hurts from the awkward position he’s been in for who knows how long, and it doesn’t exactly make him pleasant. “What do you think you’re– oh.”

His eyes focus and he sees who it is now, the faint light from the corridors outlining Rei’s silhouette. Crouching in front of him, a hint of a smile, more in his energy than appearance.

“I see that you’ve invited yourself to my castle,” he says, and it’s dangerously sweet. The silence is punctuated by the distorted sounds from Koga’s headphones in Rei’s hand, and he looks at them with unrestrained curiosity. “And you’ve also done your homework.”

“Well, I had to kill some time while ya made me wait!” He presses Stop and snatches the headphones away from Rei’s fingers. He never expected to find himself in this situation, and he doesn’t know what to say at all, so he turns to the only thing he understands. “Ya want me to play or what?”

“Oh,” Rei doesn’t try to hide the amusement in his voice. He owns it, and his speech is slow and paced. “Ever eager to show me how good you are with the guitar.”

Oh. No.

It’s good it’s dark in there. Koga feels his usual anger return to him, but there’s something else beneath it, throwing him off balance, but he doesn’t have time to sort this out right now.

“Shit,” he exhales. “So you did recognize me.”

“’Course I did,” Rei draws out. “I get plenty of fans, but you’re my first stalker. But I’m not gonna hold it against you. It’s a good thing you’re cute.”

“The fuck–” he starts again, but Rei shuts him up with a wave of a hand like a Jedi. “I’m not a stalker! And I’m not cute! Whatever! Ya want me to play or not!”

“...and so zealous,” he laughs. They are alone in the room, and the sound gets carried the whole way up to the ceiling. Everything is crashing down on him, and he loses himself in it, watching Rei as if hypnotized. “Relax, I’m only joking. I’d love to hear your rendition of my music, sure, but it won’t be necessary right now. The night is beautiful, and you’re dressed too well to spend it here. Come with me. Leave everything, we’ll get your things later.”

“I’m dressed normally!” Really. Jeans and a jacket over a T-shirt? That’s what Rei’s standards for being well-dressed are? He better give him a break. Well, Koga did put on some jewelry, sure, and his jacket might be leather and studded, but that’s it. No big deal. “I can’t leave my guitar here! What if someone steals it!”

Rei looks at him as if he’s genuinely puzzled by it all, and Koga would prefer it if his eyes didn’t adapt to the dark at all.

“Rest assured, no one will touch it here without my permission,” he says slowly, standing up and stretching. “So, what do you say? I’m not going to offer twice.”

“Fine,” Koga surrenders, grunting, as he stands up himself. He doesn’t know why he’s doing that, but he carefully discards his guitar and bag, taking only his phone and wallet with him. He will think about it tomorrow, which apparently starts in a couple of hours.

After all, you can’t say no to Sakuma Rei.

The dull anger is still boiling in him as he follows Rei out of the deserted university and into the street. It’s mostly out of habit: he’s more confused than angry, but Rei’s nonchalance is getting under his skin. Every word he says pisses him off and enchants him at the same time.

He asks where they’re going, and Rei tells him that he’ll see; he tells him to enjoy the night, and the sense of freedom in his voice is overwhelming. Koga would love to, but he feels like he’s being pushed around, and he doesn’t like it when he’s not in control.

And he doesn’t know what to say, so they walk in silence through the night city, past brightly-lit convenience stores and neon signs and part-timers advertising food joints that open their doors as the neighboring stores are closing. It smells of food everywhere, and Koga’s stomach is growling – as if he didn’t have enough problems on his hands already.

“You hungry?” Rei asks, slowing his pace down a little, then stopping in front of a ticket restaurant. “Wanna get something to eat?”

“I’m a wolf!” Koga exclaims, which earns him a number of weird looks from strangers and a chuckle from Rei. The lights from the sign above the door are reflecting on his face, red and yellow and red again, and Koga looks away. “Sure I am!”

“So?” Rei prompts, tilting his head a little. “Shall we come in?”

Koga throws a glance at the public behind the glass doors. Clerks, drunk or getting there after a long day; it’s a simple place, busy at this time, and they mostly serve ramen and beer. And Koga cannot imagine someone like Sakuma Rei in that environment, even though Rei himself doesn’t seem to mind.

In fact, Rei doesn’t seem to mind anything at all. Koga registers a group of girls to their right, taking photos of him and giggling, and swallows the bitter taste of vague hostility toward them.

“Nah,” he shakes his head and starts violently forward. “Let’s proceed with your plan, or whatever.”

He tries not to think about Rei’s lingering smile, but the way that smug bastard is looking at him from time to time, hands in pockets, as if he wants to say something but chooses to keep it secret just to torture him is irritating.

“What?” Koga barks the next time he catches Rei doing that, but he only shrugs.

“Nothing,” Rei says and stops again. “Just thinking how much more talkative you were at Kaoru’s last week. Maybe I should get you a beer?”

“Fuck you,” Koga feels like his vocabulary has suddenly shrunk to about a hundred words at best. And what, he’s an alcoholic now? “What’s so funny?” He asks, arms folded, uncomfortable in his own skin.

But everything is amusing to Rei.

“We’ll get to that,” he murmurs, and Koga feels his ears get hot for no reason at all. “But let’s go see this new band and dance first. Come on, we’re here.”

Rei turns on his heels, and Koga finally takes a moment to process his surroundings; how could he not notice the assorted crowd around him, muffled rock coming from a half-closed door guarded by this tough guy in a suit?

“Hey,” Rei calls out to him, “you with me? I didn’t bring you here to stand outside all night.”

So what did you bring me here for then, Koga thinks, cursing under his breath.

Rei flashes a smile at the bouncer, and Koga follows him into the club.

Down the rabbit hole, indeed.

Their entrance fee covers a drink, and while Koga wants to keep his mind clear, Rei gets a Bloody Mary, so he settles for a beer to not look stupid – or at least out of place.

“Who’s playing?” He half-shouts to Rei over the song they put on while the band is preparing for their performance. The two of them are standing against the wall in the back; the crowd is not much, and he can’t help but wonder if the music’s gonna be any good at all.

“Several bands. All new,” Rei shouts back, taking a sip of his cocktail and leaning closer to Koga. “Actually, a CD store gave me a flyer for this event yesterday. Never heard of them before.”

“And we are here because..?”

“Their demos were decent,” his raised voice is suddenly too loud in the absence of sounds other than the low, assorted buzz of conversations here and there. They’ve cut the music for the band; Rei looks away from him to the stage, and Koga feels robbed somehow. “Look, they’re starting. Watch closely,” Rei advises him softly before the singer takes the stage.

So he does.

Except there’s no point in it; the singer clearly has little understanding of what’s supposed to be happening, and his voice is shaking. Heck, it’s so bad Koga almost feels sorry for him. It completely destroys both their image and their music – and even the badass bassist in her fancy hat cannot save the night for him.

The light is scarce, but it’s enough for him to see that Rei is, indeed, very intent on watching them embarrass themselves in front of their fans – or whoever these people are. Koga does not understand any of it, and he does not expect beer to make it better, for nothing will, but he drinks anyway.

The next up is a duet, and they are no less of a disaster. And if this is decent for Rei, Koga must have made a huge mistake when he decided that this is the guy he wants to look up to.

“Sakuma-senpai,” he starts, suppressing the urge to tug on Rei’s sleeve. The name feels wrong on his tongue. “Please tell me this was not on those demos you heard, ‘cause it’s terrible.”

Rei chuckles yet again, and this time Koga doesn’t hear it, but the air is vibrating around him and Rei’s shoulders go up and down, a scatter of tiny movements. The light shines briefly on him as he takes another sip from his glass. It’s picture-perfect; Koga has never had a photographic memory, but this vision is now ingrained in him forever.

“You sure are restless,” he says, and Koga only hears it because there’s a pause between songs. He doesn’t have a chance to process it. “But you’re right,” Rei continues, louder this time. “I don’t know what I expected. Finish your drink and let’s get out of here.”

“Ugh,” Koga says when they’re finally out; it’s hot outside, and it’s a different kind of hot than was in the club, but he’s willing to take that as long as his ears aren’t bleeding from what those amateurs call music.

They were there for an hour or so, but it felt like ages.

“No, s’rsly, how is it even possible to fuck up so badly,” he rants, going nowhere in particular, just ahead. They’re in the middle of a big city, so they will end up someplace nice eventually. “And I’m holding you personally liable for dragging me all the way there and making me listen to that,” he says to Rei, turning to him to confirm he’s still there.

“So you’d have done better?” He asks, and Koga looks away again so that he doesn’t see this sly smile of his at least; Rei’s presence is so thick around him it’s suffocating, but he’s not going to lose to that. Never.

“Ha! You bet I would!”

“Oh,” Rei pings back, and there’s something predatory in his voice. “Then tell me what they did wrong.”

“Easy peasy!” He’s mildly aware that he’s probably going to make a fool of himself yet again, but Koga is very passionate about this – and boy, did they piss him off. “Now, the first guy’s intro was just weak bullshit. I mean, honestly. Is he a rocker or what? You can’t deliver those lyrics with that attitude! And his energy was off. Maybe they have great songs, but they’re lifeless! A hot chick on stage can’t do nothin’ for ya if your frontman doesn’t even try!”

They pass more stores and more izakayas and some shady places; Rei is luring him deeper into the night, but Koga doesn’t care anymore. He’s in his element, and he’s not going to shut up for some time now.

“And that duo? If they wanted to go for some postmodern shit with their lyrics that was a wrong place. Not to mention that throwing some random words together is not how you do lyrics! I can’t believe we paid money for that!”

He stops suddenly, hyperaware of how he included Rei in the “we” and how easy it sounded. Like it belonged there. Which it– which it just didn’t.

“That’s all?” Rei asks, raising a brow; it’s clearly a challenge.

“No, I’m only starting. That guitar part in the first song…”

“Care to dance?” Rei interrupts, and this is a challenge, too.

Koga doesn’t know anymore. Too bad that he’s so competitive.

The rest of the night is a blur of lights, a steady, aggressive boom boom, so many faces surrounding him, the weird mix that the DJ thinks is suitable tonight – not that she’s wrong. They meet some people just to lose them in the crowd again, but they never lose each other, and the high of it all makes Koga forget that there is a whole world outside. It makes him forget how much he resents nightclubs altogether if he’s not on stage – and Rei is there with him, having the time of his life.

Koga feels like he’s been invited to something no mortal was supposed to see. The whirlwind of Rei’s energy takes him with it; up and down, and twist, and twist, and round and round and round they go.

The streets are deserted when they finally stumble out to remain there instead of switch places, and they meet the first streaks of dawn at a cafe that has seemingly claimed this space between two houses one day, and no one was there to object. It’s no more than a meter and a half from wall to wall, and the coffee they serve is strong enough to raise an army of undead. Maybe the owners are part of that army, too, seeing how effortlessly energetic they are in these ungodly hours.

Rei’s eyeliner is smeared a little and his hair is less than perfect; the faint glow of his smartphone makes him look like a ghost as he checks his messages, and it’s another sight Koga will have trouble forgetting.

“Something wrong?” Rei asks, and Koga shakes his head and stares into the abyss in his cup instead.

He’s pretty sure Rei is smiling again, and it feels like he’s in that Cure song gone terribly right.

He returns home numb and lost, and he can’t even summon the energy to care that Leon is mad at him for missing the evening walk. He’s mad at himself, too; what was he even thinking, running off like that, leaving his guitar and everything, forgetting his dog? Because Rei asked him to?

It’s crazy, Koga thinks. It’s completely crazy, and Rei is like poison to him, a shaman making him do his bidding. Maybe the rumors about him are true instead of just being some stories he made up for the sake of his image.

Everything feels weird to him; he wants to sleep but he’s itchy, restless even after a shower and a giant cup of coffee his stomach is not happy with. It’s not happy with instant noodles either, but that’s the limit of Koga’s efforts: the rest goes into taking Leon out to the park, where he essentially leaves him to enjoy himself alone, fighting sleep for an hour before going back home with a thousand of Sorry’s and a promise of new toys.

At home, he shuts all the curtains and finally falls asleep faster than he falls on the bed.

He wakes up well into the afternoon; it’s raining, which only makes him want to sleep more. The TV he turns on to keep his brain from spiraling back down into unwelcome thoughts of a certain red-eyed individual tells him that a typhoon is passing by, and the rain is unlikely to stop until morning.

Too bad, for he promised Rei to come tonight when the sun is down.

Leon growls softly next to him as Koga tries to find a more comfortable position. He looks at the poster of Rei on the wall – an advertisement for one of his gigs, actually, but he didn’t have the heart to throw it out. It was the first time Koga saw him live, with his dark energy washing over the whole club and his voice reverberating in Koga’s chest as if he were a tuning fork. It was a spell, surely some kind of magic that made him stand there, unable to take his eyes off Rei and his guitar – pretty much like he couldn’t take his eyes off him last night, and like he can’t do it now.

He’s handsome, all right, Koga has to admit that. There’s no point in denying it; ask anyone. He’s tall, he’s always dressed well, he smells nice and there’s this mysterious aura about him that lures you to him like clueless prey to a skilled hunter. It’s a wonder he still doesn’t have a girlfriend: a guy like him shouldn’t have problems with that, right?

