Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sunday

11:33 a.m.

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

Big Eff: uh
Big Eff:  you guys
Big Eff: i think i just fucked up real bad
LesbiAnn: Ohhhhh no...
Slime Propaganda: did ya get your hand stuck in a pickle jar again
Big Eff: hey shut up that was one time
Big Eff: and no
Slime Propaganda: never know with you big guy
Slime Propaganda: that was SO funny tho you should do it again anyway
Big Eff: it wasn’t funny!!!!
Big Eff: that shit hurt like hell man
Fox: I thought it was rather funny.
Slime Propaganda: see inari gets it!!
Slime Propaganda: get them hands..........in pickle jar
Big Eff: im not gonna put my hand back inside that damn jar
LesbiAnn: Ryuji you saying it like that makes it sound like you still have the jar...
Big Eff: uh yeah
LesbiAnn: What????
Slime Propaganda: WHHHHHHHHHH
Big Eff: its still got pickles in it!
Big Eff: im not gonna just waste em
Fox: It would indeed be wasteful to discard them.
Big Eff: ....yeah
LesbiAnn: Haven’t they gone bad??
Makoto: Actually, pickles don’t usually expire until a year or two after their expiration date.
Slime Propaganda: th
Slime Propaganda: thank you for your pickle knowledge
Fox: Is that true, Makoto?
Makoto: Yes? At least I’m pretty sure.
Fox: I may have to start investing in pickles.
Sweetie Pie: Do you like pickles, Yusuke?
Fox: Hm. Not particularly.
Sweetie Pie: Oh...
Slime Propaganda: makoto why do you know These Things
Makoto: It’s just something I happen to know.
Slime Propaganda: ....i see

Slime Propaganda changed Makoto’s name to Pickle Guru

Slime Propaganda: all hail
Pickle Guru: I had a feeling you were going to do this eventually.
Big Eff: guys i still have a problem here
Slime Propaganda: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i am trying to hail
“Stop Changing My Name”: What happened, Ryuji?
Slime Propaganda: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Big Eff: uh
Big Eff: well
A single Kira: hold that thought I just got here let me read everything
Slime Propaganda: pickle pickle pickle bow before the pickle pickle pickle
Slime Propaganda: or she will tickle tickle tickle for the sake of the pickle pickle pickle
Sweetie Pie: This is a cute song, Futaba!
Slime Propaganda: (thanks)
Slime Propaganda: if you get tickle tickle tickled by the guru of pickle pickle pickles
A Single Kira: alright im done tell us the beef Ryuji
LesbiAnn: Pickle doesn’t even look like a real word anymore
Big Eff: right well i sorta like
Slime Propaganda: then the pickle pickle pickle’ll take you to the land of hammers and sickles
Slime Propaganda: (sickles sickles)
Big Eff: okay it was an accident alright
Fox: She will take you to Russia?
Slime Propaganda: yea and then you have to fight putin
Big Eff: i kinda...
Fox: What does Putin have to do with pickles?
Slime Propaganda: what doesn’t putin have to do with pickles
Big Eff: :/
A single Kira: you do make a good point Futaba
Fox: Does Putin like pickles?
Big Eff: i told my mom im in the phantom thieves
Slime Propaganda: of COURSE putin likes pickles yusuke what kind of question is that
Slime Propaganda: woahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh wait a second there partner you did WHAT
LesbiAnn: Ryuji you told your mom????
Big Eff: it was an accident!!!
LesbiAnn: How do you just accidentally tell your mom that you’re in the phantom thieves??
Big  Eff: i dunno man!!!!!
Big Eff: we were talking and she was asking about u guys and why we always hang out and stuff and it just like slipped out!!!
“Stop Changing My Name”: And what did she say?
Big Eff: well she was abt to go to work so she said wed talk abt it after
Big Eff: but i dont think shes gonna go tellin anyone tho
Fox: Are you certain?
Fox: This could end very poorly, Ryuji.
Big Eff: i knowwwwww
LesbiAnn: You have got to tell her you were kidding around!!
Big Eff: i guessss
Pickle Guru: She’s right.
Pickle Guru: Once she gets home you should tell her it was a joke.
Big Eff: i know guys but i just kinda
Big Eff: like
Big Eff: i dont wanna lie to her!! you know
Sweetie Pie: Ryuji, what if she goes to the police?
Big Eff: okay but shes not gonna this is my mom we’re talking about
LesbiAnn: Exactly!!! She’s your mom!!!!
LesbiAnn: I mean what else would she do!!!
Big Eff: man i dunno but she isnt gonna report me
Big Eff: i just really dont like lying to her guys
Big Eff: like come on dont tell me you dont feel at least a little bad about lying
LesbiAnn: I mean it doesn’t feel GOOD but that doesn’t mean you aren’t in hot water right now!!!
Big Eff: oh come onnn
Big Eff: shes my mom and honestly she deserves to know i think
“Stop Changing My Name”: Hmm.
Big Eff: oh man dont you get started on me
“Stop Changing My Name”: No, it’s nothing bad.
“Stop Changing My Name”: It’s just... Ryuji.
Big Eff: what
“Stop Changing My Name”: Could it be that you’re...
“Stop Changing My Name”: A mama’s boy?
A single Kira: oh. my god.
Slime Propaganda: ASDFKSDFDFDBFGDIFHF
Slime Propaganda: AKECHIS SLEUTHING SKILLS BACK AT IT AGAIN
Big Eff: what no way man what the hell???
Big Eff: im not some mamas boy???
Slime Propaganda: YOU SO ARE
Big Eff: im not!!!!!!
LesbiAnn: Ryuji omg you are SOOOO definitely a mama’s boy
LesbiAnn: You guys should've seen him in middle school with his mom at the track meets haha
Big Eff: dont bring that up man!!!
Fox: Everyone.
Fox: I’m sorry but,
Fox: What is a “mama’s boy?"
Fox: Because until now I’ve been under the impression that each child is his mothers? Is there a way around that I’ve missed? A sort of birthing technique I’ve been ignorant to?
Slime Propaganda: INAAAAADFKJDFJLKFJLKDJFJAARI
Slime Propaganda: S E C R E T  B I R T H
Pickle Guru: No, Yusuke you’re correct. Women are still the primary source of childbearing.
Pickle Guru: Though there are exceptions in some cases, that doesn’t have to do with being... a mama’s boy.  
Fox: Oh. Then what is it?
Sweetie Pie: Hmm...!
Sweetie Pie: It’s sort of like someone that loves their mom a lot!
Fox: Someone that loves their mother a lot...
Fox: Are you implying then, Ryuji, that you don’t love your mother?
Big Eff: what no
Big Eff: obviously i love her shes my mom!!
Fox: Would that not then make you a mama’s boy?
Big Eff: dude you still don’t even know what a mamas boy is
A single Kira: actually im pretty sure Haru summed it up there nicely
Fox: Would she have reason to lie?
A Single Kira: yeah mr mommys junior why would she lie
LesbiAnn: Akira oh my god please never say mommys junior again

Slime Propaganda changed Big Eff’s name to Mommy's Little Eff

Mommy's Little Eff: i hate u all
Mommy's Little Eff: especially u akechi ya bastard
Mommy's Little Eff: this is all ur fault
“Stop Changing My Name”: Hmm...
"Stop Changing My Name": I’d argue that it’s the boy who ultimately told his mother one of the biggest secrets of his lifetime who caused this whole conundrum.
“Stop Changing My Name”: But, they do say that mama’s boys have little to no capability of self awareness and overall independence. So I guess such blaming others for their own responsibilities comes to no surprise!
“Stop Changing My Name”: In fact, I’d go as far as to say this isn’t the first time you’ve displayed such tendencies! What an interesting analysis. 
“Stop Changing My Name”: :)
Slime Propaganda: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
A single Kira: well shit Akechi had fucking time today
Slime Propaganda: YOU DIDNT HAVE TO GO  THAT HARD DSDFFSDFKJ
Mommy's Little Eff: u know what
Mommy's Little Eff: lock ur fucking doors
 
Mommy's Little Eff has signed off
 
A single Kira: guys i think that murder isn’t gonna be the only one we see today
Slime Propaganda: YOU BETTER RUNNNN BITCH
“Stop Changing My Name”: I get the idea I’m going to be fine, actually.
“Stop Changing My Name”: I don’t think he even knows where I live.
A single Kira: oh yeah
A single Kira: im gonna call him so don’t worry
“Stop Changing My Name”: What.
“Stop Changing My Name”: Akira Kurusu don’t you dare.

A Single Kira has signed off

LesbiAnn: Well I guess that settles that???
Slime Propaganda: lmaoooooooooo 

“Stop Changing My Name” has signed off

Slime Propaganda: LMAOOOOOOO
Pickle Guru: Well.
Pickle Guru: Ryuji, if you see this, please keep us updated on your mom.
Pickle Guru: Ugh.

Pickle Guru changed her name to Makoto

Makoto: Hopefully nothing bad happens. 

Makoto has signed off

Slime Propaganda changed Makoto’s name to PICKLES NEVER DIE

Slime Propaganda: later skaters

Slime Propaganda has signed off

3:46 p.m.

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves— 

A single Kira: hey Ryuji have you killed Akechi yet
A single Kira: i know a good florist we can have a bomb ass funeral
Mommy’s Little Eff: he wasnt home
Slime Propaganda: are you telling me he RAN AWAY
Slime Propaganda: COWARD!!!!
“Stop Changing My Name”: Actually, I was at work.
“Stop Changing My Name”: So no, I didn’t “run away.”
“Stop Changing My Name”: Though I am surprised you actually came over.
Slime Propaganda: ............................suspicious
“Stop Changing My Name”: Not really.
A single Kira: Akechi do you have any flower preferences
A single Kira: before you ask no there is no bitch flower believe me ive looked
Slime Propaganda: i bet theyll grow on his grave
A single Kira: god im a fool of course they will
“Stop Changing My Name”: You know, sometimes I do wonder if you all actually just hate me.
Slime Propaganda: :D
Sweetie Pie: Ryuji, has your mom said anything?
Mommy’s Little Eff: all shes done is ask me if i ate lunch
Mommy’s Little Eff: hey if i change my name back are u guys even gonna let me keep it
Slime Propaganda: that depends
Slime Propaganda: does ur mom ask u that every day
Mommy’s Little Eff: what about lunch??
Mommy’s Little Eff: yea
Slime Propaganda: and uh do you reply every day
Mommy’s Little Eff: ........yea
Slime Propaganda: then no
Mommy’s Little Eff: ughhhhhhh
A-single-Kira: Ryuji no lies thats actually adorable
Mommy's Little Eff: u are so gonna get it man
A-single-Kira: who me
Sweetie Pie: Well... at least if that’s all she texted you...
Sweetie Pie: That’s probably a good sign! I think.
Slime Propaganda: ever the optimist noir
Sweetie Pie: ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪
Slime Propaganda: see look skull this is why she can keep her name Sweetie Pie
Slime Propaganda: would you hurt that face
Mommy’s Little Eff: ok fine
Mommy’s Little Eff: but then im callin bullshit why does yusuke get to stay fox
Slime Propaganda: cause i think its hilarious that he doesnt understand chat room names
Mommy’s Little Eff: dude
Fox: What do you mean by that?
Fox: They’re nicknames. I understand that.
Slime Propaganda: yusuke i want u to look at my username and then look at YOUR username and see if u spot any differences
Fox: I’m not sure what you’re insinuating here.
Slime Propaganda: k ya know what

Slime Propaganda changed Fox’s name to Fox-In-Socks

Mommy’s Little Eff: real clever
Slime Propaganda: shut up
Slime Propaganda: but like do u see thats the kinda dumb name stuff im talking about
Slime Propaganda: like how ann is like. the word lesbian but with her name specifically implanted in it
Fox-In-Socks: Ah?
Fox-In-Socks: Well, I suppose I am wearing socks.
Mommy’s Little Eff: she means like the book bro
Fox-In-Socks: The book, you say?
Sweetie Pie: The one by Dr. Seuss!
Fox-In-Socks: I don’t know it.
A single Kira: Yusuke are you telling me that you have never read the book fox in socks by dr seuss
A single Kira: and that you also have. never heard of said book.
Fox-In-Socks: Yes.
Fox-In-Socks: I have been entirely unaware of its existence until you all told me.
Fox-In-Socks: The name “Dr. Seuss” is also quite foreign to me.
Slime Propaganda: guys i dont think ive ever pressed f this hard in my life
A single Kira: i mean this when i say that what you just said now has been one of the most saddening and eye opening things you have ever sent to this group chat
Slime Propaganda: ryuji you should get ur mom to read it to him so he can live out his childhood dreams he didn’t know he had
Mommy’s Little Eff: oh my god leave my mom outta this
Fox-In-Socks: Should I know it? You all know I was quite sheltered in my upbringing.
A single Kira: you know what dont even worry about it i will tell you later
Slime Propaganda: while we’re at it tho does anyone else have any severe childhood traumas theyd like to share
Slime Propaganda: lookin at you akechi
“Stop Changing My Name”: I don’t know why I stay in this group chat where all you do is bully me.
Slime Propaganda: tell us ur deep dark baby akechi lore
“Stop Changing My Name”: Why don’t you ask Ryuji’s mom? I’m sure she’d love to share all her hardships in raising a kid like him.
Mommy’s Little Eff: man and u say u get bullied in this group chat
Slime Propaganda: hey hey watch out akechi ryuji does know where u live now
Slime Propaganda: and im just saying you said you “were” at work
Slime Propaganda: implying you arent there anymore
Mommy’s Little Eff: ...ur right

Mommy’s Little Eff has signed off

“Stop Changing My Name": Futaba, I really didn't appreciate that.  

“Stop Changing My Name” has signed off

Slime Propaganda: hahahaha chaos time
Slime Propaganda: hey akira
A single Kira: whats up
Slime Propaganda: ryuji brought up a good point abt peoples names
Slime Propaganda: what im trying to say is do you think akechi will kill me if I change his name again
Slime Propaganda: cause i wanna
A single Kira: i mean
A single Kira: you have kinda admitted your intentions to the whole group chat which he is a part of
A single Kira: so
A single Kira: in a way youve already dug your own grave
Slime Propaganda: cool

Slime Propaganda changed “Stop Changing My Name”’s name to Bitch Fertilizer

Slime Propaganda: unfortunately for me akechi definitely knows where i live
Slime Propaganda: so if you dont mind i am going to yeet myself across japan
A single Kira: if you come back in like 3-5 business months i bet those bitch flowers will be fully grown and flourishing
Slime Propaganda: i bet theyll smell like elitism
A single Kira: cynicism too
Slime Propaganda: i-think-that-reading-dictionaries-is-a-personality-trait-ism
A single Kira: god i hope he doesnt read these messages

6:02 p.m.

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

PICKLES NEVER DIE changed her username to Makoto

Makoto: Any updates, Ryuji?
A single Kira: wow she didnt even address it
Mommy’s Little Eff: no
Mommy’s Little Eff: she gets off work soonish tho
Mommy’s Little Eff: so
Sweetie Pie: Hehe, that rhymed!
LesbiAnn: Omg.
A single Kira: write a song Ryuji
Mommy’s Little Eff: can yall leave me alone
Sweetie Pie: Or he could write a book!
LesbiAnn: Haha like the Dr. Seuss stuff??
Sweetie Pie: Yes!
LesbiAnn: Did anyone explain that to Yusuke btw??
A single Kira: yeah i called him
LesbiAnn: And???
A single Kira: uh well i told him about it
A single Kira: and then he got curious
A single Kira: so i googled the book for him
Sweetie Pie: That was very nice of you! ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶
A single Kira: yeah im pretty great
Fox-In-Socks: That is not all though. He actually offered to read the book out to me.
LesbiAnn: Oh did he....!!!!!
A single Kira: Yusuke wait
Fox-In-Socks: It was quite the tongue-twister. It was very impressive coming from Akira!
Mommy’s Little Eff: dude
A single Kira: no shut up Ryuji
Makoto: He read the whole book for you?
A single Kira: noooo Makoto dont let this conversation continue
Fox-In-Socks: Yes. A very enlightening book, really.
Fox-In-Socks: And such a kind gesture, considering my typical inaccessibility. 
Mommy's Little Eff: uh could u not have just googled it urself
A single Kira: well okay
A single Kira: in my defense no because i have a digital library pass thingy and thats where i found the book
Makoto: A digital pass?
A single Kira: are you implying you want one
Makoto: It sounds like it could be useful. 
Makoto: What sort of books are available? 
Fox-In-Socks: Well, I believe we also read The Sneetches. 
Fox-In-Socks: A book which I could tell simply from the language that it holds deep psychological meaning.
A single Kira: oh goddamn it i thought we were gonna drop this
Fox-In-Socks: If that is of any use to you, Makoto. 
Makoto: I... see.
Mommy’s Little Eff: so he read u fox in socks and the sneetches
Sweetie Pie: That is quite the repertoire, hehe! 
Makoto: I’m not sure any of us have heard Akira speak so much in succession before.
Fox-In-Socks: I hadn’t either.
Fox-In-Socks: Though I must say, his reading was superb.
Fox-In-Socks: He has a very relaxing voice.
LesbiAnn: Wowwww Akira maybe you should read me something sometime!!!
Mommy’s Little Eff: lmfao me too i want a bedtime story
A single Kira: one time gig folks
Fox-In-Socks: Ah, a shame. I’d have liked to hear more stories from you.

—Direct Message: A single Kira —> LesbiAnn—

A single Kira: hey i am going to Actually Die
LesbiAnn: Soooo are you 100% sure Yusuke doesn’t think you’re dating rn
A single Kira: does he know what he DOES to me does he UNDERSTAND
LesbiAnn: Okay but I cannot believe you literally just read him Dr. Seuss books over the phone
LesbiAnn: Is that supposed to be romantic?? Were you trying to woo him with green eggs and ham????
A single Kira: okay shush and also i dont know it seemed appropriate at the time
LesbiAnn: At the time???
A single Kira: hey he obviously enjoyed it
A single Kira: wait is that weird
LesbiAnn: Usually I would say yes but Yusuke is a special kind of boy
A single Kira: ..............
A single Kira: hey
A single Kira: do you think i should tell him that ill read to him more if he wants
LesbiAnn: Oh my god you have it bad
A single Kira: weve established that
A single Kira: i think im gonna message him
LesbiAnn: Are you seriously going to make it a habit to read Dr. Seuss books with Yusuke over the phone??
LesbiAnn: Akira.
LesbiAnn: /Akira/
LesbiAnn: Akira I take it back it’s weird that is a weird thing to do with the boy you have a crush on!!!
A single Kira: too late
LesbiAnn: Oh my god
LesbiAnn: So what did you say then
A single Kira: well basically i told him that if he wants i can read more to him
A single Kira: and HE said that he would “like that very much actually”
LesbiAnn: You two are so weird.
A single Kira: so do you think theres a way i can make yertle the turtle sound sexy

 LesbiAnn has signed off

8:15 p.m.

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves— 

Slime Propaganda: ryuuuuuuuuji is ur mom off yet
Slime Propaganda: if she kicks you out you cant stay with me
Makoto: How kind of you.
Slime Propaganda: i exist only to serve
Slime Propaganda: just not ryuji
Makoto: Well, hopefully it doesn’t come to that.
Slime Propaganda: ya know mak
Slime Propaganda: i am deeply insulted that you didnt keep either of my specially crafted names for you
Makoto: I’m happy with my current username.
Slime Propaganda: yusuke kept his
Makoto: I would argue that “Fox-In-Socks” is a significantly more tolerable name than “pickle guru.”
Slime Propaganda: hueheheh yeah ya got me there
Slime Propaganda: i just wanna give everyone ~meaningful~ names
A single Kira: like bitch fertilizer
Slime Propaganda: exactly
Sweetie Pie: Actually, Futaba, I’ve been meaning to ask!
Sweetie Pie: What does your username mean?
Makoto: I’ve also been curious about that.
Slime Propaganda: lmao
Slime Propaganda: you guys ever played splatoon
Mommy’s Little Eff: hey
Mommy’s Little Eff: i just talked with my mom
Slime Propaganda: oh yeah thats important
Makoto: Did she say anything?
Mommy’s Little Eff: yeah she uh
Mommy’s Little Eff: she asked if i was being serious and i told her i was
Mommy’s Little Eff: and then she asked if it was like safe and if we were like. actually hurting people
Mommy’s Little Eff: and i said i was fine and that we never like actually physically have hurt anyone
Mommy’s Little Eff: and then she was like oddly supportive???
Sweetie Pie: Supportive?
Mommy’s Little Eff: yeah idk she asked when our next meeting was actually
Mommy’s Little Eff: but she didnt seem upset
Mommy’s Little Eff: and she didnt tell me to stop so thats good
Slime Propaganda: i meannnnnn
Slime Propaganda: i dont know about you guys but id call that in the clear
Makoto: I think we should still be cautious.
Makoto: But it is good to hear that she wasn’t upset with you.
A single Kira: wednesday
Slime Propaganda: wha
A single Kira: the next meeting
A single Kira: make sure youre all there
Slime Propaganda: oh
Slime Propaganda: that was awful timing
Mommy’s Little Eff: uh
Mommy’s Little Eff: u want me to tell my mom that
A single Kira: sure
Makoto: Are you sure about that?
A single Kira: i mean whats she gonna do crash it
Sweetie Pie: Ahaha, I guess that’s true!
Bitch Fertilizer: I’m glad to see that it worked out.
Bitch Fertilizer: Ah.
Bitch Fertilizer: Would anyone like to tell me what this is about?
Slime Propaganda: ALAKSNSINSOSJDJFN
Slime Propaganda: HEY AKECHIIIIIIIIIIIII OLD BUDDY OLD PAL
A single Kira: Akechi for the sake of your self-esteem and our friendship please don’t scroll up
Bitch Fertilizer: Why is it that you two have become accustomed to referring to me explicitly as a "bitch?"

Bitch Fertilizer changed his name to Akechi

Akechi: Don't think I haven't noticed. 
Slime Propaganda: well i mean
Slime Propaganda: u kind of are one
Akechi: I am not.
Slime Propaganda: hem hem
Slime Propaganda: everybody
Slime Propaganda: is Goro J. Akechi.....
Akechi: J? 
Slime Propaganda: .....a bitch?
Slime Propaganda: ill go first:
Slime Propaganda: yes
A single Kira: yeah
Mommy’s Little Eff: yea dude
Makoto: Yes.
Sweetie Pie: Hehe, maybe a little tiny bit...!
LesbiAnn: I mean!!!! Kinda!!!!
Fox-In-Socks: I suppose, while crude, that is one way of putting it. 
Akechi: Oh.
Slime Propaganda: wow did everyone come online just to beat the shit out of akechi all at once
A single Kira: we say this with love

Slime Propaganda changed Akechi ’s name to Assigned Bitch Kin

Slime Propaganda: yeah. with love.

