Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Younghyun stretches as he yawns. He exhales a sharp breath before he darts his eyes back on his paper. Just as he is about to sketch back, Sungjin catches his attention. The latter is biting the bracelet embracing his right wrist.

“You need help?”

With eyebrows knit together, Sungjin shakes his shaved head. “I got this,” he bites the strings again to tighten it.

“You know, you don’t seem a person who’d wear a bracelet. Or whatever kind of wrist accessory.” Sungjin looks at him and raises a brow, asking what he meant and Younghyun responds with a shrug. “I don’t know. You just don’t seem like a very patient person. You look like someone who’d take it off once it loosens; someone who’d find it bothersome to tighten it every time.”

The buzz-cut’s eyebrows wiggle at his friend’s remark. He gets what he meant, though. But it’s not just any other bracelet. He can’t just lose this one. He can’t go a day without it. Not until his wish comes true.

“Uhm,” the clearing of your throat seems audible as Sungjin remembers the day he got the bracelet. “Happy birthday.”

His left brow raised after his forehead wrinkled. His eyes dropped at what you’re holding. You gave him a big smile as you wave it in the air before you took his wrist.

“Here, I’ll put it on you.” You were biting your lower lip as you fix the string around his wrist. You plastered a wide smile again after it was attached.

“Thanks,” his eyebrows furrowed again, “I guess?” he brushed his chocolate brown hair up and your eyes followed.

Your lips stretched again as your hand reached for his hair and ruffled it. “You don’t seem grateful enough,” you chuckled. “Sorry, that’s the only thing I got. I did it myself though.”

He just nodded and you pursed your lips. He was doing it again--painting a bit of disappointment on his face. You don’t know if he’s oblivious about it or he’s doing it on purpose every time. He seemed to be always annoyed whenever you’re being so forward about how you feel about him. Still, you didn’t stop expressing how much you like him.

“It’s a wish bracelet anyway,” you muttered. You wanted to ease the pricking on your chest so you needed to keep talking. “Only take it off when your wish already came true.”

“I’m not into this kind of stuff,” his eyebrows twisted again.

“I know,” you shrugged. “But maybe you can make an exception for this. Maybe it can help you with your wish, too. C’mon, what’s your wish?” you nudged him, “to meet a girl who will love you unconditionally? If that’s the case, I guess you can take it off now. ‘Cause you met her already. It is I, the one and only.”

You were just teasing but he heaved a sigh, like he’s disappointed again. You moved closer to him and asked what the sigh was about but he shot you a glare like he’s annoyed with your question.

Sungjin snaps his senses back in the present when a crumpled paper lands on his face.

“What were you sighing about?” Younghyun asks as he nods while looking at Sungjin’s desk. “You need to finish that if you want to pass that tomorrow and be burden-free for a whole week while having your vacation back in Busan.”

Sungjin caresses his shaved head before he takes his pencil again. He needs to finish his project for their Structural Analysis & Design subject, as Younghyun have said, but his mind is dry to finish the touch ups for his designs. And seeing the bracelet around his wrist as his hand sketches doesn’t help him either.

Who doesn’t like that kind of stuff but doesn’t take it off for three years now?

And wish ? He can only sigh.

If you only knew.

Chapter Text

You keep running as the cold wind kisses your face. You just had a competition yesterday, yet you're here, training again as if you didn't win first place.

On the way back to your house, you see a familiar figure from the distance. He looks different now, but you're sure it's him.

He shaved his head.

You frown a little. You love that hair. His hair. Especially when he run a hand through it. You miss it already. But your heart and feet, as if in sync, stop the moment you see his face when he turns around to hug his mother. He looks so damn fine.

You let a shaky breath out--maybe because of what you suddenly feel, heart beating wildly, or maybe it's just because of the cold.

Your left foot steps back but your mind holds your other foot in place before it decides to move back, too.

Why did you think of turning back? That's a coward thing to do. You bite your lip as you plug your earphones on and continue your run. As if focus on your steps, you pretend not to see his head turn to follow your figure.

After passing by three houses, you dash towards the door of your house with no delay.

He's back. You pant as you take your insulated jacket off. You walk towards the kitchen when there's a sudden knock on the door.

You groan and roll your eyes.

Is Dowoon expecting a visitor today? You eye the staircase before exhaling a sharp breath and drag your feet towards the door.

“Hi,” the visitor beams.

Your throat goes dry but you manage to respond.

“Sungjin,” your chest tightens. You moisten your lips and take a gulp. “You're here.”

He nods. At the back of his mind, he's asking why you seem unfamiliar. Maybe because he was expecting you to be all smiles, bright and excited when you see him, but he doesn't see any hint of glee radiating from your face.

“I think Dowoon is still asleep. Want me to wake him up?”

His eyebrows twist and your heart is about to melt. You miss seeing his countenance, his expressions that you can't give names to.

“Uhh, no.” His tongue traces his lower lip. “May I come in?”

As your grip tightens on the knob, you open the door wider so he can slide in.

He has his back facing you when you turn around after closing the door. He unzips his insulated jacket and takes it off. You stare at his back and suddenly have the urge to hug him.

His back seems to be the kind that will sap every ounce of tiredness that you feel once you rest yourself on it. It is wide that it draws someone to wrap one's self around him. So it's practically not your fault for feeling that way, right? It's his back's fault for being so inviting.

The first time you feel that urge was three years ago. It was during summer break and they were playing ball. He was wearing a blue flannel shirt over a white tee. He was sweating a lot that he decided to take the flannel shirt off, his back facing you, and combed his hair up using his hand. Despite the sweat, he still looked fresh.

Ever since that time, you've been vocal about how much you like his back and how much you want to hug him. His face would always plaster an expression that you couldn't explain.

The only difference now is there's no soft hair for him to run his hand through, and that he's still wearing a hoodie after taking off the insulated jacket.

When he turns to look at you, he catches your eyes darted on his back. He smirks at himself, thinking he still has an effect on you.

You stride towards the kitchen and brew some coffee as he keep throwing questions at you. You keep answering them and he can't help but still feel like a stranger because of your graceless responses.

You pour him a cup and added a teaspoon of honey--how he wants it--before you slide it towards him. He utters his thanks and put a drink on the counter.

It's a yellow box with a bear design. Banana milk.

You stare at it as images flash in your head.

You used to always carry two of it around. One for you and one for him.

“Look at this,” you nudged him and he looked at what you're pointing at.

“Hm? A bear?”

“Yeah,” you grinned. “It's you,” you chuckled and his eyebrows twisted. “What are bears like?”

“Scary?”

You laughed aloud. “Well, there's that,” you looked at him and studied his face. “You do look scary and intimidating. But not to me.” You took another sip from your drink before taking another look at the bear. “Cuddly.”

He glared at you before raising his both hands and formed claws. “Rawr,” he leaned a bit towards you.

Clutching at your stomach, you laughed again. Tears were forming at the edge of your eyes from laughing hard. “Are you trying to be scary or cute?”

He furrowed his forehead as you look at him with so much adoration and stretched your arms as if asking for a hug. He curbed a smug before he stretched an arm, not to hug you but to smudge his palm on your face playfully.

It's a cute memory, you think, but you blink the thought away. “Thanks,” you say with no soul and you notice how he lets out a heavy breath.

You take the drink and open the fridge to store it. He is about to open his mouth to ask what happened, why everything seems off, when someone suddenly knocks on the door.

“I'll get it,” he offers.

You just nod and you start hearing footsteps going down the staircase. Your brother is probably awake now.

“Hiiiii,” an unfamiliar voice greets in a prolonged way.

Your forehead creases when he closes the door instead of letting whoever is outside in.

“Who's that?” you query as you start leaving the kitchen.

“No one,” he states. “Let's go back to the kitchen.”

You stop on your tracks when you hear three voices singing We Wish You A Merry Christmas. Your forehead folds. Who would sing a Christmas carol when spring is about to come?

“Trick or treat!” a voice shouts. It's a different voice with the one who said ‘hi’ earlier.

You want to let out a giggle. It's both Christmas and Halloween in February, huh?

“Don't open that,” Sungjin demands when you pace closer to the door.

As if you didn't hear him, you reach out for the knob and open it. Three young men, arms on each other's shoulders, with wide smiles welcome your vision. The tallest, also the skinniest, with black hair and streak of burgundy at the right end. Another black haired in the middle, sharp eyes and thin lips. Pink haired guy, looking cute while pouting at the other end.

“Hiiii,” the one in the middle flashes his white teeth. “We're Sungjin's friends.”

You glance at the buzz-cut fellow over your shoulder, his face cast down, letting out an exasperated sigh, and Dowoon arrives at the last step of the stairs.

You look back to the unexpected visitors and plaster an apologetic smile. They must be cold.

“Come in.”

“No,” Sungjin states in a low voice.

You shot him a glare and open the door wide. Your brother looks at them, confused.

“That's my twin brother, Dowoon,” you tell them. “We're Sungjin's childhood friends.”

“I'm Jae,” says the tallest with much energy and takes a step and offers his hand for a shake. “The most marvelous among our friends.”

You are about to shake his hand but Sungjin takes it and put it down. You almost jumped in surprise. He held you. Your eyes linger on his fingers wrapping your wrist.

“Why are you here?” Sungjin asks with a hint of annoyance.

“We have nowhere to go,” sharp-eyes dude mutters. “Our families are not in Korea, remember? Hi, I'm Younghyun!” He tiptoes for you to see him behind Jae who's towering between the both of you.

“He's Brian,”Jae whispers.

“I'm Wonpil,” exclaims the last person who's at the back of Younghyun. "How about you, what's your name?"

“You're not staying at my home. You guys go back to the dorm.” Sungjin tries to shift the topic, not wanting them to know your name.

Dowoon shouts it instead. Everyone's head turn to look at the owner of the low voice that just spoke. "You guys can stay here, if you want," he adds and you just want to throw anything at him.

“Dowoon!”

“Dowoon, no,” Sungjin also disagrees but your brother just shrugs.

“Hey, thanks, man!” Jae walks towards him and gives him a brotherly hug.

Younghyun also exclaims his gratitude before going straight to the kitchen. “You got food here, dude?” He opens the refrigerator. “Oh, banana milk!”

Your head flips towards him. Sungjin's, too.

“Brian!” Sungjin shouts and your shoulders drop.

Younghyun looks at him innocently as he sips on the drink--the drink that Sungjin gave you just few minutes ago.

You heave a surrendering sigh before you massage your temple. Sungjin exhales a sharp breath, too, as he rests his hands on his waist.

“Do you play any game?” Jae asks Dowoon, his arm around your brother's shoulder.