This is a very good picture of him, really. Dynamic and vivid, light on him, around him, bouncing off the mic in his hand. He even pulls off the leopard print, which is a great accomplishment in itself, but there’s something amiss. It’s too perfect, too polished; Koga closes his eyes, and another image floats up to him from beneath the sounds of the rain and the anchor repeating the same typhoon story with different words over and over again.

Rei under a similar soft light that gets in his hair, painting it violet; Rei dancing, laughing, singing along to the music so close to him, and Koga has it all to himself because no one else in this club knows that it’s Sakuma Rei, the underground prodigy. He could do without this image; he actually managed greatly without it all this time. He hates every bit of it and how it makes him all tied up and heavy and dazed.

This isn’t even a feeling, more of a suggestion of one, but it follows him, looming in the corners, hiding in the endless piles of CDs he spends too much money on. These are only the first signs, but Koga wants to be the sensible character in a horror movie: he wants to seal it in a box, bury it in the woods and move out of town before it can grow and consume him without a trace.

Instead he gets up and gets dressed and walks Leon in the brief hour when the sky is clear. And then he goes all the way to the university, following the soft enchanting tune of primeval evil.

The light in the music room is dim, with only a half of the lamps on, but it stands out in the dark of the hall, slicing it in two. The piano mixes with it, with the whispers of the rain, with Koga’s own steps. He stops to listen, mesmerized; it doesn’t sound like the recording, a bit slower, kind of raw, and he waits until the music stops to enter even though his hands are itching to play.

“Welcome,” Rei says as Koga tries to act like he hasn’t spent the last couple of minutes hiding behind the wall.

“Hey,” Koga shoots back, feeling like an idiot. “That was cool,” he says just to say something.

“Thank you,” he smiles, “Didn’t write it for the piano, but you do what you gotta do, I guess. Now, take a chair and join me.”

“Wanna tell me what this is all about?” Koga asks as he does what he’s told; he can play, but he deserves an explanation at least. And he’s not going to so much as touch the strings until he gets one. “I’m not fond of being pushed around, y’know.”

“Sure,” Rei shrugs nonchalantly, looking directly at him now. “Kunugi-sensei said he’s gonna make me repeat a year if I don’t perform at this contest, or whatever. I’m sure you know about it. I’m not interested in winning, but I didn’t have a choice, so I told him I was going to do it my way.”

“And I am involved in this how?”

“Well, this thing I want to do requires some help, which we apparently are encouraged to get. And you were so eager to show off your skills that I thought I should give you a chance. You play for me and I’ll teach you like you wanted so we can both benefit from it.” All business. Right.

So what was last night about?

Koga nods. It all seems very reasonable, and maybe it’ll get him additional credit, which he could really use right now.

“Yeah, okay. So how do you see it? I play so you know how it sounds, or you tell me when to start and...”

“You know when to start already.” Rei’s eyes are almost black in this light, and he gives off this air of contained danger. Koga has always thought that the talks of seeing people through were mere bullshit, but now he feels it himself. “Just follow my lead. And try not to mess up.”

“Ha!” Koga smirks. “This isn’t even in my vocabulary!”

But Rei laughs this little laugh again – shoulders shaking slightly, eyes closed – and hits the keys without warning.

The sound is so clean, so loud; it takes Koga by surprise, and Rei clearly enjoys it. He throws a satisfied half-smile at Koga before he withdraws into the world he paints with his music, mouthing something as it becomes more intense. All of it wraps around Koga, and his hands move without any input from him as he lays his own part between Rei’s notes.

It’s not a sad song, but there’s a melancholy tint to it, an earning he cannot place. Rei doesn’t look at him until it ends, absorbed into the melody, swaying with each knot he ties in this half-told story, and Koga tunes to it, syncs with it, lives it – it’s not a bad life to live.

His pulse is a little too high when it’s over too soon, and he’s a little out of breath.

“Let’s… let’s do this again,” he says as the last notes still tremble in the air, withering away.

His days get bizarre after that. And busy.

Kunugi-sensei tells him in his harsh, no-bullshit manner that he’s only supposed to go to lectures now and spend the rest of his time practicing for the contest with Rei “and the others” considering how little time they have, joining in this late. Koga has no idea who these “others” are, and he’s hit with the gravity of it all. He doesn’t know what he expected, but paperwork and extra people in his life were certainly not on that list. Playing well with others has never worked for him, but there’s no opting out now, especially seeing how apparent Kunugi’s disapproval of him is.

He will prove them he’s up for any task, that’s for sure. Rei has chosen him for a reason; he could have anyone, but he chose him. And, well, some mysterious others, but he’s on the team, so the joke’s on them.

Except the more he thinks about it, the more surreal it gets, from that meeting at Hakaze’s to the night out to the night when they played music for three hours straight and talked a little and Rei was so very enigmatic and real at the same time, and a great teacher as it turned out. Maybe Koga thought that’s what it was going to be from now on, late practice sessions, just playing their lives away, without deadlines and without end. How naive.

He didn’t know what he was agreeing to. He didn’t even explicitly agree to it. What happened was Rei literally came into his life and took him into his, and Koga followed with no questions asked. Didn’t stop to think even once.

He thinks about it now over lunch that he has alone, and it does not change anything. He replays the past week in his head, and while he knows he could have come up with better remarks here and there, he wouldn’t change any of it. If anything, he would repeat it.

Maybe he can.

“The others” turn out to be Hakaze and Otogari, the former mostly out even though he and Rei are the only ones required to be there, and the latter mostly silent. He’s so loyal Koga wants to punch him in the face sometimes.

But, like, not very hard. He just doesn’t understand where it all comes from, but he soon learns to appreciate it.

They play music and it works out surprisingly well; the dinners they occasionally have all together, as suggested by Rei, do not – not at first. They’re a weird combination, and Koga has no idea how he’s supposed to socialize with these people. Rei and Adonis mostly talk about travel to each other, and Hakaze whines about how he wishes he were with three girls instead to no one in particular. Not that Koga can contribute anything to that except maybe telling Hakaze to go home if that’s the case, so he withdraws and eats and gets annoyed at himself until Rei directly addresses him.

“Did you want to say something?” He asks, and Koga did, but he can’t remember what anymore. He wants to tell Rei he looks amazing in this terrible light. Maybe that takoyaki here is great and he should try it. The first is clearly unacceptable, and it scares Koga how easily thoughts like this come to him lately; the second is so out of the blue he curses his stupid brain for being this way. But Rei is waiting, patiently, for his reply – or he just likes watching him struggle, Koga really can’t tell – so he clumsily blurts out something about how glad he is that they’re hanging out together like this now, and Rei smiles and agrees. This takes mere seconds and no one seems to notice, but the air shifts around them, and the next thing he knows Rei steals food from his plate, in a motion so natural it feels like he’s been doing this for ages.

This means nothing, of course. Koga is sure Rei would be the same with anyone else at the table, and he just happened to sit next to him. A coincidence, nothing more. There have been a lot of coincidences lately, but it doesn’t matter either; what matters is things get better after this little exchange, and conversations much more natural. They even have a Line chat now for the four of them.

Rei is... just a guy, Koga learns. A nice one at that, but with a sharp tongue and this terrible habit of calling him “Doggy” no matter how hard Koga swears when he does – if anything, it only makes Rei more amused. It’s flattering to a degree that Sakuma Rei chose to give him a nickname when he usually calls people by names, but it does little to make him less mad. Not in public, at least.

Rei likes to sleep until late, skips a lot of classes because he can afford it, and has a weird sense of humor. He likes tomato juice and tomatoes in general, and he tells Koga about that one time when he tried to make pasta and almost blew up their kitchen because he dozed off in the process, and his brother hated him more than usual for a week, so Koga laughs and says he can cook it for him someday if he wants. Which Rei does, even though he still hasn’t taken him up on that offer.

Koga struggles not to think about it too much.

It’s hard to remember that Rei is practically a genius – at least definitely a prodigy – when he’s chuckling at Koga’s dumb jokes or asks him how Leon is doing, or starts drifting off when Koga and Adonis fight because one of them has messed up. Or because Hakaze is staring at his phone again. It’s all bickering, though, without much spite; he comes to like being around these people sooner than he expected, even though they’re a pain in the ass sometimes, and they all come together in a perfect harmony when they play, whether it’s the song Rei wrote for all of them or their duets.

It’s hard to remember all that when Rei decides it’s enough practice for the night, and they go out to drink and dance, or to have dinner, and Koga even ends up at a jazz concert with him on one occasion (Rei claims it’s for research, but Koga can see he’s clearly enjoying it). It’s mostly the two of them, and more often than not Koga senses that the others politely refuse to give them space. He tries not to. They’re all busy, and they’re not as big fans of Rei as Koga is. Or was; he doesn’t know what he is anymore now that he actually knows the guy. A friend, maybe; after all, Rei finally follows him back on Instagram and goes through the countless pictures with Leon to like that unfortunate selfie Koga took with a poster of him before a live. He is kind enough not to mention it, but Koga knows, he has seen the notification with his own two eyes, and the like is still there anyway. And Rei knows, too; after all, his kindness extends only to the time they’re not alone. It takes him exactly an hour that same night to bring it up, offering to take a selfie with the “real thing”.

It’s embarrassing. Koga agrees.

It’s warm being with Rei, and light, and Koga chooses to stay with him even though he is running thin with the lack of sleep. Even the twins notice; he’s only coming to their TCG sessions once a week now, and when he does they tease him with mock complaints about how lonely it is without him, and how quiet – mostly Yuta, though, who doesn’t even play but comes to accompany his brother. Koga is convinced it’s a ploy to distract him so that Hinata can win. It doesn’t work, of course, but his What, you’re with your beloved Sakuma-senpai now? still rings in his ears all the way to practice after that.

It’s still with him when he wakes up the next day, and it’s there when he buys snacks for Rei before heading back to the university at night. He isn’t sure why he’s doing it every time, but it’s become a custom of theirs now, a ritual, and he finds himself unable not to.

It doesn’t help that when Hakaze throws another party he asks them, “You two are coming, right?” As if they’re a unit of some sort. It’s very subtle, but he directly asked Adonis before that, so there is no doubt as to whom he’s referring to. Rei meets his eyes and smiles, and he holds Koga’s gaze a little too long before he says yes to Kaoru.

Koga’s hanging out with the guys from his class at that party two days later as they’re filling him in on what’s going on without him at practice when Rei appears seemingly from nowhere to put an arm around his shoulders, and Koga smirks with a wave of superiority before he can catch himself and complain that Rei is too heavy and why is he doing this anyway. His classmates exchange weird looks that Koga chooses to ignore. Even Arashi’s sharp eyes are on him for a moment instead of the boy with a heavy Kansai accent.

Little things pile up. Big, too.

Realization seeps very slowly into his life.

Chapter Text

Koga has never been a big fan of all the endless talks about relationships. Who’s been where with who and who’s dating or not, who dumped whom and who is only about to. It doesn’t matter to him; things like these just don’t exist on his plane of reality most of the time.

So when people in his class start discussing these... types they have, Koga makes it a point not to listen to a word they say. He has enough on his hands with the preparation for the concert coming to a close: it’s precisely in a week, and they need to go to this big rehearsal today with everyone else participating. Which is likely going to be very tedious, especially since they are scheduled at the very end.

“Koga-chan,” he hears but disregards, burying his nose in the Twitter feed, but Arashi is way too insistent when it counts. “What about you?”

“Go to hell,” Koga shoots. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I told you not to call me that!”

“Come on, everyone has a type,” some other guy chips in with an attitude, and Koga doesn’t even know his name. He hasn’t even seen him here before; that has to be someone’s friend. “What’s yours? Sure you’ve dated. Or what, does your lone wolf whatever extend to love life as well?”

“This is none of your fucking business,” he growls, feeling his blood starting to boil. His patience is scarce these days, and he has never had a lot of that to begin with.

The guy is saying something else, something derogatory he guesses, judging from the sudden flicker of shade in Arashi’s eyes and a scatter of uncomfortable chuckles, but Koga can’t really hear it. The guy’s clearly looking for a fight here, and this isn’t something Koga can afford. This is his class and his people. They may not be his friends, and he couldn’t care less if some of them disappeared one day, but he can’t let a stranger come and disturb the smooth run of their life. Not to mention that no one’s interested in what a random dude thinks about other people’s preferences or how they like to be called.

Arashi tries to make it less horrible, sugar badly concealing the steel underneath, but Koga cuts these attempts short: he doesn’t need anyone to stand up for him in this bullshit, definitely not someone like Narukami Arashi.

Well, not that he ever thought that he would be defending Arashi of all people either, considering what he himself used to say on the matter, but his life is taking surprising turns these days.

“Fine,” he growls, putting his phone down. “If that’ll shut y’all up.”

“Yeah, tell us. Who’s the girl you’d ask out?”

