Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kuroo Tetsurou knew he wasn’t exactly the most put-together person, but he’d like to think he was doing relatively well considering his position. After all, it can be pretty difficult to function as a mind reader in a suburban area.

Contrary to popular belief, mind reading isn’t that helpful. Sure, you can cheat on tests, but that defeats the purpose of school- He’s supposed to be learning, and he can’t do that if he has the answers handed to him. Sure, you can know what people think of you, but that’s not always a good thing- There are a lot of nasty thoughts that people keep close to the chest, thoughts that he couldn’t correct without revealing his otherness. And he would never reveal his otherness. He remembered what happened the first time.

Some days telepathy is worse than “not helpful.” Some days, it’s torturous. Today is one of those days.

As Kuroo walked out of his apartment, people were being noisy. He’d only just moved there and he was already a little overwhelmed by the wealth of personality surrounding him.

Such as someone thinking, VERY LOUDLY, ~Oh, fuck me, Iwa-chan’s ass looks so good in those jeans, I just want to-~

He is NOT finishing that thought.

>Please, someone, think louder so I can ignore this...<

See, that’s another issue with telepathy- It. Never. Stops. Wanna know what that gross old man in room 318 thinks about his daughter? Too bad, you’re hearing it anyways. Wanna hear what your Christmas presents are? It’s not your choice, deal with it. Wanna hear a stranger sexually harass some Iwa-chan?

He did not want to hear a stranger sexually harass Iwa-chan. >If there’s any God up there, please, send me someone. I’m sorry I never believed in you, just help me, PLEASE-<

A white haired man turned the corner. -Hey hey hey, that guy looks like a cat!!!- This mind was bright and LOUD- loud enough to drown out the cacophonous undressing of poor, poor Iwa-chan.

>Thank you god, you’re too good to me,< he thought to the sky.

The man squinted appraisingly. -A pretty sexy cat, gotta admit.-

>FUCK YOU, GOD!< Kuroo broadcasted, and then thought at the man, wishing that someone would hear him for once because >I’m not a fucking cat, goddamnit!!<

And the white haired man…

He JUMPED.

“What the hell- Hey, cat guy- Were you just… Were you just in my head?!”

...This was new.

Kuroo had tried talking to people before, SO many times. He’d say things that were impossible to ignore, he’d think louder than anyone for miles, but NO ONE ever heard.

This was going to be fun.

“Ohoho?” he said with a smirk. >You can hear me?<

“Hell yeah I hear you!” he SHOUTED, bouncing on his feet. “So, am I a superhero now? Did you come to bring me onto the team? Hey, hey, what’s your name? I mean, your hero name- But what about your normal name, too?”

The pretty boy in apartment 207 thought they were insane. They should probably move.

“Bro, I have no idea why you can hear me. I’m Kuroo Tetsurou. I can tell you more over coffee?”

“Bokuto Koutarou!” -I’d love to!-

The thought was poorly aimed, but it was THERE.

This was going to be an interesting day.

Chapter Text

“So, lemme get this straight. You have no idea why I can read minds, you haven’t investigated how you telepathy at all, you don’t know any other psychics, and you don’t even have a code name?!”

“That pretty much sums it up,” Kuroo replied, sipping his coffee.

Bokuto whistled. “Damn, you obviously need me to help you straighten your life out. From now on-”

“NO, I will not go by Prowling Panther. Honestly, what the fuck, Bo?”

Bokuto’s eyebrows knit together in confusion, then smoothed over as he laughed. “RIGHT, mind reading! I forgot for a minute that you’re a TELEPATH who can READ MINDS!! Hey, hey, can you make people think stuff?”

“Yeah, can you make people think stuff?” their waiter, a suspiciously pretty brown-haired man, chimed in. A quick listen to his mind showed that he heard… Everything.

>Maybe a coffee shop wasn’t the best place for this...<

“Hi, Oikawa Tooru! I’m Bokuto Koutarou and I’m psychic now!!!”

Oikawa gasped. “Is that how you knew my name?!”

>DAMN IT, Bo, stop making it worse!<

Either Bokuto didn’t hear or chose to ignore it

“No, it’s on your uniform!!!”

Wait, the pretty guy’s thoughts were familiar, why were they fami-

Oh.

Oh no.

“Do you… happen to know someone called Iwa-chan?”

Yeah, those loud thoughts confirm that of all people, THAT guy is the one who heard.

Of-fucking-course.

“Jesus Christ, could you quiet down a little?” he muttered.

Oikawa was confused, then immediately embarrassed. ~How much did he…~

“All of it. You’re noisy. I don’t even know Iwa-chan and I feel sorry for him.”