“Do you play instruments?” Wonpil butts in.

“I play games and drums,” and with that, they disappear into their own little world. Younghyun also joins them.

Sungjin bites his lip and faces you. “I'm sorry about my friends.”

“It's okay,” you glance at the four guys, who are now sitting on the couch. You give Sungjin a small smile. “At least Dowoon has some people to talk to.”

He nods and beams at you but that smile doesn't even reach his eyes. You stare at each other for a good few seconds before you break the eye contact to glance at the loud young men, who are making themselves at home.

It's gonna be a long night, you think as you motion Sungjin to join the guys but he follows you to the kitchen instead.

Chapter Text

“What?!” the tallest exclaims and you glance at them. “You're iamdrum ?” He laughs as you continue to wash the cutting board to prepare lunch. “What a coincidence, man. I'm getthatjaecken. We've played together, remember?”

“What are they playing?” You ask Sungjin, who glances at them and shrugs.

“Battlegrounds?”

They have their ROG laptops placed on the center table of the living room. Dowoon also has his laptop there despite having a desktop pc in his room.

They start plugging their earphones on and launch the game.

“Okay! Lezz get that chicken dinner!” Jae exclaims as he claps.

“Oh yeah, Battlegrounds,” you confirm after hearing the chicken dinner that indicates the winner of the game.

You take out the meat and start cutting as Sungjin just sits on the high stool and watch your every move. He asks about your run and is surprised to know you had a competition.

“It's too cold for a run,” he knits his eyebrows. “And you still train? How can you run in this cold weather?”

You just shrug. When you start cutting thin strips of fully fermented kimchi, you get startled when Jae suddenly shouts.

“Save me, save me!”

“Aw!” You put the knife down and take a closer look at your finger that's now bleeding.

Sungjin is quick to stand by your side to get your hand with the wounded finger.

“Jae! Tone it down!” he shouts angrily as he holds your hand gently.

As if Sungjin hasn't said anything, Jae yelps again. “330! 330! Around the tree!”

The buzz-cut exhales a sharp breath as he shakes his head. He puts his attention back to you. “Does it still hurt?” he queries but without even hearing your reply, he pulls your finger to his mouth.

Your eyes widen when he sucks the blood of your wound. You are about to pull it back but his grip is firm. He peeks at you while he does it. His hands are big and the veins are prominent.

You feel your cheeks heat up and the warmth of his hand wrapping yours doesn't help either. The memory of your first holding hands is making it worse.

You were both walking home and he was playing with his ball. You noticed the veins and gasped.

“You really have nice hands,” you beamed.

An eyebrow raised and he just scoffed.

“You have big hands, too.”

“You just have small ones.”

“Nahh, you do have big ones. Let me see,” you raised a hand and spread your palm open. “Let's measure our hands. C'mon,” you motion him to put his against yours.

With a sigh and a creased forehead, he did what you told him to. He trapped his ball between his waist and right forearm as he placed his left palm against yours.

“See?” You grinned. “It's big. It can wrap my hand perfectly. It must be nice to hold hands with you,” without a warning, you slid your fingers to the spaces of his and close your hand to hold his.

He tried retrieving his hand from your hold but you were gripping it tightly. He tried for quite a few times but you're persistent not to let go. He exhaled sharply in surrender.

You moistened your lip as you tried to calm your heartbeat. He looked disappointed again. You bit your lip as you tried to ease the pricking on your chest. Although he always shows a hint of disapproval in every move you make towards him, you still couldn't mak yourself be immune to it. You always expect it but you also always hope that would change. But even when he stopped resisting, it still hurt you when he heaved that sigh.

You plastered a bright smile, as if you won the victory, despite of the feeling of having a hundred of needles being jabbed on your chest.

You continued walking with fingers intertwined, still holding his tightly, afraid that he'd pull it away. After few minutes have passed, though, you loosened your grip and you smiled silently, and genuinel, that even your eyes were smiling, too, when he was still holding your hand as if it was a normal thing to do. The warmth of his hand around yours reached your heart.

Maybe his mind didn't want to but his heart found it as a natural thing to do, you hoped.

“Hey! Hey! Hey!” Jae's yelling pulls your mind back to the present. “That's my car! Dude, that's my car!”

You clear your throat. “Is it okay to do that?” You query, pertaining to what he just did with your cut--sucking the blood.

He just smirks in response.

“I'm okay now. I'll just put a band-aid around it.”

He shoots you a piercing look before putting down your hand, still not letting go of it. “No, I'll do it.” He pulls your hand and motions you to the stool. He nods at it, telling you to sit and he holds your waist as you do so.

You suddenly feel dizzy. Was he like this before? You mentally shake your head. You feel a little bit confused because you know he isn't like this. He's practically allergic to people's skin. You roll your eyes from the thought.

“Stay there,” he demands as he finally lets go of your hand. He walks towards a drawer and gets a small translucent box--first aid kit.

He still knows your house as if it's his own.

He paces back towards you and starts tending on your cut. When he is done, you instantly stand up to get back to preparing meal but he tells you to sit back.

“I'll cook,” he states. “You're not supposed to handle a knife.”

You glare at him. “I'm not a kid, Sungjin.” Your jaw clenches.

He stares back at you. “That's not what I meant.”

“That's exactly what you meant.”

“No,” he creases his brows.

“Then--”

“I just don't want you getting hurt,” he cuts you off.

Your breathing hitches as your gaze lingers on his eyes. You fold your lips together as you take a gulp.

“I'm not gonna hurt myself.”

“You just did.”

“I was just startled.”

He lets out an air softly and leans forward to the sink. “Please,” he pierces his eyes on you. “Just let me, okay?” his voice, despite being a little raspy, is soft. Yet it pulls you to agree to whatever he wants, as if he's demanding.

You find yourself silently nodding as you situate yourself again on the high stool.

“Kimchi soft tofu stew, right?”

You nod. "We still have salted shrimp there,” you nod at the refrigerator. “We can use that instead of salt for a nicer flavor. Also, for the base, let's use anchovy broth.”

“Meat, kimchi, red pepper flakes, garlic, and sesame oil all together?” He rolls the sleeves of his hoodie before he washes his hands.

Your lips part a bit as you see an aqua blue and black strings, laced with each other in spiral, with a charm dangling from it, encircling his wrist.

He still wears it.

He proceeds to put the ingredients in a pot and put it over medium heat.

“Stir-fry. Three to four minutes?”

You snap back to your senses. “Yeah.”

You continue to watch him cook. You tell him how you want it done from time to time.

You pout unconsciously as you think that if it's the old you, you'd probably be staring at him dreamily right now.

A smug plasters on his face. “What?” You look up at him as you reach out for the glass of water and sip from it. “Do you think I'm ready to be a husband already?”

You cough and almost spit your drink. You put down the glass and he let out a manly chuckle.

You clear your throat. “The tofu,” you mutter and he shakes his head while wearing a lopsided smile before brushing his palm on his head softly.

He adds the big chunks of soft tofu when the broth he added earlier is already boiling. “Guess not, ‘cause my wife-to-be ain't ready yet,” he murmurs to himself but you do not hear it clearly.

When you ask him what he was murmuring about, he shakes his head.

“I just said I'll be patient,” he looks at you in the eyes.

You can almost hear the loud thumping on your chest because of his piercing gaze. Knowing that he's not really a patient person, you nod, thinking that he's talking about the stew when he actually meant that he'll be patiently waiting for you to be ready.

Chapter Text

Young men yelling is what you're hearing for almost the whole day. It's almost midnight now but they're still playing.

You shut your eyes tightly, forehead furrowing, and you roll over to the other side of your bed. Hearing another loud laughter, you dishevel your hair and groan as you sit up.

You sigh as you stand up to take your insulated jacket that's resting on the backrest of the chair, near your bed. You drape it around your forearm and proceed to go down the stairs.

“Oh, nice drift.”

“Other side. 120!”

“Man, you're out in the open. Prone stance.”

You take a glance at them before finally sliding your arms in your jacket. You put a beanie and gloves on. They don't even notice you standing by the door and even when you turn the knob.

You're quite surprised to see who's standing outside. His arm is outstretched as if he was about to reach out for the doorknob.

He's also wearing a beanie. A very familiar one. There's no doubt. It's that beanie.

“Here,” you handed him a black knitted yarn. “It's like a congratulatory gift. You're gonna be a university student soon.”

You're both standing by the seaside promenade. It's quite a hidden place--Sungjin's secret place. He brought you there when you were twelve when he saw you running with puffy eyes and red nose.

He was about to call your name then when you just ran passed him. He followed you, grabbed your wrist, making you face him, and asked what happened. You just continued to sob and he dragged you, leading you to that place.

You let out all your frustrations and pain there regarding the reason why you cried--your family, your parents.

Since then, it has become your secret place, too.

“It's a beanie. I made it for you.”

“You sure like to craft things on your own, huh?” he takes it from you.

You shrugged. “It's not that fancy, I know. But I can't really afford to buy you gifts. So I just make them instead. Like that one,” you point at his bracelet--the only wrist accessory he's wearing.

He just nodded and you pouted. You took the beanie from his hand and unfolded it. “Let me put this on you,” you motioned him to bend so that you could reach his head.

Instead of bending his body forward, though, like bowing a little, he bent his knees. Sure, you can reach his head, but you thought it was unusual so you couldn't help but giggle.

“What?” he glared.

You bit your lower lip to restrain yourself from letting out another laugh. You put the beanie on his head and planted a peck on his lips before he could straighten back up.

His face became gloomy that you could almost see a black aura coming out from him. You suddenly felt nervous and your throat went dry. He looked so mad yet you didn't want to say sorry. You did not regret it, so why would you?

You fidgeted the hem of your shirt and your hands felt like they were starting to sweat. You were getting yourself ready for his outburst but he just took the beanie off his head and brushed his hair up before letting out a heavy breath.

You flipped your eyes close and tight when he budged, feeling afraid of his anger. But he just paced towards the very old cemented bench behind you.

You slowly opened your eyes and looked at him. You couldn't tell what he's thinking. He tapped the space beside him, motioning you to sit.

“How old are you now again?” he heaved another sigh. “Sixteen?” You nodded silently.

You kept on contemplating whether to apologize for stealing a kiss or to tell him you're not regretting it. You were both silent for almost two minutes when he uttered again.

“When did you start liking me?”

