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“NCT, night night.”
Jaehyun took his headphones off and fixed script papers. Mark quietly did the same as he smiled for the camera and did a little wave for the viewers. The livestream went off, and Jaehyun was quick to stand up and take his backpack. The two bowed and waved their goodbyes and thanks to their sunbae Hyoyeon and the staff as they proceeded to exit the building.
“You okay, hyung?” Mark broke the uncomfortable silence looming around them.
“Just tired, yeah.”
Mark didn’t press on to it, and Jaehyun was thankful. He did feel tired, but it wasn’t just it. He had been doing this for almost two years and he could always endure physical fatigue, but the current situation was weighing him down. The situation that is Mark temporary replacing Johnny as his DJ partner.
It was sudden, Jaehyun had no clue. Last night he and Johnny had their usual live radio broadcast and everything was just fine, until Jaehyun woke up this morning to find out that Johnny had to leave early for an individual schedule without being told beforehand. It was sudden for Johnny himself, the manager told the members during breakfast. Apparently, Johnny would be away for a couple of days, thus someone had to take his place for NCT nightnight. Someone suitable, and the job was given to Mark.
Everyone thought it was going to be okay, but then their manager won’t tell them the specific details to Johnny’s absence. They had grown worried all day, and the fact that Johnny won’t be able to respond to their messages made it worse. ‘What could he be doing that he’s not allowed to use his phone?’ Jaehyun was curious along with everyone else. They weren’t given a proper answer, to no avail.
Upon reaching the dorm, Jaehyun went straight to his shared room with Haechan and plopped himself on the mattress. He took off the button-down shirt he had worn which was Johnny’s. Earlier this morning he found it on his closet and decided to wear it, so that he could somehow feel Johnny’s presence with him. Jaehyun closed his eyes and heaved a sigh, trying to rid himself of the worries settled on his chest. It had only been a day, but he can’t help feeling the way he does. Jaehyun thought he was exaggerating, but the members do feel the same way, Taeyong said, an attempt to relieve his worry.
Is this how Johnny felt when I was away too?
But Jaehyun knew his leave for the Law of the Jungle was a different story. It wasn’t sudden, much more unexpected or unannounced.
With one final sigh, Jaehyun closed his eyes and tried to sleep, the image of Johnny lingering on his mind.
“You’re up early, hyung?” Haechan was stretching by his bed, oblivious to the fact that his hyung hasn’t gotten a blink of sleep until the sun rose.
Jaehyun stood up and gave the younger a forced smile. His eyes were bloodshot, bags grown prominent overnight. Haechan didn’t need explanation to figure it out.
Warm water splashed against tense muscles. Jaehyun can’t afford to bring down the members with his current mood nor get a scolding from their manager, so he took a shower longer than his usual routine, attempting to wash away his exhaustion along with the unrelenting feelings of sullenness and distress.
The next few days droned on, still no news about Johnny. Still no messages from Johnny. The weight on Jaehyun’s chest seemed to be growing heavier, but he didn’t dwell on it. He couldn’t. He felt himself close to breakdown from missing Johnny so much, but he knew shouldn’t. All these years Jaehyun knew he was nowhere near fragile, but Johnny brought out this side of him that he never knew he existed.
Just a little bit longer. He’s going to return soon, Jaehyun. A few more days and you’ll be able to hug him again.
“Jaehyun hyung? Where are you going?” The room was pitch black, and Haechan tried to adjust his gaze towards the retreating figure walking towards the door.
“I’m going to sleep in Taeyong hyung’s room, Hyuck.” Jaehyun replied gently and left Haechan alone in silence.
Taeyong heard a slight knock on the door. Before he could utter anything, Jaehyun barged inside and walked gingerly towards the bed. The light was dim, but Taeyong could clearly see that the man in a hoodie and sweatpants had tears in his eyes.
“Jae… Why are you crying?” Taeyong took his blanket off and was about to climb down from his top bunk until Jaehyun held out a hand to stop him.