Assigned Bitch Kin has signed off 

Slime Propaganda: there he goes
Fox-In-Socks: Though, I do not believe I'd ever phrase it in such a way. 
Slime Propaganda: i sure would
Sweetie Pie: Oh! I have a question. 
Sweetie Pie: What did, exactly, you mean by the J, Futaba-chan? 
Slime Propaganda: oh i dunno 
Slime Propaganda: just felt right to put there
Slime Propaganda: stands for jacuzzi or somethin
Mommy's Little Eff: maybe it stands for jerk
LesbiAnn: That's mean!!!
A-single-Kira: justice
Fox-In-Socks: How befitting. 
A single Kira: right 
Slime Propaganda: laaaaaame
A single Kira: you make it J.J Akechi and you get justice jacuzzi tho
Slime Propaganda: OHHHHHHHH THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT
LesbiAnn: I feel like there was a movie about that?? 
Slime Propaganda: what
Mommy's Little Eff: i feel like ur wrong
LesbiAnn: Noooo I feel like there was, though!! 
Sweetie Pie: About a Jacuzzi of Justice? 
Slime Propaganda: JACUZZI OF JUSTICE........
LesbiAnn: I think it was foreign???
A single Kira: uhhhhh are you think of that hot tub one
A single Kira: with the time traveling 
LesbiAnn: Oooh maybe!!!
LesbiAnn: What's it called???
A single Kira: hot tub time machine
LesbiAnn: Oh
Slime Propaganda: real thought provoking name there
Fox-In-Socks: I suppose that there is an aspect of allure.
Fox-In-Socks: Quite distantly, however.
A single Kira: that doesnt really scream justice to me 
LesbiAnn: Well okay in my defense I never watched it
Slime Propaganda: if crows name wasnt so so good rn i would change it to jacuzzi of justice in a heartbeat 
Slime Propaganda: but the bitch title remains supreme
Makoto: I'm glad you can find it in yourself to refrain. 
Slime Propaganda: mak i love the sass but i am never gonna stop this
Sweetie Pie: I think it's quite fun! 
Makoto: Well, I don't mind much as long as you keep me out of it. 
Slime Propaganda: yeah the thing is you are slightly less fun to tease than Akechi so youre safe as long as hes around
Makoto: I'm not sure how much I like that. 
Sweetie Pie: I don't know how much Akechi-kun would like it either! Hehe. 
Slime Propaganda: i am gonna make fun of him till the day i die
Slime Propaganda: do you hear that bitch kin-kun. until i die and im a little ghostie who haunts you 
Slime Propaganda: or maybe ill haunt inari
Makoto: I really feel like we shouldn't joke about these kinds of things. 
Fox-In-Socks: I do believe a haunting could provide inspiration for a very intriguing art piece...
Fox-In-Socks: Futaba. I ask that you hold true to your word. 
Slime Propaganda: mehhhhhhhhh if you put it like that it sounds like so much effort
Slime Porpaganda: im supposed to be at an eternal rest 
A single Kira: i feel like youre already at the eternal rest stage in your life
Slime Propaganda: except for the video games
A single Kira: you gonna be a ghost gamer
Slime Propaganda: bury me with my switch

Makoto has signed off 

Slime Propaganda: do ghost gamers not tickle you queen
Fox-In-Socks: Is there a way to initiate a haunting? 
Fox-In-Socks: If Futaba will not, then I may have to come up with my own... 
LesbiAnn: And lets stop right there!!!!!! 
LesbiAnn: No Yusuke getting his dorm haunted!!!!!! 
Sweetie Pie: Oh, I'm sure he'd be just fine!
Slime Propaganda: yusuke is the one person i could see actually ending up with a fucking ghost in his house
Slime Propaganda: maybe akira too 
A single Kira: is the ghost hot 
Slime Propaganda: the hottest 
A single Kira: then sure lets get leblanc haunted
LesbiAnn: You weirdo and your weirdo priorities
Fox-In-Socks: Do inform me if such a procedure works. 
Slime Propaganda: inari u really sure you wanna go over there cause akira is gonna be definitely making out with that ghost
A single Kira: once in a lifetime chance Futaba
A single Kira: god i wanna be the kind of ghost that just makes out with random humans and then fucks off 
Mommy's Little Eff: are u really making plans for this
Fox-In-Socks: I wonder what sort of ghost I might be... 
A single Kira: it might depend on how you die
LesbiAnn: We are like two off put sentences from this becoming a really really morbid conversation
Slime Propaganda: yea i agree
Slime Propaganda: if i get nightmares about dying i am going to blame youuuuuuu akira
Slime Propaganda: and akechi
Slime Propaganda: just cause
A single Kira: you brought it up you know
Slime Propaganda: well now im putting it to an END 
Slime Propaganda: goodnight please no one murder me in my sleep so i have to decide who to haunt 
LesbiAnn: What the heck this is what I meant by morbid!!!!

Slime Propaganda  has signed off

9:48 p.m

 —Direct Message: A single Kira —> Assigned Bitch Kin—

A single Kira: hey idk if this needs to be said or not but we really are joking about the bitch thing
A single Kira: like. i see how that might make someone upset
Assigned Bitch Kin: No, don’t worry about me.
Assigned Bitch Kin: I’m fine.
Assigned Bitch Kin: Though I didn’t realize how widespread it was.
A single Kira: ah yeah its kinda a little group meme
A single Kira: but its not like were shit talking you behind your back
Assigned Bitch Kin: That’s good to know.
Assigned Bitch Kin: I appreciate your message, that was nice of you.
A single Kira: yea i just wanted to make sure
Assigned Bitch Kin: Thank you.
A single Kira: if its bothering you at all i can make everyone stop
Assigned Bitch Kin: Ah, well...
Assigned Bitch Kin: I'll admit it is a bit jarring. 
Assigned Bitch Kin: But it is a little... interesting, as well. 
A single Kira: you are known for your weird definitions of interesting 
Assigned Bitch Kin: Oh, and not for being a bitch, then? 
A single Kira: wow Akechi how did you get so good at multitasking
A single Kira: but like for real are you sure
Assigned Bitch Kin: What would you like me to say?
Assigned Bitch Kin: That I am horribly upset by it? And that it will keep me up all night, knowing that I've acquired some petty nickname from you all? That as friends I feel as though you've betrayed me? 
Assigned Bitch Kin: I'm fine. If I was truly so bothered by it, I would've expressed that. 
A single Kira: i guess its true that you arent really the shy type
Assigned Bitch Kin: Yes. 
Assigned Bitch Kin: That is to say, I wouldn't go so far as to imply I like it. 
A single Kira: yeah but thats what makes it fun too 
Assigned Bitch Kin: How wonderful to know that you enjoy harassing me so. 
A single Kira: i harass everybody 
A single Kira: if im not irking you at least a little bit im not doing my job 
Assigned Bitch Kin: Is that so? 
Assigned Bitch Kin: So then you went so far out of your way to make sure I was alright because...? 
A single Kira: i mean irking you is different than offending you 
A single Kira: or like disrespecting you 
Assigned Bitch Kin: You don't think you disrespect me? 
A single Kira: god the funniest words come out of your mouth 
A single Kira: or i guess come through your texts
Assigned Bitch Kin: Sure. 
A single Kira: ghhh hey i gotta go Morgana says its past my bedtime
Assigned Bitch Kin: Oh, then you’re not going to read Yusuke a bedtime story?
Assigned Bitch Kin: I was certain that you'd both enjoyed yourselves. 
A single Kira: oh my GOD shut up
Assigned Bitch Kin: Goodnight, Akira.
Assigend Bitch Kin: And again I... do appreciate your asking. 
A single Kira: of course 
A single Kira: night

Chapter Text

Wednesday

8:30 a.m.  

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

Slime Propaganda: god how do you guys wake up this early on a regular i wanna die
Sweetie Pie: Good Morning! ٩( 'ω' )و
Slime Propaganda: its too early to be positive i need to revel in my own filth for about five more hours
A single Kira: why you up
Slime Propaganda: sojiro wants me to suffer thats why
LesbiAnn: Does it have anything to do with why Ryuji had like a million orange slices earlier??
Slime Propaganda: wha
A single Kira: what when was this
LesbiAnn: Before school started!!
A single Kira: hold on i saw him too he didnt have any oranges
Slime Propaganda: maybe he hid them
Slime Propaganda: shameful oranges
Sweetie Pie: Well, oranges aren’t very big after all.
LesbiAnn: No you don’t understand he had so many
LesbiAnn: Like two big totes of just orange slices!!
Slime Propaganda: maybe he got scurvy
Slime Propaganda: so he’s like mass eating fruit to counter it
A single Kira: you know he is a pirate after all
LesbiAnn: OMG
Sweetie Pie: So are you saying he ate all those oranges before Akira saw him?
Sweetie Pie: That’s quite the mental image!
A single Kira: yeah Ryuji just voreing like 400 oranges at 7 am
Slime Propaganda: om nom nom
LesbiAnn: Bleh
Slime Propaganda: haru do you have any voreing emojis
Sweetie Pie: I would have to look!
Slime Propaganda: please do
LesbiAnn: No!!!! No more vore
LesbiAnn: I thought we were past this!!
Slime Propaganda: live laugh vore
A single Kira: you know we still dont know why Futaba is conscious rn
LesbiAnn: Thank goodness Akira you’re right.
Slime Propaganda: ughhhhhhh dont remind me
Slime Propaganda: im supposed to sign for a package but i dont wannnnaaaaaa
Slime Propaganda: sojiro thinks im all outgoing now bc ive been hanging around you lot
Slime Propaganda: so now here i sit waiting for the delivery man
LesbiAnn: Well I mean it’s certainly an improvement for how you used to be
A single Kira: that is granted she isnt wearing some weird mask
LesbiAnn: Oh god Futaba please don’t wear that creepy doll head again.
LesbiAnn: The poor delivery guy...
A single Kira: i think it may be a nice surprise for him
A single Kira: why stop there we should replace our metaverse masks with just a bunch of those
A single Kira: Ann dont you think that would go great with your catsuit 
LesbiAnn: Don't give everyone that mental image!!!!
A single Kira: we could give it little pigtails and everything
A single Kira: a little kick for the shadows you know what i mean
LesbiAnn: Oooh I'll show you a kick
Slime Propaganda: the heck does that mean

8:48 a.m 

A single Kira: so i want you guys to know that Ann just tried to kick me backwards but just slammed into my desk instead and it knocked Morgana out and he screamed and then Ann had to pretend it was her ringtone while i frantically stuffed him back in the slot
A single Kira: so now our whole class thinks Ann just tried to attack me and that whenever she gets a text her phone shrieks in cat
Slime Propaganda: AJANDKSMSKSNF ARE YOU KIDDING
Slime Propaganda: NICE MOVES
A single Kira: what a morning

LesbiAnn has signed off

Slime Propaganda: haha be ashamed ann
Slime Propaganda: you know its awfully convenient that ryuji isnt in the chat rn
A single Kira: why cause of the oranges
Slime Propaganda: yes indeed i wanna know stuff
A single Kira: well we are at school
Slime Propaganda: meh
Slime Propaganda: when has ryuji ever been one to pay attention in class
A single Kira: ill grill him about it at lunch
Slime Propaganda: what are his orange secrets
A single Kira: Morgana just told me that if Ryuji is paying attention in class so should i
A single Kira: so i gotta go
Slime Propaganda: what no wait
Slime Propaganda: ur my moral support
Slime Propaganda: are u just gonna let mona tell you what to do

A single Kira has signed off

Slime Propaganda: wimp
Slime Propaganda: wait wait you guys should i wear the mask
Slime Propaganda: ignore ur educators and help me
Slime Propaganda: AAAAA THE DOORBELL JUST RANG
Slime Propaganda: GUYS HELP MASK OR NO MASK
Slime Propaganda: HE RANG IT AGAIN!!!!
Slime Propaganda: OHHHHHH MASK IT IS HERE GOES

Slime Propaganda has signed off

8:50 a.m.

Sweetie Pie: (*´◒`*)
Sweetie Pie: (´ཀ`」 ∠) 

11:45 a.m

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

A single Kira: hey guys Ann and i need help
A single Kira: we are on a man hunt
Fox-In-Socks: For who?
LesbiAnn: Ryuji
Fox-In-Socks: Ah.
A single Kira: he isnt where we usually meet up and hes not answering his phone
Sweetie Pie: You don’t think this has to do with the oranges, do you?
LesbiAnn: What kind of stuff could he getting involved in that includes obscenely large amounts of oranges??
Makoto: Well, he can’t leave the school grounds during lunchtime, so he shouldn’t be very far.
Fox-In-Socks: Perhaps he is eating the oranges as a snack.
LesbiAnn: That’s a pretty big snack, Yusuke.
Fox-In-Socks: Hunger knows no bounds. Had I the chance to ingest such large amounts of fruit, I would not hesitate.
Fox-In-Socks: He is lucky to have such plentiful access. Ah, to bite into an orange, fresh and bold. 
Fox-In-Socks: And then another, and another... 
Fox-In-Socks: Even now, the thought of it is quite tantalizing.
A single Kira: Yusuke have you eaten today
Fox-In-Socks: I had a radish.
A single Kira: when
Fox-In-Socks: Hm. It was before lunch.
Fox-In-Socks: We had some free time and I could not ignore my stomach growling any longer.
Fox-In-Socks: Though I do regret it now. I have no meal left to savor.
LesbiAnn: Oh Yusuke...
Sweetie Pie: That isn't good! 
A single Kira: great so after the meeting im treating everyone to dinner and you are not allowed to refuse because im the leader
Mommy’s Little Eff: yo im gonna be a little late to that
LesbiAnn: Ryuji!!
A single Kira: oh my god where are you

Mommy’s Little Eff has signed off

A single Kira: son of a gun
Makoto: Well, at the very least, that does mean he’s going to the meeting.
Makoto: We should ask him then.
LesbiAnn: I guess we’ll have to wait.
A single Kira: or we could steak out his classroom
LesbiAnn: Okay but we also have a class to get to.
A single Kira: maybe i can make Morgana smell out the oranges
Fox-In-Socks: Why not simply track Ryuji’s scent?
A single Kira: update: Morgana says hes not a dog
LesbiAnn: I still have no idea where he could’ve hid all those oranges.
Makoto: I have a feeling our meeting is going to turn into an interrogation.
A single Kira: update update: he also says he’s not a cat
LesbiAnn: I don’t think it would have been physically possible to eat all of those just by himself either...
A single Kira: another update: Morgana is offended that i think he cant do it so now we are on the move
A single Kira: watch out Ryuji im a comin with a (not) kitty kitty cat
A single Kira: ah shit
Makoto: And that’s the bell.
Makoto: Don’t be late, everyone.
A single Kira: before you go try and get to the meeting fast because i dont want Yusuke to starve
Fox-In-Socks: I assure you, I’ll be fine.
Fox-In-Socks: Though, I would also like to not starve.
Makoto: Ann, in class, please try to not attack Akira.
Makoto: There is a difference between a distraction and becoming a distraction. 
Sweetie Pie: Hehe you can do it, Ann!
LesbiAnn: Oh shush you two!!
LesbiAnn: Class time!!!! Leave me alone!!!!

1:16 p.m.

— Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

LesbiAnn: Futaba I’m sorry but it’s been killing me all day what happened with that delivery man
Fox-In-Socks: I have been wondering the same thing.
Slime Propaganda: ehhhhh he didnt really do much he just seemed confused
Slime Propaganda: he kinda gave off this i dont get paid nearly enough to care about this vibe
Fox-In-Socks: What an odd man.
LesbiAnn: You know, your neighbors are going to think you’re so weird.
Fox-In-Socks: I’m sure they already do.
Slime Propaganda: i dont wanna hear that from a six foot tall lobster enthusiast
Slime Propaganda: wonder what ur dorm mates thought when you walked in with two whole ass lobsters like they were Ye Olde Gods
Fox-In-Socks: You’re very rude, Futaba.
Fox-In-Socks: The aesthetic appeal Lobsters provide is incredibly articulate and unique compared to your everyday, mediocre drawing subject.
Fox-In-Socks: It is not often one gets to observe and retain such obscure beauty in the flesh.
Slime Propaganda: did you just capitalize lobster
LesbiAnn: Um
LesbiAnn: Anyway Futaba what was in the package??
Slime Propaganda: i dunno
Fox-In-Socks: You signed without knowing what was inside?
Slime Propaganda: its sojiros im not gonna look
LesbiAnn: So bugging Leblanc, which is Akira’s actual living space, is fine
LesbiAnn: But you draw the line at looking inside a package???
Slime Propaganda: did i say i respected akiras privacy? no
Slime Propaganda: tho i will say since i had to sign for it i expected some massive thing
Slime Propaganda: but its kinda small
Fox-In-Socks: It may be something fragile or expensive.
Slime Propaganda: well i hope not cause i definitely dropped it earlier accidentally
LesbiAnn: Futaba oh my god
Slime Propaganda: an accident ann!!!!
LesbiAnn: I really hope you didn't break it... 
Slime Propaganda: i am like 99% sure its like coffee beans or something
Slime Propaganda: and even if they were in a fragile glass jar the beans are gonna be fine
LesbiAnn: I guess thats true 
Slime Propaganda: im just gonna have to be like
Slime Propaganda: hey sojiro heres your box with beans and glass shards 
Slime Propaganda: tho ill admit itd be a pain to get all the glass out 
LesbiAnn: Try and be more careful next time!!
Slime Propaganda: i will try less to run into tables while wearing a big mask i cant see out of 
Fox-In-Socks: Ann, is Akira not in class with you now?
Fox-In-Socks: I only ask since usually he is the one to more commonly reply to the group in school, not you.
LesbiAnn: Well our teacher left to do something
LesbiAnn: And whenever this happens he very suspiciously puts all these folders around his desk and does stuff....
LesbiAnn: I think he’s making Phantom Thief things? He gets really focused into it I can’t initiate conversations like at all.
Slime Propaganda: does he bring a knife to school
LesbiAnn: You know what he also brings an entire cat and all the money he has ever owned to school so I wouldn’t be surprised.
Slime Propaganda: weird boy
LesbiAnn: But so yeah that’s what he’s doing right now.
Fox-In-Socks: I see.
Fox-In-Socks: He is quite dedicated.
Slime Propaganda: hes got his head in the game
LesbiAnn: Sometimes I try and peek over but its really just a mess over there
LesbiAnn: But I guess as long as he knows what he's doing!! 
Fox-In-Socks: Perhaps he simply has become interested in arts and crafts. 
Slime Propaganda: who are we to judge him for his hobbies
LesbiAnn: Yikes the teacher came back.
LesbiAnn: Sorry guys bye!!
Fox-In-Socks: Goodbye.
Slime Propaganda: see u later

LesbiAnn has signed off

Slime Propaganda: what if yikes was pronounced like nike
Slime Propaganda: yikeies
Fox-In-Socks: I should be going too, then.
Slime Propaganda: too afraid of the truth i see
Slime Propaganda: bye
Fox-In-Socks: Bye.

Fox-In-Socks has signed off

Slime Propaganda: man this sucks
Slime Propaganda: we should give morgana a phone so he can text me in class
Slime Propaganda: maybe ill make him one 
Slime Propaganda: arts and crafts: futaba verse

Slime Propaganda has signed off

3:57 p.m

 —Direct Message: A single Kira —> Mommy’s Little Eff—

A single Kira: hey where are you
A single Kira: everyone is here
Mommy’s Little Eff: sorry im on the train now
A single Kira: what took you so long
Mommy’s Little Eff: just some stuff
A single Kira: was it the oranges
Mommy’s Little Eff: :/
A single Kira: oh my god
A single Kira: Ryuji please tell me why you have them
Mommy’s Little Eff: ughhhhh
A single Kira: are you bringing them to the meeting
Mommy’s Little Eff: yeah
A single Kira: so wait are they for us
Mommy’s Little Eff: yeahhh
A single Kira: well Yusuke is gonna be happy about that
A single Kira: but like. why
A single Kira: where did you even get that many
A single Kira: whyd you bring them to school
A single Kira: Ryuji i have questions dont ignore me
Mommy’s Little Eff: ur just gonna make fun of me if i tell u
A single Kira: scouts honor i wont
Mommy’s Little Eff: bullshit
A single Kira: okay youre probably right
A single Kira: how about this
A single Kira: we are gonna make you tell us at the meeting whether you like it or not cause all of us are here debating theories about it as we speak
A single Kira: so would you rather get it over with now or have to deal with all of us all at once
Mommy’s Little Eff: ughhhhhhhhhh duddeeee
A single Kira: pleaaaase
Mommy’s Little Eff: dudeeeee
A single Kira: Futaba just theorized that you got the oranges to hide them around leblanc and infest it with ants so you can buy it dirt cheap and turn yourself into an ant god
Mommy’s Little Eff: what gross
A single Kira: you wanna be an ant king Ryuji
Mommy’s Little Eff: no what the heck
A single Kira: crawling around with all your little ant subjects with your little ant antenna
Mommy’s Little Eff: wtf no dude
A single Kira: thennnn tell me
Mommy’s Little Eff: what does that even have to do with this!!
Mommy’s Little Eff: god
Mommy’s Little Eff: fine
A single Kira: what really
Mommy’s Little Eff: well i mean if ur gonna make me tell you anyway
A single Kira: yeah we’re getting it out of you no matter what
Mommy’s Little Eff: yeah yeah jeez
Mommy’s Little Eff: ...
Mommy’s Little Eff: do u remember a few days ago when my mom asked when our meeting was
A single Kira: yea
A single Kira: YEA
A single Kira: oh my god Ryuji are they from your mom is she giving us orange slices
A single Kira: is that why she asked Ryuji oh my god
Mommy’s Little Eff: she didnt even tell me until this morning when i was leaving
Mommy’s Little Eff: and since i dont usually go home until way later she told me to just take em to school
Mommy’s Little Eff: and then i had to put them in the faculty room cause the teachers said i shouldnt just have em out in front of everyone
Mommy’s Little Eff: so after i had to get them which is why im late that and i went in there and had to convince the whole office they were mine
Mommy's Little Eff: which sucked by the way
A single Kira: Ryuji i dont know if i have ever said anything against your mom but i take it all back
Mommy’s Little Eff: what
A single Kira: she is an angel woman 
A single Kira: im gonna tell everyone
Mommy’s Little Eff: like right now

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

Slime Propaganda: RYUJI OH MY GOD ARE YOU SERIOUS
Slime Propaganda: ARE THEY ACTUALLY FROM UR MOM AKSNDKSMDKKG
LesbiAnn: Ryuji that is the cutest thing!!
Slime Propaganda: WHO IS THIS LADY WHY HAVENT WE MET HER YET
Fox-In-Socks: I am more excited in that we will be getting to eat the oranges, rather than who they’re from.
Fox-In-Socks: Though it is very admirable of your mother nonetheless.
Mommy’s Little Eff: guys theyre just oranges
Slime Propaganda: save it mamas boy this is the highlight of my day
Slime Propaganda: do you think we can ask her to join she can be our snack lady
Fox-In-Socks: What a splendid idea.
Makoto: We will have to find a way to thank her for these.
Makoto: And, I suppose this is a significant conformation that she supports our cause.
Mommy’s Little Eff: literally just oranges you guys
A single Kira: the phantom mom
Slime Propaganda: its like were the youth soccer group and she is the pta president bestowing us gifts
Fox-In-Socks: Ryuji, when will you be here?
Mommy’s Little Eff: uhh like 15
LesbiAnn: Do you need any help you had soooo many earlier
Mommy’s Little Eff: uh maybe
Makoto: Ryuji, I’ll go.
Makoto: I’ll meet you at the station
A single Kira: i guess ill tell Sojiro im not making curry tonight after all
Slime Propaganda: orange time babey

4:30 p.m.