“Just for the record, I think relationships are a waste of time,” he starts, sitting properly a second before he slides to the floor from his chair. Everyone is looking at him and it feels way too strange given the cause, but it’s too late now. “Well, someone cool like me,” he muses, cursing himself for how easy he is to rile up sometimes, “someone I wouldn’t get tired of in a week, and someone funny. Smart and witty. Refined, but not too much, with good fashion sense. And an attitude. And passion for music, like me. Y’know, with a good voice, so we can do something together.” All this is coming out of nowhere, but Koga finds himself unable to stop. He thinks of a dimly lit room and the sound of the piano; he thinks of the borderline between night and day when darkness is still strong but softer, and he thinks of how color bleeds into that picture. He thinks of the never-ending quest to find the strongest coffee in the neighborhood in the wee hours. Of half-smiles and half-drunken bliss. There is a face behind all that, but he’s still afraid of giving it a name. “Love for animals is a must. Bonus points if they can cook, but I don’t mind cooking myself either. And they have to be their own authority, y’know? A free spirit. I don’t care for those who follow someone else’s rules.”

There is a weird silence, and then the guy whose name Koga doesn’t know says, slowly, “Dude, this is, like, very specific. You could have just said that you like big boobs or something.”

“Hey, fuck off!” He practically shouts, which wakes up Sakuma Ritsu to his right. How he managed to sleep through all this chaos Koga has no idea, but he’s Rei’s younger brother, so maybe it runs in the family. If Rei is able to decidedly sleep through his endless fights with Hakaze, his brother can probably handle a class talk or two. “It’s you who asked!”

Arashi giggles softly, and he hates this sound. “Maybe there’s a certain someone who has stolen your heart already? Tall, dark-haired? Probably nocturnal?”

Their classmates laugh, and Ritsu is eyeing him very closely for some reason. Koga almost launches at Arashi at this – the last thing he needs now are weird rumors about him, and why do his cheeks suddenly feel so hot? – but it’s too long of a distance and too much effort spent in vain. There’s no reason to hit someone who’s weaker than you. That other guy, though. Koga’s going to find out his name and he’s going to pay him back for this, but for now he resorts to threats and the dude shuts up in a heartbeat before leaving the auditorium. Serves him fucking right.

Everything dies down anyway as the professor glides into the room. In the cacophony of students returning to their places instead of standing around Arashi’s table, his phone lights up with a string of messages from Rei, who is apparently up and very upset about it, and Ritsu snatches it from his table in a surprisingly swift motion before Koga can even register it.

“Hey,” he hisses helplessly, trying not to get the prof’s attention. What now? Did he run out of his luck today? “Give that back.”

Ritsu puts an arm between them, scanning through his brother’s messages on the lock screen before returning the phone to its owner with a glare.

“Unbelievable,” he mutters, rolling his eyes, and Koga doesn’t understand what just happened – or what he ever did to deserve not one but two Sakuma brothers in his life.

Something is wrong with Rei, and not just because he’s groggy in the daytime. He’s silent and gives Koga only a weak smile when he sees him, and even weaker smiles to the others; Koga is thankful for the special treatment, but the sick worry persists.

It gets worse when Rei tells him it’s nothing. They are all sat in the audience, the insane number of people from Rei’s year and whoever they all chose to assist them, and it figures that he wouldn’t be explaining himself during a performance, but the way Rei puts a wall between them hurts. Even though it isn’t supposed to.

He keeps looking over at where his brother is sitting with his band (which unfortunately includes Arashi, who looks knowingly at him every time Koga is caught glaring in their direction), sleeping on his best friend’s shoulder. Or maybe they are more than friends, Koga can’t tell anymore. You can never tell anything with Ritsu anyway, and not that he cares.

Except his train of thoughts has been running in all kinds of wrong directions lately, and the brakes are broken. He wants there to be something to stop it from crashing, but the momentum it has gained is too great; it’s making him fidgety, a vivid contrast to Rei, who’s sitting so still you would think he’s fallen asleep again. But he’s attentive, listening to everything around him as if supervising it.

He didn’t even do his hair today, letting it fall down to his shoulders; it still looks great, but the lack of effort on his part is disturbing, probably more than anything.

Not that anyone would notice but him. That, and how his shirt is a little creased, or how he is slumped in the chair, ever so slightly, the fight in his posture gone for once. The amount of details he sees scares him, and after Rei mouths “What” at him Koga makes it a point to not look anywhere but the stage right until the end of the evening.

He almost succeeds. Almost, because he can still see Rei fondling his phone with his peripheral vision. Almost, because he can hear him sigh when his friend’s bandmate misses a note. Or hum softly, caught up in another performance.

Almost, because Sakuma Rei is occupying his existence now way more than an idol should. Or a friend.

His eyes are trained on the stage. He is determined not to let Rei invade his mind and personal space any longer. He is – until he feels Rei’s cold fingers on his bicep backstage before they are supposed to perform.

“Everything all right?” He asks, and Koga recoils from the touch. When he turns around to face him, Rei seems as startled as he is; it’s a look of unguarded surprise that tells Koga that this was not supposed to happen, that Rei’s mind slipped as well, and he reached out without even noticing.

“Yeah,” Koga says, barely keeping himself from touching the place where Rei’s hand was mere seconds ago, pretending it was nothing. “You?”

“Of course,” he returns, the edge back after a moment’s hesitation, and Koga breathes out, relieved.

The performance is a success, as it always is; there is simply nothing outside the stage for him, and nothing can go wrong in the little private universe of Rei’s music. It has lyrics now, and even though it’s a love song it’s not cheesy. The underlying sadness in Rei’s voice gives it even more depth, and while Koga is proud that Kunugi praises them and tells them to keep it up, while Rei bows and promises to do so, Koga knows that something is still wrong, and he wants to mend it.

Not because seeing him sad does not correspond to the mental image of Sakuma Rei he used to have. Not because he wants him to be cheerful so that Koga can have fun with him. He just doesn’t want him to be down, period.

So he asks, trying to look cool, when everyone else has left after they brought their instruments back to the music room, “Hey, you wanna go out?” As if it were an afterthought, however rehearsed. His heart is beating somewhere in his throat.

“No,” Rei says without looking up at him from where he’s sitting at the piano, fiddling with a carton of tomato juice. “I don’t want to keep you here more than necessary. I’m afraid I’m not much of a company tonight.”

He looks very, very tired, and Koga wants to shake him until he snaps out of it.

“Come on,” he says instead, coming closer and sitting down on the chair next to him, “what’s bugging you? You can tell me, alright.”

Rei makes himself smile, a sad affair, but it’s almost affectionate, and Koga is glad he’s sitting when Rei crumbles down, for it’s a heartbreaking sight.

“It’s my brother,” he finally responds without much detail, sighing heavily as he sets the carton aside without opening it. He looks like he hasn’t had proper rest in years, which is probably partly true. “We had a nasty fight today. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

There it is. He knew it had something to do with Ritsu. He fucking knew it.

He wishes he could know what to do about that, too.

“What’s his deal?” He asks angrily. “I mean, I’ve heard him say how he wished you were dead, but I always assumed it wasn’t that serious. Siblings always fight, and all that. Do you want me to talk with him? See if I can be more persuasive than you?”

Rei actually chuckles at that, and Koga’s heart flutters.

“I always forget you’re in the same year,” he says and then shakes his head. “No, that won’t be necessary. I’m sure he’ll come around someday. This really isn’t something for you to fill your head with. Go home, enjoy your evening. I’ll be back to normal tomorrow. Please don’t beat my precious little brother up.”

“I can’t just leave you here like this, okay?” He’s panicking, refusing to be sent away like a stupid kid from his parents’ fight. “I will go if that’s what you really want, but I wa... don’t mind staying. I don’t want you to sit here all night being miserable all by yourself.”

A chuckle again, and Rei reaches out to pet him on the head.

“Well then, I can’t say no to a good boy like that, can I now?” He looks at his watch, and Koga bites his lower lip to keep himself from telling him to cut it out with the name-calling. Not that he has the heart to anyway. “Let’s go out if you’re so determined to spend the night with me. But we always do what I want; let’s do something you like. Choose anything.”

There isn’t much. Nothing Koga likes to do correlates with the world Rei lives in. But he has an idea.

“I would like you to meet Leon.”

They take the train, and Rei seems moderately excited by everything, peeking out from the windows, looking at Koga sideways; Koga knows because he’s watching him too, too nervous to say anything now.

It is the first time they’re doing something other than essentially partying at night, and the first time Koga is leading the way. He realizes that he would have to let Rei into his apartment only when there’s no going back anymore, and he frantically tries to remember if he has left something embarrassing lying around in the morning. Well, other than the guy’s CDs and maybe a polaroid here and there.

Good thing he took that poster down in the end.

He has to pull Rei out of the train since he has managed to fall asleep again somehow even though it’s already evening. When the train rattles away, Koga still has Rei’s hand in his as if he’s afraid Rei will drift away from him shall he let go. It’s childish – of course he won’t, he’s a grown man for fuck’s sake – but the feeling persists, and Rei looks so sleepy and still so sad that he holds on to it as if it’s his lifeline.

“Come on,” he mutters, looking down, his ears burning, as he takes him all the way up from the platform and then to his apartment.

He inevitably lets go of Rei when they’re out, though, way too aware of himself and the surroundings, of how right it feels to be connected to him like this. Rei never comments on it, and Koga is too jittery to walk in silence, so he tells him little things about his neighborhood, how there used to be a pawn shop here but it’s now a supermarket since the owner turned out to be a criminal, or how this one store is never open but something constantly changes inside. He doesn’t know what Rei is going to do with this information, but he never interrupts, only nods sometimes, and Koga feels stupid and encouraged at the same time.

It’s a ten-minute walk, but it’s ages before they reach his apartment.

“Here, here, buddy,” Koga says to Leon barking behind the door as he’s messing with the keys. He can feel Rei’s eyes on him, the unmistakable weight of it pinning him down, but he brushes it away. “Come in,” he nods at Rei, holding Leon to stop him from getting out into the corridor. “Give me two minutes, I’m gonna get the leash, okay?”

“Sure,” Rei sing-songs, stepping inside, as Leon growls at him lowly. “He doesn’t seem to like me,” he points out when Koga leaves him.

“Nonsense,” he says as he returns to put the leash on. “He just doesn’t know you. And you’re kinda scaring him. Here, sit down with us,” Koga invites, waving him down until Rei squats next to them. He looks so unsure and so lost that Koga wants to tease him how he’s the puppy now, but decides against it. “Easy, boy,” Koga murmurs when Leon growls again, questioningly this time, “be nice to our guest. It’s Sakuma-senpai, he’s...” a pause as he looks briefly at Rei, as if asking for a permission or a confirmation, “...a friend. I told you about him, right? Come on, don’t be mean. We have to make a good impression here, or he’ll never go for a walk with us again. Say hi,” he steals another glance at Rei and it’s a mistake because he’s halfway giggling, and Koga’s stomach makes a backflip at the sight.

At least he’s succeeded in wiping that devastated look from his face.

“You told your dog about me?” Rei asks, kneeling down, and a heat wave creeps down Koga’s neck.

“Well, he’s my partner! I tell him everything,” he barks.

“Interesting,” Rei holds his gaze for a couple of seconds and then turns to Leon. “Hello. I’ve heard a lot about you too.”

Leon whines softly, interested, and takes a step to Rei as he sniffs him, wagging his tail slightly.

“Good boy,” Koga grins affectionately. “You can pet him. He won’t bite, I promise.”

“I hope so,” Rei says slowly, “Kunugi-sensei will kill you if your dog bites my hand off a week before the performance.” Koga rolls his eyes. “But can I, really? I’m better with cats.”

“Just do it. If you can pet cats without them making spaghetti out of your hands you’re gonna be fine.”

“If you say so,” Rei says with a grain of skepticism – which Koga can’t blame him for – and reaches out to scratch Leon behind the ear, stopping for a fleeting moment when his fingers first brush the fur.

The corgi lets him, exposing his chin as Rei’s strokes get more confident, and following the movement of his hand when he tears it away.

“See?” Koga laughs. “You’ve made a new friend. Now give him a treat and he’ll fall in love with you forever.”

“I’m not sure I can handle this responsibility,” Rei smiles, reaching for the pack of treats Koga is holding and locking eyes with him again. “What if I gave you one?” He wonders softly, watching Koga closely as his dog eats the treat from his palm.

“What the fuck,” Koga blows up, jumping to his feet, “I told ya I’m a wolf, not a dog!”

“That was not the question,” Rei murmurs as Koga storms out past him, burning, pretending he didn’t hear that.

They stroll down to the park, and Koga is grateful to Leon for occupying Rei’s attention because he doesn’t have to deal with more of these suggestive remarks and how he still can’t figure it out if he’s their only target or if it’s just the way Rei is with people. Or how they should make him uncomfortable in a completely different way than they do.

For if Arashi were to tell him something like this there would be violence, but the most violent thing he can do to Rei is move his hand away when he pets him, more because that’s what is expected of him, not because he wants to.

He doesn’t know what he wants anymore. He used to be the epitome of the notice-me-senpai mindset, shadowing Rei on campus and hoping against hope that he would so much as look at him, maybe acknowledge his presence with a look or answer a question. He wanted to be like him; he wanted to be him when he went to his lives. He wanted a part of that glory and he got it, in a way, but he’s still not satisfied.

