Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"How should I arrange them today? Daddy?" A little boy looked up from his 'work' and towad his father, sitting at the desk while typing into the calculator. Frank Iero looked over at his son, watching as he picked up guitar pick after guitar pick before looking back to him again, a look of desperation on his face.

"What did you do yesterday buddy?" Frank asked, a soft voice hiding the strain that he felt everywhere else.

"Color," Joshua reminded his father, giving a little nod at the word.

"How about alphabetically?" Frank asked, looking back to the desk with a look of disgust. The bills needed to be paid soon, and they were running low on food again, Joshua's therapy bill was going up and up the more he had to see the therapist... Frank sighed, raking a hand over his face, placing the pen on the desk before removing himself from the desk altogether. He walked over toward his son, watching him arrange the multitude of guitar picks in alphabetical order, as per Frank's decision. The seven year old hummed happily as he picked up one of Frank's red ones, placing it under 'L' as it was a Les Paul pick. Frank walked into the small kitchen, opening the fridge and looking at it's contents. Three beers on the top shelf called to him, screaming at him for just one drink, just one, but he wouldn't no matter how tempting it might be. Grabbing a juice box and settling for coffee, Frank walked back into the living area.

Joshua sat frozen, looking down at the picks in front of him, eyes wide seemingly at nothing. Frank stopped dead, his eyes trained on his son, ready for an outburst, ready for anything frankly. Tears started to fall down Joshua's cheeks, a small whimper breaking through his throat.

"Josh?"

"They're not in order," Joshua whimpered, his voice cracking.

"What's not in order Josh?" Frank was treading lightly, not really prepared to deal with another attack.

"They got messed up because I was humming, right? I wasn't watching, and I messed up... Daddy," Joshua looked up at him, tears falling down his cheeks. Frank set the juice box down on the counter, moving slowly toward his son.

"It's okay Josh," Frank cooed, his voice soft as he sat down gingerly, pulling his son into his lap. Joshua started to shake in his grip, clutching and releasing Frank's shirt compulsively. His breathing had shallowed, coming in loud gasps as he fought through another panic attack.

"Shh," Frank ran his hand through the boy's hair, lightly stroking through the strands of dark brown hair, "It's okay." Joshua let out a particularly loud sob at that, trying once again to get air into his lungs. Frank placed a kiss on his forehead, continuing his petting as he slowly got up, his son clutching at his front, even with the two strong arms holding him up. He walked slowly toward his bedroom, opening the door and sitting down.

"Shh," Frank hushed him once again as he let out another heart breaking sob, "Josh, buddy? Can you hear me? Can you nod or shake your head for me?" Frank sighed in relief as Joshua nodded his head shakily, taking a deep shaky breath.

"Do you want a blanket? Are you cold, buddy?" Joshua nodded his head, taking a trembling lip between his teeth.

"Okay," Frank nodded, mumbling "cold," as he moved to grab the blanket from the closet, the one that ensured a calm come-down.

Frank sat on the bed, watching as Joshua slowly stopped shaking, his eyes regaining a small flicker of light. Frank took that as his cue to go into the kitchen again. He grabbed the juice box and phone, dialing the number he knew almost by heart, and poking the straw through the juice box and walking toward his room again.

"Hello, you've reached Dr. Royce's office, how may we help you?" The cheery receptionist answered, making him want to gag.

"Yes, this Is Frank Iero calling to confirm tomorrow morning's appointment?" He placed the juice on the table next to his bed, smiling at Joshua as he looked over at him. That was good, at least he was able to look at him again, able to function to a certain degree.

"Okay Mr. Iero, let me pull up your records, it'll only take a moment." Frank recognized the voice, belonging to Jackie, a 19 year old intern who was going out for her degree in Psychology.

"We have you booked at eleven thirty tomorrow morning, do you need to reschedule?"

"Um, are there any openings earlier? Either today or tomorrow morning," Frank asked, his voice dripping with hope. Joshua was getting worse, his disorder was starting to control his routines.

"I am sorry Frank, but there's not. Do you want me to send you through to Dr. Royce, or Dr. Bryar?" Jackie sounded fully apologetic, her voice sounding saddened by her inability to get him an earlier appointment.

"Um, just let me talk to Bob- I mean Dr. Bryar- please." Frank stumbled, looking down at the carpeting, noticing all of the guitar picks there.

"Sure thing, give me a moment," Jackie said, and he was put through, having to endure the crappy hold music as his call was transferred.

Frank leaned down, picking up the small pile of of picks, noticing how eyes focused on the 'F' pile. A Pink Floyd one that Frank got from a fan three years ago sat underneath a Fender one, which sat underneath F.T.W. One, a custom made pick that was given to him by one of his exes a long time ago.