— Direct Message : Slime Propaganda —> LesbiAnn—

Slime Propaganda: will you make yusuke stop sulking
LesbiAnn: Futaba, you should really pay attention
Slime Propaganda: you guys never give me fund access why should i care about the budget
Slime Propaganda: cant focus with yusuke looking like a kicked puppy over there anyway
LesbiAnn: Well you’re right that he’s bringing a mood to the meeting...
Slime Propaganda: also akira is being incredibly embarrassing trying to cheer him up
LesbiAnn: Aw but don’t you think that’s cute??
Slime Propaganda: grosssssssss
LesbiAnn: Hahaha
LesbiAnn: So what do you want me to do??
Slime Propaganda: figure out whats wrong and fix it
LesbiAnn: I'm not sure I can just do that you know
Slime Propaganda: ann i can see the dark aura surrounding him what is WRONG
Slime Propaganda: did someone say something to him or something
LesbiAnn: Maybe his stomach hurts? He did eat a lot of the oranges.
Slime Propaganda: but he was sad while he was eating them too
LesbiAnn: Something happened at school maybe??
Slime Propaganda: but he was fine when he came ann!!
LesbiAnn: I don’t know!!
LesbiAnn: Do you have any ideas??
Slime Propaganda: nooo thats why i asked you
LesbiAnn: Why don’t you ask the detective we have so conveniently in the room then!!
Slime Propaganda: oh yeah huh
LesbiAnn: Wow

—Direct Message: Slime Propaganda —> Assigned Bitch Kin—

Slime Propaganda: hey help me
Slime Propaganda: heyyyyyyyy
Slime Propaganda: i see you ignoring me
Slime Propaganda: akeeeeeeechiiiiiii
Slime Propaganda: aaaaaaaaaaakkkkkeerrechiii
Slime Propaganda: crowwwwwwwwwwww
Assigned Bitch Kin: Futaba, can it wait?
Slime Propaganda: ha you caved
Assigned Bitch Kin: I’m trying to pay attention.
Slime Propaganda: nooo its about yusuke
Slime Propaganda: look how sad he is i need help finding out whats wrong
Assigned Bitch Kin: Ah, so it isn’t just me then.
Assigned Bitch Kin: I do have to agree that he seems upset.
Slime Propaganda: exactly and i tried to get ann to help but she sucked
Assigned Bitch Kin: Well, what do you want me to do? Ask him?
Slime Propaganda: if i wanted that then would i be texting you all sneaky like
Assigned Bitch Kin: You’re hardly being sneaky.
Assigned Bitch Kin: But, I see your point.
Slime Propaganda: just help me brainstorm cause i cannot watch akira trip over his gay ass feet to try and make him happy any longer
Assigned Bitch Kin: Yusuke does tend to be one of the few subjects that gets him flustered.
Assigned Bitch Kin: Well, let’s see.
Assigned Bitch Kin: It was around when Ryuji arrived that he got upset, wasn’t it?
Slime Propaganda: idk probably
Assigned Bitch Kin: It might have something to do with him, then.
Slime Propaganda: but ryuji is the bearer of the oranges
Slime Propaganda: did you read his monologue earlier about how theyre tantalizing or something
Assigned Bitch Kin: That’s true.
Assigned Bitch Kin: It might not have to do directly with him, though.
Assigned Bitch Kin: Maybe something he did that sparked something else to happen.
Slime Propaganda: well all hes done today is bring oranges
Assigned Bitch Kin: Well, he was late too, remember?
Assigned Bitch Kin: And, Akira sent a text earlier telling everyone to get here quickly.
Slime Propaganda: yeaahhhh but i dont buy it
Slime Propaganda: cause that was only bc akira was gonna make us dinner after this
Slime Propaganda: but since ryuji brought the oranges that isnt even relevant
Assigned Bitch Kin: Well, wait.
Assigned Bitch Kin: It may be.
Slime Propaganda: k how tho
Assigned Bitch Kin: Since Ryuji brought all the oranges, Akira isn’t making curry tonight, right?
Slime Propaganda: yea he said that
Assigned Bitch Kin: Maybe that’s why.
Slime Propaganda: ohhhh my god are u saying its cause he wanted dinner
Slime Propaganda: you saw how many oranges he ate tho that was never ending
Slime Propaganda: hes gotta be full
Assigned Bitch Kin: But, you must consider that this is coming from a boy who grows radishes in his dorm room as genuine means for his meals.
Assigned Bitch Kin: And who has Yusuke ever been to deny free food?
Slime Propaganda: akechi if ur right then yusuke might just be the dumbest bitch i have ever met
Slime Propaganda: but you know what. i do not doubt it
Slime Propaganda: so then what should we just feed him after the meeting
Assigned Bitch Kin: That’s probably the best course of action.
Slime Propaganda: huehehe we make a good duo detective boy
Assigned Bitch Kin: Sure we do.
Assigned Bitch Kin: Maybe I’d ought to bring you into the office next time. Test out your skills. 
Slime Propaganda: oh yeah then i can meet makotos sister
Slime Propaganda: you think shes gonna like me
Assigned Bitch Kin: If you treat her anywhere nearly like how you treat me? No.
Slime Propaganda: ill be nice to her she seems cool
Slime Propaganda: unlike you
Slime Propaganda: my good friend bitchy 
Assigned Bitch Kin: I don't think I'd like to be called your definition of cool anyways. 
Assigned Bitch Kin: You, with the handle name "Slime Propaganda." 
Slime Propaganda: was that an insult food blog-kun
Slime Propaganda: wait oh my god
Assigned Bitch Kin: Yes?
Slime Propaganda: i just had a great idea
Slime Propaganda: im gonna go simultaneously make and ruin akiras night
Assigned Bitch Kin: Oh.
Assigned Bitch Kin: Enjoy yourself, I suppose. 
Slime Propaganda: nothing makes me happier than you not even trying to stop me 

—Direct Message: Slime Propaganda —> A single Kira—

Slime Propaganda: hey heyyyyyyyy
Slime Propaganda: i know why yusuke is dying over there
A single Kira: wait really
A single Kira: why tell me
Slime Propaganda: hmmmm i have a condition
A single Kira: shit
A single Kira: what is it
Slime Propaganda: i want ur featherman red idol edition figurine
A single Kira: what Futaba
A single Kira: do you know how long i spent getting that from the claw machine
A single Kira: you know how many jack frosts i got trying to get that. do you know.
A single Kira: i could give you like eleven of him instead 
Slime Propaganda: now now hold your horses
Slime Propaganda: i say this bc this information does not only end with yusuke cheering up but if u play ya cards right it could lead u onto a very nice little date with him tonight
Slime Propaganda: also no i dont want your hees or your hos 
A single Kira: ...im listening.
Slime Propaganda: very good
Slime Propaganda: so here’s my idea
Slime Propaganda: i will tell u what i think is the problem which i am like 99% sure it is
Slime Propaganda: then you will follow the appropriate steps to seduce him or whatever
Slime Propaganda: and if the whole date thing goes good then you owe me red
Slime Propaganda: but if im wrong or it fails on an epic scale i will spare you losing ur boy
A single Kira: you know what
A single Kira: deal
A single Kira: i got spare cash i can get another idol red figure
Slime Propaganda: the contract has been sealed 
A single Kira: o powerful contract 
A single Kira: anyway so what’s wrong why’s he sad
Slime Propaganda: fufufu
Slime Propaganda: he wants the dinner promised from earlier since it was cancelled due to oranges
Slime Propaganda: get that boyyyyyy some curry
A single Kira: he
A single Kira: you
A single Kira: im an idiot of course thats it
Slime Propaganda: uh huh
Slime Propaganda: now would u please do something about him i think hes about to burst into tears over there
A single Kira: bless you Futaba Sakura
Slime Propaganda: and dont do anything stupid i want red
A single Kira: believe me im not gonna fuck this up
Slime Propaganda: good luck dumbass

8:45 p.m.

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

Slime Propaganda: oh nononono guys help
Slime Propaganda: does anyone know pottery
Makoto: Yusuke might?
Slime Propaganda: hngggggg where’s that blue boy when you need him
Sweetie Pie: Is something wrong?
Slime Propaganda: :(
Slime Propaganda: ya know how i said i dropped that package earlier in the chat
Makoto: Oh no.
Slime Propaganda: apparently as yusuke said it was a fragile and expensive item
Slime Propaganda: so imagine a really really nice coffee cup
Sweetie Pie: Oh no!
Sweetie Pie: Did the boss get upset?
Slime Propaganda: actually he doesnt know yet
Makoto: He doesn't?
Slime Propaganda: he asked me if his cup came and i said wha and he said the package
Slime Propaganda: so i panicked and said no
Slime Propaganda: and then i opened it and there’s a big crack in the side and im gonna dieeee
Makoto: You should tell him the truth.
Sweetie Pie: I agree! The longer you don’t tell him the worse it will get.
Slime Propaganda: ughhh i knowwwwwww
Slime Propaganda: man where are all my pro liars in this chilis
Slime Propaganda: or at least the art stans come ON yusuke
Sweetie Pie: Maybe you could order him a new one?
Slime Propaganda: oh shit
Slime Propaganda: lemme see if i can track it down
Sweetie Pie: If anyone can, it’s you!
Slime Propaganda: thank u for the inspirational words
Makoto: I feel like there’s always some sort of conflict in our group chats.
Sweetie Pie: Hehe but don’t you think it’s fun?
Slime Propaganda: glad to hear that you think my impending death is fun
Makoto: I’m sure he won’t be that angry.
Slime Propaganda: u know im less worried that hes gonna be mad and more that hes gonna give me that look
Makoto: Which look?
Slime Propaganda: like. The Look
Slime Propaganda: the one thats just like. im not mad im just disappointed.
Slime Propaganda: which is objectively worse
Sweetie Pie: Like that look Ann gave Akira when he had all those marshmallows in his mouth!
Slime Propaganda: I FORGOT ABOUT THAT AHAHSKDLFKFLM
Slime Propaganda: YEAH LIKE THAT
Makoto: That was a very gross day.
Sweetie Pie: Hehe, but it was fun!
Makoto: Maybe for some of you...
Sweetie Pie: Hehe, oh Mako-chan!
Sweetie Pie: You know, I'm sure even Akechi-kun would've tried it out! 
Makoto: I actually don't think there'd even be a slight chance of that. 
Sweetie Pie: Oh, really?
Makoto: Really. 
Slime Propaganda: i have bad news
Slime Propaganda: 20000 yen for the cup
Slime Propaganda: i. do not have 20000 yen
Slime Propaganda: i have maybe 200 yen
Sweetie Pie: How expensive!
Slime Propaganda: apparently its hand painted ughhhhhhhh
Makoto: Just tell him what happened. He’ll understand that it was an accident.
Slime Propaganda: or i could go find yusuke roaming the streets of tokyo and force him to fix it
Slime Propaganda: actually do you guys think he is still with akira at leblanc
Sweetie Pie: Maybe that’s why they aren’t in the chat right now!
Slime Propaganda: im gonna go crash em
Makoto: Sometimes, I’m not sure why I even try with you.
Slime Propaganda: SHIT i cant!!!!
Sweetie Pie: What?
Slime Propaganda: i made a deal that contains forbidden details to this group chat
Slime Propaganda: sigh im just gonna go to sleep and deal with this tomorrow
Sweetie Pie: Just like that?
Slime Propaganda: maybe my dreams will give me ideas
Slime Propaganda: send me a sign sandman buy me a new fancy cup
Slime Propaganda: goodnight girls im gonna try to avoid this for as long as i can and completely ignore makotos entirely sound advice
Sweetie Pie: Sweet dreams!
Makoto: I feel like that is a common occurance. 
Makoto: Goodnight.

Slime Propaganda has signed off

Sweetie Pie: Forbidden details…
Makoto: That caught my eye, too.
Makoto: What is she up to?
Sweetie Pie: Whatever it is, apparently it’s more important than getting the cup fixed!
Makoto: Well, with her reaction, it must be something special.
Sweetie Pie: I wonder what’s more important than not reviving “the look?"
Makoto: Maybe the Sandman will also send that information our way.
Sweetie Pie: You know, speaking of the Sandman!
Sweetie Pie: Doesn't Akira have that entity as a persona?
Makoto: I can't say whether or not he still has it, but he did once, yes. 
Sweetie Pie: It is very interesting... 
Sweetie Pie: I never much imagined him looking like that! 
Makoto: Well, his appearance is probably a result of the general public's image of him. 
Makoto: So, even though you never saw him that way, your percentage is probably very low compared to the majority. 
Sweetie Pie: Is he how you imagined him, Mako-chan?
Makoto: Maybe a bit. 
Makoto: The sack he carries is probably the most familiar part about him. 
Sweetie Pie: Ooh! So you always thought of him holding a sack of sorts?
Makoto: Yes. 
Sweetie Pie: How wonderful! Hehe. 
Sweetie Pie: As you might expect, I never have. 
Sweetie Pie: Thought I suppose I ought to start to change how I see him... 
Makoto: I don't think that's exclusively necessary, but you're welcome to if you'd like to. 
Sweetie Pie: Hmm...! 
Sweetie Pie: You know how he was, at least once, a part of Akira?
Makoto: I do know. 
Sweetie Pie: Yes, well! Wouldn't that imply at one point, Akira was the Sandman? 
Makoto: I'm... not sure it's that literal. 
Sweetie Pie: But isn't a persona a reflection of your inner self? 
Sweetie Pie: I suppose I'm just wondering if an image of Akira would be sustainable as the Sandman...
Makoto: That's... 
Makoto: Even if it was true that he "was" the Sandman, like I said, I don't think he has that persona anymore. 
Makoto: So I don't think it would still be applicable. 
Sweetie Pie: Oh, yes...
Sweetie Pie: That is true... 
Sweetie Pie: I suppose I should be glad that Akira isn't snooping around in my dreams, then! 
Makoto: Yes, I'm glad too. 
Sweetie Pie: I don't think he'd like my dreams much, either... 
Sweetie Pie: Since they're a bit...! 
Sweetie Pie: Oh, you know. 
Makoto: Um. Alright.
Sweetie Pie: But you know, we should both be getting to sleep! 
Sweetie Pie: All this talk of the Sandman and dreams is a bit ironic, since we're staying up a bit past bedtime! 
Makoto: I guess so. 
Sweetie Pie: Then, I guess this is goodnight! 
Makoto: Sleep well. 
Sweetie Pie: Thank you! I hope you do as well!
Sweetie Pie: And I very much hope the Sandman does not take a peek into my dreams tonight, for his own sake! 
Makoto: ...I hope so too. 

 11:58 p.m.

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

A single Kira: hey Haru uh what the fuck does that mean

Chapter Text

Friday

3:19 p.m

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

Slime Propaganda changed Mommy’s Little Eff ’s name to Mommy’s Little Egg

Mommy’s Little Egg: why
Slime Propaganda: i mistyped egg as eff earlier and i thought it was funny
Mommy’s Little Egg: great
A single Kira: have you guys noticed that eggs are just objectively funny
Slime Propaganda: whatcha mean
A single Kira: like when you add eggs into anything it just gets funnier
Fox-In-Socks: Do you have an example?
A single Kira: like uh
A single Kira: like if you were to say ‘same’ its like yeah okay
A single Kira: but if you say ‘same egg’ thats humor right there
Slime Propaganda: Egg Propaganda
A single Kira: see thats fucking hilarious
Slime Propaganda: EGG BITCH KIN
A single Kira: Futaba you just get me
A single Kira: can you imagine being kin with eggs but exclusively eggs that are bitches
Slime Propaganda: i mean akechi is in the chat
Mommy’s Little Egg: he is totally gonna leave if u guys keep this up
Slime Propaganda: nah he likes us just a little bit
Fox-In-Socks: Is there not a Shakespearean quote that has to do with eggs?
A single Kira: shakespeare at it again with defining the norms of current day culture
Fox-In-Socks: His influence is certainly astounding.
Fox-In-Socks: I have had the chance to see professional productions of his plays. Remarkable, really.  
Slime Propaganda: ugh no more shakespeare
Slime Propaganda: eggs again
A single Kira: a midsummers night egg
Slime Propaganda: thin fuckin ice akira
Fox-In-Socks: I do suppose there is a certain appeal to eggs.
Mommy’s Little Egg: you guys what
A single Kira: the egg thieves
A single Kira: new rule we only steal eggs
Fox-In-Socks: If that is the case, I may never go hungry again.
A single Kira: and its law
Mommy’s Little Egg: man now i want eggs
Slime Propaganda: me too
Slime Propaganda: akira do you know how to make eggs good
A single Kira: just because i can make curry does not mean i am good at making literally anything else
A single Kira: though i can try
Fox-In-Socks: Perhaps we can all get together and make egg dishes.
A single Kira: as the leader can i morally allow us to use phantom thief funds to buy huge amounts of eggs
Slime Propaganda: yes
A single Kira: compelling argument
A single Kira: you know what i will think about it
Slime Propaganda: YES
A single Kira: eggs are like kind of cheap right
LesbiAnn: Akira you can't just buy eggs en masse with the budget!!
Slime Propaganda: ann dont come into the chat just to be a downer
A single Kira: okay but what if i make it phantom thief relevant
LesbiAnn: How
A single Kira: ......i will get back to you
LesbiAnn: Ugh
Slime Propaganda: i want an egg party
Slime Propaganda: you know ann theres lots of egg based sweets
Mommy’s Little Egg: whoa are we gonna be like actually cooking shit
Mommy’s Little Egg: i was thinking like a bunch of scrambled eggs
Slime Propaganda: ryuji if you want dozens of eggs worth of scrambled eggs then you are welcome to that
LesbiAnn: Hmm say we do this...we would need more ingredients wouldn’t we??
Slime Propaganda: haha got em
LesbiAnn: Oh hush you got me thinking about egg custard
A single Kira: everyone brainstorm egg dishes you want and send them to me im thinking of a plan
Slime Propaganda: hehehe this is gonna be fun
A single Kira: do it fast though because if we wait on this none of us are gonna wanna have an egg party later
Slime Propaganda: everyone scram before people with brain cells come and tell us not to do it
Fox-In-Socks: I will have to expand upon my current knowledge of egg-related food.
Slime Propaganda: scram!! scram i said!!
A single Kira: i will text you guys when ive figured stuff out
Slime Propaganda: GO

4:15 p.m.

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

Makoto: An egg party.
Makoto: Should I even ask?
Sweetie Pie: I think it sounds very cute!
Makoto: Maybe so, but what are we even celebrating?
Fox-In-Socks: Are the very existences of eggs not worthy enough to warrant a celebration?
Makoto: Yusuke, I hate to say this, but yes.
Sweetie Pie: It could be a nice break for all of us, don’t you think?
Makoto: There are other ways to take breaks than egg-themed parties.
Makoto: Why eggs?
Assigned Bitch Kin: I would say it’s more like an excuse to have a party rather than eggs being the main focus.
Fox-In-Socks: I’m not sure about that.
Fox-In-Socks: I, in the least, am quite intent on the egg aspect of the party.
Sweetie Pie: What kind of dish did you have in mind, Yusuke?
Fox-In-Socks: Deviled eggs.
Sweetie Pie: Oh! You hard boil those, don’t you?
Fox-In-Socks: Yes. Though, they are much more elaborate than simply hard boiled eggs.
Sweetie Pie: Have you ever painted on the shell of one? I’ve seen people make very elaborate designs!
Fox-In-Socks: I’ve never thought of that.
Sweetie Pie: It’s easier to paint them after their boiled, I think, because it’s more dense.
Sweetie Pie: And since it’s the shell, the inside of the egg is still edible!
Fox-In-Socks: I will have to bring my paints to the party.
Fox-In-Socks: The convex surface will provide an interesting challenge...
Makoto: If you’re making deviled eggs, don’t you have to peel them?
Makoto: The painting wouldn’t last, then.
Assigned Bitch Kin: I was thinking the same thing.
Sweetie Pie: Oh...
Fox-In-Socks: Ah...
Fox-In-Socks: Some art is only meant to be retained for very short amounts of time, I suppose.
Sweetie Pie: But we have cameras!
Fox-In-Socks: Yes! Of course!
Fox-In-Socks: I will have to find one with exceptional attention to detail to bring along with me.
Assigned Bitch Kin: You two make quite an interesting pair.
Sweetie Pie: ヾ(๑╹◡╹)ﾉ"
Fox-In-Socks: Thank you.
Makoto: I feel like that wasn’t a compliment.
A single Kira: guys i officially have a plan
Fox-In-Socks: I would like to hear it.
A single Kira: clear your saturday evening and sunday
Sweetie Pie: As in tomorrow?
A single Kira: yea
Makoto: Akira, wait.
Makoto: I’m not particularly against this, but I’m still not sure if we should be using our money on it.
Makoto: Unless you can make it relevant, we should try and make a separate budget and wait for a little longer.
A single Kira: no one will want an egg party later its now or never
A single Kira: and i do have a way of making it relevant
Makoto: And how is that?
A single Kira: eggs got protein
Makoto: Your argument is that eggs have protein.
A single Kira: we have to get strong somehow and the best way to that is a good diet filled with buff foods
Makoto: You cannot call it a diet if it’s only for one day.
A single Kira: think about all the strength youll get by just eating massive amounts of eggs
A single Kira: but only for three hours
Makoto: It doesn’t work like that, you know.
A single Kira: just a huge protein boost for one whole day
A single Kira: we could prove something we could make a theory out of this
Makoto: What is everyone else thinking about it?
Sweetie Pie: I don’t see the harm!
Fox-In-Socks: I am sure you’re aware that I am in support.
A single Kira: wbu Akechi
Assigned Bitch Kin: Well, your argument is wholly unconvincing.
Assigned Bitch Kin: Though I have yet to be a part of one of your notorious celebrations.
A single Kira: and everyone from before said yes but Makoto if you are like really really against it i will abstain
Makoto: Well...
Makoto: Like I said earlier, I’m not particularly against the idea.
Makoto: Akira, if you can find or have found a way that it fits into the budget, then I won’t object to it, especially if everyone else wants it.
Makoto: But please try to be sparing with your money. 
Slime Propaganda: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Slime Propaganda: EVERYONE STOP HIDING ITS EGG TIME
Fox-In-Socks: “Everyone” would be two people, wouldn’t it?
Mommy’s Little Egg: hey
LesbiAnn: I wasn’t really hiding...
Slime Propaganda: lies
A single Kira: okay awesome so everyone is here
A single Kira: so the plan is pretty simple we get together and we make egg things
A single Kira: once everyone sends me their recipes then i can go shopping and maybe assign ingredients to people cause Ann was right we need more than eggs
A single Kira: and while i don’t want or plan to exploit any of you some of ya have got some coin and can gimmie ingredients
Sweetie Pie: Okay!
Fox-In-Socks: Akira, a question.
A single Kira: whats up
Fox-In-Socks: Why is this a two day event?
A single Kira: dont worry im getting there
A single Kira: basically with the dishes you guys have sent me so far there have been a couple that are overnight ones
A single Kira: like that we have to refrigerate for a long time
A single Kira: so i thought. rather than have everyone come over at like 4 am
A single Kira: lets have our first official phantom thief sleepover
Slime Propaganda: WHAT
A single Kira: with an underlying egg theme
Slime Propaganda: i wanna do that so bad guys lets have an egg sleepover
LesbiAnn: A sleepover??
LesbiAnn: Where would we have it though??
A single Kira: thats what i wanna talk about actually
A single Kira: leblanc is way small for eight teenagers to be sleeping in and its an active cafe so i dont think we can do it here
A single Kira: like we could try but we couldnt do any cooking until Sojiro closed and also we'd have to get permission to even use the kitchen
Mommy’s Little Egg: my house isnt big enough either sorry bro
Slime Propaganda: aw i wanted to meet your mom
Slime Propaganda: anyway i could ask sojiro if we could have it here but idk he might be iffy especially since he like. lives in this house
Slime Propaganda: not that hed live anywhere else i just think he might already be sick of us cause we hang out at the cafe all the time lmao
A single Kira: what about everyone else
Fox-In-Socks: It would be impossible in my dorm room. I apologize.
A single Kira: that’s okay i didnt think we could in your dorm anyway
Slime Propaganda: oh so yusuke gets the “dont worry ur valid” talk but nothin for us
Slime Propaganda: what we just chopped liver huh
A single Kira: and what about it
Makoto: My sister wouldn’t want everyone over, and she works early mornings.
Makoto: Unless we time it to her schedule, it would probably be impossible. Especially on such short notice. 
LesbiAnn: We might be able to my house!!
LesbiAnn: Wait though but if my parents find out I had boys over they might get...suspicious
Sweetie Pie: Oh, my father might have the same issue :(
Slime Propaganda: aight so that leaves........
A single Kira: Akechi have i ever told you that you are one of my best friends and i love you so much and youre amazing
A single Kira: wonderful boy incredible boy talented boy
Assigned Bitch Kin: No.
Slime Propaganda: wait PLEASE your apartment would be perfect
A single Kira: i know you have a nice kitchen
Assigned Bitch Kin: Yes, but having everyone over at once is a little...
LesbiAnn: You know, Akira usually has all of us over at the same time in his bedroom...!!
Assigned Bitch Kin: That’s hardly the same thing.
Slime Propaganda: pleaaaaaase you live alone there’s nobody for us to bother
Fox-In-Socks: I’m sure we could all bring our own blankets as well, if you were concerned over that.
A single Kira: you can have half the leftovers
Sweetie Pie: Who gets the other half?
A single Kira: Yusuke
Slime Propaganda: normally id argue that but he is a little noodle
Assigned Bitch Kin: I don’t need a fridge full of eggs.
A single Kira: well then we will be nice and let Yusuke take them all it’s a win win situation
Fox-In-Socks: I do appreciate the thought, but I could never take all of everyone’s hard work simply for my own sake.
LesbiAnn: I want to say he was being sarcastic but I don’t really know
Slime Propaganda: pleaaaaaassssseeeee akechi you said you wanted to celebrate with usssss
Assigned Bitch Kin: I only said I’d never had a party with you all before.
Assigned Bitch Kin: Is there really no one else?
Slime Propaganda: itll be the most fun at ur house tho!!!!!!!!
Mommy’s Little Egg: maybe since ur hosting then he doesnt have to bring other stuff
A single Kira: great idea Ryuji
A single Kira: it’ll even save you money Akechi
Sweetie Pie: It could be a very nice group bonding experience!
Slime Propaganda: solidifying our friendship with the power of eggs
Assigned Bitch Kin: I’m just not sure I’m really that comfortable with it.
Mommy’s Little Egg: we arent gonna like vandalize your place
Assigned Bitch Kin: I’m aware of that, but…
Slime Propaganda: come onnn we can all watch movies together i bet ur tv is nice rich boy
Assigned Bitch Kin: I don’t exactly have any movies around.
LesbiAnn: I can bring some!! I bet your sound system is good too, huh!!!
Assigned Bitch Kin: Everyone, I don’t know.
A single Kira: okay listen if you really don’t want us to i will not force you to and we wont hold it against you
A single Kira: but i really mean it when i say i think this is something you’ll enjoy
Slime Propaganda: hey ill let u change ur name and i promise i won’t change it for at least like. a week
Makoto: How generous of you.
Assigned Bitch Kin: Would you let me think it over?
A single Kira: of course
Assigned Bitch Kin: Thank you.
A single Kira: alright and everyone please send me ur egg stuff soon
A single Kira: we are making this happen

Assigned Bitch Kin has signed off

LesbiAnn: Akira just so you know I can probably help bring the miscellaneous ingredients!!
A single Kira: sweet
A single Kira: before we go on for plans and assigning things though i want to get concrete answers on food and location so ill text you guys later
LesbiAnn: Oh okay
A single Kira: watch ur phones

—Direct Message: Sweetie Pie —> A single Kira—

Sweetie Pie: Akira, I may be able to convince my father at the very least to let everyone stay late.
Sweetie Pie: There are some tensions right now, especially as his trial is getting closer, but I'm sure we could figure something out! 
A single Kira: thats good to hear
A single Kira: though i really wanna try and have it at akechis
Sweetie Pie: It is convenient that he lives alone!
A single Kira: yeah but that isn’t all tho
Sweetie Pie: What do you mean?
A single Kira: idk like it started out as we need a party place and now im like Akechis growth as a person depends on us having this at his house
Sweetie Pie: Oh?
A single Kira: at first i thought he was just being himself you know
A single Kira: but when he said he wasnt comfortable it kinda tipped me off
A single Kira: like. has he ever had somebody over in his house before for actual personal reasons
Sweetie Pie: You may be right...
A single Kira: i think its less he doesnt want us over and more he doesnt know what to do if we do especially if its something overnight
A single Kira: and if we had it somewhere else i wouldnt be surprised if he left before the night ended and then just came back the next day
A single Kira: at his house tho he wouldnt have somewhere to go
A single Kira: this could be something very good for him but i don’t want to force him to have us over and have him stressing about it the whole time it is a delicate line
A single Kira: you said bonding experience earlier and literally had he had any of those before
A single Kira: sorry im rambling im just trying to put my thoughts together on this and you happened to text me
Sweetie Pie: No, I don’t mind! I agree with you, actually.
Sweetie Pie: I feel like he doesn't feel as integrated into the group as the rest of us...
Sweetie Pie: And I can understand such a sentiment, really. It felt a bit odd coming into a friend group that seemed already solidified when I first joined you all. 
Sweetie Pie: But now, it's lovely being together with everyone! I think he just needs to get over the initial hurdle. 
Sweetie Pie: And this could be a good time for that! 
A single Kira: yeah exactly
A single Kira: i dont wanna force it but i really want to like. make sure hes in here you know
A single Kira: i just hope hes gonna let us go over
Sweetie Pie: Me too.
A single Kira: anyway tho send me ur recipe
Sweetie Pie: Oh, yes!
Sweetie Pie: Has anyone chosen Eggs en Cocotte?
A single Kira: idk what that word means but no
Sweetie Pie: Hehe, okay! I’ll send you a link.
A single Kira: bless

5:15 p.m.