You looked up and breathed in. “I don't know,” you sighed. “I've known you my whole life and I just woke up one day seeing you as a guy and not as an older brother that me and Dowoon have had always looked up to,” you gripped your thigh. “Maybe when I was twelve? When you first brought me here and stayed by my side ‘til late at night because I was crying when I found out Mom has another man; we both got an earful then because kids weren't supposed to stay outside late. Or when I was nine? When some guys were always making fun of me and you stood up for me. Or when I was six? When kids would always make me play the least important role and you'd always be my knight in shining--garbage bag,” you chuckled but you contained it right away after seeing his expression was still serious.

He whispered your name and you suddenly felt another weight was put on your chest.

“Maybe you don't really like me,” your jaw clenched with what he said. “Maybe, yeah, you look up to me so much that you mistake it as liking me. Or maybe because I was always the one you see, the one who's always there.” He ruffled his hair. “You're still too young. When you grow up, be in high school and vocational school or university, you'd meet a lot of other guys. I'm moving to Seoul next week. You won't see me and you will start noticing other guys. And maybe by then, you'd realize you didn't even like me in the first place. You didn't like me the way you thought you did--you do now.”

You were biting your lower lip as he was telling you all those things. Your fists were also clenched. You were hurt by his sudden announcement about moving to Seoul. The thought of not seeing him was painful but the other things he said were far more painful. You felt so aggrieved.

“You're underestimating what I feel for you, Sungjin. I may just be a kid in your eyes but what I feel for you is real.” Your eyes were starting to get watery but you held every tear back. “I may always seem bubbly and playful, but when I say I like you, I'm serious. Everything I do isn't just for fun. When I held your hand last year, I wasn't just teasing you, I really wanted to hold it--I always do. Even now. When I kissed you, I wasn't just being a teenager exploring things. I did it because I like you too damn much!”

Blinking that memory away, you take a gulp as you try to tell yourself to stop feeling hurt from what happened three years ago. You straighten up.

“It's late,” you say, matter-of-factly. “Why are you here?”

“i just want to check on you. And yes, it's late. So why are you heading outside?”

“I'm not.”

He raises a brow and tilts his head. He scans you from head to feet and you look at yourself, too. Your clothes are literally saying you're going outside.

You avert your gaze and clear your throat. “Anyway, the boys are okay. You should go home.”

“I said, to check on you, not them,” you look at him and he holds your gaze. “I know they're okay--more than that. But I'm worried about you. If they're really causing disturbance, I can just tell them to move at our house.”

You glance at them over your shoulders and see your twin brother laughing.

“It's okay,” you look back at Sungjin. “When was the last time you've seen Dowoon smile and laugh like that?” You tilt your body to let him see his friends and your brother laughing together.

“When you guys were six.”

“Exactly,” you nod. “And that's thirteen years ago.”

He sighs. “But you can't sleep.”

“I can manage.”

“You… wanna go for a walk instead?”

You shift your eyes and shrug. In the end, you find yourself walking beside him. And minutes later, you're standing at the promenade--the secret place.

You want to let out a bittersweet laugh. You were just thinking about this place half an hour ago, and now you're here again.

“Can I ask you something?”

You raise a brow and land him a look.

“Why were you so straight forward about how you feel for me?” He glances at you but you are caught off guard by his sudden query that you just stare at him blankly. “Why did you keep on making moves ? It was almost like you were courting me.”

You roll your eyes and fix them at the dark sea. Your gaze traces the reflection of the moon.

“F.Y.I. mister, I really was courting you,” you correct him. “Why? Because you wouldn't make a move on me, so why not, I do it instead? Besides, you treat me and my brother as your siblings, so courting you was like wanting to make you see me as a different person--like a girl you can potentially like--and not just as a kid or a sister.”

“ Was? ” He moistens his lips. “Was.” He repeats as he nods. “So you're not courting me anymore? You…” he trails off, hesitation creeps in, “don't feel the same way anymore?”

You shoot him a glance. You raise a brow as you try to decipher him. Why is he asking? Why is he bringing up the past? You keep a smug to yourself as you think you won't let him have the answer easily.

You shrug and try your best to look like you're uninterested.

“Figure it out yourself.”

Chapter Text

With a grunt, you pull yourself to sit up. You rub your eyes as a yawn makes its way out of your mouth. Blinking a few more times, you check the time.

It's eight minutes before seven. You groan as you flop yourself on the mattress. It's already late for you to go for a run. You usually get up at four to do it, but it was already past two A.M. when you went back home from your safe place.

Kicking the blanket away, you get up from your bed and head down stairs to prepare breakfast. The living room is already clear. The boys might have transferred to Dowoon's room to sleep.

Your pace becomes slow when you see familiar boxes on the table. There are three banana milk and there's a note beneath them. You take and read it.

Because Brian drank what I gave yesterday.

Creasing your forehead, you think about who Brian is.

Oh, yeah. Younghyun!

Folding your lips together, you get the three boxes of milk and put it on the fridge again. Remembering what the black haired did yesterday, you find a piece of paper and a marker.

You can get anything in here except the boxes of banana milk. Hands off, especially you, BRIAN.

You smile as you finish writing the last word. You saw how the young man argued with Jae yesterday about the name.

With a satisfied smile, you close the marker, stand up and place the note on the refrigerator.

You begin to prepare breakfast only to have it eaten at three in the afternoon because the guys woke up very late.

For what seems the twentieth time, you walk towards the window of your room. You take a peek outside and unconsciously frown when you see no hint of a particular person.

He went to drop the milks but didn't even bother to see me?

Not that you're waiting for him, though. You're not, right? You've waited for him for several years already and you're done with that. You're not gonna wait for him anymore. Not even for a minute. Never.

“Sungjin, how long should I wait for you?” you're both at your safe place again. He's moving to Seoul tomorrow.

“What are you talking about? Who's waiting who?”

You huffed, preventing a tear to fall. You slumped on the bench and smiled tightly. “I won't be seeing you for so long,” you felt your eyes starting to heat up. “Can I finally hug you now?”

Sungjin leaned on the railing. He crossed his arms and shook his head.

You dropped your shoulders. “Then when you graduate? How many years would Civil and Environmental Engineering take? Four years? Five? Six?”

“You're gonna wait for years just for a hug?”

You trapped a sob. It's not ‘just’ a hug. You looked down at your hands, fidgeting. Yes, it's not just a hug. It's like going back to home.

Ever since you found out that your father was cheating, your world crumbled. You were his princess, his partner in crime. He was your man, your best friend and your hero. But everything’s just a long lost memory of yours. Even though you were just six, you understood everything. You were intelligent and mature for your age.

Just when you were trying to be fine, you found out your mother also got another man. She said she deserves it after what your father has done; she said she also needs someone to love and take care of her.

You became so lost but then you found home again--in Sungjin's arms. It was the day when he brought you to his secret place. It was the first time he enclosed you in his embrace and the first time after a long time, you felt safe again.

But puberty hit and you've never hugged him again. He became sensitive and he didn't like people touching him.

This time, he'd be leaving and you'd gonna be left wandering alone, trying to look for your way home.

You shook your head and met his eyes. You flashed a sad smile. “Bye, Sungjin.”

You flip your body before your stretch your arms. You stare at the ceiling for a bit as you realize you dreamt about the day before he left.

You yawn and look at the digital clock on your bedside table. It's already evening.

No trace of your brother, Sungjin's friends, and him can be seen. You walk lazily towards the kitchen.

Shall I prepare dinner?

You don't have an appetite and you're not sure if the boys will be staying the night at your house again.

After washing your hands, the door opens and it reveals Dowoon.

“Where did you go?”

“I toured Sungjin's friends around,” he turns to look at you with hopeful eyes. “And they'd probably sleep there tonight,” he bites his lower lip.

“And you want to stay the night there, too?” you smile softly. “Go ahead. Shall I cook you dinner?”

He shakes his head and dashes upstairs. “We're eating at Sungjin's,” he yells.

There's no single glimpse of Sungjin until the night ends. When morning comes the next day, you go for a run. A surprise awaits you when you come home.

“Hello,” a handsome young man flashes a bright grin.

You mirror his smile before running towards him and jump on him. He catches you and embraces you tightly before carefully putting you down.

“Beomie,” you grin.

“Missed me?”

You nod eagerly and he ruffles your hair. As he straightens up, he notices a figure, standing a couple of feet behind you, who seems like shooting daggers on him.

You follow what his sharp eyes are looking at and see Sungjin with clenched jaw.

He calls out your name, eyes still darted on the young man in front of you. “Breakfast?”

“Oh, right.” Jaebeom, your surprise visitor, utters. “Do you want me to cook you breakfast?”

You flip your head back to look at him and smile again. “Sounds great.” Feeling Sungjin's stare behind you, you look at him again. “Anyway, this is Sungjin. And Sungjin, this is Jaebeom.”

Jaebeom offers a hand, smile still sitting on his face, while Sungjin glares at his outstretched hand before finally shaking it.

You motion Jaebeom to go inside your house and Sungjin follows behind.

“You should rest.”

“I'm fine,” he raises his brows to assure you. “It was just a… three-hour ride? Besides, I bet you missed my omelette.”

Sungjin rolls his eyes, thinking that the other guy keeps on trying to look cute for you, with all the smiles and nose scrunches. He sees the note you made for Younghyun and smiles to himself. He opens the fridge and put another three boxes of banana milk that you didn't notice him holding.

You keep chatting with Jaebeom as Sungjin pours himself a glass of water and sits on the high stool.

“Shall I cook for your brother, too?”

“You should cook for four more persons,” Sungjin butts in.

Jaebeom looks at him cluelessly while your forehead furrows. He shrugs. Jaebeom glances at you to confirm what he said, and you realizes what he meant.

“Oh yeah, Dowoon got new friends,” you show a tight smile. “Don't worry, though. I'll be the one to cook for them.”

“No, its okay.” Jaebeom scrunches his nose and nods at the stool beside Sungjin. “Just sit down and let me take care of things, okay?”

"Sorry I wasn't able to meet you yesterday," Sungjin utters when you sit beside him. You try so hard to look uninterested but you badly want to know why he wasn't around. "I was out doing some errands with my father. And when I got back you were already asleep."

The three of you eat breakfast together because the boys aren't awake yet. You and Jaebeom jumps from topic to topic, as if friends that haven't seen each other for years and are trying to catch up, when in reality, it's only been less than a week.

Sungjin comments from time to time but you just keep on glaring at him. Although he might be quite annoying, Jaebeom finds him interesting. He knows really well why the other is acting the way he is now--being grumpy and trying to put him on the bad side.

“I'd probably drop by here again tomorrow,” he plasters a cute and tight smile. “I'm visiting a friend, who's just in the next town.”

You pout and he pinches your nose.

“I'll bring you strawberry milk. Now don't be sad, okay?”

You smile and nodded. “Come back, okay? I'll wait.”