Rei has noticed him all right. He has been noticing him for two months now, and there hasn’t been a day when Koga wasn’t shamelessly excited to meet him. He used to tweet about it all the time at first, and then his Instagram also turned into a chronicle of their rehearsals and occasional parties, plus an extended collection of upgraded selfies – except these are mostly on Rei’s account, with Koga meticulously tagged in each one, even those he didn’t quite like. Well, at least they spice up Rei’s aesthetic feed filled with the night skies, roses, and whatever. Their lives became so deeply entangled in such a short time that Koga’s brain still hasn’t caught up on it, busy accepting everything life throws at him and trying not to be picky.

He doesn’t want to think what will happen in a week when the contest is over and they don’t have a project to work on together anymore. The idea of it all ending makes him sick.

He hasn’t had enough of it yet. There’s more he can give Rei. And so much more Rei can give him.

“Hey,” Rei says, and Koga remembers where he is. “Everything fine? You’ve been way too quiet for way too long. Regretting inviting me after all?”

“What? No. ‘Course not. Sorry,” Koga mutters, coming back to his senses and rubbing his eyes. Rei is squatting down with Leon, playing tug of war with him and obviously losing, either because he doesn’t know he can pull harder or because Leon has charmed him completely. Koga feels a twinge of jealousy, and he knows he has to get out of there fast. “I, um. Can I leave you with him for a second? Gonna go buy drinks.”

His favorite person and his favorite dog both look at him with mild surprise and worry, and the voice in his head shrieks violently. Run.

If only he knew where to.

“You trust me this much?” Rei teases, and Koga wants to jump off the nearest bridge. Except it’s only two meters high, so he just mumbles something incoherent and storms off to the Family Mart across the road.

He watches them through the window, playing in the last minutes of twilight before the night hits the city, Leon’s leash coiled around Rei’s wrist. There is no tension in his shoulders anymore, and he looks like he’s been doing this for ages, sitting down on the ground in his fancy-ass brand jeans.

He doesn’t look the least bit out of place; wherever he goes, the reality seems to shift and rearrange itself to compliment him, no matter if it’s a concert hall or a run-down ramen shop. Koga wonders what he looks like next to him, if this aura makes him look better as well, or the contrast between them only contributes to Rei’s shining.

He runs back to them, not necessarily feeling better but a bit calmer now, and Rei greets him with a wave.

“We thought we lost you,” he says, reaching for the juice carton. “Thanks. You really shouldn’t have bothered.”

“I don’t mind,” Koga grins. It’s dark already, and the yellow street lamp highlights Rei’s pale skin and Leon’s red coat. He doesn’t release the carton. “I’m taking a picture in return,” he informs him.

“Just ask next time,” Rei suggests. “You don’t have to buy me food in exchange. I’d gladly do anything for you.”

Koga swallows and prays Rei doesn’t notice – but of course he does. He’s been doing this for a while now, a couple of weeks maybe, saying things like this out of the blue just to fuck with him. Sometimes Koga would turn red and sometimes he’d scream, and sometimes, like now, he would ignore it.

“Please hold Leon,” he says instead, and Rei obeys.

What the camera sees doesn’t do him justice, no matter how hard the modern technology tries. Light seems to bend around him, drawing Koga in; he should have listened to those rumors about Rei and how he can make people fall for him. He should have known better.

“Like this?” Rei asks, raising Leon up and hugging him. It makes the dog happy and Koga’s hand shake as he presses the camera button.

Rei looks perfectly happy in the picture too, like a kid in a candy shop, and it is only a little blurry because Leon apparently can’t hold still for a second. Not that Koga blames him.

“Did it turn out well?” Rei asks, the angelic look still on his face. “Show me.”

Koga sits down next to him – if the guy doesn’t care what happens to his designer clothes then he shouldn’t either, though he feels a bit guilty for his dog possibly ruining an expensive shirt – and Rei puts an arm around him to draw him closer.

Of course he lets him. He lets him hold him and he lets him take his phone and he smiles when he’s told to, because Rei turns him into a complete mess.

“Here,” Rei gives him his phone back and moves away, and Koga stares at it like an idiot before he takes it. There is a picture of them on the screen, Rei hugging him, Leon in his lap, and Koga wants to live in this moment forever. “As a thank-you for tonight.” He stands up and makes a feeble attempt to brush himself down. “Shall we have dinner? It’s getting late, and I have something I have to do after this.”

Pull yourself together, you dumbass, Koga tells himself.

“Yeah,” he says, pocketing the phone and taking the leash. “I know just the place.”

It’s closer to ten when Rei walks him home – which he by all means shouldn’t have done since it makes it even more like a date in Koga’s mind (walk in the park, check; spontaneous photo session, check; street food, check) – and Koga asks him if he’s really gonna be alright and if he remembers how to return to the station. They’re standing in front of his apartment building and Koga can swear one of his neighbors is listening to them talk.

“I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” Rei insists, and Koga feels the wall between them coming up again. He wants to be with Rei whatever he’s going to do next. Well, maybe not if he’s going on a date, but that’s not the case, is it? “I have to make sure everything is in place for tomorrow’s live, and I’m not gonna bother you with that.”

“Shit,” Koga breathes out, brief relief turned to panic. He forgot. How could he forget? “Oh no, I’m sorry, I completely forgot about that! Fuck, it’s at Hakaze’s club, right? Do you think he’d let me in if I don’t have a ticket? There are probably none left by now.”

“Don’t worry,” Rei drawls, leaning against the wall, arms crossed. “I’m sure my favorite fan doesn’t need a ticket to see me. I can even take you backstage if you want. Now go rest, I will pick you up tomorrow.”

“Holyshityoucandothat?” Koga breathes out in a single word, unsure how to react. He mostly wants to jump and run around, but he can’t afford embarrassing himself in front of Rei that much. “Um, I mean, thank you? I’m sorry, I should have noted it somehow, I don’t usually miss them so...”

“Stop it,” Rei smiles, “it’s nothing for me. Thanks for tonight. I had fun.”

“Yeah, no problem. I’m glad you did? I never thought that’s something you’d enjoy.”

“Because it’s not a club?”

“Well... yeah. I didn’t think you’d be interested in just, you know. Strolling around.”

“Why not?” The surprise in his voice is genuine. “You never offered.” He lingers, silent, as if unsure he wants to go, until a neighbor brushes past them muttering something about stupid young people having nothing to do but loiter instead of contributing to the society, and they exchange meaningful looks and somehow manage not to laugh until the man is out of their sight.

“Please contribute to the society by getting some sleep tonight,” Rei says sweetly. “I’ll see you soon.”

He pets Leon before going and asks him to keep an eye on his “partner”, and Koga doesn’t breathe until he is in the safety of the elevator.

Damn the twins. Damn Arashi. Twice. No, three times.

“I am so fucked,” he informs Leon, who barks at him in accusation.

He wakes up in the middle of the night to a string of Instagram notifications.

“Doggy and Leon ♪,” says Rei’s caption under a picture of Koga checking his phone, Leon sitting patiently at his feet as they wait for the green light. He doesn’t even remember that being taken. “Thank you for keeping me company on this moonless night. I hope we can do it again ♡”.

Just like that. With that ridiculous heart at the end.

The rest is a ton of meaningless comments mentioning him and a bunch of people following him, which happens every time Rei tags him in anything. He thinks it was a dream in the morning, but the post is still there, as are the comments.

Some of them are threats to him for spending too much time with Rei, some contain nothing more than a ton of emojis ranging from hearts to bombs, and some elaborate on what a cute couple they make. Rei even went out of his way to like some of them.

If this is a prank, this is taking it a bit too far.

At eleven o’clock in the morning he opens the selfie Rei took last night on his phone and stares at it for several minutes, the endless emojis and the word “couple” burned on his retina. It’s all way too surreal. It just can’t be true.

He stares at it some more an hour later as he eats, and checks the Instagram notifications that he had turned off previously to save him from a nervous breakdown. His head is spinning as he scrolls through the comments to Rei’s latest post, so he takes Leon for support and sinks into his bean bag chair.

“Couple,” he repeats aloud, nervous. “This is stupid. Why is it so important to put labels on everything?”

Leon whines. Koga continues scrolling.

It pisses him off how casual Rei is about all this. He even suspects he’s doing it on purpose, never denying anything but liking the most ridiculous comments instead. Koga isn’t denying anything either, for that matter, but it’s not his account so he doesn’t feel like he can barge in there and do as he pleases. Besides, any reaction would probably only make things worse. Yeah. Totally. This must be the reason Rei is silent.

But it still does not explain the likes, the latest under a comment that says they want more photos of them together. Which is inspiring and terrifying at the same time, but if this is the game Rei wants to play, Koga is in. It all started with a game anyway, and they never stopped playing; this is the next level, it seems.

“More photos of us, huh,” Koga mutters, opening a photo editor on his phone. “You heard that, buddy?” He plays with the settings and filters a little until he’s satisfied, scratching Leon absentmindedly with his free hand. “Why would people even write these things? Being a celebrity sucks.”

Leon barks.

“Yeah, I know. It doesn’t. Here, you like this?” He shows Leon the result of his efforts, and the corgi looks at him with lively enthusiasm. “I guess you’ll agree to anything as long as I feed you,” Koga sighs and taps the Instagram icon.

Now comes the hardest part: the caption. He kind of wants to make it as cheesy as possible to get back at Rei for all this bullshit and claim that he has brought it on himself, but the more he looks at the photo, the warmer he feels.

It was a great night, and it doesn’t matter what people on the Internet think about all this. They shouldn’t apologize for liking to spend time together, right? Well, considering that Rei actually does like spending time together with him and it’s not a very elaborate ploy against him. Or a PR campaign. Which doesn’t make sense at all, but it could be. Probably. Or not.

He wants to hope it is all genuine. Rei is not an asshole. A bit eccentric, yes, and he has a somewhat strange concept of personal space – especially Koga’s personal space – but he’s not a bad person.

“With Sakuma-senpai last night!” He types, unaware of how widely he is grinning. “Leon is asking when you’ll come to play with him again already! I’m a bit jealous haha.” Koga stops because he feels like a complete moron writing this, but he decided to be honest so he has to finish it in one go. “We are both hoping you’ll go for more walks with us, and looking forward to tonight’s show! Everyone, please come see Sakuma-senpai tonight!”

He knows every word he writes will be used against him. He knows he sounds like he has sustained severe trauma to the brain and never recovered, which may not actually be that far from the truth.

Something broke in him that first time he saw Rei on stage. Something breaks in him every time Rei smiles at him, and he shatters completely when they touch.

Koga hates every last person who commented under that picture, including Adonis, who couldn’t have chosen a worse moment to remember that social media exist (“Thank you for cheering Sakuma-senpai up, @greatwolf_koga!”) and especially Hakaze (“Haven’t you guys been getting a little too close lately? This is kinda gross.”).

He tags Rei and hits Share and almost throws his phone out of the window out of embarrassment after that. He certainly leaves it at home when he goes out to walk Leon.

@winkwink_yuta it’s happening
| @winkwink_hinata O M G it’s happening
|| @winkwink_yuta you owe me now
||| @winkwink_hinata we’ll see about that

@sparkling_subaru Ahh so it was you after all!! I thought I should say hello but you didn’t notice us and I didn’t want to intrude! Daikichi misses Leon too!!

@kaoru_feather I regret following both of you.

@sakuma_rei_is_god Sakuma-sama looks so good!!! I’m jealous!!!

@666_rinko_666 duet when
| @stsh0227 I know, right? They should just start a band already

@let_me_sleep_ stop turning my stupid brother into a dog person.
| @let_me_sleep_ actually stop hanging out with him so much, it’s gross. I expected better of you
|| @maomao That’s rude, Ritsu.
||| @let_me_sleep_ it’s the truth. I’m just trying to save Corgi from the worst mistake in his life.
|||| @let_me_sleep_ not to mention that I don’t want these two anywhere near my house.
||||| @maomao I’m sure Oogami-kun can sort it out himself. And you can always come to my place.
|||||| @let_me_sleep_ not the point but thanks ♡

@rei_sakuma I’ll get you in an hour.

@arashi_narukami I’m rooting for you, Koga-chan!

Rei collects him on his bike because that’s how cool he is – tight jeans, biker jacket over a gray V-neck, the full package with some extra options thrown in for good measure – and Koga outright ogles him when he runs out of the door of his building. He’s not alone; a housewife from the third floor is there too, talking to him for some reason, and Rei has such a sickeningly sweet smile plastered to his face it feels like he’s ready to snap her neck any second.

“Hey,” Koga interrupts before the scene turns into a bloodbath, and Rei is visibly relieved when the housewife leaves them alone with a scatter of meaningless words neither of them listens to. They look at each other and there is not enough air between them.

“Hey,” Rei echoes, playfulness creeping back to his face. Koga likes this look; he wants Rei to look at him like this all the time. “Thank you for saving me from murdering your neighbor.”

“No big deal,” Koga smirks, “though it would be quite amusing to watch, I guess.”

“Not as amusing as watching you,” Rei comments lightly, like these words are the most natural thing for him to say. “Here, I brought you a hel...”