—Direct Message: Mommy’s Little Egg —> A single Kira—

Mommy’s Little Egg: ok seriously are u gonna be putting moves on yusuke tomorrow
A single Kira: when am i not putting the moves on Yusuke
Mommy’s Little Egg: ugh okay ill tell the squad
A single Kira: its nice knowing you guys have my back
Mommy’s Little Egg: yeah yeah
A single Kira: hey wait
Mommy’s Little Egg: huh
A single Kira: do you have a group chat or something for this that youre just not including me in
Mommy’s Little Egg: uh no
A single Kira: what then are you just individually texting everyone
A single Kira: every time
Mommy’s Little Egg: listen i didnt this would take u that long
Mommy’s Little Egg: i thought u would either get on with it or get over it but here we are
A single Kira: Ryuji i have to be positive he likes me back and it has to be the most romantic experience that ive ever had
Mommy’s Little Egg: and uh how many romantic experiences have you had so far
A single Kira: okay shut up
A single Kira: you dont know i could have five boyfriends rn and i could be just not telling you
Mommy’s Little Egg: so do u have five boyfriends akira
A single Kira: ...no
Mommy’s Little Egg: didnt think so man
A single Kira: boy i will date him eventually i just gotta be ready for it
A single Kira: i gotta be quick i gotta be sneaky
Mommy’s Little Egg: uh huh
Mommy’s Little Egg: you know dude i hate it when ur right and i hate that it happens so often
A single Kira: what do you mean
A single Kira: ?? hello

—Group Chat: Hurry tf up—

Mommy’s Little Egg created Hurry tf up

Mommy’s Little Egg added: A single Kira, LesbiAnn, Sweetie Pie, and Slime Propaganda to Hurry tf up

A single Kira: ohh is this what you meant
Slime Propaganda: is this about the egg recipes i already sent mine
Mommy’s Little Egg: no this is about akira just dating yusuke already
LesbiAnn: You’re being more actively supportive for this than I thought you would be Ryuji..
Mommy’s Little Egg: it wasnt my idea to make this chat
A single Kira: technically it wasnt mine either
Mommy’s Little Egg: you implied it tho
A single Kira: only a little bit
Sweetie Pie: Are you planning something big?
A single Kira: other than my upcoming egg stuff nope just the usual flirting
Slime Propaganda: ur sorry excuse for flirting you mean
A single Kira: my flirting is top class thank you very much
Mommy’s Little Egg: idk if u tried any of that with me id shut u down real fast
A single Kira: well you arent a sappy artist boy are you
Slime Propaganda: ryuji i like your choice of only putting incredibly stupid people in this chat
Slime Propaganda: no offense i mean this in jest
Slime Propaganda: and that certainly includes myself
Mommy’s Little Egg: akechi and makoto would never stay and yusuke isnt here for obvious reasons
Slime Propaganda: i dont like the implication ur making that yusuke isnt dumb as hell too
A single Kira: honestly no matter who you put here it would be a group chat full of dumbasses no one can win
A single Kira: but like. the good kind of dumbass
Slime Propaganda: yes yes of course of course
A single Kira: so Ann are you really bringing movies
LesbiAnn: Um yeah if you want me to!
A single Kira: great then Yusuke and i are going to cuddle and you guys WILL be letting this happen
LesbiAnn: How are you going to convince Yusuke to just cuddle you??
A single Kira: ah you guys are gonna panic at this
Mommy’s Little Egg: oh god what
A single Kira: i mean. we actually cuddle kind of often
LesbiAnn: WHAT
A single Kira: he thinks its platonically im sure
A single Kira: he gets cold
Mommy’s Little Egg: you just told me u werent sure if yusuke liked you back and now youre telling me you just cuddle sometimes
A single Kira: its cause hes cold dude
A single Kira: and its not like were cradling each other its more like mutually sharing warmth under a blanket
A single Kira: but tomorrow night. i will snuggle with him in the least friendly way i can muster
Slime Propaganda: that makes it sound like ur gonna beat him up
A single Kira: i will beat him up with the love in my heart
Slime Propaganda: blehhh
A single Kira: operation i wanna cuddle with Yusuke while watching miscellaneous movies start
LesbiAnn: Okay so I said I had movies but really I just have so many Barbie movies
LesbiAnn: Do you want me to bring them still
Slime Propaganda: are there any about eggs
LesbiAnn: Errr no.
Slime Propaganda: damn it barbie
A single Kira: bring whatever movies
A single Kira: hmm not horror though
Slime Propaganda: are....there horror barbie movies???
LesbiAnn: I feel like that is something I do not want to google.
Slime Propaganda: im gonna email mattel and demand they either make horror barbie or egg barbie
Slime Propaganda: tho i am really leaning towards egg 
Sweetie Pie: Akira, what kind of horror movies do you mean?
A single Kira: hm like blood guts gross axe murders that kind of stuff
A single Kira: thrillers are probably fine tho
Mommy’s Little Egg: whats with the horror ban
A single Kira: i dont want to be eating egg salad while watching someone get their innards ripped out my appetite is not that strong
Mommy’s Little Egg: ok good point
Slime Propaganda: im gonna bring humpty dumpty
Slime Propaganda: thats a horror movie for eggs
LesbiAnn: Are you sure we shouldn’t try to bring like romance??
LesbiAnn: Just considering that this is a chat dedicated to Akira dating Yusuke...
Slime Propaganda: Humpty Dumpty 2: Getting Steamy With Humpty
LesbiAnn: Ewwww
Sweetie Pie: Doesn’t Humpty Dumpty die in the end, though?
A single Kira: are you endorsing this movie idea
Slime Propaganda: okay fine Getting Steamy With Humpty Dumptys Hot Cousin Rumpty Plumpty
LesbiAnn: EWWWW
Slime Propaganda: an egg......with ass
A single Kira: Ryuji it really is good you didnt put Akechi or Makoto in the chat cause if you had they both would have left at that text
Slime Propaganda: EGGS GET PEGGED BABEY
Mommy’s Little Egg: this needs to stop before i permanently stop eating eggs bc of futaba
A single Kira: okay well basically bring movies tomorrow so i can have an incredibly gay night please
LesbiAnn: Pause!! Guys check the Phantom Thieves chat!!!
Slime Propaganda: !!!!!!!!!!
Slime Propaganda: YEEEESSS

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

Assigned Bitch Kin: So after genuine consideration, if there really isn’t anywhere else, we can spend the night in my apartment.
Assigned Bitch Kin: However, I do have two conditions.
Assigned Bitch Kin: First, despite the fact that I live alone, I do have neighbors. I would really rather not end up with a noise complaint, so please be thoughtful of that.
Assigned Bitch Kin: Second, my bedroom will be entirely off limits. I don’t mean to sound rude but do not go in there, please.
Assigned Bitch Kin: Other than that, as long as you are all okay with sleeping on the floor, you’re welcome over.
A single Kira: absolutely sounds good
Slime Propaganda: YEAAAAHHHH
Slime Propaganda: EGG!!!!!! EGG!!!!!!
LesbiAnn: Thank you Akechi!!
Fox-In-Socks: Yes, thank you.
Sweetie Pie: Should we still bring our own blankets?
Assigned Bitch Kin: Oh, I definitely don’t have enough for all of us.
Assigned Bitch Kin: So yes.
A single Kira: and you are 100% sure its ok
Assigned Bitch Kin: I am.
A single Kira: awesome
Slime Propaganda: i am only disappointed in that we will lose the gem that is assigned bitch kin

Assigned Bitch Kin changed his name to Akechi

Akechi: I won’t miss it.
A single Kira: Akechi do you have a recipe
Akechi: I’ll send it to you.
A single Kira: nice
A single Kira: with that we will have them all so i will go shopping tonight and send you guys your assignments after for the other things we need after
Makoto: Why don’t we just have one big shopping trip all together after school tomorrow?
A single Kira: because my brain is tiny and i didnt think about that
Makoto: We could even just pool the money at school and then just send a couple people out for the groceries.
Makoto: That way, we'd avoid making a big crowd, and everyone else would have time to get their necessities from their houses.
A single Kira: no heres my wig just take it
LesbiAnn: Akira’s brain turns to mush when we aren’t talking about fighting shadows or being overdramatic
A single Kira: :(
A single Kira: i have good grades though
A single Kira: and hey im not that overdramatic
Mommy’s Little Egg: tell that to ur backflips man
Slime Propaganda: and your evil laugh
A single Kira: i will admit that sometimes i get excited
Slime Propaganda: how were you ever a normal person
Slime Propaganda: would you find a deal at the supermarket and just cackle to yourself quietly
Slime Propaganda: the poor part timer whos just trying to organize his lettuce turns and sees this average teenager do a super villain laugh about finding half off celery
A single Kira: i wasnt /that/ bad
A single Kira: i can adhere by basic societal standards
Fox-In-Socks: I think finding deals at the store is certainly something worth getting excited over.
Fox-In-Socks: I may be guilty of politely giggling to myself in finding cut prices or sales.
LesbiAnn: When it comes to overdramatics in the general public I think Yusuke has Akira beat.
Slime Propaganda: so yusuke cannot go shopping with us bc i refuse to be humiliated
Makoto: I hope no one will get suspicious over teenagers buying several cartons of eggs...
Slime Propaganda: maybe we can hit up like seven different grocery stores and buy socially reasonable amounts of eggs at each one
A single Kira: k in actual news tho i think it would be better to pool money at school tomorrow and just have one or two people come so does anyone want to specifically join me
Sweetie Pie: I would probably be using a card to buy ingredients, so I should go in that case!
A single Kira: okay anyone else
A single Kira: its gonna be a lot to carry
Slime Propaganda: make mona carry it all
A single Kira: oh yeah with his super buff cat arms
Slime Propaganda: heave ho
Mommy’s Little Egg: ill go with u guys
Mommy’s Little Egg: i might be able to get my mom to drive us around cause saturdays her day off
Slime Propaganda: FUCK SHIT FUCK LET ME COME TOO
A single Kira: all full
Mommy’s Little Egg: her car is super small idk if we could fit four of us plus like tons of eggs
Slime Propaganda: NOOOOOOOOOO
Slime Propaganda: LET ME MEET YOUR MOM COWARD!!!!!
Mommy’s Little Egg: man why are u so set on meeting my mom
Slime Propaganda: she is a legend
Mommy’s Little Egg: all she did was give us oranges that one time
Slime Propaganda: which is legend worthy
Slime Propaganda: :(((((
Makoto: I’m sure there will come a time where we can all meet his mother.
Makoto: And Futaba, it isn’t like we’re sure she can actually drive them.
Slime Propaganda: waaaaaahhhhh
A single Kira: youre like a very sad waluigi
Slime Propaganda: waahhhh fuck u luigi waaahhhh i want to meet ryujis legend mom waahhhh
Akechi: Oh, one other thing.
Akechi: While I do some... basic cooking, I don’t have obscenely large amounts of dishware and the like.
Akechi: So some people may have to bring some pots and pans and bowls.
Slime Propaganda: this is so much more planning than i thought there would be
Slime Propaganda: im doing like nothing and im already tired
Makoto: I can bring some.
Makoto: I’ll need them back, though.
Akechi: Of course.
Makoto: Do you need more bowls or pots?
Akechi: For this particular activity, I think bowls would be best.
Makoto: Okay.
Makoto: Is there anything else you'd need?
Akechi: Perhaps something to mix with? 
Slime Propaganda: looking at you two interact with your normal names and grammatically correct writing is like watching people send academic emails about the joys of watching beige paint dry
Slime Propaganda: have either of you ever heard having fun its really cool and it makes you not a total square
A single Kira: god i wish there was a dabbing emoji
Slime Propaganda: (/,_) /
A single Kira: wow that was incredibly weak
LesbiAnn: He looks so sad...
Slime Propaganda: i TRIED
LesbiAnn: Why is his arm inside his head??
Slime Propaganda: cause cause you cross ur arm you know
Slime Propaganda: like over ur face
LesbiAnn: But then isn’t his eye on the wrong side???
Slime Propaganda: leave me aloneeeeee
Slime Propaganda: i was in the middle of trying to insult our very close friends
A single Kira: (/_.)/
Slime Propaganda: listen bitch thats hardly better
LesbiAnn: Well, his looks less sad though
Slime Propaganda: you guys are gonna make waluigi start crying again if you keep this up
A single Kira: what a text that would be to read without context
Sweetie Pie: I can also bring some utensils, Akechi-kun!
Akechi: Oh, in that case, we probably won’t need anyone else but you two to bring anything.
Slime Propaganda: dont ignore me reply to my insult
Slime Propaganda: the waluigi tear gates are about to burst open with the force of a billion wahs
A single Kira: its great how you will just say things
Mommy’s Little Egg: why are we even talking about waluigi
A single Kira: alright guys i gotta go compile a list so see you tomorrow
LesbiAnn: See you!
Sweetie Pie: Thank you for organizing everything like this!
Slime Propaganda: if you need help don’t come to me i will probably make it worse

A single Kira has signed off

Slime Propaganda: now comes the hard part of me convincing sojiro to let me spend the night at a boys house
Makoto: Make sure you tell him there will be girls over too.
LesbiAnn: I am just gonna not even mention this to my parents
Slime Propaganda: maybe i can just pretend im gonna be at anns
Mommy’s Little Egg: no say haru or makoto
Mommy’s Little Egg: ann cant act for shit and we all know it and if he asks then ur fucked
LesbiAnn: Rude!!!
Slime Propaganda: very good point ryuji
Slime Propaganda: haru conspire with me
Sweetie Pie: Hehe, only because I will probably have to use a similar tactic!
Slime Propaganda: i feel bad but not bad enough to compromise my egg night
Fox-In-Socks: I realize this is unrelated, but,
Fox-In-Socks: Does anyone own a nice camera?
LesbiAnn: Omg are you still on that from earlier
Fox-In-Socks: I would like to try out the practice. I believe it will be fulfilling to paint on such an unconventional surface.
Slime Propaganda: haha like that instagram makeup egg
Slime Propaganda: do you remember that bad boy
LesbiAnn: UGH I hate that thing
LesbiAnn: It’s so unsettling!!
Fox-In-Socks: I came across an image while I was researching egg decorations.
Fox-In-Socks: It is slightly gaudy for my tastes, however the talent of the artist is apparent.
Slime Propaganda: isnt it funny
Fox-In-Socks: Yes.
Slime Propaganda: THATS rumpty plumpty
LesbiAnn: Oh my god shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fox-In-Socks: What?
LesbiAnn: Ugh absolutely nothing
Makoto: This is one of those cases where I think it would be better not to ask.
Slime Propaganda: wumpty pwumpty
LesbiAnn: Okay bye!

LesbiAnn has signed off

Slime Propaganda: ah.......... the power i hold

10:02 p.m.

—Direct Message: Fox-In-Socks —> A single Kira—

Fox-In-Socks: Akira, I hope this doesn’t put a hindrance in your plans, but I simply cannot fit it into my monthly budget to donate any for the party tomorrow.
A single Kira: no no thats fine
A single Kira: honestly i was not expecting you to dont worry about it
Fox-In-Socks: Is there anything else I can bring?
Fox-In-Socks: I feel as if I am the only one who isn’t helping somehow.
A single Kira: it isnt a big deal i swear don’t sweat it
Fox-In-Socks: You say that, but I do not want to live off of everyone’s generosity. It feels very wrong not to contribute.
Fox-In-Socks: Like I am reaping rewards I have not earned.
A single Kira: well i can confirm none of us are thinking that but i do understand where youre coming from
Fox-In-Socks: My resources are very limited, but if you can think of anything I shall bring it.
A single Kira: what if instead of bringing something you do something instead
Fox-In-Socks: Like what?
A single Kira: cleanup maybe? something like that
A single Kira: we just dont really need things that arent bought
Fox-In-Socks: I thought that may be the case.
Fox-In-Socks: Do you think cleanup would be enough?
A single Kira: i wouldnt have suggested it if i didnt
A single Kira: theres gonna be lots of stuff and im sure Akechi will really appreciate it
Fox-In-Socks: I think I will do that, then.
Fox-In-Socks: Thank you for your advice.
A single Kira: i am here to help
Fox-In-Socks: You always do, Akira.

12:25 a.m

—Direct Message: A single Kira —> LesbiAnn—

A single Kira: Yusuke sent me one (1) little message that probably means nothing but i have been staring at it for like two hours i have it so bad i have it so so so so so so so so so so bad so so so so SO so so so SOSOSOSO bad
A single Kira: like a four word long text but i could feel the sentiment in my BONES
A single Kira: I know all i do is hype up all the perfectly normal things he says but jesus i wanna date him really bad and have him say nice things to me!!!
A single Kira: :(((((((((((((((( hes a good boy Ann
A single Kira: also how bad is it whenever he says my name my heart rate goes up ungodly amounts
A single Kira: a bpm fitting for a skrillex album
A single Kira: he said i always help him Ann!!!!!! isnt that the same as saying hes in love with me
A single Kira: i should go to bed
A single Kira: ignore these im embarrassed now
A single Kira: goodnight

 4:23 a.m.

—Direct Message: LesbiAnn —> A single Kira —

LesbiAnn: Go to sleep you big gay idiot

Chapter Text

Saturday

9:11 a.m.

—Group Chat: The Shujin Thieves—

A single Kira: everyone find me at lunch
A single Kira: i wanna get this show on the road as fast as possible after school
Makoto: Where should we meet you?
A single Kira: hmmm im thinkin the roof
A single Kira: idk how suspicious it will look for all of u to be just giving me money but id rather avoid the conflict
Sweetie Pie: Hehe, I wonder if the teachers would believe us if we said it was for an egg party?
Mommy’s Little Egg: oh guys btw my mom said ok
Mommy’s Little Egg: about driving us and stuff she said she would pick us up
A single Kira: lmao dont tell Futaba
LesbiAnn: Where would we be without your mom haha
A single Kira: a dark dark place
Mommy’s Little Egg: she is a nice lady why are you guys so mean
A single Kira: dude you have it backwards
A single Kira: i havent even met your mom and i would already die for her
Mommy’s Little Egg: wtf
A single Kira: damn does anyone have a comb i gotta make a good first impression
LesbiAnn: Do you really want one??
A single Kira: i look like a rat
Sweetie Pie: Maybe that’s why Mona-chan likes you so much!
A single Kira: silver linings
LesbiAnn: Wouldn’t that logic mean that Morgana is out to kill Akira always...
LesbiAnn: Can you call that a friendship
A single Kira: now im not implying this is our relationship but there is something that can be said about the homoerotic subtext of tom and jerry
LesbiAnn: NO there is not!!
LesbiAnn: God I hate you
A single Kira: all im saying is that theres a very thin line between obsession and infatuation
LesbiAnn: If I give you my brush will you shush!
A single Kira: :) yes
LesbiAnn: Ugh
A single Kira: do you only have a brush or do you have a comb
A single Kira: brushes make my hair all poofy
Mommy’s Little Egg: ur hair is already poofy man
A single Kira: but like. really super poofy
Sweetie Pie: That sounds cute!
LesbiAnn: Unfortunately for you but fortunately for all of us I only have a brush with me
A single Kira: im gonna look like i got struck by lightning
A single Kira: you know what ill keep the rat look
Sweetie Pie: Oh, I wanted to see your extra fluffy hair...
A single Kira: i cannot go outside looking like a feral rabbit people cant see me like that
Mommy’s Little Egg: u know my mom isnt gonna care either way
Makoto: Akira, I’m curious about something.
A single Kira: yo
Sweetie Pie: How rare of you to text in class, Mako-chan!
Makoto: I have free time.
Makoto: And you’re all keeping my phone busy, anyway. It’s a little distracting.
A single Kira: whats your question
Makoto: About how many eggs are you planning to buy today?
A single Kira: lol more than you think
LesbiAnn: Oh my god how many eggs do we need??
A single Kira: okay before i tell you guys you gotta understand that these are all egg based recipes and there are nine of you
A single Kira: so I had to make sure that each of your individual dishes would feed all nine of us
Mommy’s Little Egg: dude oh no
A single Kira: wait fuck i forgot to ask everyone about food allergies
LesbiAnn: Um does that matter right now
LesbiAnn: You have me on the edge of my seat here!!
A single Kira: well we would have to change recipes and then the number would be off
A single Kira: i will just text everyone
A single Kira: if you do tell me in that chat guys
LesbiAnn: Ughhh
 