Hearing the ‘wait’ word makes Sungjin bothered. He doesn't like the idea of you waiting for someone else.

Hiding a smirk, Jaebeom bends down a bit and purse his lips. You step closer and inches your head forward to cause his lips meet your head. After planting a kiss, he encloses you in his arms.

“Take care,” you utter before letting go of him.

Sungjin, who's sitting on the couch, grips on the pillow tightly. The urge to throw anything at that sharp-eyed guy is strong. He wants to stand between the two of you or pull you away from him.

“You, too,” Jaebeom crinkles his nose before ruffling your hair. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you wave at him and he closes the door.

Sungjin's knuckles are already white from clenching his fists so tight. His veins are becoming more prominent now.

“Who exactly is that guy?” he interrogates when you turn away from the door.

“Im Jaebeom.”

“Boyfriend?”

“No.”

“Suitor? And why strawberry milk? Banana milk is your favorite."

You furrow your forehead and pace towards the kitchen. “No. And I liked banana milk because there's a bear. Strawberry milk is our, me and Beom's, favorite."

He dishevels his hair in annoyance. “Where are you going?”

You sigh exasperatingly. “Kitchen. Prepare lunch.”

“I'll do that,” he stands up swiftly and marches towards the kitchen.

“No.”

“There are still a lot of food from earlier. And we can ask Mom for the side dishes. What do you want for lunch?”

“I'm gonna make it myself, Sungjin. The side dishes, too.”

“Let me do it.”

You massage your temple before placing your hands on your waist. You moisten your lips as you stare at him.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Can't a guy take care of a girl?” He retorts. “What? Jaebeom can get to tell you to stay put while he does everything and you follow but you won't let me?” You continue to study him. “Again, can't a guy take care of a girl?”

“If the girl is special to him.”

He nods. “So let me.”

Chapter Text

Sungjin pouts in front of the mirror. He tries to smile cutely, too. He cringes and scratches his head.

“What are you doing?” Jae queries with knitted eyebrows and giving him a look like he's judging him. “You trying to look cute in front of the mirror, Bro?” He scoffs and Sungjin just shoots him a glare.

“Pil! Someone needs a lesson from you!”

“Shut up!” Sungjin hisses and gets out of the bathroom. He curses to himself about forgetting to lock the room earlier.

Seeing how you look at Jaebeom adoringly yesterday makes him think he might be able to make you smile when he acts cute they way he did. But he must be going in sane, he thinks. Him, acting cute? No way, right?

Jae just chuckles and proceeds to do whatever his business is in that room. Wonpil, on the other hand, appears in front of Sungjin before he can go to the dining room.

“What was it?”

“Teach Sungjin how to be cute,” the tallest shouts from the bathroom.

The pink haired narrows his eyes on the buzz-cut before his lips curve into a smile.

“I'm not doing it.”

“Come on, just try,” Wonpil urges and soon Younghyun joins him.

After a couple of times of insisting, Sungjin sighs in surrender before he folds his lips together and stretch them to form a smile.

Wonpil stares at him blankly. Younghyun furrows his eyebrows and Jae does the same.

“You look…” the pink hair bites his lower lip for a second as he tilts his head a bit, “scary.”

They all laugh, except from Sungjin, of course. He shoves his friends away, telling them to get out of his sight.

You cleaned your house the whole morning and Jaebeom also went during noon time. Now, with nothing else to do, you get the box containing some yarns from your room and bring it outside.

You go to the backyard and make yourself comfortable. You start twisting and lacing the yarns on each other and few moments later, a figure sits beside you.

You glance at the black haired and see him chewing and holding a banana.

“Why are you here?”

“Food.” He takes a bite again

“Is Sungjin not feeding you?”

He shakes his head. “That guy's being grumpy the whole morning.”

“Shall I cook?”

“Nahh, Wonpil's on it.”

You crease your head and look back over your shoulder. Wonpil is in the kitchen with Dowoon. Your eyes wander and they found Jae sitting on the couch, focused on his phone.

When you look back at Younghyun, his face are inched closer to your hands, like he's studying what you're doing.

“That pattern looks familiar.”

You raise a brow and glance at the bracelet you're making. “It's just a basic pattern. Want me to teach you?”

Instead of answering your query, he leans back and narrows his eyes on you. He tilts his head as he tries to think of something.

“Now, I get it.”

“Get what?”

“Why Sungjin doesn't want to lose the bracelet he's wearing,” he nods and winks at you. You raise a brow at the gesture. “You made it for him.”

He smiles widely and shakes his body before letting out a squeal. You look at him as if he's a weird guy.

“What are you talking about?”

“One summer night,” he intunes and you glare at him. He chortles and looks up at the sky as he leans his back on the backrest of the chair. “We played basketball with some of our friends. When we went back to our room, he panicked when he noticed that the bracelet was no longer on his wrist. Told him we could buy a new one but he stormed out of the room, followed him, and we went to find that bracelet for almost three hours.”

He glances at you and shrugs.

“He wouldn't bother if it's not something special, right?” his mouth stretches into a smile again. “And although it's loose now, he still wears it. He would tighten it using his one hand and teeth,” he chuckles, “every time he feels it's loosening.”

“Well, maybe it's just because his wish hasn't come true yet.”

You explain to him what the wish bracelet is--that a person would only take it off when one's wish came true.

“And you think Sungjin would bother finding it, late at night, for hours, just for that?” He shakes his head. “It's because your special for him.”

You avert your gaze and you remember your conversation with the Sungjin yesterday.

“Can't a guy take care of a girl?”

“If the girl is special to him.”

“So let me.”

You squeeze your eyes tightly and mentally shake your head. You almost groan in frustration. Ever since Sungjin came back, he's been giving you mix signals but you didn't want to think beyond the line. You don't want to look dumb chasing after a person who's not looking your way, do you?

“It's because Dowoon and I are like his little siblings.”

Both of you hear Sungjin's voice after your remark. He probably just got inside your house.

“That's not how I see it. And speaking of the devil,” he winks again and stands up. “Ramen my love!” He exclaims in a sing-song voice and walk inside the kitchen.

“What are you doing outside?” the buzz cut takes a peek before finally going outside to sit beside you. “You're making a new one?” He nods at the yarns in front of you.

“Yeah, I got nothing to do.”

“Can I have that when you're done?”

“Why?”

“Please?” you just stare as he pleads. Not getting any response from you, he shows a pout and you knit your brows. “Please?” he repeats as he put his palms against each other and blinks at you cutely. Your eyebrows raise. “Please?” he spreads his palms and put it under his chin, striking a ‘flower’ pose.

You shove your hand on his face as your eyebrows furrow again. “Were you trying to be cute?”

“Was it effective?”

You just roll your eyes, chuckle and shake your head in response. He smiles. Even though he's not the kind of person to act cute, and even if it's humiliating for him, at least he made you smile--laugh even.

The next hours are a blur. You don't want to remember how you emotionally and mentally exhaust yourself from thinking about everything that has happened in the past few days.

Another surprise greets you in the evening. An unpleasant one. A very unpleasant one.

You stare at the door. You see a man standing and a woman taking her shoes off before fully entering the house.

Your throat suddenly becomes dry. “Dad,” you manage to utter.

“Princess,” he spreads his arms and flash a wide smile.

You remain unmoved as he stride towards you and give you a hug. Your jaw and fists clench.

“Why are you here?” you shoot him a glare before shifting your eyes to the lady standing by the door frame.

“I just want to visit my baby.”

You take a gulp to prevent yourself from vomiting when you heard him calling you with that endearment.

“Go, greet your auntie a good evening.”

Putting your hands inside the front pocket of your hoodie, you pace towards the woman in her mid-30s.

You stop right in front of her and stare. “Good evening. Enjoy your stay,” you grip the door knob and walk out of the house instantly.

The moment you step outside, you immediately regret it. The freezing air embraces you and you did not even grab your insulated jacket with you. Although you're wearing a hoodie, the wind still manages to bite your skin and make you feel cold. You need another layer.

You shake your head. There's no turning back. You pace fast, not knowing where to go, but it seems like your feet knows exactly where you need to be.

You find yourself at the secret place half an hour later. You gaze at the reflection of the moon on the sea. You sniff and rub your nose before rubbing your palm against each other to cause heat from friction.

You bite your lip. It's freaking cold. I'm literally freezing out here. I should've at least brought another layer of clothing with me.

As if on cue, a winter coat wraps you. You look up and see Sungjin trying to make sure you're wrapped enough. You suddenly have the urge to cry when you didn't even shed a single tear before. You blink rapidly to keep your teasing tears from falling.

Sungjin rubs his hands together before cupping yours in them. He heaves a sigh because of how cold your hands are. He fishes something out of his back pocket. Hand gloves. He shove them on your hands and as he put the last one on your left, you look at him.

“How about you?”

“I'm fine. I don't usually wear gloves when it's not snowing. But you've been out for so long and you're freezing. So keep them on.”

“But still…”

He stares at you and sighs again. He takes the glove off of your left hand and put it on his. His right hand grabs your left one and intertwines your fingers before he puts them inside the pocket of his jacket.

“There, it's fair now,” he utters and you just nod.

You suddenly feel a weight on your head but you remain still. He puts his cap on you and he lowers the brim. He slowly makes your head lean on his chest as he drapes his arm around your back. His right hand still holding yours.

“I can't see you now so you can let it all out.”

As if it's the only cue your tears are waiting for, they instantly stream down your face after his remark.

Again, after a long time, you feel safe. And again , you are found in his arms.

Chapter Text

THAT ‘GROW TOGETHER’ TYPE LOVE

You blink twice before reading the phrase again. The first thing you read in Friday morning. It's the phrase on Sungjin's cap, which is on the bedside table, that he made you wear last night.

You were clouded and overwhelmed by everything that you were not able to process anything. The hug, the intertwined fingers, the things that you talked about. Now that you’re awake and that your mind is clearer than yesternight, heat creeps up your cheeks and butterflies go wild in your tummy.

You clench the pillow and bury your face more on it before you slide in the duvet to hide yourself more. You shut your eyes tightly as you try to suppress the overpowering feeling that’s inundating you. But the more you try to brush it all away, the more his words from last night become clearer in your head that they almost seem audible.

“So childish, right?” You chuckle bitterly. You’re both seated on the bench after you had calmed down. Fingers still locked with each other’s inside the pocket of his jacket. You cleared your throat and sniffed before exhaling softly. “Storming out of the house out of petty things and made myself look dumb and foolish and let myself freeze to death. Although, I didn’t really need a knight in shining armor, but thanks.”