"Iero-"

"He's getting worse Bob," Frank cut him off, throwing a pick down on the carpet as he stood up again.

"What do you mean?" Bob sounded a bit concerned at that, his voice taking on a slightly questioning tone.

"He is getting worse, Bob, I stood in the bathroom with him when he was in there washing his hands, do you know how many fucking times he had to wash his hands? Seven, seven fucking times, Bob. He's getting worse. Now he's having panic attacks because he got my picks out of order."

"Another panic attack? That's three times this week." Bob observed. If he were here Frank would've hit him, because he knew that there were three, and he didn't need to relive them all.

"Yes, Bob, that's three this week. What the fuck am I supposed to do here?!"

"You let him go through his motions, everything he does-"

"It's starting to affect them. I only used to have to count pennies and buy alphabet guitar picks... He was so petrified Bob..."

"His disorder can have that affect..."

"I know Bob, but," Frank exhaled, feeling all his anger dissipate, leaving in it's wake a hollow feeling, like he was helpless in this, "If you saw his face... he was so... scared of himself. He can usually talk through them, can usually get through them pretty easily... but this one, it starts as nothing, and builds itself up into this huge blowout of just everything."

"You're not alone in this, Frank," Bob's voice rang through his head, because he knew that, but it still felt that way, "You can go to a couple meetings, even if you don't talk, just to go and realize there are people who are dealing with this, and they're going through just as hard a time as you are."

"Okay," Frank said, defeated, his voice dripping with sadness.

"I've got my last client today, I've got to go. Do you want me to drop by later?"

"No, just go home. Josh and I are going to call it an early night." Frank waited for Bob's affirmative noise before saying his goodbyes and hanging up.

He walked back into his bedroom, looking at the seven year old boy from the doorway. He looked up at his father, still a little shaky as he the last of the attack left his system.

"You okay buddy?"

"I'm okay Daddy, cold, but okay," Joshua nodded, his eyes never leaving his father's.

"Good. You hungry?" Frank laughed at Joshua's eager nod, "Want me to order from the diner?" Joshua nodded again, taking a large sip of his juice, sucking the berry blend through the small straw.

After ordering their food and eating it, Josh ran into his father's room, jumping up onto the bed, cuddling into one side as Frank followed after him.

"What's it gonna be tonight buddy?" Frank asked, hiding the DVD case behind his back, biting his lip to keep from smiling.

"It's Saturday, Daddy! It's Sweeney Todd Night!" Joshua cried, getting under the covers with the stuffed dog that his mother gave him.

"Okay, okay." Frank laughed. He placed the movie in the DVD player, pressing the button and watching the title screen run through. On his way to the bed, he turned off the light, betting under the covers with his son and grabbing him in a protective hug as they watched Sweeney Todd until both fell asleep.

Chapter Text

The alarm clock blared, the red digits screaming at him that it was eight o' clock.

"Daddy, it's Sunday morning!" Joshua cried, his voice trilling in Frank's ear. He loved his son, really he did, but constantly getting up at eight every morning was killer.

"Okay, go get in the tub bud, I'll be right there," Frank muttered, sitting up in the bed and rubbing at his face.

Sunday mornings had a certain way about them, ever since Joshua was three, and his disorder started to truly show. Joshua ran out of the bedroom and down the hall, toward the small bathroom. Frank heard the water turn on, listening to the hum of his son as he decided which bath soap to use today. It was Sunday, which meant he would use the strawberry scented one, because he loved strawberries. But he only loved strawberries on Sundays.

Walking into the bathroom, Frank sat down next to the claw-foot tub, kneeling heavily on the cold white tiles.

"Are we going to see Aunt LeeLee today?" Joshua asked as Frank started to wash his hair.

"Yep," Frank nodded, eyes drooping slightly.

"And Uncle Bob?"

"Well, I've gotta talk to Uncle Bob, you get to talk to Aunt Harley," Frank reminded, grabbing the cup from the edge of the tub and filling it with water.

"Cover my face," Joshua recited, placing his hands over his face as his father dumped water over his head, rinsing the shampoo from longish, dark brown hair.

Joshua ran from the bathroom, his Batman towel tied around his waist. He had a super hero for every day of the week, The Flash, Spiderman, Superman, The Green Lantern, and the Green Arrow made up Monday through Friday, while Saturday and Sunday were covered by Robin and Batman. Always the same, with absolutely no room for alternation, lest Josh be forced into another panic attack.

Frank sighed when he stepped under the shower's spray, feeling the hot water ease the tension in his shoulders. He stood under the warm water, trying not to think, as the thoughts of what today would hold ran through his head. Bob would go through his analysis of how Frank was handling the situation, while Harleen took Joshua and did her own analysis, taking Frank in the last few minutes to go over the session. He sighed, rolling his shoulders and opening his eyes, staring at the blank wall in front of him.