—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

A single Kira: real fast do any of you have food allergies
A single Kira: i would rather not kill any of you tonight
Slime Propaganda: what if i just said i was allergic to eggs what would you do
A single Kira: tell you to starve i guess
Slime Propaganda: egg substitutes exist
A single Kira: not when 3/4 of the dishes have egg in the name they dont
Makoto: Akira, I have an incredibly minor allergy to shellfish, but it isn’t anything to be worried about.
A single Kira: are salmon shellfish
Slime Propaganda: wh no
Slime Propaganda: do you think salmon have shells akira
A single Kira: checking
A single Kira: but great then we are golden
LesbiAnn: Who’s recipe uses salmon??
A single Kira: Morgana wants salmon omelettes
Mommy’s Little Egg: figures
A single Kira: anyone. else tho.
Slime Propaganda: i was lying so its a no from me
A single Kira: can everyone just tell me yes or no so i know if youve like read it
LesbiAnn: None that I can think of
Makoto: Just the shellfish for me.
Slime Propaganda: can cats eat eggs
A single Kira: oh great
Mommy’s Little Egg: im good man
Sweetie Pie: I am also okay! :)
A single Kira: thank god google says yes for cats
LesbiAnn: Can Morgana have allergies though?
LesbiAnn: Like he is a cat but he is also. Like not a cat? He talks.
A single Kira: Morgana being sentient probably doesnt have much to do with his digestive system
LesbiAnn: Alright but he can also turn into a car!
LesbiAnn: Can cars have eggs??
A single Kira: alright im seeing your point
A single Kira: but better safe than sorry
Slime Propaganda: can cars have eggs is a hidden gem
Slime Propaganda: it sounds like youre asking if a car can lay an egg sjsjdjfkdksk
A single Kira: a public debate about the reproductive system of cars
Slime Propaganda: do cars nurture their young
Slime Propaganda: are there car orphans
LesbiAnn: Stop right there I am not letting Futaba get any more ideas
Fox-In-Socks: I don’t have any allergies.
Mommy’s Little Egg: why do i feel like akechi is always last to reply to these things
Slime Propaganda: its the superiority complex
A single Kira: Futaba be nice or he will kick us out
Slime Propaganda: fineeeee i take it back
Slime Propaganda: but only for two days
Sweetie Pie: Usually I think it’s either Akechi-kun or Mako-chan who tend to answer last...
A single Kira: busy bees
Mommy’s Little Egg: well he better hurry up bc i wanna know the egg numbers
Slime Propaganda: ???
A single Kira: different chat
LesbiAnn: He was going to tell us how many eggs we need to buy
LesbiAnn: And he was amping it up but then he needed to make sure no one had allergies so the recipes didn’t change
Slime Propaganda: what then fuck akechi lets get these eggs
Slime Propaganda: i bet hes fine
A single Kira: you are gonna find out eventually its only a matter of when
Slime Propaganda: can i make a guess
A single Kira: hmmm yes but only one
Slime Propaganda: fine then you have to tell me higher or lower
A single Kira: sure
Slime Propaganda: 50
A single Kira: wrong
A single Kira: higher
Slime Propaganda: SHIT
Sweetie Pie: Can we all guess?
A single Kira: no cause it is subject to change
Makoto: So you’re saying that despite if Akechi has an allergy, you still think it will be over 50 eggs?
A single Kira: yeah you could say it like that
LesbiAnn: Sheesh that’s a lot
LesbiAnn: Was this a good idea after all...
Fox-In-Socks: 50 eggs...
Fox-In-Socks: Aside from a grocer, or perhaps a farm, I don’t believe I have ever been in a room with that many all at once.
Fox-In-Socks: Though I’ve never been to a farm.
Mommy’s Little Egg: uh
Mommy’s Little Egg: i get the feeling no one has
Mommy’s Little Egg: i mean about the eggs
Sweetie Pie: At least not in this particular group chat!
A single Kira: is there like a world record for that
Slime Propaganda: im gonna say no
LesbiAnn: What would the parameters even be for something like that
Slime Propaganda: one man. 50 eggs.
A single Kira: i looked it up
A single Kira: so there isnt one for a person in the general facility for eggs
A single Kira: but there is one for most eggs put in a cup and blown upside down in one minute
Slime Propaganda: WWHHHHHHHHWWHAT
LesbiAnn: ?!?
A single Kira: so thats something
A single Kira: some food for thought
Fox-In-Socks: Eggs for thought, perhaps.
A single Kira: yes.
Slime Propaganda: hellooooo don’t leave me hanging whats the record
A single Kira: oh yeah uhh
A single Kira: 67
A single Kira: he beat the previous record which was 49
LesbiAnn: Weird
Mommy’s Little Egg: why is that a record
Slime Propaganda: well that dude has us beat on being in a room with lots of eggs
A single Kira: not for long
Slime Propaganda: oh WAIT hold up
Slime Propaganda: so we need more than 67 eggs is what youre telling me
A single Kira: uh huh
Slime Propaganda: AKECHI please join the chat and tell us if you are easily poisoned
Mommy’s Little Egg: yeah futaba like thats gonna get him to join
Akechi: Excuse me?
Slime Propaganda: WOOOOOO HOOOOOO FUTABA SAKURA DOES IT AGAIN
Mommy’s Little Egg: aw man really
Akechi: Easily poisoned...?
A single Kira: read up we need to know if you have any food allergies
A single Kira: youre the last one
Akechi: Oh, sorry.
Akechi: No, I don’t. At least that I can remember.
Akechi: I only noticed everyone was talking about eggs again, so I figured it wasn’t anything important. I didn’t realize you were waiting on me.
LesbiAnn: So now Akira pleeeeeease tell us how many eggs
A single Kira: alright well
A single Kira: nine egg dishes each serving nine
A single Kira: brings us to the grand total of......
Slime Propaganda: doki doki
A single Kira: 111 eggs
A single Kira: little less than 10 cartons
Slime Propaganda: WHAT
Fox-In-Socks: My.
LesbiAnn: 111???
LesbiAnn: As in one hundred and eleven eggs??
A single Kira: yep
Mommy’s Little Egg: no way dude
A single Kira: way
Slime Propaganda: YOU JUST GONNA WALK OUT OF THE STORE WITH 111 EGGS
Akechi: I may have to clean out my fridge after all.
Sweetie Pie: How did you get that number?
A single Kira: well from the recipes
Mommy’s Little Egg: explain
A single Kira: so none of you care about me getting an education huh
LesbiAnn: Please you hardly care about getting an education and you’re top of the class
A single Kira: fair
A single Kira: well the big ones were from Yusuke Haru and Morgana all with 18 eggs
A single Kira: and then Ryujis needed 14
Slime Propaganda: wait tell us the recipes too
A single Kira: yeah i will at the end
A single Kira: Ann and Makoto both needed 12 eggs
A single Kira: Futaba needs 10
A single Kira: mine needs 6 and Akechi needs 3
A single Kira: just addition from there
Slime Propaganda: wait i got 63
Slime Propaganda: NEVER MIND i got confused
A single Kira: yeah 
A single Kira: and then the recipes im just gonna copy paste
A single Kira:
Yusuke: deviled eggs
Haru: eggs en cottocte or whatever
Ryuii: egg salad sandwiches
Futaba: sausage egg casserole*
Ann: eggcustard*
Me: vietnamese egg coffee
Makoto: breakfast egg muffins
Akechi: vanilla merainang ????? cookies
Morgana: salmon omttlettes
LesbiAnn: Nice spelling
A single Kira: quiet i was very sleepy when i made this list
Akechi: Interesting that omelette now has four T’s.
A single Kira: shut
Slime Propaganda: why do some of them have the little dudes next to them
Slime Propaganda: also the fuck is egg coffee
A single Kira: that just means they have to be refrigerated and it is exactly what it sounds like
Sweetie Pie: Egg muffins sound very tasty!
Slime Propaganda: haha ryuii
A single Kira: it was very early in the a.ms let me beeeee
Mommy’s Little Egg: how late were u up bro
LesbiAnn: Very.
LesbiAnn: He was up very late.
Slime Propaganda: lmao
A single Kira: she was up too
A single Kira: not much sleep between the two of us
Slime Propaganda: dont fall asleep drinkin ur weird eggy coffee
A single Kira: the point of coffee is to wake you up
A single Kira: until i can drink said coffee is the real danger zone
LesbiAnn: That goes for both of us, unfortunately...

 —Direct Message: A single Kira —> LesbiAnn—

 A single Kira: so while im aware we are supposed to be maintaining our reputations and overall act as good students i have a proposition for you
LesbiAnn: Oh god what
A single Kira: after lunch you wanna skip gym and nap
LesbiAnn: You want to skip??
A single Kira: yea
A single Kira: its like the one and only perfect time
LesbiAnn: ...well I will admit I’m tempted
LesbiAnn: Where would we go though??
A single Kira: the roof probably
A single Kira: dont worry kawakami owes me i bet i can pull some strings and itll be fine
LesbiAnn: You’re sure??
A single Kira: uh huh
A single Kira: pleaaaaase im sleepy but i dont really want to go by myself
LesbiAnn: Fine
LesbiAnn: But in exchange do not ever tell me why our actual teacher owes you a favor to that extent...???
A single Kira: yeah you dont really wanna know
LesbiAnn: Great
A single Kira: i dont think ive ever looked forward to gym more than this precise moment
A single Kira: god Morgana has it easy he can just sleep in my desk
LesbiAnn: What I wouldn’t give to just sleep all day!!!
A single Kira: im gonna make him be our lookout
LesbiAnn: What does he usually do during gym??
A single Kira: idk fuck around
A single Kira: just don’t tell Makoto cause she wont let us
A single Kira: i love her. but she will beat me up
LesbiAnn: She’ll beat both of us up!!
A single Kira: i guess then we would be in the nurses office which would also work to our advantage
LesbiAnn: I don’t know about you but I think the whole being beat up thing makes your plan fall flat
A single Kira: sounds like something a quitter says
A single Kira: but really after everyone has given me the money lets just chill up there
A single Kira: actually. you join me later. Makoto will be there and at least i can act
LesbiAnn: Shut up!!!
LesbiAnn: :( Okay.
A single Kira: then sounds like we have a plan
LesbiAnn: You better be right about Kawakami-sensei...

 3:16 p.m.

—Direct Message: Mommy’s Little Egg —> A single Kira—

Mommy’s Little Egg: yo where are u
Mommy’s Little Egg: haru and i met up
Mommy’s Little Egg: hellooo man
A single Kira: oh fuck
Mommy’s Little Egg: what
A single Kira: i fucked up
Mommy’s Little Egg: uh everything ok???
A single Kira: yeah one sec
Mommy’s Little Egg: whats happening
Mommy’s Little Egg: do u need help
A single Kira: where are you and Haru
A single Kira: no im fine
Mommy’s Little Egg: we r in front of the school
A single Kira: okay ill be there soon
Mommy’s Little Egg: duuude happened tho
A single Kira: i was asleep
Mommy’s Little Egg: huh is that all
Mommy’s Little Egg: i fall asleep in class all the time
A single Kira: no me and Ann skipped gym after lunch to nap but then we just stayed asleep
Mommy’s Little Egg: lmao seriously
A single Kira: pray we don’t run into any teachers on the way down
A single Kira: ah shit my hair
A single Kira: your mom is going to think im a crazy person
Mommy’s Little Egg: ur hair is always messy im sure its fine
A single Kira: Ryuji i want you to know that i am the very definition of pretentious dishevelment
A single Kira: i have standards
Mommy’s Little Egg: ...right
A single Kira: and my hair was already teetering on the edge of too sloppy today but it just took a leap of faith
A single Kira: straight down into the realm of cavemans what not to wear
Mommy’s Little Egg: god you say some weird shit
A single Kira: im getting the brush and going with the fluffy this is ridiculous
A single Kira: Ann is laughing at meeeeee
Mommy’s Little Egg: i tell ya my mom wont care
A single Kira: you dont understand my hair is plastered to the side of my head
A single Kira: this is the only way
Mommy’s Little Egg: jeez just be fast alright
A single Kira: i could never keep your mom waiting
 
3:32 p.m.

Mommy’s Little Egg: where
A single Kira: on my way sorry
A single Kira: i was hiding in a bathroom
Mommy’s Little Egg: how long does it take to go down three flights of stairs
A single Kira: what about hiding in a bathroom do you not understand
A single Kira: there were teachers everywhere
Mommy’s Little Egg: u skipped to nap right
A single Kira: yeah
Mommy’s Little Egg: why were u up so late in the first place
A single Kira: i was being gay about Yusuke
Mommy’s Little Egg: bruh for that long
A single Kira: you underestimate me
A single Kira: what the heck where are you im at the gate
A single Kira: ah nvm i see Haru
Mommy’s Little Egg: see ya in a sec then
A single Kira: yep

4:43 p.m.

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

Akechi: When will everyone be coming over?
LesbiAnn: Er I’m already on my way.
Akechi: Just let me know when you arrive so I can buzz you in.
Slime Propaganda: can you send me ur address again i didnt read it the first time and now its lost in the sauce
Akechi: Sure.
Fox-In-Socks: I too am on my way.
Slime Propaganda: what about our egg folks how are they doing
Slime Propaganda: oh my god i had a prime opportunity to say egg yolks just then and i didnt
Slime Propaganda: im a fucking fool
A single Kira: yeah we might be a hot second
A single Kira: we are getting mostly close to being done but we all also need to pick up our stuff from our homes
Slime Propaganda: god why does grocery shopping take forever
Fox-In-Socks: Bargain hunting can be quite a challenge.
A single Kira: the big problem is that my list is taking us all over the place cause i have no concept of what things are next to each other
Sweetie Pie: But we really are almost finished!
Akechi: About how much is there?
A single Kira: lots but not all of it needs to be refrigerated
A single Kira: also im assuming you own salt and pepper
Akechi: I do have that.
Akechi: Though overall, I really hope I have enough space for everything.
Slime Propaganda: i am not against cooking on the floor
LesbiAnn: Yuck Futaba!!
Slime Propaganda: we wouldnt put the food there just like mixing stuff while sitting on the ground
Slime Propaganda: do i look like an animal
Fox-In-Socks: Arguably.
Slime Propaganda: grrrrrrr watch ur back tonight bub
Mommy’s Little Egg: hey u guys wanna see somethin funny
Slime Propaganda: sure

Mommy’s Little Egg sent an attachment: “he_fluffy.jpeg”

Slime Propaganda: WHOA POOFY
A single Kira: Ryuji where are you so I can slaughter you
Sweetie Pie: Isn’t it cute!
Sweetie Pie: I was very excited to see that he decided to brush it after all.
Slime Propaganda: it gives you like two more inches
Slime Propaganda: you could stick balloons to ur head with that static
Fox-In-Socks: It looks incredibly fluffy.
A single Kira: im so mad i was gonna try and wet it down and comb it out when i grabbed my stuff from leblanc
Slime Propaganda: you gotta come here like that now it looks SOFT
A single Kira: no
Slime Propaganda: i wanna pet
A single Kira: too bad its not gonna happen
Slime Propaganda: o rly
Slime Propaganda: yusuke dont you think it looks soft
Fox-In-Socks: ?
Fox-In-Socks: Yes. I just said so.
A single Kira: nooo dont do this to me
Slime Propaganda: yeah and dont you wanna feeeeeeel it
Slime Propaganda: for......art purposes
Fox-In-Socks: Well, often it does help to touch a texture firsthand to be able to draw it properly
Fox-In-Socks: So I suppose so.
Slime Propaganda: uh huh
A single Kira: Futaba i HATE u
Slime Propaganda: :D
A single Kira: wait a second
Slime Propaganda: what

—Direct Message: A single Kira —> LesbiAnn—

 A single Kira: did Yusuke just say he wanted to paint my hair
LesbiAnn: Oh my god
LesbiAnn: Yeah. Yeah he did
A single Kira: cool im going to implode

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

A single Kira: never mind
Slime Propaganda: thats suspicious!!!!!
A single Kira: no its not anyway i gotta go i think i see a blond boy that i need to take out
Slime Propaganda: wait just a second fucker

A single Kira has signed off

Slime Propaganda: he never listens to me
Fox-In-Socks: With good reason, I think.
Slime Propaganda: you are an awful boy did you know that
LesbiAnn: Akechi I’m here!
Akechi: Okay. Just a minute.
Makoto: I’m probably going to be a little late. Sorry everyone.
Sweetie Pie: Did something happen?
Makoto: I just needed to finish some things for student council.
Makoto: But I lost track of time.
Slime Propaganda: lol i havent even asked sojiro yet ur doing better than i am
Sweetie Pie: Futaba-chan, oh no!
Slime Propaganda: psh ill be fine
Fox-In-Socks: I feel as if this situation should not be depleted by a “psh.”
Slime Propaganda: p
Slime Propaganda: s
Slime Propaganda: h
Slime Propaganda: bitch
LesbiAnn: Guys Akechi’s apartment is so nice!!
Akechi: Oh, don’t get everyone’s hopes up.
Akechi: It’s average.
Slime Propaganda: sounds like something a rich person would say
Akechi: I mean it. It’s really nothing special.
Slime Propaganda: when i get there if i see that its really fancy i WILL kill you
Akechi: If you get here, that is.
Slime Propaganda: what the are you threatening me
Sweetie Pie: I think he means how you haven’t asked the boss if you can spend the night...
Slime Propaganda: OH ahabjsndnfnfj
Slime Propaganda: i was sitting here like i guess akechi is gonna come murder me
Fox-In-Socks: I have arrived.
Akechi: Okay.
Slime Propaganda: god i keep getting confused idk why i thought that was directed at me
Slime Propaganda: like that yusuke was here at my own house
Slime Propaganda: like as akechis hitman for my murder or someth
Mommy’s Little Egg: he literally said he was on his way to his house
Slime Propaganda: i was. CONFUSED
Slime Propaganda: soooooooo hey haru can i still use you for a cover story
Sweetie Pie: Of course!
Sweetie Pie: Are you going to ask him now?
Slime Propaganda: yea
Slime Propaganda: wish me luck lads

Slime Propaganda has signed off

Makoto: She really needs to stop putting things off until the last minute.
Makoto: Though I could say that about most of you.
Sweetie Pie: We are at the checkout!
LesbiAnn: How long do you think you’ll be?
Sweetie Pie: Hmm until we get there?
Sweetie Pie: I think an hour at the most.
LesbiAnn: Can everyone else get here before then??
Makoto: I can.
Sweetie Pie: It’s only Futaba-chan after that...
LesbiAnn: I hope he says yes
Mommy’s Little Egg: goddamn all this is gonna take a couple trips to get into ur apartment
Akechi: You’re all making me nervous with how much you say there is.
LesbiAnn: He’s exaggerating!! I’m sure we can fit it all his kitchen is pretty big!!
Akechi: Well, there’s the fitting it all, and there’s getting everything up here in the first place.
Akechi: I do live on a higher floor.
Akechi: I really hope we don’t disturb my neighbors on our way up...
Mommy’s Little Egg: is this like ur passive aggressive way of telling us to be quiet while we r going up
Akechi: I hardly think that was aggressive.
Akechi: I can’t help from being a little wary of a group of teenagers going up and down through the building.
LesbiAnn: Alright that does make sense...
Slime Propaganda: guess which bitch is back from receiving permission after lying to the face of her caretaker in order to have an egg party extravaganza
Slime Propaganda: its a me
Fox-In-Socks: Could you not have said eggstravaganza?
Slime Propaganda: FUCK
Sweetie Pie: That was fast!
Slime Propaganda: yeah i gave him the puppy dog eyes
Slime Propaganda: man how did i miss eggstravaganza
Makoto: Can you be at Akechi’s house in an hour, Futaba?
Slime Propaganda: ohhhhhh shit
Makoto: ?
Slime Propaganda: i just realized
Slime Propaganda: i dont wanna.....,,,,,,,..go on a train alone
LesbiAnn: Oh jeez
LesbiAnn: Can anyone pick her up???
Mommy’s Little Egg: uhhhh we arent gonna have like any room left in the car and we still gotta get our sleeping stuff
Slime Propaganda: hnnnnrrgggggggggggg
Slime Propaganda: i cant ask sojiro bc then he will know i lieeeeeedddd
Makoto: Futaba, I can pick you up.
Makoto: I don’t have anything like a car, but we can ride the train together.
LesbiAnn: Go Makoto!!
Slime Propaganda: ohhhhhhhhhh are u sure tho arent i outta the way
Makoto: Only a little. I don’t mind.
Slime Propaganda: wellllllll then okie dokie
Slime Propaganda: ty sorry im a wimpy wimp
Makoto: You're fine. 
Sweetie Pie: When do you think you’ll be at Akechi-kun's, then?
Makoto: If I get going now, still before an hour is up.
Makoto: Though, it will be close.
Sweetie Pie: Hehe, we will try take our time then!

5:33 p.m.

—Direct Message: Makoto —> Slime Propaganda—

Makoto: Futaba, I’m just about there.
Slime Propaganda: okokok im almost done packing
Slime Propaganda: also. u gotta keep a SECRET
Makoto: Is it about how you’re “spending the night at Haru’s?"
Slime Propaganda: well okay then two secrets
Slime Propaganda: pls dont tell sojiro he thinks we havin a girls night
Makoto: What's the other, then?
Slime Propaganda: ehhhehhheh
Slime Propaganda: soooooo i need ur help hiding these cause they wont fit in my bag but....,.
Slime Propaganda: i may have a few dr seuss books i plan to bring for a certain lobster kin
Makoto: I forgot all about that.
Slime Propaganda: i will NOT let this die
Slime Propaganda: pls keep it a secret until i make my dramatic reveal tho
Makoto: I don’t know why I was telling myself this would be an uneventful night.
Makoto: I’m here.
Slime Propaganda: yooo ill be right out!!!!!!!

6:12 p.m.

—Direct Message: Sweetie Pie —> Akechi—

Sweetie Pie: Hello! We are here!
Akechi: Ah okay. I’ll buzz you all in.
Akechi: There you go.
Sweetie Pie: Thank you! :)
Akechi: It’s no problem.
Sweetie Pie: Oh, and Akira and Ryuji say not to send anyone down.
Akechi: What?
Sweetie Pie: For the groceries!
Akechi: Are there not very many...?
Sweetie Pie: Oh no, there are lots.
Sweetie Pie: But, they say they are going to do it all in one trip!
Akechi: Um, I’d prefer they don’t do that, actually.
Sweetie Pie: They’ve already got most of the bags around their arms, though...
Akechi: Please tell them to stop. I’ll get everyone to go down and help.
Sweetie Pie: I will tell them!
Akechi: Thank you.

—Direct Message: A single Kira —> Akechi —

A single Kira: yoy cant stopbme

—Direct Message: Sweetie Pie —> Akechi—

Sweetie Pie: I’m so sorry but they took off!
Sweetie Pie: (;ω;)
Akechi: Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.
Akechi: Will you tell them to try to be at least quiet on their way up?
Sweetie Pie: Yes I will.
Sweetie Pie: Hehe, Ryuji has got one in his mouth, so he can’t make much noise anyway!
Akechi: Ah.
Sweetie Pie: We are on the elevator!
Sweetie Pie: Will you keep your apartment door open? They really do have a lot.
Sweetie Pie: And I have our bags. Though it’s certainly less than what they’re carrying!
Akechi: I will open it.
Sweetie Pie: Thank you!
Sweetie Pie: We will see you soon, then!
Akechi: ...See you soon.

8:14 p.m.

—Group Chat: Hurry tf up—

A single Kira: okay guys round one of Yusuke Romance Night is about to begin
Slime Propaganda: i knew things were going too smoothly tonight
A single Kira: i do not control the gay it controls me
Mommy’s Little Egg: what a line
A single Kira: thanks
A single Kira: so Ann
A single Kira: i need you to do something for me
LesbiAnn: Wait I’m starting this??
A single Kira: its fine its easy
A single Kira: can u just...... ever so playfully throw some flour at Futaba
Slime Propaganda: HEY
A single Kira: no no listen then you throw some back
Slime Propaganda: .......im intrigued
A single Kira: all i want is you guys to get in a little flour fight that escalates into a big flour fight that encompasses the entire kitchen
Slime Propaganda: i mean im game
Mommy’s Little Egg: what does this have to do w yusuke
A single Kira: well hes in the kitchen too isnt he
Mommy’s Little Egg: why is getting in a flour fight even relevant to ur plan i mean
A single Kira: the flour fight /is/ the plan Ryuji
LesbiAnn: I think he’s wondering how that is at all romantic Akira
A single Kira: i know im just being difficult
Mommy’s Little Egg: dick
A single Kira: yep
A single Kira: but like. think about it
A single Kira: theres havoc and flour everywhere and there are no rules only anarchy and everyones laughing and having a good time like we are in a teen movie and then
A single Kira: in the middle of the chaos
A single Kira: i make dramatic eye contact w Yusuke from across the kitchen and internally i swoon on the spot
A single Kira: and we share a romantic and vaguely sensual moment and then i may or may not lick some flour off my lip suggestively
Slime Propaganda: ryuji why would you ask him this see what youve done
A single Kira: and then....oh no...i got stray egg all over my shirt...
A single Kira: and… crazy… so did Yusuke…
A single Kira: looks like...... we have to take.....them off......
Mommy’s Little Egg: oh my god dude stop
A single Kira: oh no… would you look at that... ive slipped and fallen... right into.........his bare arms.................
Slime Propaganda: ENOUGH
A single Kira: so you get the picture
A single Kira: also since Yusuke is doing some cleanup i can oh so conveniently help him as punishment for telling you guys to start a flour fight
LesbiAnn: You might want to ask Akechi if you can wreck his whole kitchen before you just go ahead and do it
A single Kira: ah yes
A single Kira: just a second
Slime Propaganda: god you are so dumb

—Direct Message: A single Kira —> Akechi—

A single Kira: jsyk if i destroy your kitchen today know that its justified through my frivolous acts of passion towards Yusuke
Akechi: Interesting vocabulary.
A single Kira: thank you
Akechi: Though, Akira.
Akechi: If you all damage my kitchen tonight, I can assure you that you will not be leaving this apartment in one piece.
Akechi: Justified through a frivolous act of passion towards my wallet.
A single Kira: i wont do anything permanent dont worry about it
A single Kira: itll be fun itll be fun we are gonna have fun
A single Kira: despite that romance is my main objective it will also be chef kiss fingers a bonding moment
Akechi: You’ve certainly got energy today, don’t you.
A single Kira: well we dont usually get all of us together except for phantom stuff so yea im excited
Akechi: I see.
A single Kira: anyway im taking that as permission to fuck up ur kitchen but nothing genuinely damaging and no take backs thanks
Akechi: I didn’t even say anything.
A single Kira: yeah thanks
Akechi: You get much more insufferable in your texts, did you know that?
Akechi: You need to clean up any mess you make.
A single Kira: already planning on it
Akechi: Stop raising your eyebrows at me.
Akechi: I said stop, you.
A single Kira: :)

—Group Chat: Hurry tf up—

A single Kira: he said okay plan commence
LesbiAnn: Like now??
A single Kira: let me strategically place flour
A single Kira: none of you question me for why im just pouring only flour into a bowl
Slime Propaganda: snack
LesbiAnn: Bleh
Mommy’s Little Egg: man we are gonna be so covered in flour
Slime Propaganda: im gonna feel like a tru baker
LesbiAnn: Yes because nothing says baker like being doused head to toe in flour
Slime Propaganda: maybe after this we can have a flour party
LesbiAnn: That’s a pretty broad spectrum....
A single Kira: okay the stations have been set
Mommy’s Little Egg: this is gonna go so bad
A single Kira: no room for pessimism only room for Yusuke
Slime Propaganda: our glasses are gonna get dirty
A single Kira: then i will wander around aimlessly until i see a pretty boy shaped blob
LesbiAnn: Don’t fall!!
A single Kira: ill be fine
Slime Propaganda: if i smack anyone in the face accidentally its akiras fault
A single Kira: you guys ready
A single Kira: aaaaaand
A single Kira: go

9:45 p.m.