Sungjin glanced on your forearm. His gaze traced the figure of it until it landed at the bulge on his pocket where both of your hands were in. He kept mum and let you continue.

“I lived in a castle of lies and deception. I was made to believe that I was a princess and suddenly I was treated as a trash.” You swallowed the lump in your throat, which was hard for you to do so. You moistened your lip as another set of teasing tears tried to escape. “I never knew I’d cry about it again. I haven’t shed a single tear about this for eight years. And for that eight d*mn years,” Sungjin slowly flipped his head towards you when he heard you cursed, “he didn’t come see me. Neither just to check on me. Text? Call? Huh! Do we live in the era with no cellphones and computers? And he’d appear one day as if nothing happened? He even brought his--” you let out an exasperated sigh as you looked up to prevent a tear from falling.

“You know…” Sungjin suddenly mumbled, which you didn’t expect. You stayed still as you waited what he’d say. “You were once his princess,” you felt him squeeze your hand gently, “but someday, someone will make you feel you’re a queen, and you deserve nothing but the best.”

You glanced at him and smirked before shaking your head slowly. “I don’t need to be treated as a royalty. And I don’t really need the best. I just need someone’s bravery and honesty. Someone who might not act as a king and a hero; I'm done with dreams and fantasies. I need someone who may just be simple, but is brave enough to take all the obstacles just not to let me go. Someone who’s transparent enough to not wrap me with fallacies and is courageous enough to tell me the truth even if it’d hurt me because he knows that letting me be surrounded by deceit wouldn’t only hurt me but would also destroy me.”

You felt his thumb brush the back of your palm. He couldn’t help but chin up because at this very moment he felt so proud of how strong you are yet he wanted to wrap you in his arms once again and sap all of your burden or even just half of it.

“You’ve always been a matured child,” you raised a brow when you heard him say ‘child’, “and you sure have grown and became more mature.”

“Is that a bad thing?” You plastered a small smile. “I can’t actually wait to be an adult and live alone. Mind my own life and don’t give a sh*t about anyone and anything.”

He furrowed his forehead. “That’s your second cuss for tonight.” You just chuckled. “It’s not really a bad thing, though. It’s just that… It feels like you’re forcing things. You handle things on your own, you don’t seem to have fun like you used to, you’re trying to be responsible more than you need to be. It’s like you’re growing so fast and you’re forgetting you’re still on your youth.”

“Because I’m not a child anymore. And forcing things?” You shrugged. “Maybe? As I’ve said, I can’t wait. I want to grow up fast. Life is a sport, and you gotta win the race.”

“Maybe life is a sport, but it doesn’t mean it’s a marathon. Sometimes you gotta take it slow.” He smiled. “I get it, you’re a runner. But not all sport needs you to be fast. Sometimes you just need to know and understand the sport well, this life, and learn how to play it without forgetting that there are still other aspects to consider to win. Life is a journey, too, you know? Because in a race, you’re focused on reaching the finish line. But in a journey, you get to enjoy and appreciate every little thing you pass by. In your race, your finish line is being an adult. But you gotta understand that being an adult doesn’t mean you’re a winner. When you reach your finish line, what then? Would you feel genuinely happy and would you feel the victory? You’d just be exhausted from running fast, being focused on that single thing. Sometimes the victory is not beyond the finish line, but what’s around you. When you build something--your life, yourself--you do it carefully, slowly but surely, yet you also need to learn how to enjoy the process. When you build something in haste, it would crumble easily.”

At first, you didn’t like it when he started speaking about how life’s not a marathon . But as he went on, you understood what he meant. You knew he had a point. You chuckled at his last line.

“Is that you being an engineer?” You beamed. “Taking it slow?” You looked down and whispered with a hint of sadness, “No wonder you’re taking too slow to come to me.”

He slowly released a soft breath. It's almost inaudible but he still heard you.

“It’s just me making my future--my life, and my partner-to-be--to not crumble easily.” You looked up at him, confused at what he’s trying to say. He wants his future to be stable, yes, you got that. But his partner-to-be? He has been telling you all those stuff, that the sport called life is not a marathon-like sport, and suddenly he’s telling you he wants his future partner to not crumble easily, too. Was he talking about you? Or was he pertaining to someone else? Is there someone in his life now? Or was he talking about someone who hasn’t come yet?

He met your eyes with full of devotion and admiration. Was it just your imagination? He smiled. “I’m sorry for not catching up. But with you moving so fast, and me taking things slowly, surely, I won’t be able to catch up. So maybe we can meet in the middle? Years have passed already. And now, I’m sure I can take things faster. So, can you slow down a bit so I can reach you?”

Looking back, you nodded as if you understood what he was trying to say. But now, with eyes wide open, you still can’t figure out what it was about. Was he trying to say that he feels the same way but you just need to slow down a bit? But slow down in what? And does he really feel the same? He’s confusing you again.

You groan before getting up. You glance at the cap and take it. Suddenly someone knocks on the door of the room. Yeah, right. I’m in Sungjin’s room. You ruffle your hair. You didn’t want to go home last night because you didn’t like the idea of staying in the same place with a stranger and you were so tired to argue with him about where to sleep so you just agreed when he insisted that you'd sleep in their house--in his room.

You put the cap on the table again, get up and fix his bed. “I'm up.”

The door flips open and as he enters your vision, you feel your heartbeat rises, you clench your pants.

“Good morning,” he beams as he leans on the frame.

As if your heart isn't being wild right now, it even does flips. And as if you're not yet melting, you remember him holding your hand all night. The effect may be delayed, but it's doubled.

You return the smile and gather the things he made you wear last night--jacket, glove, and cap. You stride towards him. You look up at him when you reach the door and as his eyes meet yours, you feel your knees weaken.

“Uhm,” you gulp, “I'll wash these first before giving them back.”

He straightens up and gets his stuff from you. “No need for that.” He pauses a bit when he gets the cap. He stares at it for a moment before glancing at you. “Keep this,” he states as he puts the cap on your head like he did last night.

The pounding on your chest becomes stronger when you remember what's the phrase embroidered on the cap and the fact that he looked at it before giving it to you.

THAT ‘GROW TOGETHER’ TYPE LOVE.

All you can do is sigh. Sungjin, you're making me crazy. Crazily confused.

Chapter Text

Silence is accompanying you and Sungjin, who are walking towards your house.

You've already eaten breakfast at their house because you couldn't decline when his mother was the one who insisted. She was still as welcoming as ever.

When Sungjin told you that your father and his wife left early, to not make you more uncomfortable, you decided to go home right away. You didn't want to trouble the Park's household any further. Although they kept telling you you're not a trouble since you belong to their family.

Yeah, coz I'm like Sungjin's sister.

Sungjin stands behind you as you open the door. When you're about to step inside, you look back and call him.

You fold your lips together as you muster up some courage to ask. “What did you mean by… I should slow down a bit?”

He paints a subtle smile and pats your head before he slides his hands in his jacket's pockets.

“Just don't lose… or waste your youth,” he plasters a tight lipped smile. “It's good to be responsible, okay? But don't rush to get into a place and regret it when you look back because you could've done a lot of things that you wouldn't be able to do once you reach your destination. You'll get there. You'll become an adult. But for now, treasure your youth. Don't take a shortcut because you might miss a lesson or two that you'd need.”

“It's like to study instead of cheating, huh?”

He beams and nods slowly. He nods at the door. “Go inside now. I'll come by for lunch later. With the boys, perhaps.”

You chuckle and nod before you finally get inside.

When lunch time comes, you dash to the kitchen to cook only to see a broad back facing you. You are not aware that you're already staring at it until the figure turns around.

He plasters a small smirk again when he realizes your eyes were darted on his back.

“You're here,” you utter before you situate yourself on the stool.

He acknowledges you with a nod and you smile in response. Placing your forearms on the counter, you lean forward and observe him cutting some vegetables, probably for the side dishes.

“You're not gonna insist to cook today?”

You shrug. “You want it, you do it.”

He smiles and shakes his head as he continues with what he's doing. You fish out your phone from your pocket and capture a photo of him cooking. You lean back and fumble on your phone to upload the picture you took on your SNS.

“This is the first time I've seen you hold your phone since I got back here in Busan,” Sungjin comments as he washes his hands.

You look up at him and think what you've been doing for the whole week. You run every early morning, cook when you get home, clean before your brother wakes up, lock yourself in your room, cook again, and if Sungjin's friends are around, you clean again.

Lunch time comes and you make the boys gather around the table. Dowoon, Wonpil and Jae keep on saying ‘one last game' while Younghyun keeps on saying ‘one more episode'.

“Koro-sensei!” Younghyun sobs. His tears are streaming down his face.

“Just take what you need!” Jae hisses at Wonpil.

“Let's eat and we'll go around Busan after,” Sungjin encourages.

“Oh? Alright. That's cool.” Jae nonchalantly responds.

You heave a sigh and approach them. When you threaten them to click the power button of their laptops, they panic and promise to stop after the current round.

During lunch, Younghyun shares how heartbreaking the anime he watched was. How this yellow creature that became a teacher died in the hand of his students. And how all the students were wailing because they didn't want their teacher to disappear, but it was their mission to do so. Jae, on the other hand, keeps on talking about interesting things that happened in their game.

Sungjin hands you a small container with full of almonds and a box of yogurt. “They're good for athletes, right?”

You beam at him, “Thanks.”

Half an hour after, Sungjin takes Dowoon with him to get something from their house.

“Who wants to drive?”

“Me!” Jae exclaims so Sungjin takes him, too.

Not long after, you, Wonpil and Younghyun hear a beep outside your house. When Wonpil flips the door open, you see the three guys, who went out earlier, each on a scooter bike.

Wonpil dashes out. You look at Younghyun over your shoulder and see him smiling from ear to ear before he steps outside. You follow and close the door behind you.

You are planning to ride with Dowoon but Wonpil hops on. Younghyun is walking towards Jae. When you turn to Sungjin, he's looking at you expectantly. You stride towards him and sit behind him.

Wonpil is exclaiming excitingly and Younghyun is cheering loudly. “Let's go go go!”

“Ready?” Sungjin asks you after you put your helmet on.

“Yes,” you answer as you put your hands behind and grip the bar at the back of the scooter, knowing that Sungjin hates physical contact.

He suddenly turns around and reach for your left forearm. He snakes it around his torso and making it stay in place. “You need to hold me,” he demands. You hide a smile as you drape your other arm around him. “Tighter.”

With a blush creeping on your face, you oblige.

Sungjin drives around until the next town. Dowoon and Jae are following. Younghyun is so loud that he exclaims in everything that fascinates him, which is almost everything.