“Why,” Koga says suddenly, and it startles them both. “I mean, I... I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a while but...” Rei zooms in on him, and words start to fail him. “Senpai? Why me? You could have chosen anyone to do this project with you. There are probably many students better than me.”

“Oh,” Rei shrugs, resting the helmet against his thigh. He looks so great leaning against the bike that Koga doubts it he even has the right to stand next to him right now. “Well, first it was too late to run when I realized you were that kid that used to follow me everywhere, and then I didn’t want to anymore because it was fun and you were cute. I like having you around, it’s like a breath of fresh air. You always say what you think, and I can be real with you too.”

Right now Koga thinks he would really like to touch him and get a stray bang out of his eyes, but he doesn’t voice it. A part of him is still trying to convince him this is all wrong, but he can’t make himself care anymore. He hopes the street light is not enough for Rei to see how deeply he’s blushing.

He wants to record every last word Rei says in his memory, but his brain is already overloaded.

“But what about...”

“As for why I chose you for the performance,” he raises a finger, and Koga shuts up in a blink of an eye, “there are people with better skills, sure. But I don’t need skills, they’re lifeless. I want passion, and I liked how your style is close to mine but it’s still very you. I liked your cover of my song.” Koga winces; Rei is referring to a video of very questionable quality he recorded in the middle of the night half a year ago. He never took the time to either delete it or make a new one, and he regrets it deeply right now. “I did my research. And I have made a very informed decision.” Rei smiles, a little tired, as if he has said too much and has to recharge. “You satisfied? Can we go now? They aren’t gonna start without me, but I don’t want to be late for sound check either.”

“Yeah. Of course. Sorry,” he nods enthusiastically, and Rei finally holds the helmet out for him. “Thanks,” he says after a pause long enough for Rei to know that it’s not only because he is concerned for Koga’s safety.

“I still can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” Hakaze says as he hands Koga a staff badge – Assistant, it says, – to wear around his neck.

“Don’t be so grumpy, Kaoru-kun,” Rei insists, ever a tease, “Doggy has earned this. And I take full responsibility for him, if that makes you happy. You’re not gonna cause any trouble, are you?”

“For the millionth time,” Koga grits his teeth, expertly avoiding being petted on the head, “I am not a dog.”

“Whatever you say,” Rei smiles, and Hakaze rolls his eyes more than should be physically possible as Koga sighs, defeated. There is just no use arguing with Rei on that.

He follows him everywhere he goes after that, much like he used to except now Rei actually looks at him from time to time, and he even lets him mess with his guitar – Koga will never admit it, but it almost makes him cry. Which is embarrassing, but no one is there to witness it, so Koga takes his time to admire both the feel and the sound while Rei is occupied with the actual staff and Kaoru is away doing whatever he is supposed to do as the manager here. Or flirting maybe, Koga wouldn’t put it past him.

He watches the scene get decorated and he watches the technicians fiddle with equipment; he has seen it all before and the process is always the same, but being here with Rei makes him all excited like it’s his first time. There are several hours to kill and he knows he’s useless at best, getting in everyone’s way at worst, but there’s no helping it now.

He contents himself with sitting on the sidelines, watching Rei’s every movement as he is getting ready to perform. He’s learning, he tells himself; he’s tired of coming up with excuses, but old habits die hard.

He wants more – he does, and he’d be a liar if he ever claimed otherwise, especially with this persistent urge to be closer, closer, closer to Rei with every step, every breath he takes, every beat of his heart. It dawns on him all at once, that he wants to stand on stage with him, he wants Rei to sing to his tunes, he wants to sing together with him, to share a name with him and so much more – but he bites it all down. For now.

He migrates with Rei to the green room when the club opens for the first visitors, and he watches him put on makeup, mesmerized. He doesn’t know what to do with himself anyway so he stares from the corner, listening to the clatter of eyeliners and brushes and Rei’s humming and the noises outside.

He shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t be here but he is, in this small dressing room with Sakuma Rei in his full onstage armor.

“How do I look?” Rei asks him, bathed in the halo of makeup lights behind him.

Amazing, it echoes in Koga’s head, you always look amazing and you know that.

“Fine?” He suggests, shrugging as if it doesn’t turn him inside out. “As usual? How should I know?”

“I expected a more elaborate answer from my assistant,” Rei says, sliding gracefully from his chair to where Koga is seated. It takes him mere two steps, heels click-clacking sharply on the floor, and Koga stands up in a sudden rush of panic.

“So?” Rei prompts, looming above him, eyes a deep wine red in this light.

“I said you look fine,” Koga manages to say. A lot of other words are floating in his head; he’s no expert on makeup; he’s never seen Rei so close before and it makes his head spin; he has no idea how to compliment guys; you look so hot. “It’s gonna be great on stage.”

“Only on stage?” He asks, feigning offense, tugging at Koga’s badge so that the lanyard cuts into his neck a little. “It sure is hard to impress you. And here I was thinking that you’re my biggest fan.”

“Not... only,” Koga whispers. He doesn’t feel like a wolf; he feels like a rabbit paralyzed in front of a python.

“Good,” Rei says, a thick whisper as well. He leans in briefly and then bounces back, very pleased with himself it seems, leaving Koga confused and ashamed and angry.

It’s a joke. It’s all a joke to him, and Koga was a fool to let himself hope even for a second that there was anything more behind it.

He marches out of the room without looking back a second later when the staff is there to tell them it’s time to go, but it lasts only until the first song shatters the air inside the club. It lifts him up and throws him back into the haze of unconditional adoration, and Rei’s voice chains his heart to him: when he sings, there is no pride left in Koga. So what if he’s toying with him; so what if it ends soon, it won’t erase last night, or all the nights before that, and it won’t erase the tension between them when they play together. He will cherish it forever, and he’s going to fight for it to last. He’s going to make Rei take him seriously if he has to.

He dashes backstage when it’s over, past other screaming fans and all the commotion back to the dark narrow corridors. He’s not one of them anymore.

“Sakuma-senpai!” He calls out the moment he sees Rei, out of breath after the show. He opens his arms to him on instinct, and Rei collapses into him with all his strength – or lack thereof. “You were so cool!” Koga laughs as the momentum makes him take a step back.

“Thanks,” Rei mutters into him, a whirlwind of heat and smells; his arms are a tight ring around him, and the sheer force of it all is disorienting, so sudden he doesn’t know what happened – and how to react.

But he has Sakuma Rei still breathing heavily into him, holding on to him so that he doesn’t fall, his usually cold skin hot iron against him, and it doesn’t matter that Koga can’t move because he doesn’t want to leave this spot ever again.

He can feel the danger emanating from Rei, the power, everything that comes alive in him on stage, all wrapped around Koga now, and he basks in it, a bundle of confusion and joy.

“Sakuma-san?” Kaoru suggests, breaking the spell, and the sound of the audience chanting encore, encore beats the sense back into him. “That’s sexual harassment.”

Rei growls, which sends a violent shiver through Koga. He doesn’t trust himself one second, but he knows he has to get Rei away from him until it gets worse, because his heart is beating as if he’s shot pure adrenaline into his vein, and Rei’s finger is grazing against his waist. His smell is overwhelming this close, wood and wine and cardamom and sweat, thick and enchanting.

He manages to nod to Kaoru, indicating that he’s got it under control. Which is not true, but he has to try.

“Sakuma-senpai?” It comes out too gentle, too soft. He puts his hands on his back tentatively, and Rei moves against him again, as if trying to burrow deeper, giving rise to something dark and heavy. “You have to go, the fans are waiting.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Senpai, please.”

“Come with me,” Rei tears himself away from him, and Koga’s arms fall back to his sides. “Let’s play our song.”

“W-what? No,” he shakes his head and it’s a mistake because the world is spinning enough as it is. “We can’t. You won’t be able to participate in the contest then. The song has to be new, remember?”

“Guys,” Kaoru pleads, offering Rei a towel. “Come on. Please.”

“I don’t care,” Rei says harshly, and Koga can’t believe he’s refusing him and everything he craved an hour ago. It would be so easy to give Rei what he wants now, but he can’t have it all the time, and they will both regret it later.

“Well I do,” Koga’s voice is shaking, rising, “I can’t let you throw away two months’ work on a whim.” Rei’s eyes turn cold, so he bargains, “Next time, alright? Let’s do it next time.”

“Fine,” Rei throws, and Koga breathes out. He’s shaking all over, and he wants to get Rei back into his arms so that he won’t look at him like that, so that he’ll rely on him again, so that there won’t be anything else between them again. Rei gives him a smug look, and there is a threat behind it. A promise. “But you owe me this.”

He slips back to the stage, robbing Koga of his will and strength so he stumbles back and lands on what seems to be a spare speaker.

“Whoa. I didn’t expect you to be the reasonable one,” Kaoru observes, but there is no rhyme or reason to it at all.

There is darkness and heat and raw desire and drive and shame, but Kaoru isn’t supposed to know that, like Koga wasn’t supposed to see Rei changing into a fresh T-shirt half a meter away from him, and it wasn’t supposed to make him aroused, but it did.

Chapter Text

“So,” Hinata Aoi taps two mana cards and puts a creature down on the table. “I can’t believe you’ve been here half an hour already and we haven’t heard the name Sakuma Rei once yet.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Koga is focused on his hand. He’s losing, and losing badly because he can’t concentrate on anything for more than five seconds, but maybe he can make this work.

There was no word from Rei in the last 24 hours and he thinks he’s losing his mind.

“You were all lovey-dovey and he took you backstage, and you don’t have anything to tell us?” Yuta cuts in. He’s watching their game closely today, and Koga can’t shake off the feeling that the twins are ganging up on him.

“And don’t forget the panicked nonsense you tweeted yesterday for several hours straight.”

“Trouble in paradise?”

“We weren’t..! We’re not like that,” Koga says heavily. Almost sadly. “How do you even know all that. Why are you two on my case anyway?” He shuffles his deck vigorously, and it all but goes flying in every direction.

“You’re our favorite senpai,” Hinata gives him a naughty smile, “we want you to be happy.”

“And you normally won’t shut up about him. Did something bad happen?”

“Or something so good you want to keep it only to yourself?”

Both, Koga thinks, but he swore he’d never tell them, even if it means he’s going to blow up because of all the words bubbling inside him.

He can still feel Rei holding him tight, and he still gets goosebumps whenever he thinks about his breath on his collarbones, or how Rei teased him all night, playing hot and cold until it got so overwhelming Koga forgot how to feel anything at all. Or how it ended – that he thinks about a lot. It’s all that’s been on his mind for a day and a half now, and the memories rise again with every minute getting him closer to the moment he’s supposed to go to practice.

He closes his eyes to collect his thoughts.

Rei drove him to his apartment again Saturday night, and Koga stuttered, not wanting to let go of him, “Wanna go up?”

“Aren’t you bold,” Rei laughed; all he did that night was laugh at him. “The sun will be up soon, I have to go,” like he’s a fucking Cinderella, or what’s her name, “and besides, you don’t know what you’re asking for yet.”

“I do...” Koga started, raising his voice, but Rei stopped him before he woke up the neighborhood.

“Shh,” he whispered, leaning in again, turning Koga into a silent statue, “I don’t want you to get hurt. Think it all over again. I will see you on Monday.”

And like that, he was gone.

None of that made any sense to him, and it makes even less sense now. No matter how much Koga thought about it, it didn’t change anything. There is nothing to think over, really; he would invite Rei again given the chance. Maybe he didn’t know what he was asking for – the answer lay down at the bottom of the dark and cold lake in his heart – but he was determined to find out.

He doesn’t know a lot of things, but he’s a fast learner.

“I just don’t get it,” he moans so loud that it makes other players turn their heads to them, and the twins have to apologize on his behalf. “‘Think it all over again,’ my ass! What’s there to think!”

The twins share a long look, and Hinata puts his cards down on the table in a neat pile.

“Let’s see,” he starts counting on his fingers. “As far as I remember, in the last two months he has taken you dancing, you went to several questionable gigs, had dinner together every other night after practice – I’m not gonna count that – saw a movie, ...”

“Don’t forget the jazz concert.”

“Right, the concert, and now he’s met your dog, plus whatever happened on Saturday. And you call all this..?”

“What? What am I supposed to call it? We’re just... hanging out together? Isn’t it natural to spend time with your bandmates?”

“I don’t know how he can be so obvious and so thick-headed at the same time,” Hinata sighs, turning to his brother. “I give up. You handle this.”

“Senpai, listen. I hate to break the news to you, but if you were a girl, it would be called ‘dating’.”

“W-why? Hey! Why am I the girl?!”

“This is literally not the point,” Yuta spells out, tremendously patient. “It doesn’t matter. Not how it works anyway.”

“I can’t say I don’t understand Sakuma-san, though. I would be frustrated too if the guy I liked didn’t even acknowledge he liked me back.”

“And you have a crush on him the size of...”

“...Budokan.”

“I was going to go for a galaxy, but okay, we can start small.”

“Stop it,” Koga pleads, mortified. His cheeks are burning and he hides his face in his hands. He knows it all; he knows it already, but having other people say it to him is the last nail in the coffin of his sanity. He would rather prefer it if he got his ass handed to him in the game instead of the twins pretending to be shrinks. “He doesn’t even like me. Like that. He’s just a nice person. He’s friendly with everyone.”