—Group Chat: idk what pancakes are—

Mommy’s Little Egg: guys
LesbiAnn: Ryuji do you really have to text us while you’re in the bathroom
Mommy’s Little Egg: no listen
Slime Propaganda: dont say anything gross
Mommy’s Little Egg: im not gonna!!
Fox-In-Socks: Why are we using this group chat?
Mommy’s Little Egg: oh my god lemme say what i gotta say and then itll make sense
A single Kira: Ryuji has got the conversation ball now guys
Mommy’s Little Egg: the what
Mommy’s Little Egg: actually never mind
Mommy’s Little Egg: so i wasnt snooping
LesbiAnn: Oh my god were you snooping around his bathroom
Mommy’s Little Egg: i just said i wasnt!!
Mommy’s Little Egg: listen to me i was literally just washing my hands
Mommy’s Little Egg: and then i was like i kinda have a headache i wonder if he has any medicine in here
Mommy’s Little Egg: so I opened his cupboard to see
Mommy’s Little Egg: and look what i found??

Mommy’s Little Egg sent an attachment: “featherman_black_??.jpeg”

Slime Propaganda: IS THA
A single Kira: oh my god
Slime Propaganda: IS THAT A F
LesbiAnn: You actually had me worried for a second you know!!
Slime Propaganda: A FEATH
Sweetie Pie: Oh how cute!
Fox-In-Socks: It looks quite expensive.
Slime Propaganda: A FEATHERMAN
Slime Propaganda: TOOTHBRUSH???????????
Mommy’s Little Egg: literally its like. nice tho.
Mommy’s Little Egg: its electric and it has this fancy charger with it and theres also a speaker but idk what its for
Fox-In-Socks: I was not aware he liked Featherman.
A single Kira: enough to buy a toothbrush for it too
Slime Propaganda: and that’s black he’s like deep featherman
Slime Propaganda: he doesnt come in for sooo long
Makoto: I’m pretty sure I saw the ad for that set of toothbrushes, actually.
Makoto: When you turn it on, it starts playing the theme song. That’s why there’s a speaker.
Slime Propaganda: you always just throw random knowledge at us
Mommy’s Little Egg: u dont know how close i just was to turning it on
Slime Propaganda: lmaoooo you would have been so dead
A single Kira: you know i was about to say he doesnt seem like the type to like featherman but actually he is exactly the type
Fox-In-Socks: Perhaps there could be a time where we can all get together and watch it?
Slime Propaganda: A FEATHERMAN PARTY
A single Kira: i mean yes but no one mention this to Akechi just yet
Slime Propaganda: what why
A single Kira: i mean Ryuji wasn’t actually going around snooping for things but still idk if he will be happy to know we still ended up going through his stuff
Fox-In-Socks: I agree. If he wants to tell us he will tell us.
Slime Propaganda: you guys are talking like this is some huge secret we just found out
A single Kira: some people need baby steps
Slime Propaganda: huh
A single Kira: just hush for now but that doesnt mean i dont approve of relentlessly making fun of him without him around
Slime Propaganda: what if i just make vague subtle references just to see if he’ll flinch
A single Kira: i mean whatever but be careful about it you know
Slime Propaganda: yeah yeah ill be good
Makoto: Ryuji, I did bring along some medicine if you’d like some.
Mommy’s Little Eff: oh eff yeah thad be awesome
Slime Propaganda: whoa there watch the language
Mommy’s Little Eff: oh shut up
Slime Propaganda: >:3cc
Fox-In-Socks: You know, that particular emoticon always seems to reminds me of Akira.
Slime Propaganda: fghgfdhggj omg ur right
Slime Propaganda: its like sneaky
Fox-In-Socks: My thoughts exactly.
Fox-In-Socks: Mischievous, even.
A single Kira: oh who me
LesbiAnn: Do you guys remember when Akira won uno with the plus twos??
LesbiAnn: That was like, the exact face he made
Slime Propaganda: that was the WORST
Slime Propaganda: you all ganged up on me
Mommy’s Little Egg: when was this
A single Kira: you werent there it was when you had that class thing in the summer
Mommy’s Little Egg: oh
Mommy’s Little Egg: what happened
A single Kira: i had two cards left and i put a plus two on Futaba but then she put a plus two on that one
A single Kira: and then it got passed around literally the whole table w more pluses until it was back to me
A single Kira: but then my last card was another plus two and Futaba didn’t have one so she had to draw like 12 cards and i won
Fox-In-Socks: An overwhelming victory.
Makoto: I was surprised it worked out so well.
Slime Propaganda: you know whats great about that story
Slime Propaganda: despite all that i still beat ann
LesbiAnn: Oh hush I’m not good at that game!!
Fox-In-Socks: I wonder if Akechi has any Uno cards.
Fox-In-Socks: I think I would like to play a few rounds.
LesbiAnn: Nooo no one ask I just said I was bad at it!
A single Kira: hey Ann
LesbiAnn: ...What
A single Kira: >:3c
LesbiAnn: You little punk!!

10:01 p.m

—Direct Message: Slime Propaganda —> A single Kira—

Slime Propaganda: do you have any leftover egg funds
A single Kira: uh a little
A single Kira: why
Slime Propaganda: well i was thinkin
Slime Propaganda: since kechi said he didnt
Slime Propaganda: we couuuuuuuld go buy some uno cards super fast
A single Kira: genius genius genius
Slime Propaganda: i know i know i know

10:55 p.m.

—Group Chat: hurry tf up—

A single Kira: whos ready for Yusuke date night round two
Mommy’s Little Egg: what ur not done
A single Kira: of course not ive barely gotten started
LesbiAnn: You were flirting with him all through uno!!!
Slime Propaganda: can you even call it flirting
Slime Propaganda: """"""playing a wild card? ive got plenty of those up my sleeve""""""
Slime Propaganda: the fuck does that even mean
A single Kira: it means im full of surprises like for example that im in love with him
A single Kira: its not like it even worked so whatever
LesbiAnn: Akira you have known him long enough that you know he takes everything at face value
Slime Propaganda: that was so funny
Slime Propaganda: bitch really thought you were just telling him ur cards
Mommy’s Little Egg: ur never gonna date him if these are ur moves
A single Kira: listen i just panic okay
A single Kira: it sounds sexy in my head
LesbiAnn: Yeah and then you say really really weird things in some deep sultry voice and it’s awful
Slime Propaganda: what about uno could possibly be sexy
A single Kira: shut up i have a plan now
A single Kira: but i neeeeed help
Mommy’s Little Egg: what we doin
A single Kira: its easy
A single Kira: once we start princess and the pauper i need you guys to all squish on the couch
A single Kira: like all of us
Mommy’s Little Egg: like all all
A single Kira: like forcibly pulling down Akechi and Makoto so we have a huge cuddle pile
A single Kira: but as a group effort we gotta make sure Yusuke gets conveniently pulled to my edge of the couch
A single Kira: so we can non platonically snuggle
A single Kira: all night
Slime Propaganda: this sounds sweaty and uncomfortable im all in
LesbiAnn: I don’t think his couch is even remotely big enough for all of us
A single Kira: we will probably all be on top of each other but this is my love life were talking about sometimes you have to make sacrifices
Mommy’s Little Egg: okay but what if it all goes south and yusuke doesnt wanna sit
Mommy’s Little Egg: then whats the point
A single Kira: do you really think that Yusukes touch starved ass is gonna say no to a cuddle pile
A single Kira: but if he is uncomfy so be it i guess you n me are gonna have to cuddle Ryuji
Mommy’s Little Egg: i am going to be as far away from u on that couch as possible
A single Kira: :’(
Slime Propaganda: lol granted that’s only gonna be like five feet its hardly a couch
A single Kira: and ya know what thats the whole charm
A single Kira: if i accidentally lay my head on his shoulder oh no sorry the couch is just so small and my dainty neck needs a rest
A single Kira: if his arm happens around my waist darn whatll we do
Mommy’s Little Egg: ur dainty neck huh
A single Kira: my dainty neck
LesbiAnn: Stop. Saying that
A single Kira: are we all in
Slime Propaganda: heheheh yeah
Mommy’s Little Egg: i guess
LesbiAnn: Sure.
A single Kira: awesome
A single Kira: actually Futaba will you nudge Haru to check her phone too
Slime Propaganda: yeah
A single Kira: thanks
LesbiAnn: You know I sort of forgot she was in this chat...
Slime Propaganda: maybe she wouldve been spared some flour damage earlier if she had checked it
LesbiAnn: At least warned...
Slime Propaganda: no hope for our favorite buzzkills tho lmao
LesbiAnn: You are so mean!!!
Slime Propaganda: i kid
Sweetie Pie: A cuddle pile sounds fun!
A single Kira: yesssssssssssssss okay lets do this
LesbiAnn: I call an end!
Mommy’s Little Egg: shit i call the other end then
A single Kira: no way Yusuke and i get an end
Mommy’s Little Egg: aw man come on
Slime Propaganda: im gonna move all the snacks over cause once im in i do not plan to move
Slime Propaganda: ill just be a deadweight
A single Kira: whos gonna help throw down Makoto and Akechi cause i got Yusuke
Sweetie Pie: Who is going to be the most difficult do you think?
Mommy’s Little Egg: makoto
LesbiAnn: Makoto.
A single Kira: Makoto
Slime Propaganda: lmaoooooo
A single Kira: just the initial pull tho Akechi might be more difficult in the long run
Sweetie Pie: Hmm....
Sweetie Pie: Why don’t Ann and I handle Akechi-kun?
Slime Propaganda: oh man so me n ryuji gotta rope in mak
Slime Propaganda: maybe I can just hurl myself at her head on
A single Kira: just go limp on her body
Slime Propaganda: this is what barbie would have wanted
LesbiAnn: Would Barbie really endorse this
Slime Propaganda: she says i can be anything
Slime Propaganda: and that includes becoming a human sack of rice
Mommy’s Little Egg: this is gonna be a long movie
A single Kira: i would like to take a moment to thank you all for devoting yourselves to getting me a boyfriend
Mommy’s Little Egg: yeah yeah
Slime Propaganda: its funny seeing how desperate you are
A single Kira: what im not desperate
LesbiAnn: Oh really.
A single Kira: okay maybe im desperate for specially Yusuke
LesbiAnn: Uh huh
A single Kira: i mean it hes special
A single Kira: but like i wouldnt just go for some random guy you feel me
Mommy’s Little Egg: sure man it isnt just bc hes tall
A single Kira: im seriousssss
A single Kira: i mean him being tall helps
A single Kira: but that isnt like
A single Kira: you know
A single Kira: uh anyway thanks is all im saying
Slime Propaganda: uhhhh yeah no prob
A single Kira: and this isnt all just for Yusuke
A single Kira: i know i said he was touch starved but i /know/ all you bitches need hugs too
Sweetie Pie: I for one am very excited!
A single Kira: yeah thats the spirit
A single Kira: now we just need to wait for the perfect chance
Mommy’s Little Egg: should we all like sit down
A single Kira: yea but be casual
Slime Propaganda: are u gonna give us a signal
A single Kira: ill probably just shout go but i can do some subtle hand movements too if you want
A single Kira: or like send a text idk ill make sure u know tho
LesbiAnn: This is getting kind of elaborate...!!!
A single Kira: i physically cant make anything simple ever
A single Kira: ill die
Mommy’s Little Egg: god you can say that again
Slime Propaganda: is morgana just gonna be exempt from this
A single Kira: I worry about crushing his fragile cat bodyyujfhjkSjNNOWNOWGOGOGBgogogO
A single Kira: GOOOOo

2:42 a.m.

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

Slime Propaganda: anyone awake
Slime Propaganda: oh my god akechi i saw you check your phone dont ignore me
Slime Propaganda: HEY
Slime Propaganda: this is why u are. bitch
Akechi: Go to sleep, Futaba.
Slime Propaganda: no i have come across a realization
Akechi: Tell us in the morning.
Slime Propaganda: what if i FORGET
Slime Propaganda: its so good
Fox-In-Socks: I have a feeling that your late-night ponderings aren’t going to be particularly insightful.
Slime Propaganda: i have a feeling that ur
Slime Propaganda: ur dumb
Akechi: How wounding.
Slime Propaganda: shut up im tired
Akechi: Then go to bed.
Slime Propaganda: YOU go to bed
Akechi: I’m trying to.
Slime Propaganda: actually dont
Slime Propaganda: listennnnnn yusuke dont you go on late night inspiration trips
Fox-In-Socks: Yes.
Slime Propaganda: this is like that i gotta SPEAK NOW or it will go away FOREVER
Akechi: Write it in your phone and tell us at breakfast.
Fox-In-Socks: Well now, there is a particular charm to discussing thoughts in the late hours of the night.
Slime Propaganda: aw yessss
Fox-In-Socks: That being said, the morning isn’t very far off either. Ultimately, it should wait.
Slime Propaganda: noooo it wont make any sense in the morning
Slime Propaganda: cmon boys live a little
Slime Propaganda: this is like what you do at sleepovers you gotta share ya thoughts at ungodly times
Akechi: If you tell us, will you please try to go to sleep after?
Slime Propaganda: yeah yeah yeah
Akechi: Then go ahead, I suppose.
Fox-In-Socks: If you must.
Slime Propaganda: NICE
Slime Propaganda: okokok
Slime Propaganda: so
Slime Propaganda: i was thinking
Slime Propaganda: you know how mona can turn into a car because its like commonly known public logic
Akechi: Yes.
Slime Propaganda: that has gotta be because of that ghibli movie right
Akechi: Is this all?
Slime Propaganda: no it gets better i swear
Slime Propaganda: but so like we agree it’s bc of my neighbor totoro that he can turn into a car
Slime Propaganda: or i guess a bus
Fox-In-Socks: I would say so.
Slime Propaganda: yeah yeah so like
Slime Propaganda: you know how its widely accepted that cats can drink milk and its like mmmm a tasteee treat for them even tho its actually like not healthy for them
Slime Propaganda: do ya guys think then that mona can drink milk without any issues despite that he is a cat
Akechi: Was this prompted by that whole discussion earlier about Morgana and if he could eat eggs?
Slime Propaganda: maaayybe
Akechi: Well then wasn’t the conclusion to that being Morgana does not quite fit the standards of your typical cat, as so it was irrelevant?
Slime Propaganda: yes but what if it isnt irrelevant!!!
Fox-In-Socks: What do you mean?
LesbiAnn: Guys can you please do this in a different chat
Slime Propaganda: yikes
Fox-In-Socks: I apologize. I believe Akechi and I thought this would be shorter.
Slime Propaganda: sorry ann
LesbiAnn: Stop texting different chat go

—Group Chat: we got in trouble...—

Slime Propaganda created we got in trouble...

Slime Propaganda added: Fox-In-Socks and Akechi to we got in trouble...

Slime Propaganda: oops
Akechi: I think you were the one who got in trouble.
Slime Propaganda: no way we are all part of this now
Fox-In-Socks: Futaba, you have intrigued me. Continue.
Slime Propaganda: oh ho HO take that i do have some brains up here
Slime Propaganda: but okay
Slime Propaganda: so we know mona is a cat but also not a cat
Slime Propaganda: and we know that his actual physical form can be changed bc of how the public perceives him BUT
Slime Propaganda: not only him
Slime Propaganda: its how specifically /cats/ are perceived
Slime Propaganda: and typically people assume cats have like. typical cat anatomy you know.
Slime Propaganda: like people see any cat and at least subconsciously are like that is a cat that has the normal functions of a normal cat
Slime Propaganda: so we can ASSUME that mona has the typical publicly assumed body of a cat
Akechi: You’ve put a lot of thought into this, haven’t you?
Slime Propaganda: what u got a problem
Akechi: Unfortunately, you’ve actually got me interested.
Slime Propaganda: yesssss I TOLD you guys it was good
Slime Propaganda: but anyway so since morgana has a normal cat body which means usually it wouldn’t like milk.....
Slime Propaganda: since people think milk is good for cats it would make sense that he can drink milk right??
Fox-In-Socks: I agree.
Akechi: It makes sense.
Slime Propaganda: so now what i am getting at
Slime Propaganda: if we can influence the public on a large enough scale
Slime Propaganda: couldnt we make morgana do like. anything.
Slime Propaganda: like if we make a super popular film featuring a cat that turns into a taco shack
Slime Propaganda: could he.....do that
Akechi: Well, I think theoretically yes, he could.
Akechi: Since we know, obviously, that entirely fictional films can have such a direct influence on the functionality of Morgana and his forms.
Akechi: If there is enough impact on the audiences, that doesn’t seem like it’s too difficult to believe.
Slime Propaganda: right??????????? like it makes sense
Fox-In-Socks: We could make him virtually invincible.
Fox-In-Socks: Though this begs the question: Would this only be in effect in the Metaverse?
Akechi: Well considering he can’t turn into a car here, I think so.
Fox-In-Socks: Wouldn’t that mean he can only drink milk there, then?
Slime Propaganda: oh shit
Slime Propaganda: its like.......conditional immortality
Akechi: If you’re going by the basic definition of each individual word, then yes.
Slime Propaganda: what would we do with an invincible cat not in the metaverse tho like
Slime Propaganda: get instagram famous and maybe appear on ellen one time
Fox-In-Socks: If Morgana could turn into a taco shack, would the tacos be edible?
Slime Propaganda: oh god would we be eating him
Akechi: I think it would depend upon how the public viewed the original media piece.
Akechi: If in the movie, it is from the cats body, then we can assume yes.
Akechi: But if he does get it from another source, then no, we wouldn’t be.
Slime Propaganda: ok so if we make this movie the cat gets it from somewhere else bc otherwise i couldnt eat those tacos
Akechi: Though you would have to wonder where he generates the ingredients in the first place.
Akechi: I think that concerns me more.
Fox-In-Socks: Since cats do not usually carry around the explicit ingredients for tacos on hand.
Slime Propaganda: UNLESS this movie said they did and it was just a thing.
Slime Propaganda: and we specified it was like safe stuff like cats carry premium lettuce always
Slime Propaganda: then we would be fine
Fox-In-Socks: Would that not force Morgana to consistently carry around different taco ingredients around the Metaverse?
Slime Propaganda: but then free tacos all day baby
Akechi: Then what would be the point of him becoming a shack, if he just always had everything with him anyways?
Slime Propaganda: oh shit
Fox-In-Socks: I feel as if this would be a critical error in the movie.
Slime Propaganda: oh SHIT
Slime Propaganda: ur right there’s no point of becoming a shack if you just have it all already
Slime Propaganda: okay so maybe what if the cats dont just carry it around all the time
Fox-In-Socks: Can all cats turn into taco shacks?
Slime Propaganda: im gonna say.......no
Fox-In-Socks: How would that allow Morgana to turn into one, then? He is not the cat in the movie.
Akechi: I think we only need to implement the idea of the transformation into the public mind.
Fox-In-Socks: I see. Intriguing.
Slime Propaganda: so only our main boy cat can turn into a taco shack and its great
Slime Propaganda: but then...,.......,,,,,,..god where do the ingredients come from
Fox-In-Socks: Could they be given to him?
Fox-In-Socks: Transportation, perhaps?
Slime Propaganda: oh yeah that could work like an outside force
Slime Propaganda: his quirky scientist friend zaps it all over
Akechi: So it would all appear instantly?
Slime Propaganda: yeah like automatically every time he turns
Fox-In-Socks: And this would apply to Morgana?
Slime Propaganda: yes bc.........idk everyone would just be like yeah if a cat can turn into a taco shack then they also have a scientist friend who gives them cheese and shit
Slime Propaganda: this cat needs a name
Slime Propaganda: im thinking....geoff
Akechi: Geoff.
Slime Propaganda: that’s a good name for a cat
Fox-In-Socks: Geoff the cat. Who can turn into a taco shack.
Slime Propaganda: and thats the movie
Slime Propaganda: someone call hollywood
Akechi: You know, the sheer difficulty of making Morgana be able to turn into something like a taco shack is making this entire scenario significantly harder to believe.
Slime Propaganda: it wasnt that hard
Akechi: But there would still be the issue of commercializing it, and getting it popular enough that huge amounts of the general public can recognize it instantly.
Slime Propaganda: this is gonna have to be a damn good movie
Slime Propaganda: we gotta get writing now
Fox-In-Socks: What should we title it?
Slime Propaganda: uhhhh
Slime Propaganda: you decide
Fox-In-Socks: Oh. I shall take this seriously.
Fox-In-Socks: Perhaps...
Fox-In-Socks: Cuisiniers Labor; Geoff’s Vast Pantry
Slime Propaganda: oh god i take it back ill name it
Fox-In-Socks: What was wrong with my suggestion?
Slime Propaganda: it bad
Fox-In-Socks: How rude. I thought it was articulate.
Slime Propaganda: nope it just sucked
Slime Propaganda: how about Taco v.s Geoff: Ultimax
Fox-In-Socks: Why is he fighting the tacos?
Fox-In-Socks: I would assume he would side with them, rather than be a member of the opposition.
Fox-In-Socks: Considering he is a taco shack.
Slime Propaganda: ugh fine
Slime Propaganda: akechi you name it give us an idea
Akechi: Ah. Well...
Akechi: Why not just Geoff the Taco Shack?
Slime Propaganda: LAME
Fox-In-Socks: I feel it lacks something...
Akechi: Does it matter if we title it?
Akechi: It isn’t like we’re actually going to write it.
Slime Propaganda: oh yes we are
Slime Propaganda: i want metaverse tacos
Slime Propaganda: and i love geoff im invested
Fox-In-Socks: I would also like to see how this goes.
Fox-In-Socks: And the prospect of unlimited food is incredibly tempting.
Akechi: You know what.
Akechi: It’s past 3:00 am.
Akechi: Why don’t we name it in the morning.
Slime Propaganda: so ur in??????
Akechi: As far as naming the movie goes.
Slime Propaganda: :/ well ill take it
Akechi: I can’t believe we just spent well over half an hour talking about a hypothetical cat.
Fox-In-Socks: I feel that this wouldn’t have happened if for not the time of night.
Slime Propaganda: late night convos are the best part of sleepovers have neither of you EVER watched a generic high school movie in your lives
Slime Propaganda: tho those tend to end all feelingsy and not about taco cats
Akechi: Good thing we are going to bed now then.
Slime Propaganda: aw kechi u dont wanna get down with the feelings with me n yusuke
Akechi: Goodnight.
Slime Propaganda: heheh yeah im all tired now too
Slime Propaganda: all catted out
Fox-In-Socks: Let’s finish this then.
Slime Propaganda: see u on the other side geoff

Sunday

10:00 a.m.