~This bastard doesn’t know the half of it, fucking asshole.~ “I’ll have you know that I’m a perfect gentleman to my dear Iwa-chan. Which you are NOT allowed to call him.” ~That name is MINE.~

“Possessive much?” Kuroo quipped, raising an eyebrow.

“Yep,” Oikawa chirped, “but you’d already know that, wouldn’t you?” He raised his own eyebrow in retaliation.

(Bokuto was raising both of his eyebrows in the background, obviously wanting to be included in the discussion. He was ignored.)

“Look, Oikawa, bro-” (Oooh, he hated that- Goody!) “believe me, I’m not trying to pry into your life or any of that shit. I would, actually, rather not know exactly how you want to fuck Iwa-chan. Unfortunately, I don’t have much choice in the matter.”

“JUST DON’T LISTEN!” Oikawa screeched. “IT SHOULDN’T BE THAT HARD!!”

“Hey, bro- Cat bro-” Bokuto started.

“I’VE TRIED THAT!!” Kuroo hollered back. “IT’S NOT MY FAULT I HAVE TO HEAR YOUR SEXUAL FANTASIES!! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE THINKING QUIETER! MOST PEOPLE DON’T SHOUT THOSE KINDS OF THOUGHTS!! THEY MUFFLE THEM!!!!”

“Dude, please-” Bokuto tried again.

“MOST PEOPLE HAVEN’T MET SOMEONE AS SEXY AS IWA-CHAN!!! I’LL THINK ABOUT FUCKING HIM AS LOUD AS I WANT! IF YOU HAPPEN TO HEAR ME IT’S NONE OF MY CONCERN!!!”

“Okay, this has gone far enough. Come on, you 3,” said a complete stranger. The stranger then grabbed Oikawa and Kuroo by their ears and yanked them towards the exit- They had no choice but to follow. Bokuto trailed behind them.

“I tried to warn you,” he said sullenly.

—————

Ever since he was a child, Tendou was fascinated with the supernatural. For someone who was already marked ‘other’ because of his looks alone, it was enticing to wonder at power. His childhood fantasies were composed of becoming a superhero and then rubbing it in everyone else’s faces- ‘Look who’s weird now, assholes!’

I mean, it’d still be Tendou who was weird, but… Yeah, he’d think of a better line if it happened.

The dreams faded over the years- If powers beyond human capacity existed, they certainly weren’t doing anything, nor were they traceable.

He started playing volleyball during middle school. He was damn good at it, too- Good enough to get into Shiratorizawa, where he met one Ushijima Wakatoshi.

Ushijima was amazing! His spikes were crazy powerful and he was great at volleyball, but more importantly, he let Tendou in.

Even beyond the simple offer of his friendship (he’d never had anything like it before, it was the best!), he was perfect. He always knew when Tendou felt like talking, and when he wanted quiet (a lot more often than anyone else realized, actually.) His blunt manner of speaking was endearing, and he let Tendou ramble as much as he wanted, never seeming bored.

They went to college together, both partially covered by volleyball scholarships. Tendou was clever enough that he got an academic scholarship, too (that was the only way his family could actually afford a school this extravagant. He spent too many nights without sleep trying to earn it. Every minute was worth it to stay with Ushijima.) Somehow, the two of them even ended up as roommates- It was meant to be!!

Ushijima was such a good friend, Tendou completely forgot about the supernatural, once and for all…

...Until he saw said teen ordering tickets for a National Psychics Convention on his laptop.

His eyes lit up. “Oooh, Wakkun, you’re interested in this stuff?!” He put his hands on the others shoulders and leaned until his feet came off the ground.

Ushijima, unfazed by the weight, nodded in confusion. “I am, as is shown by my purchasing this ticket. Was it not obvious?”

Tendou threw back his head and laughed in a way that could only be described as maniacal. “You should buy me a ticket, too! Then we can go together!!”

“...I’m not sure that’s prudent.” Ushijima’s brows were drawn slightly, and now Tendou was worried- For Ushijima, that’s pretty close to bursting into tears.

“Are you okay, Wakatoshi?” Over the years, they’d learned to speak in subtext. The full name where stupid nicknames usually went when they’re alone meant he was serious, and he knew Ushijima knew that. They could read each other like books.

Ushijima knew a lot more than most people give him credit for.

Ushijima sighed softly. “I’m fine, Satori. It’s just, I’m not sure how safe this convention would be.”

Tendou pitched his voice way up high, tilting his head. “Aww, Toshi, you’re worried about me!!” Ushijima’s cheeks went eeeeeever so slightly pink. It was adorable. “BUT,” he continued, “you have no choice in the matter!”