After washing his hair and patting dry, Frank stood, looking at his reflection in the mirror. Dark circles made his eyes pop, taking away from the fact that they were from sleep deprivation. His hair hung in his face, shaggy and curling as it dried against his skin. He sighed, gripping the edge of the counter as he looked down into the sink. A Batman figure sat on the edge of the sink, propped up against the wall with his feet hanging over into the sink. Frank smirked listening to the soft pad of bare feet on the hard wood floor as Joshua ran toward the bathroom.

"What's today?" Joshua asked, holding two shirts up and looking at his father.

"The sixth," Frank replied, looking down at the shirts, holding out his hand for the rejected blue shirt.

"Green," Josh nodded, handing the other to Frank and walking back toward his room. Even days of May, Joshua wore green shirts, blue on the odd days. Each month had it's own two colors, the same two colors were never repeated, and if there was a holiday that month, the colors coordinated with the holiday. Grabbing the Batman figure from the sink, Frank left the bathroom, wearing only his black South Park boxers.

After dressing, Frank walked toward his son's room, watching as he stood in front of his bed, sizing up the action figures laid out.

"How many weeks-"

"Second week of May, Josh," Frank said automatically, watching as Josh picked up The Flash and walked out of the bedroom.

"Waffles?" Frank asked, anticipating the answer.

"And french fries, it's May." Joshua nodded, grabbing his bright yellow rain coat and walking out of the door. Frank smiled, holding the chipped green door open as Josh marched out the door, toward the car parked in the small driveway.

"Jenni's?" Frank asked as he helped Josh into the back seat, walking to the front seat and starting the engine.

"Yep, and we have to listen to The Souls, because Wally likes The Souls." Josh nodded, holding up the small red action figure, thumping his feet against the seat.

"Okay, okay." Frank dug around in the middle console of the car, pulling out a CD case full of homemade CDs, from when Dewees was still in Jersey. Soon, The Bouncing Souls filled Frank's little car and they were off to the small diner across from the clinic.

Frank smiled across the table at his son, The Flash perched on the table next to him. Josh smiled back, stabbing a piece of waffle and bringing it up to his mouth.

"How are we today?" the waitress asked, walking up to the table and sitting down. Jamia smiled over at Josh, turning to look at Frank with the same warm smile.

"Good, thanks Jamia!" Josh cheered, stabbing another piece of waffle and bringing it up to his mouth. He at her again, to which she laughed a bit.

"Enjoying them waffles?" Frank smiled at her, thankful that she was here. Josh had a fit one time, when she wasn't here, and he ended up being dragged from the diner, Frank looking like an ass as he brought him out. Now he's got two waitresses that he'd be okay with, Jamia and her best friend Lindsey. They looked out for him and bought him anything he needed, sending winks at Frank every now and then, making him smile in gratitude.

"Always!"

"Good," Jamia winked, moving to stand up again, using the table as leverage. She looked over at Frank, holding up one finger before disappearing. The door bell rang, signaling a new customer coming into the small diner.

"It's on the house," Jamia said, returning with a fresh hot cup of coffee, leaving them once again to eat in peace

After they ate, the two headed across the street, Joshua's hand placed firmly within his father's as they ran for the other side. Frank laughed, pausing just on the curb of the sidewalk, just like Josh did.

"One," Frank whispered, swinging their arms.

"Two..." Joshua smiled up at Frank, his eyes alight with excitement.

"Three!" They yelled in unison, jumping up on the curb and running into the highrise. They ran straight for the elevators, hoping into the first one they could find. Luckily it was empty, making Frank let out a little sigh of relief.

"We need to hit floors.... Five," Josh hit the button labeled with a five, "Six," hitting the matching button, "one, and.... four!" Josh hit the last button with a small flourish. Frank smiled, humming along with the familiar elevator music.

The elevator ran through each floor, stopping when it hit the fourth floor. They got out, waiting for another elevator, tapping his foot along with the lobby music.

"Here it comes," Josh noted, watching as the numbers clicked, followed by the ding as another elevator was opened. People filed out, giving small smiles and nods to the seven year old boy.

"Hi!" Josh announced when he got into the elevator, receiving smiles and grumbled 'hellos' back. The rest of the ride went by relatively uneventful, only the woman with the baby on her hip seemed uncomfortable, talking on her cell phone as the kid fussed.

Arriving on the seventh floor, Josh ran out, the Flash following in his outstretched arm. Frank trailed ofter him, opening the door labeled 'Dr. Harleen Royce, Psychiatrist,' and walking in. Josh sat down in his usual seat, watching Frank walk up the to window, smiling at Jackie from behind the window.

"Morning Frank," She chirped, her face lightening up with a large smile.