—Direct Message: A single Kira —> Mommy’s Little Egg—

A single Kira: Ryuji i just woke up did you really leave early :(
Mommy’s Little Egg: yeah i needed to help my mom with some things
A single Kira: did you take any of the eggs
Mommy’s Little Egg: nah i left em all
A single Kira: oh man i wanted to give your mom some
A single Kira: she seemed excited about this whole thing
Mommy’s Little Egg: shit yeah
A single Kira: when we divide leftovers ill save some for you
Mommy’s Little Egg: thanks dude shell appreciate it
A single Kira: of course
A single Kira: ...
A single Kira: hey Ryuji real talk
Mommy’s Little Egg: shoot
A single Kira: uh
A single Kira: this might seem random but um
A single Kira: do you think i even have a chance with Yusuke
Mommy’s Little Egg: what whoa where did this come from
A single Kira: i dunno
Mommy’s Little Egg: dude
Mommy’s Little Egg: i know this came from somewhere
Mommy’s Little Egg: u can tell me bro
A single Kira: :/
Mommy’s Little Egg: dont get all quiet on me come on
A single Kira: ://
Mommy’s Little Egg: bro
A single Kira: :////// well
A single Kira: its just
A single Kira: i dont know last night was like super fun with everybody
A single Kira: like it was normal you know and i was having fun
A single Kira: but now that ive woken up it feels less good
A single Kira: idk
A single Kira: its like my stomach sank but im not even actually sure why
Mommy’s Little Egg: uh did yusuke like do something??
A single Kira: no its not that
A single Kira: kinda the opposite
A single Kira: i was hyping up the party in my head thinking that something was going to actually happen with him
A single Kira: but now its about to be over and nothing happened
A single Kira: its making me think its not ever gonna happen
A single Kira: you know
A single Kira: i think im realizing i don’t really have a shot
Mommy’s Little Egg: well dude do you want me to be honest
A single Kira: yes
Mommy’s Little Egg: tbh
Mommy’s Little Egg: as far as dating yusuke goes i think u have the best chance of anyone
A single Kira: well maybe but that doesn’t mean its going to really happen
A single Kira: if he doesnt like me he doesnt like me case closed
Mommy’s Little Egg: i mean it in a way where seriously he might like you too
A single Kira: yeah but you dont know that
Mommy’s Little Egg: my guy listen
Mommy’s Little Egg: yusuke legit talks about you all the time he thinks you are the shit
Mommy’s Little Egg: like we will just be chillin and then he will bring up this random thing you did bc he saw something that reminded you of him
A single Kira: he does that with everyone
Mommy’s Little Egg: he does it about you more tho
Mommy’s Little Egg: also i said listen so listen
Mommy’s Little Egg: so u treat yusuke different than everyone else and it shows
Mommy’s Little Egg: and like it’s bc u like him so that makes sense
Mommy’s Little Egg: but guess what he treats u different too and i dont think you even realize it
Mommy’s Little Egg: what im saying is i think last night was a bigger deal than u think
A single Kira: how tho :(
Mommy’s Little Egg: i think literally yusuke might have liked u for longer than u think and so u r just used to the way he treats ya while havin a crush on u
Mommy’s Little Egg: like do you honestly think that yusuke would cuddle with me while we watch barbie movies all night
Mommy’s Little Egg: or makoto
Mommy’s Little Egg: or anyone
A single Kira: i mean probably not but i told you weve cuddled before cause he gets cold it isnt that big of a deal
Mommy’s Little Egg: uh same logic man do u think hed cuddle with anyone else for any reason period
A single Kira: ...
Mommy’s Little Egg: yeah thats what i thought
Mommy’s Little Egg: u literally held hands while you searched for ur glasses in the flour like come on
Mommy’s Little Egg: yusuke is dense but is he that dense
Mommy’s Little Egg: u cant just assume he doesnt know anythin hes a whole human being u know
Mommy’s Little Egg: and i kno u dont think hes stupid or anything but im tryin to tell u that ur efforts havent been like. wasted on him you feel me
Mommy’s Little Egg: if he likes anyone its u
A single Kira: god Ryuji you cant get my hopes up like this its very unhealthy
Mommy’s Little Egg: im trying to get ur hopes up!!
Mommy’s Little Egg; we r all rooting for u dont go gettin down bc u didnt make out or whatever at an egg party
Mommy’s Little Egg: u got this man ya just need the right time and the right place
Mommy’s Little Egg: i think ur closer than you think
A single Kira: you really think so
Mommy’s Little Egg: i really think so
A single Kira: ...
A single Kira: okay
A single Kira: thanks man
A single Kira: i was thinking about some dumb things but that genuinely helped so like
A single Kira: actually thanks
Mommy’s Little Egg: i got ur back bro
A single Kira: good to hear
Mommy’s Little Egg: so ur all good over there
A single Kira: yep
Mommy’s Little Egg: good
Mommy’s Little Egg: hey when you get my eggs will you bring me some of the casserole my mom goes berserk for that kinda stuff
A single Kira: sure thing
Mommy’s Little Egg: sweet
A single Kira: ill bring it to you at school
Mommy’s Little Egg: thanks man
A single Kira: yep
A single Kira: see you tomorrow
Mommy’s Little Egg: see ya dude!!

Chapter Text

Tuesday

3:13 p.m.

—Direct Message: A single Kira —> Akechi—

A single Kira: hey
A single Kira: are u free to talk rn
Akechi: Ah, just a minute.
A single Kira: cool
A single Kira: tbh i wanted to talk to you abt this in person but i ran out of time sunday and i dont really want to wait anymore

3:25 p.m.

Akechi: I’m free for a little while now.
Akechi: But my prep school begins at 4:00.
A single Kira: thats fine
Akechi: What do you want to talk about?
A single Kira: so
A single Kira: first off did you have a good time this weekend
Akechi: You mean the party, I assume?
A single Kira: yea
Akechi: Yes. I did.
A single Kira: good
A single Kira: do you think everyone else did
Akechi: You’re asking me?
A single Kira: uh huh
Akechi: Well, I think everyone seemed lively.
Akechi: So, yes. I think that they did.
A single Kira: good because i think so too
Akechi: Why ask then?
A single Kira: guess im making sure we are on the same page here
Akechi: Okay...?
Akechi: What page is that, exactly?
A single Kira: getting there
A single Kira: anyway im glad you had fun at the group party
Akechi: Um. I’m glad too, I suppose.
A single Kira: but it got me to thinking about something
Akechi: And what’s that?
A single Kira: well its more like something i realized
A single Kira: we are all friends close friends i think
A single Kira: and well
A single Kira: youre the only one we dont call by your first name
A single Kira: so i bet you can guess what im gonna ask
Akechi: Oh.
A single Kira: you can say no
Akechi: Um.
A single Kira: but like. i think we’re there?
A single Kira: youre our friend too and it just feels very weird you being the only one we arent on a first name basis with
A single Kira: and i guess i dont see a reason why we shouldnt?
A single Kira: but like if you dont want me to i won’t
Akechi: Ah.
A single Kira: i am not gonna be like angry if you say no

3:36 p.m

Akechi: No, it’s…
Akechi: I just suppose it feels sudden, is all.
Akechi: Not that it necessarily is, though.
A single Kira: yeah
Akechi: But, well,
Akechi: I do use all of your first names.
Akechi: So…
Akechi: I think it’s okay.
A single Kira: its okay as in we can call u Goro??

3:45 p.m

Akechi: ...Yes.
A single Kira: and youre sure
Akechi: I’m sure.
A single Kira: :) awesome
A single Kira: oh lmao i kept typing we but it isnt like ive talked to anyone else abt this
Akechi: I see.
Akechi: Was this all you needed?
A single Kira: yep just wanted to ask you
Akechi: Okay.
Akechi: I know it isn’t quite 4:00, but I should be going anyway.
A single Kira: sure thats fine
A single Kira: have fun
Akechi: Thank you. I’m not sure I can say that I will, though.
A single Kira: haha you have me there
A single Kira: see you later Goro

3:57 p.m

Akechi: See you later.

6:22 p.m

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

LesbiAnn: Omg you guys
LesbiAnn: I just saw something crazy!!!
Sweetie Pie: Σ੧(❛□❛✿) Oh?
Slime Propaganda: damn haru you whipped that emoji out in like one second flat
Sweetie Pie: Hehe, I’m just quick I guess!
Slime Propaganda: that is a /skill/
Slime Propaganda: wha happen ann
LesbiAnn: Well I was walking down through Shibuya just a few minutes ago
A single Kira: headed to the crepe shop i assume
LesbiAnn: Hush you!!
Slime Propaganda: lmao
LesbiAnn: Anyway I was going down the street and I saw this girl there
LesbiAnn: And I swear to you she looked exactly like Makoto!!
Sweetie Pie: A doppelganger?
LesbiAnn: Or something!!
LesbiAnn: Like even down to her haircut they looked exactly the same I didn’t know what to think!!
LesbiAnn: The only reason I could tell she wasn’t her was because she was in a different school uniform!!!
Slime Propaganda: did you get a picture
LesbiAnn: Um no
Slime Propaganda: whaaaaaaaaat
LesbiAnn: I’m not going to take a photo of some random girl!!
Slime Propaganda: cmon whats the harm in a lil creep shot
LesbiAnn: Ew don’t say it like that
A single Kira: did you say you were in shibuya
LesbiAnn: Yeah
A single Kira: me and Morgana are nearby do you think shes still there
LesbiAnn: I don’t think so...
LesbiAnn: She walked down into the subway
A single Kira: damn
Sweetie Pie: I wonder who she was?
Slime Propaganda: maybe it was makotos sister in a wig
LesbiAnn: Who just decided she was going to dress up in a high school uniform
Slime Propaganda: everyone has their hobbies
Sweetie Pie: What school was it, Ann?
LesbiAnn: I have no idea
LesbiAnn: I didn’t recognize the uniform at all.
A single Kira: well theres lots of schools out there
Slime Propaganda: isnt there some bad thing about seeing your doppelganger
A single Kira: yeah ill google it
LesbiAnn: I feel like it’s just bad luck or something?
Slime Propaganda: what if mak sees her and then they try to murder each other
LesbiAnn: Is that what you would do??
Slime Propaganda: hm
Slime Propaganda: i will get back to you on that
A single Kira: apparently if you see your doppelganger it means your “days are numbered” and you will “soon meet your demise”
A single Kira: so
Sweetie Pie: Oh no!
Slime Propaganda: oh fuck everybody wheres makoto shes gonna die
A single Kira: well Ann was the one who saw her so Makoto should be fine
LesbiAnn: Okay but there is no way that’s true
A single Kira: i mean youre probably right
A single Kira: on the other hand though you wouldnt usually call a group of teenagers going into a cognitive world something realistic but here we are
LesbiAnn: No you stop that!!
LesbiAnn: You’re going to give me nightmares
Fox-In-Socks: How interesting. I had heard tales of the negative effects of one’s doppelganger, but I never thought I would be one to experience the story firsthand.
Fox-In-Socks: There is a certain excitement to this situation, in truth.
Slime Propaganda: you cant just come into the chat and be like oh yeah makoto might die that’s pretty cool you cant DO that inari
Fox-In-Socks: I never said it was definite.
Fox-In-Socks: Additionally, I meant it in a way in which my interest is piqued in the simple prospect of Makoto’s doppelganger. I do not necessarily want them to meet, especially if it would result in death.
Slime Propaganda: so what then you gonna paint a picture or something
Fox-In-Socks: Perhaps.
A single Kira: you know according to like two websites you may have also seen a ghost thing
LesbiAnn: Uh. I hope not
A single Kira: did she have a shadow
LesbiAnn: I didn’t see?
LesbiAnn: I mean I assume so!!!
Slime Propaganda: makoto is not going to like reading this group chat
Fox-In-Socks: She isn’t very fond of ghost stories, is she?
Sweetie Pie: She isn’t?
A single Kira: before you joined she thought Futaba was a ghost and was literally clinging to me for dear life so im gonna say no
Sweetie Pie: Oh!
A single Kira: you know im p sure Goro doesnt like them either
Slime Propaganda: g

—Direct Message: LesbiAnn —> A single Kira—

LesbiAnn: Wait when did you start using Akechi’s first name??

—Direct Message: Sweetie Pie —> A single Kira—

Sweetie Pie: Did you talk to Akechi-kun recently?

—Direct Message: Slime Propaganda —> A single Kira—

Slime Propaganda: hey does this mean i can finally change his name to Goro Got Geese

—Direct Message: Fox-In-Socks —> A single Kira—

Fox-In-Socks: Are we calling him by his first name now? Akechi, I mean.

—Group Chat: idk what pancakes are—

A single Kira: oh my god you guys
A single Kira: we were talking like three hours ago and i asked him if we could call him Goro bc we are friends and he said yes
Slime Propaganda: so I CAN change his name to Goro Got Geese
LesbiAnn: What
Slime Propaganda: have you not seen the interview where he got chased by a goose
LesbiAnn: ??? No????
Slime Propaganda: its so funny literally for no reason this super angry goose flew at him and if u pause it at the right time his face is SO GOOD
Slime Propaganda: i have been thinking about that name ever since i saw it
A single Kira: when was this
Slime Propaganda: the interview itself was before he was very popular but i found it like a month ago ish
LesbiAnn: Oh my god
Fox-In-Socks: I wonder what prompted the assault.
Slime Propaganda: idk but he recovered surprisingly well for having goose ass in his face not moments before
Sweetie Pie: I don’t mean to interrupt, but Akira, do you think we can all call him by his first name now?
A single Kira: i mean
A single Kira: i accidentally typed ‘we’ like a billion times while i asked him so technically he gave permission for all of us
A single Kira: so go wild
A single Kira: but like respectfully wild
Slime Propaganda: is goro got geese respectfully wild
Slime Propaganda: dont answer that bc im gonna change it no matter what you say
LesbiAnn: Maybe you should talk to him first
Fox-In-Socks: Was there not a previous rule set that we were to wait a week before changing his username?
Slime Propaganda: shhhhhhhhh no
A single Kira: hey Ann was that girl from earlier in kind of a blueish uniform
LesbiAnn: Yes......
A single Kira: yeah holy shit i totally just saw her
LesbiAnn: You did??
LesbiAnn: Where are you???
A single Kira: im on the train
A single Kira: she didnt get on or anything i just saw her at one of the platforms it stopped at
Fox-In-Socks: Well? What is your opinion?
Fox-In-Socks: Do you think she may truly be a doppelganger of sorts? 
A single Kira: well honestly Ann wasnt kidding when she said they looked the same so like maybe
Slime Propaganda: and you are SURE it wasnt her sister in like a wonky hat
A single Kira: maybe if she was wearing a hat even
Fox-In-Socks: Riveting. 
Sweetie Pie: I wonder if there are any schools visiting the area right now?
Sweetie Pie: Maybe that’s why we’ve never seen her before!
A single Kira: Futaba is that something you can check
Slime Propaganda: uhhhhh maybe
Slime Propaganda: it depends but i guess i can look
Slime Propaganda: gimmie a sec

Slime Propaganda has signed off

A single Kira: well i hope wherever that goes gives more answers than questions
A single Kira: but holy goddamn did they look similar
LesbiAnn: Right????
A single Kira: like. im kinda floored about it
Sweetie Pie: Did Morgana see her?
A single Kira: no hes all cozy in my bag
Fox-In-Socks: As per usual.
A single Kira: i think he likes it in there more than he lets on tbh
Sweetie Pie: That’s cute!
A single Kira: isnt it
Fox-In-Socks: You know, despite whether or not he is truly a cat or a human, he certainly displays a number of natural feline mannerisms.
Sweetie Pie: Hehe, that’s true!
LesbiAnn: You could say the same thing about Akira honestly
Fox-In-Socks: Aha. Indeed.
A single Kira: except unfortunately im pretty sure im a human boy
A single Kira: i would be open to turning into a cat though
Sweetie Pie: Cats always seem so relaxed!
A single Kira: yea bc they have no responsibilities except look cute nap in sunshine eat food
A single Kira: and honestly thats the ideal
Fox-In-Socks: If I turned into a cat, I wonder how I might hold a paintbrush?
Sweetie Pie: In your mouth?
Fox-In-Socks: Yes, that seems like the most reasonable conclusion.
Fox-In-Socks: Certainly a unique challenge. Perhaps I’d ought to experiment with the practice.
LesbiAnn: Painting with a paintbrush in your mouth??
Fox-In-Socks: Indeed.
A single Kira: make sure you stretch your neck out first so you dont end up hurting yourself.
Fox-In-Socks: You’re right. I should research stretches.
LesbiAnn: Of course you’d support the idea Akira
A single Kira: it could be a learning experience
Sweetie Pie: When you finish the painting, will you send it to us so we can see?
Fox-In-Socks: If you request it so, I shall.
Slime Propaganda: okay so im back and putting an end to that conversation
Slime Propaganda: but i also have some doppelganger stuff
A single Kira: cool
A single Kira: whatcha got
Slime Propaganda: well i mean i have some general ideas but its pretty vague actually
Fox-In-Socks: In what way, exactly?
Slime Propaganda: uhhhhh k so like based off of like recent hotel records from the general area there are a few??? schools staying in the area rn and some of them have blue uniforms sure
Slime Propaganda: but thats only based off me assuming the purchases were made in the schools name and my search was really only within a few mile radius of here etc etc
Slime Propaganda: but like unless you guys saw other students with the same uniforms on idk if itll even be relevant that there are other schools here cause like. wheres everyone else then.
Slime Propaganda: n honestly like why would you be vacationing in tokyo in your uniform in the first place
Slime Propaganda: she also coulda been here bc of a different not school related thing
Slime Propaganda: basically what im saying is there are technically candidates but theyre hardly concrete n we probably wont be able to identify her thru her school
LesbiAnn: Wow
Sweetie Pie: Oh!
Fox-In-Socks: I forget sometimes that you have a certain intelligence about you, Futaba.
Slime Propaganda: what you fucker whats that supposed to mean
Fox-In-Socks: I didn’t mean any offense. You just displayed more intellect than your typical standard.
Slime Propaganda: i know youre doing this on purpose
Fox-In-Socks: I don’t know what you’re implying.
A single Kira: Futaba thanks anyway for looking into it
A single Kira: even if it didn’t give us much
Slime Propaganda: yeah yeah nooo problemo
Slime Propaganda: i could have run some funky facial recognition scans had /someone/ taken a picture of her tho
LesbiAnn: I don’t want to take any pictures of strangers!!!
LesbiAnn: Is that so wrong??
A single Kira: i dont think that was directed at me at all but i didn’t even see her until my train was leaving so i didnt have time anyway
Slime Propaganda: :/
Sweetie Pie: Well she looks just like Mako-chan, doesn’t she?
Sweetie Pie: Why don’t you just use her photo!
Slime Propaganda: OH GALAXY BRAIN

Slime Propaganda has signed off

Fox-In-Socks: Very good thinking, Haru.
Sweetie Pie: Hehe, why thank you!
A single Kira: does this count as invading Makotos privacy
Sweetie Pie: Well, as long as Futaba is respectful of what she finds, I don’t think it’s anything too intrusive.
A single Kira: hmmm yeah
A single Kira: Futaba if you can hear me in tech world for the sake of your health dont go looking for dirt on Makoto
LesbiAnn: For all of our sakes...

9:15 p.m

—Group Chat: we got in trouble…—

Slime Propaganda changed we got in trouble...'s name to Geoff’s Adventure Taco

Slime Propaganda: yosh
Fox-In-Socks: I still prefer ‘The Growing Ambition of Geoff’s Nouvelle Cuisine: Side A’
Slime Propaganda: well too bad
Slime Propaganda: we settled and i will fight for this one
Fox-In-Socks: It isn’t that I dislike this title in its entirety. I simply have a preference.
Slime Propaganda: w/e
Fox-In-Socks: You know, when the notification arrived that you had participated in a chat, this was not what I had expected.
Slime Propaganda: uhhhh whatchu mean
Fox-In-Socks: I am simply wondering about the facial recognition process.
Slime Propaganda: ohhhhhh
Slime Propaganda: yeah that stuff can take a while actually
Slime Propaganda: especially cause i got it set up in a certain way
Slime Propaganda: its kinda on auto right now tho so i can do other stuff while it goes berserk
Fox-In-Socks: I see.
Fox-In-Socks: How disappointing.
Akechi: Why exactly are you doing facial recognition scans?
Slime Propaganda: o yeah we changed chats before huh
Slime Propaganda: did you read the stuff earlier abt makoto and her doppelganger lady
Akechi: Briefly.
Slime Propaganda: yeah see im using a picture of mak to look and see if there are any other matches so we can find out if this was truly an ethereal being they saw or not
Akechi: I will conveniently ignore the legality of that statement.
Slime Propaganda: im only using public servers mostly
Akechi: Mostly.
Slime Propaganda: no see youre supposed to ignore that part too
Akechi: Just please don’t do anything that might end with something like an invasion of privacy or stalking charge.
Slime Propaganda: ill be careful dont worry ur little head
Slime Propaganda: tho i am reminded of something
Akechi: Which is?

Slime Propaganda changed Akechi's name to Goro Got Geese

Slime Propaganda: oh nothing
Goro Got Geese: I see you talked to Akira.
Fox-In-Socks: That we did.
Goro Got Geese: Futaba.
Goro Got Geese: If I’m remembering correctly, I should still have an immunity to this until Friday.

Goro Got Geese changed his name to Goro

Slime Propaganda: futaba is a liar sometimes

Slime Propaganda changed Goro's name to Goro Goose-kun

Goro Goose-kun changed his name to Goro

Goro: Stop it.

Slime Propaganda changed Goro's name to No ur a Goose

No ur a Goose changed his name to Goro

Goro: Why are you talking about geese, even?
Slime Propaganda: oh you know
Goro: I don’t, really.
Slime Propaganda: oh really mr got attacked by a goose on like his third interview
Goro: I’m sure I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.
Slime Propaganda: oh dont you
Goro: I don’t.
Slime Propaganda: then why dont i send it to the chat
Goro: Whatever you plan to send, I don’t want to see it.

Slime Propaganda changed Goro’s name to GOOSE ATTACKEE

GOOSE ATTACKEE changed his name to Goro

Fox-In-Socks: This is quite the conversation.

Slime Propaganda changed Goro’s name to Let me have this

Let me have this: No.

Let me have this changed his name to Goro

Slime Propaganda: hnrggggggh..............
Goro: What is the appeal, even, for changing my chat name?
Slime Propaganda: pleaaaaaaaase let me change it
Goro: No.
Slime Propaganda: i will do anything!!!!!
Goro: I truly doubt that.

—Direct Message: Slime Propaganda —> Goro—

Slime Propaganda: listen if you let me change your name to goose boy i swear on my figure collection i will go to the source where i found the video and delete it permanently
Goro: ...
Slime Propaganda: i know you know what video im talking about
Slime Propaganda: i wont even send it to the phantom thieves even though it would be hilarious and they would never stop teasing you about it
Goro: ...Hm.
Slime Propaganda: hm?????????
Goro: Is it... really within your abilities to delete it?
Slime Propaganda: very much so!!!!!
Goro: Then... 
Goro: Do as you please, I guess.
Goro: But only if you delete it from your personal inventory as well.
Slime Propaganda: lmao yessir!!!!!!!