“I don’t?”

“No, you don’t.” He bared his teeth in a vaguely terrifying grin. “If it’s dangerous, then you shouldn’t be going either!! So either both of us are going, or neither. Your call, Wakkun!”

Ushijima appeared perfectly unaffected. “Okay.”

Okay? Tendou had been expecting it to be a lot harder than that. “Weren’t you just suuuuper worried about your adorable best friend going to the scawy-wawy psychic party?” He batted his eyelashes for effect.

“You weren’t going to change your mind, so there was no point in arguing,” he said plainly.

“Truuuuue!” Tendou sang, throwing his arm around Ushijima’s shoulder.

Ushijima knew a lot more than most people gave him credit for.

Chapter Text

“My name is Sawamura Daichi, and I’m your babysitter,” the stranger said.

Of course, he saved introductions for AFTER leading Oikawa, Bokuto and Kuroo back to their apartment complex, unlocking Kuroo’s room with a key of his own, letting the other 2 idiots INTO HIS HOME, and getting himself a grape juice box. He opened all the right cupboards on his first try.

There were many, many things wrong with that picture.

The most important being the silence.

The volume of thoughts is influenced by a number of things. First of all, your mood- In general the louder you’d talk, the louder your thoughts are. You can also change the volume of your thoughts a bit with some effort.

Silence is unnatural. Silence means no thoughts.

This ‘Daichi’ character is obviously thinking- Right? There’s no way he could be not thinking, right? Unless he actually was incapable of thought… A robot?

...Only one way to know.

“Are you a robot?” Kuroo asks, with much more enthusiasm than a full grown man should have when asking about the subject of SCI FI BOOKS, Kuroo, honestly what the fuck?

Daichi was… completely impassive. “Yes,” he said in the most deadpan tone of voice you’ve ever heard.

“Are you serious?” Oikawa asked, somehow simultaneously whiny and snooty. ~There’s no such thing as robots, DUMBASS- Who would fall for that?~

Bokuto shifts his weight, averting his eyes from Oikawa’s pristine and lovely face. “Who’s gonna tell him about Oppy?” he stage whispered to Kuroo.

...Who was actively walking away from Bokuto.

“WAIT, come back- I need you to trash talk Oikawa with me!! Who else will do it?”

Something happens just then, but we will ignore those events in favor of watching an extraordinarily satisfying exchange. Kuroo continues walking away purposefully, and, were watching they would quite clearly see Kuroo pinch Daichi’s very human skin in an attempt to prove his metallic anatomy, and subsequently be knocked to the floor with a well-placed kick from said man. However, they were all too preoccupied by something happening just then, which the author will withhold for the sake of drama.

And so, Kuroo and Daichi remain oblivious to a ninja and spilled juice boxes and continue their conversation, if it even qualifies as a conversation when one participant is sobbing on the floor and the other is resolutely ignoring them.

“But Daichi, you said you were a robot,” Kuroo sobs from his position on the floor..

“That I did,” Daichi says, resolutely ignoring him.

“You are a disappointment to this family, you ASSHOLE. Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow!!” In a show of pitiable weakness, Kuroo slammed his fists against Daichi’s thighs.

THUNK.

And abruptly stopped crying. “What the hell, man? Thighs don’t thunk!!! Thunk is a non-thigh noise!! Non-thigh, Daichi. NON-THIGH.”

“I have thighs of steel,” said Daichi, with the smuggest little grin on his smug little face. [a@nD y*u/- aR3 pi+Iab-)y wE(Ak.]

That smug non-robot bastard was thinking. About Kuroo’s weakness. “DISHONOR ON YOU, DISHONOR ON YOUR FUCKING COW, DISHONOR ON-“

An extremely attractive stranger dressed in black (what is it with all these extremely attractive strangers?) cut him off. “Mulan? REALLY?”

That crossed a line. “MULAN IS A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE, FIGHT ME BITCH.”

The attractive stranger flexed his impressive… juice covered? biceps. Kuroo flexed his scrawny arms and, in a moment of horror, realized that he, with his pitiable weakness, maybe shouldn’t be challenging actual gods among men to duels. He is going to die. “Wait- we shouldn’t fight because… because…” >Shit, what’s a good reason to get out of fighting?< “You’re a stranger and you’re in my apartment, what the fuck dude?! That makes no sense!”

“I’m your neighbor, Iwaizumi Hajime. I’m here for-” {Oikawa} “-housewarming.”

3 minutes and 24 seconds earlier, as something else happens

“WAIT, come back- I need you to trash talk Oikawa with me!!” Bokuto cried. “Who else will do it?”

“I will,” hissed a voice from the shadows.