“I didn't know that by just riding a scooter and go around the town could be this fun.” Wonpil says with a wide grin when you stop by a shop to eat some ice cream.

Sungjin tucks a strand of hair behind your ear after you bite on your popsicle. You beam brightly at him.

“You seem carefree now,” Jae remarks. “It's my first time seeing you smile. Not the tight-lipped smile you're giving us, but that smile, your genuine smile.”

You glance at Sungjin and he nods with a smile on his face, too.

“Yeah, you seem uptight before.” Younghyun seconds.

“A bit intimidating?” Wonpil adds.

“My sister is actually a bright person,” Dowoon butts in. “I miss my sister.”

Your gaze linger on your brother. That hit you hard. You see each other everyday. But him saying that he misses you means he's been feeling you're not around.

Dowoon's ears are red. He can't even look at you straight. He throws the popsicle in the trash bin and turns around. “Shall we head back?”

Your eyes are still pierced on him, at his back. I miss myself, too. Sungjin was right. You were taking things fast; forcing yourself to grow up.

“Let's go,” Sungjin says in a soft voice.

You nod and finish your ice cream. You still feel a little heaviness on your chest until Sungjin takes your hand and guides you to where the scooter is. As you look at his hand enclosing yours, your heart is slowly being enveloped by warmth.

You smile to yourself. It's not too late. At least I know I need to slow down now. Go back to my normal pace. Be me again.

You instantly drape your arms around Sungjin after getting on the scooter. You rest your chin on his shoulder and you wrap him tighter.

He chuckles. “Too tight.”

“It's okay,” you grin.

After going back to your house, you keep arguing with Younghyun.

“Sanji is better!”

“No, you just like him because he's handsome.”

“Shut up or you won't get to eat ramen.”

Younghyun whines because that's the first thing he's looking for after their mini-road trip and Sungjin is currently preparing it now.

“Then, I'll have this.” Younghyun shows you the yellow box he just took from the refrigerator.

“No!” and the chasing commences.

Suddenly, your phone rings. You halt when you see who the caller is. “Kang Brian, don't your dare drink my banana milk!” You shout before you hit the answer button. “Beomie! Oh, Nora!” You exclaim when you see his cat on the screen, oblivious of Sungjin's glare behind you. “Is Coco there, too? Aww! I miss them both!”

“Hey, I'm the one who called, why are you looking for Coco. And how about me? You don't miss me?”

“Of course, I miss you!”

“I miss you, tss,” Sungjin murmurs under his breath, unaware of Jae's presence beside him. “Didn't they see each other yesterday?”

You continue to talk with Jaebeom even after the ramen has been cooked.

Sungjin calls for your attention. “Your ramen will be soggy.”

“For a moment,” you hold up a finger to ask for another minute. “I'll just end this call with JB.”

“Do you smell something, Bri?” Jae query in whisper.

Younghyun sniffs. “Smells like…” he sniffs again before they look at each other.

They both raise their right arm and wave their hands in the air softly. “Jealousy,” they both sing.

“The way you look at someone, other than me,” Younghyun continues.

“Jealousy, stop talking to me about other people. Stop it.”

Sungjin's glare shift towards them.

“Ey!” Jae grins guiltily. “Why are you giving us that murderous glare?”

“Stop it.”

“We're just singing,” Younghyun defends.

“Yeah, Wonpil knows this song, too. Right, Pil?”

“Yeah, I know the leader of that group.”

After hanging up the call, you go the dining table to eat your ramen. The rest take their bowls and gather at the living room, leaving you and Sungjin behind.

“Who's JB in your life?”

“A senior?”

“You're too close and sweet to each other. You say ‘I miss you' and ‘I love you’ as if it's a normal thing for both of you. You're not even dating,” he pauses. “Are you?”

You shove the chopsticks in your mouth before you shake your head. “He's just like a brother to me.”

“I was also like a brother to you.” His voice is cold and firm that it makes you stop from eating and look at him straight at the eyes.

“Are you jealous?”

“That's not the issue here,” he remains firm, “you're not even dating yet you do those things with him. You like hugging him, too.”

You shrug. “He has broad shoulders. It feels nice when I hug him.”

“I have broad shoulders, too, yet you don't hug me like you do to him. If you need a hug like that, I'm here.”

That remark makes you drop your chopsticks on the table. You lean back at the back rest of the chair and narrow your eyes at him.

“Do you know you're being a jerk right now?” His countenance softens. “I've always asked for a hug. I've always wanted to hug you. I've always been vocal about it and I had many attempts, too. But who turned them down? You.”

You take a gulp and release a heavy breath.

“Why are you like this? You keep me hanging in the air. You did nothing this whole week but confuse me. You're too harsh. Is  it because I was head over heels for you? And now you see someone as a threat that I don't do the things I used to do to you? You only see me when you think I'm looking at someone else. You belittled my feelings for you. Three years have passed and you're still the same. That's where you're good at. Looking down on my feelings.”

Chapter Text

Sungbear 6:24pm
Please see me.

Sungbear 6:24pm
Im sorry.

Sungbear 7:12pm
Im going back to Seoul tomorrow.

Sungbear 7:15pm
I'll wait for you outside

Sungbear 7:39pm
I won't leave unless you come see me.

Reading his last text, you heave a surrendering sigh and get up from your bed. You lazily drag your feet to take a peek from your window. You see Sungjin outside, rubbing his palms against each other, blowing on them before sliding them in his jacket. He's obviously freezing.

You shake your head. He should've just came inside the house.

You grab your jacket and wear it. Before you take another step, you see his cap--the one he gave you this morning--lying on your table. You glance at your beanie and back at the cap. You fold your lips together before putting it on and walk out of your room.

His eyes are hopeful when they meet yours.

“Speak,” you utter firmly as you put your hands in the pocket of your jacket, too.

He tilts his head for a moment. “Shall we go to our place?”

Your countenance softens subtly when he called it ‘our place'. You never considered it as your own. Although it has been your safe and healing place, you always think of it as Sungjin's secret place.

There is a few moment of silence when you arrive there. The breeze and the familiar sound of the sea fill the quietness between the two of you.

He is crouching on the ground and you are standing behind him, both facing at the sea.

“I'm sorry,” he finally utters but silence follows afterwards.

He stands up and speaks again.

“There used to be a girl who'd always protect me,” you glance at him with a frown. “She was really bright and strong. Then one day, she made me want to be a man, to stand tall and be the one to protect her. We were very young then, but I knew at the very young age, that what I felt for her was special.”

You huff and roll your eyes. You bite your lower lip as you try to ease the pricking on your chest. Did he want to see you to talk about some other girl? Did he apologize because he's going to hurt you--tell you there's someone else?

“Then one day, I was so surprised. She yelled out that she likes me,” he glances at you and your mouth fall agape.

You blink twice to process what he's saying and your heartbeat doubles when you remember shouting your feelings for him at the top of your lungs. It was the time when he took his blue flannel shirt off while playing basketball.

“It was so overwhelming,” his lips stretch into a grin. “No, that's an understatement. But you know, my heart felt like it was going to burst because I couldn't handle the emotion. It feels surreal. I never expected she would like me back.”

“You never showed your affection to her.” You clench your jaw.

He looks down and exhale a sharp breath. His eyes show a hint of sadness. “It was scary,” his voice shakes and you furrow your forehead. “How vocal you were of what you feel towards me scared the hell out of me,” you feel a thump when he changes the pronoun to ‘you'. “Hear me out first, okay?” He takes a look at you and you nod him to continue.

He moistens his lips for a second before looking straight at the dark sea.

“We were so young then; and you were a bit aggressive,” he chuckles. “Remember what I said before moving to Seoul three years ago? That you might meet other guys, realize you didn't really like me that way; that you might just be confused because I've always been beside you. I wasn't underestimating your feelings. Like I said, it was overwhelming. Maybe, I just didn't have confidence in myself?”

“Isn't it just the same? You're underestimating my ability to like you despite your flaws and whatever insecurity you have--” he shots you a warning glance, reminding you to hear him out first. So you shrug and nudge him to continue.

“I was afraid. Afraid that what you feel towards me would fade as time passes. Especially that I'd be away. I needed to be sure,” you want to huff but you bite your inside cheeks instead. “How much you liked me, and how much you showed it, it's really scary,” his voice becomes unsteady again. You can feel his uneasiness. “You know, when you get things fast and easily, it's also easy to lose them? I was terrified that if I were to take ahold of what you feel, I'd lose you; that if I were to show you I liked you… a lot… you'd grow out of affection towards me.”

Silence visits once again. You don't know if it's okay to speak now or he still has some things to tell you. You can only hear his deep breathing. You don't utter a word, too. You remember your parents. They were so in love. They were head over heels for each other. They married at an early age... but it didn't last long.

“Most people say to the person they like that they complete them,” he pauses. “But that's not the case for me. I believe that it takes two complete people to love each other fully. Well, I acknowledge those people who help build each other, okay? But what if that person leaves? You were broken, the person made you feel complete and stand on your feet, if the person leaves, you'd be broken again--more broken because he'd be taking a big part of your heart. And your world would crumble once again. We have our separate battles, the ones that only ourselves could fight against. We need to build our individual selves first. If we can't fix one's self, how can we take care of others? If we can't handle one, how can we carry two? The thing about completing each other is that, most of the time, instead of being a help, they destroy each other instead. Two incomplete persons: one may start to heal, one may self-destruct--destroying both of them. It's gonna be toxic.”

You bite your lip. Your chest feels tight. You don't realize you are already shedding tears. Your lips are trembling despite how you try to curb it from doing so. The feeling is irrepressible. You never knew he was thinking of all these things. You never knew what was going on in his head. He seemed cold but he's actually overflowing with love.

“I don't want us to end up like other people. Yeah, we're not them. But I needed to be careful--still need to. I've always wanted to hold you, too. But I was afraid that if I let myself, even once, I may not be able to let you go; that I may break my principles and we'd end up destroying each other in the long run,” he breathes out sharply. “Short-lived happiness, long-lasting distress. Short-lived distress, long-lasting happiness. When people make decisions to attain that temporary satisfaction, the consequence is usually long-lasting. But if people endure for something, the sacrifices, pain or suffering are just temporary. And when they finally reach their goal, they can say it's worth the patience.”

You wipe the wet trails on your face before he turns to look at you. He looks at the cap you're wearing before tapping the brim softly twice. You feel your cheeks heat up as you remember what's on it again: THAT ‘GROW TOGETHER' TYPE LOVE.

His gaze shift to your eyes before his hand reaches for yours. He takes out his other hand from his jacket, too, and slides a yarn made to form a circle on your wrist. Your eyes widen up a bit. You raise your hand to take a better look at it. It's the same bracelet with the one that you gave him.