“Just.. let me sleep here, hyung.” Jaehyun’s voice was shaky and it was obvious he was choking down a sob, so the leader let him be and muttered an ‘alright.’
Taeyong was completely aware of what was going on. Johnny’s absence was taking a toll on Jaehyun more than he expected. He saw how Jaehyun was trying to cope the past few days, although the younger thought nobody can notice, but Taeyong did. He could see right through Jaehyun, knowing and growing with him for years. Taeyong wished he could’ve done something more to comfort Jaehyun than giving him a hug the other day.
The mattress dipped as Jaehyun took a seat, momentarily keeping himself accustomed to the feeling of being in Johnny’s bed. He fixated his eyes on the plush toys placed around Johnny’s pillow and he felt as if they were smiling at him, trying to tell him it’s going to be okay.
Maybe because Johnny left pieces of him on his plushies so they could feel like him if he’s not around. Just like now, Jaehyun thought.
He slowly laid down, relaxing himself with the softness of the bed. It felt warm. Just like Johnny.
Johnny. Johnny. Johnny.
Jaehyun felt hot tears threatening to fall from his eyes, and that moment, he let them. His hands found their way to the big whale plushie named Jay, which Johnny named after him.
Johnny. Johnny. Johnny.
Maybe if Jaehyun chanted his name enough, he would appear.
Tears continuously flowed from his eyes like waterfalls, which he had no control over anymore. Jaehyun sobbed relentlessly, until he felt as if his lungs would give out. The terrible longing he tried to conceal the past days had grown tiring. He couldn’t keep it anymore.
Jaehyun curled his knees to his chest and hugged Jay firmly, like he was holding on for his life. His tears finally ran out, and he drifted off to sleep due to exhaustion.
A warm, gentle hand on his cheek woke Jaehyun from his slumber. Jaehyun’s eyes fluttered open, and there he was, the man he was longing for, seated on the edge of the bed. Johnny.
Jaehyun had no time to confirm if he was dreaming. He quickly shot up and threw his arms around Johnny’s neck.
Johnny hurried out of the van and grabbed his backpack from the passenger seat. He dashed inside the dorm towards the room on the end of the hallway, only to find Jaehyun missing from his bed. It was 2 in the morning, where could he be? He silently closed the door behind him so Haechan would not wake. Johnny decided to leave his bag first and proceeded to his shared room with Taeyong. Through the darkness, his gaze laid on Jaehyun sleeping peacefully on his bunk.
Jaehyun’s sobs against Johnny’s shoulders broke the silence. Jaehyun’s arms was still tightly wrapped around the older, no sign of letting go anytime soon. Johnny’s chest was swelling with happiness and relief as he held onto Jaehyun.
“I missed you…” Jaehyun murmured, lifting his head up. Johnny wiped the tears on the corner of his eyes with his thumb and caressed his cheek.
“I’m sorry for taking so long. I missed you too, so much.”
Johnny stared at Jaehyun’s face as he traced every beautiful feature he has. His thumb settled on Jaehyun’s lips, and in the blink of an eye, their lips were on each other’s.
It felt like decades since they last kissed, and the weight that burdened Jaehyun’s heart was replaced by bliss that began blossoming in his chest. He missed this. He missed Johnny’s gentle touches. He missed Johnny’s tender acts of love. They kissed until they both felt whole again.
Lips parted but their embrace remained. Jaehyun laid on Johnny’s chest, eyes droopy. Johnny took his hand and entwined them together, and so as their bodies were tangled up in each other until they were fast asleep.
Jaehyun woke up the next morning with a smile on his face. It wasn’t a dream. Johnny’s here.
Johnny was indeed there, soft snores coming out of his mouth. Jaehyun paused for a while as he watched Johnny sleep, his chest rising slowly as he breathed. He placed his hand on Johnny’s heart, and then on his own.
The sun brightly shined outside, but Jaehyun closed his eyes and went back to sleep, his mind only filled with thoughts of Johnny.
Johnny. Johnny. Johnny. My Johnny.