Bokuto turned around fast. There was nothing there. Empty space. Empty, empty space with empty, empty echoes.

“Look up,” said the voice, so, like any respectable idiot, he did.

There was a stranger on the ceiling.

Dressed like a ninja.

There was only one reasonable thing to do.

“Do you live here?” Bokuto asked inquisitively.

“Do I- What?” {Who the fuck is this idiot?} “This is that cat guys apartment, why would I live here?”

“Well I don’t know, you two could be together?” He backpedaled at the look on the mans face (well, mouth- His eyes were covered by his ninja mask). “Don’t worry, I don’t judge! What you two do is your business.”

The NINJA MAN on the CEILING seemed honestly taken aback, which was- well, not a first, he’d been to some weird parties, but definitely a second! “I’ve never met Cat Man before in my life.”

Bokuto cackled. “Oh my god, I’m definitely using that! CAT MAN, dude, that’s brilliant!!”

The ninja scrunched up his nose. “Mediocre at best.” His mask then fell off of his face, revealing very pretty eyes. He didn’t seem very good at this whole ‘ninja’ thing.

Speaking of which, there’s a creepy ninja hanging from his friends ceiling, he should probably scream. “AAAA-”

Oikawa put a hand on his face, and Kuroo hadn’t even looked up from his spot on the floor. That was ineffective. He frowned deeply.

Oikawa, on the other hand, was BEAMING. “IWA-CHAN!!!”

Bokuto paused. “Wait, is the ninja the same guy you-”

Aaaaaaand the hand was back over his mouth. “NO. HE IS NOT. I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.” Oikawa laughed maniacally. Was he broken? Should Bokuto turn him off and back on again?

Bokuto did not turn him off and back on again, because Ninja Guy- (Iwa-chan, not Ninja Guy, Iwa-chan) was dropping off the ceiling like a badass. He sprung off, did a triple back flip on his way to the ground, and landed on-

A juice box. He landed on a juice box. He has grape juice on his face (Oikawa snaps a picture). Iwa-chan doesn’t do anything about it. The grape juice is dripping slowly to his chin. Does he think they didn’t notice?

Iwa-chan slinks over to Kuroo (and slink is really the only word for it, he, too, is catlike in this moment), and says, in a surprisingly judgemental way for someone who’s covered in grape juice, “Mulan? Really?”

Present time

Kuroo falters. “None of this tells me why you were on the ceiling, why were you on the ceiling-”

But Iwaizumi isn’t looking at Kuroo. No, he’s staring wide-eyed at something behind him.

“Did you just destroy my juice box?” Daichi growls.

Iwaizumi somersaults towards the third-story window, but Bokuto trips him on the way. -I wanna see this!-

“Yes,” Iwaizumi mutters.

“And what do you have to say?”

“Sorry.”

Daichi steps closer to Iwaizumi, his face terrifyingly calm. “What was that?”

“I’m SORRY I crushed your juice box.”

“Very good.” Daichi’s smile is hollow as he pats Iwaizumi’s head twice. He walks away to the kitchen and gets a new juice box. “Now, I think it’s time we have a little discussion.”

Bokuto gulps.

Chapter Text

"So. A talk, huh?" Oikawa hums, chin in hand. "Let me guess- You're part of a secret alien organization who have implanted your fetuses into a select few human males, giving them superhuman abilities as a side effect of incubating your young?"

Bokuto is disturbed, and he needs to commiserate right now.

-...Why isn't anyone else disturbed?-

"Why isn't anyone else disturbed?"

"Mind reader."

"Used to it," Iwaizumi sighs. He looks tired.

"I've seen weirder stuff. And actually, he's not wrong. Except for the alien part."

Bokuto's eyes widen from their already comically large state, that CAN'T be healthy. "You mean... I'm going to be a FATHER? How would that even work???"

[wW@it ‘,=- wH^tT?...] "Oh, right. No fetuses either. Just the normal government experiment stuff."

"Ohhhhhhhh," the room sighs collectively. That makes more sense.

{Wait a minute, it's still a government conspiracy, that's still fucking weird.}

"Is it weird," Kuroo says, unimpressed, eyeing Iwaizumi, "or have you just lead a boring life?"

"No, that's DEFINITELY weird.

...

"Wait, I never SAID it was weird, what the hell?"

"Did you not hear the whole 'mind reader' thing, or is it the denial?"

"I thought it was hyperbole!!! What the hell am I supposed to do, assume those Karasuno idiots are planning to actually eat innocent horses? Assume that whenever someone tells me I'm a genius I get an IQ boost?!"

~ He's so smart, that's the most likely explanation if we're being honest.~ "Come on, Iwa-Chan, we all know that no one tells you that."