“Well, do you like him?”

He growls, defeated. “Of course I like him! He’s the best of the best!”

“...there we go again. This is not what I asked.”

“‘Friendly’ is the last word I’d use to describe all this. Besides, he’s not a saint either, right? If he doesn’t like you, as you put it, ‘like that’, then he’s just playing with you because he knows you’ll do anything he says. Which makes him the polar opposite of, your own words again, ‘a nice person’.”

“Bottom line is, you two need to talk it out. This is honestly not healthy either way. And we want our victorious Oogami-senpai back.”

They don’t talk that day, of course, just practice in their usual chaos, and neither of them mentions anything not work-related at all. It’s all very normal, very regular, so smooth it feels fake, and Koga plays his guitar with everything he’s got; their music is what connects them, a language they both understand.

Four days left until the contest; even Kaoru looks serious – and then there’s Koga with his stupid feelings getting in the way, his stupid heart fluttering with every note and every sound that leaves Rei’s lips when he sings.

“Hey,” Rei says softly as they take a break while Kaoru and Adonis go through their song, and Koga is a strained bowstring. “We have some family business to attend to, so I will be unavailable tomorrow.”

“Um. Yeah? Okay?”

“Eloquent as always.” His voice intertwines with Adonis’ ocarina; Koga will miss it so much when it ends. “Have you thought what you’re gonna wear to the contest yet?”

He did, and it was terrible. “I... was thinking what I wore to that jazz thing with you? It’s official enough, right? A white shirt’s gonna suffice.”

It’s all he has anyway.

“That won’t do. You’re gonna be on stage with me, remember?”

“You’re saying I’m not good enough for you?!”

“Easy, easy,” Rei shakes his head, reminding him not to disturb the others, “I’m only saying that we’ll have to match. How about we go shopping when I get back?”

“But we have to rehearse...”

“We have to shop too. Besides, there’s gonna be a rehearsal with Kunugi-sensei before the whole thing anyway, and I don’t want you all to over-practice. It shall stay fun, right? Music is all about love and fun.”

“I guess,” Koga mutters to the floor. He doesn’t even try to move when he feels Rei’s fingers in his hair this time.

“Good boy.”

From: Sakuma-senpai Tuesday 03:27
You used to be in a band, didn’t you? What happened to it?

To: Sakuma-senpai Tuesday 08:06
I was their session guitarist, and then they went on an indefinite hiatus. Why?

From: Sakuma-senpai Tuesday 21:52
Just wondering. I might have an idea

From: Sakuma-senpai Tuesday 21:54
Let’s meet at five at your station?

To: Sakuma-senpai Tuesday 21:55
What idea?

To: Sakuma-senpai Tuesday 21:55
If you don’t fall asleep on your way, sure

From: Sakuma-senpai Tuesday 21:57
You’ll have to come and rescue me then ♪

“Hi!” Rei exclaims cheerfully when he sees him. He’s running late – Koga didn’t expect anything else from him given the time, for it’s still a bit early for him – and he’s kind of disoriented at the station, which is... strangely cute. “So good to see normal people again.”

“Yo,” Koga grins, unconsciously prepared to be hugged again, but it never happens. “I take it the family gathering was a success?”

“Ugh,” Rei rolls his eyes theatrically. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but they’re too old-fashioned sometimes. You’d think they’d let go of their made-up rules after all these centuries, but no. At least Ritsu is with me on this, so it wasn’t all bad.”

“Good for you then?” Koga tries; he has given up on understanding what the hell is going on in the Sakuma household by now. Some things are better left unasked, he guesses.

“More or less,” Rei shrugs, and his smile turns into a taunt. “How have you been? Missed me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” looking away from him, hands in pockets, guilty as charged. “Why’d I miss ya. It’s been a day.”

“So cold, so cold.” The usual mock offense. “Well now, let’s go. I have something in mind.”

“Bring it on.”

They visit a couple of stores Koga would never go in if he were alone because they’re full of distilled clothes that cost too much, and even if he had the money he’d spend it on something else, but at least watching Rei browse through the rails of faintly different shirts is fun. He gets more and more irritated with each of them, and more and more amused at Koga’s sarcastic remarks at the same time.

“I don’t know what you expected,” Koga comments as they leave another expensive boutique empty-handed. “I’ve never even seen you wear anything like that, why on Earth would we go there in the first place?”

“I thought I should give them a chance,” Rei sighs, defeated. “Y’know, make an effort for Kunugi-sensei and all, but I guess there’s only so much you can do. At least we tried. Now, let’s get down to the real business. Mind a little walk? A friend of mine has a shop nearby.”

He doesn’t mind a long walk either.

“You’re in a good mood,” Koga observes as they turn to a narrower street with fewer people. Words come easy to him, and he welcomes the light feeling in his chest. Everything is great, the city breathing around them under heavy clouds, Rei humming their song softly by his side. He missed him; he missed him so much.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” They stop at a traffic light and Koga catches their reflection in a shop window. They do look good together, clad in black and metal, two sides of the same coin, and he tries to imagine what other people see in them. Are they standing too close? Or maybe not close enough? What would Rei do if he reached out for his hand? Is there a limit to how far he will let him go?

There are only a couple of inches between their knuckles. If he moves his hand a little he can claim it was on accident, but he isn’t sure he will be able to let go.

Everything the twins have said rains down on him. People talk about these things with each other, they insisted. Language was given us for a reason.

He hates it so much that two high schoolers are telling him what to do and they’re right. He hates it how much he craves to touch this guy in front of him.

“Ground Control to Major Doggy? Hello?” Rei waves a hand before his eyes as the light turns green, accompanied by an intrusive high-pitched sound.

Pew, pew; pew, pew, like a space laser. His heart is beating faster than that as he catches up with Rei; the world starts spinning again.

“Sakuma-san! Welcome, welcome!” The girl behind the counter calls out when she sees them enter her shop, dark and more promising than all other places they’ve been to today. “You have not visited us for a while. What are you looking for today?” She takes a look at Koga, head tilted to the side, as if she can’t put her finger on where she could have seen him. “Oogami-san, isn’t it?” She finally asks, and Rei spares her a nod. “So very nice to meet you. So, what can I do for you?”

“We’re having a performance this Friday,” Rei tells her, looking at the jewelry on display under her hands. “The university is making a big deal out of it, so it has to be something... how do I put it, decent with a twist?”

“Not boring,” Koga clarifies, migrating closer to him, desperate to be included in the conversation.

“Not boring,” Rei repeats, and the girl’s laugh is a spring bell in the woods.

“Not boring is what I specialize in,” she informs them, nodding before she gets lost in deep thought. “But if it has to be more official... Ah, Sakuma-san, always coming up with new challenges for me,” she accuses, and Rei bows apologetically. “Alright, this is how we’ll do this. Please take a look around, pick what you like for now. The thing is, I actually had the new collection delivered yesterday – you may remember the teasers – I believe it will be perfect for what you have in mind. It’s to launch next week, but I think I can make an exception for you. But I want you to take a look at everything else first as it’s your friend’s first time here.”

“Saving the best for last, huh?” Rei asks, brushing against Koga as he walks around the store. He can swear it was on purpose. He can swear he would never get away with this, but Rei can. “You heard the young miss. Let’s please the creator.”

He doesn’t need to be told twice, even though Rei is the one he wants to please, not the girl whose name he never caught. She makes great clothes though, he has to admit, rock-and-roll street fashion, and Rei seems to be her favorite customer judging from how sweet she is with him – but then again, it may be just the effect he has on people.

She’s equally nice and polite to Koga, so he doesn’t have anything to complain about anyway as they end up trying on about half her shop. It’s easy to get carried away in all this, caught up in the kaleidoscope of this new experience, easy to forget the heat outside and the daylight in this windowless basement with black walls and rock music pouring from hidden speakers, and it’s also outrageously counter-productive since they don’t get any real work done. Nothing they pick is suitable for the tamed, concert-hall concept Kunugi has in mind, but it doesn’t matter as long as Koga can make Rei wear an artistically torn top over a pair of stupidly skinny jeans and polish it all with a boa (Rei retaliates with a weird jeans-and-skirt combo and an assortment of chains over a black T-shirt, which looks ridiculous until Koga actually gets into it).

Rei makes everything he touches shine; he’d be Koga’s favorite customer too if he were in that girl’s place, but he isn’t, so Rei is his favorite everything. The liberation of this acceptance is not what he expected to feel, but once he embraces it, it gives him freedom.

“Sakuma-senpai,” he says, “thank you.”

Rei blinks from under a studded cap. “For what?”

“For... everything? For letting me be with you.”

“What brought this up?” He asks, and the flow of time changes: it’s more solid now, suffocating. Something tells Koga this is not what Rei wanted to hear, but the right line is still floating somewhere deep, deep down. He’s taking one step at a time, and he’s doing it blindly.

He’s probably waiting for you to make the first step because you’re so obviously in denial.

“Nothin’. I’m just glad to be here with you, is all. Is it bad or something?”

“Of course not,” Rei laughs, easing the tension, but it’s only on the surface. “The pleasure is all mine. You should keep this shirt, by the way. I like it on you.”

Language was given us for a reason. Sure. If only his brain didn’t short-circuit every time he tries to convert this feeling of absolute infatuation and arcane happiness into coherent sentences.

“Sakuma-san,” the designer emerges, carrying several hangers with something black-and-white and conveniently drawing Rei’s attention away from Koga’s deeply blushing face. “Are you ready for the new stuff?”

“Always am,” he bows again, playfully this time. What a gallant bastard.

“It’s unlike anything I have ever done before so I’m actually worried people aren’t going to like it. I thought I should try something different, something you can wear in a more official setting while staying true to yourself, you know?” The words pour from her, and it would normally make Koga mad when someone’s talking this much, but her passion for what she does is akin to his, and it’s intriguing. “These are actually more or less basic items, so you can pair this shirt up with a funky jacket if you want to go out after your meeting, or what have you. I recommend you stay in these jeans, actually, to add contrast between the textures? I used silk for this shirt, so you won’t get too hot in it. A great choice for the stage. Do you like the pattern?”

A hint of silver on black, thin lines making up flowers and thorns that you can’t see unless you’re standing close enough.

“I do, actually. Thank you.”

“Now, Oogami-san,” she pouts, looking at him like a scientist before dissecting a frog. “I have a similar shirt for you but in another color, and I would like you to wear a vest with it, and, let's see... yes, those jeans to keep the theme going.”

“Okay?” He says like the train wreck that he is, and she hangs the items in the fitting room with a selling smile.

“I’ll leave you to it then. Call me when you’re ready, please, I want to see how it looks on you.”

Easier said than done; the silk slips through his fingers and he strongly believes he’s doing something wrong because it just doesn’t work, the way it sits on his shoulders. His struggle must be a little too evident as Rei coughs carefully from behind the curtain,

“You alright there?”

“Um... yeah? No?” He lets out a frustrated sigh when he tries to smooth out a sleeve and almost rips it off. The last thing he needs right now is destroying Rei’s friend’s work. The clothes are amazing, but they don’t seem to be made for Koga. He looks stupid in them, like an impostor trying to fit in the high society. “Shit.”

“Do you need help?” Rei sounds genuinely worried, and as much as Koga hates to admit it, he does. Rei snickers when he draws back the heavy curtain, and Koga can’t even blame him for this, for he feels as ridiculous as he looks, while Rei is striking. The exquisite material is hugging him gently, flowing; he tucked the front in, and it makes him look like he’s come out of a Romantic painting. “Okay, you are doing this wrong. Relax,” he puts his hands on Koga’s shoulders, which does wonders in making him even more tense. “Take a deep breath, it’s fine.”

He closes his eyes, trying to forget that Rei has invited himself into an extremely narrow space with him without a second thought. He’s doing his best; this is just business.

“What do I even do with you,” Rei sighs, unbuttoning the shirt’s collar and the vest before he decides to take it off altogether, fondling him like a doll, scrutinizing each and every seam. It’s a good thing Koga is standing with his back to the mirror, for the touch of Rei’s steady hands alone causes him a mild heart attack every time. “You’re trying too hard, it’s really not that great of an event.”

“I thought you never half-assed anything,” Koga says, dissociating from his body as Rei rolls up the sleeves of his goddamn shirt. It’s borderline humiliating, but he feels strangely cared for.

“That’s true,” he takes a step back to admire the results of his styling. “But I told you, right? I don’t care about winning. I care about playing good music with you and the others. All you have to do is be you and not fuck up. Now, take a look. Better?”

He makes a circular motion with his index finger, and Koga turns hesitantly to the mirror. Whatever miracle Rei has performed, it worked: it’s like a better version of him is reflected there, someone good enough to stand next to his idol. They do match indeed, the silvery shine of the silk barely there, delicate like moonlight, the black not really black either, like the night sky, opening up the more you look at it. It’s beautiful; Koga has never been much of a poet, but he can still appreciate art.

“Not bad at all,” he admits at last after turning left and right. He’s wearing Rei’s colors, he realizes, and the only thing missing is a touch of red.