“It's not as tidy as the one you did, but I tried making it as tidy as possible,” he scratches his head. He folds his sleeves, revealing his bracelet. “My wish,” he looks straight to your eyes, “It's to be with the one I love until my last breath. So I guess I'm wearing this ‘till my very last moment here on earth. Or I won't be able to take this off at all.”

Your heartbeat seems to get louder. He used the word love. What a big word. You're hearing all of these things he's been thinking now, and he even said ‘love’ .

“Grow together type of love,” he nods at the cap. “Do you know why I gave that to you?” You're having a hunch about what he's gonna say but you shake your head still. “That's the kind of love that I want. Feelings are not enough. If I just went with my feelings, I might have lost you already. That's why I endured it. I endured every urge to hold you close, wrap you in my arms, because I need to be patient. I need to if I want to be with you until the end.”

“You--”

“I love you.”

Your breathing hitches. Your mouth falls agape. Your eyes widen. Your throat goes dry.

“You,” you finally breathe out, “you love me that much? I've always thought of being with you ‘till we grow old but I never thought you were thinking all about these. Knowing all of these, it's too much for me to take.”

“I haven't even started yet.”

“I--”

“Say it to me when we're both ready,” you raise an eyebrow, not sure of what he means. “Say it to me when we've already built ourselves; when the day comes that we can really say ‘ It's time.’ ”

“But I--” you really want to say it. You really want to tell him you love him. You feel like your chest is about to burst.

He takes your hand and intertwines your fingers. He looks at you fondly and beams softly. “Let's take this slow, okay? It's just few years compare to all of the years we're gonna spend together after this little endurance.”

You smile in defeat and nod. “I'm gonna fix myself first, Mr. Engineer.” His eyebrow arches and you chuckle. “It's no doubt you'd be a great engineer. I'm pretty sure you're gonna build strong structures because you make strong relationships, too.”

You wake up late the next morning. You couldn't sleep trying to process everything. You get up instantly the moment you realize that Sungjin is going back to Seoul. You dash outside, not even bothering to look yourself at the mirror nor grabbing your jacket.

“Sungjin!” You call out, panting.

His friends are putting their bags at the back of his father's car. Dowoon is also there.

His eyes light up as he turns to look at you. “I thought you're not going to see me.” He shots a glare. “Why are you only wearing one layer?”

You frown. “When will I see you again?”

He shrugs. “It's gonna be hectic for us when we come back. We're graduating soon. Then there are also field works.”

“I'm gonna be patient.”

“I know,” he nods.

“Can I finally get a hug?” You stare at him wiith hopeful eyes.

He arches a brow. “No.”

You fold your lips to form a line and nod. “I under--” the next syllable is trapped between your lips and his.

You hear gasps at the side. Your brother's jaw drop and he instantly go red. Wonpil covers his eyes but so does Younghyun to Wonpil. Only Jae and Younghyun are the ones looking at you and Sungjin now. Their lips are stretched into a sweet grin and their eyes are filled with fondness.

Your eyes are wide and your heart seems to stop beating. You never thought of him doing it. So much for taking it slow, you want to chortle.

You are frozen to your feet but you want to hide right after he pulls away. Thankfully, he pulls you into a hug. You burry your face deeper as you drape your arms around him to reciprocate his embrace.

Jae clears his throat loudly and Younghyun whistles but neither of you pays attention to them.

“Let's ready ourselves for our future,” he whispers and you feel your heart swell, in a positive note. “No Jaebeom.”

You suddenly chuckle and hit his back playfully. The two young men starts intoning the wedding march song.

“Let's meet in the middle,” his last words before he plants a kiss on your head and leave for Seoul.

Chapter Text

The sound of chimes resonates in your ears when the door of the cafe opens. You raise your head to see if it's the person you're waiting for and you are not disappointed to see a warm smile welcomes your eyes.

“Beomie,” you mirror his grin.

He doesn't waste a second as he instantly walks towards you. He kisses your cheek before taking the seat across you. His eyes gleam at the sight of Strawberry Milk Shake on the table.

“You ordered one for me?”

“Of course,” you smile, “for the one and only.”

His eyes disappear as his lips stretch further. You stay at the cafe for a small catching up for the whole two weeks you haven’t seen each other and until you finish your drink down to the last drop.

“Are you ready for the wedding?” Jaebeom queries during the car ride. He insists on driving you to the field where you’re gonna start with your new assigned project.

Your heart flutters at the word. Wedding. It’s been months already but every time you remember it, you can’t help but feel like your heart is gonna melt.

You just grin and take a deep breath before shooting the question back to him. “How about the groom-to-be?”

He can’t contain his smile. His grip on the wheel tightens as he exhales a sharp breath. “I have never been this ready in my life; and also nervous.”

You chuckle. He continues to express his excitement and starts to reminisce the old days.

When his car comes to a stop, it’s your time to become nervous. You fumble with your fingers as you look straight at the site.

Jaebeom cups your uneasy hands making you look at him. He gives you a reassurance smile and you inhale deeply to calm yourself.

“How are you feeling?” You just bite your lip instead of responding. “You haven’t seen each other for six years.”

You clench your fist and let out a shaky breath as you get out of the car.

“Let’s meet in the middle.”

You can still remember it clearly. The feeling of Sungjin's soft lips against yours is still fresh as if it just happened a moment ago. The warmth of his embrace as if not wanting to let you go still lingers.

Two months after he went back to Seoul, you found a box while making some renovations and saw your old drawing books. They revived something in you that you never realized you really wanted.

As a child, you were adventurous and creative. You wanted to build things that other children find ridiculous. But there was always someone who never criticized your ideas. He would always listen quietly to your plans while others would always want to change the topic and play because they don’t find them interesting.

You smiled when you saw one of your drawings. It was a house for Tori, a dog given as a present for you and Dowoon when you turned five.

People around you never paid attention to what you wanted to build but someone made them possible with the help of his uncle. It was Sungjin.

At an early age, your creativity could already be seen. But you hid your love for art and designing because it seemed like no one’s gonna ever pay attention to them. You hid your notebooks and sketchpads. You played a lot outside--that’s when your friends noticed how fast you were. Every time you’d play tag or any game that involves running, children would always fight over you, wanting to join their team. That's how you became a runner.

“Pursue what you love,” was your mother’s words when she saw you scanning through your drawing notebooks.

So you went to Massachusetts.

For the past six years, you did well. Yes, you’re giving yourself a credit for that. The first half of it was torture. You would always feel homesick. You would always have the urge to book a flight back to Korea. You would always cry yourself to sleep as you couldn’t do anything about you missing your brother, your mom, Sungjin, and even your dad. It was hard being alone. It was hard fighting without having a shoulder to cry on. You understood what Sungjin wanted, but sometimes you’d wish that at least somehow, you could feel his arms wrapped around you for comfort and to make you feel it’d be okay.

“We have our separate battles, the ones that only ourselves could fight against. We need to build our individual selves first,” these words of him had become your determination. Every time you’d feel weak and in the verge of giving up, you’d remember the last conversation you had. And you know that the biggest battle you had to fight was your relationship with your father. “If we can't fix one's self, how can we take care of others? If we can't handle one, how can we carry two?” His next words would echo in your mind just when you’re about to utter the words of surrender. You would think of his own battles, of how he was fighting them alone, too--to build himself up so he could take care of you. You need to do the same.

So it made you realize, you weren't really fighting alone. You're fighting together individually. It might not make sense for others, but at least you understand it. That's what matters.

You understood more about his principles when you witnessed your friends’ relationship during the time you’re away from home. You had a very close friend who had a very sweet relationship. It was an ideal one. Yet, both of them still had an unsettled battle. You saw them helping each other with those battles, but it just caused them more damage until one couldn’t take it anymore because he was already severely wounded.

It scared you. But at the same time, it made you feel relieved. It made you become more grateful that Sungjin had stood on his principles.

Now, you’re back in Korea, with chin up, with a confident self, knowing you had build yourself. You forgave and healed. You’ve settled your issues with your father, and everything in your family. You’ve crashed your insecurities, too. Now, you’re ready.

You’re pulled back from your reverie when Jaebeom holds your hand gently again after he gets out of his car, too.

“Go,” he whispers as he nods towards the site. “I’ll see you later. I love you.”

You nod before he kisses your forehead. “I love you, too. Take care. The wedding can’t continue without you.”

He chuckles as his eyes hide then he speeds up.

You let out a breath as Jaebeom’s car disappears from your vision. You chin up, grip the lace of the drawing tube stripped around your shoulder, and proceed to enter the site.

A worker hands you a hard hat before you can even proceed further. Then, a familiar broad back welcomes your sight. He’s also wearing a hard hat. You smile as you realize he let his hair grew back. He’s discussing the blueprint in hand with the workers around him when the one in front of him points at you.

He lifts his head up and turns to look at you. His mouth falls agape and you can see how his shoulders drop as a heavy breath escapes his mouth. The air suddenly feels heavy. He’s just staring straight at you while the worker beside him is trying to introduce you. It seems like he can’t hear anything and the only thing in his mind right now is that you’re in front of him.

“Engineer Park,” the worker calls his attention again.

You smile and take two more steps forward as you stretch your hand for a shake.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Engineer Park,” you beam at him and he still can’t fold his lips close.

He looks at your outstretched hand and shake it. “Pleasure’s mine,” he holds your hand for more than a second and it’s you who pulls back first.

The eyes around you go back and forth towards you and Sungjin, sensing there’s something between the two of you.

You look around and see a backhoe loader in the far distance. A trencher is also moving around. There’s already a part of the site that is already cemented, like where you stand with Sungjin and some of the workers now. Some of the columns are also done. You look back at Sungjin and find him still staring at you, as if he can’t believe what he’s seeing right now.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve already heard about the dismissal of Architect Jeon in this project, am I correct?” He nods. “And I’m here to take her place and continue this project. I’ve already have the gist of the current status and as I can see we can still make the revisions in time.”

“Revisions?” He knits his brows before he lifts one. You almost smile at the sight. How you miss seeing his expressions.

“Yes, Engineer Park,” you pierce his eyes, “Don’t worry. The revisions won’t affect what you’ve already started. It’s just that Architect Jeon’s design costs a lot. And I believe we can still save the atmosphere she wants to achieve with some compromises, especially with some materials that aren’t as costly as what she wants but can still function the same, or even better.”

“Yes, I actually talked to her about it and suggest some changes but she wouldn’t compromise even for a little.”

“Then, I guess the right architect for you has just arrived,” you wink and he raises a brow again. “Perhaps we could discuss this over dinner or coffee, whichever you prefer.”