Kuroo snickers. ~ Not a word.~ "I'm not, I'm not."

Daichi slams his fist on the wall. "ENOUGH! Do you want to hear about the government conspiracy, or just sit around and chat all day?"

Bokuto leans forwards, mouth agape with curiosity. "Wait, is this rhetorical?"

[ I c@#n0t dEe3-al \/\w1\th t#ese idi0_=ts @ny mo^)re.] Daichi's eyebrow twitches. "No, of course it's not rhetorical."

"Then I wanna sit around and chat!" Twitch.

"Fine with me." Twitch twitch.

"Government conspiracies are a lot of work."

Daichi's eyebrow cannot handle this kind of workout; his anger overflows to his mouth. "I cannot deal with you idiots any more! I have been monitoring you two--" he points at Kuroo and Bokuto-- "for the past 2 years, and you didn't notice ONCE. NOT ONCE. Do you want to be spied on? Is that it?? Is voyeurism your kink? Because I have seen," he shudders, "EVERY moment of your lives. Do you understand this?"

The group at large is pale, frozen. Bokuto is nodding enthusiastically, because of course he is.

Daichi sighs, looking at his audience with tired eyes. "Look, I apologize. I'm usually more put together, I didn't mean to make a poor first impression. But," he scowls, "Kuroo, Bokuto, you were literally SHOUTING YOUR PSYCHIC POWERS FROM THE ROOFTOPS."

"Figuratively," Bokuto pipes up.

"What?"

"We were FIGURATIVELY shouting our psychic powers from the rooftops. We were literally shouting about our psychic powers, but we were in a coffee shop instead of on a roof so it's figurative," he says proudly.

"That's- why do you know that?"

"I took a remedial reading course-"

"No, that's not the point. This is really not the point. Okay, you know what? I think I overestimated you guys. Let me try something else."

He holds up a finger. "Japan want power." He pauses, and after a couple moments everyone nods.

Another finger goes up. "Knowledge is power." Nod.

Finger. "Knowledge in brain." A nod- quicker this time, they're getting the hang of this-

Finger. "So, the Japanese government performs human experimentations on random innocent babies to make psychic spies."

"Okay, hold up, you lost me," Kuroo says, putting up a hand. "Okay... Okay I've got it, go ahead."

Daichi shakes his head quickly. "Oh, no, that was it. You guys were the lucky babies and now I'm watching you for the government."

A beat.

"...Any questions?"

Kuroo waves his hand in the air. Daichi nods. [g-0 _+__@ #ea D]

"Why can't I hear your thoughts?"

Daichi smiles. Something about it is cold and menacing. "They experimented on me, too."

Bokuto sticks his hand up, bouncing up and down. He talks before Daichi calls on him, too, which kinda defeats the purpose of the whole thing but what can you do. "Does that mean that YOU can READ MINDS???"

[eV3(*-y /:$i &n=g1E;”?( (+ im##%]"No. ...Anybody else?"

Iwaizumi raises his hand. "I've got one." He gestures to Oikawa and himself. "Why the hell are we here?"

~ He looks so pissed!!!~ "I don't know! Your friend here was talking to the assets and you were on the ceiling, it's not like I brought you here!"

Oikawa is infuriatingly blank faced. "I mean, you kiiiiiiiiiinda brought me here. Like, you dragged me by the ear and everything."

"Tell me that you wouldn't have followed us here," Daichi says.

"I wouldn't have!"

"LIES!" Kuroo and Bokuto shout out simultaneously, grinning at the synchronity.

"But seriously, that was a lie." Kuroo clarifies.

Oikawa looks ashamed, which isn't a good look for him, so he just moves past it as fast as possible. "Okay, but why were YOU here, Iwa-chan?"

"You were here."

Oikawa preens. "Aww, you looooove me!"

"No I don't, Shittykawa." {Yes, but you don't have to know that, Shittykawa.}

Daichi straightens his shirt and picks up his ruined juicebox. "I'm going to go now. If you need me, scream. I'll hear."

Bokuto yawns. "Yeah, I'd better head out. It's like 10 in the morning, I'm a lot of hours late for work."

Oikawa turns sheet white. "It's WHAT?" ~ Shit shit shit shit shit, I was supposed to be WORKING at the COFFEE SHOP that I WORK AT-~

"Come on, Shittykawa, the sooner we leave the less late you are to your job." He sounds a bit more composed, but his face is drawn. {I’m gonna miss ninja class…}

Everyone files out of his apartment, and Kuroo is left alone, only himself to talk to. "Well, that was something."

“...What the hell am I supposed to do now?”