This outfit probably costs a fortune, though, and the calculator in Koga’s head is as hysterical as his poor heart.

“Well?” The girl calls from the outside world. When Rei steps out, Koga follows him like a magnet.

“He says it’s not bad,” Rei repeats. “You have quite a critic here.”

“Why are you making it sound so terrible?” Koga snaps. “I like it, OK?”

“You heard him,” Rei chuckles, overriding him. “Please don’t mind him, he’s a good kid. I think we’ve found what we were looking for, right?”

He shrugs as if he doesn’t care, “Yeah. Whatever. You’re the boss here anyway.”

“You are too kind to me,” the girl teases before turning serious again. She offers no comments on Rei’s corrections to her choice, but Koga doesn’t feel comfortable as she looks him up and down again, critically this time. “I will give you a discount if you tell everyone I made these, but please don’t post it anywhere until your performance, and I am expecting some snaps from you for my Instagram. See you at the counter.”

It takes him a little too long to get out of her clothes, partly because he spends an extra couple of minutes examining himself in the mirror, and partly because he’s a step away from a panic attack. The twins are right and he is not, so what does he do now? He may fantasize about Rei going out with him all he wants, he may harbor stupid hopes, clinging to all the suggestive remarks Rei makes, but calling him out on them? Or worse, asking him out on an actual date?

A circle, then another. Step right, step left, like a prisoner. Sit down and stand up again.

He won’t be able to handle being rejected. Walking on this thin ice is better than having Rei laugh in his face because he has completely misinterpreted the situation. He doesn’t even know his... preferences. Everything Rei has done so far screams that he wouldn’t mind taking it all further, all those sweet words, the way he held him, but that’s only what Koga sees, and he’s biased. He’s seeing what he wants to see.

On a whim, he takes the black T-shirt Rei liked on him to the counter too. There goes his collector’s edition deck, but there are always sacrifices to be made.

Rei and the girl are conversing softly without him, and he freezes for a while watching them. She’s smiling at something he said, and he’s all smiles too, natural and light.

The voices in Koga’s head are a swarm of black bees.

“Hey, Doggy,” Rei calls to him, and he pretends to be checking out the first thing he sees. “You are always getting lost lately, should I put a leash on you?”

“Fuck off,” he hisses under his breath because swearing is his default coping mechanism, and the girl giggles. The wave of nausea catches up with him again, and he tries not to look at either of them as he drifts to the counter.

“Don’t be mean. Look at me,” he obeys, and Rei puts a fedora on him. “You see,” he turns to the designer again, “fits perfectly.”

“The hell,” Koga scoffs, “you know I don’t wear hats.”

“Well that’s a pity,” Rei sighs, and the girl turns a table mirror Koga’s way. Partners in crime, huh. “It really suits you well. Maybe just this once? For me?”

Reluctantly, he looks at himself again – Koga suspects he’s going to become allergic to mirrors after all this – and then at Rei, who’s watching him as if he’s the most interesting thing in the world. And he’s – he’s asking him. Very nicely.

He knows you’ll do anything he says.

“Ain’t I gonna to be overdressed like this?” He tries to subtly wiggle out of it; he doesn’t have the money to buy it to begin with.

“I don’t think so,” Rei shrugs. “You’re not gonna be sitting behind the piano, so everyone’s eyes will be on you. So why not?”

“Everyone’s always looking only at you anyway if you’re in the room.” Koga barks without thinking.

Did he just catch a glimpse of hurt in Rei’s eyes?

“Well, I’ll be looking at you.”

He can’t do this anymore. He has lost this battle a long time ago.

“Fine,” he gives up. He kind of even likes it.

“Thank you,” Rei says, pleased and as if relieved. “I’ll pay for it. I have dragged you into this after all.”

“You guys are so cute together,” the girl muses as she packs up their things, “I’m a bit envious. I want a nice boyfriend too.”

“Thanks,” a polite smile back on Rei’s lips. “We get this often lately.”

“We’re not a couple,” Koga puts in, a bit too aggressively. There is just no filter in his head anymore.

“No?” The girl looks up at him, bewildered, then at Rei with an arched brow. He shrugs dismissively. “I thought... Oh, I’m so sorry. I must have got a wrong impression. Here you go. Thank you for shopping with us.”

“You’re not the only one. Always a pleasure,” Rei says as Koga accepts their bags, mumbling something along those lines as well.

He jumps on him the moment they are out of the door.

“Why do you admit it so casually?!” He demands in the middle of the street hugged by evening twilight. “‘We get this a lot’! Of course we do, because you never denied it!”

“Calm down, I was just being polite,” irritation underlying his words, “you’re the one making a fuss out of it. Is the idea of dating me that revolting to you?”

“It’s not...! I...! What kind of a question is this!?” People are looking at them, but he’s beyond caring. “It’s, it’s simply not true! At least discuss these things with me before confirming weird rumors left and right!”

“Oho,” Rei crosses his arms, “is there anything to discuss?”

Now is your chance. Say it.

“So?” He prompts again after being stared at by Koga for way too long.

Say it.

“N-no,” he breathes out hard. “‘Course not. Just. Don’t do that, okay?”

Rei brushes it off. “I’m not doing anything.”

You’re being difficult on purpose.

“Whatever,” Koga is done with it. He shouldn’t have started this dialog. “I’m starving, let’s go get something to eat. You coming or what?”

After the contest. He’ll talk to him after the contest for sure.

Rei is an expert in pretending nothing ever happened when it matters. It’s as if they’ve reverted back to how they used to be when they barely knew each other, and it should help Koga concentrate on work but that’s the last thing it does. Rei is barely looking at him, and the dread of it all coming to a close soon comes back to him in an avalanche of doubt and self-loathing.

He tried so hard to preserve what he had; he still ruined it somehow, and he proceeds to run away from it like a coward, tail between his legs. The distance Rei keeps from him is very deliberate, very weighted, so that he’s there but completely out of reach, and Koga resents himself for every word he’s ever said wrong to him.

He’s acting like he doesn’t care, and it pisses Koga off the most. It’s all manipulation, he’s sure; Rei is punishing him for not doing his bidding in the cruelest way possible, and the question is when he’s going to get tired of it.

Except he can’t even make himself believe it, for whenever he looks at him Rei seems lost beneath his mask of cold indifference. And even if he’s imagining it, the half-tones in his eyes, how his voice cracks a little at the most impactful lines in his song, making Koga desperate for these lyrics to be about him – even if he’s imagining it, the softness of his touch as he helps Koga with his clothes again before the actual performance is still there.

“Nervous?” Rei asks softly, landing next to him on the couch in the waiting room.

No one is paying them any mind, busy with their own preparations, so Koga gives up without a fight, caught up in déjà vu.

“Yeah,” he sighs. There is no denying this; the weight of the responsibility is enormous, and it’s no underground club he’s used to. Their professors are there, and the dean, some producers maybe, and Rei can say that he doesn’t care about winning all he wants, but Koga knows that it’s not entirely true. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“There’s hardly anything you can do to disappoint me,” he murmurs, busy fixing Koga’s already perfect outfit. There is no reason for him to, but he traces the collar of his shirt, straightens his hat, checks if all the buttons are there. “At least nothing you can’t make up for.”

“That’s very reassuring,” Koga is unable to keep the sarcasm out of it.

“Do you really have to be so defensive all the time?” Rei asks, tired. They’re up next, and there isn’t much time. “I wanted to thank you for not letting me ruin all this last week.”

He shudders; this is the first time Rei has acknowledged Saturday at all, and Koga is fed up with this endless race for nothing.

“I only did what I had to,” he mutters.

“Still, as a token of my gratitude,” Rei leaves his side for a handful of seconds, reaching out for his bag. What comes out of it is a choker, and Koga’s eyes widen.

“What the…” He can’t believe it. He tries to keep his voice down, but his efforts are futile. “Who do you think I am, your pet?!”

“Sakuma-senpai, we’re next,” Adonis reminds them from afar. Neither of them listens.

“No, not a pet,” Rei shakes his head. “You wear these all the time, don’t you? So what’s wrong with me giving you one? Come on,” he orders, and Koga obeys like a marionette, exposing his neck for him. The time stops. Rei leans in, unnecessarily close as he puts the thin leather strap on him. “But you can be mine if you want,” he whispers right into his ear, and Koga swallows hard.

“Senpai,” he reaches out, grabs for the silk blindly with newfound courage, “I need to tell you something.”

Sparks dance in Rei’s eyes, and the intensity of his gaze is enough to drown in.

The dark lake in his heart has never been a lake, Koga realizes, but the reflection of a dark and vast night sky, yet he never bothered to look up.

“You’ll have to save it for later,” Rei purrs, throwing a glance at the watch, “I’ll take it as a reward.”

“What are you even–”

“Sakuma-senpai. Oogami.”

“Coming,” eyes fixed on him, Rei takes Koga by the wrist.

Off they go.

The lights are shining right in his face on stage, so bright he cannot see a single face in the audience. His parents are there, and the twins said they’d come, but it all fades quickly into the background, as does the buzz of everyone’s voices, nothing but radio static in his head.

The stage is the only thing he can see, bathed in an otherworldly glow. The colors are all wrong, as if someone has been playing with saturation controls; the wood texture under his feet is moving, flowing, alive, and Koga is alive too, revived, torn from the lethargy of his self-inflicted misery.

He’s standing on the same stage with Rei. They’re all in it together, the four of them, tied with an invisible force, too tight now to ever cut. He can feel it in his bones, the pulse of the life they share, the bonds they came to cherish and every second that got them here, now turned into a binding power stronger than each of them, a spell they put on their audience with each note, a spell that backfires and takes them with it.

It’s bigger than them, and he knows the stars are throbbing to their beat in the sky above, and however short these minutes may be, they are the bricks in the road to his future. A long and rocky one, but even if he loses the way he will find it again, for the moon will shine on him, and the wind will push him forward – and right now, his moon is shining right next to him, singing only for him.

“You did so well,” Rei tells him when they’re done and out of sight on their way back, light-hearted and proud. He’s earned it, all the praise in Rei’s voice and eyes, and the half-hug he pulls him into – that, and so much more, but there are too many people in the room and too many voices speaking on top of each other as they wait for the last performance to end.

In the thrill of the stage his brain rushes past the formalities. In his mind, they are already together, so he clings to Rei despite the occasional odd glances they are getting, firm in the belief that his presence is welcome – but his confidence wavers as Rei is torn from him again when everyone not participating in the contest itself is politely asked to get lost.

“We’ll, um,” he looks to Adonis, who nods reassuringly, “we’ll go find our parents then.”

“Be sure to find me after that,” Rei winks at him in the midst of chaos.

“Right, right,” Hakaze tunes in, mildly annoyed, “you’ll get your precious senpai back soon. Go, or we’ll be stuck here forever, and my date is here too.”

In the hall he loses Adonis as well, only to be found by the twins, merciless in their support, and his parents, who blessedly miss the part when the Aoi brothers interrogate him on whether his mission was a success.

At least he knew how to handle them. Dealing with his parents is so much harder.

“Was that the Sakuma Rei we’ve been hearing so much about lately?” His father asks after they’re done with the obligatory compliments. They haven’t seen each other for a while, and it’s always a bit awkward at first.

The twins try their best not to snicker and fail, just as Koga fails to keep his mouth shut about what an awesome and absolutely brilliant bastard of a genius Rei is. He omits the part where his brain lapses into a lengthy description of how hot he is, though, but it doesn’t do him much good.

His parents share a long look, and even the twins fall silent.

“Did he pick your clothes tonight?” His mother asks finally, making Koga only a little offended by her lack of trust in his fashion sense. She sighs, “At least he’s dressed well.”

By which she means in something else than torn jeans and leather. There’s no doubt they love him, but he knows they’re also happy to see him in things that make them proud to call him their son.

“My grades also went up,” he offers in an attempt to cover up the ode to Rei – and ruining it completely a second later. “Sakuma-senpai has been helping me with a lot of stuff lately, he’s really amazing. Did I tell you he can play three instruments?”

“You didn’t, but it’s good to know,” his father replies thoughtfully, as if choosing every word. This is somehow becoming one of the weirdest conversations they’ve ever had, on par with that time when he announced his will to become a career musician, ready to be disowned, but it turned out his father used to be not just in a band but a gang when he was Koga’s age. “I suspect you are going to celebrate with your band tonight?”

Koga sees Hakaze in the crowd behind him, and his heart picks up the pace. There are other people from their year scattered in the hall, but no sign of…

“Son?”

“I... yes.” He shakes his head, coming back to reality. “I think so. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Your mother is not feeling well, so we were thinking of heading home soon. Right, dear?”

“Sure,” she echoes. Something looks fishy here, but Koga lets it slide. “We’re glad you’re in good hands.”

“Erm, thanks?” He looks between them, unsure how to proceed. “I hope it’s nothing serious.”

“Just a headache, darling. Don’t even think about it, have fun.”

“We don’t know what you’re waiting for,” the twins prompt him, seemingly relieved once his parents shuffle away. “Go find him, it’s painful to look at you like that. We’ll see you at the club.”

And they leave him alone again, maybe a little annoyed, certainly deeply concerned. There are no messages from Rei, and he doesn’t pick up when Koga tries to call. Using the phone would probably be too easy.