A clearing of throat interrupts you but neither of you breaks the eye contact.

“Engineer Park, I’ll pack up some of our things. It’s almost time to head out.”

“I need to discuss something with the other workers, too.”

Sungjin just nods and for a second, the workers around you are gone.

“You’re here,” he utters breathily. His eyes softens.

You beam lightly and fish a box inside your bag. You offer it to him--a familiar yellow box. “Long time no see.”

He takes the box from your hand and sees the bear design. He puts his other hands in his jean’s pocket as he drop his head before he heaves another heavy breath. “Coffee and dinner?” He composes himself after lifting his head back up.

He drives you to a near restaurant. You keep talking to him about the comparison of Architect Jeon’s design and yours. He keeps on nodding but nothing’s actually going inside his head. His mind is full of thoughts about you--how he wants to hold you close right now, how much he wants to ask you how you’ve been, how are you, what happened, and if he still exists in your heart.

Over dinner, he can’t hold himself back anymore. “Can we stop talking about work?” His eyes are pleading. “I haven’t seen you for six years,” his voice becomes shaky.

You smile and look down before you reach for you bag to get a small envelope.

You slide it on the table and his chest suddenly feels tight. Your fingers are covering half of the envelope but what he sees makes him want the ground to swallow him whole.

& Im Jaebeom

Surely, it’s a wedding invitation.

F*ck! Was I too slow?

Chapter Text

Sungjin’s eyes pierces on you as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. He’s been watching you discuss things with the other engineers as you hold the blueprint. He smiles as he eyes the hard hat on your head. He once thought about it--you being an architect. But he never really thought that that day would come.

It was you who planted the seed in him--the one who lit the fire of passion to build things. When you’d talk about your drawings and ideas, the fire that he used to see in your eyes would make the little flame in his heart ablaze. That’s where his dream to become an engineer started. It has always been you who’d pull him out of his comfort zone.

Despite being three years younger, you were the one who’d always protect him and made him feel safe. When he was seven, he wouldn’t go out of the house because he was afraid of the barking dogs. But you would always go to their place to drag him out of their house. The dogs would always stop woofing when you’re around. You’d even pet them. No matter what you do with them, Sungjin would always feel safe when you’re around.

You were also the first one who made him feel that he’s a man, even when he was just a boy then. Children would always tease him that he’s a girl because of that one time that his mom made him wear twintails. It was really cute though. He was also being teased because he liked flowers. He used to love playing around the flower field. But it was you who’d always come to his rescue telling everyone how manly he was.

You were the reason why he wanted to be a man because he wanted to protect you and not the other way around. When other children started to make fun of you, when he saw you crying as you ran, he wanted nothing else other than to be the one to make you feel safe like how you’d always make him feel.

At a very young age, he knew he liked you in a different way--not the kind of like that he feels for Dowoon or his cousins--the kind of like that even when you were still young, he didn’t want to let go of your hand. But when you started expressing that you like him the same way, he felt so disappointed. Not by you, but by himself. Every time you’d do something, the irritated expression that would etch on his face wasn’t because he didn’t like you, it was because he kept on getting mad at himself because he was supposed to be the one doing those things to you--bringing food, waiting after class to go home together, doing the comforting; basically everything that a pursuer does to the person they like and want to pursue. But all of those expressions were misunderstood by you, thinking he didn't like you.

Also, at a very young age, Sungjin’s eyes were opened to see the reality. He saw how the broken relationship of your parents have caused damage on you. He saw his aunts and uncles hurt each other. He saw how other people destroy each other. No, he doesn’t want that to happen to both of you. No, he doesn’t want to lose you. He was in a rush to be a man to protect you but seeing these people rushing things made him realize you also need to take things slow in life.

Slowly but surely. He stopped trying to rush things and lessened his speed; he reflected and learned. When he saw you rushing life like how he used to, he became anxious. He saw how tired you looked like, how the colors you used to give off have turned to gray. When he told you six years ago about this take it slow and all, he wasn’t just telling it to you, he was also reminding himself. He’s been enduring things for several years, he has come far, he shouldn’t mess it up just because he let his walls down for a moment, should he?

When he saw you slid that wedding envelope on the table with Jaebeom’s name carved on it, he couldn’t function for a minute. You saw how his shoulders dropped and felt how heavy his breath was when he let it out after you pulled your hand away. He was extremely relieved, no, it’s an understatement, maybe there’s no exact word to convey how relieved he was when he saw that it wasn’t your name next to Jaebeom’s.

He clearly remembers how he told you “No Jaebeom,” when he was about to leave Busan again. He was scared with Jaebeom being with you, not knowing exactly what the other guy felt for you. But he believed in what you both have--it may haven’t even started but he knew it will, and it won’t end after it starts. And he might not want to admit it, but he’s somehow grateful that Jaebeom was there for you. At least you had someone to rely on when you’re having a hard time. And now that the other guy is getting married soon, he know there’s no need to worry about him anymore. You made it clear, too, but not after you teased him about it first. Jaebeom’s really special for you and you love him, too. You love him because he's like an older brother you never had.

You slowly flip your head towards him and raise a brow, pulling his consciousness back to reality. “Excuse me, Engineer Park, I need your full attention while at work.”

He smirks and pace towards you, “You always have it, Ms. Architect, full and more.”

You raise your brow again in challenge but it isn’t that long when you plaster a smile. The other engineers clear their throats while some tease.

As an architect, one must be creative and artistic. For an architect is in charge of the aesthetic and whatnots; the one who oversees the spatial functions and environment relationship and impact; the starter of the plan and the visionaries.

Sungjin smiles as he thinks how much you fit the role. He, on the other hand, the engineer, is responsible for the technical and logical stuff; he’s all equation, formulas, solutions, and conclusions; he visualizes the approach, analyzes the materials, executes the plan.

You both have these traits even when you were still a child. It was always Sungjin who knew what to do. Even when it comes to the both of you. You have this dream to be with him until the end, but it was Sungjin who had the logic how to make it work.

“Did you regret it? Letting me go, taking things slow?” He asked you one time. It was a random question while you were having coffee together.

You beamed at him, “No. If we pushed through it, I might have self-destruct and I might have brought you along with my self-destruction. I might have constantly acted stubborn and insecure.” You took a deep breath. “It worked, right? It was only my dream to be with you, but you really made it happened. The moment I realized I needed to pace down, it was already the start for me. And thank you for building us. The six years we spent apart from each other, it was the foundation you’ve built in this relationship. We just started dating officially, but it felt like we’ve been dating for a while now. And I know, it won’t end. We may struggle and fight, but it’s still gonna be us until the end. I’m not saying this out of mere emotions. I’m saying this because we built a very strong foundation.”

“It wasn’t just me who built us, it’s both of us.”

“I just dreamt of it. But thanks to you, Engineer Park, that this strong relationship has been established. Architects don’t build. If it was me who built us, we might not be together now. If I built us during the time that I was pursuing you, maybe five years after it we’re not together anymore, and we might have left big scars on each other. But because it was you who built us , I followed the Engineer’s words, after six years, we’ve finally become together.”

“Engineers don’t build alone, though. Engineers need their architects to build things. Still, it’s not just me. It’s us who built us."

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” you ask him over dinner.

“Yeah,” he stuffs rice in his mouth, “I’d even probably be more handsome than JB.”

You chuckle. “He’s the groom. Can you please at least give him that? It’s his big day tomorrow.”

He shrugs as he takes a bite of kimchi. “I’m just saying the truth though. Do you find him more handsome than me?”

You teasingly narrow your eyes and he softly chortles, eye wrinkles showing. “Alright, alright. Just for tomorrow, though.” He leans to plant a kiss on the side of your head.

Jaebeom’s wedding isn’t that grand. He’s a simple man and he loves privacy. It’s just a small garden wedding during the golden hour. Sungjin shakes hands with Jaebeom during the reception.

“So you finally met in the middle?” JB queries with a wide smile but a serious gaze.

Sungjin mirrors his stare before nodding. “We’re now walking together.”

“Do you want to go to our place?” Sungjin brushes his hair up as he continues to drive. He’s supposed to drop you to your apartment now that the wedding is over.

“Busan? Right now?”

He just glances at you and looks back at the road.

“Aren’t you tired, though? You’ll drive for four hours? Do you want to take the train express instead?”

“I can manage. You rest first. I’ll wake you up when we arrive there.”

You don’t like sleeping during the car ride when it’s just the two of you. He can die out of boredom and worse, he might get sleepy. But when he reassures you and insists once again to take a nap, you oblige.

You wake up feeling the vibration from your purse. Sungjin’s car is parked at the side of the road and the dome light is switched on but Sungjin is nowhere to be found.

You knit your eyebrows as you fish your phone out of your purse. The vibration earlier was caused by a text message from him asking you to come over to your secret place when you wake up.

You softly groan. He didn’t even bother waking his girlfriend up and ditched her at the side of the road instead and it’s late at night. You shake your head and softly let a breath out before going out of the car.

When you arrive at the place, there’s no single human form that can be seen. You exhale a sharp sigh. What is Sungjin thinking? You mutter to yourself as you turn around to walk towards the bench but you stop right away.

A familiar cap is lying on the seat. THAT ‘GROW TOGETHER’ TYPE LOVE. You furrow your forehead. How did this cap end up here? I’m pretty sure it’s in my apartment. You march towards it and pick the cap. A familiar bracelet says hi. There are two charms hanging on it--only that the other one is not a charm but a ring.

“Grow together with me?” A raspy voice sends shiver down your spine.

You instantly flip your head towards its owner and your eyes start to water. You let out a shaky chuckle and punch his chest playfully when he steps closer.

He takes the cap from you and put it on your head.

“I thought we’re taking it slow? We haven’t even reached 100 days yet.”

He smugs. He’s acting all tough and cool but you realize he’s nervous when you feel his cold and sweaty fingers when they brush on yours as he takes the bracelet from your grip.

“Don’t you think we’ve taken things slow enough? We’ve waited long enough. And as you said, we have a strong foundation. We’re walking together now, are we? Then, let’s grow together.”

The teasing tears finally fall. You softly slam your fist on his chest again. He just chuckles which tickles your ears, and gently takes your hand. He slowly spread it open and slides the ring on your finger.

“Let’s grow together.”

You look up at him with tear-kissed face. You sniff and nod. “Let’s grow together.”

He beams as he locks you in his arms and pulls you in a long warm kiss.

Life isn’t a marathon. It’s a game or a sport; but not a marathon. It’s a sport you need to know how to play. And you think you played it well because you just got your prize.