—Group Chat: Geoff’s Adventure Taco—

Slime Propaganda changed Goro’s name to Goose Boy

Slime Propaganda: hello mr sunshine
Goose Boy: You really don’t have an inch of tact, did you know that?
Slime Propaganda: i just want very specific things all the time
Goose Boy: That much is clear.
Fox-In-Socks: Have you given up on reforming your name to its previous state?
Goose Boy: I wouldn’t say I gave up.
Slime Propaganda: a deal may have been struck
Fox-In-Socks: Oh, I see.
Fox-In-Socks: I do hope it was worth it, then.
Slime Propaganda: oh it WAS
Fox-In-Socks: That was not directed at you, Futaba.
Slime Propaganda: hmm i hate you
Slime Propaganda: anyway guys geoff
Slime Propaganda: i have some ideas
Goose Boy: Don’t you have something else you should be doing?
Slime Propaganda: dont worry ill do it
Goose Boy: Oh really?
Slime Propaganda: yessssss
Goose Boy: Is that so?
Slime Propaganda: yyyyeeesasssssssss
Goose Boy: Futaba.
Slime Propaganda: .......goro
Goose Boy: I mean it.
Slime Propaganda: god jeez fine
Slime Propaganda: ill go do it nowwww
Goose Boy: :)
Goose Boy: It’s very appreciated.
Slime Propaganda: yeah yeah
Slime Propaganda: you know i bet i know exactly what face youre making rn
Goose Boy: This doesn’t seem like doing it?
Slime Propaganda: wow i also hate you
Slime Propaganda: i hate both of you
Slime Propaganda: we WILL be discussing geoff later
Goose Boy: Goodbye, Futaba.
Slime Propaganda: humph humph

Slime Propaganda has signed off

Goose Boy: How on earth did I get dragged into all this?
Fox-In-Socks: Ah, it could be worse.
Goose Boy: It could be much better, too.
Fox-In-Socks: What is it she’s doing for you?
Goose Boy: Just deleting a few things for me.
Fox-In-Socks: Perhaps the aforementioned goose attack video?
Goose Boy: Oh god.
Goose Boy: Did she show it to you?
Fox-In-Socks: No. She simply informed the group of its existence.
Goose Boy: Wonderful.
Fox-In-Socks: Now now, we all have skeletons in our closets.
Goose Boy: I don’t know if I would go as far as to call it something like that.
Goose Boy: It’s just... embarrassing.
Fox-In-Socks: I’m sure she means it all in jest.
Goose Boy: I don’t doubt that.
Fox-In-Socks: She is simply keen on the aspect of changing everyone’s chat names, it seems.
Goose Boy: I suppose if it makes her happy, it isn’t really much of a big deal.
Fox-In-Socks: I concur.
Fox-In-Socks: Though I quite luckily have been spared from some of the oddities she has produced.
Goose Boy: Ahaha, yours does have a certain charm to it.
Fox-In-Socks: It also served as a lesson of sorts.
Goose Boy: Do you mean all that about Dr. Seuss?
Fox-In-Socks: Yes.
Goose Boy: If you don't mind my asking, does Akira still do that?
Fox-In-Socks: Hm?
Goose Boy: Oh, just, you mentioned once that he’d read to you?
Goose Boy: But the other night, when Futaba brought out that book, Akira seemed quick to dismiss it.
Fox-In-Socks: Ah, that is what you mean.
Fox-In-Socks: Well, he was seeming to get shy about it, so I stopped asking him to explicitly read the books to me.
Fox-In-Socks: But the art style and messages are incredibly intriguing, so I do ask him sometimes for a general recommendation for myself to read.
Goose Boy: I see.
Goose Boy: That’s nice of him.
Fox-In-Socks: Indeed.
Fox-In-Socks: I appreciate his genuinity on the matter.
Goose Boy: In what way?
Fox-In-Socks: Oh, well...
Fox-In-Socks: He tends to be understanding of the blockage my upbringing has left me.
Fox-In-Socks: It is comforting having someone who I can bring up some of my perturbations to.
Fox-In-Socks: For example, my lack of awareness on Dr. Seuss and his incredible works.
Goose Boy: Akira is certainly a welcoming person.
Fox-In-Socks: Yes.
Goose Boy: And he cares a lot for you.
Fox-In-Socks: I am happy to hear that.
Fox-In-Socks: I care for him as well.
Goose Boy: You know, I think you would do well to tell him that.
Fox-In-Socks: That I care about him?
Goose Boy: Yes.
Goose Boy: The more I think about it, the more I believe there is a severe miscommunication going on between the two of you.
Fox-In-Socks: A miscommunication?
Goose Boy: Nothing I would call concerning.
Goose Boy: It’s hard to put, exactly.
Goose Boy: But it is certainly becoming clearer to me that one exists, quite explicitly.
Fox-In-Socks: Oh.
Fox-In-Socks: As you might expect, I was unaware.
Fox-In-Socks: But I most certainly have no qualms on expressing my appreciation towards Akira.
Fox-In-Socks: Perhaps I have not been forward enough in my esteem.
Goose Boy: Perhaps.
Fox-In-Socks: Do you think he is still awake?
Goose Boy: Well, he talks about Morgana breathing down his neck about staying up late, so maybe not.
Fox-In-Socks: I wonder.
Fox-In-Socks: I think I will text him tomorrow, then.
Fox-In-Socks: It is getting quite late, anyhow. Despite whether he is awake now, I may not be able to keep my own eyes open much longer.
Goose Boy: That may be for the best.
Fox-In-Socks: I think I shall retire for the night.
Goose Boy: Alright.
Goose Boy: Sleep well.
Fox-In-Socks: Thank you. Goodnight.
Goose Boy: Goodnight.

Wednesday

3:22 p.m.

—Group Chat: The Phantom Thieves—

Slime Propaganda: i have bad newssssssssss
Mommy’s Little Egg: what did u do this time
Slime Propaganda: what do you mean ““““this time””””” punk
Mommy’s Little Egg: are u kidding
A single Kira: sup Futaba
Slime Propaganda: hush skull
Slime Propaganda: hey
Slime Propaganda: anyways bad news about the doppelganger stuff
Mommy’s Little Egg: oh
A single Kira: well what happened
Slime Propaganda: what do u think happened i came up empty
A single Kira: like completely
Slime Propaganda: i mean if she looks as much like mak as you say so
Slime Propaganda: the only certain matches were other pictures of her
Slime Propaganda: all the other photos were like?? there was a resemblance but nothing like a big huge deal
A single Kira: maybe it really was a demon thing we saw
Makoto: I’m sure it wasn’t anything like that. She and I probably only bare a particular resemblance is all.
Slime Propaganda: oh hey makoto please dont kill me for doing a scan of your face
Makoto: There are several reasons why she and I may have seemed identical at the time. Like the lighting, or her hairstyle.
Makoto: I... suppose it’s fine, Futaba.
Makoto: I’m not sure that there are any pictures of me out there I’m very embarrassed by, anyway.
Slime Propaganda: yeah honestly all i found were like school photos and like one picture of you at like a park or somethin
A single Kira: Makoto I get where youre coming from but that girl really looked so much like you
Makoto: You were underground, on a moving train.
Makoto: And you hardly got a glimpse of her, right? I’m sure if you looked at her longer you would have noticed that we don’t look much alike after all.
A single Kira: huh
A single Kira: i guess i cant argue much with that
Slime Propaganda: sure you can
Slime Propaganda: cmon doppelganger rights
A single Kira: i mean maybe if i had actually gotten a good look at her i could make an argument but literally the train was leaving the station and i just barely got a couple seconds
Slime Propaganda: that could ALSO imply ghost tho
Slime Propaganda: especially since i couldnt find anything
A single Kira: thats true too
Mommy’s Little Egg: uh how would it be a ghost if makoto is still alive
Slime Propaganda: fine then shhhhhhape shifter
Makoto: I am sure that she was just one of the partial matches, nothing more.
Slime Propaganda: or maybe a secret twin
Slime Propaganda: you got a secret twin
Makoto: Sigh.
Makoto: No, I don’t.
Slime Propaganda: i get it you cant tell us bc she is a secret and you dont want us to know but listen this is a secure server you can trust us
Slime Propaganda: does she need to get across the border should we ship her somewhere safe are there people after her
Slime Propaganda: or maybe she is part of a containment breach and now she’s perusing the streets of tokyo spreading her cultish religion and contaminating impressionable children
Slime Propaganda: is she dangerous does she need to be eliminated
Slime Propaganda: u know we got your back
Slime Propaganda: we got your back mak
Mommy’s Little Egg: ............what
Makoto: I don’t know how your mind comes up with these scenarios.
Makoto: I don’t have a twin sister.
Makoto: And I don’t need anyone ‘eliminated.’
Slime Propaganda: suuuuuuuure
Fox-In-Socks: Everyone.
Fox-In-Socks: I have just witnessed something extraordinary!
Slime Propaganda: ughhhh not now inari we are doing doppelganger talk
A single Kira: what did you see
Slime Propaganda: akira you are a fuck
Fox-In-Socks: Oh, but that is just it.
Fox-In-Socks: I have seen the aforementioned doppelganger with mine own eyes!
Slime Propaganda: OH
A single Kira: what where??
Fox-In-Socks: As you saw her, in Shibuya.
Fox-In-Socks: I was in the bookstore, there is a Taiwanese art history book I have been keeping an eye out for, and just as I had decided to cede my searches, she entered.
Fox-In-Socks: I meant to greet her as Makoto, but realized quite suddenly that she was dressed strangely. That is when I realized she must have been the doppelganger!
Mommy’s Little Egg: shit
Fox-In-Socks: She truly looks exactly like her. To what I would describe as to a T.
Slime Propaganda: PLEASE tell me you got a picture
Fox-In-Socks: Ah.
Fox-In-Socks: I apologize. It slipped my mind.
Slime Propaganda: nooooOOOOOOOO
Slime Propaganda: go find her and take a photo i want to see!!!!!
Makoto: Yusuke, are you sure that you’re positive you aren’t mistaken?
Fox-In-Socks: I do not mean to gloat, but I would consider my eye sincerely trained in such a matter.
Slime Propaganda: yusuke it is v i t a l you go chase after her to get a photo
Slime Propaganda: evidence!!!!!!!
Fox-In-Socks: Is my word not enough?
Slime Propaganda: hghhhdjsjdj ugfhjjj why do you make these things so hard
Slime Propaganda: look look listen listen
Slime Propaganda: you wanna make a painting abt this right????
Slime Propaganda: wouldnt a picture of ur subject or whatever be beneficial
Fox-In-Socks: Hm.
Mommy’s Little Egg: uh
Slime Propaganda: just conveniently head in her direction and discreetly take a photo and we will be good
Slime Propaganda: not even hard
Slime Propaganda: and its for /art/
Fox-In-Socks: I do suppose she is still in the area.
Slime Propaganda: YESSS GO
Fox-In-Socks: Ah, well.
Fox-In-Socks: I will see what I can do.
Mommy’s Little Egg: wait wait dude

Fox-In-Socks has signed off

A single Kira: no Yusuke
A single Kira: damn it
A single Kira: Futaba you know he isn’t subtle about these things he is going to get in trouble
Slime Propaganda: meh he’ll be fine
A single Kira: i should call him
Slime Propaganda: NO
Slime Propaganda: nononononono
Slime Propaganda: listennnnnn
Slime Propaganda: what if we dont get another chance for a picture and then we cant identify her and then makoto DIES
A single Kira: you and i both know you have underlying intentions to getting her photo other than saving Makoto
Mommy’s Little Egg: lol
Slime Propaganda: okay i wont lie yes
Slime Propaganda: but just
Slime Propaganda: just
Slime Propaganda: pwease
A single Kira: i understand the basic human need of the meme
A single Kira: but real shit if like a cop saw him take that photo that could actually get him in serious trouble
Makoto: I agree.
Slime Propaganda: hnnnmmnmnnnff i guess
A single Kira: im gonna call him
Slime Propaganda: blah

A single Kira has signed off

Slime Propaganda: whos idea was having consequences for your actions
Mommy’s Little Egg: u mean the law
Slime Propaganda: fuck that guy
Makoto: Futaba, you really need to work on thinking ahead about things like this.
Slime Propaganda: hhhhhhh i knowwwww
Slime Propaganda: my brain was like the worst thing that could happen is he might get slapped not that he could be arrested for acting like a creepy creep
Mommy’s Little Egg: yeah well i guess in ur defense this is definitely something yusuke should know not to do
Makoto: Everyone has their shortcomings, I suppose.
Makoto: Maybe we should have a meeting where we address some of these... unknown norms.
Mommy’s Little Egg: ugh like an assembly
Makoto: Yes, I guess.  Like an assembly.
Slime Propaganda: i forget those are things that exist
Mommy’s Little Egg: they suck
Makoto: They don’t tend to be thrilling, do they?
Mommy’s Little Egg: i guess its better than being in class tho
Mommy’s Little Egg: like u can zone out bc it isnt like ur quizzed on assemblies
Mommy’s Little Egg: but they r still boring as fuck
Makoto: You know, it isn’t like they’re being held specifically to bore you.
Makoto: They are relaying important information.
Makoto: Should I start quizzing you individually to make sure you pay attention?
Mommy’s Little Egg: what no
Mommy’s Little Egg: pretend i didnt say that
Mommy’s Little Egg: yeah i uh i always pay attention during assemblies......
Slime Propaganda: oh yeah that was smooth
Mommy’s Little Egg: quiet
Makoto: I’m only joking.
Makoto: Mostly.
Slime Propaganda: lol watch out ryuji
Mommy’s Little Egg: man
A single Kira: hey im back and good news no weird pictures were taken
Makoto: Oh, I’m glad to hear it.
Mommy’s Little Egg: thank god
A single Kira: yeah he didnt get very far actually
Slime Propaganda: what do u mean
A single Kira: straight up he got distracted by an art supply store
A single Kira: when i called he was genuinely so confused at first
Slime Propaganda: wow that attention span tho
A single Kira: so we are in the clear in the sense of Yusuke not getting almost arrested
A single Kira: but the Other Makoto is lost
Makoto: Can we call her something else, please?
Makoto: Honestly, can we stop this whole search altogether?
Slime Propaganda: u are just running away from the truth
Slime Propaganda: oh Other Makoto.............i shall find ye........
Slime Propaganda: thoust shalt noust escapoust mine grippeth
A single Kira: thanks shakespeare
Mommy’s Little Egg: what does that even say
Slime Propaganda: maybe ill do another scan
Makoto: I really doubt this is necessary.
Slime Propaganda: oh but it is
Slime Propaganda: and you cant stop me so later
Makoto: I really think you’re just wasting time.

Slime Propaganda has signed off

Mommy’s Little Egg: is this scan even gonna come out any different than the last one
A single Kira: i have no idea how her weird tech things works so like
A single Kira: i guess maybe
Makoto: I sincerely think it will turn out just the same as her last search.
Mommy’s Little Egg: its kinda weird that she said that she found some partial matches
A single Kira: yeah like theres just a bunch of almost Makotos
A single Kira: an army of people that are Makoto but just slightly off
Mommy’s Little Egg: that sounds like twilight zone or some shit
A single Kira: The Makoto Zone

Makoto has signed off

5:25 p.m.

—Direct Message: A single Kira —> Fox-In-Socks—

A single Kira: hey did you get home okay

5:40 p.m.

Fox-In-Socks: Hello.
Fox-In-Socks: Yes, I did. Thank you for asking.
A single Kira: yeah no problem
A single Kira: you just sounded kind of off on the phone so i was a little nervous
Fox-In-Socks: Ah, yes. I fear I may have caught something, in actuality.
A single Kira: oh no
A single Kira: are you okay??
Fox-In-Socks: You needn’t fret. It is only something among the later stages of a cold.
A single Kira: do you need anything i can come over
Fox-In-Socks: I assure you, I am fine. Nothing a little rest can’t fix.
A single Kira: are you sure
Fox-In-Socks: Indeed.
A single Kira: okay but i mean it if you need anything text me
Fox-In-Socks: There is no need to worry over me.
Fox-In-Socks: But if you so desire, I will message you if I am in need.
A single Kira: okay
A single Kira: then ill go so you can rest a bunch
A single Kira: try to drink lots of water
Fox-In-Socks: Alright. Thank you.

5:56 p.m

Fox-In-Socks: Actually, just a moment.
Fox-In-Socks: There is something I wish to discuss with you.
Fox-In-Socks: I fear I will not be able to rest until we have spoken. It has been haunting my mind throughout the day.
A single Kira: oh whats up?
Fox-In-Socks: It has come to my attention that within certain actions and wordings, I may have been coming off unclearly to you.
Fox-In-Socks: That is an error on my part, and I apologize for that.
A single Kira: what do you mean
Fox-In-Socks: It was brought up to me that we may be experiencing a certain misunderstanding.
Fox-In-Socks: It is very important to me that this is cleared, as so our relationship may move forth under no false apprehensions.
Fox-In-Socks: Though forgive me if my word choice is flawed; there is a certain amount of delirium that has attached itself to me in my state of illness.
A single Kira: no um youre okay
Fox-In-Socks: Ah, ever forgiving.
Fox-In-Socks: It is to do with how I view you as a person, and to my understanding there is a possibility you may be misinterpreting that.
A single Kira: oh
Fox-In-Socks: You see, Akira, you are an exceptionally precious friend to me.
Fox-In-Socks: Losing such a friendship, it would be devastating.
A single Kira: oh.
Fox-In-Socks: As so, it is vital to me that you understand,
Fox-In-Socks: How truly, and unabashedly, grateful I am to you.
A single Kira: grateful?
Fox-In-Socks: Undoubtedly.
Fox-In-Socks: I have been lead to understand it is possible that the great amount of care and gratitude I feel may not have been portrayed enough. Allow me to elaborate:
Fox-In-Socks: While I shall always be indebted to you, it is more than simply in courtesy that I feel incredibly attached to you. The patience you provide for me and the dedication you have shown has been more than just helpful to me. More than only appreciated.
Fox-In-Socks: I simply wish to make it as clear as I may that you are a guiding light, a true beacon of aspiration to us all. I am sure the others feel just the same.
Fox-In-Socks: I wish to thank you, truly, for how you have been nothing short of a savior, a friend, and a passionate soul to aid me, asking for nothing in return.
Fox-In-Socks: I wish for you to understand fully how important to me it is that you know this, and revel in this, and breathe this.
Fox-In-Socks: You are truly a specimen of your own kind.
Fox-In-Socks: Akira?

6:17 p.m

Fox-In-Socks: It has occurred to me I may have gotten too caught up in the moment and let my words get out of hand. I apologize if I have sparked any discomfort.

6:22 p.m

A single Kira: nononono you’re okay Yusuke
A single Kira: im sorry i was just
A single Kira: um
A single Kira: anyway nothing you said was bad at all
A single Kira: its actually kind of like the nicest thing anyones ever said to me
A single Kira: like honestly thank you so much that means more to me than you know
Fox-In-Socks: It takes nothing of me to say. 
Fox-In-Socks: However, I do find it hard to believe no one has praised you as such before. I am sure I am one of many. I need not any flattery.
A single Kira: you would be surprised
Fox-In-Socks: By your phrasing, indeed I would be.
Fox-In-Socks: If you wish for me to lend an ear, I am available.
A single Kira: thats okay
A single Kira: and youre sick
Fox-In-Socks: Ah, I have found that laying myself down has increased my condition profoundly.
Fox-In-Socks: I can say nothing of moving about, but as I am now, I feel positively alright.
A single Kira: thats good
Fox-In-Socks: As so, I am most willing to hear any story you may have.
A single Kira: its hardly a story haha
A single Kira: honestly its only what i just said no one has ever quite said something like that to me
Fox-In-Socks: To that extent?
Fox-In-Socks: Or much at all?
A single Kira: er
A single Kira: much at all
A single Kira: but i swear im fine like i said there isnt even a story to be told
Fox-In-Socks: Akira.
Fox-In-Socks: If I may help you even a fraction of how you have helped me, it would make me unbearably happy.
Fox-In-Socks: Speak to me. I do not wish for any further miscommunications.
A single Kira: ...
A single Kira: well i mean
A single Kira: i dont know i feel like its kind of self explanatory
A single Kira: i dont exactly have really close friends in my hometown so i mean who else would say that
Fox-In-Socks: You haven’t any close friends? At all?
Fox-In-Socks: In that whole time you’ve been there?
A single Kira: i mean i guess i used to
A single Kira: sort of
Fox-In-Socks: Did something happen?
A single Kira: yeah
A single Kira: its not really?? i dont know
A single Kira: do you think we can talk about it later
Fox-In-Socks: If that is truly what you wish.
A single Kira: it isnt that i dont want to
A single Kira: exactly
A single Kira: im just im still kind of feeling like happy
A single Kira: and i dont want to ruin that with a heavier conversation
Fox-In-Socks: Of course.
A single Kira: and it isnt that i dont want to talk with you i really want to talk to you Yusuke
A single Kira: its only that there are some things id rather not think about right now at this very second
Fox-In-Socks: It is most understandable.
Fox-In-Socks: I apologize for enforcing a topic of conversation that was not in all certainty prepared to be discussed.
A single Kira: it means a lot that you even ask
A single Kira: lets talk about it later
Fox-In-Socks: Only if you are comfortable.
A single Kira: thank you
A single Kira: now go to sleep!!!!!
Fox-In-Socks: Ah, yes. Perhaps I should.
Fox-In-Socks: I would prefer not to miss any school.
A single Kira: oh but one more thing
Fox-In-Socks: Yes?
A single Kira: er well you mentioned earlier that it had come to your attention that there was a miscommunication right
A single Kira: was there a particular like person who like..,, brought that up
Fox-In-Socks: Indeed. It was Akechi.
Fox-In-Socks: Oh, excuse me, Goro.
Fox-In-Socks: And here I was elated on the terms of using his first name.
A single Kira: haha it might take a little bit to adjust
A single Kira: but okay thanks 
Fox-In-Socks: Is there any reason why?
A single Kira: maybe ill tell you once you go to sleep and get better
Fox-In-Socks: Well now, would you remind me again of who it was that felt inclined to keep me from my rest to ponder further questions?
A single Kira: hmm i cant seem to remember
Fox-In-Socks: What a shame.
A single Kira: :)
Fox-In-Socks: I shall take my leave, then.
A single Kira: feel better okay?
Fox-In-Socks: I shall try my very best.
Fox-In-Socks: Goodbye, Akira.
A single Kira: bye

7:16 p.m

—Direct Message: A single Kira —> Goose Boy—

A single Kira: you playin wingman for me
Goose Boy: What?
A single Kira: you playin the old winged man
Goose Boy: I hate to say this, but that really doesn’t clear anything up.
A single Kira: i just had a very dramatic talk w Yusuke
A single Kira: and he told me you may have been the reason it happened
Goose Boy: Oh.
Goose Boy: Well, I suppose I might be.
Goose Boy: We were talking the other day, and he was saying a few things I thought you’d like to hear.
A single Kira: i didnt realize you were so invested in my romantic life
Goose Boy: I’m not trying to imply that I am, but I did let you completely wreck my kitchen on that front.
A single Kira: maybe i should add you to The Group Chat
Goose Boy: Hm, I actually don’t like the sound of that.
A single Kira: hm i think i will anyway
A single Kira: okay but also holy god what were you two talking about that prompted all that
Goose Boy: Well, I don’t know what Yusuke said to you, but our conversation stemmed from him saying that he cares about you, and me telling him he should make sure you know that.
Goose Boy:  I’m not entirely sure why I said it, if I’m being honest.
A single Kira: well im glad you did i just had a whirlwind of emotions
Goose Boy: Positive ones I assume?
A single Kira: mostly lol
A single Kira: ngl at first he was wording it in a weird way and it seemed like he was like??
A single Kira: it seemed like he knew i liked him and he was trying to let me down easy
A single Kira: but then he said this super nice stuff and it hit me like a sack of bricks
A single Kira: but the happiest and sweetest goddamn bricks in the world
A single Kira: like angel bricks whispering sweet nothings
Goose Boy: I think that’s enough metaphors.
A single Kira: i need you to understand how nice he was Goro you caused this
Goose Boy: The only thing you’re doing is convincing me that I shouldn’t try to help you with this again.
A single Kira: no way i know youre enjoying this
Goose Boy: Oh am I now?
A single Kira: yes cause you were right and you know it
A single Kira: and now youre getting validation
Goose Boy: I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.
A single Kira: uh huh
A single Kira: anyway im using this as formal permission to text you about my Yusuke woes
Goose Boy: Your Yusuke woes, you say.
A single Kira: yeah i get in moods
Goose Boy: I really don’t like the way you worded that.
A single Kira: well i dont like your tone goose boy
A single Kira: also why are you goose boy now
A single Kira: do you know how long i was scrolling looking for your name
Goose Boy: Futaba.
A single Kira: ha
A single Kira: im surprised she didnt go for like goose bitch
Goose Boy: Please don’t give her any ideas.
Goose Boy: This is bad enough as it is.
A single Kira: lmao
Goose Boy: I hate to cut this short, but I am at work.
A single Kira: you are always so busy
A single Kira: go mingle with some geese like the rest of us
A single Kira: eat some bread
Goose Boy: I do have to make a living.
A single Kira: i hear the streets are nice this time of year
Goose Boy: Ah, yes, the inherent charm of a freezing November in Tokyo. Sounds like an excellent time to become homeless.
A single Kira: but you would have your geese
Goose Boy: I believe most geese have migrated north by this time, actually.
A single Kira: grow some wings
Goose Boy: I’ll be going now.
A single Kira: grow some wings crow
A single Kira: see you later