“Hakaze,” he hisses, grabbing him by the elbow, which earns him slight yelps from him and his date alike. “Where is he.”

“How about you show some respect toward your elders,” Kaoru says, offended, but doesn’t insist on it under Koga’s burning stare. “Fine, fine. I have no idea, why don’t you call him? The last thing I know Morisawa took him somewhere. Now would you please excuse me,” he plies his fingers from his arm.

Whatever.

Morisawa. Who the hell even is that? The name rings a bell, but only faintly, until he remembers that it’s that guy who almost got thrown out from a rehearsal for screaming about his burning passion a bit too loudly for everyone else’s liking. Apart from his project partner, who was inhumanly amused.

He freezes in his tracks, almost bumping into someone as he does. The project partner. Of course. That weirdo, one of Rei’s best friends, notorious for his love for water. It must be about him. The puzzle clicks, but where is he supposed to take it from here?

The phone in his hand buzzes softly, and Koga almost drops it out of surprise, then stares wildly at the screen. Rei has just uploaded a Story. What kind of a joke is this?

He opens it, hands shaking, terrified of what he might see there and curious beyond all reasonable limits.

Rei hasn’t abandoned him, right? Didn’t run away from him again? Or is it his way of bidding him farewell, is he not worth even an honest rejection?

The world is dancing around him as he waits for the image to load, a thousand scenarios racing in his head, each new one more horrible than the last. When it finally gets through, it’s nothing but a snap of the sky and a couple of high-rise buildings in the corner.

“Are you serious,” Koga moans, completely lost. A riddle? If he wanted quests in his life he’d get a PlayStation.

He steadies himself against a wall, closes his eyes. Rei is mysterious, Koga gets it. He would also appreciate it if Rei got it that Koga hates these things. The hint shall be obvious enough for him to take.

Think, he orders himself. Open skies, not far, and there shall be water. His first choice is the fountain, dismissed quickly for the fear of it being crowded now. There is a meek river nearby, but it faces away from all the skyscrapers around here. Which leaves him with quite a ridiculous option – sadly, the only one.

People are starting to go back to their seats, he notes on his way out. No one notices him leave.

He gives up on the elevator when it doesn’t come a second after he presses the button, regretting his choice of running up the stairs to the fifth floor earlier than he’d like to. He’s out of breath as it is because of all the tension and worry arresting every single cell in his body, and every leap brings him so close to death he hopes he just drops down here so on one ever knows how pathetic he is.

He almost blows the door to the roof off its hinges, expecting it to be closed, and momentum carries him further. He stumbles forward to the familiar sound of Rei’s chuckle, his exhausted brain only glad he didn’t fall and tear all the expensive stuff he’s wearing, and that he has left the hat downstairs.

“Is this all a joke to you?” Koga growls when he’s done cursing under his breath, and the textures around him load with a lag like an old video game. There is no one besides them by the pool, Rei sitting in a plastic chair, legs crossed.

“I don’t know, what is?” So calm, so composed, obviously delighted – and there Koga is, standing before him, panting and angry and so, so gone for him.

“This,” he all but shouts, the pace of his steps erratic, whatever has remained of his strength leaving him as he draws closer to Rei. “Me. Us. What are you doing here anyway?!”

“I helped out a friend,” he shrugs; Koga is towering above him, but it still feels like Rei is looking down on him. “It was beautiful here, and quiet. I didn’t want to go yet. Figured you’d come to me.”

Damn right you did.

Koga stands with arms crossed before him, waiting, determined not to say another word until Rei explains himself.

“Don’t look at me like you want to beat me to death with a baseball bat,” he asks, a trickster, reaching out, cold fingers coiling around Koga’s wrist again, soft like a feather, as if they never left this place at all. “I’m at a loss,” he confesses with the same honesty as the local politicians on TV. “I treated you as a fan, I treated you as a project partner, as a friend and as a loved one, and still you weren’t satisfied. So tell me, what do you want?”

“I want!” He blurts out and chokes on his breath. It went much better in his head.

“Yes?” Sharp eyes, grip tightening.

Koga fears he might lose his sight if he keeps looking at him, so he turns away as he says, “I don’t want to be treated as anything!”

People are probably looking for them now.

“I just want to be with you, alright? As in, be by your side? Forever?” He trails off helplessly and risks a peek at Rei, who’s smiling viciously at him. And this is when he blows up. “Hey, say something! If you’re gonna laugh at me, do, but at least do it to my face!”

Rei chuckles again before he yanks him violently forward so that Koga lands on his knees in front of him, stripped of the faintest illusion of power he was allowed to have. “Like this?”

“What the hell,” he barks, his heart trying to learn Morse for don’t look at him don’t look at him don’t look at him. He’s trapped, and it’s all perfectly orchestrated. “Seriously what the fuck do you think you’re doing!”

“Koga.”

“At least have the decency to say something!” He spits out words faster than he thinks them, the reality holding him tightly in its vice of the hot night, the light breeze, the tile beneath, and Rei’s smell all around him. “I don’t understand you at all! If you don’t want me, just say so!”

“Koga,” Rei’s voice reaches him, penetrating the insecurities he has laid bare before him, and Koga stops talking for a moment brief enough for Rei to catch his chin before he leans in and kisses him, firm and sure and still smiling, smiling, smiling against his lips.

All his systems shut down at once as he goes limp in Rei’s hands, sinking deeper down until he reloads and claws back at him, trembling shamelessly, eagerly in his hold, kissing him back clumsily and hoping that his being earnest will suffice.

It has never been more than a concept in his head, being with Rei, the vague implication of what comes after fueled by equally vague obscene jokes. He’s wanted it ever since Rei melted into him backstage; he’s wanted it longer than he could remember, unable to categorize this longing for him that he had, mistaking it for a fan’s admiration. There was that, too, but it never got as rough as now, so simple and devastating. He wanted it – but he never knew what it really was until he got Rei’s hand on the back of his neck, holding him in place as if he’s afraid that Koga would bolt out of it if he doesn’t. Maybe he would, for his head is spinning and something is ringing wildly in his ears when Rei shows him mercy by letting him gasp for air.

“Sorry,” he murmurs, pleased, pulling Koga up to sit in his lap. “I usually try not to get involved in others’ lives, but you are simply irresistible.” His voice is rough, devoid of the false honey Koga expected, and it drives him over the edge.

“Don’t say that,” he pleads, trying not to move, but his hands are already in Rei’s hair, messing it up. He wants Rei undone before him – he wants them to be even.

“Why?” Maintaining eye contact, Rei kisses his wrist; his fangs graze against Koga’s skin and it tickles. “If I knew you were this amazing I’d start teaching you ages ago.”

“You were the one who kept running away from me,” Koga grins, testing the waters, leaning in, stopping short of a kiss.

“I admit my mistake,” a raw whisper, “I’m staying with you now,” as he sneaks a finger under Koga's choker, another tool to keep him in check, but he doesn’t mind. If anything, he welcomes it.

Their second kiss is more measured, almost tender, but the same force buzzes between them, taking the weight of all Koga’s worries from his heart. Rei is here underneath him, telling him he’s not going anywhere – from him, Oogami Koga, who was obsessed with him for a year, who forgets how words work sometimes and embarrasses himself daily in front of him, who is loud and clumsy and too shallow for him, who doesn’t understand jazz and has never been out of the country – Rei is here, one hand on his waist and the other holding him by the neck, guiding him for a better angle, pushing his lips open with his tongue, biting carefully so Koga feels loved and wanted and…

“I love you so much,” he breathes out in between kisses, riding on the wave of Rei’s acceptance of him, and it occurs to him that it’s probably a bit too early for that – as in, a couple of years early – when the words are already out.

He’s always been like this, all or nothing; if he’s going to have Rei, he wants everything, right now, and all at once. But there is a difference between crushing on someone for a year and letting a random guy follow you around for several weeks.

“Shit, I'm sorry,” he gasps, trying frantically to fix it. “Was this weird? I shouldn't have said that. I mean, you don’t have to, y’know. Say anything in return. Not that I'm expecting you to…” He’s lying. He totally expects Rei to return it, and they both know it. “Please, let's forget about it,” he babbles pathetically, fingers digging into Rei's shoulders.

He waits for Rei to tell him to think it over again, or comment on how naive he is, or tell him that this is a no-strings-attached thing, but Rei’s touch is soft and the look in his eyes is tender, a stark contrast to his usual cool self.

“Oh, my sweet, lovely Koga,” he says, pressing their foreheads together, “you have no idea…”

Koga senses someone coming before he hears them, and his whole body tenses in a bad way as he tries to push himself away from Rei on instinct and loses.

“Sakuma-san, are you here? Moricchi told me you didn’t come down with them,” Kaoru’s voice cuts sharply through the air, and Koga buries his face in the crook of Rei’s neck, the only place he can hide now. “They’re about to announce the results, and Sensei asked me… Oh my God, no. No. There are children here, you know!”

Koga makes another attempt at getting away, but Rei only holds him even stronger, not moving an inch but speaking loud enough for Kaoru to hear. “I thought it’s been a long time since you learned about adult relationships,” Koga feels every syllable going through him, “you’re making me worry for the girl you’re gonna be with tonight.”

“Please stop,” Hakaze argues, “it has nothing… you know what, never mind. I’ll go back and come in again and we’ll pretend I haven’t seen anything, so please make it so I can actually talk to you.”

Rei sighs, releasing his grip. “Don’t bother.”

Koga slides away from him, boiling in embarrassment as in lead. He doesn’t know what to do and where to put all of his body that feels so alien now, so he settles on the armrest of Rei’s chair. Carefully, he leans on Rei’s shoulder for balance, and the dark king flashes him a happy grin so out of his character that Koga thinks he’s hallucinating.

He doesn’t tune in until Kaoru finishes his highly uncomfortable speech.

“Anyway, everyone’s worried because you’re not there. I’m...” He hesitates, putting a lot of effort into ignoring Rei’s playing with Koga’s fingers, and sighs, defeated. “I’m having second thoughts about saying yes to your proposal. I didn’t know I was going to be seeing this on a daily basis.”

Koga stills. “What is he talking about?” He asks. “What proposal? Senpai?”

“Oh. You didn’t tell him yet?” Kaoru looks confused. Rei shrugs.

“You always ruin my surprises.”

“Senpai, what’s going on? I don’t understand.”

Rei looks up at him, his handsome face outlined sharply in the dark. “Remember I told you I had an idea?” Koga nods. He’s taking in bare facts, unable to process them yet; if there is such thing as emotional overstimulation, this is it. “I asked Kaoru-kun here and Adonis if they wanted to go on as a band, and they agreed. The only thing missing is you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I wanted to ask you tonight. Give you a chance to get out.”

“What are you talking about,” Koga mutters, flustered. He has been too deep in this for far too long already. “Sure I’m in! That’s, like, the best thing that’s ever happened to me!”

“What about me?” Rei asks with false innocence, caressing his cheek to prove his point. “Wasn’t I the best thing that’s happened to you?”

“You know what I mean,” He breathes heavily, coming apart under the touch.

Kaoru coughs neither lightly nor politely. “I’m still here, you know. And I’m pretty sure Kunugi-sensei is getting furious right about now. So how about you, I don’t know, save it all for later? And come down so we can all be free for the rest of the night?”

Koga feels bad for him, he really does; after all, it was Kaoru who essentially got them together, and the look on his face says that he is acutely aware of that too.

“You can be way too persistent for someone who’s so air-headed most of the time,” Rei sighs, giving up.

“I just don’t want Sensei to be mad at me as well. I’m gonna get the elevator,” Hakaze informs them in a tone that allows no compromise and storms off.

Koga stands up in a trance; the scene he’s just been part of is going to haunt him for a long time, he’s sure, and the dread of what lays ahead of them is starting to surface, peeking from behind the corner. He will think about that later, too, or maybe not at all.

“Wait,” Rei catches him by the hand and draws him close again, pressing against him. “You wanted to tell me something.”

“I already did,” Koga grins. It feels good to breathe freely next to him without all the barriers they both have been putting up even though the fact that he could have this sooner tugs at his conscience dully, but Koga is glad it has turned out this way. There must be a word for this, for the heat blooming in his chest and the shower of sparks where Rei’s cold hand is touching him, pale skin contrasting beautifully with his. A word stronger than happiness because it’s been used and abused too much.

“But you’re buying me dinner,” he says cheekily, and Rei raises a brow, but doesn’t let go. “I’m hella broke now.”

Sakuma Rei laughs – he laughs a lot, like life doesn’t mean much to him, like he owns everything he sees, and everything comes easy to him.

“This is certainly the most extravagant invitation to a date I’ve ever received,” a fleeting kiss, a hint, a promise of more to come. “But I guess that’s something I can survive a boring ceremony for.”

@greatwolf_koga When you ask him to buy you dinner and he’s so extra he just has to take you to the fanciest place he can imagine LOL. (not complaining tho) Anyway Sakuma-senpai says it’s ok so STAY TUNED FOR SOME BIG NEWS SOON!! We are UNDEAD! @rei_sakuma @otogari_adonis @kaoru_feather