"Morning, just checking in," Frank said, placing a hand on the cold counter top just outside the window.

"All good, have a seat and Dr. Royce will be out in a minute."

"Thanks," Jackie nodded her head, turning her gaze back to her computer screen. Frank sat down next to Josh, his eyes focused on the walls of the waiting room. Posters with positive messages littered the walls, some with kids laughing and playing, others with self-help numbers. A picture hung on the far corner wall, framed in glass were the office's two doctors, hand in hand. A dark red haired woman smiled at the camera, her hazel eyes shining in the sun. Next to her, was a blonde man, blue eyes focused on the woman in the picture, watching her every move.

The door to the waiting room opened, revealing a well-dressed man holding one finger up to his ear, while his other hand ushered a little girl into the office.

"Go sit down, I'll be right there." The man said, giving the girl a little shove toward the seats. Frank recognized her, one of Harleen's usual clients.

"Hi Delilah!" Josh said, loud enough that everyone in the room stared at him. The little girl waved, moving to sit next to the seven-year-old. Delilah was a five-year-old little girl with Autism, and would only talk or gesture to certain people.

"What do you mean? I have an appointment at twelve, I can't be late for it," The man at the counter hissed, making Frank look up from the two kids.

"I'm sorry sir, but there is someone else before you..." Jackie tried, her voice taking on a harder edge.

"Well then move them to her spot! I have a very important meeting at twelve, and I cannot afford to be late!" The guy snapped, making Frank cringe. The hair on the back of his neck rose, his teeth grit together as anger started to slowly boil low in his stomach.

The door leading into the offices opened, revealing two people, a man about 28, and the woman pictured in the frame on the wall. She pushed a piece of short hair behind her ear, wrapping the man in a tight embrace.

"Alright Tom, just try to take it easy. I'll see you next week." The man mumbled a small 'thank you,' before walking out of the office. Josh smiled, moving to get out of his chair before sitting back down as the man from the counter moved in front of the doctor.

"Dr. Royce, is there anyway that we could move into this spot?" The man asked, his tone pleading.

"I'm sorry sir, but I have a previous engagement," Dr. Royce said, eying past him at the little boy anxiously jumping in his seat. She held up a finger, making him nod his head.

"Doctor, I'm not sure if you know who I am-"

"No, I know exactly who you are, sir, your brother alerted me that you were going to be with Delilah this session. But I cannot turn my back on my clients," She said, her voice stern, coming across cold.

"Doctor, I have a rather important meeting at twelve... maybe this will help-?" The man dug in his pocket, pulling out a crisp one hundred dollar bill. Harleen sneered at him, her hand snapping up to grip the man's wrist.

"I suggest you put the money away, Mr. Way." She said through grit teeth, "I stand firm in my decision to not allow you to switch appointments. It will interfere with too many of my clients designated to their own time frames. I am sorry that this time is an inconvenience to you, but I feel that it will hinder Delilah's treatment to disrupt her order now. If this is such an inconvenience, then you may leave." The man let out a noise of disgust, turning around and moving to grab the girl in the seat.

"The girl stays, Mr. Way," The doctor said, her gaze on the man like steel, "Ms. Lanchester will be happy to look after our little darling Delilah." The man froze, a sneer took his lip up. He turned, walking toward the office door and turning the handle.

"The call will be placed to your brother, alerting him that Delilah is safely within our care." Dr. Royce said, placing a hand on her hip in a defiant manner. Frank bit his cheek, trying to stifle his laughter as the man growled, walking out the door and slamming it behind him.

Joshua stood up, his eyes wide as he ran over to the doctor in the doorway.

"Aunt Harley!" Joshua cried, running into to doctor's open arms. She grabbed him when he reached her, picking him up in a huge hug and spinning him around.

"How are you, my little bee?" She asked, placing a kiss on his cheek. He giggled, wrapping his arms around the woman's neck. Frank stood up, looking over at the little girl sitting in the chair, folding her hands again and again. He smiled, walking over and squatting in front of the little girl.

"May I direct you to the office, m'lady?" He asked, getting a look and small smile from her. She nodded, holding out her hand and letting Frank take it. He placed a small kiss on the back of her small hand, helping her to stand up, and walking her over to the doctor.

"Lady Delilah, I believe that this is where I shall leave you. Though it displeases me that we cannot continue this affair, I must leave." Frank said, letting go of Delilah's hand just as Jackie grabbed the other, smiling warmly and directing her into the office behind the glass window.

Harley took them both back into the offices, talking to Joshua and shooting glances at Frank.

"How's he been?" She asked after setting him down and telling him to wait in her office.

"Worse," Frank muttered, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Stay strong, Bob's waiting for you..." Harley nodded toward the office behind Frank, "Good luck." Frank sighed, moving to step into the office.